look, I know this is a joke, but "What would you recommend?", or "What would you have if you were eating?" honestly works pretty well. And the few times I've asked that it's been very appreciated.
I know right ! But if you learn all those things to do good actions it's not a problem at all. Be comfortable with it but not to the point telling others because they won't understand you.
Isabelle I don’t see what the problem is. Human beings are social animals; therefore, forming meaningful bonds with colleagues, peers, and loved ones is essential to leading a fulfilling life. Most people have below average social & emotional IQs, especially in this Digital Age. Videos like this help people to overcome their social anxieties & phobias and to form deeper connections with others.
1. Don't skip the friendly touch 2. Joke positively about others 3. Supporting other people's jokes 4. Use direct and genuine compliments 5. Turn the questions around
As someone with Autism, this is a knowledge landmine for me as it helps put into perspective what I do right or wrong. I am a chameleon of sorts in that I have learned to copy how others act in social settings. Understanding how and why certain methods of language helps others feel comfortable around you is super helpful to me.
This is very smart of you to investigate - take his course - then apply slowly. See what works and what doesn't by reactions. I am overly sensitive and it hinders social skills. I too am studying this course to sharpen my skills- education is always on going.
In the 80s or 90s Father Tom gave an Alcoholics Anonymous talk (lots of those free on TH-cam now), and because he grew up in an alcoholic dysfunctional family, he struggled with knowing how to act normal - without over the top, out of control drama. He said he would ask himself, "what would Nancy Reagan do"? Similar to what you are doing with Paul Rudd.
@@ClarityDetermination Overtime, it became sort of obvious who to copy and who not to copy. Whenever I copied someone that was wrong to do so, I found myself in the brunt of all the consequences that followed. It's from that I became more aware of what is acceptable vs not. Essentially, trial and error.
I am very charismatic when I am alone... Also hate touching people and getting touched.. I have to remind myself to give my partner and kids a hug once in a while.. 🙄 So I am out... But will keep watching... Wishing...
Remember - *Your Charismatic Ability is Not Really About You* Understand that charisma is 10% how you make people feel about you, and 90% how you make them feel about themselves.
@@TheActionTourist The thing is people become attached or even addicted to that positive energy making them root for you and in turn you will compliment them.
Touch is vital. I don't just touch random strangers, but with the elderly, I can't help myself and they seem to love hugs. Right now I think everyone needs a good, warm hug, to correct what has happened to our society in the last almost 2 years now. We've been seperated in every way imaginable and it's time to re-claim our relationships with each other! 💜
That reminds me of a time when I accidentally lost my balance while doing a job at work & when I put my hands out to break my fall, both of my hands landed directly on my boss's breasts.
@@Ash-ty4qp I apologised & said "Sorry Jen, that was unintentional me putting my hands on your bosoms, it was just that I lost my balance & I put my hands out to break my fall" & she said "Don't worry about it, I didn't even realise it happened".I think she was as embarrassed about it as I was & was just playing it down, because how could someone land both hands on your breasts at the same time & you not even realise it?
@@ilovenycsomuch He is when he isn't trying to make people like him. The episode when him and Jan meet with the Scranton Central School District guy at the Chilis or at the Dunder-Mifflin share holder meeting when he basically saves the company
This should all be natural, and the best way to release is to just get comfortable in social situations, you do this by putting yourself out there all the time and dealing with the discomfort until it becomes your new norm.
i've noticed that. being charismatic is, by nature, not to be forced. the "mistakes" are derivative of self conscious issues and an overextending effort to gain stance. i.e. one-upping someone's joke.
However, life isn't that simple. For someone who is socially awkward, videos like these can help them make others enjoy their company, even when normal social cues and behaviors are lost on them.
@@Klespyrian you are right. even someone with confidence can have something switch it off. these tips can help gain back what may have been lost.. or at the very least prevent one from digging a deeper hole.
