A Psychologist explains Spiritual Abuse and Trauma
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2024
- In this video, I briefly explain some signs of Spiritual (Religious/Evangelical Abuse) and how those affected by it respond. For more information or to book a free consultation with me, go to my website: https:skillsetcounseling.com
*If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You are not entering into a patient-provider relationship by watching this video or reading any content or comments; the video and comments are only for educational purposes.*
Other Resources:
Domestic Abuse Hotline :1-800-799-7233
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1800-422-4453
My aunt, who had the best potential out of six kids grown in an impoverished home, wanted to go to college to be a teacher. Her church told her that she was on full time calling for the Lord. She lived in poverty on mere subsistence, because she was told she couldn't work or pursue any employment or educational opportunities. God wanted her to volunteer her life to the church without being paid. and she did, thinking it was the Lord's command through someone else's prophecy.
I am so sorry this happened to your aunt. I know of several people this has happened to as well. Spiritually abusive communities tend to strongly steer you into investing all of yourself into their system; anything else is considered “worldly” and “bad”. This is of course, all about control. Did they help her out when she needed resources? For more on this, please check out my video on the “Us vs them” mentality of spiritually abusive systems. All the best to you and your family.
@@skillsetcounseling Yes, she would get a little stipend here and there, but that couldn't help of course in any significant way. She's dead now, but she was under the belief that God instructed this for her life, even though she wanted otherwise. She never questioned the prophecy from the church. She was a talented singer, actress and musician, but never got to develop or monetise any of those gifts to improve her life.
@@christianmarshrosey1977 spiritual abuse robs people of their potential ….
I did not know this was so common I am far from an angel but , when I lost my job and my car broke down , the solutions was to come to church, I barely had food to eat. i love the Lord. We all sin and come short of the glory of God, but when I on the straight an narrow completely my past was constantly being brought up, which took a toll on me for a while and I had to regroup and study the word on my own, that's when I discovered there were mean Christians.
I was raised in domestic violence, which made me perfect to fall prey to a cultish church. I was part of that denomination for over 24 yrs. It was a living hell. They controlled everything. I was so gaslit and beaten down in my mind. BUT GOD!!!! By His grace alone, I left my adulterous, abusive husband and 5 yrs later, left the denomination altogether. The pastor told me, "If you leave this church, you will amputate yourself from the body of Christ." I was blacklisted as rebellious because I had the audacity to believe that I could hear from God for myself and make my own decisions. I left exactly 6 yrs ago.
Wow! You have survived so much. I know your story must have been so painful but you’ve shown so much courage and independence. Thanks for watching and for sharing your story with us.
@@skillsetcounseling thank you! I really owe it all to Jesus. It took a long time. He started with helping me see value in myself, and after that, you start to realize that you deserve better. Then He would lead me to stuff on controlling church leadership and it started to open my eyes. It still took a while bcz stuff is so ingrained in you. Thank you so much for doing this video!
Same my parents were in a domestic violence case and I witnessed it between my older brother and his ex wife
So glad u did...blessings
@@julietreagus7043 thank you! Blessings to you! 🙏❤️
Ive seen this in EVERY church, Christian college, and ministry I've been a part of.
Wow, that’s unfortunate. I’m sorry that has happened.
When I went to a pastor who claimed to have come from a background of trauma and abuse and suicide I reached out to her because said I was going through that too and I asked for her to pray for me
This woman showed no compass and called me weak and yelled at me it had me in tears
But then she wanted to talk about her trauma I was there for her
I thought pastors were supposed to pray for the sick and those who needed help I didn’t ask for money I just wanted prayed
I’m so sorry this happened. Thanks for watching and sharing your story.
Study NPD disorder
She could still be damaged & maybe shouldn't be in a pastoral role at the moment, as what she hears from people could be triggering her own pain, hence her reaction to you. Perhaps try to find alternative help online. I've been watching online videos by Dr Diane Langberg, & Alisa Childers. They talk v openly about abuse of various kinds in the Church & are v good at explaining it. May help to watch other videos by this lady - Dr Foluso. It might trigger your own pain, but could help. I'm seeing a Christian counsellor about certain experiences re church leaders. Also v helpful. Hope you get the help you need. ❤️
I've had a pastor tell me: "I don't have time for a pity party", while conducting a prayer service. Another pastor kick me out of church in front of everybody, after coming to church with a guy he told me 'the lord said' I needed to let go. And instead of letting him go, I stayed out of rejection. I'm really starting to believe God does not care about me.
