Mine would deliberately do things wrong so I wouldn’t ask him again. I actually removed and bricked the driveway by myself because he couldn’t figure out how to keep a straight line. He didn’t know how to stack a dishwasher even though the wired racks are hard to mess up. Couldn’t press start on the washing machine for his clothing. More than deception, everything was fair game for messing up anyway he could.
That’s a great point about how to see the double standards. I’d love to hear more about how to move forward to rewire our brains after going no contact. How to stay motivated. On some days I just need a coach here with me saying you can do it!
I’ve watched hundreds of hours of narcissism videos and yours do a great job of exposing the ridiculousness of the things we tell ourselves after narcissistic abuse. “well I _didn’t_ get the right brand of hot dogs after all, maybe I did deserve it” sounds ridiculous but I’ve been telling myself things like that for years. And the way they train us to be like them is so scary, thinking everyone is paying attention to us. Edit: another thing I just unlearned, like, earlier today, was that self-help is not a betrayal of the relationship. It’s not to prove you’re better than them, or because you don’t care about the relationship, it’s because you gotta take care of you. You work out, meditate, read, journal, you get to bed on time, whatever. You have the right to do that stuff and not be guilt tripped for it.
I’m so relieved my lying, deceptive, betraying husband of 33 years is dead, I hope he’s watching me do what I want, how I want , and when I want it. It was healing to sell everything he worked for
My narcissistic husband of 31 years died of metatastic cancer of the brain 2 and a 1/2 years ago. I too am relieved to be rid of that ball and chain around my ankles.
@@shahnazbi8346 in a minute, it will be 2 years. It’s sad anyway you look at this, but if he lived, my life would still be tortured. I believe my protective angels took care of me. I deserve my own life after 3+ decades in servitude. Hope you are healing and well..
Dear Ms. Mirror. I had to laugh at your hot dog scenario! My narc would respond with, "You should have known what kind I like. You should know me by now!" Ouch! One more small way that 'mind reader' me just couldn't get it right! And if he bought the hot dogs? Whether it was the right brand or not, he'd never let me forget that he had done this great thing for me. And weeks later he'd say that now it was my turn to reciprocate, and that I owed him a dinner for what he had done for me! And if I rebuttaled, he'd reply, "I knew you'd throw it in my face, and this is why we never get along!" And on and on it went. He was like a pathogen that constantly mutated and there would never be a cure for! How exhausting it was constantly running to keep up! Chasing after something that didn't want to be caught and wasn't really there in the first place. I've learned a lot from listening to your channel. Your like a cooling salve on a bad burn. Thanx for your great advice, and best of luck to you in the coming days. Congratulations!
You have some of the best videos on this topic and explain everything so clearly. I'm moving on from the abuser I was with. This video is helpful and so spot on. Im trying to re-learn who I am and what normal is again. So thank you 🙏
I need to calm the anxiety trauma😭😢💔told him go 3 months ago, didn’t know or couldn’t accept it was narcissistic abuse. Covert victim, so needy, no didn’t do anything but take steal, cause me pain, in every way. Every small thing is about them for them.🙏😭💔🥵cruelty No they won’t lift a finger to help, even pay their way, will guilt you for not giving them enough, vampires He cared about nothing trashed my home, came in my home to kill steal and destroy everything
Yes. You are talking about coercive control. I have come to the realization that parents who overly control, in some cases in astounding horrifying ways, create people who also see all relationships as, you will only do for them and in the correct way, only if they impose and direct and criticize and monitor every thing that you do. It is suffocating. If the partner was not raised this way, when there was a level of autonomy and trust and a belief in independent achievement and self responsibility, living with a person who is a bully can NEVER work. The bullying is so covert at times it is hard to see it. I love how you bring it home with everyday examples.
Blue is the color of truth. It’s the throat chakra and it’s communication. LOVE THIS VIDEO! The “turning tables” exercise, recognizing the double standard in narcissistically abusive relationships, is worth repeating. In the many recounts of what a pathologically narcissistic person does to their partner (main supply), ask, “How would I have responded in this situation?” The answer reveals that the narcissist is indeed abusive. Excellent work and the best “not therapy” to date! Thank you for the video.
