Also something someone once said to me that was very helpful for realizing I was trans was "most cis people don't spend a whole lot of time wondering if they're trans" I also realized most cis people don't have anxiety attacks wondering if they should wear a dress or a tux to prom, most cis people don't mentally correct everyone who refers to them as the gender they were assigned at birth, and most cis people don't get so happy they cry when they see trans people getting referred to with their proper pronouns by their parents. I didn't necessarily have a big moment, but a lot of smaller moments.
My biggest problem with knowing if I really am (ftm) trans is that I have a lot of anxiety with it. Like "Oh my god I told my best friend but what if it's wrong and I need to tell her again" or "Wait I feel a little more feminine today am I not trans!?" and just a lot of worry bc I'm an inpatient human who has anxiety over literally everything.
I have this fear too, I really like feminine things but I still feel aligned with being a boy, and it's always on my mind. Even with that, I worry I would tell everyone and then be wrong about it...
Yep, I got the cereal one. Totally. Except the cereal gods didn't hand me a list to the nearest gender therapists, they just punched me in the face and yelled "HAPPY DYSPHORIA!"
CrownClown Creations but how does that happen?? im 20 but i dont know how gender dysphoria is supposed to feel. like i dont hate my girl body but sometimes i feel this strong need to have a penis and its like wtf whats wrong i've never felt that before!?
Waow I completely forgot about this comment. Took me a second to realize what video this was even from. Well if anyone wants an update (not that anyone asked) I am still very much in the closet.. I have a few close friends that know and my twin knows. But I have been talking to my doctor and therapist about it, and even talked to a gender therapist. She said I'd bee a good candidate to start on the clinic, but I can't as long as I'm seeing a therapist. And I still need my therapist.. so that really sucks. But it's moving slowly forward, I suppose.
I don't remember my "holy shit I'm trans" moment if I had one, but I do have a similar moment. I'd been out for about three months to my mom, and nine months to my friends, and I think about fifteen months to myself.. My first binder came in the mail. Until then, I'd been using sports bras and ace bandages and makeshift binders from miscellaneous tight clothing--it wasn't good. But then I put a binder on for the first time, and there was this rush of "oh my god, this feels amazing. this looks amazing. i feel wonderful." I'll never forger the way I looked at myself in the mirror after ten whole minutes of struggling to get it on. It was the first genuine smile I'd given myself in a long-ass time.
My moment was when I got my first short haircut, I always knew something was wrong but I never knew what. When I first got my haircut I look so male and I just thought that's who I'm supposed to be, sure my mom was pissed but that was the best day of my life.
OMG SAME like i.m trying to dress "feminine" again...like in the past (5 months ago wtf such little time ago didn.t even realise) i was THE one™ girl wearing pastels, twintails and dresses (even tho everyone told me my personality was the exact opposite, swearing every 5 secs and being dominant af) and idk something?? just really clicked in my head one day cause i really wanted short hair. And i cut my hair off!!! And i was sooo excited i loved it! And 99% of the people i knew. But when i tried to wear my past clothes again...something ....was so wrong...i mean i was pretty, sure...but i looked and felt like a man in drag...it just wasn.t me
Tanis Please Send Help !!! same. I used to look in the mirror and hate myself and say "I hate you so much." I got my hair cut and - I couldn't do it anymore! Because I wanted this and I liked me this way... Im buying male clothes on Sunday and see were it goes from there I don't ever want to wear any dresses ever again, not when I look like this.
Oh myyyy. I've questioned myself as a "girl" more or less whole my life. Always felt at least a little bit boyish, and never felt like I could be a super-duper-feminine woman in my life. I'm too afraid to try out anything, but being able to get short haircut would be easiest practical step. Even though it's not easy either, as I've always had quite long hair and people me included have got used to my long hair lol. I guess I couldn't go straight to boys short hair, but maybe something like long version of early Bieber hair cut and get it step by step shorter...
I'm 22, and over the past year the fact that I'm a transman has hit me like a truck. For a long time, I felt like I couldn't be because I adhere to a lot of female gender roles, but thankfully the internet has set me straight on that.
same w the gender roles. i thought that socials didnt have an effect on how i view myself/want to be but i think it is inevitable for them to effect everyone even at a subconscious level.
When I was younger, I never had major body dysphoria. During my childhood, I was happy as a girl but it wasn't right; if that makes sense. It was like an itch under my skin that something wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out what. I was never too comfortable in the princess dresses, never thought of myself as pretty, but I thought that was just insecurities of a young girl. So I brushed it off. I remember the first time I heard the word transgender. I was 9 or 10, my mum was talking about someone on the news that was transgender. I asked what that was and she replied that it "was a person who doesn't feel comfortable as their gender and feel that it is something else." Which blew my mind, people can change genders? I thought if I could do it, I would be a boy. Then the word just kind of stuck with me, always in the back of my mind. Though when I hit puberty, most specifically started to develop breasts ( I developed early), I began to actually try to compress my boobs because it wasn't correct. I was unhappy with how curvy my body was turning out, and my sisters and mother always pointed it out as if it was the greatest thing in the world. It wasn't to me. That itch only got stronger and I actually came out to my mum telling her that something was wrong. I don't feel like this should be happening (as you can tell, I'm awful with words.) She brushed it off, well meaning of course, and told me all girls go through this. Don't worry, you'll be happy once you've settled in your skin. That's the thing though, I never settled in my skin. The feelings only got stronger and stronger, but I compressed them to the back of my mind. It wasn't until I was 15, after my mum's death, when I began to see more of the trans* community. I saw tearful coming out videos, descriptions of how their transition is going and how happy they are, and photo sets of their transition through hrt. It always struck a cord with me. I silently wished I could be like them, but I always quickly put the thought out of mind. I was afraid of change and causing, what I deemed as, drama. Especially so soon after the loss of my mum. So keeping a stiff upper lip, I focused on my grief instead. Working extra hard to find "normalcy" after losing someone so dear to me. At 17, a dear friend of mine was going through gender identities and in a moment of emotional response, I confessed to having these "feelings." She quickly reassured me that she still adores me no matter what, but also told me to tell my family. So I did, in a way, I broke down to my dad. Crying to him that I feel like I betrayed him because I was lying about being happy about who I am, that sometimes I wished I was a boy. He was in shock, of course who wouldn't be when their youngest--their princess--just confessed to wanting to be a boy. He offered to take me to a gender therapist, and after much battling with myself, I began to go (two months after). Coming out to my family was emotional but they were all understanding. Quickly jumping to using the correct pronouns and asking me my preferred name. My nephew even decided to deem me as George! It was hilarious and I am truly grateful to them. Now it feels like a huge weight has been lifted and for the first time in years, I feel like I can breath.
I feel you... I know exactly what that feels like. Cheers to this! Let's stay this happy and remember we are what we are and not what other people are trying to make us 🍾
you described perfectly how i've felt since i was younger. Even the part when you first found out what transgender was. I was around the same age when I found out because of a youtube documentary about a transgender girl, i remember the first thing i asked myself was "wait if she transitioned into a girl then i could transition into a boy?" but i brushed off the idea bc i thought that was impossible and i was really young with unclear information, i didn't really understand much.
Quick trans story thing: When I was 6, I slept over at my grandma's house with my cousin a lot and my grandma would just put us both in the bath at the same time to save water since they were cheap. One night, my cousin pointed at my crotch in the most awkward way possible and said, "is that hair???" And we both had no clue what a penis was at this age, so we assumed that extra hair was associated with masculinity. We both came to the conclusion that I was a guy, and I was, for some reason, overcome with joy at the fact that I was "male". It sounds silly, but this is a huge point in my life where I now know that I am almost definitely trans because I had never been more excited before that moment. (^: but that's just my story
I had little/to no dysphoria growing up, but I always despised my name and as I got older began surrounding myself with more masculine clothing items and possessions, but I was fine with my pronouns until a few weeks ago when it felt like a part of me was ripped off whenever someone called me "she".
me too w the name thing. its never felt like my name even tho ive had it forever. when i appear male online and ppl refer to me as such it gives me such a weird kind of euphoria and even tho i dont experience the regular dysphoria i think i might b trans bc of this. also had no idea other ppl had problems w their name, i never actually considered it being related to me being trans.
I don't think I'm FTM, but maybe genderfluid or a demiboy. I often feel male, but sometimes I'm like "I feel like a girl" or "I feel like nothing" but VERY rarely.
+FrogsVlogs Don't get so tied in with labels. You could just identify yourself as genderqueer which basically is the general term for people who don't identify with their biological sex. Labels make it difficult. I think I may be similar to your gender since for me it changes but honestly I guess I'm pretty mixed but I don't ever fully feel like a girl. Yes, I'm pretty confused about it myself but all I know is that I'm genderqueer and that's all I need to go by.
Ive been looking into transitioning and am 28. Right now Im dealing with depression and spending time thinkin about what transitioning means to me. I want to get top surgery but its ok not to rush it. See how you feel. See what brings dysphoria and what doesnt.
my process of realizing I'm trans was actually a very slow one. Growing up I always thought I was and associated myself with being a girl, honestly cause I had no idea that anything else existed. I always felt uncomfortable with the conventionally girly stuff most of the time but still enjoyed it other times (which was more rare). Back then I just thought I was weird. And then I first learned what 'gender fluid' meant from tumblr and that made my brain go "!!!!!!!". Then the same thing happened for non-binary. However that entire time i kept having this reoccuring thought that "one day I'm going to wake up one morning and realize I'm a man." And at some point, after having a lot of panic attacks at the prospect of never being able to go on testosterone because I wasn't sure, I broke down and realized I couldn't keep lying to myself. The next day my mom asked me if I'm transgender and I finally said I was. It was probably one of the most relieving feelings on the planet. And now I've been on hormones for practically six months :D
Exactly the same. For the longest time I always hung out with my bros than in 5th grade, I learned what trans was. I was like oh SNAP. I wanted to be a girl. I told myself I was going through a phase. After one year of no thoughts I realized I was changing socially. I started to lean away from my friends and I started to dislike their activities such as exploring and fort building. I slowly became more comfortable with girls and starting reading books about girls more and more. Than one day I was practicing for a talent show. Me and a good friend were the only boys. there were 7 girls. My Good friend left for lunch and I was all alone with the girls. It just felt almost natural. They talking about very girl stuff and I almost starting talking too but I kept quiet because I knew they wouldn't understand my thoughts. They probably think I am a lady's man but I wasn't. The thought appeared after that and ever since I keep having that thought at least two times a day. I am not done with my story, I just don't want it to be too long so reply if you want me to finish.
Ive identified as female my entire life, but I've always been more of a tomboy. I love boy clothes, I love roughing around, I basically love all the things that girls don't typically love. I didn't really do any research into transgender until I got my haircut. When I looked at my face in the mirror while the lady was shaving my hair, i felt a strange sensation. Originally, I thought it was just me being super happy and excited but I'm honestly not sure anymore. I've never really even put a second thought into my gender identity, I always said that I was a girl, and that was that. I wear dresses and heels to special events, I had long, flowing hair for the longest time, and I even used to wear makeup. I'm not sure if I did all of this because I wanted to or because it was expected of. I'm so confused. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just think "I wish I were a boy" but I'm not even sure if I'm being honest with myself. I feel like I'm lying and making everything up. I'm so confused :(
Makeup and clothes don't have gender. I know guys (some of which are trans) who like feminine clothes and jewelry and pretty makeup and other stereotypical girly things. Stereotypes don't define your gender at all. Some things can be signs but not all the time c:
@Locust Hypnosis I know it's been a year since you responded to this persons comment but I had to say this. When I was younger I wore dresses and 'girly' things because I had no option. I remember always saying to myself 'i really wish I was a boy'. As I grew older I started to take way more of an interest in boys and what they would do. I preferred playing with the boys, acting like the boys and wanting to dress more masculine. I went shopping with all my friends one day and found a boys t-shirt. I went into the dressing rooms and tried it on, I instantly smiled because I looked flat in it and it made me comfortable. I went and then bought that which was my first ever 'boy' clothing. Anytime I went shopping and showed my mother a piece of clothing she would instantly say 'but that's boys' and I was frustrated that she wouldn't let me wear them clothes which made me feel my most self. When I was younger I wish I had short hair so I tried styling my hair so it would stick up a bit. Lately I've been wanting to get my hair cut really short but I'm terrified that ill regret it. I've always had the thought am I trans stuck in my head but I've always pushed the thought away. Last night I got to researching because I truly don't know if this is a phase or not. I also hate wearing dresses and being really girly but i usually dont have the biggest problem with leggings. Does this mean I'm trans??
I'm not out as trans (hence the girl name) but I have a "boy's" haircut, and one day when I was out in the hall with some guys working on school work, a teacher came by and called us boys, and I started smiling, the other boys looked at me and we started laughing. I feel like that I'd the moment where I realized that I really was trans.
I've only had one moment. It was when I got new clothes that made my chest look flat and I felt really masculine. It was before I got my hair cut, so I put all my hair up in a beanie, which worked pretty well. I looked in the mirror and starting bawling. Unfortunately, I still have doubts, but I think it's just because I'm not super masculine. There's like a certain kind of guy I am (a kind of gay geeky guy if that makes any sense) and I feel like that's not "guy" enough. It's hard to explain...
i understand this e.e i like pastel colours and kawaii sweaters and i feel like thats not "guy" enough even though its mens clothing and im scared people will say "oh you dont look trans enough" or something
I had a lot of small moments when I was trying to figure myself out. It took a lot for me to admit to myself that I’m a gay trans guy, but in retrospect I can see a lot of moments that were like ‘signs’ of being trans. Here’s a list, if it helps: - when I hit puberty I hated my hips, and wanted them to be narrower - I’ve always desperately wanted to be friends with boys, but I didn’t want to be seen as weird so I never got the courage - I got weirdly happy about shopping in the men’s section - as a kid I was always proud of being tall, having broad shoulders and a deep voice, but I never knew why - I felt that everybody else’s bodies fit their personalities and who they were, but mine never did - when I put a dress on I felt like I was just a charade and felt extremely stressed However, the most important thing to remember is that my experiences aren’t your experiences. People lead different lives, and you don’t have to fit a certain criteria to be trans. My advice is to experiment with things, and do what makes you happiest - not your family, not your friends, not society, but you. Best of luck to you all
I do not know if I am trans or not. I'm scared to date people because I feel like if they are dating me as a girl then I figure out I'm a guy they will be betrayed in some way.
For me it's maddening because I'm really fucking emotionally-constipated and all I ever got growing up were little hints... like, when people on the internet saw my usernames, assumed I was a man and automatically used male pronouns, it always felt inexplicably good? And the idea that I've always felt like a spy or a stranger when I'm surrounded by my female cis friends... it's hard to explain and probably sounds stupid ^^' but I didn't even realize how fucking uncomfortable I was with everything until very recently... goddamn it, why can't this be easier to figure out? -___-
CodeDarkBlue I feel you man. I'm a girl, but I ALWAYS get mistaken for being a guy on websites and such because I tend to choose 'males' on games, and masculine usernames. I've always lied about my gender on the internet. But I know, it feels good to be called a guy. I think I'm now starting to realise why. Hence why I'm surfing through all these videos lol.
CodeDarkBlue I still haven't quite figured it out. I have heaps of small hints too, I don't feel comfortable playing a female in roleplays, video games, etc. I feel exposed and stupid in female clothing, whenever I had a female friend I always felt like I didn't connect with them, it was hard to understand them and all the memes online comparing stereotypical traits of males vs females I always felt connected to the male ones. I find myself being strangely sexist against females too. But I'm still confused cause sometimes I feel weird talking deeper, no one has ever mistaken me as a guy even online, I find I can't bind for very long, I really don't want to end up bald and I don't know how I feel about pronouns. I think a lot of it is just fear of change but I hate how slow the process is. I know I'm not a girl because when I think of my life I can't handle the idea of being in a relationship or anything as a girl. But since I'm still confused I have these flashes of moments where I wonder if maybe I am a girl and should accept my life and live as one. I hate how hard it is to figure it out, and it's really stressful trying to look back on my life and find clues to help, especially since I've always been pretty distant and not paid close attention to anything really. Glad to know others have trouble too though : D. I'm actually really afraid of finding out I'm non-binary or female, I kind of really want to be a guy, the problem is if I am or not haha.
3v1l73ddy Yes! I feel like I have to accept that I'm a girl too. But it's so complicated, I don't even want to be known as a girl. I feel more like a boy.
Dean Winchester yeah it's so hard haha. Sometimes I just want to quit, if I quit then I won't care anymore. It's not the best way to go about things though. But that'd how hard it is, and it actually doesn't help when people say gender doesn't matter and to just be yourself; a) I have no clue who I even am anymore and b) if gender didn't matter this whole thing wouldn't be such a torture haha.
I associate myself as trans. My parents don’t believe me though and are trying to convince me otherwise. They have accepted the fact that I’m bisexual, which is good.
Exactly, i've never felt comfortable being a girl. Which i'm still referred as. I mean theres always that thought in my head that if I want to go farther with this, then what will the outcome be. I see transgenders on youtube and my heart starts racing and I start freaking out because thats who I know I am. When I was younger i'd even dress as a boy around the house and I use to have barbies and such and my friends would come over and play, but I was always the dad or the brother or the boyfriend. I hated being well, the girl role. For holloween this year I was a boy, my family thought I was just to lazy to choose a costume (lol) but I wanted to know how it felt. And my friends came over and their parents said I was a cute boy, hah my friends mom didnt even know who I was. I had a hard time taking off the costume in general after that...Lately i've been thinking about cutting my hair short. I always get compliments on my hair now but it bothers me about what people are gonna say or think. I'm akward and shy and fitting in has always been weird for me. One friend is enough for me. But I don't know where to start...I started highschool and my last boyfriend ended up being gay later on and thats been making me realize alot...also every game I play like Animal crossing or...I dunno harvest moon. Im alwayys a guy *^* I have alot of thinking to do
Can I just say, you sound like a hella cool person! I had a pretty similar journey to you - I grew up with a brother who I was very close to and I'd always love doing typically male things and stuff. I didn't have a very strict masculine/feminine upbringing, so my brother and I would both get our nails painted, play with dolls, play video games, action men etc. and I'd be okay with that since he did it, too! I never fitted in and frankly didn't want to, I always found it weird how all the girls seemed to like the same things and I was there like, what? I was always the guy in games and stuff. Since I've transitioned and come out and such I feel like I've totally changed as a person, I now have a big friendship circle instead of two, and I'm now embracing my femininity which I suppressed before because I thought it went against my male identity. It took me a LOT of thinking to get here, but I'm really happy with where I am now. I hope you enjoy your journey - the internet really is very useful! ^-^
Don't worry too much about it. Just make whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself. I had my hair long, like really long, my whole life and the day I cut it I felt AMAZING! I always thought I would be in a shock or not like it, but it was the best thing I ever did. :) so just keep on doing little things like this and you will eventually find yourself
X-Rainbow_Dash-X Yes to all. I can see on your profile picture now that you've already cut your hair. Looks awesome! My hairs super long and I want to cut my hair very short sometime this summer but my mum said she won't like it. Fuck it I want to feel more me. Having long hair doesn't feel right anymore. Kudos to you for doing it, you're braver than me. And I was always the male role when I was younger too.
