Unless you have been through this you will never know or understand the depth of hurt and trauma you go through that lasts a lifetime especially when he still lies
4 year relationship with a sex addict The lies the crazy shit she expected me to believe She goes for her assessment with the psychotherapist Tuesday.So not sure.If it's borderline personality disorder or covert narcracism but we will see how bad it is after her polygraph
Please don’t say when he lies. Both my wives lied and cheated on me - one with my freaking next door neighbor, the other with a high school friend she re-met on Facebook. They say women cheat 10Xs more than men do.
The current state of affairs has been changed, requiring the individual who betrayed someone to put in significant effort if they desire to repair the relationship. The individual who committed the betrayal should not anticipate that the partner or loved one will swiftly bounce back solely through offering an apology or going for couple therapy. This is due to the fact that the event has already transpired, leaving lasting marks on the neurons in our brain and our amygdala is still in hyper vigilance and not feeling safe with the situation and environment.
My wife had an affair with a coworker 15 years ago and it still hurts every day. Never had anyone to talk to so everything has been internalized. I know it’s not healthy. We are still married but a part of me is so angry. I’ve been a good husband and father and never deserved this. It’s changed my life and it’s made me bitter. I wish I could flush those feelings and be truly happy again.
Betrayal trauma is real trauma. Without proper care, the wound potentially will fester instead of heal. Time is not the key to healing when it comes to betrayal. I’m sorry it’s so hard. See the description of the video for resources if you think they could help.
Let her go. You don’t deserve to be miserable and angry. You’ll be a better man and father without having to fake your way through each day. You’ll find a new love you can enjoy waking up with every morning. She help you smile again and restore joy. Go.
Thank You for this video, also the article that I actually read first which led me here. This has been such a desperate path of loneliness in with my betrayal symptoms, I'm hemorrhaging pain all the time and needing to understand and be understood. This video helped more than I can put into words. Any validation is so important to me as a Betrayed spouse of a repetitive Sex Addict.
How can I deal with having been lied to by a man who already had a longtime girlfriend, juggled us both without our knowledge or consent then after she and I learned of the other we spent 6 months doing discovery with each other only for her to return to him despite knowing all the deceptions? I feel doubly betrayed 😢 he confessed to her and is trying to make amends yet he has not acknowledged impact on me nor attempted apology
If that's the case, you are a divine feminine. She was a karmic. Look at all the ways you have grown through this and matured. That is what the universe is trying to teach you.
I think, acknowledging and giving yourself compassion for feeling the way you do. It’s disappointing it’s hurtful it’s betrayal so I would start by acknowledging your own feelings around it. It’s not even our conscious mind, but our nervous system and our body reacts to people that have hurt us that is natural. It takes a lot of time to rebuild trust and a lot of effort from the person that broke it. It’s not an auto.
Be grateful you're not dumb and naive to be the one he considers the "weaker one" that he will make fun of to his boys and continue to cheat on, lie to. You have to deal with the earth shattering realization that so many people out there are very expert liars and manipulators and they can blend in like good people... but NEVER EVER doubt that you are the one who is better off not being "chosen" by a scum bad who chooses weak women that are easier for him to control and manipulate in order to meet his needs regardless of their best interests
Once someone deceived you, you can no longer trust that person. Ever! It's not gaslighting, it's not reflection aggression. it's just reality. The deceiver needs to f off. That is the only remedy.
Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to resolve the trauma if the partner does not want to change?
Doubt a sexless marriage alone causes that. Sexless marriage will probably be a result from the partner who is withholding sex suffering from betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma can be cheating, porn, or even having their boundaries especially sexual boundaries ignored and stomped on.
Not having sex is not betrayal. It's definitely not a good thing but it does not challenge the fidelity of the person not engaging in sex. Betrayal comes from the act of intentionally going around the person offering or unaware. A sexless marriage is a symptom of something bigger but not a cause of trauma unless it is being used in a weaponized or humiliating way.
I think depriving a partner can be a form of betrayal but is it “betrayal trauma”? Well, that is TBD by the individual in the situation (and probably best done with guidance from a BT therapist).
