7 Red flags in a Relationship | Secrecy, Lies, Deception and More!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ค. 2024
- What are some red flags in a relationship? What are things you should really be on the lookout for in a boyfriend or a girlfriend? In this video we talk about the dangers of secrecy, lies, deception and the inability to say "I'm sorry" and how these can be huge deal breakers in a relationship. Especially if you have not yet said, "I do," Emily and I want to encourage you to watch out for these red flags of dating!
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In thirty years with my ex-wife, not once did she ever say she was sorry, rather she would justify her comment, turned it around, and made it your fault. Also, there was no such thing as being able to offer her healthy constructive criticism. She viewed it as a personal attack on her character.
exactly
So u made a choice to have 13 Years of hell... Why?... After first year or less i would have bounced....
These women don't have a accountable bone in their body
If they keep repeating their mistakes after identifying it and apologizing for it.
Bingo.
i realize it's kinda off topic but do anybody know a good place to stream new tv shows online ?
@Alden Phillip i watch on flixzone. You can find it by googling =)
@Alden Phillip lately I have been using Flixzone. You can find it on google =)
Thank you for making this video. Y'all are helping me understand what's going on and what to watch for. I appreciate this. I also love the honesty, I practice radical honesty due to being compulsive liar and recovering addict, and your honesty about being on the narsassist spectrum showed me that you are also. Much love, and may God be with you on this journey
What if they come from a broken dysfunctional home. That one wasnt fair at all. My family is completely broken. Doesnt mean im damaged goods.
Thats the thing people tend to forget, not all family are healthy
Justin,the fact that you have a narcisism diagnosis and manage to practice good character is incredibly hopeful! Thank you for sharing that, as well as how you combat those tendencies.
Being diagnosed with NPD vs having narcissistic traits is VERY different. He said he has traits. Guess what. WE ALL DO.
Great information and things to be on the lookout for.
I am glad to see Emily in these videos and her input in them. Would like to see her more often. She does bring some good insight. Love this series, even for the "old" guy who has been married for 36 years.
Isn't she the best?!
Great energy, Justin!
Thanks ! You guys rock ! All the best to you both and may God richly bless you !
I would like to say that having anything reserved to holding any double- standards is a relationship killer as well.
Thanks again,
Wulfy
In this I would tend to agree except for one area. I believe in full disclosure. Sometimes that has really hurt me on the dating scene. People want the truth, but aren’t always ready for it when it smacks of reality. The only thing I keep off limits is my military career in Vietnam. No one needs to know this, and I’m not talking about it as some of it is still classified.
This is beautiful ❤️❤️❤️
Nice tips guys, love the vids lately.
My ex gf has all 7 of those red flags and I had to end it. I love her but in 5 years she has said sorry one time. She always twist the truth and is always the victim in every situation. Thanks for the video
That's my husband too I love him but my heart is saying time to let go I'm just tired of it
Bro, you dodged a bullet. These women only get worse over time. These types are the ones who will abuse you, cheat on you, and lie to you, as well as lie about you.
Holy shit glad to see I'm not the only one! I also dodged a bullet with an expert liar. Even when I knew otherwise, she would lie to my face and appear so compelling. She would have lied to the grave over ever facing the hard truth. Someone that isn't accountable and that can't face the truth is basically just a loser when you think about it.
yes and it will make u angry and resentful, then after u have an outburst youll feel bad and they will not .it sux
Great points and so true. Dating has to be used as a vetting process!
This video hits the nail on the head. I just got out of a relationship with an expert narcissic manipulator, and they had every single one of the red flags you described. You two are pretty wise! I think anybody looking for a long term relationship should watch this video.
Some people never liked their parents or maybe they had an abusive dad/mom or siblings growing up. As an adult you want nothing to do with them. I dont belive someone should stay in your life just because your related to them. My mon would disagree.That same person who don't like thier parents or siblings could still be a good husban or wife.
Of course! Take everything in context. It's impossible to give advice that can apply to 100% of people, but on average it's wise to pay attention to familial relationships
I think it depends on the context. If their parents were abusive, good for them for getting away from that situation, but if not, it's a really bad sign if they treat their parents badly. Also look out for how they treat people in general, especially when they have nothing to gain from it.
You are describing a condition in society called PARENTAL ABANDONMENT and it's not always physical. It's not normal and not good for us so please dont make it seem that way
I was in a relationship where the guy respected his mother treated her like a queen and his siblings he showed love,care, and concern for them. Now when it came to me behind closed doors I experienced disrespect, emotional neglect, constant lies, etc... Outside he was the total opposite from the above.
he said I was his soulmate after like a week, and then wanted to be exclusive very quickly and then he would love bomb me and got very jealous of all my male friends.
