Spiritual Abuse and the Church: Why Should We Listen? with Teasi Cannon
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 พ.ย. 2021
- My friend Teasi Cannon and I have walked through a lot together. We decided to give my viewers a bird's eye view of what our conversations have looked like as we've processed the spiritual abuse we walked through together. We pray it will edify and encourage the body of Christ and possibly be a vehicle of recognition and healing.
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Thank you, thank you to all of you who have posted encouraging comments and shared from your own pain. It is so very bittersweet seeing how this is resonating. I hope and pray that knowing you are not alone will encourage and comfort you, and I am so thankful God is our true Good Shepherd! (Ezekiel 34)
Thank you for sharing some of your story!
Thank you, it took me a few months to heal from that. I found myself in a loop trying to make sense of it all. Than I realized that God isn't like man, because like you I saw him as a man of God, a spiritual guide and leader, I felt betrayed. But it's over and I must, as we all should, keep our eyes on God. Thank God it's done with. Thank you for sharing, it meant a lot to me. I'm looking for a church now, and I will keep my eyes on God and not look to man for what God has already given me. Thank you!!!! 💙❤💙
I went through this 40yrs ago at 19. The lies coming from a pastor & his wife were awful. What hurts the most is that no one will stand up for you. Or even wonder where to went or what happened. I will be 62 this month and am starting to understand the amount of coercive control of women in the church & how hard it is to recognise
I was glued to Ezekial 34 when I was in a spiritually abusive church. I read it everyday it was so good that God saw what the abusive shepherds were doing and gives it more detail. That and I Jn 2:20-27 that we are ALL, as being in Christ, all in Christ are anointed by the Holy Spirit to lead and teach us comparing that to I Cor. 2. And the Holy Spirit led me out. Now I see more, in the church I was in, their foundation was wrong. If the root is rotten it will not change and that is what I had to do after I left, restudied over a period of time. And what was not clear to me "God will make that known" a good principle from Philippians 3:15.
@@jobrookes6693 It's not just women who are targets. This happened to my husband! There are evil wolves in the church. Jesus warned us about them.
never ever ever give anyone 'spiritual authority' over your soul. Only God has that position. Not humans. I love this lady, God bless you both.
100%!! You are so right!
Amen!!!!❤
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I only obey God.
I’ve always hated covering theology, I just knew deep down that it wasn’t right. I’ll go somewhere and listen to a good message or sermon, but as far as submitting to a pastor, I just can’t do it anymore.
Teasi, while you don’t know me, your husband served my children when we were new to the area and church. My husband and I were floored when it was announced y’all were leaving because we were so blessed by his ministry. Thank you for your transparency. It breaks my heart that no one reached out to you. I want you to know that you are still highly respected and I absolutely love your heart for Jesus and following HIS ways, even when it’s hard. God bless you.
My husband and I are going through some things now. Please pray for us
The worst is when narcissistic abuse and manipulation is completely brushed off with a 'none of us is perfect'... that's the often used excuse, whether the abuser is from the leadership, or just someone who we shared the journey with. It is basically saying 'oh, it's not so bad, just put up and shut up'. Gaslighting at its best.. that can leave you numb and with such a deep rage that's actually despair.
Thanks sisters for sharing..! Teasi's testimony is so similar to many of us who were born in one religious cult, and later, were taken advantage of, because of our open heart and love for the Lord. Blessings
I feel this way! I’m left with deep despair and rage :(. I was abused spiritually and emotionally and I need prayer.
YES! That drives me batty! It's like an avoidance tactic. Its masked as some weird apology without apologizing for anything.
I got "scripture machine gunned down". When trying to work through the issues this person Kept using "love keeps no record of wrongs, your not being loving. But I forgive you. You need to forgive. If you don't forgive, God won't forgive you.
It's nutty how badly they twist scripture.
@@zyleymacruz333 Press into Jesus. He won't leave you or abuse you like that. Turn right into His arms, and cling to His word. In times like this, I find the Psalms are a really good place to park for a while. You are not alone dear one. Others have experienced this pain too. We will gladly pray for you. Jesus will get you through it. We love you.
This here I so agree
I have found most of the pastors I’ve encountered to be abusive. I no longer go to church. I have ptsd from multiple pastors who have done this kind of stuff to me. I have anxiety attacks from just thinking about finding another church. Ive come to except that I may never go to church again. Not once have any of these “ men of God” ever apologize and most of them are still in the ministry.
When the following was said, “Gas lighting is a systematic tearing down of someone’s confidence in their own ability of interpreting reality”. What I can say is yes yes and yes - the pastor and the leadership in the school attached to the church is famous for doing this to anyone who questions authority, anyone who sees behind the smoke and mirrors. The stories of what comes out of the school attached and that pastor of the church they are talking about is devastating.
I read about a case where this same pastor ignored abuse allegations and the boy ended up dying not long afterward. The boy's sister then went public with a video accusing her father of abusing her and killing her brother. The pastor then sent cease and desist letters to people he thought were helping the little girl!
@@lisaarinwine4530 oh that’s just awful!
yes. belittling, minimizing and outright denial...
Have no idea what church it is. But that quote I rewound to hear it over, it's so true.
@@markdonnaabbott3977 it is a church in Leipers Fork TN
Been there, lost so many “friends” but it was the means by which God brought me back to a Christ centred life. Now in a real Church grounded in solid Biblical doctrine. Keep up the good work ladies. 🙏🏻✝️❤️
I had someone in my life when I brought up the hurt they didn't deny it but they used "love keeps no record of wrongs" and told me I was being "unforgiving" and I would not be "forgiven".
There was never an apology for the pain caused. It was deflected in a really weird kind of way.
Narcissistic abuse is very confusing.
These are weird kinds of " spiritual mentors . " You have to wonder how many thousands of them are out there , preying on innocent , trusting women with their lies and double talk .
I've had several scriptures used against me when I tried to speak up. It's not okay. Using God's word to avoid and manipulate and harm is spiritual abuse.
There are some very unfortunate verses in scripture that narcissists absolutely weaponise for their wickedness. They are evil hypocrites
I hate that church leaders often talk about people behind their backs instead of to them directly, most of them see no problem with it too.
They are not good leaders!
Pharisees did it to Jesus. They were narcissistic and had insolent pride and were deceived that nothing was wrong with their vindictive behavior. They ultimately nailed him to a cross as a form of punishment to silence him for good. They were that deceived into believing what they did was the tight thing. The sin of pride is all knowing and won’t listen to anyone. Not even from God himself. Reasons why God despises the proud and gives grace to the humble.
John 16:33
I walked through something similar over 30 years ago when I was just 18 years old. I relate to all of it. I am realizing I am not alone in my experience. Though I want to always have respect for authority…. I know that I will never again give any man that king of power over me. Jesus is the final authority in my life. I will test every spirit and test everything by the word of God.
Amen to that. Been down that road. We put too many of these pastors on pedestals they don't belong on. My former pastor had us believe he was our spiritual authority in our lives & if we honored him, then the blessing on him would flow down on us. Wow...had I known then what I know now...
Amen! Same here, Laura Smentek!
Im sorry but I need help bad. Both pastors at my former church spirital abused me not only that but they paid off every member to do the same. Now they are not satisfied with that now they are taking me to court! My life is just about over now. Now I understand why people become pastors, they can not cut it in the real world so they take a simple job how simple is their job? I could be a pastor with both my hands tied behind my back and I would do the job right unlike both these clowns who also fuck the members kids behind the parents back. Can any one please help me?
