You need to ask your date lots of questions to show interest in her and (and learn about who she is), then counter her replies with some self-disclosure, so she feels like she is not at an interview and is learning about you.
Been saying this for God knows how long. It's all about the environment that's created when on a date with a woman because if she feels like she can just be herself with you, the date will go as smoothly as it possibly can. This is what women mean when they say they didn't feel that "spark" with a guy: she didn't feel like she could be her most true self and just relax because she was feeding off his energy, so if he was nervous and anxious she also felt nervous and anxious. Cool, calm, and collected is the name of the game.
Another dating coach once said "If 10 different guys use the same approach with me, I would give them 10 different responses". I know you said that you're not the average girl and you are the exception to the rule. From what I have seen from my friends, the responses girls show often depend on the level of attraction they have on a guy. The more attractive a guy is, the more a girl would make an effort to make a date go well. If a guy is just an option among many guys, the girl tend to look for faults in a guy or compare a guy with her other options.
Dating is less like buying a new product off-the-shelf... and more like going out to buy a used car. There *WILL* be things wrong with all of them. That's why they're used. Same thing with people. There will be things wrong with you, me, or any other guy she dates. Similarly, there will be things wrong with her, her friends, her classmates, etc. People make trade-offs, based on what they can (or can't) live with. If you're waiting for us to tell you that the world is fair, I'll save you the trouble: It isn't. Women are going to give their first attention to what they perceive to be high-quality guys, just the same way you would focus your efforts on the stunningly beautiful women if you went out to the bar or club. If those guys have their game on point, and do everything right, and the women are deliriously happy, then there's not much chance for you. On the other hand, after a while, either she (or he) may think that the grass is greener elsewhere. The good news is that the country songs are correct: most relationships eventually end, one way, or the other. Just be patient, keep improving yourself, and keep meeting new women. If you become a high-quality person, you will have high-quality women to choose from. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. 🙂
I say create attraction first. Then create comfort. In that order. You are at risk of being put in the friend zone if you focus on creating comfort only.
Attraction and comfort are opposites. You gauge how the conversation is going, and add more attraction if it's dragging, or more comfort if she starts getting too weirded out. But Yes, if you keep getting stuck in the friend zone, then start with attraction. 👍
You can't "create" attraction though. You're either attractive to the woman or not, which depends almost exclusively on things not in your power, like face, height, skeletal frame, hairline, voice, natural body chemistry, and is instinctively decided on within just a minute into the date. The point is rather to not ruin initial attraction, if there is any, by being awkward or simply a jerk.
My experience has borne out what I've been told: attraction has to be set before comfort - or I've taken a one-way trip to the 'friend zone' So, on a first date, I want to see signs of attraction, and then definitely want to move to comfort. Because, if a couple people aren't comfortable in each other's presence, why the hell would they date, right?
This video is first date advice. If you’re already on the first date with a girl attraction has already been created. So no, focus on comfort first, on a first date.
Can't believe I actually watch these kinds of videos... Dating is no longer how it was. Rather than judging you on your personality and how you will treat her, she judges you because you can't keep a conversation going. Today it feels like a successful date comes only from the guy's side and the work he puts into the date and the female can decide if she was attracted or not...
Because no one holds females accountable for being lazy and useless af. They come to these dates with the feeling you are there to entertain them, you basically expected to be the King and the jester in one for these "qweenz"
Best first date location--a coffeehouse. It's casual and relaxing and inexpensive, can sit and talk without the expectations of "do I have food stuck in my teeth, why is the other person ordering such an expensive meal, do I have to pay for the first date, I can't hear what the other person is saying, do I have to dress up nicely," etc.
I really believe that practice makes perfect when it comes to dating. Once you go on enough dates, understand which environments are best for really talking/learning about people, also slowly reducing intimidation over time-dates become great experiences. Comfortable lounges are my favorite and profound questions that people don’t normally ask separate you from the heard
Having a first date where the activity is something you'd do by yourself (but then you bring the girl along) works well in my experience. My current gf - I went to a cute downtown area with her to buy an air plant and then we hung out for a few more hours and then ended the night eating tacos on a swing watching the sunset.
It’s simple: pay more attention to her to see if she is truly interested in u more than if u yourself are genuinely interested in them. Just because u are really interested in them as a man doesn’t mean that the women is too. Why do u think men are obligated to approach according to most modern women? The men work their magic and hope that the women likes them back. The women decides if they want to keep seeing the man or not. Sadly it’s rarely ever decided between both parties and the man making the decision. Dating is mostly one-sided nowadays IMO and from personal experience. Most of those dating advice people that say: “u as the man should focus more on if u truly like her than if she likes u on a date” sadly doesn’t work with todays society. The only way it works is when a man ghosts the women instead of telling them they are not into them. This is probably another reason as to why women hate rejection is because some men treat women like how women treat majority of us men. It’s not good that both parties do this because it’s immature as shit. But as like I said, todays society is full of toxic and immature people and it’s getting worse by the day.
@@bartdegryse9345 I know so that’s why men while dating should pay a little more attention to see if the woman likes them than if the man likes the woman. A man clearly likes the woman more or is at least interested in them more than the woman cause why would we have asked them out in the first place?
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
The best “first dates” are ones that don’t feel like a date at all. Meeting someone organically and getting to know them already and hanging out with them without any pressure beforehand, so when you do officially go out on that date together, there’s no awkwardness. First dates where you meet for the very first time are often feel mechanical. Like going to a restaurant, eating and just asking each other questions about one another which are often essentially a job interview to decide if you want to see each other again. That’s why I think meeting organically hanging out when it’s not officially a date, like say meeting someone when you’re out with a group on a vacation or out in a group doing some type of activity, is always best. In that type of setting it’s so much easier to feel if you want to be around that person more and if you find them fun and interesting. So much more spontaneity.
@@jleano609 I get it, but its a great starting point to actually start dating the girl🤷🏿♂️. But indeed, It's better to not have your friend group involved with it.
@@jleano609 I put date in quotes because it isn’t technically a date, but I used group as examples as where you might meet someone. For example going out with some friends and some of their friends and one of the people at this gathering is someone you start talking to, getting to know, and there’s no pressure and it’s very casual because it’s not a date. Then, at some point down the road, if you do go on an official date with this person you’ve already gotten to know them and get a good idea of what they’re all about because you spent time with them and talked to them in a setting where there were no expectations. So you may have even gotten to know a more genuine version of that person in a casual setting. I enjoy meeting people that way. But you don’t have to meet them in a group. It could be something as simple as meeting a co-worker and talking to them at work and getting to know them. Then once you go on that date, no pressure because you already know a lot about this person and the chemistry was already developed.
@@geralt5843 for sure, this is called social-circle dating. There are some smart tactics for this environment. Ask the girl out fairly quickly for one. Get her number after the first time together. Do not tell anyone else in the circle. Do not involve anyone else in early dating stages. Only present yourselves back to the group once you have got to intimacy and a commitment (assuming that’s what you were aiming for) only then do you reveal it to the group. The idea is that women don’t want to be judged by others in the group. There can also be male and female cock blockers. In any case the secrecy can be arousing also.
The only problem with surveys is that women do not know what they actually or subconsciously want and will answer what they THINK they want. As the old saying goes: if you want to learn how to catch a fish, ask a fisherman - not a fish. You really think a woman will not have have fun on a date with a guy who seems hot, dangerous, and mysterious?
100% correct - comfort is only one side of the coin, the other is arousal. You have to have both to be successful with women - but women typically won't tell you that.
I think a good rule of thumb is not to get attached to the outcome. In fact in a relationship even when it’s been established, still don’t get overly attached to the outcome. That way you can survive a split if that does happen. stay neutral to all outcomes. 🧨🍀
I know if it will go well or not the moment I meet the girl. It has a lot to do with that first little hug. And if we both come with a smile and a little joke, that's usually the best sign for me. An open place, public, of course. That should make you both feel safe. Also, it's better to meet outside of the restaurant or the place you're going together - I'd say maybe include a little walk before sitting and talking. It gives you the chance to comment on the area (for example) and see if you view the experience you are sharing from a similar perspective - which is huge for connecting with the person. So when you enter the restaurant you are already entering the place together, and it's kind of like a little adventure if it's somewhere you never been to. If you meet directly at the table or at the tickets, that's not good, that's always gone wrong for me - unless you are both incredible funny and have a high tolerance to awkwardness.
That would make sense in a world where women actually knew what they want and tell it instead of saying what they THINK they should in order to look good 😜🤷🏾♂️
Love going into a first date feeling like I’ve known her for awhile now so she feels more comfortable, and I feel less awkward. Really does work like a charm. Be funny, ask great questions, tease her, flirt and listen.
Why are we still being this needlessly accommodating with and subservient to women? This just enables the ones who expect not to do any work to continue to be lazy (and there are A LOT of them out there). The above applies even to non ho-ish women. Many of them just seem like they can't be bothered.
I find that if a girl is attracted to me, then she feels fine. Too often, when I can see that a girl is not comfortable, my first thought is to take her home. There. You are home. Be comfortable. Goodbye. I am way beyond tired of having all of the responsiblity. I have to approach her. I have to ask her out. I have to pick her up. I have to think of a great date. I have to pay. Well? What does she have to do? If she is going to expect me to make her comfortable then I think I've hit my limit.
Are you the type of guy that wants to be the leader in the relationship or equal partner? If it's the latter, this should be mentioned before going out on a date with someone. If you believe in equal split relationships that needs to be mentioned before you spend your time out with someone. If you want someone subservient but doing this is too much for you, then that's not in balance. That needs to be checked. I personally like relationships where there is an equal responsibility on on both. I prefer to pay for myself and my date pay for themselves unless it's a special occasion. BUT not everyone is like this and that's OK. If you know you're the type of person that wants to be seen as the "leader" or the "head" of a Relationship but, you don't like taking the lead, it doesn't match up. It's always best to just mention these things before actually spending your time effort in money to meet each other.
I think the most important thing for a man when he starts dating a woman is to be more discerning. Men get so caught up in this idea that they have to win a woman's affection that they often forget to pause and ask themselves if they even want it! It is important for any conversationalist to be able to carry on a conversation by asking interesting and open questions, not talking about yourself too much, and making appropriate eye contact and movements; however, if the girl is boring, rude, disinterested, not intellectually around your level, or just not someone who you jive with for whatever reason then it is important to stop trying to "win the date" and and take care of yourself. Of course it is important to make her feel comfortable and have a good time, but that shouldn't come at the expense of your pleasure and comfort. I think having that attitude allows you to be more genuine and actually leads to the other person feeling more comfortable as well as creates a needed shift in the power dynamic - a date isn't just you convincing a girl to like you, men deserve happiness as well and she should be considerate of your needs and feelings just as you are of hers. She has just as much onus on her as the man. That's why I tend to plan dates in stages ( move from location to location)so that you can basically make the date end early or last longer depending on how the date is going. It is better to end a date and go your separate ways than to be disingenuous because of this misguided notion that men are somehow entirely responsible for the success or failure of dates or relationships because, after all, they didn't convince the woman they are a worthy partner. What is the end game in that situation? You are now dating someone you don't even like in order to appease your ego? Play stupid games win stupid prizes...
What they say they want and what they respond positively to are completely different. They will always say what makes them look good but they are drawn to their strongest feelings. Of course I always pay my taxes on time!! I wouldn't think of doing anything but that. I fweel compelled to support my government.
quoting studies from 10+ years ago and 29 years ago before cell phone norming and dating apps...... might need to look at some more recent stuff just saying
A year lol Not had a date in over 10 years because these nasty shallow women won't go with any guy who isn't this specific height, penis size blah blah blah. My only saving grace is that we have Courtneys excellent tips to counter this. HAhahahahahahah
Wow Courtney this is one of your most informative videos. Everything you said is so true. My biggest issue recently on first dates is that too often my date tends to be rather quiet and not asking as many questions as I would like. Being the talkative person that I am and being some what nervous I end up dominating the conversation more than I intended. I guess I gotta relax uh?😊
That's actually a good point, and is a limitation of surveys (vs. observations) in general. Anything that could be considered as "morally relevant" will most likely result in a biased response. (The perfect example is the body count question.) It really doesn't matter that much whether a statement is based on data, but rather what the data was based on.
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
Excellent advice for connecting with people, women and men, in a meaningful way socially. As a woman, I find a lot of fun and ease in social situations by assuming the other person is interesting and has good qualities to be discovered in conversation.
100% man. Guys (especially the types in the comments section) need to get over themselves and stop projecting their past experiences onto the next woman or gender as a whole. Go into each date with cautious optimism. The way they act like little bitches over the unreasonable women is a factor in why they can't get one. Walk up with a negative attitude and you've created a self fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.