Dean Winchester It's your hair. Cut it the way you want it :) I had long hair down to my ass as a kid, and every time I said I was considering cutting it, Mum would scare me by saying 'but if you don't like it, it will take ages to grow back!' When I started middle school I finally cut it back to a ponytail. In the last 12 months, I've come out as trans and got rid of most of my hair. Gone down to a 3-blade (which feels awesome when you run your hand over it) and now it's grown back out to a scruffy look. It's just great to experiment, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions get in the way
In my life Ive been through stages of very girly and super tomboy. When I was very young I liked ponies and princesses. When I got older around 7 or 8 I started playing video games. I dressed like a boy and played with the boys and generally didn't really understand gender variants at all. I always felt left out and different at this time. I moved schools and was forced to wear a dress I didnt like it that much but I just stopped caring. I was still the same me (less shy though). Until I turned 14 when I was told to dress in girls clothes and I wanted to impress a girl cause she had dresses and liked pink. When I turned 16 I turned back into that shy boy who doesn't talk much and likes games. I tried to be a girl to impress people, to be normal and cool or because I was told too. Now I realise that thats not me. I am a boy because Im not trying to impress people. Im trying to be me.
This made everything make so much more sense. I've lived my whole life up until junior year doing just fine as a girl. Junior year things got a little rocky, and I've had an eating disorder and depression problems for awhile. When trying to figure why and when my probkems began I started to realize how I felt about my body. I realized the more weight I lost the less curvy I became and so I started looking more like a boy. That was literally what I was striving for. I realized I was happiest when I was mistaken for a boy. Its a terrifying thought but its something I've been able to see myself as and be more comfortable as. I'm even going to a gender therapist soon so I can talk to them about my identity and see where it is that I fit, and where how I feel about my body places me and what steps I can take.
I am still trying to figure out... I like seriously want a penis but want to be girly? so fem boi. but at the same time I hate being considered a girl and I always feel more comfortable around guys, like more outgoing. I started taking t pills to see if that helps. But I also know the process of getting a penis when your ftm and the surgery looks horrific...
I know how you feel. I'm a femme boy big time XD and gay most of the time oh my god! lol you should try to take things slow and think about what you want in life :)
I got some tips. As a gay transguy myself, I say you do you. Just while being feminine (by choice yennow) dont be offended when people misgender you accidently cuz its hard to pass as it is, but adding that feminine nature makes it harder. (dont look at pictures of people whule having surgery oh my god I'm scarred for life)
As an older woman, I'm always surprised by the way many young people jump into experimenting with your bodies. I know I'm nobody to tell others how to live your lives, but it's obvious that you need to take your time to know what you want to do before doing anything as life changing as taking hormone pills or doing any surgeries. Like, check first what you actually need and then only do it if necessary, not the opposite. I'd even say, the less invasive procedures to the body, the better. We only have one.
Good video. I have had more people tell me that I MUST be Trans, but that I just choose to deny it...just because I am very Butch and don't mind that I am often called by male pronouns (it actually makes me chuckle - unless it's done in sarcasm or with hurtful intent), but that's "gender policing" to me and I KNOW that I am a Butch lesbian - a woman who loves other women- and that I do not want to be a man or FtM. Why others think they need to "police" me into an identity that I don't "feel" in my heart. Like I saw someone comment the other day that "many young Butch lesbians are really FtM and just don't know it yet." Personally I believe that if you are misgendered at birth that you KNOW it in your heart somewhere, and there will come a point when you choose to recognize it - i.e. transition - whether that's early or later in life, you just know it inside, just like I "know" that I am just your good 'ole fairly stereotypical Butch lesbian!
Yes! I like how you break it down, focusing on emotional reactions to learning about what trans is and hearing other people's stories. That's what I did. I wasn't sure when I began and the more I learned, the greater my heart and body responded. Many times in early transition, I would cry at the recognition or have to lay flat on the ground gripped by the fear of the realness and immediacy of it all. I think we all have the answer deep inside, and our task is to allow it to come out no matter how scary it may seem at the time.
I’m in this awkward moment where that are times that I’m like “hell yeah, I’m trans” and then after like 5 minutes I’m “wait... am I?” But I might actually be. I have never questioned or felt wrong growing up. I just sometimes thought “I wanted to be a boy”. Now, puberty stuff, it kinda hit me. I have been playing online rpgs and have had male characters all the time, even before realising I’m trans. Now I use male pronouns online and I feel normal. A few days ago I just had a dream that someone called me a “he” and I felt absolutely amazing. I told my mum but she is like “I don’t understand why these people that want to be the other gender want to dress up like the other gender”. I’m still gathering up courage to talk to her again.
I don't know what I am. I was born a female and still identify as female but something doesn't feel right. and feel like if were born male I would feel the same.......
me too, sometimes it just feels right when my guy friends call me dude and treat me as one of them and when im walking down the street i tend to stare at my shadow and saying mm do i look like a dude, id love too, but i also feel good when im rocking a dress at a party, i dress somewhat androgynous, i have lended guys my shirts and nobody notices its not theirs
I never really had dysphoria, but I'd always get euphoria whenever someone would mistake me for a guy. I never hated my body or got anxiety but I've always been rather to myself and seemingly uncaring- in other words depressed. I correct people mentally whenever they call me a girl, and I mentally eye roll at a gift clearly bought from the "for a girl" section at Christmas. If I ever have to dress up or act like a girl, I feel incredibly fake. I once tried to make myself healthier and work out, but then some idiots cat-called me or flirted with me and I was mortified so I stopped and lost my will to continue. I want to try again, but only to lose this freaking chest I have. I really wouldn't mind if my hair was shorter or my stupid chest didn't exist. I used to think maybe some of this stuff was normal, but now I have a niece that I've got to watch grow up and she's much different than I. She actually gets annoyed and genuinely doesn't like it if people think she's a boy. She makes an actual effort to correct them.
How I realized I was trans, I was riding the bus with my friend and it just sparked in my head and I said “I think I’m trans” and my friend was just like “good for you (deadname)
Same but for me it sparked in my head and I literally googled "I think I'm trans now what" And after seeing the search results still didn't believe it. That entire thing happened again a few times before I admitted it to myself it might be true haha
I got serve depression and anxiety around when I turned 9 years old. I didn't think anything of it, apparently nor did my mother, I dressed in what I was given, It wasn't until my mother bought me my first pair of school pants, (I was almost always given skirts) I noticed, Screw skirts and dresses why the hell did anyone give me those like wtf? I hung/hang out with 95% boys and get along with them waaaayyyyy better than I ever had with females. Suddenly I hit age 11 and I was like "WHY THE HELL AM I BLEEDING?" I told my stepmum and she was like, "Thats your period, females puberty"(Basically) I was shaking and flipping out. My mother went on to tell me after I tried to come out to her when I was 12-13 one of those two, That I was wrong and would have shown signs when I was (young) like 5-9, I remember thinking "Uh- why the hell would anyone 5-9 think of their gender? and if its right none the less." I didn't really start noticing my more "boyish" attitudes until , 5th grade, I mean I was introduced to my first video game when I was seven the Super Nintendo and my game was the first super mario bros, I even learned how to make the stages pink, i learned game cheats and I spent almost all day on those system when I could... Then I got a computer, I was introduced to my first RPG, World of Warcraft, I liked the girl toons, but Id of rathered played the male ones, They were ugly af though and I wasn't havin none of that so I made girl toons with more boyish names and the most guyish backgrounds and gear I could, I played warriors alot. I was -FORCED- to wear a dress to my stepmum and fathers wedding, and I remember hating it, I wanted to run around and be a weirdo when I was 10, I was like "WOOOO LIFE" And a dress meant I had to be proper, but a pair of dress pants and a dress shirt meant, I didn't have to, I was upset, but I never complained. I went to get my haircut, and I begged my mum she said "Thats a boy hair cut" I said "Yeah I know" and then they went to tell me she didnt like it and it was a lesbian haircut when I was saying in my head, "No its not im a boy-" Im going to be 15 and I always swear when I hit 17, im telling my mother "I am a Young man, Please respect it now." All my friends at school know me as Asher, and call me by male pronouns, and if they dont I correct them, even my mom said something and I remember feeling this overwhelming feeling of joy, until she corrected herself and I was like "OH- WOW-" If you took the time to read this, keep pushing on after all when your 18, you're your own person. Find ppl to support you. Look at the signs around you, how you dress, the people you hang out with,etc. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL ITS TIME, JUST BE YOU.
I knew something was different. But I started cringing when I was 23 when people would refer to me as "she". I'm 25 and am in the process of starting my transition. I have begun to bind full time and recently realized that days I pass when people call me sir or bro or dude. It makes me feel happy. I have used the mens room for the first time Thursday and ever since it's like my world has changed. I'm growing into the man I have always been meant to be.
I've only started realising this stuff very recently, and the hardest part of finding out for certain is my Asperger's Syndrome - not only do I have a very logical mindset and therefore never considered the possibility of identifying as a different gender to the one I was born with, but it also causes me to be very out of touch with everyone's emotions, including my own. What this means is that despite the fact that I can now see a whole bunch of moments that point to me identifying as a female, I never would have picked up on it, simply because transgender was a foreign concept to me until, well, the better part of this year. I had the "rug pulled out from beneath your feet" about half an hour after watching a video of one of my favourite youtubers announcing that he was transitioning to female. I went downstairs and starting washing up and started to ask all these unanswered questions one more time and all of a sudden everything made SENSE. I'm still not entirely certain as I'm trying to figure out how many of these moments can be attributed to my Asperger's, but I guess my only regret at this stage is that I hadn't thought about this stuff sooner.
i have aspergers too! during my whole gender journey id always doubted myself and i think a big reason was because i have aspergers so maybe its just that? but ive found out that the only sort of thing that could be affecting your gender is a bonafide personality disorder, rather than just brain wiring being a tad bit different. my aha moment was when i was a few months into my gender journey and, initially i wasnt all too keen on identifying as a guy because id grown up all my life being told that men do these things and men dont enjoy this other thing and id had such tightly bound ideals and rules forced upon me regarding gender that at the time i didnt think that could ever be me. part of it was a little bit sort of cheating in a way with my nb id at the time because i didnt want to commit myself to the whole trans thing? but then also a part of it was me being a stickler for the rules. part of it was that whole dont go outside the norms (which in this case translates mostly to be as cis as you can) which i could almost do with a partially female identifying gender. the other part of it was that over the years though id always thought of myself as fairly neutral i did have some things about myself that were a bit femenine like my continuing obsession with tea parties (i think my favorite things about them are just the whole planned events aesthetic as well as eating tea and baked goods) or singing or whatever so at the time i had thought that obiviously i couldnt be a boy because im not a bodybuilding rough and tumble picks fights and noses type of lad. but then (now were getting to that aha moment) when i went to the airport to go visit my dad (as i always do during school breaks) i was wearing this brown leather jacket and plaid shirt, both bought in the womens sections and my hair was short but admittedly femme and so when we got to the security check point and i had to give my ticket and id to the tsa agent the person was new or something and had help from this other tsa person and they were both calling me 'little man' and in that moment when i was getting called 'little man' i had felt this feeling of happiness and at the time i had told myself i knew that meant i was a dude on the inside and i knew exactly what i was doing and that id just be supressing my true self, trying to seem as if i was actually nb and i knew that the next few months as i near fooled myself (knowing in the back of my mind the bliss of being called 'little man') that i was nb that i was truly a boy and during the summer is where i fully and totally came to terms. not entirely out of it being the perfect timing but because the school year was starting up and i had to decide if i was sure enough to live as a dude in school and so i took the plunge and honestly that was the best decision and so far that one action has made this school year so much better than it would have been, had i stayed closeted about being a man.
I myself have Aspergers but I'm.. more mild? I guess? I dunno, pfft. Anyway, change for me has always been a big... bad wolf kind of ordeal and I wanna have an emotional fit any time something changes on me that I didn't expect to change. I always had random thoughts like I wish I were a boy... I wonder what it'd be like if I were a boy. Sometimes I'd see certain parts of my body and think, hm that looks very boy-ish but I never really put two and two together until a couple years ago when I saw some FTM transgender vlogger and I was like... That... that makes sense. He feels the things I've felt my whole life. But at the same time I wanted to hide in a corner and pretend I didn't see any of it. So it took a bit of time for me to.. digest the idea that I myself am trans. But I ended up coming around to the idea and now I feel transitioning is probably the better decisions I've made in my life.
Guthix Balance trans and aspeger syndrome is tow ways the brain works and the brain can woks in so many ways even more then one at the same time. So it's 100% possible to be trans and have aspergers syndrome.
When I was a child. Identifying new things was very black and white. When I found out what a tree was called that was it from that point on. The same goes for rocks, food, clothing people and water. None of it was hard to identify not even me. I knew that I was a girl. Every time I saw another female I knew her and I were the same on some fundamental level. I didn't know that our physical anatomy was different and when I was told it was it didn't phase me. I still knew I was female. Being forced by family to identify as male however was what introduced the scales of gray. I couldn't reconcile what I knew with what I was told was the truth. And so I had to assume that if I was male that I was a different type of male. It made things confusing.
My moment was when one of my friends who is trans got top surgery and I realized how jealous I was of him and I started crying and I was like "bro, cut this shit out and admit that you're trans" and I went over to my mirror and looked myself in the eye and told myself I was a boy. Not that that wasn't the first time I had really considered the concept of being trans (I had since I was about 16) but it was definitely my biggest moment...
You make this video so connectable. Like, it's just so welcoming and accepting and I feel so cozy with the way you discuss this topic. Thank you so much.
Guys! You don't *need* a label. You don't have to call yourself a girl or a boy or an enby, just be you. Go by your chosen name and pronouns. You don't need to validate yourself to other people. This is coming from someone who runs on labels and routine. Without it, I feel helpless. But, I realized that not having a label can be part of your routine without it being disorganized. Just be you. Not a boy, not a girl, not an enby. You. There's nobody out there who is the same as you.
I was in a show and played a boy in it and my director kept switching between calling me my character's name and "he" and the name I go by in school and "she" and everytime he "misgendered" me I felt really happy. I never thought I could be anything other than a girl and I was so frickin happy when people couldn't tell what my gender was, you have no idea. Now I realize I'm some sort of nonbinary and I wanna look so androgynous that people have to ask me my gender and will stop assuming it.
for me it took meeting another transguy. I didnt know that it was a possibility that i could change genders. I remember as a little kid wishing i was a boy every night wondering why i wasnt. By middle school i was no longer thinking that and i was trying to fit in with the girl world (which i sucked at) i remember the first time i got my period i was terrified like my blood ran cold and i remember thinking why am i so scared? when my best friend got hers she was excited but i felt horrible and i cried for half an hour. I remember when i wore make up trying to fit in and copy the other girls at school and absolutely hating how it looked. i remember hating how my chest looked and i had about as severe depression as you could get. I hated every part of me and i never knew why. i never knew i had a choice and then i met someone who was trans as i said and it was like this huge wave of relief came over me and for the first time in my life things actually made sense. i finally understood that there was a reason i was not like the other girls and i wasnt a monster or a screw up like there are no words that can express how i felt at that moment except maybe freeing the first time i was called terrance i could not stop smiling for the entire day it felt so right the first time i binded and my chest finally looked flat i had never felt that happy, the first time i packed (with a sock) it felt so right just to see that bulge the first time people said i passed it was again words could not describe it it was like a giant weight was lifted off of me the only problem was when i finally admitted to myself that i was a guy the dysphoria started to kick in i mean i had it all my life but it was suppressed and masked as a hatred for myself but when i admitted to myself that i was really not a girl all those repressed feelings came out i now cannot put on a dress without breaking down i literally want to throw up at just the thought of putting something girlie on sometimes i have to force myself and i cry when i do sometimes the dysphoria is too much and i break down but i am happier now. there are days when i am completely depression free and it is usually the days i feel like i am oozing masculinity when i am binding and packing and i can look in the mirror and i just see a guy not a girl looking back at me and it is absolutely amazing sorry for the long comment
I'm so fucking stressed. I've never been completely feminine. I was masculine as a kid, but never refused to wear feminine clothes. I would wear them if my mom wanted me to. I hated wearing dresses and flats and things like that, but if mom wanted me to wear a headband I was okay with that. As a kid, I was okay with vaguely feminine clothing and long hair and stuff. I was okay with that. But now, throughout my teenage years, I'm becoming less sure. I've been identifying as genderflulid for nearly a year because I wanted to look male for a long time, but still had an interest in dresses and stuff. Recently, I've transitioned completely to Noah (just the name and pronouns). It feels right. I feel confident in knowing I'm a boy. But.. I don't really experience gender dysphoria. I never really //despised// my boobs. Sure, I hate them, but I've never broken down over them. I think it's because I know I'm a boy on the inside, so it doesn't matter what I do or don't have on the outside. But I don't know if it's real dysphoria. I feel like I'm faking being trans. Maybe I'm not. But I //hate// it when people call me by my birth name. I would much rather be a man. But I've never really experienced intense dysphoria like I know so many others have. It just makes me feel like a fake. Help?