I don’t even know what healthy relationships feel and look like. If I find someone whose actions and words match and I feel genuine empathy , I may pass out from shock that there are actual women like that out there !
When I want to see a healthy marriage I watch White Collar with the characters peter Burke and his wife. I don't know if I ever had that kind of healthy relationship.
Id forgotten all that... About me. 40yrs of appeasing Him. Made me ill. My time now TG. Though he's still controlling me from afar... By being in Contempt of Court. Looking forward to Peace. I deserve all the goodness life has to offer. Ive been a good person. TG. I feel that I lived in a Cult.
And what especially hit home for me was the part about accepting help and favors. I remember that when my narcissistic sister or aunt invited me over for lunch or gave me a bowl of soup it was like I owed them my very soul in return. It was really dreadful and I believe it made me afraid of accepting anything from anyone, which when you think of it is really destructive and goes back to the topic of trust. Fortunately, thanks to healthy relationships I have managed to unlearn it. But never ever am I gonna accept even the smallest thing from a narcissist - it's just yet another tool for them to reinforce their entitlement to your soul. Just despicable and so dangerous.
Congratulations! Wishing you both all the (healthy) happiness in the world! Thanks for making the best narc channel on TH-cam - the healing it has created for me is immeasurable as is my gratitude. I'm sure many others feel the same 🤗❤
This was super helpful! Thank you. I remember saying to him that the "punishment didn't fit the crime". If I said something the wrong way, if I didn't go over every night, if I wanted some time to myself (he called self care selfish), if I didn't buy the phone he thought I should be using, or if I didn't have time for one of his 3 hr phone calls where he just talked about himself the whole time,....... then I was a terrible person and felt nailed to a cross for being such a huge disappointment. He would use whatever the issue was to justify that I didn't love him, didn't care like he did, didn't believe in him, etc. and then we'd fight for hours or days over it and what a horrible person I was. 🤦♀️
Congratulations. I found your channel a couple of months ago and enjoy your content. I feel one thing we also must unlearn from relationships with narcissist is that we do not have to accept 2nd class citizenship from anyone we meet in life. Narcissist love to make people feel like their thoughts and opinions don't matter when they do. They leave people on read and give the silent treatment to anyone who doesn't agree with them. We don't have to accept that kind of behavior from anyone in life.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL; YES MY COVERT SISTER WAS CONSTANTLY IN COMPETITION WITH ME, I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A COMPETITION AND HAD TO PROVE MYSELF; IT NEVER STOPPED, I MEAN SHE HAD A 100 TACTICS UP HER SLEEVE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS AN UGLY PIECE OF NOTHING, I FELT UGLY AROUND HER, YOU NEVER RECEIVED A THANKYOU OR A SORRY OR A COMPLIMENT; IF I GAVE HER A GIFT SHE JUST TOOK IT LIKE IT WAS HER RIGHT; WENT NO CONTACT AND IF SHE RINGS I DON'T ANSWER!
Congratulations 🎉 🥰🎉💕🎉. Wishing you the most wonderful day tomorrow and all the love and happiness you deserve in the future (which is A LOT ☺️. Thank you so much for all your work and support over the years which has been priceless. May God bless you 💕
Oh my gosh CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This makes me so happy. I’m so proud of your resiliency to get over the trauma with the narcissist, us what you’ve learned to start a TH-cam channel and help other people, and move on and find a healthy and loving relationship! This is winning!!! ♥️🎊🎊🎊🎊🥳
Many congratulations!!!! I had noticed your ring in several recent videos and thought that you probably had a wonderful loving relationship going on. Thank you so much for the insight you continue to share! It is so helpful. Hope your day is beautiful!
I appreciate your content so much. You explain this with words that I can relate to , the words and real life examples help me to understand how I have been abused and why I was and will be forever abused by a particular kind of projectile. I like the word projectile as a noun, a weaponized image of destruction. Thanks for caring _ we in a mind field
Congrats! Love your channel. You're insight is SO spot-on. You really give me, and I'm sure others...hope that our narc-free partner is out there. Thx. Keep up the great work(s.)
