People don't care as much about what the narc did to you as you do. Thanks for verbalizing this truth. This is one of the hardest parts of recovery I think. It's why connecting with other survivors is so important.
The people who love and support the narc do it for a reason. They like the way the narc makes them feel. They are still being love bombed. They will VIOLENTLY oppose you if you try to help them see the truth. They don’t want to know. It’s torture to see your friends headed for pain and disaster and know there is nothing you can do to help them, because they don’t want to see reality
What do you do when you were married to them for 32 years, they abused, took everything covertly and made the home so toxic and impossible on purpose (just so i would leave and he could show others he is the victim). He is a dr and has been saving the flying monkeys but treated me cruelly. Still stalks me, signs me up for robo calls but uses my good friends names so i will know it is him and cannot prove or stop it. How to go to my childrens wedding while he pretends to be nice to me in front of others. How to act at the events where he will premeditate a false show? Mine is an insidious ocd, sociopath and family knows it but public does not. How to attend these events after he discarded me with nothing and he remarried 3 months later to his affair partner he hid and gaslit me about and chased me away with rages at 3:00 am while i was in other room, locked me out, so much dysfunction. Need real event advice.
I am 3 years no contact. I walked out the door, never looked back, explained nothing to anyone. Life is not Awesome but a whole lot better than living in the crazies environment. I started over, I got myself into therapy and lived day by day. Its been 3 years. I've made new friends and when I think about that mess, I know I live far away and I do what I want without even caring what Those people are doing, thinking or wondering. I moved away did not look back. It worked. I could care less, I got some living to do. Im just fine. Actually I like being alone. I like myself very much😊
Listen to this lady. My ex tried to kill me more than once because I blew whistle on him. Looking back, I was lucky, and he’s dead of his own machinations.
Lucky you, how many times do you think that other victims of narcissists may not have been so fortunate?! Tell everyone you can exactly what that horrible narc did to you!!!
Narcissists don't admire anything about you or what you do for them or who you are as a person. The best examples are my parents. I feel like a court jester.
The injustice that you speak about is what I live with every day. If you're someone who only had one narcissist hurt you deeply, and then had to live for a while with the fact that no one cared, consider yourself somewhat lucky, because one bad hurt is nothing compared to multiple bad hurts from many narcissists. If you recovered and your life is flourishing you're blessed. Myself and many other will never recover, there are nights when I'm unable to sleep because I had my dreams and aspirations crushed, and I'm stuck with the narcissists because they're family and they don't care at all what they've done to me. Instead of reaching my fullest potential in life I exist to be manipulated by and serve my narcissistic family. I've tried to escape but it's like you said, people have their own problems, they don't care if you're trying to free yourself from a bad situation, they don't even see it.
Very true. I myself was married to a narcissist and it seems that there are half of the offspring’s we have have acquired his narcissistic values and personality traits.
Me too. One narc after another and all the enablers just want to me to accept being the target so they arent. And the narcs are so nice to them most people don't believe you. They should educate people in school so people recognise the red flags and get out at the first one. What is the point of living if you have no justice and are punished if you won't be their target?
I agree. Your own perceptions will take time to recover, too. I had a mix of reactions. My narc influenced a lot of people but not everyone. A few people were very warm and some wondered how I took it for so long. If I wasn’t in the right place at the right time, I would never know. Maybe there were many more but people usually mind their own businesses. Don’t let abuse tell you that everyone thinks he’s perfect and you’re at fault.
@@Launabanauna2 I hope whatever you choose to do works for you As for me, I agree 100% with this video. "Giving up", "letting go". "Moving on". Semantics imho. All situations are different, I respect your point about "giving up" as feeling weak, and wish you the best. Given the choice, if getting away from them is "giving up and weak", sign me up. I don't mean to be flip or sarcastic but genuinely don't care what they think, as long as I am out. Peace. Be well. Take care.
I have gone no contact with several narcissists in my life, but I've come to realize that in some countries like unfortunately mine there are whole narcissistic political movements, and you just can't go no contact with them. It's so distressing.
If you study this enough and you have something that will eventually come to an end. Write about it so you have proof of what actually happened. 9.5 times out of 10 it’s all insidious. That’s why a lot of people don’t understand to this day. What in the hell happened to her. Well, then they will know.
Haha...so true! Not my monkeys and not my circus! There won't be many people who can see through the narcissist but when you find them they are priceless and most likely ex-victims too. I just keep to myself and never disclose any information to anyone in the narc's inner circle. Trust yourself because you know best.
