What really hits for me is not walking in someone else's shoes but to BELIEVE them when they tell you how it feels to THEM to be walking in their own shoes. And as Brene says, this pushes a lot of buttons. People who tell you you weren't abused or gaslit or bullied because it's not how THEY perceive it. People who tell you you're not working as hard as you can or that you don't feel the pain at the level that you feel it. Human beings LOVE to tell other human beings why they do or do not experience something and why someone outside of your own head can tell you what you feel or think or perceive or sense better than you can for yourself.
People can feel however they want to feel. But I react the way I choose to react. A friend of mine said she was abused, but she only started talking like that during the break-up. They both were good friends of ours and were apart of our little group of couple friends. For 10 years we hung out with them as a couple. She wore the pants and he did what she asked. They got divorced. She claimed abuse happened during the relationship before they were even breaking up. No one could see it. Even during the divorce, he never said anything bad about her. Not a quip or joke about her. Ok, she felt abused. Whatever I wasn’t apart of her relationship. Was he different behind closed doors?? Possibly, but she did not say this was the case. This is where I don’t agree with the above statement - she wanted me to change my views on him. She wanted people on her side. But I don’t play that game. Just because YOU felt abused, I don’t have to stop being friends with him. She asked me why I was hanging out with an abuser. Her therapist said (according to her) no one will understand her abuse. It was so covert she didn’t even know it was happening when it was happening. Huh???? Anyways, no one has to validate your feelings. They are your feelings and you need to take responsibility for them. Perception and mindset not only affects others, but how you see it too. I wanted to talk to her therapist and see exactly what abuse she was referring to and of course me talking to her therapist is not happening. So no, I don’t agree with the above statement. No one needs to validate your feelings or walk in anyones shoes. Of course I felt bad that she was getting a divorce. But it was a normal breakup. Her definition of abuse is different than mine. And while I respect how she feels and never questioned how she felt, I could not be friends with her anymore because she was so subjective and wanted OTHER TO FEEL HOW SHE WAS FEELING and treat him like an abuser when everyone disagreed abuse was happening. Her examples didn’t fit abuse. She was upset she was getting divorced. And as a woman, I am highly sensitive to power struggles, dominance and of course abuse whether it be verbal, manipulation or financial abuse. But feelings come and go and not always correct. Why do I have to validate crazy?? There are other examples of HER not having the correct perception. For example, she told me how she relayed a story to her therapist that I actually was apart of. It did not happen the way she told it to her therapist. I called her out on it when I got fed up. So, I gotta validate her feelings of her telling her therapist a false recanting of a story?? I have to validate her feelings when I think they are coming from a different reality??
@@ColoradocoreanIt’s none of your business to question whether or not someone is or has been abused. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Why are you on a mission to expose her as a liar that was never abused. What’s your payoff? Leave that relationship alone and concentrate on your own.
Talking about emotions is usually so abstract, but Brown always finds a way to crack open the exterior language to explore meanings through concrete images. Great stuff.
Listening to this I sat down and wrote down two things in my journal .. 1. What are you feeling right now 2. What do you need right now After I did this exercise I felt released, a little more free and more relaxed. Is this self love and self compassion? I guess but it helped. Thank you 🙏
Pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional. No one rises strong alone, by themselves, community and emotional first aid at minimum by people who are invested in helping others heal is essential. 🤗
42:46 - 43:19. I listened to that three times. I would love for her to do a book or podcast with scripts like that for difficult situations. So many times in life I've needed to say something difficult but didn't know how to express it in a productive way.
New gems from this conversation I learned: near enemy concept; compassion versus near enemy = control, being the learner and not bearer of knowledge; and emotional granularity with resentment being a function of envy. More please! Thank you for this conversation!
Wow Brene is blessed because she speaks what a lot of people’s suffering going through. They have no idea therefore you can not judge what someone has gone through.
Loved so many things about this Podcast. Was not familiar with the "near enemy" concept, although I have experienced it so many times. The feeling of not being understood even though the words were there. The comment about feeling overwhelmed hit hard, this is definitely me, but now I will change how I handle this feeling. I use the sentence "I'm here to get it right, not to be right" for many years, which seems to annoy a lot of people. Thank you Brene for being an inspiration to closer connections.
