It was a brutal decision. When I told someone I went no contact with my parents, they high fived me... I don't think people realize it's like ripping your own heart out to start to heal. Fast forward to now,m though, I'm further along in my healing and have gotten back in contact with them. We've all grown to accept each other more in the time apart. I'm grateful I can return to them, I know not everyone gets to do that. I hope everyone who's taken a step back from their family is doing OK during this holiday season, I know that can be real tough ❤
I absolutely agree with you, it's brutal... I am going through this right now, the mental and emotional separation which has been there all along I just didn't realize how bad it was until now. I'm tired of being treated worse than dirt and none of them care or ever has. In my 40s, single mom and they even stole my daughter too. I've given up.
@@vhayashi7369 it's not too old. If you can transform to be more you letting the bs doubts, self dislike then you will attract a loving mate & also your daughter will find you & come your direction
Yep. I am yet to return. Thinking of seeing my Father on new years day, but I've been thinking of that for a few years , my mother is a different story altogether. 🙏 ❤️
Currently going through this now and I had no idea the pain and grief that has emerged in this decision. But I can also feel the liberation on the other side.
This makes so much sense. This is, in hindsight, what I did. It is worth mentioning while I left my family to heal from them... I wandered into so many other battles... now that we have all had time to reflect, work, heal... they're helping me through the battles I've been in since I left. The love is still there and we don't see eachother as enemies... just hurt people who hurt people... and we all want to love and be better. Wish me luck and pray for me if that's your thing. ❤
Estranged from my dad. Had to work from within with my mom and her family. There's no salvaging always being rejected. That's my dad he has rejected me since I was born even though my parents where married till I was a teen he wasn't present he was disassociated from home life even though he was there he wasn't really present. My mom on the other hand and her family are just a bunch of hurt people hurting people because they are hurting. I have so much empathy there because I'm a product of that too.
It took a LONG time to understand this was my early life reality because I was brainwashed and gaslighted to believe I had a great childhood. It took about 40 years to learn this lesson. Thankfully I got it now! Thank you, Teal!❤
This is alk too familiar. I had to lose myself in order to find myself. Lots of alone time, I learned to stand up for myself, understand the reasons why everyone in my family is so dysfunctional, be extremely honest with myself and being willing to take the risk of honesty with people I love most. Something happened after opening up that I was a good kid that did things my mom saw as bad because I felt neglected and was seeking her attention. So its been a lifetime of her assuming I am a bad person and purposely hurting her, while the reality was I was just a child she the parent didn't have the excuses. I was constantly raged at and punished for actions that where simply seeking attention from my mom. I never meant to trigger her and it was a situation that became cynical in nature for my communicating being hurt and in pain and needing love, but instead receiving hate and anger because I indirectly was communicating with her. In my 20's I had family stalking me everywhere online and reporting back to her what I was saying. I was keenly aware because we never talked but there was this pattern every single time she would get made at me for seemingly no reason I'd vent about it. Within 24 hors sometimes less shed lash out again. This was the only way I had to communicate how much I was suffering then. It was obvious somebody was getting back to her about it. Even this past year any time she's stressed she takes it out in me by being extremely critical of me and having a nasty tone in times of her being tired and frustrated over being tired. She had this expectation I could read her mind, but it's not my job to regulate her. It's my job to regulate myself and to uphold my boundaries in a calm way that isn't blaming. Not easy the overly critical thing is a trigger. I need space to make my own choices and mistakes and the trust that it won't lead to chaos. While in the past that's been a pattern because part of that is attention seeking behavior. This Christmas was the first that didn't feel strained and stressful it was relaxed and there was no drama and it was the best Christmas of my life.
My whole family has pushed me out. I became ill with fibromyalgia and they all just ghosted me. I believe God is doing something and me being around their narcissism and toxicity is helping me. I am the empath and the one that tries to being people together.
I can relate in a semi similar way, I am denied my AuADHD diagnosis and any impacts of trauma or wrong doing are also denied. If I don’t play the role they want me to at 100% I get nothing. So now I have no family.
You may have been giving too much of your good energy and absorbing too much toxic energy from them. You do need to be away from them to literally detox. It is probably the trigger to your condition. It has actually made you sick.
Moved back home for a year . Learnt a lot about myself and my dad. Moving out again in a couple of days but being made to feel guility because hes making out that im abandoning him ( ironically most of the time he makes the enviroment hostile/ walk on eggshells unwelcoming). You are right , I cannot make any more progress here . Basically he wants a cook / cleaner and someone to complain to plus 10% watch tv company at the right time. When he reacted less than positivily i explained i didnt realise that i was in a hostage situation . Just gotta not let him guilt trip me.
That's an untenable situation. You will know relief. You have the skills and the self respect to move forward. Here's to new beginnings... and a new life full of hope!
Agreed. And I would add that ypur absence from the pattern might change the pattern. This can be for good or worse, but can also bring insight and healing to others as well. This is what I was blessed with ❤. And I am very grateful for that.