Ok it's rare for me to even come to the youtube comments , but I have a good reply. Excuse me if I'm being rude or vaguely offensive. SO! Ok first thing, please remember your clothes do not define your gender. It's okay to not like certain clothes, but the idea that clothes belong to a certain gender is false. So what I'm assuming is that you just have gender dysphoria. Which is different from body dysphoria. It's mainly gender dysphoria that makes someone trans. The body is like an extra , well. It's there for ppl who feel in the wrong body. As we know being trans is just identifying as something other than your biological sex. So you do fit if you feel this way. Please do not be stressed as it is nothing to really stress over. If you are comfortable that's what counts. If you feel right when ppl call you the correct pronoun. Then that's another fact that matters. I think you've simply jumbled the two terms gender dysphoria and body dysphoria together. You are experiencing (I think) gender dysphoria not body. As you are comfortable in the body you are in. As it doesn't effect your gender. Where as body dysphoria mainly wants to change the sex. I hope this helped , if I seem like a prat for saying all this then I'm sorry ^u^. If it did help and you have anymore questions. Come ask : D
Noah Bradford i'm not trans, and maybe this doesn't help but there really isn't anything that's "being fake", because you do what you like and what's you as much as you can. You don't have to be in an exact way to be trans or because you are trans. Some trans people feel okay with their body, some feel cool with wearing both feminine and masculine clothes. It's sort of hard to not get stressed when you wonder who you are and if you're wrong but really there isn't a hurry. Do what you feel like doing, and whatever you do is as good as any other option. If being you makes you trans, or not trans then both options are equally good, because being you is what's good either way, if you get what i mean? be whatever, no one can "call you out" on not being something, you're you, and you can always change your mind when you want to. it's all you
Noah Bradford Hey there! So there's a difference between *gender* dysphoria and *genitalia* dysphoria. Check it out! heartcorps.com/journeys/beginners/how-to-tell.htm
When I was very young, I saw me and my brother pretty much the same. I knew I was a girl, but thought I was just like my brother. When I was in 5th grade and my chest was growing and I obviously needed to start wearing a bra, all I could think was, 'no, no, no no, this doesn't feel right, this shouldn't be happening'. I got even more uncomfortable picking out bras, it was one of the worst experiences I can remember. But when I started my period, oh boy. I didn't want to believe what was happening, I refused to believe it. So I wasn't wearing any pads until my mom made me and told me I had to. And that is the main reason I'm pretty sure that I'm trans. Since I heard about transgender, I've been a huge confused, and frustrated mess. I have definitely been miserable. I am only out as trans to my dad and my girlfriend.
Hating puberty and anxiety over changes doesn’t equate to gender dysphoria. It’s sex dysphoria (discomfort with your sex or sex characteristics but without gender identity conflict). It’s more of a ‘I hate this I want rid of it!’ Rather than a desire to change to conform to the inner sense of gender
@@flicksabean9060 holy crap I forgot I commented this, that was so long ago. You're defiantly right because I'm actually not trans at all. I was just very confused at the time. I'm happy with how I am and I'm more confident than I was when I originally wrote that comment.
I was so scared for so long when I found out I was trans and coming out was so terrifying to me that I kinda just didn't deal with it, I sort of gradually came out to my friends by mentioning things here and there and just not telling them to call me anything different but saying that I would tell them to in the future. Throughout all of this I was still so terrified I was actually wrong about all this and I was making a mistake, until I came out to my choir teacher. Basically what happened was I asked if I could wear the boys uniform (first person to do that in my school so yay I guess) and he said yes, then for our last show of the year I asked him if I could sing the tenor part on a song only the boys were doing, and he said yes to that too. In both of these instances I was so afraid to get up in front of people and essentially come out to them without even saying anything, and I got all this anxiety and adrenaline standing up when the teacher told the boys to stand, but while it was happening I realized that this sinking feeling I had always had in the pit of my stomach (dysphoria) was gone, so even though my anxiety it was like I could breathe for the first time, it was one of the best moments of my life, and everyone in my choir was really accepting of it too. Asking for all of this stuff was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, but I just told myself "you only regret the things in life you don't do" the whole time I was getting ready to ask, and it gave me the courage to make one of the best decisions of my life. I'm not sure if story that helps anyone but idk I guess it's uplifting if nothing else lol.
I was really girly when I was super little. around 4th grade I found out I was Pansexual. Ive been more tomboy since then. Ive worn makeup for a while too, but in the past 7 months or so Ive been have people call me by my male name and male pronouns. Im super positive though and I'm trying to start figuring it out. I'm still really young and dont know whats ahead but if I keep feeling this way I will want to fully transition
for me, my entire memorable childhood i had always been a tomboy and hung out with boys and the like, and it always felt weird to me to be called "young lady" or anything like that, like ya know when you're sitting weird as a kid and your parents say "youre a young lady, you cant sit like that!" and it always rubbed me the wrong way. then i hit puberty and i started completely rejecting anything feminine because i just /didnt want/ to be associated with feminine things, and i just correlated this with me being a tomboy. then pubertu went a little further and i got more mature and was always wishing i had a penis, and around the same time i learned about trans people and i started putting two and two together. still, it took a long time (like 2-3 years now?) to figure out what im comfortable with
The point where it hit me was about my Sophomore year of high school, right around the time that the term transgender was being thrown around everywhere. The funny thing is, I didn’t know that it was even a thing that was going on until my friend recommended me a book to read. Everything FINALLY clicked when I realized that so many experiences in it was what was going on for me personally. (Not to mention, looking back, that was the first time I REALLY dove into something since I hit puberty - I would literally zone out in class because it hit so close to home for me -and fell into one hell of a depression. So obviously, it had to connect to me somehow, lmao.) But yeah, it’s perfectly okay to find out later, just like it’s perfectly okay to read other people’s stories or to see it on tv. I WISH I would’ve had the words to describe things before I did, but I’m also glad that it did come around later so I could feel confident about who I was because of it.
I always wanted to hang out with the guys when I was younger, and I didn't really care about gender. I started feeling kind of depressed every so often though, and I couldn't figure out why. I looked around the internet a bit, and found a bunch of people who felt like me, and I so wanted to be more like them, because they were so masculine and pulled it off so well. Then something clicked when I read the words 'we are transgender', and so I did a bit of research, and it seems like I'm transgender! But I sometimes feel really confused, because people tell me things like "it's just a phase, don't too far with it," or "well you always seemed like a cute little girl! Are you sure?" And it's the last part that gets me, the "are you sure?" Because everyone is telling me it will all come crashing down one day, and I'll see that I was never a boy. But on other hand, I really feel like, identify as, want to be, and strive to be a guy. I just don't know how it's gonna turn out, if I'm going to get the courage or what. It feels like all the 'girly' things I've ever done are coming back to haunt me, and it's getting in my way of getting on with it and being who I am.
I struggled for a while with figuring out if I felt like a boy or girl but my big realizing moment would be last year when I cut my hair and started to make my appearance like a boy. I felt soooo much more me than how I felt looking like a girl.
14 going on 15, I'm hav8ng trouble and questioning my gender a lot. When I was first starting to question myself, I asked my mum about what I was like as a little girl. She said that I liked to girly dresses and skirts, but I was always as outgoing as the other boys. But when I was 10-12, I suddenly decided that I hate the colour pink, and wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt or dress, they were annoying and I couldn't move comfortably without flashing. I moved dance school, and when I hit high school, I took big interest in being muscular and "manly". When puberty first came, I tried to go with the flow, but when my breasts started developing, it just didn't feel right. I thought, 'maybe if I travelled forward in time to when I was 16, I could be comfortable with this.' Being a dancer, costumes are extremely girly and there wasn't much room for comfort, and that made it hard for me to really figure out who I was until I had the opportunity to quit. Roll around to 2 months ago, and I came out to my super supportive friends. I tried binding with sports bra, sports tape and bandages, but I only did it rarely, because it was such a hassle. I'm a large b-cup, so it's harder for me to bind compared to a lot of trans people I see. I started wearing my beanies and hoodies more often, to hide my hair and appear flatter. After dance was over for the year, I quit and cut my hair, and it feels a lot more natural and makes my happier. I spend a lot of time in front of bathroom mirrors, and it makes me question myself a lot. Sometimes I look at my face, and point out everything that is to feminine, and other days I just sort of accept it for what is is. My breasts still don't look like they belong on me, but I don't know for sure what I am and I'm scared to come out to my family until I have it all sorted out and certain.
This is so helpful. I'm 30 and only just really properly exploring my gender identity. I went to my first lgbt + meet up last week and when I was telling my support worker about it she said that when I talked about it I was smiling and she hadn't seen me smile and be so passionate about anything in quite a long time..... I guess this could be classed as a good indicator I'm on the right track in exploring this 😊
Very true about how every time you feel overwhelmed with emotions that you know you're on the right track. I still get a bit choked up when I think about how, if I'd known more, and pushed more back 20yrs ago, I might have had a very different life. But I let people push me into believing I was 'just a tomboy'. I just hope that as we, as humans, learn more that less and less have to go through the struggles we all had to go through.
Pretty confused about myself but I am honestly happy as just anything I can be Since I am a male. Though I do break down everytime I think about "Who I am." I had nightmares for I don't know maybe 8 years but in my lifetime I could tell I was different I mean I loved using my moms girly stuff But when I saw makeup it was a whole new world I always was like 'No I don't want that on.' But I always envyed it and even tryed when I was little but I was too scared to do this later but this caused ALOT of emotional problems with me I always prayed to be a girl. It was a confusing time but I still get scared but well Me you can say? Well I always wanted to do these things again but its just too scared to even do anything. So far I just try to be Happy but its hard...I see myself in two ways and in two worlds. It scares me so much And am confused but I try to be whatever is accepted. But in the end Am worried that maybe my family will hate me or my friends will not like me anymore. But I do hope something will happen. But when you talked about those moments thing I had one when I was Young I just saw something I just saw the girls And the boys then myself and my heart raced then I looked at everybody around me and I just broke down And I Lied about what happened because I didn't know myself What happened.
This video really helped a lot. The first time I felt like I disliked my body was after watching an anime and noticing a character without a specified gender. I just got so excited that I began researching a bunch of stuff. That's how I cam across the term Transgender. It's been three days since I've started watching videos about it, and I've got to say that I am really questioning who I am right now. Thank you.
I really needed to hear this. One of the biggest things people tell you to do when you are figuring stuff out is to go listen to other people’s stories. That helps for sure, but it also puts me in this cycle of telling myself that I am wrong and I can’t be trans because my story isn’t exactly like someone else’s story. That is the biggest reason that I doubt myself. Not because of anything to do with actual transition, but because my figuring myself out has been different than some of these other people who seemingly came out of the womb and said to their mother “This isn’t what it looks like. Something is very wrong here.” So just, hearing someone say “it does not matter how you figure it out.” Is so simple but is exactly what I needed to hear.
the first time I ever felt dysphoria was when I had a dream that I was a man in November 2015. I already understood trans people because of an anime character I was for Halloween the month before
I'm so sad to say the first person ever to call me sir was a troll on youtube. No, the troll didn't know I was born female. They called me sir after I called him out for trolling, being negative towards me because I was a brony. I told them they had no life & nobody cares about them & they congratulated me. They said something like "Well done good sir." Before saying that they used male pronouns as well. That was the first troll ever that actually made me feel good about myself but at the same time it's so sad because it started with them bashing me & the fact that the first time I was called sir was by a troll. Oh well, still an experience that I can carry with me & feel happy about. I even took a picture of the conversation because I was so happy that someone as low as a troll saw me as male.
I found out when I was like 12 and I was sitting in my room and I was thinking over things and my brain said "OH S HiT I'm nOT A G IRL." and it all just kinda made sense then
My “oh my god I’m trans” moment (or I think it was that moment) was when I was watching Kovu Kingrod’s how to know if you’re trans video and it hit me like a bus but in a good way. His experience is exactly what I am/was feeling. I knew I had dysphoria prior cuz I looked at criteria and met all requirements or something but I felt like my experience wasn’t like most trans guys experience. So when I heard about Kovu’s it was like god’s descended from the clouds and were like “You are trans, sweet child.” and so yeah that’s fun
This video, and the comments, were really helpful so thank you. I tend to question myself and my judgement a lot so I never know if what I'm feeling is real or if it's just how I want to feel... I have a serious problem with self-awareness obviously, but anything involving other people I'm very aware of. I'm in the beginning of my transition and not out to anyone yet because I want to be completely sure, but after watching this video I can at least determine I'm not cisgender. I'm still figuring out what identity I'm most comfortable with, whether that's genderqueer, demiguy, or transgender. Sometimes I feel like I got it all figured out, but then something happens that makes me question everything I thought before and my thoughts become a mess. Then I feel like, "well I can't be trans if I'm THIS confused about it", but then the other part of me reminds myself I'm being ridiculous. So yeah, just wanted to share what's been going through my mind recently because I have no one to talk to unless I wanted to come out and that goes back to what I said earlier. I'm definitely looking forward to talking through this with a gender therapist because I clearly need it haha XD
That Fucking Progressive I'm the same, wondering if it's in my head, if it's just wishful thinking. I'm still questioning whether I'm trans in general or just a cis tomboy ;-; I've been questioning for over a year lmao
Same here. I have this thing where I overthink everything and question every single thought until I end up even more confused than I was before and feel like I can't trust my feelings anymore because "Is this really how I feel/what I think or did I talk myself into it or am I only focusing on this now and having these feelings because I thought about it so much and watched too many videos about it?" It sucks. But at least we (the more cautious people) won't do anything that we'll later regret because I need to be absolutely sure before I make any important decisions. And I have been questioning for a year now, too. I am 22.
I remember when I was like 10 and always somehow felt totally uncomfortable about myself but never knew why. My friends older sister complained about cramps during period and joked that she wants to change her gender so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore and I was like "HOLY CRAP YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT WHERE DO I SIGN UP I'M READY"
for me it was soon after puberty that I realised I just didn't feel right being 'female' and I didn't quite understand what that meant I just knew that something just wasn't right and I tried to put on makeup and wear 'girly' clothes but it just didn't feel right. when I was 11-12 I found out about gender identity and as soon as I found out about that it just clicked in my mind, but I held back and said I was agender then I said I was gender fluid because I didn't think I was 'manly enough' to be a guy but the more I got involved in the lgbt+ community the more I realised that I am a guy and screw gender roles, I'm not necessarily what is known and a common guy but I am what I am and I am a transdude. I don't think I have necessarily a common trans experience because I mostly hear about people knowing their entire lives but I didn't even really think about my gender when I was younger and sometimes because of that I feel like I can't be trans but I am and it shouldn't matter if it's something I discovered more recently or I've known for a while
I cried the first few times when i got my period for hours and i didnt knew why. But now i still cry sometimes, but i have a but of hope that one time my period will be over and i will not be 60 years old
I definitely had an epiphany moment where I was like "holy shit I think I'm trans." I was on youtube when I was 12 and stumbled across some videos about transgender children and after I watched one, I was really interested in the topic of trans people for about a month. I thought it was normal and just a phase of being really interested in something. At one point I was watching a video and just broke down into tears. I remember thinking "why couldn't I have lived my childhood like they did?" because I realized that I had the same feelings many of those kids did when I was younger, but I pushed them aside because I was under the impression that it was impossible for me to be a boy. I always categorized myself as a tomboy, and thought that was it, nothing more. I had also known that I was attracted to boys for a while, so being transgender didn't really come to mind. I learned later that I was also attracted to girls, but that's a different story. Overall I learned I was trans in one moment, but it took a while for me to accept it.
The first time I watched this about a year ago, this video helped me a lot but I wasn't sure I was trans. Watching this video now I am so much more sure and it just marks the progression of my coming to terms with it. I'm so happy you made this video because I wouldn't really have had a point of reference for those realizations.
I never felt extremely uncomfortable with my body, even though I felt something was off, but I just pulled any trans related feeling away until some months ago. But between my 10 and 14 years I would have moments when I would dress up with my father's clothes and put my hair in a way it looked short and never knew why I felt comfortable with it and I forgot that times along with any other time that I gave signals that I was a boy until it finally hit me. And even now I'm not sure, I'm afraid of being lying to myself and that end up being just internalized misogyny, my major fear is end up regretting after transitioning
How do you know if your cis or transgender?? Hi, my name is Jordan and I’m 18 years old. I started questioning my gender around the beginning of 7th grade. I got my period the month before I was supposed to start 7th grade. Getting my period threw me off and made me really uncomfortable. I never could put my finger exactly on why I felt so weird but the way that people were treating me and the way my body was changing, I hated it to say the least. I remember finding out was transgender meant in like the 10th grade but I didn’t really think much of it. It wasn’t until I turned 17 and was a junior in high school that I really began to ask myself if I was transgender female to male or not. I began to wear more guy clothes and wanted a haircut. I went to therapy and concluded that I just liked to wear men’s clothes because they were more comfortable. Then, in my senior year of highschool my gender spun out of control. By the time I was to graduate high school, I had no idea who the heck I was. My mind was always all over the place. I had mental breakdowns a lot and sometimes for no apparent reason. I started to feel really insecure and wanted to get back into therapy since it has previously helped me before. So there I was, back in therapy after I graduated high school. I told my therapist exactly how I had been feeling and we had come to the conclusion that I was probably transgender female to male. For the next six months I identified as transgender female to male. It was hard sometimes and I had a lot of doubt but I pushed through it. However, now my thoughts on my self are very different. I no longer feel like a man or want to be one. The thought of growing facial hair makes me want to literally cry and I actually can appreciate my breasts and love them because they make me feel feminine and make me feel like a woman. I couldn’t imagine transitioning into a man, mainly because I would miss my current body and feel quite out of my element in that type of body. But it’s like now I am so dang confused! Was the whole feeling like a transgender man just a phase?? How do you know if you are cis gender?? How does one tell if they are transgender?? I actually want to be my assigned gender at birth and have so much self love for myself that I never had before. I really do feel like a girl, inside and out. Does this mean that I’m really a cis gender female?? Please leave me your thoughts and advice below, any and every comment of advice is very much appreciated trust me!🥰❤️💓
So i'm an trans male; and i've already known what transgender meant and such; but i always swept it under the rug - but i hated any female pronouns even at a young age and always had my friends address in male pronouns and even called myself Payne. And my parents just kept saying. " It's a phase you'll get over it. " " You just don't have many friends, that's all. " And i use to become violent every time i went near, a skirt; dress and such, and no one would listen to me, i slowly began to isolate myself from my family and friends, and my younger brother was the only person i would let near me. Until i got my first , laptop about four years ago, and discovered about Anime and Manga, and it opened me up to a whole new world, lol; even know i would still isolate myself from people, i was getting a bit better, and over that period of time i was becoming more curious about words i've seen all over the internet, but never really looked into it. I started, searching up what Pansexual, Bisexual, Asexual and such was, and which led to transgender - And i became curious - so i did a lot of research about it. And through-out that lifespan of two years i met a lot of trans people on the internet and finding similarities or a sort of connection between stories of how they found out about they're own gender identity, and honestly when i did have enough knowledge on the subject. I was in denial - i was going on an endless roller-coaster of organ drooling death But after really discussing with myself and really thinking shit over - i was just like " Fuck - I might be/ am possibly transgendered " It took me about a month or two to really think this over - but when i fully accepted myself, i decided to tell my mother - in a letter- lol. I have full support from my mum. And i'm really starting to think about getting T and such; but, i know my gender, and no Fucker can tell me else wise.
