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Should You Force Yourself To Approach Girls? Ft. Shogo Garcia
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.พ. 2015
- ► Shogo Garcia's Channel: / shogogarcia
As Shogo said, the most important thing is to do cool things with your life! Do fun social things. Work hard & Accomplish your goals! Be proud of how you are living your life. Build an awesome "core". But sometimes, especially if you're in a slump or if you are a noob, maybe it's a good thing to force it here and there. Or do one massive big thing to face your social anxiety and get that experience.. and then can go back to being "natural" and socializing when inspired. Get out of your comfort zone and push yourself! Go after what you want!
Actually when pushing yourself, or "forcing yourself".. those experiences often lead to the BIGGEST growth experiences in life. Looking back at my own life.. some of the things I am most proud of is when I FORCED myself to go do something. Very beautiful. So don't take this message the wrong way! Consult your gut and heart!
But the main thing is to build an awesome "core" to your life!
Make sure to checkout the other videos on my channel to learn more of my philosophy on this!
I take back my "if forced, always tends to backfire" comment. Sometimes forcing something gets an awesome result. Don't rationalize the "not forcing" message. (My "natural flow" and inspiration message is a very tricky message to give! haha See the pickle that I am in trying to deliver this message?) Face your fears!
Even if a girl tells you are really forcing it and that you are very nervous, lots of girls will appreciate your courage and you putting yourself out there and dig it. Live life with no regrets!
And if you never force it.. how will you ever break out of your shell and learn to do it the natural way? After forcing some things, your brain will get the neural pathways to do it again in the future, and each new additional time will be easier and more natural.
For example maybe you have never asked out a girl and are very scared. Well, it'll probably never be "natural" for to ask out a girl then. But, if you force it a couple times.. in the future I bet you'll spontaneously ask out a girl someday and go "woah, that was awesome how I just did that it felt natural!" But to have that experience, you gotta do some forcing first to learn and get those experiences and confidence! To teach your mind.
COURAGE is SOOOO important!!!!!! Don't rationalize this message!
"Fortune favors those who try" :)
Here's a newer great video I did on the topic of meeting women:
►How To Meet BEAUTIFUL Women -- ("Being Drawn To.." + Courage + Faith)
• How To Meet BEAUTIFUL ...
►Checkout another video me & Shogo did together, "How To Attract Beautiful Girls By Being Yourself": • How To Attract Beautif...
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Some updated thoughts: As Shogo said, the most important thing is to do cool things with your life! Do fun social things. Work hard & Accomplish your goals! Be proud of how you are living your life. Build a solid "core".
But sometimes, especially if you're in a slump, maybe it's a good thing to force it here and there. Or do one massive big thing to face your social anxiety and get that experience.. and then can go back to being "natural" and socializing when inspired. Get out of your comfort zone and push yourself! Go after what you want!
Actually when pushing yourself, or "forcing yourself".. those experiences often lead to the BIGGEST growth experiences in life. Looking back at my own life.. some of the things I am most proud of when I FORCED myself to go do something. Very beautiful. So don't take this message the wrong way! Consult your gut and heart!
But the main thing is to build an awesome "core" to your life!
Checkout the other videos on my channel to learn more of my philosophy on this!
I take back my "if forced, always tends to backfire" comment. Sometimes forcing something gets an awesome result. Don't rationalize the "not forcing" message. (My "natural flow" and inspiration message is a very tricky message to give! haha See the pickle that I am in trying to deliver this message?) Face your fears!
Even if a girl tells you are really forcing it and that you are very nervous, lots of girls will appreciate your courage and you putting yourself out there and dig it. Live life with no regrets!
And if you never force it.. how will you ever break out of your shell and learn to do it the natural way? After forcing some things, your brain will get the neural pathways to do it again in the future, and each new additional time will be easier and more natural.
For example maybe you have never asked out a girl and are very scared. Well, it'll probably never be "natural" for to ask out a girl then. But, if you force it a couple times.. in the future I bet you'll spontaneously ask out a girl someday and go "woah, that was awesome how I just did that it felt natural!" But to have that experience, you gotta do some forcing first to learn and get those experiences! To teach your mind.
COURAGE is SOOOO important!!!!!! Don't rationalize this message!
"Fortune favors those who try" :)
Here's a newer great video I did on the topic of meeting women:
►►How To Meet BEAUTIFUL Women -- ("Being Drawn To.." + Courage + Faith)
th-cam.com/video/ngcIOJiJ-HE/w-d-xo.html
I think this "fear to approach" is egoistic, because you are concentrating on yourself, "Will this girl like ME", "What if I will do something wrong" etc. What about this: every time you try to talk to girl, you are making her happy, doesn't matter how will this talk end.
You are actually making this girls life better, just by taking courage to talk to her.
Hell yeah, I definitely agree. I once watched a video of the Australian guys that were anti-seduction community.
