I dropped out of uni during the third semester of my bachelor degree and it was the best decision I have ever made. I was miserable at uni because I was holding on to an idea of who I thought I was rather than actually exploring who I was and letting go of that idea was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. I defined myself almost entirely by the books I read and thought that that meant I had to go to uni and later pursues a career in publishing. In germany there's also this push to go to uni. It's drilled into us from the moment we get into school and especially once you get to secondary school (I will ignore the complicated german school system for the sake of brevety) any career that doesn't require a bachelors at the very least is barely even valid. Which is so stupid. My brain simply doesn't work well with the academic process and realizing that destoyed every idea I had of what my life was supposed to be. The pandemic has also shown the biases that society has for so many groups of people. I saw the student thing with my friends and family members who are in uni. I also work in a nursery/ children's daycare now and I learned that society at least here does not give a shit about daycares and daycare workers. The only thing that matters is that we're open. No matter the circumstances. No matter the risks even to the children. I have been so angry. It's exhausting. On top of that I am in the final year of my vocational training which means 40 hour work weeks and when I get home I write papers. doing all of that in the middle of a pandemic is hard. I have cried from exhaustion on more than one occasion. I have had to stop doing things I love, but a week from today I am handing in my final paper, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel now.
I left university during my first year because it made my mental health and eating disorder so much worse. It was one of the scariest decisions I ever made because ‘everyone goes to university’ and I thought my family would be disappointed. I did an apprenticeship, got on medication and have been in a great job for several years now 🙂
It's like listening to my own story about how important intelligence and achievement have always been to me (Same Hermione and Anabeth syndrome) and how that made me feel like a complete failure, even thought I have a masters degree in Genetics and I speak 3 languages fluently. Later on, that gave me depression, social anxiety and even fear of adulthood. In fact, I still feel like a piece of trash no matter what I tell myself. That small voice of reason is keeping me going but I'm never satisfied. Add to that the pandemic effect ... So you're not alone in this. I know how hard it is to not feel judged. I'm sure there are so many just like us.
Same here. I recently told myself that I do not have to be 'Hermione' to be a strong woman. I do not need to be super intelligent or smart. And I'm making decisions based on what I want now and what makes me happy, not what my parents or society wants.
I have anxiety and depression and I always feel compelled to do something productive: if it's not work or uni it could be reading, having important conversations, writing. I've worked in Italy and I find it easier to spend time just relaxing there than here in the UK
Thankyou for this amazing insight. As someone with two kids, my wife and I are very conscious of pushing them too far. Your story is not unique. We really need to look at ourselves as a society, and what we are doing to ourselves. Health and well-being are far more important.
i know this is a bit of an older video but it's really resonating with me and wanted to share that i feel you! i was exactly the way you are describing, hardworking to a fault, at my first job in my dream industry and i was laid off and then at the next job, laid off. And i didn't realize that was (unfortunately) normal for beginners in my industry so i took it personally and worked the hardest i had ever worked on the next team, couldn't close my laptop until 10pm after starting at 8am, there was always more work that could be done. i also had to grasp with that there wasn't really a way to feel "ahead" and so many folks on my team relied on me to do my part. i was so stretched thin so I went to therapy and over the course of many months, i realized 1. i needed something more exciting than my dream job to pull me away and want to close the laptop 2. it's okay if work was done at "B+" level in my head because it was probably "A" level work to my team anyway. it blew my mind that 2 + 2 = 4 wasn't a thing anymore, as in hard work + me = reward. suddenly 2 + 2 = 3.5 and that needed to be close enough. it freakin' broke me. the therapy really helped over time to learn that i was more than just my job, that it wasn't my full identity and i had more worth that being a hardworker. I hope you are in a much better place now. know that i am working through this too, it's a process! thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story, it's really helped me feel less alone. Much love from California ❤- Ari
I left school as well when I was in my 20s. I am in my 30s and I have no regrets. It just wasn’t no longer for me. My burnout rate was so bad I got sick. Work life balance is very important. Thanks for sharing your story!💜
thank you for sharing this Ashleigh! I actually really related to having all of your personality and self worth into academic achievement. And when you realise that it's meaningless and it makes you feel like your whole life gets uprooted it just feels like a big first world problem and you're overreacting? So it was actually weirdly validating for me to hear that you've had a similar experience! (except that i have a sort of opposite response where i get overwhelmed and underwork myself) And i think many more people feel this pressure, given the amount of toxic value is given to productivity and academic achievement, so i think it's great you shared you experience!
My friend just sent me this because I've had to email about withdrawing from studies for the second time because of my mental health plummeting again because of the same reasons. The mental and physical relief I have felt hearing someone else talk about the pure pressure I have felt from the toxic nature of overworking and the way I have placed my value and worth on my ability to academically succeed. I genuinely thought I was broken in a way no one else would understand because of the reactions I have to not being able to work/succeed in uni. Thank you for sharing your journey
I can relatie so much. Although our lives are completely different. I am 42 and a single mother of 4 kids. And I am currently studying tot be an English teacher in the Netherlands. But the things you say are so relatable. My compliments to you that you made this video.
I know that you don't know me, Ashleigh... BUT I just want you to know is that you are NOT ALONE!!! I am here for you! I am so so so damn sorry that you went thru that, that you feel that way day in and day out! damn, girl, you broke my heart watching this..I hope that you are getting help and I am so glad that you had/have friends that were there for you during this difficult time! I freaking love you beautiful!!!!
I feel this video soo much! I dropped out of uni during working on my Master thesis. I basically had to, because I physically couldn't anymore, as I had developed burnout...at 24 years old. Needless to say I also started therapy because I dropped out of uni. I had worked myself to the ground, and I still wanted to keep going, as I already had a Phd position offer, which is very hard to get i astrophysics. But my body said no, and 5 years later I still don't regret my decision to drop out.
Thank you for sharing, Ashleigh. I don't suffer from high functioning anxiety in the same way. My anxiety rolls in my head, day and night, telling me every thing I do wrong in whatever I attempt. Trying to break those cycles is hard. Too hard some days. Friends and loved ones in general are crucial to keeping me from the brink. And like yours, they'll never know how much they mean. People have no idea how the smallest moments, the smallest slices of sharing their time, can keep someone from falling apart. Customers at my job were amazing about that, too.
Thank you so much for making this video. I related to this in so many ways, I am currently in my final year at uni studying dental therapy, this has had to be extended due to the pandemic so I will not get to graduate this year and will need to keep working, this has been physically exhausting and the burn out has been real, topped with the fact the Scottish government does not want to give us the financial aid they have promised the dental students doing almost the same degree, I know I will keep going and get my degree but to hear someone else going through similar exhaustion and mental health issues was comforting in a way I can't even explain. I am so glad to see someone who is doing so much better after being in a situation similar to myself gives me so much hope.
I am so so sorry that you had to go through this Ashleigh. While I can't say I know exactly what you were going through, I understand. Especially when it comes to a final year in a pandemic. Last year, all my concerns about my problems doing a final year of a performing arts degree was met with 'well you can just do an essay can't you? Shut up and stop complaining'. I repeat, I was doing a performing arts degree. That means I chose a degree which is about practical work over written work because I don't enjoy it and it's not where my strengths are. People's attitudes to students (especially from universities)was disgusting. You are valid. You are worthy (even if you stop doing things and take a break). We love you x
My father earned his MFA after my sister and I were born. After his death, my mother and I were looking at old photos. In one, he was so skinny that it was shocking. I asked her about that. She said, "Getting his degree almost killed him".
Thank you for putting a name to this. I am know to put work before family. During the pandemic my job required 10 hour days for months and working Saturday. During this I also did my own business of dog and house sitting. The Saturday I wasn't at my main job I was working at a quilt shop. So I am going to leave the quilt shop.. hope we can all get help
I've managed to reach a point where I am able to relax and do "nothing" but I've not been able to reach the point where that doesn't make me feel guilty. Baby steps I guess
Ashleigh, as with you and many of your subscribers who have left messages below, I completely understand your perfectionism and academic thirst. Although I have a MSc (which I use to some degree in my current role) I still get an itch every now and then to study something new - I mean I even started a new degree with the OU in the last year and sometimes begin to wonder why... this year with Covid it has been a saving grace for my depression during the dark winter nights but also serves as a foundation for it and my anxiety to get good marks! Why do we do this to ourselves?? I honestly hope you're starting to feel better and it is good to hear that you have some amazing friends that will keep you going and calm you down when you need it. Always remember you have us subscribers to talk to and we understand. x
My mom is a counselor at a Jr. High (middle school). She has a lot of the same mindset that you have talked about. She has beaten herself up so many times. Recently she has mentioned how certain aspects of her health are not doing so well. She is retiring this year. Her last day is in the first week of June. I hope this helps take some pressure off of her. Sending loving, patience, and good vibes your way.
Sadly I think other people can relate to this. I'm so sorry you experienced all that but thank you sooooo much for sharing it! You are maybe not aware of it but you're helping people sharing this... This is an important video so thank you! Sending you love and good vibes
I did my masters when I started my business, and I dropped out feeling lousy. About 10 years later, I signed up masters again and I graduated. I admire you are doing what you love. I believe some day you will fulfil your dreams, maybe in different time, space or ways.
Listen to this, it's so relatable it's scary. Uni was a mess for me. I remember being lost and I was just trying so hard to keep it together whilst spending nights crying. Now nearly 7 years since then life isn't perfect but I'm at peace with life. But there is a voice still there saying you could have tried harder in uni even though no one has even looked at my uni grades.
