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Even though I've always daydreamed about how wonderful spending time with my future partner (or no), I don't really look for it and naturally accept if I found the one. I'm doing quite well on my own now :)) But I hate people keep around me keep asking if I have someone I like and when I say I'm fine being alone, they literally say I'm lying and laugh at me...... I tolerate different views of life but they always like to force their values onto other people. I despise this kind of situation.
It always feels like I’m the only one looking for an actual romantic relationship and everyone else is looking for a quick hook up, like is it being loyal a thing of the past now?
I know what you mean, I feel like I'm the only one looking for traditional romantic relationships since everyone seems to label me as too wholesome of a lover lol
Stop overthinking,enjoy the process even if it fails,you will be learning something new so its not a waste of time and ultimately if you feel bad about loosing someone,write a book or something it can be very inspirational cuz you know our emotions can be woeked in that way ;)
I gasped out loud because this is ME I have very consciously begun isolating myself because I ruin every relationship I ever attempt. We're in this together Janna
exactly. i already did...at least they were able to find someone else to care for their needs while i take care of our 2 daughters needs lol (not really laughing) hope you are well :)
It's so weird to watch these videos and read these comments and see that theres sooooo many people like you when you feel like theres literally zero out there....
It is weird! I just recently found out I am in INFP and I am so shocked at being able to relate to other INFP's. I thought I was alone in the way I feel and think!
1. Don't care about your self image. 2. You can't ruin anything really, give yourself a permission to eventually fail. 3. Fail a lot and one day it might actually work.
I agree but my fear of failure or embarrassment has controlled me for years and I have got to force myself to be OK with those things. It is so hard to do!
Me as an INFP: Lots of imaginary husbandos and boyfriends, no boyfriend since birth in real life and unfortunately failed to realize that my crush likes me back but I only knew his feelings when I already moved on lmao
As an INFP. I can say that dating in my late 20s is like preparing to die in a battle. To be honest, it's just emotionally exhausting. So much that I was sent to a psychiatrist.
yeah dating is not necessary tbh. Just make friends and if someone has sparks with you down the line and you both decide to become a couple, great. Dating strangers is a NIGHTMARE. Also being single can be great considering all the "dating" money can go straight into your savings account or towards something you enjoy (this is coming from a woman's perspective).
Haha, i feel that too. Its realy hard sometimes. Hope you Cured well and found someone. Thanks for that Profilpic, now im crushed with 75% of the Strawhats xP
as an INFP in his 50s re-entering the dating world its pretty much worse when you are older. My advice DATE like crazy before your 30s as your pool of compatible or potential mates is drastically reduced as you get older
I used to have this mindset too. Recently however, I heard a therapist say that there is only so much growth we can do on our own, She spoke about how our greatest growth occurs through experiences. Just a thought!
@@leicia1994 I second that. I had my first relationship at 20 (3 years ago now) and I don't know if I was particularly "ready" for it, but it certainly helped me a lot in my personal growth. Plus, it's just kind of awesome. There really is nothing more beautiful than being in love :)
It does help to learn to choose wisely before becoming exclusive with someone. Relationships are necessary for spiritual growth. They are one of the best ways for it cuz they are like experiencing learning lessons on steroids.
@@deniveave4612 That is a hopeful outlook indeed. But my seedling of hope fluctuates with apathetic surrender. And tonight, the devil on my shoulder keeps whispering little reminders to me. These whispers I use as bricks to build a humble, indomitable wall fortified with mistrust and ruminations. Choose wisely is the right lesson. It's a lesson I've been learning the hard way. Unfortunately, these rose colored glasses aren't glasses after all. They're contact lenses surgically attached to my retinas. They won't tear off no matter how hard I try. Whenever I find someone I want to focus on, I eventually find out the truth. And then that rose color becomes best described as blood red, for it feels like my heart is bleeding--overflowing with feelings of betrayal. I believe it's possible to find love, but I'm not sure I can swim far enough to reach that shore without drowning first. So, some days I prefer sitting on the shore looking on the rose-colored sunset. That light fades too, but it's more stable than any human I've met. Nevertheless, I keep hope that the sun will rise up again on the other side of my conscience. And with it, the angel on my shoulder will come out to remind me of hope too. Until she speaks, it seems more peaceful within the secured walls of my mental fortress. It's okay, they have cake in here :P
dating as an infp is very hard we worry about becoming too attached, we start to overthink every word coming from the other person, a lot of the time we haven't healed from old baggage
I'm an ENFP. I wish my boyfriend isn't an INFP. But it is too late I did love him. I just want to hug him and tell him, I understand. I'm always with you
@@FalconWindblader sometimes when I come back to reality I wish I could switch reality with my daydream. As an Infp I hate nothing more than the slap back to reality I get when the time calls
Don't bother 'dating' - it's just too weird, stressful and humiliating. Do the 'meeting people'/'putting yourself out there' thing through activities (groups, clubs, volunteering, etc.) - not bars - and go with the flow. 'Do you want to go get a bite to eat after?' is going to work better for us than 'In two weeks from Friday, may I have the pleasure of taking you out to the fanciest restaurant in town and then to the opera and then to a nightclub, and then, if I have suitably impressed you, well, you know ... ' Meet people casually and get to know them, kinda, casually. Don't inadvertently 'lead them on', though, if you're not 'interested'. Another thing: avoid exciting people - they'll really drain you. (Usual disclaimers apply: IMO, YMMV, etc. - and speaking as a male INFP).
@@PowerRedBullTypology Physically, emotionally, psychically, mentally .... They demand, or require, your attention - if you don't match their level of enthusiasm, you feel that you're letting them down. But trying to keep up with them is exhausting.
@@nozecone But do you really know if they actually desire that you to act that way too? I mean, often people work well with others if there's a difference between them, rather than simularity. It's like the adventurious extroverts often do seek the calm introverts because they actually desire slowing down a bit but can't do it on their own
@@PowerRedBullTypology Yeah, maybe. If you want to take on that role ... good luck. If some adventurous extravert is aware that that's what they're looking for, and they actually appreciate it, then it might work, I suppose ....
Well, that's how damaged INFPs behave--we just become cynical asses who ain't gonna care anymore, be it in love or something else, when we got badly damaged, & worse still, we get damaged easily. Being in relationships is worth it, as long as they aren't toxic. That's the problem with us INFPs. unless we've gotten our own shit sorted out, & the other party ain't having a lotta shit to begin with, chances are relationships are gonna turn toxic real quick. worse still, again, we kinda have a penchant of getting drawn to people with a lotta shit to deal with.
TBH Im more conerned that there are dozens of pathetic excuse making INFPs in this comments section - reality check Prince Charming or Disney Princess will NOT come to you, you have to put yourself out there, you have to slug it out in the front lines of dating and yes that sucks balls...the other choice is mental and literal mastrubation as you cope with your self inflicted lonliness
As a (multiple-tested) INFP, my impression is: people I "am good for" aren't good for me (they tend to feed off my energy, and I attract them like moths to a flame, dammit), and people that would work for me ... I am not sure whether I am not too much of a handful for them 😂 - Staying alone IS an option, if you simply haven't developed into what you want to be yet. Short-sightedness gets lots of people into trouble ... and it's starting to disgust me. But then I am extra-sensitive to those anti-feminist rhetorics that just want you to "settle down". Everytime I say to myself 'hey, this guy might have a few things at odds ... your standards are too high, etc. ', I end up being deprived of my energy in some (narcissistic) way. Or even very badly hurt. So, @INFPs (especially the ladies): you may lower your guard, buy don't lower your standards. Don't. Intuition has always been spot on. I've ignored it out of politeness, out of goodwill, out of conviction to be 'more open': don't. It's a waste of time. Over here in Germany, 'dating culture' can be a bit wishy washy: dont(.) go out for a coffee with people you don't want to go for a coffee with. It's exhausting. Go out for a coffee with a friend. With yourself. With the nice day you're having. With your inner muse. We have so many options in life open. It doesn't all have to follow that old myth of 'not being complete'.
@Daniel DP Well, sleeping around drains us INFPs. hell, being around people excessively drains us INFPs! we got enough of our own shit to deal with, so we ain't doing something that we sure as hell know is gonna add to all that shit.
I've only got on this self discovery buzz and I just wanna say You all get me. And I get all of you. And I love you and all your weird shit. Love yourselves too, my friends.
I got into a relationship and was massively taken advantage of, while I thought I was being compassionate. Truly sucked 😊 But atleast I can make boundaries now 😂
I especially understand #3. Many people focus so heavily on finding " The One" that when a relationship or partner turns out to bot be that they tend to trash the entire relationship. Like "he/she was such an asshole" and maybe they were, maybe it was a really bad situation. But so many people diminish the importance of what was there. Remember to cherish what was there, and learn from the whole experience good and bad. If it was a bad situation, maybe abuse feel pride that you learned how to get away from it. If it wasn't all that bad until the end, acknowledge that there was good times and love shared there. Because even the hard painful lessons are beautiful. And not every relationship has to be "The One" and I think too many go in with the expectation of every relationship. Enjoy what IS there, enjoy what WAS there, and enjoy moving forward to the next experience with someone new.