@@Klespyrian You didnt really dispute his point but rather proved it. Learning to read peoples emotions is only really possible by becoming comfortable in the uncomfortable. Youre shutting yourself off into a cage and threw away the key yourself by accepting your behaviour as "natural for you". Social skills are just that, skills. But for that to happen you really need two things. True empathy and true curiousity. Most people nowadays just want to seem charismatic and not really try to care for others , which imo is the true trigger for building charisma
Something else Paul Rudd does that I've always admired in regards to interviews n such: tying in with asking interviewers questions he goes out of his way to create an environment that isn't just "question:answer question :answer" he creates a genuine dialog and tries to make it a natural conversation as opposed to an interview with a movie star
Met Paul Rudd while I was working at Disney World. I can verify even when bumping into him and having a 30 second interaction that he is authentic on and off camera. He is a fantastic guy that we can all emulate and try to make the world a more enjoyable place.
My social anxiety is not ready for dem touchez man Edit: almost 2 years later, I've grown to accept them! I still feel awkward about it sometimes, but other than that, Im getting over my anxiety step by step and now likin' dem touchez man ^-^
I used to deal with it every day. Now I only deal with it on occasion. Best advice I ever got was rather than trying to hide and never experience it, try pushing it and staying present. It is weird to think about purposely experiencing anxiety, but just pushing your comfort a bit further and further really does help. If touch is hard try going from fist bumps to hand shakes, then hand shakes with eye contact, followed by hand shakes and asking about how they are doing. Eventually hugs with friends.
@@patrickchoque7720 It's like drawing. At first you struggle just trying to draw a face, after some time you don't even notice that you've drawn a beautiful character
@@patrickchoque7720 of course they don't, they already have this skill.. it's like when you can already speak a foreign language fluently. But before you reach this point, you may always find yourself remembering things - a natural part learning everything, your brain just have to memorize everything before going full automatic. You just need to carry on developing a skill until reaching this point.
Not a fan of the clickbait title. it says 5 common habits that makes you unlikeable, but the video is about 5 things Paul Rudd does to make him likeable. These are completely different things.
Don't do those five things and you'll be unlikeable - I guess. I agree, and a positive title would not only be more accurate, it would be more in keeping with the values that CoC professes to hold.
You can also add: creativity/imagination/wit and humility. It takes humility to listen to others, to put them above you, to care about what they care about. And then the intellectual creative wit to respond in a way that makes them and others laugh or feel good. God bless~
some NOTES here 1. DON’T SKIP FRIENDLY TOUCH WHEN FIRST MEETING SOMEONE: Physical contact directly correlates that you care about someone. You can try some of these things Stand up and handshake, fist, hug to start with. 2. JOKE POSITIVELY ABOUT OTHERS: Can be done two ways. One Follow it up by teasing other and second Turn the joke around on yourself. But keep this question in mind Does this elevate or put someone down, if down then try to comically exaggerate the other person’s positive attributes 3. SUPPORTING OTHER PEOPLE’S JOKES: This helps other to think their joke was good. Building other persons joke make you fun person to be around. Look for opportunities to build on their jokes and make them feel good. 4. USE DIRECT AND GENUINE COMPLIMENT: This can really work well when they are earned, specific, something the other person identifies with. So get into the habit of complimenting people when you think positive thought about them. 5. TURN THE QUESTIONS AROUND: Try to see in your social group who is been left out of the conversation and ask them a question. When you are inclusive towards other people it shows that you are willing to share the spot and that make people enjoy your company more. As always my crazy passion is to share summaries like started doing it on my channel with PDF summaries ✌ Let make some positive jokes on Charlie 😜 Noooo I am just joking 😀
I've been working on myself for 15 years and can finally see little glimpses of these traits when I interact with others. Maybe it won't be that way for everyone, but if you're slow like me, I just want to say, you're doing great. Look back on yourself years from now. If you care enough to try and improve, you will see change over time, even if it feels difficult in the moment. Also, find people you can trust to support you even when you aren't charismatic.
I have to say. I appreciate that this video focuses on the positive opposite of bad habits. There are definitely points here I can see I can improve on. Thanks for the helpful video!
not even lying this channel has helped me so much in motivation, self-improvement, and all around charisma, I really appreciate all your hard work to help other people charlie
As an Englishman I became very aware of how culturally all of these ideas are suppressed. We aren't great with human contact in general, we have banter which is basically a justified way of putting someone down, we will also use banter as a defense against banter and thus undermine each other's jokes too. We are the masters of passive aggression and thus being direct and genuine, forget it. And we never really ask questions, just talk about ourselves. However, answering a question with a question or turning the question around, that has negative connotations of its own; often an avoidance technique, but could also come from a place of good, like Paul Rudd I imagine. No wonder the world hates us. I have to say I have changed since I lived in Switzerland, Italy and South America, but I am still guilty of all 5 of these just through naturally occurring behaviour ingrained into my psyche. Eye opening.
