Ok - I'm gonna remind people to please not make ableist, fatphobic or healthist comments on this video. I was hoping that wouldn't happen given how I cover things in this video, especially the ending, but as I'm pointing out here, diet culture is inescapable, that doesn't mean you need to go reinforcing that with what you're commenting - thanks!
I know you mentioned being vegan, and that's cool. But I'm curious about your view on disability and veganism, as not everyone can be vegan due to medical issues often caused by chronic illness or disability. I'm also curious on your thoughts on issues with the production of many vegan products on the environment--not the idea of anit-veganism, but the idea that veganism is not inherently environmentally safe because the practices for producing the food are still often an issue under our capitalistic framework. Edit: 1. I am not anti-vegan and think it's great you have found something that works for you! Also totally fair you don't want to be around people eating meat and stuff if it literally makes you gag. I'm just genuinely curious on your POV and hope you are not an absolutist vegan. 2. I would expand to say not just vegan food items, but other vegan options for clothing and medicine, etc. I am someone against the cruelty in food industries and against environmental damage, and it kinda irks me when some vegans say veganism is inherently always better for the planet, because it's not like they can control industries or companies who make their shite either--only try their best to find good ones that are green and eco-friendly.
@@ErutaniaRosewell the second one is easy to answert to, since vegan food market is a 100 times smaller pollutant, land use, deforestation, water shortage cause than non-vegan food market
Fun Fact, for Tangled, the women who helped write Mother Gothel all used inspiration from harmful things their mothers have said due to "caring" for them.
I had some very gentle loving friends say "Yeah no. You're only allowed to see this when it's on DVD or whatever" and they were right. It's always awkward to cry-vomit during a villain song. Especially when it's titled "Mother knows best"
Another thing to add to the "Surviving the Festive Season" - When are you having children? - When are you getting married? - Are you seeing someone and is it serious? - Motherhood is the greatest joy you'll ever have And many many more
Meanwhile my sister is the only one between us who’s actually married, but is child free. And then my androgynous ass chopped my hair bc I felt like wanting a change and all of a sudden the flood gates have been released and it’s all questions about when I’ll get a wife, when I’ll have kids, etc
After telling a well meaning friend that I didn't plan on having children, she replied, "oh you just not ready." As if a full grown woman didn't just tell her the exact plan.
@@cosmicpolitan Ha, yeah, same. I was told at 24 that "the wish comes soon, every woman goes through that phase" ... 10 years later I'm still waiting for that phase to end 😂
I was able to almost entirely shut down diet talk, fat shaming, and food phobic comments from my mother in law. It took nearly 2 years of having my daughter around her and threatening to leave or leaving the room any time she made comments about her own body or diet or anyone else's. She now knows I won't tolerate her putting herself or anyone else down in front of my kids. She started catching herself about 70% of the time which I consider a success considering any time food is present she goes on constant diatribe about how fat she is and why she shouldn't eat this or that..... she's a size 8 by the way and does this in front of larger bodied people as well. I refuse to let my daughter or son hear anyone they love demonstrate such self hatred or hear her nasty comments about others. Aside from not wanting them to learn negative self talk, I don't want them connecting food, body size, and self worth. It's just sad since I would like her to be happy and it's clear she's miserable, but I'm not going to change her outlook. At least I can shut down the talk though and not let it pass to my kids.
Developing an ED after being constantly ridiculed by family for being overweight, then having those same people fake “concern” that I’m thinner now, really opened my eyes. Their mockery of my former size wasn’t anything to do with me. That was their fear and insecurity of looking how I looked then Thank you for this video❤️
I'm glad you also shared your experience around this as a vegan. Just existing as a vegan is enough to trigger some people to make some pretty ignorant comments and our appearance gets even more scrutinized.
Let's normalize not commenting about the amount on people's plates - no matter if you think it's "too little" or "too much" What other phrases did I miss in the skits that you hear all the time?
Yeah I was told many times by my family "wow that's a lot" "eat that when you can." "be careful lol." And my response was "I'll work it off later." I was 108 at 5'4\5'3 in highschool( I'm in between heights no one can agree how tall i am) I also had an eating disorder and i felt so big. It wasn't fun.
@@dionysus_adoresstill in "high school" (secondary school in uk) and at one point that was my EXACT HEIGHT AND WEIGHT like im not even kidding. i hope ur better now
I’m hypoglycemic with a gastric sleeve and need to eat tiny portions frequently and my family acts as if I’m fatphobic because I won’t eat large portions. So yes I am that person that asks for an extra thin slice of cake! I wish people would leave me alone! I more than anyone would love a giant hunk of cake but for the sake of my health I don’t. I’ve lost too many family members to obesity. I certainly won’t do that to myself.
Toxic people will have something bad to say no matter what you do 😔 because of my own medical condition, I’ve been both big and small and the comments never stop 🙄 like sorry nosy people 😉 but I care a lot more about my health than what peoples opinions are. That’s when I realized that they didn’t REALLY care about my health 🤯
So glad my family accepts and even prides themselves in our wide hips and thighs, round faces, and soft stomachs. We are expected and encouraged to take seconds and even thirds at holiday meals. Our ancestors escaped famine and came to America so that we wouldn't go hungry. Meeting other families can be such a culture shock. My mom has started criticizing her stomach but I see the same stomach on all the old family photos, even back to the daugerrotypes.
Great video! A prevalent issue for all time, not just limited to the holiday season unfortunately. Diet culture and fatphobia run our society and capitalize off the prejudice.
I have been both “too big” and “too small” because of a medical condition I have and the medications for treating it 🙃 and I can 100% confirm that people are way nastier when you’re “too big”. When you’re too skinny, if anyone will say anything to your face (they usually just gossip behind your back) they’ll feign concern passive aggressively 🙄 But if you’re “too big”, suddenly everyone is a nutritionist and personal trainer and feels completely qualified on the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the new diet they heard about 🤢 Because I had been slim most of my life before I got sick, it was so foreign to me to have everyone (primarily other women) commenting on every breath I took 🙄 but I don’t wish it hadn’t happened because it helped me see the world in a very different light. For my unpredictable health, it’s actually better if I’ve got a few pounds to lose incase I get sick again 😢 but that’s when people were the most mean to me. Everyone was SO nice (to my face) when I was literally badly underweight 😔 it made me understand that these people never actually cared about me and my health, they only cared about how well I followed societies rules. Definitely find out who actually cares about YOU when you go through all that:)
I'm really sorry you dealt with that, and I agree - when I was dealing with my EDs people were so much nicer to me, it's shocking how differently people get treated and it's all because of our fatphobic society
I feel you! I've been genuinely emaciated (like, 5'7'' and 88 lbs) from a serious illness (cystic fibrosis) and I never, ever got the vitiriol my fat friends get.
Omg I completely understand. For me the weight gain happened at a time when I wasn't really able to afford food, the gain was a lot and fast and terrifying and mysterious, I think I might have finally got it figured out as methane SIBO. It's wild how people I've only known since gaining weight will literally act shocked or make it clear they fully do not believe me when I talk about my weight or size or life before the gain. I've had people make comments about not realizing I could even run when my job requires it (I love running, did long distance track in school and by the end of college consistently ran 3+ miles a day) and the way I get treated just out on the street is so different. Like I always noticed even small passive agressive commernts when my body dared be a size 10 or 12 and athletic, but at 14 and 16 the refusal people have to believe that I enjoy both salads and exercise regularly? 🙄 I can't tell if I hate the way it feels like it justifies and validates my perfectionism or if I'm more bothered by how people cannot imagine that I wasn't always fat and they're meeting me after a lifetime of mostly chilling around a size 6/8 and conventionally attractive so it has made me not easily impressed by the backhanded compliments I'll get now. I always knew that weight bias was real, I wasn't dumb, but I think what makes me the most bitter is how I was always right to feel like people's attention was shallow and meaningless since many people's behavior towards me has changed so drastically merely because of weight gain I couldn't account for.
As someone who was brainwashed by my ex into thinking every woman was my competition because he compared me to everyone and asked why I didn’t look a certain way, and spending YEARS thereafter unlearning the deep-seated hatred and internalized misogyny. Thank you so much for this video! You should also do a video on “pick-me” culture. I definitely used to be one 😬 men only want you to feel validated by them. They hate when you’re feeling yourself and building up other women.
@jackiereyes8573 thank you ❤️ I heard from mutual friends that he got married and had kids, then pulled a gun on his wife in front of his kids so she left him and took the kids. I hope she stays away and that he doesn't find out where she is.
My dad always joked about my weight (I was chubby for my entire life) and it felt terrible, so when my brother started to tease me in the same way I decided to loose weight. I am on a diet (made by a dietetician) for almost a year and I lost a lot of weight, so I was hoping that comments about my weight were in the past. Now both my parents are scared I am developing an ED, and my dad everytime that he sees me always says how great I look. There is no escape😭
Ugh I'm so sorry, that's awful! There's literally no winning at all, I hope that they stop if you tell them how uncomfortable it makes you - but trying to do that can be a challenge in itself as they say "calm down", "I'm just looking out for you" or "I'm just joking, why can't you take a joke?"
It was only after I left home and started making snarky comments about other's weight that i learned it's not okay. It was absolutely normal in my household. I was so thin my head looked too big compared to my body, but to my mother I was still fat.
A good while back I was deep in the throws of disordered eating, feeling so stressed all the time that without copious amounts of thc I didn't feel hunger, and lost a good amount of weight because of this. All that time I got so many compliments for being the sickest ive ever been at one of the lowest points of my life. It was so frustrating but really eye opening, I've since stopped commenting on people's body's but it's still a shock when someone else feels the need to do it
I'm really sorry to hear that, and yes it's horrible when you experience just how differently you're treated as you're viewed as being "worthy" if you're smaller, and if someone's dealing with an ED - this just further encourages it. I hope you're feeling much better now than you did back then, I really wish people would just stop with all these comments!
@@BryonyClaire thank you, I am glad to report that I'm in a much better place now. I hope you know that I super appreciate that you make these kinds of videos
As someone who has had an ED past, being out of it for a few years - the holidays are always a difficult time. My mother passed the day after Thanksgiving last year so grief eating for months on top of leg injuries led to me putting on weight. It might come off gradually eventually but if someone said anything to me about it irl or judged my eating around Thanksgiving I probably would have went on a spiral. I’ve been working on trying to be understanding and letting myself have an off kilter week for the few major holidays or emotional days every once in awhile. I can get back to a regular routine even if my brain tells me I won’t. I still have my birthday and Christmas coming up - life is too short to worry myself over it when there’s so many other days in the year to have more balanced habits. Nothing wrong with cutting loose and eating more than you usually would. We’re not perfect machines and there’s no point in harming yourself in the short term or long term for little reward because it’s not gonna be sustainable long term
You do you, awesome human. I wish for you to heal your feelings and keep enjoying food afterwards, and if that brings you comfort right now, I hope it's like a warm cup of something in a cold winter morning for your soul. You got this.
Hate family events because either I get asked if I’ve lost weight and I’m offended or I don’t get asked if I’ve lost weight and I worry that I look heavier. Either way my weight has been about the same for all these events and this process drives me nuts.
Every time I see my family they tell me multiple times how they work with their illnesses without medication and how proud they are of that. Which would be great! If I wasn’t on SSRI’s.
If it means anything from an Internet stranger who is also on SSRIs, I’m proud of you for getting the help you needed! White-knuckling it through life isn’t something to take pride in imo
See it’s often the people who could really use help the most who are most resistant to it 😬 your health/happiness is more important than any weight, and whatever helps you on your journey is wonderful ❤ you deserve wellness.