No mattet what it hurts but there too many situational differences to catagorize the healing process in each situation. Mine is different than anyone elses ...yes im dealing with the infidelity sure but now also the baby that untortunetly was born because of this selfish insecure choice. Ten years flushed down the toilet. Some things im not sure can be recovered or rehabilitated
Great question! I believe that we do not need the cooperation of the perpetrator to effectively heal as an individual, but the relationship often does. The uncertainty this creates, IMO, is why I think there’s so much hesitancy to do recovery.
We all should feel betrayed for working a 4 hour week in 2020 with electricity water internet cable and 20$ of food, rather then getting the freedom to work 40 hours (and not a hour less). Now we are back to 100% true freedom and not a hour less on a wonderful planet that cannot be escaped. We should all smile and let our teeth sparkle. I like to reflect on resistance being protons, and rest being neutrons, during such blessed eternal (without end) times.
Thanks for your reading suggestion, and thanks for watching the video. It’s hard to convey all we’d like to convey in short video clips. Although I believe that our team are some of the best I’ve had the privilege of working with, none of us understand abuse like the person with whom it is happening to. As far as Reflection Aggression is concerned, the article I wrote that is linked in the description is much more thorough than this video. Thanks for watching our channel.
Unless you have been through a betrayal you have no idea what it is like
NO IDEA
I have been there. Friends Betrayal. I was triggered by friends who were into drugs, Their addiction was more important than the friendships.
Betrayed by husband, children, siblings. Police dept failure to protect, lawyers and family court made it worse while bankrupting me
Agreed! And every betrayal experience is different. I often refer to it as a very lonely experience.
Unless you have been through this you will never know or understand the depth of hurt and trauma you go through that lasts a lifetime especially when he still lies
I agree 💯
4 year relationship with a sex addict The lies the crazy shit she expected me to believe
She goes for her assessment with the psychotherapist Tuesday.So not sure.If it's borderline personality disorder or covert narcracism but we will see
how bad it is after her polygraph
And if he/she is lying to you, you can know with assurance they are lying to everyone ABOUT YOU!
Please don’t say when he lies. Both my wives lied and cheated on me - one with my freaking next door neighbor, the other with a high school friend she re-met on Facebook. They say women cheat 10Xs more than men do.
The current state of affairs has been changed, requiring the individual who betrayed someone to put in significant effort if they desire to repair the relationship. The individual who committed the betrayal should not anticipate that the partner or loved one will swiftly bounce back solely through offering an apology or going for couple therapy. This is due to the fact that the event has already transpired, leaving lasting marks on the neurons in our brain and our amygdala is still in hyper vigilance and not feeling safe with the situation and environment.
Sounds like you’re well-read on the matter. Thanks for your response.
My wife had an affair with a coworker 15 years ago and it still hurts every day. Never had anyone to talk to so everything has been internalized. I know it’s not healthy. We are still married but a part of me is so angry. I’ve been a good husband and father and never deserved this. It’s changed my life and it’s made me bitter. I wish I could flush those feelings and be truly happy again.
Betrayal trauma is real trauma. Without proper care, the wound potentially will fester instead of heal. Time is not the key to healing when it comes to betrayal. I’m sorry it’s so hard. See the description of the video for resources if you think they could help.
Totally understand I stand with you brother
Let her go. You don’t deserve to be miserable and angry. You’ll be a better man and father without having to fake your way through each day. You’ll find a new love you can enjoy waking up with every morning. She help you smile again and restore joy. Go.
You cannot flush the feelings. They are valid feelings that fester until you give them the attention they require. I wish you peace.
Thank You for this video, also the article that I actually read first which led me here. This has been such a desperate path of loneliness in with my betrayal symptoms, I'm hemorrhaging pain all the time and needing to understand and be understood. This video helped more than I can put into words. Any validation is so important to me as a Betrayed spouse of a repetitive Sex Addict.
I’m so glad this helped, even if just a little. Thanks for watching our vid.
I've found that it's better to be betrayed than to become a betrayer.
Please elaborate???
