“I will never be able to put that into words. So I put it into a dress” Gave me chills. I’m so sorry for your loss but I know your dad would be so proud of you and everything you’ve done.
When I lost my baby at 1 month old I was told grief is just love with nowhere to go. You put that love into a dress. I threw myself into burlesque to find a welcoming community. I still struggle a lot but those few minutes I get to be a sparkly goddess on stage always bring me back to myself. The before time vs after time always blows my mind. How we are still capable of great joy after excruciating loss.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your journey. I can’t imagine the depth of your loss. I’m so glad you found a community and your chance to be a sparkly goddess.
Please know that I did delay finishing this video because I knew what was coming in the August 2018 section. And I finally finished it and I’m just. So glad I did because this is a masterpiece. “It is the fabric that this entire story is made out of”. God the worst part is I’ve seen you scrap these scripts for years trying to talk about this and I know all that went into this and I still don’t have words to tell you how beautiful and glorious and amazing this piece of art you’ve created FOR HIM is. His love of film and the art of video shines through in what you’ve done on your TH-cam channel and especially in this masterpiece of a video. I am so thankful to Joel for giving us Lizard on TH-cam, and seeing how you’ve grown as an artist and a videographer in his memory. This video really is a treatise on the transformative power of grief and love, and how we grow despite loss and the beauty that we can create despite the world around us. (Madoka cosplay I’m also looking at you). Channeling grief into art is rather universal, and the way your art has transformed and grown and blossomed since August 2018 has been a constant blessing and joy to witness. “That once in a lifetime joy had no choice but to coexist with grief”. Nothing else to say. Amazing correct that is life that is tragedy that is joy. That is existence. A profound conclusion isn’t needed, because the dress and the reveal video and this masterpiece of a video is more than enough. Life isn’t tidy and easy enough to make a simple conclusion for it, it and its fitting that this video ends the way it does. With more love and remembrance for Joel ❤ I’m so so SO PROUD of you. I have truly been waiting for this video for years and it’s even more of a masterpiece than I could have imagined. Thank you Joel for this video and for giving the world our Lizard and selfishly for giving me my best friend ❤ thank you Leigh for working so so SO HARD to bring us this cinematic masterpiece. I love you and I’m so proud of you ❤ You did it!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Haven’t finished the video yet, but this is damn impressive. Edit: hearing about your father, and the grief that came with his loss, hits hard. He sounds like he was an amazing person. The story you told today adds a new layer to the cosplay.
While I haven't lost a parent yet (knock on wood), I have lost a sibling. I was in drag, in a town 2 hours away from my university, with a friend to see his group of friends perform a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I got the call from my mom during intermission... And then spent the entire week at home, missing all of my classes and meetings. The grief never leaves. You find yourself thinking of them at the most random moments. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it's a heavy burden... and sometimes you get to laugh. It doesn't go away, but the load gets easier to carry. Thank you for sharing this story. ❤ Keep up the good work!
In June of 2020 my dad had a sudden aneurism, and within 24 hours he was gone. He loved Elvis, and James Bond, and Indiana Jones. He was my main sponsor for all the silly little crafts I did and continue to do. We’d watch late night TV together when my insomnia was really bad, and I’d fall asleep on his lap, and he’d carry me into my bed even though I was way too big for that. I miss him so much.
Me: aw yes, time to craft as I watch along! Also me: *sobs uncontrollably at my sewing machine* Thanks for sharing your story, it's really cool to learn more about you as a whole. I hope the memories you have will always bring you comfort.
I'm so honored to get to hear the backstory behind this garment. I remember watching your HUFS runway back in 2019 and it was a big inspiration for me in applying, and then being a finalist in, the 2021 HUFS.
I cannot get over the quality and craftsmenship put into this video. The buzzes of the text messages in the background. The visual details. The loving descriptions of your local drag scene. I cried at multiple points (the earrings, the earrings!). I really loved how the story of the dress, which, at first glance, seems like it should be a grand affair, ends up encapsulating the everyday, very human stories you loved so much in SU. It's so special.
"Death is not anything. It’s the absence of presence, nothing more . . . the endless time of never coming back . . . a gap you can’t see, and when the wind blows through it, it makes no sound" -- my favorite quote like ever. Its from rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead
This video is so beautiful - the polish of your thoughtful, careful work, but also the honesty of how grief can be such a core part of a story, but doesn't have a neat little bow on it. We are so lucky to have you on TH-cam sharing all of this with us ❤
Not me sitting down to let dishes soak and enjoy my Dino nuggies being hit with the realization of “I’m almost 40 and could loose both my Parental Units in the next breaths/years” compounded with the “I know how that grief won’t settle because I still catch myself reaching to call my Nana 15 years later” and sobbing into my ketchup wanting nothing more than to give Lizard a big warm Moth Mom™️ hug and to let us both have a good cry because sometimes we just need it, for no real reason other than we need to make room for those big emotions. As one who also enjoyed 70’s horror practical FX, the Movie Magic they had absolute freedom and license to do their craft with, and the delicious junk food entertainment that came from that, Thank you Joel.
I just turned 40 and my biggest fear is losing my dad. My mom has already passed but she was in a very serious car accident about 10 years prior and the mom I knew I lost then and my mom and I had a strained relationship. I've always been a daddy's girl and he's who I live with after my fiance passed away. I absolutely hate thinking about it. My dad's family tend to live in to thier 90s though. My grandmother and all her siblings did and only one of my aunts or uncles have passed and she had cancer
I was in the verge of tears from the time we learn about your father's death up until the end. I feel like there is another parallel from the show in that Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond was, in her last act of love, a parent who gave everything for her child to exist. I don't know if that fits neatly into the relationship between your dress, your parent, and loss but I couldn't stop thinking about how a lost parental relationship is such a major theme in Steven Universe. I'm glad you were finally able to make this video. I have had my own moment of loss that I have wanted to expand on in a similar was but there is never the right words for it. Thank you for sharing the story and the dress that came with it
saw my best friend's internet handle on the inside of your corset in this video. i'm so so so happy you told this story, it is such a meaningful watershed moment in so many lives. i was thinking very much about how far your storytelling and editing chops have come, how passionate you clearly are about the story told in framing devices and transitions, so when you spoke about how much your father would have loved those things and how much you wished you could speak with him about it, i absolutely lost it crying. your work is so full of love and authenticity and genuine attention to every detail because of that passion. you are the very cool guy you are for lots of reasons, but your love for him and his love for you shines in so much of what you show to the world and what you spend time and attention on. thank you for being so wonderful and kind and caring, thank you for sharing something so personal, and i can't wait to see what stories you'll continue to tell, dresswise and videowise. thank you, lizard
“I will never be able to put that into words. So I put it into a dress” That last sentence just. AAAAA I HELD BACK TEARS FOR MOST OF THE VIDEO AND THAT GOT ME TO CRY!! What a beautiful way to put it!
Ok, so I put this video on in the background to do some painting and fully had to stop because I couldn’t see through the tears pooling in my eyes. This is a great crafting video AND a moving tribute to your dad. It was beautiful.
Listen I realize I haven’t even finished the video yet but I’m so freaking hype for this video I gotta just comment RIGHT NOW because yall lizard has been working so hard on this and I’m so thrilled it’s FINALLY HERE OH MY GOSH WE HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
7:26 okay but not me fully actually tearing up here at Leigh’s perfect on point summary of the duality of this character and WHY she’s so important. The combo of “this character encompasses active complicity in horrible systems of oppression as well as the capacity for and commitment to growth and change and love” showed us in 2018 that we can learn and grow and sure not everyone will accept our growth but that we CAN and should for ourselves. Cue Nami having emotions about an old show and also Pearl and oh no I’m gonna rewatch Steven Universe now aren’t I
I am very silent watcher I don’t think I have ever left a comment on TH-cam lol but lizard you are so incredibly inspiring and this comes from someone that doesn’t even cosplay! But the love you have for your craft is so palpable and I just know that Joel is so proud of you for all you do and the person you have become! Just like Steven universe you make the world better and brighter 💕
They way you layered the fabric in the Rose Quartz bodice, as well as the way you seamed those gradients together for the Pink Diamond bodice, was so incredible and detailed in approach; exactly why I’ve been such an admirer of your cosplays for so long 💕💕
I lost my father in my early 20s - it has been over two decades now and I still think of how he's missing out on things in my life. I wanted him to be there for my transition, and to appreciate all the art I've made. I want to fly him to my new home country and show him all the cool bits of engineering that I have found. It is a void that never leaves you. I have lost a lot of people in my life, and I have learned to think of grief as the flip side of love. The more the grief hurts, the more love there was to lose. And I try to remember to be thankful to have had so much love in my life. On a different note: I wish I could support my local drag artists, but so few venues are wheelchair accessible. Unfortunately the only artists I can see are the ones big enough to fill a larger venue - which I'm very happy that they're able to do, but I know that there are so many talented artists out there who don't have that luxury. Plus I'm missing out on the community aspect which was so important to me before I became disabled. Just wanted to mention it in case you have the ears of anyone with sway in your local scene - you might encourage them to center accessibility whenever possible.
