I had been in and out of therapy since the age of 13 (I'm 45 now). None of them did much for me except help me through the immediate crisis - not the root cause. Once I learned about C-PTSD through Dr Mate' and Tim Fletcher, I was finally able to recognize how my horrible self-esteem, ADHD symptoms, crippling anxiety, and emotional dysregulation formed in me. It's tragic that the psychology community knows so little about complex trauma, because it's so crippling and affects so many people.
Ouch, that's heartbreaking... And soo me, with the differenc that I'm about 15 years older and never even got to ask for help before having a massive physical and mental breakdown in my late 20s. For what it's worth: Having gotten the proper diagnosis recently was a huge gamechanger! Best of luck on your journey :)
This was my experience for years. I have been through numerous therapists, for years, thinking that they helped me. But, like you, the same triggers would manifest themselves immediately after the initial crisis was "healed." Those therapists were a bandage over a gun shot wound. After most of my life I found a good trauma based therapist who diagnosed me as CPTSD. I've made more progress in 6 months with him than I have with years of therapy.
It's a multi-billion dollar industry. We wouldn't want people getting well, now would we? It would hurt the bottom lines of countless numbers feeding at the trough.
Many therapists only have textbook knowledge but not enough life experience to relate to their patients in order to truly know how to help their patients. A lot of people feel like the sessions are superficial and people have to put on a front when they see their therapists.
@@daisygirl1217I would expect if I'm just venting, the counselor to stop me and give me some sort of foundational stuff. Just speaking about my steps in problem solving and getting a kudos for it, really does nothing.
As someone currently getting their Masters for Counseling and Mental Health, you aren’t kidding. You got it exactly right. There are a lot of smart people who are great at memorizing and understanding information, but lack the deep empathy and ability to connect and introspection and overall life experience to have a legitimate positive impact on another person. Because no matter the knowledge they have, there is always a distance and distrust between themselves and the client.
@@marioargiropoulos7555, I think that if therapists treated people like they were friends, with open hearts, that would make things so much more genuine and believable for the patients. Because at the end of the day, love is the key to the heart and with open heart you can heal anything....
Let me tell you what I think the problem with it is - a lot of therapists today don't really know what to do. I been in the mental health system since I was 8 and I'm 33 now. I'm Autistic and Schizoaffective. I've had 3 really good therapists that really actually tried to get me to do stuff like working through causes of addiction, EMDR, CBT, identifying and challenging irrational thoughts and beliefs.... But most of them don't, they just listen to me talk and that's really about it, they don't do nothing, then they want me to keep coming in every week or two because they know the agency gets money from my Medicaid. It's a system that doesn't work.
That's why you go OUTSIDE the system. Yes, it costs more....but ditch the 'smart' devices, eating out, where the money goes and prioritize health. There is help...but if you stay in the system, you're going in circles.
That's because brain learns through experience, not talking. We need to actually experience positive things in real world to counter traumatic experience. So pseudo-care gives only illusion of help.
@@user-js5tk2xz6v Can't agree with you here. When we got traumatized, we started to see the world in a jagged way. To be able to talk things through within a therapeutic session, helps a lot to reassess conclusions made on the basis of the interpretation of the trauma towards oneself. For instance: when I've learned I'm utter garbage, I would totally expect the next experience of my life being like garbage. But if I learn, that it was wrong what the other person did, and how my reaction is logical from a survival point of view, but doesn't help me now anymore (that 7-year-old 'stupid' friend), I can evaluate the situation from a different vantage point. That tends to get people unstuck. We then can try this new vantage point out. By daring to do something, that we would otherwise expect to feel like garbage about. But we come into that situation differently now. Through the talking with the therapist, we can imagine how a situation will go and then look at it from the old way And look at it from the new way. We can rehearse in advance. Of course baby steps have to be taken in real life. But a good therapist will, by talking things through and reassessing them with you, start looking for different ways of interacting with situations, in order to help you get more success at them. A bad therapist 'just' listens and does not help you reframe. Then again, at first certain situations just need a person to talk things through in order to actually know what happened. I once had a girl in my care, who was losing her mind over the extreme long standing abuse she went through. She just wanted to paste her life back together to start with. So we started with exploring chronologically what followed what. That in and of itself gave her some sense of being in control again. And that's what it's all about. Finding, that you can be in control of a situation and it then does not go bad or get out of hand. Such experiences build your self confidence up. And they start by thinking things through from a different point of view.
@gardenjoy5223 thanks for putting thst so nicely in perspective. I'm currently doing a councelling course and using person-centred therapy in which a lot of "talking/listening" takes places (I'm simplifying), and have begun to question what significant change that might bring to the client if they just talk and I just listen (again I'm simplifying). It helps to know thst this method shouldn't be shot down, but I get what others on here are saying about their deeper trauma not being properly addressed by therapists who are perhaps not properly trained in such cases.
@@Amberlocks100 Too many people posing as 'therapists' to make a nice buck... In 'talk-therapy' always be the one who structures and restructures. Based on horrid experiences, people come to conclusions about themselves (I am not worth anything) and about the situation (I suck at things). Usually those conclusions are not right. Or - better said - totally wrong. But they form the crooked basis on which a person from now on approaches life. So: structure, restructure, explore feelings and the beliefs that followed them, reframe what happened, validate feelings and thoughts, but direct people toward more fair conclusions. Then help them rehearse a certain thing in minute detail to help them dare change a tiny thing in their lives. Once I had a girl, who didn't speak for a certain amount of time in her life, based on trauma. Afterwards she spoke plenty! But somehow she was really afraid to talk on the phone with someone she didn't know. Like the receptionist at a doctor's office. This girl had potential for succeeding in life, but this telephone anxiety would stand in the way. So we chose the most simple of telephone calls to make, and cut it in tiny bits and pieces. We rehearsed the thing from beginning to start, she even wrote key points down on a list. Then I sat next to her as she dialed the number. I made sure I looked relaxed, I helped her find confidence in making the connection to such things in person, where she had succeeded before. She did a marvelous job. It went well from start to finish. I then helped her both rejoice and get the anxiety level down. This took a few times over some time. She is now capable of making all the more difficult phone calls too. The issue has been resolved. She doesn't need help or encouragement anymore. It doesn't trigger her to fear anymore. And the nicest part is: success in this smaller area boosted her confidence in other areas too. Wishing you a good development as a counselor. You questioning things, is promising :) Don't forget, it is not the duty of a General Practitioner medical doctor to do heart surgery! To each his own. Know to help people find their way to clinical psychologists, where needed. It is a great privilege to come alongside people and try to help them. I greatly encourage you to get an entry course in clinical psychology, so you know what kind of mental illnesses are out there. Not only because the people you will try to help might have them. But also because the people, who victimized them, might have them. For instance: if you don't know what a Narcissistic Personality Disorder looks like, it is kind of hard to help the victims of those.
This is also one of the most criticisms of 12 Step recovery. Only Adult Children of Alcoholic puts the focus on trauma. Other programs want to control the behavior that brought you into the rooms by asking you to make amends for the problems YOU caused without considering what drives you to those behaviors. Trauma is not a get out of jail card but we can't ignore it and expect a different response. Trauma survivors invariably believe they are worthless and need to be fixed... when what we need is compassion as we learn finally how to care for ourselves.
One of the biggest things that made me renounce the 12 step cult was the arbitrary hugging (as well as some intensely unkind gossip and judgement)... it was just wildly difficult to assert boundaries, especially newly sober. Many/most "re-covering" (covering up what has already been covered up- YIKES!...) substance misusers or those who are physically dependent on substances, or the dopamine hit from other addictions do not last in the cult for these and myriad other reasons. Discovering that it truly is a cult was not easy or comfortable. It was almost entirely my sense of social belonging, and "hopeium". Interestingly, many/most who struggle with addictions are also "Adult Children" (ACOA). I was. Ever "make amends" to your abuser(s)/co-abuser...? Yeah, I did that because I drank their Flavor Aid (kool aid wasn't used in the Jonestown incident, and that where the colloquialism originates). And I would not advise it. Just opens the door for continued abuses, and they will pick up right where they left off.
Oh yes, the gossip , judgement, and attempts to manipulate you family. Ash-holes were trying to get me to accept my husband and not divorce him. He was grooming my daughter for SA.
This was so well put! I was told I couldn't trust myself and that I'm the problem. Behaviors develop to survive. Not excusing myself for the harm I caused, but at the root, I needed compassion in order to heal. Personally, I still have a lot to unpack from 12 step groups and unlearn internalized shame.
Some people's grew up with awful mean people's, broke to tiny pieces a family, it's no wonder we have drug addicts & alcoholics, it's how they cope , 💝🚴♀️
Ĥand the reason for this is mostly because of yes, transgenerational trauma etc, but also our society far too me centric, and hyper-individualistic . "The problem with capitalism is that it best rewards the worst part of us: the ruthless, competitive, conniving, opportunistic, acquisitive drives, giving little reward and often much punishment-or at least much handicap-to honesty, compassion, fair play, many forms of hard work, love of justice, and a concern for those in need" Dr. Michael Parenti
@@T1Oracle Which is a real thing. There is such a thing as counseling sessions for therapists, who got traumatized by hearing and working through some severe traumas of clients. It helps to park it somewhere else, and of course it comes in a less harsh form, so the next therapist doesn't need the same thing.
A psychologist friend told me it’s common knowledge amongst therapists that the higher the educational pursuits in psychology the crazier they are. I saw this first hand when I worked for a group practice.
Omg right!? I will never go see one again that doesn't have some kind of specialization in trauma. I have heard therapists without that training say some wildly ignorant things.
Yeah, a bad therapist, like a bad shrink, it's only going to add a whole new layer or maybe multiple layers to your extant trauma. And the psych meds? Wow. Trauma on a stick. But Pig Pharma execs and the shrinks who are their lap dogs need to keep up their lavish lifestyles I suppose
As a veteran I hear you! I’ve seen my discussion on my trauma visibly make therapists uncomfortable, showing they are way out of their comfort zone. Hard to share what is my trigger when it looks like your causing the person harm.
And it's also hard to convince people that what you saw and experienced as a nurse (and patient) during the war of the plandemic (different type/form) during covaids19, wasn't a psy-ops and bioweapon with neglect of healthcare, there is trauma that, BUT that latest trauma was only the match that lit the decades that came before it..with..out...a...doubt. It all starts in childhood. ALL of it. Thank you for your service. May we all stay at it in healing from all of our battles. I pray everyday for a partner in this life to do it all with - I had a head on collision with my greatest fear ...I don't believe in fear. I hate fear. I never feared..I realized the only one I had, was doing catastrophic things...alone. Until I became physically injured and disabled on the "front line" and neglected of basic care, I didn't realize how deep that fear went. Or maybe it wasn't there at all, until....this grand finale
There are some experiences that are so far outside many people's lives that understanding is impossible. I'm a war refugee from childhood and also a vet and finding effective treatment is hard
@@jamesyoungquist6923 Yes. I agree. Many people don't have the capacity to comprehend your trauma and pain. It's impossible to try to get them to understand. Those of us who have severe trauma experiences can relate to each other. So many cannot and do us more harm than good in my opinion.
One of the hardest things about trauma is the massive amount of internal defensiveness that often comes up not to go to the painful places. I often feel like there’s a huge wall of feelings of “wrongness and badness” about myself. And if I sit with that feeling of shame and just let it be there eventually it devolves and on the other side is just this terrified little crying child.
That is exactly the right thing to do. It will take time and effort to convince that child they are now safe, that you won’t let them be hurt like that again. ❤️🩹
@@misspat7555 I have been doing this a lot of late. I can’t tell sometimes if healthily or u healthily. Or just retraumatising myself lol. It does feel like stuff has shifted though with time. But it feels also like the pain is endless to.
In the end when you come to the terrified crying child, gestalt therapy would have you pick up that terrified crying child and hold it in a soothing way (that is unique to that child). The child will feel safe to cry for as long as it takes for the pain to subside. Now, the child will have a method to ease future encounters of pain, shame, and disappointments of all types that we encounter in our lifetime. We are social beings. This Gestalt method/technique helps our individualistic needs; now, go seek out like minded compassionate others. ❤
@@Locut0s"ruminating", we do it and it's not good. We have this negative soup dialogue with ourselves and hash and rehash our grievances. It's not in our best interest. :/
@christinebluerirish And they can always decline -- or, what usually happens, see you for a few weeks, then suggest a replacement who works on a sliding scale.
Dr. Gabor Mate’s work helped me heal from a decade of opioid addiction, which stemmed from unrecognized CPTSD and childhood trauma. Mental health professionals just kept drugging me with psych meds, which made my mental health deteriorate even more. So happy to have this new perspective Mate offers. Truly life-saving. My entire twenties was destroyed because of the medical field’s ignorance and recklessness.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting (one of the trainers is in the UK), Deep Brain Reorienting (created by an UK psychiatrist, a brainspotting on steroids!) , EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I had EMDR for my cptsd, worked brilliantly. Im nearly fifty now and i can finally manage things that ive lived with for years. The last two years have been the best for me.
I attempted therapy a few times in the past for PTSD. The only thing I learned from my experience with therapist… my therapist were all crazier than me. 😳🤦🏻♀️
I'm having the exact same experience...I am seeking guidance from mental health professionals who imo are for the most part are distracted and don't have the ability to actually listen.. This job related for me, which means I have no choice but to keep going. It's literally crazy....
They are still human - like priests are still sinners, etc. The thing is though, there are those with narcissism who like to have power over their patients/clients. It's in Physical Medicine too. It's just exhausting. "Friends?" If people don't get to their roots, forget it. Every one is SO messed up. And addictions to screens is not making it any better.
I am a physician, not practicing in Canada. I have CPTSD, and I realized our mental health medical knowledge is very little. I have experienced it and live with it. It is a shame. There is no help out there for the traumatized people, even when it's CPTSD. There are alot of entitlement in the Mental Health Professions who fill out the DSM axis perfectly as an A+ assignment, but they don't know the basics of how trauma affects the body and neural system. I could get better when I started studying CPTSD extensively. When I read about polyvagal theory and its clinical implications, It perfectly makes sense to me. I will not forget the day that I went to the ER because of flashbacks and being accused of malingering or factitious. After administration, I was interrogated by an in-patient psychiatrist every day when I was suicidal. She was looking to fill out her DSM axes based on the initial diagnosis which was malingering and factitious. 😢
As someone with CPTSD also, I'm interested to hear your opinion and experience. I feel like I'm teaching anyone I talk to about it what it is, including the 'medical' community. Why go get help from someone who doesn't know what I do about CPTSD?
I am sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. Every mental health professional should make their DSM assessment based on their own present moment encounter with a person. To just accept a prior DSM diagnosis is likely based on the pressure of the organization's time-limitations, or scarce resources allotted to the assessment segment of treatment. Or, because the therapist was never educated to the need to perform their own DSM diagnosis. Or perhaps the therapist, ideologically, does not believe in the DSM and ignores it. So there are many possible reasons. However, my thoughts are to always do one's own assessment and to look at the person's history. Initial diagnosis at the ER is just a "working" diagnosis.
Healing vs. Coping is the big issue. Most therapists and psychologists can only help people to "cope" (i.e. manage the pain), because most of the time, they're approaching the issues more on a biological standpoint (e.g. depression is likely just a chemical imbalance in the brain). The field doesn't really look at humanity at a human level, such as systemic communities, existential crises (e.g. lack of meaning, lack of identity, lack of belonging), metaphysical aspects even, etc. Instead, they view people as a complex system of bio-electrical signals that just need to be appropriatly regulated, with the right physical stimuli and/or chemical stimuli (e.g. pharmaceuticals). Healing is an entirely different thing than coping.
95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom that dissolves once what is underneath is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol, but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc.
Most of what passes as psychotherapy is unscientific biological manipulation and management of that stuff when it inevitably goes "wrong" cause it was the wrong approach to begin with. EMPATHY has been written entirely out of the picture cause apparently NO THERAPIST POSSESSES ANY. So therapists don't do psychotherapy and haven't been doing it for a long time. And when was the last time you called for a therapist and they actually ANSWERED THE PHONE? They put u off from the first second that horrible machine answers (options have changed don't we know) and then its downhill from there. THE WHOLE "PROFESSION" SHOULD BE MADE TOTALLY ILLEGAL. And in my state the ONLY thing a PhD psychologist does is "evaluate" for problems and then NO THERAPY. How degenerate. That's my evaluation of the whole diabolical and soul destroying industry. DON'T GO NEAR IT if u didn't hire his guy here. And he's not available.
I've been to 3 counselors in my life. One was antagonistic as soon as she found out I had religious beliefs. The other was nice "mindlessly agreeable, not helpful, but not an unpleasant experience. The third was indifferent and dissmisive. A doctor once told me I needed "psyche help and placeboes" and I'd bec"right as rain!". Aha! Why didn't I think of that! As a child I was raised by 2 alcoholic narcissists, but, when my dad died, I was 8, a year older brother and a much younger sister, my mother brought a "not a good man" into our lives, who in short time devastated and figuratively "murdered" our pathetic little family. All the while I was in good and bad foster care, kidnapped and hidden from the other parent, moved dozens of times in a 12 year school period. New school each time. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. As anyone with C-PTSD knows. Men and women like Mate have been so helpful to me in my 60s. I look back and realize I previpusly got better in many ways using honest and common sense, but, I still had plenty of issues and trauma that, even today, can interfere in my life. So thankyou to all the Gabir Mates online who are so helpful. I also really appreciate the Crappy Childhood Fairy. She is so very helpful. I am SO grateful for them all. As I turn 70, living in a log home on a lake, enjoying daily kayak fishing, I am most blessed. I have lots of not unexpected health issues, but I'm not dying. I have few friends, true, but I have a wonderful husband for 33 years. Blessed, am I., as Yoda said. My siblings didnt fare are so well, psycholog8cally, but each still managed to find some love along the way. I have come through fire, I am a survivor and a warrior! I used to tell people I was "born I to a hurricane and raised by tornadoes and escaped at 16". I didn't escape unscathed, I have my battle injuries and scars, but like a salmon swimmimg upstream to the spawning grounds, no jagged rock, no hungry bear, is keeping me from my Source of Healing, Jesus. He was with me before I ever knew Him! He is with me still.
Love the Catherine. Thanks for sharing and so glad you are finding healthy and that you are grateful. So important that you know who to thank and that you know who has been with you the whole time. Who else truly knows all you have experienced?
I had the opposite experience: religious therapists and psychiatrists who said stupid things like "it takes more faith to be an atheist" or that I should go to church for socialization.
@ghenulo I think I can understand your concerns and I sure wish it could have gone better for you. I'm a Bible believing follower of Jesus. I was 40 when I went into the church community, spent 12 years there, came out at 52, and I have not been back since, 16 years now. I don't hold with any belief system that says, "WE enlightened educated FEW must think for and direct YOU uneducated unenlightened MANY." Those souls can be found on both sides of the fence. The thing is, psyche just means soul, and while I appreciate the men and women who work so hard to learn and understand, to share with intent to help others, the truth is, even the most degreed theologian or psychiatrist is still a flawed and fallible human. As am I. So, while I deeply appreciate the counsel I've received through the years from so many wise owls, religious or humanist, and just reject the often unkind and useless advice, even s9, if the good advice doesn't quite line up with God's advice on how to live my human life (I think of the Bible as a roadmap out of Hell) I reserve judgment and proceed with caution. It's a journey... I wish you well.