I met my husband when I was 14. We became good friends but didn't start dating until I was 19. He was my first (and last, lol) boyfriend and we started out as good friends. I am so relieved that I didn't have to go through the whole traditional dating thing.
I've always found myself dating the person that I want them to be in my mind but never really actually saw what they really are it's like my mind always gives me this signal thought " he's what you always wanted , he's the one..." But what's actually I have in mind is mostly not the case in real life , and that causes suffering and pain and I find myself instead of being happy I become this miserable person because I couldn't change them or not being able to make them love me which is a very hard thing to go through since I feel everything in a deeper level .
I can’t explain it, but your eyes scream INFP. Every INFP I’ve met has eyes that have this dreamy quality. I always feel like you guys really listen to what I have to say (and believe me I say a lot, I’m ENFP). Love your videos!
It’s the droopy nature of them :P But yea, our brains are wired to get into flow by listening. Dario Nardi has tons of research about it. Just like your brains ping disparate regions to find novel answers and seemingly random connections ;)
As an INFP man in his 40s who has been in hermetic/monk-like mode for a while before deciding to go back out into the dating world, and during a pandemic no less, I think there are some things INFP men really need to take to heart when it comes to dating. 1) Attraction isn't a choice. That means many women we date will just not be attracted to us or even lose attraction for us over the course of a few dates. This is perfectly natural and not a reflection of our attractiveness etc but more the fact that our unique personality is just not going to turn on most women. Sad I know, but true. While most women deserve to experience the kind of love only an INFP man can offer them many won't be in the right place and time in their life to receive such love. Accept this and love the women you date for however long they want to see you then let them go with an open heart and some kind words. 2) Casual sex isn't going to be our thing unless the woman in question deliberately says she just wants to jump our bones and nothing more. In which case, casual sex will be something we would only engage in because it makes the woman we are with happy. So generally speaking, the whole pick-up artist sleep with as many women as you can approach isn't going to work for us. Try it, and you'll see that you'll feel like crap because deceiving women into sleeping with you probably won't align with your values, principles and ideals. So for us, it's going to be quality over quantity. The good news is that means we will probably be able to please our lovers much more than the pick-up artist that just hops from bed to bed without taking the time to understand the sexual desires and fantasies of the woman they are with. It's better to have high-quality sex rather than lots of bad sex, don't you think? 3) our natural tendency to listen to people and validate emotions will help us build rapport with women. Still, we will have to actively make sure we are exhibiting the sort of masculine behaviours that a lot of women find irresistible, i.e. during a date we must breach the touch barrier and go in for the kiss etc. We have a tendency to overthink the issues around sexualising a conversation and so on because we don't want to be creepy. But the fact is the women you are dating are looking for a man that will flirt and go in for the kiss. They are looking for a man that's like a character from one of the romantic/erotic novels they read and movies they watch. So have the courage to go in for the kiss on the first date. Channel your inner Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or even your inner James Bond. If you think this point is nonsense then explain to me why millions of copies of Fifty Shades of Grey are bought by women and sold by the truckloads and why one of the most popular genres in the publishing industry is erotic literature/romance novels sold and marketed to women and explain why these books often feature Mr Darcy/James Bond-style male characters? So, when dating, try to give each woman you are with an experience that's like the pages from a romance/erotic novel. As a hopeless romantic looking for that deep connection, you'll probably find it a lot of fun to do this for the women you date even if you don't end up with the girl in the end. 4) Above all else, be authentic. You are an INFP man which means you are rare and possibly quite weird to a lot of people. It also means you will probably find that your authentic self is more like a character from a Tim Burton movie, say Edward Scissorhands. So play to your strengths and let the woman you are dating see you in all your quirkiness/weirdness. They are going to find out eventually so it's better to scare off the ones that can't handle you early so you can find the ones that can. More generally, you will find your natural tendency to be nurturing and seek harmony etc. has to be flipped on its head when dating to give a woman the rollercoaster of emotions she needs to fall in love with you and for you to build that deep connection you need to fall in love with her. In the end, be weird as hell and as daring as Errol Flynn. Test women for levels of spontaneity, intellectual curiosity, empathy, compassion and creativity because these are qualities you will probably admire in them and need them to have to be in a long-term relationship with them. And don't forget to eliminate narcissists and energy vampires from your dating life too. You may fall for them initially but have the courage to break it off if they trick you into loving them.
@@harshithamaxina2518 Thanks. If you lived near Glasgow in Scotland, I would probably have invited you out for a cup of coffee to see if you were the girl. Lol.
@@lifestoryguy Your comment made me blush. oooo Scotland! I wanted to visit it ever since JK Rowling mentioned that Hogwarts was based out of Scotland castles. Also how did you get the courage as an INFP to put yourself out there in the dating circus. I'm so shy and quite sometimes I unknowingly reject the few offers that come my way. I'm so frustratingly clueless mostimes I don't how to navigate dating men.
I think one aspect of dating as an INFP that is hard for us is....allowing tension to exist ... I think we are too quick to assume that tension is uncomfortable and then we do our best to make the other person comfortable. Romance/sex requires some frisson some tension
INFP in a relationship with a struggling INFJ - we've been together for 3 years now and it's been the most wonderful and most exhausting time of my life. We share a deep connection and can support each other in so many ways but his struggles sure take a toll on me. I've been slowly growing into a self-care expert though, learning how to best care for myself because if I don't, I know this relationship is going to fall apart. Great video nonetheless, just wanted to add my experience to point 2, it *can* work. But please please please take good care of yourselves, fellow INFPs. ❤️
I had the same relationship combo with my ex. It was tough. I was the INFP and never felt like I could share my emotions with her and she never reached out to try and understand them. I ended up breaking up with her and was the hardest thing to do. She had a lot of her own issues that I tried helping her with but never could. If you want it to work you both have to express your feelings with each other and build a trust. Make it known what you you both need from each other. Wish I could go back and redo it, but learn from my mistake! Good luck to you both
dating is undoubtedly weird for us! I dated another INFP and it was controversial. I got along so well with her but no one could make the first move to keep the relationship “physical” (it was more of a platonic and romantic relationship). we were also two girls so it was even harder to make the move. we broke up because we are better off as friends. great video btw! I really appreciate your effort in making these videos, you’re amazing!!
As an infp myself I can't ever seem to take the first move towards the physical part of the relationship myself... maybe it stems due to fear of being labeled as a creep .... and I still struggle with it to this day..
@@prasadbangarshetti4861 If anything girls might perceive a guy who does not make things physical as creepy even more. I mean, sometimes it makes no sense what they consider "creepy". Just kissing a girl is typically not considered creepy. Girls will typically respect you for trying at least. IF there's anything girls do not cvonsider creepy its if you behave in a way that they expect. (whcih means kissing at some point) rather than any of the extremes on either side (guy who goes wayoo too fast and guy who does not make a move)
30 and a virgin, I just feel like I can't be bothered on top of the mega late blooming, being very behind in the game and the general shiftiness of most people out there
i feel you bro, 25 here and a virgin too. this is getting faster and faster and i feel like my life is permanently stuck on the level of being 15 years old
i think many of us are late bloomers. I find it very difficult to trust others too. I didn't start dating until I was 26. When I do date it seldom lasts long and there are years inbetween people. I still am hopeful though although still licking my wounds from my last experience.
@@hestia165 Better get used to the last part you said. i feel that regardless of how old we INFPs get, we'd ALWAYS feel that we've yet to become grown ups...
For me as an INFP the biggest thing I have struggled with that I feel is a result of my personality type is I find it very hard to let go of people. I always chase after people who are not interested in me and I can find hope in any situation, so unless it's very black and white (which people increasingly are not, especially in regard to things like dating such as letting people down gently etc.) I always feel there is something I can do to change the situation. So much lost time.
I am an INFP and most of my life I have been OK with being single. I would go years in between relationships, mostly because I find very few people worth that much of my time (I know that sounds snobbish but I value my alone time) Last may a year long relationship ended. I really believed he was the 'one'. However he didn't want it to grow any further than where we were. Since then I have felt a very strong need to be in a relationship, I feel like there is a huge hole in my life. The problem is I hate casual dating. It feels like really bad job interviews where your emotions are at stake. However I used to be able convince myself that it was an adventure, a learning experience. Now the idea of even going on a date turns my stomach yet i am lonely in a way that I have never been before. So this puts me in a very uncomfortable conundrum. Just trying to figure out my next move. *sigh*
I understand. I am 50 years old and have never been married or have any children. In the last year I found out that I am an INFP. Before that I did not even know about these "personalities". But, I am 100% sure I am an INFP. As I have gotten older I have come to the realization that I don't want to die alone and I do yearn for a deep connection with someone special to share my life with. For years I was just fine being single and rationalized it as " I can do what I want when I want" and I have always had plenty of money because I am single with no children. When I would hear a coworker talking about problems in his marriage I would say to myself "better you than me." What makes things harder for me is that I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober 10 years but I used alcohol to numb my feelings so I was not scared of rejection and had plenty of short relationships. But since I have been sober I really do not know how to approach the dating game because I learned all of that impaired. I also had to give up all of my social network when I got sober so I don't socialize much. It is a very bad spot to be in. But I am thankful that I know I am in INFP and have some tools to try to overcome some of the challenges of being an INFP. I believe that the main reason I became an alcoholic was because I am an INFP and I spent the last 10 years sober trying to figure out why I was still struggling in life even though I had stopped drinking.