I do not speak with my family I do not feel a need to be retromatized by their toxic way of living Amen Thank U for sharing & teaching that we do not have to suffer just because they are family ❤️👏😇
This is exactly why we've got to create our inner world and environment built of pieces we choose for ourselves. I divorced my entire family and I have zero guilt. I'm the freest and strongest I've ever been. It was incredibly hard though because I had to face the truth that I was never loved or wanted.... just used, but God......once I have done that and found the real love and freedom of the energy of the universe.....my life is getting so much better not being around emotional poison and drug addicts.
Wow. I hadn’t listened to any Teal Swan since about 2012?… and suddenly “shorts” started popping up recently, and man, every time, what she has to say is 100%… good stuff, …true… IMO&E. Thank you, Teal, for being in this world.
It is absolutely devastating and excruciating so painful especially the stabs to the heart for 47 years... I decided I'm going to move away from all of them. I can't stay sane from all the neglect and abuse. It will never change. I'm worthless to them and they habe shown me this for 47 years. 💔🖤🖤
I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me , I know how you feel. I hope someday you find a place where you are loved. Thats all any of us really wants . One day you will come to realize that it wasn’t you, and that these people can only see in others what lives in their own hearts. Sending peaceful, healing thoughts to you.
@@donnadhennin Your comment wasn’t directed to me; it was directed to someone that I commented to, but I just wanted to tell you that I think what you said is lovely. I like what you said about all of us just wanting to be loved. That’s so true! I’m sending loving, healing thoughts to you as well. Take care. 💖
The gold is when you reach a certain point in your healing journey and you can be with your family and be able to practice not engaging with those patterns. It changes the entire dynamic. Then you can understand they are so much more than their conditioned patterns. It takes practice lots of practice and self compassion for yourself. It is so worth it.
Moved out in 2008 and embarked on my own journey of independence. After 12 years, I moved back home in 2022 and only stayed for 6 months and that was a long time to keep dealing with hostility and negative patterns. Moved out afterwards and I've been estranged from the family since 2023 and there has been a pattern of them never checking up on me anyway over the years.
I needed this today! I had to do this many years ago. But then it got turned back on me with my kids. So very painful. But I've learned it is their learning now, and not mine.😢
My stepdaughter has so much programming from her mother's family & she wears different personalities because of it...she's not even aware she's doing it. After a year & a half if caring for her & her father allowing her to see them with boundaries (after they tried to take her away from him) we have moved her completely away from them because she will never be able to break the programming or heal as long as they are an influence on her. It's super sad it came to that but they didn't have the self control to care about what is developmentally appropriate for a child & to stop trying to control & own her.
The family that I entered provided the conduit necessary for me to enter this world, but I am from my heavenly Father .. and they belong to a different kingdom. Everyone gets to make their own choices.
I had a volatile marriage and it ended dramatically. The kids witnessed a lot. Many years on my son has distanced himself from me and his sister. It is his birthday today and I just text him to say he is loved more than he will ever know. I need to let go. I need to give him the space to try to heal from his own perception of how his trauma was created... but he is loved...
It’s a nice sentiment but I think it would be wise to examine your own bias within this statement… *He* gets to decide what’s traumatic, everyone has a different nervous system. Not you. Yeesh.
It's Impossible to heal and at the same time staying in the environment you got the damages from, if the environment won't work with you and won't support the whole process. Trauma and pain triggers will Always pull you back to the old patterns and you will ask yourself why don't you have any results in your healing work. After a while, while you trying, your wounds just got worse and you get even more damaged. People who want to heal, have to leave the harmful environment.
I'm reading this and I'm agreeing but something in the back of my mind is saying to me "why do you need to move out? Perhaps being constantly triggered will act as a catalyst for your healing?" God it's soo hard to get myself to understand that I need to go. It doesn't help coming from a south asain background where there is soo much emphasis on family and keeping it together.
@theChannel40 Maybe you are also traumabonded ( I was). It is hard to release and the "unknown world" seemed too scary alone for me, compared to something I am familiar with, but these feelings didn't change the fact that it is harmful for me to stay on the long term, and it would hold me back from my full potential. So I took a big breath, and just did it. I "forced" myself, I mean with "force" in this context that, I knew what is good for me, it hurted, it felt unnatural, but I still knew it was the right thing. Just because something is hard, it doesn't mean it isn't right... And you don't have to leave them forever. You can visit them or messaging them. Everyone has their own life, and only one. If they love you, they will understand and respect your desicion.