@@catherinecastle8576Great story, I’m with you. A fellow traveller, may find comfort and meaning, through a defined faith. Or just, in the wonder of it all. To be the cosmos, and a speck of dust. Just be sure to share the love, and your lunch, with that fellow traveller. There can be peace, in the world.
Hi Catherine, thank you for sharing your story. My story is very similar to yours. While there was no religiosity in my family, I did pray constantly as a young child for God’s help to stop the abuse. I went to church once with a childhood friend. After the service I asked the pastor if God could see everything in my life and he replied with a resounding yes! I was horrified that God was watching the constant SA assaults and doing nothing. That’s the day I became an atheist.
One thing I would like everyone to know is that “YOU ARE NECESSARY”. When failure at work or in a relationship hits and depression takes over, to cover anger, the first thing to leave is the sense that the person is actually needed in this world. Well the so called world is capable of lies! Put caring out there in that cold world. Just a casual recognition of how well someone does something can help a person who hasn’t heard a compliment ever after a lifetime of accomplishment in small but vital things. That includes yourself! My example is this. As a young woman I was working at a difficult and thankless job and I was surrounded by mean spirited people all day. Next door lived a family with a child with Down’s syndrome. Every morning as I left for work, and every evening when I came home, there she was, stationed faithfully at the end of the sidewalk, smiling at me like I was the only person in the world! Made my day so much brighter. On some level she knew I needed her big smile. That is her accomplishment. It’s not all she has done with her life I am certain but she gave me something irreplaceable.
Have had CPTSD and chronic depression - finally, between Somatic Experiencing and EMDR - I am now healed. I had to get to know myself as a healed person with a calm nervous system. It is possible - never give up because the rest of your life is a huge investment!
Dr. Mate' is very thorough and knowledgeable. He's the best I have found in dealing with trauma and just about any mental, emotional issues. His videos are excellent. Really knowing and understanding yourself and what makes you tick is worth the effort to have a better quality of life.
I have been in and out of the 'mental health' 'system' here in the UK since the age of 18 (I'm now 65) I had no idea what was 'wrong' with me - apart from I was completely different than others. School was hell, I was unable to hold down a job, everywhere I went people turned on me - the list just goes on and on. I've been referred to many psychiatrists over the years that just ended up blaming me and prescribing SSRI's (that don't work) I was referred to the Portman Clinic in London (that was a nightmare) I was referred to the Maudsley National Trauma Centre in London (again, utter nightmare.) I started seeing a private counsellor who happened to have trained in CPTSD! in my late 50's. Things started to make sense. Unfortunately I had to move and could no longer see her. I sought other counsellors but - the big but! - I basically had to teach them about childhood abuse - suggest books to read etc. Yes they still charged me (for teaching them??) There is absolutely nil understanding here in the UK about developmental trauma! I have finally just started with a trauma trained counsellor! There is a lifetime of trauma to unpick.
Thank you for sharing. I am 61 years old and can relate and understand you, I hear you. Life is quite a journey, you have been such a brave and courageous soul. Holding you in my heart across the miles from Canada 🇨🇦
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting (one of the trainers is in the UK), Deep Brain Reorienting (created by an UK psychiatrist, a brainspotting on steroids!) , EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I had one that ended up betraying me in every way, walked out for another patient when I was crying uncontrollably over some trauma.and I actually purchased textbooks for him (with no reimbursement) because he didn't know anything. He owes me now. Wont answer the phone anymore. DON'T GET HURT people, Gabor isn't available for you.
From experience no one could heal me but myself. I was sexually abused as a kid for years and ended up in an 18 year abusive marriage. Everyone saw my pain but couldnt help me. I could only heal myself by loving myself first.
Yes, if you can love yourself, that is huge. I do not have that kind of Self energy. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She herself had borderline personality disorder and was raped and is now sharp and teaching about trauma and neurofeedback and Deep Brain Reorienting at age 84....
In my family, the past is anything that happened 20 minutes ago and we never speak about the past ever. We live in the now. We are all heavily traumatized. I rebelled and spoke frequently of my profound insights. I was ostracized and watched the same pattern repeat itself in the next generatioon. I learned to be an excellent communicator and realized that introspection and regulating emotions was a great place to start. With our current youtubers, I often get better insights that I ever did in therapy. It is not the the knowing of why your wounds came to being but in the rewiring of our internalized reactions that the healing starts in my opinion. Learning to put my needs first without feeling guilt was a huge task that required practice, consistency and intension.
I went thru a bad divorce and went to couselling 14 times for an hour. I learned all about "repressed anger vs expressed anger." Just that really helped me understand my ex and myself. My ex refused to go (this is common,btw) and we divorced. But to this day, i feel bad for her. I learned so much about myself and she missed out and still does not understand herself. So i am a fan of good therapy, if the counselor is good.
I LOVE this man. FIRST- do not SHAME yourself for feeling.."I shouldnt be feeling this way! why am I still like this" vs what can i do to explore this and my feelings are valid. let's explore that further. Why am I feeling like this, Where did this come from what in my past has happened, is that true today, etc
Gabor is one of the best. He personally did the work and is one of those “wounded healers” as they say. He also did all the study and is extremely knowledgeable, intelligent and compassionate. A rare gem! 👍🙏✌️
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
Sadly, we have to figure this out on our own. I've been to numerous therapists for ocd, and none helped. What i learned from therapy is that therapy doesn't work. Save your money and save your time by avoiding therapy.
Did you try cognitive therapy with exposure therapy? Exposure therapy with a very experienced therapist (psych nurse) who worked only with people with OCD, was what helped me. We just talked for a year before I dared to try exposure, though. I sometimes (after years of doing well) still relapse and need some more support therapy (like 4-5 hours), but as long as I can get that, I'm good as far as OCD is concerned. And I was extremely ill
It does work if you have a good therapist. When I was a teen with ocd, it helped me quite a bit just that my therapist would make me feel like a human being, I didn't have to feel so ashamed and inadequate. It is difficult to find, though. Nowadays, the way they try to beat each other in how much they cash from their patients and w*ore themselves out on the internet, it feels like the same cold-hearted narcissist game that almost everyone is playing, which makes me feel like I need even more therapy to deal with that cr**. What helps me is that I can talk to a friend who has psychological issues as well, so he knows the struggle, without being defeatist. I am planning on trying to find a group therapy.
I have had therapy for PTSD, depression and anxiety. My life has been about trauma. Much of my healing I did myself, if I ran into an impasse, I looked for therapy that was centred around healing the pain around my trauma. We often blame ourselves for what happened to us as children because we are dealing with it as a traumatised child, not as an adult. Putting the blame where it belongs, with the person who perpetrated the trauma, is the beginning. Talking about it is fine for a while, but we need to address the core issue.
you're absolutely right. too many people view it as "blame" when in reality our gaslit child selves are believing a completely false story about ourselves directly because of what the abusers said and did. we deserve to talk about that and process our anger about that without shame.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed. Talking is not reaching the areas where trauma is stored; check out: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
I am a somatic psychotherapist for 15 years in private practice and I train other professionals/psychs etc in trauma informed care. I agree wholeheartedly - managing symptoms through a crisis can be helpful but working on your core wounding in a trauma informed/safe way with a trusted professional is profoundly life-changing. It concerns me that so many 'professionals', especially here in Australia do not do their own therapy work and are not trauma trained. They may claim to be 'trauma informed' in their bio or profile but you really need to have done your own therapy work in order to be 'trauma informed' as a professional. Thank you Gabor Mate - your work has informed much of my own practice and I am grateful for that.
My psychotherapist told me she couldn't help me because I did so much great job myself. I didn't really agree because it's easier to speak with someone about the process. When I years later was contacted by the therapy clinic for psychological health, they just wanted to medicate me even if I've been struggling with severe contraindications from SSRI and Elvanse that gave me seratonergic disease. When I asked for psychotherapy they refused and said... We can't help you if you don't want medication. I knew that this was a sign that I was able to heal myself from trauma. So I've been healing for years by myself. If I didn't have any experience and tools as a registered nurse for helping and supporting others in crisis and trauma, I would have been able to do this work myself. I'm grateful for your videos that support me and confirms that I'm on the right track. Thank you for spreading this wisdom 🧡🌍🧡
I was prescribed an antidepressant for neuropathic pain and after two months I had to start cutting the pills. I'm in freeze mode and it got to a point I couldn't even move from the couch. I have tests to do and I'm sure I will be scowled for quitting the pills (I rather take mild pain killers than being rooting in my couch) and probably they will treat me like an arrogant who pretends to know better than doctors. I have complex PTSD but in my files depression anxiety disorder is written and they won't erase those words ever.
@@sandarahcatmom9897 I don't expect to have it changed and it's been a long time I don't take antidepressants. I think no one will. It's save them for problems and having that in your history, they can always dismiss you as...nuts. So my words don't count.
I had severe seratonergic disease and they just switched pills without an explanation.Later on I had another one that put me into an agonizing cold turkey that everyone refused to do anything about. Everyone is super fast to put one on pills, and offer no help dealing with the side effect and withdraw later one. It almost feels that the education and guildlines they received are to produce addicts and that's all.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I'm starting to believe that there are a significant number of narcissistic therapists. I even suspect my last therapist to be a sadist. How else could she watch me cry, session after session, and not comfort me? I'm currently being my own therapist with the help of the internet. I find IFS very helpful.
I'm sorry you felt unsupported by your therapist for crying. I can relate to that. Many of them are taught to just give you the space to cry so you don't feel rushed or shamed in your process. But yes, many of us needed support not invalidation. One of my clients, a man, started crying. He apologized for cxrying and I told him that it was okay that that is why I was there and that it was a safe place to cry.. I'm happy IFS is working for you. Just another aside though, in healing, we also need co-regulation. Which is being with a person who is safe to witness and be with us in our pain bc part of healing trauma, especially attachment trauma, is to connect w another safe person.
@@hshfyugaewfjkKS Thank you for your kind words. I just wonder how this is possible. In order to heal from your CPTSD, which prevents you from trusting anyone, you need to have a safe connection. To me, it's like saying, in order to heal from your addiction, you need to be clean.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Doing 1.5 years of CBT before healing my trauma was a tremendous waste of time at best, and re-traumatizing at worst. The CBT therapist was so incompetent he scoffed at my attempts to do my own research. Thankfully I figured I need to only work with people well-versed in complex trauma, or at least not entirely ignorant.
Today, therapists seem to be about CBT all the time, with no alternatives. Honestly, CBT is useful for certain issues, to a certain point. For basic depression and generalised anxiety, it has its uses. But not much for trauma or for specific phobias. Yet they try to apply it there, too. Like in the past, it was all about psychoanalysis, digging into the past and the fault parents, now it's all about CBT being the panacaea. And if the therapist thinks your symptoms don't exactly fit the criteria, they won't diagnose you with a condition, even if you know in your heart, that that is what you have. So then you get no diagnosis, therefore no proper recognition of your suffering, and so they just try CBT as usual, which doesn't work for this deep-seated issue you have, which actually pervades your personality, and is way more than just a mood or a negative thought pattern to be fixed with some 'correct' thinking.
One, of the many, things I admire about Dr. Mate is his use of language. He shows that using different words or in different ways can change everything.
Such an excellent point."There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in." Desmond TuTu
As a CPTSD survivor, and after decades of minimally helpful therapy, I decided to become a trauma informed coach after doing my own healing. People can't heal without body based and nervous sytem help. I go to the root of the problem w my clients. We don't just talk about your week. (That used to drive me crazy bc I never GOT anywhere w my therapists each week and thought I was broken.) If you are working on getting support, don't let one or two underqualified counselors deter you from looking. There is good help available. Just make sure the support you get is trauma informed!
Yes, I am also training to become a trauma coach. I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
I LOVE THIS!! I went through 3 years of upper graduate work to become psychotherapist, and never once did I learn about anything other than a brief talk about PTSD. But like he said, I never learned anything about trauma, not a single thing. Fortunately, the fourth year was practicum and internships, and that started right as the world shut down in 2020, and I ended up quitting the program. As I learned more and more about trauma, I realized I did not want to be a psychotherapist. I was in therapy for years and years and felt like I was more neurotic after. And I finally understood. We never addressed those triggers and traumas, we just talked about how to manage the symptoms. I’m so glad that more information is coming out about this!
Yes, look into becoming a wellness coach or a trauma coach, instead. I would not study psychology even if they gave me a million dollar. It would be as if I were to study Newton in the era of Einstein. I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
People have often told me throughout my life that I would make a good therapist. Given my own personal experiences with actual therapy, I would never want to go into the profession. It is full of corrupt unethical narcissists, who know absolutely nothing about trauma or the basic life experiences of some of their most traumatized clients in need of help.
Good video...one of the biggest challenges too is that people who need therapy from a therapist with trauma training and expertise may not realize they have suffered trauma and sometimes it is not even revealed during therapy itself.
Yes, the avoidant attachment style is the worst to have and is incompatible with self-awareness and healing. Frankly, it is outright dangerous for the society, as hard to treat as the narcissitic personality disorder. I met two semi-retired therapists who denied trauma; one came online after a three-day online training crying and said: I did not know how much trauma I had. On the first day, he said: I was deployed in this war X, but it did not affect me... Whoa, what a strong protective mechanism these people have to deny their own truth... There are 70 years of research on attachment styles and relational trauma summarized with brain scans by Allan Schore (TH-cam: Allan Schore: A Critical Period for Shaping Our Emotional Selves and Social Brains - Per Christian Dahl Barn 2017). We are born with healthy anger to protest when our needs are not met. It is very easy to traumatize a developing brain, such as an unresponsive mom- see the still face experiment -TH-cam. If the parent is responding to our needs when we fuss and cry, especially in the first year of life, we develop secure attachment (to self and others), have emotional self-regulation, low chance of chronic illness and our physiological state (the Polyvagal Theory) tends to be ventral vagal parasympathetic (rest/digest). If not, you get insecure attachment, which means low emotional self-regulation and high chance for decreased longevity and chronic illness. If we cry and the caregiver is available intermittently, we get activated on the sympathetic with anger and anxiety and we develop insecure attachment: preoccupied/clingy. If we cry and the caregiver “never” shows up, we learn to dissociate, deaden our bodily sensations and develop avoidant attachment, with activation in the dorsal vagal parasympathetic or freeze response (depression). These people think they are independent and self-sufficient, but they are just numb and in denial. They are into tattoos and piercings, but also extreme sports, sadomasochism, emergency medicine professions, financial speculations at Wall Street, the ones ordering genocide and war, for a high dose of adrenaline and dopamine to feel alive. Most scientists and doctors are here, denying their own humanity and others’. If the parents were scary, the infant develops disorganized attachment, a mix of ambivalent and avoidant. You have here the they/them pronouns, the formerly, multiple personality disorder (DID now). But, you don’t need trauma to mess up a baby, all you need is a withdrawal mother. See the Family Pathways Study at Harvard, led over twenty years, on suicidality and borderline personality. Imagine the terror of abandonment in a baby left alone to self soothe and sleep alone when she/he cannot move. That creates a pre-affective shock in the superior colliculi and then an emotional response in the periaqueductal gray. At an extreme, his/her body shuts down in Sudden instant Death Syndrome. I blame the medical community that tells the parents to do that to teach a developing brain emotional self-regulation on its own! You can undo preverbal stress and limitations: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
I am a psychotherapist with a PhD. I have been working for about 30 years in my field. Dr. Mate is complete right. I worked alongside a psychiatristt at a major university and they had no interest in psychology or teaching psychologists and budding psychiatrists how to do therapy. They were taught how to use their prescription pad to solve every problem they might face. I was never taught about trauma therapy until about 4 years ago and then it was part of a course I had in neuroscience, I am a much better therapist now than I was before I learned to apply trauma theory to something besides war veterans and rape victims. Fortunately, I knew about compassion therapy a long time ago. Ultimately, how much good therapy one can do is dependent on what kind of insurance people have, if they have any. Insurance companies rule the world of healthcare. Thank you, Dr. Mate for speaking out.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
@@AdaAdi77 CLASS ACTIONS against the whole VILE ILLEGAL PRACTICE of modern "psychotherapy". The designation itself is a lie/crime. Nobody cares about anyone's mental health anymore, let alone their precious "psyche". The savage economy and attitude towards the environment or civil issues...proves that. Beware beware beware!!!!! And don't ever get hurt in any way because you need employment and flawed people's incomes reflect their relative unsuitability to LIVE. When we see the correlation charts there will be direct perfect correlations between levels of brain damage/trauma and income, levels of suffering from just daily life...and income. The more hurt u are the less ability to CHANGE ANYTHING. Time to sue our fraudulent DIETY!!!
the part about the inner critique we have internallised from when we are young. I never realised that we can talk back to it, and even get to know it! Im so busy trying to shut mine up and prove it wrong, obsessed with overachieving to prove it wrong that I am now finally a capable adult! I never even though for a second to be emathetic towards it, wow my mind is blown!
Yes, read the book: No Bad Parts, by Richard Schwartz. It is there to protect you, even if stupid. :) Also, check out these modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I miraculously stumbled on an awesome psychotherapist. I knew nothing about therapy and counseling. Years later, I'm healing from the traumas and the damage done from not forming a secure attachment. He's a rare find, a master jedi in the mental health industry, and I'm so thankful for the journey I'm on.
Took me 30 years to find one of these. They're out there but incredibly rare. To find them I had to figure out my own correct diagnosis and then search for that specialty. Took way more of my own work and knowledge that I just happened to stumble upon to even find the help I needed. Profession is in a sad state.
I feel for me CBT and my therapist is helping because I came to a point where I couldn't name what was happening to me, I didn’t understand my feelings and needs, I couldn’t really live my life. I stayed for years with the statement "I had a terrible childhood, I have to be compassionate". But the fact for me is that compassion comes with also teaching the wounded child that what he/she feels is not the ultimate truth. So you have to push, with awareness and equanimity, to come out of your present reality, to change our childhood perspective that we project into day to day life. To show the kid that he/she is able to love and be loved, that he/she is worthy of a happy life, worthy of beautiful, healthy relationships and experiences with others and ourselves. So CBT for me IS dealing with the symptoms but the core wound at the same time. It's reinforcing the forgotten fact that WE ARE worthy of love by facing those fears, exposing ourselves to what really frightens us and finding out that it is not really what the child believed. And let's say for some people CBT doesn't really help with the core wound, like Gabor says, you would still have some mental/emotional space from dealing with the heavy symptoms to create more awareness of the underlying cause. However I still think that the symptoms are not like some people describe them; just different, random infinite expressions of the wound that never ends (it feels like it never ends and it feels like a burden when you don't acknowledge them). Once you know the core wound and you start acknowledging your triggers in your everyday life, you'll see that at the end is 2 or 3 big believes that are expressing over and over again. Then you have like a map of your triggers and reactions. You learn to know yourself therefore how to deal/love yourself. We are all different though. I just hope we are all in our way to a happy, peaceful life.
