Covert Narcissists Always Do This One Predictable Thing
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2024
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Covert Narcissists Always Do This One Predictable Thing//If you're wondering what one thing is predictable about a covert narcissist, watch for this one tell-tale sign. There are definitely signs, causes, and ways on how to respond to narcissists, especially the covert ones. Rebecca Zung, author, lawyer, and narcissist negotiation expert, talks about what that one thing is so you can be prepared for it!
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• Covert Narcissists Alw...
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Let's SLAY together! 🙌
I have to say it was you that has brought so much clarity on my split for my ex. I honestly thought I was never going to be ok because I did not understand why he did the things he did to me and I left with no closer and so broken. Then I came across one of your videos and you have honestly saved my life to finally understand and clarify to all the the abuse and understanding has it made it possible for me to start healing and loving my self again. Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough but you have changed my life and I will forever be greatful for that.
Yes that sounds great! 😃
Correct they krazy
@@jenniferannstablein9463 Wow..that's good
They go into a rage over constructive criticism. They take everything personally.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! Perhaps my upcoming webinar might help - ICANSLAY.COM
They will ALWAYS disagree with any of your ideas or opinions. If you want to do it this way, they will want to do it another way. Even if it's a worst course of action. They just never stop.
I've noticed this. It's beyond frustrating then they lure a reaction out of you to make it look like they are victims of you.
Yes - contradicting you constantly undermines you & takes hope away & you stop expressing opinions - what's the point?!
I was married to one of them for 14 years, and when it all ended I was destroyed. I always thought I was crazy because everyone kept telling me he was such a good person but he was mean and cruel to me every single day, and all of his family justifed his behavoir because he was "depressed"... Now I know he was just playing the victim.
So true, they play the poor me card.
Everyone is on there side.
We are the bad guys.
If only they could see what we see.
BEASTS FROM THE EAST.
JUST MAYBE ONE DAY, THERE MASKS MAY SLIP .
AND THAN EVERYBODY WILL TRULY SEE THEM FOR WHAT THEY TRULY ARE.
BEASTS, BEASTS, BEASTS, BEASTS.........
Same here I’ve been with mine 14 years thinking he had potential. Verbal abuse financial strain, emotional stress leading to unintended weight loss, confusion, broken in every way and I was so confused bc everyone said he’s a good guy he’s a sweetheart but he wasn’t to me. I just regret my kids watched this and lived this bs for years
20 years here
Same thing happened to me … he was just depressed. Yes the enablers will always be there for them that’s why they last …
Totally know how you feel. He's done it with his family and mine especially my aunt. I had such a good relationship with her and he 100% ruined it. She thinks it's all me even when I can prove it. I've been Alienated from my children but I know I'm a good mother and the people I know do too. They'll understand later in life once they have relationships. Stay strong!!
A covert narcissist is that silent deadly tornado that sucks the life out of you , literally you feel like you are coming out of a tornado and trying to figure out how what where you are and where did 10 years go.
I'm passionate about covert narcissist because I've been married to one for 25 years.
I had watched several videos about narcissist and nothing fit him.
I finally found videos on covert narcissist and a lot of it fit.
I'm now planning my escape. Times like this I wish I had a rich relative that could help me.
Your story is my story!
But 28yrs.
Finally worked out he's a covert.
When he threw the divorce word at me AGAIN.. I said, OK.
Moved to spare room.
Sold house, staying with a mate, and moving far away as I can buy in a cheaper area.
But if u r renting, it's hard to get cash together.
I now need to find a job, Grrrr, as I was the mum.
But check to see if you can get the dole, when u leave him.
That'll help.
THIS 👆🏽 💯❤. THANK YOU
@@nicolamills8003
I had 13 years experience with a much more overt narcissist the first time.
This time he was so different I didn't even imagine that he was a narcissist.
I saw some arrogance and passive aggressiveness, but I didn't see that he was a covert.
He's never thrown the divorce word at me, but I did get him out of my room and into the spare room. Who wants to share a bed with someone who has cut off all affection from them?
I'm not sure what you mean about "get the dole" unless you are talking about welfare.
I'm leaving the house and everything behind. If/when he dies, I'll sell it. He looks like he's aged 40 years in the 25 years we've been married. He looks more like my grandfather and he hasn't went through all the health issues that I've had, which I think he caused at least partly with the way he treated me.
I had leukemia and the negative emotion linked to that is the emotion of devaluation.
Have you heard about NESARA? That's what I'm waiting for while investing in silver and saving money to leave.
Awe...I feel you..I'm needing to make my plan to get out..and I'm so scared I rarely can stop shaking
@@nicolamills8003 Take it day by day. Small incremental steps and silence about your plans are necessary. We'll be keeping you in our prayers ❤🙏🏽✌🏽. Good luck your worth it 🤫
You are absolutely right about seeing the grandiose narcissist coming - the trouble is, they seem really nice and very charming, so they are also a wolf in sheep's clothing!!