What else the Match 2018 survey shows: "What women say is appropriate on a first date: On a great first date, 94% of women want their date to compliment her appearance, to be waiting for her when she arrives (90%), to hug her (82%), kiss her on the cheek (71%) and insist on paying the bill (91% of women approve of this however 45% think it's appropriate to split the bill)."
Your huge misconception, you are talking about how these actions make a girl feel, not how the actions make a girl feel about you. Leading them astray young one.
rub one out and clear your head before you go on the date for one thing...Ive had really good bar dates. but My favorite first dates were snowboarding and wakeboarding dates oh and a hiking date in South Lake Tahoe. having a task to do/or teach/accomplish really shows how you can take charge of a situation and your strengths.
Serious question: What is the women's role in a date? Because it would seem that all if not most of the burden is on the man. I want to find a woman that is going to compliment my life and if all of the burden is on me in the dating phase, then what does that say about my future with this person? Here is a post of Quora that perfectly articulates (at least for me) the problems on dating and why I am somewhat apprehensive about it: If you've ever used a dating app, it can be fairly dehumanizing as an average guy. You quickly realize most women think you aren't worth a passing consideration. The vast majority of women consider you and most guys subpar. Where do you meet women outside of dating apps in the Corona era? People don't go out as much. They are reluctant to. And then navigating the minefield of being expected to make all the first moves, while not being awkward, while being unrealistically confident and outgoing, trying not to weird a woman out for qualities that make you unique despite those qualities being fairly common and normal, trying to simultaneously be respectful of consent but being expected to be assertive and confident, most young men not making the kind of money women fantasize about, struggling with your own life while walking on eggshells to not lose someone's fleeting interest who is actively looking for any possible red flag to give an excuse to ghost you. I hate to sound like I'm blaming women or dislike women. That's not my intention. But I think there's a tendency to not be honest about how unfair dating is for young men these days. We've come a long way as a society but there are still expectations we place on men that aren't placed on women, are unfair, and frankly sexist. Some feminist might be tempted to blame patriarchy but I think some of the prevailing dynamic is as much the responsibility of women as it is men. If women took equal responsibility in pursuing, it wouldn't be so lopsided. But as it stands, most women have the opposite problem of having too many options rather than being the person needing to seek out options. A lot of work has been done to critique the unrealistic standards applied to women but not so much for men. We may play lipservice in our progressive circles but when push comes to shove, I see people rationalize unrealistic standards for men. We are actively preserving the same chauvinistic standards for men while pretending in the abstract that we are committed to this theoretical equal future. It seems there's still this prevailing and largely uncontested idealized standards for what an attractive man is. And that man does not have emotion. Does not have faults. Does not make mistakes. Is financially balling. Is tall, dark, handsome and in peak physical shape. Has a degree but also works with his hands. Is socially dominating (not simply confident as some say). Do we end up marrying these men? No. Most women will settle for something a bit more down to earth. But this is still a dominating stereotype living in the most popular music videos, tv shows, books, movies, fanfics, it sets the standard to have a reply in online dating, etc. The point is we all sort of know abstractly that guys are not this ideal. We understand our fathers weren't nor are our brothers. We understand our son's aren't like that. Eventually we date men who aren't like that. But the question you ask is why have the young men given up on dating. And, to me it seems, it's largely because it's incredibly dehumanizing to be compared to a standard you can't reasonably be expected to live up to in order to just get your foot in the door and maybe show someone that even though you’re not 6′3″, making 6 figures a year, with washboard abs, a degree in business, who swings an axe on his days off, enjoys an active but social media safe social life, without personal struggles, no character defects…even though you're not that guy, you might be a worthy human being. I think many young men initially put themselves out there more than a few times and are just too dehumanized by the feeling that they've got to prove they are good enough when the message seems to consistently be that they aren't. You can only do that to yourself so many times before you decide it's eating away at your sense of self worth. I think it would be easy to to just say, “well the problem is with you bro, you must just be a bad guy". But when the overwhelming vast majority of young men are evaluated as such, we've got a real big problem. And I find it a bit hard to believe myself. I knew a few guys. I know some older and some younger. The younger crop of young men are on average much more respectful of equality and sensitive to boundaries and fairness. I don't buy this notion that most of the young men are predators, or sexist, or have some fundamental social or psychological flaw that renders them unworthy dating material. I get the sense that a large part of what's going on is not just that young men are broken but that most young men are stereotyped quickly with respect to the ideal and wherever there is a deficiency, character flaw, or red flag; that's it. We know enough about him now, he's not even worth the time. Before a young man gets to that point, let's be honest, there's already a prejudicial assumption that he could be a predator until proven innocent, an emotional abuser until proven innocent, a weirdo, a creep, awkward, too soft, too clingy, didn't read the signs, a loser, etc. So many young men constantly trying to meet someone know right off that bat there's a mountain they've got to overcome of prejudgements just to get a chance, then in the ensuing interactions walk on thin ice that a joke might not be taken wrong or a bad day might reflect insecurity. Because the other person is looking for a reason for you to prove you're just like those other assholes. “I knew it!”. I don't know. Put yourself in their shoes one time. Think about how you would feel in that situation. Your task is to prove to the other person you're not guilty of these prejudgements you are not responsible for. They are looking for you to fail the test. And you've also got to prove you're worthy of this person's interest. And over and over again you apparently failed and you don't even know why. Was it something you said? Was it your social media photos? Was it what you didn't say? Was it your job? Were you too forward? Were you not forward enough? And keep in mind, you're expected to do the initiating. That has not changed. So no one is going to come up to you and make a move, express interest. Your self worth is not going to be boosted by anyone. Men don't have a culture of “girl you're beautiful, I love you". There's no community of “you look really handsome today”. It's just going to just be rejection. Please understand that. Imagine failing a worthiness test over and over and not knowing what it was about you that you could change or do better? After a while, you naturally think, “well I'm just unattractive". So you don't even engage that aspect of your life anymore because it's painful to be reminded that no one thinks you're an attractive enough person to even consider you for a lunch date. Why would you want to be reminded?
Comfort doesn't by itself create chemistry. Millions of men have done everything suggested here and been quickly relegated to a platonic, great-connection-but-no-spark dead zone. If you don't create sexual tension, you're done. Gone. Move on. Comfort helps, but these are survey answers - what women say they want, and what gets them INTO YOU are two very very different things.
That's true and I certainly agree, but I believe that comfort and chemistry are both important. If comfort isn't there that I personally don't think chemistry will be.
Hug her at the beginning of the first date. This breaks the physical touch barrier and acts as a “datum”. Then hug her at the end after walking her back to her car, Subway Station etc. DO NOT GO FOR A KISS. If she likes you she’ll hold the embrace longer and turn her face towards you. Only if she makes it obvious do you kiss her. Crucially make it fairly brief and break it off first. Then say something like “ there’s more where that came from, but it’s time to go” That builds tension and challenge. And for God’s Sake no making a date on a date from you. If she’s super keen and brings it up is the only exception. Reward good behavior. But ideally she should leave the date not knowing whether you like her and are going to ask her out again. Then wait a few days before you call her. This gives her space to reach out first. If she does MAKE THAT DATE. Again, reward good behavior.
@@IndigoInfantry Well, they're young and horny! What do you mean though by rush? Because I absolutely think if a girls not sleeping with you after 3-5 dates and is playing "Good Girl" game then a guy should walk. Do it with smile and zero butthurt but it's got to be "thanks but no thanks, I've auditioned enough. If you don't want me Stacy over there might, I'm going to go talk to her". The ability to walk away demonstrates confidence and an abundance mindset, all of which are attractive to women so if she won't sleep with you after that the genuine desire isn't there one way or another.
Break the ice with a few voice to voice phone calls first, you'll learn alot from those, and judge if you really want that first date, then if you do, you'd be surprised how easy it makes the first date, on both of you, but.....remember modern women, many are just looking for a free meal ticket. Keep that in mind. Thats just reality.
@@jleano609 yep, I've been suggesting a walk in the park(it's free)...had one the other day say "I'm not going to meet in a park", I just laughed to myself, another one who thinks she's entitled.
@@greg33770 Ok, but parks can mean isolation. Girls can rightly baulk at that too. Like I said, coffee and cake, ice cream or drinks in a nice, safe public location that she has to find her way to herself is best.
@@jleano609 keep in mind, I break the ice with phone calls first(not texts, actual voice to voice conversations), so they should feel at ease, and these aren't "girls", I'm 66 years old, usually they are around my age, LOL....the parks around here that I suggest are all good, busy, and it's always daytime. Some meet me and some don't. Plenty of fish in the sea.
thats why I try and talk voice to voice on the phone a couple times before a first date....thats where I do interviews to even see if we are compatable....
@@greg33770 Not like it makes a difference anyway. You still need to meet these womens insane body shaming "standards" like penis size etc. So you might be compatible over the phone, even on a date, but if you don't meet their BBC penis size shaming requirements, they will destroy your life by publically humiliating you to all their friends, just to try destroy you to mental illness. Women are very flexible like that hahahahahah and by flexible I mean evil lol
Every average male who is being rejected because they don't meet these womens insane shallow body "standards" from height to penis size to looks to going bald is giving up on dating and some of them giving up on life too lol Has to be a happier choice of life than being overlooked, told you are of ZERO value based on some body part you can't even change or help by these shallow, vain women. Modern women are inspirational lol, empowering hahaha Empowering average males to mental illness bullying them for what they can't help about their bodies, whilst putting their toxic serial womanizing masively endowed "alpha chads and tyrones" on a toxic pedestal, then sitting their gaslighting claiming they don't know why the male suicide rate is as high as it is. Yeah I wonder.....It must be "toxic masculunity" right? It must be because these men don't open up, not because they are shamed as soon as they don't fit your cardboard cut out "alpha" massively endowed over 6ft James Bond stereotype of a male.
To get even one date is already an impossible task for most guys these days. So when you're chad and not a complete dumbass she will feel comfortable on the date... lesson learned: be chad
The truth is women either love you or not . You will know. I walk into the gym. Women run up to me and smile and touch me. Hi how are you . Great to see you . Lets goto the beach today. Your going to to ok with these women . Where as. If you approach a girl at gym wearing headphones . And say hi. Im so and so. Your hot. Let's go out on a date . Then you go.out and get rejected . Why why how. I made her feel safe and comfortable. Its because she does not care about . You . Cannot force love . Its either hot or cold .
Thanks for this video. I think your closing on mentality/ approach was perfect. Dating is about getting to know someone, not getting someone to like you. Well said. 👌🏽
When I met my wife for our first date, she reached across the table in a clear invitation to hold her hand. It was all downhill after that. For us, the.whole thing happened about the same way water will flow in a stream. I never felt like I had to make sure I was impressing her and so on. It came easily. I have no doubt that some of this was simply because she did not expect me to always initiate things and because she wanted a successful outcome more than she wanted to screen me for some list of qualifications.
Just remember how "great" she was when she's handing you divorce papers for "irreconcilable differences." But oh right that will never happen, she's "one of the good one's."......
@@funkfarmer7125They do exist. But yes, it is a gamble. One can screen well and make the odds better, but there will always be a risk. Besides, only a fool would actually keep all his assets in plain sight if someone else might be able to steal them. If she divorced me tomorrow and got half, I'd still have about 85%. But since we have no kids and I am about to retire, she would not get much and might even lose. We have never commingled money and I have never been the primary breadwinner. She worked as soon as she was approved to do so. She would leave with her money and that is about it. But forgetting about money....You are right, if she left, it would hurt deeply. But guess what, I struggled with women my entire life and I guarantee that the pain of being cast out is far more intense than any woman could ever inflict by leaving. The old saying: "It is better to have loved and lost..." is 100% true for me. Besides, if she leaves, I know where to find a few million more.
This type of research is more marketing than science. Not saying it's necessarily wrong, but it's "according to Match", not "according to science/psychology".
Hi Courtney, congratulations for your content! I truly like your POV around principles and values, I wish you could make a video (including other girls) around two topics: 1) Why of today’s dating climate?: Throw-away society, overconsumption of short-lived or disposable relationships? 2) Why women and man cheat despite been with someone that has respected and provide with everything and have a stable relationship?
"Psychology" don't say $hit. "Psychologists say a lot, and much of it is nonsensical babble regurgitated by modern women, who happen to be the majority of psychologists.
