I'm the oldest child and used humor to lighten the mood whenever my covert narcissist mom was sullen or down. This was to try to prevent the night from being "ruined". It worked for a while, but it's exhausting because you don't always have the energy. You feel like a performer and ignore your needs. Eventually i stopped contributing and any awkwardness that ensued just made me want to withdraw (also makes you resentful that when you don't add humor, no one else tries to remedy the situation)
Thank you for all of these videos! As the youngest of 8 children, I feel I was the comic relief sometimes. I tried to divine moods and feelings by observation. I wanted to do something to 1) be noticed and 2) make them stop being mad or unhappy. I continue this magical thinking as an adult. I have had therapy off and on over my adult life and I have recently really started focusing on my negative core beliefs. Changing them is a struggle. I appreciate the PDF. Thank you.
I'm a mix of a mascot and lost child, probably because I was sexually abused, felt neglected, but wanted love. I find that being the clown hasn't served me, being taken seriously and being seen as not needing any emotional support.
My dad has a lot of mascot tendencies. He's an only child so he has a few of everything, we believe my grandma is a covert narcissist. The only person my dad is truly vulnerable with is my mom. He does have a tendency to drink and smoke when he's dealing with negativity, the only negative emotion he really shows is irritability or anger if anything because those are the only negative emotions men were allowed to express in how he was raised, but generally he's seen as the fun-loving, life of the party who can make light of most anything. The more i learn about how he was raised and my grandma's covert narc behaviors, my heart just breaks for him. He has his faults, but considering how he was raised, I'm truly in awe of how he turned out to be such a good man and such a loving dad. Even if they don't express what they deal with, give the mascots you know hug or a pat on the shoulder when you can.
It's hard to be the mascot because the costume gets hot in the summer-jk. Thank you for the video and info. I'm not sure if I'm he mascot but I have a pretty good sense of humor and I was fun to be around but when I was alone with one person (especially women), I didn't know what to say when talking about serious stuff. It feels so shallow. Eventually, I did end up alone and with drinking issues.
I think birth order needs to be addressed as well. In my opinion, youngest born is often the peace maker in the family bc they fear unpredictable family environments so they smooth everything and mediate. In adulthood this looks like people pleasing and codependency in adulthood and therefore, most likely to magnetize to a narcissist. Oldest born to narcissistic parent, often becomes most narcissistic themselves in adulthood and I’ll add that usually have substance abuse issues as well. Just my observations.
Is your observation from mostly your own family? Or is it from working in a professional manner. We can often become biased due to our own personal experience. Confirmation bias then increases this. I have seen a mix of things, but I have seen (and personally experienced) that the oldest is often the one who becomes very hyper-responsible, caregiving, and so on. I myself became very codependent, and even became an RN. My youngest sibling has had substance abuse issues, has never stated a full year in one place (sometimes only a week or less) since leaving the house, had 2 of her children removed from her care, more car crashes than I've even known another person to have, can't keep a job, and cannot take others perspectives. She creates drama and chaos wherever she goes. Keep in mind, that each family system is very unique... and while categorizing can help us feel like an answer fits somewhere, it's often at the risk of watering things down and not appreciating the multifaceted realms, nuance, and more in each family system...as well as each family member's unique experience within that family system, with their own unique sensitivities, dispositions, epigenetics, and more. It's far, far more complex than most can even start to comprehend, and we like to keep things simple and "controllable" to feel better. It's a ruse.
@@Alphacentauri819 I appreciate this response. And you are so right. There is no one size fits all for any family. I think we are collectively coming to terms with the fact that all families have trauma - even good, healthy families. And even if they don’t objectively speaking, I’m personally a believer that it’s an integral part of the human experience at some point in life. I truly think everyone will, in early childhood, adolescence or adulthood, face grief, loss, trauma. We all need to have the tools to cope in life yet most of us simply on repeat or feel terribly broken. Mental health supports, councillors etc should be a free service available to all.
@@kimstrandberg9529 I agree. I did happen to come from extreme trauma early on, (as did my sister) as we both were given up to the state, due to volatility, drug use, mental health issues, of our bio parents, and subsequently were in 5 foster homes over one year, then adopted. Our adoptive family was an authoritarian household, with limited emotional availability, and no awareness of how to support traumatized children. That being said, indeed, the emotional unavailability itself can be wounding. My experiences have all propelled me to pursue psychology/neuroscience and I hope to help change some systems (healthcare, education, legal) to help educate families, children up though college, of the various dynamics and better ways to support and nurture children.