As a fellow English person I'm going to respectfully disagree, all of the traits you mentioned are common pretty much everywhere they aren't exclusive to English culture, yes you get some absolute bell ends but my experience is, if you don't act defensively or aggressively towards others they won't towards you. We as a generalisation are fairly private people but I think sincerity is valued and we are often suspicious of un earned flattery, I'm not great with people I don't know touching me or getting in my space but I don't think that's exclusively British. I would also say we are very self depreciating as a culture and that bigging yourself up is frowned upon, banter amongst friends is a symbol of this especially among men as it's generally understood not to be serious, but if you are a pompous arsehole who thinks the world of himself you are going to get the piss taken out of you. I'd also disagree that the rest of the world hates us although we do have a deservedly awful reputation as tourists, but with the possible exception of the Japanese, who doesn't?
I have been avoiding my English cousin who is as negative as they come. Brits are simply the downers of any social gathering. I can't believe a set of people could enjoy complaining about everything, even complaining about the weather!!!
I grew up pretty socially isolated, so I find these videos immensely helpful to pick up some of the natural skills pick up from a lifetime of socializing. Helps me feel normal
Be careful of the affectionate touch thing, though. Depending on the culture, gender or simply, preference of the other person, it can have the opposite effect. I'd only do it with someone of my own culture/gender and after determining if their personality is the type to accept such contact during our first conversation.
I agree I stat away from touchy feely people as I dont like being touch unless they are bestfriend family or lover with anyone else it makes me really uncomfortable
@@telsclark Exactly! Some people aren't even touchy with their family! I've been a kindergarten teacher in Japan for a lil while, when I was there, and parents don't even kiss/hug their kids. So obviously, they grow up to be the kind of people who aren't even touchy feely with their friends/lovers, especially in public (obv, there are exceptions, like everywhere, but generally, they stay away from that). That's also why I mentioned culture. So yeah. I can definitely see how it works in a bro x bro relationship in America, but in other cultural contexts, or male stranger x woman is asking for trouble... It can be a double edge knife, this one. It's an art that requires lots of social skills/knowledge, and it's something people "who lack charisma" (since this channel is targeted at them) aren't specially good at, reading social cues, and all...
I quite agree! And I saw so many comments that say that you've got to get out there to conquer your fears and whatnot, but it's like, I'm not scared. I'm a rather social person: I make loads of eye contact, I try to smile, I'm fine with handshakes... but don't touch me! I can't stand it
As someone with social anxiety, sometimes I return the question that I'm asked after I give my answer (turning the question around tip). This not only lets the person know that I'm interested in what they have to say but it also shifts the focus to them, which diffuses the tense situation (for me) and gives me a breather. This way I'm able to hold longer conversations without starting to panic and running away.
Thats tedious. I just say the answer as short as possible especially whem im talking with women at work. Small talk topics takes so long to finish if i show interest. Guy talk i could relate but i get anxious when sports comes up cuz i dont follow any. I got 1 nerd buddy at work. We could talk for miles dissing mcu cuz we compare it to comics. Soooooo good. Too bad he isnt into plants and insects. I like those too.
"Paul Rudd is almost universally well-liked." Well, he has a likeable face. That always helps. To his credit, he doesn't misuse it! That - shows character.
I met Paul Rudd once in NYC. I opened with, "Hi, you're Paul Rudd, right?" (original, I know). He said yes. I said, "Hi, I'm Ursula" and he responded with "Hi, I'm Paul." And that has made me love him forever.