I'm just going to share what I went through when I were younger to take you up on the venting-offer. I used to be rather thin, especially compared to now when I look at old photos. However, I never felt thin. I always felt way too big, because I always was the biggest woman in my mothers side of the family, and I got that stigma from me mainly just really liking to indulge in GOOD FOOD. Like, I'm not an emotional eater, I've just always been a foodie. There are many foods I'm too picky to eat, but having good food is a huge source of joy in my life and I won't let anyone take that away from me. Luckily, my husband shares this passion of mine, so even though he is super lean and I'm somewhat chubby, we just enjoy having really good food together. The fatphobia roots run deep in my family, starting with my grandma calling my mom 'a fattie' from a very young age on. My mother is VERY thin, I recently have started to use the term almond mom for her, because she literally used to say things like "if you're hungry just eat a few nuts!" or asking me if I was really hungry or just 'wanted to eat'. I used to be extremely close to her, but opening up a distance and keeping that has really made me realize just how much influence that had on me. Last year I got married and I was about to see my mom after three years of not being able to see her (due to the panini going around and stuff). I dieted really hard for the very first time in my life and lost 10kg in abt 4 months. She didn't even realize it. I hate sending her pictures of me nowadays because she will just mantle her fatphobia with health concerns. My MIL is so much more accepting, which is honestly kinda weird seeing that she and her whole family (her son included) are all very thin and rather active. Still, she never says anything even remotely to me about losing weight or anything. If anything, when we meet other family members, she will make passive-aggressive loud statements how much she cares for me so that no other family even dares to think to say anything bad and I honestly find it so cute how protective she is over me. As a child, my mother would always prepare these extremely elaborate 'christmas plates', plates full of candy and nuts and fruits. I loved them, but she always bought so much stuff that I didn't like. Still, I hate wasting food so I always ate a lot of it. The plate itself would always last until way into the new year when I'd eventually throw out the things I knew I was never gonna eat. Whenever we got gifted those christmas plates, my grandmother and mother and later also my big brother would always comment on 'how much I loved those' and make jokes 'that they'd be gone in a matter of days' or that they had to 'take care of their own plates because I would be coming for theirs'. They would all laugh as I would throw a tantrum - because I was the youngest in the whole family I was never able to defend myself. I wish my MIL would've been by my side then, she would have passive-aggressively kicked the shit out of every single one of them. I went abroad in 2016 and when I came back in 2017, my big brother and his gf told me that my grandma said she was so relieved last year since I wasn't in the country, because preparing the christmas dinner wasn't as much of a hassle. "If that's the case, then I'm just never going again" is what I replied, deeply hurt. The stuff I mentioned here is just scratching the surface, there was a lot of traumatic experiences I went through with my family overall, but being told that the festivities were just so much better without me took the cake. I never went back. I live abroad now and my mom tells me about how proud my grandma is about my life abroad. I honestly don't care what she thinks of it. She is not getting a part of it after everything she has done. To my mom, I've started calling her out whenever she starts to spiral into her almond mom spirale and she is trying to listen, even though it's probably pretty hard for her (seeing that she herself most likely suffers from an ED). I rarely send photos. My MIL sometomes just wants to share with my mom and sends pictures of me and her son (my husband). I have to remind her to not do that because my mom will always just call me afterwards to voice her concerns about my health. Btw, I gained the 10kg back. Life just happens. I was personally able to get away completely from my family and get out having to see them like ever again. Since I live in a place where christmas is not really celebrated right now, I do sometimes get a little lonely during December. But then I hang out with my in-laws during the quiet New Year's that resembles christmas and I'm just so thankful that they are some of the loveliest people I ever got to meet. Food is nutrition, food is fuel, food is delicious. No judgement, it's just a part of life, and a neccessary one at that. I find life to be tiring enough as it is, so I've decided to just embrace the bigger body I have now and take care of it to the best of my abilities. I hope you can do the same and I hope you have some kind words for me❤️ If not, maybe just keep your thoughts to yourself this time 😌
How awful that your grandma made comments like that when you missed the most "family centric" time of year! I fully understand not going back. I bet your mum has really struggled with the way her own mother treated her - and like I said in the video, being the one to break the cycle or challenge it doesn't make you a popular person, so I'm not surprised at this at all. I'm really glad you have a good relationship with your MIL, that's awesome. I take comfort in Christmas movies like "while you were sleeping" for those good family vibes, personally, maybe chucking something like that on might help carry you through until New Years when you get to enjoy that time :)
Thank you for bringing up not body shaming men! I noticed this thanksgiving a lot of my male family members got body shamed and it made me sad. The women in my family are more self policing and it’s such a sad thing to witness when I’ve been trying to get out of that mindset to just get thrown back in it for a whole day 🙃 I always make an effort to never say anything regrading what I’m eating besides how good the food is cause I know a lot of work went into cooking it for the holiday
I used to be 200+ pounds at 5’3 and it was like I didn’t even exist, and when I was acknowledged it was to ridicule my weight or give me diet advice. Now that I’ve lost 75 pounds it feels so strange being treated like a normal person. It’s honestly made me resent people for how shallow and cruel they are. I didn’t have friends before because people were interested in talking to the fat girl but now I don’t have friends because I feel like I can’t trust people. I feel like everyone is being fake to my face. Like how would they treat me if I got fat again?
@@cosmickitty1528 I has a few friends too, but for example, when I was with those friends, people would come up and talk to them and completely ignore me as if I wasn’t there. Now they talk to me too and actually acknowledge I’m there.
@@Ichigo_Hime that's sucks, there are some shitty people, we can do nothing about it. What can I say, you can spot toxic folks by asking their opinion about this kind of topics. I wish you peace of mind
This video has made me reflect on my own self policing. I have a degree in food science, so I often have science-based answers to questions of fad diets, nutrient availability of foods, etc. I am also fat. When im with a group of people, im often the person saying "its bad for me, but it taste so good *CHOMP*". Im wondering if im already preemptively anticipating the skinnier people in the table judging me, so I judge me then give myself permission to eat. I have disordered eating: today I am hungry enough and will eat for three, tomorrow im not that hungry so ill eat half a portion. I dont remember me policing my food the times ive eaten a salad or a small portion. I am not around people who would give me the passive aggresive or the outright aggressive treatment for being fat, but after years of policing from my family, friends, strangers, and the media, I guess I became my own police. Let me challenge myself these upcoming holidays to not assign a morality to the food before, while, or after eating, and just go to the CHOMP step.
Watching this video makes me realize how lucky I was to have my mom. She has clearly been influenced by diet culture and holds herself to certain ridiculous food and body standards, but she never put that on me and always encouraged me to eat. She never commented on my body unless it was positive! Because of this I was pretty impervious to the toxicity of the late 90s and 2000s. Love you mom.
Nice video! As someone with a history of ED, I found one of the best things I did for myself was to stop inviting people who bullied over this to things. It's a move I made when I had kids because I didn't want my kids either being subjected to that stuff or thinking it was remotely acceptable behavior. And thank you for finding ways to calm down around animal carcasses. I'd like to encourage others who have restrictions to do similarly. I always want to know about restrictions ahead of time if I can so that I can provide my guests with things they can eat. However, as someone who has restrictions in her family unit (some for health reasons, some come with having autistic family members), it's helpful to come up with graceful ways to deal with things during the event itself, as our restrictions are not those of other people.
This video actually got me thinking - you know how when talking about same-sex relationships and them upbringing children people always say that a kid NEEDS to have parents of both genders? I never understood that. Now after watching it kinda seems to me like they say that because if a child doesn’t have a parent of the same sex there is no one to teach them how to behave like their gender, no one to pass on those harmful behaviours, and they need to be passed on because that’s literally what our society is build on.
I was overweight when I was a child and unfortunately was bullied because of my weight I turned to food to cope with my trauma of being abused by the time I was a teenager I begin to suffer from an eating disorder it took me years to stop and fully deal with my trauma I'm at a healthy weight now
I really want to thank you for your videos. They show perspectives I've never really considered before, create interesting discussions and help me feel a lot better in general. Thank you for your great videos.
I’ve been thinner for all my life and it bothers me when people ask me how I “keep it up” or if I can “share my diet” with them as if I am not naturally or normally like this and as if it’s ok for them to ask about my food intake at all.
Thank you for talking about how diet culture affects men. I've been insecure about my weight my entire life. I tried several diets in college like the keto diet and the carnivore diet. I lost weight on the latter, but i was miserable. It's been four years, and I'm still dealing with the psychological effects being on those diets and around people who encouraged me to get on them had. I'm thinking of trying a plant-based diet, not to lose weight, but because the food looks good (plus i think some meats, especially red meat, hurt my stomach).
I'm sorry you've gone through that. I'd like to encourage you to try those dishes that look good whether you go fully plant-based or not. Vegetarians aren't the only ones who can eat them!
Definitely weight is a sensitive topic, and people know if they’re fat! It is tricky, because sometimes you can be genuinely be worried about people in your family. My uncle is morbidly obese, and that is probably contributing to his sleep apnea. He’s in his 60s, so his weight could only contribute more to his health conditions. He also doesn’t walk like he used to, and that is really good for your mental health. My sister’s boyfriend is very overweight as well, he probably weighs like 350 pounds. Of course I don’t say anything and I know there’s nothing I can do or say, but it is a shame. For sure being simply fat doesn’t have a huge contribution to future health. I recently lost 65 pounds, and I know how much better I feel. But of course it was an internal decision I made for myself, and being shamed for my weight wouldn’t have been a motivation at all. It is also still so important to me to have still some days where I let myself eat more treats and unhealthy foods. And definitely a holiday is that time for me.
Just FYI there's alternative methods to improve sleep apnea, like singing. But the only thing that's ever mentioned is losing weight for fat people. For body builders, #1 I almost never hear them admit to sleep apnea although it's common for them, and #2 I have never heard somebody telling them to lose their muscles to improve sleep apnea. I am glad you accomplished a goal you wanted to do, to lose those 65 pounds. I know you put in hard work to get there, and I hope you can maintain this weight or arrive at another weight goal. I'm happy for you in the same way if you had learned to fly a plane. Please let others exist in their bodies.
@@wen6519 sure that makes sense, singing increases lung capacity, that’s interesting. The thing in the way with breathing is fat around the neck, and losing some fat would tackle the problem head on, that’s the truth of it. Muscle is much denser than fat, and it doesn’t accumulate in great amounts around the neck. Sure I can see how that could be different for bodybuilders, but most people aren’t bodybuilders. Losing weight is different than other accomplishments though. Not that I need lots of praise, but it is. It is important for everyone to have goals and set out to do things that would fulfill them, and if they do hard things and reach their goals, that should be celebrated. Food and body weight effects everyone to some degree. We all have to eat, after all. The current food landscape is full of highly unhealthy, addicting super palatable foods, designed to be difficult to stop eating. It absolutely isn’t a moral failing to eat these foods, but to some extent, we are victims of the food industry. If one successfully loses weight and keeps it off, it is largely due to tackling this problem of food addiction. And it makes sense people don’t want to think about it or deal with it, but it does have control on the population. Being obese isn’t a moral failing, it is genuinely bad for our health and uncomfortable. Every minute or every day, I am aware of how I feel in a smaller body. My legs don’t rub together like they used to (still a bit), which makes it more comfortable to walk, my neck fat isn’t uncomfortable or gets in the way when I watch tv in bed, I can comfortably actually cross my legs again, I can walk up the stairs without being winded, etc, etc. I think it’s better to comparing losing weight to battling a mental health problem. That also effects how you feel everyday, in the mind rather than the body. Again, people can make their own decisions around food and their weight and I understand it because I was there (and I still have more weight to lose to be where I want to be), and it doesn’t make a person better to be thinner, but it does have an effect on your life everyday. And then of course there’s the risk of diabetes and other things. My uncle gets sick a lot as well, he’s always had such bad luck. But it could actually be because he’s so unhealthy. Obesity can make people more susceptible to sickness.