My "aha" moment was when I was at a party and was stoned, i was telling a story and this gorgeous gay man was staring back at me and listening so intensely to my story that i just lost my train of thought and i just paused for what felt like eons, then the story just fizzled out instead of the original dramatic ending, and i felt so stupid for the rest of the night. The first thought when I came to was "I wish i was a gay man, so I could jump this guys bones". My attraction to women has always been stronger, like when i was in kindergarten, i'd always be talking about the female prefects that I thought were "really pretty" aka. nice and never talked about the male ones, so since I was seen as a female who seemed to like females, I was labelled a "lesbian" but that labelled never felt right for me. I tried joining lesbian events and groups and felt out of place. I've also had a more subdued attraction to males where I've found them attractive and also was physically attracted to them but never felt comfortable expressing it cuz ew, straight amiright?... lol jokes. Anyways, before puberty I've always been comfortable expressing as more feminine, like wearing makeup and dresses, and jewellery and nail polish, with "girly" accessories, but then afterwards I became a huge tomboy. The only thing holding me back from "passing" (i know problematic) was my long hair, which I love, cuz all my dad's male cousins had long hair at some point and growing up my dad was the one with long hair and mum had short hair, so I've always wanted to have long hair, i just wish I had a beard to go with it. I'd come out, then be asked "but you have long hair?" as if, men can't have long hair. When I was a kid, I'd always use the razor without the blades and put shaving cream on my face and "shave" alongside my dad, and it was the happiest I've ever been, I've always thought i'd have a beard "like my dad" but when it never did and instead my "fat sacs" came in, I was devastated. I live in the tropics, so clothes was optional in the summer, but after puberty, i had to cover up, and so i just spiralled.
I remember when puberty hit thinking that this was what I got and I had to try to make it work because there was no alternative. I was so wrong but I'm glad I had a chance to grow into myself before starting transition.
I think i might be trans ftm but there a lot of things that scare me about that Like i'm scared to becoming one of those very manly masculins guys because well that's not the type of guy that i am and if i tell a therapist about that he will say "no you' re not trans enough" And i'm also very scared to one day regret it... And other things like that...
When I started seriously questioning my gender a month ago I turned on the TV and the show that was on (LGBT around the world or something similar) had a trans man in it and he talked about his journey and how he realized he was trans and he said that he wished he would have known sooner... To me it was a sign that I was on the right track and that I should keep exploring myself and my gender. Also when a trans dude came out in high school I remember feeling very envious of him because he had the guts to come out and live his life as his true self... at that point I'd been questioning my gender but when I told people that I thought I was trans they told me I wasn't because I don't ''think like a man'' and I'm probably just a butch lesbian in denial (I'm bi), so I just repressed that part of myself and tried to wear a ''girly'' mask for about 2 years... that's about when I started being depressed.
Mannn I always dressed like a boy to be honest. My stepmom told me that my mom would force me into dresses and as soon as I'd go to my dad's, I'd rip the dress off and change into boy's clothes haha. Some of my earliest memories I had, I remember being "guyish." I remember when I was like 4 or 5, my uncle bought my a hot wheels comforter (it's somewhere in my mom's basement now lol) and on my 5th birthday I was wearing my power ranger's helmet (red one aka Jason's) and a basketball jersey! I never really fit into groups well, I mean, I had friends but I would be forced to "go on the girls' team" but I hated it so I just hung out with the guys. I always played the dad, brother, dog, wolf, whatever lol :) but sometime in the past 2 years, I've felt like I belonged somewhere in the LGBTQ community, somehow, I guess? And I researched it and I knew what transgender meant, but I never really thought too much about it. When I came across the term, I felt like "oh my god someone actually gets me... this is how I feel, this is who I am!" and so now for the past 7 or 8 months, I've been finding out who I really am. My dad is still kinda weirded out by it, but then again he always called me "the son he never had" (oops, sorry dad. That's where you're wrong) and I always said I was a boy trapped in a girl's body (like I said, never put too much thought into it). It's not like I'm changing, really, I like to think of it as the fact that I was born a boy, but something went wrong in the pregnancy and my body malfunctioned, and now I'm just switching back to who I've always been. Also I think this is my first (idk why but I believe in evolution but not god?) life in a female body and it's like an experiment, and I don't like it so I'm like NOPE I'M A BOYYY. But for the past 4 months I've been passing and letting everyone know, and so far I've got 98% support :) my dad is still weirded out by it but he was raised old-fashioned, so that's alright. At least he's sorta trying, which is all that matters to me. Although, when my stepmom's friend came over for the weekend, she said "you have a good looking/cute son" and my stepmom said "he's actually a she" and the point is that I passed. My stepmom is trying her best though, and she's the most understanding. She goes to college with quite a few FTM's and it's great. :)
I tried binding for the first time today (with ace bandages and yes I do know I shouldn’t have however I took it off after like 5 minutes) and I felt so freakin awesome I cried out of happiness
I realized a little while ago that I am trans (ftm). At first I thought I was a demigirl or something because Im a very "feminine" and flamboyant person. I love makeup, hair, fashion, the list goes on. I thought that was why I couldn't possibly be a guy. But the more I thought back and tried presenting more as a guy I realized that it made feel at peace with myself. That was the first time I cried happy tears but looking back at all my female pictures make me sad. I feel as though I wore drag my entire life and am just now discovering who the real me is.
(This is kinda a rant lol. At the end is my mindset towards myself about this I guess). I am completely unsure if im trans or really just my gender at birth. I dress in "masculine-looking/androgynous" clothing and got a certain short haircut that looks "masculine/androgynous". However I know there are plenty of cis girls who do this too and I could really just be a tomboy. I also do anything I can to make my chest flatter/not as visible but I do know that there are plenty of cis girls who also want to have a flat chest. And in any case, this could just be me having a bad body image of myself since I'm overweight (at the border between overweight and obese). What I have recently noticed is that I feel sad when I see how tall guys in my class are and the average heights of people in many countries, knowing I will never be able to get that tall or even come close. I have also felt sad when someone told a guy that they were short, when they were taller than me. I am 5'3" and yea I know height doesn't mean anything really and there are in fact disadvantages to being tall but idk. Also speaking and singing in a deeper voice has made me feel euphoric in a way I guess idk. I have also tried to make my voice deeper. I have felt euphoria from getting misgendered? (Idk if I'm trans or cis) as a dude, which really only started happening after I got my "masculine/androgynous" haircut. This has happened many times since and every single time it makes my day. I have been called a "he", and "his" and "him" have been used referring to me. People have used "your son" when talking to my mom and referring to me. A group of girls at lunch have literally told me that I was "a cute boy" (they then realized I was a girl but it really brightened my day and made me very cheerful for the rest of it). Also I'm just going to say that I don't recall having any gender dysphoria as a young child (but yeah ik that doesn't mean anything as I know that there are plenty of trans people who also haven't had dysphoria as a young child) The point I'm really trying to make is that I feel like I just like "tricking" people into thinking I'm a guy or agender or something but I'm really not? [tbh tho after many years of questioning I feel like it wouldn't really matter if i knew i was trans or not since I could probably dress in whatever I like and would probably not do any medical transition anyway. I do want to remove the fat on my chest, but I dont want to do it through surgery as I'm too scared for that and the fact that my parents would not allow me even if 18 years old at least). If I could press a button and make them disappear in an instant, I would do that. And in any case I'm trying to lose weight overall to lose weight in my chest area so I hope that works. Also want to add even though this has nothing to do with medically transitioning, I would never change my name even though it's feminine because I quite like it (and thats ok). I'm really at this point just questioning the meaning of life Ranting has helped me understand things a little better, but I'm still confused and that is ok. Either way it probably won't even matter much to me. I can just go around doing what I always do and whatever makes me happiest and I will see as I go along.
!SOME ONE PLEASE HELP! I always liked wearing boyish clothes.. when puberty hit I was extremely mad all the time for no reason and I would get mad because I would tell myself “omg DONT do that that is too girly!”..Then I realized I’m pansexual and I wanted to cut my hair short and the haircut I wanted was from this guy I saw a picture of.. I started thinking I want to look like him but I was kinda confused.. like do I think he is cute or do I want to be him and now I get dyhsphoria about PE because I’m grouped with girls and when people call me a pretty girl.. if u ask what I want to look like I would say I want to look like neither gender.. I look at guys and think I want to look like them..but sometimes I look at a girl and want to look like them
Throughout the entirety of my childhood I thought I was a boy. I didn't know what differentiated the two sexes and thought everyone was one thing, so I thought that since I was so, so similar to boys, and so different from girls, that I was a boy. Often times the girls at my school wouldn't play with me because they didn't think that I was a girl, meanwhile the boys accepted me. I went on about my life normally, then when I was about ten I was informed that I was born a girl, which I genuinely didn't believe. It wasn't even denial, I just thought it was a simple lie. When I was halfway in to my eleventh year on this planet I hit puberty and didn't even realize it until about three months. When I did realize it, I hid it. Even from my mom. About four months in to questioning what gender I really am I discovered what being trans is and everything instantly clicked. Back then and especially now I would cringe when people called me a she, and I would get increasingly excited when a stranger would refer to me as a he, so that just made me believe that I was trans even more. At the beginning of this year, now that I'm almost 15, I decided to go through with transitioning. I still have my doubts about being trans since I'm still young but hopefully things will sort themselves out in time. Thanks for reading 👌
In all honesty, I am 22 and currently going by he/him, this video actually helped me and In all honesty I have felt like I was a guy but weirdly I guess my brain didn't catch up to it until now... :/ I was literally happy with a small chest hair and hoping for more X3
That first time I heard about being trans like "whaaaaaat?! how can you know what your gender is if it`s not the one everyone always told you it was?!?!" and then I realised you COULD`NT be told what your gender was. because it was yours. and then I did some research and realised I was agender. I also figured out I was ace after hearing from a friend that sexual attraction actually WASN`T fake and a myth, as I had previously believed... I`m not the brightest, apparently.
I didn’t start having any crazy signs dysphoria until I was 14ish (I’m 16 now) and still very confused with my gender. I would dress up like a boy when I was younger and I was never “good” at being the girl when me and my sister played games but that wasn’t any crazy big sign. Then I had a time around 4th grade where I only wore my cousins old clothes and dressed pretty much fully male until I was 12 or so (except for special occasions when my mom probably made me wear a dress or something but I don’t remember hating it or being extremely uncomfortable with dressing feminine. I was just much more comfortable with boy’s clothes) i started playing with the boys on the playground in 4th grade too and I just wanted to badly to fit in with them. I didn’t think much about my gender to be honest and my mom let me play with the toys I wanted. I played with dump trucks and Barbies and whatever else I wanted. I’ve never been into crazy girly things like makeup and fancy dresses but I wasn’t crazy tomboyish either. I played with bugs and I dunno I was just me. I do remember always feeling a little weird and a little different from everyone. That I am confident in feeling, I’ve always felt off. When I was 12 and 13 I had an extremely feminine phase. I decided that I wanted to fit in and the only way to do that was to be a girl and dress like a girl. Maybe I did feel dysphoric about my body but I brushed it off as being self conscious or something like that. I wore leggings and mascara and dangly earrings. I dressed completely female. I wanted to be like my sister (who has always been very feminine and is very obviously a cis girl). All the little things in my childhood that I could think of now as dysphoria could also just be other things. I think I started questioning my gender seriously after my first short haircut in September of 2018. Something clicked in December of 2018 and I started binding. First I only wore sports bras, then I bought a “special bra” that was supposed to flatten the chest but not all the way, then I got my first GC2B binder and I started becoming more confident at school. I started making new friends and started being buddies with some of the guys in my class. I’ve had some form of depression (that has only continued to get worse) I think it started in March of my 8th grade year when the girl I liked didn’t like me back. I thought I liked just girls for a while and thought I was a lesbian. (Now being called that physically hurts my dysphoria. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian but I am just not a girl who likes girls I dunno that word being used towards me makes me extremely uncomfortable) I thought being a lesbian (somehow) explained the possible dysphoria I was feeling and went with that for like a year. Age 13 I think. I just wanted a label, I wanted to fit in. As most 13 year olds do. Now I really don’t like labels. I don’t ever want to be known as a “trans guy” I want to be known as “a guy”. I hate that (I’m pretty sure) I’m trans. I wish I could be normal but saying that I wish I could be a normal girl just feels so wrong. I have not gone a day sense December of 2018 without thinking about my gender and feeling some kind of discomfort about everything. It consumes me. My entire life has become a delicate spider web of lies. I dress fully masculine still and I wear boxers and I bind. I’m out to my boyfriend and it feels good when he calls me he/ him pronouns. I’m out to quite a few friends and I’m half out to my sister. I am still called by she/ her like 80% of the time and I’ve gotten pretty numb to my family using them. It’s just how it’s always been for them and I’m afraid of change. I think I wish I could be a big brother to my 3 younger siblings (instead of a big sister. The word sister, when being used towards me, triggers my “dysphoria”) it’s definitely distressing at school where I pretty much pass as a guy but my voice gives it away and I’m called she/her by the people who know me. People who don’t know me just assume I’m a guy and i love the feeling of knowing what I’m doing is working, the feeling that I’m actually passing and my effort is paying off. It’s also a little scary when someone calls me he because I’m not out and it would be so uncomfortable if someone I knew corrected the person I didn’t know and was like “this is my friend---. She’s blah blah blah”. I’m in this middle ground, I feel like I’m balanced on a tight rope and I’m wobbling back and forth between my “identities”. I’m wobbling between who I’m known as and who I want to be. It’s a constant battle in my head, it’s a constant thought, a constant sound. There is no escape from the confusion and the second guessing. Sometimes my “dysphoria” is really bad and it hurts me mentally to do things or to speak, and sometimes I’m just numb and push through the day. I try my best to ignore it, or sometimes I just don’t really feel it. It’s a constant up and down. My voice, hands, hips, leg shape, height, face structure (lack of a decent jaw line), chest, and my genitalia make me “dysphoric” (probably more things too) I try hard to not confuse dysphoria with dysmorphia. Dysmorphia is where you are unhappy with the way something on your body looks, it doesn’t really have to do with gender. An example would be my back. I’ve got bad posture and I’m unhappy with the way the small dip in my neck and back looks. That is not dysphoria. My hands used to make me extremely dysphoric because they are small and “female shaped”. I would (and still do) purposefully cut and scratch and beat up my hands to try and make them look more “masculine”. That would be dysphoria. Over time I’ve just had to come to terms with the fact that there’s nothing I can really do to change my hands (or anything else physically really) and I’ve just had to accept that this is what I’m stuck with for a little longer. I think I want top surgery and to take testosterone. I’m not really sure about bottom. It’s not something I’m crazy crazy dysphoric about right now because there are things a lot more visible right now. (Like my chest. Right now I’m gonna feel a ton more dysphoria towards my chest then I would my genitalia because my chest is a huge part of passing as a guy) if I were to get top surgery then that dysphoria would be a lot better and mostly alleviated. As a result I would probably have more bottom dysphoria because I’m not focused on my chest anymore. I’m still only 16 and my journey is still just beginning. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what the future holds. I just want to be happy and comfortable. I do know that I will always biologically be a girl but I try to not let that bother me because there is nothing I can do about that, I was born a girl physically and that is something I will always live with. I want to be myself and right now it looks like I am a guy. I could probably ramble on forever and ever and ever, this was supposed to be a little response to something but I guess I just needed to vent. I needed to let some of it out. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk haha, I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful rest of their day.
Also something someone once said to me that was very helpful for realizing I was trans was "most cis people don't spend a whole lot of time wondering if they're trans" I also realized most cis people don't have anxiety attacks wondering if they should wear a dress or a tux to prom, most cis people don't mentally correct everyone who refers to them as the gender they were assigned at birth, and most cis people don't get so happy they cry when they see trans people getting referred to with their proper pronouns by their parents. I didn't necessarily have a big moment, but a lot of smaller moments.
THIS IS ME TOO
Thank you
Wrennen Thorn thank you so much this helps I think and do all these things I had no idea cis people didn't think about their gender
This is kinda how I've been my whole life.
Wrennen Thorn okay. wow. thats really helpful, thank you
My biggest problem with knowing if I really am (ftm) trans is that I have a lot of anxiety with it. Like "Oh my god I told my best friend but what if it's wrong and I need to tell her again" or "Wait I feel a little more feminine today am I not trans!?" and just a lot of worry bc I'm an inpatient human who has anxiety over literally everything.
omg this is literally me! Your comment is from a year ago, I'd love to know where you're at now :)
Relatable
Hala Vest it's not about feminity and masculinity it's about physical dysphoria. Trans guys can be feminine.
I have this fear too, I really like feminine things but I still feel aligned with being a boy, and it's always on my mind. Even with that, I worry I would tell everyone and then be wrong about it...
I am currently feeling this exact way and it's turning my anxiety over it into fear. how did you cope with this?
I'm 60 and just beginning my journey. Thank you for this.
you go, sir. you go.
+Steam Cloud That's incredible! Good luck
Awesome!!
That's so sweet! I just...aweeee
Good luck :)
I'm still questioning my gender
I sometimes feel like a guy
But like when I think about it I remember I'm a girl and then I feel weird and stuff....
im exactly the same. my stomach starts to hurt when i think about it
same. when i think about this time i think i can be happy as a girl and wanna be
i mean the time i was happy being a girl
Same
Yup pretty much me.
Yep, I got the cereal one. Totally. Except the cereal gods didn't hand me a list to the nearest gender therapists, they just punched me in the face and yelled "HAPPY DYSPHORIA!"
CrownClown Creations but how does that happen?? im 20 but i dont know how gender dysphoria is supposed to feel. like i dont hate my girl body but sometimes i feel this strong need to have a penis and its like wtf whats wrong i've never felt that before!?
Adriana G it’s subjective
For some people it feels like a full blown anxiety attack and for others it’s just like “I wish I didn’t have this body”
Waow I completely forgot about this comment. Took me a second to realize what video this was even from.
Well if anyone wants an update (not that anyone asked) I am still very much in the closet.. I have a few close friends that know and my twin knows. But I have been talking to my doctor and therapist about it, and even talked to a gender therapist. She said I'd bee a good candidate to start on the clinic, but I can't as long as I'm seeing a therapist. And I still need my therapist.. so that really sucks. But it's moving slowly forward, I suppose.
CrownClown Creations omg I didn’t even realize that comment was from a few years ago😂
@@astrallitwick5490 Haha well it happens. I sometimes don't realize either.