And my life changed after they said: you're afraid to talk to a girl because you want to make her like you. Change that to "I wanna know if I like her". Create an amazing life for yourself, become complete within yourself. And then you will not feel less confident if a girl rejects you, cuz you already have an amazing life.
Approach when you feel like it. Scrap "Force yourself", just do it. This whole 'lifestyle'-building is nothing more than avoidance.
I'd say approach AND build your lifestyle simultaneously. That's the way to go!
Alex Kozlowski Yeah this ^ You should just be realistic about it. Sometimes it's time to force yourself, sometimes it's time to take it easy and let in naturally be. Find the golden middle. And don't forget to build your life. Everyone is different and only you know what's best for you. You know when you're avoiding and when you're not.
aeiouaeiou100 Balance is everthing!
To pick up girls you dont need to do this whole "lifestyle development" bullshit. I know guys who are dead end losers working shit jobs who get girls like its nothing. All you need is to be socially intellegent and have some confidence. If youre nervous about talking to girls, my only is to just suck it up and do it. Stop being a little bitch and think like a man. We all had to do it. We all had our first awkward social interactions. Thats how you learn. Now if youre unhappy with your life and want to develop a lifestyle then go ahead and do that. Go back to school, start a business, follow your passions, get a better job, whatever will make you happy. Dont worry so much about pickup because women will always be there. Again you dont to change your life to be successful with women. I didnt mean to type a fuckin essay but fuck it.
@@bloodynachos That Was a Long paragraph sir
The two of you together on camera is a very cool thing. Amazing brother-like chemistry....or "brotherhood". Really nice to listen to. I loved the video on Shogo's channel "Talking Shit?!" as well. Though you each make WAY awesome solo videos, I am excited to see more of the two of you together too:) xoxoxo
And I am excited to see more of you
I totally agree hahah
the best way to talk to girls is to not be in your head and have fun...more fun you had less anxiety you feel ... the problem is that for some people is very easy almost instinctive ... and for other is hell .......
Similarly to going to the gym, one shouldn't quit approaching when they conquer their fear the first time. It takes consistent practice. Lifting is a skill that must be maintained, as is talking to women.
The social muscle built from approaching needs to be consistently practiced. I recommend going out often and approaching, even if it feels unnatural in the moment ("forced") because ultimately it is true to oneself in that we want to get better with women. Consistency ensures that you maintain the skill, and is the fastest way to getting better.
You cannot discount the context of "approaching" simply because so many people in the community use the word in an unhealthily manner. To the sane person, approaching should be a genuine and natural act.
In sum, it's obvious you guys are talking about RSD and the like; forcing to approach can be a healthy and natural thing; and it is a skill that must be maintained even when you "don't feel like it" (it is congruent to your long term goals, although maybe it doesn't feel like it in the short term). Lastly, talking to women isn't a fear you can get over in a month or two as mentioned in the video; getting good at socializing as a whole takes a lifetime to master and maintain.
+C. Chase I don't think a person has to do something scary over and over again to conquer it. If a person overcame a fear of snakes, I doubt they'd have to keep seeking snakes to maintain it. As for social skills, there are people who are young who have good social skills, so I don't see how it takes a "lifetime".
I agree with the PUA community's message more than this one. Going against resistance is the fastest route towards personal growth. Instead of waiting for a perfect or "natural" scenario to fall in your lap, you should be questioning WHY you are afraid to approach people in the first place. I do agree that the term "approach" should be changed or removed.
fuk just hang out with black people and they will teach you how to spit game at da femalez
You and shogo are an excellent pair, really enjoy your videos together! It's great to see two minds working together and supporting each other but I also feel as if you both learn as a result of your conversations which is great to see! Keep it up, if any questions pop into my mind I'll be sure to comment them!
ap·proach
əˈprōCH/
verb
verb: approach; 3rd person present: approaches; past tense: approached; past participle: approached; gerund or present participle: approaching
1.
come near or nearer to (someone or something) in distance.
Seems like a fitting term, I see your point, how it kinda seems mechanical, but that is exactly what you do when talking to someone.
Glad that you guys addressed this topic. Mainly the reason for forcing yourself to approach comes from the common idea that you want to improve or 'level up' talking to girls.
I consistently hear about creating a wonderful lifestyle that will attract girls. I wanted to know more specifically if having a great lifestyle 'magnetizes' girls into your reality in and of itself, or if there still needs to be a process to improving with girls. I want to put it this way, if a guy is a virgin and wants to date more girls and has no idea of the steps to take. I can manage out a few minutes of small talk, but hooking up is so far out of my reality and I don't have any structure in my mind for how it's supposed to turn out. Ok, so we're talking but it seems like we're friends cool now what. No one in school teaches this stuff. I'd like to think it's more than just getting lucky now and then.