@@HeyLizardLeigh having finished the video now - whew. thanks for sharing your story about your dad and all the beauty he inspired. next time i'm at thrasher's i'll get some fries for joel.
You not only did an incredible job on this cosplay, you did an amazing thing in this video and talking about the process. And as someone who suddenly lost their own father with no warning, I think I can confidently say that your father would be very, very proud of you and that this channel is an ongoing tribute to him is a beautiful thing. In love and solidarity x
what an amazing video i remember seeing that original runway video in the height of my Steven Universe obsession, i remember sending it to the friend that dragged me into the dang show like 'look how cool this is!!!' and then years later i found your shorts, and then your longform content, and the shock i felt realising those were one and the same person was crazy this video didn't feel like nearly an hour but felt like a movie at the same time almost teared up near the end, your dad and this thing are truly inextricably linked in so many ways incredible storytelling, editing, and everything else and of course, what an incredible dress
I also lost my dad in August 2018, and it took a long time to be able to make anything again. It felt hollow not getting to share it with him. Who was gonna be proud of my in the same way? Thankfully I have incredible friends that try to fill that void, and I also feel like any tears I shed about him are honoring him. It hurts cause it matters.
✨Loss and Grief, but make it fashion.✨ This dress and the viral video are so iconic, it was such a huge moment in the SU fandom that I will never forget. Hearing your process of crafting it, the thought and love you put into every detail, and the beautiful story of how you pushed finished it despite all the hardships makes it even more iconic. Amazing video, I was in awe, cried and cheered all the way through to the end!
this has got to be one of my favorite yt videos ever. the combination of build log, fashion analysis, media analysis, and personal essay, all put together with perfect editing and writing--i know you probably get this a lot, but joel would be so, so proud of you
As someone who works in Suicidology, the discussion of how speaking openly about grief is so important to me. In so many spaces ive found myself navigating an expectation of censoring my self when talking about my work, and certainly sometimes its with reason, its a heavy subject that many attempt survivors have to carefully navigate but also how do I content warn something like "we were talking about suicidal ideation in this context" when (cw suicidal ideation) just about gives the whole game away. Grief and suicide are not the same, their independent though grief moreso from suicide than vice versa, but they both exist in that space where its hard to mention them, but avoiding doing so gives them more power. So thank you to giving voice to that part of the journey and letting us share in someway in yours. To edge my toe in to the Rose Quartscourse for a second but also not take a solid stance beyond "she was an incredibly complex character with a lot of thematic weight to lift, I do think that one of the greatest tragedies of the show's life getting cut short is that all of our experience with Rose was received practically perfect backwards. She was a character who had such growth in her arc, and that doesn't erase what she'd done before, but i do think it became a little easy to ignore the person she became. On the one hand wishing for more Steven Universe discourse seems like an absolute fools errand, but I also would have loved to have seen what the supposed would have been episode flashing back to amethyst's early time with the gems and Rose Quartz in a psuedo parental role would have added to the discussion
Thank you for making this video. I also lost my dad suddenly in the summer of 2018. “I had a dad, until suddenly, one day I didn’t.” That hit me like a truck. I know the feeling. And I know what it feels like to forget so much in the aftermath, like your brain just smooths it all over. I know what it’s like to have to re-learn how to do what you love. For me it was D&D-I didn’t play for months, staring at my blank documents not able to write anything at all. Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you for this beautiful dress, this channel that is a tribute to your dad. Just… thank you.
i know this is not the point of the video, but i'm obsessed with the line 7:20 "i don't think there's an easy categorization of either 'yes, girlboss' or 'boo, war criminal.'" like the word choice alone is so funny, but i also love that it implies a girlboss to war criminal spectrum. like, what lies between those two extremes? "eh, nepo baby"?
I think "didn't know what to say, so I said it with a dress" might be my new favorite way to describe a project! your description of grief and craft resonated with me so deeply. I lost my dad to heart problems earlier this year, and that feeling of not wanting a project to be tied to my grief is something I obsessed over in the beginning. I'm not quite back to creating yet, but I just keep thinking the people we love and who love us are in everything we make, regardless of where they are ❤ thank you for sharing your story and the bonkers months behind this build, it was well worth the wait!
I remember sharing your dress transformation vid everywhere when SU was still my way too often comfort watch. I lost my dad in 2019. I love this video and I’m going to a con tomorrow cosplaying again for the first time in a while as Pomni and Wapeach. Thank you, thank you so, so much for being you and sharing this process and the reasons behind it
you and your work had crossed my internet spheres before 2019, but the HUFS transformation gown was 1000% the thing that made me stand up and go, "you can do that??" i cannot fully put into words how much you inspired and continue to inspire me to grow and challenge myself as a crafter. i recommend your channel on the daily and im beyond proud to support you on patreon. i had absolutely no idea of the tremendous loss you'd faced right before making this gown, and i sobbed along with you at the beautiful descriptions of your dad. this gown and this whole video feel like such a wonderful monument to honor his memory and the people who rallied around you during that time. i cant pretend to know what you went through, but i really hope the grief has gotten easier to live with and that you feel his love and pride everyday 💖
the editing in your videos gets better literally every time, i'm obsessed with these text transitions and the steven universe title card music!! thank you for the video, lizard. every time i watch one of your videos, i feel inspired. like, it's so easy to see people do amazing things and think "well i could never do that," but when i see your art and vision and research and hard work, it all feels like something i could learn. i feel like i could develop and grow and practice, and that's all i've ever wanted in life. i think learning is what we're meant to do in life, and your videos teach me that there's more for me to learn to do, learn to love, learn to hold precious. it's a lovely feeling, so thank you for that! and thank you to your father, too, because i know you wouldn't be the same lizard if it weren't for him. i'm really grateful to you both
Every detail you put into this video is so sweet and incredible. I wish I could put into words how I feel, but the only way I could explain it is by a hug. This video is beautiful.
I deeply appreciate how transparent you spoke about your father. The courage to be vulnerable within the grief is so astonishing. I adore to hear ppl speak of their loved ones, in my experience of grief talking about them has been cathartic. I am always in awe of your creations and art. Having this extra layer of detail, the representation of grief and the human aspects of life you don't hide are genuinely inspiring! also I would looovee more long video break downs of your cosplay and your experience! thank you for creating, and for providing a space for your community. mush love, Mac
watching you design and build this amazing look was such a joy at the time, and getting to see you talk through every stitch brings that joy back TENFOLD OMG. what a fantastic thing you've created - the transforming gown, and the video tribute to Lizards past and present. thank you for everything you do. LOVE YOU DUDE
I commented that at the beginning of the video, and knew I wasn't in a place to watch through to the end. so now that I've gotten to the center of the story, I will say again, thank you for everything you do. thank you for sharing yourself and for being so willing to be here in this pain. for letting your dad be loved through this dress and this story and this life that you are living so, so well in his memory.