Great video Courtney, every time more i admire you for your videos sort. In fact right now I have carrying a virtual relationships but it's awkward cuz despite I make her laugh almost all time, we talk every single day, I have showed my home , my daily activities ect, she still present insecurities respect to me , I get it , it's obviously, just we meet online, and both we are studying yet and we can't to travel to our respective countries, and so finally, my case is a particular case, the women feel comfortable with the time, and the way we can make them feel in first date tho be virtual, you right ✅
This is absurd. Wtf exactly is "safe"? I know what the opposite of safe is, but "safe" could be almost anything outside of that. Sorry, but we're equal now. I am not going out of my way to be anything other than myself (which is polite, kind, intelligent, sometimes funny, and a good listener/speaker), nor am I going to break my brain wondering if she feels safe or comfortable. I won't purposefully make her feel the opposite of safe or comfy, but I can't control for what her definition of safe or comfortable may be. And duuuuh, we _are_ attracted to women we are going on a date with. It's that simple.
She has to worry about you potentially embarrassing her at best, or at worst, drugging her, raping her, or killing her. Not that you would do anything like that. 🙂 But, from the perspective of women, potential serial killers don't generally walk around wearing t-shirts with "BIG TROUBLE," printed on them. If they did, women wouldn't have to put up their guard as much. So, a big part of the first date, is earning her trust on a basic level. For you, the worst that could happen is usually just a bad time. For her? It's having her life become the "based on a true story," basis of a Lifetime Movie in the future. 😳
@@marcmays48 The basic trust is a given before the date. No person with a brain in their head would meet a stranger they feel could be a danger to them without first having established some basic trust. And it's not as though a first date should ever be something like trunk beers at an abandoned lot on the edge of town, or simply a drive to "nowhere in particular". Coffee, in the afternoon, with people around, separate cars, all that, and women still need us to make them feel safe? That's pretty well the perfect setting for a first date, and in interpersonal terms it couldn't be safer. I suppose an asteroid could fall from space.
@@marcmays48 Easy fix is if you’re a college student, you date fellow students. Serial killing, rape, etc is out of the picture because they have everything to lose and little to gain. Makes for some actual genuine bonding, because money shouldn’t be an issue when getting to know someone. Usually most college students have little money or are broke anyways lmao. Plus, if you’re lucky, you’ll be on a campus with a majority of female students to male students. I know my ratio is in favor of men.
@@peachmelba1000 Really, it isn't always, especially if you're meeting someone off a dating app. I went on a date once where a woman brought along a female friend. At the time, it seemed really weird to me, but in retrospect, I may have said something which put her guard up, and she thought "Well, it will be hard for him to kidnap or attack us both." Then again, she may have been attracted, and wanted someone along to act as a c*ck-block, to prevent her from making choices that she would regret later. Women *DO* have concerns, and unless you've been the a victim of crime yourself, it's hard to put yourself in their shoes.
@@___solar___ That's true, to a certain extent. But date rape still happens A LOT, and women aren't always believed even *IF* they have the guts to bring up a complaint. Then there are the cases where the sex which is consensual, but terrible. Furthermore, women have to worry about their reputation sexually, whereas guys generally do not. On the guy side of things, while going to college is a viable strategy for guys in their 20's... it's rather expensive to do that, just to meet women, and is less of an option as you get older.
I already knew this, I've been doing this since I was a kid thanks for confirming it! Its very important to make a woman feel comfortable around you. Because if you're making her comfortable that means she feels SAFE around you!
Just went on a first date and I think it went well and nice to see all of this information confirming this. She's going out of town next weekend but we're seeing each other the next weekend and we've been staying in touch. Excited to see what happens next!
Men remember that the success or failure of the first date will rest firmly on your shoulders. Your dress, hygiene, and cologne choice are keys. Keep the conversation going by asking open ended questions. Repeat her answer and elaborate further on her answers. Make eye contact as often as necessary. Your choice of initial physical contact can be a deal breaker. Notice her body language. Don't be to physical, but if you don't initiate some physical touch, it might be viewed as a lack of her attractiveness. This is always a "Catch 22". Damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Plan the date, be on time and keep the date within your financial abilities. A final thought. You will be tested from the moment of your first interaction till the date has ended. It is on you to make the date the best it can be. From her standpoint, she will only have to just show up. "Men display, women choose"
Dude you are a low value beta simp. LOL you think everything relies on the guy making the female happy and doing everything right. I test females to see if they meet up to my standards. I'm the prize. Putting women on pedestals like you do is the wrong approach. The woman is suppose to look up at the man. YOU spend all of your time on your knees looking up at women.
@@spotscorner6040 A lot of those issues could be avoided if you discuss things before you decide to move meeting each other. If you don't know whether they're expecting you to play a leadership role or not you should find out. If they are, you already know that they're expecting you to pay for the date. If you know that you don't want to take the lead then don't go. It's not for everyone and that's fine. There are plenty of women out there that would rather go Dutch and take their time to get to know you. If you're the type of guy that does not like to wait to have sex, there's no point in dating when there are plenty of sex workers out there. As far as the testing thing goes, both men and women will test each other while dating. There's such a thing as a "safety" test as well as a "how much can I get away with test". Everybody does it just for different purposes. You definitely don't have to be dating someone in order to be tested or to test someone. We do it every day when we meet new people and we don't know if they're safe to be around or if they're secretly insane. Yeah men should also be vetting people when you're on a date. You can't just be putting up with whatever because then we're back to square one getting nowhere. 👀
Agree with everything you've said in this video really insightful. Regarding conversations from my experience at least I've found I'm the more inquisitive party. I get very few questions from the people I'm dating or talking to
5:23 I can’t even figure how some people are so ignorant that it really feels like talking to brick walls even on 1on1 conversations. *Me speaking*: I was at a sport event yesterday and what happened is hilarious… (they’re not listening) *Me raising my voice*: I was at a sport event yester… (they’re still not listening) *Me yelling*: I WAS AT A SPORT EVEN…. (they won’t listen) *Me thinking*: It’s just the two of us here, I’m talking to you Jesus Christ!!! Most of the times they’re using their cellphone unnecessarily though
😂 Just don't go there. Manage your costs if she's a complete stranger, or if you're unsure of her attraction towards you, by picking a low-cost/no-cost venue. Otherwise, understand that it will be on you to pick up the first tab. It's not fair or cheap, but that's how things go, unfortunately.
@@marcmays48 oh I agree with what you said. I always pay for the first date no matter what because that’s how I’ve always been. Like you said, a first date is always light. Usually ice cream bowling something like that. I was making fun of the fact that sooo many men out here complain about paying fully for the first date or wanting to split lol
Really liking the data based approach to dating vs here is what I like and go do this, this and this. Also appreciate not blaming male purely for success of the date, like if she is a break wall and not carrying the conversation.
LOL...I did literally everything wrong on my first date with my now-wife. I was afraid to initiate contact (that didn't happen until the FIFTH date!), I wanted to listen to her so I didn't want to direct the conversation and be seen as running her over, I let her pick the restaurant. At least I paid. So...that's one thing. It worked out, but...too funny.
A couple of times the girl I was on a first date with gave me a kiss at the beginning of the date to avoid awkwardness later. I thought this was a good move as it made the rest of the date more relaxed. To my mind the act of going on a date is predicated on at least some mutual sexual attraction. This obviously can change but should be the default.
Re: sexual scripts there's no real fail proof means to know if they'd like a hug or kiss, esp. when the girl is shy. Even if I'm comfortable, if she's not giving off comfort cues (e.g. she chooses to wave), I'm not sure it's the best idea to go for a kiss, esp given Me2 culture and the accusations that come with it.
Here's the funniest thing.....almost all of my first dates have flowing conversation with mutual speaking and mutual questioning, yet I get friend zoned right after the first date almost 80% of the time, even though I supposedly check off many to all of their boxes I'm told. But last night, I had a first date with a very sexy girl visiting from Mexico whose English was bad enough that she often needed to use Google translation, and my Spanish is decent, but not exactly fluent. So, talk about inconsistent, non flowing conversation, not to mention conversation about very light hearted topics. But SHE drove me back to my car, had a heavy make out session before I stepped out, and she can't wait to see me again in 2 days. So much for conversational skills, 😂😂
Sexual chemistry above ALL. Conversation leads to that and that only. If you dont establish that she wont like you no matter how great the conversation is.
Yep, you need both comfort and AROUSAL. Courtney, like most women and even female dating coaches don't tell on themselves. Too much comfort leads to the friendzone. How much of a mystery and a challenge are you being on first dates? Over communicate with a girl and tell her too much about yourself and you can kill these. Given the language issues you may have unconsciously boosted your challenge with this girl and the results is, she got TURNED ON.
@@jleano609 lmao, yep. But this scenario (unless she miraculously becomes fluent in English by next month AND has common goals, interests, and values) has no long term relationship potential. The former scenario, on the other hand, is what actually leads to long term growth and happiness with someone once the novelty of the physical attraction has worn off in a few weeks to months (IF you're lucky to still even be seeing them by then). If only women could realize this and not write off men after one date who check most to all of their boxes simply because she didn't feel earth shattering chemistry right away. I actually hate a girl who is mysterious and challenging. Life is challenging enough.....I don't need that in a relationship
@@jleano609 yes, I get it. It's also the sign of an immature woman who will probably only want a toxic relationship and who doesn't know what to do with a good man, because the many times I HAVE had a good relationship, no mystery, challenge, or game playing was involved. And, as Courtney initially stated in this video, women want to be comfortable around a man (or so they say). which contradicts the mentality of those who want mystery and challenge and all the anxiety that goes along with that type of relationship
Guys, if you cannot carry on a conversation with an atractive woman you desire, I don't hold out much hope for you. Don't be intimidated. Look them straight in the eye and speak with conviction or don't engage them at all.
You can become a great conversationist all you want. If you aren't massively endowed, the majority of these attractive women will DESTROY you and look to destroy what little confidence you actually have. It's a game to these women to body shame, bully and publically humiliate your body for things you can't even help to all their friends. They don't give a crap if you can look them in the eye and hold a confident conversation, if you can't back up and aren't a massively endowed serial womanizing super hunk in the bedroom as they DEMAND and SHAME you to be, then you are considered to be a worthless loser of "no value" to most of these shallow modern women.
Or how Coach Corey Wayne says it? hang out, have fun, hook up. just have fun at a date. tease, make her laugh. be genuine interested in who she is as a person, etc. about what she does for a living. how close is she with her sister/brother, for example. let her to 80% of the talking. you can add more if you like.
1st dates are just like the interview most people go through when applying for a job. You want to have a plan, practice some intelligent questions and answers, and generally don't do anything to instantly ruin your reputation. After all, if it doesn't work out with one woman, she may set you up later with a different woman she knows BUT that won't happen if you lose your cool, or act too weird. Just be sensible and mature, and that will fix a lot of problems. That said, there will be some dates where you know the other person is a hard No for you from the start, or vice versa. Just be polite, be respectful, move things along, and end things on as much of a high note as possible. You can send them a brief text or message letting them know that it's not a match romantically, but that you wish them all the best in their search. On the other hand, if it did go well, you should still keep cool. Send a thank you text/message as soon as reasonably possible, and then schedule date #2 soon after. The longer you wait, the more likely the other person will think that you're playing games, or not interested. It also gives them a chance to consider other romantic partners, so you want to keep moving things forward, unless it is truly impossible or impractical to do so. With practice, you'll figure out which questions to ask, which is an art in itself, to determine compatibility. Generally, go slower and ask more questions if you're young, or have less dating experience. You can move things along faster if you're older, or have a better idea of what you are looking for. Those are the basics. From there, it's just a matter of fine-tuning your approach. 🙂
@@fischersfritz468 Are you in jail? What's stopping you from going out, and meeting new people? Just say "Hello," keep your expectations minimal, and see what happens.
I miss the old saying woman talk to much , I love a woman that can just keep talking it's very comfortable to just listen to a lady that just goes on and on , it's like a daydream
Yeah you will. I mean having a decent physique might get you more female attraction and if you are lucky a foot in the door. But if you aren't massively endowed and great in bed, don't expect any of these women to stick around or do anything more than instantly go running back to their friends to body shame, bully and publically humiliate you for things you can't even help change about your body. Modern women are ruthless shallow body shaming sociopaths.