Totally. Death by 10,000 cuts. I love this analogy. And when you react to those cuts, they thrive on your frustration, hurt, and anger, and love to prove how overactive and out of control you are. To the rest of the world it’s a “he said” “she said” situation where both parties must be equal contributers to the problem. So glad to be out after 27 years.
This is exactly what a former friend of mine did. She and I seemingly had so much in common (love bombing), but when any questions were asked, she would go to pieces (narcissistic rage). One thing I noticed in the beginning, she was a busybody who loved to gossip. Suddenly there were “miscommunications“ and “misunderstandings.“ Any conflict where she was the common denominator, she often tried to excuse it away and sweep it under the rug as a misunderstanding or wires being crossed. She immediately turned it around on me trying to make me seem like the bad guy (projection). Even minor disagreements or differences of opinion, she treated like it was a personal affront and turned it into a screaming match. I saw other friendships she had crumble and go down in flames. She was more than willing to trash-talk these people that she supposedly cared so much about. Honestly, it made me very uncomfortable. She needed a sounding board and I was her unwilling, reluctant audience member. I heard many a story where she was the victim and everyone else was the butthole. Who was the common denominator? Her. How much of the story was flipped to depict the other party as the villain and her as the innocent bystander? All of it. It was soon that I found out she was trash talking me too, despite her proclaiming that I was her “best friend” or her “friend for life.” Then the utter lack of respect for boundaries and trampling all over those boundaries that I laid down began. She dangled her kids in front of me to get me to give her money. It was supposed to be a loan, but of course she never paid back all of it. When I pressed her for it, the mask came off and I got to see how ugly she truly was. The only reason I stuck around as long as I did, was because I cared about her children. They didn't deserve the existence she had sentenced them to. Tragically, they grew up to be just like her: entitled, selfish and mean-spirited. To make a long story short, a list of the atrocities she committed against me include, but not limited to and in no particular order: defaming me to anyone who would listen after I demanded she pay back the money she owed me, spreading an entirely untrue rumor that I had caught an STI from a one-night stand, outing me to my extremely conservative Italian Roman Catholic homophobic father (we were already estranged and barely on speaking terms, but her malicious actions caused him to completely disown me and she showed no remorse), she had the nerve, on the day my father died to say, and I quote, that the two of us “never got along anyway“ and weeks after that repugnant statement, without even batting an eyelash, she shamelessly asked (demanded) that I share my non-existence inheritance with her because she had lost yet another job due to poor attendance.
I cut off all contact with her more than eight years ago and my life is far less stressful without her in it. She didn't even notice that I had blocked her on everything and changed my cell phone number for months. It was only when she tried to use the death of a mutual acquaintance as an excuse to contact me, and turn the tragedy into a story about herself, that she finally realized I had cut contact. I later found out from a mutual friend (who I was fortunately able to wake up to her toxicity and has also since cut contact), that my former friend, then a 50-year-old mother and grandmother, threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. How dare I say enough is enough and choose to no longer be exposed to her viper venom? She wasn't done abusing me. Tough crap. Of course, to her, me taking back the power was not in any way acceptable. She demanded my friend, block me to show solidarity with her. When he refused, she tried a different tactic: tried to turn him into her flying monkey and get him to spy on me because she was [wait for it] convinced I was talking about her. When he refused, stating that she wasn't as interesting as she thinks she is, she flipped out on him, too. He wasn't used to seeing her like that. It was the beginning of the end that caused him to start asking questions and when she subjected him to the silent treatment, he took it as a hint to cut her off completely.
As for me, I hated her for a long while, not just because of the money or the horrible things she did to me, but because of the wasted time. I can't get those years back. After doing some soul searching, I realized that that she is a truly broken and hollow individual not capable of having anything resembling a conscience. It is through the grace of God, that I was able to privately forgive her and I repeatedly ask him, when I pray, to give her the ethereal slap upside the head so she will, hopefully, one day finally get a clue. The downside to free will is a person has to want to change. The odds, of my former friend ever admitting she has a problem, are about as likely as a Kardashian winning an Oscar.
Hey thanks so much for sharing your story! Narcissists really can't change unless they willingly go through therapy - and it's almost impossible for them to admit something's very wrong with them!
Happy that you moved on and I can tell you now have peace. Keep the strength! 💪
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you for your response and for your videos! In the time that I knew my former friend, she always had to be right, get the last word and never admitted when she was wrong. Even when her multiple levels of deception were called out and her back was against a wall, she just went silent. When I gave her a verbal lashing during my final phone call with her, I did not let her speak. I roasted her to the point that she was charcoal when the call was finished. She knew she had lost her grip on me and she left me alone for several months.