It was still a good way to explain it thought.
I don't remember my "holy shit I'm trans" moment if I had one, but I do have a similar moment. I'd been out for about three months to my mom, and nine months to my friends, and I think about fifteen months to myself.. My first binder came in the mail. Until then, I'd been using sports bras and ace bandages and makeshift binders from miscellaneous tight clothing--it wasn't good. But then I put a binder on for the first time, and there was this rush of "oh my god, this feels amazing. this looks amazing. i feel wonderful." I'll never forger the way I looked at myself in the mirror after ten whole minutes of struggling to get it on. It was the first genuine smile I'd given myself in a long-ass time.
That's the cutest story I've ever heard
Heyyyy just a question
I want to get a binder, but would I need doctor approval to get one?
@@ZimLikesPastaAnimation no not at all!! There's heaps of websites, gc2b probably the most common one! Have a look. Good luck :)
My moment was when I got my first short haircut, I always knew something was wrong but I never knew what. When I first got my haircut I look so male and I just thought that's who I'm supposed to be, sure my mom was pissed but that was the best day of my life.
OMG SAME like i.m trying to dress "feminine" again...like in the past (5 months ago wtf such little time ago didn.t even realise) i was THE one™ girl wearing pastels, twintails and dresses (even tho everyone told me my personality was the exact opposite, swearing every 5 secs and being dominant af) and idk something?? just really clicked in my head one day cause i really wanted short hair. And i cut my hair off!!! And i was sooo excited i loved it! And 99% of the people i knew. But when i tried to wear my past clothes again...something ....was so wrong...i mean i was pretty, sure...but i looked and felt like a man in drag...it just wasn.t me
Sunako Akazawa good for you I hope you enjoy your life!! 😋💛
Tanis Please send help thank you and i wish you the same
Tanis Please Send Help
!!! same.
I used to look in the mirror and hate myself and say "I hate you so much."
I got my hair cut and - I couldn't do it anymore! Because I wanted this and I liked me this way... Im buying male clothes on Sunday and see were it goes from there
I don't ever want to wear any dresses ever again, not when I look like this.
Oh myyyy. I've questioned myself as a "girl" more or less whole my life. Always felt at least a little bit boyish, and never felt like I could be a super-duper-feminine woman in my life. I'm too afraid to try out anything, but being able to get short haircut would be easiest practical step. Even though it's not easy either, as I've always had quite long hair and people me included have got used to my long hair lol. I guess I couldn't go straight to boys short hair, but maybe something like long version of early Bieber hair cut and get it step by step shorter...
I'm 22, and over the past year the fact that I'm a transman has hit me like a truck. For a long time, I felt like I couldn't be because I adhere to a lot of female gender roles, but thankfully the internet has set me straight on that.
same w the gender roles. i thought that socials didnt have an effect on how i view myself/want to be but i think it is inevitable for them to effect everyone even at a subconscious level.
When I was younger, I never had major body dysphoria. During my childhood, I was happy as a girl but it wasn't right; if that makes sense. It was like an itch under my skin that something wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out what. I was never too comfortable in the princess dresses, never thought of myself as pretty, but I thought that was just insecurities of a young girl. So I brushed it off. I remember the first time I heard the word transgender. I was 9 or 10, my mum was talking about someone on the news that was transgender. I asked what that was and she replied that it "was a person who doesn't feel comfortable as their gender and feel that it is something else." Which blew my mind, people can change genders? I thought if I could do it, I would be a boy. Then the word just kind of stuck with me, always in the back of my mind. Though when I hit puberty, most specifically started to develop breasts ( I developed early), I began to actually try to compress my boobs because it wasn't correct. I was unhappy with how curvy my body was turning out, and my sisters and mother always pointed it out as if it was the greatest thing in the world. It wasn't to me. That itch only got stronger and I actually came out to my mum telling her that something was wrong. I don't feel like this should be happening (as you can tell, I'm awful with words.) She brushed it off, well meaning of course, and told me all girls go through this. Don't worry, you'll be happy once you've settled in your skin. That's the thing though, I never settled in my skin. The feelings only got stronger and stronger, but I compressed them to the back of my mind. It wasn't until I was 15, after my mum's death, when I began to see more of the trans* community. I saw tearful coming out videos, descriptions of how their transition is going and how happy they are, and photo sets of their transition through hrt. It always struck a cord with me. I silently wished I could be like them, but I always quickly put the thought out of mind. I was afraid of change and causing, what I deemed as, drama. Especially so soon after the loss of my mum. So keeping a stiff upper lip, I focused on my grief instead. Working extra hard to find "normalcy" after losing someone so dear to me. At 17, a dear friend of mine was going through gender identities and in a moment of emotional response, I confessed to having these "feelings." She quickly reassured me that she still adores me no matter what, but also told me to tell my family. So I did, in a way, I broke down to my dad. Crying to him that I feel like I betrayed him because I was lying about being happy about who I am, that sometimes I wished I was a boy. He was in shock, of course who wouldn't be when their youngest--their princess--just confessed to wanting to be a boy. He offered to take me to a gender therapist, and after much battling with myself, I began to go (two months after). Coming out to my family was emotional but they were all understanding. Quickly jumping to using the correct pronouns and asking me my preferred name. My nephew even decided to deem me as George! It was hilarious and I am truly grateful to them. Now it feels like a huge weight has been lifted and for the first time in years, I feel like I can breath.
damn thats like an essay!!!
This is exactly how I felt growing up. And guess who’s a guy now? 😂 sorry about your mom and your tough journey.
I feel you... I know exactly what that feels like. Cheers to this! Let's stay this happy and remember we are what we are and not what other people are trying to make us 🍾
you described perfectly how i've felt since i was younger. Even the part when you first found out what transgender was. I was around the same age when I found out because of a youtube documentary about a transgender girl, i remember the first thing i asked myself was "wait if she transitioned into a girl then i could transition into a boy?" but i brushed off the idea bc i thought that was impossible and i was really young with unclear information, i didn't really understand much.
this hit so close to home omg 😭
Quick trans story thing:
When I was 6, I slept over at my grandma's house with my cousin a lot and my grandma would just put us both in the bath at the same time to save water since they were cheap. One night, my cousin pointed at my crotch in the most awkward way possible and said, "is that hair???" And we both had no clue what a penis was at this age, so we assumed that extra hair was associated with masculinity. We both came to the conclusion that I was a guy, and I was, for some reason, overcome with joy at the fact that I was "male". It sounds silly, but this is a huge point in my life where I now know that I am almost definitely trans because I had never been more excited before that moment. (^: but that's just my story
That’s kind of hilarious, good on you for passing that early :)
So you are not trans. I have tocd thats why I came to this video.
I had little/to no dysphoria growing up, but I always despised my name and as I got older began surrounding myself with more masculine clothing items and possessions, but I was fine with my pronouns until a few weeks ago when it felt like a part of me was ripped off whenever someone called me "she".
Dumbledonttouchme yesss same...
Sameee
I didn't have a lot of dysphoria of people calling me a girl but when people started calling me he and then i knew it was a moment for me
Dumbledonttouchme ME TOO AHHH
me too w the name thing. its never felt like my name even tho ive had it forever. when i appear male online and ppl refer to me as such it gives me such a weird kind of euphoria and even tho i dont experience the regular dysphoria i think i might b trans bc of this. also had no idea other ppl had problems w their name, i never actually considered it being related to me being trans.
I don't think I'm FTM, but maybe genderfluid or a demiboy. I often feel male, but sometimes I'm like "I feel like a girl" or "I feel like nothing" but VERY rarely.
+FrogsVlogs Don't get so tied in with labels. You could just identify yourself as genderqueer which basically is the general term for people who don't identify with their biological sex. Labels make it difficult. I think I may be similar to your gender since for me it changes but honestly I guess I'm pretty mixed but I don't ever fully feel like a girl. Yes, I'm pretty confused about it myself but all I know is that I'm genderqueer and that's all I need to go by.
Same, same
mills I'm the same, fluid and want to medically transition.
Ive been looking into transitioning and am 28. Right now Im dealing with depression and spending time thinkin about what transitioning means to me. I want to get top surgery but its ok not to rush it. See how you feel. See what brings dysphoria and what doesnt.
Same
The first time I got called male was by a hair dresser and generally now have an addiction to getting my hair cut because I always get called sir
my process of realizing I'm trans was actually a very slow one. Growing up I always thought I was and associated myself with being a girl, honestly cause I had no idea that anything else existed. I always felt uncomfortable with the conventionally girly stuff most of the time but still enjoyed it other times (which was more rare). Back then I just thought I was weird. And then I first learned what 'gender fluid' meant from tumblr and that made my brain go "!!!!!!!". Then the same thing happened for non-binary. However that entire time i kept having this reoccuring thought that "one day I'm going to wake up one morning and realize I'm a man." And at some point, after having a lot of panic attacks at the prospect of never being able to go on testosterone because I wasn't sure, I broke down and realized I couldn't keep lying to myself.
The next day my mom asked me if I'm transgender and I finally said I was. It was probably one of the most relieving feelings on the planet. And now I've been on hormones for practically six months :D
I'm going through the same thing right now. You're not alone in this.
Exactly the same. For the longest time I always hung out with my bros than in 5th grade, I learned what trans was. I was like oh SNAP. I wanted to be a girl. I told myself I was going through a phase. After one year of no thoughts I realized I was changing socially. I started to lean away from my friends and I started to dislike their activities such as exploring and fort building. I slowly became more comfortable with girls and starting reading books about girls more and more. Than one day I was practicing for a talent show. Me and a good friend were the only boys. there were 7 girls. My Good friend left for lunch and I was all alone with the girls. It just felt almost natural. They talking about very girl stuff and I almost starting talking too but I kept quiet because I knew they wouldn't understand my thoughts. They probably think I am a lady's man but I wasn't. The thought appeared after that and ever since I keep having that thought at least two times a day. I am not done with my story, I just don't want it to be too long so reply if you want me to finish.
Logan Sisco you literally just described my life!
Your story is so similar to mine, rhanks for making me feel better
Ive identified as female my entire life, but I've always been more of a tomboy. I love boy clothes, I love roughing around, I basically love all the things that girls don't typically love. I didn't really do any research into transgender until I got my haircut. When I looked at my face in the mirror while the lady was shaving my hair, i felt a strange sensation. Originally, I thought it was just me being super happy and excited but I'm honestly not sure anymore. I've never really even put a second thought into my gender identity, I always said that I was a girl, and that was that. I wear dresses and heels to special events, I had long, flowing hair for the longest time, and I even used to wear makeup. I'm not sure if I did all of this because I wanted to or because it was expected of. I'm so confused. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just think "I wish I were a boy" but I'm not even sure if I'm being honest with myself. I feel like I'm lying and making everything up. I'm so confused :(
Joappse Me too.
Joappse I relate to this almost 100% (I've only wore heels and a dress once (homecoming)).
Makeup and clothes don't have gender. I know guys (some of which are trans) who like feminine clothes and jewelry and pretty makeup and other stereotypical girly things. Stereotypes don't define your gender at all. Some things can be signs but not all the time c:
SAME I don't know If I'm being honest with myself or if my feelings are real. Everything I feel is a gray mess
@Locust Hypnosis I know it's been a year since you responded to this persons comment but I had to say this. When I was younger I wore dresses and 'girly' things because I had no option. I remember always saying to myself 'i really wish I was a boy'. As I grew older I started to take way more of an interest in boys and what they would do. I preferred playing with the boys, acting like the boys and wanting to dress more masculine. I went shopping with all my friends one day and found a boys t-shirt. I went into the dressing rooms and tried it on, I instantly smiled because I looked flat in it and it made me comfortable. I went and then bought that which was my first ever 'boy' clothing. Anytime I went shopping and showed my mother a piece of clothing she would instantly say 'but that's boys' and I was frustrated that she wouldn't let me wear them clothes which made me feel my most self. When I was younger I wish I had short hair so I tried styling my hair so it would stick up a bit. Lately I've been wanting to get my hair cut really short but I'm terrified that ill regret it. I've always had the thought am I trans stuck in my head but I've always pushed the thought away. Last night I got to researching because I truly don't know if this is a phase or not. I also hate wearing dresses and being really girly but i usually dont have the biggest problem with leggings. Does this mean I'm trans??
I'm not out as trans (hence the girl name) but I have a "boy's" haircut, and one day when I was out in the hall with some guys working on school work, a teacher came by and called us boys, and I started smiling, the other boys looked at me and we started laughing. I feel like that I'd the moment where I realized that I really was trans.
I've only had one moment. It was when I got new clothes that made my chest look flat and I felt really masculine. It was before I got my hair cut, so I put all my hair up in a beanie, which worked pretty well. I looked in the mirror and starting bawling. Unfortunately, I still have doubts, but I think it's just because I'm not super masculine. There's like a certain kind of guy I am (a kind of gay geeky guy if that makes any sense) and I feel like that's not "guy" enough. It's hard to explain...
i know what you mean
i understand this e.e i like pastel colours and kawaii sweaters and i feel like thats not "guy" enough even though its mens clothing and im scared people will say "oh you dont look trans enough" or something
I really like some girly things (not many but still) and I feel like I can't be a trans guy if I like these things, because cis guys don't :(
+Jason Harper cis guys can like some girly things, too...
GreatDaneLegend aka GoldDoGGY Yeah, but not commonly
I had a lot of small moments when I was trying to figure myself out. It took a lot for me to admit to myself that I’m a gay trans guy, but in retrospect I can see a lot of moments that were like ‘signs’ of being trans. Here’s a list, if it helps:
- when I hit puberty I hated my hips, and wanted them to be narrower
- I’ve always desperately wanted to be friends with boys, but I didn’t want to be seen as weird so I never got the courage
- I got weirdly happy about shopping in the men’s section
- as a kid I was always proud of being tall, having broad shoulders and a deep voice, but I never knew why
- I felt that everybody else’s bodies fit their personalities and who they were, but mine never did
- when I put a dress on I felt like I was just a charade and felt extremely stressed
However, the most important thing to remember is that my experiences aren’t your experiences. People lead different lives, and you don’t have to fit a certain criteria to be trans. My advice is to experiment with things, and do what makes you happiest - not your family, not your friends, not society, but you.
Best of luck to you all
I do not know if I am trans or not. I'm scared to date people because I feel like if they are dating me as a girl then I figure out I'm a guy they will be betrayed in some way.
For me it's maddening because I'm really fucking emotionally-constipated and all I ever got growing up were little hints... like, when people on the internet saw my usernames, assumed I was a man and automatically used male pronouns, it always felt inexplicably good? And the idea that I've always felt like a spy or a stranger when I'm surrounded by my female cis friends... it's hard to explain and probably sounds stupid ^^' but I didn't even realize how fucking uncomfortable I was with everything until very recently... goddamn it, why can't this be easier to figure out? -___-
CodeDarkBlue Actually, I know exactly what you're talking about. Especially the spy thing.
CodeDarkBlue I feel you man. I'm a girl, but I ALWAYS get mistaken for being a guy on websites and such because I tend to choose 'males' on games, and masculine usernames. I've always lied about my gender on the internet. But I know, it feels good to be called a guy. I think I'm now starting to realise why. Hence why I'm surfing through all these videos lol.
CodeDarkBlue I still haven't quite figured it out. I have heaps of small hints too, I don't feel comfortable playing a female in roleplays, video games, etc. I feel exposed and stupid in female clothing, whenever I had a female friend I always felt like I didn't connect with them, it was hard to understand them and all the memes online comparing stereotypical traits of males vs females I always felt connected to the male ones. I find myself being strangely sexist against females too. But I'm still confused cause sometimes I feel weird talking deeper, no one has ever mistaken me as a guy even online, I find I can't bind for very long, I really don't want to end up bald and I don't know how I feel about pronouns. I think a lot of it is just fear of change but I hate how slow the process is. I know I'm not a girl because when I think of my life I can't handle the idea of being in a relationship or anything as a girl. But since I'm still confused I have these flashes of moments where I wonder if maybe I am a girl and should accept my life and live as one. I hate how hard it is to figure it out, and it's really stressful trying to look back on my life and find clues to help, especially since I've always been pretty distant and not paid close attention to anything really. Glad to know others have trouble too though : D. I'm actually really afraid of finding out I'm non-binary or female, I kind of really want to be a guy, the problem is if I am or not haha.
3v1l73ddy
Yes! I feel like I have to accept that I'm a girl too. But it's so complicated, I don't even want to be known as a girl. I feel more like a boy.
Dean Winchester yeah it's so hard haha. Sometimes I just want to quit, if I quit then I won't care anymore. It's not the best way to go about things though. But that'd how hard it is, and it actually doesn't help when people say gender doesn't matter and to just be yourself; a) I have no clue who I even am anymore and b) if gender didn't matter this whole thing wouldn't be such a torture haha.
I associate myself as trans. My parents don’t believe me though and are trying to convince me otherwise. They have accepted the fact that I’m bisexual, which is good.
For me, as a genderqueer person, you will find yourself questioning your gender sooo many times :'D
Same boo, same.
Well, we're not alone :)
Mojo Pin^^
I just feel like I want to vomit constantly from anxiety. The dysphoria is hitting hard rn.
Yeah bro.. same here..
Exactly, i've never felt comfortable being a girl. Which i'm still referred as. I mean theres always that thought in my head that if I want to go farther with this, then what will the outcome be. I see transgenders on youtube and my heart starts racing and I start freaking out because thats who I know I am. When I was younger i'd even dress as a boy around the house and I use to have barbies and such and my friends would come over and play, but I was always the dad or the brother or the boyfriend. I hated being well, the girl role. For holloween this year I was a boy, my family thought I was just to lazy to choose a costume (lol) but I wanted to know how it felt. And my friends came over and their parents said I was a cute boy, hah my friends mom didnt even know who I was. I had a hard time taking off the costume in general after that...Lately i've been thinking about cutting my hair short. I always get compliments on my hair now but it bothers me about what people are gonna say or think. I'm akward and shy and fitting in has always been weird for me. One friend is enough for me. But I don't know where to start...I started highschool and my last boyfriend ended up being gay later on and thats been making me realize alot...also every game I play like Animal crossing or...I dunno harvest moon. Im alwayys a guy *^* I have alot of thinking to do
Can I just say, you sound like a hella cool person! I had a pretty similar journey to you - I grew up with a brother who I was very close to and I'd always love doing typically male things and stuff. I didn't have a very strict masculine/feminine upbringing, so my brother and I would both get our nails painted, play with dolls, play video games, action men etc. and I'd be okay with that since he did it, too! I never fitted in and frankly didn't want to, I always found it weird how all the girls seemed to like the same things and I was there like, what? I was always the guy in games and stuff. Since I've transitioned and come out and such I feel like I've totally changed as a person, I now have a big friendship circle instead of two, and I'm now embracing my femininity which I suppressed before because I thought it went against my male identity. It took me a LOT of thinking to get here, but I'm really happy with where I am now. I hope you enjoy your journey - the internet really is very useful! ^-^
Don't worry too much about it. Just make whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself. I had my hair long, like really long, my whole life and the day I cut it I felt AMAZING! I always thought I would be in a shock or not like it, but it was the best thing I ever did. :) so just keep on doing little things like this and you will eventually find yourself
X-Rainbow_Dash-X Yes to all. I can see on your profile picture now that you've already cut your hair. Looks awesome! My hairs super long and I want to cut my hair very short sometime this summer but my mum said she won't like it. Fuck it I want to feel more me. Having long hair doesn't feel right anymore. Kudos to you for doing it, you're braver than me. And I was always the male role when I was younger too.