I'm the oldest child and used humor to lighten the mood whenever my covert narcissist mom was sullen or down. This was to try to prevent the night from being "ruined". It worked for a while, but it's exhausting because you don't always have the energy. You feel like a performer and ignore your needs. Eventually i stopped contributing and any awkwardness that ensued just made me want to withdraw (also makes you resentful that when you don't add humor, no one else tries to remedy the situation)
Thank you for all of these videos! As the youngest of 8 children, I feel I was the comic relief sometimes. I tried to divine moods and feelings by observation. I wanted to do something to 1) be noticed and 2) make them stop being mad or unhappy. I continue this magical thinking as an adult. I have had therapy off and on over my adult life and I have recently really started focusing on my negative core beliefs. Changing them is a struggle. I appreciate the PDF. Thank you.
I'm a mix of a mascot and lost child, probably because I was sexually abused, felt neglected, but wanted love. I find that being the clown hasn't served me, being taken seriously and being seen as not needing any emotional support.
Wow, you're loaded with so much info! You've got a new sub.
short and sweet love it. says so much about my alcoholic family.
My dad has a lot of mascot tendencies. He's an only child so he has a few of everything, we believe my grandma is a covert narcissist. The only person my dad is truly vulnerable with is my mom. He does have a tendency to drink and smoke when he's dealing with negativity, the only negative emotion he really shows is irritability or anger if anything because those are the only negative emotions men were allowed to express in how he was raised, but generally he's seen as the fun-loving, life of the party who can make light of most anything. The more i learn about how he was raised and my grandma's covert narc behaviors, my heart just breaks for him. He has his faults, but considering how he was raised, I'm truly in awe of how he turned out to be such a good man and such a loving dad. Even if they don't express what they deal with, give the mascots you know hug or a pat on the shoulder when you can.
It's hard to be the mascot because the costume gets hot in the summer-jk. Thank you for the video and info. I'm not sure if I'm he mascot but I have a pretty good sense of humor and I was fun to be around but when I was alone with one person (especially women), I didn't know what to say when talking about serious stuff. It feels so shallow. Eventually, I did end up alone and with drinking issues.
I was never allowed my own feelings in general and as the mascot I was not allowed to express any negativity or needing emotional support.
I think birth order needs to be addressed as well. In my opinion, youngest born is often the peace maker in the family bc they fear unpredictable family environments so they smooth everything and mediate. In adulthood this looks like people pleasing and codependency in adulthood and therefore, most likely to magnetize to a narcissist. Oldest born to narcissistic parent, often becomes most narcissistic themselves in adulthood and I’ll add that usually have substance abuse issues as well. Just my observations.
Birth order definitely plays a role. And of course, not every family has 4 children! So the roles can be doubled up on or vary…
Is your observation from mostly your own family? Or is it from working in a professional manner.
We can often become biased due to our own personal experience. Confirmation bias then increases this.
I have seen a mix of things, but I have seen (and personally experienced) that the oldest is often the one who becomes very hyper-responsible, caregiving, and so on.
I myself became very codependent, and even became an RN. My youngest sibling has had substance abuse issues, has never stated a full year in one place (sometimes only a week or less) since leaving the house, had 2 of her children removed from her care, more car crashes than I've even known another person to have, can't keep a job, and cannot take others perspectives. She creates drama and chaos wherever she goes.
Keep in mind, that each family system is very unique... and while categorizing can help us feel like an answer fits somewhere, it's often at the risk of watering things down and not appreciating the multifaceted realms, nuance, and more in each family system...as well as each family member's unique experience within that family system, with their own unique sensitivities, dispositions, epigenetics, and more. It's far, far more complex than most can even start to comprehend, and we like to keep things simple and "controllable" to feel better. It's a ruse.
@@Alphacentauri819 I appreciate this response. And you are so right. There is no one size fits all for any family. I think we are collectively coming to terms with the fact that all families have trauma - even good, healthy families. And even if they don’t objectively speaking, I’m personally a believer that it’s an integral part of the human experience at some point in life. I truly think everyone will, in early childhood, adolescence or adulthood, face grief, loss, trauma. We all need to have the tools to cope in life yet most of us simply on repeat or feel terribly broken. Mental health supports, councillors etc should be a free service available to all.
@@kimstrandberg9529 I agree.
I did happen to come from extreme trauma early on, (as did my sister) as we both were given up to the state, due to volatility, drug use, mental health issues, of our bio parents, and subsequently were in 5 foster homes over one year, then adopted.
Our adoptive family was an authoritarian household, with limited emotional availability, and no awareness of how to support traumatized children.
That being said, indeed, the emotional unavailability itself can be wounding. My experiences have all propelled me to pursue psychology/neuroscience and I hope to help change some systems (healthcare, education, legal) to help educate families, children up though college, of the various dynamics and better ways to support and nurture children.
mascots must tend to have avoidant attachment
Yes, probably!
Promo`SM