I had the experience of being in a treatment program years ago where they tried to fix everything with group therapy. They didn't get to the root of the problems these people were trying to deal with at all. It was like sticking a band aid on a wound that needed treatment.
Group therapy can be very powerful. Especially when you are lacking community in your life. But group therapy usually doesn't go very deep to protect the others in the group. Ideally you do both, group and individual therapy. I hope you are doing better now ❤
@@lianevoelker9845 Thank You. This was years ago, and I did find my way to better therapy. The group therapy can only be a good as the training the person running the group. This situation was with a social worker with limited training and relied on what she knew gestalt therapy and being confrontational with her clients. She wanted fast results so she could think she was the miracle worker. She may have gotten some limited short-term results, but it did not address the underlying issue. I can understand exactly what Dr Mate is talking about in the video.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Some of us CBT Clinicians were also trained in Behavioral Medicine which does address self-regulation and the mind-body approach to wellness. Our for-profit 'healthcare' system of managed care, dominated by insurance companies, promotes psychiatry and medication to the exclusion of other treatment modalities. In other words, we can't reliably get paid.
It’s only after ten years of weekly psychotherapy that I think I am realising that (for me) talking about my feelings has become my number one strategy to avoid feeling them.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
My sister, who has had a LOT of trauma in her life, also unfortunately lives in a state notorious for poor medical care (fortunately she's in a lovely town, but still). Her last breakdown was severe. There were ZERO psychiatrists or psychologists within 100 miles available to take a new patient. She spent >1 year talking, instead, to a SOCIAL WORKER (my sister has a doctorate in the Humanities and is very open and accepting of others). This 'therapist' was actually *LESS than helpful* Thank you, Dr Mate; your podcasts have helped our whole family better understand trauma and its side-effects, including addiction. *Yours is a voice of reason and kindness, in what feels like an increasingly unreasonable and unkind world* 💜
Thanks, you sound like talking about my sister, wow. I guess we learnt too much to depend on so-called professionals instead of trusting our own wisdom inside. Gems like Gabor Maté & others who truly know what they are doing in helping to heal, are so helpful❤ Take care & keep healing ❤️🩹🌱🌳
@@pliefting1007 I think that, while we all have compassion and have been through a lot, we often misinterpret all of our 'experience ' as = "wisdom". There is something to be said for the science of mental health, and those who study it. I wish 'they all' had the wisdom and heart of Gabor Mate ❤ You take care too! And - always - keep healing 💓
p.s. In no way did I intend to cast any shade on Social Workers with my comment above. I just wanted to point out that trauma can be so debilitating, but - unlike many disabilities - there is the potential for recovery *with the proper support system* And, especially wanted to make the point that our society could only be *better* if we had more professionals specifically *trained* in things like Trauma, Addiction, and Recovery, including Social Workers, police, medical professionals, EMT responders, etc ❤🩹 (and that, perhaps insurance companies shouldn't send the insured to the wrong professionals)
@@cecilybumtrinket1986 I recognize what you're saying 👍 The positive side is that nowadays generations are starting to heal from all kinds of trauma (incl collective) and we can talk about this way better than our parents’ generation and theirs. It’s getting more understood and acknowledged. Mental/emotional problems can be very complicating and exhausting. Got to go 😉 All the best ❤️🩹💖
Body Psychotherapy: Somatic experiencing, Trauma release exercise, eye movement integration, mindfulness, all the therapies that value the body and the stored trauma within it need to be accessed without going into the trauma narrative fixed by long term cognitive therapy is such a beautiful self-regulating and empowering journey for all my clients even in one session discharge and relief leads to resilience
I am student of Psychoanalysis. I have struggled with mental illness my entire life. Primarily major depression with schizoid features. That has been in remission for a few years now. I was seeing a therapist whom I resonated with and through medication and basically CBT, the depression etc. went into remission. During that time I have absorbed at least 4000 hours ranging from Freud to Lacan, and it was the psychoanalytic insight that I brought to my therapist that finally began to produce "healing". Modern therapy doesn't get into object relations, attachments, psychological constructs, separation and individuation or exploration of primary needs and where they fell short. My experience with many therapists was a symptom management approach, but all the old wounds would resurface in relationships with others whether intimate or not.
I'm realizing I've been ruled by rejection anxiety. Thankfully, I'm able to see this in another new context which is understanding Narcissism. There is a growing movement of psychologists explaining Narcissistic Personality Disorder through the lens of what they call "narcissistic abuse." Narcissists are truly crazy people with terrible coping mechanisms for insecurity. They cope with insecurity by fabricating fantasy worlds in which they pretend they are the best. They construct and maintain these fantasies through comparison to others. They elevate themselves by minimizing others. To be good, somebody else must be bad. To win, somebody else must lose. To feel good, they must make somebody else feel bad. I believe this is the source of a vast majority of insecurities in healthier people. We have narcissists in our childhood telling us everything is wrong with us -- rejecting us -- and doing so by framing themselves as perfect. We believe it all and spend our lives thinking we are imperfect and have to become perfect to live up to the narcissists. The key is realizing that it's all a lie. Not only are the narcissists not perfect people or in a position to judge and demand we act perfect, they are the most imperfect of people. They are the last ones to be passing such judgements. And think about it -- would a healthy person act that way? Would somebody who is really better act so haughty and condescending? The very fact that they do it is the reason you should completely ignore them and not internalize it. And if you are the kind of person who does tend to internalize it, that's a sign that you are actually the better one. Rather than beating yourself up because insane bullies projected their insanity onto you, instead learn how (and when) to shut them out and instead embrace your good qualities. I say "and when" because not all criticism comes from toxic people. Sometimes we should take criticism to heart when it is coming from truly decent people wanting to help us who have wisdom we can learn from. The key is learning to distinguish those people from narcissists, and a primary tool for doing that is in how they deliver the criticism. Look for the tendency of elevating oneself by minimizing others. And remember that isn't the same as being irritable. Somebody can be angry with you and raising their voice at you because you're acting badly, but that doesn't mean they're minimizing you to elevate themselves. My dad was a Marine Corps drill instructor when I was a kid and was hard on me, but it was because he was the best dad ever with a pure and kind heart who cared enough to be hard on me and I'm better for it. I highly recommend checking out the discussion on narcissistic abuse. The leaders of the movement are Doctor Ramani and Surviving Narcissism. Both have youtube channels.
Truly excellent advice about how to cope with narcissistic abuse. You are absolutely right - would a healthy person treat you so badly? No, they wouldn't!! Great comments, thank you!
You are right on here. I’ve come to all the same conclusions… after coming to terms with a covert narc mother… Run form them, and other members of the family if you were the scapegoat. You took it all so the family could remain ‘intact’… there is nothing they won’t do to tare u apart. The more pure you are, the more darkened their hearts towards u. Look to the light, and loving others. And then, do all that’s in your power to destroy the rules and fake world they created for you in your own personal reality.
It's just another moral panic. Another ginned-up threat that locates evil safely outside ourselves. Being selfish and cruel does not a narcissist make. Whereas a society-wide obsession with moral purity leads to mass insanity and institutionalized abuse. If you've been traumatized, seek help along Dr Mateé's lines. Demonizing, pathologizing, or otherwise dehumanizing an abuser serves no purpose except to buttress a false need for idealized moral superiority. What everyone really needs is a true validation of the intrinsic worth that is our birthright, and to eventually face the truth about ourselves and others.
Oops, red flag: dad that was hard on you and good parent? Nope! Good parents are loving, not disciplinarian. Please look into these modalities: : brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. This is prefaced by the psychiatrist who co-created the diagnosis of PTSD and then of complex PTSD. This book also was of a great help in understanding even falsely looking qualities (my compulsion to help others, coming from having been a parentified child): "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship". This is another great book: "The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self". Narcissists were victims themselves. But no parent destroys his/her kids on purpose. All it takes to traumatize a developing brain is a two-minute inexpressive parent - see the still face experiment at Harvard (Edward Tronick). This is the intergenerational transmission of trauma. I personally do not like the backlash on narcissists; they only attract people without self esteem, so, if you want to blame someone, it should be the parents of those victimized by narcissists. Normal people do not end up with narcissists... Why do people feel attracted to narcissists? What are they missing from their childhoods to fall prey? (Disclaimer: i had two partners who were NPD, but it was my mom and dad who killed my self-esteem.) And you cannot blame the parents as they did their best. Mate' emphasizes that; there is responsibility and no blame... His mother did not want to give him trauma and ADHD, right?
As a physician who was bullied then mobbed early on I started seeing my talk therapy psychoanalyst psychiatrist 3 times a week to accomplish whatever the organization needed of me as I loved my job. Well I still ended up getting mobbed isolated and terminated and she then was rather traumatizing even saying she hasn’t heard me take accountability and imho counter projections. She was often unfamiliar with terminology and I now feel she contributed to the trauma and really only focused on appointments and scheduling. 2.5 years with a trauma informed therapist only to have severe workplace induced cptsd
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, not to be fixed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol; EFT tapping on your own with videos from online.
Absolutely true sadly! I worked with trauma patients and was told by my supervisor that on confidential reviews many patients said I had saved their lives! Only half a dozen of us experts on island. I live on Maui and there is very very unfortunately a plethora of new age faux licensed therapists!!! 😢 Same situation on the mainland- if a therapist doesn’t ’get you’ on the first appt- RUN 🏃
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
omg when you said the “stupid friend” I remember I used to almost narrate to myself, like I even remember there were times where it was me talking to myself but it was me answering basic questions, what are you doing and why, and that phrase just made that like light bulb instantly go off so thank youu sm for that
Yep... See, No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz or Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher.
Funny, it was the word no that triggered my spiritual awakening. Came from my then husband who had found another woman. I felt rejected, jealous, abandoned etc and it was my inner child was screaming at me to pay attention. It’s building up your self worth, and nurturing your injured little child inside of you that will slowly get you to love yourself again
I'm so glad I saw this video. I've just finished a 12-week set of 'so-called' trauma therapy via the British NHS provision. It was no different from any other standard counselling session I have had in the past. I was gutted to find out that now having finished the sessions I have no new insight into trauma recovery than I did before I started. This needs to be rectified quickly as trauma-based mental health is a growing problem in all parts of the world, as seen from the horrific behavioural problems that are being exhibited by people who need real help.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
I've been in recovery for 38 years and hear the same things around the tables from my teachers, mentors and occasional entertainers. If I've learned anything it is, there are no coincidences, every experience is an opportunity to learn and it seems the more painful, the greater need for intro or retrospection, that I am a grain of sand just like all the other beautifully unique grains of sand, Love is a verb when you spent your life saying but not feeling it, sorrow is inevitable and suffering necessary, joy is fleeting as it should be, seek contentment instead.
Another critical modality is the Dynamic Neural Retraining System. Especially crucial for people suffering physical ailments due to trauma. Saved my husband’s life. Most trauma cannot be treated through cognitive methods. Consider learning how to rewire the brain.
Yes, also Gupta Program. Also: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Dr Gabor - you are a gem and a genius- saying it like it is - the metaphor of the trigger vs the size of the rifle - hit something in me - we all get triggered and bear trauma ,some carry it well , others or at differing times differently so. However asking to learn from our own triggers and being open and gentle to ourselves is the key to opening the doors of our “walls” and understanding who we really are . The childhood choice or perspective about what a childhood “friend “ is , a shadow to converse with and how old we were when that “imaginary companion” came into being is profound , as an only child it rings so true and real . All I can do is say thank you very,very,much - your insights are a godsend - a real island oasis in a sea of turbulent emotions . Gratitude 🙏
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
We can talk about all different kinds of therapeutic methodologies and modalities, but research has consistently shown that the most curative factor in therapy is the relationship between therapist and patient. You can have all the technique in the world, but if you can't empathize with the patient, or if you can't "reach" the patient on an emotional level, then all that technique is for nought.
In a course I did they said the research shows the 3 best predictors of a therapist's success is 1. Their ability to build rapport (as you say), they are using the appropriate modality (as Gabor says) and how much work they have personally done on themselves.
I feel that so much of what Mr. Mate says is spot on but I have one spot where I feel stuck. I have gotten better and better at asking questions...genuinely asking...about where my triggers come from. They often refer back to earlier traumas in my life. So, a small external trigger can make something flare up in me and it's useful for me to "own" the mechanism in me that leads to depression, anger, defensiveness, etc. But abuse is still abuse and abandonment is still abandonment. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abuse, not just me making a mountain out of a molehill. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abandonment, not me just inflating nothing into something. In other words, if my emotional internal expression is just a flare up from past memories it makes sense that I regulate my emotions to a level appropriate to the present moment situation. But what if my emotional expression is an accurate response to the present-moment situatuon? I feel outraged by so many ways that people treat each other in modern society. I think the world is sick in many ways. I don't want to overreact to things, but I also don't want to underreact to real harmful action. So much "regulation" of emotions seems to be built into this system in which modern life trauma is meted out and we're not supposed to speak up or express ourselves. Beng angry, sad, and disappointed about inhumane forms of human interaction is NEEDED. My emotions make me feel like the proverbial canary in the coal mine. They don't necessarily feel good but they are a warning light that I desperately feel needs to remain on as long as these conditions prevail. How do I find healing and safety in my own individual self and life without abandoning my sensitivity to what is unhealthy in the systems around me?
The callousness of the people who we are forced to surround ourselves by can be so hurtful and triggering. When someone is being especially awful, I find myself unable to speak in the moment and it is frustrating. I would love to be able to talk back, but in a rational and calm manner which I think is important for people to take you seriously. If you have an outburst in response, usually these types of people think of it as a victory for themselves or use it against you. I think these people can be put in their place with words (as long as you won't be hit which was something that happened to me when I was little so that's part of why my body won't let me speak anymore), but it's important to find the way to say it clearly with purpose and intent. If you let your emotions flare up too much, then you can find it harder to win the argument. I found that I am getting better at it when I allow myself to speak up during arguments that are less consequential or upsetting. This way you can get practice in a less triggering environment.
Amazing! I feel the same and that is why I am not ready to let go and heal. There is a part of me that does not want me to heal, lest I forget or lest I become complicit in the atrocities and stupidity that I see everywhere. But you cannot help much from a position of empathy, where you are dragged down at the level of the sufferer. You can only help from a position of compassion or love in the face of suffering, of acceptance. So, if you can, heal yourself first so you can help others lift with you. These are valid modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy. This short video on youtube is a great way of seeing things: After Skool: Ram Das: How to Keep an Open Life in Hell. The way my sister, an MD, put it is that I do not need to be always on the defensive in case I see injustice to intervene, which I do. I have to live my life peacefully and train in martial arts! :) Then, I could really intervene when needed. Now I am overwhelmed and ineffective. The problem is that right now you are an open wound and overreacting because so much injustice was done in the preverbal period. This is what happened (I am combining the polyvagal theory and ideas from this amazing book: "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship"). For another absolute gem, see this book: "Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma: Calming The Fear-driven Brain" (She had BPD and was raped and now is 84 and full of energy teaching about neurofeedback and Deep Brain Reorienting). There are 70 years of research on attachment styles and relational trauma summarized with brain scans by Allan Schore (TH-cam: Allan Schore: A Critical Period for Shaping Our Emotional Selves and Social Brains - Per Christian Dahl Barn 2017). We are born with healthy anger to protest when our needs are not met. It is very easy to traumatize a developing brain, such as an unresponsive mom- see the still face experiment -TH-cam. If the parent is responding to our needs when we fuss and cry, especially in the first year of life, we develop secure attachment (to self and others), have emotional self-regulation, low chance of chronic illness and our physiological state (the Polyvagal Theory) tends to be ventral vagal parasympathetic (rest/digest). If not, you get insecure attachment, which means low emotional self-regulation and high chance for decreased longevity and chronic illness. If we cry and the caregiver is available intermittently, we get activated on the sympathetic with anger and anxiety and we develop insecure attachment: preoccupied/clingy. If we cry and the caregiver “never” shows up, we learn to dissociate, deaden our bodily sensations and develop avoidant attachment, with activation in the dorsal vagal parasympathetic or freeze response (depression). These people think they are independent and self-sufficient, but they are just numb and in denial. They are into tattoos and piercings, but also extreme sports, sadomasochism, emergency medicine professions, financial speculations, for a high dose of adrenaline and dopamine to feel alive. Most scientists and doctors are here, denying their own humanity and others’. If the parents were scary, the infant develops disorganized attachment, a mix of ambivalent and avoidant. You have here the they/them phenomenon or DID (formerly, multiple personality disorder). You don’t need trauma to mess up a baby, all you need is a withdrawal mother. See the Family Pathways Study at Harvard, led over thirty years, on suicidality and borderline personality. Imagine the terror of abandonment in a baby left alone to self soothe and sleep alone when she/he cannot move. That creates a pre-affective shock in the superior colliculi and then an emotional response in the periaqueductal gray. At an extreme, his/her body shuts down in Sudden instant Death Syndrome. I blame the medical community that tells the parents to do that to teach a developing brain emotional self-regulation on its own!
I experienced more trauma healing from one session with a woman making vibrations with crystal bowls than in two consecutive years of DBT. The therapy wasn't useless but it definitely didn't heal the trauma. Only helped manage the symptoms and manifestation of the trauma. More surviving not thriving and all that.
Sorry, but I spent 8 years in therapy with someone who had lived through and was very aware of the trauma dynamics I was living through. They helped me a lot, and he recommended CBT, which was new at the time, but he'd "heard good things" about it. I had nothing left to lose. My family was comprised of abuse survivors with personality disorders, not that I knew the personality disorder part. The CBT absolutely had a huge amount to do with helping me on every level, with many different problems I was having. I did it for hours a day, in between college classes, for at least a year. It resolved my profound social anxiety that was again, such a new idea no one knew what to call it. It lifted depressive episodes. And it helped me get to the root of my self esteem issues. My therapist didn't subscribe to the one size fits all therapy script, and neither do I. My life is living proof.
Well done! I am a cbt therapist. I’m not sure why we are getting dragged by Gabor mate. Majority of my clients recover from ptsd, social anxiety etc. I am sad for those who have not had the same experience as you.
@@Anne-ku3lj CBT helped me as well, but mostly with my severe social anxiety. I find it's not helping with my other issues, but in that one area it has been a huge help. I used to stress vomit when I needed to go somewhere there would be a lot of people. Which really hinders my goal of having a normal life. So, I would say that it has been very beneficial to something that was debilitating and needed immediate attention.
@@mothdust1634 Complex ptsd used to be treated by a different therapy entirely, that was not so effective. CBT is slowly beginning to incorporate it. Tim fletcher has an excellent TH-cam channel, dedicated to complex trauma.