@sophie8466 Thanks Sophie. When you said that it can feel unnatural, this resonated a lot. It feels like I'm going off the path and I'm doing something I don't need to do, but I know it'll be harder for me to reach my potential. I'm not even saying to myself I'll move out permanently, but I should at least allow myself to move out for a year or 2 and then take it from there. I should at least give myself the chance to experience what it'll be like outside the nest lol
No matter what the end will look like & whenever it is Teal. I will be there because you have a good Heart. The biggest tragedy of all will be if you don't overcome this. Maybe no one could see into you before so you were fading away, but that's not true anymore x
I just did something like that. I don't want to describe in detail what it cost me and what I did, but for over 8 years I have been working on freeing myself from both my family and my own karmas, I stopped the cycle that I was repeating over and over again and I am cleansing myself of literally everything accumulated from previous incarnations and both family sides. it's hard work. and it feels like it lasts forever but I can't send it and I don't want to until I get rid of it all. I want to heal not only myself but also everything and everyone so that the next generation will not have what I had.
I'm alone too for 14 years. I must be far away from the psychological terror of my family with their guilt-tripping, criticizing good deeds, projecting negativity and undermining confidence with a sprinkle of invalidation as well. And so many parents are like that while they think they are good parents. Un freaking beleivable how humans can behave. I hate it.
Im 5000 miles away from mine. Im where i need to be. Things have very slowly improved. Healing complex trauma is no joke. Sadly, i see no resolution with parents. I decided to leave the ship, and there's no way back.
That's right! She nailed it again, if you realize that you cannot change that pattern, it is almost mandatory to remove yourself from the battlefield...unfortunately, many of us have no other choice but to do just that. It's sad, and rather a painful choice, yet again, what's the purpose of being here otherwise?!
You don't really need to remove yourself. However you can recognize the pattern and simply chose not to participate or perpetuate. You can remain loving, with a new established boundary.
I removed myself from my extended family after college once I realized they were emotionally stunted and stuck somewhere I was ready to move on from. A loved one recently passed and it brought us all together ~10 years later and the funeral was a stark and sobering reminder of why I estranged myself from that part of my family. My aunt misinterpreted my grief as me being “defiant” or something and drama ensued. I still don’t know what I did to offend her, but she made the funeral entirely about herself. She did this at my sister’s wedding, at my high school graduation. It is extremely toxic and I was only able to be the bigger person and let her tantrum because I left the family and healed on my own. I was even strong enough to pretend I knew what she was on about and apologized so we could all have a family lunch together. But hell if I’m spending another moment with that family again. It’s a waste of my kindness and energy. My other family deserves my kindness and patience, not the toxic ones. Don’t be afraid to cut out toxic people. Just don’t blame them for how they were brought up. It’s not their fault.
I agree with you that how people are brought up can definitely affect their behavior and sometimes it’s not their fault, but sometimes it is. If a person refuses to look at their own actions and never be introspective or think about how their actions affect other people, I think that’s just not right. I know I’ve done many things that I regret because of the way I was brought up, and I did it out of ignorance, but I’ve been working on myself practically my whole life, and have never passed on the toxicity to other people, or at least I have tried not to. But when I see people stuck in the same pattern for their whole lives and refuse to even take a look at what they’re doing, and then blame everything on everyone else, I feel they are not using the control that they were given. We do have some choice, after all. When I feel extreme anger or destructive emotions, I don’t take it out on others; I usually take it out on myself and while that’s not a good thing, I think it’s preferable to taking it out on others, like those around me did when I was young.
I left but came back. I have realized that they always need help and can’t give me much help. So I decide what I can help them with but not to give all of myself like they have always expected
Sometimes, people are born to be so close to their family, but most of us are not.. most parents are teaching their kids to learn to stand on their own feet.. but some kids failed, and they still come back to their parents.. we can't judge anyone through their own experiences, because some people go through bad things, but some are lucky to succeed in life, and some are struggling but still prefer to have their own privacy.. while most parents have a good heart to accept their kids despite of their situation.. but some parents don't actually understand their children, because once they moved out of their house.. they are considered to be on their own lives..
Being related to someone is not reason enough to stick around. I don’t talk to one of my sisters any more. I’ll always love her but not having to deal with her is FAR better for me.
Please.... most of us that have gone NC should remain that way forever. If WE were the ones to cut contact most likely the ones we left remain the same toxic and abuse people that we left. Stay NO CONTACT trust me
Fred and Kim were my rehab counselors in inpatient two year program, 1988. Limus was other patient, we didn’t know we were cousins. I got Geri pregnant there.
In my case, the Universe send me opportunities to leave home early and was expanding them until I went to live abroad. My thing was shame of being my true Mage, mystical self in front of my Christian family. But I didn't know that being mystic was my true nature and the distance helped me to create a double life. I thought that was the only way forever KKK but the Universe needed integrity from me in front of them too. So, the pandemic came and I had to return home. But this time being in the environment where all the old patterns were reinforced was the healing opportunity to show my true self, my real opinions and get aligned with my mission. Of course that was only possible cuz my family changed a lot. While I was abroad they all went through massive transformations, transformations that prepared them to be more receptive of my true identity. If anyone see themselves in a similar situation, know that you are back home to reclaim your power where you lost it. Be assured the universe will send you all the tools that are designed to make you specifically blossom this time.