Your discussion of how important being able to name emotions--in order to handle, replicate, process them--echoes one of Fred Rogers's best known quotes: "Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable."
6:06 emotion comfertable or able to identify, name it when I am experiencing it - Happy sad pissed off 7:31 emotion and experience 8:17 If we can name something, we can better ask for what we need, move through it effectively and for positive emotion, replicate it 14:21 two words check in 33:0935:07 near enemy of connection is control 35:36 understanding of our own emotion dictate the capacity to connect with other people 42:41 boundaries about manipulation There are needs that are communicating not skillfully
Every time I read or listen to Brené I learn something new, even if it's the same content I've seen/heard before. I've told my therapist that there are definitely times when I read her stuff and am goin.. 👀called out! But somehow, okay with it! Like one of the previous commenters, it resonated with me when she put forward that believing someone else's experiences versus "walking in their shoes". Something I hear a lot, in both personal and professional realms, is that being BELIEVED on its own gave them hope or relief. In her vulnerability TedTalk, she mentioned two things that I have found apply so often, and the second is something you hear in my profession as well (her mention was it is a saying in social work). The first is that feeling of "excruciating vulnerability". I felt it on a visceral level, and have never forgotten those two words since. And the second is the saying "lean into the discomfort". It can be uncomfortable to hear someone else's experiences and believe them. My experiences and observations lead me to believe that being and feeling believed seems to make vulnerability just a little less excruciating.. Excellent discussion, thank you both.
Is anyone here aware that Kamala Harris, whom Brene Brown seems to be supporting at this moment, is the daughter of Marxist/communist parents who live in India. Kamala, it would appear, is a plant from the communist party. An irresponsibe vote for this person is arbitarily supporting the communist party. I honetly thought Brene Brown was smarter and more intelligent than to roll over and support a known communist.
The Envy concept in psychology is "not wanting the other person to have/achieve/be (happy, fulfilled, acquisitions...) The envious person doesn't necessarily want what the other person has or is/has been experiencing to themselves, they just don't want that person to be happy because it shows the envious person they themselves are not. When the other person takes a step further in life it reminds me of where I am. That's envy in psychology. The upside of envy is that it shows the envious person they want advance, but think they are capable of doing so - we psychologists can help here. When you desire something/ someone/ an experience someone else has, that is COVET. - Interesting chat, though. We certainly can benefit from the richeness of this kinda content
After trying to connect with the person by asking them what they need, what do you say if you cannot or do not want to give them what they need while still remaining compassionate and connected?
Thank you for your podcast and inspiring guest. I would like to suggest Jane Goodall as guest for your podcast, specifically to talk about her book "The Book of Hope".
so I have a question(preferably for someone who is very familiar with this work) at about 32:00 when she talks about near enemies, and she is saying, if I call someone and they ask about the situation, vs if I call someone and then I say, bless your heart.. so to speak.. that the 2nd one is leaving them empty..(full disclosure, I stopped at 32:21, so if she finishes the thought with, that is up to the person with the issue to deal with then this is irrelevant), but up until recently, when I used to talk to a significant other and offer suggestions to help them through, like the first example here, all the while listening and trying to offer compassion, I used to get, I dont need you to fix me, just listen... Only recently have I found someone, that I hope to soon be in a relationship with... Who actually appreciates when I talk after she explains what is going on(or at least it seems so) ,.... point being.. is the right thing to do, to try and help the person through their situation? I have always felt inclined, or led, to want to help people, when I feel I can offer sound 3rd party advice, as I feel I have a good head on my shoulders, and was raised with good morals and think that common sense and logic, while they may not be a fix all, can sure help lead to someone heading down the right path.. sorry for the drawn out response, but I am genuinely curious if I just need to back off and only listen, or of the back and forth is truly appreciated but even more importantly, the right course of action, as I am no therapist, just someone who is empathetic.
Some people do appreciate it, whereas others see it as a criticism (apparently); this was a lesson I had to learn. It's been suggested, and it does seem to work for me, to ask the person--are you asking for advice, or just for me to listen? Or, ask them if they mind hearing your suggestions, and honor what they say. You give them a choice that way.