It may mean you had access to Self, which many complex trauma cases do not have (see: Internal Family Systems). There are ways to check if you are truly healed or your trauma is dormant underneath. Do you have secure attachment now (to self and others)? If yes, it worked. If not, it's just coping. I got rid of agoraphobia in one session of hypnosis, but I am not healed. I do not have depression anymore, but I am not healed. If it is superficial, your body may act up sooner or later. Again, it is really easy to determine. Look for a attachment style questionnaire. Also, try a few sessions of these: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback. If nothing comes up, then you are truly processed and integrated. But it is tricky. I saw at a multiple-day training for therapists that I audited as student one semi-retired psychologist who was beautiful, exuding calm and love. I "fell in love" with this person's energy instantly. Then, I heard them say: "I do not have any trauma, I am happy, love my family and friends, I have a great life". I believed that. Then, my jaw dropped when they said: "I was in the X war, but it did not affect me because I was in the navy reserves and did not disembark." WHOA! Denial much??!! On the last day, they were in tears: "I did not know how much trauma I had." My friends asked: "Isn't it bad that trauma came to the surface? Wasn't it better that it be left unstirred?" Nope! cuz that is a dormant volcano and then it wakes you up with cancer, Alzheimer's, lupus, multiple sclerosis etc... So beware of the false calm.... Maybe it is true calm, but after that experience, I realized there was a very fine line between secure attachment and avoidant attachment (characterized by denial and lack of self awareness). The attachment style is formed in the first year of life. It can be changed, but it is the most important indicator of emotional self-regulation, longevity and lack or presence of chronic illness. There are 70 years of research on this. There are only four types of us: secure and insecure (preoccupied, avoidant and disorganized).
IFS by Richard Schwartz is a wonderful thing. As a primer for the curious I'd recommend the books "Self Therapy" by Jay Earley, and "No bad parts" by Richard Schwartz, which are also available as audio books.
outside the system is the only place of reality (and that's not even perfect, but...expecting the system to help with anything that is not an urgency or emergency? ..)
No, I paid on credit over $25,000 in two years for private therapy. I now have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries, consulting "the best", that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors is now what prevents them from popularizing modalities that help childhood trauma. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Therapy helped me a lot, mainly because it brought the stuff I needed to work on into focus, the real healing was my own doing and it's still going on. I think people need to accept responsibility for where they are now, not hold themselves at fault if they were abused or traumatized, but accept that this is where they are now and work on improving themselves, learn to be okay with things not being okay. Ain't easy but a helluva lot better than living life with the higher levels of anxiety and depression that come along with not doing the work, imo. Take care everyone.
After almost 10 years of talk therapy and just getting through whatever way I could. I was assigned to a trauma specialist. He first tried EMDR but settled on IFS. IFS saved my life. It helped me to connect with myself and help me face my fears. It helped me bring forth so many things buried deep. I was on the path to a career patient and now for the 1st time in 10 yrs I feel free and yes more work to be done. I wake in terror sometimes. But I am so grateful to wake up happy I am alive.
I was sexually abused by my mom and her boyfriend when I was 8. The so called therapist said the worst thing that ever happened to her was she moved away from her friend when she was a girl that was pretty traumatic for her. She had no idea how to talk to me. Thanks va
I do wish Dr Mate would mention psychoanalysis- maybe he does in the full interview - it is the oldest game in town and still the best (when done with an informed, up-to-date, and experienced practitioner).
The work of Byron Katie, is called enquire. She has been teaching the 4 steps. I think Gabor has spent time with Katie. She saved my life. Brilliant work.
I have been to codependency treatment at the Meadows in AZ years ago after many years in AA. Best thing I’ve done - they do get down to the anger and work through childhood trauma. But, like anything else very expensive. 😢
The solution to the sickness of egotism is to surrender. Details are in the book "Living the Mystery of Life" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. "Fighting the wounds of the past will only deepen those wounds. Relaxation is the method that heals the wounds of the mind, not reaction." - Amma (Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi)
Surrender? I agree. Surrender, service to humanity, ultimately to God the Absolute from which everything emanates. This world is a place of suffering essentially, happiness is in trying to transcend the miseries inflicted by our bodies, minds, others and nature herself. It's really nice listening here and reading the comments. Ravi Shanker? Wow what a wonderful musician.
Everyone types on the computer, never looks up, and prescribes meds like candy playing with people. This only happens IF you can actually get in to see someone. There are a lot of people suffering because most doctors don’t know anything other than how to Google meds.
Yes... we need to fight back as we are many...I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
It's important to differentiate helping from healing. Helping means, you keep up the wall that protects you from the trauma and the feelings that are connected with the trauma, and it helps you to feel better for a while. If you want to heal you have to break down the wall and experience all these feelings an you have to accept that you are healing through them and not from them. It is moving in the opposite direction. Most Therapist are really good in helping their patients. 🤨
Yes, I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma because of them. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, not to be fixed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol, but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc.
@@AdaAdi77 I'm so sorry. Yes, when I was a therapist, I often felt like my clients were drowning and I was describing the water. I hated it. I'm glad to have given it up now.. We need community, not doctors. We need Methaxis - and what Martin Buber wrote about God the energy that passes between people. Also helps to enjoy art. Whatever art you enjoy - music, drawing, gardening. Being aware of how it makes you feel. And Viktor Frankl or Gabor Mate.
The best moment in therapy for me was when my therapist asked me how old I felt during a session when I was highly emotional. It all clicked. This part of me is still young and stunted. Growing the parent within me to be kind to that small angry/sad piece of me is my treatment path. Why don’t more therapists use this? I had one therapist end our series by saying she has a family and a nice house and does nice things and I could do the same. It was crystal clear she hadn’t listened or understood that that her way of life is not my answer to happiness at all during the 4 hours collectively we spent together. She didn’t learn and I didn’t either. I hated her in that moment. Waste of time
Something that might be helpful for anxiety/depression: - focus only on a repeated sound and an image in your mind. While avoiding getting distracted by idle thoughts - breathe fully and steadily through the nose to assist in oxygenating the brain - allow the physical sensations of any emotions that arise to run their course, if possible. To help process the emotion - avoid expectations from the process - encouraged to practice several minutes every few hours Might be worth a shot and it's free
This requires access to Self, as understood by IFS. Many complex trauma patients do not have access to this... There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Love the insight about harsh self talk: that it’s a voice we learned as children which says, attempting to help you, “something about you is not good enough, so let’s work harder so you can be safe.” That voice eventually becomes harsh, but it can be treated like the 7 or so year old it still is: with compassion and curiosity.
It is very dangerous to idealize one individual like this. There are many good and even better experts than him, he just happens to be popular. Don't blind yourself.
@@abstract3213 I don’t need a parroted speech about celebrity worship or lacking objectivity from you. I’m not stupid and it’s not as if Imm making a conscious decision to plug my ears and ignore anyone other than than this man. I DO NOT CARE how popular he is. I don’t even know what his social media numbers are, I’m not in his personal fan club. I am aware he is human and he is fallible (why do I even have to say this ) what I care about is the fact that in 30 years of living in this earth and spending 15 years in the mental health system having seen dozens of professionals, having heard dozens of other famous and popular counsellors and psychologists, this guy is one who resonates with me on a genuine level when he describes the effects of trauma and my response to psychotherapy. You’ve taken what I feel is a personal connection to the individual and attributed it to just blindly liking someone because they’re famous assuming I’m blinkered to anyone and anything else. Yeah I’m triggered and take offence to that, feeling thoroughly misunderstood in your assessment of my mindset and character. Don’t take my defensiveness as a sign that you were right, I just have a personal issue with being misunderstood which happens a lot as an autistic person. This is why I usually leave paragraph long comments with context so someone doesn’t come along making incorrect assumptions.
@@SobrietyandSolace sorry, but this is not what I was implying. Just saying there are other people in the field with very deep insights into trauma and healing, starting from Peter Levine, Bassel van der Kolk...saying he is the only expert who comes close is I think putting him on a pedestal.
Indeed, very stupid. She is what is wrong with you! She sounds narcissistic, so she was herself a victim of her parents. See the work of Daniel Siegel at UCLA on the intergenerational transmission of trauma up to seven generations... through sperm and egg (epigenetics) and behavior (if you have insecure attachment and are not available emotionally and physically for your kids). Parents are responsible for the emotions of their offspring for life… “The sustained qualities of children's emotional experiences during the first 2 years of life have a decisive influence on the way they feel, and hence on how they behave, for the rest of their lives … the developmental/epigenetic effects of early social affective experiences probably influence many higher as well as lower brain functions.” (Jaak Panksepp, Affective Neuroscience) Parents also cause cancer, diabetes, heart disease etc. This is on CDC’s website and has been replicated hundreds of times. “Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study V J Felitti et al. Am J Prev Med. 1998 May.” Doctors should be held criminally responsible for withholding this information. This TH-cam dialogue mentions how doctors are not taught about trauma : How Trauma Shapes Every Aspect of Our Lives (Gabor Mate’ and BBC Doctor in the House, Rangan Chatterjee, MD). I also recommend the documentary, The Wisdom of Trauma. Parents also cause suicidality and borderline personality disorder; see this study over 20 years at Harvard: The Family Pathways Study. The less offensive truth is that nobody does this on purpose, but it’s extremely easy to traumatize a developing brain- see the still face experiment of Edward Tronick at Harvard; all it takes is two minutes of an inexpressive caregiver, replicated after with a mother on her phone in front of her baby. Most therapists are useless and incompetent because they propose cognitive behavioral modalities instead of modalities that can reach deep subcortically. This is a list of modalities that can create emotional self-regulation and contentment-if not happiness: Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback.
Same here. I spent $25,000 in two years on private therapy on credit. Most therapists and doctors are incompetent. However, you may find proper help within these: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
Most don’t get to see nor realise the incredible sponges young children truely are… A meditation held a class at my premises, unbeknown they coming, 2 of my grandkids aged 3 & 4 came bounding up the stairs, halfway up they slowed, walked in & gazed, the women 5 min into meditation… the kids sat down, crossed legs, one fixated on a candle the other fixated on a womans body her laying on floor, they remained fixated a full half hour, not spoke, until all brought out of meditation, all people amazed…never they’d been exposed to such thing… Proved to us the full extent that kids internalise surrounding or whatever energy they exposed to whether intentional or not …
Yes... brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
The problem with my CPTSD is that I know exactly what caused my trauma and the damage has already been done so a change in perspective won't technically help me. Therapy, for me, would be an expensive way for someone to nod their head and say "yeah, your mom sucked, that'll be another $200" every week.
Yep, this is what makes me cringe about all this "trauma based therapy" that gets lip service these days. Their idea of helping you is having you talk about (and mentally re-live) all your trauma. How the hell is that supposed to help anyone *heal* from it?? It's just re-opening wounds. What we need are therapists who are intelligent enough to help us see how the actions we are taking (or avoiding) may be stuck on "auto-pilot" because of trauma. And then - we need those therapists to help US find a way we can turn off that auto-pilot. A way that works for us individually, not some stupid cookie-cutter modality the therapist thinks is so clever that it should work for everyone and everything. 🙄
That is why you do not go for incompetent help, which is 95% of therapists and doctors. You can find help in these modalities and they may be quick and not as expensive: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
7:52 that first voice? I think I might have had those exact thoughts - literally word for word, epecially the "I'm all alone, I'm going to suffer in this world". It's not that I'm not very happy right now, that's (sort of) fine, there's things that cause me to feel this way that I theoretically could change. It's just that I don't think I'm ever realistically going to change those things, because I'm an extremely procrastinatory/passive/weak person that can't really change. I know that's an assuption that I'm making about myself that could be false, but right now that really is something that I believe. And the "I'm all alone" is very similar. Yes, I'm lonely right now, which is fine, we're not going to have close people to us at all stages of life. It's that I literally can't imagine finding someome who'd be close to me. And even if I did, they'd have to put up with me AND I'd have to make sure that relationship (friendship, romantical or whichever else it might be) lasts and that I actually try to connect with them, because I'm very avoidant and "isolatory" if that's even a word.
Yes, and how do you solve that? :) Awareness is not healing... Look into these modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
How the hell do you deal with the fact that you get to a realisation in your mid 60's that your whole life has been destroyed - annihilated by the 'people' who were supposed to be your parents?
You GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…until finally you’ve shed enough tears that you become numb … you enter the chrysalis, in there you appear to be dead, but the shutting down of your emotions clears the way for rebirth… just as the dark earth nurtures the roots of plants above, your mind is working and healing without your conscious awareness,and when you finally emerge from your exhaustion, you are like a bear coming out of hibernation… you begin to see the world in a different way, you begin to love yourself and protect that inner child who of course was unable to make life giving decisions, and finally, when you stand reborn in the glory of creation, you begin to truly SEE that there is beauty around you and in you, and even in others, and you begin to truly live, my friend….
Me too. Im 70. Aces ptsd health anxiety all childhood. More as an adult. Parents nearly ruined my business in 2010. Im in therapy but worse. Backpain burning feet & excruciating neck pain. My father! My entire family. Im retired have a porsche very fit & healthy but in pain ea day. Way worse since he died 12-31-23 at 97. I thought id be better
How to react when you have a realization? It's part of breaking out of jail! Every realization is the evaporation of a prison bar! Sure, there might be anger, but hopefully you also come to the realization that your parents had prison bars they didn't know about.
You raise from your ashes as Phoenix did. If you live into your 100s, this is a midlife crisis. :) Parents did their best in those circumstances. Do you think Gabor Mate's mother wanted him to be traumatized and develop ADHD? But look at how important and helpful he became BECAUSE of his trauma. Most artists would not be the creative selves they are without trauma... most comedians are depressed people, but what a joy they are to others! You can heal and not transmit it further. I believe half of the population needs a license to parenting. That would resolve the disaster that we are in: ecocide, femicide, gerontocide (the killing of the elderly with viruses by irresponsible people spreading viruses), bullying, war, rape, famine, the next Trump, Hitler, the next suicide. These are some powerful modalities that can undo trauma, see with what you resonate: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping (on your own, see online for examples), Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy. Also, check out this short video: after skool: Ram Dass, how to keep an open heart in hell. It goes beyond my capacity for understanding, but something rings true....
you need to have lived enough and to have met your own shadows to be able to really help the others. Most people, including most therapists, just don't have the experience or the guts or both.
I had been in and out of therapy since the age of 13 (I'm 45 now). None of them did much for me except help me through the immediate crisis - not the root cause. Once I learned about C-PTSD through Dr Mate' and Tim Fletcher, I was finally able to recognize how my horrible self-esteem, ADHD symptoms, crippling anxiety, and emotional dysregulation formed in me. It's tragic that the psychology community knows so little about complex trauma, because it's so crippling and affects so many people.
Ouch, that's heartbreaking... And soo me, with the differenc that I'm about 15 years older and never even got to ask for help before having a massive physical and mental breakdown in my late 20s. For what it's worth: Having gotten the proper diagnosis recently was a huge gamechanger! Best of luck on your journey :)
This was my experience for years. I have been through numerous therapists, for years, thinking that they helped me. But, like you, the same triggers would manifest themselves immediately after the initial crisis was "healed." Those therapists were a bandage over a gun shot wound.
After most of my life I found a good trauma based therapist who diagnosed me as CPTSD. I've made more progress in 6 months with him than I have with years of therapy.
It's a multi-billion dollar industry. We wouldn't want people getting well, now would we? It would hurt the bottom lines of countless numbers feeding at the trough.
It seems 1 in 3 females in N.Z. have been abused, especially when abuse was a secret.
Or more....
Many therapists only have textbook knowledge but not enough life experience to relate to their patients in order to truly know how to help their patients. A lot of people feel like the sessions are superficial and people have to put on a front when they see their therapists.
Most of them are naive, arrogant do-gooders.
My last therapist would just sit there in front of the screen and just say nothing!
@@daisygirl1217I would expect if I'm just venting, the counselor to stop me and give me some sort of foundational stuff. Just speaking about my steps in problem solving and getting a kudos for it, really does nothing.
As someone currently getting their Masters for Counseling and Mental Health, you aren’t kidding. You got it exactly right. There are a lot of smart people who are great at memorizing and understanding information, but lack the deep empathy and ability to connect and introspection and overall life experience to have a legitimate positive impact on another person. Because no matter the knowledge they have, there is always a distance and distrust between themselves and the client.
@@marioargiropoulos7555, I think that if therapists treated people like they were friends, with open hearts, that would make things so much more genuine and believable for the patients. Because at the end of the day, love is the key to the heart and with open heart you can heal anything....
Let me tell you what I think the problem with it is - a lot of therapists today don't really know what to do. I been in the mental health system since I was 8 and I'm 33 now. I'm Autistic and Schizoaffective. I've had 3 really good therapists that really actually tried to get me to do stuff like working through causes of addiction, EMDR, CBT, identifying and challenging irrational thoughts and beliefs.... But most of them don't, they just listen to me talk and that's really about it, they don't do nothing, then they want me to keep coming in every week or two because they know the agency gets money from my Medicaid. It's a system that doesn't work.
That's why you go OUTSIDE the system. Yes, it costs more....but ditch the 'smart' devices, eating out, where the money goes and prioritize health. There is help...but if you stay in the system, you're going in circles.
That's because brain learns through experience, not talking. We need to actually experience positive things in real world to counter traumatic experience. So pseudo-care gives only illusion of help.
@@user-js5tk2xz6v Can't agree with you here. When we got traumatized, we started to see the world in a jagged way. To be able to talk things through within a therapeutic session, helps a lot to reassess conclusions made on the basis of the interpretation of the trauma towards oneself.
For instance: when I've learned I'm utter garbage, I would totally expect the next experience of my life being like garbage. But if I learn, that it was wrong what the other person did, and how my reaction is logical from a survival point of view, but doesn't help me now anymore (that 7-year-old 'stupid' friend), I can evaluate the situation from a different vantage point. That tends to get people unstuck. We then can try this new vantage point out. By daring to do something, that we would otherwise expect to feel like garbage about. But we come into that situation differently now.
Through the talking with the therapist, we can imagine how a situation will go and then look at it from the old way And look at it from the new way. We can rehearse in advance.
Of course baby steps have to be taken in real life. But a good therapist will, by talking things through and reassessing them with you, start looking for different ways of interacting with situations, in order to help you get more success at them.
A bad therapist 'just' listens and does not help you reframe. Then again, at first certain situations just need a person to talk things through in order to actually know what happened. I once had a girl in my care, who was losing her mind over the extreme long standing abuse she went through. She just wanted to paste her life back together to start with. So we started with exploring chronologically what followed what. That in and of itself gave her some sense of being in control again. And that's what it's all about. Finding, that you can be in control of a situation and it then does not go bad or get out of hand. Such experiences build your self confidence up. And they start by thinking things through from a different point of view.
@gardenjoy5223 thanks for putting thst so nicely in perspective. I'm currently doing a councelling course and using person-centred therapy in which a lot of "talking/listening" takes places (I'm simplifying), and have begun to question what significant change that might bring to the client if they just talk and I just listen (again I'm simplifying). It helps to know thst this method shouldn't be shot down, but I get what others on here are saying about their deeper trauma not being properly addressed by therapists who are perhaps not properly trained in such cases.