Don't forget to tell your editor to watch the audio lines, and mute the ones you don't need. We can hear multiple mics in this clip that aren't perfectly synced up.
My whole family are abusive and I was rsised in horrific abuse from my parent's especially my father was horrifically abusive and my father would beat my mother in a horrific and horrible abuse and then my mother would do it to me in a horrific horrible abuse and there was sexual abuse from my father and I was sexually abused by uncle. I am healing with my trauma therapist I am seeing and I am by myself with no one. And its okay that now I can heal with no chaos and abuse around me.❤
You sure about that? I moved out of my mom’s place and moved states as soon as I graduated high school and never looked back. My biological family never felt like family to me. I honestly don’t understand how some people can feel such a closeness with their family. Because I never got that. And I kind of wish I could experience that….
I want to leave the battlefield. But I keep waiting for permission. How do I know when the distance I’m creating is really for the best interest of myself and those I’m distancing myself from??? I feel so tired and confused.
What about when it's not repairable? For you? What about us folks who cannot for a moment consider interacting with a narcisstically abusive system ever again?
@@carladossantos1142 Where I live people cannot afford this even. People I know who have done this have lasted a few months before going back to live with parents...
Yes. But I’m back in battlefield and SO sick bc I turned to my family bc of abusive partner even though I knew he was revealing to me everything is stored in unconscious about my own childhood traumas…. And I knew how could the people who got me I got Thai situation get me out? But thought well I’m an adult now so I can manage but I could not and I lost so much health and my adult life bc of it… my abusive partner was healthier for me than my family bc he didn’t hurt my heart just scared of him physically uric me which he ever did. My own family hurts me so deeply over and over and over again no matter how much I’ve grown. I have to not care but now my health ruined so feel I need them but that’s why my health ruined… so I have to be in awful spot and trst I’ll be ok and not need my family anymore even now
Nah I think most families have differences amongst individuals and they don't know how or don't have the capacity to accept the workable solutions. If one person is a social person and the other is reclusive...which one has to compromise or do both or do they just accept the inevitable separation?
I decided to be free from the human disrespectful rules from the Jehovah’s Witness and I accepted to loose family and friends and almost all people in life
'Alejandro Jodorowsky', a 'Genius' and 'Therapist' that wrote 'Metagenealogy' for 'transgenerational Heritage' actually, states that 'wherever you go, your Family follows you', and this is definitely true, that is to say it has been 'internalized', his Movies concerning the 'own reasoned Autobiography' are 'the Dance of Reality' and 'endless Poetry' and there is 'surrealistic' Work of Science and Art titled 'El Topo' concerning the Relationship between 'Son and Father' and there is 'santa Sangre' concerning the Relationship between 'Son and Mother', for a 'cathartic Elaboration' of the 'Issue' to so put it.
@dlbet4110 So you think people should force themselves to engage with abusive family members bc you feel it would be selfish not to? That sounds masochistic.
It was a brutal decision. When I told someone I went no contact with my parents, they high fived me... I don't think people realize it's like ripping your own heart out to start to heal. Fast forward to now,m though, I'm further along in my healing and have gotten back in contact with them. We've all grown to accept each other more in the time apart. I'm grateful I can return to them, I know not everyone gets to do that. I hope everyone who's taken a step back from their family is doing OK during this holiday season, I know that can be real tough ❤
I absolutely agree with you, it's brutal... I am going through this right now, the mental and emotional separation which has been there all along I just didn't realize how bad it was until now. I'm tired of being treated worse than dirt and none of them care or ever has. In my 40s, single mom and they even stole my daughter too. I've given up.
@vhayashi7369 🫂
@@vhayashi7369 it's not too old. If you can transform to be more you letting the bs doubts, self dislike then you will attract a loving mate & also your daughter will find you & come your direction
I'm not doing so good
Yep. I am yet to return. Thinking of seeing my Father on new years day, but I've been thinking of that for a few years , my mother is a different story altogether. 🙏 ❤️
"... You don't want to heal on a battlefield, right?" 🎯
Ive tried that!! U gt even more wounds.
I found many years ago, the best way to enjoy my family is from 1000 miles away.
I can relate 😂😂😂
Love from a distance or frgtbthey exist. Its hard. I know but i decided to never be abused Bybfkn anyone ever ever .
yes sir I respectfully decline being abused further
Currently going through this now and I had no idea the pain and grief that has emerged in this decision. But I can also feel the liberation on the other side.
This makes so much sense. This is, in hindsight, what I did.
It is worth mentioning while I left my family to heal from them... I wandered into so many other battles... now that we have all had time to reflect, work, heal... they're helping me through the battles I've been in since I left. The love is still there and we don't see eachother as enemies... just hurt people who hurt people... and we all want to love and be better.
Wish me luck and pray for me if that's your thing. ❤
❤❤❤
Thank you! Yes! I wish people would understand this. It's hard but I had to get out.
