Their behavior never match what they say. Give them an example, SEVERAL examples, of how they contradict themselves and instead of getting "OK, I can see how that confused you, let me clear it up," you'll get a look from them as if you've said something that confused THEM. If she (the narc I've dealt with) wasn't saying "I'm just so confused," she'd have a confused look on her face every time I'd call her out on her sending me mixed messages. These people are exhausting. There are times that I still question my sanity.
Narcissists will gaslight you and claim they actually told you that they wanted a birthday gift but you forgot because of your selfish attitude 😐 Their psychological gymnastics is disturbing.
He constantly complained that I did not make time for him. But then, in the evening I sat with him at the table for HOURS while he was watching TikTok videos on his phone . It was the same every day.
Focus on yourself...they will try to distract you from that part❤ you have to do for you because they wont..and they will only drain your energy to do for yourself...truth
So true! I gave him a red lobster gift card one time and he was like “Red Lobster? I don’t even like their food” but he does because he’s gotten it before. Then one time I cleaned his bathroom while he was at work and he went in the bathroom after i asked what he thought and he was like “oh yea…looks cool. Whatever isn’t clean, the cleaning ladies will clean it when they come. Can’t nobody clean like them” I swear it felt like he was trying to destroy me altogether the last year of the relationship. I felt like he tried doing it for all those years, but never could so he upped his game. I told him the last time it seems like he’s on a high when I’m feeling low and when I’m feeling better and healing, he wants to come and suck my energy and good vibes. I told him I want him out of my life and do not contact me ever in life unless it’s an emergency for our 7 year old son. I meant every word I said. I don’t even want to be his friend. He’s an evil person and I see it now.
Narcissists can't acknowledge you and your help too much, because it'd imply you are actually "a good person". They can't lose their scapegoat. They may say they want you to do well in life, but they prefer to keep you weak and needing their approval (which you'll never truly get).
Thanks, I have now lost my beloved ragdollcat and can't stop crying, but these sisters will have to go, as abuse wears you down, i would think, 😢 you know intuitively they are using you and your resources!
Truth..i got so tired with their spoken rules, and seemed like they had even more "unspoken" rules that i was supposed to abide by, which leads to what you said about where the mind reading comes in to play...that i was supposed to read their mind and just know how to not screw up or disappoint them. The walking on eggshells, and yes..the changing moods, double standards, etc. Its just easier to walk away. Im not putting up with all the mental gymnastics anymore. The relationship with these people are too exhausting to keep up with period! They are just so antagonistic, unhappy, and looking for a verbal argument with you, that they always have to win. Thank you always for your videos, you always do such a great job and they always confirm what i suspected, or i learn some new things to ponder. 😊
They are unhappy. The Narc in my life gave me enough things for me to click off the boxes that he was a narcissist. I knew he was unhappy, he had said this many times throughout the years I knew him. Took me longer than I wanted to finally break away, but also gave me enough to know that it wasn't just him having a bad day, he was an actual narcissist. He accused me of so many things I had no idea about, even to the point of saying I was bipolar and emotionally unstable, all of which I am not, and have been in individual therapy for a long time and not once did my therapist(s) ever say I had any of that, in fact the contrary. All these absurd accusations were being thrown at me while he was having rage fits, punching his face in a violent manner, absolutely horrific behavior. He would lose his cool at other people and then 2 seconds later be a complete different person. It was scary to witness. I am glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.
so true. i listened to my adult daughter for hours about whatever. she never shuts up. and when she does take a break, she ignores me. her motto is, "so, enough about me, what do you think about ME?"
I've been accused of the same thing. Being supportive to the point of taking off work for 2 days from a new job and being told later after I went back to work, that I did nothing in fact I abandoned him during the worst time in his life and the 2 days I took off was my choice, he didn't ask me to do that.
You always nailed it!! In every video you do I can connect with everything you said about this personality disorder. After the love bombing every moment that I live with him was horrendous. I can't believe how much I held before I quit on him.🙄.