Wow, Teasi. Four years ago my husband and I (and some close friends) walked through an almost identical experience, also NAR-related, also devastating accusations; we had been at that church for 19 years, since its beginning; the pastor turned on us like a cobra when we asked for clarification on some wonky doctrines being taught. It began with an NAR "apostle" who came to our church; then the pastor and an elder secretly traveled to an NAR church in Texas for training; then my teaching/leadership roles were questioned and I was accused of not being submissive, of talking behind the pastor's back. I can look back and remember the tremendous spiritual growth I received from that church and the pastor and then....*BOOM*. Broke my heart. We were spoken of from the pulpit the last Sunday we were there -- not by name, but everyone involved knew who was being targeted. We left there confused, hurt. Many people had already left; we had stayed when others left because we had invested so much in that church, we had leadership positions, we loved the people there. We went immediately to a Biblically-solid church and God has blessed us tremendously with His love, helped us forgive, put us in places where He needed us.
God is faithful xx
So sorry about your experience. Sorry it happened in a NAR related church. But just to say, it can happen anywhere. I've had experience of spiritual abuse in reformed churches too.
Abuse is not related to denomination, it's a human phenomenon related to narcissism and lack of relational and emotional maturity.
Sounds like devision because of 1 Timothy 2:11-14. Every bible-oriented church should and act on this truth, but in a loveling way. I want to make clear that discussing this topic brings out a lot of emotions, but don't have to result in abuse or division. "Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."
This is almost exactly like what my husband and I went through in Calvary Oro Valley Church (Tucson, Arizona) as well! So many of our beloved friend families already left but we stayed because we loved everyone! Until we started addressing their wrongful treatment of people and false/controlling ways of applying certain verses from the BIBLE… They told my husband that he has a critical spirit and that I’m causing division and therefore not welcome to set foot in the church but since he’s submitting to them so he is! My husband took a stance and say “if you’re not welcoming her (I’m Asian by the way and they’ve always been against our marriage), then I’m not coming too!” They accuse us of causing division when they’re the ones outrightly causing division and separation between man and wife… They did this all to us while we were recovering from infidelity issues and me from depression triggered by it (which means we were already at a pretty low vulnerable point in our lives and I’ve just tempted to commit suicide twice)! They ganged up on me and call me names that made me really want to kill myself even more… By GOD’s grace, HE did NOT let me and now my husband and I are closer and more on fire than ever!🙌🏼✝️🙌🏼
I pray my heart would soften again so I can genuinely weep like this lady did when talking about the church.
" Your heart is just so desperate for Jesus to be glorified," What a pure motive🥰
I was gaslighted by my last pastor, I understand the pain and confusion it brings. Thank you for sharing. We must guard our hearts, be careful who we trust, and trust only God, and give others the benefit of the doubt until they earn our trust with time. Thank you again.
As a Catholic, what really bothered me was the abuse of the communion by the pastor. By bringing out communion when he did, he used the most sacred act of Christianity as a manipulative tool. So very sad. Thank you for the informative and well thought out video. We have all been in situations like this.
I had the same thought. How flippant of that pastor.
That is really messed up, phew. I don't feel that this guy is a Christian...and ironically, he was the one who should've been under church discipline.
I'm absolutely watching this video with chills. What she is describing sounds exactly like what happened to me at my old church. The details and tactics of abuse being described have me wondering if it's the same Pastor and church I. came from. Because of God's goodness and grace I've moved on to a truly loving church. But till this day there has never been any acknowledgement or apology of the abuse my children and I suffered. Videos like these have provided me with validation and healing. And Ive learned that Jesus will never leave me in abuse. But will make a way out for me. I'm thankful for bold christians like these ladies who are courageous enough to put a spotlight on spiritual abuse. Your are the voices of those who are still too broken and wounded to tell their own story. ❤
I cant stand controlling and bullying people. As soon as I sniff it out, I am out of there! The pulpit is full of Unregenerate, unconverted sinners, who are NOT shepherds. They are hirelings! They are NOT called. Praise God! He is cleaning out His church and will sweep it all away as times get harder.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. When I see it the first time, it won’t be long before I’m out of there if I see it again. There are too many churches out there to put up with this crap. Why pay money and get abused when you don’t have to be there?
Narcissistic abuse. So sorry. :/ looking forward to the day when God will wipe all of our tears away. He is a God who sees.
Thanks Alisa & Teasi.
My wife & myself can totally relate with this. We are from Mumbai (India) and were part of a church for 20 years serving in various ministry’s and doing life together.
When we questioned the leadership regarding NAR teachings creeping into the church, we were met with resistance and an unwillingness to Come and dialogue with us Biblically.
What is it about NAR that pastors are behaving this way? So weird. My pastors refuse to drop Bethel but can't give actual reasons for why we used their music, just "excuses" and "well we wouldn't send anyone there ourselves"... What?? lol
Heartbreaking how much this is happening. This was a great episode.
"But there will be false prophets among the people just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them bringing swift destruction on themselves... this is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the sinful nature and despise authority...loved the wages of wickedness...appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error.
It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then turn their backs. (2Peter 2:1-21)
I stopped working with one church who seemed to have a habit of really hurting people- primarily in leadership positions...when it comes to humans, it's usually all about control, which is why approaching someone in leadership with a concern rooted in reality and spoken in love can still often be met with hostility and/or punishment...i've also personally experienced very hurtful things in the area of "service to the Church"- it's not an easy thing to get over...thanks for sharing your story, and giving people the firsthand understanding that they're not alone...
It is sadly so common. One reason in recent years is this teaching that's being promoted in the NAR circles (and many other Charismatic churches as well).. 'Touch not God's anointed'.. basically implying that pastors and leaders are untouchable, infallible, and if you dare to question anything, God will be displeased with you. or even your salvation is at risk... People stay in oppressive churches, hoping that somehow they will be rewarded for putting up years of hell and mistreatment! That's such a twisted image of our loving Father. (the book often used to spread this message has been John Bevere's Undercover.)
Like 2000 years ago..or more.. today's preachers are similar to the abusive Pharisees that JESUS contended with. They are LAW trashing, LOVE-LACKING. BIBLE WARPING, modern Pharisees. If you really know the bible, and follow JESUS you will realize that 99% of Christians are ABUSED, BERATED, GULLIBLE , DECEIVED, FANATICS. Christianity is corrupted & contaminated by Catholic/pagan influence, Calvinist cult, antinomian heretics, OSAS heresy and JESUS blood cult, hematolatry, Vampire Christianity!!!,,,
I was utterly destroyed by two separate churches. The first time my faith was shaken some, but I recovered; however, the second time I left the faith altogether. I considered myself an atheist for several years. God just very recently called me back to Him, and I'm trying to regain my zeal while healing very deep traumas caused by people I called my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'm a Filipino, & this is exactly our true condition in the church...what you are talking about is the same as our situation in the church today. Please pray for us..and thank you for enlighten us about the spiritual abuse, gas lighting & manipulation inside the church.
Thank you so much for this interview! I went through a similar situation. I didn’t handle it perfectly, but I was thankful that it was me instead of a less mature Christian. I could have easily lost my faith. When you’re in the middle of it, it feels like you’re in The Twilight Zone. Praise God that He never fails us even though men do.