Estranged from my dad. Had to work from within with my mom and her family. There's no salvaging always being rejected. That's my dad he has rejected me since I was born even though my parents where married till I was a teen he wasn't present he was disassociated from home life even though he was there he wasn't really present. My mom on the other hand and her family are just a bunch of hurt people hurting people because they are hurting. I have so much empathy there because I'm a product of that too.
It took a LONG time to understand this was my early life reality because I was brainwashed and gaslighted to believe I had a great childhood. It took about 40 years to learn this lesson. Thankfully I got it now! Thank you, Teal!❤
This is alk too familiar. I had to lose myself in order to find myself. Lots of alone time, I learned to stand up for myself, understand the reasons why everyone in my family is so dysfunctional, be extremely honest with myself and being willing to take the risk of honesty with people I love most. Something happened after opening up that I was a good kid that did things my mom saw as bad because I felt neglected and was seeking her attention. So its been a lifetime of her assuming I am a bad person and purposely hurting her, while the reality was I was just a child she the parent didn't have the excuses. I was constantly raged at and punished for actions that where simply seeking attention from my mom. I never meant to trigger her and it was a situation that became cynical in nature for my communicating being hurt and in pain and needing love, but instead receiving hate and anger because I indirectly was communicating with her. In my 20's I had family stalking me everywhere online and reporting back to her what I was saying. I was keenly aware because we never talked but there was this pattern every single time she would get made at me for seemingly no reason I'd vent about it. Within 24 hors sometimes less shed lash out again. This was the only way I had to communicate how much I was suffering then. It was obvious somebody was getting back to her about it. Even this past year any time she's stressed she takes it out in me by being extremely critical of me and having a nasty tone in times of her being tired and frustrated over being tired. She had this expectation I could read her mind, but it's not my job to regulate her. It's my job to regulate myself and to uphold my boundaries in a calm way that isn't blaming. Not easy the overly critical thing is a trigger. I need space to make my own choices and mistakes and the trust that it won't lead to chaos. While in the past that's been a pattern because part of that is attention seeking behavior.
This Christmas was the first that didn't feel strained and stressful it was relaxed and there was no drama and it was the best Christmas of my life.
My whole family has pushed me out. I became ill with fibromyalgia and they all just ghosted me. I believe God is doing something and me being around their narcissism and toxicity is helping me. I am the empath and the one that tries to being people together.
I can relate in a semi similar way, I am denied my AuADHD diagnosis and any impacts of trauma or wrong doing are also denied. If I don’t play the role they want me to at 100% I get nothing. So now I have no family.
you´re an empath bc of it BUT as I know from my experience, being the empath can be very destructive as well and lead to a toxic pattern.
You may have been giving too much of your good energy and absorbing too much toxic energy from them. You do need to be away from them to literally detox. It is probably the trigger to your condition. It has actually made you sick.
Yes absolutely 💯 it’s time to heal and move forward being our true authentic selves. Amen 🙏
Moved back home for a year . Learnt a lot about myself and my dad. Moving out again in a couple of days but being made to feel guility because hes making out that im abandoning him ( ironically most of the time he makes the enviroment hostile/ walk on eggshells unwelcoming). You are right , I cannot make any more progress here . Basically he wants a cook / cleaner and someone to complain to plus 10% watch tv company at the right time. When he reacted less than positivily i explained i didnt realise that i was in a hostage situation . Just gotta not let him guilt trip me.
Get out of there good luck
That's an untenable situation. You will know relief. You have the skills and the self respect to move forward. Here's to new beginnings... and a new life full of hope!
@DavidDevero thank you :)
She is amazing. So much wisdom in the things she says. Don’t do the easy thing. Do the right thing.
Agreed. And I would add that ypur absence from the pattern might change the pattern. This can be for good or worse, but can also bring insight and healing to others as well. This is what I was blessed with ❤. And I am very grateful for that.
I do not speak with my family I do not feel a need to be retromatized by their toxic way of living Amen
Thank U for sharing & teaching that we do not have to suffer just because they are family ❤️👏😇
This describes the Mum that adopted me and myself right now. Perfect, thank you ❤️💯❤️
This is exactly why we've got to create our inner world and environment built of pieces we choose for ourselves.
I divorced my entire family and I have zero guilt. I'm the freest and strongest I've ever been. It was incredibly hard though because I had to face the truth that I was never loved or wanted.... just used, but God......once I have done that and found the real love and freedom of the energy of the universe.....my life is getting so much better not being around emotional poison and drug addicts.
Wow you are the first person who has ever clearly explained why I had to walk away from my birth family 30 years ago.
Wow. I hadn’t listened to any Teal Swan since about 2012?… and suddenly “shorts” started popping up recently, and man, every time, what she has to say is 100%… good stuff, …true… IMO&E. Thank you, Teal, for being in this world.