I remember watching this build I had just followed you on ig! I was, at the time, so impressed, and honestly I remain impressed by it. Edit: after finishing the video - the section about your dad was very vulnerable and thank you so much for sharing this with us, it's such a hard thing to share so thank you.
i lost my mom 2 years ago and every time i do something fun or buy something cool or do something in my home to make it look nice, i burst into tears because i wish i could tell her about it. it doesn't ever go away but it gets more and more common to smile when you remember them instead of cry. though you will always cry, I'm sorry to tell you that but it's the truth. it gets easier to deal with but no less painful.
the fact that your dad, when you made a facebook post manifesting, immediately commented how proud and excited he was is exactly how it was meant to be. that message is there in all its digital permanence to let you know he was happy and proud even without physical or digital evidence. thank you for giving us that insight into yourself. you've straightened a mess of threads into a beautiful weave with this project and video about it. 💜💜💜💜💜
It is 3:38 am, I was supposed to be working for the last hour but was enraptured by this video. I cried at the beauty and the tragedy, and at the love poured into every piece of it. Thank you for sharing this.
This video made me tear up multiple times. You are such an incredible, thoughtful artist and that comes through in your storytelling as much as your craft. I don't cosplay and I've never seen Steven Universe, but I love every single one of your videos, and I'm so so glad I found your channel
I remember when this catwalk event happened on instagram I loved your reveal!. I really gotta rewatch su because it was one of my fav shows and I feel now as an adult ill have a new kind of appreciation and love for it
I spent a year making a couples cosplay for me and my partner. I had never put so much into something before. I had lost my job, was struggling with my health, my sexuality, my personage. I couldn't say it. So I built it. And it is so meaningful to me.
I just realised.... we are officially in the theatre kid era. 2000s was the IT and movie nerds, 2010s was gamers and MUAs, and 2020s belongs to the theatre kids. ❤
I gotta be honest, I put off watching this video because my personal grief meter was already at an all-time high and I knew I couldn't handle it but I am very glad I got to sit down and watch it today. You are such an incredible creator and designer, and I know you worked on this story for literally ages and it shows. I think this is the most personal one you've made yet and it's not even necessarily for Joel reasons. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. Bravo.
Leigh, when you announced that you were competing in early 2018 I think all of us were so excited for you! I remember when you lost your dad and the time you took away from social media. I had lost my mum in 2016 and remember feeling so deeply for you in the moment. Watching this video brought me back to then but seeing how you moved forward and so gloriously, its wonderful. Plus, seeing you thrive in your happiest boy life is ALWAYS a joy. From the blessed seam (and seeing the Trainer cos at Holmat!!) to the Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond dress, I love seeing your work.
Lizard long form is some of my favourite content in the world, and this one was so special. The scripting, the editing, the passion that is clearly put into each video is truly mind bending. Actual tears shed hearing you go over all the aspects to this project. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us ❤
In all the things people have told me about grief no one else has mentioned having to learn to be creative again, and that is so real. I got the call that I had lost my mom suddenly while I was out in the woods at a larp and it was surreal. But my dad told me to stay there because that’s where my friends were and I just was in a daze and let them hold on to me while someone shouted about magic in the background. How you talk about grief really hit home, and your love really shines through that transformative gown and your storytelling around it. I eventually took up painting again for my mom. Sewing still has hard moments but I’m trying to just keep swimming. Anyway, I don’t have any profound wrap up either. Your work is always beautiful and your videos and editing are incredible! They always brighten my day with that spark of inspiration 💙
my dad was in declining health when this video came out and i had to stop watching this when it got to the CW section now it has been almost 3 weeks since my past died and i decided to finish this video i find it so cathartic to have someone put their grief into something constructive, living through their loss i dont know who im meant to be or what im meant to do but seeing you do all this its giving me something to hold on to
My grandmother was a prolific cross-stitcher. She'd given me a few kits to start with a few times, but I never managed to find the time for them, and eventually they ended up returned to her. A few months before she passed away, I had finally picked it up on my own with a kit I'd bought at a farmer's market, and had finished a whole project. I'd sent pictures of it to my mom to share with my grandma, but sadly it got lost in the busy-ness of my mom's life, and my grandma never ended up seeing it before she passed. I would have loved so much to be able to share with my grandma how I've come to love this craft. How I feel like in some small way, I embody her spirit when I take it up. And how much more of an appreciation it has given me for all of her cross-stitched works that I own. I hope I can grow up into the sort of person I knew her as through my childhood, someone with such calm, focus, and kindness.
Thankyou so much! 💗 I've been keenly looking forward to a video on this costume, & the story behind it is so much more moving & fascinating than I could have imagined. Your complex & authenic videos are of such high quality, any one of them would be a great tribute to Joel, but this one especially. Thinking of you. 💜
I subscribed to you because of this dress, and now to find out that your roots are in drag when I'm an absolute Katya and Sasha lover FILLS MY HEART WITH GLEE!! Much Love Lizard, Mantis, and Joel 🦎 💚💚🌟
This video is perfect. The editing, the venerability, the deep dive, everything. Something that helped me after my dad's passing was knowing that energy is never destroyed. A person's energy is everywhere, and their being exists forever in our memories.
I never lost a parent but in a way, I grew up with four parents, raised in a multigenerational home. When I lost my grandfather in 2018, I lost all footing for who I was, what I was doing or even if I wanted to be me anymore. It has taken time but I'm on the road to becoming what I want, despite all my challenges. This video brought me to tears in sorrow for your loss and the warmth you displayed by taking us through this incredibly emotional, heartfelt and beautiful journey. Your channel really was what I needed today and it brought a spark back to my creativity, thank you.
Each new detail made me more emotional, such a beatiful story 🥺 I'm so sorry for your loss, I really do think your dad would be proud of your journey: in this dress, and in your whole life! 💖
I've been waiting for this video since you first mentioned it in an earlier video. I was so excited when I got the notification that you posted and even more excited when I saw the title. This may be one of the most beautiful videos I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. The story telling was absolutely on point as always and the visuals are never not stunning. But the way you talk about grief and the special connection to this dress made me cry. Making something with our hands is so uniquely human and I think it's beautiful that what we make can be the expression of our love and our grief and all our human moments. Your videos inspire me and I can't express how much I love them.
I have been crying throughout this whole video, I can’t sum up how emotional this made me feel, how much I feel for your loss and the admiration I have for you as an artist. Deepest and most heartfelt condolences. Thank you for sharing, I love your long form videos, in-depth tangents and perspectives. Seriously thank you ❤
I absolutely LOVE your long form videos! I remember seeing you post about making this dress on Instagram way back when, and it's been really cool to see this project come together, the reveal of it all, and how far you've come since then!
Born and raised in Baltimore md... vacationed every year at ocean city. As someone who never knew their dad because he passed when i was 3...i feel connected to this video. Much ❤
I primarily watch your long form content when I have time, because I know it's not just going to be commentary on how you made a thing, but how that thing is a reflection of you as a person and everything else that is relevant. It's always so thoughtfully told and brings so much heart, and that's the kind of genuine content that I love.
My dad just died suddenly a month ago. The people around me havent gone through something similar. Thank you for sharing, even if it was hard. Trying to picture the future is strange right now so i appreciate getting reminders that after this happens people still get to do wonderful things. I'm sorry for your loss.
Clicked so fast! Your long-form videos are some of the best constructed and most thoughtful I see on this platform, on ANY topic, and this is the pinnacle
My dad passed in 1993 when I was 8 and he was 42 and I can confirm, especially upon watch of this video, that sometimes the smallest thing will bring it all back to the front again. In a few years, I'll be older than he ever got to be (hopefully anyway) and while sad, when I think about still being brought to tears over a parent who didn't get to see me grow up, or get unknowingly into a lot of the same things he did, and profoundly shaped who I am as a person merely by his absence, I realize he's still around in a way, and I'm fairly certain he'd be proud. It's a bit obtuse, but I hope it's not just empty condolences to you, and maybe something you can learn to accept as a part of you in time as well. The dress was gorgeous, btw, and thanks for sharing your story.
I honestly love these longform videos, they are amazing! Thank you for always putting your all into what you do! You rewoke my love for design and costume making and you showed me the Locked Tomb books which are currently ruling my life haha Honestly thanks for everything man! Keep up the amazing work!
I lost my mom earlier this year, Feb 14th, I started in cosplay and alternative street fashion and eventually got into drag and still do both, so hearing your perspective on a similar crossroads, it was def something i needed to hear. I really appreciate this video so much.