"don't be so idealistic". I hear this one very often but I never truly understand what people mean with it and I can't relate to it directly. It's not the person I see the potential in, it's the relationship. And when I see a person I know how much/what we truly get out of it. I have one important trait as standard in that regard: The partner I bond with needs to be able to embrace my soul. Is this a high standard? Probably. Do these people even exist? Yes, I've met them and let them go (extreme shyness when I was younger). There are plenty of good souls out there with whom I got along with really well and knew a permanent romantic relationship would have worked out fairly easily. Though I also knew/know that this isn't what I seek and need. I don't need the companionship or the superficial love, I'm my own companion, though I only have one soul and imagining figures of the Anima isn't what keeps my soul satisfied, the figures take my soul by the hand and want it to lead where my soul can't go. Just saw I kinda went a bit off road with that but my main concern with "don't bee too idealistic" still stands I guess.
It's not the person I see the potential in, it's the relationship. We INFPs do tend to see potential in BOTH the person AND the relationship, & i guess that's kinda the thing that gets us spiraling into shit. be it the person or the relationship, i guess the piece of advice here is to enjoy WHAT IS, instead of WHAT COULD BE. being idealistic is about focusing on the FUTURE instead of the present, & that's what we INFPs should really stop getting too hung up with. in the case you put forth, i guess the question would be, 'if this person here stays the same as they're now until they die, NOT CHANGING a single bit, would i still be able to be happy with them?' romantic heads, regardless if they're INFPs or not, tend to answer 'no' to that question. if us INFPs were to be happy, we'd need someone that we can answer 'yes' to that question.
I'll just date the guys inside my head lmao. I'm too complicated to date. Just asked for a dude's number. He Didnt fit my imagination. Felt so bad but its probably for the best. Having him date someone like me would be too difficult.
There is something called "showing interest" in getting to know an INFP... it makes a world of difference to have someone brave enough to ask and show interest in getting to know an INFP!
Your personality type is very calming and secure for myself and it’s hard to date because so many people are extremely anxious. It shows how much you’ve worked on self development and I always appreciate your videos
How to date as an INFP (made by an INFP) Step 1: wait Step 2: wait Step 3: wait Step 4: See that guy/gal of your life Step 5: Just be the best you can be and try for that person and for yourself
65 yr old widow...omg... great advise!!!! Had a fabulous 41 yr marriage who totally got me & let me be me in all my own crazy silliness. Hoping to find another one...and learned so many lessons in life as a single.
@moko You're so correct!! I've had about 30 cats throughout my life, starting from my teens. I've had many other types of pets too. Most of my life, I've been single. And pets can't give you what a good person can in a healthy relationship.
I have 3 cats and yeah it seems to be a great idea , just living a happy life alone with cats but... The hopeless romantic part of me wants a romance with the cutest boyfriend life could give me... But it doesn't seem like life has this project for me. 😅
@@meh8693 I'm allergic to cats too, but I love them so much, I'm not giving up the ones I have now. Granted, my allergies are mild compared to others. There actually is a cat breed you can get, Siberian, if you don't mind spending the money. This is one of the breeds that produces fewer allergens than “regular” cats, making it possible to have no reaction for the cat allergy sufferers.
It is possible to find people who 'click' well in the beginning with us. Recently I've met another INFP however after around 2-3 weeks of 'love' she said relatively "I am sorry, I do not feel it, still thinking about past relationship and I feel bad as if I used you to put myself at ease temporarily". I answered with calm understanding that it's okay and no matter what I love you as a person. Though hers response was - I am under impression that you are not honest with me. Well, that triggered me. It is up to you, the interpretation of my words. Nothing bad really happened, some new experience despite being a loner for most of my life. Still, such claims about my dishonesty are insulting. Better sooner than too late. PS. Such relationships are a waste of time. Since the main topic was talking about personal problems, tried to change for music, jokes, anything positive or neutral but if someone needs a therapist, one should go to one instead of talking to me.
Weird definitely is a good word to describe the dating experience for me haha. Currently I’m not worrying about dating as I need to feel complete and whole as myself first, and I also feel a need to approach dating in a way where I...don’t worry about it and rather just to treat people like human beings who I want to get to know. Idk I’m going to make a video about that at some point but yes! I would much prefer the methods you described to put myself out there rather than using an app. Much less artifice. Also resonated with all of the other tips; one thing that really struck a chord was when you said if someone you’re with is constantly struggling then I will as well because that was my last relationship . And expressing myself is something I had trouble with in the relationships prior to that one. So experience feeds growth. Hahaha thank you once again Sherman!! You are the best.
I've long accepted being single as my fate. I like the idea of romance, but I just don't expect it to come to me or to even feel natural. But this one time I realized someone was flirting with me via texts and my brain.exe crashed, I got super excited but at the same time my anxiety/insecurities shot through the roof, and I felt like I was in emotional peril. That's not good, right? That's not what flirting is supposed to feel like, right? Or is it??? In a book, romance is so sweet and exhilarating. IRL, I think it must be a mortifying ordeal. In a way, I don't even know what "being in a relationship" means... like how does someone know they like 1 person better than everyone else and once they've both mutually figured that out, so what? What next? And don't say kissing, because that's a long-term thing.
Such a great video👏🏻🥰... as a fellow INFP it can be super hard to date!! As I know from personal experience! But, you have such great insights on the topic! I especially like that you mentioned to analyze what did/did not work from past relationships and figure out how to utilize that knowledge in the next one!! I don’t think enough people really think about that or know how to put that into action! Thanks on behalf of all of INFPs ... we need all the help we can get🤪🙏🏻🙏🏻
Haven't had many relationships in my life, have always hated going to bars and "the club". I don't know if that has anything to do with being INFP but all my friends know me as the friend who is "allergic to fun" and they know that if they invite me to a bar or something in that vein I'm probably not going to go. However, if they have some type of life crises, personal problem, or serious issue in their life they all invariably come to me for advice and conversation. Even some of my friends who are closer to other firiend in my circle will end up talking to me about serious issues in their life before other friends. TL,DR: I'm an old Sage hermit who never leaves his cave but all my friends will make a pilgrimage to seek me out for advice.
It takes a lot for us to get out of our cave. 😂In my case, I found that I was befriended by ppl in my immediate environment. Family members,school, work, gym etc. (usually an extrovert who was determined to discover the mystery of my existence.) Instead of me choosing who I was befriending. We tend to be polite, and end up in unsolicited company. Once I realized it, I began to choose my friends instead of them choosing me. I still spend most of my time in my cave but... now I have other cave friends. AWESOME friends! We send each other books, crafts, diys. Every once in a while, get together for meaningful, quality time. No one is needy, and if we disappear no one gets mad. We pick up right where we left. I met mine through quiet observation. Once I knew someone I liked. I did introverted shenanigans to befriend them. Small smile, nod, and a good book with a heartfelt note goes a long way for us.
Idk what will happen with my love life. I want someone to love and be loved. But I also want to be alone and do things without thinking if it clashes with another person's lifestyle/plans. So I know I'll need someone understanding and open minded. I'm not shy in letting them know my feelings though which is why I experience rejections. 😂
Personally I considered that using an app and just letting people approach and start meeting them little by little it's better for me Buuuuut I'm over the ones who just want to play with my emotions and good intentions making me THINK that I was the one who screwed up It's hard anyways lol
I know nothing about the INFP'S dating world just learned something new! Appreciate your video thank you! I learned in all personality types it's good to be healthy cuz unhealthy personality types can cause a lot of problems in friendships as well as relationships so it is good to take care of yourself first, especially relationships. It's to check-in w/yourself, and one, or two trustworthy friends will be there till the end. Be content w/yourself & happy w/yourself first important, journey path. Older INFJ, and I'm still learning. Grateful for you! Keep the videos rolling 😊👍
My boyfriend was thinking that i deceived him when i told him that i spent time myself alone that day. 😂 they should understand that we like being alone sometimes. I think we INFP's live the life behind the curtains but sometimes we need to go on the stage when we can get away from our thoughts. We think a lot but we dont act as much as we think. For me, i love being in love with someone but i dont act coz i fear. Thank you for the video, it is helpful to listen to people who have the same characteristics. I appreciate. Much love ❤
Great video. Something that helps me is knowing that other people are insecure too and that I'm very judgemental so I criticize myself too much. I'm dating randomly right now and I decided that for now that's ok.