Thank you for sharing, I completely feel you and definitely know that I'm a risk for doing this. Currently I'm burnt out, yet still forcing myself to work two full time jobs. Love you xxx
I swear most of us just live the same life at different times XD I'm sorry you felt the pressure to try and carry on your Masters and put yourself through all of that, but I know that I wouldn't have finished my masters had I been in your position (a full-time job that I loved and successful TH-cam channel - I can't relate at all, especially at the mere age of 23!) You're WAY ahead of your time in terms of professional and personal success, and as much as I love academia, I know Academia set me back probably around a decade professionally, personally and financially, so trust me - you did good gal.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I am still so angry at how the universities handled the pandemic and I cannot believe that you were told you weren't working hard enough. There was no support for students what so ever and there still isn't. I work at a uni and I struggled so much doing my master AND working at a university because I had experience on how the students felt but at the same time I was working from home and felt like there wasn't much I could do to help them. I haven't mentioned this to you yet but your decision to withdraw from your masters is what showed me that I didn't need to put myself through the stress and craziness either, that withdrawing was an option. I chose to do my masters for me... and I realised that putting myself through that much stress was not 'doing something for me'. Since leaving my masters I am SO much happier and I agree that putting your mental health and yourself first is always most important. Thank you again for sharing! 💖
Your comments towards the end about trying to not say 'I've done nothing' - I recently got into journaling and I want to make it a routine at the end of every week where I write a list of thing I did do when I think I've done nothing 😅💕
Wait... I'm SHOCKED. Like, I get everyone disrespecting and belittling what students went through, we felt it here too, in France. The government just continued to shit on us and treat us like shit and like we're just everything that's wrong with the world and during this pandemic and we didn't matter. But the University, the faculty (a part of the university, dedicated to one or two big subjects), the presidents of both of those and the teachers were SO UNDERSTANDING and they did everything to help us and make sure our degrees were worth something still even though a lot was online, etc. They were so angry at the government FOR US, they always told us to come to them if we had any problems, etc. So I'm just shocked at HOW BAD your university handled it... Anyway... I understand everything you said. Thank you for sharing and I just want to send you so much love ❤️
I had several situations where people were asking me how do I manage to be so calm and put together during some stressful thing while I was having a full on panic attack during the whole time.. This high functioning anxiety stuff is scary.. Thank you for sharing, it made me feel not alone ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I think alot of people can defo relate to this society need to change instead of telling people there not good enough for not working themselves into the ground.
I completed my phd in molecular genetics, but I wasn't enjoying it for the last years of it, and I even tried out for a post doc because, like you said, it's the automatic choice. But I wasn't approved for my first attempts at that and now I'm glad of it, and now I have a very different job, and I feel liberated. I feel like research environment puts a pressure on everyone and many people feel like they're not good enough, never good enough. I had to work on my mentality a lot. Now I consider myself free from thinking like that, and I'm sure you will too :) Also, don't bother how society views it, what matters is how you will choose to live your life :)
Thank you for sharing your story and for acknowledging how hard it is to get out of that mindset...and that it is very much an ongoing process. As someone who has literally spent their whole life in education, first as a student and now as a teacher, I can definitely relate to so much of this. Like you, 2020 was the year of change for me, and it is still very much a working progress. Something which has helped me, but which I appreciate could make others more anxious, is that I've kept a 'productivity tracker' in my bujo. I've focused on recording the things I've done, including cooking, reading, things for my wellbeing, catching up with family/friends etc and not just work related tasks. This has made me feel much more positive about my days.
I was quite surprised when you announced that you'd be leaving university back in January. I can relate and understand. I've suffered from anxiety all my life too and in the past it prevented me from achieving things that I thought I'd be able to breeze through. I got to a point where I came to terms with it and realized that it was always going to be a part of my life. These days I strive to keep my life as simple as possible and concentrate on the things that make me happy, like working in a job that I believe in, reading and studying things that interest me at my own pace. Toxic academia is something I can relate to as well. Thanks for sharing this with us and take care.
I see you, Ashleigh! I was definitely there last year with my job of 5 years that I absolutely loved. I was way overworked and gaslit at every turn. Couple that with the high functioning anxiety, it wasn’t a great time. After having a complete emotional, mental, and physical breakdown in November, I decided it was time to leave. The hardest decision I ever made. But I’m doing so much better now! I’ve found a job I like that doesn’t expect me to do 5000 things at once. I have more time and energy to do the things I really enjoy. I feel like I can finally start to breath easy again. It is definitely a constant, conscious decision that people like us have to make, to slow down and not expect ourselves to be perfect and productive at all times. But once you figure out how to make that decision, it really does get better. Sending you lots of love and strength for this next part of your journey! 💛💛💛💛💛
This video was an eye opener for me. I feel very similar to you in that Hermione was an inspiration to me as a child, and how university has been my dream for a long time. I've overworked myself before and made myself sick because of it, and having recovered from that, I am now much more aware and careful about my workload and how I set up my day. As I feel myself falling into another wave of overwork (not being able to take a break and feeling like I've failed every night going to bed), this video was kind of like a wake up call to me. Thank you, and I believe we can do this
I never went to uni and I always felt like I had failed because I didn't go, but this validates the reasons why I didn't go. I knew I would stress myself to an unhealthy amount. I'm sorry you went through all this but thankyou for sharing this, I needed to hear it 💗
Doing an MA is hard, but doing it in the current situation is... impossible. The video I did last year about doing an MA part time whilst working full time is... very much outdated now. Everything in it... it's not a lie, but it just doesn't ring true anymore. You really did the right thing and it doesn't mean you don't deserve everything you've got. Thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of people will be able to relate.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. For having the courage to open up to us. 10000% thank you. I am sure there are so many many people that keep these types of struggles to themselves. Myself included. The culture/world we live in expects us to overwork ourselves. That’s the norm. Small steps at a time, working on ourselves (and one by one we can become a great force) can hopefully lead to a greater change. I personally would be at the office until 11pm (there since 8am) - mentally and physically exhausted. I gained weight, stopped eating healthy, sleep was definitely not constant, I ran my body to the ground/ exhaustion. Add on the pandemic, the state in which my body/mind was and now being alone at home with no human interaction, sitting in a chair for 10+ hours a day...... etc etc I know I have to put myself first. But our culture and societal expectations do not allow for that. We have to remind ourselves to take small steps to make positive changes, a 5 min walk. A 10 min break... again thank you. Best wishes to you! a lot of us can relate, you’re not alone in this 💕
Thanks for sharing this, Ashleigh. I have a full time job and I'm at Uni and I feel exhausted all the time. The struggle is real and it takes a toll on my mental health. I can relate to a lot of what you've been through and I understand what you're feeling. Take care of yourself. 💜
Can relate to so much of this - especially with English Lit being a degree where you can always do more and there's no real stopping point. Thank you for being so honest Ashleigh! x
Hermione and Annabeth were my idols when I was young (and even now) and I relate so much to what you said about your education/learning and validation for academic success becoming so tied to how you view yourself. I just finished my first year of uni and I'll be declaring my English Lit major this fall. I'm so glad you shared this video because I recognize a lot of your thought patterns within myself, especially the thought that you could always do more or if you had worked harder you could've managed more. I'm definitely going to be more mindful of how I think of myself in relation to work and school going forward with my education. Thank you for sharing your story and bringing this (sadly) common mindset to light.
Hi! I felt so understood. This was hard-hitting for me because I saw myself in what you said. The only difference is that I was like that before the characters appeared in my life and I just embraced the excuse to continue. Still feel unworthy or incapable of doing anything else not-academic properly. I would very much like to talk to you about it. It might help me. Glad you're happier now!! Hugs!
I know a lot of people feel this, you are so right. Your story resonates with me in so many ways, we haven’t had the same journey of course but this is definitely something I’ve had to recognise in myself. Hearing you speak about it does help to know others are going through the same things. I’m so glad you are addressing this and looking after yourself 💚
Putting out your story takes a lot of courage! I know how hard it is to retrain your brain. I am sending positive thoughts your way and hope you can celebrate the small victories every day!
Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure a lot of us can relate. I guess I went through to the end, and still didn't end up OK on the other side. I didn't go in to academia but instead went down the professional exam route. I got a job in a profession which is very hard to get in to. Then I decided I wanted to pass all 15 of my professional exams first time. They say it take an average of 6 years to pass exams, and less than 50% of people who start them even finish, and on top of that less than 5% pass all first time. I worked myself silly for 3.5 years and passed all my exams first time. I'm still proud of this, even though how I got there wasn't good, lots of depression and an eating disorder. However my main issue was after, I felt so lost when I had finished, I had no more qualifications to work towards after 22 years in education and I spiraled. I ended up being admitted to an acute psychatric ward because I was so lost I was extremely suicidal. Thanks for sharing, it's important we teach people that exams, and academics aren't the be all and end all of life. There is so many more things to do, that may not have a piece of paper at the end with your accomplishment written on it, but they are so worthy.