Learning to make jokes that don't detract from others (or even empowers them) is one of the best way to endear yourself to anyone. It's a skill to learn to develop, and I totally agree Paul Rudd does a great job on it
For people who are trying to learn from this video trying to be better, my takeaway is balancing your charisma and self-care especially the introverts that may feel burnout after trying too hard to make others happy. It is important to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself, even if it means not always being able to uplift those around you. It is okay to take a step back and recharge when you feel mentally tired. It is important to acknowledge your own limits and boundaries, and not force yourself to be charismatic or outgoing when you don't feel like it. If you find yourself consistently feeling burnt out, it may be helpful to evaluate why you feel the need to always be charismatic and if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It may also be helpful to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to those around you so that they understand when you need time to yourself. Remember, being genuine and authentic in your interactions with others is more important than forcing yourself to be charismatic. Focus on building genuine connections with those around you, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and honest about your own needs and limitations. Remember that not everyone has the same personality or character and we don't have to try to be someone else in order to fit in. Instead of focusing what you are lacking, try to focus on what you are good at. The values that you bring to others differ from every other person and that makes it ok.
This is a very good point-by-point list of how to improve your circle of friends and to become a better and more successful person in life. Your course must be fantastic! Thank you.
#1 physical contact/touch #2 friendly positve joking around #3 build on jokes of others #4 genuine specific complements to others #5 turn questions around to others * ie put the spotlight on others
On the contrary it can help to think of yourself. When you interact positively then you feel that charisma affect you and it adds to confidence and positivity. (You are right but the opposite can work well too.)
I frequently ask my therapist how is she doing or how was her week and every time she looks so surprised :) but for me that's just defense mechanism to not talk about myself
One thing I honestly advise people on sharing the spotlight is to emphasize the word sharing. Sometimes we blur the lines about sharing and giving. Take Paul Rudd in these examples, while he is complimenting others, putting them in the spotlight, he does it in a way we don't forget he is there. He shifts focus to the other person while keeping an important position, take the Hot Ones interview for example. Rudd puts the spotlight on Sean, but he shifts his guest position to an interviewer position, so the spotlight is on both of them rather than just on Sean. If you just give the spotlight away you won't be percieved as charismatic, you might even become invisible to others
Rudd consistently shows empathy, but there is a risk of burnt out from over-thinking. This is the fabulous thing about mirroring behaviors; you’re not always trying to stay ahead. If you get into the habit you find it easier in the longer run when socializing.
For people who are trying to learn from this video trying to be better, my takeaway is balancing your charisma and self-care especially the introverts that may feel burnout after trying too hard to make others happy. It is important to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself, even if it means not always being able to uplift those around you. It is okay to take a step back and recharge when you feel mentally tired. It is important to acknowledge your own limits and boundaries, and not force yourself to be charismatic or outgoing when you don't feel like it. If you find yourself consistently feeling burnt out, it may be helpful to evaluate why you feel the need to always be charismatic and if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It may also be helpful to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to those around you so that they understand when you need time to yourself. Remember, being genuine and authentic in your interactions with others is more important than forcing yourself to be charismatic. Focus on building genuine connections with those around you, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and honest about your own needs and limitations. Remember that not everyone has the same personality or character and we don't have to try to be someone else in order to fit in. Instead of focusing what you are lacking, try to focus on what you are good at. The values that you bring to others differ from every other person and that makes it ok.
This was surprising to watch, because I always thought of myself as a kind of unlikeable person and a weirdo, but realized that I consistently do most of the things in this video and get positive responses from people, so that's funny.
Charlie, listening to your advise helped me hold a meeting that went unexpectedly well. I only used one of your tactics. When people, asked me questions to put me on the spot, I replied by complimenting the question... i.e. excellent point..." and in doing so I disarmed them and was able to use their questions to the benefit of all. Thanks man... you are changing the world positively
as a service worker it always freaks me out when someone uses my name (except that one time I bonded with this woman cause we spell our name the same way ahahaha)
What's crazy to me is that PR was 26 back in 95 when Clueless came out. Now almost 30 years later, he looks like he's only aged like 8-10 years max. He always seems like he has a very low stress lifestyle and personality which is probably why he doesn't visually age. His easy going demeanor is why he's well liked.
Things I learned from this video- 1) touch - in form of handshake or hug. Elevates the relation and ease up the situation. 2) if someone cracks a joke upon themselves, instead of aggravating it-vely you keep shut or involve yourself in the joke and support their joke. Or joke positively about others. 3)appreciate people. Turn the spotlight on them. Must be direct, specific and genuine 4) dont talk bad behind others 5) turn the question around to who asked
It makes sense that the ability to think about others beyond yourself would be a positive trait that's beneficial to the collection of people in your influence. The more people with compassion the larger the group that benefits.