@hannahallen2432 I must have learned that somewhere too! I've been talking to a girl recently and when she vents I usually will say something.. then quickly say if you don't want me to reply I won't.. I'll let you get it out.. and I get it.. sometimes people don't know when to be selfless I think .. its a hard lesson if you can't see what you're doing .. but one we should all work toward mastering .. ❤️.. point is I try to be self aware all the time
@lanep2023 thanks.. turns out the woman I am currently talking to just wants to be friends, and therefore we are just having an open conversation where we share our issues in life.. unfortunately she shot me down with the don't want to ruin our friendship nonsense when realistically I'm probably exactly what she should be turning to, given her past and abusive marriage.. anyway thanks because in the future I will be more careful of that
and for those of us who are on the spectrum and have the dx of Alexithymia... which means we cannot name our emotions. Are doubly challenged in the emotional communication department.
I appreciate Dr Brene Brown, I read her book The Gifts of Imperfection and I like it. However, I must disagree with most of what is presented here. We don´t need to label emotion to process it. The underlying reason why anyone wants to label all emotion and put them to boxes is FEAR, or even TERROR of emotion. Emotions are experienced bodyly. A baby experiences emotion, cries when it is sad (usually because it feels unhealed emotions of its environment), and doesn´t know it is called sadness. It doesn´t need to know. The problem happens when its parents or someone in the environment anxiously makes it stop crying. And so the baby supresses its emotions and the sadness later manifests as a sickness of some kind, or as a depression. The baby is tought to DREAD emotion. And, THIS is what happened to all of us. Even when noone actively supressed us, we felt it. Because all children are naturally like sensitive sponges, very empathic. So we felt that it is not acceptable to be overwhelmed by emotion, and we would go crazy if we did. THAT is the error that harmed us. Because the truth is that a human being CAN experience all emotions, even terror or overwhelm. And when we do, we release all the negative ones. And positive ones grow. We will feel positive ones more intensely as a result of not supressing emotions. ... Language is also actually limiting and there are not words yet for all the flavors of emotions. I am not saying that there are not occasions when labeling emotions doesn´t help. To some people it helps, and it assists us to communicate to others. Especially it is needed when we feel desperate for example and reach out for help. It is ok to communicate our emotions with others and label them, but it is also not so necessary. For processing we don´t have to. In some occassions it helps, but in some it doesn´t and can also prevent us from feeling our feelings fully. What helps me, is an emotional relationship with God, the Creator of my soul, who knows me and all my feelings... When it comes to communication, with people, I think more words should be created to label the flavors of emotions. However, when are more emotionally open and we don´t supress our emotions, we are naturally more empathetic towards others and FEEL what they feel, without needing them to tell us. I know that, as I am a natural empath, and ever since I can remember I felt emotions of the people I met internally. (For example, my mood changed when a teacher came to the classroom and she was not having a good day. I just felt it. I am not saying it is healthy to be affected by other peoples emotions so much. I own my personal feelings now which heals me and makes me not so affected by others.) Many children born these days are very empathic, that is what God intends because it is needed. More sensitivity and deeper understanding. The ability of Empathy is something everyone can develop, by opening to Feeling. That is how we heal the world.
Right Brains have Cognitive empathy _a learned empathy ( observational empathy )_ it mimics what is real_ it reverse eng real empathy_ it's fake empathy. Real empathy is experienced. Like some people can afford a real designer hand bag and some people buy the cheaper knock off . some people are creative and some people just copy what the creative person did. Real emotion allows one to take the original and collaborate and build onto the original. Fake emotion allows one just to copy the original _ nothing is added to make anything better _ it's just a cheap knock off and will lack quality. You know the stuff we buy from China are knock offs and cheap and break every year.
I find it interesting that she used DJT as an example of a near enemy. Not that she's not right but, that is what politicians do....both sides. He's playing the game...playing on people's emotions, but so does every other politician. He isn't doing anything different. So...if you get sucked into politics, no matter what side you're on, you should evaluate your ability to assess near enemies.
@ Nikki Hubbard First of all Brene Brown once said if the comment does not have a photo and their actual name on the comment she would not bother reading it. Also I do believe that there is a tendency to medicate because most people don’t want to feel bad. (Though I do know people that have clinical depression. It is because something is not working right with their brain not a situational cause) As far as language there is a lack of understanding the nuances between certain words. I can only speak from personal experience that I was so disconnected from my feelings (after a traumatic event) that as part of my recovery the therapist gave me a feelings chart so I could identify a feeling and point at it.