@@swannoir7949 Hi, I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. Sadly, some pastors go too far, & can be very mean. It's understandable that we can then feel that God does not care about us after experiencing things like this. It's not always easy to see that these things are from people, not God. I've had to leave some churches behind because of this. Glad to say I've found some which are normal, & the leaders are kind. Been reading Psalms lately. Can be so comforting, like Psalm 20. Hope that helps. Take care of yourself and God bless and guide you 🙏❤️
This is the most solid breakdown. I have been through this. When I call it out, most Christians want me silent.
Truth tellers often get it the worst. Thanks for watching and commenting.
This video captures just what you’ve described. The title is “Ths Game is Rigged; Why You Never Win by speaking up about Spiritual Abuse”. th-cam.com/video/GrX_hHpKcDw/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared
@@skillsetcounseling thanks for more info!
@@c.antoinehill100 you’re welcome!
I am a Muslim watching this and I was spiritually abused since I was a child and now I am 33 years old. My mom took me place to place with her family members just to say to “fix me” but fell preyed upon with all these so called leaders too they made me do some crazy shit like drink WHOLY water pulling my hair going to a house filled with people who actually needed help and still use religion as of her way to justify heaven lies underneath the mothers feet and lately she’s been getting worse that I heard horror stories that I had a demon since I was a baby apparently a baby can’t look around. She prays and prays but does these horrific stuff towards me that she ruined my life and she did hear voices where someone told her to kill me? I have CPTSD and anxiety
This sounds horrific and I am so sorry this happened to you. As I’m sure you know, you never deserved any of this. I hope you are healing
I would love to know more about how to recognize this abuse. (More examples) Like you said it is difficult and complex but even more so when coming from an abusive past because the victim has already been conditioned to abuse.
Hi Jean, thanks for watching. This video may help answer your question. th-cam.com/video/lqu6DhpvLq0/w-d-xo.html
If you're conditioned to abuse, it can take a long time to spot it elsewhere, in any situation, even in a church. Found myself in church situations like this & realised I had to leave. But there's an art to doing this & it may be better for some folks to withdraw gradually. Good to find friends & other support, if needed, from somewhere outside such such a church. Makes you less dependent & boosts your confidence. But be aware that some church leaders might sense that you are breaking away from their control & may react badly. Be careful who you confide in there, even the leaders. These are not healthy places/situations. I left one such church & the one I wanted to join said we had to inform the leaders of the church we were leaving. So I sent the pastor & his wife a card/letter saying "I feel the Lord is moving me on" (He was) & thanked them for what they had done for me. He got one of his sycophants to phone me & ask if there was another reason. There was, but it wasn't appropriate to discuss it with her. He tried to undermine my being at this other church, but I ignored it. We've got to be savvy & know how to handle such underhanded behaviour. But as I said, it's an art as to how to handle & leave. Also, there ARE healthy churches & leaders. Might take time & much prayer, but it's worth it. ❤️
@@susandumbill8805 thank you for sharing such helpful advice !
Where there is religion, unfortunately there's always someone willing to use it as a tool for manipulation & abuse. The difficulty in recovery is seperating the faith from the abuse. Just because someone used faith to abuse you doesn't mean the faith itself is at fault. God loves you no matter what, but not everyone who claims to do his work are genuine in their faith, or act in line with their stated beliefs. God doesn't need to use an abusive person as a go between & neither do you.
I love that last sentence! Thanks for your insightful comments and thanks for watching!
This was very helpful! Thank you! This is not talked about enough and there are many confused and traumatized individuals who don’t know who to go to or what to do.
Thank you for watching Amy! I am hoping to change the narrative around this, and that people in these situations will be empowered to help themselves and others.
Amen and BEEN worn out, but learned to remain alone God's still w me
I was treated with disrespect and threats by an Archbishop who felt entitled to be treated as special even when he was so arrogant and entitled to be allowed to act the opposit of Christto tap my phone ad stalk me and threat me to stop talking about what he was doings elder abuse laws finally gave me the strength and courage to get away and get protection.
New Age abuse too. These gurus are amongst wolves in shepherd’s clothing
New Age is a religion too it just isn't as stringent in most cases.