Yeah... putting myself out there is the hardest... 27 and still single... My family is getting worried😂😂😭 Bra I've been going to a church before I was born, I literally grew up in a church and yet I STRUGGLE with maintaining a conversation... When I watch you talk, it's like I'm watching myself talk... it's such weird feeling...
Okay I saved this video for my next dating story since I literally broke everything off with someone yesterday. Need to fuel up and make fully use of this vid next time I decide to open up again
Yeah I can +1 the online dating point, even though sometimes you will come across people you actually would even get along with (which is rare cos ur forced to consider everyone you come across), the fact that you have to wait some time until you meet them has just too much potential for unnecessary idealizing and expectations that will likely lead you astray, speaking as an infp. Also, for me its sort of led me to ignore putting myself out there in real life almost in any fashion, which is really sad, and really cant be replaced.
Thank you for every single video you're uploading.. I can relate to everything you're saying... It's so real! Also, in case you don't know you're ridiculously handsome! 😍
As well as being INFP all my life, in the last decade there are now some physical health issues happening where I simply no longer have enough energy to do the dating thing.
I travelled to Taiwan last year in 2019 before Covid hit, and it really helped me "get out of my shell." I would like to move there for an extended time in 2021 to learn mandarin. Yes, you really do need to get out there. I can also agree that online dating is not a great idea.
i want to let you know how i really enjoy watching your videos about INFP and be part of the comments. It feels like theres a whole new world in where i can be part of :)
After 4 failed relationships and staying single for 2 years I realized I'm doing everything he is saying here. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing then.😂🖤
I guess you just have to keep trying until you find someone who understands your rich inner life. I'm dating a guy (who's infp too) whom I can be totally honest with and we give each other time and space to be with ourselves. So when we are together we can enjoy each other more. I am really glad that I can be with him because now I know that it doesn't have to be that hard and I am not weird in a relationship. Didn't even want to date but he just got me and I fell for him. It is hard to "commit" but worth it.
Nope! It's just too interesting to exchange experiences ... passively ... or whatever kind of a conversation this comment section is simulating ... :P fun, no?
I’ve needed someone I connect well with then it’s easier to express things. If someone can be in tune with me and try understand me then they take the time to hear what I express
Express yourself... man, I've tried that recently. To put out how you feel is amazing. But when people don't approve of how you feel, or, arguably worse, don't care about how you feel, it can really drag you down.
Thanks for this advice! Very helpful! Seeing people at the end result is the confusing part of dating. I agree we have to meet people and see people and date people where they are or not.
An inside joke. Some previous partners told me they know me (few months in). At that point I realised the whole dating thing is … nonsense. It felt like violence and the best joke I’ve ever heard at the same time.
Put yourself out there: I went around the room I work in 5 months after I started, finally introducing myself & thrashing my stamina bar with the super new relationship small talk. It took a few days! It was a lot! Surprised how friendly everyone turned out to be. 3 are VERY 'friendly.' WHAT??? Guess basic acquaintance-ship maintenance about once a week or so is all it takes sometimes. Also learned attachment style profiles and a little seduction advice, which helps navigate the invisible terrain.
Omg...I just understood the maxim about loving yourself first! 🤣😂 Of course I love myself! That's whole INFP experience! Tree analogy is fabulous! Saying how you feel is as tricky as not saying it because most folks don't feel as much as we do 🤔 I often get the response, "everything doesn't have to be a world shattering dilemma .." 🤨
i am an infp (took the test multiple times with year long intervals and always got infp). i’m in a relationship and i must say, even with all the downs, i love it. i was made to take care of another person. our views are completely different sometimes, it’s difficult to fight, argue and disagree, but on the other side this is what makes me grow.
Btw, I'm too curious with your background... Are you also into magick ? This backdrop looks just too exotic. Do make a video on that as well... And is that a witch's broom that is against the bookshelf to your right ? 😋😋😝🤗😍 Best wishes from India
Good to see another INFP living in Japan! I'm certain there are a lot of us here though. I think it's more difficult for INFP's to date here in Japan then it is in other countries.
I had an imaginary idealistic relationship with a guy I saw on tv.. and couldn’t get over him for years till her got a gf and then married her. I thought something is wrong with me
I gave up years ago. I got sick of being disappointed. I still end up attracting women but I know they will give up once they know me better. It’s not worth it
Thanks For Another Insightful Video. I Feel Like We INFPs Know What We Enjoy As It's Happening And What We're Curious About. We Can Improve On Our Charm Though, But All In All..Why Not Just Share In The Joy That's Felt 👍🏼
I'm and INFJ and dated an INFP recently I discovered he was really unhappy with himself. Nothing I can do for him. He was just insecure so I decided to let him go.But not because he wasn't great but because he was so insecure. It was not gonna work. I am intentionally looking for someone and he was just not ready. Unfortunately. I'm sad today..:(.
I am 34 now and recently found out that I am INFP. I want children and my own family but until now was not really dating and not crazy at all about relationships. Now I feel out of my comfort zone, trying to get "out there" meeting new people. As a woman I feel kind of under pressure now by Biology, I only have some reproductive years left but as an INFP would like to just go back to my old reality, not caring about dating and relationships...😔
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Best Infp advice:
Learn to be happy single.
If someone comes, it's a bonus.
This is what I’ve been doing
me too im tryna be that
Holy shit,this is the best advice!
Even though I've always daydreamed about how wonderful spending time with my future partner (or no), I don't really look for it and naturally accept if I found the one. I'm doing quite well on my own now :))
But I hate people keep around me keep asking if I have someone I like and when I say I'm fine being alone, they literally say I'm lying and laugh at me...... I tolerate different views of life but they always like to force their values onto other people. I despise this kind of situation.
😭😭😭😭
It always feels like I’m the only one looking for an actual romantic relationship and everyone else is looking for a quick hook up, like is it being loyal a thing of the past now?
Let's marry 😂
I know what you mean, I feel like I'm the only one looking for traditional romantic relationships since everyone seems to label me as too wholesome of a lover lol
Tuğba ÖZTÜRK okay😘
Areius Heir yeah I know right
@@chenugent 🦋
I'm scared of relationships.. Because I'm going to ruin it
I want to have a new friend butmi always worried if im gonna ruin it
Stop overthinking,enjoy the process even if it fails,you will be learning something new so its not a waste of time and ultimately if you feel bad about loosing someone,write a book or something it can be very inspirational cuz you know our emotions can be woeked in that way ;)
I gasped out loud because this is ME I have very consciously begun isolating myself because I ruin every relationship I ever attempt. We're in this together Janna
@@Pseudononymous99 glad I'm not alone in this. Maybe we should improve ourselves better, before starting any relationship. :)
exactly. i already did...at least they were able to find someone else to care for their needs while i take care of our 2 daughters needs lol (not really laughing)
hope you are well :)
It's so weird to watch these videos and read these comments and see that theres sooooo many people like you when you feel like theres literally zero out there....
It is weird! I just recently found out I am in INFP and I am so shocked at being able to relate to other INFP's. I thought I was alone in the way I feel and think!
So true sis
Though separated in reality, we unite online!
@@sailorgallifrey1365 😍
How can one expect others to share themselves when you don't in return?
1. Don't care about your self image.
2. You can't ruin anything really, give yourself a permission to eventually fail.
3. Fail a lot and one day it might actually work.
3 doesn't work after more than 5 failures.
I agree but my fear of failure or embarrassment has controlled me for years and I have got to force myself to be OK with those things. It is so hard to do!
lol that's not what he said
Omg how many frogs...do I gotta kiss!
@@blondiek35 😂why are you kissing frogs. Just kiss a Prince and if he turns into a frog then he's not he one.
Me as an INFP:
Lots of imaginary husbandos and boyfriends, no boyfriend since birth in real life and unfortunately failed to realize that my crush likes me back but I only knew his feelings when I already moved on lmao
same :/
Same 😔😔😔
Hahaha same
Same 🙂
You just described me word to word 😂
As an INFP. I can say that dating in my late 20s is like preparing to die in a battle.
To be honest, it's just emotionally exhausting. So much that I was sent to a psychiatrist.
yeah dating is not necessary tbh. Just make friends and if someone has sparks with you down the line and you both decide to become a couple, great.
Dating strangers is a NIGHTMARE.
Also being single can be great considering all the "dating" money can go straight into your savings account or towards something you enjoy (this is coming from a woman's perspective).
Hahaha same
Haha, i feel that too. Its realy hard sometimes. Hope you Cured well and found someone.
Thanks for that Profilpic, now im crushed with 75% of the Strawhats xP
as an INFP in his 50s re-entering the dating world its pretty much worse when you are older. My advice DATE like crazy before your 30s as your pool of compatible or potential mates is drastically reduced as you get older
@@moniquev187 I think you are just spouting coping mechanisms for loneliness tbh. EVERYONE is a stranger until you get to know them
"If you don't say it, assume they don't know it. & don't hold that against them for not knowing... until you say it"
YES! It just made me think about a lot things I should say but I don't because I just assume they do know
Hah I'm sure it only helped u for less than 2 months
@theinquirer13 🤣🤣 someone gets it!