You may think this was a foolish choice, but when she called me up treading on eggshells and asked me for money I only sent what I could afford not to get back. It was a test. I more or less told her she could surprise the hell out of me and pay me back. I wanted to see if she was, in fact, trying to be a better person. An expression of gratitude and, in the very least, knowing when to say “thank you” would have been a great start. I waited until the end of that day and the only response I got was her comment on how much the fee was for sending the money order. That was my benediction. I blocked her on the social media that I had, and a couple weeks later, I got a new cell phone and new number.
You already know about the aftermath of going no-contact from my other comment. What I didn't know, from my mutual friend that I still talk to everyday, she bugged him for at least six months to spy on my Facebook page and he adamantly refused to become her flying monkey.
After everything went belly up with him, she found a new supply in the form of a wealthy married couple. They're older and they knew something wasn't right about her. My friend put them into contact with me and I was more than willing to spill the beans on what a horrible person my now former friend is. From what I understand, they cut off all contact and were thinking of making it legal. Although, I can't confirm that last part. My former friend has officially hit rock bottom. Both you and I know, people like her don't change unless they're willing to. The odds of her ever admitting that she is the root cause of all of her problems is about as likely as Miley Cyrus singing on-key without the use of autotune.
Thanks for keeping two long stories short.......😂. I understand....them stinking narcissists can elevate our emotions and it can be therapeutic to air it out...... had a SIL for 40 years and went no contact for about 6 years and let her weasel her way back in only to figure out 5 years later that she lied and manipulated to get back in. She was able to love bomb us for 3-4 years and started to get toxic and no boundaries once again and then discovered through a DNA database that her and my wife had an unknown half sister. After meeting the half sister the narcissist decided she had a new source of supply and started bullying my wife, zero boundaries! My wife laid down solid boundaries and we haven’t heard a peep out of her in 2-1/2 years. It’s like the trash taking itself out!!! I’m not all the way over it, but time will heal me as I got over her completely on the last 6 year no contact ordeal......Stay strong!
TOTALLY ! The one that is most interesting and baffling is how quickly triggered jealousy is, unreal.
Mine was a born again Christian, we had to hear about that regularly.
I'm sure it's been tough but hang in there! You got this!
I absolutely cannot stand people who use the Bible as a weapon. My former friend was like this but she was the furthest thing from a Christian one could ever be. She violated every single one of the Ten Commandments with the exception of thou shall not kill. To put it bluntly, if lies were money, she would be rich.
Now that she's older, the mask doesn't fit her as well and she's running out of supply. As Rebecca talked about in one of her videos, the older they get, the supply runs dry and the same tactics don't work anymore. Knowing all of this now, I'm trying to balance my newfound faith with the temptation to fall into a great big sense of schadenfreude mixed with satisfaction that she's experiencing her karma. I pray for her every night because she's seriously needs help. Unfortunately, the downside to free will, she needs to want to change but she's too damn prideful and arrogant to ever accept that she is the problem.
@@iononcantomascrivo my ex-wife claims to be a Christian as well. Goes to church every Sunday yet goes home and abuses the children.
I'm a Christian yet have NEVER abused my children ever. I show them nothing but love.
😂😂😂Had an awful cousin like that!!
Thank you for your work, Rebecca. I was married to a CN for 27 years. At first, everything seemed ok and we were raising our child and furthering our careers. After several years, we moved closer to family and I became pregnant w twins. That's when it all started downhill. Having more kids wasn't in his life plan, and the pregnancy was difficult, and they were very challenging to raise, which put him out of the spotlight, even with his family. After that, it was a constant spiral of devaluation. .mostly of me, but sometimes the kids too. Never directly, but always indirectly. It was so bad, towards the end, I would deliberately make him angry to target me when I would see his was headed there w one of the kids in order to spare them. Eventually, he found new supply and made sure it was as painful and devaluing as he possibly could to me. He chose a friend of mine, who was a mentor to our daughter, and who was a professional colleague that I had helped to join our career. He showed us all just how little we mattered when compared to his ego! He's managed to build up relationships w his kids again, but they saw who was the steady presence and are always a bit wary of him. Sadly, I would have probably never seen it and never left because of the trauma bond, but he made it impossible to ignore his final blows. Luckily, I found an attorney/mediator who knew about narcissists and saw what he was, tho she never said it outright. It took me 4 years of searching, healing and research to figure out what I was enmeshed in, and when I called her 4 years later and thanked her, she didn't deny what she saw and did for me or why. I am still so wary of others, especially men and determined not to allow more into my life, tho a few have sneaked in briefly in friendships and work relationships. There are not enough people out there who understand the kind of damage these folks can do to us, so keep on spreading the message!!
Hey Anita, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad that your relatioship with the narcissist has ended. I can imagine how hard it must have been for you - especially with children involved. It's great that you had a partnership with a supportive lawyer who understood what both of you were facing. There are still so many of these narcissists out there and it is my mission to educate and empower people about dealing with this toxic personality.