I first started watching this channel about a week ago when I went to a con in cosplay and decided that I wanted my TH-cam algorithm to be more cosplay focused, so I started looking for cosplay channels and stumbled across your video on Plagiarism in Cosplay & the Summer Emily video. Both of those videos really stood out to me, because each one was so well written and thoughtful, and also allowed me to watch your crafting process and started giving me more ideas on how to better my own cosplay. So I am really happy that I joined this channel just in time to watch this video, because wow. Like I said, each of your videos are so well written and thoughtful, and I love watching them, and this one will especially stick out to me. Hearing your journey on designing and making that dress, the inspiration behind it was really eye opening on just how much work and effort goes into every single detail behind a cosplay. And hearing about your loss, and the grief and how that will never be untangled from that moment was also very touching, and adds a layer of honesty and vulnerability that not everyone is comfortable with. So, thank you for making these videos, and thank you for being so open. You have quickly become one of my favorite cosplayers on TH-cam, and I can't wait to go back through some of your older videos to learn more about cosplay, fashion and design!
Im so glad you shared this story. I lost my mom in 2017 and im the first of my friends to have lost a parent. It's lonely. I started a business just after she passed but it fell apart when I gained a resin sensitivity. I'm now trying to scrape together enough pieces of the parts I loved to try again a different way, and I'm constantly struck by the bittersweet notion that she would have loved it and how she's not here to see it... Your video made me feel less alone and for that I'm both grateful and tremendously sorry you had a similar story to share at all.
Garments really are an incredible art form. It’s amazing how much emotion and story and meaning can go into them. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Knowing everything that went into the dress(es), I love that clip of the reveal even more.
I lost my dad last year in a very similar fashion, was there and all of a sudden not. I threw myself into crocheting, at that point I had made a single really awful amigurumi that you still can't even tell what it's supposed to be. Those next few months were a blur, but from every morning to every evening for over 4 months I crocheted. I'm so grateful to be able to work with my hands to process my grief. We also spent so many years going to Ocean City, how small the world is, but how wonderful that crafting has gotten us through such difficult times in our lives. You are an inspiration!
i know nothing about cosplay, i got your videos recommended to me once on your feed and i have stuck around because your storytelling through and alongside your creative process is so captivating. what an amazing and touching story to go with an amazing dress. i'm glad that you made something that you can be proud of, and i think your dad would be too
I lost my brother a year ago. He was the person in the world that knew me best and he was the most wonderful nerd that supported me as best as he could and he was tragically taken from the world and it’s been hard to find motivation and inspiration in anything. I’m also a cosplayer and such and I’ve had a lot of hard things happen in the last several months. I appreciate this bc it really put into words and feelings what I am feeling. I feel the slow spark of inspiration and I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other
I lost my brother 10 years ago, he is part of the reason I started cosplay and costuming. Hearing your own story hits so close to home. I just want to thank you for being so upfront and honest about how that grief impacted everything
I experienced a lot of loss this past summer and I wasn't expecting this video to hit me there in all of those jumbled up feelings, but thank you. I loved hearing the story of this dress in all of its components.
Sorry for your loss of your dad. I just lost my grandpa this week and he was the one who supported me with baking. Plus, made me want to learn about our traditional meal from my culture. PS love your journey of this cosplay making of this dress too
I appreciate you sharing your experience about losing your dad. I lost my dad last December, two months after that I finally ended a very bad relationship. This year has been... Relentless. I'm still picking up the pieces, and all year I've been really feeling the pull of creating and making. I've only just recently finally had the energy to actually work on a project, it's just cross stitching, but it's helping. I think I've always learned the most and had the most personal internal growth when I'm being creative, I'm hoping to really lean into that more, and figure out who I am again, or who I am now. I think I commented on a previous video saying how much you inspire me, and I want to double down on that 💖 you are a beautiful soul, and I want to thank you for sharing yourself and your work with the world.
Such a wonderful video ❤️ the entire story is so beautiful. I cried through the second half and beyond. My dad died suddenly when i was 10 years old (I'm now 39) and to this day i struggle to talk about my loss and grief. I am in awe at your strength and courage to be able to include your entire journey, grief and all, in this video. Thank you for sharing this with us. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this beautiful video. No one has a guidebook on how to move through grief, but your work is a testament to your dad's memory and legacy.
Trying to type a thoughtful comment after the absolute cascade of emotions I just experienced is difficult. I'm sorry for the loss of a great person in your life. The world is diminished because they aren't here. Thank you for sharing your love of that world and this dress. The stories you share are such a wonderful video essay and a very cohesive story.
The beautiful and sad story that goes along with dress makes the video all the more special. Thank you for sharing the story of what went on behind the making of a moment. I've also lost my father in what felt like a sudden moment and this resonated so deeply with me.
I love that this is a transformation garment in every possible aspect. I was so excited to see the build process, but got a bonus Lizard lore download! Thank you so so much for sharing your stories with us!!
Your story is incredible. Thank you for sharing the Why of it all. It matters to you and your sharing makes your story matter to me and lets me remember how much I love my parents. The ongoing grief is real. My dad passed in 2000 and I still ask him to look out for us when we drive.
Wow.. just wow!!! I'm so glad to have watched this and to now know the story behind the moment! That clip is the reason I followed you! Steven Universe means so much to me as well, and it's truly beautiful to see the many different ways this community expresses its love for this show!! I cried right along with you when you spoke about your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss and am sending so much love your way. I'm sure you know that he's so insanely proud of you and that he watched over you while you made this build. 💜 Your details of the geometric pink gradient, the petal-shaped skirt, the fabric layering, and the embroidered star with REAL ROSE QUARTZ (my inner crystal witch loves this so much) are so thoughtful and gorgeous!!! It's really cool hearing about the reasons behind why cosplayers/designers add the details that they do! I also love the Steven Universe episode title cards you made for your chapters - so cute and clever!! Participating in the HUFS is a dream of mine, and this video really makes me wanna go for it even more! It looks like so much fun to interact with other nerdy creators who are just as passionate about what they've made!! Thank you so so much for sharing this with us!! ✨💜✨
You made me cry at multiple points in this video, and you've made an amazing piece of work here that explains so beautifully how grief changes the way we live our lives, and how after a huge loss our lives somehow start to grow around it. This message you have here is so important and so relatable. "I will never be able to put it into words so I put it in a dress" is such a true thing, and such a beautiful thing. Somehow words never feel like enough, but putting that love and energy and grief into something that matters to you and that makes you feel connected to the person you lost, that is where we can start to heal. I feel honored to know the dress's full story. It makes it so much more meaningful. Thank you so much for sharing it.
i love the passion you put in the cosplay and the duality of both the story in the series, behind the cosplay but also your life. love watching your videos, it makes me also want to start on cosplays. and i love that this channel is in a way always keeping your dad with you. and that you know he would love this.
The way you tell stories with your cosplays and your videos is so moving and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see you channeling all that love for your father and your friends and girlfriend into your work and understanding the passion and motivation behind it is eye-opening.
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“I will never be able to put that into words. So I put it into a dress” Gave me chills. I’m so sorry for your loss but I know your dad would be so proud of you and everything you’ve done.
Yes!
When I lost my baby at 1 month old I was told grief is just love with nowhere to go. You put that love into a dress. I threw myself into burlesque to find a welcoming community. I still struggle a lot but those few minutes I get to be a sparkly goddess on stage always bring me back to myself. The before time vs after time always blows my mind. How we are still capable of great joy after excruciating loss.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your journey. I can’t imagine the depth of your loss. I’m so glad you found a community and your chance to be a sparkly goddess.
Grief is love with nowhere to go…wow, thank you for that. I needed it
I love every single little text message segue, they are delightful
this means so much to me ty ;;
@@HeyLizardLeighechoing this 💜
Okay but the earrings detail literally made me cry. That’s precious!
and they're SO CUTE too ;;
Please know that I did delay finishing this video because I knew what was coming in the August 2018 section. And I finally finished it and I’m just. So glad I did because this is a masterpiece. “It is the fabric that this entire story is made out of”. God the worst part is I’ve seen you scrap these scripts for years trying to talk about this and I know all that went into this and I still don’t have words to tell you how beautiful and glorious and amazing this piece of art you’ve created FOR HIM is. His love of film and the art of video shines through in what you’ve done on your TH-cam channel and especially in this masterpiece of a video. I am so thankful to Joel for giving us Lizard on TH-cam, and seeing how you’ve grown as an artist and a videographer in his memory.