It helps that Shaun Evans is a really good interviewer. He doesn't always have the best presentation but you can tell he's always genuinely engaged in the conversation. You can also tell their research/writing team works hard to learn about the guest in detail and come up with questions that they often haven't been asked before. It's just so well put together.
best advice ive ever heard and still use to this day: become interested in other people This has stuck w me ever since i first heard it and it truly makes for great conversations and making meeting people enjoyable on yours and other peoples side! This advice seems to go alone with all 5 points in this video:)
laugh and continue the joke that he made not make it about you like with Jeremy renner he didn't steal it he continued the joke on jeremy not on himself
I'm one of the few people who did not like "Jurassic Park (1993)." Hated all the exposition, all the over the top WOW THATS INCREDIBLE faces when first seeing the dinosaurs Hated those kids, I wanted them to D** Disliked the female because I saw her in that terrible terrible movie "Wild at Heart." For the younger ones, she also played the toxic elderly general/politician in that second to last or last "Starwars" movie. But Jeff Goldblum was GREAT Sam Neill was FINE Bob Peck (the one playing the park ranger) was GOOD In my opinion, the movie should have been a buddy-buddy movie about these three men, strangers at first, who, through their ordeal trying to survive the park, build a great and lasting friendship. The kids and the woman could still be in it, provided they get to their Final Destination asap.
I love this video and these are all great points. I've been considering taking the course. My only concern is about something I've experienced in the past while doing these types of things as women. In my experience, doing many of the things on the list have actually lead to negative outcomes whether it be friends, coworkers, or acquaintances to the point I have stopped doing most if not all of them. People (men in particular) after awhile seem to get very flirty or start to get uncomfortably strange around me or follow me around or (in a few cases) stalk me on social media. I am unsure how I can do these types of things without "leading people on" or making them have the wrong idea. I know it's a cliche, but it really feels like the "If a woman is nice to you, it must mean they like you" kind of thing. I'd love to see a video on this type of topic if you haven't already made one!
The thumbnail: "Avoid these mistakes" and a picture of Paul Rudd No offence but I thought they said we should avoid Paul Rudd and I nearly start crying 😂😭
As someone on the spectrum, I hate teasing and jokes because I rarely find them funny and never know how to respond, my lack of response probably makes people feel self conscious about what they said. Also, I HATE being touched. It is ok if I know someone really really well and I am not in a nervous state before it. If it is a new person I figure they are trying to manipulate a feeling of closeness between us. It does not make me like them more. Instead I am thinking "why are you touching me, we are not friends yet as I don't know you very well". Once I have met someone several times and have a real feeling of who they are and trust them, then it is ok for them to touch me, otherwise it means nothing. It is literally fake until I figure someone knows me enough to actually like me, then the affection means something. Before you know me enough, keep your hands to yourself. Yes, people think I am cold, but once they know me, they know I am a decent person.
My date: "Are you okay?" Me, curved down on myself, taking notes and ticking boxes to see if a thank you is in order: Who am i kidding no one loves me lmao
This might work if you are a famous person. I have done these things my whole life without knowing it. Lifting other people up, talking positive about people, giving sincere compliments, trying to include and turn to people who are quiet in a group setting and so on. I am still not that popular or liked particularly. Maybe people see this as "weakness"? Perhaps it sounds good but people take it as a person, in this case, me, being "weak". I have stopped doing these things however since I never got it back from anyone. It ended with me, being forgotten or excluded.
I feel the same way, have done most of what is said in the video just by being me but I don't notice much of a difference if I don't do it. These kind of things I feel like work really well if you already are kind of charismatic anyway.
Oh! The deck is stacked! Paul Rudd simply LOOKS fantastic. Anything he says is probably going to go well no matter what. He has the sweetest, nicest, cutest and most darling face on the planet. How could he not shine?
Ru is a masterful communicator. He pays attention to everything the person is saying and not saying and gives very specific conversation. Also what makes him so quick witted lol. Very sharp.
could you make a video about how to maintain the positive attitude when someone is constantly bringing the general mood down (eg. someone with depression that beats themselves up for anything or someone that gets angry about everything)?