You are wonderful! Stay strong! ❤
I'm SAD TO SAY that I was that "boiling frog" for almost 16 years. However, before complete destruction, I managed to "hop out" of that "boiling pot". Do I have burn scars and some PTSD from the experience? Of course! But at least I'm FREE and healing one day at a time. SAVE YOURSELVES!❤ YOU'RE WORTH IT!!! Thanks, Rebecca!🙏🏽💯❤
😢me to 41 years
@@sobiaperez4484 I'm so sorry. 🥺😢😭
Didn’t create it, can’t control it and can’t cure it. My new mantra, the three C’s. Thank you for that and for your video! I’m new to your downloads and am impressed with how you present the situations so clearly and provide real-world solutions. It is so sad that a person could be so devious and so mentally defective that they would much rather feed their ego than be with a family member or in a stable relationship with anyone. My saying is: feed a friend, starve a narcissist. It works if you actually do it.
"Feed a friend, starve a narcissist" - wise words! Stay strong and NEVER give up. You got this!
And, if you need extra support, feel free to send an email to support@rebeccazung.com. Team SLAY will be there for you!
One day at a time 😊
This is exactly 💯 👏 🙌 👌 🤣 what they are like. They are the most evil demon possession person I have ever met
Very, VERY difficult people to be with! Stay strong! 💪
Lol, I like her voice punctuation…
Love listening to you, because you get it where so many others don’t. 💜
We're here to help each other and I'm just glad to help! Should you need extra support, Team SLAY will be there for you at support@rebeccazung.com. ❤
I can’t use that word.. from being a valley girl.. I will say Absolutely!!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Personally responding that’s so kind of you I will go to that website and hopefully I can find the answers I know we’re all doing well a similar situation some are more dangerous I guess and others so if you have any information that you could direct me to I’m going to send a private message there I don’t feel comfortable posting any personal because I amthank you again for taking the time they refer you to everyone I know isn’t it sad that I know so many people that need you I mean it’s great that you’re here but it’s sad that there’s so many survivors
Narcissist portrays you as the perfect love of their life. With the passage of time they will take everything from you and will end up depleted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially. 💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
True!
This is exactly what kept me in the relationshit for far too long after I started waking up (ie listening to my intuition or finding out about lies or “inappropriate relations” with women/cheating) … because when I would call him out or ask for explanations, he had plausible deniability.
"relationshit"😆😂🤣
TOTALLY!!!!!! My ex is a combination of all of them. He’s a master manipulator. Took years to get him out of my head and he still try’s to get in my head. I’m to blame for everything wrong in his life. I wish I would have known how weak he was when we were together.
Don't blame yourself because you're the victim here. Narcissistis, especially the covert ones, are master manipulators. I'm glad that you have moved away from him. Now you can live a life of freedom, possibility, and purpose. You got this! 🙌
Totally
Everything will be fine just pray for God grace dear
It's the most awful situation to be in. The mental torture starts slowly and builds to over years.
I would agree 100%.
Wolf in sheep's clothing.
When a covert friend or person tells me “ oh must be nice to go on such a nice vacation “ I just turn to them & say - “Yes it is “ and then just walk away. It blows their mind ! I used to be kind around these folks that played the victim poor me card But I no longer feel for them. I now go on to tell them all the good things that I’m proud of in my life. I let them deal with their own emotions now. They’re not my responsibility to own.
90% of the men I know or have known fit the description of Covert or full-blown, obvious narcissists! The other 10% are, well, hmm......I'm happily single today because I refuse to allow these horrible humans into my personal space. The end.
Good for you!
Wow - in my experience females are coverts. Interesting
Iy yi yi... 90% of men? That sounds awfully extreme... if that is how you have perceived life, you may need to do some self-reflecting to check if you aren't the problem...
I wanted to commit suicide, I was so depressed. I called the police for help. I went into a hospital for a week. While I was in the hospital, he placed a protection order against me because he said I was going to commit a murder suicide. A perfect example of him playing the victim. Thank goodness the court didn’t see it that way.
Oh my God, that touches me so deeply. While you're at your most vulnerable, they make sure you get hit while you're on the ground. I'm in a legal dispute myself, but it's not nearly as heartbreaking as what I'm reading. Wishing you all the best.
So sorry you had to go through that, Teresa. And I'm glad he didn't get his way in court. I hope you don't give up. Stay strong!
@@RebeccaZungEsq I am using The SLAY program!
Me too he had my doctor’s believing I was crazy he used to call me a crazy bitch and it was him all those years 31 years before I found out what he was I didn’t know people like this existed don’t have referred him out I realize my mother was one too
@@aliceroberts1980 It will be 29 years in 6 days. This divorce won’t be over quick enough.