Interesting and thought provoking post, as always BUT a few caveats: What women say and how this translates into success for men are two different things. A woman feels "comfortable" with "friends" and men who make her TOO comfortable get friendzoned. The primary flaw of such a study is it asks women what they want and how they feel rather than monitor who they actually sleep with and marry (and stay married to). Logic fails: A handsome, tall and powerful man who can hurt her makes her feel more safe and comfortable than a short, petite guy whose openly emotionally submissive to her. Why do so many otherwise normal women sleep with bad boys and cheaters? If a woman wants marriage rather than sleeping with someone, she could court the weak, nice guys that “try too hard” because that’s precisely the stories I got from my grandmothers and grandfathers about how they met! Courtney’s rationalizations also illustrate why we can’t take everything she says at face value such as her wanting a man to show “desire” as a “gentlemen” by paying for the date. So, in theory, a man could offset any overly puppy-dog beta male signals he sent by refusing to pay for the date, yes? This is nonsense: She wants the man to pay because most women see sex in transactional terms but don’t want to admit it because then men can turn those back at her (and the shame our society has for women who are prostitutes who openly charge money for guaranteed sex instead of the possibility of it.) Finally, Courtney suggests men BECOME the man a woman desires and demands on the first date as she can engage in sexual extortion but would she suggest a woman become what a successful man desires even at the expense of her own long term happiness as a submissive, obedient girlfriend robot who would accept being casually discarded with happiness? There are many men who have actually followed this “blue pill” model and the majority of them are exploited by divorce, or friendzoned for years, or just abused in their marriages as they try to become the “ideal” man that the woman herself isn’t fully sure she wants? Bottom line: What women want and demand on first dates is not the same as what is in the best interests of a man.
I think it helps to not take them to Burger King or Taco Bell.. I've always had better results if it's a more mid to high end restaurant.. Foer example... Applebee's or better.. Makes for a more comfortable " atmosphere ".. haha
Key insights: 😌 According to a survey, the most important thing single women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, even above feeling happy or being liked by the guy. 🤔 Women tend to prioritize feeling comfortable and relaxed on a first date in order to let their guard down and form a genuine connection. 💬 Being able to maintain a lively conversation and keep it flowing is important on a first date, as it shows confidence and can make a woman feel safe and secure. 💬 "Make sure that you are asking her questions and getting to know her as well and make sure that you guys are equally sharing information." 💡 "A really easy way to make sure that you're doing this is by genuinely listening to what she is saying to you." 🤔 Women tend to be more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners. 😌 The more at ease you are, the more at ease people will feel around you. 😎 Coming into a date with an abundance mindset, thinking of it as a great opportunity to get to know someone and have fun, can help create a relaxed and stress-free atmosphere. TLDR: Making a woman feel comfortable and safe on a first date is crucial for a genuine connection to develop, and men can do this by engaging in lively conversation, asking questions, listening genuinely, taking charge, and displaying positive signals of attraction. 1. 00:00 🔑 Women prioritize feeling comfortable on a first date, according to a survey of 5,000 singles. 1.1 In this video, the speaker discusses what men should do on a first date according to psychology, emphasizing the importance of understanding the reasoning behind actions rather than just following advice. 1.2 The most important thing women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, as indicated by a survey of 5,000 singles, with 79% prioritizing comfort over happiness or the guy's likability. 2. 02:07 🔑 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date for a genuine connection to develop, so make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things discussed in the video. 2.1 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date as it allows for a genuine connection to be formed, as humans need to feel secure before their emotions can truly develop. 2.2 Make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things on a first date, which will be discussed in the video. 3. 03:50 👨💼 Men should maintain a lively conversation, ask questions, listen genuinely, and take charge on a first date to make women feel safe and attracted. 3.1 The most important thing for men to do on a first date is to maintain a lively conversation and take charge, as women are attracted to men who can keep the conversation flowing and make them feel safe and secure. 3.2 It is important to ask questions and engage in conversation with your date, ensuring that both parties are actively sharing information and not leaving one person to do all the talking. 3.3 Men should take initiative and be more direct in conversations on a first date by genuinely listening to what the woman is saying. 3.4 Instead of overthinking and being in your own head, genuinely listen to the other person, use moments of silence, and take a moment to gather your thoughts before speaking. 4. 07:13 🔑 Women are more selective on first dates, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive. 4.1 Women are more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners, and the differences observed during first dates are often a result of sexual scripts that allow people to fall into patterned responses. 4.2 Men often take on a more proactive role in dating, planning the date, initiating sexual activity, and controlling the public domain, while women tend to focus more on their appearance and react to the date's sexual initiations. 4.3 Females are more selective and judgmental about behaviors on a first date, while males do not interpret behaviors as indicators of attraction, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive. 5. 09:36 💡 Women are more likely to feel a connection if a man engages in lively conversation and pays for the date, while men often use sexual behaviors as signals of attraction, and women are interested in future discussions and physical contact at the end of a date. 5.1 Women are more likely to feel a connection and expect the man to take charge if he engages in lively conversation, and paying for the date is seen as a signal of attraction. 5.2 Men often use sexual behaviors and redirecting conversations to the topic of sex as signals of attraction, while women are interested in future discussions and physical contact like hugs and kisses at the end of a date, and view behaviours like handshakes and waving goodbye without direct contact as negative signs of attraction. 6. 11:24 🤗 Make her feel comfortable by leading the conversation, showing attraction, and giving a hug instead of a handshake while avoiding marriage talk; expressing a desire to see her again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more at ease on a first date. 6.1 Make her feel comfortable by giving her a hug instead of a handshake, leading the conversation, and signaling attraction, while avoiding talking about marriage on the first date. 6.2 Expressing a desire to see the person again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more comfortable on a first date. 7. 12:59 💡 Approach a first date with a calm and positive mindset, focusing on getting to know the person without stress or pressure. 8. 13:36 🔑 Focus on the mindset of getting to know someone on a first date, rather than trying to make them like you, and share your first date tips in the comments. 8.1 Focus on the mindset that there are other options and that a first date is an opportunity to get to know someone, rather than putting pressure on yourself to make the person like you. 8.2 Share your personal stories and tips on what you do on a first date to make women feel more comfortable in the comments below, and don't forget to follow the speaker on Instagram.
Best things to do on a first date: 1. Wear flip flops (women like to see that you like to be comfortable) 2. Talk about your exes (they love hearing about your dating history, repeatedly) 3. Wear a ton of Axe body spray (don't hold back) 4. Be rude to wait staff (women want a man who shows people who is boss) 5. Constantly make sex jokes (trust me-this works). 6. Stare at other women. (girls love a challenge). You will get immediate results!
Don't forget to show up a little late, and at least a little drunk. And if you get the chance, you should fart really loud and say "ya you're gonna have to get use to this"
@@CourtneyRyan Beats the heck out of me. I've opened doors, paid for the meals, tried to make the gal laugh, dressed nice, put some cologne on, and have an athletic build. I received the "I didn't feel any chemistry" response 90% of the time. The ladies never showed up on time, just sat there and hardly talked. I got fed up with the dating scene and was about to just say f it; I'm living the bachelor life. Then I met my now wife and life's good. I feel for the fellas in the dating scene. Most women have an excel matrix that all the boxes need to be checked off in order to move forward in a relationship. Guys just want a partner who stays in decent shape, shows some initiative, isn't a nag, and supports them.
The girl I’m talking to still brings up every day how comfortable I make her. If you have a chill laid back personality like me lean into it. If you’re outgoing and energetic lean into that. Everyone has someone that is compatible with them :)
The fact that she's reading something from another person's research and also that she's a woman giving advice to men on what to do on a first date, I don't have a point I don't know shit about dating.
DON'T SHOW UP on a 1st date. Then make up some excuse the next day. She will want you more and beg to go out with you even more. Works 99% of the time.
that’s hypocritical bc the male community is taught that if the woman does that to us then it’s a problem along with telling us to cut her off if that was to happen so nah respectfully i disagree.
Can anybody please explain what exactly makes it masculine and gentlemanly for a guy to pay for a date? Guys always going on a first date from one to the next and the woman gets a free meal every time, which is basically her taking advantage of him by playing the tradition card that nobody cares about anymore. You both agreed to be there. It's not like an employer/employee relationship where the guy compensates her spending time and hard work. Anyone who still does care about this chivalry BS needs to get on the progressive train and understand that the world is changing and evolving. What about in the case of gay or lesbian couples on a date? Who pays then?
"whoever ask first pays" "Men should be the one to ask for dates" " If he doesnt pay I dont view him as serious" "If he pays he is sexist because of the patriarchy" "Im a strong woman and dont need handouts." " I have 5 dates this week. "
There needs to be a criteria for what counts as masculine or feminine. Without definitions, anything is subjectively one of the other and anything can count. It's like dividing colors with blue as masculine and pink feminine...but the question is why? It just feels like it? By the same token, how is a guy paying on a first date associated as masculinity? It just is? Explain that because if nobody can, it goes to show the stupidity of these one-sided traditions where women are the ones leeching off guys
That's why they say to keep the first date cheap or free, and short. A walk in the park, or coffee, or ice cream cones at the ice cream shop. No full meals on a first date.
There's a red flag to me in the video: Conversations full of substance is the LAST thing you want on a first date. Just keep the flow on dumb, random and sexy and fun thing is the best way to have a nice date, even with so called intellectual women or feminist.
Except this is self reporting. Rather, women want to feel excited. She wants to go out with a really handsome, confident bad boy with charm and charisma. She wants to chase him and win him over. The danger gives her butterflies.
I think a lot of conversations fall apart because people listen to reply instead of listening to understand
You need to ask your date lots of questions to show interest in her and (and learn about who she is), then counter her replies with some self-disclosure, so she feels like she is not at an interview and is learning about you.
Been saying this for God knows how long. It's all about the environment that's created when on a date with a woman because if she feels like she can just be herself with you, the date will go as smoothly as it possibly can. This is what women mean when they say they didn't feel that "spark" with a guy: she didn't feel like she could be her most true self and just relax because she was feeding off his energy, so if he was nervous and anxious she also felt nervous and anxious. Cool, calm, and collected is the name of the game.
🙌🏼 love this comment, per usual!
@@CourtneyRyan Funny though. You know AJ never gets a second or maybe even the 1st date.
@@ericinla65 Maybe, just don’t say anything next time?
You can not "feed" off "energy" and there is no such thing as "Energy" or "vibrations" or "manifesting" etc.
@@nunyabeezwax6758 this comment gotta be a joke🤣
Another dating coach once said "If 10 different guys use the same approach with me, I would give them 10 different responses". I know you said that you're not the average girl and you are the exception to the rule. From what I have seen from my friends, the responses girls show often depend on the level of attraction they have on a guy. The more attractive a guy is, the more a girl would make an effort to make a date go well. If a guy is just an option among many guys, the girl tend to look for faults in a guy or compare a guy with her other options.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
I totally agree with this.
Dating is less like buying a new product off-the-shelf... and more like going out to buy a used car. There *WILL* be things wrong with all of them. That's why they're used. Same thing with people. There will be things wrong with you, me, or any other guy she dates. Similarly, there will be things wrong with her, her friends, her classmates, etc.
People make trade-offs, based on what they can (or can't) live with. If you're waiting for us to tell you that the world is fair, I'll save you the trouble: It isn't. Women are going to give their first attention to what they perceive to be high-quality guys, just the same way you would focus your efforts on the stunningly beautiful women if you went out to the bar or club.
If those guys have their game on point, and do everything right, and the women are deliriously happy, then there's not much chance for you. On the other hand, after a while, either she (or he) may think that the grass is greener elsewhere. The good news is that the country songs are correct: most relationships eventually end, one way, or the other.
Just be patient, keep improving yourself, and keep meeting new women. If you become a high-quality person, you will have high-quality women to choose from. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. 🙂
Girls are hypergamous by nature.
It’s true. I get away with lots of bad behavior and bare minimum just cause I’m attractive.
I say create attraction first. Then create comfort. In that order. You are at risk of being put in the friend zone if you focus on creating comfort only.
Attraction and comfort are opposites. You gauge how the conversation is going, and add more attraction if it's dragging, or more comfort if she starts getting too weirded out. But Yes, if you keep getting stuck in the friend zone, then start with attraction. 👍
You can't "create" attraction though. You're either attractive to the woman or not, which depends almost exclusively on things not in your power, like face, height, skeletal frame, hairline, voice, natural body chemistry, and is instinctively decided on within just a minute into the date. The point is rather to not ruin initial attraction, if there is any, by being awkward or simply a jerk.
My experience has borne out what I've been told: attraction has to be set before comfort - or I've taken a one-way trip to the 'friend zone'
So, on a first date, I want to see signs of attraction, and then definitely want to move to comfort. Because, if a couple people aren't comfortable in each other's presence, why the hell would they date, right?
This video is first date advice. If you’re already on the first date with a girl attraction has already been created. So no, focus on comfort first, on a first date.
@@marcmays48 me wondering how to add more attraction.
These women didn't say "comfortable," they said "the vibes" and the people who surveyed translated it to comfortability
Can't believe I actually watch these kinds of videos... Dating is no longer how it was. Rather than judging you on your personality and how you will treat her, she judges you because you can't keep a conversation going. Today it feels like a successful date comes only from the guy's side and the work he puts into the date and the female can decide if she was attracted or not...
Yeah almost like a literal interview at times.