Would love to get into dating but I gotta get myself together first, until then I’m holding off in dating
That's literally me.
I used to have this mindset too. Recently however, I heard a therapist say that there is only so much growth we can do on our own, She spoke about how our greatest growth occurs through experiences. Just a thought!
@@leicia1994 I second that. I had my first relationship at 20 (3 years ago now) and I don't know if I was particularly "ready" for it, but it certainly helped me a lot in my personal growth. Plus, it's just kind of awesome. There really is nothing more beautiful than being in love :)
Amen!
So thrilled by all these insightful infp comments. Yay!
INFP Romance
Objective: *Survive*
😂 haha it really does be like that
*no lies detected*
I just like your name 🤣
Boss phase: Friendzone
😂😂😂
How to date as an INFP
Step 1: Don't
:(
It does help to learn to choose wisely before becoming exclusive with someone. Relationships are necessary for spiritual growth. They are one of the best ways for it cuz they are like experiencing learning lessons on steroids.
@@deniveave4612 That is a hopeful outlook indeed. But my seedling of hope fluctuates with apathetic surrender. And tonight, the devil on my shoulder keeps whispering little reminders to me. These whispers I use as bricks to build a humble, indomitable wall fortified with mistrust and ruminations. Choose wisely is the right lesson. It's a lesson I've been learning the hard way. Unfortunately, these rose colored glasses aren't glasses after all. They're contact lenses surgically attached to my retinas. They won't tear off no matter how hard I try. Whenever I find someone I want to focus on, I eventually find out the truth. And then that rose color becomes best described as blood red, for it feels like my heart is bleeding--overflowing with feelings of betrayal. I believe it's possible to find love, but I'm not sure I can swim far enough to reach that shore without drowning first. So, some days I prefer sitting on the shore looking on the rose-colored sunset. That light fades too, but it's more stable than any human I've met. Nevertheless, I keep hope that the sun will rise up again on the other side of my conscience. And with it, the angel on my shoulder will come out to remind me of hope too. Until she speaks, it seems more peaceful within the secured walls of my mental fortress.
It's okay, they have cake in here :P
@@aliciajohnson6571 Hahaha, I love how you just did the typical INFP thing of writing a well thought out wall of text, but then ended it on a fun note
@@aliciajohnson6571 That was awesome, as an INFP, I couldn't have worded it any better.
dating as an infp is very hard we worry about becoming too attached, we start to overthink every word coming from the other person, a lot of the time we haven't healed from old baggage
Also we think we are too clingy and that we are suffocating people.
I really hate being an INFP sometimes :/
I wish I was an enfp. Life would have been easier
I'm an ENFP. I wish my boyfriend isn't an INFP. But it is too late I did love him. I just want to hug him and tell him, I understand. I'm always with you
@@Raven-sx4ql Trust me, as an INFP, life is NEVER gonna be easy.
@@FalconWindblader sometimes when I come back to reality I wish I could switch reality with my daydream. As an Infp I hate nothing more than the slap back to reality I get when the time calls
@@cosasderu yes but I don't know the exact reason everyone hates our nature??? We ain't even trouble
Don't bother 'dating' - it's just too weird, stressful and humiliating. Do the 'meeting people'/'putting yourself out there' thing through activities (groups, clubs, volunteering, etc.) - not bars - and go with the flow. 'Do you want to go get a bite to eat after?' is going to work better for us than 'In two weeks from Friday, may I have the pleasure of taking you out to the fanciest restaurant in town and then to the opera and then to a nightclub, and then, if I have suitably impressed you, well, you know ... ' Meet people casually and get to know them, kinda, casually. Don't inadvertently 'lead them on', though, if you're not 'interested'. Another thing: avoid exciting people - they'll really drain you. (Usual disclaimers apply: IMO, YMMV, etc. - and speaking as a male INFP).
exciting people drain in whcih way?
@@PowerRedBullTypology Physically, emotionally, psychically, mentally .... They demand, or require, your attention - if you don't match their level of enthusiasm, you feel that you're letting them down. But trying to keep up with them is exhausting.
@@nozecone But do you really know if they actually desire that you to act that way too? I mean, often people work well with others if there's a difference between them, rather than simularity. It's like the adventurious extroverts often do seek the calm introverts because they actually desire slowing down a bit but can't do it on their own
@@PowerRedBullTypology Yeah, maybe. If you want to take on that role ... good luck. If some adventurous extravert is aware that that's what they're looking for, and they actually appreciate it, then it might work, I suppose ....
I know what you mean by exciting people....you mean intriguing, right? I fell hard for an ESFP dude. Man, that was hard.
“Dont be too idialistic” damn, thinking this makes me anxious
So many cynics in this comment section. C'mon people, being in relationships is worth it, as long as they aren't toxic.
Well, that's how damaged INFPs behave--we just become cynical asses who ain't gonna care anymore, be it in love or something else, when we got badly damaged, & worse still, we get damaged easily.
Being in relationships is worth it, as long as they aren't toxic.
That's the problem with us INFPs. unless we've gotten our own shit sorted out, & the other party ain't having a lotta shit to begin with, chances are relationships are gonna turn toxic real quick. worse still, again, we kinda have a penchant of getting drawn to people with a lotta shit to deal with.
But what if you seem to attract the toxic? Then you get down on yourself thinking you're a failure at relationships or are the toxic one.
TBH Im more conerned that there are dozens of pathetic excuse making INFPs in this comments section - reality check Prince Charming or Disney Princess will NOT come to you, you have to put yourself out there, you have to slug it out in the front lines of dating and yes that sucks balls...the other choice is mental and literal mastrubation as you cope with your self inflicted lonliness
🤣
As a (multiple-tested) INFP, my impression is: people I "am good for" aren't good for me (they tend to feed off my energy, and I attract them like moths to a flame, dammit), and people that would work for me ... I am not sure whether I am not too much of a handful for them 😂 - Staying alone IS an option, if you simply haven't developed into what you want to be yet. Short-sightedness gets lots of people into trouble ... and it's starting to disgust me.
But then I am extra-sensitive to those anti-feminist rhetorics that just want you to "settle down". Everytime I say to myself 'hey, this guy might have a few things at odds ... your standards are too high, etc. ', I end up being deprived of my energy in some (narcissistic) way. Or even very badly hurt. So, @INFPs (especially the ladies): you may lower your guard, buy don't lower your standards. Don't. Intuition has always been spot on. I've ignored it out of politeness, out of goodwill, out of conviction to be 'more open': don't. It's a waste of time. Over here in Germany, 'dating culture' can be a bit wishy washy: dont(.) go out for a coffee with people you don't want to go for a coffee with. It's exhausting. Go out for a coffee with a friend. With yourself. With the nice day you're having. With your inner muse. We have so many options in life open. It doesn't all have to follow that old myth of 'not being complete'.
Can we talk?? You seem really wise and I need that
@Daniel DP definitely.. I'm not super hot but regardless of the fact many guys want me I'm single..by choice of course
You're on the right path, dear. Keep going!
@Daniel DP Well, sleeping around drains us INFPs. hell, being around people excessively drains us INFPs! we got enough of our own shit to deal with, so we ain't doing something that we sure as hell know is gonna add to all that shit.
well said.
1 - Put yourself out there 2:44
2 - Don't be so idealistic 5:55
3 - Take everything as an experience 7:45
4 - Express Yourself 9:33
thanks you saved me watching the video
I've only got on this self discovery buzz and I just wanna say
You all get me. And I get all of you. And I love you and all your weird shit. Love yourselves too, my friends.
i can feel the INFP vibes emanating from this message
This is so sweet (^o^)
Hey Rob thank you for understanding and I hope in the months since you posted this that you're making progress.
All us INFPs love you back.
I got into a relationship and was massively taken advantage of, while I thought I was being compassionate.
Truly sucked 😊
But atleast I can make boundaries now 😂
I especially understand #3. Many people focus so heavily on finding " The One" that when a relationship or partner turns out to bot be that they tend to trash the entire relationship. Like "he/she was such an asshole" and maybe they were, maybe it was a really bad situation. But so many people diminish the importance of what was there. Remember to cherish what was there, and learn from the whole experience good and bad. If it was a bad situation, maybe abuse feel pride that you learned how to get away from it. If it wasn't all that bad until the end, acknowledge that there was good times and love shared there. Because even the hard painful lessons are beautiful. And not every relationship has to be "The One" and I think too many go in with the expectation of every relationship. Enjoy what IS there, enjoy what WAS there, and enjoy moving forward to the next experience with someone new.
I needed to hear this
I want the one tho :(
❤
We need to start an INFP dating app we get each other’s need for romance, loyalty and freedom.
Ur my type
😭😭😭😭😭
Yes, that would be my plan, too
Seriously.