@@Amberlocks100 Too many people posing as 'therapists' to make a nice buck...
In 'talk-therapy' always be the one who structures and restructures. Based on horrid experiences, people come to conclusions about themselves (I am not worth anything) and about the situation (I suck at things). Usually those conclusions are not right. Or - better said - totally wrong.
But they form the crooked basis on which a person from now on approaches life.
So: structure, restructure, explore feelings and the beliefs that followed them, reframe what happened, validate feelings and thoughts, but direct people toward more fair conclusions.
Then help them rehearse a certain thing in minute detail to help them dare change a tiny thing in their lives.
Once I had a girl, who didn't speak for a certain amount of time in her life, based on trauma. Afterwards she spoke plenty! But somehow she was really afraid to talk on the phone with someone she didn't know. Like the receptionist at a doctor's office.
This girl had potential for succeeding in life, but this telephone anxiety would stand in the way. So we chose the most simple of telephone calls to make, and cut it in tiny bits and pieces. We rehearsed the thing from beginning to start, she even wrote key points down on a list.
Then I sat next to her as she dialed the number. I made sure I looked relaxed, I helped her find confidence in making the connection to such things in person, where she had succeeded before.
She did a marvelous job. It went well from start to finish. I then helped her both rejoice and get the anxiety level down.
This took a few times over some time. She is now capable of making all the more difficult phone calls too. The issue has been resolved. She doesn't need help or encouragement anymore. It doesn't trigger her to fear anymore.
And the nicest part is: success in this smaller area boosted her confidence in other areas too.
Wishing you a good development as a counselor. You questioning things, is promising :)
Don't forget, it is not the duty of a General Practitioner medical doctor to do heart surgery! To each his own. Know to help people find their way to clinical psychologists, where needed.
It is a great privilege to come alongside people and try to help them. I greatly encourage you to get an entry course in clinical psychology, so you know what kind of mental illnesses are out there.
Not only because the people you will try to help might have them. But also because the people, who victimized them, might have them.
For instance: if you don't know what a Narcissistic Personality Disorder looks like, it is kind of hard to help the victims of those.
This is also one of the most criticisms of 12 Step recovery. Only Adult Children of Alcoholic puts the focus on trauma. Other programs want to control the behavior that brought you into the rooms by asking you to make amends for the problems YOU caused without considering what drives you to those behaviors. Trauma is not a get out of jail card but we can't ignore it and expect a different response. Trauma survivors invariably believe they are worthless and need to be fixed... when what we need is compassion as we learn finally how to care for ourselves.
You expressed it beautifuly, thank you
I agree, thank you for explaining it clearly
One of the biggest things that made me renounce the 12 step cult was the arbitrary hugging (as well as some intensely unkind gossip and judgement)... it was just wildly difficult to assert boundaries, especially newly sober. Many/most "re-covering" (covering up what has already been covered up- YIKES!...) substance misusers or those who are physically dependent on substances, or the dopamine hit from other addictions do not last in the cult for these and myriad other reasons.
Discovering that it truly is a cult was not easy or comfortable. It was almost entirely my sense of social belonging, and "hopeium". Interestingly, many/most who struggle with addictions are also "Adult Children" (ACOA). I was.
Ever "make amends" to your abuser(s)/co-abuser...? Yeah, I did that because I drank their Flavor Aid (kool aid wasn't used in the Jonestown incident, and that where the colloquialism originates). And I would not advise it. Just opens the door for continued abuses, and they will pick up right where they left off.
Oh yes, the gossip , judgement, and attempts to manipulate you family. Ash-holes were trying to get me to accept my husband and not divorce him. He was grooming my daughter for SA.
This was so well put! I was told I couldn't trust myself and that I'm the problem. Behaviors develop to survive. Not excusing myself for the harm I caused, but at the root, I needed compassion in order to heal.
Personally, I still have a lot to unpack from 12 step groups and unlearn internalized shame.
It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick, superficial, soulless, selfish, stupid society.
Some people's grew up with awful mean people's, broke to tiny pieces a family, it's no wonder we have drug addicts & alcoholics, it's how they cope , 💝🚴♀️
Your so right Jeff...
Ĥand the reason for this is mostly because of yes, transgenerational trauma etc, but also our society far too me centric, and hyper-individualistic . "The problem with capitalism is that it best rewards the worst part of us: the ruthless, competitive, conniving, opportunistic, acquisitive drives, giving little reward and often much punishment-or at least much handicap-to honesty, compassion, fair play, many forms of hard work, love of justice, and a concern for those in need" Dr. Michael Parenti
Yes..exactly...
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I went to a therapist once. My therapist needed therapy.
🤣It's not funny, the problem is serious that we are having, but at least you haven't lost your sense of humor.
I would expect them to all need therapy. They'd have to be sociopaths to listen to all of that and not be affected.
@@T1Oracle Which is a real thing. There is such a thing as counseling sessions for therapists, who got traumatized by hearing and working through some severe traumas of clients. It helps to park it somewhere else, and of course it comes in a less harsh form, so the next therapist doesn't need the same thing.
A psychologist friend told me it’s common knowledge amongst therapists that the higher the educational pursuits in psychology the crazier they are. I saw this first hand when I worked for a group practice.
I concur 👍
I needed therapy to recover from my therapy.
Same!
Same
Omg right!? I will never go see one again that doesn't have some kind of specialization in trauma. I have heard therapists without that training say some wildly ignorant things.
Yeah, a bad therapist, like a bad shrink, it's only going to add a whole new layer or maybe multiple layers to your extant trauma. And the psych meds? Wow. Trauma on a stick. But Pig Pharma execs and the shrinks who are their lap dogs need to keep up their lavish lifestyles I suppose
Same
As a veteran I hear you! I’ve seen my discussion on my trauma visibly make therapists uncomfortable, showing they are way out of their comfort zone. Hard to share what is my trigger when it looks like your causing the person harm.
This makes me so sad to read. I truly hope you can find someone.
I’m a civilian and I’ve had the same experience. Therapists are just clueless.
And it's also hard to convince people that what you saw and experienced as a nurse (and patient) during the war of the plandemic (different type/form) during covaids19, wasn't a psy-ops and bioweapon with neglect of healthcare, there is trauma that, BUT that latest trauma was only the match that lit the decades that came before it..with..out...a...doubt. It all starts in childhood. ALL of it. Thank you for your service. May we all stay at it in healing from all of our battles. I pray everyday for a partner in this life to do it all with - I had a head on collision with my greatest fear ...I don't believe in fear. I hate fear. I never feared..I realized the only one I had, was doing catastrophic things...alone. Until I became physically injured and disabled on the "front line" and neglected of basic care, I didn't realize how deep that fear went. Or maybe it wasn't there at all, until....this grand finale
There are some experiences that are so far outside many people's lives that understanding is impossible. I'm a war refugee from childhood and also a vet and finding effective treatment is hard
@@jamesyoungquist6923 Yes. I agree. Many people don't have the capacity to comprehend your trauma and pain. It's impossible to try to get them to understand. Those of us who have severe trauma experiences can relate to each other. So many cannot and do us more harm than good in my opinion.
One of the hardest things about trauma is the massive amount of internal defensiveness that often comes up not to go to the painful places. I often feel like there’s a huge wall of feelings of “wrongness and badness” about myself. And if I sit with that feeling of shame and just let it be there eventually it devolves and on the other side is just this terrified little crying child.
That is exactly the right thing to do. It will take time and effort to convince that child they are now safe, that you won’t let them be hurt like that again. ❤️🩹
@@misspat7555 I have been doing this a lot of late. I can’t tell sometimes if healthily or u healthily. Or just retraumatising myself lol. It does feel like stuff has shifted though with time. But it feels also like the pain is endless to.
In the end when you come to the terrified crying child, gestalt therapy would have you pick up that terrified crying child and hold it in a soothing way (that is unique to that child). The child will feel safe to cry for as long as it takes for the pain to subside. Now, the child will have a method to ease future encounters of pain, shame, and disappointments of all types that we encounter in our lifetime. We are social beings. This Gestalt method/technique helps our individualistic needs; now, go seek out like minded compassionate others. ❤
I love this realization for you. ❤
@@Locut0s"ruminating", we do it and it's not good. We have this negative soup dialogue with ourselves and hash and rehash our grievances. It's not in our best interest. :/
Another part of the problem is when you are fortunate to find a trauma specialist you can not afford the therapy.
Absolutely!!!!
THIS! Our society wasn't designed for us to heal
@@toryjei9435 you are so right!!!
You can always ask if the fee can be lowered.
@christinebluerirish And they can always decline -- or, what usually happens, see you for a few weeks, then suggest a replacement who works on a sliding scale.
Dr. Gabor Mate’s work helped me heal from a decade of opioid addiction, which stemmed from unrecognized CPTSD and childhood trauma. Mental health professionals just kept drugging me with psych meds, which made my mental health deteriorate even more. So happy to have this new perspective Mate offers. Truly life-saving. My entire twenties was destroyed because of the medical field’s ignorance and recklessness.
Could you name a few key things that were like aha moments that helped you break through?
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting (one of the trainers is in the UK), Deep Brain Reorienting (created by an UK psychiatrist, a brainspotting on steroids!) , EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I had EMDR for my cptsd, worked brilliantly. Im nearly fifty now and i can finally manage things that ive lived with for years. The last two years have been the best for me.
Nice, congratulations, enjoy! Do you mind sharing what was the source of your trauma? I'm learning about cptsd and just curious
@@anapontopina86 I was raised in a cult, Jehovah's Witnesses.
@@1amjapan I'm sorry about that. Thanks for sharing
Dude if moving my eyes like that could make me feel better it would but it don't so thanks for that
@@jasonz9902 ikr,emdr is such bullshit
I attempted therapy a few times in the past for PTSD. The only thing I learned from my experience with therapist… my therapist were all crazier than me. 😳🤦🏻♀️
I'm having the exact same experience...I am seeking guidance from mental health professionals who imo are for the most part are distracted and don't have the ability to actually listen.. This job related for me, which means I have no choice but to keep going. It's literally crazy....
They are still human - like priests are still sinners, etc. The thing is though, there are those with narcissism who like to have power over their patients/clients. It's in Physical Medicine too. It's just exhausting. "Friends?" If people don't get to their roots, forget it. Every one is SO messed up. And addictions to screens is not making it any better.
Same here
and most are abusers themselves
@@GabrielleTollerson That is very true and has been my own personal experience of most therapists. Narcissistic abusers!
I am a physician, not practicing in Canada. I have CPTSD, and I realized our mental health medical knowledge is very little.
I have experienced it and live with it. It is a shame. There is no help out there for the traumatized people, even when it's CPTSD. There are alot of entitlement in the Mental Health Professions who fill out the DSM axis perfectly as an A+ assignment, but they don't know the basics of how trauma affects the body and neural system.
I could get better when I started studying CPTSD extensively. When I read about polyvagal theory and its clinical implications, It perfectly makes sense to me.
I will not forget the day that I went to the ER because of flashbacks and being accused of malingering or factitious. After administration, I was interrogated by an
in-patient psychiatrist every day when I was suicidal. She was looking to fill out her DSM axes based on the initial diagnosis which was malingering and factitious.
😢
Oh this. I have been thinkin about this.u r right
For the most part , modern psychiatry is criminal.
Axis *?
As someone with CPTSD also, I'm interested to hear your opinion and experience.
I feel like I'm teaching anyone I talk to about it what it is, including the 'medical' community. Why go get help from someone who doesn't know what I do about CPTSD?
I am sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. Every mental health professional should make their DSM assessment based on their own present moment encounter with a person. To just accept a prior DSM diagnosis is likely based on the pressure of the organization's time-limitations, or scarce resources allotted to the assessment segment of treatment. Or, because the therapist was never educated to the need to perform their own DSM diagnosis. Or perhaps the therapist, ideologically, does not believe in the DSM and ignores it. So there are many possible reasons. However, my thoughts are to always do one's own assessment and to look at the person's history. Initial diagnosis at the ER is just a "working" diagnosis.
Healing vs. Coping is the big issue.
Most therapists and psychologists can only help people to "cope" (i.e. manage the pain), because most of the time, they're approaching the issues more on a biological standpoint (e.g. depression is likely just a chemical imbalance in the brain). The field doesn't really look at humanity at a human level, such as systemic communities, existential crises (e.g. lack of meaning, lack of identity, lack of belonging), metaphysical aspects even, etc.
Instead, they view people as a complex system of bio-electrical signals that just need to be appropriatly regulated, with the right physical stimuli and/or chemical stimuli (e.g. pharmaceuticals).
Healing is an entirely different thing than coping.
And what is “Healing” exactly? Everyone on every video and every comment section says that bullshit. No ones healing….we are all dying.
95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom that dissolves once what is underneath is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol, but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc.
Thanks
Most of what passes as psychotherapy is unscientific biological manipulation and management of that stuff when it inevitably goes "wrong" cause it was the wrong approach to begin with. EMPATHY has been written entirely out of the picture cause apparently NO THERAPIST POSSESSES ANY. So therapists don't do psychotherapy and haven't been doing it for a long time. And when was the last time you called for a therapist and they actually ANSWERED THE PHONE? They put u off from the first second that horrible machine answers (options have changed don't we know) and then its downhill from there. THE WHOLE "PROFESSION" SHOULD BE MADE TOTALLY ILLEGAL. And in my state the ONLY thing a PhD psychologist does is "evaluate" for problems and then NO THERAPY. How degenerate. That's my evaluation of the whole diabolical and soul destroying industry. DON'T GO NEAR IT if u didn't hire his guy here. And he's not available.
I've been to 3 counselors in my life. One was antagonistic as soon as she found out I had religious beliefs. The other was nice "mindlessly agreeable, not helpful, but not an unpleasant experience. The third was indifferent and dissmisive. A doctor once told me I needed "psyche help and placeboes" and I'd bec"right as rain!". Aha! Why didn't I think of that!
As a child I was raised by 2 alcoholic narcissists, but, when my dad died, I was 8, a year older brother and a much younger sister, my mother brought a "not a good man" into our lives, who in short time devastated and figuratively "murdered" our pathetic little family. All the while I was in good and bad foster care, kidnapped and hidden from the other parent, moved dozens of times in a 12 year school period. New school each time. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. As anyone with C-PTSD knows.
Men and women like Mate have been so helpful to me in my 60s. I look back and realize I previpusly got better in many ways using honest and common sense, but, I still had plenty of issues and trauma that, even today, can interfere in my life. So thankyou to all the Gabir Mates online who are so helpful. I also really appreciate the Crappy Childhood Fairy. She is so very helpful. I am SO grateful for them all.
As I turn 70, living in a log home on a lake, enjoying daily kayak fishing, I am most blessed. I have lots of not unexpected health issues, but I'm not dying. I have few friends, true, but I have a wonderful husband for 33 years. Blessed, am I., as Yoda said. My siblings didnt fare are so well, psycholog8cally, but each still managed to find some love along the way.
I have come through fire, I am a survivor and a warrior! I used to tell people I was "born I to a hurricane and raised by tornadoes and escaped at 16". I didn't escape unscathed, I have my battle injuries and scars, but like a salmon swimmimg upstream to the spawning grounds, no jagged rock, no hungry bear, is keeping me from my Source of Healing, Jesus. He was with me before I ever knew Him! He is with me still.
Love the Catherine. Thanks for sharing and so glad you are finding healthy and that you are grateful. So important that you know who to thank and that you know who has been with you the whole time. Who else truly knows all you have experienced?
I had the opposite experience: religious therapists and psychiatrists who said stupid things like "it takes more faith to be an atheist" or that I should go to church for socialization.
@ghenulo I think I can understand your concerns and I sure wish it could have gone better for you. I'm a Bible believing follower of Jesus. I was 40 when I went into the church community, spent 12 years there, came out at 52, and I have not been back since, 16 years now. I don't hold with any belief system that says, "WE enlightened educated FEW must think for and direct YOU uneducated unenlightened MANY." Those souls can be found on both sides of the fence.
The thing is, psyche just means soul, and while I appreciate the men and women who work so hard to learn and understand, to share with intent to help others, the truth is, even the most degreed theologian or psychiatrist is still a flawed and fallible human. As am I. So, while I deeply appreciate the counsel I've received through the years from so many wise owls, religious or humanist, and just reject the often unkind and useless advice, even s9, if the good advice doesn't quite line up with God's advice on how to live my human life (I think of the Bible as a roadmap out of Hell) I reserve judgment and proceed with caution.
It's a journey... I wish you well.
@@catherinecastle8576Great story, I’m with you. A fellow traveller, may find comfort and meaning, through a defined faith. Or just, in the wonder of it all.
To be the cosmos, and a speck of dust.
Just be sure to share the love, and your lunch, with that fellow traveller.
There can be peace, in the world.
Hi Catherine, thank you for sharing your story. My story is very similar to yours. While there was no religiosity in my family, I did pray constantly as a young child for God’s help to stop the abuse. I went to church once with a childhood friend. After the service I asked the pastor if God could see everything in my life and he replied with a resounding yes! I was horrified that God was watching the constant SA assaults and doing nothing. That’s the day I became an atheist.
One thing I would like everyone to know is that “YOU ARE NECESSARY”. When failure at work or in a relationship hits and depression takes over, to cover anger, the first thing to leave is the sense that the person is actually needed in this world. Well the so called world is capable of lies! Put caring out there in that cold world. Just a casual recognition of how well someone does something can help a person who hasn’t heard a compliment ever after a lifetime of accomplishment in small but vital things. That includes yourself!
My example is this. As a young woman I was working at a difficult and thankless job and I was surrounded by mean spirited people all day. Next door lived a family with a child with Down’s syndrome. Every morning as I left for work, and every evening when I came home, there she was, stationed faithfully at the end of the sidewalk, smiling at me like I was the only person in the world! Made my day so much brighter. On some level she knew I needed her big smile. That is her accomplishment. It’s not all she has done with her life I am certain but she gave me something irreplaceable.
A WONDERFUL STATEMENT! I copied it for when I'm in a really bad place. THANK YOU
@@LisaFenton-h7f
Thank you. We need you and we need to be needed by you. Hugs.
Have had CPTSD and chronic depression - finally, between Somatic Experiencing and EMDR - I am now healed. I had to get to know myself as a healed person with a calm nervous system. It is possible - never give up because the rest of your life is a huge investment!
Thank you for hope 🙏🏾
I am so glad for you!
Dr. Mate' is very thorough and knowledgeable. He's the best I have found in dealing with trauma and just about any mental, emotional issues. His videos are excellent.
Really knowing and understanding yourself and what makes you tick is worth the effort to have a better quality of life.
Thank you for the encouraging words and positive experiences . I've heard of EMDR therapy working so I will try it .