I've been through this in the past and I see this as a really good description and explanation.
I’m sorry you went through this ; I’m glad that this video resonated with you and validated your experience. Thanks for watching!
Imagine your religious abuser also being your dad. You don’t go to church because he doesn’t want to. You work for him for free, And he’s verbally abusive too.
It took me YEARS to figure out this was toxic. And years to trying to heal.
I’m so sorry that you endured multiple types of abuse. I hope things are better for you now
This happened to me and I have been trampled and pushed to the side
I’m sorry to hear this. Hope things better for you soon.
Thank you. the confirmation I needed. I'm am not crazy for feeling uncomfortable and like I have no free will due to certain people on my circle who express their religious and spiritual values on/against me. Thank you. I can't believe I asked one person in social media and got paywalled but your seflessness saved the day. Thank you for your subjective truth.
i may have worded my comment wrong oops but overall again much appreciated. Clearing my head before bed. Peace!
I am glad that you got the confirmation you needed. Thank you for watching and commenting.
In my case I have been turned away when I needed help from the pastor to help me get resources to talk to him about what was happening to me within the church and outside of the church but nothing was done I was ignored and they did nothing about it more than one time I've experienced this it's been hard to find a home Church where I can feel okay in it's been hard for me to stay in a church very long but I am trying to give it a chance are there three to six months to see if I can get any help I also told them I need spiritual counseling and that was ignored too so I don't know why this is happening to me but it is thank you so much for sharing this
I hope your situation improves. Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for watching
I've been trying to figure out how to put this feeling into words and you did it perfectly.
I’m glad to know that you found this information validating and helpful. Thanks for watching and commenting.
I would love to hear from you! Let me know your ideas for videos in the comments! To book your FREE consultation head on over to my website skillsetcounseling.com
Excellent video. We need more videos on this topic. 11:37
Thanks for watching Nichole! There are more videos on this on the Spiritual Abuse playlist on my channel.
Hi Dr. Fuloso. What if you're in a church which has a doctrine that God decides or picks your partner to marry. You aren't allowed to date on your own, and so someone prophesies who God picks for you. I have seen people cry and go into depression because they did not want to marry who was chosen. But the fear of God is put in them and they eventually submit to a marriage to a person they did not love or have any chemistry with. It's usually presented as the will of the Lord.
I believe everyone can hear God for themselves. If a church is telling you who you must marry or date, I recommend finding a way out ASAP. If a church acts like you can’t hear from God for yourself, only through them, that is a huge red flag. Of course this is my advice; you have to do so in a way that is safe and works for you. You can go to trusted leaders for advice of course, but in the end the decision must be between you and God. This sort of control-based leadership happened in the 1970’s with the “shepherding movement” and there have been other catastrophes like this as well.
Thank you for your encouraging words.
You’re welcome! And thank you for watching!
The Catholic church told me I had to go back to a husband who was hearing voices commanding him to kill me. The institutionchurch and marriage more important than my life
I’m so sorry to hear this Sharon. I hope you are doing ok….
God wants you to be safe I think it would be ok even if you didn’t divorce him was to leave and simply pray for him but remain in a safe environment
No doubt some churches/leaders give extremely bad advice. Really twisted & warped. I'm sure you are not meant to go back to a situation in which you are at serious risk to your life. As an ex-psych nurse I'd suggest your husband may have a psychotic disorder, & may need treatment. If he was on a psych ward saying things like that, staff would watch him v closely and certainly would counsel you not to go back while he's like that. I've heard similar from in-patients, & it was always taken seriously. But the Church sometimes advises some extremely bad things. I'm learning that if they advise something which makes me v uneasy , to take time to consider it all, & I tend to err on the side of caution. Hope things work out for you.
Really? And what cannon they cited as a support?
Great video!!!! Thank you so much for it!!! Yes, it can be sooooo awful!! Hurtful!😢😢❤❤❤❤
Thank you for watching Olivia!
thank you for this
You're very welcome!
This is great info!
Glad to hear it and thanks for watching !
I found some ..people in church will even crack jokes of this, stand by abusers all kinds, making it worse for the one that was taking it too long, and the women are to be quiet thing is used wrongly too some...use it wrongly
Quit the church in my neighborhood toxic church toxic sis much more.
I’m so sorry you had to experience that Donna. I hope things get better for you soon. Welcome to our community and thanks for watching.