Thank you. The urge is strong to tell my side but ive resisted and to hear you explain it, really serves as reinforcement to not make this error and instead, stay focused on myself and my kids. Full freedom is a few court visits away 😊. You may NOT be a professional but you have more practical advice than any "professional" in the field. I return to your content to keep my head on straight while I'm navigating the end game.
Super good advice much of the time, thank you! It's often just not worth it. At the same time, I've seen that once someone has gotten centered and healed a good deal, for some people, identifying a few people to offer information about the narcissist in a calm, clear manner without the goal of trying to convince them of anything or to change their mind can actually be empowering for the individual and a positive contribution to the collective even if no minds are changed. There is an intrinsic power to speaking truth not just knowing it. Of course one most always prioritize safety and it's often not possible to do this given how vindictive narcissists are. But I have seen cases where after time this can be a very healing and productive thing to do, thoughtfully with circumspection.
Happy New Year lovely. All the best to you and yours. I agree, toxic people surround themselves with other toxic people so their behaviour is not viewed as the abhorrent thing that it is…. Take good care. Thank you ☺️
Expose the narcissist if you have a death wish. They can become violent if they even sense you’re trying to expose them. Time is a truth teller. My ex told everyone I was crazy…only to sloppily stalk me. He exposed himself. Then denied it of course. 😂
Same here. However his profession has always put him in the “expert” chair and his “savior syndrome” makes him appear like a good person. He is a piece of work. 31 years with someone who was a prop wearing a mask.
And he continues to stalk me while he remarried immediately after discard with fake accounts. Signs me up for emails, calls, and more using people i know, identity- just so i will know it is him but cannot prove all but have some. Nasty mosquitos.
That narcs family and friends know what they did to you. They are crows just like them. I don't care what that delusional demon said about me. Because, I will be the villian in his story, because he is a clown in mine.😂
Thank you for your very thorough explanation! You are so young and I’m sorry you’ve experienced this abuse so badly that you know these things yet , grateful you are intelligent enough to recognize it. Ive had 42 years experience with a a few narcissists and only recently realized what it is. I’ve actually had people that are “friends” of these people come to me and inform me how wonderful their narcissistic friend is and dont I agree. I learned to say “ they can be” and end that conversation or, their friend come up and I introduce myself only to hear “ Ive heard about you”. You are so right about wanting so badly for the people to know how evil and destructive these people have been. Its hard when the narcissist is sweet and cute and willing to give the shirt off their back to outsiders, volunteer and just look like mother Theresa, and yet behind closed doors be a raging home wrecker, sometimes physically abusive as well. Thank you for explaining why thats never a good idea to try and expose them. You explained it well. I wish you the best and think you would make a excellent coach or councilor.
Do you have any input on shaming a narcissist? For instance, mine has been behaving badly and I have not yet revealed that I know what he has been doing. Part of me feels like if I told him what I know he would retreat from my life more which is what I want. But on the other hand, I realize that I have never really known this person at all, and I’ve known him for decades.
I would never recommend purposely doing anything for the sole purpose of upsetting a narcissist. They are too unpredictable and it really won’t accomplish anything. Certainly nothing worth the possible reaction.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror I have 2 awesome cats, Rex and Selena, I don't think I would have made it through 2023 without them. They have definitely been my emotional support animals.
See I disagree I get it that they've done planted seeds and made up rumors about how awful you are n most likely won't belive what you say anyway at least the new supply will have that maybe just maybe there is something about this person that's not right. I sure the hell wish his exs would have said something.
I too wish his ex would have said something. I may not have believed her, but when the lies and gaslighting started it would have given me something to reflect on and that it wasn't just my imagination.
People don't care as much about what the narc did to you as you do. Thanks for verbalizing this truth. This is one of the hardest parts of recovery I think. It's why connecting with other survivors is so important.