I have been in and out of the 'mental health' 'system' here in the UK since the age of 18 (I'm now 65) I had no idea what was 'wrong' with me - apart from I was completely different than others. School was hell, I was unable to hold down a job, everywhere I went people turned on me - the list just goes on and on. I've been referred to many psychiatrists over the years that just ended up blaming me and prescribing SSRI's (that don't work) I was referred to the Portman Clinic in London (that was a nightmare) I was referred to the Maudsley National Trauma Centre in London (again, utter nightmare.)
I started seeing a private counsellor who happened to have trained in CPTSD! in my late 50's. Things started to make sense. Unfortunately I had to move and could no longer see her. I sought other counsellors but - the big but! - I basically had to teach them about childhood abuse - suggest books to read etc. Yes they still charged me (for teaching them??)
There is absolutely nil understanding here in the UK about developmental trauma! I have finally just started with a trauma trained counsellor! There is a lifetime of trauma to unpick.
Thank you for sharing. I am 61 years old and can relate and understand you, I hear you.
Life is quite a journey, you have been such a brave and courageous soul.
Holding you in my heart across the miles from Canada 🇨🇦
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting (one of the trainers is in the UK), Deep Brain Reorienting (created by an UK psychiatrist, a brainspotting on steroids!) , EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I had one that ended up betraying me in every way, walked out for another patient when I was crying uncontrollably over some trauma.and I actually purchased textbooks for him (with no reimbursement) because he didn't know anything. He owes me now. Wont answer the phone anymore. DON'T GET HURT people, Gabor isn't available for you.
From experience no one could heal me but myself. I was sexually abused as a kid for years and ended up in an 18 year abusive marriage. Everyone saw my pain but couldnt help me. I could only heal myself by loving myself first.
Yes, if you can love yourself, that is huge. I do not have that kind of Self energy.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She herself had borderline personality disorder and was raped and is now sharp and teaching about trauma and neurofeedback and Deep Brain Reorienting at age 84....
In my family, the past is anything that happened 20 minutes ago and we never speak about the past ever. We live in the now. We are all heavily traumatized. I rebelled and spoke frequently of my profound insights. I was ostracized and watched the same pattern repeat itself in the next generatioon. I learned to be an excellent communicator and realized that introspection and regulating emotions was a great place to start. With our current youtubers, I often get better insights that I ever did in therapy. It is not the the knowing of why your wounds came to being but in the rewiring of our internalized reactions that the healing starts in my opinion. Learning to put my needs first without feeling guilt was a huge task that required practice, consistency and intension.
Well said Claudia.
I went thru a bad divorce and went to couselling 14 times for an hour. I learned all about "repressed anger vs expressed anger." Just that really helped me understand my ex and myself. My ex refused to go (this is common,btw) and we divorced. But to this day, i feel bad for her. I learned so much about myself and she missed out and still does not understand herself. So i am a fan of good therapy, if the counselor is good.
I LOVE this man. FIRST- do not SHAME yourself for feeling.."I shouldnt be feeling this way! why am I still like this" vs what can i do to explore this and my feelings are valid. let's explore that further. Why am I feeling like this, Where did this come from what in my past has happened, is that true today, etc
Gabor is one of the best. He personally did the work and is one of those “wounded healers” as they say. He also did all the study and is extremely knowledgeable, intelligent and compassionate. A rare gem! 👍🙏✌️
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
Sadly, we have to figure this out on our own. I've been to numerous therapists for ocd, and none helped. What i learned from therapy is that therapy doesn't work. Save your money and save your time by avoiding therapy.
Did you try cognitive therapy with exposure therapy?
Exposure therapy with a very experienced therapist (psych nurse) who worked only with people with OCD, was what helped me. We just talked for a year before I dared to try exposure, though. I sometimes (after years of doing well) still relapse and need some more support therapy (like 4-5 hours), but as long as I can get that, I'm good as far as OCD is concerned. And I was extremely ill
It does work if you have a good therapist. When I was a teen with ocd, it helped me quite a bit just that my therapist would make me feel like a human being, I didn't have to feel so ashamed and inadequate. It is difficult to find, though. Nowadays, the way they try to beat each other in how much they cash from their patients and w*ore themselves out on the internet, it feels like the same cold-hearted narcissist game that almost everyone is playing, which makes me feel like I need even more therapy to deal with that cr**.
What helps me is that I can talk to a friend who has psychological issues as well, so he knows the struggle, without being defeatist. I am planning on trying to find a group therapy.
my philosophy as well. why go to therapy when there's fishing to do?
Cbt therapist here :)
Yes we have excellent results with ocd.
If you (OP) are in the U.K., please self refer to talking therapies (cbt for ocd).
therapy is a joke. you are getting played.... you dont have ocd... do better
I have had therapy for PTSD, depression and anxiety. My life has been about trauma. Much of my healing I did myself, if I ran into an impasse, I looked for therapy that was centred around healing the pain around my trauma. We often blame ourselves for what happened to us as children because we are dealing with it as a traumatised child, not as an adult. Putting the blame where it belongs, with the person who perpetrated the trauma, is the beginning. Talking about it is fine for a while, but we need to address the core issue.
you're absolutely right. too many people view it as "blame" when in reality our gaslit child selves are believing a completely false story about ourselves directly because of what the abusers said and did. we deserve to talk about that and process our anger about that without shame.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed. Talking is not reaching the areas where trauma is stored; check out: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
I am a somatic psychotherapist for 15 years in private practice and I train other professionals/psychs etc in trauma informed care. I agree wholeheartedly - managing symptoms through a crisis can be helpful but working on your core wounding in a trauma informed/safe way with a trusted professional is profoundly life-changing. It concerns me that so many 'professionals', especially here in Australia do not do their own therapy work and are not trauma trained. They may claim to be 'trauma informed' in their bio or profile but you really need to have done your own therapy work in order to be 'trauma informed' as a professional. Thank you Gabor Mate - your work has informed much of my own practice and I am grateful for that.
also look into brainspotting, one trainer that is now retiring, is Australian: Roby Abeles.
My psychotherapist told me she couldn't help me because I did so much great job myself. I didn't really agree because it's easier to speak with someone about the process. When I years later was contacted by the therapy clinic for psychological health, they just wanted to medicate me even if I've been struggling with severe contraindications from SSRI and Elvanse that gave me seratonergic disease. When I asked for psychotherapy they refused and said... We can't help you if you don't want medication. I knew that this was a sign that I was able to heal myself from trauma. So I've been healing for years by myself. If I didn't have any experience and tools as a registered nurse for helping and supporting others in crisis and trauma, I would have been able to do this work myself. I'm grateful for your videos that support me and confirms that I'm on the right track. Thank you for spreading this wisdom
🧡🌍🧡
I was prescribed an antidepressant for neuropathic pain and after two months I had to start cutting the pills. I'm in freeze mode and it got to a point I couldn't even move from the couch. I have tests to do and I'm sure I will be scowled for quitting the pills (I rather take mild pain killers than being rooting in my couch) and probably they will treat me like an arrogant who pretends to know better than doctors.
I have complex PTSD but in my files depression anxiety disorder is written and they won't erase those words ever.
@@Lyrielonwind It would be illegal to erase a diagnosis, but they are often changed by the next clinician to come along.
@@sandarahcatmom9897
I don't expect to have it changed and it's been a long time I don't take antidepressants. I think no one will. It's save them for problems and having that in your history, they can always dismiss you as...nuts. So my words don't count.
How? Can you please share your experience
I had severe seratonergic disease and they just switched pills without an explanation.Later on I had another one that put me into an agonizing cold turkey that everyone refused to do anything about. Everyone is super fast to put one on pills, and offer no help dealing with the side effect and withdraw later one. It almost feels that the education and guildlines they received are to produce addicts and that's all.
The end of this video left me in tears, I have to learn to reach out to my hurt inner child. Thank you.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times).
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
I'm starting to believe that there are a significant number of narcissistic therapists. I even suspect my last therapist to be a sadist. How else could she watch me cry, session after session, and not comfort me?
I'm currently being my own therapist with the help of the internet. I find IFS very helpful.
I'm sorry you felt unsupported by your therapist for crying. I can relate to that. Many of them are taught to just give you the space to cry so you don't feel rushed or shamed in your process. But yes, many of us needed support not invalidation. One of my clients, a man, started crying. He apologized for cxrying and I told him that it was okay that that is why I was there and that it was a safe place to cry.. I'm happy IFS is working for you. Just another aside though, in healing, we also need co-regulation. Which is being with a person who is safe to witness and be with us in our pain bc part of healing trauma, especially attachment trauma, is to connect w another safe person.
@@hshfyugaewfjkKS Thank you for your kind words. I just wonder how this is possible. In order to heal from your CPTSD, which prevents you from trusting anyone, you need to have a safe connection. To me, it's like saying, in order to heal from your addiction, you need to be clean.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Doing 1.5 years of CBT before healing my trauma was a tremendous waste of time at best, and re-traumatizing at worst. The CBT therapist was so incompetent he scoffed at my attempts to do my own research. Thankfully I figured I need to only work with people well-versed in complex trauma, or at least not entirely ignorant.
Today, therapists seem to be about CBT all the time, with no alternatives. Honestly, CBT is useful for certain issues, to a certain point. For basic depression and generalised anxiety, it has its uses. But not much for trauma or for specific phobias. Yet they try to apply it there, too. Like in the past, it was all about psychoanalysis, digging into the past and the fault parents, now it's all about CBT being the panacaea. And if the therapist thinks your symptoms don't exactly fit the criteria, they won't diagnose you with a condition, even if you know in your heart, that that is what you have. So then you get no diagnosis, therefore no proper recognition of your suffering, and so they just try CBT as usual, which doesn't work for this deep-seated issue you have, which actually pervades your personality, and is way more than just a mood or a negative thought pattern to be fixed with some 'correct' thinking.
One, of the many, things I admire about Dr. Mate is his use of language. He shows that using different words or in different ways can change everything.
Such an excellent point."There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in." Desmond TuTu
Gabor Mate is a joy to behold. He is SO good at what he does.
As a CPTSD survivor, and after decades of minimally helpful therapy, I decided to become a trauma informed coach after doing my own healing. People can't heal without body based and nervous sytem help. I go to the root of the problem w my clients. We don't just talk about your week. (That used to drive me crazy bc I never GOT anywhere w my therapists each week and thought I was broken.) If you are working on getting support, don't let one or two underqualified counselors deter you from looking. There is good help available. Just make sure the support you get is trauma informed!
Any ideas on how to help someone who has delusional thoughts from creating an alternate reality because the trauma is too painful?
Yes, I am also training to become a trauma coach.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
I LOVE THIS!! I went through 3 years of upper graduate work to become psychotherapist, and never once did I learn about anything other than a brief talk about PTSD. But like he said, I never learned anything about trauma, not a single thing. Fortunately, the fourth year was practicum and internships, and that started right as the world shut down in 2020, and I ended up quitting the program. As I learned more and more about trauma, I realized I did not want to be a psychotherapist. I was in therapy for years and years and felt like I was more neurotic after. And I finally understood. We never addressed those triggers and traumas, we just talked about how to manage the symptoms. I’m so glad that more information is coming out about this!
Yes, look into becoming a wellness coach or a trauma coach, instead. I would not study psychology even if they gave me a million dollar. It would be as if I were to study Newton in the era of Einstein.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
People have often told me throughout my life that I would make a good therapist. Given my own personal experiences with actual therapy, I would never want to go into the profession. It is full of corrupt unethical narcissists, who know absolutely nothing about trauma or the basic life experiences of some of their most traumatized clients in need of help.
Good video...one of the biggest challenges too is that people who need therapy from a therapist with trauma training and expertise may not realize they have suffered trauma and sometimes it is not even revealed during therapy itself.
Yes, the avoidant attachment style is the worst to have and is incompatible with self-awareness and healing. Frankly, it is outright dangerous for the society, as hard to treat as the narcissitic personality disorder. I met two semi-retired therapists who denied trauma; one came online after a three-day online training crying and said: I did not know how much trauma I had. On the first day, he said: I was deployed in this war X, but it did not affect me... Whoa, what a strong protective mechanism these people have to deny their own truth...
There are 70 years of research on attachment styles and relational trauma summarized with brain scans by Allan Schore (TH-cam: Allan Schore: A Critical Period for Shaping Our Emotional Selves and Social Brains - Per Christian Dahl Barn 2017).
We are born with healthy anger to protest when our needs are not met. It is very easy to traumatize a developing brain, such as an unresponsive mom- see the still face experiment -TH-cam. If the parent is responding to our needs when we fuss and cry, especially in the first year of life, we develop secure attachment (to self and others), have emotional self-regulation, low chance of chronic illness and our physiological state (the Polyvagal Theory) tends to be ventral vagal parasympathetic (rest/digest).
If not, you get insecure attachment, which means low emotional self-regulation and high chance for decreased longevity and chronic illness.
If we cry and the caregiver is available intermittently, we get activated on the sympathetic with anger and anxiety and we develop insecure attachment: preoccupied/clingy.
If we cry and the caregiver “never” shows up, we learn to dissociate, deaden our bodily sensations and develop avoidant attachment, with activation in the dorsal vagal parasympathetic or freeze response (depression). These people think they are independent and self-sufficient, but they are just numb and in denial. They are into tattoos and piercings, but also extreme sports, sadomasochism, emergency medicine professions, financial speculations at Wall Street, the ones ordering genocide and war, for a high dose of adrenaline and dopamine to feel alive. Most scientists and doctors are here, denying their own humanity and others’.
If the parents were scary, the infant develops disorganized attachment, a mix of ambivalent and avoidant. You have here the they/them pronouns, the formerly, multiple personality disorder (DID now).
But, you don’t need trauma to mess up a baby, all you need is a withdrawal mother. See the Family Pathways Study at Harvard, led over twenty years, on suicidality and borderline personality. Imagine the terror of abandonment in a baby left alone to self soothe and sleep alone when she/he cannot move. That creates a pre-affective shock in the superior colliculi and then an emotional response in the periaqueductal gray. At an extreme, his/her body shuts down in Sudden instant Death Syndrome. I blame the medical community that tells the parents to do that to teach a developing brain emotional self-regulation on its own!
You can undo preverbal stress and limitations: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
All I can say is WOW. Dr. Mate is incredible. The image of the child protecting me almost made me cry.
Yep... read: No Bad Parts, by Richard Schwartz.
I am a psychotherapist with a PhD. I have been working for about 30 years in my field. Dr. Mate is complete right. I worked alongside a psychiatristt at a major university and they had no interest in psychology or teaching psychologists and budding psychiatrists how to do therapy. They were taught how to use their prescription pad to solve every problem they might face. I was never taught about trauma therapy until about 4 years ago and then it was part of a course I had in neuroscience, I am a much better therapist now than I was before I learned to apply trauma theory to something besides war veterans and rape victims. Fortunately, I knew about compassion therapy a long time ago. Ultimately, how much good therapy one can do is dependent on what kind of insurance people have, if they have any. Insurance companies rule the world of healthcare. Thank you, Dr. Mate for speaking out.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
@@AdaAdi77 CLASS ACTIONS against the whole VILE ILLEGAL PRACTICE of modern "psychotherapy". The designation itself is a lie/crime. Nobody cares about anyone's mental health anymore, let alone their precious "psyche". The savage economy and attitude towards the environment or civil issues...proves that. Beware beware beware!!!!! And don't ever get hurt in any way because you need employment and flawed people's incomes reflect their relative unsuitability to LIVE. When we see the correlation charts there will be direct perfect correlations between levels of brain damage/trauma and income, levels of suffering from just daily life...and income. The more hurt u are the less ability to CHANGE ANYTHING. Time to sue our fraudulent DIETY!!!
the part about the inner critique we have internallised from when we are young. I never realised that we can talk back to it, and even get to know it! Im so busy trying to shut mine up and prove it wrong, obsessed with overachieving to prove it wrong that I am now finally a capable adult! I never even though for a second to be emathetic towards it, wow my mind is blown!
Yes, read the book: No Bad Parts, by Richard Schwartz. It is there to protect you, even if stupid. :) Also, check out these modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Dr Gabor Mate is an international treasure! Thank you for this segment!
I am so grateful to have found a wonderful therapist and this came through having a great doctor.
that is rare...
I miraculously stumbled on an awesome psychotherapist. I knew nothing about therapy and counseling. Years later, I'm healing from the traumas and the damage done from not forming a secure attachment. He's a rare find, a master jedi in the mental health industry, and I'm so thankful for the journey I'm on.
What’s his name?
I’m so happy for you!
@@promiseofaponyWhy would someone share on social media their therapists name?!
Took me 30 years to find one of these. They're out there but incredibly rare. To find them I had to figure out my own correct diagnosis and then search for that specialty. Took way more of my own work and knowledge that I just happened to stumble upon to even find the help I needed. Profession is in a sad state.
Therapists are publicly listed on the website of their governing bOdy. So giving out the name is fine.
I feel for me CBT and my therapist is helping because I came to a point where I couldn't name what was happening to me, I didn’t understand my feelings and needs, I couldn’t really live my life. I stayed for years with the statement "I had a terrible childhood, I have to be compassionate".
But the fact for me is that compassion comes with also teaching the wounded child that what he/she feels is not the ultimate truth. So you have to push, with awareness and equanimity, to come out of your present reality, to change our childhood perspective that we project into day to day life. To show the kid that he/she is able to love and be loved, that he/she is worthy of a happy life, worthy of beautiful, healthy relationships and experiences with others and ourselves.
So CBT for me IS dealing with the symptoms but the core wound at the same time. It's reinforcing the forgotten fact that WE ARE worthy of love by facing those fears, exposing ourselves to what really frightens us and finding out that it is not really what the child believed.
And let's say for some people CBT doesn't really help with the core wound, like Gabor says, you would still have some mental/emotional space from dealing with the heavy symptoms to create more awareness of the underlying cause. However I still think that the symptoms are not like some people describe them; just different, random infinite expressions of the wound that never ends (it feels like it never ends and it feels like a burden when you don't acknowledge them). Once you know the core wound and you start acknowledging your triggers in your everyday life, you'll see that at the end is 2 or 3 big believes that are expressing over and over again. Then you have like a map of your triggers and reactions. You learn to know yourself therefore how to deal/love yourself.
We are all different though. I just hope we are all in our way to a happy, peaceful life.
I had the experience of being in a treatment program years ago where they tried to fix everything with group therapy. They didn't get to the root of the problems these people were trying to deal with at all. It was like sticking a band aid on a wound that needed treatment.
Group therapy can be very powerful. Especially when you are lacking community in your life. But group therapy usually doesn't go very deep to protect the others in the group. Ideally you do both, group and individual therapy. I hope you are doing better now ❤
@@lianevoelker9845 Thank You. This was years ago, and I did find my way to better therapy. The group therapy can only be a good as the training the person running the group. This situation was with a social worker with limited training and relied on what she knew gestalt therapy and being confrontational with her clients. She wanted fast results so she could think she was the miracle worker. She may have gotten some limited short-term results, but it did not address the underlying issue. I can understand exactly what Dr Mate is talking about in the video.
Me too
The entire health care system is about putting a bandaid on a gushing wound. It’s crazy!