Yes!!
Twilight Zone is the perfect example!!!
After experiencing much spiritual abuse in the church, I’ve realized that Jesus is MY ROCK! He is my rest! He is my all in all.
Big hugs to Teasi and all who have experienced spiritual abuse! Big comfort and encouraging hugs to my brothers and sisters in Christ!
It is sad when the one that abuses you in the church is your own husband. Mine was an elder of a church but prone to angry outbursts and filthy name calling because I would not submit to his will. Sadly, his church supported him and has no idea how this man perpetuated spiritual and emotional abuse on me because they all think he is a saint. I no longer felt safe with him and had to leave the marriage, against my prayers for restoration and my own heart's desire. Thank you for shining light on this subject. I am so thankful that you have a husband that loved and supported you through this change. Mine abandoned me simply because I did not want to go the church that he chose for us as I did not feel led there, where his best friend and business partner was the pastor.
So sorry.
Listening to this I get the feelings of deja vu. Completely different country, completely different church... but the same things happening. I left a church because I didn't agree with the direction it was going and and was mentioned in the next sermon (not by name, but two different people said how it was obvious I was the person being mentioned). It is so sad that pastors do this. It was 30 years ago but it still affects my Christian life today.
It is so sad! I got mentioned in a sermon at a FUNERAL I attended many months after we were gone from the church!
So sickening that you were called out like that.
Just remember that He knows you and knows you are so amazing, and I am glad to be the church with you.
✝️🧡
Thanks Alisa for going into this topic, which has also entered my story. It's especially important with so many people who have been abused in church deconstructing and ending up either atheists or progressives, universalists, etc. I used to kind of look down on them... assuming flakiness. Now I have much more compassion, and see how important it is to validate these experiences, correctly identify villans of the story (the enemy and sinful people) while pointing to Jesus of the Bible as the Solution. People will disappoint, He never will. Thanks for your ministry ❤️
There are so many cults and thus so many lost souls. It makes it hard to find a new church home. TFS.
Yup. 😢🙏🏽
the Lord is waiting for you in his Church, so that you may be healed and renewed by his love in the Eucharist
I appreciate your stories. I have just walked through a season of deep and profound revelation in my own life.
I was raised in the church as the Pastor’s daughter but unbeknownst to me I was living the horror you described in my own home . My mom could be substituted in for your former Pastor and my dad was her enabler. Talk about chaos and udder darkness. I then went on to marry someone with the same tendencies, just a different flavor. Sexually abused as a small child and then physically, emotionally and spiritually abused. The confusion and overwhelming sadness of my soul were my constant companions. All I knew for certain was that I was drowning! I lived the first 50 years of my life like this. Trying to figure out what I did so wrong to deserve the “hell” I was living in.
But then God!!! He has taken the scales off my eyes and delivered me with His truth. In His Mercy He brought my husband out of his own darkness and we have been walking the road of recovery and healing for the last several years.
He has redeemed not only us but my children as well! He is returning to us the years the locust have eaten!! All glory to His Name!
Praise Jesus!
I'm so sorry you went through this
What has been the most helpful for your husband changing and learning how to be now???♥️🙏🏽
@@jaquirox6579 Good question. Thank you for asking. I had spent the first decade of our marriage just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. This was when the physical abuse was at its worst. The next two decades were spent trying to change him. I was laser focused on the idea that if he would just change my life would be better. When this didn’t work I just flat out gave up. I had reached my breaking point. I had given it my all and I was through. It was there God met me. He asked me to forgive my husband. Truly forgive not what I had been doing which looked like put it in the past and forget about it. I then began to pray blessings over him. Silently , in my mind, I would pray over him as he slept that God would bless him and keep him that He would make His face to shine upon him and be gracious to him that He would turn His face toward him and give him peace. I would place my hand on his forehead for a brief minute while I was doing this. I stopped looking and focusing at him but on Jesus who wanted me to change. It was not something that happened in an instant or over night but God was faithful. I looked back at my prayer journals during this time. Brief desperate pleas that He has faithfully answered.
The single best piece of advice though is to ask the Holy Spirit to lead and to guide. Without Him we can do nothing.
Hope that helps.
@@cann8035 That is so very…. real. Thank you for sharing that with me. I certainly don’t have the years you do, of praying over your husband, but I have a few, and it’s been tough. I feel like I have given up after trying everything, 100 times over. But I just keep praying, and showing up to do my part. Parenting, wifing , home keeping, doing my best to watch myself and do all things to God’s glory. But it’s so hard after so many years, so exhausting. I really commend the 30+++ years you kept at it. That makes my 14 seem tiny. Our 10th anniversary is this Dec, if you could pray for us. 🙏🏽♥️🙏🏽
Reading through the comments, it seems like so many of us have at least one story that relates too well to this video. I had something similar in which I was called to the pastor's office while I was in the church's leadership internship as a college kid. It's a long story as to what led up to it, and quite frankly I don't recall the exact topic they (the pastor plus the leaders of the internship) were calling me in for, though I recall there were concerns that I was seeking comfort from my parents during some things instead of staying put with my host family. I told my mother, who also attended the church, that they wanted to talk with me, and she saw where it was going; I was being called to the carpet. She told me to reschedule the appointment for a different date so that both she and my father could be present as well. The whole shindig was scrapped, but it didn't take long for me to feel like the persona non grata at my own church, and I stopped going there a couple of months after the end of my internship. A lot of other things came to a head around that time, and it just wasn't the church family and leadership I thought I knew. There were multiple things going on at the church, including an associate pastor engaging in an emotional affair with a married woman who wasn't his wife, and allegations of the dad of one family molesting the toddler of another family. Both situations were handled internally, and the associate pastor was sent away on church stipend on sabbatical while the molestation concerns were swept under the rug and for the most part kept secret from the rest of the congregation. No repentance anywhere. Eventually that associate pastor and the woman divorced their spouses and married each other, claiming it was God's will. Neither the accused's nor the alleged victim's families in the molestation allegation got any sort of resolution, and both have carried that weight and bitterness since even though both have left that church. So many secrets, and only God knows how many more there were. Anyway, to link this to the topic of the video, if you're ever called up to the "principal's office" at church, and you decide to go, take a witness; don't go in there by yourself.
Excellent advice.
So true. I was called to the church once and it wasn't pretty. I was yelled at and told that I should neal before the pastor and ask for his forgiveness for something I never did. It's awful that so many are being treated this way, especially woman. So sad that things are being hidden in churches that should be a place to feel free, loved and accepted. The churches need cleansing. We, and all of use need to pray for those who are being hurt. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for reading this. God bless you.
Thank you for your heart to share this, I am so saddened that thus is more common than most of us think, yet, those who bring the truth to light of what a church is hiding are so brave, it is inspiring and I love that we are the church when we be brave. ✝️🧡⚓
You will need to report molestation to police otherwise you can be charged for withholding information about child abuse . In or out of the church PERIOD. Bless you
@@healthbeyond7291 Me, personally? No. Apparently that state the church was in does not require clergy or anybody who suspects child abuse to report their suspicions, and as a college student at the time, I was not a mandatory reporter. I did not even think to call the police, as I assumed as angry as they were, the parents would have done so. These allegations cropped up decades ago, and both families no longer live in the state anyway. What I was informed of were accusations, but no one actually witnessed anything but the toddler doing an odd move, so to this day I still have no idea what to think especially since *both* families are still angry and embittered over it.