Furthermore, when my heart opens up to absorb the information that she's trying to portray and then slammed shot with an advertisement trying to sell me some unnecessary product, I feel violated!!! At least you could do is pick some advertisers that have somesocial merit. If you could space them when there is a pause it would make it much more digestible. Just my thoughts "all the best"
Emotional granularity refers to individual differences in the ability to distinguish among emotional states and is a function of how information about valence and arousal is incorporated into representations of emotion (Barrett, 2004).
It means you have more than 3 emotions to describe how u feel. Like your hungry , maybe, but u just ate? Hmm_ u ask_ let's be curious _ let's check in what's going on around me. Okay my boss wants me to make him a coffee, maybe I feel hungry because I want a coffee instead I have to make him one_ like she said _ it might be resentment. You need to ask ur boss to make his own coffee or up your pay.
I was totally into this and then you had to pull politics into it and mention Donald Trump. I tried to watch your podcast, but I couldn’t get over your complete and total Democrat sway. I really like your research, but I wish you would not politicize it.
Wow, Brene' Brown. I am a CMHC with many years of experience in many years of referring clients to your videos to learn a concept more deeply. This is the first time that you stopped me in my tracks as you began using your platform for a political cause. Yikes- maybe do a little more research on that!
I like 90% of what she says, but I do not agree with Dr. Brown's viewpoint on everything. Her feelings and opinions about Donald Trump, while not overtly stated, are present like an undertow. I like what Jordan Peterson says: "And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of." I don't want a President that I can "connect" to. In fact, I do not connect to weak men at all. I want a President who will keep my country strong and defend my Constitutional Rights. I want a strong foreign negotiator. "A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control."
"It's okay to ask for what you need; it's not okay to lie or manipulate to get it."
Wow. News Flash!
@@martinboyd447 no kidding--- Ms. Brown supports a communist and that's the same as spitting on the constitution.
Marketers...pay attention! 😊
What really hits for me is not walking in someone else's shoes but to BELIEVE them when they tell you how it feels to THEM to be walking in their own shoes. And as Brene says, this pushes a lot of buttons. People who tell you you weren't abused or gaslit or bullied because it's not how THEY perceive it. People who tell you you're not working as hard as you can or that you don't feel the pain at the level that you feel it. Human beings LOVE to tell other human beings why they do or do not experience something and why someone outside of your own head can tell you what you feel or think or perceive or sense better than you can for yourself.
Well said 👏♥️😉
That's called abuse...
People can feel however they want to feel. But I react the way I choose to react.
A friend of mine said she was abused, but she only started talking like that during the break-up. They both were good friends of ours and were apart of our little group of couple friends. For 10 years we hung out with them as a couple. She wore the pants and he did what she asked. They got divorced. She claimed abuse happened during the relationship before they were even breaking up. No one could see it. Even during the divorce, he never said anything bad about her. Not a quip or joke about her.
Ok, she felt abused. Whatever I wasn’t apart of her relationship. Was he different behind closed doors?? Possibly, but she did not say this was the case. This is where I don’t agree with the above statement - she wanted me to change my views on him. She wanted people on her side. But I don’t play that game. Just because YOU felt abused, I don’t have to stop being friends with him. She asked me why I was hanging out with an abuser. Her therapist said (according to her) no one will understand her abuse. It was so covert she didn’t even know it was happening when it was happening. Huh????
Anyways, no one has to validate your feelings. They are your feelings and you need to take responsibility for them. Perception and mindset not only affects others, but how you see it too.
I wanted to talk to her therapist and see exactly what abuse she was referring to and of course me talking to her therapist is not happening.
So no, I don’t agree with the above statement. No one needs to validate your feelings or walk in anyones shoes.
Of course I felt bad that she was getting a divorce. But it was a normal breakup. Her definition of abuse is different than mine. And while I respect how she feels and never questioned how she felt, I could not be friends with her anymore because she was so subjective and wanted OTHER TO FEEL HOW SHE WAS FEELING and treat him like an abuser when everyone disagreed abuse was happening. Her examples didn’t fit abuse. She was upset she was getting divorced.
And as a woman, I am highly sensitive to power struggles, dominance and of course abuse whether it be verbal, manipulation or financial abuse.
But feelings come and go and not always correct. Why do I have to validate crazy??