The people who love and support the narc do it for a reason. They like the way the narc makes them feel. They are still being love bombed. They will VIOLENTLY oppose you if you try to help them see the truth. They don’t want to know. It’s torture to see your friends headed for pain and disaster and know there is nothing you can do to help them, because they don’t want to see reality
What do you do when you were married to them for 32 years, they abused, took everything covertly and made the home so toxic and impossible on purpose (just so i would leave and he could show others he is the victim). He is a dr and has been saving the flying monkeys but treated me cruelly. Still stalks me, signs me up for robo calls but uses my good friends names so i will know it is him and cannot prove or stop it. How to go to my childrens wedding while he pretends to be nice to me in front of others. How to act at the events where he will premeditate a false show? Mine is an insidious ocd, sociopath and family knows it but public does not. How to attend these events after he discarded me with nothing and he remarried 3 months later to his affair partner he hid and gaslit me about and chased me away with rages at 3:00 am while i was in other room, locked me out, so much dysfunction. Need real event advice.
I am 3 years no contact. I walked out the door, never looked back, explained nothing to anyone. Life is not Awesome but a whole lot better than living in the crazies environment. I started over, I got myself into therapy and lived day by day. Its been 3 years. I've made new friends and when I think about that mess, I know I live far away and I do what I want without even caring what Those people are doing, thinking or wondering. I moved away did not look back. It worked. I could care less, I got some living to do. Im just fine. Actually I like being alone. I like myself very much😊
Yes✊
Listen to this lady. My ex tried to kill me more than once because I blew whistle on him. Looking back, I was lucky, and he’s dead of his own machinations.
Lucky you, how many times do you think that other victims of narcissists may not have been so fortunate?!
Tell everyone you can exactly what that horrible narc did to you!!!
Narcissists don't admire anything about you or what you do for them or who you are as a person. The best examples are my parents. I feel like a court jester.
What a narration! Perfect to the point. For all those struggling to get your side of the story-just give up and help yourself to heal.
I like to think of it as learning to “let them go” as opposed to framing it as ‘giving up’ ☺️👍❣️
The injustice that you speak about is what I live with every day. If you're someone who only had one narcissist hurt you deeply, and then had to live for a while with the fact that no one cared, consider yourself somewhat lucky, because one bad hurt is nothing compared to multiple bad hurts from many narcissists. If you recovered and your life is flourishing you're blessed. Myself and many other will never recover, there are nights when I'm unable to sleep because I had my dreams and aspirations crushed, and I'm stuck with the narcissists because they're family and they don't care at all what they've done to me. Instead of reaching my fullest potential in life I exist to be manipulated by and serve my narcissistic family. I've tried to escape but it's like you said, people have their own problems, they don't care if you're trying to free yourself from a bad situation, they don't even see it.
Very true. I myself was married to a narcissist and it seems that there are half of the offspring’s we have have acquired his narcissistic values and personality traits.
Me too. One narc after another and all the enablers just want to me to accept being the target so they arent. And the narcs are so nice to them most people don't believe you. They should educate people in school so people recognise the red flags and get out at the first one. What is the point of living if you have no justice and are punished if you won't be their target?
I agree. Your own perceptions will take time to recover, too. I had a mix of reactions. My narc influenced a lot of people but not everyone. A few people were very warm and some wondered how I took it for so long. If I wasn’t in the right place at the right time, I would never know. Maybe there were many more but people usually mind their own businesses. Don’t let abuse tell you that everyone thinks he’s perfect and you’re at fault.
So basically you just have to deal with being lied on, and leave all the toxic people behind. 😩
Yes, basically you do. Because you can’t change people or make them care.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror
Maybe not, but stop being a pushover, and just tell everyone the truth, and let the cards fall where they may!
@@Launabanauna2
I hope whatever you choose to do works for you
As for me, I agree 100% with this video. "Giving up", "letting go". "Moving on". Semantics imho.
All situations are different, I respect your point about "giving up" as feeling weak, and wish you the best.
Given the choice, if getting away from them is "giving up and weak", sign me up. I don't mean to be flip or sarcastic but genuinely don't care what they think, as long as I am out.
Peace. Be well. Take care.
I have gone no contact with several narcissists in my life, but I've come to realize that in some countries like unfortunately mine there are whole narcissistic political movements, and you just can't go no contact with them. It's so distressing.
I know what you mean. You can only do what you can do. But I believe that awareness is the first step towards freedom in any situation.
Great video! Funny that other people listen to the narcissist's problems and sympathize with them and even attack you back on their behalf!
If you study this enough and you have something that will eventually come to an end. Write about it so you have proof of what actually happened. 9.5 times out of 10 it’s all insidious. That’s why a lot of people don’t understand to this day. What in the hell happened to her. Well, then they will know.