As an INFP I would not want to date another INFP
"How to date as an infp "
Me: you guys get dates ?!?🤣🤣
LOL ME
I met my husband when I was 14. We became good friends but didn't start dating until I was 19. He was my first (and last, lol) boyfriend and we started out as good friends. I am so relieved that I didn't have to go through the whole traditional dating thing.
I've always found myself dating the person that I want them to be in my mind but never really actually saw what they really are it's like my mind always gives me this signal thought " he's what you always wanted , he's the one..." But what's actually I have in mind is mostly not the case in real life , and that causes suffering and pain and I find myself instead of being happy I become this miserable person because I couldn't change them or not being able to make them love me which is a very hard thing to go through since I feel everything in a deeper level .
I can’t explain it, but your eyes scream INFP. Every INFP I’ve met has eyes that have this dreamy quality. I always feel like you guys really listen to what I have to say (and believe me I say a lot, I’m ENFP). Love your videos!
It’s the droopy nature of them :P
But yea, our brains are wired to get into flow by listening. Dario Nardi has tons of research about it.
Just like your brains ping disparate regions to find novel answers and seemingly random connections ;)
first rule: put urself out there
aight i'mma head out lol
Hmm..my imaginary mind thinks I will get someone without even trying. It thinks someone will crawl to me
@@Raven-sx4ql 100% facts lmao. my boo will come to me even if i never leave the house.
😭
What do you mean? I totally went out to get groceries and I didn't meet the one. This getting out there is bs 🤣😅
As an INFP man in his 40s who has been in hermetic/monk-like mode for a while before deciding to go back out into the dating world, and during a pandemic no less, I think there are some things INFP men really need to take to heart when it comes to dating.
1) Attraction isn't a choice. That means many women we date will just not be attracted to us or even lose attraction for us over the course of a few dates. This is perfectly natural and not a reflection of our attractiveness etc but more the fact that our unique personality is just not going to turn on most women. Sad I know, but true. While most women deserve to experience the kind of love only an INFP man can offer them many won't be in the right place and time in their life to receive such love. Accept this and love the women you date for however long they want to see you then let them go with an open heart and some kind words.
2) Casual sex isn't going to be our thing unless the woman in question deliberately says she just wants to jump our bones and nothing more. In which case, casual sex will be something we would only engage in because it makes the woman we are with happy. So generally speaking, the whole pick-up artist sleep with as many women as you can approach isn't going to work for us. Try it, and you'll see that you'll feel like crap because deceiving women into sleeping with you probably won't align with your values, principles and ideals. So for us, it's going to be quality over quantity. The good news is that means we will probably be able to please our lovers much more than the pick-up artist that just hops from bed to bed without taking the time to understand the sexual desires and fantasies of the woman they are with. It's better to have high-quality sex rather than lots of bad sex, don't you think?
3) our natural tendency to listen to people and validate emotions will help us build rapport with women. Still, we will have to actively make sure we are exhibiting the sort of masculine behaviours that a lot of women find irresistible, i.e. during a date we must breach the touch barrier and go in for the kiss etc. We have a tendency to overthink the issues around sexualising a conversation and so on because we don't want to be creepy. But the fact is the women you are dating are looking for a man that will flirt and go in for the kiss. They are looking for a man that's like a character from one of the romantic/erotic novels they read and movies they watch. So have the courage to go in for the kiss on the first date. Channel your inner Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or even your inner James Bond. If you think this point is nonsense then explain to me why millions of copies of Fifty Shades of Grey are bought by women and sold by the truckloads and why one of the most popular genres in the publishing industry is erotic literature/romance novels sold and marketed to women and explain why these books often feature Mr Darcy/James Bond-style male characters? So, when dating, try to give each woman you are with an experience that's like the pages from a romance/erotic novel. As a hopeless romantic looking for that deep connection, you'll probably find it a lot of fun to do this for the women you date even if you don't end up with the girl in the end.
4) Above all else, be authentic. You are an INFP man which means you are rare and possibly quite weird to a lot of people. It also means you will probably find that your authentic self is more like a character from a Tim Burton movie, say Edward Scissorhands. So play to your strengths and let the woman you are dating see you in all your quirkiness/weirdness. They are going to find out eventually so it's better to scare off the ones that can't handle you early so you can find the ones that can.
More generally, you will find your natural tendency to be nurturing and seek harmony etc. has to be flipped on its head when dating to give a woman the rollercoaster of emotions she needs to fall in love with you and for you to build that deep connection you need to fall in love with her. In the end, be weird as hell and as daring as Errol Flynn. Test women for levels of spontaneity, intellectual curiosity, empathy, compassion and creativity because these are qualities you will probably admire in them and need them to have to be in a long-term relationship with them. And don't forget to eliminate narcissists and energy vampires from your dating life too. You may fall for them initially but have the courage to break it off if they trick you into loving them.
Needed this advice a couple years ago describes everything pretty much
Big facts
As a fellow infp women I hope you find your girl, Sir.🥰
@@harshithamaxina2518 Thanks. If you lived near Glasgow in Scotland, I would probably have invited you out for a cup of coffee to see if you were the girl. Lol.
@@lifestoryguy Your comment made me blush. oooo Scotland! I wanted to visit it ever since JK Rowling mentioned that Hogwarts was based out of Scotland castles.
Also how did you get the courage as an INFP to put yourself out there in the dating circus. I'm so shy and quite sometimes I unknowingly reject the few offers that come my way. I'm so frustratingly clueless mostimes I don't how to navigate dating men.
Me: Hmm, I wanna date.
1st rule: “Put yourself out there.”
2020: Yeah............... *nO*
Me: Time to barricade the hidey hole :>
Same here lol
I think one aspect of dating as an INFP that is hard for us is....allowing tension to exist ... I think we are too quick to assume that tension is uncomfortable and then we do our best to make the other person comfortable. Romance/sex requires some frisson some tension
0:05 was my EXACT response when I saw the title of this video.
Gosh I needed this. Also need some INFP relationships. The bit about seeing someone for their potential rather than what they are now. Too true...
Thanks for resonating. It’s a slippery slope that’s easy to ignore...
INFP in a relationship with a struggling INFJ - we've been together for 3 years now and it's been the most wonderful and most exhausting time of my life. We share a deep connection and can support each other in so many ways but his struggles sure take a toll on me. I've been slowly growing into a self-care expert though, learning how to best care for myself because if I don't, I know this relationship is going to fall apart. Great video nonetheless, just wanted to add my experience to point 2, it *can* work. But please please please take good care of yourselves, fellow INFPs. ❤️
How exactly was it exhausting and why do you feel it’s coming to an end?
I had the same relationship combo with my ex. It was tough. I was the INFP and never felt like I could share my emotions with her and she never reached out to try and understand them. I ended up breaking up with her and was the hardest thing to do. She had a lot of her own issues that I tried helping her with but never could. If you want it to work you both have to express your feelings with each other and build a trust. Make it known what you you both need from each other. Wish I could go back and redo it, but learn from my mistake! Good luck to you both
dating is undoubtedly weird for us! I dated another INFP and it was controversial. I got along so well with her but no one could make the first move to keep the relationship “physical” (it was more of a platonic and romantic relationship). we were also two girls so it was even harder to make the move. we broke up because we are better off as friends. great video btw! I really appreciate your effort in making these videos, you’re amazing!!
As an infp myself I can't ever seem to take the first move towards the physical part of the relationship myself... maybe it stems due to fear of being labeled as a creep .... and I still struggle with it to this day..
@@prasadbangarshetti4861 If anything girls might perceive a guy who does not make things physical as creepy even more. I mean, sometimes it makes no sense what they consider "creepy". Just kissing a girl is typically not considered creepy. Girls will typically respect you for trying at least. IF there's anything girls do not cvonsider creepy its if you behave in a way that they expect. (whcih means kissing at some point) rather than any of the extremes on either side (guy who goes wayoo too fast and guy who does not make a move)
@@PowerRedBullTypology so what you saying is I should just go for it after sometime of acquaintance....?
@@prasadbangarshetti4861 Yes, Indeed. Do these women know you're into them?
@@PowerRedBullTypology yep they do. .. I'm learning to put my feelings out..
30 and a virgin, I just feel like I can't be bothered on top of the mega late blooming, being very behind in the game and the general shiftiness of most people out there
i feel you bro, 25 here and a virgin too. this is getting faster and faster and i feel like my life is permanently stuck on the level of being 15 years old
i think many of us are late bloomers. I find it very difficult to trust others too. I didn't start dating until I was 26. When I do date it seldom lasts long and there are years inbetween people. I still am hopeful though although still licking my wounds from my last experience.
@@hestia165 Better get used to the last part you said. i feel that regardless of how old we INFPs get, we'd ALWAYS feel that we've yet to become grown ups...
That’s where I am now
For me as an INFP the biggest thing I have struggled with that I feel is a result of my personality type is I find it very hard to let go of people. I always chase after people who are not interested in me and I can find hope in any situation, so unless it's very black and white (which people increasingly are not, especially in regard to things like dating such as letting people down gently etc.) I always feel there is something I can do to change the situation. So much lost time.