Disarm them.. give them a genuine compliment.."I like how you really think things through more than most people"... tell them they make a good point.. and then be like "I think your idea would be even better if... "
also don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.. and tell them how you believe in thinking positively and focus on the solutions versus emotions or blame or negativity.
A interesting point in this video is about how important it is to reverse the flow of a gossip conversation. I don't see any videos talk about how to deal with gossip conversation.
I like how you talk about giving them an earned compliment. I usually just compliment their fashion (because I’m genuinely interested in it) but I should look to compliment things they worked on like the party itself
@@Tonyhouse1168 but if that's all you ever say, people quickly notice that you're not interested in who they are as a person, you're just noticing the superficial. There was a colleague at work, that's all she ever said "I like your outfit" ... after a while, you came to realize that it was perfunctory, she was just saying it because she thought she should and it was an empty, throwaway comment. If you're going to compliment someone's clothing, be prepared to say why you like it (the color looks good on them, it looks tailor-made, etc).
Who can't LOVE Paul Rudd? His wife is so lucky to have him. ❤️ I fell for him in his early days. I just knew he was a good guy, besides his beautiful eyes and smile ❤️😊
I do a lot of these things naturally, and it has increased as my self confidence has increased. A problem I have is others who are envious of my popularity. This eats at my self esteem.
I couldn’t remember this before, but I remember I was going through a routine interaction with someone and without thinking asked them how they were doing aswell, and they were so happy and exited and said that I was the first person to ask them in return all day. I can’t remember where I was but his reaction was just so pure and happy. Flipping the questions really does work. :)
I'm so glad that I found your channel! Great information. I do have a friend quite similar to Paul Rudd (similar personality). We give her time to start the conversation and then she includes us in and she is always in a positive mood and always being appreciative. Obviously, we are very grateful and we love her so much for being herself! It's important when you have friends who are always charismatic and joyous to share that same experience with them or with new people you meet. Happiness and charisma can be contagious if done right. As for the physical touch or expressing certain emotions towards someone for the first time can be nerve-racking since you don't know if that person will feel comfortable. Thank you, Charisma on Command for sharing your vlogs and knowledge with us! 😄
Most actors are very social and open people that don’t care about being touched by others. I think it’s better to not touch people, that’s something very personal and you never know how you’ll make someone feel.
I like the way that the somewhat negative title "5 Common Habits That Make You Unlikeable" turned into a very positive and uplifting video/explanation.
Touching someone for the first time. Hmmm It can be as simple as a handshake. That is touching. Eye contact is very important too. Leaning into the person and REALLY listening to them makes them feel that the conversation is really important to you. Also when sitting down, you will notice that he had his legs crossed and his leg and body was pointing towards the person who he was talking to. It means you are totally engaged to talking to that person. Makes them feel special.
make general statements, avoid specifics. ask rhetorical questions, make vague analogies. repeat things, rephrase things. When confronted by difficult questions, counter with another question or reframe the question subtly. When all else fails, resort to personal attacks.
![[TH] 2024 PMSL SEA W2D1 | Fall | ต่อเนื่อง ในสัปดาห์สอง](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ElcO9uC_Dbk/mqdefault.jpg)
Waitress: What would you like to eat?
Me: No, what would _you_ like to eat?
😂 Gold
😂😂😂
look, I know this is a joke, but "What would you recommend?", or "What would you have if you were eating?" honestly works pretty well. And the few times I've asked that it's been very appreciated.
Leo Velasco okay Leo Velasco
@Leo Velasco Calm down Leo. What did we tell you the last time?!
I feel like a sociopath when I watch these videos, but I keep watching them anyway
@686ms hahaha exactly!
I know right ! But if you learn all those things to do good actions it's not a problem at all. Be comfortable with it but not to the point telling others because they won't understand you.
because who analyzes humans in such a manner? from the outside looking in
@686ms To be fair, you don't have to hug them. You can shake their hand too.
Isabelle I don’t see what the problem is. Human beings are social animals; therefore, forming meaningful bonds with colleagues, peers, and loved ones is essential to leading a fulfilling life. Most people have below average social & emotional IQs, especially in this Digital Age. Videos like this help people to overcome their social anxieties & phobias and to form deeper connections with others.