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Some of us CBT Clinicians were also trained in Behavioral Medicine which does address self-regulation and the mind-body approach to wellness. Our for-profit 'healthcare' system of managed care, dominated by insurance companies, promotes psychiatry and medication to the exclusion of other treatment modalities. In other words, we can't reliably get paid.
We have to be compassionate to ourselves. Thanks Gabor. Much love. 🙏💖🌄
It’s only after ten years of weekly psychotherapy that I think I am realising that (for me) talking about my feelings has become my number one strategy to avoid feeling them.
I did that for years. I intellectualized everything to avoid feeling.
Damm
Thought provoking insight- thank you
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times). On your own, google EFT tapping videos and see what you resonate with. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
My sister, who has had a LOT of trauma in her life, also unfortunately lives in a state notorious for poor medical care (fortunately she's in a lovely town, but still). Her last breakdown was severe. There were ZERO psychiatrists or psychologists within 100 miles available to take a new patient. She spent >1 year talking, instead, to a SOCIAL WORKER (my sister has a doctorate in the Humanities and is very open and accepting of others). This 'therapist' was actually *LESS than helpful* Thank you, Dr Mate; your podcasts have helped our whole family better understand trauma and its side-effects, including addiction. *Yours is a voice of reason and kindness, in what feels like an increasingly unreasonable and unkind world* 💜
Thanks, you sound like talking about my sister, wow.
I guess we learnt too much to depend on so-called professionals instead of trusting our own wisdom inside. Gems like Gabor Maté & others who truly know what they are doing in helping to heal, are so helpful❤
Take care & keep healing ❤️🩹🌱🌳
@@pliefting1007 I think that, while we all have compassion and have been through a lot, we often misinterpret all of our 'experience ' as = "wisdom". There is something to be said for the science of mental health, and those who study it. I wish 'they all' had the wisdom and heart of Gabor Mate ❤
You take care too! And - always - keep healing 💓
p.s. In no way did I intend to cast any shade on Social Workers with my comment above. I just wanted to point out that trauma can be so debilitating, but - unlike many disabilities - there is the potential for recovery *with the proper support system* And, especially wanted to make the point that our society could only be *better* if we had more professionals specifically *trained* in things like Trauma, Addiction, and Recovery, including Social Workers, police, medical professionals, EMT responders, etc ❤🩹 (and that, perhaps insurance companies shouldn't send the insured to the wrong professionals)
@@cecilybumtrinket1986
I recognize what you're saying 👍 The positive side is that nowadays generations are starting to heal from all kinds of trauma (incl collective) and we can talk about this way better than our parents’ generation and theirs.
It’s getting more understood and acknowledged.
Mental/emotional problems can be very complicating and exhausting.
Got to go 😉
All the best ❤️🩹💖
He won't read this. Watch your energy. Blessings.
Body Psychotherapy: Somatic experiencing, Trauma release exercise, eye movement integration, mindfulness, all the therapies that value the body and the stored trauma within it need to be accessed without going into the trauma narrative fixed by long term cognitive therapy is such a beautiful self-regulating and empowering journey for all my clients even in one session discharge and relief leads to resilience
Aw you guys ya know if being hard on yourself worked, you'd be better by now. Take it easy and take kind care of you 💜💜💜💜
I am student of Psychoanalysis. I have struggled with mental illness my entire life. Primarily major depression with schizoid features. That has been in remission for a few years now. I was seeing a therapist whom I resonated with and through medication and basically CBT, the depression etc. went into remission. During that time I have absorbed at least 4000 hours ranging from Freud to Lacan, and it was the psychoanalytic insight that I brought to my therapist that finally began to produce "healing". Modern therapy doesn't get into object relations, attachments, psychological constructs, separation and individuation or exploration of primary needs and where they fell short. My experience with many therapists was a symptom management approach, but all the old wounds would resurface in relationships with others whether intimate or not.
I'm realizing I've been ruled by rejection anxiety. Thankfully, I'm able to see this in another new context which is understanding Narcissism. There is a growing movement of psychologists explaining Narcissistic Personality Disorder through the lens of what they call "narcissistic abuse."
Narcissists are truly crazy people with terrible coping mechanisms for insecurity. They cope with insecurity by fabricating fantasy worlds in which they pretend they are the best. They construct and maintain these fantasies through comparison to others. They elevate themselves by minimizing others. To be good, somebody else must be bad. To win, somebody else must lose. To feel good, they must make somebody else feel bad.
I believe this is the source of a vast majority of insecurities in healthier people. We have narcissists in our childhood telling us everything is wrong with us -- rejecting us -- and doing so by framing themselves as perfect. We believe it all and spend our lives thinking we are imperfect and have to become perfect to live up to the narcissists.
The key is realizing that it's all a lie. Not only are the narcissists not perfect people or in a position to judge and demand we act perfect, they are the most imperfect of people. They are the last ones to be passing such judgements. And think about it -- would a healthy person act that way? Would somebody who is really better act so haughty and condescending? The very fact that they do it is the reason you should completely ignore them and not internalize it. And if you are the kind of person who does tend to internalize it, that's a sign that you are actually the better one. Rather than beating yourself up because insane bullies projected their insanity onto you, instead learn how (and when) to shut them out and instead embrace your good qualities.
I say "and when" because not all criticism comes from toxic people. Sometimes we should take criticism to heart when it is coming from truly decent people wanting to help us who have wisdom we can learn from. The key is learning to distinguish those people from narcissists, and a primary tool for doing that is in how they deliver the criticism. Look for the tendency of elevating oneself by minimizing others. And remember that isn't the same as being irritable. Somebody can be angry with you and raising their voice at you because you're acting badly, but that doesn't mean they're minimizing you to elevate themselves. My dad was a Marine Corps drill instructor when I was a kid and was hard on me, but it was because he was the best dad ever with a pure and kind heart who cared enough to be hard on me and I'm better for it.
I highly recommend checking out the discussion on narcissistic abuse. The leaders of the movement are Doctor Ramani and Surviving Narcissism. Both have youtube channels.
Truly excellent advice about how to cope with narcissistic abuse. You are absolutely right - would a healthy person treat you so badly? No, they wouldn't!! Great comments, thank you!
You are right on here. I’ve come to all the same conclusions… after coming to terms with a covert narc mother… Run form them, and other members of the family if you were the scapegoat. You took it all so the family could remain ‘intact’… there is nothing they won’t do to tare u apart. The more pure you are, the more darkened their hearts towards u. Look to the light, and loving others. And then, do all that’s in your power to destroy the rules and fake world they created for you in your own personal reality.
It's just another moral panic. Another ginned-up threat that locates evil safely outside ourselves. Being selfish and cruel does not a narcissist make.
Whereas a society-wide obsession with moral purity leads to mass insanity and institutionalized abuse. If you've been traumatized, seek help along Dr Mateé's lines.
Demonizing, pathologizing, or otherwise dehumanizing an abuser serves no purpose except to buttress a false need for idealized moral superiority.
What everyone really needs is a true validation of the intrinsic worth that is our birthright, and to eventually face the truth about ourselves and others.
i knew you were a liberal when i read the word narcissist
Oops, red flag: dad that was hard on you and good parent? Nope! Good parents are loving, not disciplinarian. Please look into these modalities: : brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times).
On your own, you can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. This is prefaced by the psychiatrist who co-created the diagnosis of PTSD and then of complex PTSD.
This book also was of a great help in understanding even falsely looking qualities (my compulsion to help others, coming from having been a parentified child): "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship".
This is another great book: "The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self".
Narcissists were victims themselves. But no parent destroys his/her kids on purpose. All it takes to traumatize a developing brain is a two-minute inexpressive parent - see the still face experiment at Harvard (Edward Tronick). This is the intergenerational transmission of trauma. I personally do not like the backlash on narcissists; they only attract people without self esteem, so, if you want to blame someone, it should be the parents of those victimized by narcissists. Normal people do not end up with narcissists... Why do people feel attracted to narcissists? What are they missing from their childhoods to fall prey? (Disclaimer: i had two partners who were NPD, but it was my mom and dad who killed my self-esteem.) And you cannot blame the parents as they did their best. Mate' emphasizes that; there is responsibility and no blame... His mother did not want to give him trauma and ADHD, right?
As a physician who was bullied then mobbed early on I started seeing my talk therapy psychoanalyst psychiatrist 3 times a week to accomplish whatever the organization needed of me as I loved my job. Well I still ended up getting mobbed isolated and terminated and she then was rather traumatizing even saying she hasn’t heard me take accountability and imho counter projections. She was often unfamiliar with terminology and I now feel she contributed to the trauma and really only focused on appointments and scheduling. 2.5 years with a trauma informed therapist only to have severe workplace induced cptsd
I went to a therapist claiming to be experienced in trauma and she suggested Reiki, because that was her side hustle.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, not to be fixed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol; EFT tapping on your own with videos from online.
wow lol
Absolutely true sadly! I worked with trauma patients and was told by my supervisor that on confidential reviews many patients said I had saved their lives! Only half a dozen of us experts on island. I live on Maui and there is very very unfortunately a plethora of new age faux licensed therapists!!! 😢 Same situation on the mainland- if a therapist doesn’t ’get you’ on the first appt- RUN 🏃
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
omg when you said the “stupid friend” I remember I used to almost narrate to myself, like I even remember there were times where it was me talking to myself but it was me answering basic questions, what are you doing and why, and that phrase just made that like light bulb instantly go off so thank youu sm for that
Yep... See, No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz or Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher.
Funny, it was the word no that triggered my spiritual awakening. Came from my then husband who had found another woman. I felt rejected, jealous, abandoned etc and it was my inner child was screaming at me to pay attention. It’s building up your self worth, and nurturing your injured little child inside of you that will slowly get you to love yourself again
how did you nurture your inner child? How are you sure you are nurturing her and not into spiritual bypassing?
I'm so glad I saw this video. I've just finished a 12-week set of 'so-called' trauma therapy via the British NHS provision. It was no different from any other standard counselling session I have had in the past. I was gutted to find out that now having finished the sessions I have no new insight into trauma recovery than I did before I started. This needs to be rectified quickly as trauma-based mental health is a growing problem in all parts of the world, as seen from the horrific behavioural problems that are being exhibited by people who need real help.
I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
I've been in recovery for 38 years and hear the same things around the tables from my teachers, mentors and occasional entertainers. If I've learned anything it is, there are no coincidences, every experience is an opportunity to learn and it seems the more painful, the greater need for intro or retrospection, that I am a grain of sand just like all the other beautifully unique grains of sand, Love is a verb when you spent your life saying but not feeling it, sorrow is inevitable and suffering necessary, joy is fleeting as it should be, seek contentment instead.
How are you now?? How's ur experience...do u take any meds?
I've started a course of sound therapy. After one session had a breakthrough about boundaries and triggers and what to do.
Another critical modality is the Dynamic Neural Retraining System. Especially crucial for people suffering physical ailments due to trauma. Saved my husband’s life. Most trauma cannot be treated through cognitive methods. Consider learning how to rewire the brain.
Yes, also Gupta Program. Also: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Dr Gabor - you are a gem and a genius- saying it like it is - the metaphor of the trigger vs the size of the rifle - hit something in me - we all get triggered and bear trauma ,some carry it well , others or at differing times differently so. However asking to learn from our own triggers and being open and gentle to ourselves is the key to opening the doors of our “walls” and understanding who we really are . The childhood choice or perspective about what a childhood “friend “ is , a shadow to converse with and how old we were when that “imaginary companion” came into being is profound , as an only child it rings so true and real . All I can do is say thank you very,very,much - your insights are a godsend - a real island oasis in a sea of turbulent emotions . Gratitude 🙏
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
We can talk about all different kinds of therapeutic methodologies and modalities, but research has consistently shown that the most curative factor in therapy is the relationship between therapist and patient. You can have all the technique in the world, but if you can't empathize with the patient, or if you can't "reach" the patient on an emotional level, then all that technique is for nought.
In a course I did they said the research shows the 3 best predictors of a therapist's success is 1. Their ability to build rapport (as you say), they are using the appropriate modality (as Gabor says) and how much work they have personally done on themselves.
I feel that so much of what Mr. Mate says is spot on but I have one spot where I feel stuck. I have gotten better and better at asking questions...genuinely asking...about where my triggers come from. They often refer back to earlier traumas in my life. So, a small external trigger can make something flare up in me and it's useful for me to "own" the mechanism in me that leads to depression, anger, defensiveness, etc.
But abuse is still abuse and abandonment is still abandonment. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abuse, not just me making a mountain out of a molehill. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abandonment, not me just inflating nothing into something.
In other words, if my emotional internal expression is just a flare up from past memories it makes sense that I regulate my emotions to a level appropriate to the present moment situation. But what if my emotional expression is an accurate response to the present-moment situatuon?
I feel outraged by so many ways that people treat each other in modern society. I think the world is sick in many ways. I don't want to overreact to things, but I also don't want to underreact to real harmful action. So much "regulation" of emotions seems to be built into this system in which modern life trauma is meted out and we're not supposed to speak up or express ourselves. Beng angry, sad, and disappointed about inhumane forms of human interaction is NEEDED. My emotions make me feel like the proverbial canary in the coal mine. They don't necessarily feel good but they are a warning light that I desperately feel needs to remain on as long as these conditions prevail.
How do I find healing and safety in my own individual self and life without abandoning my sensitivity to what is unhealthy in the systems around me?
Somatic therapy
@@sarahandrews1124 Can you say more about this? IS this a suggested answer to my last question?
The callousness of the people who we are forced to surround ourselves by can be so hurtful and triggering. When someone is being especially awful, I find myself unable to speak in the moment and it is frustrating. I would love to be able to talk back, but in a rational and calm manner which I think is important for people to take you seriously. If you have an outburst in response, usually these types of people think of it as a victory for themselves or use it against you. I think these people can be put in their place with words (as long as you won't be hit which was something that happened to me when I was little so that's part of why my body won't let me speak anymore), but it's important to find the way to say it clearly with purpose and intent. If you let your emotions flare up too much, then you can find it harder to win the argument. I found that I am getting better at it when I allow myself to speak up during arguments that are less consequential or upsetting. This way you can get practice in a less triggering environment.
Amazing! I feel the same and that is why I am not ready to let go and heal. There is a part of me that does not want me to heal, lest I forget or lest I become complicit in the atrocities and stupidity that I see everywhere.
But you cannot help much from a position of empathy, where you are dragged down at the level of the sufferer. You can only help from a position of compassion or love in the face of suffering, of acceptance. So, if you can, heal yourself first so you can help others lift with you. These are valid modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
This short video on youtube is a great way of seeing things: After Skool: Ram Das: How to Keep an Open Life in Hell.
The way my sister, an MD, put it is that I do not need to be always on the defensive in case I see injustice to intervene, which I do. I have to live my life peacefully and train in martial arts! :) Then, I could really intervene when needed. Now I am overwhelmed and ineffective.
The problem is that right now you are an open wound and overreacting because so much injustice was done in the preverbal period. This is what happened (I am combining the polyvagal theory and ideas from this amazing book: "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship"). For another absolute gem, see this book: "Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma: Calming The Fear-driven Brain" (She had BPD and was raped and now is 84 and full of energy teaching about neurofeedback and Deep Brain Reorienting).
There are 70 years of research on attachment styles and relational trauma summarized with brain scans by Allan Schore (TH-cam: Allan Schore: A Critical Period for Shaping Our Emotional Selves and Social Brains - Per Christian Dahl Barn 2017).
We are born with healthy anger to protest when our needs are not met. It is very easy to traumatize a developing brain, such as an unresponsive mom- see the still face experiment -TH-cam. If the parent is responding to our needs when we fuss and cry, especially in the first year of life, we develop secure attachment (to self and others), have emotional self-regulation, low chance of chronic illness and our physiological state (the Polyvagal Theory) tends to be ventral vagal parasympathetic (rest/digest).
If not, you get insecure attachment, which means low emotional self-regulation and high chance for decreased longevity and chronic illness.
If we cry and the caregiver is available intermittently, we get activated on the sympathetic with anger and anxiety and we develop insecure attachment: preoccupied/clingy.
If we cry and the caregiver “never” shows up, we learn to dissociate, deaden our bodily sensations and develop avoidant attachment, with activation in the dorsal vagal parasympathetic or freeze response (depression). These people think they are independent and self-sufficient, but they are just numb and in denial. They are into tattoos and piercings, but also extreme sports, sadomasochism, emergency medicine professions, financial speculations, for a high dose of adrenaline and dopamine to feel alive. Most scientists and doctors are here, denying their own humanity and others’.
If the parents were scary, the infant develops disorganized attachment, a mix of ambivalent and avoidant. You have here the they/them phenomenon or DID (formerly, multiple personality disorder).
You don’t need trauma to mess up a baby, all you need is a withdrawal mother. See the Family Pathways Study at Harvard, led over thirty years, on suicidality and borderline personality. Imagine the terror of abandonment in a baby left alone to self soothe and sleep alone when she/he cannot move. That creates a pre-affective shock in the superior colliculi and then an emotional response in the periaqueductal gray. At an extreme, his/her body shuts down in Sudden instant Death Syndrome. I blame the medical community that tells the parents to do that to teach a developing brain emotional self-regulation on its own!
I experienced more trauma healing from one session with a woman making vibrations with crystal bowls than in two consecutive years of DBT. The therapy wasn't useless but it definitely didn't heal the trauma. Only helped manage the symptoms and manifestation of the trauma. More surviving not thriving and all that.
Sorry, but I spent 8 years in therapy with someone who had lived through and was very aware of the trauma dynamics I was living through. They helped me a lot, and he recommended CBT, which was new at the time, but he'd "heard good things" about it. I had nothing left to lose. My family was comprised of abuse survivors with personality disorders, not that I knew the personality disorder part. The CBT absolutely had a huge amount to do with helping me on every level, with many different problems I was having. I did it for hours a day, in between college classes, for at least a year. It resolved my profound social anxiety that was again, such a new idea no one knew what to call it. It lifted depressive episodes. And it helped me get to the root of my self esteem issues. My therapist didn't subscribe to the one size fits all therapy script, and neither do I. My life is living proof.
Well done!
I am a cbt therapist. I’m not sure why we are getting dragged by Gabor mate.
Majority of my clients recover from ptsd, social anxiety etc.
I am sad for those who have not had the same experience as you.
@@Anne-ku3lj CBT helped me as well, but mostly with my severe social anxiety. I find it's not helping with my other issues, but in that one area it has been a huge help. I used to stress vomit when I needed to go somewhere there would be a lot of people. Which really hinders my goal of having a normal life. So, I would say that it has been very beneficial to something that was debilitating and needed immediate attention.
@@mothdust1634 Complex ptsd used to be treated by a different therapy entirely, that was not so effective. CBT is slowly beginning to incorporate it. Tim fletcher has an excellent TH-cam channel, dedicated to complex trauma.