I totally feel you! I have gone back and forth with him for almost 13 years and I can truly say that they never change!! They just learn to manipulate and alter their behaviors a little better…but the same guy I met in 2010, is the exact same guy in 2023. He just has a better job and wears nicer clothes. Literally that’s it! Character is still screwed up and I didn’t understand what was happening. It was magical in the beginning but now I realize that was apart of the love bombing stage. I’ve been love bombed, devalued, discarded and hoovered over and over!! The last couple times I didn’t even want to go back but I did. I realize now it’s because of the trauma bond and the cognitive dissonance. I had to really study this stuff and it makes total sense!! I replay so many things in my mind that he’s done and at the time I was like “nope. That’s not what that is” but now I see it’s exactly that!!! It’s easier to move forward now that I understand. I had to go thru a lot of hurt and pain and confusion but I am slowly getting to the other side. It made me a lot wiser though. I won’t fall for his kind anymore.
YOU TRIGGERED PAINFUL MEMORIES OF ALL THE HOURS, YEARS I SPENT TRYING TO PLEASE THIS SELFISH NASTY SISTER, BUT ACTUALLY THERES TWO PLUS MOTHER, ITS NO WONDER I SUFFER FR BACKPAIN, MIGRAINES, DEPRESSION, ITS BEEN A HARD LIFE, THANX TO CARDS I'VE BEEN DEALT, I CUT ONE OFF, AND I'M JUST HAVING A NOT GREAT DAY, THANKS FOR ALL YR VIDEOS, GREAT HELP!
The more she complimented me in the end, the closer she already got with the other guy I didn't know about. Strange comments about me being smart and dangerous, because I could manipulate people. Just after her first date with the other dude. She was making fun of me.
Yes! They have extremely transient opinions. My narc friend attended Indiana University back in the 80's. John Cougar Mellencamp was big back then and his center of operations was around Bloomington Indiana where IU was. My friend was a huge Mellencamp fan while he was in school because it made him look good because he was in the middle of that whole phenomenon. Fast forward a few years and we had both graduated and Mellencamp wasn't as big a star anymore. He was still an excellent musician and a star and I bought his latest album and told my friend how cool I thought it was. I might as well have been talking about an alien. He had little if any interest in Mellencamp any longer. He acted as if he never was interested in him. It was jarring and I should have seen this obvious red flag.
My narcissist is the one that always does the talking as if im some sounding board,and i notice when i say something, i feel that he's completely not listenning not acknowledging what im saying it's like he has no capability for feed back he makes me feel so unimportant!!!
My huge problem with my narc of 6 months,he has consistently given me mixed messages,sometimes he wants to end up living with me in the future,sometimes were just friends,sometimes we just dont need a lable it is what is is,im so sick of his game,im not even shure if its manipulation or he's just scared and doesn't know what he wants.
The stuff about their unstable opinions, values and identities is so useful, thanks. Throughout my relationship with a CN, he had bad things to say about the mother of his child. He would say "I can't stand her to be honest" allege that she was a prostitute, drug dealer, used crack when pregnant. I have no idea how much of that was true, but she did lose custody after marrying a violent man with BPD. And yet towards the end of our relationship, he seemed to soften towards her. And he always called her by her name, which he rarely did to me!
You are so Brilliant, soooo insightful, and so excellent at articulation, you deserve 100 Nobel prizes!!! Thank you so much, you are really helpful!!!👍❤❤❤
Had one say I never want to do anything with her. So I invited her to eat with me. She brought her sister and they both acted as if I was just tagging along. This was after two instances of ridiculousness. One she stood me up for an already paid movie night. No call/no show but left me at her house to watch her grandchildren. I had to text and call that she was on a date. Another time a party that I had to leave early because she "felt like people were watching her" - from what I could see and the person that invited me no one was. He said he thought it was all in her head. I agreed. I never invited her anywhere again. She needs to feel the world is as hyper focused on her as she is. Anything another woman has she had to have including me and that included men even though she's married.
She didn’t get angry. She changed her mind. She said she loved hugs and hugged me all the time. Then one day she complained that I hugged her and she hates hugs. (She was a friend). She said I was amazing in her life in her time of need and she could not have made it without my support and then she ghosted me and when I saw her in person she was polite but ignored me like I was a stranger. Wut?