1. Don't skip the friendly touch
2. Joke positively about others
3. Supporting other people's jokes
4. Use direct and genuine compliments
5. Turn the questions around
Great timesaver, thanks!
Thanks bro lol
4 is the reason why it's a special moment when I say compliments 😄
@Don K And this person is a psychopathic killer? If you hurt her feelings, you are in serious danger.. ;-)
@Don K if thats a bad thing (as you are suggesting via joke) then you did it wrong. I think you misused #4. Cheers. 😅
As someone with Autism, this is a knowledge landmine for me as it helps put into perspective what I do right or wrong. I am a chameleon of sorts in that I have learned to copy how others act in social settings. Understanding how and why certain methods of language helps others feel comfortable around you is super helpful to me.
This video has some pretty great nuggets. There is a very fine line between appropriate and odd, to some others.
This is very smart of you to investigate - take his course - then apply slowly. See what works and what doesn't by reactions. I am overly sensitive and it hinders social skills. I too am studying this course to sharpen my skills- education is always on going.
In the 80s or 90s Father Tom gave an Alcoholics Anonymous talk (lots of those free on TH-cam now), and because he grew up in an alcoholic dysfunctional family, he struggled with knowing how to act normal - without over the top, out of control drama.
He said he would ask himself, "what would Nancy Reagan do"?
Similar to what you are doing with Paul Rudd.
That is a great comment. How do you recognise who's attributes are the ones to copy?
@@ClarityDetermination Overtime, it became sort of obvious who to copy and who not to copy. Whenever I copied someone that was wrong to do so, I found myself in the brunt of all the consequences that followed. It's from that I became more aware of what is acceptable vs not. Essentially, trial and error.
Me: meets someone for the first time
Also me: the TH-cam man says we now have to touch
JB JFX 😂
Sorry, you have made self-deprecating joke. The TH-cam man says I must put myself down to raise you up
Ah yes, everyone's favourite person, * _The TH-cam Man_.*
I'd find that funny.
I am very charismatic when I am alone... Also hate touching people and getting touched.. I have to remind myself to give my partner and kids a hug once in a while.. 🙄 So I am out... But will keep watching... Wishing...
Remember - *Your Charismatic Ability is Not Really About You*
Understand that charisma is 10% how you make people feel about you, and 90% how you make them feel about themselves.
Think the percentages are a bit off but would generally agree
@@TheActionTourist The thing is people become attached or even addicted to that positive energy making them root for you and in turn you will compliment them.
I agree! I like the way you put this, too.
Very true.
Spot on.
Paul Rudd seems like such a great guy, humble and hilarious. An all around good guy. This world needs more like him.
he's a goddamn delight and absolute treasure.
I love that this was just a guide on how to be more like Paul rudd lol
Touch is vital. I don't just touch random strangers, but with the elderly, I can't help myself and they seem to love hugs. Right now I think everyone needs a good, warm hug, to correct what has happened to our society in the last almost 2 years now. We've been seperated in every way imaginable and it's time to re-claim our relationships with each other! 💜
That reminds me of a time when I accidentally lost my balance while doing a job at work & when I put my hands out to break my fall, both of my hands landed directly on my boss's breasts.
@@carpathianken You are SO bad!🙄
@@carpathianken omg what happened then
@@Ash-ty4qp I apologised & said "Sorry Jen, that was unintentional me putting my hands on your bosoms, it was just that I lost my balance & I put my hands out to break my fall" & she said "Don't worry about it, I didn't even realise it happened".I think she was as embarrassed about it as I was & was just playing it down, because how could someone land both hands on your breasts at the same time & you not even realise it?
@@carpathianken damn what a situation😂
we need Michael Scott charisma breakdown
Definitely
I don’t think he’s that charismatic 😂
@@ilovenycsomuch He is when he isn't trying to make people like him. The episode when him and Jan meet with the Scranton Central School District guy at the Chilis or at the Dunder-Mifflin share holder meeting when he basically saves the company
step 1: never miss a chance to say - That's what she said -
remzzo lol
This should all be natural, and the best way to release is to just get comfortable in social situations, you do this by putting yourself out there all the time and dealing with the discomfort until it becomes your new norm.
i've noticed that. being charismatic is, by nature, not to be forced. the "mistakes" are derivative of self conscious issues and an overextending effort to gain stance. i.e. one-upping someone's joke.