I can relate a lot of this. Even the having people that you wanted to embody from childhood. I hope that even if the world never finds balance in this area of life, we will find our own! I love you! 🥰🥰🥰 We will get through this! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Thank you for this. I relate so completely to your story - from the sense of self-worth beginning at primary school, right up until the anxiety and depression and over-work and feelings of failure and 'not enoughs' of university. I had a massive wake up call a couple years ago when I was hospitalised because of it and literally forced to stop everything. Getting back into things has been so hard, I am so aware of how tenuous the line is between working and over-working for me and afraid of what could happen when/if things start to spiral. I am really grateful for you speaking so publicly about this, I really really needed to hear and relate to someone else's similar experiences this week. Thank you
I relate to this so much! In high school I never really cared that much about school, because I passed every class pretty easily and then uni came.. When I started uni I got compared to my sister by everyone around me (she is really smart and graduated 2 universities cum laude) so I had the feeling I needed to perform the same way she did. So I worked really hard with stress and also had always the feeling I could be doing more so I could meet everyone's expectations. Then last semester I really couldn't do it all anymore and my mental health was just shit. So I failed my first test and the first thing my mother said was "we are not used to this from you", and I was like 🥲 so here I am today on a bank holiday at my vacation address waking up, studying, eating something sometimes, going to bed and doing the same thing over and over again so maybe I can pass the test in 3 weeks time so I don't disappoint anyone 🙃
This is the most seen I have ever felt. I was tearing up just thinking about how our stories aligned and just how tired and empty this mindset makes you feel.
Thank you for sharing your story and hepfully helping people 💕 The video was very informative. I don't have the same experience with school and academia at all, as I've always seen it as an anxiety inducing chore (I quit uni within a year, hated it). I've always admired people who were really into school because it was such a different point of view from mine, but I never realized it could go that far. This helped me realize the pressure some people put on themselves and how damaging it can be. I hope you can manage to feel better and find a healthier relashionship with work, lots of love and take care 💕
I can relate so much. Was labeled as a gifted kid in younger years and then, when I didnt want to put the work in anymore and therefore didnt get the grades anymore, I spiralled into severe anxiety around exams and I really worked myself into the ground. Now I have finally managed to break out of this mind set, but have basically now no direction where I want to go, because I never put a lot of time into any hobbies or things I was interested in beyond school. So yeah....... thanks for that school system...
So glad that you are finding your way through this. So many people struggle with this or versions of it. Your video will help those who watch it and that’s a precious thing you have done. I’ve been watching your videos with my teenage daughter for a couple of years and this video is a message she needs to hear. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for sharing this, it must have been really difficult. I've had a friend during uni that got burned out because of uni and it was awful, and I feel really sad that your experience with uni was similar to hers. More than that, I'm going to be honest, I do feel myself overworking in a not really healthy way ever since I started working (3 and a half years ago), probably because I want to work hard, and prove myself and others that I'm working hard, since if so many people work longer hours, I should do too to be a good professional, and that's not really true. It's that mindset of glamourizing overworking that really infects everyone, I guess. I'm trying to catch myself doing it, and stop, making myself take breaks and/or stop work early to kind of reverse that mindset, and I've talked about it with a few colleagues I trust as well, which helped a little. I'm sending you lots of love and well wishes, and know that you will get through this and find ways to manage it ❤
I can definitely relate to this. I have a lot of similar habits to you - creating to-do lists and if I don't finish everything on the list that I feel like I haven't done anything or that I'm not good enough. Academia wasn't my thing, not because I didn't love learning because I did and do, but because of how it's structured and how it treats people with disabilities or who don't fit into the boxes they want to shove you in. But with extracurriculars I'm terrible. I over commit and punish myself for not completing things by not letting myself sleep. I'm just like "Katie you can't go to sleep until you finish A, B, and C" and while I've gotten a bit better with it, it's a huge struggle. I also suffer from self-hatred in a variety of ways as well as anxiety. I hate how society wants us to be like this and is just pushing us to our limits and beyond. We're not built for that. But I'm so proud of you for everything you've overcome so far, and for just sharing this
My grandmother was a SAHM and she overworked all the time. I realized after moving into my own place that I felt like I had to be the same way even with a full time job and a son. Now my son has cancer and everything has changed. But I still get that feeling like I am not doing enough. Therapy really does help.
She's is. However, I don't think high functioning is appropriate to use especially as anxiety is broad and then anxiety disorders are highly linked to those with perfectionist personalities and in turn people who seem to be academically or socially acceptably 'successful', these people are not 'high functioning' and neither are those who are not academically high flighing'low functioning'. I know what you mean by the comment but it is a reference term that doesn't work when you look at the whole picture of mental health or even just switching it round to low F is then offensive in its own way. I get what you mean though. Perhaps refer to'academic ', although even that is questionable as literature side of English studies rather than language is part of the creative arts part of learning despite being one part of the Core academic subject English literature and Language. X instead of saying' high functioning anxiety' use 'hidden anxiety features/symptoms'.
Not sure who this is in relation to (me or the commenter) but “high functioning anxiety” is the term used by my doctor, and so the term used. While I get what you mean with it being a flawed term, it is the term used for many peoples experience
@@AFrolicThroughFiction @A Frolic Through Fiction hi, thanks for your reply. I respect and understand what you are saying and hope I have not come across to hard. I get it because that is the term I used for autism for so long until I was very very negatively bashed for it but since have gained an understanding of the problem. I think it comes more down to what you mean by it, as you said you are not only referring to academic or being successful, however most of society sees it that way and therefore the term remains misleading. I wish I'd gone into that more in my comment as I do definitely see both sides and uses of the term. I 100% agree and relate to your use. I guess I'm trying to be more open to those from my life who have taught me about things too. Apologies if I came across hard, I haven't really extended on my true view in that comment hoping it would allow some discussion. Thanks for your reply though as your explanation (on my other comment) will also help others with another view 💕🌼
@@lornatw it is also the term my doctor uses so I'm not sure what else to call it. I can see how it may be problematic and misleading but this can be applied to so many medical terms.
Thank you for sharing. I too base my self-worth on my intelligence and knowledge, so I can relate. And though I enjoy the idea of holidays, when the actual day comes I feel antsy and try to "be productive" doing chores and diys, because I believe I have no right to "waste" my time, not even on holiday.
Being someone who deals with severe depressive disorder as well as debilitating anxiety, I KNOW how incredibly difficult it is to openly talk about it, to remember and relive certain things or decisions we made through the years. It broke my heart to see the pain in your eyes while remembering past memories of struggling with your own anxiety and overall mental health. But I think you are incredibly brave to open up and be completely honest about it all. I think far too many people put on a brave face all the time, hiding everything deep down, and that eventually always leads to a breakdown. Depression and anxiety are..... well, only those who have them can truly and fully understand how difficult it is to live with them. I hope you are doing ok and that you do manage to take time for you, for your own well being, both physical and mental. Sending you a big hug xx
I'm so glad that you had that support network of friends that knew what to say to help and that you're working on your mental health. I hope you manage to find that balance of work and rest ❤ When I was in primary school I "excelled", I got given extra work to do, I'd read all these books. I loved learning and feeling smart and like you (though not to the same degree) put a large amount of value in that as part of myself. That's something that I tried to keep it through secondary school. My GCSEs were definitely a rough time for me with the stress and anxiety of thinking I wasn't doing enough, that no matter how many times I'd try and understand something, it wouldn't stick. So being told throughout primary school "oh you're so smart" and doing extra work meant that when I couldn't understand something at secondary regardless of how hard I tried, I would break down. I would cry it out for a few minutes and then continue as if nothing happened. That ethic did eventually lead to more serious things happening, that was kind of a wake up call but I also still continued till the end of GCSEs. Even though I'd made all these plans to go onto university, apply, get a place etc. In the end I knew that regardless of how much I knew that I would love doing the course I wanted to do in theory, I knew that I would work myself into that hole of being constantly stressed over work. I think I would be in a much worse place mentally now, if I had gone.
Thank you so much for you raw vulnerability. I just know this will help others, and hopefully help you heal too. I totally understand this whole video, since school it's always been my goal to push my way through education. It was tough, I didn't realise I was autistic until a couple of years ago. I dropped out of a masters degree, but kept pushing and now I'm about to start my PhD. I'm over the moon, but it's definitely not been easy. Good on you for recognising that you need to listen to yourself and do what's right for you. Love and blessings. Rai xx
Thank you you sharing Ashleigh, I hope getting your feelings out has been able to give you a bit of closure around everything. I can relate so much to alot of what you've said as during my senior year of undergrad I very nearly gave myself stomach ulsers thanks to overworking and stress. Its actually why I haven't enrolled in a masters program and honestly I think it's the best choice I could have made. You're feelings are so very valid and I want you to know that you're amazing!
Thank you for this. I'm more than halfway through my PhD and last week, after 3 different panic attacks, I suddenly realised that I'm not sure if this all is worth it. I also latched on to the identity of an academic and here I am, I never really stopped to consider if this work is something I want to do, I just thought it's who I am. I get really cruel comments from professors, and very little compassion when I burn out. Academia in the UK is actually quite vile. I hope I'll also find what I really want to do without breaking myself any more.
I guess you wouldn't believe how many people can relate to your experience (myself included). I used to work 14-16 hours a day. It almost killed me. I tried to stop and I did. It's not easy, but I'm in a better situation and for the first time I have a work/life balance. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm happy to see you're in a much better place now.
Me being absolutely exhausted and thinking I’ll take a quick break to watch this before getting on with all the unnecessary tasks I like to fill my evenings with 😅 I definitely needed to hear this today, thank you for sharing your story 🧡
Thank you for sharing this story! You are so brave to share this. And it is good to hear this from someone. I think you are helping a lot of people with this video! And listen to your body, if you are getting sick this could be a sign you are doing to much.