Because all your male friends want to smash even if they dont admit it stop being naive and selfish to your reltionship
Hi guys thank you very much for this video I'm into number 2 and just thought I would comment as I've just come out of a very long and painful abusive relationship this was abusive emotionally and financially to say the very least so I'm putting Pen To Paper writing down your seven red flags so I know what to watch out for next time! Thanks again and God bless you both. I've turned to Jesus for help and guidance after being a spiritual person for so long having pagan things in my home etc and I've been so welcomed into the church in my neighborhood they gave me flowers last week bless them! I'm from the UK so thanks for helping people all around the world get to grips with important red flags which may sometimes be missed!
what if the other person wants you to say sorry even when u clearly did not make any mistake or offended them in any way
We have been married for 10 months
Now people are asking me where hes at .
I really want him to be with me .
But continues to stay at this job
We believe in marriage we read the bible
We have alot in common
The fights are about I'm by myself and I never see him
I need to know what I should do.
I loved the video. Interestingly I'm that person with too many ex's. I have been divorced for 10 years (4th one) and I had to reflect on my mistakes. I teach fatherhood classes, mostly fathers out of wedlock, and I taught them to think about their relationships and if there were red stop signs early. I applied it to my past and I can recall every time I saw the stop sign and what my justification was for going passed it. Every time it had something to do with premarital sex. I'm 54 and very content on my own but my son looks at me and says he doesn't want to grow old and alone like me. I try to explain I'm not alone because I have great friends. Please pray for him and I as well.
The thing about family really fucking stung, maybe my family is just an impossible lost cause and I had valid reasons to cut contact as much as possible with them, like abuse that led to suicide attempts between me and my sister. You know, normal family things.
I just want to offer a simple correction. You are not a narcissist. You might have a big ego sometimes, but the fact that you can admit to your bigger faults to people or sometimes even publicly on this channel tells me you probably don't qualify for that dx. Narcissism is a serious disorder that makes people *abusive* and it ruins people's lives, including the life of the narcissist. Narcissists also notoriously don't go to psychologists to get any sort of help (they can't admit something is wrong with them).
Point is, a lot of people including professionals throw this label around, but if someone seriously qualifies for this diagnosis, they are abusive, so it's actually something to be taken quite seriously. And to anyone reading this, please look up this disorder and protect yourself.
💯 disagree with the family red flag. Plenty of people out there that have a really crappy family. I would be more concerned about someone who has a relationship with a group of toxic family members. That’s extremely unhealthy. Letting go of bad relationships is a good thing. Don’t punish someone for issues that other people have.
Also disagree with displaying your relationship all over social media. That’s an area of my life I keep very private. I’ve NEVER had any of my relationships smeared all over the internet. Honestly, I think it’s pretty stupid that people do that. I always hear of all the issues that comes from it snd m constantly reassured that keeping my love life private is the best thing I’ve ever done.
The red wedding band is awesome
But then again is there anyone that's right for me?
Wow amazing feedback
Being kept in the dark is the worst feeling Period Ever.
Just 7... This is only a symptom of narcissistic behavior. This can be scary as hell!
You are blessed you seem have a very healthy marriage. I think people should attend some type of marriage counseling BEFORE they get married to see if they are really truly compatible
ALMOST true. Logic logic logic. Women and men but especially women don’t work that way. Attraction fades women will 100% of the time find a reason to ditch you. Remember I wrote this for this couple 20 years or so from now.
I need advice folks! My ex lied to me alot, But he said ” I lie and divert the truth a bit to south because I know you would go crazy and get mad”
Is that ok? To lie to someone because they knew the person would get mad? Because thats like saying ” Alright let me lie 24 times cuz I knew u would get mad”.
I've been in hopes that I was wrong about the relationship I have been in for 6 years & had asked God to let me know about the relationship . I believe this video was used to show me what ive been asking about & sad as it is.... He is all 7 of the red flags you two just shared about . now I am sad beuobd words yet I know in my heart hes toxic to me spiritually, emotionally,mentally.and yes at times physically; though not in awhile I love the good qualities but really had to question myself recently if those good qualities are not just another fascade of fakeness . all a act i feel so stuck .I love him but Lord knows this man has done everything possible to go out of his way to do things that are not in my favor at all in actually has done things even that I would never do even to my worst enemy . I have no understanding of this kind of behavior. Especially coming from my companion of 6 years. Ive hadvto ask him at times "What is it that I have done to you to make you hate me so much. Thats how I feel at times like he truly hates me. I got to get out of this ugly relationship and feels like I can't.?? btw another red flag is when a petson is very controlling& moves you away from all your friends & family.to keep you isolated.. I thank you for the video Gods timing and how he speaks to us is always His perfect timing. Now what am I going to do about it?? I believe He does help those who cant do it for themselves his strength makes it happen . I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me for my rightousness is of the Lord. No weapons shall prosper for my rightousness is of the Lord. Thank you both so much & God bless you & yours .