At my thinnest I was at my least healthiest mentally (I wasnt trying to be skinnier, just lack of eating due to really bad anxiety) - so I try to remind myself of this when I judge myself for gaining weight. Been loving these skits though!
thank you SO much for this video, because in recent years my struggle with disordered eating has really intensified and you pointed out something that I myself am guilty of, which is projecting my own struggles vocally at times. i.e "i shouldn't eat that donut, I'm trying to be good", and I hadn't considered how it could affect others who hear me saying that. This is also a reminder that its way to easy to contribute to this diet culture, even from those of us struggling with our own EDs (I was diagnosed roughly 5 years ago & my mom's comments/behaviors around my body/diet growing up definitely directly contributed to it). As a side note I've been really stressed about this time of year (on top of it just being a really awful year lol) because I've been feeling guilty about enjoying food around the holidays, I feel a lot better hearing your reassurance. Thank you for such a helpful video!!
I'm really sorry to hear you've been struggling, ED's are such tough things to deal with especially with how inescapable diet culture is, we internalize and repeat the messaging which is everywhere (as shown in the video - I could have included even more TV/movie clips and ads, honestly). Try not to beat yourself up, enjoying things which bring you joy shouldn't bring you guilt/shame, I hope this Christmas is a good one for you 🤍
Here's the point: mind your own business. It's one thing to step in if you know that what the person is about to eat is a food safety hazard like someone about to eat from an appetizer platter you just saw someone coughing and sniffling over a few minutes ago or food you know wasn't handled properly or if you know that person has had too much to drink and you want to offer them a safe ride home; but otherwise just let them enjoy. What better gift can you give someone during the holiday season than the gift of letting them enjoy the holidays the way they want. However the person is enjoying the festivities -- with doctor-recommended or religious food restrictions, vegan, keto, non-alcohol, germ phobe, or just wants to enjoy a second slice of pie, if they did not ask for your opinion, then keep your opinion and your pettiness to yourself.
Glad no one acted like this at all during my Thanksgiving. Not trading the child for being a picky eater, not mentioning anything at all about weight, vegetarian brother not saying anything about the entree. Just enjoying each other’s company.
Thank you for sharing the resources in the description about how to deal with the festive season when you have / are recovering from an ED. I've been in recovery for about a year now, but the holiday season is always so difficult to get through (both bc of the ED, as well as dealing with seasonal depression), but I feel like it might be a bit more manageable if I share those links with my family members and follow some of the advice given in them. Again, thank you so much for talking about this topic, it made me feel very seen ♥
This year has only been the worst year for me in general, I lost contact with people who genuinely cared about me, and I am stuck with people who don't care about me. My birthgiver doesn't make it any easier she always has to comment on all of my siblings bodies and including my one. Those interactions have left me with very low self esteem, and even developing bad habits when it comes to eating maybe even possibly binge eating. I have also gained weight idk how much since everytime I go on a weight scale I feel horrified and even ashamed of gaining weight. I sometimes wish to stop feeling so bad about my weight at times but at least I am practicing body neutrality, and I have even stood up against my birthgiver for talking about my weight so much. Whenever she brings up losing weight for herself, she also always includes me as well. I know she probably had to deal with a lot of internalized misogyny and self-hatred, but that doesn't ever give her an excuse to fat shame me or my siblings and even compare each other. I exercise when I feel the need to, and also, it helps with my sleep apnea a bit, which is good. I also feel good when I exercise when I want to, and I put my all to it even while listening to my playlist or a video playing in the background. I think I am slowly having a bit more confidence in myself or at least standing up for myself a bit more, which would make younger me gasp in shock. All this to say, I really appreciate your channel and other channels that do really informative commentary on how fatphobia harms all of us. I still have my own fatphobia to work on, but I am glad to keep working on it, and I know it will be worth it in the future.
I'm really sorry to hear this, and the internalised misogyny women hold really does hurt everybody - this shows exactly how that plays out. Unlearning things is tough, especially when we're surrounded by fatphobia, healthism and ableism, but it's a net good when we do, and we start advocating for ourselves and others
Remember y’all, if your lover is a jerk he or she doesn’t deserve you. I’m 25 and survived anorexia twice. My boyfriend is encouraging to me even if I don’t do as well at working out or need a break, he tells me it’s okay. He also tells me I’m beautiful every single day, and he’s proud of me jf I eat well since he knows of my body image issues. They should be supportive- love shouldn’t hurt you. It should feel good. Just wanted to leave this here for whoever needs to hear it ❤️
TW: eating disorders talked about I’ve had to support a friend through her disordered eating last year. She would starve herself originally and it spiralled from there. She was ashamed of her body and ashamed she had to go to this extent to feel the tiniest bit good about it. She considers herself fat, though she’s one of the least skinniest people in our group, I would consider you crazy if you called her fat. She constantly questions if she’s enough and at least some of that is because of what society, her classmates at our school and her previous schools, even her own family have told her about how bad her body is especially her weight. And how with this body is more worthless. I’ve told her that people who are good to her and care for her won’t care about her weight. She sometimes struggles to believe me, it doesn’t help that I’ve never had real bad body image issues (sure I have a feel things I’m kind of insecure about with my body but not enough to try and change it) while being naturally skinny to the point where I can’t gain weight and it annoys me. She has been doing okay for a few months but like always after a few months, she gets to a bad period again. This time she “needs/wants” to workout (she hates doing it, she said that when she did it months ago every time she did it) again and is trying diets. Which I know is completely unnecessary because she’s in a growing body, no growing body should be on a diet. She’s only fifteen. Btw the only people who know about her ED is me and her ex (who was useless in supporting her most of the time) and her current boyfriend.
I'm on the lowest weight I have been in my life due to a chronic illness that should have been diagnosed years ago, on top of other chronic illnesses that got worse this year. Jobless, depressed, you named it. But it doesn't matter, because I "look GREAT" according to everyone. My close friends and nuclear family are the only ones who are actually worried.
When I was between the ages of 14-17, a neighbour friend of my mums used to point out (every time she saw me which was once a month if not more) that she was “so happy that I was confident and happy being a bigger girl because most aren’t” I had never really thought of myself in those terms until she kept bringing it up. People are unkind.
Even as a grown man of 30, I literally have extended family that goes “oh, you got bigger since last time” 🙄 but then they’re the ones who practically force me to eat when we’re out or make comments that I’m eating too little. Recently some have pivoted to gym talk such as “do you think you’d fill out a little better if you just worked out a little bit?” Like sir I don’t wanna body shame but I know you’re not talking to me while looking like *that*.
This sounds like my family and in laws. 😂 They push everyone to eat and are feeders but then comment if someone put on weight. Stop force feeding people then my gosh! I just don’t comment on how people look and don’t force feed or restrict them either.
Great video! It feels like people shame eating sugary and fattening foods all year round. I don't eat as much as when I was in my twenties, but I remember back then I'd have tons of pizza on my plate and my dad was like, are you sure you can eat all that? Even his girlfriend said one time when I protested that I was nowhere near fat, she said, Not yet" as though not being a size 2 would be the end all of existence. During the holidays, we should enjoy food, whether that be turkey or sweets. And, if it bothers any of us eating those foods, we can always exercise. Life is too short to be worried about how much food we are stuffing into us.
I haven't had to deal with family and fat shaming for years. Sure. My holidays with a dead family is very lonely at times but I never have to worry about this!! ❤ Ps. Your makeup is so purrrrdddyyyyy. 😍
I’m lucky, my family never put me down for eating. The problem for me is the people outside of our family, and even worse the ads for diet food and diet apps advertising ‘get rid of the Christmas weight and kickstart your weight loss goals for the new year’ that begin immediately after Christmas Eve on YT every single day until the summer
So cool that you and your husband are vegan! Me and my husband are vegan too. I enjoy your videos so much. I had no idea people talk to each other like that about weight. So stressful.
This video just brought up a long buried memory from when I was in...I wanna say either 4th or 5th grade. The girls in my class were playing a game where the farther up the arm you could wrap two fingers around, the more children you'd have. Me, being completely unaware of anything and everything asked to join in (cause I wasn't aware) and the girl who was wrapping her fingers around everyones forearm looked guilty and I never understood why until later in life
A little more than a year ago I lost 20kg in 1 month due to digestive problems. I felt horrible and clearly looked sick but people just kept complimenting me on losing weight, it made me really angry
Justin Hawkins, the lead singer of The Darkness has talked about his ED in the past. He has talked about it recently on his podcast as well. He's a really great guy 💕
I didn't know the Darkness were still around! And I didn't know about his ED either, cool that he has a podcast. I've now got "I believe in a thing called love" stuck in my head😅
on top of other G.I. issues i've had for a long time, i got diagnosed with celiac disease at the very beginning of this year (2 days before my bday) and this is the first year where i have to readjust *everything* about social gatherings. this is my first year of holidays where i have to deal with not only being the odd person out because of celiac, but also because of my family's attitude towards food and dieting and weight. it's been like that my whole life, but i got so sick of hearing i've just started saying "i'm sorry you think that way about yourself" to any family member that's said comments like that. it's so frustrating, having dealt with several ed's since i was 5 (im 22 now) and having to constantly hear it like no wonder people never truly recover
1. I did not know that you’re vegan - I LOVE IT! ♥️ And 2. Oh my god, yes, I’ve been the one playing with the kids at a family gathering, pulling myself out of the adult circle cus [insert scream here]
Commenting for the engagement but also to ramble a bit...it really is stunning how deeply ingrained diet culture and fatphobia is. I thought I'd done everything I could to unlearn my own fatphobia, but was recently reminded that I still had some unpacking to do. I've been skinny my whole life (not bc of anything particularly special or healthy I do, it's p much just genes imo) and recently I made a pretty big career transition. I went from years of highly physically active work to a sedentary office job, and I also am in a household where I always have plenty of food available (which was not really the case for the past several years, due to various factors). So, I've gained a smidgen of weight. For years, I've been telling myself, "if I gain a few pounds it's not gonna kill me, fat people are just people and being fat doesn't mean you're bad or gross or ugly, I actually think tummy pooches are really cute on both men and women" ...and yet I still found myself looking at the new inch or so around my waist and feeling this weird sense of panic that I've never felt before. All this over maybe an inch or two! It really hit me just how deep the reinforcement goes. And I can only imagine how it must feel for people in bigger bodies than mine.
Unfortunately my almond mom is working overtime this holiday season and decided the only snacks needed at the house this week were bread and milk and I was so hungry I ate all the bread during the weekend and had nothing to eat for breakfast for the school week, and ended up just drinking water or milk for breakfast. She banned me from buying my typical breakfast burrito because it had “too much sodium”. I ended up being so hungry today because I didn’t realize I’d only eaten a sandwich the entirety of yesterday and drank the hunger down. She didn’t even offer to make dinner to eat this time after school and I mentioned it to my cousin and she was so shocked that she even sent me some food to eat. I’ve gone from a C to a B cup and I was very recently slightly underweight. I’ve been feeling slightly weak too but she’s been strangely annoyed with me for whatever reason so I wouldn’t dare bring it up.