Yes! 8 1/2 years with a covert narcissist.
I can imagine how tough that must have been. Stay strong! You got this! 💪
In the middle of divorcing my CN husband of 33 years. He plays such the victim/martyr!!! Loves that role all the whole telling everyone that he doesn't "like or need attention" BS! After being gone for only 2 months, he managed to alienate all 4 of our adult children because he tried to emotionally vomit on them like he did me
24/7. Well, they wouldn't stand for it so they have cut off contact. He's still trying to isolate me by telling church friends how horrible I am for leaving him and poisoning the children against him. Couldn't be further from the truth... The children themselves chose to walk away.
Oh and he's a freaking psychologist! Go figure. Can't see his own crap at all!
Keep the good word coming Rebecca!
Totally! He played the victim when he left me, right after my father's funeral. He's still playing the victim.
Narcissists, especially the coverts, are so unbelievable! I hope that you've moved on from him. Stay strong! 💪
@@RebeccaZungEsq thank you so much for your response! It's been no contact since March now. Slowly putting my life back together. I'll get there. With your videos, it is really helping. Thank you so much ❤️
i worked with my 4 brothers for 30 years, they are all covert narcissist while i am an empath. all the points you are describing fits them to a tee, especially leaching off of my good nature to make them look kind and caring, and they are not they are greedy selfish and not very nice people. i have distanced myself and am starting to heal and wouldnt you know they are attempting to bait me back into their abusive circle. not a chance am i going back to the lions den after taking 30 years to escape, good ridance.
Yep totally. I wish you were my lawyer right now.
Jeannine Berry,Hope you are not with a narcissist....
The way they talk about you behind your back and act like they are your buddy, to your face, the cuts at you for no reason, and tricks are the big thing. It's awful to deal with. It's draining. There's nothing you can do to get a long with them. It's always the same result.
I like your glasses, by the way. They look great on you.
Covert narc mom loves to trash people behind their backs yet also uses them as a flying monkey to gossip about somebody else. You can't give them an ounce of information. If you do, they'll figure out a way to weaponize it against you. Just awful.
She tells everyone that I’m crazy but it’s her narcissism that’s destroying us.
I really am blown away by some of your comments like the three c's. You do not pull any punches and you do reveal the bottom line about these relationships in which you have personal experience. Thank You for giving your great insight. I feel I have benefitted .
I could never believe a friend I had who used to tickle me to torture became a nurse. And just heard from someone that a narc we both know said the same lies to both of us.
That's just terrible! I hope you're doing okay, Liz! Sending you light!
Totally! So sick! That is an ex-friend of mine. He is very charming so everyone thinks he is a good person. But I felt a red flag because he invaded my boundaries frequently, and besides, he divorced twice and his first spouse ran away from home. I feel sure he did something abusive against his former spouses. I'm going to get gaslighted if I talk about what I feel about him, so I went no contact with him and people around him. Shut them down!
I'm probably a little older than you, but you have become like a big Sister to me. When I lived in the Hood as a kid, my Big Sister protected me. I feel protected in the same way by you. Thanks! And I do mean THANKS!
Same here with the new neropathways I've been accquiring through out her videos over the past couple of years
Yes!!! Its maddening at times. And when they drink its worse! I've noticed they act all Big and important when around people. It hurts when they talk down to you in front of people even stranger are treated better. 😥
It's the narcissist's way of devaluation and manipuation. I know it's hard but try to not let them get into you. Go gray rock as much as you can so you cut off the narcissistic supply that feeds them. Should you need extra support, you can email support@rebeccazung.com anytime and Team SLAY will be there for you. You got this!💪
Thank you for making and sharing this content. This description describes the emotional aspects of how my now ex-husband was acting to a tee. In my particular situation, things escalated into physical abuse. Him and I were in a relationship and married for around 2-3 years. The only “official” psychological diagnosis my ex-husband got when he and I were together was “depression”. But looking back, the things I have experienced all make so much more sense now. I believe he is a covert narcissist. Thanks again.
Going through all of this right now, they are slick actors but their words will eventually reveal who they really are. Your videos have been a real help understanding how to detach from them and how to avoid them in the first place. Thankyou!
Totally. ... I don't usually respond to your suggestions to put the words you suggest in the comments, but with this one you got me. Yes, totally! ... The reason I do is because I trust your sincerity and valuable efforts to give important wisdom on the subject from the standpoint of a person who has seen it from what is, perhaps, the most difficult and lethal playing field --legal. I imagine the subtlety and refinement of the narcissist here requires someone who is quite adept at knowing the disorder in a fuller and wider range than even clinical psychologists, in order to materially benefit a client. Thank you for sharing your knowledge through this medium.
Seen & heard this just like you described .
Fell for it hook, line, & sinker till I learned about narcissism and began to see.