If someone’s family is chronically abusive, not having a relationship with them is wisdom. God even commands you to be willing and prepared to abandon any relationship for Him. You 2 are very young but not biblically accurate. You should have a disclaimer that you are not experts but based upon your experience and where you are at in your walk with God and in life, this is what you feel - and welcome participation versus acting like you are right and an authority. You just are not there in boblical knowledge or authority.
I agree! Sometimes as Christians we have a false belief that we can’t sever ties and extremely unhealthy and abusive family members , on this point he was wrong we’re not supposed to accept anything from them simply because they’re your family, sometimes you have to limit your contact or totally cut some family members off
Rember to keep my mind in your prayers
+MadLuv Thanks sir
Great content I have a question please, why do some men lie and they’re dating profiles and say they don’t have any kids ,and when you talk to them they say yes I have one kid?
I have a situation
Where my husband is gone all week
And home for 2days
Can I please ask a relationship question?
Justin so funny... I have a narcissist personality... Wow suprise !!!!!! Of course he does... That's why Emily is soooo different and humble :)
What do you think of a potential girlfriend or boyfriend having had previous relationships, even though no sex or marriage or anything? How many previous relationships are too many, are there too many? How to deal with that as a single person who has never been in a dating relationship?
marcopolo208 I dont think it should really matter, even if they had sex before marriage too, I think something you should look for is their personality as of now
like if they're pathological liars or verbal/ physical abusers. The past should not be the ultimatum for being in a relationship with a person because they can be a changed person now or be in the working stages of becoming renewed. I think as a person who has never been in a relationship before and to get with an experienced person or someone with a "past" is if you really want to grow with who they are now. Do you like the person enough to see them for who they are now and work with them? you don't have to take my word but I just wanted to share what I have learned.
Thanks! That is a great point of view, to look at who they are now. This is probably still a thing I should learn or feel when I start to get to know someone.
I watched the video in 1.5 times speed.
Sorry is not hard for me to say. I'm Canadian. But I usually do mean it
lol!
pride is the biggest cause of these flags
God gave us those flags as an inner warning system. And God doesn't struggle with pride.
Dunno how to deal with conflicting lies and small lies.. should i let go
iGirl Y that’s also my problem.🥺
imo, if someone is lying in small ways they’re testing the waters how much you allow, how much they can get away with
and those small lies will soon become bigger lies, if they see you let those small lies slide
Not just "sorry". Must be Sincere sorry.
First of all, not all people have families, some people were raised as orphans in an orphanage. Second, some people have to break all ties with toxic family members, this includes mom and dad. But, in the case that you do meet someone's family, it's important to listen to them about the person you are with. If they only have negative things to say, it's probably for a very good reason, and a BIG RED FLAG that the person you're with isn't who you thought they were. Run away!!
The first shall be last is right....
Wow, I've experienced some of this with my then-significant other. And I see some of the other issues in myself too. Guess it was good that she and I never went through with it. Looks like neither of us were ready.
My boyfriend will lie about what he ate for lunch at work and what color socks he has on. Like I have caught him lying about the most trivial things. Why does he do that?
Why is he still your boyfriend?
@@Tiredfella49 oh I left him, I told him that we were not compatible and that I would rather be happy and alone. Right after I wrote this comment I was like "Girl you better cut him loose because you deserve more"
how about advice for introverts wanting to start a Relationship.
a mad fox +
Get out there, you ain't gonna find anyone sat on your ass !!
I dated my boss , I had to keep it a secret he didn’t want anyone to know
Your colleague also dated your boss and he told her as well to keep it a secret.
it takes 9 mins to say 7 things, i think you guys are a red flag
Awesome video!! I love you, beautiful ppl 👍🙃 To anyone reading this: God loves you & gives you purpose + You are made in His Image & I love you #stayblessed #Godgotu 😘😘😜🤗😊✌🤓
For me a huge red flag is if a man does not understand his purpose ,if he does NOT live a life of intention.I always say, don’t follow him if he don’t even know where the hell he’s going . BEFORE God gave Adam Eve, God gave Adam an assignments , tend to the garden he should know his true life’s purpose.