There are other examples of HER not having the correct perception. For example, she told me how she relayed a story to her therapist that I actually was apart of. It did not happen the way she told it to her therapist. I called her out on it when I got fed up. So, I gotta validate her feelings of her telling her therapist a false recanting of a story?? I have to validate her feelings when I think they are coming from a different reality??
@@ColoradocoreanIt’s none of your business to question whether or not someone is or has been abused. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Why are you on a mission to expose her as a liar that was never abused. What’s your payoff? Leave that relationship alone and concentrate on your own.
"The limits of my vocabulary are the limits of my world". No words to add to that...
Building the vocabulary, broadens the horizons❤️
she deeply respects the human experience with all colors, tones, hues, values, shading and light
don't kid yourself
Talking about emotions is usually so abstract, but Brown always finds a way to crack open the exterior language to explore meanings through concrete images. Great stuff.
Well said!
Dang @cerealkiillar you just took me on a wild word ride, well said indeed! 🧠😂😍
@@MsGnor Why, thank you!
Listening to this I sat down and wrote down two things in my journal ..
1. What are you feeling right now
2. What do you need right now
After I did this exercise I felt released, a little more free and more relaxed.
Is this self love and self compassion? I guess but it helped. Thank you 🙏
"The limits of my language mean the limits of my world. Do we have a vocabulary that is expansive as our world?"
❤❤❤
My friendly word for envy is green - I’m green !! 😂❤
The concept that resentment is in the envy family! MIND BLOWN! Thank you!
Pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional.
No one rises strong alone, by themselves, community and emotional first aid at minimum by people who are invested in helping others heal is essential. 🤗
42:46 - 43:19. I listened to that three times. I would love for her to do a book or podcast with scripts like that for difficult situations. So many times in life I've needed to say something difficult but didn't know how to express it in a productive way.
New gems from this conversation I learned: near enemy concept; compassion versus near enemy = control, being the learner and not bearer of knowledge; and emotional granularity with resentment being a function of envy. More please! Thank you for this conversation!
Wow Brene is blessed because she speaks what a lot of people’s suffering going through. They have no idea therefore you can not judge what someone has gone through.
Loved so many things about this Podcast. Was not familiar with the "near enemy" concept, although I have experienced it so many times. The feeling of not being understood even though the words were there. The comment about feeling overwhelmed hit hard, this is definitely me, but now I will change how I handle this feeling. I use the sentence "I'm here to get it right, not to be right" for many years, which seems to annoy a lot of people. Thank you Brene for being an inspiration to closer connections.
Your discussion of how important being able to name emotions--in order to handle, replicate, process them--echoes one of Fred Rogers's best known quotes: "Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable."
Such an incredible conversation with many nuggets of pure gold for my journey of self awareness.
The near enemy concept is genius. “The near enemy of connection is control…” That’s sinking in pretty deep right now.
Connection vs. Control … a game changer
Chef! One of the best human interest movies EVER! 😮
6:06 emotion comfertable or able to identify, name it when I am experiencing it - Happy sad pissed off
7:31 emotion and experience
8:17 If we can name something, we can better ask for what we need, move through it effectively and for positive emotion, replicate it
14:21 two words check in
33:09 35:07 near enemy of connection is control
35:36 understanding of our own emotion dictate the capacity to connect with other people
42:41 boundaries about manipulation
There are needs that are communicating not skillfully
Every time I read or listen to Brené I learn something new, even if it's the same content I've seen/heard before. I've told my therapist that there are definitely times when I read her stuff and am goin.. 👀called out! But somehow, okay with it! Like one of the previous commenters, it resonated with me when she put forward that believing someone else's experiences versus "walking in their shoes". Something I hear a lot, in both personal and professional realms, is that being BELIEVED on its own gave them hope or relief. In her vulnerability TedTalk, she mentioned two things that I have found apply so often, and the second is something you hear in my profession as well (her mention was it is a saying in social work). The first is that feeling of "excruciating vulnerability". I felt it on a visceral level, and have never forgotten those two words since. And the second is the saying "lean into the discomfort". It can be uncomfortable to hear someone else's experiences and believe them. My experiences and observations lead me to believe that being and feeling believed seems to make vulnerability just a little less excruciating.. Excellent discussion, thank you both.