This video really is a treatise on the transformative power of grief and love, and how we grow despite loss and the beauty that we can create despite the world around us. (Madoka cosplay I’m also looking at you). Channeling grief into art is rather universal, and the way your art has transformed and grown and blossomed since August 2018 has been a constant blessing and joy to witness.
“That once in a lifetime joy had no choice but to coexist with grief”. Nothing else to say. Amazing correct that is life that is tragedy that is joy. That is existence. A profound conclusion isn’t needed, because the dress and the reveal video and this masterpiece of a video is more than enough. Life isn’t tidy and easy enough to make a simple conclusion for it, it and its fitting that this video ends the way it does. With more love and remembrance for Joel ❤
I’m so so SO PROUD of you. I have truly been waiting for this video for years and it’s even more of a masterpiece than I could have imagined. Thank you Joel for this video and for giving the world our Lizard and selfishly for giving me my best friend ❤ thank you Leigh for working so so SO HARD to bring us this cinematic masterpiece. I love you and I’m so proud of you ❤ You did it!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Haven’t finished the video yet, but this is damn impressive.
Edit: hearing about your father, and the grief that came with his loss, hits hard. He sounds like he was an amazing person. The story you told today adds a new layer to the cosplay.
Absolutely incredible video. Thank you for sharing. 💙
While I haven't lost a parent yet (knock on wood), I have lost a sibling.
I was in drag, in a town 2 hours away from my university, with a friend to see his group of friends perform a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I got the call from my mom during intermission... And then spent the entire week at home, missing all of my classes and meetings.
The grief never leaves. You find yourself thinking of them at the most random moments. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it's a heavy burden... and sometimes you get to laugh.
It doesn't go away, but the load gets easier to carry.
Thank you for sharing this story. ❤ Keep up the good work!
The moment never really leaves you- I feel this so deeply, and thank you for sharing 💜
I lost my baby sister on Father's day this summer. Sibling grief is different.
In June of 2020 my dad had a sudden aneurism, and within 24 hours he was gone. He loved Elvis, and James Bond, and Indiana Jones. He was my main sponsor for all the silly little crafts I did and continue to do. We’d watch late night TV together when my insomnia was really bad, and I’d fall asleep on his lap, and he’d carry me into my bed even though I was way too big for that. I miss him so much.
Me: aw yes, time to craft as I watch along!
Also me: *sobs uncontrollably at my sewing machine*
Thanks for sharing your story, it's really cool to learn more about you as a whole. I hope the memories you have will always bring you comfort.
I'm so honored to get to hear the backstory behind this garment. I remember watching your HUFS runway back in 2019 and it was a big inspiration for me in applying, and then being a finalist in, the 2021 HUFS.
ahhh I loved your 2021 HUFS look so much !!! i'm SO glad your work was on that stage!
I cannot get over the quality and craftsmenship put into this video. The buzzes of the text messages in the background. The visual details. The loving descriptions of your local drag scene. I cried at multiple points (the earrings, the earrings!). I really loved how the story of the dress, which, at first glance, seems like it should be a grand affair, ends up encapsulating the everyday, very human stories you loved so much in SU. It's so special.
thank you so so much ;;;
"Death is not anything. It’s the absence of presence, nothing more . . . the endless time of never coming back . . . a gap you can’t see, and when the wind blows through it, it makes no sound" -- my favorite quote like ever. Its from rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead
This video is so beautiful - the polish of your thoughtful, careful work, but also the honesty of how grief can be such a core part of a story, but doesn't have a neat little bow on it. We are so lucky to have you on TH-cam sharing all of this with us ❤
😭 love you friend!!
Not me sitting down to let dishes soak and enjoy my Dino nuggies being hit with the realization of “I’m almost 40 and could loose both my Parental Units in the next breaths/years” compounded with the “I know how that grief won’t settle because I still catch myself reaching to call my Nana 15 years later” and sobbing into my ketchup wanting nothing more than to give Lizard a big warm Moth Mom™️ hug and to let us both have a good cry because sometimes we just need it, for no real reason other than we need to make room for those big emotions.
As one who also enjoyed 70’s horror practical FX, the Movie Magic they had absolute freedom and license to do their craft with, and the delicious junk food entertainment that came from that, Thank you Joel.
I just turned 40 and my biggest fear is losing my dad. My mom has already passed but she was in a very serious car accident about 10 years prior and the mom I knew I lost then and my mom and I had a strained relationship. I've always been a daddy's girl and he's who I live with after my fiance passed away. I absolutely hate thinking about it. My dad's family tend to live in to thier 90s though. My grandmother and all her siblings did and only one of my aunts or uncles have passed and she had cancer
I was in the verge of tears from the time we learn about your father's death up until the end. I feel like there is another parallel from the show in that Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond was, in her last act of love, a parent who gave everything for her child to exist. I don't know if that fits neatly into the relationship between your dress, your parent, and loss but I couldn't stop thinking about how a lost parental relationship is such a major theme in Steven Universe. I'm glad you were finally able to make this video. I have had my own moment of loss that I have wanted to expand on in a similar was but there is never the right words for it. Thank you for sharing the story and the dress that came with it
14:42 IS THAT A GAME CHANGER DRESS??
YES, IT’S A PANTSUIT !!!!!! by Grace Duval!!
ICONIC.
yeah the dropout groups on facebook were going so crazy about it (rightfully so!)
saw my best friend's internet handle on the inside of your corset in this video. i'm so so so happy you told this story, it is such a meaningful watershed moment in so many lives. i was thinking very much about how far your storytelling and editing chops have come, how passionate you clearly are about the story told in framing devices and transitions, so when you spoke about how much your father would have loved those things and how much you wished you could speak with him about it, i absolutely lost it crying.
your work is so full of love and authenticity and genuine attention to every detail because of that passion. you are the very cool guy you are for lots of reasons, but your love for him and his love for you shines in so much of what you show to the world and what you spend time and attention on. thank you for being so wonderful and kind and caring, thank you for sharing something so personal, and i can't wait to see what stories you'll continue to tell, dresswise and videowise. thank you, lizard
thank you so much for this 💜
@@HeyLizardLeigh always!! i'll keep rooting for you and hope to actually meet you in person after the 345934695436 times we've been in the same place!
“I will never be able to put that into words. So I put it into a dress”
That last sentence just. AAAAA I HELD BACK TEARS FOR MOST OF THE VIDEO AND THAT GOT ME TO CRY!! What a beautiful way to put it!
Ok, so I put this video on in the background to do some painting and fully had to stop because I couldn’t see through the tears pooling in my eyes. This is a great crafting video AND a moving tribute to your dad. It was beautiful.
Listen I realize I haven’t even finished the video yet but I’m so freaking hype for this video I gotta just comment RIGHT NOW because yall lizard has been working so hard on this and I’m so thrilled it’s FINALLY HERE OH MY GOSH WE HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
7:26 okay but not me fully actually tearing up here at Leigh’s perfect on point summary of the duality of this character and WHY she’s so important. The combo of “this character encompasses active complicity in horrible systems of oppression as well as the capacity for and commitment to growth and change and love” showed us in 2018 that we can learn and grow and sure not everyone will accept our growth but that we CAN and should for ourselves.
Cue Nami having emotions about an old show and also Pearl and oh no I’m gonna rewatch Steven Universe now aren’t I
literally have been fighting the “just rewatch steven universe” urges this whole edit
I am very silent watcher I don’t think I have ever left a comment on TH-cam lol but lizard you are so incredibly inspiring and this comes from someone that doesn’t even cosplay! But the love you have for your craft is so palpable and I just know that Joel is so proud of you for all you do and the person you have become! Just like Steven universe you make the world better and brighter 💕
thank you so so much 💜💜💜
They way you layered the fabric in the Rose Quartz bodice, as well as the way you seamed those gradients together for the Pink Diamond bodice, was so incredible and detailed in approach; exactly why I’ve been such an admirer of your cosplays for so long 💕💕
The editing, the storytelling, the visuals--everything about this video is just stunning. What a beautiful tribute.