Regarding having a cool lifestyle, is it the tangible results of the lifestyle or the momentum of having a cool lifestyle that produces results? If it's tangible results, I can see how a guy will wait until he's 30-40 and has a great lifestyle then talk to girls, but someone in his 20's who's working with much less might not have the 'dream lifestyle' to immediately bring to or include the girl into.
I love that word you used: "uncenteredness". Great video as usual.
Rewatching this in 2018 after working on myself and this makes so much sense now after 3 years!
Awesome!!
I completely agree with the point you guys make about having to have a well rounded lifestyle. However there are massive benefits to being social, and by approaching people you open the door to let a lot more great people into your life you may otherwise not have met. As long as you don't let approaching become your entire life it's a great hobby and develops bags of character.
What if you never feel comfortable talking to new people? Should you force it then?
This
This was basically answered by Shogo. If it's an irrational fear of talking to someone, then yes.
Take a Xanax to calm your nerves
He answered that one as a pretty clear yes.
Would you ask someone climbing Mt. Everest whether she had to force herself to start? What matters is that she is doing it.
If there is a long distance between where you are right and where you want to be, start walking. You're looking at your situation and asking if you should force yourself to start walking. I'm saying that if you don't like where you are, move.
Do what makes you feel good. Do what makes you feel strong. Move toward what makes you feel connected, fulfilled, and satisfied with your life. This does NOT mean to do what is comfortable, or what is safe, or what is predictable to you.
Hey, I'm sort of afraid of approaching girls because I feel like I have nothing to offer. Every time I see a girl I'd like to approach, I think "why would she be with me? What is so special about me that she would spend her time going out with me and whatnot?" Any idea on how to get out of this mindset? I don't even approach girls that much because I feel like they won't take me seriously or see me as somebody they could potentially date or be in a relationship with.
You need to create value for yourself. Try finding some new hobbies and interests and continue to meet new people! Just get out of the house and keep doing stuff!
Work on your core. That's basically the message of this video
Thank you
Love the energy coming off you guys, you both just seem so positive! Would love to see some more colabs :)
I really like the whole idea of coming full circle. The concept of having to "learn" to pick up girls, going from 0 to hero, then transcending the entire idea of pickup to just concentrate on yourself as a human being. I personally believe if you love the world, the world will love you back. So why pickup women? Be more of a man and love them for the beautiful beings they are
I would definetely want to see more of this topic!!! Helps a lot
I watch a lot of RSD content and they always advocate having hobbies outside of pickup. It seems that your guy's approach is to know the self to relate to others, where as RSD is about learning about yourself through your interaction with others. Personally I have found that I feel really good about myself after pushing through not wanting to approach. However I don't go out on trips to hit on girls, its more like I stop whatever I'm doing in the moment such as shopping to talk to a girl.
Ok I'm into this stuff, quick response. "Forcing yourself to approach" basically means doing something social which you normally don't do because you're afraid. You're overcoming your fear of socializing with someone of the other gender, even while that's often so amazing to do. That's not a bad thing. In general I agree, pickup vocabulary is a bit messed up, but "approaching" is just way more efficient than "walking up to her to have a talk, gradually bringing things to a sexual level if the vibe is good, after which I may take her home if we hit it off". So I agree and I usually avoid the terminology of the old-style pickup industry, but to make such a big deal out of it... meh.
Hey guys I really enjoyed that video! I thought the part where you said people should get rid of the 'approach' outlook is really good, people need to learn to just socialize. One thing im having trouble with, I guess this is my question for you guys, is how do you enjoy yourself? Later in the video, you guys said you should just be trying to have fun with the other person, but how do you get your mind into that spontaneous, loving state? Thanks so much guys!
As a girl I sometimes wonder whether guys like it, if a girl just starts a conversation e.g. in a club or wherever. I'm usually not that type of a girl who does that cause I'm too shy haha, but I sometimes see guys and I'm like "Kim, you gotta talk to him, he seems so interesting!"
I'm just not sure about it because I heard so many times that guys really want to be the ones who start the conversation and approach the girls otherwise a girl gets boring for them.
All i can say is that i would like it :)
confidence in men is attractive. confidence in women is also very attractive. fuck the status quo, go talk to some cute dudes. may take awhile if you just sit around waiting for them to come to you. a lot of guys are shy as well and feel that the notion of them having to talk to the girl first is kind of an obstacle. but like i said confidence is attractive, so if a guy talks first then a girl feels that he's confident and what not and vice versa.
Girls approaching Guys? Fuck yes! Do it!
It's still very common in our society that men have to initiate contact, but if you want something you should take action!
Hehe, thanks guys !