Haha...so true! Not my monkeys and not my circus! There won't be many people who can see through the narcissist but when you find them they are priceless and most likely ex-victims too. I just keep to myself and never disclose any information to anyone in the narc's inner circle. Trust yourself because you know best.
I needed to hear this a long time ago.
Outstanding advice! You will have your hands full healing yourself. You can't do anything for them.
Nope I ll let them figure them out on their own😂
Thank you. The urge is strong to tell my side but ive resisted and to hear you explain it, really serves as reinforcement to not make this error and instead, stay focused on myself and my kids. Full freedom is a few court visits away 😊. You may NOT be a professional but you have more practical advice than any "professional" in the field. I return to your content to keep my head on straight while I'm navigating the end game.
Super good advice much of the time, thank you! It's often just not worth it. At the same time, I've seen that once someone has gotten centered and healed a good deal, for some people, identifying a few people to offer information about the narcissist in a calm, clear manner without the goal of trying to convince them of anything or to change their mind can actually be empowering for the individual and a positive contribution to the collective even if no minds are changed. There is an intrinsic power to speaking truth not just knowing it. Of course one most always prioritize safety and it's often not possible to do this given how vindictive narcissists are. But I have seen cases where after time this can be a very healing and productive thing to do, thoughtfully with circumspection.
Excellent analysis and advice!
Happy New Year lovely. All the best to you and yours. I agree, toxic people surround themselves with other toxic people so their behaviour is not viewed as the abhorrent thing that it is….
Take good care. Thank you ☺️
Excellent!
Expose the narcissist if you have a death wish. They can become violent if they even sense you’re trying to expose them.
Time is a truth teller. My ex told everyone I was crazy…only to sloppily stalk me. He exposed himself. Then denied it of course. 😂
Same here. However his profession has always put him in the “expert” chair and his “savior syndrome” makes him appear like a good person. He is a piece of work. 31 years with someone who was a prop wearing a mask.
And he continues to stalk me while he remarried immediately after discard with fake accounts. Signs me up for emails, calls, and more using people i know, identity- just so i will know it is him but cannot prove all but have some. Nasty mosquitos.
This is really so excellent and helpful
I always get tempted to expose them but I do think I should listen to you.... Thanks 🙏
That narcs family and friends know what they did to you. They are crows just like them. I don't care what that delusional demon said about me. Because, I will be the villian in his story, because he is a clown in mine.😂
Thank you for your very thorough explanation! You are so young and I’m sorry you’ve experienced this abuse so badly that you know these things yet , grateful you are intelligent enough to recognize it. Ive had 42 years experience with a
a few narcissists and only recently realized what it is. I’ve actually had people that are “friends” of these people come to me and inform me how wonderful their narcissistic friend is and dont I agree. I learned to say “ they can be” and end that conversation or, their friend come up and I introduce myself only to hear “ Ive heard about you”. You are so right about wanting so badly for the people to know how evil and destructive these people have been. Its hard when the narcissist is sweet and cute and willing to give the shirt off their back to outsiders, volunteer and just look like mother Theresa, and yet behind closed doors be a raging home wrecker, sometimes physically abusive as well. Thank you for explaining why thats never a good idea to try and expose them. You explained it well. I wish you the best and think you would make a excellent coach or councilor.
Exactly what I needed to know ❤
Spot On video!!!! Excellent!
Amazing video, thank you so much! 💖
Great advice!❤☺️
Do you have any input on shaming a narcissist? For instance, mine has been behaving badly and I have not yet revealed that I know what he has been doing. Part of me feels like if I told him what I know he would retreat from my life more which is what I want. But on the other hand, I realize that I have never really known this person at all, and I’ve known him for decades.
I would never recommend purposely doing anything for the sole purpose of upsetting a narcissist. They are too unpredictable and it really won’t accomplish anything. Certainly nothing worth the possible reaction.
Where is Lucy??
She was not in the mood. Neither was my dog. Oh well. Maybe next time. 😂
@@LookingBehindtheMirror I have 2 awesome cats, Rex and Selena, I don't think I would have made it through 2023 without them. They have definitely been my emotional support animals.
Big don't even waste your time
See I disagree I get it that they've done planted seeds and made up rumors about how awful you are n most likely won't belive what you say anyway at least the new supply will have that maybe just maybe there is something about this person that's not right. I sure the hell wish his exs would have said something.
I too wish his ex would have said something. I may not have believed her, but when the lies and gaslighting started it would have given me something to reflect on and that it wasn't just my imagination.
Excellent!