💜💜💜
I lost my father in my early 20s - it has been over two decades now and I still think of how he's missing out on things in my life. I wanted him to be there for my transition, and to appreciate all the art I've made. I want to fly him to my new home country and show him all the cool bits of engineering that I have found. It is a void that never leaves you. I have lost a lot of people in my life, and I have learned to think of grief as the flip side of love. The more the grief hurts, the more love there was to lose. And I try to remember to be thankful to have had so much love in my life.
On a different note: I wish I could support my local drag artists, but so few venues are wheelchair accessible. Unfortunately the only artists I can see are the ones big enough to fill a larger venue - which I'm very happy that they're able to do, but I know that there are so many talented artists out there who don't have that luxury. Plus I'm missing out on the community aspect which was so important to me before I became disabled. Just wanted to mention it in case you have the ears of anyone with sway in your local scene - you might encourage them to center accessibility whenever possible.
the gasp i gusped at ocean city maryland mention!!! the superior ocean city. we don't talk about ocean city new jersey in this house
ocean city maryland my ABSOLUTE BELOVED my CHILDHOOD my HEART!! trimpers rides made me who I am!!
@@HeyLizardLeigh having finished the video now - whew. thanks for sharing your story about your dad and all the beauty he inspired. next time i'm at thrasher's i'll get some fries for joel.
You not only did an incredible job on this cosplay, you did an amazing thing in this video and talking about the process. And as someone who suddenly lost their own father with no warning, I think I can confidently say that your father would be very, very proud of you and that this channel is an ongoing tribute to him is a beautiful thing.
In love and solidarity x
what an amazing video
i remember seeing that original runway video in the height of my Steven Universe obsession, i remember sending it to the friend that dragged me into the dang show like 'look how cool this is!!!'
and then years later i found your shorts, and then your longform content, and the shock i felt realising those were one and the same person was crazy
this video didn't feel like nearly an hour but felt like a movie at the same time
almost teared up near the end, your dad and this thing are truly inextricably linked in so many ways
incredible storytelling, editing, and everything else
and of course, what an incredible dress
I also lost my dad in August 2018, and it took a long time to be able to make anything again. It felt hollow not getting to share it with him. Who was gonna be proud of my in the same way? Thankfully I have incredible friends that try to fill that void, and I also feel like any tears I shed about him are honoring him. It hurts cause it matters.
✨Loss and Grief, but make it fashion.✨
This dress and the viral video are so iconic, it was such a huge moment in the SU fandom that I will never forget.
Hearing your process of crafting it, the thought and love you put into every detail, and the beautiful story of how you pushed finished it despite all the hardships makes it even more iconic.
Amazing video, I was in awe, cried and cheered all the way through to the end!
this has got to be one of my favorite yt videos ever. the combination of build log, fashion analysis, media analysis, and personal essay, all put together with perfect editing and writing--i know you probably get this a lot, but joel would be so, so proud of you
As someone who works in Suicidology, the discussion of how speaking openly about grief is so important to me. In so many spaces ive found myself navigating an expectation of censoring my self when talking about my work, and certainly sometimes its with reason, its a heavy subject that many attempt survivors have to carefully navigate but also how do I content warn something like "we were talking about suicidal ideation in this context" when (cw suicidal ideation) just about gives the whole game away.
Grief and suicide are not the same, their independent though grief moreso from suicide than vice versa, but they both exist in that space where its hard to mention them, but avoiding doing so gives them more power. So thank you to giving voice to that part of the journey and letting us share in someway in yours.
To edge my toe in to the Rose Quartscourse for a second but also not take a solid stance beyond "she was an incredibly complex character with a lot of thematic weight to lift, I do think that one of the greatest tragedies of the show's life getting cut short is that all of our experience with Rose was received practically perfect backwards. She was a character who had such growth in her arc, and that doesn't erase what she'd done before, but i do think it became a little easy to ignore the person she became. On the one hand wishing for more Steven Universe discourse seems like an absolute fools errand, but I also would have loved to have seen what the supposed would have been episode flashing back to amethyst's early time with the gems and Rose Quartz in a psuedo parental role would have added to the discussion
Thank you for making this video. I also lost my dad suddenly in the summer of 2018. “I had a dad, until suddenly, one day I didn’t.” That hit me like a truck. I know the feeling. And I know what it feels like to forget so much in the aftermath, like your brain just smooths it all over.
I know what it’s like to have to re-learn how to do what you love. For me it was D&D-I didn’t play for months, staring at my blank documents not able to write anything at all.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you for this beautiful dress, this channel that is a tribute to your dad. Just… thank you.
i know this is not the point of the video, but i'm obsessed with the line 7:20 "i don't think there's an easy categorization of either 'yes, girlboss' or 'boo, war criminal.'" like the word choice alone is so funny, but i also love that it implies a girlboss to war criminal spectrum. like, what lies between those two extremes? "eh, nepo baby"?
this is so funny to me and you're so correct, we must develop this scale further
I think "didn't know what to say, so I said it with a dress" might be my new favorite way to describe a project! your description of grief and craft resonated with me so deeply. I lost my dad to heart problems earlier this year, and that feeling of not wanting a project to be tied to my grief is something I obsessed over in the beginning. I'm not quite back to creating yet, but I just keep thinking the people we love and who love us are in everything we make, regardless of where they are ❤ thank you for sharing your story and the bonkers months behind this build, it was well worth the wait!
I remember sharing your dress transformation vid everywhere when SU was still my way too often comfort watch.
I lost my dad in 2019. I love this video and I’m going to a con tomorrow cosplaying again for the first time in a while as Pomni and Wapeach. Thank you, thank you so, so much for being you and sharing this process and the reasons behind it
you and your work had crossed my internet spheres before 2019, but the HUFS transformation gown was 1000% the thing that made me stand up and go, "you can do that??" i cannot fully put into words how much you inspired and continue to inspire me to grow and challenge myself as a crafter. i recommend your channel on the daily and im beyond proud to support you on patreon. i had absolutely no idea of the tremendous loss you'd faced right before making this gown, and i sobbed along with you at the beautiful descriptions of your dad. this gown and this whole video feel like such a wonderful monument to honor his memory and the people who rallied around you during that time. i cant pretend to know what you went through, but i really hope the grief has gotten easier to live with and that you feel his love and pride everyday 💖
💜💜💜 thank you for being part of it !!!
the editing in your videos gets better literally every time, i'm obsessed with these text transitions and the steven universe title card music!! thank you for the video, lizard. every time i watch one of your videos, i feel inspired. like, it's so easy to see people do amazing things and think "well i could never do that," but when i see your art and vision and research and hard work, it all feels like something i could learn. i feel like i could develop and grow and practice, and that's all i've ever wanted in life. i think learning is what we're meant to do in life, and your videos teach me that there's more for me to learn to do, learn to love, learn to hold precious. it's a lovely feeling, so thank you for that! and thank you to your father, too, because i know you wouldn't be the same lizard if it weren't for him. i'm really grateful to you both
You are becoming a filmmaker in your own right, and that is really amazing on top of your work as it already exists. This is just one hell of a video.
And now that I am finished the video, and wiping away tears, thank you so much for sharing this story with us so thoughtfully.
Our snail Mango dose this too! We start singing, "free fallin' " when we notice him getting ready to do it.
Every detail you put into this video is so sweet and incredible. I wish I could put into words how I feel, but the only way I could explain it is by a hug. This video is beautiful.
I deeply appreciate how transparent you spoke about your father. The courage to be vulnerable within the grief is so astonishing. I adore to hear ppl speak of their loved ones, in my experience of grief talking about them has been cathartic. I am always in awe of your creations and art. Having this extra layer of detail, the representation of grief and the human aspects of life you don't hide are genuinely inspiring! also I would looovee more long video break downs of your cosplay and your experience! thank you for creating, and for providing a space for your community. mush love, Mac
watching you design and build this amazing look was such a joy at the time, and getting to see you talk through every stitch brings that joy back TENFOLD OMG. what a fantastic thing you've created - the transforming gown, and the video tribute to Lizards past and present. thank you for everything you do. LOVE YOU DUDE
I commented that at the beginning of the video, and knew I wasn't in a place to watch through to the end. so now that I've gotten to the center of the story, I will say again, thank you for everything you do. thank you for sharing yourself and for being so willing to be here in this pain. for letting your dad be loved through this dress and this story and this life that you are living so, so well in his memory.