I'd advise anyone 'summoned' in this way to record the meeting. I wish I had. I'm not convinced it would have made a difference, but at least I could have listened back to the conversation and be certain who is accusing who.
That is illegal in many states unless they know they are being recorded.
@@pkmcnett5649 I wasn't intending it to be used in a legal setting, only to prevent the doubt that comes with the aftermath about 'was that really what I said' or 'how did that end'. A recorded conversation does not have to be applied legally to be useful.
@@wayneburchell6346 oh, I see, for the person being accused, not to take to some church board meeting. Thanks!
I cried through this entire episode. 💔 so many similarities. I would really like to hear about the healing journey. I am on that journey now, God has been so faithful. I know those of us who have gone through this could really benefit from hearing the redemption story on the other side. Thank you for sharing your story.
Healing journey is the important part. I remember when I left the church I had attended for 18 yrs that I poured my life into & my sister told me they teach Dominionism. I had never heard of that before & began researching it. I felt numb when I left & in disbelief & I remember feeling like I had just left a cult or the closest thing to it.
Waves of people left after the pastor had been arrested numerous times over the course of several years...once for trespassing & exposing himself & twice for drunk driving. It was in the news & I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was never repentant & always blamed things on the devil & the police setting him up cuz they didn't like a mixed race church in a white suburb which was never true.
Anyway as people left, he pointed out people & preached they were disgruntled & off in their spirits & divisive. And he preached we would be out from under covering & the blessing if we left. He told us to stay off social media.
There is so much more, but you get the idea. It was like leaving a cult & finding healing or how to navigate that whole situation was difficult & painful. And I was left without a church for a very long time & am still dealing with the spiritual fallout. It has only been in listening to videos like this that I have learned I am not alone & this is all too common in mega churches.
It would be nice to have a video on the journey to spiritual healing from the deep wounds these situations cause.
@@barbs1298 you are not alone ❤
Crazy making is what I call it... been living it for over 50 years with family.
Lord have mercy.
Yep, me too. As I watch the golden child be praised and gloating over.
I was put under church discipline and told so many similar things about myself- made into the bad person, told such hurtful things, forced to attend terrible counseling sessions. I had to leave and made the right decision. A stench in the nostrils is because they can’t tolerate the truth.
I’ve experienced this and still cry about it 😭😭😭😭😭. Still hurting and feeling all kinds of emotions I was spiritually abused by 2 families 2 pastors
So sorry Zyley. I have experienced this in many churches that decided to go new age/new spirituality to degrees. They hate anyone who wants to stand on the Bible and only the Bible. I was hurt deeply, most deeply, with many tears, but God brought complete healing over time. There will be no tears in heaven and this day will arrive for all of us true believers.
Church discipline is never easy. The elders are supposed to be the leaders in the church, not the pastor. If you have problems with the pastor, you have to go to the elders. The pastor must answer to the elders, not the other way around.
A pastor IS one of the elders. He doesn't work for them or vice versa. (Pastor=elder=bishop: same root word.) In this case it was the elders who needed to mediate, but it sounds like they were under this pastor's control.
@@melodysledgister2468 agreed but having the other elders in charge it is a way of protecting both the pastor and the other person. When a pastor takes words personally that is a bad sign.
That is not possible in my church. The Church leader is the brother of my congregation leader. No chance of objectivity - none at all.
@@PotterSpurn1 Similar where we are/were.
There are many different models of church government, many claiming to be the one true form of government advocated by the Bible, but after years of study into this, I have concluded that there is no definite model for how a church should be set up. However, I firmly believe that pastors, elders, and everyone else in a position of authority within a church needs not only to be accountable, but they must want to be accountable to someone with real authority. Sadly, the personality that desires power rarely comes with humility.
So there’s hope. Thank you so very much for this story. I honestly felt like most of my own story was being told. We’re not crazy!
Let God be true and every man a liar.
I thank God for the love of Christ, for His love that He has for me and how He is the centre of my faith. Church has strayed far from what I imagine the early persecuted church would have looked and functioned like, unfortunately for my wife and myself our church life is a 1 hour superficial experience every Sunday, a meet and greet and another bum in a seat, all the boxes ticked for the pastor and his team. Jesus is so merciful, He reminds me often that He is bigger and more than all this.
✌️
We long for something more than just a Sunday morning service. Then somebody says, Your problem is, you're only getting fed, you need to be serving! This way they get free hands to do all the work so they look good. But when you tell them you need a break or have a problem, they don't have time for you and heap on the guilt, so you keep working. It's clear they don't care about you, just their programs. But they make you think it's about God. And DON'T YOU DARE question them or their programs--just shut up and keep working!
Thank you for sharing your experience; I saw myself in your story, Teasi. I came out of the spiritual (and eventually physical) abuse broken, confused, and like you said, I could barely breathe. I also felt the shame and was sure I was going to Hell because I left the abuse. I blamed myself, thought I was the problem. I blamed myself for 13 years and didn't even recognize it as abuse, and then God gave me the courage to confront what happened. He has been redeeming my story of abuse. But it's hard work for sure. Thank you for sharing; knowing that others have experienced spiritual abuse and healed encourages me.
My husband, as a worship pastor, experienced spiritual abuse from his boss, the pastor. It was horrible. My husband had such vision for the music ministry, but if it wasn’t “in line” or if what he wanted to say about things as they currently were wasn’t “positive” then he was reprimanded and told what to do and say like a small child. The pastor was such a micromanager and also a liar. Other staff saw it but brushed it under the rug. Many “casualties” happened in staff over the years. We were and saw others be the subject and recipient of those “meetings.” And oh yeah have totally heard “I never said that” when he just said it yesterday. We also thought of him as an untrained puppy. Everyone loved him but didn’t see all the messes he made. It took a long time to heal from all that.
Have seen/experienced similar.
@@pkmcnett5649 I’m sorry about that. Don’t wish it on anyone.
I was part of church for over 10 years where the pastor was very controlling but in a subtle and deceptive way. It was devastating and took many years to reconcile this in my heart.
Having been a survivor of domestic abuse as a young woman, and today experiencing any happiness and health in my life is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ, this testimony of church abuse truly angers and saddens me. As a young convert I was eager to grow in the Lord and got involved in prayer ministry and youth ministry. As soon as I experienced or witnessed any type of gaslighting, I bolted. I wanted no part of that person or the church and I left. I instinctively recognize it at its humble beginnings. It grows into other forms of worsening wicked abuse as the abuser continues in his sinful ways and feels powerful as a result. And it’s sad because I’ve not been a church member for many years because of it. The good news is I love the Lord more than ever because I carefully choose my ministers now. I miss the fellowship but continue to search for ways to serve in my daily life. But I want no part of that abuse and abuse it is, for which I believe the abusers will be held accountable even with the shed blood of Jesus. Paul writes about that I believe. I was bamboozled by Ravi, but many of us were. God help us if a hidden sinful life emerges of Billy Graham. I’d like to add that even with all the sin in the church, in a man’s heart, there are good people in the world and the world is a better place because of Jesus and His church. Much good has come out of her. Without Him the world has no hope. He is the answer always and forever.