Didn't know about this stuff till internet
showed the topic on different podcasts like yours. Thanks. Helps to understand what's going on. WOW ! Got out though.
Fkn-A. Totally.
So grateful to find you. I’ve searched hundreds of videos, podcasts, read all the books on covert narcissistic mothers, and you completely nail it with every single word you speak. My imposter mom has been torturing me for 54 years, I’m the scapegoat, the empathetic (too much for my own good) truth telling, only daughter and youngest with 5 older brothers. 4 out of 5 are flying monkeys now. Even though they “totally” know how the mom has been our entire lives. The psychological, emotional, mental, verbal and even physical abuse from her, who ironically I am the sole caregiver to, now that she is 88 and developed FTD (frontal-temporal dementia). No surprise there since she had completely shut off the compassionate side of her brain, zero curiosity to learn and drinks way too much every single day @ “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” nonsense, and has for years. Her daily diet is atrocious, and in my own defense - I am completely opposite of her in every way possible. It’s my saving Grace. Now, I just need to strategize a plan to escape from her, and never see her again. No contact. No deathbed chat. I’m done. If I had woken up and smelled the coffee years ago, I wouldn’t even be living in the same country as her and my family. I came back from years of living in Italy, living my dream, to help her. Mistakes were definitely made, but I have enough optimism left inside me to keep my dreams alive and know that she created a superpower in me. I have kept her secret for over a decade, even while being accused of ungodly things in the past 2 years and even the last few months. I have never tried to gather prime on “my side” or defend myself from some really horrid accusations. So proud of myself for having that type of discipline, because I knew for sure if I ever tried to share the hundreds of recorded conversations, her tantrums, cruel emails and texts with any one of the flying monkeys, it would only make me look guilty and completely backfire.
You’ve confirmed every single thing for me. And I cannot THANK YOU enough for being here.
Totally..it took some time but i figured out this behavior when I was in a relationship with one. I totally walked away...no contact..even after this person tried love bombing and other phony BS behavior to try to remain in contact. You are "so right-on"!!!!
Glad you got out as soon as you can! Take care and stay strong!
I believe that about how the narc chooses their supply over real relationships. The narc I know has total opportunity to spend time with his grandkids every weekend but doesn't. He would rather fill his weekend with spending time "harassing" me or getting supply from people he works work with. Same goes for his other family members:son, mother, aunt, uncle's... everyone. He is not into real relationships.
Totally lived it for my 19 year marriage
Out now thank Jesus
I've always called my other party a covert narcissist because of the way he stores petty information in the back of his mind and pulls it out whenever necessary to use in his favor. He can remember and twist the stupidest stuff to use against you but yet he can't remember where the basic stuff is kept in our house that we've lived in for 30 years. He always asks me where his Excedrine is, as if he has never gotten it out of the hall closet ever, ever, ever before in his life. What it is is that he wants ME to get it for him.
I had a friend who did the "petty info sabotage" trick on me over and over , i cut her off and she made me out to be crazy!
Yes my mom does that to me all the time so I know where this is ?????Plays dumb for convience and laziness
Thank you Rebecca , important content for me . A classic for me to hear is .. ‘ I was only joking ‘. Not A Joke !
Yes you are right! They play victim because they want to confuse you…
Thank you for your brilliant information.
God bless you.
They can be really manipulative, so we should watch out and be careful.
God bless you as well! 🙏
I know a covert narcissist. He was so nice at the beginning but then turned into a grandiose narcissist. Now he is a grandiose, malignant, covert narcissist all in one. But in public he is still a covert narcissist. He can switch to any of the 3 when he chooses to. And YES, I agree to the frog boiling analogy!!! Narcissists are nasty, evil, cruel, sneaky and mean devils!!!
TOTALLY.
Experiencing this right now, and it is very tough.
Totally! I am in a 16 yr relationship with one. I am hanging in so that he won't turn my children against me and so that he can't be alone with them. I know how he operates because he did this with his first childs mother. He love bombed me at 20 yrs old and he was 35. I had no idea what I was getting into and sold me on the idea that he was an older man who didn't play games and was looking for marriage. Now I feel like I'm stuck with him until the kids are off to college. Thanks to videos like this, I now have a strategy for survival and I know that I'm not crazy.
This is fantastic help. I have thought up scenarios for sympathy (it’s sick) Thank you 🙏🏽
So sick indeed! Hang in there!
Totally. She is all this
Totally right and I am being told that it is my fault I got pushed over by him so hard I ended up with a shoulder injury, because I refused to realise how much he needed a new computer, and I should have understood that it was so vital he had a good one to play games on , etc, and if I had only agreed to it none of this would have happened - not for the first time by the way.
Also my need for any kind of verbal assurance of love or care is too demanding , even when he does not want to sleep beside me or hold my hand or ever hug me, yet is keen to criticise me and pre-empt my mistakes it is my fault because I should know he cares already. Just how much lower can I go with all this beggars belief but thank you for your work to get those of us who are trapped in this nightmare to see things clearly and stop blaming ourselves. You are a good person.