Hmm only confident or drunk guys can really deal with this if you're confident. If you don't think a guy is confident and you don't mind, be a bit shy about it. It's just so rare for women to do that, men often need to get used to the idea a bit when it happens. Even if they say they'd love it, they just haven't experienced it or aren't honest about it. Speaking from (plenty of) personal experience ;) But definitely try! Most guys will feel 'flattered' by it at least, even if they need some time. And then he'll bragg about it to his friends like an idiot out of nerves, but that's just guys :p
The way to go about getting good at seduction which is preached by most of the pickup community is that you should find places where there are a lot of women (cities, parks, bars, nightclubs etc) and just practice, practice, practice! (even if you don't like it). For me there's a big problem with that approach. I'm not into mainstream culture, and never will be. I have very low chances of meeting a girl that can connect with my values in those places. And although there is some truth in going out of your comfort zone, pushing yourself, pickup, in the form mentioned above, is not for everybody. Like Luke said, it's good to get over a basic fear of meeting people, but other than that, I just don't like it. The market aspect of pickup makes pickup teachers very much salesmen. Trying to make it sound like it's for everybody. I can't continually push myself to do something I don't enjoy no matter what. In the future I will try to meet girls in places that I like to be in.
a lot people say that exposure where you can get rejected a lot is not working, whats yours on this? Is the safe way better?
ie. saying 'hi' in a mall to people, next after another can make you feel like creep (who says hi to the strangers in the mall, and to all people passing by), and even though you did your 'assigment' - you went out of your comfort zone, but you still feel some embarassment.
In my experience that's right, doing that kind of demonic confidence sh*t, like asking 30 people for something can make you feel you liberated sometimes but also can be embarassing and in the long term it doesn't work especially for highly sensitive people.
what do you think is the best way to go out of social anxiety? imo asking girls on your way to school is useful, fe. for directions then some small talk and getting number is way to go, also building your social circle is crucial. next useful things are going to therapist (!), gym can be helpful if you like sport, toastmasters with a help of therapist.
The problem is, the women in my area(Toronto) are mostly immigrants which I'm not at all attracted to since they are heavily religious. As such I don't even want to approach even if I was comfortable in doing so.
This is so refreshing. I can finally apply something that makes sense into my romantic life
🤙
great video. this really helped
The left guy is trying to make a point but gets his point disproven time after time. The approaching mindset can actually be useful
Attractive guy "Hey how are you doing" "aww he's so sweet"
Unattractive guy "Hey how are you doing" "Ew what a fucking creep"
Actually:
Attractive guy (most likely a douche*): eh
Unattractive (BUT funny* But nice But easy going But NICE) : Aww he's so sweet.
You might as well comment: "Hello, TH-cam. I'm fucking ugly."
My question is on the effects of having almost no friends at school or socially.
What about forcing yourself to talk to a girl in terms of get over your fears and nervousness around woman?
I know you guys said like don't force the conversation but sometimes it seems inevitable.
do you think the whole pick up community is real creepy? they have there own forums and shit, I think the whole pick up scene is quite bizzare, it is basically a bunch of broken men trying Learn ways of manipulating women to have sex with them, without addressing the fact that they have some inner issues that are not being delt with.???.
.
+MAXnBOOM max They're basically all barneys
Hey Luke, great video with Shogo. I have a question. I'm 23 and a virgin, and I still live with my parents at home. The virgin part does not bother me much because I know I will loose it sooner or later and I have no anxiety approaching women (occasionally I still do lol) but I don't have enough money to move out and I feel awkward bringing girls home like I did in high school. What advice would you give someone living at home and still trying to improve sex/dating life?
Thank you!
What are you doing ? Are you studying or?... Because if you have an education my advice to you would be and try to get out of your parents home IF you have the possibility to do so, I think they talked about it in this video, having an attractive lifestyle. Now I would say that doesn't necessarily just benefit you when talking to women but also to build your confidence or some would even say your "ego", your foundation. You can get a job and/or education and move out. I'm 24, I moved out when I was 22 but I still had the same problem you had, it felt super-weird. I was studying at the time and I still am but I managed to move out and handle my bills etc anyway because of a part-time job, I have more to do now, but it also feels like I'm finally DOING SOMETHING, which has made me more confident, knowing I can handle my life on my own, that's such a basic thing but it really does build you up, trust me.
So my advice to you would be do what you want to do work/study, try to get out of your parents home if/when you can., the sex/dating life will come to you naturally when you do.
I hope that didn't sound too rough but I really do believe in building up yourself before focusing too much on the sex-life. People often think that a sex-life builds up your confidence, I mean it does, a little bit. But nothing in comparison to getting out and finding out that you can handle your own life 100% and feel so good about it.
I hope that helped at least a little bit. Also I'm from Sweden so if there are a few typos in there, you know why. Haha.
colin moras my advice would be to find the means to move out of your parents house and do it. i lived with my parents for 25 years and it really stifled my growth as a person (and I had to claw my way out because it was so interlocked in my comfort zone). your entire view of the world will change drastically when you move out. at your age, viewing your parents as friends/fellow adults rather than parents does wonders for your self esteem and people around you will notice. you will become less needy too, because you will be completely self reliant.