So abusers, listen up! There will be a day of reckoning for you! You do not get out of jail free. I don’t know how the Lord will deal with you but deal with you He will. Get on your knees now and Repent because the day is coming. ♥️🙏🏼
What are you saying about billy graham?
Thank you for this. I am in tears. Tears that someone else has such a similar story to my family's, so sorry for that for you, but tears of thankfulness that you are sharing it. The isolation afterward was intense, and the most painful part. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness that got us through, and has brought us to a safe church. I didn't think that was possible. I hope this is a resource for people experiencing similar situations, as well as pastors who are helping people heal.
I can't believe reading these comments how often this has happened! Like you, we felt so isolated in what we went through.
My husband and I came out of the International Church of Christ. I am so glad you are talking about this. It's dogged us for many, many years. A lot of psychological abuse and were told that if we left the group we were leaving Jesus and would go to hell. They still believe that.
The ICC believes that too
@@missaltarano7552 they’re one in the same
Wow….. Your situation sounds SO familliar. Like, multiple parts of this story I experienced almost EXACTLY. My boyfriend and and I went through some serious spiritual abuse and trauma last year. He was on staff as a worship leader at our church & it was the church I had grown up at since I was born. Long story short… the church hired a new pastor, and he, to put it as nicely as I can, was not fit to be a pastor. So much verbal and spiritual abuse. We are still recovering over a year later. We have found a new church in the area, but I would be lying if I said my faith wasn’t still shaken from the situation. I am glad to hear you guys talking about this - I feel like this subject tends to get swept under the rug. Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow this really blessed me,
I can relate to Teasi, I have experienced spiritual abuse by Church leadership before.... It's hard.. I still haven't been back to Church.
I pray for healing for all those experience or dealing with the aftermath of abuse. To God be the Glory!
Jesus heal your children please, Amen!
This so mirrors my own experience. I had a meeting with my pastor about an email I'd sent that offended him. Of course, it's hard to convey tone in an email but in my head, my tone was very different from how he'd heard it, I guess. He had a radio show and I'd taken some slight issue with a point he'd made on it. (As an aside, I wasn't a stranger to him. I was on our church's worship team and had created a worship outreach in our local community. We knew each other a bit.)
In our meeting, he made me listen to the audio of his comment. After hearing it again, I had exactly the same reaction I'd expressed in my email. My opinion was no different. THEN he told me to read my email aloud to him, after telling me "This was the most offensive email I've ever received and I want you to hear how it sounds." He was totally bulldozing me but I didn't really realize it at the time. I'd been raised to "respect my pastor." The person I am now would never comply with his wishes but I was nervous and scared.
So I read the email aloud to him and I'll never forget the expression on his face when I finished because I could *tell* he finally heard it in the tone I intended. But that was just a fleeting second. He rallied his "spirit of offense," I guess, and spent the next 45 minutes blasting me, telling me there was either something wrong with my "image" or something wrong with my soul. Where do you go from that?? "Something wrong with my soul"??? I suppose I could have changed a few things about the email so I began to apologize and apologize and apologize. No matter how many times I said, "I'm sorry," he never backed off. He never apologized for how he was humiliating me in this meeting. Nope. Not once. He just kept blasting.
Finally, exhausted, I said, "Bill (not his name), I don't know how many times I can keep apologizing to you and still mean it." Somehow, that bit of irritated honesty made him stop. He was done "beating me," I suppose. Then he wanted to pray with me and give me a hug, which, as I recall, I dodged somehow. No thanks. Do not touch me. Do not beat me up emotionally and spiritually and tell me what a piece of garbage I am and then want to hug me. NO. Do not touch me.
He sounds insecure to me. Find another fellowship. If you can only find two or three, so be it. When GOD saves us, HE gives us HIS HOLY SPIRIT. It angers me when we been hoodwinked into believing that the person in the pulpit is more than the one in the pew! I once told a 'pastor', "In the church I was converted in, we did not title our leaders as pastor. But now I know what party of the BODY they play. They are the FEET who takes us to the world to share JESUS with others!" It was a small baptist group of about 10. WE are to ESTEEM others above ourselves. That includes those in 'church' leadership. LORD bless you and yours!
My reading of your situation is that this pastor is introducing false teaching and is aware that it is easily refuted scripturally. He is likely doing damage control, and culling any hindrances who would easily bring light on the darkness he is waterproof to lead his sheep into. His behaviour is that of a wolf. Don't grieve for this man. He has left the narrow way, and is seeking to corrupt God's own. Ask God to help you recognise those who He wants to set free from false teaching, ask them over, and study the scriptures honestly together to discern any false teachings that you might have accepted already. The most common one is saying that God's people are "just sinners".This is false because Jesus sent the Spirit so that we can be led by Him, by faith (Romans chapter 8). He promises to provide a way out of every temptation (1Corinthians 10:13-), and God commands us to clean our robes so that we have a right to the tree of life (eternal salvation) (Revelation 22:14).
Get close to God, the Kingdom of God is within His own! (Luke 17:21)
@@lucysnowe31 narcissistic traits are not normal for a man of woman of God. John says in his first epistle that people that are in Christ do not sin, and walk as Jesus did. If we are led by the Spirit, our lives will not look demonic, or fleshly, but we will look like the Lord who leads us. He promised to give us a way out of every temptation so that we will not be overcome by it. And He changes our hearts so that we will and do His good pleasure.
Flee false teachers. God will help you clean your robes (Romans 8:13&14).
I am stunned at the similarities for my husband and I. We are one year from leaving a church of 13 years, where he was an elder. We were very involved in many ways. Abuse is so ugly. God has been faithful! Thank you for sharing your story.
I think there are so many narcissistic pastors who abuse people. Totally got gaslighted by a pastor several times recently. He tore me down after I had told him about abuse I had endured and needed help. He continued to manipulate and full-on yelled at me on more than one occasion. None of the leaders would stand up to him. His church is now falling apart. It was horrible. I really cared about him and that church, but the hardest part was realizing he didn't care about me. I needed a shepherd. Now, leaders in his church are gossiping and slandering my character. It is so confusing. I feel like that church was a long satanic attack. It was the same abuse I was trying to get help for.
June 2021, was when my husband and I had our church do something very similar to us. Nearly 90% of your story is shared with mine. Not in what the topic it was over, but what the Pastor, his wife, elders, and others in power positions did to us. How they called us in. Screamed, yelled, accused, deflected, false accusations of things they actually were doing, and then ending that with demanding we submit to him. It was over 3 hours long, it was a surprise trial without warning, and they had pre-decided on the verdict. No witnesses, no proof, no facts of any kind. And I was the bad guy in “sin”.
Since then, not a single person has checked on us, and we were completely shattered over it. We have since found another church, and have been going there since maybe July. We forgive them, as commanded, but we are traumatized over it honestly. It’s hard to trust in the new church, it’s hard to be honest about the past, and I feel an instinctual urge to self insulate for a while, until I know that the new people are of good accountable character.