Be honest. You only look for one thing when you first meet a woman. We are just as shallow
That's how it works. A man is always up for a second date and he's the one who has to impress the woman enough to get to a second date.
Because no one holds females accountable for being lazy and useless af. They come to these dates with the feeling you are there to entertain them, you basically expected to be the King and the jester in one for these "qweenz"
@@Dman425 Nope. You're wrong.
Best first date location--a coffeehouse. It's casual and relaxing and inexpensive, can sit and talk without the expectations of "do I have food stuck in my teeth, why is the other person ordering such an expensive meal, do I have to pay for the first date, I can't hear what the other person is saying, do I have to dress up nicely," etc.
I really believe that practice makes perfect when it comes to dating. Once you go on enough dates, understand which environments are best for really talking/learning about people, also slowly reducing intimidation over time-dates become great experiences.
Comfortable lounges are my favorite and profound questions that people don’t normally ask separate you from the heard
Herd
Having a first date where the activity is something you'd do by yourself (but then you bring the girl along) works well in my experience. My current gf - I went to a cute downtown area with her to buy an air plant and then we hung out for a few more hours and then ended the night eating tacos on a swing watching the sunset.
did you eat her taco? If you didn't your date was a failure. LOL
lol@@SKRooU2
It’s simple: pay more attention to her to see if she is truly interested in u more than if u yourself are genuinely interested in them. Just because u are really interested in them as a man doesn’t mean that the women is too. Why do u think men are obligated to approach according to most modern women? The men work their magic and hope that the women likes them back. The women decides if they want to keep seeing the man or not. Sadly it’s rarely ever decided between both parties and the man making the decision. Dating is mostly one-sided nowadays IMO and from personal experience. Most of those dating advice people that say: “u as the man should focus more on if u truly like her than if she likes u on a date” sadly doesn’t work with todays society. The only way it works is when a man ghosts the women instead of telling them they are not into them. This is probably another reason as to why women hate rejection is because some men treat women like how women treat majority of us men. It’s not good that both parties do this because it’s immature as shit. But as like I said, todays society is full of toxic and immature people and it’s getting worse by the day.
women don't care how you feel about them. they care about what they feel from/for attraction for you.
@@bartdegryse9345 I know so that’s why men while dating should pay a little more attention to see if the woman likes them than if the man likes the woman. A man clearly likes the woman more or is at least interested in them more than the woman cause why would we have asked them out in the first place?
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
Guys just pull out your wallet and pay for everything. That’s makes all women comfortable.
😂and give her your credit card while you're at it.
And the keys to your house, very inportant!
The best “first dates” are ones that don’t feel like a date at all. Meeting someone organically and getting to know them already and hanging out with them without any pressure beforehand, so when you do officially go out on that date together, there’s no awkwardness. First dates where you meet for the very first time are often feel mechanical. Like going to a restaurant, eating and just asking each other questions about one another which are often essentially a job interview to decide if you want to see each other again. That’s why I think meeting organically hanging out when it’s not officially a date, like say meeting someone when you’re out with a group on a vacation or out in a group doing some type of activity, is always best. In that type of setting it’s so much easier to feel if you want to be around that person more and if you find them fun and interesting. So much more spontaneity.
I agree with you
@@BoubacarBah02 I don't - that's not really a date. NEVER involve friends or groups in early dating stages.
@@jleano609 I get it, but its a great starting point to actually start dating the girl🤷🏿♂️. But indeed, It's better to not have your friend group involved with it.
@@jleano609 I put date in quotes because it isn’t technically a date, but I used group as examples as where you might meet someone. For example going out with some friends and some of their friends and one of the people at this gathering is someone you start talking to, getting to know, and there’s no pressure and it’s very casual because it’s not a date. Then, at some point down the road, if you do go on an official date with this person you’ve already gotten to know them and get a good idea of what they’re all about because you spent time with them and talked to them in a setting where there were no expectations. So you may have even gotten to know a more genuine version of that person in a casual setting. I enjoy meeting people that way.
But you don’t have to meet them in a group. It could be something as simple as meeting a co-worker and talking to them at work and getting to know them. Then once you go on that date, no pressure because you already know a lot about this person and the chemistry was already developed.
@@geralt5843 for sure, this is called social-circle dating. There are some smart tactics for this environment. Ask the girl out fairly quickly for one. Get her number after the first time together. Do not tell anyone else in the circle. Do not involve anyone else in early dating stages. Only present yourselves back to the group once you have got to intimacy and a commitment (assuming that’s what you were aiming for) only then do you reveal it to the group.
The idea is that women don’t want to be judged by others in the group. There can also be male and female cock blockers. In any case the secrecy can be arousing also.
The only problem with surveys is that women do not know what they actually or subconsciously want and will answer what they THINK they want. As the old saying goes: if you want to learn how to catch a fish, ask a fisherman - not a fish. You really think a woman will not have have fun on a date with a guy who seems hot, dangerous, and mysterious?
100% correct - comfort is only one side of the coin, the other is arousal. You have to have both to be successful with women - but women typically won't tell you that.
I think a good rule of thumb is not to get attached to the outcome. In fact in a relationship even when it’s been established, still don’t get overly attached to the outcome. That way you can survive a split if that does happen. stay neutral to all outcomes. 🧨🍀
@Bagpussisevil monkey branch?😅
Yes. If you end up sleeping with eachother, go with the flow
💯
I agree!
@Bagpussisevil you don't think this might be the reason why there's more single people than ever?
I know if it will go well or not the moment I meet the girl. It has a lot to do with that first little hug. And if we both come with a smile and a little joke, that's usually the best sign for me. An open place, public, of course. That should make you both feel safe.
Also, it's better to meet outside of the restaurant or the place you're going together - I'd say maybe include a little walk before sitting and talking. It gives you the chance to comment on the area (for example) and see if you view the experience you are sharing from a similar perspective - which is huge for connecting with the person. So when you enter the restaurant you are already entering the place together, and it's kind of like a little adventure if it's somewhere you never been to.
If you meet directly at the table or at the tickets, that's not good, that's always gone wrong for me - unless you are both incredible funny and have a high tolerance to awkwardness.
That would make sense in a world where women actually knew what they want and tell it instead of saying what they THINK they should in order to look good 😜🤷🏾♂️
Love going into a first date feeling like I’ve known her for awhile now so she feels more comfortable, and I feel less awkward. Really does work like a charm. Be funny, ask great questions, tease her, flirt and listen.
Great advice!
Horrible advice
That's no advice at all.
Just let her babble and break out your check book, it's not rocket science. These modern women are alot of things, smart isn't one of them.
@@funkfarmer7125 lol true true
Why are we still being this needlessly accommodating with and subservient to women? This just enables the ones who expect not to do any work to continue to be lazy (and there are A LOT of them out there). The above applies even to non ho-ish women. Many of them just seem like they can't be bothered.
You got it right.
Bring a pillow and a blanket with you, she'll be comfortable AF.
I find that if a girl is attracted to me, then she feels fine. Too often, when I can see that a girl is not comfortable, my first thought is to take her home. There. You are home. Be comfortable. Goodbye.
I am way beyond tired of having all of the responsiblity. I have to approach her. I have to ask her out. I have to pick her up. I have to think of a great date. I have to pay. Well? What does she have to do? If she is going to expect me to make her comfortable then I think I've hit my limit.
That’s the bare minimum
The pessimism hits different today huh
Are you the type of guy that wants to be the leader in the relationship or equal partner?
If it's the latter, this should be mentioned before going out on a date with someone. If you believe in equal split relationships that needs to be mentioned before you spend your time out with someone. If you want someone subservient but doing this is too much for you, then that's not in balance. That needs to be checked.
I personally like relationships where there is an equal responsibility on on both. I prefer to pay for myself and my date pay for themselves unless it's a special occasion. BUT not everyone is like this and that's OK. If you know you're the type of person that wants to be seen as the "leader" or the "head" of a Relationship but, you don't like taking the lead, it doesn't match up. It's always best to just mention these things before actually spending your time effort in money to meet each other.
Never asked a fish on how to catch fish. This “dating coach” it’s going to set you all up failure guys. Women go off of emotion, not logic.
I think the most important thing for a man when he starts dating a woman is to be more discerning. Men get so caught up in this idea that they have to win a woman's affection that they often forget to pause and ask themselves if they even want it! It is important for any conversationalist to be able to carry on a conversation by asking interesting and open questions, not talking about yourself too much, and making appropriate eye contact and movements; however, if the girl is boring, rude, disinterested, not intellectually around your level, or just not someone who you jive with for whatever reason then it is important to stop trying to "win the date" and and take care of yourself. Of course it is important to make her feel comfortable and have a good time, but that shouldn't come at the expense of your pleasure and comfort.
I think having that attitude allows you to be more genuine and actually leads to the other person feeling more comfortable as well as creates a needed shift in the power dynamic - a date isn't just you convincing a girl to like you, men deserve happiness as well and she should be considerate of your needs and feelings just as you are of hers. She has just as much onus on her as the man.
That's why I tend to plan dates in stages ( move from location to location)so that you can basically make the date end early or last longer depending on how the date is going. It is better to end a date and go your separate ways than to be disingenuous because of this misguided notion that men are somehow entirely responsible for the success or failure of dates or relationships because, after all, they didn't convince the woman they are a worthy partner. What is the end game in that situation? You are now dating someone you don't even like in order to appease your ego? Play stupid games win stupid prizes...
I couldn't have said it better myself!
*You have over 87k views on the "Beardbrand Alliance" channel. You're good for business.*
What they say they want and what they respond positively to are completely different. They will always say what makes them look good but they are drawn to their strongest feelings. Of course I always pay my taxes on time!! I wouldn't think of doing anything but that. I fweel compelled to support my government.
quoting studies from 10+ years ago and 29 years ago before cell phone norming and dating apps...... might need to look at some more recent stuff just saying
hahaha
Cutting edge science
How can I have an abundance mindset when I only get one or two dates a year?
A year lol
Not had a date in over 10 years because these nasty shallow women won't go with any guy who isn't this specific height, penis size blah blah blah.
My only saving grace is that we have Courtneys excellent tips to counter this.
HAhahahahahahah
Dating these days is like a job interview. With 20 different steps.
Wow Courtney this is one of your most informative videos. Everything you said is so true. My biggest issue recently on first dates is that too often my date tends to be rather quiet and not asking as many questions as I would like. Being the talkative person that I am and being some what nervous I end up dominating the conversation more than I intended. I guess I gotta relax uh?😊
Yes. Ask HER the questions. Two thirds of the conversation should be her talking.
As always, thank you for the quality content. Have a nice weekend.
You too! ❤️
That is what women said on a survey. What women respond to, is a different matter.
That's actually a good point, and is a limitation of surveys (vs. observations) in general. Anything that could be considered as "morally relevant" will most likely result in a biased response. (The perfect example is the body count question.) It really doesn't matter that much whether a statement is based on data, but rather what the data was based on.
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
Meh, pass. Loner for life.
Excellent advice for connecting with people, women and men, in a meaningful way socially. As a woman, I find a lot of fun and ease in social situations by assuming the other person is interesting and has good qualities to be discovered in conversation.
Good point! ☝🏻 You usually end up getting what you expect! EXCEPT SEX! DON’T make that one too important.
100% man. Guys (especially the types in the comments section) need to get over themselves and stop projecting their past experiences onto the next woman or gender as a whole. Go into each date with cautious optimism. The way they act like little bitches over the unreasonable women is a factor in why they can't get one. Walk up with a negative attitude and you've created a self fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.
You starting seeing us as individual humans and not as a group like cattle. 👍
What else the Match 2018 survey shows:
"What women say is appropriate on a first date:
On a great first date, 94% of women want their date to compliment her appearance, to be waiting for her when she arrives (90%), to hug her (82%), kiss her on the cheek (71%) and insist on paying the bill (91% of women approve of this however 45% think it's appropriate to split the bill)."
Your huge misconception, you are talking about how these actions make a girl feel, not how the actions make a girl feel about you. Leading them astray young one.
rub one out and clear your head before you go on the date for one thing...Ive had really good bar dates. but My favorite first dates were snowboarding and wakeboarding dates oh and a hiking date in South Lake Tahoe. having a task to do/or teach/accomplish really shows how you can take charge of a situation and your strengths.
😂
Serious question: What is the women's role in a date? Because it would seem that all if not most of the burden is on the man. I want to find a woman that is going to compliment my life and if all of the burden is on me in the dating phase, then what does that say about my future with this person?
Here is a post of Quora that perfectly articulates (at least for me) the problems on dating and why I am somewhat apprehensive about it:
If you've ever used a dating app, it can be fairly dehumanizing as an average guy. You quickly realize most women think you aren't worth a passing consideration. The vast majority of women consider you and most guys subpar.