Hey guys thanks a lot for replying. I am in university right now studying psychology and looking to go to graduate school to earn a doctoral degree. I do have a lot of hobbies that I am very passionate about. You guys are right that I need to move out and I applaud you guys for doing so. It takes courage. It is scary I will admit. I even have a brother who is in the same situation as me and we both would be able to pay rent and utility bills I guess. Atleast I will be out when I go to graduate school which is hopefully this year.
Move out when you finally can. Until then stop thinking living at your parents is awkward. You study and there is no other possibility!? So deal with it, bring girls to your room, watch a movie + close the doors ;) and fuck quiet :D
Bro. Awkwardness is a figment of your imagination. Start looking for jobs related to psychology and GET OUT THERE IN THE WORLD. You got this .
That's been my biggest reservation with the whole "pick-up" industry. The very title of it sounds disrespective to me and it's roots as game really doesn't aid that perception to the unfamiliar. I appreciate it's just marketing a lot of the time, but it just doesn't sit well with me. Maybe it's because i'm older or something (38). The word "set" "ioi's", all that stuff comes across as nerdy as hell to me and already coming from a place of awkwardness. It's all just cult sounding and a little weird to me. But again i appreciate it makes things more teachable in that sense.
Nice vid chaps.
I hope u guys see this..
Can u talk about persistence
Discovering and knowing your purpose in life
And what is self development if you just accept yourself? In regards to communication? Do u develop your assertiveness? Is that still genuine, and if you accept yourself to a great degree would u assert yourself by default?
Can you be more clear in what you mean? Try writing out your thoughts in one or two full questions.
Didn't expect a response, thanks.
With persistence, what do you think about when it's time to move on or to keep trying ya know? Either in person through text, just to keep at it, or should one just not waste their time because the girl isn't worth their time if they're playing games..
And with life purpose, there's a guy named David Deida and he's talks a lot about masculine energy and knowing purpose, do you have any opinion on this? Like how to figure your heart's purpose and all.
Thank you very much for everything
robert s I have the same exact question. How do I find the purpose of my life?
I have always felt this weird wibe comming from "pick-up artists" and now I understand why. Thank you for the video, you guys are awesome!
What I am intrested in learning more about is how to get rid of limiting beliefs about yourself (subconsiously shit talking yourself which prevents you from getting were you want to be) when it comes to your social life. So connecting with people , making friends and be intimate with girls will be easier. I feel it is what is holdning my personal evolution back right now and any advice would be helpful. Can you for example use some kind of routine to change your belief system about yourself?
Btw, divnig deep, is that an Infinate waters shoutout at the end? ;)
Peace
I get your point and just having fun should be your main goal when talking to girls, *BUT* shouldn't you also *get out of your comfort zone* (f.i. by forcing yourself to approach girls) to *grow as a person and improve your social skills*
If you are confident in your ability to talk to women, then you don't need to force yourself.
But if you are scared, then I say go for it.
hey luke&shogo, have you seen the new stuff from brent smith and zan perrion? im wondering what you think of their 'material'.
i feel like their material, as well as your "new approach" are very valuable and almost like the next step to old school pick up (even though RSD-mindset has gone trough the roof in the last 2 years imho)
Thanks Luke and Shogo
Are there any exercises for getting out of your head and conquering your fears of connecting with others? Thanks
Best way is to be natural not to put on act I think girls have high senses in these areas to feel our vibes
Another question: How to be the best you and work on yourself in the best way possible?
So I'm still a bit confused... are you guys saying that we shouldn't approach girls to improve our conversation skills? I'm 18 and fairly new to dating, but I have very little social anxiety and can talk to people pretty easily. My main problem is when seeing an attractive girl, actually making the move to go talk to her.
Hypothetically let's say there is a women who you're not especially physically attracted to but feel a really strong mental connection. She is very funny/creative and entertaining to talk to but you just never felt that spark of physical attraction that you usually use to determine which girls you go after. Which has never really gotten you any where in the past. She really likes you and wants a relationship, so I guess what I'm asking is what is more important in a relationship the physical or the mental attraction/connection? And what would you do in that situation?
Damn, TH-cam suddenly recommends me the faces of those two extraordinary gentlemen! Hi!
Hey Kai!! :)
Hey, I'm kinda afraid of approaching girls because I am a little bit cross-eyed. So I'm worrying about getting rejected because sometimes I can't control my eyes and this could look weird to girls which I approach.
When you are having a conversation with a girl, or actually anybody, that you meet should you focus the conversation on yourself and saying what you did that day or should you focus more on them? Also how do you keep a conversation going or "not dying". Finally do you guys believe in whatever you feel the other person feels? Thx.