The new church asked us to fill out a membership packet… I did reluctantly, leaving many things blank. It’s too soon, and I’m not fully healed yet. Please pray for us. 🙏🏽♥️🙏🏽
Really feeling for you. I’ve gone through similar stuff. I hope you can continue pressing towards the Lord and just looking at Him: What is He wanting you to see in this? Where to grow? Etc. So often we want to make the conversation with God about the circumstances themselves, but in things like this, He is always pointing towards what He is using and allowing the circumstances for - the holiness He’s trying to produce in you. I pray the Lord continues to be your strength and shield in this time ❤️
@@melblack7412 You’re so sweet, thank you sister! It has been really hard, but I’m finding it easier now with some time between it all. I do know that something that was immediately revealed to us in it all, was how high we had placed 1 couple in our mind. They had a power position, and abundant trust from us. I had learned from the husband through his TH-cam ministry for years, and his content was apart of leading me out of false theology.
Consequently, I never expected a complete betrayal like this. Nor the abuse. And for them to just sit there watching, and support it. Right afterwards, my husband confessed that he was probably idolizing them previously, but that he was completely woken up by it. Sadly though, I think it’s left a very deep scar on him too.
Anyways, thank you so much for your kindness, and your uplifting comment. I am always looking at what am I supposed to learn here, and how is God using this to sanctify me. Sadly like the guest in her video, I also was abused growing up, so I have to mentally stop myself from owning everything and beating myself up. I have to also tell myself that their sins, aren’t my fault, no matter how flawed and sinful I am. We all are responsible for ourself. And in that fiasco, I was the most innocent in the room. I know that.
A pastor from Grace to You Church gave me counseling about this incident, when I asked for counsel. He told me that this was bonafide “suffering for Christ”, and somehow… that helped me to view it all differently internally. The abuse sucks, it really hurts, but for Christ??!! Yes, yes, a million times over, I will do it. 🙏🏽♥️♥️♥️ God bless u for your kindness here.
It is a PTSD situation.
@@jaquirox6579 Hello sister! I hear you, it's all so confusing. I think one of the big things I learned through this was how my thinking around things was too simple. Like for example, "If I am just loving to people they'll appreciate that." And, haha, that is not true. It made me realize that my foolishness was not accepting what Christ says, that man is fallen and shouldn't be so easily trusted (John 2:24). But how different is that from what we think is moral (to give trust)? I think some of the main things we learn is just how what we think is moral and good, and even God's will, is actually NOT what He is saying. And that is incredibly difficult, but also very valuable.
I think it can be so so hard to navigate these things, but I have found that allowing the tension of God's Word and the tension of my experience, will refine me. And I would just encourage every single person going through the fallout of abuse to keep both of those tensions. So often we think we need to deny our experiences in the name of faith, or reversely, we think to deny God's Word to legitimize our experiences. And to lose either one is never really going to get at the heart of things (I'm saying that in general and not AT you).
Anyways! I could ramble. But I just so so hope that you would be encouraged in how God most certainly will use your suffering for good if only you remain faithful to Him in all of this. A great book I have found on the subject of the holiness God seeks to produce in us through affliction is Thomas Case's, A Treatise on Afflictions. Much love to you
@@pkmcnett5649 It really is, sadly. And I say that as an Army veteran with PTSD from my service. It’s exceptionally horrible for a church claiming Christ, to do this level of damage to the sheep. But I know God will deal with them.
Thank you for being obedient and bold in sharing this. I can tell you both truly have a pure motive and love for Jesus. It’s sad that when questions are asked or doctrine challenged in my community, we are labeled as rebellious or influenced by a demonic critical spirit when really, I have an earnest desire to please Jesus. I am comforted in knowing I am not alone in my experiences.
Classic example of narcissistic abuse. I'm so sorry you went through this from your spiritual leader. Thank you for sharing your heart.
The unfortunate reality is that certain fields of endeavor are attractive to narcissists and public ministry is one of them.
Wow. No words, TC! I can’t imagine what you went through, but thank you both for sharing this experience so that we can all learn how to walk more humbly and unified as the Bride of Christ.
I’ve walked a similar road with a Pastor who was manipulative and caustic. As an Elder, I knew it was my obligation to confront such behavior. Instead of repentance, he doubled-down on his lying and vitriol. Apart from him seeking of reconciliation, I’ve forgiven him but the hurt continues and the knowledge that he was doing this to others haunts me. We left that church almost a decade ago and I’m glad we did.
I would love some friends like these amazing ladies in my life ..
I was thinking the same thing!
Spiritual abuse in the church can take the kinds of aggressive path that Teasi experienced that includes open conflict, blatant gaslighting, and active shunning. It can also take a passive path that I have come to call "being ignored out." It can seem like one day I'm in there, active, a part of the Body; the next day (usually not quite that sudden but can feel like it), I'm being brushed off or outright ignored, not called or included. I have been left wondering whether I went to bed one night and got up the next morning to find my church was gone and had left no forwarding address. Not sudden, blatant, turn and walk across the street to avoid conversation; just realizing that conversations, when they happen, have become short and shallow.
Demeaning, heartbreaking, gutwrenching, and exhausting.
I’m so sorry!! 😢😭♥️🙏🏽
We understand. So many.
Yes I experienced this until I finally had the courage to get up and leave. And when I did they still weren’t happy😢
Hope things are better for you now🙏🏾
I resonated with your story but with a very different circumstance. My husband’s family has completely rejected us to the point that they haven’t seen us socially for over 30 years all the while maintaining that they are Christians. I think that this has so affected us that it is hard to trust any church at all. We also are very aware of all the heresies coming into the church lately so that is another reason for our lack of trust.
I was married to a man like this…his wife could NOT defend you because she hasn’t learned how to defend herself…been there done that too….so sad….wickedness from the pit of hell.
Hi! ♥️ I thank God I'm finding people talking about the spiritual abuse the church is suffering nowadays. I myself have experienced it again lately. What hurts the more is the fact that those kinds of pastors are attacking the body of Christ and they don't realize it.
I wish there would be people talking about these issues in Spanish language, for South American Brothers and sisters. Thank you so much, may The Lord our God bless u!🙌🏼 Regards from Argentina 🇦🇷
Sounds like a typical abusive pastor. Easily offended, cannot take any criticism or questioning of him, turns on you and gathers his flying monkeys to attack you, does not follow any biblical principles. So glad you’re talking about this.
Good description! Been there.
Happening here in the U.K. too. Many blessings for sharing... years have passed and still the casualties pop up. Sooooo sad and disturbing.
Love blessings and healing to anyone in recovery. I just trust the word of God these days.
Aww!! You two gals … two wonderful Apologists!! Grateful for what God is doing in and through you both
If we do anything well, it’s Him…completely God’s Grace (John 15:5; James 1:17; Philippians 1:6)
It’s God’s heart to heal His church… our hearts need His help to do anything well. 🙏🏼
I was in an abusive church for many years. DARVO was practiced there too. Praise God that these things are being discussed in the open now.
God gave me this video today. Thank you, thank you for sharing this story. God is building me back up and he has now done it twice with your channel Alisa. Praise God 🙏
I’ve been through this kind of thing a few times in my 60 odd years walking with the LORD.
I think I’ve heard just about every objection to the Truth of God’s word that can be brought up. I’ve been told that I’m a Pharisee. A legalist. A hate filled person. Opposed to the authority of the leadership of the church. A non-believer, you name it.
I reached a place where I cried out to the LORD and asked Him; ‘Where do I find the Truth?’
The LORD graciously led me to just study the scriptures and to rely on the Holy Spirit to teach me.