I am working on getting my mum to stop commenting on my body but... Its been a journey. Im not home often, so i will excuse it as her forgetting, but i have body image issues and finally, after years of just trying to "fix" myself (you know, the "just dont have those issues" approach), i have started asking her to not comment on my body, no matter in which manner. Shes welcome to compliment my makeup, my clothes, my haircut.... Not my body. It usually works for a few days and then she forgets. And its quite obvious that she thinks im being silly. But hey, baby steps
It's hard for them to unlearn ingrained messaging, I get it, the goal is to help people unlearn that, and it's not a fun journey (as you're experiencing), I hope that she starts to get better at that, not only towards you but no doubt towards herself
Your discussion on men worrying about their weight and then becoming ultra right types is very interesting to me. I think I can see it reflected in someone I know.
It just shocks me that people haven’t grasped the very basic principle my grandma instilled in us “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Has someone visibly gained or lost weight? You don’t have to mention it or say anything! Is someone eating a large portion and you’re thinking judgemental thoughts? Don’t say anything. Is someone wearing an outfit you think is unflattering? Don’t say anything! That includes passive aggression. At the end of the day, we are all human and will think bad/negative things about others at some point. It doesn’t mean you have to say them out loud. Be respectful.
I'm literally blocked from commenting on IG until the 30th & all I originally said is "This is just Fatphobic " that is all it took for dudes to try to unleash their internalized fatphobia onto me like a storm. They felt personally attacked & tried to attack me for it, I defended myself & ended up being the one getting blocked even though they said crazy things to me🙃 it's disgusting watching people excuse why they get to be terrible to others.
Having spent time in my body underweight, overweight, and everything in between, the myth that drives me to rage is the belief that equivocates thinness with morality; that somehow a thin person is morally and ethically superior to a fat person. Had to spend years in therapy to get that one out of my psyche.
i was treated so much better when i was actively in my eating disorder even though i was so unsafe and unhealthy !! im so much happier and healthier now but also face so much more fatphobia from doctors and people in my life
Fatphobia is rampant all year round, but it gets especially nasty during the holidays. I've grown numb to family's comments about my weight or them criticising others for their looks, but I'm so angry at media outlets (esp TV, newspapers, radio) for being hypocrites and having segments about ''losing weight after holiday over-indulgence''. And they justify that with concern for public health and objective journalism. I'm angry at them because to this day they have a big influence in confirming or changing people's perceptions and ideas. One relative even said: If they cover it on TV then it must be important. So when people watch a TV news story about how obesity pandemic is higher after the holidays, it makes a bigger impression and encourages your ''well-meaning'' relatives to make nasty comments about people's weight, because it's all in the name of concern and ''public safety''.
I can't remember who told me this but she said to reply with, "what a strange thing to say to me?" As a way to shut down negative talk. She was referring to homophobic or politically charged things. But i fewl like it could work here too
I only saw my grandma once a year every year for Christmas and the first thing she would say was some comment about my weight. Praise up the wazu when I was thin and subtle insults when i had gained.
I tend to get lots of comments about the food I eat.. or rather, DON'T eat as a result of food dislike/intolerance. I'm told I'm being 'ridiculous' and that 'one meal/day' won't matter when yes, it will. I've had to cut out red meat, dairy, breads, alcohol as a result of endo, lupus and because I refuse to eat food I don't like - but it is often framed like I'm pity or being 'unhealthy' for not easting the right foods, or a balanced diet when I'm making the right diet choices for me. I am not super thin by any means (AU: size 10-12) so clearly I'm not doing anything bad for my health. It's just a bit alienating when people are pushing you to eat food you hate/can't eat and you feel you have no out.
I remember one time while I was in college I went home, this was pre pandemic, I got a second glass of orange juice and my nana said something along the lines of the I shouldn't drink it because of all the sugar and I'll gain weight. The face I met must have been so heartbroken because my oldest sister immediately stepped in it was like leave her alone let her have the orange juice. I haven't been able to comfortably eat around my grandmother since. I'm talking I was living with her for a month while I waited for my lease to start after college and I lost like 20 lbs levels of uncomfortable eating around her Edited to add that it wasnt meant for harm but the effects are still the effects. Especially since i was gaining weight due to suddenly having free access to food at college Edited again to add thoughts on larger bodies not being considered suffering from an earing disorder. Back in my beginning time in 638 calories while i was doing this I was also working out 3-6+ hours a day almost everyday. I would also binge as well (college was not fun) When i talk about it now i say i had a eating disorder yet i was told that I didn't. One of my concerns when being told by my doctor that i had to lose weight was me falling back to my disordered eating but it was not addressed like at all. My therapist as much as i love her even said it was just disordered eating not an eating disorder and doesn't count my binges back then as binges because she doesnt think it was enough food (even tho i checked and i met the calorie requires for kt to be considered a binge) i dont yhink less of her for it but like i did lots of research on eating disorders. I was surrounded by friends with them all through high school. If it's green, hops, and eats flies im pretty sure it's a frog
I used to be super skinny. All through my 20s. Then I got clean and I put on like 30 lbs. Trying to lose it but I fluctuate all the time. I'm just tire of caring so much. I felt like I could afford to gain like 10 lbs but not all the weight I did. I miss it and that sucks. I just wanna stop beating myself up over it but I hate looking in the mirror. It's just frustrating.
One time my mom was making fun of my cousin and her husband when my cousin got pregnant with their second child about how they don’t know how that could have even worked (referring to my cousins husband being a really large dude.) she was literally making fun of their size and the fact that they were having a baby. Keep in mind, she said this to my sister (recovering from billions) and me (recovering from anorexia.)
A couple years ago my friends & I were planning a vacation and I made a rule, no food shaming, even self directed. It's a vacation, you're probably going to eat a bit differently than you would at home. No going "oh, I shouldn't have this danish for breakfast, I'm being bad, but it's a vacation." Just enjoy the danish & shut up. Think someone else isn't eating enough or too much? Unless it's causing an active medical issue, it's not your place to comment, and even then you shouldn't be trying to shame them about it. Everyone agreed & stuck by it, & it made things more enjoyable for everyone Knowing that no one was going to judge them. I know it's not always feasible to impose a rule like that around family, especially if it is a generational thing, but I do encourage people to talk to friends & family about it if they can. Call out Aunt Karen when she says "oh, I'm being bad." Food is not good or bad, it has no morals, you can choose not to eat it or to eat it but we don't need to hear your justifications or capitulations.
I've never had any of this. Everyone encourages everyone to eat, theres no reference to eating too much or gaining weight. Skinny shaming however is a thing. I had an aunt who was around 100 pounds and 5'5 and people always had serious talks with her about her weight and how she has to go to the dr because there has to be something wrong. She had stomach cancer.
We were at relatives and they served chili which I hate so I only had like one bread but my mom still made me not get another cookie after not eating the whole day
I made a smaller plate of food on Thanksgiving. I was instantly criticized for it. I just dont like that kind of food and it always feels so heavy in my belly. No matter, i told people to mind their own plate and enjoy their dinner.
Yeah I'm afraid of being obese. I stepped into obesity and it was scary and I dont want it to happen again. I had trouble breathing so yeah why wouldn't i be scared of that? Btw I've managed to loose several several kgs since then . i'm still overweight tho. But yeah I don't like people making comments about my body and I myself never make any about someone else's.
Possible slight tmi warning ig? So this isn’t meant to be putting any vegans down to preface: this is about a specific person. I spend half my week cohabitating with my mother (a vegan) and there are 0 issues. To preface this rant my mom has always had issues with weight. I inherited that but to a slightly lesser (? If it can be considered that??) degree to where I’ve been able to manage my weight over time much better although my eating patterns have historically been just as unhealthy. I also have celiacs and am allergic to oats and rice, and have a bunch textural issues with food. Suffice it to say my diet is already fairly limited so I, after trying several times as a teen, am not vegan because it made my disordered eating worse. The amount of judgement I feel, silently, from this one family member (the vegan in question) on how I can dare eat icky things like cheese and fish or the occasional piece of candy is… very upsetting. The fact that I regularly incorporate things like tofu and plant based butter etc makes this worse in a way bc it’s almost like it’s expected to ‘make the next step’. Like, I’m sorry I have an autoimmune disease that you know about that your sister ALSO HAS that makes it so all the food alternatives you suggest I can’t eat. But whenever I (or my mom, thankfully she’s in my corner a bunch love you to pieces mom) point this out it’s always ‘ugh! Just EVERYTHING has gluten in it! What can you eat!’ I don’t know if it’s meant to be passive aggressive but it certainly feels that way. I know what I can eat without spiraling completely and maintain my nutrient intake without eating the same thing every day (in the tax bracket I exist in) and it’s not the type of holistic health is wealth veganism YOU take so much pride in >:/ She was my cool aunt once, I miss her being that… (thankfully my dad’s sister in law is much easier to be around but still it hurts) PS: my parents house my cat hence why I crash on their couch a few nights a week. Also textural issues aren’t picky eating to over come, I love vegetables it’s just certain things like onion pieces or avocado literally feel like they are pounding my flight button on my hippocampus in my mouth. It’s not easy.
Why am I not surprised that BMI was created by a man. BMI also doesn't take into consideration muscle mass weighing more than fat. By BMI standards, most bodybuilders are considered overweight, which is ridiculous.
That's why BAI was developed, but we might just start saying Eugene Cooney is fine the way she is since we aren't doctors. The whole point of BMI is to deal with malnutrition while shaming the "overweight" in a time where wars were prevalent around the white people that it was for.
luckily my whole family is fat so we've never fatshamed each other. but living in this society has given me two eating disorders that i still struggle with today. this year i'm hosting a new year's party so i get to make a bunch of food for my loved ones, which is so exciting. definitely going to get a huge cake.
THANK YOU my family are all meat eaters and honestly it grosses me out and makes me sad like they just don't care - yet we have a pet likeeee? there is no logic
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 88 | คู่เอก "ป้อมเพชร vs อัสลามจอน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1ZqTVVbMgbo/mqdefault.jpg)
Ok - I'm gonna remind people to please not make ableist, fatphobic or healthist comments on this video. I was hoping that wouldn't happen given how I cover things in this video, especially the ending, but as I'm pointing out here, diet culture is inescapable, that doesn't mean you need to go reinforcing that with what you're commenting - thanks!
I know you mentioned being vegan, and that's cool. But I'm curious about your view on disability and veganism, as not everyone can be vegan due to medical issues often caused by chronic illness or disability. I'm also curious on your thoughts on issues with the production of many vegan products on the environment--not the idea of anit-veganism, but the idea that veganism is not inherently environmentally safe because the practices for producing the food are still often an issue under our capitalistic framework.
Edit:
1. I am not anti-vegan and think it's great you have found something that works for you! Also totally fair you don't want to be around people eating meat and stuff if it literally makes you gag. I'm just genuinely curious on your POV and hope you are not an absolutist vegan.
2. I would expand to say not just vegan food items, but other vegan options for clothing and medicine, etc. I am someone against the cruelty in food industries and against environmental damage, and it kinda irks me when some vegans say veganism is inherently always better for the planet, because it's not like they can control industries or companies who make their shite either--only try their best to find good ones that are green and eco-friendly.
@@ErutaniaRosewell the second one is easy to answert to, since vegan food market is a 100 times smaller pollutant, land use, deforestation, water shortage cause than non-vegan food market
We can make whatever comments we like.
You really should stop trying to act in your videos. You really suck at it and you're not funny.
Fun Fact, for Tangled, the women who helped write Mother Gothel all used inspiration from harmful things their mothers have said due to "caring" for them.
They did a great job!
I had some very gentle loving friends say "Yeah no. You're only allowed to see this when it's on DVD or whatever" and they were right. It's always awkward to cry-vomit during a villain song. Especially when it's titled "Mother knows best"
I feel ya. I hope you had a good cleanup. @@petitmains
Another thing to add to the "Surviving the Festive Season"
- When are you having children?