Totally crazy making!
Totally. Learning so much working through divorce from a narcissist.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! Perhaps my upcoming webinar might help - ICANSLAY.COM
" Totally " Thank you for sharing. Helpful words 🌹
Absolutely! We are on this together. Let's help each other and stay strong against the narcissist!💪
Totally
"Must be nice that you get to do those things"
Wow, it's like you are watching our relationship.
How nice that i have time to exercise... When i was working 10+ hour days and she was a homemaker.
Totally. Perfect description of my narc husband.
Thank you Rebeeca for this wonderful video
Sure thing! I hope you're staying strong 💪
@@RebeccaZungEsq yeah i try very hard to stay strong even the narc doesn't let u alone i think she think she owne me, i try hard to keep this marriage work for those 3 years but, she doesn't, i think i was new supply for her cuz she had divorced before me.
Exactly, married to her for 24 yrs, finally our son graduated, and i cut the cord. You explain her to a Tee!
Knew i had to go for my sanity,
No one else approved. Now i know why. Thank you so much
I've had 3 types of therapy within the last seven years because of a covert narcissist that I left seven years tomorrow. So glad I gathered the strength to leave so I could take time for me to start healing.
Great to know that you have taken the step of leaving the narcissist. Praying for your complete healing and for peace in your life. Stay strong because you got this! 🙌
Linda Allen,You deserve better 🙏
I pray that God in heaven will heal you
She says things that are so hurtful and then says ‘I was just joking’
Totally nailed it after 27 years of giving your all to someone to become there nothing somethings you just can’t fix that was the hardest thing for me to figure out
You always undercover yourself.
Absolutely TOTALLY
slime, oh I meant smile always! great analysis, they are beyond spineless
Totally, trying to find an attorney now to fight for my children and myself.
the same think for i hire attorney last week for false DV and i feel she will make another false allegation for my daughter. my narc ex-wife i was never harm her or even arguing with her.
I understand what you're going through! For extra support, email support@rebeccazung.com and the SLAY team will be there to help.
Thank you Rebecca a lot.
i appreciate
I wish you the best in your search. And, if you need extra support, you can send an email to support@rebeccazung.com. Team SLAY will be there for you!
@Wilbert Brown judges can't always tell!
Totally. My ex wife has a well-worn victim card she shows to anyone. So sad. Thx for these videos. They are so validating and empowering.
My husband to a t! A great covert narc.
Ugh! Must be very tough for you! But remember, they CAN be beaten. Don't give up and stay strong! 💪
Rebecca I really love your new look with those glasses 🤓❣️ great video… 🙏
Thank you!
I agree! Reminds me that I need to get a new of reading glasses.
seen this. delt with it for most of my life with family, one x, and in a relationship with one now! sometimes, quite often as of late i think that IM the narcissist??..
Nailed it!!! I love your channel!!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! Perhaps my upcoming webinar might help - ICANSLAY.COM
You described my former spouse - totally!
They luv drama and trauma...if there isn't any..they will create it. And yet they claim they don't like it.
Spot on suck you in with their stories and people think their good people 🎯 TOTALLY
They are so good at it because it is their career. They have had decades of practice at what they do. You cannot win with them. Don't even try because you will just look like a fool. However, they will get old, wither and die. Regards.
Totally! My last man. Plus you made me realize my father was a CN. My mother was a malignant narcissist.
You look nice in those glasses. I know that's horrifically superficial, but I thought it ought to be said.
Totally!! Very sick individuals. Playing & manipulating absolutely everyone to the beat of their own warped drum. I'm pretty sure that some ppl see the sleeket dishonest look in their eyes & their sneary little grin. I did, but I just thought it was cute, & as time went on I knew but I stupidly thought that he wouldn't do me bad or spread his sickness on me. Man was I wrong! 😣😔
Totally! You nailed it!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! Perhaps my upcoming webinar might help - ICANSLAY.COM
100%, been there, lived it, survived it and our adult children support me and themselves, everyone else in our family think their mother is just so nice. Survivors we are.
TOTALLY!! It’s so weird and predictable. Like they all read the same manual.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! Perhaps my upcoming webinar might help - ICANSLAY.COM
"plausible deniability" - excellent term
I went through all this with a Somatic Covert Narc, she was beautiful too but a horribly rotten woman on the inside. She discarded me when i started to push back and call out her bad behavior.
Totally agree with you
Omg total get this now
thank you see you tommrw♥️♥️
Totally agree that the narc can act like the victim. Just be yourself let them be themselves as they never change.
👆🏼👆🏼Thanks to the name pointed with the finger he help me
Totally. Going through custody battle with this exact narcissist. Its absolutely insane and I'm constantly concerned she's going to get away with it no matter the amount of documentation and notes I have.