It is absolutely devastating and excruciating so painful especially the stabs to the heart for 47 years... I decided I'm going to move away from all of them. I can't stay sane from all the neglect and abuse. It will never change. I'm worthless to them and they habe shown me this for 47 years. 💔🖤🖤
That’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you find a good support system elsewhere. 💖
I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me , I know how you feel. I hope someday you find a place where you are loved. Thats all any of us really wants . One day you will come to realize that it wasn’t you, and that these people can only see in others what lives in their own hearts. Sending peaceful, healing thoughts to you.
@@donnadhennin Your comment wasn’t directed to me; it was directed to someone that I commented to, but I just wanted to tell you that I think what you said is lovely. I like what you said about all of us just wanting to be loved. That’s so true! I’m sending loving, healing thoughts to you as well. Take care. 💖
Jealousy from my family and after I survived my family ,my TF' s jealousy seemed appropriate. I fly alone like the eagle. Thank you Teal. ❤️🙏🌷
Best thing I have ever done, was to systematically remove as much family away from myself and my child, as humanly possible. ❤
The gold is when you reach a certain point in your healing journey and you can be with your family and be able to practice not engaging with those patterns. It changes the entire dynamic. Then you can understand they are so much more than their conditioned patterns. It takes practice lots of practice and self compassion for yourself. It is so worth it.
Moved out in 2008 and embarked on my own journey of independence. After 12 years, I moved back home in 2022 and only stayed for 6 months and that was a long time to keep dealing with hostility and negative patterns. Moved out afterwards and I've been estranged from the family since 2023 and there has been a pattern of them never checking up on me anyway over the years.
I always have to listen 2 times because I still can imagine anyone more amazing then you
You are the best 👌
I needed this today! I had to do this many years ago. But then it got turned back on me with my kids. So very painful. But I've learned it is their learning now, and not mine.😢
Man, I hear this so rough to the soul. Needed to hear it from all facets of this situation. Mahalo.
So perfectly said. For family and also relationships and partnerships too.
This lady has no doubt a beautiful soul and is very legit in helping others I love her
My stepdaughter has so much programming from her mother's family & she wears different personalities because of it...she's not even aware she's doing it. After a year & a half if caring for her & her father allowing her to see them with boundaries (after they tried to take her away from him) we have moved her completely away from them because she will never be able to break the programming or heal as long as they are an influence on her. It's super sad it came to that but they didn't have the self control to care about what is developmentally appropriate for a child & to stop trying to control & own her.
The family that I entered provided the conduit necessary for me to enter this world, but I am from my heavenly Father .. and they belong to a different kingdom. Everyone gets to make their own choices.
I had a volatile marriage and it ended dramatically. The kids witnessed a lot. Many years on my son has distanced himself from me and his sister. It is his birthday today and I just text him to say he is loved more than he will ever know. I need to let go. I need to give him the space to try to heal from his own perception of how his trauma was created... but he is loved...
It’s a nice sentiment but I think it would be wise to examine your own bias within this statement… *He* gets to decide what’s traumatic, everyone has a different nervous system. Not you. Yeesh.
I love you, Teal~~ I hope that someday, I get to meet you in person!! You are wonderful!!...
It's Impossible to heal and at the same time staying in the environment you got the damages from, if the environment won't work with you and won't support the whole process. Trauma and pain triggers will Always pull you back to the old patterns and you will ask yourself why don't you have any results in your healing work. After a while, while you trying, your wounds just got worse and you get even more damaged. People who want to heal, have to leave the harmful environment.
I'm reading this and I'm agreeing but something in the back of my mind is saying to me "why do you need to move out? Perhaps being constantly triggered will act as a catalyst for your healing?" God it's soo hard to get myself to understand that I need to go. It doesn't help coming from a south asain background where there is soo much emphasis on family and keeping it together.
@theChannel40 Maybe you are also traumabonded ( I was). It is hard to release and the "unknown world" seemed too scary alone for me, compared to something I am familiar with, but these feelings didn't change the fact that it is harmful for me to stay on the long term, and it would hold me back from my full potential. So I took a big breath, and just did it. I "forced" myself, I mean with "force" in this context that, I knew what is good for me, it hurted, it felt unnatural, but I still knew it was the right thing. Just because something is hard, it doesn't mean it isn't right... And you don't have to leave them forever. You can visit them or messaging them. Everyone has their own life, and only one. If they love you, they will understand and respect your desicion.
@sophie8466 Thanks Sophie. When you said that it can feel unnatural, this resonated a lot. It feels like I'm going off the path and I'm doing something I don't need to do, but I know it'll be harder for me to reach my potential. I'm not even saying to myself I'll move out permanently, but I should at least allow myself to move out for a year or 2 and then take it from there. I should at least give myself the chance to experience what it'll be like outside the nest lol
No matter what the end will look like & whenever it is Teal.
I will be there because you have a good Heart.
The biggest tragedy of all will be if you don't overcome this.
Maybe no one could see into you before so you were fading away, but that's not true anymore x
I truly, wholeheartedly, believe in this. 💯
Wow! I've moved from Czech republic to Ireland almost 20 years ago and it's only for the last year I've realised that this was the reason.