For me it's extremely hard to work hard because of the pandemic. I have concentration problems and can get extremely stressed very easily (I get help for this) combine that with overstimulation (because autism) and it turned out that I had to do my first year of college (something similar atleast) in two years. My doctor just said 'you need to work less' I ofcourse did that, because I didnt have a choice. But it was very hard to do so, cause it already felt like I failed. Recently my productivity went down because I hit my head and got headaches. My head was making me think about work all the time, because I was just spending hours and hours not being able to study. Ofcourse my problems aren't that bad, because I can stop pretty easily, but I can truly relate to the part of wanting to be smart, for me wanting to become a teacher, because I love learning and studying. I am terrified of the thought that I might not like my study. I mean anxiety and society are just a mess tbh. I hope you will find peace with your demons or atleast an agreement. Lots of love 💗 forgot to mention the first time but I've been obsessed with self improvement for a few years and that broke me a few times already, it's very hard to accept that it wont be better every day.
I totally understand and I’m struggling with the “I didn’t do anything” situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for letting others including me that we aren’t alone in our overworked selves. It’s definitely a thing! I will happily share any information I find but so far I’m in a similar place in battling this.
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh! I relate to this so much, as sad as it is it was nice to hear the only one that deals with this and these thoughts. I pushed myself though my MBA and thought it would be better once I got the degree, and it didnt (in many ways it got worse). So, I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and making the uncomfortable decision for your best interests and then pushing through to find a new normal and continue to work on your mental health. I'm proud of you and thank you for your truth.
I'm so glad you posted this. I couldn't relate to anything more. I struggle to take breaks as well. I went to uni and then I did a post uni program where I was taking 7 courses a semester. I dropped the intensive program in April. And I am trying to teach myself to take breaks because I did the same thing. Just constantly overworked myself. I got the exact same response from my institution about online courses and its incredibly fustrating! I'm really glad you made this decision and you are feeling better with yourself! Lots of love❤
Hi Ashleigh! At the end of the video you asked how should we deal with the way we tend to say that we haven't done anything even though most of the time that is not true. I finished mt Bachelor's degree in design and multimedia last June. My degree was super vast and I knew I wanted to do a master's because I truly love learning, but I had no idea in what area of design I wanted to do one. So I made the hardest decision which was to take a year off and do some internships to figure out what certain types of design entail in an actual work environment. But then covid hit. I managed to do a 3 month paid internship from july to October at a company I truly liked, the team was absolutely amazing. I'm from Portugal, and at that time we would go to the office once a week and work from home the rest of the time. And even though the environment was super incredible I absolutely hated what I was doing. When I finished that internship I really needed a couple of weeks off because I hadn't stopped since the summer before my last year of uni and was totally drained, mainly due to the fact that I had been doing something I didn't like for 3 months straight. I then got another opportunity for a different internship where I actually liked the work I was doing. But because of covid, it was all done from home, it was super part time (I would have work 6-10 days each month) and I was losing sleep because I was wasting so much time. I decided to open an etsy shop where I sell printables (Forest Lotus) but that fell through because what I really want to do is sell physical items with my illustrations on them! Long story short during this second internship I found that the days bled into each other, weeks turned into months, and I felt like a total failure. Despite the fact that I was doing what I had planned all along, only circumstances were different. I found that writing what I had accomplished that day helped a lot. And also redefining what that meant! Sometimes my accomplishment was sketching and painting, other times it was just doing some cleaning, or going out for a walk because my mental health wasn't particularly great. I also started to do some monthly reviews, which worked as a catch all: big tasks that would take me closer to goals, books I read, tv shows I watched, podcasts I listened to, things that I did consistently throughout the month and so on. So, I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long post, but I think that writing what made you feel happy or accomplished that day, and maybe even defining the one thing you want to do that day and saying "if this is the only thing I get done today I'll be happy". I think that would be the next step. All the best of luck to you, and I truly hope your self-care voice grows a little louder every month. Because our purpose on this earth isn't to work. It's to live. You work because you need money to be able to live however you please, and that is the only reason. 💙
Thankyou for sharing your story Ashleigh. It is a very real aspect in a lot of peoples lives especially anxiety. Sending hugs. You are a very strong person and true friends are always there for you in good times and in bad times. That is a terrible act on the part of the university- I would be mad as hell as well- the sheer audacity!.
Thank you so much for you opening up and sharing your story I’ve just found your channel and I’m due to hand my dissertation for my undergrad degree and honestly I get this I understand and this whole hustle culture is horrible and 2020 honestly changed my mindset too xx
I relate to this so much. I overworked myself so much that by the end of uni I just got overwhelmed and stopped. My grades tanked but I just couldn't work anymore. So glad I'm out of that environment now!
I'm so glad you did this video because this is a huge problem, especially in the last year, and I feel like there's still an aura of 'shame' around it, and there shouldn't be! I have low functioning anxiety, which often result in panick attacks, so it was interesting for me to hear how you deal with your high functioning anxiety. I'm glad to hear that you had friends who helped you through the harder parts of the year and that you are doing better now, after taking care of your mental health. I wish you the best and hope it continues to improve for you over time. 🌷
I feel like it's even worse in the US. Unless you're working full time or working and going to school both full time you're looked at as lazy as hell. And uni/college is SO expensive here. Glad you're out of the rat race of sorts. Also working for yourself / a company you actually like is the dream ❤️
I’d say it’s the same here tbh 😅 I get the need to work but it’s just how excessive everything has become, it’s baffling. It’s like you can’t just be doing one thing anymore, you have to have a job AND be a student or have a side hustle or something
@@AFrolicThroughFiction For sure. This is your story and the pressure a person can put on themselves is usually a lot worse than what society puts on. You're still an academic even if you're not in Uni, and you're one of the most intelligent people.
Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this and I’m always around if you ever want to chat work/life balance (or anything else!), it’s a constant job to maintain it but it can be done ☺️💛
Thank you for being so open and honest. I know it seems a lonesome venture depression with nothing but darkness as companions but you’re not alone. Ever. When you feel the ember of life flickering low remember that others are also sat around that fire.
Glad you made the decision to drop out of uni for yourself, you’re health (mental & physical) matters more than any degree. In regards to a post-pandemic world I have the same fears, I think now would be a perfect time for our society to change for the better but it seems like few want that. Love your videos💚
I remember giving myself 4 hours on Saturday mornings as my break for the entire week and feeling bad for taking that time. Or staying up until 3am every night to get up at 8am for class. The way we idolize people who "grind" 24/7 is so damaging and sad. I am glad you are discussing this topic, especially as it has been difficult for me to be honest with my family about how awful uni was. During that time, I tried to wear the continual exhaustion as a badge of honor (which is so messed up) because if I didn't, it felt like I was failing. Healing takes time, but we can do it! Thanks for the amazing content 🖤
Thank you for this ❤ I could really relate to everything you were saying...one of the things I've learned is that if you aren't enjoying something, then stop. It's okay to stop and move to something else. It just means you're growing as a person ❤
I also have high functioning anxiety. People are always shocked when I tell them I struggle with anxiety because I always seem so capable on the surface. Disability has taught me to stop but I still find it hard to do nothing!
This was such an important video and it means a lot to me that you talk about it since I struggle with this too. It's really brave of you to talk about it so personally. Thank you 💜
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I’ve been also developing a toxic, non-sustainable relationship with work and academia especially since the start of the pandemic. I couldn’t put into words the burden of high functioning anxiety, which made being understood and supported hard. After watching this I feel less trapped. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. Sending lots of love and support. We got this! 🧡
I’m at uni currently and can really relate to all of this. I’m so glad that you’re feeling a little better and can talk about it. I know you’re still working on it but u’ve come so far 🧡🧡
Me on the other hand I've been on break to long willingly asking to get back into college. I think my peers definitely have the Hermione and Beth syndrome I've most definitely been on the back end of it. School isn't for everyone. Being up until 2am is never healthy for anyone. Yes take that break. I am sorry you went through what you saw. I went through this as well and that burning anger can stay for a good while. People who leave those comments its on them. My school goes through this, I am lucky. Those people are assholes.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ Even just listening to the ways the people at the universities treated their students during this pandemonium gives me anxiety, I can't imagine living through it... honestly, I'm happy for you taking this decision for your own sake! I also left uni earlier than I thought I will. Fortunately, I don't regret it ❤️
Hey Ashleigh. Thank you so much for sharing, I related a lot. I am a student and started therapy in January, because of depression and anxiety, a lot of it centered around uni. This video made me feel less alone in my struggles 🧡 so thank you for that. All the love from Germany! 🌻
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I dropped out of uni during the third semester of my bachelor degree and it was the best decision I have ever made. I was miserable at uni because I was holding on to an idea of who I thought I was rather than actually exploring who I was and letting go of that idea was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. I defined myself almost entirely by the books I read and thought that that meant I had to go to uni and later pursues a career in publishing. In germany there's also this push to go to uni. It's drilled into us from the moment we get into school and especially once you get to secondary school (I will ignore the complicated german school system for the sake of brevety) any career that doesn't require a bachelors at the very least is barely even valid. Which is so stupid. My brain simply doesn't work well with the academic process and realizing that destoyed every idea I had of what my life was supposed to be.