I am an INFP and most of my life I have been OK with being single. I would go years in between relationships, mostly because I find very few people worth that much of my time (I know that sounds snobbish but I value my alone time) Last may a year long relationship ended. I really believed he was the 'one'. However he didn't want it to grow any further than where we were. Since then I have felt a very strong need to be in a relationship, I feel like there is a huge hole in my life. The problem is I hate casual dating. It feels like really bad job interviews where your emotions are at stake. However I used to be able convince myself that it was an adventure, a learning experience. Now the idea of even going on a date turns my stomach yet i am lonely in a way that I have never been before. So this puts me in a very uncomfortable conundrum. Just trying to figure out my next move. *sigh*
Same, but without any relationships, lol..
I understand. I am 50 years old and have never been married or have any children. In the last year I found out that I am an INFP. Before that I did not even know about these "personalities". But, I am 100% sure I am an INFP. As I have gotten older I have come to the realization that I don't want to die alone and I do yearn for a deep connection with someone special to share my life with. For years I was just fine being single and rationalized it as " I can do what I want when I want" and I have always had plenty of money because I am single with no children. When I would hear a coworker talking about problems in his marriage I would say to myself "better you than me."
What makes things harder for me is that I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober 10 years but I used alcohol to numb my feelings so I was not scared of rejection and had plenty of short relationships. But since I have been sober I really do not know how to approach the dating game because I learned all of that impaired. I also had to give up all of my social network when I got sober so I don't socialize much.
It is a very bad spot to be in. But I am thankful that I know I am in INFP and have some tools to try to overcome some of the challenges of being an INFP. I believe that the main reason I became an alcoholic was because I am an INFP and I spent the last 10 years sober trying to figure out why I was still struggling in life even though I had stopped drinking.
@@8bert9 19 years old INFP here. Your comment just made me cry like a bitch. Thank you for making me realise that I didn't want to die alone either.
@@thefull9746 I glad my comment helped! Life is short. Make the best of it...
"don't be so idealistic". I hear this one very often but I never truly understand what people mean with it and I can't relate to it directly. It's not the person I see the potential in, it's the relationship. And when I see a person I know how much/what we truly get out of it.
I have one important trait as standard in that regard: The partner I bond with needs to be able to embrace my soul. Is this a high standard? Probably. Do these people even exist? Yes, I've met them and let them go (extreme shyness when I was younger).
There are plenty of good souls out there with whom I got along with really well and knew a permanent romantic relationship would have worked out fairly easily. Though I also knew/know that this isn't what I seek and need. I don't need the companionship or the superficial love, I'm my own companion, though I only have one soul and imagining figures of the Anima isn't what keeps my soul satisfied, the figures take my soul by the hand and want it to lead where my soul can't go.
Just saw I kinda went a bit off road with that but my main concern with "don't bee too idealistic" still stands I guess.
Now this statement I relate to.
It's not the person I see the potential in, it's the relationship.
We INFPs do tend to see potential in BOTH the person AND the relationship, & i guess that's kinda the thing that gets us spiraling into shit. be it the person or the relationship, i guess the piece of advice here is to enjoy WHAT IS, instead of WHAT COULD BE. being idealistic is about focusing on the FUTURE instead of the present, & that's what we INFPs should really stop getting too hung up with. in the case you put forth, i guess the question would be, 'if this person here stays the same as they're now until they die, NOT CHANGING a single bit, would i still be able to be happy with them?' romantic heads, regardless if they're INFPs or not, tend to answer 'no' to that question. if us INFPs were to be happy, we'd need someone that we can answer 'yes' to that question.
When he said "how to date as an infp ughhh" I felt that
I'll just date the guys inside my head lmao. I'm too complicated to date. Just asked for a dude's number. He Didnt fit my imagination. Felt so bad but its probably for the best. Having him date someone like me would be too difficult.
There is something called "showing interest" in getting to know an INFP... it makes a world of difference to have someone brave enough to ask and show interest in getting to know an INFP!
I’m happy with my own company or with those close friends I have... dating just seems too much work and will take away time for everything else
Great advice, though if I'm waiting to have my life together to have a relationship I might have it in my grave lol
How to date as an INFP:
1 - Don't be yourself
Well the point of INFPs is to be ourselves I guess. So I'm afraid this won't work ^^
ouch
I have several objections
This has not gone well previously...
@@dreamwriter8423 Yes
Your personality type is very calming and secure for myself and it’s hard to date because so many people are extremely anxious. It shows how much you’ve worked on self development and I always appreciate your videos
These aren’t just tips on dating, they’re tips for living life. Thanks!
How to date as an INFP (made by an INFP)
Step 1: wait
Step 2: wait
Step 3: wait
Step 4: See that guy/gal of your life
Step 5: Just be the best you can be and try for that person and for yourself
Step 6: wait
Step 7: Regret waiting
Step 8: Continue to wait anyway
65 yr old widow...omg... great advise!!!! Had a fabulous 41 yr marriage who totally got me & let me be me in all my own crazy silliness. Hoping to find another one...and learned so many lessons in life as a single.
Don't date, get a cat an be happy alone.
(You will thank me later)
@moko You're so correct!! I've had about 30 cats throughout my life, starting from my teens. I've had many other types of pets too. Most of my life, I've been single. And pets can't give you what a good person can in a healthy relationship.
I have 3 cats and yeah it seems to be a great idea , just living a happy life alone with cats but... The hopeless romantic part of me wants a romance with the cutest boyfriend life could give me... But it doesn't seem like life has this project for me. 😅
I'm allergic to cats :'(
@@meh8693 I'm allergic to cats too, but I love them so much, I'm not giving up the ones I have now. Granted, my allergies are mild compared to others. There actually is a cat breed you can get, Siberian, if you don't mind spending the money. This is one of the breeds that produces fewer allergens than “regular” cats, making it possible to have no reaction for the cat allergy sufferers.
@@meh8693 what's wrong with dogs
tbh I've given up trying to date and consistently feeling obligated to engage in human interactions.
It is possible to find people who 'click' well in the beginning with us. Recently I've met another INFP however after around 2-3 weeks of 'love' she said relatively "I am sorry, I do not feel it, still thinking about past relationship and I feel bad as if I used you to put myself at ease temporarily". I answered with calm understanding that it's okay and no matter what I love you as a person.
Though hers response was - I am under impression that you are not honest with me. Well, that triggered me. It is up to you, the interpretation of my words.
Nothing bad really happened, some new experience despite being a loner for most of my life.
Still, such claims about my dishonesty are insulting.
Better sooner than too late.
PS. Such relationships are a waste of time. Since the main topic was talking about personal problems, tried to change for music, jokes, anything positive or neutral but if someone needs a therapist, one should go to one instead of talking to me.
Ouch. Yes, it hurts to the core if our intentions are questioned. Authenticity is valued so much by us INFPs.
She may have trust issues of her own and is projecting on you. Sounds like you both are not a good fit anyway.
Weird definitely is a good word to describe the dating experience for me haha. Currently I’m not worrying about dating as I need to feel complete and whole as myself first, and I also feel a need to approach dating in a way where I...don’t worry about it and rather just to treat people like human beings who I want to get to know. Idk I’m going to make a video about that at some point but yes! I would much prefer the methods you described to put myself out there rather than using an app. Much less artifice. Also resonated with all of the other tips; one thing that really struck a chord was when you said if someone you’re with is constantly struggling then I will as well because that was my last relationship . And expressing myself is something I had trouble with in the relationships prior to that one. So experience feeds growth. Hahaha thank you once again Sherman!! You are the best.
I've long accepted being single as my fate. I like the idea of romance, but I just don't expect it to come to me or to even feel natural. But this one time I realized someone was flirting with me via texts and my brain.exe crashed, I got super excited but at the same time my anxiety/insecurities shot through the roof, and I felt like I was in emotional peril. That's not good, right? That's not what flirting is supposed to feel like, right? Or is it??? In a book, romance is so sweet and exhilarating. IRL, I think it must be a mortifying ordeal. In a way, I don't even know what "being in a relationship" means... like how does someone know they like 1 person better than everyone else and once they've both mutually figured that out, so what? What next? And don't say kissing, because that's a long-term thing.
Such a great video👏🏻🥰... as a fellow INFP it can be super hard to date!! As I know from personal experience! But, you have such great insights on the topic! I especially like that you mentioned to analyze what did/did not work from past relationships and figure out how to utilize that knowledge in the next one!! I don’t think enough people really think about that or know how to put that into action! Thanks on behalf of all of INFPs ... we need all the help we can get🤪🙏🏻🙏🏻
Finding the courage to find someone who understands me and doesn't attack my self esteem is hard -_-
Haven't had many relationships in my life, have always hated going to bars and "the club". I don't know if that has anything to do with being INFP but all my friends know me as the friend who is "allergic to fun" and they know that if they invite me to a bar or something in that vein I'm probably not going to go. However, if they have some type of life crises, personal problem, or serious issue in their life they all invariably come to me for advice and conversation. Even some of my friends who are closer to other firiend in my circle will end up talking to me about serious issues in their life before other friends.