Dean Winchester It's your hair. Cut it the way you want it :) I had long hair down to my ass as a kid, and every time I said I was considering cutting it, Mum would scare me by saying 'but if you don't like it, it will take ages to grow back!' When I started middle school I finally cut it back to a ponytail. In the last 12 months, I've come out as trans and got rid of most of my hair. Gone down to a 3-blade (which feels awesome when you run your hand over it) and now it's grown back out to a scruffy look. It's just great to experiment, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions get in the way
In my life Ive been through stages of very girly and super tomboy. When I was very young I liked ponies and princesses. When I got older around 7 or 8 I started playing video games. I dressed like a boy and played with the boys and generally didn't really understand gender variants at all. I always felt left out and different at this time. I moved schools and was forced to wear a dress I didnt like it that much but I just stopped caring. I was still the same me (less shy though). Until I turned 14 when I was told to dress in girls clothes and I wanted to impress a girl cause she had dresses and liked pink. When I turned 16 I turned back into that shy boy who doesn't talk much and likes games. I tried to be a girl to impress people, to be normal and cool or because I was told too. Now I realise that thats not me. I am a boy because Im not trying to impress people. Im trying to be me.
This made everything make so much more sense. I've lived my whole life up until junior year doing just fine as a girl. Junior year things got a little rocky, and I've had an eating disorder and depression problems for awhile. When trying to figure why and when my probkems began I started to realize how I felt about my body. I realized the more weight I lost the less curvy I became and so I started looking more like a boy. That was literally what I was striving for. I realized I was happiest when I was mistaken for a boy. Its a terrifying thought but its something I've been able to see myself as and be more comfortable as. I'm even going to a gender therapist soon so I can talk to them about my identity and see where it is that I fit, and where how I feel about my body places me and what steps I can take.
THIS IS LITERALLY MY STORY, but I'm still so confused... I don't know what to do, I feel like I could never talk to my parents about it
@@Marialuisamreis i feel the same. i have no idea how ppl can even fathom the idea of telling their parents it scares the living hell out of me.
I am still trying to figure out... I like seriously want a penis but want to be girly? so fem boi. but at the same time I hate being considered a girl and I always feel more comfortable around guys, like more outgoing. I started taking t pills to see if that helps. But I also know the process of getting a penis when your ftm and the surgery looks horrific...
I know how you feel. I'm a femme boy big time XD and gay most of the time oh my god! lol you should try to take things slow and think about what you want in life :)
Twilight and The Moon Pack You don't HAVE to have surgery to be trans. You just have to take it one step at a time and maybe at the most aim for T.
I got some tips. As a gay transguy myself, I say you do you. Just while being feminine (by choice yennow) dont be offended when people misgender you accidently cuz its hard to pass as it is, but adding that feminine nature makes it harder. (dont look at pictures of people whule having surgery oh my god I'm scarred for life)
As an older woman, I'm always surprised by the way many young people jump into experimenting with your bodies. I know I'm nobody to tell others how to live your lives, but it's obvious that you need to take your time to know what you want to do before doing anything as life changing as taking hormone pills or doing any surgeries. Like, check first what you actually need and then only do it if necessary, not the opposite. I'd even say, the less invasive procedures to the body, the better. We only have one.
Good video. I have had more people tell me that I MUST be Trans, but that I just choose to deny it...just because I am very Butch and don't mind that I am often called by male pronouns (it actually makes me chuckle - unless it's done in sarcasm or with hurtful intent), but that's "gender policing" to me and I KNOW that I am a Butch lesbian - a woman who loves other women- and that I do not want to be a man or FtM. Why others think they need to "police" me into an identity that I don't "feel" in my heart. Like I saw someone comment the other day that "many young Butch lesbians are really FtM and just don't know it yet." Personally I believe that if you are misgendered at birth that you KNOW it in your heart somewhere, and there will come a point when you choose to recognize it - i.e. transition - whether that's early or later in life, you just know it inside, just like I "know" that I am just your good 'ole fairly stereotypical Butch lesbian!
Yes! I like how you break it down, focusing on emotional reactions to learning about what trans is and hearing other people's stories. That's what I did. I wasn't sure when I began and the more I learned, the greater my heart and body responded. Many times in early transition, I would cry at the recognition or have to lay flat on the ground gripped by the fear of the realness and immediacy of it all. I think we all have the answer deep inside, and our task is to allow it to come out no matter how scary it may seem at the time.
I’m in this awkward moment where that are times that I’m like “hell yeah, I’m trans” and then after like 5 minutes I’m “wait... am I?” But I might actually be.
I have never questioned or felt wrong growing up. I just sometimes thought “I wanted to be a boy”. Now, puberty stuff, it kinda hit me. I have been playing online rpgs and have had male characters all the time, even before realising I’m trans. Now I use male pronouns online and I feel normal. A few days ago I just had a dream that someone called me a “he” and I felt absolutely amazing. I told my mum but she is like “I don’t understand why these people that want to be the other gender want to dress up like the other gender”. I’m still gathering up courage to talk to her again.
I don't know what I am. I was born a female and still identify as female but something doesn't feel right. and feel like if were born male I would feel the same.......
You might be agender, bigender or some other gender that I can't think of on the top of my head.
WAAIIIT I FEEL THE SAME
non-binary? genderfluid? agender?
maybe demiboy or demigirl?
me too, sometimes it just feels right when my guy friends call me dude and treat me as one of them and when im walking down the street i tend to stare at my shadow and saying mm do i look like a dude, id love too, but i also feel good when im rocking a dress at a party, i dress somewhat androgynous, i have lended guys my shirts and nobody notices its not theirs
I never really had dysphoria, but I'd always get euphoria whenever someone would mistake me for a guy. I never hated my body or got anxiety but I've always been rather to myself and seemingly uncaring- in other words depressed. I correct people mentally whenever they call me a girl, and I mentally eye roll at a gift clearly bought from the "for a girl" section at Christmas. If I ever have to dress up or act like a girl, I feel incredibly fake. I once tried to make myself healthier and work out, but then some idiots cat-called me or flirted with me and I was mortified so I stopped and lost my will to continue. I want to try again, but only to lose this freaking chest I have. I really wouldn't mind if my hair was shorter or my stupid chest didn't exist.
I used to think maybe some of this stuff was normal, but now I have a niece that I've got to watch grow up and she's much different than I. She actually gets annoyed and genuinely doesn't like it if people think she's a boy. She makes an actual effort to correct them.
How I realized I was trans, I was riding the bus with my friend and it just sparked in my head and I said “I think I’m trans” and my friend was just like “good for you (deadname)
Same but for me it sparked in my head and I literally googled "I think I'm trans now what"
And after seeing the search results still didn't believe it. That entire thing happened again a few times before I admitted it to myself it might be true haha
I was told by a box of fruit loops.
Emerson Booth same
I got serve depression and anxiety around when I turned 9 years old. I didn't think anything of it, apparently nor did my mother, I dressed in what I was given, It wasn't until my mother bought me my first pair of school pants, (I was almost always given skirts) I noticed, Screw skirts and dresses why the hell did anyone give me those like wtf? I hung/hang out with 95% boys and get along with them waaaayyyyy better than I ever had with females. Suddenly I hit age 11 and I was like "WHY THE HELL AM I BLEEDING?" I told my stepmum and she was like, "Thats your period, females puberty"(Basically) I was shaking and flipping out. My mother went on to tell me after I tried to come out to her when I was 12-13 one of those two, That I was wrong and would have shown signs when I was (young) like 5-9, I remember thinking "Uh- why the hell would anyone 5-9 think of their gender? and if its right none the less." I didn't really start noticing my more "boyish" attitudes until , 5th grade, I mean I was introduced to my first video game when I was seven the Super Nintendo and my game was the first super mario bros, I even learned how to make the stages pink, i learned game cheats and I spent almost all day on those system when I could... Then I got a computer, I was introduced to my first RPG, World of Warcraft, I liked the girl toons, but Id of rathered played the male ones, They were ugly af though and I wasn't havin none of that so I made girl toons with more boyish names and the most guyish backgrounds and gear I could, I played warriors alot. I was -FORCED- to wear a dress to my stepmum and fathers wedding, and I remember hating it, I wanted to run around and be a weirdo when I was 10, I was like "WOOOO LIFE" And a dress meant I had to be proper, but a pair of dress pants and a dress shirt meant, I didn't have to, I was upset, but I never complained. I went to get my haircut, and I begged my mum she said "Thats a boy hair cut" I said "Yeah I know" and then they went to tell me she didnt like it and it was a lesbian haircut when I was saying in my head, "No its not im a boy-" Im going to be 15 and I always swear when I hit 17, im telling my mother "I am a Young man, Please respect it now." All my friends at school know me as Asher, and call me by male pronouns, and if they dont I correct them, even my mom said something and I remember feeling this overwhelming feeling of joy, until she corrected herself and I was like "OH- WOW-" If you took the time to read this, keep pushing on after all when your 18, you're your own person. Find ppl to support you. Look at the signs around you, how you dress, the people you hang out with,etc. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL ITS TIME, JUST BE YOU.
I knew something was different. But I started cringing when I was 23 when people would refer to me as "she". I'm 25 and am in the process of starting my transition. I have begun to bind full time and recently realized that days I pass when people call me sir or bro or dude. It makes me feel happy. I have used the mens room for the first time Thursday and ever since it's like my world has changed. I'm growing into the man I have always been meant to be.
I've only started realising this stuff very recently, and the hardest part of finding out for certain is my Asperger's Syndrome - not only do I have a very logical mindset and therefore never considered the possibility of identifying as a different gender to the one I was born with, but it also causes me to be very out of touch with everyone's emotions, including my own. What this means is that despite the fact that I can now see a whole bunch of moments that point to me identifying as a female, I never would have picked up on it, simply because transgender was a foreign concept to me until, well, the better part of this year. I had the "rug pulled out from beneath your feet" about half an hour after watching a video of one of my favourite youtubers announcing that he was transitioning to female. I went downstairs and starting washing up and started to ask all these unanswered questions one more time and all of a sudden everything made SENSE. I'm still not entirely certain as I'm trying to figure out how many of these moments can be attributed to my Asperger's, but I guess my only regret at this stage is that I hadn't thought about this stuff sooner.
i have aspergers too! during my whole gender journey id always doubted myself and i think a big reason was because i have aspergers so maybe its just that? but ive found out that the only sort of thing that could be affecting your gender is a bonafide personality disorder, rather than just brain wiring being a tad bit different. my aha moment was when i was a few months into my gender journey and, initially i wasnt all too keen on identifying as a guy because id grown up all my life being told that men do these things and men dont enjoy this other thing and id had such tightly bound ideals and rules forced upon me regarding gender that at the time i didnt think that could ever be me. part of it was a little bit sort of cheating in a way with my nb id at the time because i didnt want to commit myself to the whole trans thing? but then also a part of it was me being a stickler for the rules. part of it was that whole dont go outside the norms (which in this case translates mostly to be as cis as you can) which i could almost do with a partially female identifying gender. the other part of it was that over the years though id always thought of myself as fairly neutral i did have some things about myself that were a bit femenine like my continuing obsession with tea parties (i think my favorite things about them are just the whole planned events aesthetic as well as eating tea and baked goods) or singing or whatever so at the time i had thought that obiviously i couldnt be a boy because im not a bodybuilding rough and tumble picks fights and noses type of lad. but then (now were getting to that aha moment) when i went to the airport to go visit my dad (as i always do during school breaks) i was wearing this brown leather jacket and plaid shirt, both bought in the womens sections and my hair was short but admittedly femme and so when we got to the security check point and i had to give my ticket and id to the tsa agent the person was new or something and had help from this other tsa person and they were both calling me 'little man' and in that moment when i was getting called 'little man' i had felt this feeling of happiness and at the time i had told myself i knew that meant i was a dude on the inside and i knew exactly what i was doing and that id just be supressing my true self, trying to seem as if i was actually nb and i knew that the next few months as i near fooled myself (knowing in the back of my mind the bliss of being called 'little man') that i was nb that i was truly a boy and during the summer is where i fully and totally came to terms. not entirely out of it being the perfect timing but because the school year was starting up and i had to decide if i was sure enough to live as a dude in school and so i took the plunge and honestly that was the best decision and so far that one action has made this school year so much better than it would have been, had i stayed closeted about being a man.
I also have aspergers and im still not sure if im trans xD i need help ugh
I myself have Aspergers but I'm.. more mild? I guess? I dunno, pfft. Anyway, change for me has always been a big... bad wolf kind of ordeal and I wanna have an emotional fit any time something changes on me that I didn't expect to change. I always had random thoughts like I wish I were a boy... I wonder what it'd be like if I were a boy. Sometimes I'd see certain parts of my body and think, hm that looks very boy-ish but I never really put two and two together until a couple years ago when I saw some FTM transgender vlogger and I was like... That... that makes sense. He feels the things I've felt my whole life. But at the same time I wanted to hide in a corner and pretend I didn't see any of it. So it took a bit of time for me to.. digest the idea that I myself am trans. But I ended up coming around to the idea and now I feel transitioning is probably the better decisions I've made in my life.
Guthix Balance trans and aspeger syndrome is tow ways the brain works and the brain can woks in so many ways even more then one at the same time. So it's 100% possible to be trans and have aspergers syndrome.
Kade Smash I have felt the same but I have thoughts like I wish I was girl instead
When I was a child. Identifying new things was very black and white. When I found out what a tree was called that was it from that point on. The same goes for rocks, food, clothing people and water. None of it was hard to identify not even me. I knew that I was a girl. Every time I saw another female I knew her and I were the same on some fundamental level.
I didn't know that our physical anatomy was different and when I was told it was it didn't phase me. I still knew I was female. Being forced by family to identify as male however was what introduced the scales of gray. I couldn't reconcile what I knew with what I was told was the truth. And so I had to assume that if I was male that I was a different type of male. It made things confusing.
+Anthony Rizzo are you living as a girl now though?
Logan Sisco Not yet, but I'm gendered as female every now and then by casual observers and that gives me hope.
+Anthony Rizzo that's at least something! I hope you're able to live as you sooner than later. do keep us updated please c:>
Logan Sisco Thanks I will.
My moment was when one of my friends who is trans got top surgery and I realized how jealous I was of him and I started crying and I was like "bro, cut this shit out and admit that you're trans" and I went over to my mirror and looked myself in the eye and told myself I was a boy. Not that that wasn't the first time I had really considered the concept of being trans (I had since I was about 16) but it was definitely my biggest moment...
I wish there was a cereal god to help me out. I hate not being able to figure out what's going on in my own head.
Val you are the best. You are so wise and articulate. I need to just make a playlist of all my favourite Val videos.
You make this video so connectable. Like, it's just so welcoming and accepting and I feel so cozy with the way you discuss this topic. Thank you so much.
Guys! You don't *need* a label. You don't have to call yourself a girl or a boy or an enby, just be you. Go by your chosen name and pronouns. You don't need to validate yourself to other people.
This is coming from someone who runs on labels and routine. Without it, I feel helpless. But, I realized that not having a label can be part of your routine without it being disorganized. Just be you. Not a boy, not a girl, not an enby. You. There's nobody out there who is the same as you.
I needed this midst my own gender crisis
@@fagitocumaeda I'm glad I could help
I was in a show and played a boy in it and my director kept switching between calling me my character's name and "he" and the name I go by in school and "she" and everytime he "misgendered" me I felt really happy. I never thought I could be anything other than a girl and I was so frickin happy when people couldn't tell what my gender was, you have no idea. Now I realize I'm some sort of nonbinary and I wanna look so androgynous that people have to ask me my gender and will stop assuming it.
for me it took meeting another transguy. I didnt know that it was a possibility that i could change genders. I remember as a little kid wishing i was a boy every night wondering why i wasnt. By middle school i was no longer thinking that and i was trying to fit in with the girl world (which i sucked at) i remember the first time i got my period i was terrified like my blood ran cold and i remember thinking why am i so scared? when my best friend got hers she was excited but i felt horrible and i cried for half an hour. I remember when i wore make up trying to fit in and copy the other girls at school and absolutely hating how it looked. i remember hating how my chest looked and i had about as severe depression as you could get. I hated every part of me and i never knew why. i never knew i had a choice and then i met someone who was trans as i said and it was like this huge wave of relief came over me and for the first time in my life things actually made sense. i finally understood that there was a reason i was not like the other girls and i wasnt a monster or a screw up like there are no words that can express how i felt at that moment except maybe freeing
the first time i was called terrance i could not stop smiling for the entire day it felt so right the first time i binded and my chest finally looked flat i had never felt that happy, the first time i packed (with a sock) it felt so right just to see that bulge the first time people said i passed it was again words could not describe it it was like a giant weight was lifted off of me
the only problem was when i finally admitted to myself that i was a guy the dysphoria started to kick in i mean i had it all my life but it was suppressed and masked as a hatred for myself but when i admitted to myself that i was really not a girl all those repressed feelings came out i now cannot put on a dress without breaking down i literally want to throw up at just the thought of putting something girlie on sometimes i have to force myself and i cry when i do sometimes the dysphoria is too much and i break down but i am happier now. there are days when i am completely depression free and it is usually the days i feel like i am oozing masculinity when i am binding and packing and i can look in the mirror and i just see a guy not a girl looking back at me and it is absolutely amazing
sorry for the long comment
I'm so fucking stressed. I've never been completely feminine. I was masculine as a kid, but never refused to wear feminine clothes. I would wear them if my mom wanted me to. I hated wearing dresses and flats and things like that, but if mom wanted me to wear a headband I was okay with that. As a kid, I was okay with vaguely feminine clothing and long hair and stuff. I was okay with that. But now, throughout my teenage years, I'm becoming less sure. I've been identifying as genderflulid for nearly a year because I wanted to look male for a long time, but still had an interest in dresses and stuff. Recently, I've transitioned completely to Noah (just the name and pronouns). It feels right. I feel confident in knowing I'm a boy. But.. I don't really experience gender dysphoria. I never really //despised// my boobs. Sure, I hate them, but I've never broken down over them. I think it's because I know I'm a boy on the inside, so it doesn't matter what I do or don't have on the outside. But I don't know if it's real dysphoria. I feel like I'm faking being trans. Maybe I'm not. But I //hate// it when people call me by my birth name. I would much rather be a man. But I've never really experienced intense dysphoria like I know so many others have. It just makes me feel like a fake. Help?