Awesome information and reality check
💯 thank you for voicing this so clearly
I just did something like that. I don't want to describe in detail what it cost me and what I did, but for over 8 years I have been working on freeing myself from both my family and my own karmas, I stopped the cycle that I was repeating over and over again and I am cleansing myself of literally everything accumulated from previous incarnations and both family sides. it's hard work. and it feels like it lasts forever but I can't send it and I don't want to until I get rid of it all. I want to heal not only myself but also everything and everyone so that the next generation will not have what I had.
So right. Break the cycle. 🙏 ❤️
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." ❤
I'm alone too for 14 years. I must be far away from the psychological terror of my family with their guilt-tripping, criticizing good deeds, projecting negativity and undermining confidence with a sprinkle of invalidation as well. And so many parents are like that while they think they are good parents. Un freaking beleivable how humans can behave. I hate it.
Im 5000 miles away from mine. Im where i need to be. Things have very slowly improved. Healing complex trauma is no joke. Sadly, i see no resolution with parents. I decided to leave the ship, and there's no way back.
Thanks for the validation.
❤🎉😊 Need that right now 🙏🙌🙌
Happy New year 🕛🎊❤
MUCH ❤ LOVE
Healing generational trauma! Word. ✨️ I'm doing it!!! ❤🎉😊
Wow that is a persoective i did that and didn't know why but thank you for explaining that for me. Makes sense since you put it that way.
That's right! She nailed it again, if you realize that you cannot change that pattern, it is almost mandatory to remove yourself from the battlefield...unfortunately, many of us have no other choice but to do just that. It's sad, and rather a painful choice, yet again, what's the purpose of being here otherwise?!
Teal ❤❤❤❤
You don't really need to remove yourself. However you can recognize the pattern and simply chose not to participate or perpetuate. You can remain loving, with a new established boundary.
Indeed. Wise words.
❤🎉😊Thank you
Thank you thank you 🙏
I removed myself from my extended family after college once I realized they were emotionally stunted and stuck somewhere I was ready to move on from. A loved one recently passed and it brought us all together ~10 years later and the funeral was a stark and sobering reminder of why I estranged myself from that part of my family. My aunt misinterpreted my grief as me being “defiant” or something and drama ensued. I still don’t know what I did to offend her, but she made the funeral entirely about herself. She did this at my sister’s wedding, at my high school graduation. It is extremely toxic and I was only able to be the bigger person and let her tantrum because I left the family and healed on my own. I was even strong enough to pretend I knew what she was on about and apologized so we could all have a family lunch together. But hell if I’m spending another moment with that family again. It’s a waste of my kindness and energy. My other family deserves my kindness and patience, not the toxic ones. Don’t be afraid to cut out toxic people. Just don’t blame them for how they were brought up. It’s not their fault.
I agree with you that how people are brought up can definitely affect their behavior and sometimes it’s not their fault, but sometimes it is. If a person refuses to look at their own actions and never be introspective or think about how their actions affect other people, I think that’s just not right. I know I’ve done many things that I regret because of the way I was brought up, and I did it out of ignorance, but I’ve been working on myself practically my whole life, and have never passed on the toxicity to other people, or at least I have tried not to. But when I see people stuck in the same pattern for their whole lives and refuse to even take a look at what they’re doing, and then blame everything on everyone else, I feel they are not using the control that they were given. We do have some choice, after all. When I feel extreme anger or destructive emotions, I don’t take it out on others; I usually take it out on myself and while that’s not a good thing, I think it’s preferable to taking it out on others, like those around me did when I was young.
100% true 💜🙏.
What would someone who loves themselves do? As we ask, we get answered.
It's horrible. Dealing with this for years.
Thats it 🙏
We ALL need communication. And I have not had anyone who has communicated with me in years. I had to heal in the most chaotic environment
excellent 👍
Well said
I feel that my heart keeps getting beaten down and it's impossible to heal from the (emotional) beating when it keeps happening over and over again
❤🎉😊Thank you
Truth ❤
I feel validated 😢
I left but came back. I have realized that they always need help and can’t give me much help. So I decide what I can help them with but not to give all of myself like they have always expected
It is just the answer I was looking for
Sometimes, people are born to be so close to their family, but most of us are not.. most parents are teaching their kids to learn to stand on their own feet.. but some kids failed, and they still come back to their parents.. we can't judge anyone through their own experiences, because some people go through bad things, but some are lucky to succeed in life, and some are struggling but still prefer to have their own privacy.. while most parents have a good heart to accept their kids despite of their situation.. but some parents don't actually understand their children, because once they moved out of their house.. they are considered to be on their own lives..
Being related to someone is not reason enough to stick around. I don’t talk to one of my sisters any more. I’ll always love her but not having to deal with her is FAR better for me.