How can I deal with having been lied to by a man who already had a longtime girlfriend, juggled us both without our knowledge or consent then after she and I learned of the other we spent 6 months doing discovery with each other only for her to return to him despite knowing all the deceptions? I feel doubly betrayed 😢 he confessed to her and is trying to make amends yet he has not acknowledged impact on me nor attempted apology
Try dating the guy you friend zoned
God bless you!❤
If that's the case, you are a divine feminine. She was a karmic. Look at all the ways you have grown through this and matured. That is what the universe is trying to teach you.
I think, acknowledging and giving yourself compassion for feeling the way you do. It’s disappointing it’s hurtful it’s betrayal so I would start by acknowledging your own feelings around it. It’s not even our conscious mind, but our nervous system and our body reacts to people that have hurt us that is natural. It takes a lot of time to rebuild trust and a lot of effort from the person that broke it. It’s not an auto.
Be grateful you're not dumb and naive to be the one he considers the "weaker one" that he will make fun of to his boys and continue to cheat on, lie to.
You have to deal with the earth shattering realization that so many people out there are very expert liars and manipulators and they can blend in like good people... but NEVER EVER doubt that you are the one who is better off not being "chosen" by a scum bad who chooses weak women that are easier for him to control and manipulate in order to meet his needs regardless of their best interests
Once someone deceived you, you can no longer trust that person. Ever! It's not gaslighting, it's not reflection aggression. it's just reality. The deceiver needs to f off. That is the only remedy.
Sometimes that is the case, sometimes not. Every relationship is different.
@@RecoveryTV4u You're lucky!
In many ways, I agree. Thanks for the support.
I think I’m going through this now
Me too…and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤
Is it Gaslighting when someone devalues and demeans you and your abilities?
I think this vid might answer your question - th-cam.com/video/UYFqGQYu5U0/w-d-xo.htmlsi=zz0iTfs3VTfUW3ys
Thank you
You're welcome
Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to resolve the trauma if the partner does not want to change?
Doubt a sexless marriage alone causes that. Sexless marriage will probably be a result from the partner who is withholding sex suffering from betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma can be cheating, porn, or even having their boundaries especially sexual boundaries ignored and stomped on.
Not having sex is not betrayal. It's definitely not a good thing but it does not challenge the fidelity of the person not engaging in sex. Betrayal comes from the act of intentionally going around the person offering or unaware.
A sexless marriage is a symptom of something bigger but not a cause of trauma unless it is being used in a weaponized or humiliating way.
I think depriving a partner can be a form of betrayal but is it “betrayal trauma”? Well, that is TBD by the individual in the situation (and probably best done with guidance from a BT therapist).
Also DV
No mattet what it hurts but there too many situational differences to catagorize the healing process in each situation. Mine is different than anyone elses ...yes im dealing with the infidelity sure but now also the baby that untortunetly was born because of this selfish insecure choice. Ten years flushed down the toilet. Some things im not sure can be recovered or rehabilitated
Every one has the right to choose stay or leave. Unfortunately, in these circumstances neither are easy choices.
“I’m not ok, so you’re not allowed to be ok.”
What if the victim has to work by himself or herself alone?
Great question! I believe that we do not need the cooperation of the perpetrator to effectively heal as an individual, but the relationship often does. The uncertainty this creates, IMO, is why I think there’s so much hesitancy to do recovery.
We all should feel betrayed for working a 4 hour week in 2020 with electricity water internet cable and 20$ of food, rather then getting the freedom to work 40 hours (and not a hour less). Now we are back to 100% true freedom and not a hour less on a wonderful planet that cannot be escaped. We should all smile and let our teeth sparkle. I like to reflect on resistance being protons, and rest being neutrons, during such blessed eternal (without end) times.
Protons and Neutrons…..you’re smarter than me. But I agree that we should smile more and soak in the beauty of our own existence.
you need to read "why does he do that". I get the feeling you guys don't understand abuse
Thanks for your reading suggestion, and thanks for watching the video. It’s hard to convey all we’d like to convey in short video clips. Although I believe that our team are some of the best I’ve had the privilege of working with, none of us understand abuse like the person with whom it is happening to.
As far as Reflection Aggression is concerned, the article I wrote that is linked in the description is much more thorough than this video.
Thanks for watching our channel.
Thank you so much ❤️
You’re welcome 😊
Thank you so much for making this video public. I really needed this at this very moment.
So glad it was helpful.