We love this! She's the best.
Omg, you just gave me clarity of my relationship with my sister. Helpful. ❤
10:00 it's like awe is to admire from a distance and wonder is to admire with a proximity
Is anyone here aware that Kamala Harris, whom Brene Brown seems to be supporting at this moment, is the daughter of Marxist/communist parents who live in India. Kamala, it would appear, is a plant from the communist party. An irresponsibe vote for this person is arbitarily supporting the communist party. I honetly thought Brene Brown was smarter and more intelligent than to roll over and support a known communist.
The Envy concept in psychology is "not wanting the other person to have/achieve/be (happy, fulfilled, acquisitions...) The envious person doesn't necessarily want what the other person has or is/has been experiencing to themselves, they just don't want that person to be happy because it shows the envious person they themselves are not. When the other person takes a step further in life it reminds me of where I am. That's envy in psychology. The upside of envy is that it shows the envious person they want advance, but think they are capable of doing so - we psychologists can help here. When you desire something/ someone/ an experience someone else has, that is COVET. - Interesting chat, though. We certainly can benefit from the richeness of this kinda content
Dan, your episode on Meditative Story is one of my favorites! I’ve listened (and continue)to, so many times!
Thank you for such beautiful words. Very helpful discussion. I am so grateful for the access to deep dive learning.
Thanks for listening!
After trying to connect with the person by asking them what they need, what do you say if you cannot or do not want to give them what they need while still remaining compassionate and connected?
Oh my God, you hit the nail on the head for me and something here with the resentfulness it is so in my body everywhere I think
Love Brene Brown! Thanks for this great episode!
Excellent and helpful as always! Thank you Dr. Brene Brown! ❤
So glad you enjoyed it!
This is great 💜 Powerful
Love Her…thank you for sharing this ….One really needs to read Her Book…it’s A Gift, A Grateful ❤
Interesting as always. Have yet to read Atlas of the Heart, but its on my list!
Ty first time Listing.💌
Thank you for your podcast and inspiring guest. I would like to suggest Jane Goodall as guest for your podcast, specifically to talk about her book "The Book of Hope".
❤ thank you
Of course it’s possible to read/sense other people’s emotions
Language is lost now to emojis and abreviaciones .. this an important interview Bremerton so bright and witty as well .. an ‘overwhelming’ experience
We're so glad!
so I have a question(preferably for someone who is very familiar with this work) at about 32:00 when she talks about near enemies, and she is saying, if I call someone and they ask about the situation, vs if I call someone and then I say, bless your heart.. so to speak.. that the 2nd one is leaving them empty..(full disclosure, I stopped at 32:21, so if she finishes the thought with, that is up to the person with the issue to deal with then this is irrelevant), but up until recently, when I used to talk to a significant other and offer suggestions to help them through, like the first example here, all the while listening and trying to offer compassion, I used to get, I dont need you to fix me, just listen... Only recently have I found someone, that I hope to soon be in a relationship with... Who actually appreciates when I talk after she explains what is going on(or at least it seems so) ,.... point being.. is the right thing to do, to try and help the person through their situation? I have always felt inclined, or led, to want to help people, when I feel I can offer sound 3rd party advice, as I feel I have a good head on my shoulders, and was raised with good morals and think that common sense and logic, while they may not be a fix all, can sure help lead to someone heading down the right path.. sorry for the drawn out response, but I am genuinely curious if I just need to back off and only listen, or of the back and forth is truly appreciated but even more importantly, the right course of action, as I am no therapist, just someone who is empathetic.
We need to be able to do both.
Some people do appreciate it, whereas others see it as a criticism (apparently); this was a lesson I had to learn. It's been suggested, and it does seem to work for me, to ask the person--are you asking for advice, or just for me to listen? Or, ask them if they mind hearing your suggestions, and honor what they say. You give them a choice that way.
@hannahallen2432 I must have learned that somewhere too! I've been talking to a girl recently and when she vents I usually will say something.. then quickly say if you don't want me to reply I won't.. I'll let you get it out.. and I get it.. sometimes people don't know when to be selfless I think .. its a hard lesson if you can't see what you're doing .. but one we should all work toward mastering .. ❤️.. point is I try to be self aware all the time
Be aware that suggestion can be perceived as judgement.