All of this is sooo true! Could you also talk about when a narcissist asks you a question and then you take the time to answer them, then they don’t respond to what you said. For example my narcissist mother asked me how I do meal planning. So I explained and her answer was a question about my neighbor which had nothing to do with meal planning. I just want to scream and say do you even listen to my answers? You asked me a question and I answer and then you respond like you never heard anything I said and then talk about something else. It’s like she was thinking the whole time I was speaking about something else so such a waste of time for me to even talk. And I made some muffins for her because she is housebound and then I explained that I could make more and what flavors I could make and then her answer was some thing completely unrelated and never even acknowledged the muffins or anything that I said. 😅
Yes I’ve experienced this- They want you to expend energy explaining. The moment you start to explain they’ve won because you’re giving them attention… Then they get bored with the explanation and they’re on to another thing and it starts all over. Just don’t explain or give them advice or options- Not passive aggressively, but just plain bland answers to protect yourself- They really don’t care about your “answers “ they just need to know your willing to expend energy explaining. And with that explanation, have a wonderful day 🥴😅
@@SBecktacular thank you so much for your reply! You are so right! I’m going to do that next time! Thank you for your help! Nice to know someone understands 😊
Your videos are excellent. Honest and real. Great examples. You've helped me a lot with a crazy making person that your videos perfectly describe. Thank you.
My friend who I broke off with, you addressed the exact thing he did. I’m sure he was covert aswell and regularly shifted the goal posts. He was like Jekyll and Hyde. But I still second guess if he was actually a narcissist or had a narcissistic style.
This was spot on! Could you make a video about how if you ask a narcissist a question that they don’t know the answer to how they will turn it on you and make you feel so stupid or yell at you that they don’t know or that you’re badgering them about some thing because they don’t know the answer. Or if the narcissist tells you that they are going to do something and then you ask a question about it because you’re being supportive and then they get angry because they don’t know the answer. The narcissist in my life wanted to put a woodstove in their home and so I said wow that’s great where would you put it and then they got so mad at me because they didn’t know and said it was just in the thinking stage and just blew up. Seems like they get very angry when they don’t know the answer. Or sometimes they’ll even admit that they don’t know but they’ll yell it to you like you’re bothering them when they don’t know the answer. All your videos are so spot on and what I deal with in this relationship! Thank you for all you do
Thank you for your content. Can you please talk about narcissists monkey branching relationships? I think so many people are hurt because narcissists can and will just move on with the blink of an eye.
You can guarantee if you like it they don't and if you dont like it, they do, whatever it is they will strive to make you wrong in some way 💯, it was so peaceful when i did not speak to sis 2 for 6 months, now i'm back trying tofigure everything out again, was that abuse?, no, maybe, i am not sure but if i say its sunny she'll say its raining, this is the latest game!❤ As this lovely lady says they are liars, as long as they can get their brownie point they're happy!
My wife moaned that I never cooked - I was not very good at it anyway……so after a year of effort I now do most of the cooking for us and our children - but no recognition at all - it’s just taken for granted.
Dealing with a narcissist will just drive you crazy
Their behavior never match what they say. Give them an example, SEVERAL examples, of how they contradict themselves and instead of getting "OK, I can see how that confused you, let me clear it up," you'll get a look from them as if you've said something that confused THEM. If she (the narc I've dealt with) wasn't saying "I'm just so confused," she'd have a confused look on her face every time I'd call her out on her sending me mixed messages. These people are exhausting. There are times that I still question my sanity.
Narcissists will gaslight you and claim they actually told you that they wanted a birthday gift but you forgot because of your selfish attitude 😐 Their psychological gymnastics is disturbing.
That’s part of the crazymaking and why I started the habit of documenting everything.
He constantly complained that I did not make time for him. But then, in the evening I sat with him at the table for HOURS while he was watching TikTok videos on his phone . It was the same every day.
Focus on yourself...they will try to distract you from that part❤ you have to do for you because they wont..and they will only drain your energy to do for yourself...truth
The completely inappropriate reaction to what should clearly be happiness and appreciation was a dead giveaway that something was wrong.