I was never allowed to rest, if he came home and saw me not doing anything, I’d be called lazy…even though the house magically cleaned itself, food just happen to appear, dinners and snacks were somehow always in the fridge…I would make big dinners with our friends and he would get himself a “snack”( a full fast food meal) around 4-5 pm, then he wasn’t hungry and would sit and watch tv in another room, while I entertained his friends …fkr
This video deserves so many more views. Liked and am Interacting to help boost that algorithm. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. They hit home.
Congratulations on your wedding. Love your new Afghan BTW. I always liked seeing the previous purple one in your other video's. Childhood memory for me I suppose. Do you make them?
We’re under a dictator ship .. my husband shut the power off for an hour .. bc he couldn’t get his beauty sleep w the TV on .., my 85 yr old mom was like wtf is he always this childish … Yes 😅
I got a baby request after 10 months of unstable dating from a 35 year old woman! She went mad tan off to her room and threw a tantrum and threw things when i refused. Was she being reasonable to expect my compliance?
Or forget to call them because you were caught up in a work thing. And you sit there going Holy crap I'm late in calling him. He's gonna be po'd and go silent grumpy. And miffed and when you say. I'm sorry I forgot. Get the reaction that you didn't call me on purpose.
![Dylan Knows Trainspotting on the N Kent Network CHRISTMAS SPECIAL [Dylan Knows Trainspotting ep8]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ScLhybuimrw/mqdefault.jpg)
Congratularions!!!!!!!!! We love you!!!!! You deserve to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw, congratulations on meeting a psychologically healthy partner , wish one day I would too !
Awww congratulations! May you have a happy lifetime together
Mine would deliberately do things wrong so I wouldn’t ask him again. I actually removed and bricked the driveway by myself because he couldn’t figure out how to keep a straight line. He didn’t know how to stack a dishwasher even though the wired racks are hard to mess up. Couldn’t press start on the washing machine for his clothing. More than deception, everything was fair game for messing up anyway he could.
That’s a great point about how to see the double standards.
I’d love to hear more about how to move forward to rewire our brains after going no contact. How to stay motivated. On some days I just need a coach here with me saying you can do it!
I just discovered your videos and they have been invaluable. Thank you so much. I wish you so much love in your new marriage and your new home!!
I’ve watched hundreds of hours of narcissism videos and yours do a great job of exposing the ridiculousness of the things we tell ourselves after narcissistic abuse. “well I _didn’t_ get the right brand of hot dogs after all, maybe I did deserve it” sounds ridiculous but I’ve been telling myself things like that for years.
And the way they train us to be like them is so scary, thinking everyone is paying attention to us.
Edit: another thing I just unlearned, like, earlier today, was that self-help is not a betrayal of the relationship. It’s not to prove you’re better than them, or because you don’t care about the relationship, it’s because you gotta take care of you. You work out, meditate, read, journal, you get to bed on time, whatever. You have the right to do that stuff and not be guilt tripped for it.
I’m so relieved my lying, deceptive, betraying husband of 33 years is dead, I hope he’s watching me do what I want, how I want , and when I want it. It was healing to sell everything he worked for
My narcissistic husband of 31 years died of metatastic cancer of the brain 2 and a 1/2 years ago.
I too am relieved to be rid of that ball and chain around my ankles.
@@shahnazbi8346 in a minute, it will be 2 years. It’s sad anyway you look at this, but if he lived, my life would still be tortured. I believe my protective angels took care of me. I deserve my own life after 3+ decades in servitude. Hope you are healing and well..