@@skillsetcounseling sis D abused her oldest son left him in freezing weather. Almost starved him by threatening food was poisoned other MOM help baby sis C get custody of him sis D acted it was all cool got MOM at her house in Calif MOM was recovering from stroke sis D pushed her after verbalizing she would and MOM could have have surgery and die that what happened sis C was only one MOM had a chance to tell i didn't know all this I heard of some of it but sis D convinced everyone it was lies till I moved to different state with sis D i witnessed her caricature she lied bout me to folks sent them after me for no contact mind games smearing ghosting harassing gaslighting tried set me up for framing it failed isolates me.
Jokes? bout poisoning her dish at church potluck. They pass it off as just her joking Some of us in family know what she capable of
Thankkkkkkkk Youuuuuuuuuuuuuu
You’re very welcome! Thanks for watching and commenting!
I’ve recently encountered an example of guilt tripping to manipulate me into doing more labor for the church building.
“Idle hands are the work of the Devil”!!!!!
When you search the subject of passive aggressive guilt trippers you can find answers but if you mix the word Christian with it. All you find is how Christian’s deal with there own personal guilt.
My question is;
Why Christian’s don’t talk about this sin?
And as a statement I’d just like to say.
Inflicting false guilt onto others to manipulate them is something Jesus would never had done.
This is plain evil and I’m sure is very sinful to do to another.
Wow! Your observations are spot on. Guilt is a weapon of choice for manipulative people, communities and institutions. You are also right that Jesus would never have done that. Unfortunately, I think this tends to be overlooked by people and communities who use guilt as a means of control themselves, or who benefit from it directly or indirectly. You are right in saying that is an evil practice. Thanks for watching and commenting!
Also, I have a video on this playlist that addresses guilt. You can find it here th-cam.com/play/PLaTBL-OsRDO7qgRadaMbHgVUgBLOaIWiT.html&feature=shared
Thank you so much for your response and the other videos.
You’re providing a valuable service for those in need.
It’s a crewel game people play with each other and we all need to be aware of this subject.
The good thing is, once you go through this kind of abuse, it will drive you towards knowledge and wisdom of how to overcome it.
For me, it draws me into Gods Word and brings me even closer to understanding Him and His presence in my life.
James 1:12 KJV;
“Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.”
@@jimmyjamb4911 Despite the cruelty you have endured, you have grown in wisdom and strength; that’s really something to proud of! Thanks for your encouragement and for watching and commenting!
One moment the Pastor is on the Pulpit telling the entire prophesy of my life, and how I will die? Years go by, I move Cities away and they come after me, to have a "going away party", to where? The next County was 8 years of gaslighting and abuse.
A little late, after you don't want me?
That sounds awful! I hope you’re ok.
I don’t mean any disrespect against anyones faith. However, why can we not sue those in religious abusive churches when it’s obvious the damage has left us disabled? People say, just leave the church and go elsewhere. I do NOT go to this church, my mother does and has for many many years. It’s extreme and legalistic. Currently my mother and the church have shunned me for no other reason except not following their beliefs. I am a believer….I have tried to have an opened mind, even spoke to the pastor…I was judged, ostracized…my own mother changed the locks on her home, sent me away. I am heartbroken. This has gone on for so many years..but now…I’ve lost my own mother. It’s brainwashing. Legally, people who abuse others are criminalized…so why is it not possible to sue clergy? God is still God, I believe. These teachings, control and abuse, fear, shame are of man, not God. It’s easy to walk away from the church, peacefully..unless it’s from a mother you love deeply. She said she abandoned me because I did not follow the TRUTH.I’ve had all the counseling..what about accountability. Why are they allowed to hurt people with no consequences? I’d really like to know. Please advise? Thank you
Hi! First of all I’m so sorry you’ve been through all of this. From what I understand you can take legal action against a church. Some people do go this route while others avoid it due to the possible finances and emotional burden involved. Spiritually abusive institutions need to be held more accountable for the abuse to stop. Your desire for justice and accountability is completely valid.
Agree
Thanks for watching and commenting !
Can you address abuse and books like "The Untethered Soul"?
Hi Joannah; can you elaborate?