Through this I learned discernment, so I’m grateful to the LORD for allowing me to go through these experiences, because if I hadn’t, I would still be asleep to the reality of what was happening in the Body of Christ.
It’s hard to deal with being on the outer in Christian circles. I understand well why I feel this way amongst nonbelievers, but when it comes from professing Christians, it’s very confronting and hurtful, because even when a brother or sister in Christ brings some correction it’s painful but the love and care makes it beautiful, whereas this kind of experience is so hurtful and destructive that it’s hard to know where you stand before God.
When it seems that you might be in the wrong, it makes you doubt your own relationship with the LORD.
By God’s grace I have been able to be a support and encouragement to people who have been through this kind of abuse and I can see now how all the pain and confusion I’ve been through has a purpose. I firmly believe that God has used my own experiences for good and still is doing so.
I have been through this in a number of different contexts. I had to leave a previous church because of abuse.
WOW! This is my story! Only difference is I was alone with no support but GOD! I have struggled for years to attend another church, afraid to talk or inter act with leaders or trust anyone! I was ambushed by the abusive leadership, even tho the Lord convicted them that I was a scapegoat! They never apologized and said "get over it" but the beating was heart breaking!!
Thank you for this, I no longer feel alone...after years!!!
You are unfortunately not alone. This is happening everywhere. The Lord is our true shepherd. Do not allow satan to steal your faith or joy. Be the bride and endure to the end.
This DARevo and gaslighting behaviour is not uncommon in our society anymore and it's a shame that it is also found among Christians. It's encouraging to see there are still Christians who are willing to make difficult, uncomfortable and sometimes painful efforts to behave and respond in ways that reflect the Holy Spirit and the biblical Jesus.
Gosh, this really gets me. We addressed something with our church regarding a sex offender and it just hasn't been right between us and the leadership since then. I cry at night about it, my heart is so broken over it. I know I need to talk with our main pastor.
Ouch... I relate to this so much! My former pastor once threatened to ask God to take my job away so that I could be more "committed" to church: plus other threats... All because I had traveled to the field in a conflict zone and couldn't attend church on Sunday. And he knew I was away, coz I had told him a number of times prior to that and even kept communicating with him. I even asked him to pray for us when there was gunfighting nearby and some people were killed. I left the church for a few months.
When I went back he swore he never said those things and I was the one who apologised seeking his forgiveness... ON MY KNEES!!! 😂 😂 😂 I can laugh now, but the years I wasted in that church still cause me pain occasionally.
This happened to me too, but it was by female leadership in an international women’s Bible study. Then our pastor started teaching occult doctrine. Several things converged at one time that caused us to move along. NAR is just the latest incarnation of evil to try to destroy God’s Church. Jesus said that the gates of hades would not prevail against it. What I lost in organizational relationships was more than compensated by gaining more intimacy with Christ. (Phil. 3:8) Jesus said to follow Him and let the dead bury their own dead. God bless you both.
Thank you for doing the podcast. I cringe at the few harsh comments below. This topic will always be controversial bc in my observation, people who have not personally experienced this cannot seem to understand how profoundly painful, damaging and unjust it is. Much less come to an acknowledgment of how widespread it is in our day. I am a little over 6 years out of one of these spiritually abusive situations and it’s taken most of that time to recover. It was such a disorienting experience and my family will never be the same. Meanwhile, our former pastor has changed the church’s name and location multiple times and rolls along seemingly unhindered. Had our encounter not gotten so much national attention and exposure, I wonder if our confusion, dismay and suffering would have been prolonged. Not everyone will have the luxury of high profile exposure to validate their experiences, so these kinds of stories are important! I pray we who have these horrible experiences will never be the same... in good way. Ultimately for the good of others and Gods glory. Looking forward to next episode
Breaks my heart, how these people get into leadership with no understanding of what their job is...and how there's zero accountability. That pastor should've been fired. I just left somewhere for the same reason. A total narcissist who had no concern for doing things God's way. Christ is the head, not the pastor.
This is very common in churches ..hidden behind the scene ..but much talked about in front .. exit stage right…🙏🏼🙌🏼
I just experienced similar circumstances. Thank you for your courage in sharing. It is and will help so many!!❤
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing your story. Here I am 2 years after you recorded this and This EXACT thing happened to me in a home church situation. It was so awful, so confusing and so emotionally exhausting. Thank God I also had ppl around me who understood exactly what was happening and could walk me through.
I’m still recovering months later. God has been gracious. But man, abuse takes a toll.
It’s crazy how similar your experiences are to what we went through A couple of years ago as well. Meetings, no accountability for leadership, accused of gossiping when honestly trying to pursue the truth together, a lot of it. It’s sad how true this is for so many people. I’m so thankful God has delivered us from that situation now. I look back and see how that horrible situation was used to grow my knowledge of Him in spirit and truth (we’ll never allow ourselves to be put in that situation again,) but it was definitely heartbreaking to learn how to navigate it in the same ways Teasi mentioned. So thankful for your sharing of your experience as well and that maybe some can hear this and respond to it if they’re in that currently.
Thank you so much for this!! I've been there done all of that. My husband abandoned my for most of the process, until they came after him. Much, much harm was done to everyone.
I've been learning alot about narcissistic personality disorder for a couple of years now, this pastor fits the bill. There is no winning with them, you just have to remove yourself from the relationship. God bless you for sharing your story ❤ it will help many.
Hey Alissa and Teasi,
Thank you so very much for putting this together. Teasi, you were telling my story and as you shed tears, so I shed tears.
I was raised in my old church, singing in the choir, helping my mum polish the brass canle sticks and vases etc, then I raised my own children in my old church. My life revolved around home and church. I was blessed to be a stay at home mum, but I wanted to be able to contribute in some voluntary way, so I helped lead playgroup, did song leading, catering, women's ministry, events assistant, office volunteer and finally progressing to part time paid work in the office. At about 6 months into my time of paid employment, my brother and his son had been talking to me about the reformed church and what they had been learning, which was interesting and I filed it into the recesses of my mind. Praise God for this information! All was going so well until our head minister retired, his associate pastor left, our kids minister left, basically the the whole top tier of leadership left. The new pastor that arrived, started out nice and friendly, but it soon deteriorated and parishioners were coming to me telling me of their latest run in with the head guy. To cut a very upsetting long story short, I left because I was under a lot of pressure - change of ministry team, my dad had passed away, my husband had bowel cancer surgery, our little business had to close, my daughter announced that she was bi-sexual, my brothers' marriage of 32 years had broken down. On top of that, I had lost my music ministry and the head pastor started accusing me of incompetence, fortunately I had proof to the contrary. I came home and begged my husband to let me resign. He agreed and 5 weeks later, I left the church and binge watched Hallmark movies!! haha!! I went back once to an Easter service - it was all about him and not much to do about Jesus. The reading for the morning was a by the by and only one or 2 sentences about Mary at the tomb. I haven't been back....
After 2 years of not going to church, but watching people like Justin Peters and Chris Rosebrough (that's a whole other story!!!), I was invited to come to a church in a village only 20mins away. It's the same denomination as before, Jesus/bible centred, exegeting not eisegeting God's word, sin/repentance teaching etc. I also follow Redeemer Bible Church, thanks to Costi Hinn's testimony.