Dear Ms. Mirror. I had to laugh at your hot dog scenario! My narc would respond with, "You should have known what kind I like. You should know me by now!" Ouch! One more small way that 'mind reader' me just couldn't get it right! And if he bought the hot dogs? Whether it was the right brand or not, he'd never let me forget that he had done this great thing for me. And weeks later he'd say that now it was my turn to reciprocate, and that I owed him a dinner for what he had done for me! And if I rebuttaled, he'd reply, "I knew you'd throw it in my face, and this is why we never get along!" And on and on it went. He was like a pathogen that constantly mutated and there would never be a cure for! How exhausting it was constantly running to keep up! Chasing after something that didn't want to be caught and wasn't really there in the first place. I've learned a lot from listening to your channel. Your like a cooling salve on a bad burn. Thanx for your great advice, and best of luck to you in the coming days. Congratulations!
All that over hot dogs. Classic narcissism.
@laurengarrett9005 LOL.. And hot dogs aren't really good for you anyways!!😅
Ha! And neither is the narc! Sounds like a bumper sticker.
You have some of the best videos on this topic and explain everything so clearly. I'm moving on from the abuser I was with. This video is helpful and so spot on. Im trying to re-learn who I am and what normal is again. So thank you 🙏
I need to calm the anxiety trauma😭😢💔told him go 3 months ago, didn’t know or couldn’t accept it was narcissistic abuse.
Covert victim, so needy, no didn’t do anything but take steal, cause me pain, in every way.
Every small thing is about them for them.🙏😭💔🥵cruelty
No they won’t lift a finger to help, even pay their way, will guilt you for not giving them enough, vampires
He cared about nothing trashed my home, came in my home to kill steal and destroy everything
Yes. You are talking about coercive control. I have come to the realization that parents who overly control, in some cases in astounding horrifying ways, create people who also see all relationships as, you will only do for them and in the correct way, only if they impose and direct and criticize and monitor every thing that you do. It is suffocating. If the partner was not raised this way, when there was a level of autonomy and trust and a belief in independent achievement and self responsibility, living with a person who is a bully can NEVER work. The bullying is so covert at times it is hard to see it. I love how you bring it home with everyday examples.
Blue is the color of truth. It’s the throat chakra and it’s communication.
LOVE THIS VIDEO!
The “turning tables” exercise, recognizing the double standard in narcissistically abusive relationships, is worth repeating. In the many recounts of what a pathologically narcissistic person does to their partner (main supply), ask, “How would I have responded in this situation?” The answer reveals that the narcissist is indeed abusive. Excellent work and the best “not therapy” to date! Thank you for the video.
One minute in and I rushed to the comments…….Awww Congrats!
I don’t even know what healthy relationships feel and look like. If I find someone whose actions and words match and I feel genuine empathy , I may pass out from shock that there are actual women like that out there !
When I want to see a healthy marriage I watch White Collar with the characters peter Burke and his wife. I don't know if I ever had that kind of healthy relationship.
Some ppl out here say what we mean and Do what we do.. Love Realness..
Don't give up........
The Truth Will Set You Free...God ✝️❤️
Me too I don't know what a healthy loving relationship is either 😢.
Id forgotten all that... About me. 40yrs of appeasing Him.
Made me ill.
My time now TG.
Though he's still controlling me from afar... By being in Contempt of Court.
Looking forward to Peace.
I deserve all the goodness life has to offer. Ive been a good person. TG.
I feel that I lived in a Cult.
You did. So glad you got out!!!❤
Thank you Jill.
May you two have a blessed and happy life together 💝
Best of all the joy & happy in your marriage.
And what especially hit home for me was the part about accepting help and favors. I remember that when my narcissistic sister or aunt invited me over for lunch or gave me a bowl of soup it was like I owed them my very soul in return. It was really dreadful and I believe it made me afraid of accepting anything from anyone, which when you think of it is really destructive and goes back to the topic of trust. Fortunately, thanks to healthy relationships I have managed to unlearn it. But never ever am I gonna accept even the smallest thing from a narcissist - it's just yet another tool for them to reinforce their entitlement to your soul. Just despicable and so dangerous.
…. That part. That part.
Congratulations! Wishing you both all the (healthy) happiness in the world! Thanks for making the best narc channel on TH-cam - the healing it has created for me is immeasurable as is my gratitude. I'm sure many others feel the same 🤗❤
Wishing you peace and happiness.