This was a beautiful video, thank you for being vulnerable for such an important topic
I am high key very anxious about the response to this LOL so every nice comment is going straight into my veins, thank you for leaving one :’D
I remember watching this build I had just followed you on ig! I was, at the time, so impressed, and honestly I remain impressed by it.
Edit: after finishing the video - the section about your dad was very vulnerable and thank you so much for sharing this with us, it's such a hard thing to share so thank you.
i lost my mom 2 years ago and every time i do something fun or buy something cool or do something in my home to make it look nice, i burst into tears because i wish i could tell her about it. it doesn't ever go away but it gets more and more common to smile when you remember them instead of cry. though you will always cry, I'm sorry to tell you that but it's the truth. it gets easier to deal with but no less painful.
the fact that your dad, when you made a facebook post manifesting, immediately commented how proud and excited he was is exactly how it was meant to be. that message is there in all its digital permanence to let you know he was happy and proud even without physical or digital evidence. thank you for giving us that insight into yourself. you've straightened a mess of threads into a beautiful weave with this project and video about it. 💜💜💜💜💜
I recently lost my Dad - thank you for sharing
It is 3:38 am, I was supposed to be working for the last hour but was enraptured by this video. I cried at the beauty and the tragedy, and at the love poured into every piece of it. Thank you for sharing this.
This video made me tear up multiple times. You are such an incredible, thoughtful artist and that comes through in your storytelling as much as your craft. I don't cosplay and I've never seen Steven Universe, but I love every single one of your videos, and I'm so so glad I found your channel
I remember when this catwalk event happened on instagram I loved your reveal!. I really gotta rewatch su because it was one of my fav shows and I feel now as an adult ill have a new kind of appreciation and love for it
40:16 The phone going dark completely destroyed me.
I spent a year making a couples cosplay for me and my partner. I had never put so much into something before. I had lost my job, was struggling with my health, my sexuality, my personage. I couldn't say it. So I built it. And it is so meaningful to me.
I just realised.... we are officially in the theatre kid era. 2000s was the IT and movie nerds, 2010s was gamers and MUAs, and 2020s belongs to the theatre kids. ❤
I gotta be honest, I put off watching this video because my personal grief meter was already at an all-time high and I knew I couldn't handle it but I am very glad I got to sit down and watch it today. You are such an incredible creator and designer, and I know you worked on this story for literally ages and it shows. I think this is the most personal one you've made yet and it's not even necessarily for Joel reasons. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. Bravo.
Leigh, when you announced that you were competing in early 2018 I think all of us were so excited for you!
I remember when you lost your dad and the time you took away from social media. I had lost my mum in 2016 and remember feeling so deeply for you in the moment. Watching this video brought me back to then but seeing how you moved forward and so gloriously, its wonderful. Plus, seeing you thrive in your happiest boy life is ALWAYS a joy. From the blessed seam (and seeing the Trainer cos at Holmat!!) to the Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond dress, I love seeing your work.
Lizard long form is some of my favourite content in the world, and this one was so special. The scripting, the editing, the passion that is clearly put into each video is truly mind bending. Actual tears shed hearing you go over all the aspects to this project. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us ❤
In all the things people have told me about grief no one else has mentioned having to learn to be creative again, and that is so real. I got the call that I had lost my mom suddenly while I was out in the woods at a larp and it was surreal. But my dad told me to stay there because that’s where my friends were and I just was in a daze and let them hold on to me while someone shouted about magic in the background. How you talk about grief really hit home, and your love really shines through that transformative gown and your storytelling around it. I eventually took up painting again for my mom. Sewing still has hard moments but I’m trying to just keep swimming. Anyway, I don’t have any profound wrap up either. Your work is always beautiful and your videos and editing are incredible! They always brighten my day with that spark of inspiration 💙
my dad was in declining health when this video came out and i had to stop watching this when it got to the CW section
now it has been almost 3 weeks since my past died and i decided to finish this video
i find it so cathartic to have someone put their grief into something constructive, living through their loss
i dont know who im meant to be or what im meant to do
but seeing you do all this
its giving me something to hold on to
My grandmother was a prolific cross-stitcher. She'd given me a few kits to start with a few times, but I never managed to find the time for them, and eventually they ended up returned to her. A few months before she passed away, I had finally picked it up on my own with a kit I'd bought at a farmer's market, and had finished a whole project. I'd sent pictures of it to my mom to share with my grandma, but sadly it got lost in the busy-ness of my mom's life, and my grandma never ended up seeing it before she passed. I would have loved so much to be able to share with my grandma how I've come to love this craft. How I feel like in some small way, I embody her spirit when I take it up. And how much more of an appreciation it has given me for all of her cross-stitched works that I own. I hope I can grow up into the sort of person I knew her as through my childhood, someone with such calm, focus, and kindness.
Thankyou so much! 💗 I've been keenly looking forward to a video on this costume, & the story behind it is so much more moving & fascinating than I could have imagined. Your complex & authenic videos are of such high quality, any one of them would be a great tribute to Joel, but this one especially. Thinking of you. 💜
I love your long form stuff!! Such thoughtful timing, interludes, and storytelling!
I subscribed to you because of this dress, and now to find out that your roots are in drag when I'm an absolute Katya and Sasha lover FILLS MY HEART WITH GLEE!! Much Love Lizard, Mantis, and Joel 🦎 💚💚🌟
This video is perfect. The editing, the venerability, the deep dive, everything.
Something that helped me after my dad's passing was knowing that energy is never destroyed. A person's energy is everywhere, and their being exists forever in our memories.
I never lost a parent but in a way, I grew up with four parents, raised in a multigenerational home. When I lost my grandfather in 2018, I lost all footing for who I was, what I was doing or even if I wanted to be me anymore. It has taken time but I'm on the road to becoming what I want, despite all my challenges. This video brought me to tears in sorrow for your loss and the warmth you displayed by taking us through this incredibly emotional, heartfelt and beautiful journey.
Your channel really was what I needed today and it brought a spark back to my creativity, thank you.
Each new detail made me more emotional, such a beatiful story 🥺
I'm so sorry for your loss, I really do think your dad would be proud of your journey: in this dress, and in your whole life! 💖
I've been waiting for this video since you first mentioned it in an earlier video. I was so excited when I got the notification that you posted and even more excited when I saw the title. This may be one of the most beautiful videos I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. The story telling was absolutely on point as always and the visuals are never not stunning. But the way you talk about grief and the special connection to this dress made me cry. Making something with our hands is so uniquely human and I think it's beautiful that what we make can be the expression of our love and our grief and all our human moments. Your videos inspire me and I can't express how much I love them.
I have been crying throughout this whole video, I can’t sum up how emotional this made me feel, how much I feel for your loss and the admiration I have for you as an artist. Deepest and most heartfelt condolences.
Thank you for sharing, I love your long form videos, in-depth tangents and perspectives. Seriously thank you ❤
I absolutely LOVE your long form videos! I remember seeing you post about making this dress on Instagram way back when, and it's been really cool to see this project come together, the reveal of it all, and how far you've come since then!
Born and raised in Baltimore md... vacationed every year at ocean city. As someone who never knew their dad because he passed when i was 3...i feel connected to this video. Much ❤
I primarily watch your long form content when I have time, because I know it's not just going to be commentary on how you made a thing, but how that thing is a reflection of you as a person and everything else that is relevant. It's always so thoughtfully told and brings so much heart, and that's the kind of genuine content that I love.
LOVE YOU!!! You’re incredible & it was so kind of you to shout us out. We adore you ❤❤❤❤❤
LOVE YOUUUU 💜💜💜
My dad just died suddenly a month ago. The people around me havent gone through something similar. Thank you for sharing, even if it was hard. Trying to picture the future is strange right now so i appreciate getting reminders that after this happens people still get to do wonderful things.
I'm sorry for your loss.
This was amazing Lizard. There’s so much depth to the art you make, and we are lucky to witness it. Thank you for sharing and being you ❤
This is truly an incredible journey. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.