How about changing up topics? I'd like to see something on how to deal with backstabbers.
I am afraid to talk to girls because I am afraid to lose that tiny bit of confidence that I worked really hard to get, by her rejection or the awkwardness of the interaction. I want to know how can I "protect" my confidence?
Wat you have is not confidence my friend, you are simply hanging on to a tiny piece of ego. The irony is that once you let go of that ego, you will get real confidence.
generalqwer Really?? how i get rid of it?
i had the same problem like you, the solution is : collect 100 rejections, just go with your hand to any girl and get rejected, feel it, after 100 times you will realize that it is still You and nothing bad happened to You...
generalqwer allsam18 Great answers guys
Rejection is not something you can control, it depends on the frame of mind of the person you are talking to.
What do you think of use of the term 'game' when used to pick up girls? What kind of attitudes do you think it promotes to insecure people.
Ok let's end the debate on do looks and social status matter? Is it enough to look average to get the girls you actually like?
What about social satus if you are living in small country like Lithuania, in a city with 150000 people in it? Why do I get a vibe form better looking girls that they don't want to talk to me, if I don't get the same vibe when talking to less attractive women?
Instead of approaching, Shogo mentioned that one should: "build up who you are" and that "you can do that in many ways" -- I think there is a lot of truth to that advice. My question is the following: what are the many ways that you can do that?
All you need is one. the soul mate.
Do you think social media has killed some people social skills so they then force themselves to go and "approach" these women irl ?
Use the Force, Luke!
Whatever happened to Shogo? Great to come back to this video
I haven't been in touch with him in a long time. He kind of disappeared. I'm sure he's fine and just focussing on other things. Hopefully he returns soon! I miss him. Thanks for commenting Stephen.
GoldJacketLuke ah I see. I hope he returns someday as well. Thanks for replying Luke, keep doing your thing!
part of the reason I don't get any action is because I don't really try. What could be preventing me from trying?
i notice i tend to run away from the situation
Luke, if you could respond to this I would appreciate it.
I use the law of attraction and I somehow always attract women into my life who are very attractive, but they are emotionally damaged. For example, they had complications with their last boyfriend and they come to me for advice & what not. I do not like being that guy because it makes me feel like i'm just being used, but then again I get to do stuff with the girl. Help?
Wear you get that jacket from?
I'll be honest, I see a therapist, at times he has also made mention of the idea of getting a job to broaden my social circle, perhaps even provide a ground for even female relationships. I don't think that is bad idea by default, but, I'm not overly optimistic over that concept.
I've known friends who've had a couple jobs, the workplace never really seemed to lend itself to social gains, particularly with woman. Take note, these guys both were well off socially, and pulled girls quite frequently with ease, just the workplace never aided with that.
I have a buddy I go to bars with on the weekend, nice guy. He has a job, an apartment, a couple of hobbies, but as far as woman, not really. It is sad reality, I feel bad putting it out there to be honest. But even with all the recommended prerequisites, those virtues did not provide a basis for making strides.I feel like if you have to depend on these facets, you're going to be found stranded in disappointment with your dick in your hand.
Sometimes, you have to broaden upon the ordinary...
Now, for some, depending on the circumstances, obviously it may work to their advantage. I just feel that it can also be extremely limited, sometimes, providing no ground to take advantage of. Despite, those fundamentals, they seemingly aided very little.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. For many individuals like myself, as well as my buddy, you reach a point where you're basically all alone and it is damn near impossible to infiltrate a social circle, it seems like approach is the only way. Yes, it may be atypical, surely unorthodox, but at times, the only opportunity. With that being said, fuck having to whore myself out on OKCUPID, not for me.
I feel like the open free world is a ever-flowing land of opportunity just waiting to be ceased and unfortunately I haven't been doing so lately,fucking sucks.
Shogo : "diving deep onc--"
Hahaha I see that reference, man.
Infinitewaters is dope
If your shy luke I am almost pass out. I'm 56 my shyness has made my life a misery
Yes, do what u feel, not what u think. PUA = are all about thinking. Thanks
***** Quite a nuanced 'approach' to the question. A solid analysis, overall. Everything articulated in this video is what I had come to understand through observation and experience.