- When are you getting married?
- Are you seeing someone and is it serious?
- Motherhood is the greatest joy you'll ever have
And many many more
👀 check back soon! And I also have a whole video on childfree women already which covers those points
- It’s been a while since baby one, you gotta get that second baby soon
Meanwhile my sister is the only one between us who’s actually married, but is child free. And then my androgynous ass chopped my hair bc I felt like wanting a change and all of a sudden the flood gates have been released and it’s all questions about when I’ll get a wife, when I’ll have kids, etc
After telling a well meaning friend that I didn't plan on having children, she replied, "oh you just not ready." As if a full grown woman didn't just tell her the exact plan.
@@cosmicpolitan Ha, yeah, same. I was told at 24 that "the wish comes soon, every woman goes through that phase" ... 10 years later I'm still waiting for that phase to end 😂
I was able to almost entirely shut down diet talk, fat shaming, and food phobic comments from my mother in law. It took nearly 2 years of having my daughter around her and threatening to leave or leaving the room any time she made comments about her own body or diet or anyone else's. She now knows I won't tolerate her putting herself or anyone else down in front of my kids. She started catching herself about 70% of the time which I consider a success considering any time food is present she goes on constant diatribe about how fat she is and why she shouldn't eat this or that..... she's a size 8 by the way and does this in front of larger bodied people as well. I refuse to let my daughter or son hear anyone they love demonstrate such self hatred or hear her nasty comments about others. Aside from not wanting them to learn negative self talk, I don't want them connecting food, body size, and self worth. It's just sad since I would like her to be happy and it's clear she's miserable, but I'm not going to change her outlook. At least I can shut down the talk though and not let it pass to my kids.
Someone give this person a gold star! Huge achievement
@sarahwatts7152 aw thanks 😊
Developing an ED after being constantly ridiculed by family for being overweight, then having those same people fake “concern” that I’m thinner now, really opened my eyes. Their mockery of my former size wasn’t anything to do with me. That was their fear and insecurity of looking how I looked then
Thank you for this video❤️
I'm glad you also shared your experience around this as a vegan. Just existing as a vegan is enough to trigger some people to make some pretty ignorant comments and our appearance gets even more scrutinized.
Let's normalize not commenting about the amount on people's plates - no matter if you think it's "too little" or "too much"
What other phrases did I miss in the skits that you hear all the time?
I would only comment in a "oh is that dish any good" or "is thre onion in that"
a close family member will always say, "but you just ate!" as if a single apple should suffice and satiate me like an entire meal.
Yeah I was told many times by my family "wow that's a lot" "eat that when you can." "be careful lol." And my response was "I'll work it off later." I was 108 at 5'4\5'3 in highschool( I'm in between heights no one can agree how tall i am) I also had an eating disorder and i felt so big. It wasn't fun.
God yes… wow you are all that… ugh please be happy I ate
@@dionysus_adoresstill in "high school" (secondary school in uk) and at one point that was my EXACT HEIGHT AND WEIGHT like im not even kidding. i hope ur better now
I’m hypoglycemic with a gastric sleeve and need to eat tiny portions frequently and my family acts as if I’m fatphobic because I won’t eat large portions. So yes I am that person that asks for an extra thin slice of cake! I wish people would leave me alone! I more than anyone would love a giant hunk of cake but for the sake of my health I don’t. I’ve lost too many family members to obesity. I certainly won’t do that to myself.
It's so weird that your family make comments about that when they'll know you've had surgery
Yep, it's really YOUR business what you put in your mouth, how much you eat, etc. Not theirs. I'm so sorry your family is giving you grief!
Toxic people will have something bad to say no matter what you do 😔 because of my own medical condition, I’ve been both big and small and the comments never stop 🙄 like sorry nosy people 😉 but I care a lot more about my health than what peoples opinions are.
That’s when I realized that they didn’t REALLY care about my health 🤯
So glad my family accepts and even prides themselves in our wide hips and thighs, round faces, and soft stomachs. We are expected and encouraged to take seconds and even thirds at holiday meals. Our ancestors escaped famine and came to America so that we wouldn't go hungry. Meeting other families can be such a culture shock. My mom has started criticizing her stomach but I see the same stomach on all the old family photos, even back to the daugerrotypes.
Great video! A prevalent issue for all time, not just limited to the holiday season unfortunately. Diet culture and fatphobia run our society and capitalize off the prejudice.
I have been both “too big” and “too small” because of a medical condition I have and the medications for treating it 🙃 and I can 100% confirm that people are way nastier when you’re “too big”.
When you’re too skinny, if anyone will say anything to your face (they usually just gossip behind your back) they’ll feign concern passive aggressively 🙄
But if you’re “too big”, suddenly everyone is a nutritionist and personal trainer and feels completely qualified on the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the new diet they heard about 🤢
Because I had been slim most of my life before I got sick, it was so foreign to me to have everyone (primarily other women) commenting on every breath I took 🙄 but I don’t wish it hadn’t happened because it helped me see the world in a very different light.
For my unpredictable health, it’s actually better if I’ve got a few pounds to lose incase I get sick again 😢 but that’s when people were the most mean to me. Everyone was SO nice (to my face) when I was literally badly underweight 😔 it made me understand that these people never actually cared about me and my health, they only cared about how well I followed societies rules.
Definitely find out who actually cares about YOU when you go through all that:)
I'm really sorry you dealt with that, and I agree - when I was dealing with my EDs people were so much nicer to me, it's shocking how differently people get treated and it's all because of our fatphobic society
I feel you! I've been genuinely emaciated (like, 5'7'' and 88 lbs) from a serious illness (cystic fibrosis) and I never, ever got the vitiriol my fat friends get.
Omg I completely understand. For me the weight gain happened at a time when I wasn't really able to afford food, the gain was a lot and fast and terrifying and mysterious, I think I might have finally got it figured out as methane SIBO. It's wild how people I've only known since gaining weight will literally act shocked or make it clear they fully do not believe me when I talk about my weight or size or life before the gain. I've had people make comments about not realizing I could even run when my job requires it (I love running, did long distance track in school and by the end of college consistently ran 3+ miles a day) and the way I get treated just out on the street is so different. Like I always noticed even small passive agressive commernts when my body dared be a size 10 or 12 and athletic, but at 14 and 16 the refusal people have to believe that I enjoy both salads and exercise regularly? 🙄 I can't tell if I hate the way it feels like it justifies and validates my perfectionism or if I'm more bothered by how people cannot imagine that I wasn't always fat and they're meeting me after a lifetime of mostly chilling around a size 6/8 and conventionally attractive so it has made me not easily impressed by the backhanded compliments I'll get now. I always knew that weight bias was real, I wasn't dumb, but I think what makes me the most bitter is how I was always right to feel like people's attention was shallow and meaningless since many people's behavior towards me has changed so drastically merely because of weight gain I couldn't account for.
As someone who was brainwashed by my ex into thinking every woman was my competition because he compared me to everyone and asked why I didn’t look a certain way, and spending YEARS thereafter unlearning the deep-seated hatred and internalized misogyny. Thank you so much for this video! You should also do a video on “pick-me” culture. I definitely used to be one 😬 men only want you to feel validated by them. They hate when you’re feeling yourself and building up other women.
She has already done a video on that, it is called "confessions from a former pick me" 🫡💚
@@andreabarahona4676 ooh awesome! Thank you for telling me 💕
I am so glad that he is your ex now. Good for you👍🏻
@jackiereyes8573 thank you ❤️ I heard from mutual friends that he got married and had kids, then pulled a gun on his wife in front of his kids so she left him and took the kids. I hope she stays away and that he doesn't find out where she is.
My dad always joked about my weight (I was chubby for my entire life) and it felt terrible, so when my brother started to tease me in the same way I decided to loose weight. I am on a diet (made by a dietetician) for almost a year and I lost a lot of weight, so I was hoping that comments about my weight were in the past. Now both my parents are scared I am developing an ED, and my dad everytime that he sees me always says how great I look. There is no escape😭
Ugh I'm so sorry, that's awful! There's literally no winning at all, I hope that they stop if you tell them how uncomfortable it makes you - but trying to do that can be a challenge in itself as they say "calm down", "I'm just looking out for you" or "I'm just joking, why can't you take a joke?"
Your channel is so criminally underrated. I've been waiting for an episode like this. This really takes me back to growing up in the early 2000's.
If I ever hear the phrase "I'm trying to be good" in reference to food it'll be too soon 🙄
Dang your skit at the beginning was too real 😂
Ugh I HATE that phrase so much, I hear it weekly. The skits I've been making may be my rage being channeled into comedy...
It was only after I left home and started making snarky comments about other's weight that i learned it's not okay. It was absolutely normal in my household. I was so thin my head looked too big compared to my body, but to my mother I was still fat.
A good while back I was deep in the throws of disordered eating, feeling so stressed all the time that without copious amounts of thc I didn't feel hunger, and lost a good amount of weight because of this. All that time I got so many compliments for being the sickest ive ever been at one of the lowest points of my life.
It was so frustrating but really eye opening, I've since stopped commenting on people's body's but it's still a shock when someone else feels the need to do it
I'm really sorry to hear that, and yes it's horrible when you experience just how differently you're treated as you're viewed as being "worthy" if you're smaller, and if someone's dealing with an ED - this just further encourages it. I hope you're feeling much better now than you did back then, I really wish people would just stop with all these comments!
@@BryonyClaire thank you, I am glad to report that I'm in a much better place now. I hope you know that I super appreciate that you make these kinds of videos
As someone who has had an ED past, being out of it for a few years - the holidays are always a difficult time.
My mother passed the day after Thanksgiving last year so grief eating for months on top of leg injuries led to me putting on weight.
It might come off gradually eventually but if someone said anything to me about it irl or judged my eating around Thanksgiving I probably would have went on a spiral.
I’ve been working on trying to be understanding and letting myself have an off kilter week for the few major holidays or emotional days every once in awhile. I can get back to a regular routine even if my brain tells me I won’t. I still have my birthday and Christmas coming up - life is too short to worry myself over it when there’s so many other days in the year to have more balanced habits. Nothing wrong with cutting loose and eating more than you usually would. We’re not perfect machines and there’s no point in harming yourself in the short term or long term for little reward because it’s not gonna be sustainable long term
You do you, awesome human. I wish for you to heal your feelings and keep enjoying food afterwards, and if that brings you comfort right now, I hope it's like a warm cup of something in a cold winter morning for your soul. You got this.
Hate family events because either I get asked if I’ve lost weight and I’m offended or I don’t get asked if I’ve lost weight and I worry that I look heavier. Either way my weight has been about the same for all these events and this process drives me nuts.
Every time I see my family they tell me multiple times how they work with their illnesses without medication and how proud they are of that. Which would be great! If I wasn’t on SSRI’s.
If it means anything from an Internet stranger who is also on SSRIs, I’m proud of you for getting the help you needed! White-knuckling it through life isn’t something to take pride in imo
Big yikes! I really don't like that sort of mentality, it's sideways shaming
See it’s often the people who could really use help the most who are most resistant to it 😬 your health/happiness is more important than any weight, and whatever helps you on your journey is wonderful ❤ you deserve wellness.
I'm just going to share what I went through when I were younger to take you up on the venting-offer. I used to be rather thin, especially compared to now when I look at old photos. However, I never felt thin. I always felt way too big, because I always was the biggest woman in my mothers side of the family, and I got that stigma from me mainly just really liking to indulge in GOOD FOOD. Like, I'm not an emotional eater, I've just always been a foodie. There are many foods I'm too picky to eat, but having good food is a huge source of joy in my life and I won't let anyone take that away from me. Luckily, my husband shares this passion of mine, so even though he is super lean and I'm somewhat chubby, we just enjoy having really good food together.