I feel pretty much the sameas you, and i identify as ftm transgender
Ok it's rare for me to even come to the youtube comments , but I have a good reply. Excuse me if I'm being rude or vaguely offensive. SO! Ok first thing, please remember your clothes do not define your gender. It's okay to not like certain clothes, but the idea that clothes belong to a certain gender is false. So what I'm assuming is that you just have gender dysphoria. Which is different from body dysphoria. It's mainly gender dysphoria that makes someone trans. The body is like an extra , well. It's there for ppl who feel in the wrong body. As we know being trans is just identifying as something other than your biological sex. So you do fit if you feel this way. Please do not be stressed as it is nothing to really stress over. If you are comfortable that's what counts. If you feel right when ppl call you the correct pronoun. Then that's another fact that matters. I think you've simply jumbled the two terms gender dysphoria and body dysphoria together. You are experiencing (I think) gender dysphoria not body. As you are comfortable in the body you are in. As it doesn't effect your gender. Where as body dysphoria mainly wants to change the sex. I hope this helped , if I seem like a prat for saying all this then I'm sorry ^u^. If it did help and you have anymore questions. Come ask : D
Noah Bradford i'm not trans, and maybe this doesn't help but there really isn't anything that's "being fake", because you do what you like and what's you as much as you can. You don't have to be in an exact way to be trans or because you are trans. Some trans people feel okay with their body, some feel cool with wearing both feminine and masculine clothes. It's sort of hard to not get stressed when you wonder who you are and if you're wrong but really there isn't a hurry. Do what you feel like doing, and whatever you do is as good as any other option. If being you makes you trans, or not trans then both options are equally good, because being you is what's good either way, if you get what i mean? be whatever, no one can "call you out" on not being something, you're you, and you can always change your mind when you want to. it's all you
Noah Bradford I feel the EXACT same way as you.
Noah Bradford Hey there! So there's a difference between *gender* dysphoria and *genitalia* dysphoria. Check it out! heartcorps.com/journeys/beginners/how-to-tell.htm
When I was very young, I saw me and my brother pretty much the same. I knew I was a girl, but thought I was just like my brother. When I was in 5th grade and my chest was growing and I obviously needed to start wearing a bra, all I could think was, 'no, no, no no, this doesn't feel right, this shouldn't be happening'. I got even more uncomfortable picking out bras, it was one of the worst experiences I can remember. But when I started my period, oh boy. I didn't want to believe what was happening, I refused to believe it. So I wasn't wearing any pads until my mom made me and told me I had to. And that is the main reason I'm pretty sure that I'm trans. Since I heard about transgender, I've been a huge confused, and frustrated mess. I have definitely been miserable. I am only out as trans to my dad and my girlfriend.
Hating puberty and anxiety over changes doesn’t equate to gender dysphoria. It’s sex dysphoria (discomfort with your sex or sex characteristics but without gender identity conflict). It’s more of a ‘I hate this I want rid of it!’ Rather than a desire to change to conform to the inner sense of gender
@@flicksabean9060 holy crap I forgot I commented this, that was so long ago. You're defiantly right because I'm actually not trans at all. I was just very confused at the time. I'm happy with how I am and I'm more confident than I was when I originally wrote that comment.
I was so scared for so long when I found out I was trans and coming out was so terrifying to me that I kinda just didn't deal with it, I sort of gradually came out to my friends by mentioning things here and there and just not telling them to call me anything different but saying that I would tell them to in the future. Throughout all of this I was still so terrified I was actually wrong about all this and I was making a mistake, until I came out to my choir teacher. Basically what happened was I asked if I could wear the boys uniform (first person to do that in my school so yay I guess) and he said yes, then for our last show of the year I asked him if I could sing the tenor part on a song only the boys were doing, and he said yes to that too. In both of these instances I was so afraid to get up in front of people and essentially come out to them without even saying anything, and I got all this anxiety and adrenaline standing up when the teacher told the boys to stand, but while it was happening I realized that this sinking feeling I had always had in the pit of my stomach (dysphoria) was gone, so even though my anxiety it was like I could breathe for the first time, it was one of the best moments of my life, and everyone in my choir was really accepting of it too. Asking for all of this stuff was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, but I just told myself "you only regret the things in life you don't do" the whole time I was getting ready to ask, and it gave me the courage to make one of the best decisions of my life. I'm not sure if story that helps anyone but idk I guess it's uplifting if nothing else lol.
I was really girly when I was super little. around 4th grade I found out I was Pansexual. Ive been more tomboy since then. Ive worn makeup for a while too, but in the past 7 months or so Ive been have people call me by my male name and male pronouns. Im super positive though and I'm trying to start figuring it out. I'm still really young and dont know whats ahead but if I keep feeling this way I will want to fully transition
for me, my entire memorable childhood i had always been a tomboy and hung out with boys and the like, and it always felt weird to me to be called "young lady" or anything like that, like ya know when you're sitting weird as a kid and your parents say "youre a young lady, you cant sit like that!" and it always rubbed me the wrong way.
then i hit puberty and i started completely rejecting anything feminine because i just /didnt want/ to be associated with feminine things, and i just correlated this with me being a tomboy. then pubertu went a little further and i got more mature and was always wishing i had a penis, and around the same time i learned about trans people and i started putting two and two together. still, it took a long time (like 2-3 years now?) to figure out what im comfortable with
The point where it hit me was about my Sophomore year of high school, right around the time that the term transgender was being thrown around everywhere. The funny thing is, I didn’t know that it was even a thing that was going on until my friend recommended me a book to read. Everything FINALLY clicked when I realized that so many experiences in it was what was going on for me personally. (Not to mention, looking back, that was the first time I REALLY dove into something since I hit puberty - I would literally zone out in class because it hit so close to home for me -and fell into one hell of a depression. So obviously, it had to connect to me somehow, lmao.) But yeah, it’s perfectly okay to find out later, just like it’s perfectly okay to read other people’s stories or to see it on tv. I WISH I would’ve had the words to describe things before I did, but I’m also glad that it did come around later so I could feel confident about who I was because of it.
I always wanted to hang out with the guys when I was younger, and I didn't really care about gender. I started feeling kind of depressed every so often though, and I couldn't figure out why. I looked around the internet a bit, and found a bunch of people who felt like me, and I so wanted to be more like them, because they were so masculine and pulled it off so well. Then something clicked when I read the words 'we are transgender', and so I did a bit of research, and it seems like I'm transgender! But I sometimes feel really confused, because people tell me things like "it's just a phase, don't too far with it," or "well you always seemed like a cute little girl! Are you sure?" And it's the last part that gets me, the "are you sure?" Because everyone is telling me it will all come crashing down one day, and I'll see that I was never a boy. But on other hand, I really feel like, identify as, want to be, and strive to be a guy. I just don't know how it's gonna turn out, if I'm going to get the courage or what. It feels like all the 'girly' things I've ever done are coming back to haunt me, and it's getting in my way of getting on with it and being who I am.
I struggled for a while with figuring out if I felt like a boy or girl but my big realizing moment would be last year when I cut my hair and started to make my appearance like a boy. I felt soooo much more me than how I felt looking like a girl.
Keep sharing, more voices the better. Your advice is great.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I am so glad this video isn't demonitized! I will enjoy all 3 minutes of this ad!!!
14 going on 15, I'm hav8ng trouble and questioning my gender a lot. When I was first starting to question myself, I asked my mum about what I was like as a little girl. She said that I liked to girly dresses and skirts, but I was always as outgoing as the other boys. But when I was 10-12, I suddenly decided that I hate the colour pink, and wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt or dress, they were annoying and I couldn't move comfortably without flashing. I moved dance school, and when I hit high school, I took big interest in being muscular and "manly". When puberty first came, I tried to go with the flow, but when my breasts started developing, it just didn't feel right. I thought, 'maybe if I travelled forward in time to when I was 16, I could be comfortable with this.'
Being a dancer, costumes
are extremely girly and there wasn't much room for comfort, and that made it hard for me to really figure out who I was until I had the opportunity to quit.
Roll around to 2 months ago, and I came out to my super supportive friends. I tried binding with sports bra, sports tape and bandages, but I only did it rarely, because it was such a hassle. I'm a large b-cup, so it's harder for me to bind compared to a lot of trans people I see. I started wearing my beanies and hoodies more often, to hide my hair and appear flatter.
After dance was over for the year, I quit and cut my hair, and it feels a lot more natural and makes my happier. I spend a lot of time in front of bathroom mirrors, and it makes me question myself a lot. Sometimes I look at my face, and point out everything that is to feminine, and other days I just sort of accept it for what is is. My breasts still don't look like they belong on me, but I don't know for sure what I am and I'm scared to come out to my family until I have it all sorted out and certain.
How is it going?
This is so helpful. I'm 30 and only just really properly exploring my gender identity. I went to my first lgbt + meet up last week and when I was telling my support worker about it she said that when I talked about it I was smiling and she hadn't seen me smile and be so passionate about anything in quite a long time..... I guess this could be classed as a good indicator I'm on the right track in exploring this 😊
I can’t believe I found this video again! This video gave me the confidence to start my transition like 9 years ago
Very true about how every time you feel overwhelmed with emotions that you know you're on the right track. I still get a bit choked up when I think about how, if I'd known more, and pushed more back 20yrs ago, I might have had a very different life. But I let people push me into believing I was 'just a tomboy'. I just hope that as we, as humans, learn more that less and less have to go through the struggles we all had to go through.
Pretty confused about myself but I am honestly happy as just anything I can be Since I am a male. Though I do break down everytime I think about "Who I am." I had nightmares for I don't know maybe 8 years but in my lifetime I could tell I was different I mean I loved using my moms girly stuff But when I saw makeup it was a whole new world I always was like 'No I don't want that on.' But I always envyed it and even tryed when I was little but I was too scared to do this later but this caused ALOT of emotional problems with me I always prayed to be a girl. It was a confusing time but I still get scared but well Me you can say? Well I always wanted to do these things again but its just too scared to even do anything. So far I just try to be Happy but its hard...I see myself in two ways and in two worlds. It scares me so much And am confused but I try to be whatever is accepted. But in the end Am worried that maybe my family will hate me or my friends will not like me anymore. But I do hope something will happen. But when you talked about those moments thing I had one when I was Young I just saw something I just saw the girls And the boys then myself and my heart raced then I looked at everybody around me and I just broke down And I Lied about what happened because I didn't know myself What happened.
I'm a guy but I feel like I should have been born a girl
Same?
Same.
You are doing good work brother. Keep it up!
This video really helped a lot. The first time I felt like I disliked my body was after watching an anime and noticing a character without a specified gender. I just got so excited that I began researching a bunch of stuff. That's how I cam across the term Transgender. It's been three days since I've started watching videos about it, and
I've got to say that I am really questioning who I am right now. Thank you.
I really needed to hear this. One of the biggest things people tell you to do when you are figuring stuff out is to go listen to other people’s stories. That helps for sure, but it also puts me in this cycle of telling myself that I am wrong and I can’t be trans because my story isn’t exactly like someone else’s story. That is the biggest reason that I doubt myself. Not because of anything to do with actual transition, but because my figuring myself out has been different than some of these other people who seemingly came out of the womb and said to their mother “This isn’t what it looks like. Something is very wrong here.” So just, hearing someone say “it does not matter how you figure it out.” Is so simple but is exactly what I needed to hear.
this may be an old video but it helped me a lot. thanks man!
3:12-3:24 that's me I thought I was a girl but now I feel like a guy and now I have chest dsyporia
Much love! Thanks for the upload and doing your part to #FixSociety !! /hugs
the first time I ever felt dysphoria was when I had a dream that I was a man in November 2015. I already understood trans people because of an anime character I was for Halloween the month before
I'm so sad to say the first person ever to call me sir was a troll on youtube. No, the troll didn't know I was born female. They called me sir after I called him out for trolling, being negative towards me because I was a brony. I told them they had no life & nobody cares about them & they congratulated me. They said something like "Well done good sir." Before saying that they used male pronouns as well. That was the first troll ever that actually made me feel good about myself but at the same time it's so sad because it started with them bashing me & the fact that the first time I was called sir was by a troll. Oh well, still an experience that I can carry with me & feel happy about. I even took a picture of the conversation because I was so happy that someone as low as a troll saw me as male.
I found out when I was like 12 and I was sitting in my room and I was thinking over things and my brain said "OH S HiT I'm nOT A G IRL." and it all just kinda made sense then
My “oh my god I’m trans” moment (or I think it was that moment) was when I was watching Kovu Kingrod’s how to know if you’re trans video and it hit me like a bus but in a good way. His experience is exactly what I am/was feeling. I knew I had dysphoria prior cuz I looked at criteria and met all requirements or something but I felt like my experience wasn’t like most trans guys experience. So when I heard about Kovu’s it was like god’s descended from the clouds and were like “You are trans, sweet child.” and so yeah that’s fun
Val you are amazing!
This video, and the comments, were really helpful so thank you. I tend to question myself and my judgement a lot so I never know if what I'm feeling is real or if it's just how I want to feel... I have a serious problem with self-awareness obviously, but anything involving other people I'm very aware of. I'm in the beginning of my transition and not out to anyone yet because I want to be completely sure, but after watching this video I can at least determine I'm not cisgender. I'm still figuring out what identity I'm most comfortable with, whether that's genderqueer, demiguy, or transgender. Sometimes I feel like I got it all figured out, but then something happens that makes me question everything I thought before and my thoughts become a mess. Then I feel like, "well I can't be trans if I'm THIS confused about it", but then the other part of me reminds myself I'm being ridiculous. So yeah, just wanted to share what's been going through my mind recently because I have no one to talk to unless I wanted to come out and that goes back to what I said earlier. I'm definitely looking forward to talking through this with a gender therapist because I clearly need it haha XD
That Fucking Progressive that comment made me cry. I feel the opposite gender most of the time, but other times I feel like I don't have a gender.
That Fucking Progressive I'm the same, wondering if it's in my head, if it's just wishful thinking. I'm still questioning whether I'm trans in general or just a cis tomboy ;-; I've been questioning for over a year lmao
Same here. I have this thing where I overthink everything and question every single thought until I end up even more confused than I was before and feel like I can't trust my feelings anymore because "Is this really how I feel/what I think or did I talk myself into it or am I only focusing on this now and having these feelings because I thought about it so much and watched too many videos about it?"
It sucks. But at least we (the more cautious people) won't do anything that we'll later regret because I need to be absolutely sure before I make any important decisions.
And I have been questioning for a year now, too. I am 22.
I remember when I was like 10 and always somehow felt totally uncomfortable about myself but never knew why. My friends older sister complained about cramps during period and joked that she wants to change her gender so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore and I was like "HOLY CRAP YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT WHERE DO I SIGN UP I'M READY"
for me it was soon after puberty that I realised I just didn't feel right being 'female' and I didn't quite understand what that meant I just knew that something just wasn't right and I tried to put on makeup and wear 'girly' clothes but it just didn't feel right. when I was 11-12 I found out about gender identity and as soon as I found out about that it just clicked in my mind, but I held back and said I was agender then I said I was gender fluid because I didn't think I was 'manly enough' to be a guy but the more I got involved in the lgbt+ community the more I realised that I am a guy and screw gender roles, I'm not necessarily what is known and a common guy but I am what I am and I am a transdude. I don't think I have necessarily a common trans experience because I mostly hear about people knowing their entire lives but I didn't even really think about my gender when I was younger and sometimes because of that I feel like I can't be trans but I am and it shouldn't matter if it's something I discovered more recently or I've known for a while
This was super helpful, thank you!
I cried the first few times when i got my period for hours and i didnt knew why. But now i still cry sometimes, but i have a but of hope that one time my period will be over and i will not be 60 years old
great video as usual...thanks val=]
Great clip. I'm figuring myself out now and this really helped. Thanks!
I definitely had an epiphany moment where I was like "holy shit I think I'm trans." I was on youtube when I was 12 and stumbled across some videos about transgender children and after I watched one, I was really interested in the topic of trans people for about a month. I thought it was normal and just a phase of being really interested in something. At one point I was watching a video and just broke down into tears. I remember thinking "why couldn't I have lived my childhood like they did?" because I realized that I had the same feelings many of those kids did when I was younger, but I pushed them aside because I was under the impression that it was impossible for me to be a boy. I always categorized myself as a tomboy, and thought that was it, nothing more. I had also known that I was attracted to boys for a while, so being transgender didn't really come to mind. I learned later that I was also attracted to girls, but that's a different story. Overall I learned I was trans in one moment, but it took a while for me to accept it.
The first time I watched this about a year ago, this video helped me a lot but I wasn't sure I was trans. Watching this video now I am so much more sure and it just marks the progression of my coming to terms with it. I'm so happy you made this video because I wouldn't really have had a point of reference for those realizations.
I never felt extremely uncomfortable with my body, even though I felt something was off, but I just pulled any trans related feeling away until some months ago. But between my 10 and 14 years I would have moments when I would dress up with my father's clothes and put my hair in a way it looked short and never knew why I felt comfortable with it and I forgot that times along with any other time that I gave signals that I was a boy until it finally hit me. And even now I'm not sure, I'm afraid of being lying to myself and that end up being just internalized misogyny, my major fear is end up regretting after transitioning
I relate to this too bro, ur not alone :)
How do you know if your cis or transgender??