Where do you meet women outside of dating apps in the Corona era? People don't go out as much. They are reluctant to.
And then navigating the minefield of being expected to make all the first moves, while not being awkward, while being unrealistically confident and outgoing, trying not to weird a woman out for qualities that make you unique despite those qualities being fairly common and normal, trying to simultaneously be respectful of consent but being expected to be assertive and confident, most young men not making the kind of money women fantasize about, struggling with your own life while walking on eggshells to not lose someone's fleeting interest who is actively looking for any possible red flag to give an excuse to ghost you.
I hate to sound like I'm blaming women or dislike women. That's not my intention. But I think there's a tendency to not be honest about how unfair dating is for young men these days. We've come a long way as a society but there are still expectations we place on men that aren't placed on women, are unfair, and frankly sexist. Some feminist might be tempted to blame patriarchy but I think some of the prevailing dynamic is as much the responsibility of women as it is men.
If women took equal responsibility in pursuing, it wouldn't be so lopsided. But as it stands, most women have the opposite problem of having too many options rather than being the person needing to seek out options.
A lot of work has been done to critique the unrealistic standards applied to women but not so much for men. We may play lipservice in our progressive circles but when push comes to shove, I see people rationalize unrealistic standards for men. We are actively preserving the same chauvinistic standards for men while pretending in the abstract that we are committed to this theoretical equal future.
It seems there's still this prevailing and largely uncontested idealized standards for what an attractive man is. And that man does not have emotion. Does not have faults. Does not make mistakes. Is financially balling. Is tall, dark, handsome and in peak physical shape. Has a degree but also works with his hands. Is socially dominating (not simply confident as some say). Do we end up marrying these men? No. Most women will settle for something a bit more down to earth.
But this is still a dominating stereotype living in the most popular music videos, tv shows, books, movies, fanfics, it sets the standard to have a reply in online dating, etc.
The point is we all sort of know abstractly that guys are not this ideal. We understand our fathers weren't nor are our brothers. We understand our son's aren't like that. Eventually we date men who aren't like that.
But the question you ask is why have the young men given up on dating. And, to me it seems, it's largely because it's incredibly dehumanizing to be compared to a standard you can't reasonably be expected to live up to in order to just get your foot in the door and maybe show someone that even though you’re not 6′3″, making 6 figures a year, with washboard abs, a degree in business, who swings an axe on his days off, enjoys an active but social media safe social life, without personal struggles, no character defects…even though you're not that guy, you might be a worthy human being.
I think many young men initially put themselves out there more than a few times and are just too dehumanized by the feeling that they've got to prove they are good enough when the message seems to consistently be that they aren't. You can only do that to yourself so many times before you decide it's eating away at your sense of self worth. I think it would be easy to to just say, “well the problem is with you bro, you must just be a bad guy". But when the overwhelming vast majority of young men are evaluated as such, we've got a real big problem. And I find it a bit hard to believe myself.
I knew a few guys. I know some older and some younger. The younger crop of young men are on average much more respectful of equality and sensitive to boundaries and fairness. I don't buy this notion that most of the young men are predators, or sexist, or have some fundamental social or psychological flaw that renders them unworthy dating material.
I get the sense that a large part of what's going on is not just that young men are broken but that most young men are stereotyped quickly with respect to the ideal and wherever there is a deficiency, character flaw, or red flag; that's it. We know enough about him now, he's not even worth the time. Before a young man gets to that point, let's be honest, there's already a prejudicial assumption that he could be a predator until proven innocent, an emotional abuser until proven innocent, a weirdo, a creep, awkward, too soft, too clingy, didn't read the signs, a loser, etc.
So many young men constantly trying to meet someone know right off that bat there's a mountain they've got to overcome of prejudgements just to get a chance, then in the ensuing interactions walk on thin ice that a joke might not be taken wrong or a bad day might reflect insecurity. Because the other person is looking for a reason for you to prove you're just like those other assholes. “I knew it!”.
I don't know. Put yourself in their shoes one time. Think about how you would feel in that situation. Your task is to prove to the other person you're not guilty of these prejudgements you are not responsible for. They are looking for you to fail the test. And you've also got to prove you're worthy of this person's interest. And over and over again you apparently failed and you don't even know why. Was it something you said? Was it your social media photos? Was it what you didn't say? Was it your job? Were you too forward? Were you not forward enough?
And keep in mind, you're expected to do the initiating. That has not changed. So no one is going to come up to you and make a move, express interest. Your self worth is not going to be boosted by anyone. Men don't have a culture of “girl you're beautiful, I love you". There's no community of “you look really handsome today”. It's just going to just be rejection. Please understand that.
Imagine failing a worthiness test over and over and not knowing what it was about you that you could change or do better? After a while, you naturally think, “well I'm just unattractive". So you don't even engage that aspect of your life anymore because it's painful to be reminded that no one thinks you're an attractive enough person to even consider you for a lunch date. Why would you want to be reminded?
Comfort doesn't by itself create chemistry. Millions of men have done everything suggested here and been quickly relegated to a platonic, great-connection-but-no-spark dead zone. If you don't create sexual tension, you're done. Gone. Move on. Comfort helps, but these are survey answers - what women say they want, and what gets them INTO YOU are two very very different things.
That's true and I certainly agree, but I believe that comfort and chemistry are both important. If comfort isn't there that I personally don't think chemistry will be.
Ding Ding! Someone who actually gets it. COMFORT+AROUSAL=FEMALE ATTRACTION. Too much comfort and you'll get FZ'd.
Hug her at the beginning of the first date. This breaks the physical touch barrier and acts as a “datum”. Then hug her at the end after walking her back to her car, Subway Station etc. DO NOT GO FOR A KISS.
If she likes you she’ll hold the embrace longer and turn her face towards you. Only if she makes it obvious do you kiss her. Crucially make it fairly brief and break it off first. Then say something like “ there’s more where that came from, but it’s time to go”
That builds tension and challenge. And for God’s Sake no making a date on a date from you. If she’s super keen and brings it up is the only exception. Reward good behavior. But ideally she should leave the date not knowing whether you like her and are going to ask her out again. Then wait a few days before you call her. This gives her space to reach out first. If she does MAKE THAT DATE. Again, reward good behavior.
@@IndigoInfantry Well, they're young and horny! What do you mean though by rush? Because I absolutely think if a girls not sleeping with you after 3-5 dates and is playing "Good Girl" game then a guy should walk. Do it with smile and zero butthurt but it's got to be "thanks but no thanks, I've auditioned enough. If you don't want me Stacy over there might, I'm going to go talk to her". The ability to walk away demonstrates confidence and an abundance mindset, all of which are attractive to women so if she won't sleep with you after that the genuine desire isn't there one way or another.
Break the ice with a few voice to voice phone calls first, you'll learn alot from those, and judge if you really want that first date, then if you do, you'd be surprised how easy it makes the first date, on both of you, but.....remember modern women, many are just looking for a free meal ticket. Keep that in mind. Thats just reality.
That's why a coffee date works- entitled girls and foody dates will baulk at the idea. Anti Gold-digger strategy!
@@jleano609 yep, I've been suggesting a walk in the park(it's free)...had one the other day say "I'm not going to meet in a park", I just laughed to myself, another one who thinks she's entitled.
@@greg33770 Ok, but parks can mean isolation. Girls can rightly baulk at that too.
Like I said, coffee and cake, ice cream or drinks in a nice, safe public location that she has to find her way to herself is best.
@@jleano609 keep in mind, I break the ice with phone calls first(not texts, actual voice to voice conversations), so they should feel at ease, and these aren't "girls", I'm 66 years old, usually they are around my age, LOL....the parks around here that I suggest are all good, busy, and it's always daytime. Some meet me and some don't. Plenty of fish in the sea.
I think a first date is almost like a job interview. You're both interviewing each other. First impression is so important.
💯 this. It is actually more important, since the other person might end up being your life partner! Like all interviews, practice really does help. 🙂
@@kingneef8354 wat
thats why I try and talk voice to voice on the phone a couple times before a first date....thats where I do interviews to even see if we are compatable....
@@greg33770 Not like it makes a difference anyway.
You still need to meet these womens insane body shaming "standards" like penis size etc.
So you might be compatible over the phone, even on a date, but if you don't meet their BBC penis size shaming requirements, they will destroy your life by publically humiliating you to all their friends, just to try destroy you to mental illness.
Women are very flexible like that hahahahahah and by flexible I mean evil lol
I already have a job, zero interest in doing another one that I have to pay for at the end.
Some men are just joining the MGTOW movement and living a happier life.
Every average male who is being rejected because they don't meet these womens insane shallow body "standards" from height to penis size to looks to going bald is giving up on dating and some of them giving up on life too lol
Has to be a happier choice of life than being overlooked, told you are of ZERO value based on some body part you can't even change or help by these shallow, vain women.
Modern women are inspirational lol, empowering hahaha
Empowering average males to mental illness bullying them for what they can't help about their bodies, whilst putting their toxic serial womanizing masively endowed "alpha chads and tyrones" on a toxic pedestal, then sitting their gaslighting claiming they don't know why the male suicide rate is as high as it is.
Yeah I wonder.....It must be "toxic masculunity" right? It must be because these men don't open up, not because they are shamed as soon as they don't fit your cardboard cut out "alpha" massively endowed over 6ft James Bond stereotype of a male.
First dates are just awkward no matter what cus you are basically strangers unless you been friends a long time
Would be easy to say hug welcome with the date start , than talking a thousand words on this video
To get even one date is already an impossible task for most guys these days. So when you're chad and not a complete dumbass she will feel comfortable on the date... lesson learned: be chad
The truth is women either love you or not .
You will know. I walk into the gym. Women run up to me and smile and touch me. Hi how are you . Great to see you . Lets goto the beach today. Your going to to ok with these women .
Where as. If you approach a girl at gym wearing headphones . And say hi. Im so and so. Your hot. Let's go out on a date .
Then you go.out and get rejected .
Why why how. I made her feel safe and comfortable. Its because she does not care about . You . Cannot force love . Its either hot or cold .
Thanks for this video. I think your closing on mentality/ approach was perfect. Dating is about getting to know someone, not getting someone to like you. Well said. 👌🏽
Women like it when you pay for the date. Are you sure?🤔
yep, many modern women are just there for the free meal ticket....they really could care less about you as a person.
When I met my wife for our first date, she reached across the table in a clear invitation to hold her hand. It was all downhill after that. For us, the.whole thing happened about the same way water will flow in a stream. I never felt like I had to make sure I was impressing her and so on. It came easily. I have no doubt that some of this was simply because she did not expect me to always initiate things and because she wanted a successful outcome more than she wanted to screen me for some list of qualifications.
Amen!
Just remember how "great" she was when she's handing you divorce papers for "irreconcilable differences." But oh right that will never happen, she's "one of the good one's."......
@@funkfarmer7125They do exist. But yes, it is a gamble. One can screen well and make the odds better, but there will always be a risk. Besides, only a fool would actually keep all his assets in plain sight if someone else might be able to steal them. If she divorced me tomorrow and got half, I'd still have about 85%. But since we have no kids and I am about to retire, she would not get much and might even lose. We have never commingled money and I have never been the primary breadwinner. She worked as soon as she was approved to do so. She would leave with her money and that is about it.
But forgetting about money....You are right, if she left, it would hurt deeply. But guess what, I struggled with women my entire life and I guarantee that the pain of being cast out is far more intense than any woman could ever inflict by leaving. The old saying: "It is better to have loved and lost..." is 100% true for me. Besides, if she leaves, I know where to find a few million more.
How to make her feel comfortable by keeping going the conversation back it for ? To listen to her
First date advice. Just be yourself and don’t try and impress. Be interested in her stuff but get rid if she just seems self entitled and shallow.
On a first date nowadays,shave everywhere ,be ready for everything,most of these chicks are for the streets
The man is doing the chase, this is the reality. It isn't a two way thing. That's why men must be raised to be competitive and confident.
This type of research is more marketing than science. Not saying it's necessarily wrong, but it's "according to Match", not "according to science/psychology".
Hi Courtney, congratulations for your content! I truly like your POV around principles and values, I wish you could make a video (including other girls) around two topics:
1) Why of today’s dating climate?: Throw-away society, overconsumption of short-lived or disposable relationships?
2) Why women and man cheat despite been with someone that has respected and provide with everything and have a stable relationship?
"Psychology" don't say $hit. "Psychologists say a lot, and much of it is nonsensical babble regurgitated by modern women, who happen to be the majority of psychologists.
Bingo
Lemme guess: play it cool, pay for everything, have no expectations, and just hope she wasn't using you for a free meal/entertainment
It's coffee or a quick drink. Never buy a woman food unless you've already slept with her.