@lanep2023 thanks.. turns out the woman I am currently talking to just wants to be friends, and therefore we are just having an open conversation where we share our issues in life.. unfortunately she shot me down with the don't want to ruin our friendship nonsense when realistically I'm probably exactly what she should be turning to, given her past and abusive marriage.. anyway thanks because in the future I will be more careful of that
They played this a lot on black radio in DC. Good stuff
Just a mouth breather.
The near enemy of concern is gossip
Thank you 🙏🙏😊
I struggle with the exact same resentment feelings that you expressed wow I am not text savvy. I have no clue how to use this stuff but wow.
Awe and wonder at times my cloak.
29:20 Richie start here and listen til the end 💜
True❤
Forgive me for this, the ads come on at 10 dB higher than the broadcast. It's like a firecracker going off in my heart. Please rethink this...
and for those of us who are on the spectrum and have the dx of Alexithymia... which means we cannot name our emotions. Are doubly challenged in the emotional communication department.
❤❤❤❤❤
I call "emotional imbicility" emotional contipation. I've known many people who are emotionally constipated.
I appreciate Dr Brene Brown, I read her book The Gifts of Imperfection and I like it. However, I must disagree with most of what is presented here. We don´t need to label emotion to process it. The underlying reason why anyone wants to label all emotion and put them to boxes is FEAR, or even TERROR of emotion. Emotions are experienced bodyly. A baby experiences emotion, cries when it is sad (usually because it feels unhealed emotions of its environment), and doesn´t know it is called sadness. It doesn´t need to know. The problem happens when its parents or someone in the environment anxiously makes it stop crying. And so the baby supresses its emotions and the sadness later manifests as a sickness of some kind, or as a depression. The baby is tought to DREAD emotion. And, THIS is what happened to all of us. Even when noone actively supressed us, we felt it. Because all children are naturally like sensitive sponges, very empathic. So we felt that it is not acceptable to be overwhelmed by emotion, and we would go crazy if we did. THAT is the error that harmed us. Because the truth is that a human being CAN experience all emotions, even terror or overwhelm. And when we do, we release all the negative ones. And positive ones grow. We will feel positive ones more intensely as a result of not supressing emotions. ... Language is also actually limiting and there are not words yet for all the flavors of emotions. I am not saying that there are not occasions when labeling emotions doesn´t help. To some people it helps, and it assists us to communicate to others. Especially it is needed when we feel desperate for example and reach out for help. It is ok to communicate our emotions with others and label them, but it is also not so necessary. For processing we don´t have to. In some occassions it helps, but in some it doesn´t and can also prevent us from feeling our feelings fully. What helps me, is an emotional relationship with God, the Creator of my soul, who knows me and all my feelings... When it comes to communication, with people, I think more words should be created to label the flavors of emotions. However, when are more emotionally open and we don´t supress our emotions, we are naturally more empathetic towards others and FEEL what they feel, without needing them to tell us. I know that, as I am a natural empath, and ever since I can remember I felt emotions of the people I met internally. (For example, my mood changed when a teacher came to the classroom and she was not having a good day. I just felt it. I am not saying it is healthy to be affected by other peoples emotions so much. I own my personal feelings now which heals me and makes me not so affected by others.) Many children born these days are very empathic, that is what God intends because it is needed. More sensitivity and deeper understanding. The ability of Empathy is something everyone can develop, by opening to Feeling. That is how we heal the world.
Thank you for expressing your point with such clarity and objectivity and wisdom! Very helpful to me.
When such language vocabulary is critical for one's emotional intelligence, how do you explain the way of people who are right brain oriented?
Right Brains have Cognitive empathy _a learned empathy ( observational empathy )_ it mimics what is real_ it reverse eng real empathy_ it's fake empathy.
Real empathy is experienced.
Like some people can afford a real designer hand bag and some people buy the cheaper knock off . some people are creative and some people just copy what the creative person did. Real emotion allows one to take the original and collaborate and build onto the original. Fake emotion allows one just to copy the original _ nothing is added to make anything better _ it's just a cheap knock off and will lack quality. You know the stuff we buy from China are knock offs and cheap and break every year.
25:29 boom. Tami, watch this part.
Delightfully profane lol. Brene changed my life- not an over exaggeration.
Thanks for listening!