The fatphobia roots run deep in my family, starting with my grandma calling my mom 'a fattie' from a very young age on. My mother is VERY thin, I recently have started to use the term almond mom for her, because she literally used to say things like "if you're hungry just eat a few nuts!" or asking me if I was really hungry or just 'wanted to eat'. I used to be extremely close to her, but opening up a distance and keeping that has really made me realize just how much influence that had on me.
Last year I got married and I was about to see my mom after three years of not being able to see her (due to the panini going around and stuff). I dieted really hard for the very first time in my life and lost 10kg in abt 4 months. She didn't even realize it. I hate sending her pictures of me nowadays because she will just mantle her fatphobia with health concerns. My MIL is so much more accepting, which is honestly kinda weird seeing that she and her whole family (her son included) are all very thin and rather active. Still, she never says anything even remotely to me about losing weight or anything. If anything, when we meet other family members, she will make passive-aggressive loud statements how much she cares for me so that no other family even dares to think to say anything bad and I honestly find it so cute how protective she is over me.
As a child, my mother would always prepare these extremely elaborate 'christmas plates', plates full of candy and nuts and fruits. I loved them, but she always bought so much stuff that I didn't like. Still, I hate wasting food so I always ate a lot of it. The plate itself would always last until way into the new year when I'd eventually throw out the things I knew I was never gonna eat. Whenever we got gifted those christmas plates, my grandmother and mother and later also my big brother would always comment on 'how much I loved those' and make jokes 'that they'd be gone in a matter of days' or that they had to 'take care of their own plates because I would be coming for theirs'. They would all laugh as I would throw a tantrum - because I was the youngest in the whole family I was never able to defend myself. I wish my MIL would've been by my side then, she would have passive-aggressively kicked the shit out of every single one of them.
I went abroad in 2016 and when I came back in 2017, my big brother and his gf told me that my grandma said she was so relieved last year since I wasn't in the country, because preparing the christmas dinner wasn't as much of a hassle. "If that's the case, then I'm just never going again" is what I replied, deeply hurt. The stuff I mentioned here is just scratching the surface, there was a lot of traumatic experiences I went through with my family overall, but being told that the festivities were just so much better without me took the cake. I never went back.
I live abroad now and my mom tells me about how proud my grandma is about my life abroad. I honestly don't care what she thinks of it. She is not getting a part of it after everything she has done. To my mom, I've started calling her out whenever she starts to spiral into her almond mom spirale and she is trying to listen, even though it's probably pretty hard for her (seeing that she herself most likely suffers from an ED). I rarely send photos. My MIL sometomes just wants to share with my mom and sends pictures of me and her son (my husband). I have to remind her to not do that because my mom will always just call me afterwards to voice her concerns about my health. Btw, I gained the 10kg back. Life just happens.
I was personally able to get away completely from my family and get out having to see them like ever again. Since I live in a place where christmas is not really celebrated right now, I do sometimes get a little lonely during December. But then I hang out with my in-laws during the quiet New Year's that resembles christmas and I'm just so thankful that they are some of the loveliest people I ever got to meet. Food is nutrition, food is fuel, food is delicious. No judgement, it's just a part of life, and a neccessary one at that. I find life to be tiring enough as it is, so I've decided to just embrace the bigger body I have now and take care of it to the best of my abilities. I hope you can do the same and I hope you have some kind words for me❤️ If not, maybe just keep your thoughts to yourself this time 😌
How awful that your grandma made comments like that when you missed the most "family centric" time of year! I fully understand not going back. I bet your mum has really struggled with the way her own mother treated her - and like I said in the video, being the one to break the cycle or challenge it doesn't make you a popular person, so I'm not surprised at this at all. I'm really glad you have a good relationship with your MIL, that's awesome. I take comfort in Christmas movies like "while you were sleeping" for those good family vibes, personally, maybe chucking something like that on might help carry you through until New Years when you get to enjoy that time :)
Thank you for listening and thank you for the advice, I'll check it out :)
Thank you for bringing up not body shaming men! I noticed this thanksgiving a lot of my male family members got body shamed and it made me sad. The women in my family are more self policing and it’s such a sad thing to witness when I’ve been trying to get out of that mindset to just get thrown back in it for a whole day 🙃 I always make an effort to never say anything regrading what I’m eating besides how good the food is cause I know a lot of work went into cooking it for the holiday
Yes! It really makes me angry, it's portrayed as fun bullying and I'm sorry, but no bullying should be considered "fun"
I used to be 200+ pounds at 5’3 and it was like I didn’t even exist, and when I was acknowledged it was to ridicule my weight or give me diet advice. Now that I’ve lost 75 pounds it feels so strange being treated like a normal person. It’s honestly made me resent people for how shallow and cruel they are. I didn’t have friends before because people were interested in talking to the fat girl but now I don’t have friends because I feel like I can’t trust people. I feel like everyone is being fake to my face. Like how would they treat me if I got fat again?
My best friend was very big before her bariatric surgery. I never cared about her weight. Im sure there are more people like me
@@cosmickitty1528 I has a few friends too, but for example, when I was with those friends, people would come up and talk to them and completely ignore me as if I wasn’t there. Now they talk to me too and actually acknowledge I’m there.
@@Ichigo_Hime that's sucks, there are some shitty people, we can do nothing about it. What can I say, you can spot toxic folks by asking their opinion about this kind of topics. I wish you peace of mind
This video has made me reflect on my own self policing. I have a degree in food science, so I often have science-based answers to questions of fad diets, nutrient availability of foods, etc. I am also fat. When im with a group of people, im often the person saying "its bad for me, but it taste so good *CHOMP*". Im wondering if im already preemptively anticipating the skinnier people in the table judging me, so I judge me then give myself permission to eat. I have disordered eating: today I am hungry enough and will eat for three, tomorrow im not that hungry so ill eat half a portion. I dont remember me policing my food the times ive eaten a salad or a small portion. I am not around people who would give me the passive aggresive or the outright aggressive treatment for being fat, but after years of policing from my family, friends, strangers, and the media, I guess I became my own police. Let me challenge myself these upcoming holidays to not assign a morality to the food before, while, or after eating, and just go to the CHOMP step.
I’m so glad none of my family members never said this to each other
Watching this video makes me realize how lucky I was to have my mom. She has clearly been influenced by diet culture and holds herself to certain ridiculous food and body standards, but she never put that on me and always encouraged me to eat. She never commented on my body unless it was positive! Because of this I was pretty impervious to the toxicity of the late 90s and 2000s. Love you mom.
My mother, father, and sister told me that I was getting fat immediately. Like…before even saying hello. 😪
WOW.
Nice video!
As someone with a history of ED, I found one of the best things I did for myself was to stop inviting people who bullied over this to things. It's a move I made when I had kids because I didn't want my kids either being subjected to that stuff or thinking it was remotely acceptable behavior.
And thank you for finding ways to calm down around animal carcasses. I'd like to encourage others who have restrictions to do similarly. I always want to know about restrictions ahead of time if I can so that I can provide my guests with things they can eat. However, as someone who has restrictions in her family unit (some for health reasons, some come with having autistic family members), it's helpful to come up with graceful ways to deal with things during the event itself, as our restrictions are not those of other people.
This video actually got me thinking - you know how when talking about same-sex relationships and them upbringing children people always say that a kid NEEDS to have parents of both genders? I never understood that. Now after watching it kinda seems to me like they say that because if a child doesn’t have a parent of the same sex there is no one to teach them how to behave like their gender, no one to pass on those harmful behaviours, and they need to be passed on because that’s literally what our society is build on.
Wow now THAT was a galaxy brain moment
I was overweight when I was a child and unfortunately was bullied because of my weight I turned to food to cope with my trauma of being abused by the time I was a teenager I begin to suffer from an eating disorder it took me years to stop and fully deal with my trauma I'm at a healthy weight now
I really want to thank you for your videos. They show perspectives I've never really considered before, create interesting discussions and help me feel a lot better in general.
Thank you for your great videos.
I’ve been thinner for all my life and it bothers me when people ask me how I “keep it up” or if I can “share my diet” with them as if I am not naturally or normally like this and as if it’s ok for them to ask about my food intake at all.
Thank you for talking about how diet culture affects men. I've been insecure about my weight my entire life. I tried several diets in college like the keto diet and the carnivore diet. I lost weight on the latter, but i was miserable. It's been four years, and I'm still dealing with the psychological effects being on those diets and around people who encouraged me to get on them had. I'm thinking of trying a plant-based diet, not to lose weight, but because the food looks good (plus i think some meats, especially red meat, hurt my stomach).
I'm sorry you've gone through that.
I'd like to encourage you to try those dishes that look good whether you go fully plant-based or not. Vegetarians aren't the only ones who can eat them!
Definitely weight is a sensitive topic, and people know if they’re fat! It is tricky, because sometimes you can be genuinely be worried about people in your family. My uncle is morbidly obese, and that is probably contributing to his sleep apnea. He’s in his 60s, so his weight could only contribute more to his health conditions. He also doesn’t walk like he used to, and that is really good for your mental health. My sister’s boyfriend is very overweight as well, he probably weighs like 350 pounds.
Of course I don’t say anything and I know there’s nothing I can do or say, but it is a shame. For sure being simply fat doesn’t have a huge contribution to future health. I recently lost 65 pounds, and I know how much better I feel. But of course it was an internal decision I made for myself, and being shamed for my weight wouldn’t have been a motivation at all. It is also still so important to me to have still some days where I let myself eat more treats and unhealthy foods. And definitely a holiday is that time for me.
Just FYI there's alternative methods to improve sleep apnea, like singing. But the only thing that's ever mentioned is losing weight for fat people. For body builders, #1 I almost never hear them admit to sleep apnea although it's common for them, and #2 I have never heard somebody telling them to lose their muscles to improve sleep apnea.
I am glad you accomplished a goal you wanted to do, to lose those 65 pounds. I know you put in hard work to get there, and I hope you can maintain this weight or arrive at another weight goal. I'm happy for you in the same way if you had learned to fly a plane.
Please let others exist in their bodies.
@@wen6519 sure that makes sense, singing increases lung capacity, that’s interesting. The thing in the way with breathing is fat around the neck, and losing some fat would tackle the problem head on, that’s the truth of it. Muscle is much denser than fat, and it doesn’t accumulate in great amounts around the neck. Sure I can see how that could be different for bodybuilders, but most people aren’t bodybuilders.
Losing weight is different than other accomplishments though. Not that I need lots of praise, but it is. It is important for everyone to have goals and set out to do things that would fulfill them, and if they do hard things and reach their goals, that should be celebrated.
Food and body weight effects everyone to some degree. We all have to eat, after all. The current food landscape is full of highly unhealthy, addicting super palatable foods, designed to be difficult to stop eating. It absolutely isn’t a moral failing to eat these foods, but to some extent, we are victims of the food industry. If one successfully loses weight and keeps it off, it is largely due to tackling this problem of food addiction.
And it makes sense people don’t want to think about it or deal with it, but it does have control on the population. Being obese isn’t a moral failing, it is genuinely bad for our health and uncomfortable.
Every minute or every day, I am aware of how I feel in a smaller body. My legs don’t rub together like they used to (still a bit), which makes it more comfortable to walk, my neck fat isn’t uncomfortable or gets in the way when I watch tv in bed, I can comfortably actually cross my legs again, I can walk up the stairs without being winded, etc, etc. I think it’s better to comparing losing weight to battling a mental health problem. That also effects how you feel everyday, in the mind rather than the body.