Felt this many times. They don't seem to feel joy or gratitude no matter what.
So true! I gave him a red lobster gift card one time and he was like “Red Lobster? I don’t even like their food” but he does because he’s gotten it before. Then one time I cleaned his bathroom while he was at work and he went in the bathroom after i asked what he thought and he was like “oh yea…looks cool. Whatever isn’t clean, the cleaning ladies will clean it when they come. Can’t nobody clean like them” I swear it felt like he was trying to destroy me altogether the last year of the relationship. I felt like he tried doing it for all those years, but never could so he upped his game. I told him the last time it seems like he’s on a high when I’m feeling low and when I’m feeling better and healing, he wants to come and suck my energy and good vibes. I told him I want him out of my life and do not contact me ever in life unless it’s an emergency for our 7 year old son. I meant every word I said. I don’t even want to be his friend. He’s an evil person and I see it now.
Narcissists can't acknowledge you and your help too much, because it'd imply you are actually "a good person". They can't lose their scapegoat. They may say they want you to do well in life, but they prefer to keep you weak and needing their approval (which you'll never truly get).
Wow perfectly said
Thanks, I have now lost my beloved ragdollcat and can't stop crying, but these sisters will have to go, as abuse wears you down, i would think, 😢 you know intuitively they are using you and your resources!
You hit that on the nose
Truth..i got so tired with their spoken rules, and seemed like they had even more "unspoken" rules that i was supposed to abide by, which leads to what you said about where the mind reading comes in to play...that i was supposed to read their mind and just know how to not screw up or disappoint them. The walking on eggshells, and yes..the changing moods, double standards, etc. Its just easier to walk away. Im not putting up with all the mental gymnastics anymore. The relationship with these people are too exhausting to keep up with period! They are just so antagonistic, unhappy, and looking for a verbal argument with you, that they always have to win. Thank you always for your videos, you always do such a great job and they always confirm what i suspected, or i learn some new things to ponder. 😊
They are unhappy. The Narc in my life gave me enough things for me to click off the boxes that he was a narcissist. I knew he was unhappy, he had said this many times throughout the years I knew him. Took me longer than I wanted to finally break away, but also gave me enough to know that it wasn't just him having a bad day, he was an actual narcissist. He accused me of so many things I had no idea about, even to the point of saying I was bipolar and emotionally unstable, all of which I am not, and have been in individual therapy for a long time and not once did my therapist(s) ever say I had any of that, in fact the contrary. All these absurd accusations were being thrown at me while he was having rage fits, punching his face in a violent manner, absolutely horrific behavior. He would lose his cool at other people and then 2 seconds later be a complete different person. It was scary to witness. I am glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.
Narcissists control you by NEVER BE SATISFIED!
I agree but they literally never are satisfied for real!!
so true. i listened to my adult daughter for hours about whatever. she never shuts up. and when she does take a break, she ignores me. her motto is, "so, enough about me, what do you think about ME?"
Your totally awesome ❤ and so real, you don’t have to be a doctor to tell the truth.
I've been accused of the same thing. Being supportive to the point of taking off work for 2 days from a new job and being told later after I went back to work, that I did nothing in fact I abandoned him during the worst time in his life and the 2 days I took off was my choice, he didn't ask me to do that.
You always nailed it!! In every video you do I can connect with everything you said about this personality disorder. After the love bombing every moment that I live with him was horrendous. I can't believe how much I held before I quit on him.🙄.
I totally feel you! I have gone back and forth with him for almost 13 years and I can truly say that they never change!! They just learn to manipulate and alter their behaviors a little better…but the same guy I met in 2010, is the exact same guy in 2023. He just has a better job and wears nicer clothes. Literally that’s it! Character is still screwed up and I didn’t understand what was happening. It was magical in the beginning but now I realize that was apart of the love bombing stage. I’ve been love bombed, devalued, discarded and hoovered over and over!! The last couple times I didn’t even want to go back but I did. I realize now it’s because of the trauma bond and the cognitive dissonance. I had to really study this stuff and it makes total sense!! I replay so many things in my mind that he’s done and at the time I was like “nope. That’s not what that is” but now I see it’s exactly that!!! It’s easier to move forward now that I understand. I had to go thru a lot of hurt and pain and confusion but I am slowly getting to the other side. It made me a lot wiser though. I won’t fall for his kind anymore.