(7)❤☘ You've outdone yourself with this one! ❤☘
Instead of using the word pissed off why not angry or annoyed has been used
I am finding in my practise clients have a very poor vocabulary to describe what is really going on AI will actually help people get more words.
35:00
Try being on the spectrum!
And reaching a meltdown
The number of adds is intolerable.
I find it interesting that she used DJT as an example of a near enemy. Not that she's not right but, that is what politicians do....both sides. He's playing the game...playing on people's emotions, but so does every other politician. He isn't doing anything different. So...if you get sucked into politics, no matter what side you're on, you should evaluate your ability to assess near enemies.
Could it be that people are only in touch with three of their emotions because of all the pharmaceutical drugs they take that numb? Real question here
That and all the garbage they put into our movies and media. They’ve succeeded in making us into robots.
My medicine cabinet is empty. If you listen carefully you will hear that the WORDS for the emotions are what is missing.
@@gmailuser3377 You should be in charge of who and what you listen to and watch. If you ingest garbage what do you expect?
Some of the comments on here are so sanctimonious and obnoxious.
@ Nikki Hubbard
First of all Brene Brown once said if the comment does not have a photo and their actual name on the comment she would not bother reading it.
Also I do believe that there is a tendency to medicate because most people don’t want to feel bad. (Though I do know people that have clinical depression. It is because something is not working right with their brain not a situational cause)
As far as language there is a lack of understanding the nuances between certain words.
I can only speak from personal experience that I was so disconnected from my feelings (after a traumatic event) that as part of my recovery the therapist gave me a feelings chart so I could identify a feeling and point at it.
So new age old age. Feelings … lost souls.
Sorry , too many commercials
Use an ad-blocker or an ad-blocking browser like Brave!
I agree - just too many. I stopped watching.
There's finally a glaring difference between a donkey and an elephant.
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Here is an example
Ad's on this make me feel played and anxious that my emotions are be used for personal gain... not happy... turned it off
With a YT monthly subscription, there are no ads!!
Furthermore, when my heart opens up to absorb the information that she's trying to portray and then slammed shot with an advertisement trying to sell me some unnecessary product, I feel violated!!! At least you could do is pick some advertisers that have somesocial merit.
If you could space them when there is a pause it would make it much more digestible.
Just my thoughts "all the best"
But what does “granularity” mean?
Emotional granularity refers to individual differences in the ability to distinguish among emotional states and is a function of how information about valence and arousal is incorporated into representations of emotion (Barrett, 2004).
It means you have more than 3 emotions to describe how u feel. Like your hungry , maybe, but u just ate? Hmm_ u ask_ let's be curious _ let's check in what's going on around me. Okay my boss wants me to make him a coffee, maybe I feel hungry because I want a coffee instead I have to make him one_ like she said _ it might be resentment. You need to ask ur boss to make his own coffee or up your pay.
I got a way to may envy cute:
I’m envy-gorated by what you have ;)
Caught in a network of words wich are sounds.. that humans have Invented meaning to . Its all a bunch of nothing...
You have so many beautiful things to say. Why you have to dog Trump (or anyone!) is your weak spot.
I was totally into this and then you had to pull politics into it and mention Donald Trump. I tried to watch your podcast, but I couldn’t get over your complete and total Democrat sway. I really like your research, but I wish you would not politicize it.
Wow, Brene' Brown. I am a CMHC with many years of experience in many years of referring clients to your videos to learn a concept more deeply. This is the first time that you stopped me in my tracks as you began using your platform for a political cause. Yikes- maybe do a little more research on that!
No
I just want to know if she fell for the coincidence? I don't listen to or respect those who did.
I like 90% of what she says, but I do not agree with Dr. Brown's viewpoint on everything. Her feelings and opinions about Donald Trump, while not overtly stated, are present like an undertow.
I like what Jordan Peterson says: "And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of."
I don't want a President that I can "connect" to. In fact, I do not connect to weak men at all. I want a President who will keep my country strong and defend my Constitutional Rights. I want a strong foreign negotiator.
"A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control."
Very well said
Hmm... You're title lead-in sounds a lot like gaslighting. Turned off immediately by it.
Pity is so degrading.
But...but...but...I feel shame when you tell me I'm doing feelings wrong! Aren't you supposed to be shamebusting?😢
But dementia Joe is ok?
Try being neurodivergent