would love book recommendations relating to this
My question is, instead of wasting your time approaching random girls who you usually don't even connect with, what should you do to meet QUALITY girls who you really connect with and ones who you feel as if spending time with is actually worth the investment? Like what things should you do, what places should you go to, and what mind-sets should you develop, etc...? Thanks : )
Grammys Bench
Hey there... needing some advice. Im in college and there is a girl in one of my new classes that I find really attractive. She stands out to me and its rare for me to see someone that inspires me to want to meet her. Shes my type to the T. Her body language gives off a sweet shyness and I can tell shes a very nice person. Its her vibe/presence and these other things i like that inspire me to want to do something about it. Ive worked as a personal trainer for years and have dated a lot of hot girls but at that time it was easier because I was a trainer offering to help them. Ive dated a lot of girls and im extremely confident in my abilities to connect and interact with girls and I can them laugh. In small classes Its so much easier. I can make the whole class laugh the entire time with all my comments and that breaks the ice. But this is a very large class for one. Don't know many people in it. And its morning and Im not in social mode yet. I just want a way to meet her. Ive seen her check me out a couple times when ive walked by but have not had the nerve to go talk to her... Nerves man! ive taught group fitness classes and other things that involve social bravery for gods sake and yet I still get nervous! This one feels like someone I really shouldn't let pass me up. Ill always regret it. Can you advise???
+Noel Yaecker Similar situation that I responded to: th-cam.com/video/D26AWpJ5UQw/w-d-xo.html
Baby steps my friend. Start with "hi", a compliment, or a question. Best of luck! :)
Super helpful! Thanks Luke! :)
Question: everyday walking to class/in class/at the gym/at the library--just waking around campus(university), i see beautiful girls, yet I never approach them. the whole process seems very awkward/scary...mostly scary. How can I approach these girls? :(
Just go up to them and say "Hi"...thats it lol...and everything else will happen automatically. Have fun
I'd like to add another question.
Why is it that guys have to approach girls and that it's not the other way around? Sometimes I feel like it's a bit unfair that guys have to do this, meanwhile, some girls are so rude about rejecting. I need generally men make the move, but any reason why?
because life is unfair that's why
Hi. I wrote a comment last night but I didn't probably send it. Silly me. I have a problem because I was brought up like an introvert. It was hard for me to change in the high school but I did it. However, I still have difficulties with conversetions and stuff. The main problem is that I don't have a habit to meet with people. It's easy for me to text with them but I don't try to go out. I feel that I will bore somebody and I will waste his or her time. I don't really care if I am an introvert or extrovert. All those tests like MBTI work with autosuggestion. So, do you have any advices?
Girls are simple. Relationships with women are an emotional push and pull. It's different from the way men interact with each other, which I would consider more of a constant competition. Then again what do I know?
Luke, please respond to this.
"Anything forcing always tends to backfire"
Then in your last day game video you say "Even if you really really have to *force* it, really have to dig deep down, use your balls and all your willpower, to approach a girl, I challenge you guys to approach a girl in the middle of the day"
That is definitely a contradiction....
Many guys rather it be anxiety, self esteem issues, or what have you, will never feel in the mood to do so, sometimes forcing themselves is the only way to do it. To be real, the times where you say fuck it, and take action, are the moments of keen self development.
Also why is it that someone can be very talkative around their friends or whatever, and then at one point they are just quiet not even that they want to talk it's just they have nothing to say, what's up with that? Is there an underlying issue maybe were just uncomfortable with those ppl so we just listen?
God I love the unspoken disagreement that's in the air in this video.
What do you mean?
vincent lelele You can tell that at many points they don't agree with each other.
Thoughts on thy psychedelic experience.
Pick up artists often claim "confidence" to be the best tool to get girls. In one of your vid (Shogo), you preferred using the word "truth" than confidence. How are those 2 terms related ?
That's not me I don't play that shit.
I usually feel weird around straight guys ... I don't even know what to talk about. I'll be like... yeah I saw the chargers once, bottom of the ninth.
You guys are my two favorite TH-camrs, keep up the great videos. My biggest question deals with finding my passion.
I've joined many clubs in college, hoping to make some friends and figure out what I truly enjoy doing. Is this the right move? Or should I stick to one club and focus on it?
Is he your friend Japanese and Hispanic?
Swerve By its a good way...
I wish I could talk to girls but i dont want them to think I'm needy, hence I'll meet someone when I least expect it. what if theres a girl I see that I think is cute? if they say you meet someone when you least expect it, what's the point of having a crush then? theres someone I like but I dont know her. Shes really cute.
Live life with no regrets!
@@GoldJacketLuke what does that mean?
Hey both of you,
can I first take a moment and say how awesome you two look like you're the badass protagonists of an action movie starting 10:52 ? :D
My (17yo male, in highschool) question is: As I talk with the same few people day and day again, know them in and out, I feel I know them too good and I get bored. They give me nothing new. Sometimes I try to inspire them to improve or do new things, but they do not open up 'less under alcoholic influence.
What can I do to constantly rekindle or keep passion with other people that has gone lost over the time?
PS: I realize at least 80% is my own problem. But could you help me out with that?