Hi, my name is Jordan and I’m 18 years old. I started questioning my gender around the beginning of 7th grade. I got my period the month before I was supposed to start 7th grade. Getting my period threw me off and made me really uncomfortable. I never could put my finger exactly on why I felt so weird but the way that people were treating me and the way my body was changing, I hated it to say the least. I remember finding out was transgender meant in like the 10th grade but I didn’t really think much of it. It wasn’t until I turned 17 and was a junior in high school that I really began to ask myself if I was transgender female to male or not. I began to wear more guy clothes and wanted a haircut. I went to therapy and concluded that I just liked to wear men’s clothes because they were more comfortable. Then, in my senior year of highschool my gender spun out of control. By the time I was to graduate high school, I had no idea who the heck I was. My mind was always all over the place. I had mental breakdowns a lot and sometimes for no apparent reason. I started to feel really insecure and wanted to get back into therapy since it has previously helped me before. So there I was, back in therapy after I graduated high school. I told my therapist exactly how I had been feeling and we had come to the conclusion that I was probably transgender female to male. For the next six months I identified as transgender female to male. It was hard sometimes and I had a lot of doubt but I pushed through it. However, now my thoughts on my self are very different. I no longer feel like a man or want to be one. The thought of growing facial hair makes me want to literally cry and I actually can appreciate my breasts and love them because they make me feel feminine and make me feel like a woman. I couldn’t imagine transitioning into a man, mainly because I would miss my current body and feel quite out of my element in that type of body. But it’s like now I am so dang confused! Was the whole feeling like a transgender man just a phase?? How do you know if you are cis gender?? How does one tell if they are transgender?? I actually want to be my assigned gender at birth and have so much self love for myself that I never had before. I really do feel like a girl, inside and out. Does this mean that I’m really a cis gender female?? Please leave me your thoughts and advice below, any and every comment of advice is very much appreciated trust me!🥰❤️💓
So i'm an trans male; and i've already known what transgender meant and such; but i always swept it under the rug - but i hated any female pronouns even at a young age and always had my friends address in male pronouns and even called myself Payne.
And my parents just kept saying.
" It's a phase you'll get over it. "
" You just don't have many friends, that's all. "
And i use to become violent every time i went near, a skirt; dress and such, and no one would listen to me, i slowly began to isolate myself from my family and friends, and my younger brother was the only person i would let near me.
Until i got my first , laptop about four years ago, and discovered about Anime and Manga, and it opened me up to a whole new world, lol; even know i would still isolate myself from people, i was getting a bit better, and over that period of time i was becoming more curious about words i've seen all over the internet, but never really looked into it.
I started, searching up what Pansexual, Bisexual, Asexual and such was, and which led to transgender - And i became curious - so i did a lot of research about it.
And through-out that lifespan of two years i met a lot of trans people on the internet and finding similarities or a sort of connection between stories of how they found out about they're own gender identity, and honestly when i did have enough knowledge on the subject.
I was in denial - i was going on an endless roller-coaster of organ drooling death
But after really discussing with myself and really thinking shit over - i was just like " Fuck - I might be/ am possibly transgendered "
It took me about a month or two to really think this over - but when i fully accepted myself, i decided to tell my mother - in a letter- lol.
I have full support from my mum.
And i'm really starting to think about getting T and such; but, i know my gender, and no Fucker can tell me else wise.
My "aha" moment was when I was at a party and was stoned, i was telling a story and this gorgeous gay man was staring back at me and listening so intensely to my story that i just lost my train of thought and i just paused for what felt like eons, then the story just fizzled out instead of the original dramatic ending, and i felt so stupid for the rest of the night. The first thought when I came to was "I wish i was a gay man, so I could jump this guys bones".
My attraction to women has always been stronger, like when i was in kindergarten, i'd always be talking about the female prefects that I thought were "really pretty" aka. nice and never talked about the male ones, so since I was seen as a female who seemed to like females, I was labelled a "lesbian" but that labelled never felt right for me. I tried joining lesbian events and groups and felt out of place. I've also had a more subdued attraction to males where I've found them attractive and also was physically attracted to them but never felt comfortable expressing it cuz ew, straight amiright?... lol jokes.
Anyways, before puberty I've always been comfortable expressing as more feminine, like wearing makeup and dresses, and jewellery and nail polish, with "girly" accessories, but then afterwards I became a huge tomboy. The only thing holding me back from "passing" (i know problematic) was my long hair, which I love, cuz all my dad's male cousins had long hair at some point and growing up my dad was the one with long hair and mum had short hair, so I've always wanted to have long hair, i just wish I had a beard to go with it. I'd come out, then be asked "but you have long hair?" as if, men can't have long hair.
When I was a kid, I'd always use the razor without the blades and put shaving cream on my face and "shave" alongside my dad, and it was the happiest I've ever been, I've always thought i'd have a beard "like my dad" but when it never did and instead my "fat sacs" came in, I was devastated. I live in the tropics, so clothes was optional in the summer, but after puberty, i had to cover up, and so i just spiralled.
I NEEDED THIS SO MUCH HOLY SHIT
I remember when puberty hit thinking that this was what I got and I had to try to make it work because there was no alternative. I was so wrong but I'm glad I had a chance to grow into myself before starting transition.
This video helped me a lot thank you!!💓💓
I think i might be trans ftm but there a lot of things that scare me about that
Like i'm scared to becoming one of those very manly masculins guys because well that's not the type of guy that i am and if i tell a therapist about that he will say "no you' re not trans enough"
And i'm also very scared to one day regret it...
And other things like that...
Yeah i can relate...
once i walked into Walmart and had a hoodie on with the hood up and i was called a young man by a greeter and it felt amazing
When I started seriously questioning my gender a month ago I turned on the TV and the show that was on (LGBT around the world or something similar) had a trans man in it and he talked about his journey and how he realized he was trans and he said that he wished he would have known sooner... To me it was a sign that I was on the right track and that I should keep exploring myself and my gender. Also when a trans dude came out in high school I remember feeling very envious of him because he had the guts to come out and live his life as his true self... at that point I'd been questioning my gender but when I told people that I thought I was trans they told me I wasn't because I don't ''think like a man'' and I'm probably just a butch lesbian in denial (I'm bi), so I just repressed that part of myself and tried to wear a ''girly'' mask for about 2 years... that's about when I started being depressed.
Mannn I always dressed like a boy to be honest. My stepmom told me that my mom would force me into dresses and as soon as I'd go to my dad's, I'd rip the dress off and change into boy's clothes haha. Some of my earliest memories I had, I remember being "guyish." I remember when I was like 4 or 5, my uncle bought my a hot wheels comforter (it's somewhere in my mom's basement now lol) and on my 5th birthday I was wearing my power ranger's helmet (red one aka Jason's) and a basketball jersey! I never really fit into groups well, I mean, I had friends but I would be forced to "go on the girls' team" but I hated it so I just hung out with the guys. I always played the dad, brother, dog, wolf, whatever lol :) but sometime in the past 2 years, I've felt like I belonged somewhere in the LGBTQ community, somehow, I guess? And I researched it and I knew what transgender meant, but I never really thought too much about it. When I came across the term, I felt like "oh my god someone actually gets me... this is how I feel, this is who I am!" and so now for the past 7 or 8 months, I've been finding out who I really am. My dad is still kinda weirded out by it, but then again he always called me "the son he never had" (oops, sorry dad. That's where you're wrong) and I always said I was a boy trapped in a girl's body (like I said, never put too much thought into it). It's not like I'm changing, really, I like to think of it as the fact that I was born a boy, but something went wrong in the pregnancy and my body malfunctioned, and now I'm just switching back to who I've always been. Also I think this is my first (idk why but I believe in evolution but not god?) life in a female body and it's like an experiment, and I don't like it so I'm like NOPE I'M A BOYYY. But for the past 4 months I've been passing and letting everyone know, and so far I've got 98% support :) my dad is still weirded out by it but he was raised old-fashioned, so that's alright. At least he's sorta trying, which is all that matters to me. Although, when my stepmom's friend came over for the weekend, she said "you have a good looking/cute son" and my stepmom said "he's actually a she" and the point is that I passed. My stepmom is trying her best though, and she's the most understanding. She goes to college with quite a few FTM's and it's great. :)
I tried binding for the first time today (with ace bandages and yes I do know I shouldn’t have however I took it off after like 5 minutes) and I felt so freakin awesome I cried out of happiness
I realized a little while ago that I am trans (ftm). At first I thought I was a demigirl or something because Im a very "feminine" and flamboyant person. I love makeup, hair, fashion, the list goes on. I thought that was why I couldn't possibly be a guy. But the more I thought back and tried presenting more as a guy I realized that it made feel at peace with myself. That was the first time I cried happy tears but looking back at all my female pictures make me sad. I feel as though I wore drag my entire life and am just now discovering who the real me is.
(This is kinda a rant lol. At the end is my mindset towards myself about this I guess). I am completely unsure if im trans or really just my gender at birth. I dress in "masculine-looking/androgynous" clothing and got a certain short haircut that looks "masculine/androgynous". However I know there are plenty of cis girls who do this too and I could really just be a tomboy. I also do anything I can to make my chest flatter/not as visible but I do know that there are plenty of cis girls who also want to have a flat chest. And in any case, this could just be me having a bad body image of myself since I'm overweight (at the border between overweight and obese). What I have recently noticed is that I feel sad when I see how tall guys in my class are and the average heights of people in many countries, knowing I will never be able to get that tall or even come close. I have also felt sad when someone told a guy that they were short, when they were taller than me. I am 5'3" and yea I know height doesn't mean anything really and there are in fact disadvantages to being tall but idk. Also speaking and singing in a deeper voice has made me feel euphoric in a way I guess idk. I have also tried to make my voice deeper. I have felt euphoria from getting misgendered? (Idk if I'm trans or cis) as a dude, which really only started happening after I got my "masculine/androgynous" haircut. This has happened many times since and every single time it makes my day. I have been called a "he", and "his" and "him" have been used referring to me. People have used "your son" when talking to my mom and referring to me. A group of girls at lunch have literally told me that I was "a cute boy" (they then realized I was a girl but it really brightened my day and made me very cheerful for the rest of it). Also I'm just going to say that I don't recall having any gender dysphoria as a young child (but yeah ik that doesn't mean anything as I know that there are plenty of trans people who also haven't had dysphoria as a young child) The point I'm really trying to make is that I feel like I just like "tricking" people into thinking I'm a guy or agender or something but I'm really not? [tbh tho after many years of questioning I feel like it wouldn't really matter if i knew i was trans or not since I could probably dress in whatever I like and would probably not do any medical transition anyway. I do want to remove the fat on my chest, but I dont want to do it through surgery as I'm too scared for that and the fact that my parents would not allow me even if 18 years old at least). If I could press a button and make them disappear in an instant, I would do that. And in any case I'm trying to lose weight overall to lose weight in my chest area so I hope that works. Also want to add even though this has nothing to do with medically transitioning, I would never change my name even though it's feminine because I quite like it (and thats ok).
I'm really at this point just questioning the meaning of life
Ranting has helped me understand things a little better, but I'm still confused and that is ok. Either way it probably won't even matter much to me. I can just go around doing what I always do and whatever makes me happiest and I will see as I go along.
!SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!
I always liked wearing boyish clothes.. when puberty hit I was extremely mad all the time for no reason and I would get mad because I would tell myself “omg DONT do that that is too girly!”..Then I realized I’m pansexual and I wanted to cut my hair short and the haircut I wanted was from this guy I saw a picture of.. I started thinking I want to look like him but I was kinda confused.. like do I think he is cute or do I want to be him and now I get dyhsphoria about PE because I’m grouped with girls and when people call me a pretty girl.. if u ask what I want to look like I would say I want to look like neither gender.. I look at guys and think I want to look like them..but sometimes I look at a girl and want to look like them
Throughout the entirety of my childhood I thought I was a boy. I didn't know what differentiated the two sexes and thought everyone was one thing, so I thought that since I was so, so similar to boys, and so different from girls, that I was a boy.
Often times the girls at my school wouldn't play with me because they didn't think that I was a girl, meanwhile the boys accepted me.
I went on about my life normally, then when I was about ten I was informed that I was born a girl, which I genuinely didn't believe. It wasn't even denial, I just thought it was a simple lie.
When I was halfway in to my eleventh year on this planet I hit puberty and didn't even realize it until about three months. When I did realize it, I hid it. Even from my mom. About four months in to questioning what gender I really am I discovered what being trans is and everything instantly clicked.
Back then and especially now I would cringe when people called me a she, and I would get increasingly excited when a stranger would refer to me as a he, so that just made me believe that I was trans even more.
At the beginning of this year, now that I'm almost 15, I decided to go through with transitioning. I still have my doubts about being trans since I'm still young but hopefully things will sort themselves out in time.
Thanks for reading 👌
In all honesty, I am 22 and currently going by he/him, this video actually helped me and In all honesty I have felt like I was a guy but weirdly I guess my brain didn't catch up to it until now... :/ I was literally happy with a small chest hair and hoping for more X3
That first time I heard about being trans like "whaaaaaat?! how can you know what your gender is if it`s not the one everyone always told you it was?!?!" and then I realised you COULD`NT be told what your gender was. because it was yours. and then I did some research and realised I was agender.
I also figured out I was ace after hearing from a friend that sexual attraction actually WASN`T fake and a myth, as I had previously believed... I`m not the brightest, apparently.
I didn’t start having any crazy signs dysphoria until I was 14ish (I’m 16 now) and still very confused with my gender. I would dress up like a boy when I was younger and I was never “good” at being the girl when me and my sister played games but that wasn’t any crazy big sign. Then I had a time around 4th grade where I only wore my cousins old clothes and dressed pretty much fully male until I was 12 or so (except for special occasions when my mom probably made me wear a dress or something but I don’t remember hating it or being extremely uncomfortable with dressing feminine. I was just much more comfortable with boy’s clothes) i started playing with the boys on the playground in 4th grade too and I just wanted to badly to fit in with them. I didn’t think much about my gender to be honest and my mom let me play with the toys I wanted. I played with dump trucks and Barbies and whatever else I wanted. I’ve never been into crazy girly things like makeup and fancy dresses but I wasn’t crazy tomboyish either. I played with bugs and I dunno I was just me. I do remember always feeling a little weird and a little different from everyone. That I am confident in feeling, I’ve always felt off. When I was 12 and 13 I had an extremely feminine phase. I decided that I wanted to fit in and the only way to do that was to be a girl and dress like a girl. Maybe I did feel dysphoric about my body but I brushed it off as being self conscious or something like that. I wore leggings and mascara and dangly earrings. I dressed completely female. I wanted to be like my sister (who has always been very feminine and is very obviously a cis girl). All the little things in my childhood that I could think of now as dysphoria could also just be other things. I think I started questioning my gender seriously after my first short haircut in September of 2018. Something clicked in December of 2018 and I started binding. First I only wore sports bras, then I bought a “special bra” that was supposed to flatten the chest but not all the way, then I got my first GC2B binder and I started becoming more confident at school. I started making new friends and started being buddies with some of the guys in my class. I’ve had some form of depression (that has only continued to get worse) I think it started in March of my 8th grade year when the girl I liked didn’t like me back. I thought I liked just girls for a while and thought I was a lesbian. (Now being called that physically hurts my dysphoria. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian but I am just not a girl who likes girls I dunno that word being used towards me makes me extremely uncomfortable) I thought being a lesbian (somehow) explained the possible dysphoria I was feeling and went with that for like a year. Age 13 I think. I just wanted a label, I wanted to fit in. As most 13 year olds do. Now I really don’t like labels. I don’t ever want to be known as a “trans guy” I want to be known as “a guy”. I hate that (I’m pretty sure) I’m trans. I wish I could be normal but saying that I wish I could be a normal girl just feels so wrong. I have not gone a day sense December of 2018 without thinking about my gender and feeling some kind of discomfort about everything. It consumes me. My entire life has become a delicate spider web of lies. I dress fully masculine still and I wear boxers and I bind. I’m out to my boyfriend and it feels good when he calls me he/ him pronouns. I’m out to quite a few friends and I’m half out to my sister. I am still called by she/ her like 80% of the time and I’ve gotten pretty numb to my family using them. It’s just how it’s always been for them and I’m afraid of change. I think I wish I could be a big brother to my 3 younger siblings (instead of a big sister. The word sister, when being used towards me, triggers my “dysphoria”) it’s definitely distressing at school where I pretty much pass as a guy but my voice gives it away and I’m called she/her by the people who know me. People who don’t know me just assume I’m a guy and i love the feeling of knowing what I’m doing is working, the feeling that I’m actually passing and my effort is paying off. It’s also a little scary when someone calls me he because I’m not out and it would be so uncomfortable if someone I knew corrected the person I didn’t know and was like “this is my friend---. She’s blah blah blah”. I’m in this middle ground, I feel like I’m balanced on a tight rope and I’m wobbling back and forth between my “identities”. I’m wobbling between who I’m known as and who I want to be. It’s a constant battle in my head, it’s a constant thought, a constant sound. There is no escape from the confusion and the second guessing. Sometimes my “dysphoria” is really bad and it hurts me mentally to do things or to speak, and sometimes I’m just numb and push through the day. I try my best to ignore it, or sometimes I just don’t really feel it. It’s a constant up and down. My voice, hands, hips, leg shape, height, face structure (lack of a decent jaw line), chest, and my genitalia make me “dysphoric” (probably more things too) I try hard to not confuse dysphoria with dysmorphia. Dysmorphia is where you are unhappy with the way something on your body looks, it doesn’t really have to do with gender. An example would be my back. I’ve got bad posture and I’m unhappy with the way the small dip in my neck and back looks. That is not dysphoria. My hands used to make me extremely dysphoric because they are small and “female shaped”. I would (and still do) purposefully cut and scratch and beat up my hands to try and make them look more “masculine”. That would be dysphoria. Over time I’ve just had to come to terms with the fact that there’s nothing I can really do to change my hands (or anything else physically really) and I’ve just had to accept that this is what I’m stuck with for a little longer. I think I want top surgery and to take testosterone. I’m not really sure about bottom. It’s not something I’m crazy crazy dysphoric about right now because there are things a lot more visible right now. (Like my chest. Right now I’m gonna feel a ton more dysphoria towards my chest then I would my genitalia because my chest is a huge part of passing as a guy) if I were to get top surgery then that dysphoria would be a lot better and mostly alleviated. As a result I would probably have more bottom dysphoria because I’m not focused on my chest anymore. I’m still only 16 and my journey is still just beginning. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what the future holds. I just want to be happy and comfortable. I do know that I will always biologically be a girl but I try to not let that bother me because there is nothing I can do about that, I was born a girl physically and that is something I will always live with. I want to be myself and right now it looks like I am a guy. I could probably ramble on forever and ever and ever, this was supposed to be a little response to something but I guess I just needed to vent. I needed to let some of it out. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk haha, I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful rest of their day.