TL,DR: I'm an old Sage hermit who never leaves his cave but all my friends will make a pilgrimage to seek me out for advice.
How dare you summing up my life as an infp fellow unknown infp 👀
It takes a lot for us to get out of our cave.
😂In my case, I found that I was befriended by ppl in my immediate environment.
Family members,school, work, gym etc. (usually an extrovert who was determined to discover the mystery of my existence.)
Instead of me choosing who I was befriending.
We tend to be polite, and end up in unsolicited company.
Once I realized it, I began to choose my friends instead of them choosing me. I still spend most of my time in my cave but... now I have other cave friends. AWESOME friends! We send each other books, crafts, diys. Every once in a while, get together for meaningful, quality time. No one is needy, and if we disappear no one gets mad. We pick up right where we left. I met mine through quiet observation. Once I knew someone I liked. I did introverted shenanigans to befriend them. Small smile, nod, and a good book with a heartfelt note goes a long way for us.
I love your videos so much! I think you deserve alot of support, I'm sure your channel will grow so don't worry about it, we'll always support you
Idk what will happen with my love life. I want someone to love and be loved. But I also want to be alone and do things without thinking if it clashes with another person's lifestyle/plans. So I know I'll need someone understanding and open minded. I'm not shy in letting them know my feelings though which is why I experience rejections. 😂
Personally I considered that using an app and just letting people approach and start meeting them little by little it's better for me
Buuuuut I'm over the ones who just want to play with my emotions and good intentions making me THINK that I was the one who screwed up
It's hard anyways lol
Oh boy.. tip #2.. really hurts haha. Very informative and useful video and your right.. they aren't easy.
I know nothing about the INFP'S dating world just learned something new! Appreciate your video thank you!
I learned in all personality types it's good to be healthy cuz unhealthy personality types can cause a lot of problems in friendships as well as relationships so it is good to take care of yourself first, especially relationships.
It's to check-in w/yourself, and one, or two trustworthy friends will be there till the end. Be content w/yourself & happy w/yourself first important, journey path.
Older INFJ, and I'm still learning. Grateful for you!
Keep the videos rolling 😊👍
My boyfriend was thinking that i deceived him when i told him that i spent time myself alone that day. 😂 they should understand that we like being alone sometimes. I think we INFP's live the life behind the curtains but sometimes we need to go on the stage when we can get away from our thoughts. We think a lot but we dont act as much as we think. For me, i love being in love with someone but i dont act coz i fear. Thank you for the video, it is helpful to listen to people who have the same characteristics. I appreciate. Much love ❤
Great video. Something that helps me is knowing that other people are insecure too and that I'm very judgemental so I criticize myself too much. I'm dating randomly right now and I decided that for now that's ok.
Yeah... putting myself out there is the hardest... 27 and still single...
My family is getting worried😂😂😭
Bra I've been going to a church before I was born, I literally grew up in a church and yet I STRUGGLE with maintaining a conversation...
When I watch you talk, it's like I'm watching myself talk... it's such weird feeling...
Okay I saved this video for my next dating story since I literally broke everything off with someone yesterday. Need to fuel up and make fully use of this vid next time I decide to open up again
Yeah I can +1 the online dating point, even though sometimes you will come across people you actually would even get along with (which is rare cos ur forced to consider everyone you come across), the fact that you have to wait some time until you meet them has just too much potential for unnecessary idealizing and expectations that will likely lead you astray, speaking as an infp. Also, for me its sort of led me to ignore putting myself out there in real life almost in any fashion, which is really sad, and really cant be replaced.
Thank you for every single video you're uploading.. I can relate to everything you're saying... It's so real!
Also, in case you don't know you're ridiculously handsome! 😍
Was wondering if anyone would point this out lol
As well as being INFP all my life, in the last decade there are now some physical health issues happening where I simply no longer have enough energy to do the dating thing.
I travelled to Taiwan last year in 2019 before Covid hit, and it really helped me "get out of my shell." I would like to move there for an extended time in 2021 to learn mandarin. Yes, you really do need to get out there. I can also agree that online dating is not a great idea.
Oh I dated someone based on what he/our relationship could be and that turned out soooooooo bad. Take that tip for life any INFP who's reading this.
i want to let you know how i really enjoy watching your videos about INFP and be part of the comments. It feels like theres a whole new world in where i can be part of :)
After 4 failed relationships and staying single for 2 years I realized I'm doing everything he is saying here. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing then.😂🖤
I guess you just have to keep trying until you find someone who understands your rich inner life. I'm dating a guy (who's infp too) whom I can be totally honest with and we give each other time and space to be with ourselves. So when we are together we can enjoy each other more. I am really glad that I can be with him because now I know that it doesn't have to be that hard and I am not weird in a relationship. Didn't even want to date but he just got me and I fell for him. It is hard to "commit" but worth it.
Is the fourth time in this 2 months that i watch this video, it has saved my butt or at least give me some hope.
Am i the only one reading the comments before watching the video?
Nope! It's just too interesting to exchange experiences ... passively ... or whatever kind of a conversation this comment section is simulating ... :P fun, no?
I’ve needed someone I connect well with then it’s easier to express things. If someone can be in tune with me and try understand me then they take the time to hear what I express
Express yourself... man, I've tried that recently. To put out how you feel is amazing. But when people don't approve of how you feel, or, arguably worse, don't care about how you feel, it can really drag you down.
anyone else stay in love with one person for years, even after they're long gone?
I need to stop being like "you didn't have to call me out like that" when I watch videos about my personality type
You deserve more subscribers... A lot more.
Thanks for this advice! Very helpful! Seeing people at the end result is the confusing part of dating. I agree we have to meet people and see people and date people where they are or not.
An inside joke. Some previous partners told me they know me (few months in). At that point I realised the whole dating thing is … nonsense. It felt like violence and the best joke I’ve ever heard at the same time.
Put yourself out there: I went around the room I work in 5 months after I started, finally introducing myself & thrashing my stamina bar with the super new relationship small talk. It took a few days! It was a lot! Surprised how friendly everyone turned out to be. 3 are VERY 'friendly.' WHAT??? Guess basic acquaintance-ship maintenance about once a week or so is all it takes sometimes. Also learned attachment style profiles and a little seduction advice, which helps navigate the invisible terrain.
Omg...I just understood the maxim about loving yourself first! 🤣😂 Of course I love myself! That's whole INFP experience!
Tree analogy is fabulous! Saying how you feel is as tricky as not saying it because most folks don't feel as much as we do 🤔 I often get the response, "everything doesn't have to be a world shattering dilemma .." 🤨
i am an infp (took the test multiple times with year long intervals and always got infp). i’m in a relationship and i must say, even with all the downs, i love it. i was made to take care of another person. our views are completely different sometimes, it’s difficult to fight, argue and disagree, but on the other side this is what makes me grow.
Btw, I'm too curious with your background... Are you also into magick ? This backdrop looks just too exotic. Do make a video on that as well... And is that a witch's broom that is against the bookshelf to your right ? 😋😋😝🤗😍 Best wishes from India
I think it has to do with harry potter ? I am not sure though tbh x))
Haha its just wall paper
Good to see another INFP living in Japan! I'm certain there are a lot of us here though. I think it's more difficult for INFP's to date here in Japan then it is in other countries.
Great description -- love!!
I had an imaginary idealistic relationship with a guy I saw on tv.. and couldn’t get over him for years till her got a gf and then married her. I thought something is wrong with me
Hey look those books are so beautiful!!! Talk about geek awesome. And you are explaining INFP headspace so well hahah. I feel pegged. Crap.
My boyfriend and I are both infps, it's kinda tough, but we both love eachother
Thank you for those tips. Feels like you gave this advice to me in person :o I'll take them to heart
About to ask a girl out for the first time in a week. Wish me luck fellow in infps. Yall know how complicated conversations can be.
Being happy single is so hard when me being with a woman I love is something I've always dreamed of.
I gave up years ago. I got sick of being disappointed. I still end up attracting women but I know they will give up once they know me better. It’s not worth it
Thanks For Another Insightful Video. I Feel Like We INFPs Know What We Enjoy As It's Happening And What We're Curious About. We Can Improve On Our Charm Though, But All In All..Why Not Just Share In The Joy That's Felt 👍🏼
I'm and INFJ and dated an INFP recently I discovered he was really unhappy with himself. Nothing I can do for him. He was just insecure so I decided to let him go.But not because he wasn't great but because he was so insecure. It was not gonna work. I am intentionally looking for someone and he was just not ready. Unfortunately. I'm sad today..:(.
"put yourself out there" okay nvm
I am 34 now and recently found out that I am INFP. I want children and my own family but until now was not really dating and not crazy at all about relationships. Now I feel out of my comfort zone, trying to get "out there" meeting new people. As a woman I feel kind of under pressure now by Biology, I only have some reproductive years left but as an INFP would like to just go back to my old reality, not caring about dating and relationships...😔