YOU TRIGGERED PAINFUL MEMORIES OF ALL THE HOURS, YEARS I SPENT TRYING TO PLEASE THIS SELFISH NASTY SISTER, BUT ACTUALLY
THERES TWO PLUS MOTHER, ITS NO WONDER I SUFFER FR BACKPAIN, MIGRAINES, DEPRESSION, ITS BEEN A HARD LIFE, THANX TO CARDS I'VE BEEN DEALT, I CUT ONE OFF, AND I'M JUST HAVING A NOT GREAT DAY, THANKS FOR ALL YR VIDEOS, GREAT HELP!
Absolutely true
The more she complimented me in the end, the closer she already got with the other guy I didn't know about. Strange comments about me being smart and dangerous, because I could manipulate people. Just after her first date with the other dude. She was making fun of me.
how do you explain so accurately?
Yes! They have extremely transient opinions. My narc friend attended Indiana University back in the 80's. John Cougar Mellencamp was big back then and his center of operations was around Bloomington Indiana where IU was. My friend was a huge Mellencamp fan while he was in school because it made him look good because he was in the middle of that whole phenomenon. Fast forward a few years and we had both graduated and Mellencamp wasn't as big a star anymore. He was still an excellent musician and a star and I bought his latest album and told my friend how cool I thought it was. I might as well have been talking about an alien. He had little if any interest in Mellencamp any longer. He acted as if he never was interested in him. It was jarring and I should have seen this obvious red flag.
Me: doing things for the narc
The narc: nobody does anything for me
Me:🤦🏽♂️
My narcissist is the one that always does the talking as if im some sounding board,and i notice when i say something, i feel that he's completely not listenning not acknowledging what im saying it's like he has no capability for feed back he makes me feel so unimportant!!!
My huge problem with my narc of 6 months,he has consistently given me mixed messages,sometimes he wants to end up living with me in the future,sometimes were just friends,sometimes we just dont need a lable it is what is is,im so sick of his game,im not even shure if its manipulation or he's just scared and doesn't know what he wants.
The stuff about their unstable opinions, values and identities is so useful, thanks. Throughout my relationship with a CN, he had bad things to say about the mother of his child. He would say "I can't stand her to be honest" allege that she was a prostitute, drug dealer, used crack when pregnant. I have no idea how much of that was true, but she did lose custody after marrying a violent man with BPD. And yet towards the end of our relationship, he seemed to soften towards her. And he always called her by her name, which he rarely did to me!
Great video…ALL so true!
When I realize someone is Narcissistic, I think, that explains everything. All confusion clears right up.
You are so Brilliant, soooo insightful, and so excellent at articulation, you deserve 100 Nobel prizes!!! Thank you so much, you are really helpful!!!👍❤❤❤
One more thing, i cannot stand the word FEEL anymore as my narc feels everything and thinks nothing!!
Had one say I never want to do anything with her. So I invited her to eat with me. She brought her sister and they both acted as if I was just tagging along. This was after two instances of ridiculousness. One she stood me up for an already paid movie night. No call/no show but left me at her house to watch her grandchildren. I had to text and call that she was on a date. Another time a party that I had to leave early because she "felt like people were watching her" - from what I could see and the person that invited me no one was. He said he thought it was all in her head. I agreed. I never invited her anywhere again. She needs to feel the world is as hyper focused on her as she is. Anything another woman has she had to have including me and that included men even though she's married.
Wow you are so right? My ex always said "it doesn't matter what he said"
She didn’t get angry. She changed her mind. She said she loved hugs and hugged me all the time. Then one day she complained that I hugged her and she hates hugs. (She was a friend). She said I was amazing in her life in her time of need and she could not have made it without my support and then she ghosted me and when I saw her in person she was polite but ignored me like I was a stranger. Wut?