Love both of you a lot.
haha love the action movie comment! At 17 years old you're super super young man.. Your thoughts on life, social skills, people, yourself, and the world are going to change DRAMATICALLY over the next years in insane ways as you become a man. At your age, it's time to focus on putting yourself out there socially, having fun, being ambitious, sports and fitness, developing strong habits, school, chasing passions, start dating, exploring the world, and finding yourself. Just like how this video was not about "forcing". At the same time, you can't "force" others to open up. You have to go with the flow of inspiration and the "opening" up will naturally happen when enjoying life, with good people, doing awesome things. What you have control over is only YOU. So focus on always moving forward making your dreams come true and let the deeper connections naturally happen. But if there's any advice I'd give you, it's to be curious and asking genuine deep questions about others. And perhaps it's time to make new friends and bring some new people into your life! Best, Luke :)
+GoldJacketLuke I'm in a similar position. Turning 18 in two and a half months. One thing I haven't been able to do is start dating. I asked out a few girls in the past and initiated conversations and stuff, but never got a date or connected much with girls (even at a platonic level). Any tips on the "start dating" on how I should do that?
As a guy who was very into pickup years ago and now I am again from a different place I both agree and disagree with them. First of all I know a lot of guys in pickup and 95% of them are cool social guys who have lives and are normal cool ppl who realized they could have a better sex life first off than got Into this and became all around better people and learned a lot and are not like the instructors who may he beast wen it comes to pickup but prob aren't well rounded. I however was not like this when I first got into pickup I was called a hard case, I wasn't just bad with girls I was socially handicapped and a virgin until I pulled a random girl home one night than a few weeks later I had sex with some hot stripper I met outside of a Starbucks. I than realized this wasn't making me happy at all which kinda freaked me out like this is what I've wanted for years (becuse oh yeah it took me 3 years of hearing about pickup to actually have the balls to do it, I was terrified at the prospect of stopping a random person) but i still felt liberated because I broke through limitations I realized were all in my head and than I knew I must be capable of a lot of things I didn't know I was yet: I had a lot of ups and downs I would revert back to being a hermet for months at times but my mind had been expanded; eventually u reach a point were u don't need to think of it as "pickup" anymore it's just like I'm doing what I want i started out coming from a place were I was looking for validation which is why I wasn't satisfied i was chasing something tht only existed in my head, but now I still do it today because I am still pushing further and growing as a man the whole thing about forcing Urself is something u get over when u push Urself I bet anything the ppl asking this feel the same kind of approach anxiety equivalent in all other areas of life
Video topic ideas:
Social circle Game
Sex for connections vs sex for power
Alpha lover vs Beta Provider
Approaching with intent vs Approaching for practice
Mainstream views on pickup
sex with hot girls vs hot sex with girls
Is pickup the holy grail of life?
Been a HUUUUGGGEEE fan of both of you and want you to succeed, have a good day!
Luke,
Wow! Shugo is 32 years old? I used to think that he was 20 years old. So, Luke is 22 and Shugo is 10 years older than Luke and they are friends. Luke how does it feel having a friend who is 10 years older than you? The American society usually finds it very awkward when an older person is making friendship with a way younger person regardless of gender, but I guess society is changing specially for rich, successful, and famous youtubers.
I'm 24 and have a good buddy that is like in his 30's, truth is, aside from numbers we're basically within the same realm.
Regardless of age....like minded people can be friends and help and learn from each other...
I'm in a similar situation... I'm 23 as well, turning 24 this year. My friend is 32 (turning 33), and she has been working as a life coach (inspiring, motivating, and pushing people to live & fulfill their truest desires) for the past few years now. She looks and acts younger than her age though - she's often just so optimistic and energetic as she goes about her days. Really, age is just a number.
Tony Trucano Obviously. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. What I'm saying is that I can also easily relate to my friend even though there is a notable age gap, just like how Luke and Shogo are able to as well lol.
hahahah yeah when it's about approach to me it's like to take away something from her or to harm her, and it feel sucks and i just start fucking sweating
Luke looks like he can be Brandon Lee's son
will it be best if I stop watching TH-cam videos and just take matters into my own hands please reply to this comment and answer the question
Yes but probably try and write down what things you do right and wrong so you can improve
Any advice on texting or messaging girls? I can get a girl interested and have really great connections and conversations in person but testing is always dull and disjointed with no escalation.
you've been reading way to much RSD
No don't bother!
what if you don't like people, you're introvert with few friends but still wanna get laid? I think I'll stick to approaching thx lol
Nah I'm average looking, so instant rejection. Once I get ripped I will.
Luke always looks at him 1 second then looks away again then looks at him again lol
I swear the videos are like the hidden truth O.o
Why are you trying to improve with women? Don't. Just go after women you like. If they reject you. Let it go.
:O did he just say that... Super smash bros. Brawl... One does not simply stop playing super smash bros brawl, it is my religion. I obey the brawl gods that command when to play.
Lol shit I need to get out more... Dx
And sexuality, please talk a little about knowing yourself knowing your sexual desires