Clicked so fast! Your long-form videos are some of the best constructed and most thoughtful I see on this platform, on ANY topic, and this is the pinnacle
My dad passed in 1993 when I was 8 and he was 42 and I can confirm, especially upon watch of this video, that sometimes the smallest thing will bring it all back to the front again. In a few years, I'll be older than he ever got to be (hopefully anyway) and while sad, when I think about still being brought to tears over a parent who didn't get to see me grow up, or get unknowingly into a lot of the same things he did, and profoundly shaped who I am as a person merely by his absence, I realize he's still around in a way, and I'm fairly certain he'd be proud. It's a bit obtuse, but I hope it's not just empty condolences to you, and maybe something you can learn to accept as a part of you in time as well.
The dress was gorgeous, btw, and thanks for sharing your story.
I honestly love these longform videos, they are amazing! Thank you for always putting your all into what you do! You rewoke my love for design and costume making and you showed me the Locked Tomb books which are currently ruling my life haha Honestly thanks for everything man! Keep up the amazing work!
I lost my mom earlier this year, Feb 14th, I started in cosplay and alternative street fashion and eventually got into drag and still do both, so hearing your perspective on a similar crossroads, it was def something i needed to hear. I really appreciate this video so much.
I first started watching this channel about a week ago when I went to a con in cosplay and decided that I wanted my TH-cam algorithm to be more cosplay focused, so I started looking for cosplay channels and stumbled across your video on Plagiarism in Cosplay & the Summer Emily video. Both of those videos really stood out to me, because each one was so well written and thoughtful, and also allowed me to watch your crafting process and started giving me more ideas on how to better my own cosplay.
So I am really happy that I joined this channel just in time to watch this video, because wow. Like I said, each of your videos are so well written and thoughtful, and I love watching them, and this one will especially stick out to me. Hearing your journey on designing and making that dress, the inspiration behind it was really eye opening on just how much work and effort goes into every single detail behind a cosplay. And hearing about your loss, and the grief and how that will never be untangled from that moment was also very touching, and adds a layer of honesty and vulnerability that not everyone is comfortable with.
So, thank you for making these videos, and thank you for being so open. You have quickly become one of my favorite cosplayers on TH-cam, and I can't wait to go back through some of your older videos to learn more about cosplay, fashion and design!
Im so glad you shared this story.
I lost my mom in 2017 and im the first of my friends to have lost a parent. It's lonely. I started a business just after she passed but it fell apart when I gained a resin sensitivity. I'm now trying to scrape together enough pieces of the parts I loved to try again a different way, and I'm constantly struck by the bittersweet notion that she would have loved it and how she's not here to see it...
Your video made me feel less alone and for that I'm both grateful and tremendously sorry you had a similar story to share at all.
Garments really are an incredible art form. It’s amazing how much emotion and story and meaning can go into them. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Knowing everything that went into the dress(es), I love that clip of the reveal even more.
I lost my dad last year in a very similar fashion, was there and all of a sudden not. I threw myself into crocheting, at that point I had made a single really awful amigurumi that you still can't even tell what it's supposed to be. Those next few months were a blur, but from every morning to every evening for over 4 months I crocheted. I'm so grateful to be able to work with my hands to process my grief. We also spent so many years going to Ocean City, how small the world is, but how wonderful that crafting has gotten us through such difficult times in our lives. You are an inspiration!
i know nothing about cosplay, i got your videos recommended to me once on your feed and i have stuck around because your storytelling through and alongside your creative process is so captivating. what an amazing and touching story to go with an amazing dress. i'm glad that you made something that you can be proud of, and i think your dad would be too
I lost my brother a year ago. He was the person in the world that knew me best and he was the most wonderful nerd that supported me as best as he could and he was tragically taken from the world and it’s been hard to find motivation and inspiration in anything. I’m also a cosplayer and such and I’ve had a lot of hard things happen in the last several months. I appreciate this bc it really put into words and feelings what I am feeling. I feel the slow spark of inspiration and I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other
I lost my brother 10 years ago, he is part of the reason I started cosplay and costuming. Hearing your own story hits so close to home. I just want to thank you for being so upfront and honest about how that grief impacted everything
I experienced a lot of loss this past summer and I wasn't expecting this video to hit me there in all of those jumbled up feelings, but thank you. I loved hearing the story of this dress in all of its components.
Sorry for your loss of your dad. I just lost my grandpa this week and he was the one who supported me with baking. Plus, made me want to learn about our traditional meal from my culture. PS love your journey of this cosplay making of this dress too
I appreciate you sharing your experience about losing your dad. I lost my dad last December, two months after that I finally ended a very bad relationship. This year has been... Relentless. I'm still picking up the pieces, and all year I've been really feeling the pull of creating and making. I've only just recently finally had the energy to actually work on a project, it's just cross stitching, but it's helping.
I think I've always learned the most and had the most personal internal growth when I'm being creative, I'm hoping to really lean into that more, and figure out who I am again, or who I am now.
I think I commented on a previous video saying how much you inspire me, and I want to double down on that 💖 you are a beautiful soul, and I want to thank you for sharing yourself and your work with the world.
Such a wonderful video ❤️ the entire story is so beautiful. I cried through the second half and beyond. My dad died suddenly when i was 10 years old (I'm now 39) and to this day i struggle to talk about my loss and grief. I am in awe at your strength and courage to be able to include your entire journey, grief and all, in this video.
Thank you for sharing this with us. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this beautiful video. No one has a guidebook on how to move through grief, but your work is a testament to your dad's memory and legacy.
Trying to type a thoughtful comment after the absolute cascade of emotions I just experienced is difficult. I'm sorry for the loss of a great person in your life. The world is diminished because they aren't here. Thank you for sharing your love of that world and this dress. The stories you share are such a wonderful video essay and a very cohesive story.
The beautiful and sad story that goes along with dress makes the video all the more special. Thank you for sharing the story of what went on behind the making of a moment. I've also lost my father in what felt like a sudden moment and this resonated so deeply with me.
I love that this is a transformation garment in every possible aspect. I was so excited to see the build process, but got a bonus Lizard lore download! Thank you so so much for sharing your stories with us!!
Your story is incredible. Thank you for sharing the Why of it all. It matters to you and your sharing makes your story matter to me and lets me remember how much I love my parents. The ongoing grief is real. My dad passed in 2000 and I still ask him to look out for us when we drive.
Wow.. just wow!!! I'm so glad to have watched this and to now know the story behind the moment! That clip is the reason I followed you! Steven Universe means so much to me as well, and it's truly beautiful to see the many different ways this community expresses its love for this show!!
I cried right along with you when you spoke about your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss and am sending so much love your way. I'm sure you know that he's so insanely proud of you and that he watched over you while you made this build. 💜
Your details of the geometric pink gradient, the petal-shaped skirt, the fabric layering, and the embroidered star with REAL ROSE QUARTZ (my inner crystal witch loves this so much) are so thoughtful and gorgeous!!! It's really cool hearing about the reasons behind why cosplayers/designers add the details that they do!
I also love the Steven Universe episode title cards you made for your chapters - so cute and clever!!
Participating in the HUFS is a dream of mine, and this video really makes me wanna go for it even more! It looks like so much fun to interact with other nerdy creators who are just as passionate about what they've made!!
Thank you so so much for sharing this with us!! ✨💜✨
You made me cry at multiple points in this video, and you've made an amazing piece of work here that explains so beautifully how grief changes the way we live our lives, and how after a huge loss our lives somehow start to grow around it. This message you have here is so important and so relatable. "I will never be able to put it into words so I put it in a dress" is such a true thing, and such a beautiful thing. Somehow words never feel like enough, but putting that love and energy and grief into something that matters to you and that makes you feel connected to the person you lost, that is where we can start to heal. I feel honored to know the dress's full story. It makes it so much more meaningful. Thank you so much for sharing it.
i love the passion you put in the cosplay and the duality of both the story in the series, behind the cosplay but also your life. love watching your videos, it makes me also want to start on cosplays. and i love that this channel is in a way always keeping your dad with you. and that you know he would love this.
The way you tell stories with your cosplays and your videos is so moving and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see you channeling all that love for your father and your friends and girlfriend into your work and understanding the passion and motivation behind it is eye-opening.
grief is a wild thing. i lost my dad three years ago so I relate to so many parts of the section where you talk about yours