The pandemic has also shown the biases that society has for so many groups of people. I saw the student thing with my friends and family members who are in uni. I also work in a nursery/ children's daycare now and I learned that society at least here does not give a shit about daycares and daycare workers. The only thing that matters is that we're open. No matter the circumstances. No matter the risks even to the children. I have been so angry. It's exhausting.
On top of that I am in the final year of my vocational training which means 40 hour work weeks and when I get home I write papers. doing all of that in the middle of a pandemic is hard. I have cried from exhaustion on more than one occasion. I have had to stop doing things I love, but a week from today I am handing in my final paper, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel now.
I think a lot of people can relate to this. It is a serious problem in our society fueled by our society, a curse of the modern time.
Modern anything feels like a curse, somehow.
I left university during my first year because it made my mental health and eating disorder so much worse. It was one of the scariest decisions I ever made because ‘everyone goes to university’ and I thought my family would be disappointed. I did an apprenticeship, got on medication and have been in a great job for several years now 🙂
It's like listening to my own story about how important intelligence and achievement have always been to me (Same Hermione and Anabeth syndrome) and how that made me feel like a complete failure, even thought I have a masters degree in Genetics and I speak 3 languages fluently. Later on, that gave me depression, social anxiety and even fear of adulthood. In fact, I still feel like a piece of trash no matter what I tell myself. That small voice of reason is keeping me going but I'm never satisfied. Add to that the pandemic effect ... So you're not alone in this. I know how hard it is to not feel judged. I'm sure there are so many just like us.
Same here. I recently told myself that I do not have to be 'Hermione' to be a strong woman. I do not need to be super intelligent or smart. And I'm making decisions based on what I want now and what makes me happy, not what my parents or society wants.
I have anxiety and depression and I always feel compelled to do something productive: if it's not work or uni it could be reading, having important conversations, writing. I've worked in Italy and I find it easier to spend time just relaxing there than here in the UK
Thankyou for this amazing insight. As someone with two kids, my wife and I are very conscious of pushing them too far. Your story is not unique. We really need to look at ourselves as a society, and what we are doing to ourselves. Health and well-being are far more important.
i know this is a bit of an older video but it's really resonating with me and wanted to share that i feel you! i was exactly the way you are describing, hardworking to a fault, at my first job in my dream industry and i was laid off and then at the next job, laid off. And i didn't realize that was (unfortunately) normal for beginners in my industry so i took it personally and worked the hardest i had ever worked on the next team, couldn't close my laptop until 10pm after starting at 8am, there was always more work that could be done. i also had to grasp with that there wasn't really a way to feel "ahead" and so many folks on my team relied on me to do my part. i was so stretched thin so I went to therapy and over the course of many months, i realized 1. i needed something more exciting than my dream job to pull me away and want to close the laptop 2. it's okay if work was done at "B+" level in my head because it was probably "A" level work to my team anyway. it blew my mind that 2 + 2 = 4 wasn't a thing anymore, as in hard work + me = reward. suddenly 2 + 2 = 3.5 and that needed to be close enough. it freakin' broke me. the therapy really helped over time to learn that i was more than just my job, that it wasn't my full identity and i had more worth that being a hardworker.
I hope you are in a much better place now. know that i am working through this too, it's a process! thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story, it's really helped me feel less alone. Much love from California ❤- Ari
I left school as well when I was in my 20s. I am in my 30s and I have no regrets. It just wasn’t no longer for me. My burnout rate was so bad I got sick. Work life balance is very important. Thanks for sharing your story!💜
thank you for sharing this Ashleigh! I actually really related to having all of your personality and self worth into academic achievement. And when you realise that it's meaningless and it makes you feel like your whole life gets uprooted it just feels like a big first world problem and you're overreacting? So it was actually weirdly validating for me to hear that you've had a similar experience! (except that i have a sort of opposite response where i get overwhelmed and underwork myself) And i think many more people feel this pressure, given the amount of toxic value is given to productivity and academic achievement, so i think it's great you shared you experience!
My friend just sent me this because I've had to email about withdrawing from studies for the second time because of my mental health plummeting again because of the same reasons. The mental and physical relief I have felt hearing someone else talk about the pure pressure I have felt from the toxic nature of overworking and the way I have placed my value and worth on my ability to academically succeed. I genuinely thought I was broken in a way no one else would understand because of the reactions I have to not being able to work/succeed in uni. Thank you for sharing your journey
I can relatie so much. Although our lives are completely different. I am 42 and a single mother of 4 kids. And I am currently studying tot be an English teacher in the Netherlands.
But the things you say are so relatable.
My compliments to you that you made this video.
I know that you don't know me, Ashleigh... BUT I just want you to know is that you are NOT ALONE!!! I am here for you! I am so so so damn sorry that you went thru that, that you feel that way day in and day out! damn, girl, you broke my heart watching this..I hope that you are getting help and I am so glad that you had/have friends that were there for you during this difficult time! I freaking love you beautiful!!!!
I feel this video soo much! I dropped out of uni during working on my Master thesis. I basically had to, because I physically couldn't anymore, as I had developed burnout...at 24 years old. Needless to say I also started therapy because I dropped out of uni. I had worked myself to the ground, and I still wanted to keep going, as I already had a Phd position offer, which is very hard to get i astrophysics. But my body said no, and 5 years later I still don't regret my decision to drop out.
Thank you for sharing, Ashleigh. I don't suffer from high functioning anxiety in the same way. My anxiety rolls in my head, day and night, telling me every thing I do wrong in whatever I attempt. Trying to break those cycles is hard. Too hard some days. Friends and loved ones in general are crucial to keeping me from the brink. And like yours, they'll never know how much they mean. People have no idea how the smallest moments, the smallest slices of sharing their time, can keep someone from falling apart. Customers at my job were amazing about that, too.
Thank you so much for making this video. I related to this in so many ways, I am currently in my final year at uni studying dental therapy, this has had to be extended due to the pandemic so I will not get to graduate this year and will need to keep working, this has been physically exhausting and the burn out has been real, topped with the fact the Scottish government does not want to give us the financial aid they have promised the dental students doing almost the same degree, I know I will keep going and get my degree but to hear someone else going through similar exhaustion and mental health issues was comforting in a way I can't even explain. I am so glad to see someone who is doing so much better after being in a situation similar to myself gives me so much hope.
I am so so sorry that you had to go through this Ashleigh. While I can't say I know exactly what you were going through, I understand. Especially when it comes to a final year in a pandemic. Last year, all my concerns about my problems doing a final year of a performing arts degree was met with 'well you can just do an essay can't you? Shut up and stop complaining'. I repeat, I was doing a performing arts degree. That means I chose a degree which is about practical work over written work because I don't enjoy it and it's not where my strengths are. People's attitudes to students (especially from universities)was disgusting. You are valid. You are worthy (even if you stop doing things and take a break). We love you x
My father earned his MFA after my sister and I were born. After his death, my mother and I were looking at old photos. In one, he was so skinny that it was shocking. I asked her about that. She said, "Getting his degree almost killed him".
Thank you for putting a name to this. I am know to put work before family. During the pandemic my job required 10 hour days for months and working Saturday. During this I also did my own business of dog and house sitting. The Saturday I wasn't at my main job I was working at a quilt shop. So I am going to leave the quilt shop.. hope we can all get help
I've managed to reach a point where I am able to relax and do "nothing" but I've not been able to reach the point where that doesn't make me feel guilty. Baby steps I guess
Ashleigh, as with you and many of your subscribers who have left messages below, I completely understand your perfectionism and academic thirst. Although I have a MSc (which I use to some degree in my current role) I still get an itch every now and then to study something new - I mean I even started a new degree with the OU in the last year and sometimes begin to wonder why... this year with Covid it has been a saving grace for my depression during the dark winter nights but also serves as a foundation for it and my anxiety to get good marks! Why do we do this to ourselves??
I honestly hope you're starting to feel better and it is good to hear that you have some amazing friends that will keep you going and calm you down when you need it. Always remember you have us subscribers to talk to and we understand. x
My mom is a counselor at a Jr. High (middle school). She has a lot of the same mindset that you have talked about. She has beaten herself up so many times. Recently she has mentioned how certain aspects of her health are not doing so well. She is retiring this year. Her last day is in the first week of June. I hope this helps take some pressure off of her. Sending loving, patience, and good vibes your way.
Sadly I think other people can relate to this. I'm so sorry you experienced all that but thank you sooooo much for sharing it! You are maybe not aware of it but you're helping people sharing this... This is an important video so thank you! Sending you love and good vibes
I did my masters when I started my business, and I dropped out feeling lousy. About 10 years later, I signed up masters again and I graduated. I admire you are doing what you love. I believe some day you will fulfil your dreams, maybe in different time, space or ways.
Listen to this, it's so relatable it's scary. Uni was a mess for me. I remember being lost and I was just trying so hard to keep it together whilst spending nights crying. Now nearly 7 years since then life isn't perfect but I'm at peace with life. But there is a voice still there saying you could have tried harder in uni even though no one has even looked at my uni grades.