They choose not to be accountable and display character trait aquisition. You can't make them happy.
All of this is sooo true! Could you also talk about when a narcissist asks you a question and then you take the time to answer them, then they don’t respond to what you said. For example my narcissist mother asked me how I do meal planning. So I explained and her answer was a question about my neighbor which had nothing to do with meal planning. I just want to scream and say do you even listen to my answers? You asked me a question and I answer and then you respond like you never heard anything I said and then talk about something else. It’s like she was thinking the whole time I was speaking about something else so such a waste of time for me to even talk. And I made some muffins for her because she is housebound and then I explained that I could make more and what flavors I could make and then her answer was some thing completely unrelated and never even acknowledged the muffins or anything that I said. 😅
Yes I’ve experienced this-
They want you to expend energy explaining.
The moment you start to explain they’ve won because you’re giving them attention…
Then they get bored with the explanation and they’re on to another thing and it starts all over.
Just don’t explain or give them advice or options-
Not passive aggressively, but just plain bland answers to protect yourself-
They really don’t care about your “answers “ they just need to know your willing to expend energy explaining.
And with that explanation, have a wonderful day 🥴😅
@@SBecktacular thank you so much for your reply! You are so right! I’m going to do that next time! Thank you for your help! Nice to know someone understands 😊
Man.. SPOT ON....WOW .. Perfectly said....Thank you ❤
You really don't know how much you are helping me with these videos.
Your videos are excellent. Honest and real. Great examples. You've helped me a lot with a crazy making person that your videos perfectly describe. Thank you.
My narc thinks my daughter and i are conspiring to to leave her and secretly we need to actually do that 😂😂😂
My friend who I broke off with, you addressed the exact thing he did. I’m sure he was covert aswell and regularly shifted the goal posts. He was like Jekyll and Hyde. But I still second guess if he was actually a narcissist or had a narcissistic style.
Short and sweet. I'm really glad you popped up. 🤗
Just by the way, are your beadspreads crocheted?
Your videos are always so spot on and make me feel better Thank you for what you do 💜
You’re welcome! Thank you for watching!
This was spot on! Could you make a video about how if you ask a narcissist a question that they don’t know the answer to how they will turn it on you and make you feel so stupid or yell at you that they don’t know or that you’re badgering them about some thing because they don’t know the answer. Or if the narcissist tells you that they are going to do something and then you ask a question about it because you’re being supportive and then they get angry because they don’t know the answer. The narcissist in my life wanted to put a woodstove in their home and so I said wow that’s great where would you put it and then they got so mad at me because they didn’t know and said it was just in the thinking stage and just blew up. Seems like they get very angry when they don’t know the answer. Or sometimes they’ll even admit that they don’t know but they’ll yell it to you like you’re bothering them when they don’t know the answer. All your videos are so spot on and what I deal with in this relationship! Thank you for all you do
Maybe because they don't like admitting that they're human and not "all knowing", doing that makes them feel insecure?
@@JH-td4mn yes so true. They can’t admit that they don’t know.
Thank you for your content. Can you please talk about narcissists monkey branching relationships? I think so many people are hurt because narcissists can and will just move on with the blink of an eye.
It’s also not your job to make anyone happy. That is so co dependent
You can’t make a narc happy. Ever.
You can guarantee if you like it they don't and if you dont like it, they do, whatever it is they will strive to make you wrong in some way 💯, it was so peaceful when i did not speak to sis 2 for 6 months, now i'm back trying tofigure everything out again, was that abuse?, no, maybe, i am not sure but if i say its sunny she'll say its raining, this is the latest game!❤ As this lovely lady says they are liars, as long as they can get their brownie point they're happy!
My wife moaned that I never cooked - I was not very good at it anyway……so after a year of effort I now do most of the cooking for us and our children - but no recognition at all - it’s just taken for granted.
Projection, they are the most boring of all
They crazy
My ex called me everyday and wanted to meet me everyday just to say to me that he doesn’t like me.. Jesus they’re crazy af
That’s part of the crazymaking and why I started the habit of documenting everything.