I need advice. He’s cheated in the past early in the relationship when I found out months later he still lied until I had physical proof from the girl. I took him back. Two days ago I saw a new girl on his snapchat. I asked him he said he met her at the river with friends then at a party. He was lying. I left I didn’t want to sit there and be lied to. He told me he wanted to talk in person. Next day he goes to his friends instead, tells me he doesn’t want to see me because I hurt him. He says he will come then he won’t. He finally came after much of a fight. We talked he apologized, promised he wouldn’t tell white lies. Stays the night the next day he goes to a different friends house for a bbq. He tells me around 10 he’s going home because it’s taking to long 40 mins later no response then “I’m home just got out of the shower” then I ask him to video chat he refuses. I get sick to my stomach I demand a photo of his room with him in it. He sends me a photo in a bed. I know it’s not his. He tells me “I’m falling asleep I love you night” that’s the last I hear for atleast 30 minutes to an hour. I race to his house he’s not there. I already knew that I’m frantic I call him about a million times. Finally I call my friend ask her to call him. She does and he finally answers my phone call. “I’m at jakes house, I didn’t tell you because you would have gotten mad” I demand the address I start driving 40 minutes away. I get there he gives excuses of why he lied. Not once did he apologize. I pour my heart out I tell him we are done I need to leave. He says he “wants to talk tomorrow” I tell him no. You go home and I’ll speak to you. You stay here that’s it. So after a fight he decides he will leave his car there and come with me. I take him home he demands i take him to my house. I tell him I don’t want him around me. He tells me to take him back to his friends I turn around. He tells me find take me home idk why I’m leaving my car there. I told him it’s his choice. It’s the next morning. I’m here I’m sick I’m lost. I know I’m my heart he’s lied. I trust him and he lies. He breaks my trust over and over again. I don’t understand why.. what do I do?
Id leave ... seriously. You wont get over that lol. Ive went through that for 3 years and it felt like 10 years. Cheated, she was so sorry (only cause she got caught) swore she wouldn't do it again. Now no matter what happened, I kept overreacting about EVERYTHING she was doing cause she had such a huge history of lying and telling me I wont do this ever again blah blah and she does it again. Lying or making mistakes is one thing, not learning from it and acknowledging that you made a mistake and still don't fix it is another ... I knew in my heart something was wrong until I finally told myself "why tf am I just sitting here waiting for the bomb to go off when I know something is wrong?" turns out, after really thinking about it .. for me at least ... I couldn't leave cause she was smoking hot and the sex was really good and I never laughed so much with any other woman, it felt impossible to get her out of my head and move on. But I had to force myself to get over her and was beyond depressed for many many weeks (it felt like I made the wrong decision for breaking up with her) but holy shit I am glad I did it cause weeks later after my heart healed a little bit, I found out several lies that would've absolutely TORE ME APART if I were still with her ... don't get me wrong I still felt heartbroken and hurt but it wouldn't have been nearly has bad as still being with her. There were so many things that I never realized were huge red flags. Moral of my story was ... Never trust someone who repeats their same mistake and tries to cover it up with a fake story. That dude sounds no different than my ex lol. Always gotta have an excuse for their actions.
I love this thing of psychological boxing of the individual based on basic arbitrary tests... humans are so weak
You like guys. Trust me I know. You do. Deny it all you like. Nothing wrong w that but you do. 90% of women every in marriage REFUSE to let their man read their texts or phone calls and that’s bc of a concept called plate spinning. Which I imagine you aren’t familiar with.
It's always you paying for dates . She does not even offer even though she calls herself independent working woman .
God bless you all
Yeah this is a great start, for christians I'd also add some more red flags on top like 'Can't/won't pray in front of anyone' and my favourite: 'They love you more then they love God!'
The second one is me but I don’t treat him like them
When they ask you about "their friend" doesn't believe in God and is happy.
God is always in control
but He can't control whether we will go to Him or not. whether we choose to love others or not.
Uhhhh God kinda just let's us all run amok. Isnt that the point? Hes in control after we die. If he just fixed every problem then we wouldn't learn shit. Dont think like that. Always have faith in God but understand that he doesnt interfere with human affairs. If he did then their wouldnt be a global satanic pedophilia ring governing most of the planet right now.
Nope. He gives us a free will.
Is anyone elses peeping the difference in body language in these two? .... And noticing which one is more feminine .... Strange. ........ She looks really uncomfortable too
I.catch him.watching porn and he hide it also.puts a lock on his phone
Watch it together
I only watched 5 Seconds Of You video
How about having daddy issues as a red flag.
I also didn't like that your video got 22 dislikes, I just gave it 23 dislikes
No way these two newbee nerds have real life experiences... Plus Shes gonna want a man one day... Hes too feminine...
😆😆😆😆