Thank you for sharing, I completely feel you and definitely know that I'm a risk for doing this. Currently I'm burnt out, yet still forcing myself to work two full time jobs. Love you xxx
I swear most of us just live the same life at different times XD I'm sorry you felt the pressure to try and carry on your Masters and put yourself through all of that, but I know that I wouldn't have finished my masters had I been in your position (a full-time job that I loved and successful TH-cam channel - I can't relate at all, especially at the mere age of 23!) You're WAY ahead of your time in terms of professional and personal success, and as much as I love academia, I know Academia set me back probably around a decade professionally, personally and financially, so trust me - you did good gal.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I am still so angry at how the universities handled the pandemic and I cannot believe that you were told you weren't working hard enough. There was no support for students what so ever and there still isn't. I work at a uni and I struggled so much doing my master AND working at a university because I had experience on how the students felt but at the same time I was working from home and felt like there wasn't much I could do to help them. I haven't mentioned this to you yet but your decision to withdraw from your masters is what showed me that I didn't need to put myself through the stress and craziness either, that withdrawing was an option. I chose to do my masters for me... and I realised that putting myself through that much stress was not 'doing something for me'. Since leaving my masters I am SO much happier and I agree that putting your mental health and yourself first is always most important. Thank you again for sharing! 💖
Your comments towards the end about trying to not say 'I've done nothing' - I recently got into journaling and I want to make it a routine at the end of every week where I write a list of thing I did do when I think I've done nothing 😅💕
Wait... I'm SHOCKED. Like, I get everyone disrespecting and belittling what students went through, we felt it here too, in France. The government just continued to shit on us and treat us like shit and like we're just everything that's wrong with the world and during this pandemic and we didn't matter. But the University, the faculty (a part of the university, dedicated to one or two big subjects), the presidents of both of those and the teachers were SO UNDERSTANDING and they did everything to help us and make sure our degrees were worth something still even though a lot was online, etc. They were so angry at the government FOR US, they always told us to come to them if we had any problems, etc. So I'm just shocked at HOW BAD your university handled it...
Anyway... I understand everything you said. Thank you for sharing and I just want to send you so much love ❤️
I had several situations where people were asking me how do I manage to be so calm and put together during some stressful thing while I was having a full on panic attack during the whole time.. This high functioning anxiety stuff is scary.. Thank you for sharing, it made me feel not alone ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I think alot of people can defo relate to this society need to change instead of telling people there not good enough for not working themselves into the ground.
I completed my phd in molecular genetics, but I wasn't enjoying it for the last years of it, and I even tried out for a post doc because, like you said, it's the automatic choice. But I wasn't approved for my first attempts at that and now I'm glad of it, and now I have a very different job, and I feel liberated. I feel like research environment puts a pressure on everyone and many people feel like they're not good enough, never good enough. I had to work on my mentality a lot. Now I consider myself free from thinking like that, and I'm sure you will too :) Also, don't bother how society views it, what matters is how you will choose to live your life :)
Thank you for sharing your story and for acknowledging how hard it is to get out of that mindset...and that it is very much an ongoing process. As someone who has literally spent their whole life in education, first as a student and now as a teacher, I can definitely relate to so much of this. Like you, 2020 was the year of change for me, and it is still very much a working progress. Something which has helped me, but which I appreciate could make others more anxious, is that I've kept a 'productivity tracker' in my bujo. I've focused on recording the things I've done, including cooking, reading, things for my wellbeing, catching up with family/friends etc and not just work related tasks. This has made me feel much more positive about my days.
I was quite surprised when you announced that you'd be leaving university back in January. I can relate and understand. I've suffered from anxiety all my life too and in the past it prevented me from achieving things that I thought I'd be able to breeze through. I got to a point where I came to terms with it and realized that it was always going to be a part of my life. These days I strive to keep my life as simple as possible and concentrate on the things that make me happy, like working in a job that I believe in, reading and studying things that interest me at my own pace. Toxic academia is something I can relate to as well. Thanks for sharing this with us and take care.
I see you, Ashleigh! I was definitely there last year with my job of 5 years that I absolutely loved. I was way overworked and gaslit at every turn. Couple that with the high functioning anxiety, it wasn’t a great time. After having a complete emotional, mental, and physical breakdown in November, I decided it was time to leave. The hardest decision I ever made. But I’m doing so much better now! I’ve found a job I like that doesn’t expect me to do 5000 things at once. I have more time and energy to do the things I really enjoy. I feel like I can finally start to breath easy again. It is definitely a constant, conscious decision that people like us have to make, to slow down and not expect ourselves to be perfect and productive at all times. But once you figure out how to make that decision, it really does get better. Sending you lots of love and strength for this next part of your journey! 💛💛💛💛💛
I cried so hard watching this. Thank you so much for talking about it.
This video was an eye opener for me. I feel very similar to you in that Hermione was an inspiration to me as a child, and how university has been my dream for a long time. I've overworked myself before and made myself sick because of it, and having recovered from that, I am now much more aware and careful about my workload and how I set up my day. As I feel myself falling into another wave of overwork (not being able to take a break and feeling like I've failed every night going to bed), this video was kind of like a wake up call to me. Thank you, and I believe we can do this
I never went to uni and I always felt like I had failed because I didn't go, but this validates the reasons why I didn't go. I knew I would stress myself to an unhealthy amount. I'm sorry you went through all this but thankyou for sharing this, I needed to hear it 💗
Doing an MA is hard, but doing it in the current situation is... impossible. The video I did last year about doing an MA part time whilst working full time is... very much outdated now. Everything in it... it's not a lie, but it just doesn't ring true anymore.
You really did the right thing and it doesn't mean you don't deserve everything you've got.
Thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of people will be able to relate.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. For having the courage to open up to us. 10000% thank you.
I am sure there are so many many people that keep these types of struggles to themselves. Myself included.
The culture/world we live in expects us to overwork ourselves. That’s the norm. Small steps at a time, working on ourselves (and one by one we can become a great force) can hopefully lead to a greater change.
I personally would be at the office until 11pm (there since 8am) - mentally and physically exhausted. I gained weight, stopped eating healthy, sleep was definitely not constant, I ran my body to the ground/ exhaustion.
Add on the pandemic, the state in which my body/mind was and now being alone at home with no human interaction, sitting in a chair for 10+ hours a day...... etc etc
I know I have to put myself first. But our culture and societal expectations do not allow for that.
We have to remind ourselves to take small steps to make positive changes, a 5 min walk. A 10 min break...
again thank you. Best wishes to you! a lot of us can relate, you’re not alone in this 💕
Thanks for sharing this, Ashleigh. I have a full time job and I'm at Uni and I feel exhausted all the time. The struggle is real and it takes a toll on my mental health. I can relate to a lot of what you've been through and I understand what you're feeling. Take care of yourself. 💜
Thank you for sharing your story 💕
I wish you the best of luck🌹 It’s very important to take a break and care for yourself and your mental health❤️
Can relate to so much of this - especially with English Lit being a degree where you can always do more and there's no real stopping point. Thank you for being so honest Ashleigh! x
Hermione and Annabeth were my idols when I was young (and even now) and I relate so much to what you said about your education/learning and validation for academic success becoming so tied to how you view yourself. I just finished my first year of uni and I'll be declaring my English Lit major this fall. I'm so glad you shared this video because I recognize a lot of your thought patterns within myself, especially the thought that you could always do more or if you had worked harder you could've managed more. I'm definitely going to be more mindful of how I think of myself in relation to work and school going forward with my education. Thank you for sharing your story and bringing this (sadly) common mindset to light.
Hi! I felt so understood. This was hard-hitting for me because I saw myself in what you said. The only difference is that I was like that before the characters appeared in my life and I just embraced the excuse to continue. Still feel unworthy or incapable of doing anything else not-academic properly.
I would very much like to talk to you about it. It might help me.
Glad you're happier now!! Hugs!
I know a lot of people feel this, you are so right. Your story resonates with me in so many ways, we haven’t had the same journey of course but this is definitely something I’ve had to recognise in myself. Hearing you speak about it does help to know others are going through the same things.
I’m so glad you are addressing this and looking after yourself 💚
Putting out your story takes a lot of courage! I know how hard it is to retrain your brain. I am sending positive thoughts your way and hope you can celebrate the small victories every day!
Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure a lot of us can relate.
I guess I went through to the end, and still didn't end up OK on the other side. I didn't go in to academia but instead went down the professional exam route. I got a job in a profession which is very hard to get in to. Then I decided I wanted to pass all 15 of my professional exams first time. They say it take an average of 6 years to pass exams, and less than 50% of people who start them even finish, and on top of that less than 5% pass all first time. I worked myself silly for 3.5 years and passed all my exams first time. I'm still proud of this, even though how I got there wasn't good, lots of depression and an eating disorder.
However my main issue was after, I felt so lost when I had finished, I had no more qualifications to work towards after 22 years in education and I spiraled. I ended up being admitted to an acute psychatric ward because I was so lost I was extremely suicidal.
Thanks for sharing, it's important we teach people that exams, and academics aren't the be all and end all of life. There is so many more things to do, that may not have a piece of paper at the end with your accomplishment written on it, but they are so worthy.