@@skillsetcounseling in the spiritual community there's a consistent message about "if you don't like something someone says or does, that's because there's something in you that you don't like". I get that sentiment but then I feel like it encourages us to allow people to mistreat us in the name of being "spiritually enlightened because we're unbothered". The idea that we shouldn't be bothered when someone mistreats us unless there's work to do in ourselves seems to always be a grey area. Like if someone calls us stupid, if we don't identify as that, it doesn't bother us, but if someone does that everyday multiple times a day for years, that's going to affect us no matter how "spiritually enlightened" we are. I'm not sure how familiar you are with metaphysical beliefs but loving people unconditionally leaves alot of open doors for abuse. That's what I'd like you to address. Let me know yoir thoughts. Thank you for responding! 🙏🏼
@@joannahzamora hi Joannah! I actually have a video in the works about this. But long story short this is a very manipulative and underhanded way of trying to control your voice and ability to defend yourself. Abusive people and institutions cannot stand to have open disagreement. So by twisting the rules this way, anybody who is criticized has no valid defense. It doesn’t make any sense because it’s a one-way street. Somebody deemed “less powerful” who would criticize a leader would be called prideful, low-vibrational, critical etc. In reality criticism is nuanced. We have the right to honestly criticize things we don’t agree with and are not issues for us personally. Also, people can criticize us, and their criticisms may be coming from their own insecurities and may hold no water in real life, or they may be valid. It’s all about method of delivery and intent. And most of all your right to defend yourself. Hope that helps! I
@@joannahzamora also this video I have may also address your comment, albeit indirectly. Here is the link th-cam.com/video/GrX_hHpKcDw/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared
@@skillsetcounseling this is great nuance and content! Thank you again for taking the time to help all of us out here. 🙏🏼♥️
When your combat agency acts as a cult 😂
My local unit is using these tactics
Edit to add: I Am portrayed by the Old Guard as the Adversary to the other members of our unit
I'm sorry you are going through this. These spiritually abusive practices extend beyond religious organizations....
This reminds me of the Catholic Church and Jesuit priests.
Yes, no religious institution is immune from spiritual abuse. Thanks for watching and commenting!
They been sexually abusing women and kids for centuries!! They're not of God. They're crooks, scammers!!!
Look up the word charity in a pre 1960 dictionary. Charity is mentioned over 25 times in the KJV. We must have charity.
th-cam.com/video/DcJ4fESyGvY/w-d-xo.html
That is why I'm crazy god did it and seemed trapped online
Thanks Dr Foluso, that was really helpful to know & understand about all that 🙏🥰🫶
You’re welcome Vicky-Maree; thanks for watching
I’d like to encourage those who have gone through this mess with the spiritual side of the abuse. First of cling to God Himself the best way you know how. He’s the only one that can set you free! More and more leaders, pastors and other associations seem to be doing this more and more. If you do not know who you are and who you belong to the chances for anyone to be taken advantage of of is very high. Get counseling if you have to. I appreciate what’s being shared here with the evidence and truth being revealed.
Hurt people; hurt people and healed people help heal and guide. I just came out of another very painful situation under someone I genuinely cared for, thinking they were helping me. I had already had a background of some serious trauma and came in thinking I’d learn more and experience healing spiritually. The Lord began to show me indications of this person having expectations on me. Then making assumptions and accusations. When I confronted some of the issues they began to become another person and started flipping things I was confronting back on me. I thought I was losing my mind!
The story goes on and DID NOT end well. Later the Father lead me into some more information on narcissism! 😮🤔🫢 Well just let me say and speak this old saying: “if the shoe fits, wear it” I was done! It took 3 months for me to put it all together and then make my decision to leave this bible study. Crushed, perplexed and torn that her flying monkeys believed her more than considering the evidence. Don’t let people mistreat you scripturally, spiritually and or verbally! No one deserves this!
Thank you for putting this video together and I’m reaching out to your website as well.
REMEMBER: it’s when you really do know and understand the truth; it will set you free!
GLORY HALLELUYAH 🙌
Wow! What an encouraging comment for our community! Thank you for sharing your perspective and for watching and commenting!
@@HomeEduSchool Hi Caz! I see where you are coming from. While SOME hurt people choose to hurt others, in reality we all have been hurt and yet not everyone goes on to hurt others. “Hurt people hurt people” can sometimes used by others to justify or minimize abuse and it can be harmful to those trying to heal, as you’ve said . I just published a video on this! Click here to watch it th-cam.com/video/48ttGzXe_II/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for watching and commenting!