It may mean you had access to Self, which many complex trauma cases do not have (see: Internal Family Systems). There are ways to check if you are truly healed or your trauma is dormant underneath. Do you have secure attachment now (to self and others)? If yes, it worked. If not, it's just coping. I got rid of agoraphobia in one session of hypnosis, but I am not healed. I do not have depression anymore, but I am not healed. If it is superficial, your body may act up sooner or later. Again, it is really easy to determine. Look for a attachment style questionnaire. Also, try a few sessions of these: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback. If nothing comes up, then you are truly processed and integrated.
But it is tricky. I saw at a multiple-day training for therapists that I audited as student one semi-retired psychologist who was beautiful, exuding calm and love. I "fell in love" with this person's energy instantly. Then, I heard them say: "I do not have any trauma, I am happy, love my family and friends, I have a great life". I believed that. Then, my jaw dropped when they said: "I was in the X war, but it did not affect me because I was in the navy reserves and did not disembark." WHOA! Denial much??!! On the last day, they were in tears: "I did not know how much trauma I had." My friends asked: "Isn't it bad that trauma came to the surface? Wasn't it better that it be left unstirred?" Nope! cuz that is a dormant volcano and then it wakes you up with cancer, Alzheimer's, lupus, multiple sclerosis etc... So beware of the false calm.... Maybe it is true calm, but after that experience, I realized there was a very fine line between secure attachment and avoidant attachment (characterized by denial and lack of self awareness). The attachment style is formed in the first year of life. It can be changed, but it is the most important indicator of emotional self-regulation, longevity and lack or presence of chronic illness. There are 70 years of research on this. There are only four types of us: secure and insecure (preoccupied, avoidant and disorganized).
IFS by Richard Schwartz is a wonderful thing. As a primer for the curious I'd recommend the books "Self Therapy" by Jay Earley, and "No bad parts" by Richard Schwartz, which are also available as audio books.
Insurance... lack of quality Insurance and support for the patients who need it the absolute most.... that is why modern therapy is a joke
outside the system is the only place of reality (and that's not even perfect, but...expecting the system to help with anything that is not an urgency or emergency? ..)
No, I paid on credit over $25,000 in two years for private therapy. I now have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries, consulting "the best", that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so.
My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors is now what prevents them from popularizing modalities that help childhood trauma. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
Therapy helped me a lot, mainly because it brought the stuff I needed to work on into focus, the real healing was my own doing and it's still going on. I think people need to accept responsibility for where they are now, not hold themselves at fault if they were abused or traumatized, but accept that this is where they are now and work on improving themselves, learn to be okay with things not being okay. Ain't easy but a helluva lot better than living life with the higher levels of anxiety and depression that come along with not doing the work, imo. Take care everyone.
After almost 10 years of talk therapy and just getting through whatever way I could. I was assigned to a trauma specialist. He first tried EMDR but settled on IFS.
IFS saved my life. It helped me to connect with myself and help me face my fears. It helped me bring forth so many things buried deep.
I was on the path to a career patient and now for the 1st time in 10 yrs I feel free and yes more work to be done. I wake in terror sometimes. But I am so grateful to wake up happy I am alive.
I was sexually abused by my mom and her boyfriend when I was 8. The so called therapist said the worst thing that ever happened to her was she moved away from her friend when she was a girl that was pretty traumatic for her. She had no idea how to talk to me. Thanks va
Ive been doing better since i stopped seeing a psychiatrist but having somatic therapy with social workers has helped me lots more
also check out: brainspotting, EEGer neurofeedback, Deep Brain Reorienting.
I do wish Dr Mate would mention psychoanalysis- maybe he does in the full interview - it is the oldest game in town and still the best (when done with an informed, up-to-date, and experienced practitioner).
The work of Byron Katie, is called enquire. She has been teaching the 4 steps. I think Gabor has spent time with Katie. She saved my life. Brilliant work.
I have been to codependency treatment at the Meadows in AZ years ago after many years in AA. Best thing I’ve done - they do get down to the anger and work through childhood trauma. But, like anything else very expensive. 😢
The solution to the sickness of egotism is to surrender. Details are in the book "Living the Mystery of Life" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. "Fighting the wounds of the past will only deepen those wounds. Relaxation is the method that heals the wounds of the mind, not reaction." - Amma (Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi)
Surrender? I agree.
Surrender, service to humanity,
ultimately to God the Absolute from which everything emanates.
This world is a place of suffering essentially, happiness is in trying to transcend the miseries inflicted by our bodies, minds, others and nature herself.
It's really nice listening here and reading the comments.
Ravi Shanker? Wow what a wonderful musician.
I needed to hear this. Just started therapy again and I'm kinda raw and easily triggered these days. My soul needed to hear this. Thank you.
Everyone types on the computer, never looks up, and prescribes meds like candy playing with people. This only happens IF you can actually get in to see someone. There are a lot of people suffering because most doctors don’t know anything other than how to Google meds.
Yes... we need to fight back as we are many...I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma from therapists. It is my experience over 30 years and in three different countries that 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. Most psychiatrists are the scum of the Earth, mentally sick people with power, who pathologize, medicate and gaslight. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it and, in fact, it should be mandatory for all in health care; Fisher treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc. She had borderline personality disorder and was raped, but she is now bright and energetic, teaching neurofeedback at age 84 or so. My doctor is a specialist in environmental medicine and is also an EMDR provider and focuses on physical illness caused by the first environment: the family. He is the only one who does that in my province in Canada and is close to retirement; none of his doctor residents want to follow in his steps and his colleagues refuse the science. He said he did not understand the reticence of his fellow MDs. That is why I think this is criminal and can only be resolved with a class action suit. It is not lack of information. It is refusal of information; at that kind of power that these individuals have, stupidity is a luxury. I had three friends who suicided, people die of cancer every second - and other childhood trauma illnesses, we are close to ecocide, nuclear war, all because healing is kept away from the population. It is not only financial interest and greed, but mostly avoidant attachment style; it is my hypothesis that most professionals were neglected as babies and their bodies shut down and they dissociated from their humanity and intellectual curiosity, a protective mechanism that helped them cope with the realization of their parents being tormentors. This needs legal action as these people cannot awaken to truth on their own. They say the past is the past and we need to do meditation and exercise, maybe nutrition, but that is it. The former surgeon general of California, Nadine Burke Harris, mentions this resistance to discussions on trauma in her book: The Deepest Well.
It's important to differentiate helping from healing. Helping means, you keep up the wall that protects you from the trauma and the feelings that are connected with the trauma, and it helps you to feel better for a while. If you want to heal you have to break down the wall and experience all these feelings an you have to accept that you are healing through them and not from them. It is moving in the opposite direction. Most Therapist are really good in helping their patients. 🤨
Therapists are CRAZIER than the patients...
SO true. When I was first studying psychology as an undergraduate, I had a new diagnosis for myself every few weeks ;-). Some of them were correct.
Yes, I have a ton of iatrogenic trauma because of them. 95% of therapists and doctors are criminally incompetent because they refuse the connection between childhood and chronic illness. We need a class action suit against the licensing bodies that keep us in trauma. There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, not to be fixed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Safe and Sound Protocol, but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available. This book (Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma by Sebern Fisher) is the most beautiful ever, I highly recommend it; she treated juvenile delinquency, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly, multiple personality disorder, autism etc.
@@AdaAdi77 I'm so sorry. Yes, when I was a therapist, I often felt like my clients were drowning and I was describing the water. I hated it. I'm glad to have given it up now.. We need community, not doctors. We need Methaxis - and what Martin Buber wrote about God the energy that passes between people. Also helps to enjoy art. Whatever art you enjoy - music, drawing, gardening. Being aware of how it makes you feel. And Viktor Frankl or Gabor Mate.
The best moment in therapy for me was when my therapist asked me how old I felt during a session when I was highly emotional. It all clicked. This part of me is still young and stunted. Growing the parent within me to be kind to that small angry/sad piece of me is my treatment path. Why don’t more therapists use this? I had one therapist end our series by saying she has a family and a nice house and does nice things and I could do the same. It was crystal clear she hadn’t listened or understood that that her way of life is not my answer to happiness at all during the 4 hours collectively we spent together. She didn’t learn and I didn’t either. I hated her in that moment. Waste of time
Something that might be helpful for anxiety/depression:
- focus only on a repeated sound and an image in your mind. While avoiding getting distracted by idle thoughts
- breathe fully and steadily through the nose to assist in oxygenating the brain
- allow the physical sensations of any emotions that arise to run their course, if possible. To help process the emotion
- avoid expectations from the process
- encouraged to practice several minutes every few hours
Might be worth a shot and it's free
This requires access to Self, as understood by IFS. Many complex trauma patients do not have access to this... There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times),
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Love the insight about harsh self talk: that it’s a voice we learned as children which says, attempting to help you, “something about you is not good enough, so let’s work harder so you can be safe.” That voice eventually becomes harsh, but it can be treated like the 7 or so year old it still is: with compassion and curiosity.
Yep, see this book of Richard Schwartz: No Bad Parts.
Gabor Mate is the only ‘expert’ who even comes close to ‘getting it’
Probably he is the only expert whom you know. What Máté says is common knowledge, and the source is Stephen W. Porges's Polyvagal Theory.
It is very dangerous to idealize one individual like this. There are many good and even better experts than him, he just happens to be popular. Don't blind yourself.
@@abstract3213 I don’t need a parroted speech about celebrity worship or lacking objectivity from you. I’m not stupid and it’s not as if Imm making a conscious decision to plug my ears and ignore anyone other than than this man.
I DO NOT CARE how popular he is. I don’t even know what his social media numbers are, I’m not in his personal fan club. I am aware he is human and he is fallible (why do I even have to say this )
what I care about is the fact that in 30 years of living in this earth and spending 15 years in the mental health system having seen dozens of professionals, having heard dozens of other famous and popular counsellors and psychologists, this guy is one who resonates with me on a genuine level when he describes the effects of trauma and my response to psychotherapy.
You’ve taken what I feel is a personal connection to the individual and attributed it to just blindly liking someone because they’re famous assuming I’m blinkered to anyone and anything else.
Yeah I’m triggered and take offence to that, feeling thoroughly misunderstood in your assessment of my mindset and character. Don’t take my defensiveness as a sign that you were right, I just have a personal issue with being misunderstood which happens a lot as an autistic person. This is why I usually leave paragraph long comments with context so someone doesn’t come along making incorrect assumptions.
@@abstract3213 like, how stupid do you think I actually am
@@SobrietyandSolace sorry, but this is not what I was implying. Just saying there are other people in the field with very deep insights into trauma and healing, starting from Peter Levine, Bassel van der Kolk...saying he is the only expert who comes close is I think putting him on a pedestal.
The 'mental health ' profession needs retraining. Thanks again Dr Mate. I've learned a lot from you. I don't bother with therapists anymore.
My stupid mother told me, "You have to know what's wrong with you."
I was 5 years old.
I'm sorry. What a dismissive shaming statement 😢.
Indeed, very stupid. She is what is wrong with you! She sounds narcissistic, so she was herself a victim of her parents. See the work of Daniel Siegel at UCLA on the intergenerational transmission of trauma up to seven generations... through sperm and egg (epigenetics) and behavior (if you have insecure attachment and are not available emotionally and physically for your kids).
Parents are responsible for the emotions of their offspring for life… “The sustained qualities of children's emotional experiences during the first 2 years of life have a decisive influence on the way they feel, and hence on how they behave, for the rest of their lives … the developmental/epigenetic effects of early social affective experiences probably influence many higher as well as lower brain functions.” (Jaak Panksepp, Affective Neuroscience)
Parents also cause cancer, diabetes, heart disease etc. This is on CDC’s website and has been replicated hundreds of times. “Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study V J Felitti et al. Am J Prev Med. 1998 May.” Doctors should be held criminally responsible for withholding this information. This TH-cam dialogue mentions how doctors are not taught about trauma : How Trauma Shapes Every Aspect of Our Lives (Gabor Mate’ and BBC Doctor in the House, Rangan Chatterjee, MD). I also recommend the documentary, The Wisdom of Trauma.
Parents also cause suicidality and borderline personality disorder; see this study over 20 years at Harvard: The Family Pathways Study.
The less offensive truth is that nobody does this on purpose, but it’s extremely easy to traumatize a developing brain- see the still face experiment of Edward Tronick at Harvard; all it takes is two minutes of an inexpressive caregiver, replicated after with a mother on her phone in front of her baby.
Most therapists are useless and incompetent because they propose cognitive behavioral modalities instead of modalities that can reach deep subcortically.
This is a list of modalities that can create emotional self-regulation and contentment-if not happiness: Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback.
Tim Fletcher and Pete Walker have helped me more than therapy ever has! Somatic exercise has also been helping me heal my nervous system.
same here!! nice work. somatic exercises are so key for healing the body. we've got this.
Counseling has mever helped me. Thats why im just doing what I CAN. Thanks, TH-cam! ❤
Same here. I spent $25,000 in two years on private therapy on credit. Most therapists and doctors are incompetent. However, you may find proper help within these: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
@@AdaAdi77 thanks for the info! I will check them out!
Most don’t get to see nor realise the incredible sponges young children truely are… A meditation held a class at my premises, unbeknown they coming, 2 of my grandkids aged 3 & 4 came bounding up the stairs, halfway up they slowed, walked in & gazed, the women 5 min into meditation… the kids sat down, crossed legs, one fixated on a candle the other fixated on a womans body her laying on floor, they remained fixated a full half hour, not spoke, until all brought out of meditation, all people amazed…never they’d been exposed to such thing…
Proved to us the full extent that kids internalise surrounding or whatever energy they exposed to whether intentional or not …
Modern therapies are SO MUCH BETTER for trauma than the old models. old cbt, behavioural, and talk therapy is actively harmful for many people
It can often retraumatise. By just talking about it, many go through the traumatic time again.
Yes... brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times).
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Great self aware and humble interviewer and great knowledgeable interviewee
The problem with my CPTSD is that I know exactly what caused my trauma and the damage has already been done so a change in perspective won't technically help me. Therapy, for me, would be an expensive way for someone to nod their head and say "yeah, your mom sucked, that'll be another $200" every week.
Yep, this is what makes me cringe about all this "trauma based therapy" that gets lip service these days. Their idea of helping you is having you talk about (and mentally re-live) all your trauma. How the hell is that supposed to help anyone *heal* from it?? It's just re-opening wounds.
What we need are therapists who are intelligent enough to help us see how the actions we are taking (or avoiding) may be stuck on "auto-pilot" because of trauma. And then - we need those therapists to help US find a way we can turn off that auto-pilot. A way that works for us individually, not some stupid cookie-cutter modality the therapist thinks is so clever that it should work for everyone and everything. 🙄
That is why you do not go for incompetent help, which is 95% of therapists and doctors. You can find help in these modalities and they may be quick and not as expensive: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
"It didn't come along to torment you, it actually came along to protect you" Wow... Now that's definitely an incredibly comforting thought...
Yep... see this book: No Bad Parts, by Richard Schwartz.
I went to a therapist once and I needed therapy after the therapy. I went home with extreme depression. I could not go back.
There are modalities that can undo preverbal trauma were it is located: the subcortical brain; behavior is a symptom, which will fix on its own when the underlying cause is processed: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback (the best neurofeedback, but others work, as well, such as LENS or classical), Safe and Sound Protocol (an auditory intervention on the vagus nerve of five hours, to be repeated three or four times), but the criminals refuse to teach them and make them available.
On their own, people can do EFT tapping. I like Pam Wright on TH-cam.
Gabor Mate is an incredible man, and is powerful, by telling truth about himself and being vulnerable. This video has helped me. Thank you.
7:52 that first voice? I think I might have had those exact thoughts - literally word for word, epecially the "I'm all alone, I'm going to suffer in this world".
It's not that I'm not very happy right now, that's (sort of) fine, there's things that cause me to feel this way that I theoretically could change. It's just that I don't think I'm ever realistically going to change those things, because I'm an extremely procrastinatory/passive/weak person that can't really change. I know that's an assuption that I'm making about myself that could be false, but right now that really is something that I believe.
And the "I'm all alone" is very similar. Yes, I'm lonely right now, which is fine, we're not going to have close people to us at all stages of life. It's that I literally can't imagine finding someome who'd be close to me. And even if I did, they'd have to put up with me AND I'd have to make sure that relationship (friendship, romantical or whichever else it might be) lasts and that I actually try to connect with them, because I'm very avoidant and "isolatory" if that's even a word.
..and it ended up happening to me...through no fault or desire of my own. I'm a mess
Thank you for this conversation. The insight about the trigger being so small and the explosives within us being the real issue is spot on.
Yes, and how do you solve that? :) Awareness is not healing... Look into these modalities: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
How the hell do you deal with the fact that you get to a realisation in your mid 60's that your whole life has been destroyed - annihilated by the 'people' who were supposed to be your parents?
You GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…until finally you’ve shed enough tears that you become numb … you enter the chrysalis, in there you appear to be dead, but the shutting down of your emotions clears the way for rebirth… just as the dark earth nurtures the roots of plants above, your mind is working and healing without your conscious awareness,and when you finally emerge from your exhaustion, you are like a bear coming out of hibernation… you begin to see the world in a different way, you begin to love yourself and protect that inner child who of course was unable to make life giving decisions, and finally, when you stand reborn in the glory of creation, you begin to truly SEE that there is beauty around you and in you, and even in others, and you begin to truly live, my friend….
Me too. Im 70. Aces ptsd health anxiety all childhood. More as an adult. Parents nearly ruined my business in 2010. Im in therapy but worse. Backpain burning feet & excruciating neck pain. My father! My entire family. Im retired have a porsche very fit & healthy but in pain ea day. Way worse since he died 12-31-23 at 97. I thought id be better
How to react when you have a realization? It's part of breaking out of jail! Every realization is the evaporation of a prison bar! Sure, there might be anger, but hopefully you also come to the realization that your parents had prison bars they didn't know about.
You make a choice to move on.
You raise from your ashes as Phoenix did. If you live into your 100s, this is a midlife crisis. :) Parents did their best in those circumstances. Do you think Gabor Mate's mother wanted him to be traumatized and develop ADHD? But look at how important and helpful he became BECAUSE of his trauma. Most artists would not be the creative selves they are without trauma... most comedians are depressed people, but what a joy they are to others! You can heal and not transmit it further. I believe half of the population needs a license to parenting. That would resolve the disaster that we are in: ecocide, femicide, gerontocide (the killing of the elderly with viruses by irresponsible people spreading viruses), bullying, war, rape, famine, the next Trump, Hitler, the next suicide.
These are some powerful modalities that can undo trauma, see with what you resonate: brainspotting, Deep Brain Reorienting, EEGer neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, clinical parts-based hypnosis, Safe and Sound Protocol, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping (on your own, see online for examples), Somatic Experiencing, hallucinogenics-assisted therapy.
Also, check out this short video: after skool: Ram Dass, how to keep an open heart in hell. It goes beyond my capacity for understanding, but something rings true....
you need to have lived enough and to have met your own shadows to be able to really help the others. Most people, including most therapists, just don't have the experience or the guts or both.