God has been so kind and gentle, showing me so much grace in my walk with Him. I give Him all the glory for where I am at now in my journey.....was it worth the pain? You bet it was! Do I still flinch with church 'stuff'? Yes, but not as much.
So sorry this has been so long winded, I just wanted to share my story with you.
God's richest blessings to you both.
G'day from Australia
Carleen, big hugs from someone else in Oz 🤗 Jesus loves you HEAPS 💕
Thank you sisters! My husband and I walked through our own story and many of yours, Teasi, I could so relate to. God bless you for articulating it so well!
Never assume someone in authority deserves it
I feel this. I've walked through this twice. The second time, thankfully I was wiser because of the first experience. But so, so painful. Jesus is ultimately so very faithful. He continues to heal and guide us. Thank you for sharing your story.
Teasi was the very first person I found when I was searching online for anything about how to heal from spiritual abuse, that was almost a year ago. 13 years ago the faith group where I experienced abuse fell apart and since then I haven't only questioned what went wrong in the group but I also deconstructed my faith to the point where I made up my own gospel. I haven't been part of a church for 13 years but just over a week ago I re-dedicated my life to Jesus. It is so very important to talk about spiritual abuse, manipulation, control, gaslighting, etc and how we can heal from it, thank you Alisa and Teasi for this conversation.
This has absolutely blessed my socks off!
My husband and I sat and listened to your testimony together and we are both in awe! Something so similar happened with us at our previous church and I was so incredibly hurt! I cried for days and my husband would just lay hands on me and lift us up in prayer. I couldn’t quite put into words what it was, but everything you mentioned was exactly it! Thank you thank you thank you for sharing! Good bless you sisters!
What a blessed conversation. So much resonate with my own experience. Thanks for sharing ♥️
The minute you have a view that’s different from theirs, you’re labelled a troublemaker. It’s very sad that many churches don’t care for the sheep. Man will fail, but God never fails!
Went to a church just like this! But on steroids! They tried to arrange a marriage for me and it was nuts and the gaslighting and lying was next level!!
Whoa…
This is why I , as a woman, have been reluctant to ask questions about things going on in my church. And those things aren’t even doctrinal. Very few men, even Christian men, want women speaking their concerns. And I’m no feminist.
Well it is biblical though that a woman shouldn’t be asserting authority over a man. I don’t think it was her place to voice concerns, it would have been her husband
@@SweetE1403If you remember, they had been asked ahead to give their counsel on church matters.
After hearing the lies, manipulation, and ungodliness of that pastor--you come off as defending him.
@@SweetE1403
Pastor invited them into his inner circle so to speak. But he didn’t really want them to talk. It wasn’t the information it was the gender.
@@SweetE1403
Voicing a concern is asserting authority? Are you sure you think that’s biblical or just cultural/trasitional? Take that with the totality of everything else and this is because his huge ego was bruised. He’s talking about how he can’t sleep and is in so much emotional pain because of it. Well who invited the NAR speaker? He did. He’s a manipulator and doubtful he’s a Christian.
This happened to me in a church setting by a deacon. My husband was the pastor. It’s horrible horrible horrible. I did a few videos on the topic. I was broken and confused too and probably had PTSD for many years. I understand over apologizing and being falsely accused. It feels like all hell is breaking out against your mind. The love is a lie, they have deep contempt for their targets.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. God bless you for talking about it, because as Revelations tells us, so many churches will not make the cut in the end and people NEED to be discerning and praying for wisdom! 🙏 I too have been reprimanded by a church leader for raising a simple question and it completely floored me. It's a horrible feeling and I'm just so glad you two had each other to carry on through it! ❤️
It seems that many are being tested to see if we love God or "church"! I pray that all Gods people will follow His direction to escape the consequences of being enmeshed in false religion!
Along these lines. Everyone please remember that while we are a Body and should never casually leave a church, our first loyalty is to our Lord Himself. Try to work through problems as best you can, always try to reconcile and be knit together. But there is no such thing as "If you leave you will lose God's blessing" or anything similar. It's okay to leave if you are at the end of your rope with no relief forthcoming from those in leadership who should be providing it.
@Amanda Agee Thank you for replying, Amanda. To further my comment. You are totally right that God may want us in a particular circumstance for a season. To deny the self, take up our cross, and follow Him. But, as believers, we should strive to never be a cross to each other. That is not normal.
I'm learning the importance of Matt. 18 : 15-20 as the Lord's way and clear instruction to handle problems in the church: Keep problems as private and contained as possible and escalate carefully, minimally and only as necessary; and if that procedure fails despite our best and honest attempt, stop interaction altogether and pray/intercede for that person that they might be restored.
A related thought. If one has already proceeded through the Lord's instructions in Matt 18 to no avail and it is time to "tell it to the church," which I understand to mean talking to leadership/pastors/elders, and they have full knowledge of the situation, but say something like, "Bear your cross," or "Don't stir up trouble," then it is time to warn them that they are going outside of the Lord's own word in Matt. 18. Say that you expect them to stick to Matt. 18 or you will have no choice but to walk away and find a church that respects the Lord's words. If that does not wake them up, and if they do not immediately take steps as instructed in Matt. 18 then follow through and leave. "Bear your cross" does not mean put up with abuse and indifference in the church indefinitely; that is not your failure as a Christian to bear your cross, it is a failure of leadership and they are accountable to the Lord. True, godly leaders will take this word to heart and act appropriately and decisively.
Sorry, one more thought. To follow up on my last comment with more details. And these comments are not meant to accuse, I have no knowledge of your situation, but to give a warm, gentle reminder.
It is vitally important, when going through Matt. 18 with someone, to stick closely to the Lord's instructions. The point is to restore the relationship that we might serve God together and get back to the important work of the gospel and discipleship. So resist the temptation to gossip about the situation or enlist a gang to squash them for daring to offend. Doing that would then put you in violation of the Lord's instructions. The purpose of the "one or two" in Matt 18 : 16 is to be neutral arbiters, as free of bias as possible (so probably not those we are closest to), to hear every word and hold both parties to the offense to the highest standard of honesty, truth, godliness, righteousness and accountability. It is harder to be indignant toward one person with witnesses to examine every word.
@Amanda Agee You're very welcome. I must credit my gleanings to others. Glory to God.
Your guest's words, heart and emotions resonate with me.
I was a young and new Christian when I was deeply wounded by the pastor of a church (the only church I'd ever attended in my life). That was over 40 years ago and I've never joined/attended another church since. Nevertheless, the Lord has been faithful.
praying that the Lord lead you to a church where you are shepherded by a pastor of HIS own heart, and where you can be blessed and a blessing to your brothers and sisters in Christ
Never trust a pastor or a clergyman from any religion. And stay clear off people who are too religious as well. I would never trust them.
I’m sorry that was your experience
❤
Just want to say thank you ladies I know it's not easy to talk about and relive when you've been abused. I have been through a couple of situations that were very similar. The scary part is then you don't want to be a part of the body of Christ anymore in a corporate atmosphere because you're afraid it's going to happen again. That's been my journey the last eight years and I'm now just joining a congregation that I believe is healthy, I've done a lot of research but I'm not gonna lie I'm still scared and feel vulnerable... prayers appreciated.
Same
Definitely can relate to so much of this experience. God knows and sees and the Lord said in His Word, “Vengeance is mine”. I have already seen some things happen since I was forced to leave my position at the church. God takes care of His children ❣️