Again, people can make their own decisions around food and their weight and I understand it because I was there (and I still have more weight to lose to be where I want to be), and it doesn’t make a person better to be thinner, but it does have an effect on your life everyday. And then of course there’s the risk of diabetes and other things.
My uncle gets sick a lot as well, he’s always had such bad luck. But it could actually be because he’s so unhealthy. Obesity can make people more susceptible to sickness.
At my thinnest I was at my least healthiest mentally (I wasnt trying to be skinnier, just lack of eating due to really bad anxiety) - so I try to remind myself of this when I judge myself for gaining weight.
Been loving these skits though!
you are so so sweet!! i love hearing your takes that are full of empathy and kindness
thank you SO much for this video, because in recent years my struggle with disordered eating has really intensified and you pointed out something that I myself am guilty of, which is projecting my own struggles vocally at times. i.e "i shouldn't eat that donut, I'm trying to be good", and I hadn't considered how it could affect others who hear me saying that. This is also a reminder that its way to easy to contribute to this diet culture, even from those of us struggling with our own EDs (I was diagnosed roughly 5 years ago & my mom's comments/behaviors around my body/diet growing up definitely directly contributed to it).
As a side note I've been really stressed about this time of year (on top of it just being a really awful year lol) because I've been feeling guilty about enjoying food around the holidays, I feel a lot better hearing your reassurance. Thank you for such a helpful video!!
I'm really sorry to hear you've been struggling, ED's are such tough things to deal with especially with how inescapable diet culture is, we internalize and repeat the messaging which is everywhere (as shown in the video - I could have included even more TV/movie clips and ads, honestly). Try not to beat yourself up, enjoying things which bring you joy shouldn't bring you guilt/shame, I hope this Christmas is a good one for you 🤍
I work as a civilian on a military base. Body standards are alive and well for everyone who wears the uniform.
Here's the point: mind your own business. It's one thing to step in if you know that what the person is about to eat is a food safety hazard like someone about to eat from an appetizer platter you just saw someone coughing and sniffling over a few minutes ago or food you know wasn't handled properly or if you know that person has had too much to drink and you want to offer them a safe ride home; but otherwise just let them enjoy. What better gift can you give someone during the holiday season than the gift of letting them enjoy the holidays the way they want. However the person is enjoying the festivities -- with doctor-recommended or religious food restrictions, vegan, keto, non-alcohol, germ phobe, or just wants to enjoy a second slice of pie, if they did not ask for your opinion, then keep your opinion and your pettiness to yourself.
Glad no one acted like this at all during my Thanksgiving. Not trading the child for being a picky eater, not mentioning anything at all about weight, vegetarian brother not saying anything about the entree. Just enjoying each other’s company.
Thank you for sharing the resources in the description about how to deal with the festive season when you have / are recovering from an ED. I've been in recovery for about a year now, but the holiday season is always so difficult to get through (both bc of the ED, as well as dealing with seasonal depression), but I feel like it might be a bit more manageable if I share those links with my family members and follow some of the advice given in them. Again, thank you so much for talking about this topic, it made me feel very seen ♥
This year has only been the worst year for me in general, I lost contact with people who genuinely cared about me, and I am stuck with people who don't care about me. My birthgiver doesn't make it any easier she always has to comment on all of my siblings bodies and including my one. Those interactions have left me with very low self esteem, and even developing bad habits when it comes to eating maybe even possibly binge eating. I have also gained weight idk how much since everytime I go on a weight scale I feel horrified and even ashamed of gaining weight. I sometimes wish to stop feeling so bad about my weight at times but at least I am practicing body neutrality, and I have even stood up against my birthgiver for talking about my weight so much. Whenever she brings up losing weight for herself, she also always includes me as well. I know she probably had to deal with a lot of internalized misogyny and self-hatred, but that doesn't ever give her an excuse to fat shame me or my siblings and even compare each other.
I exercise when I feel the need to, and also, it helps with my sleep apnea a bit, which is good. I also feel good when I exercise when I want to, and I put my all to it even while listening to my playlist or a video playing in the background. I think I am slowly having a bit more confidence in myself or at least standing up for myself a bit more, which would make younger me gasp in shock.
All this to say, I really appreciate your channel and other channels that do really informative commentary on how fatphobia harms all of us. I still have my own fatphobia to work on, but I am glad to keep working on it, and I know it will be worth it in the future.
I'm really sorry to hear this, and the internalised misogyny women hold really does hurt everybody - this shows exactly how that plays out. Unlearning things is tough, especially when we're surrounded by fatphobia, healthism and ableism, but it's a net good when we do, and we start advocating for ourselves and others
You got this!!
Remember y’all, if your lover is a jerk he or she doesn’t deserve you. I’m 25 and survived anorexia twice. My boyfriend is encouraging to me even if I don’t do as well at working out or need a break, he tells me it’s okay. He also tells me I’m beautiful every single day, and he’s proud of me jf I eat well since he knows of my body image issues. They should be supportive- love shouldn’t hurt you. It should feel good. Just wanted to leave this here for whoever needs to hear it ❤️
This intro was distressingly long 💀
Id just walk right back out of that house
(Ive stopped going years ago for another type of shaming)
TW: eating disorders talked about
I’ve had to support a friend through her disordered eating last year. She would starve herself originally and it spiralled from there. She was ashamed of her body and ashamed she had to go to this extent to feel the tiniest bit good about it. She considers herself fat, though she’s one of the least skinniest people in our group, I would consider you crazy if you called her fat. She constantly questions if she’s enough and at least some of that is because of what society, her classmates at our school and her previous schools, even her own family have told her about how bad her body is especially her weight. And how with this body is more worthless.
I’ve told her that people who are good to her and care for her won’t care about her weight. She sometimes struggles to believe me, it doesn’t help that I’ve never had real bad body image issues (sure I have a feel things I’m kind of insecure about with my body but not enough to try and change it) while being naturally skinny to the point where I can’t gain weight and it annoys me.
She has been doing okay for a few months but like always after a few months, she gets to a bad period again. This time she “needs/wants” to workout (she hates doing it, she said that when she did it months ago every time she did it) again and is trying diets. Which I know is completely unnecessary because she’s in a growing body, no growing body should be on a diet. She’s only fifteen.
Btw the only people who know about her ED is me and her ex (who was useless in supporting her most of the time) and her current boyfriend.
Omg Bridget Jones. I remember seeing that film in the cinema and feeling like shit because she's "fat" at 9st. It has not aged well.
Having seen Bridget Jones, Titanic, and that whole thing with Britney Spears I didnt thinkI could be shocked anymore but that SATC scence schoked me
So excited for another of these vids
I'm on the lowest weight I have been in my life due to a chronic illness that should have been diagnosed years ago, on top of other chronic illnesses that got worse this year. Jobless, depressed, you named it. But it doesn't matter, because I "look GREAT" according to everyone. My close friends and nuclear family are the only ones who are actually worried.
“My body, my choice” applies to food too. ✌🏻
When I was between the ages of 14-17, a neighbour friend of my mums used to point out (every time she saw me which was once a month if not more) that she was “so happy that I was confident and happy being a bigger girl because most aren’t” I had never really thought of myself in those terms until she kept bringing it up. People are unkind.
i always love your acting part in the beginning 😂 don't stop
Even as a grown man of 30, I literally have extended family that goes “oh, you got bigger since last time” 🙄 but then they’re the ones who practically force me to eat when we’re out or make comments that I’m eating too little. Recently some have pivoted to gym talk such as “do you think you’d fill out a little better if you just worked out a little bit?” Like sir I don’t wanna body shame but I know you’re not talking to me while looking like *that*.
This sounds like my family and in laws. 😂 They push everyone to eat and are feeders but then comment if someone put on weight. Stop force feeding people then my gosh! I just don’t comment on how people look and don’t force feed or restrict them either.
Great video! It feels like people shame eating sugary and fattening foods all year round. I don't eat as much as when I was in my twenties, but I remember back then I'd have tons of pizza on my plate and my dad was like, are you sure you can eat all that? Even his girlfriend said one time when I protested that I was nowhere near fat, she said, Not yet" as though not being a size 2 would be the end all of existence. During the holidays, we should enjoy food, whether that be turkey or sweets. And, if it bothers any of us eating those foods, we can always exercise. Life is too short to be worried about how much food we are stuffing into us.
Maintenance phace i such a great podcast! It's been very important for my view of myself.
Im glad that sam heughan and zack Efron talked about there eating disorder because some people don't realize that men also struggle with this
healthy gamer and though slime have really good videos about EDs for men, i recommend 👍🏽
wow i got an ad for CoolSculpting (weightloss treatment) during this video ... woof.
thanks for another thoughtful video.
I haven't had to deal with family and fat shaming for years. Sure. My holidays with a dead family is very lonely at times but I never have to worry about this!! ❤
Ps. Your makeup is so purrrrdddyyyyy. 😍
I’m lucky, my family never put me down for eating. The problem for me is the people outside of our family, and even worse the ads for diet food and diet apps advertising ‘get rid of the Christmas weight and kickstart your weight loss goals for the new year’ that begin immediately after Christmas Eve on YT every single day until the summer
So cool that you and your husband are vegan! Me and my husband are vegan too. I enjoy your videos so much. I had no idea people talk to each other like that about weight. So stressful.
This video just brought up a long buried memory from when I was in...I wanna say either 4th or 5th grade. The girls in my class were playing a game where the farther up the arm you could wrap two fingers around, the more children you'd have. Me, being completely unaware of anything and everything asked to join in (cause I wasn't aware) and the girl who was wrapping her fingers around everyones forearm looked guilty and I never understood why until later in life
”Be yourself because everybody else is taken”
A little more than a year ago I lost 20kg in 1 month due to digestive problems. I felt horrible and clearly looked sick but people just kept complimenting me on losing weight, it made me really angry
Justin Hawkins, the lead singer of The Darkness has talked about his ED in the past. He has talked about it recently on his podcast as well.
He's a really great guy 💕
I didn't know the Darkness were still around! And I didn't know about his ED either, cool that he has a podcast. I've now got "I believe in a thing called love" stuck in my head😅
on top of other G.I. issues i've had for a long time, i got diagnosed with celiac disease at the very beginning of this year (2 days before my bday) and this is the first year where i have to readjust *everything* about social gatherings. this is my first year of holidays where i have to deal with not only being the odd person out because of celiac, but also because of my family's attitude towards food and dieting and weight. it's been like that my whole life, but i got so sick of hearing i've just started saying "i'm sorry you think that way about yourself" to any family member that's said comments like that. it's so frustrating, having dealt with several ed's since i was 5 (im 22 now) and having to constantly hear it like no wonder people never truly recover
1. I did not know that you’re vegan - I LOVE IT! ♥️
And
2. Oh my god, yes, I’ve been the one playing with the kids at a family gathering, pulling myself out of the adult circle cus [insert scream here]
Commenting for the engagement but also to ramble a bit...it really is stunning how deeply ingrained diet culture and fatphobia is. I thought I'd done everything I could to unlearn my own fatphobia, but was recently reminded that I still had some unpacking to do. I've been skinny my whole life (not bc of anything particularly special or healthy I do, it's p much just genes imo) and recently I made a pretty big career transition. I went from years of highly physically active work to a sedentary office job, and I also am in a household where I always have plenty of food available (which was not really the case for the past several years, due to various factors). So, I've gained a smidgen of weight. For years, I've been telling myself, "if I gain a few pounds it's not gonna kill me, fat people are just people and being fat doesn't mean you're bad or gross or ugly, I actually think tummy pooches are really cute on both men and women" ...and yet I still found myself looking at the new inch or so around my waist and feeling this weird sense of panic that I've never felt before. All this over maybe an inch or two! It really hit me just how deep the reinforcement goes. And I can only imagine how it must feel for people in bigger bodies than mine.