I can relate a lot of this. Even the having people that you wanted to embody from childhood. I hope that even if the world never finds balance in this area of life, we will find our own! I love you! 🥰🥰🥰 We will get through this! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Thank you for this. I relate so completely to your story - from the sense of self-worth beginning at primary school, right up until the anxiety and depression and over-work and feelings of failure and 'not enoughs' of university. I had a massive wake up call a couple years ago when I was hospitalised because of it and literally forced to stop everything. Getting back into things has been so hard, I am so aware of how tenuous the line is between working and over-working for me and afraid of what could happen when/if things start to spiral. I am really grateful for you speaking so publicly about this, I really really needed to hear and relate to someone else's similar experiences this week. Thank you
I relate to this so much! In high school I never really cared that much about school, because I passed every class pretty easily and then uni came.. When I started uni I got compared to my sister by everyone around me (she is really smart and graduated 2 universities cum laude) so I had the feeling I needed to perform the same way she did. So I worked really hard with stress and also had always the feeling I could be doing more so I could meet everyone's expectations. Then last semester I really couldn't do it all anymore and my mental health was just shit. So I failed my first test and the first thing my mother said was "we are not used to this from you", and I was like 🥲 so here I am today on a bank holiday at my vacation address waking up, studying, eating something sometimes, going to bed and doing the same thing over and over again so maybe I can pass the test in 3 weeks time so I don't disappoint anyone 🙃
Dealing with some of these same kinds of things myself, so I’m sorry to hear you went through this. 💝
This is the most seen I have ever felt. I was tearing up just thinking about how our stories aligned and just how tired and empty this mindset makes you feel.
Thank you for sharing your story and hepfully helping people 💕
The video was very informative. I don't have the same experience with school and academia at all, as I've always seen it as an anxiety inducing chore (I quit uni within a year, hated it). I've always admired people who were really into school because it was such a different point of view from mine, but I never realized it could go that far.
This helped me realize the pressure some people put on themselves and how damaging it can be. I hope you can manage to feel better and find a healthier relashionship with work, lots of love and take care 💕
I can relate so much. Was labeled as a gifted kid in younger years and then, when I didnt want to put the work in anymore and therefore didnt get the grades anymore, I spiralled into severe anxiety around exams and I really worked myself into the ground. Now I have finally managed to break out of this mind set, but have basically now no direction where I want to go, because I never put a lot of time into any hobbies or things I was interested in beyond school. So yeah....... thanks for that school system...
So glad that you are finding your way through this. So many people struggle with this or versions of it. Your video will help those who watch it and that’s a precious thing you have done. I’ve been watching your videos with my teenage daughter for a couple of years and this video is a message she needs to hear. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for sharing this, it must have been really difficult. I've had a friend during uni that got burned out because of uni and it was awful, and I feel really sad that your experience with uni was similar to hers. More than that, I'm going to be honest, I do feel myself overworking in a not really healthy way ever since I started working (3 and a half years ago), probably because I want to work hard, and prove myself and others that I'm working hard, since if so many people work longer hours, I should do too to be a good professional, and that's not really true. It's that mindset of glamourizing overworking that really infects everyone, I guess. I'm trying to catch myself doing it, and stop, making myself take breaks and/or stop work early to kind of reverse that mindset, and I've talked about it with a few colleagues I trust as well, which helped a little.
I'm sending you lots of love and well wishes, and know that you will get through this and find ways to manage it ❤
I can definitely relate to this. I have a lot of similar habits to you - creating to-do lists and if I don't finish everything on the list that I feel like I haven't done anything or that I'm not good enough. Academia wasn't my thing, not because I didn't love learning because I did and do, but because of how it's structured and how it treats people with disabilities or who don't fit into the boxes they want to shove you in. But with extracurriculars I'm terrible. I over commit and punish myself for not completing things by not letting myself sleep. I'm just like "Katie you can't go to sleep until you finish A, B, and C" and while I've gotten a bit better with it, it's a huge struggle. I also suffer from self-hatred in a variety of ways as well as anxiety. I hate how society wants us to be like this and is just pushing us to our limits and beyond. We're not built for that.
But I'm so proud of you for everything you've overcome so far, and for just sharing this
My grandmother was a SAHM and she overworked all the time. I realized after moving into my own place that I felt like I had to be the same way even with a full time job and a son. Now my son has cancer and everything has changed. But I still get that feeling like I am not doing enough. Therapy really does help.
I am so sorry you went through this with education and this struggle and no graduation either
As someone who suffers from high functioning anxiety I so empathize. You are doing so well my lovely.
She's is. However, I don't think high functioning is appropriate to use especially as anxiety is broad and then anxiety disorders are highly linked to those with perfectionist personalities and in turn people who seem to be academically or socially acceptably 'successful', these people are not 'high functioning' and neither are those who are not academically high flighing'low functioning'. I know what you mean by the comment but it is a reference term that doesn't work when you look at the whole picture of mental health or even just switching it round to low F is then offensive in its own way. I get what you mean though. Perhaps refer to'academic ', although even that is questionable as literature side of English studies rather than language is part of the creative arts part of learning despite being one part of the Core academic subject English literature and Language. X instead of saying' high functioning anxiety' use 'hidden anxiety features/symptoms'.
Not sure who this is in relation to (me or the commenter) but “high functioning anxiety” is the term used by my doctor, and so the term used. While I get what you mean with it being a flawed term, it is the term used for many peoples experience
@@AFrolicThroughFiction
@A Frolic Through Fiction hi, thanks for your reply. I respect and understand what you are saying and hope I have not come across to hard. I get it because that is the term I used for autism for so long until I was very very negatively bashed for it but since have gained an understanding of the problem. I think it comes more down to what you mean by it, as you said you are not only referring to academic or being successful, however most of society sees it that way and therefore the term remains misleading. I wish I'd gone into that more in my comment as I do definitely see both sides and uses of the term. I 100% agree and relate to your use. I guess I'm trying to be more open to those from my life who have taught me about things too. Apologies if I came across hard, I haven't really extended on my true view in that comment hoping it would allow some discussion. Thanks for your reply though as your explanation (on my other comment) will also help others with another view 💕🌼
@@lornatw it is also the term my doctor uses so I'm not sure what else to call it. I can see how it may be problematic and misleading but this can be applied to so many medical terms.
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh! I really needed to hear the things you mentioned, thank you ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing. I too base my self-worth on my intelligence and knowledge, so I can relate. And though I enjoy the idea of holidays, when the actual day comes I feel antsy and try to "be productive" doing chores and diys, because I believe I have no right to "waste" my time, not even on holiday.
Being someone who deals with severe depressive disorder as well as debilitating anxiety, I KNOW how incredibly difficult it is to openly talk about it, to remember and relive certain things or decisions we made through the years. It broke my heart to see the pain in your eyes while remembering past memories of struggling with your own anxiety and overall mental health. But I think you are incredibly brave to open up and be completely honest about it all. I think far too many people put on a brave face all the time, hiding everything deep down, and that eventually always leads to a breakdown.
Depression and anxiety are..... well, only those who have them can truly and fully understand how difficult it is to live with them.
I hope you are doing ok and that you do manage to take time for you, for your own well being, both physical and mental.
Sending you a big hug xx
I'm so glad that you had that support network of friends that knew what to say to help and that you're working on your mental health. I hope you manage to find that balance of work and rest ❤
When I was in primary school I "excelled", I got given extra work to do, I'd read all these books. I loved learning and feeling smart and like you (though not to the same degree) put a large amount of value in that as part of myself. That's something that I tried to keep it through secondary school.
My GCSEs were definitely a rough time for me with the stress and anxiety of thinking I wasn't doing enough, that no matter how many times I'd try and understand something, it wouldn't stick. So being told throughout primary school "oh you're so smart" and doing extra work meant that when I couldn't understand something at secondary regardless of how hard I tried, I would break down. I would cry it out for a few minutes and then continue as if nothing happened. That ethic did eventually lead to more serious things happening, that was kind of a wake up call but I also still continued till the end of GCSEs.
Even though I'd made all these plans to go onto university, apply, get a place etc. In the end I knew that regardless of how much I knew that I would love doing the course I wanted to do in theory, I knew that I would work myself into that hole of being constantly stressed over work. I think I would be in a much worse place mentally now, if I had gone.
Thank you so much for you raw vulnerability. I just know this will help others, and hopefully help you heal too.
I totally understand this whole video, since school it's always been my goal to push my way through education. It was tough, I didn't realise I was autistic until a couple of years ago. I dropped out of a masters degree, but kept pushing and now I'm about to start my PhD. I'm over the moon, but it's definitely not been easy.
Good on you for recognising that you need to listen to yourself and do what's right for you.
Love and blessings.
Rai
xx
Thank you you sharing Ashleigh, I hope getting your feelings out has been able to give you a bit of closure around everything. I can relate so much to alot of what you've said as during my senior year of undergrad I very nearly gave myself stomach ulsers thanks to overworking and stress. Its actually why I haven't enrolled in a masters program and honestly I think it's the best choice I could have made. You're feelings are so very valid and I want you to know that you're amazing!
Thank you for this. I'm more than halfway through my PhD and last week, after 3 different panic attacks, I suddenly realised that I'm not sure if this all is worth it. I also latched on to the identity of an academic and here I am, I never really stopped to consider if this work is something I want to do, I just thought it's who I am. I get really cruel comments from professors, and very little compassion when I burn out. Academia in the UK is actually quite vile. I hope I'll also find what I really want to do without breaking myself any more.
I guess you wouldn't believe how many people can relate to your experience (myself included). I used to work 14-16 hours a day. It almost killed me. I tried to stop and I did. It's not easy, but I'm in a better situation and for the first time I have a work/life balance. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm happy to see you're in a much better place now.