Have to go on a date in few days , hope this video helps me 😊
Great video Courtney, every time more i admire you for your videos sort. In fact right now I have carrying a virtual relationships but it's awkward cuz despite I make her laugh almost all time, we talk every single day, I have showed my home , my daily activities ect, she still present insecurities respect to me , I get it , it's obviously, just we meet online, and both we are studying yet and we can't to travel to our respective countries, and so finally, my case is a particular case, the women feel comfortable with the time, and the way we can make them feel in first date tho be virtual, you right ✅
A lot of modern women aint looking for love, they're looking for help.
I'm neferious for breaking alot of these rules, I live a pretty stressful fast pace life so its always difficult to "switch off" when its time to.
Hey Courtney... YES to - The Social Science Data...!!! BRAVO... 😊👍
This is absurd. Wtf exactly is "safe"? I know what the opposite of safe is, but "safe" could be almost anything outside of that.
Sorry, but we're equal now. I am not going out of my way to be anything other than myself (which is polite, kind, intelligent, sometimes funny, and a good listener/speaker), nor am I going to break my brain wondering if she feels safe or comfortable. I won't purposefully make her feel the opposite of safe or comfy, but I can't control for what her definition of safe or comfortable may be.
And duuuuh, we _are_ attracted to women we are going on a date with. It's that simple.
She has to worry about you potentially embarrassing her at best, or at worst, drugging her, raping her, or killing her. Not that you would do anything like that. 🙂
But, from the perspective of women, potential serial killers don't generally walk around wearing t-shirts with "BIG TROUBLE," printed on them. If they did, women wouldn't have to put up their guard as much. So, a big part of the first date, is earning her trust on a basic level. For you, the worst that could happen is usually just a bad time. For her? It's having her life become the "based on a true story," basis of a Lifetime Movie in the future. 😳
@@marcmays48 The basic trust is a given before the date. No person with a brain in their head would meet a stranger they feel could be a danger to them without first having established some basic trust.
And it's not as though a first date should ever be something like trunk beers at an abandoned lot on the edge of town, or simply a drive to "nowhere in particular".
Coffee, in the afternoon, with people around, separate cars, all that, and women still need us to make them feel safe? That's pretty well the perfect setting for a first date, and in interpersonal terms it couldn't be safer. I suppose an asteroid could fall from space.
@@marcmays48 Easy fix is if you’re a college student, you date fellow students. Serial killing, rape, etc is out of the picture because they have everything to lose and little to gain. Makes for some actual genuine bonding, because money shouldn’t be an issue when getting to know someone. Usually most college students have little money or are broke anyways lmao.
Plus, if you’re lucky, you’ll be on a campus with a majority of female students to male students. I know my ratio is in favor of men.
@@peachmelba1000 Really, it isn't always, especially if you're meeting someone off a dating app. I went on a date once where a woman brought along a female friend. At the time, it seemed really weird to me, but in retrospect, I may have said something which put her guard up, and she thought "Well, it will be hard for him to kidnap or attack us both."
Then again, she may have been attracted, and wanted someone along to act as a c*ck-block, to prevent her from making choices that she would regret later.
Women *DO* have concerns, and unless you've been the a victim of crime yourself, it's hard to put yourself in their shoes.
@@___solar___ That's true, to a certain extent. But date rape still happens A LOT, and women aren't always believed even *IF* they have the guts to bring up a complaint. Then there are the cases where the sex which is consensual, but terrible. Furthermore, women have to worry about their reputation sexually, whereas guys generally do not.
On the guy side of things, while going to college is a viable strategy for guys in their 20's... it's rather expensive to do that, just to meet women, and is less of an option as you get older.
I already knew this, I've been doing this since I was a kid thanks for confirming it! Its very important to make a woman feel comfortable around you. Because if you're making her comfortable that means she feels SAFE around you!
💯
Just went on a first date and I think it went well and nice to see all of this information confirming this. She's going out of town next weekend but we're seeing each other the next weekend and we've been staying in touch. Excited to see what happens next!
Men remember that the success or failure of the first date will rest firmly on your shoulders. Your dress, hygiene, and cologne choice are keys. Keep the conversation going by asking open ended questions. Repeat her answer and elaborate further on her answers. Make eye contact as often as necessary. Your choice of initial physical contact can be a deal breaker. Notice her body language. Don't be to physical, but if you don't initiate some physical touch, it might be viewed as a lack of her attractiveness. This is always a "Catch 22". Damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Plan the date, be on time and keep the date within your financial abilities. A final thought. You will be tested from the moment of your first interaction till the date has ended. It is on you to make the date the best it can be. From her standpoint, she will only have to just show up. "Men display, women choose"
Ouch! As a boomer, this is what society subliminally taught me too, but now, this behavior is called simping.
#facts. Whether they wanna admit it. It’s in their DNA
Dude you are a low value beta simp. LOL you think everything relies on the guy making the female happy and doing everything right. I test females to see if they meet up to my standards. I'm the prize. Putting women on pedestals like you do is the wrong approach. The woman is suppose to look up at the man. YOU spend all of your time on your knees looking up at women.
This is some cringe AF "pick up artist" BS. So so cringe. This is that formulaic garbage that breeds new simps every day.
@@spotscorner6040 A lot of those issues could be avoided if you discuss things before you decide to move meeting each other. If you don't know whether they're expecting you to play a leadership role or not you should find out. If they are, you already know that they're expecting you to pay for the date. If you know that you don't want to take the lead then don't go. It's not for everyone and that's fine. There are plenty of women out there that would rather go Dutch and take their time to get to know you.
If you're the type of guy that does not like to wait to have sex, there's no point in dating when there are plenty of sex workers out there.
As far as the testing thing goes, both men and women will test each other while dating. There's such a thing as a "safety" test as well as a "how much can I get away with test". Everybody does it just for different purposes.
You definitely don't have to be dating someone in order to be tested or to test someone. We do it every day when we meet new people and we don't know if they're safe to be around or if they're secretly insane. Yeah men should also be vetting people when you're on a date. You can't just be putting up with whatever because then we're back to square one getting nowhere. 👀
I know it's a matter of delivering in the TH-cam format, but I can't help but notice the irony of the jumpcut at 6:56
Agree with everything you've said in this video really insightful. Regarding conversations from my experience at least I've found I'm the more inquisitive party. I get very few questions from the people I'm dating or talking to
Step 1 be attractive
Step 2 don't be unattractive
Step 3 be step 1
im so early, even before a summary guy lol
Haha hopefully he got in early! The video is less than 15 minutes so hopefully before 11:15 it is ready 🙃🙃
10:15 it is also received better by men if the woman offers to split the bill, even though we don't want to (would invite her anyway) ;)
5:23 I can’t even figure how some people are so ignorant that it really feels like talking to brick walls even on 1on1 conversations.
*Me speaking*: I was at a sport event yesterday and what happened is hilarious… (they’re not listening)
*Me raising my voice*: I was at a sport event yester… (they’re still not listening)
*Me yelling*: I WAS AT A SPORT EVEN…. (they won’t listen)
*Me thinking*: It’s just the two of us here, I’m talking to you Jesus Christ!!!
Most of the times they’re using their cellphone unnecessarily though
if you're competeing with their cell........walk away.....
@@greg33770 well said!👍🏼
I don't even understand why a girl would bother to go on a date with someone who they would do that to unless they just want a free meal.
Before clicking this video, already knew there was gonna be people saying SPLIT THE BILL!! MAKE HER PAY!!
😂 Just don't go there. Manage your costs if she's a complete stranger, or if you're unsure of her attraction towards you, by picking a low-cost/no-cost venue.
Otherwise, understand that it will be on you to pick up the first tab. It's not fair or cheap, but that's how things go, unfortunately.
@@marcmays48 oh I agree with what you said. I always pay for the first date no matter what because that’s how I’ve always been. Like you said, a first date is always light. Usually ice cream bowling something like that. I was making fun of the fact that sooo many men out here complain about paying fully for the first date or wanting to split lol
Really liking the data based approach to dating vs here is what I like and go do this, this and this.
Also appreciate not blaming male purely for success of the date, like if she is a break wall and not carrying the conversation.
🙌
LOL...I did literally everything wrong on my first date with my now-wife. I was afraid to initiate contact (that didn't happen until the FIFTH date!), I wanted to listen to her so I didn't want to direct the conversation and be seen as running her over, I let her pick the restaurant. At least I paid. So...that's one thing. It worked out, but...too funny.
A couple of times the girl I was on a first date with gave me a kiss at the beginning of the date to avoid awkwardness later. I thought this was a good move as it made the rest of the date more relaxed. To my mind the act of going on a date is predicated on at least some mutual sexual attraction. This obviously can change but should be the default.
which site are you going to? I have to find me one of those women, lol
I actually didn't know women had to feel comfortable on a first date - news to me
Making someone laugh is alway's a great way to make them feel comfortable
What if you're not a commedian.
@@rascal211 Become a comedian
Courtney cover's this in her video
Re: sexual scripts there's no real fail proof means to know if they'd like a hug or kiss, esp. when the girl is shy. Even if I'm comfortable, if she's not giving off comfort cues (e.g. she chooses to wave), I'm not sure it's the best idea to go for a kiss, esp given Me2 culture and the accusations that come with it.
Here's the funniest thing.....almost all of my first dates have flowing conversation with mutual speaking and mutual questioning, yet I get friend zoned right after the first date almost 80% of the time, even though I supposedly check off many to all of their boxes I'm told. But last night, I had a first date with a very sexy girl visiting from Mexico whose English was bad enough that she often needed to use Google translation, and my Spanish is decent, but not exactly fluent. So, talk about inconsistent, non flowing conversation, not to mention conversation about very light hearted topics. But SHE drove me back to my car, had a heavy make out session before I stepped out, and she can't wait to see me again in 2 days. So much for conversational skills, 😂😂
Sexual chemistry above ALL. Conversation leads to that and that only.
If you dont establish that she wont like you no matter how great the conversation is.
Yep, you need both comfort and AROUSAL. Courtney, like most women and even female dating coaches don't tell on themselves. Too much comfort leads to the friendzone. How much of a mystery and a challenge are you being on first dates? Over communicate with a girl and tell her too much about yourself and you can kill these. Given the language issues you may have unconsciously boosted your challenge with this girl and the results is, she got TURNED ON.
@@jleano609 lmao, yep. But this scenario (unless she miraculously becomes fluent in English by next month AND has common goals, interests, and values) has no long term relationship potential. The former scenario, on the other hand, is what actually leads to long term growth and happiness with someone once the novelty of the physical attraction has worn off in a few weeks to months (IF you're lucky to still even be seeing them by then). If only women could realize this and not write off men after one date who check most to all of their boxes simply because she didn't feel earth shattering chemistry right away. I actually hate a girl who is mysterious and challenging. Life is challenging enough.....I don't need that in a relationship
@@Lonstermash mystery and challenge is for you to give her, not the other way around
@@jleano609 yes, I get it. It's also the sign of an immature woman who will probably only want a toxic relationship and who doesn't know what to do with a good man, because the many times I HAVE had a good relationship, no mystery, challenge, or game playing was involved. And, as Courtney initially stated in this video, women want to be comfortable around a man (or so they say). which contradicts the mentality of those who want mystery and challenge and all the anxiety that goes along with that type of relationship
Guys, if you cannot carry on a conversation with an atractive woman you desire, I don't hold out much hope for you. Don't be intimidated. Look them straight in the eye and speak with conviction or don't engage them at all.
You can become a great conversationist all you want.
If you aren't massively endowed, the majority of these attractive women will DESTROY you and look to destroy what little confidence you actually have.
It's a game to these women to body shame, bully and publically humiliate your body for things you can't even help to all their friends.
They don't give a crap if you can look them in the eye and hold a confident conversation, if you can't back up and aren't a massively endowed serial womanizing super hunk in the bedroom as they DEMAND and SHAME you to be, then you are considered to be a worthless loser of "no value" to most of these shallow modern women.
@@evidence-basedhealthuk5271 You are either a very droll comedian or a hopeless, mouth-breathing gargoyle festering in a basement.
Just being present in the moment, and let the good times roll
I get so nervous just talking to women casually? How am I supposed to be calm on a date?
@Michael Duboc Alcohol (with responsibility, obviously). Also, visualize her taking a noisy dump.
Don't ever EVER get her flowers or any type of gift on a first date.
100% correct - don't over invest.
But 'hugging' is NOT a sexual behaviour.
Happy Friday Courtney and thanks for advice
Happy RED Friday 😉 💪 ❤
Happy Friday! ❤️
Or how Coach Corey Wayne says it? hang out, have fun, hook up. just have fun at a date. tease, make her laugh. be genuine interested in who she is as a person, etc. about what she does for a living. how close is she with her sister/brother, for example. let her to 80% of the talking. you can add more if you like.