Congratulations, I am so happy for you! You are going to be a beautiful bride! Have an amazing day! ❤🤗🥳🎂🥂
Congrats my friend.. I was gonna build a small house for my narc ex, I still plan on it just not for her
This was super helpful! Thank you. I remember saying to him that the "punishment didn't fit the crime". If I said something the wrong way, if I didn't go over every night, if I wanted some time to myself (he called self care selfish), if I didn't buy the phone he thought I should be using, or if I didn't have time for one of his 3 hr phone calls where he just talked about himself the whole time,....... then I was a terrible person and felt nailed to a cross for being such a huge disappointment. He would use whatever the issue was to justify that I didn't love him, didn't care like he did, didn't believe in him, etc. and then we'd fight for hours or days over it and what a horrible person I was. 🤦♀️
Congratulations. I found your channel a couple of months ago and enjoy your content. I feel one thing we also must unlearn from relationships with narcissist is that we do not have to accept 2nd class citizenship from anyone we meet in life. Narcissist love to make people feel like their thoughts and opinions don't matter when they do. They leave people on read and give the silent treatment to anyone who doesn't agree with them. We don't have to accept that kind of behavior from anyone in life.
This is so true. Mine used to harp on me for using a recipe for meals. Why can't just make something my own way without a recipe.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL; YES MY COVERT SISTER WAS CONSTANTLY IN COMPETITION WITH ME, I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A COMPETITION AND HAD TO PROVE MYSELF; IT NEVER STOPPED, I MEAN SHE HAD A 100 TACTICS UP HER SLEEVE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS AN UGLY PIECE OF NOTHING, I FELT UGLY AROUND HER, YOU NEVER RECEIVED A THANKYOU OR A SORRY OR A COMPLIMENT; IF I GAVE HER A GIFT SHE JUST TOOK IT LIKE IT WAS HER RIGHT; WENT NO CONTACT AND IF SHE RINGS I DON'T ANSWER!
The issue is not the task or preference. This is simply a vehicle for control. Noone knows this tool better than a narcissist.
This made me cry. I am so scared to ever ask for help due to narcissistic abuse.
Congrats!! Thanks for hope.
His is such a great video. Hits so many points right on the money. 30 years of this madness. Only learned what it is in the last 2 years
Congratulations great videos
Congratulations 🎉 🥰🎉💕🎉. Wishing you the most wonderful day tomorrow and all the love and happiness you deserve in the future (which is A LOT ☺️. Thank you so much for all your work and support over the years which has been priceless. May God bless you 💕
Oh my gosh CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This makes me so happy. I’m so proud of your resiliency to get over the trauma with the narcissist, us what you’ve learned to start a TH-cam channel and help other people, and move on and find a healthy and loving relationship! This is winning!!! ♥️🎊🎊🎊🎊🥳
Many congratulations!!!! I had noticed your ring in several recent videos and thought that you probably had a wonderful loving relationship going on. Thank you so much for the insight you continue to share! It is so helpful. Hope your day is beautiful!
Congratulations! Wishing you both all the best! 🎉 💍💒💞
Congratulations and prayers for your new healthy relationship and marriage...God bless your new family!🙏
Congratulations!
Thank you!
Congratulations 🎊 ❤Thank you for your advice and helping us understand to heal from narcissistic abuse 🙏
Congrats on ur marriage! I have a crush on someone. And they have a crush on me. I will ❤ again 😊 there is life on the other side.
Having a narcissistic mother, your information/videos deeply resonate with me. Thank you for helping me put the final puzzle pieces together. ❤
No lies told here!!! All truth!
Best wishes! 💕
I appreciate your content so much. You explain this with words that I can relate to , the words and real life examples help me to understand how I have been abused and why I was and will be forever abused by a particular kind of projectile. I like the word projectile as a noun, a weaponized image of destruction. Thanks for caring _ we in a mind field
Congratulations! I wish you both many years of happiness together.