Unfortunately my almond mom is working overtime this holiday season and decided the only snacks needed at the house this week were bread and milk and I was so hungry I ate all the bread during the weekend and had nothing to eat for breakfast for the school week, and ended up just drinking water or milk for breakfast. She banned me from buying my typical breakfast burrito because it had “too much sodium”. I ended up being so hungry today because I didn’t realize I’d only eaten a sandwich the entirety of yesterday and drank the hunger down. She didn’t even offer to make dinner to eat this time after school and I mentioned it to my cousin and she was so shocked that she even sent me some food to eat. I’ve gone from a C to a B cup and I was very recently slightly underweight. I’ve been feeling slightly weak too but she’s been strangely annoyed with me for whatever reason so I wouldn’t dare bring it up.
I am working on getting my mum to stop commenting on my body but... Its been a journey. Im not home often, so i will excuse it as her forgetting, but i have body image issues and finally, after years of just trying to "fix" myself (you know, the "just dont have those issues" approach), i have started asking her to not comment on my body, no matter in which manner. Shes welcome to compliment my makeup, my clothes, my haircut.... Not my body.
It usually works for a few days and then she forgets. And its quite obvious that she thinks im being silly. But hey, baby steps
It's hard for them to unlearn ingrained messaging, I get it, the goal is to help people unlearn that, and it's not a fun journey (as you're experiencing), I hope that she starts to get better at that, not only towards you but no doubt towards herself
Your discussion on men worrying about their weight and then becoming ultra right types is very interesting to me. I think I can see it reflected in someone I know.
It just shocks me that people haven’t grasped the very basic principle my grandma instilled in us “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Has someone visibly gained or lost weight? You don’t have to mention it or say anything! Is someone eating a large portion and you’re thinking judgemental thoughts? Don’t say anything. Is someone wearing an outfit you think is unflattering? Don’t say anything! That includes passive aggression. At the end of the day, we are all human and will think bad/negative things about others at some point. It doesn’t mean you have to say them out loud. Be respectful.
I am struggling in my body so much. A few years ago I was incredibly unhealthy and underweight at 5'8" and
That intro punched me in the face several times
I'm literally blocked from commenting on IG until the 30th & all I originally said is "This is just Fatphobic " that is all it took for dudes to try to unleash their internalized fatphobia onto me like a storm. They felt personally attacked & tried to attack me for it, I defended myself & ended up being the one getting blocked even though they said crazy things to me🙃 it's disgusting watching people excuse why they get to be terrible to others.
Say it with me guys. TOUGH LOVE IS BULLYING. TOUGH LOVE IS NOT REAL LOVE.
Having spent time in my body underweight, overweight, and everything in between, the myth that drives me to rage is the belief that equivocates thinness with morality; that somehow a thin person is morally and ethically superior to a fat person. Had to spend years in therapy to get that one out of my psyche.
i was treated so much better when i was actively in my eating disorder even though i was so unsafe and unhealthy !! im so much happier and healthier now but also face so much more fatphobia from doctors and people in my life
Fatphobia is rampant all year round, but it gets especially nasty during the holidays. I've grown numb to family's comments about my weight or them criticising others for their looks, but I'm so angry at media outlets (esp TV, newspapers, radio) for being hypocrites and having segments about ''losing weight after holiday over-indulgence''. And they justify that with concern for public health and objective journalism.
I'm angry at them because to this day they have a big influence in confirming or changing people's perceptions and ideas. One relative even said: If they cover it on TV then it must be important. So when people watch a TV news story about how obesity pandemic is higher after the holidays, it makes a bigger impression and encourages your ''well-meaning'' relatives to make nasty comments about people's weight, because it's all in the name of concern and ''public safety''.
I can't remember who told me this but she said to reply with, "what a strange thing to say to me?" As a way to shut down negative talk. She was referring to homophobic or politically charged things. But i fewl like it could work here too
I only saw my grandma once a year every year for Christmas and the first thing she would say was some comment about my weight. Praise up the wazu when I was thin and subtle insults when i had gained.
I am at the start of the video, just wanted to say that your makeup looks FANTASTIC 😍
I tend to get lots of comments about the food I eat.. or rather, DON'T eat as a result of food dislike/intolerance. I'm told I'm being 'ridiculous' and that 'one meal/day' won't matter when yes, it will. I've had to cut out red meat, dairy, breads, alcohol as a result of endo, lupus and because I refuse to eat food I don't like - but it is often framed like I'm pity or being 'unhealthy' for not easting the right foods, or a balanced diet when I'm making the right diet choices for me. I am not super thin by any means (AU: size 10-12) so clearly I'm not doing anything bad for my health. It's just a bit alienating when people are pushing you to eat food you hate/can't eat and you feel you have no out.
I’ve been practicing Intuitive Eating lately and I’ve been noticing how toxic and everywhere diet culture is and it makes me sick…
“Activated almonds” 😂😂 I have questions
I remember one time while I was in college I went home, this was pre pandemic, I got a second glass of orange juice and my nana said something along the lines of the I shouldn't drink it because of all the sugar and I'll gain weight. The face I met must have been so heartbroken because my oldest sister immediately stepped in it was like leave her alone let her have the orange juice. I haven't been able to comfortably eat around my grandmother since. I'm talking I was living with her for a month while I waited for my lease to start after college and I lost like 20 lbs levels of uncomfortable eating around her
Edited to add that it wasnt meant for harm but the effects are still the effects. Especially since i was gaining weight due to suddenly having free access to food at college
Edited again to add thoughts on larger bodies not being considered suffering from an earing disorder. Back in my beginning time in 638 calories while i was doing this I was also working out 3-6+ hours a day almost everyday. I would also binge as well (college was not fun) When i talk about it now i say i had a eating disorder yet i was told that I didn't. One of my concerns when being told by my doctor that i had to lose weight was me falling back to my disordered eating but it was not addressed like at all. My therapist as much as i love her even said it was just disordered eating not an eating disorder and doesn't count my binges back then as binges because she doesnt think it was enough food (even tho i checked and i met the calorie requires for kt to be considered a binge) i dont yhink less of her for it but like i did lots of research on eating disorders. I was surrounded by friends with them all through high school. If it's green, hops, and eats flies im pretty sure it's a frog
I used to be super skinny. All through my 20s. Then I got clean and I put on like 30 lbs. Trying to lose it but I fluctuate all the time. I'm just tire of caring so much. I felt like I could afford to gain like 10 lbs but not all the weight I did. I miss it and that sucks. I just wanna stop beating myself up over it but I hate looking in the mirror. It's just frustrating.
One time my mom was making fun of my cousin and her husband when my cousin got pregnant with their second child about how they don’t know how that could have even worked (referring to my cousins husband being a really large dude.) she was literally making fun of their size and the fact that they were having a baby.
Keep in mind, she said this to my sister (recovering from billions) and me (recovering from anorexia.)
A couple years ago my friends & I were planning a vacation and I made a rule, no food shaming, even self directed. It's a vacation, you're probably going to eat a bit differently than you would at home. No going "oh, I shouldn't have this danish for breakfast, I'm being bad, but it's a vacation." Just enjoy the danish & shut up. Think someone else isn't eating enough or too much? Unless it's causing an active medical issue, it's not your place to comment, and even then you shouldn't be trying to shame them about it. Everyone agreed & stuck by it, & it made things more enjoyable for everyone Knowing that no one was going to judge them. I know it's not always feasible to impose a rule like that around family, especially if it is a generational thing, but I do encourage people to talk to friends & family about it if they can. Call out Aunt Karen when she says "oh, I'm being bad." Food is not good or bad, it has no morals, you can choose not to eat it or to eat it but we don't need to hear your justifications or capitulations.
I love that for a vacation rule! Such a good idea
I've never had any of this. Everyone encourages everyone to eat, theres no reference to eating too much or gaining weight. Skinny shaming however is a thing. I had an aunt who was around 100 pounds and 5'5 and people always had serious talks with her about her weight and how she has to go to the dr because there has to be something wrong. She had stomach cancer.
there’s an amazing book that touches on eugenics: why fish don’t exist by lulu miller!!
We were at relatives and they served chili which I hate so I only had like one bread but my mom still made me not get another cookie after not eating the whole day
I made a smaller plate of food on Thanksgiving. I was instantly criticized for it. I just dont like that kind of food and it always feels so heavy in my belly. No matter, i told people to mind their own plate and enjoy their dinner.
love your content as always 🖤
23:37 YES girl 💚 exactlyyyy
Yeah I'm afraid of being obese. I stepped into obesity and it was scary and I dont want it to happen again. I had trouble breathing so yeah why wouldn't i be scared of that? Btw I've managed to loose several several kgs since then . i'm still overweight tho. But yeah I don't like people making comments about my body and I myself never make any about someone else's.
Possible slight tmi warning ig?
So this isn’t meant to be putting any vegans down to preface: this is about a specific person. I spend half my week cohabitating with my mother (a vegan) and there are 0 issues.
To preface this rant my mom has always had issues with weight. I inherited that but to a slightly lesser (? If it can be considered that??) degree to where I’ve been able to manage my weight over time much better although my eating patterns have historically been just as unhealthy. I also have celiacs and am allergic to oats and rice, and have a bunch textural issues with food. Suffice it to say my diet is already fairly limited so I, after trying several times as a teen, am not vegan because it made my disordered eating worse.
The amount of judgement I feel, silently, from this one family member (the vegan in question) on how I can dare eat icky things like cheese and fish or the occasional piece of candy is… very upsetting. The fact that I regularly incorporate things like tofu and plant based butter etc makes this worse in a way bc it’s almost like it’s expected to ‘make the next step’. Like, I’m sorry I have an autoimmune disease that you know about that your sister ALSO HAS that makes it so all the food alternatives you suggest I can’t eat.
But whenever I (or my mom, thankfully she’s in my corner a bunch love you to pieces mom) point this out it’s always ‘ugh! Just EVERYTHING has gluten in it! What can you eat!’
I don’t know if it’s meant to be passive aggressive but it certainly feels that way. I know what I can eat without spiraling completely and maintain my nutrient intake without eating the same thing every day (in the tax bracket I exist in) and it’s not the type of holistic health is wealth veganism YOU take so much pride in >:/
She was my cool aunt once, I miss her being that… (thankfully my dad’s sister in law is much easier to be around but still it hurts)
PS: my parents house my cat hence why I crash on their couch a few nights a week.
Also textural issues aren’t picky eating to over come, I love vegetables it’s just certain things like onion pieces or avocado literally feel like they are pounding my flight button on my hippocampus in my mouth. It’s not easy.
Why am I not surprised that BMI was created by a man. BMI also doesn't take into consideration muscle mass weighing more than fat. By BMI standards, most bodybuilders are considered overweight, which is ridiculous.
Exactly - it's so weird how it's been clung to!
That's why BAI was developed, but we might just start saying Eugene Cooney is fine the way she is since we aren't doctors. The whole point of BMI is to deal with malnutrition while shaming the "overweight" in a time where wars were prevalent around the white people that it was for.
LOVE your make-up for this video 😍
luckily my whole family is fat so we've never fatshamed each other. but living in this society has given me two eating disorders that i still struggle with today. this year i'm hosting a new year's party so i get to make a bunch of food for my loved ones, which is so exciting. definitely going to get a huge cake.
THANK YOU my family are all meat eaters and honestly it grosses me out and makes me sad like they just don't care - yet we have a pet likeeee? there is no logic