Me being absolutely exhausted and thinking I’ll take a quick break to watch this before getting on with all the unnecessary tasks I like to fill my evenings with 😅 I definitely needed to hear this today, thank you for sharing your story 🧡
Thank you for being so open and honest. I love you and I think of you 💛💛💛💛💛
Thank you for sharing this story! You are so brave to share this. And it is good to hear this from someone. I think you are helping a lot of people with this video! And listen to your body, if you are getting sick this could be a sign you are doing to much.
For me it's extremely hard to work hard because of the pandemic. I have concentration problems and can get extremely stressed very easily (I get help for this) combine that with overstimulation (because autism) and it turned out that I had to do my first year of college (something similar atleast) in two years. My doctor just said 'you need to work less' I ofcourse did that, because I didnt have a choice. But it was very hard to do so, cause it already felt like I failed. Recently my productivity went down because I hit my head and got headaches. My head was making me think about work all the time, because I was just spending hours and hours not being able to study. Ofcourse my problems aren't that bad, because I can stop pretty easily, but I can truly relate to the part of wanting to be smart, for me wanting to become a teacher, because I love learning and studying. I am terrified of the thought that I might not like my study. I mean anxiety and society are just a mess tbh. I hope you will find peace with your demons or atleast an agreement. Lots of love 💗 forgot to mention the first time but I've been obsessed with self improvement for a few years and that broke me a few times already, it's very hard to accept that it wont be better every day.
I totally understand and I’m struggling with the “I didn’t do anything” situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for letting others including me that we aren’t alone in our overworked selves. It’s definitely a thing! I will happily share any information I find but so far I’m in a similar place in battling this.
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh! I relate to this so much, as sad as it is it was nice to hear the only one that deals with this and these thoughts. I pushed myself though my MBA and thought it would be better once I got the degree, and it didnt (in many ways it got worse). So, I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and making the uncomfortable decision for your best interests and then pushing through to find a new normal and continue to work on your mental health. I'm proud of you and thank you for your truth.
I'm so glad you posted this. I couldn't relate to anything more. I struggle to take breaks as well. I went to uni and then I did a post uni program where I was taking 7 courses a semester. I dropped the intensive program in April. And I am trying to teach myself to take breaks because I did the same thing. Just constantly overworked myself.
I got the exact same response from my institution about online courses and its incredibly fustrating!
I'm really glad you made this decision and you are feeling better with yourself! Lots of love❤
Hi Ashleigh! At the end of the video you asked how should we deal with the way we tend to say that we haven't done anything even though most of the time that is not true. I finished mt Bachelor's degree in design and multimedia last June. My degree was super vast and I knew I wanted to do a master's because I truly love learning, but I had no idea in what area of design I wanted to do one. So I made the hardest decision which was to take a year off and do some internships to figure out what certain types of design entail in an actual work environment. But then covid hit. I managed to do a 3 month paid internship from july to October at a company I truly liked, the team was absolutely amazing. I'm from Portugal, and at that time we would go to the office once a week and work from home the rest of the time. And even though the environment was super incredible I absolutely hated what I was doing. When I finished that internship I really needed a couple of weeks off because I hadn't stopped since the summer before my last year of uni and was totally drained, mainly due to the fact that I had been doing something I didn't like for 3 months straight. I then got another opportunity for a different internship where I actually liked the work I was doing. But because of covid, it was all done from home, it was super part time (I would have work 6-10 days each month) and I was losing sleep because I was wasting so much time. I decided to open an etsy shop where I sell printables (Forest Lotus) but that fell through because what I really want to do is sell physical items with my illustrations on them! Long story short during this second internship I found that the days bled into each other, weeks turned into months, and I felt like a total failure. Despite the fact that I was doing what I had planned all along, only circumstances were different. I found that writing what I had accomplished that day helped a lot. And also redefining what that meant! Sometimes my accomplishment was sketching and painting, other times it was just doing some cleaning, or going out for a walk because my mental health wasn't particularly great. I also started to do some monthly reviews, which worked as a catch all: big tasks that would take me closer to goals, books I read, tv shows I watched, podcasts I listened to, things that I did consistently throughout the month and so on. So, I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long post, but I think that writing what made you feel happy or accomplished that day, and maybe even defining the one thing you want to do that day and saying "if this is the only thing I get done today I'll be happy". I think that would be the next step. All the best of luck to you, and I truly hope your self-care voice grows a little louder every month. Because our purpose on this earth isn't to work. It's to live. You work because you need money to be able to live however you please, and that is the only reason. 💙
Thankyou for sharing your story Ashleigh. It is a very real aspect in a lot of peoples lives especially anxiety. Sending hugs. You are a very strong person and true friends are always there for you in good times and in bad times. That is a terrible act on the part of the university- I would be mad as hell as well- the sheer audacity!.
Thank you so much for you opening up and sharing your story I’ve just found your channel and I’m due to hand my dissertation for my undergrad degree and honestly I get this I understand and this whole hustle culture is horrible and 2020 honestly changed my mindset too xx
I relate to this so much. I overworked myself so much that by the end of uni I just got overwhelmed and stopped. My grades tanked but I just couldn't work anymore. So glad I'm out of that environment now!
I'm so glad you did this video because this is a huge problem, especially in the last year, and I feel like there's still an aura of 'shame' around it, and there shouldn't be!
I have low functioning anxiety, which often result in panick attacks, so it was interesting for me to hear how you deal with your high functioning anxiety. I'm glad to hear that you had friends who helped you through the harder parts of the year and that you are doing better now, after taking care of your mental health. I wish you the best and hope it continues to improve for you over time. 🌷
I feel like it's even worse in the US. Unless you're working full time or working and going to school both full time you're looked at as lazy as hell. And uni/college is SO expensive here. Glad you're out of the rat race of sorts. Also working for yourself / a company you actually like is the dream ❤️
I’d say it’s the same here tbh 😅 I get the need to work but it’s just how excessive everything has become, it’s baffling. It’s like you can’t just be doing one thing anymore, you have to have a job AND be a student or have a side hustle or something
@@AFrolicThroughFiction For sure. This is your story and the pressure a person can put on themselves is usually a lot worse than what society puts on. You're still an academic even if you're not in Uni, and you're one of the most intelligent people.
Thank you for your bravery and vulnerability in sharing this. 💜
Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this and I’m always around if you ever want to chat work/life balance (or anything else!), it’s a constant job to maintain it but it can be done ☺️💛
Currently watching your video whilst trying to manage my own anxiety, just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story 💖💖
❤️❤️This spoke to me so much. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing
Take care Ashleigh ❤ I appreciate every single video you put out, whenever and whatever it is 🥰 Thank you for making me feel heard too 🥺
Thank you for being so open and honest. I know it seems a lonesome venture depression with nothing but darkness as companions but you’re not alone. Ever. When you feel the ember of life flickering low remember that others are also sat around that fire.
Glad you made the decision to drop out of uni for yourself, you’re health (mental & physical) matters more than any degree. In regards to a post-pandemic world I have the same fears, I think now would be a perfect time for our society to change for the better but it seems like few want that. Love your videos💚
I remember giving myself 4 hours on Saturday mornings as my break for the entire week and feeling bad for taking that time. Or staying up until 3am every night to get up at 8am for class. The way we idolize people who "grind" 24/7 is so damaging and sad.
I am glad you are discussing this topic, especially as it has been difficult for me to be honest with my family about how awful uni was. During that time, I tried to wear the continual exhaustion as a badge of honor (which is so messed up) because if I didn't, it felt like I was failing.
Healing takes time, but we can do it!
Thanks for the amazing content 🖤
Thank you for this ❤ I could really relate to everything you were saying...one of the things I've learned is that if you aren't enjoying something, then stop. It's okay to stop and move to something else. It just means you're growing as a person ❤
I also have high functioning anxiety. People are always shocked when I tell them I struggle with anxiety because I always seem so capable on the surface. Disability has taught me to stop but I still find it hard to do nothing!
This was such an important video and it means a lot to me that you talk about it since I struggle with this too. It's really brave of you to talk about it so personally. Thank you 💜
Thank you Ashleigh for sharing your story I really learned from it! Love your channel, your accent and you!!!!
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Oh Ashleigh, thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate to much of what you're saying. Sending you love ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I’ve been also developing a toxic, non-sustainable relationship with work and academia especially since the start of the pandemic. I couldn’t put into words the burden of high functioning anxiety, which made being understood and supported hard. After watching this I feel less trapped. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. Sending lots of love and support. We got this! 🧡
I’m at uni currently and can really relate to all of this. I’m so glad that you’re feeling a little better and can talk about it. I know you’re still working on it but u’ve come so far 🧡🧡
Me on the other hand I've been on break to long willingly asking to get back into college. I think my peers definitely have the Hermione and Beth syndrome I've most definitely been on the back end of it. School isn't for everyone. Being up until 2am is never healthy for anyone. Yes take that break.
I am sorry you went through what you saw. I went through this as well and that burning anger can stay for a good while. People who leave those comments its on them. My school goes through this, I am lucky. Those people are assholes.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ Even just listening to the ways the people at the universities treated their students during this pandemonium gives me anxiety, I can't imagine living through it... honestly, I'm happy for you taking this decision for your own sake! I also left uni earlier than I thought I will. Fortunately, I don't regret it ❤️
I see you. I understand your struggles. I have depression and anxiety that battles everything in my mind. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Hey Ashleigh. Thank you so much for sharing, I related a lot. I am a student and started therapy in January, because of depression and anxiety, a lot of it centered around uni. This video made me feel less alone in my struggles 🧡 so thank you for that. All the love from Germany! 🌻