Wishing you a joyful marriage full of goodness! Congrats!!🎉
I can tell the last two points were a bit painful. Congratulations on your marriage. You deserve happiness. 😊💕
Congratulations. You are one of the best channels out there. 🎉
🎉 Congratulations 💐💒 And many many blessings.
Congratulations 🎉great to hear
Congratulations 🎊 to the both of you you deserve all the love ❤🎉
Woohoo 🎉 CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎊💥
Congratulations! It's so wonderful to hear.
I've watched as many of your videos as I can without using all of my mobile minutes. You're so knowledgeable and you have helped me.
Congrats! Love your channel. You're insight is SO spot-on. You really give me, and I'm sure others...hope that our narc-free partner is out there. Thx. Keep up the great work(s.)
Wishing you a long, healthy and happy marriage together! ❤❤
Congratulations 🌟
Sincerest best wishes for your marriage. May you both be very happy and experience the best of life together.
Congratulations ❤️😇
Blessings on a happy and peaceful union🙏
🥂 congrats!
Congratulations 👏👏😊😊
Congratulations. Your words are very much helpful
HUGE congrats and the very best wishes that the Lord blesses you with a happy healthy future together.
Yes, SO true!!! Complete double standards ALWAYS. Congratulations on your marriage!!!
We're happy for you teacher, happy marriage and beware of read flags 🎉
Congrats beautiful 🌹 thanks for all you do!
Congratulations! You are so clear…the best! Thank you for your life-saving content🌹🌈
❤🎉congratulations
I was never allowed to rest, if he came home and saw me not doing anything, I’d be called lazy…even though the house magically cleaned itself, food just happen to appear, dinners and snacks were somehow always in the fridge…I would make big dinners with our friends and he would get himself a “snack”( a full fast food meal) around 4-5 pm, then he wasn’t hungry and would sit and watch tv in another room, while I entertained his friends …fkr
I'm elated for you! Congratulations! Had noticed the engagement ring....
Wishing You the Blessings of our Lord Jesus Christ. So happy 4 You. 💖
🕊
Wonderful news! I'm so happy for you! And this video is spot on, thank you for it.
Congratulations Love ♥️♥️♥️ Sending you & your husband a life of love, fun & success 🎊🎊🎁🎁
Thank you!
Congratulations🎉
Congratulations! Keep up your awesome work!
The blue looks good! 😃
Hurray!!!
Congratulations and thank you for your support
Oh yay!!! So happy for you, and grateful for your work.
🎉🎉🎉Congratulations!!
This video deserves so many more views. Liked and am Interacting to help boost that algorithm. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. They hit home.
Thank you!
Congratulations 🎊🎉 🎉
OMG, thats so cool!! Congradulations!!
Wow thats soo beautiful. Congratulations ❤❤❤
Congratulations 🎉
Congratulations! :D
Congratulations! So very happy for you! Thank you for all that you do to help us all! 💕
What a horrible headache 🤕 of a life to be married to a narcissist, boy don’t I know!!!!!!😮😮😮😮😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😊😊
Congratulations!!
congrats!!!!!!
Congratulations
Happy Wedding!! 👰 💍 🕊
Thank you!
Congratulations!!!❤
Thanks!!
Congratulations on your wedding. Love your new Afghan BTW. I always liked seeing the previous purple one in your other video's. Childhood memory for me I suppose. Do you make them?
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 you look beautiful. I need to hear this I'm single now 😁😁😁. Love from Albuquerque.
We’re under a dictator ship .. my husband shut the power off for an hour .. bc he couldn’t get his beauty sleep w the TV on .., my 85 yr old mom was like wtf is he always this childish … Yes 😅
I got a baby request after 10 months of unstable dating from a 35 year old woman! She went mad tan off to her room and threw a tantrum and threw things when i refused. Was she being reasonable to expect my compliance?
Congratz
Congratulations 🎉 that lucky guy 😅found a real life partner … they’ll be no nonsense here .
Or forget to call them because you were caught up in a work thing. And you sit there going Holy crap I'm late in calling him. He's gonna be po'd and go silent grumpy. And miffed and when you say. I'm sorry I forgot. Get the reaction that you didn't call me on purpose.