Please.... most of us that have gone NC should remain that way forever. If WE were the ones to cut contact most likely the ones we left remain the same toxic and abuse people that we left. Stay NO CONTACT trust me
Fred and Kim were my rehab counselors in inpatient two year program, 1988. Limus was other patient, we didn’t know we were cousins. I got Geri pregnant there.
😢 yes
Exactly
In my case, the Universe send me opportunities to leave home early and was expanding them until I went to live abroad. My thing was shame of being my true Mage, mystical self in front of my Christian family. But I didn't know that being mystic was my true nature and the distance helped me to create a double life. I thought that was the only way forever KKK but the Universe needed integrity from me in front of them too. So, the pandemic came and I had to return home. But this time being in the environment where all the old patterns were reinforced was the healing opportunity to show my true self, my real opinions and get aligned with my mission. Of course that was only possible cuz my family changed a lot. While I was abroad they all went through massive transformations, transformations that prepared them to be more receptive of my true identity. If anyone see themselves in a similar situation, know that you are back home to reclaim your power where you lost it. Be assured the universe will send you all the tools that are designed to make you specifically blossom this time.
@@brunaberg8667 This is a beautiful story 🤗
What interview is this from please?
Don't forget to tell your editor to watch the audio lines, and mute the ones you don't need. We can hear multiple mics in this clip that aren't perfectly synced up.
Where abuse has been inflicted it's best the abusers be separated from the victims
💯🙏
People, places & things...
My whole family are abusive and I was rsised in horrific abuse from my parent's especially my father was horrifically abusive and my father would beat my mother in a horrific and horrible abuse and then my mother would do it to me in a horrific horrible abuse and there was sexual abuse from my father and I was sexually abused by uncle. I am healing with my trauma therapist I am seeing and I am by myself with no one. And its okay that now I can heal with no chaos and abuse around me.❤
Where could we find the full interview please 🎉?
❤️🙏❤️
❤
💯
I'm 500 miles from anyone on my side of the family.
You sure about that? I moved out of my mom’s place and moved states as soon as I graduated high school and never looked back.
My biological family never felt like family to me. I honestly don’t understand how some people can feel such a closeness with their family. Because I never got that. And I kind of wish I could experience that….
Ah, i never had a choice. And there is no coming back for a resolution either, only acceptance.
I want to leave the battlefield. But I keep waiting for permission. How do I know when the distance I’m creating is really for the best interest of myself and those I’m distancing myself from??? I feel so tired and confused.
God she’s smart
I had to remove and block my abusive mother and stepfather 😢💔
She kept the second,
What about when it's not repairable? For you? What about us folks who cannot for a moment consider interacting with a narcisstically abusive system ever again?
What if you can't leave? Like financially cannot and no support system on the outside...
You can always leave - you have to find a way, be Independent and not always rely on support from others
Maybe share a house with roommates
@@carladossantos1142 Where I live people cannot afford this even. People I know who have done this have lasted a few months before going back to live with parents...
@@Kayla-ex3ce move to a different city/state, scorched-earth, try something instead of tolerating abuse
Yes. But I’m back in battlefield and SO sick bc I turned to my family bc of abusive partner even though I knew he was revealing to me everything is stored in unconscious about my own childhood traumas…. And I knew how could the people who got me I got Thai situation get me out? But thought well I’m an adult now so I can manage but I could not and I lost so much health and my adult life bc of it… my abusive partner was healthier for me than my family bc he didn’t hurt my heart just scared of him physically uric me which he ever did. My own family hurts me so deeply over and over and over again no matter how much I’ve grown. I have to not care but now my health ruined so feel I need them but that’s why my health ruined… so I have to be in awful spot and trst I’ll be ok and not need my family anymore even now
Nah I think most families have differences amongst individuals and they don't know how or don't have the capacity to accept the workable solutions. If one person is a social person and the other is reclusive...which one has to compromise or do both or do they just accept the inevitable separation?
I decided to be free from the human disrespectful rules from the Jehovah’s Witness and I accepted to loose family and friends and almost all people in life
'Alejandro Jodorowsky', a 'Genius' and 'Therapist' that wrote 'Metagenealogy' for 'transgenerational Heritage' actually, states that 'wherever you go, your Family follows you', and this is definitely true, that is to say it has been 'internalized', his Movies concerning the 'own reasoned Autobiography' are 'the Dance of Reality' and 'endless Poetry' and there is 'surrealistic' Work of Science and Art titled 'El Topo' concerning the Relationship between 'Son and Father' and there is 'santa Sangre' concerning the Relationship between 'Son and Mother', for a 'cathartic Elaboration' of the 'Issue' to so put it.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Sounds like my christmas,there overly happy existence needed to be avoided this yr
9 years now. And still didn't do anything.
We should normalize not feeling obligated to toxic family simply because they are family. It is not selfish and you should not feel guilty.
It is incredibly selfish.
@dlbet4110 So you think people should force themselves to engage with abusive family members bc you feel it would be selfish not to? That sounds masochistic.
Disconnect from toxic relationships, any.