Hi, Kyle, divorcing one is so stressful! Did anyone else ever see her mask drop? If so, having them write a BRIEF, FACTUAL statement of her worrisome behaviors can be helpful. Have the people writing statements for you focus upon concrete descriptions of your strengths as a parent, and stay brief about their concerns about your ex. It is good that you have documentation and notes! Be forewarned that often family court personnel don't understand personality disorders, and most likely your narcissistic ex will have a significant amount of parenting time. Also, the court doesn't care about evidence of bad character such as cheating, the court only cares about character flaws that directly impair someone's parenting skills. Over time though, narcs often cannot sustain their "act" and they slip up and their true colors show. But it's important that you take good care of yourself, resist her provocations as much as you can, stay as calm (and factual) as you can. There's a book called "Splitting: Divorcing a Narcissist" written by an LCSW turned lawyer that has good information about how to handle what are euphemistically called "high conflict personalities." If they tell lies to the judge and then say something contradicting the lie later, make sure your attorney points those things out. Wishing you a good outcome!
Alright, I have TOTALLY seen this!!
It's Time to Break Free for Good...Let's Do This! Sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- ICANSLAY.COM 💪
They always lie but keep a small pieces truth to keep it in their court
They are full of themself then they become unstuck when the lie of 'entitlement' makes them sloppy when they are recorded and it is adding up with emails and other detailed recorded conversation and others realise it is also being recorded and witnessed by others that will support you especially when needed in court and there is a track record estabilished from a young age involving police accounts (always get the police record number before leaving the station and the name of the officer(s) that interviewed you in case it goes to trial ) as they will verbally assault you and change the conversation around, which is manipulation via conflicting and Taunting voice changes during a conversation. The turn it into chaos and if you are not aware of these tactics, and change your neutral tone of voice, they will the say you are becoming emotional unstable. So stay in your holding position and let it be heard that they are the ones who interject, manipulate and use tone and structure sentence changes when they realise they are going to be caught out. Word of warning. Please keep you phone on and dial emergency and somehow convey your location and situation if the narc is about to become enraged and ready to use violence against you. Run... and keep moving away if possible... out of a house and into a street where there is less chance of attack.NEVER be taken to a second location, this will be a huge mistake. So fight like hell to avoid it at all cost. Simple way to hurt them to to stab them in the eyes with your car keys or mark there face with your nails then there is DNA as evidence. You can seek help from the court with cease and desist but that can also lead to further attacks on your property. If you have a car, keep it hidden inside a neighbours locked garage if possible or put it in a storage facility and use some other form of transport like uber for example.
TOTALLY,......semper fi....God bless
You too! 🙏
TOTALLY!
They look down on you as if they are omniscient.
I'm living this 7:50
Totes,100%,checks every box. Unbelievable . I couldn't believe it when she was telling me 'oh its good for you...YOUVE got this that---I aint got shit, ok? Normal job, modest apartment etc. She would tell me that I was bragging ,and that was rude to do to her right in her face..????? I've NEVER bragged in my life.
Totally!!!
I'm using all the techniques from your SLAY program and me and my lawyer have developed some sort of alliance. She told me she relies on my expertise regarding that other party and I rely on her legal expertise. Love this sort of teamwork. I'll let you know, how it turns out. Thank you so much for your help. 🙏
That sounds wonderful! I'm glad things are going well. You got this!!! 🙌
@@RebeccaZungEsq I literally just got informed that I won my case. I told my lawyer about you. There is no way to repay you for how much you've helped. Thank you so much.
@Christina Winter That is awesome, awesome news!!! So happy for you! Would you be interested in sharing your journey in my podcast? If this is something that's possible for you, please email support@rebeccazung.com and we can correspond from there.
CONGRATULATIONS again!!! 🙌🙌🙌
TOTALLY!!!!! Honestly, I am in a lot of pain being in" the realization stage" of how true this is rings! I am extremely thankful for channels like this where truth being spoken. I hope you and others speaking this "horrible truth" (I don't know a better way to say it) can keep going & that someone is saved the pain. As I type I am 5 month post discard, & fighting, scraping, and learning all possible with everything second I can get and every ounce of strength I can come up with. I have found Grande, Darcey (Narc.con - "the best"), Romani, Etc..BUT I've been praying to find legal advice that "gets it" (C Narc wise) I just found you.!!!! Thank you God for answered prayer...Thank God for for what you are doing. By God's grace I am going to be OK ... a long way to go ... the difference is I know know what I am fighting...and am in the process of figuring out how to fight. .
Sincerely "Your newest subscriber" ....for the next few seconds LOL - proud..and thankful to join
She stole my powerful position I had in my family.My family did not let me know I had a powerful position. so many wanted it I was attacked my whole life. I failed miserably