Treat her like your bratty little sister is excellent advice from CCW.
1st dates are just like the interview most people go through when applying for a job. You want to have a plan, practice some intelligent questions and answers, and generally don't do anything to instantly ruin your reputation. After all, if it doesn't work out with one woman, she may set you up later with a different woman she knows BUT that won't happen if you lose your cool, or act too weird. Just be sensible and mature, and that will fix a lot of problems.
That said, there will be some dates where you know the other person is a hard No for you from the start, or vice versa. Just be polite, be respectful, move things along, and end things on as much of a high note as possible. You can send them a brief text or message letting them know that it's not a match romantically, but that you wish them all the best in their search.
On the other hand, if it did go well, you should still keep cool. Send a thank you text/message as soon as reasonably possible, and then schedule date #2 soon after. The longer you wait, the more likely the other person will think that you're playing games, or not interested. It also gives them a chance to consider other romantic partners, so you want to keep moving things forward, unless it is truly impossible or impractical to do so.
With practice, you'll figure out which questions to ask, which is an art in itself, to determine compatibility. Generally, go slower and ask more questions if you're young, or have less dating experience. You can move things along faster if you're older, or have a better idea of what you are looking for.
Those are the basics. From there, it's just a matter of fine-tuning your approach. 🙂
It's just a bit hard get practice. An chance for a date ever 3-4 years just isn't enough
@@fischersfritz468 Quick question: How many new women are you approaching each week?
Thanks for sharing your insights!
@@marcmays48 0.1 to 0.3 perhaps? I am not in the age anymore where you can make contact with a lot new people all the time.
@@fischersfritz468 Are you in jail? What's stopping you from going out, and meeting new people? Just say "Hello," keep your expectations minimal, and see what happens.
I miss the old saying woman talk to much , I love a woman that can just keep talking it's very comfortable to just listen to a lady that just goes on and on , it's like a daydream
LOL😂....you can't be serious !
I just get them to talk and ask a ton of questions. Women don't care about what you have you say they just want someone to listen.
Forget all the advice on youtube. Just hit the gym and grow some muscles and you will never have problems to get women again.
Yeah you will.
I mean having a decent physique might get you more female attraction and if you are lucky a foot in the door.
But if you aren't massively endowed and great in bed, don't expect any of these women to stick around or do anything more than instantly go running back to their friends to body shame, bully and publically humiliate you for things you can't even help change about your body.
Modern women are ruthless shallow body shaming sociopaths.
Interesting and thought provoking post, as always BUT a few caveats: What women say and how this translates into success for men are two different things. A woman feels "comfortable" with "friends" and men who make her TOO comfortable get friendzoned. The primary flaw of such a study is it asks women what they want and how they feel rather than monitor who they actually sleep with and marry (and stay married to).
Logic fails: A handsome, tall and powerful man who can hurt her makes her feel more safe and comfortable than a short, petite guy whose openly emotionally submissive to her. Why do so many otherwise normal women sleep with bad boys and cheaters? If a woman wants marriage rather than sleeping with someone, she could court the weak, nice guys that “try too hard” because that’s precisely the stories I got from my grandmothers and grandfathers about how they met!
Courtney’s rationalizations also illustrate why we can’t take everything she says at face value such as her wanting a man to show “desire” as a “gentlemen” by paying for the date. So, in theory, a man could offset any overly puppy-dog beta male signals he sent by refusing to pay for the date, yes? This is nonsense: She wants the man to pay because most women see sex in transactional terms but don’t want to admit it because then men can turn those back at her (and the shame our society has for women who are prostitutes who openly charge money for guaranteed sex instead of the possibility of it.)
Finally, Courtney suggests men BECOME the man a woman desires and demands on the first date as she can engage in sexual extortion but would she suggest a woman become what a successful man desires even at the expense of her own long term happiness as a submissive, obedient girlfriend robot who would accept being casually discarded with happiness? There are many men who have actually followed this “blue pill” model and the majority of them are exploited by divorce, or friendzoned for years, or just abused in their marriages as they try to become the “ideal” man that the woman herself isn’t fully sure she wants?
Bottom line: What women want and demand on first dates is not the same as what is in the best interests of a man.
Nailed it!
Incel
I think it helps to not take them to Burger King or Taco Bell.. I've always had better results if it's a more mid to high end restaurant.. Foer example... Applebee's or better.. Makes for a more comfortable " atmosphere ".. haha
Applebee's for the win! 😂🙌
lololol i love this surely maccas is a hit for the first date!!
Key insights:
😌 According to a survey, the most important thing single women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, even above feeling happy or being liked by the guy.
🤔 Women tend to prioritize feeling comfortable and relaxed on a first date in order to let their guard down and form a genuine connection.
💬 Being able to maintain a lively conversation and keep it flowing is important on a first date, as it shows confidence and can make a woman feel safe and secure.
💬 "Make sure that you are asking her questions and getting to know her as well and make sure that you guys are equally sharing information."
💡 "A really easy way to make sure that you're doing this is by genuinely listening to what she is saying to you."
🤔 Women tend to be more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners.
😌 The more at ease you are, the more at ease people will feel around you.
😎 Coming into a date with an abundance mindset, thinking of it as a great opportunity to get to know someone and have fun, can help create a relaxed and stress-free atmosphere.
TLDR: Making a woman feel comfortable and safe on a first date is crucial for a genuine connection to develop, and men can do this by engaging in lively conversation, asking questions, listening genuinely, taking charge, and displaying positive signals of attraction.
1. 00:00 🔑 Women prioritize feeling comfortable on a first date, according to a survey of 5,000 singles.
1.1 In this video, the speaker discusses what men should do on a first date according to psychology, emphasizing the importance of understanding the reasoning behind actions rather than just following advice.
1.2 The most important thing women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, as indicated by a survey of 5,000 singles, with 79% prioritizing comfort over happiness or the guy's likability.
2. 02:07 🔑 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date for a genuine connection to develop, so make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things discussed in the video.
2.1 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date as it allows for a genuine connection to be formed, as humans need to feel secure before their emotions can truly develop.
2.2 Make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things on a first date, which will be discussed in the video.
3. 03:50 👨💼 Men should maintain a lively conversation, ask questions, listen genuinely, and take charge on a first date to make women feel safe and attracted.
3.1 The most important thing for men to do on a first date is to maintain a lively conversation and take charge, as women are attracted to men who can keep the conversation flowing and make them feel safe and secure.
3.2 It is important to ask questions and engage in conversation with your date, ensuring that both parties are actively sharing information and not leaving one person to do all the talking.
3.3 Men should take initiative and be more direct in conversations on a first date by genuinely listening to what the woman is saying.
3.4 Instead of overthinking and being in your own head, genuinely listen to the other person, use moments of silence, and take a moment to gather your thoughts before speaking.
4. 07:13 🔑 Women are more selective on first dates, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive.
4.1 Women are more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners, and the differences observed during first dates are often a result of sexual scripts that allow people to fall into patterned responses.
4.2 Men often take on a more proactive role in dating, planning the date, initiating sexual activity, and controlling the public domain, while women tend to focus more on their appearance and react to the date's sexual initiations.
4.3 Females are more selective and judgmental about behaviors on a first date, while males do not interpret behaviors as indicators of attraction, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive.
5. 09:36 💡 Women are more likely to feel a connection if a man engages in lively conversation and pays for the date, while men often use sexual behaviors as signals of attraction, and women are interested in future discussions and physical contact at the end of a date.
5.1 Women are more likely to feel a connection and expect the man to take charge if he engages in lively conversation, and paying for the date is seen as a signal of attraction.
5.2 Men often use sexual behaviors and redirecting conversations to the topic of sex as signals of attraction, while women are interested in future discussions and physical contact like hugs and kisses at the end of a date, and view behaviours like handshakes and waving goodbye without direct contact as negative signs of attraction.
6. 11:24 🤗 Make her feel comfortable by leading the conversation, showing attraction, and giving a hug instead of a handshake while avoiding marriage talk; expressing a desire to see her again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more at ease on a first date.
6.1 Make her feel comfortable by giving her a hug instead of a handshake, leading the conversation, and signaling attraction, while avoiding talking about marriage on the first date.
6.2 Expressing a desire to see the person again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more comfortable on a first date.
7. 12:59 💡 Approach a first date with a calm and positive mindset, focusing on getting to know the person without stress or pressure.
8. 13:36 🔑 Focus on the mindset of getting to know someone on a first date, rather than trying to make them like you, and share your first date tips in the comments.
8.1 Focus on the mindset that there are other options and that a first date is an opportunity to get to know someone, rather than putting pressure on yourself to make the person like you.
8.2 Share your personal stories and tips on what you do on a first date to make women feel more comfortable in the comments below, and don't forget to follow the speaker on Instagram.
These videos illustrate how broken we are.
Best things to do on a first date: 1. Wear flip flops (women like to see that you like to be comfortable) 2. Talk about your exes (they love hearing about your dating history, repeatedly) 3. Wear a ton of Axe body spray (don't hold back) 4. Be rude to wait staff (women want a man who shows people who is boss) 5. Constantly make sex jokes (trust me-this works). 6. Stare at other women. (girls love a challenge). You will get immediate results!
Don't forget to show up a little late, and at least a little drunk. And if you get the chance, you should fart really loud and say "ya you're gonna have to get use to this"
I disagree. Women want chemistry on the first date...
And what often makes a woman feel like there was “chemistry”? Feeling comfortable… 😉
@@CourtneyRyan Beats the heck out of me. I've opened doors, paid for the meals, tried to make the gal laugh, dressed nice, put some cologne on, and have an athletic build. I received the "I didn't feel any chemistry" response 90% of the time. The ladies never showed up on time, just sat there and hardly talked. I got fed up with the dating scene and was about to just say f it; I'm living the bachelor life. Then I met my now wife and life's good. I feel for the fellas in the dating scene. Most women have an excel matrix that all the boxes need to be checked off in order to move forward in a relationship. Guys just want a partner who stays in decent shape, shows some initiative, isn't a nag, and supports them.
The show "Indian matchmaking" is a great example of this.
The girl I’m talking to still brings up every day how comfortable I make her. If you have a chill laid back personality like me lean into it. If you’re outgoing and energetic lean into that. Everyone has someone that is compatible with them :)
you can make a girl TOO comfortable you know. Stop talking and ESCALATE.
The fact that she's reading something from another person's research and also that she's a woman giving advice to men on what to do on a first date, I don't have a point I don't know shit about dating.
DON'T SHOW UP on a 1st date. Then make up some excuse the next day. She will want you more and beg to go out with you even more. Works 99% of the time.
Lulz
that’s hypocritical bc the male community is taught that if the woman does that to us then it’s a problem along with telling us to cut her off if that was to happen so nah respectfully i disagree.
@@ShowtimeTre Might be hypocritical. But it works. You know that as well I do.
Only works if she’s interested/ you are more high valued than her
@@1308HK that's why it works 99% of the time.
Can anybody please explain what exactly makes it masculine and gentlemanly for a guy to pay for a date? Guys always going on a first date from one to the next and the woman gets a free meal every time, which is basically her taking advantage of him by playing the tradition card that nobody cares about anymore. You both agreed to be there. It's not like an employer/employee relationship where the guy compensates her spending time and hard work. Anyone who still does care about this chivalry BS needs to get on the progressive train and understand that the world is changing and evolving. What about in the case of gay or lesbian couples on a date? Who pays then?
"whoever ask first pays"
"Men should be the one to ask for dates"
" If he doesnt pay I dont view him as serious"
"If he pays he is sexist because of the patriarchy"
"Im a strong woman and dont need handouts."
" I have 5 dates this week. "
There needs to be a criteria for what counts as masculine or feminine. Without definitions, anything is subjectively one of the other and anything can count. It's like dividing colors with blue as masculine and pink feminine...but the question is why? It just feels like it?
By the same token, how is a guy paying on a first date associated as masculinity? It just is? Explain that because if nobody can, it goes to show the stupidity of these one-sided traditions where women are the ones leeching off guys
That's why they say to keep the first date cheap or free, and short. A walk in the park, or coffee, or ice cream cones at the ice cream shop. No full meals on a first date.
There's a red flag to me in the video: Conversations full of substance is the LAST thing you want on a first date. Just keep the flow on dumb, random and sexy and fun thing is the best way to have a nice date, even with so called intellectual women or feminist.
Except this is self reporting. Rather, women want to feel excited. She wants to go out with a really handsome, confident bad boy with charm and charisma. She wants to chase him and win him over. The danger gives her butterflies.