However, life isn't that simple. For someone who is socially awkward, videos like these can help them make others enjoy their company, even when normal social cues and behaviors are lost on them.
Very true
@@Klespyrian you are right. even someone with confidence can have something switch it off. these tips can help gain back what may have been lost.. or at the very least prevent one from digging a deeper hole.
@@Klespyrian You didnt really dispute his point but rather proved it. Learning to read peoples emotions is only really possible by becoming comfortable in the uncomfortable. Youre shutting yourself off into a cage and threw away the key yourself by accepting your behaviour as "natural for you". Social skills are just that, skills.
But for that to happen you really need two things. True empathy and true curiousity. Most people nowadays just want to seem charismatic and not really try to care for others , which imo is the true trigger for building charisma
Something else Paul Rudd does that I've always admired in regards to interviews n such: tying in with asking interviewers questions he goes out of his way to create an environment that isn't just "question:answer question
:answer" he creates a genuine dialog and tries to make it a natural conversation as opposed to an interview with a movie star
Met Paul Rudd while I was working at Disney World. I can verify even when bumping into him and having a 30 second interaction that he is authentic on and off camera. He is a fantastic guy that we can all emulate and try to make the world a more enjoyable place.
My social anxiety is not ready for dem touchez man
Edit: almost 2 years later, I've grown to accept them! I still feel awkward about it sometimes, but other than that,
Im getting over my anxiety step by step and now likin' dem touchez man ^-^
Whenever I feel the social anxiety coming, I honestly just DIVE RIGHT IN the socializing. After, it felt like I could conquer the world.
I used to deal with it every day. Now I only deal with it on occasion. Best advice I ever got was rather than trying to hide and never experience it, try pushing it and staying present. It is weird to think about purposely experiencing anxiety, but just pushing your comfort a bit further and further really does help. If touch is hard try going from fist bumps to hand shakes, then hand shakes with eye contact, followed by hand shakes and asking about how they are doing. Eventually hugs with friends.
Thank you so much all you guys from the replies ;v;
Well then, it's time to make a leap of faith! ツ
Toastie Lived my whole life in Asia. There's a lot of hugging and touching
@Toastie Indian subcontinentnental people do hug.
My mistake is thinking I had charisma in the first place.
Your comment basically dismisses the whole point of Charlie's channel - charisma is a skill that can be learned. :)
@@AHeroWith1000Names correct
AndreyGhost mmm idk, I don’t think people with charisma think about how to be charismatic, they just are 😂 probably why famous people are famous, etc.
@@patrickchoque7720 It's like drawing.
At first you struggle just trying to draw a face, after some time you don't even notice that you've drawn a beautiful character
@@patrickchoque7720 of course they don't, they already have this skill.. it's like when you can already speak a foreign language fluently. But before you reach this point, you may always find yourself remembering things - a natural part learning everything, your brain just have to memorize everything before going full automatic. You just need to carry on developing a skill until reaching this point.
Not a fan of the clickbait title. it says 5 common habits that makes you unlikeable, but the video is about 5 things Paul Rudd does to make him likeable. These are completely different things.
Don't do those five things and you'll be unlikeable - I guess. I agree, and a positive title would not only be more accurate, it would be more in keeping with the values that CoC professes to hold.
Reverse psychology.
exactly.
Good point
It’s shown that negative titles have a much higher click rate unfortunately
You can also add: creativity/imagination/wit and humility. It takes humility to listen to others, to put them above you, to care about what they care about. And then the intellectual creative wit to respond in a way that makes them and others laugh or feel good. God bless~
I still think this TH-cam channel should be a part of all school's curriculum.
Yessss
a part*
Amen.
@@Urbrainongaming People use voice to text to comment on youtube?
@@Urbrainongaming lol you use voice to text to comment?
Kids these days...
some NOTES here
1. DON’T SKIP FRIENDLY TOUCH WHEN FIRST MEETING SOMEONE: Physical contact directly correlates that you care about someone. You can try some of these things Stand up and handshake, fist, hug to start with.
2. JOKE POSITIVELY ABOUT OTHERS: Can be done two ways. One Follow it up by teasing other and second Turn the joke around on yourself. But keep this question in mind Does this elevate or put someone down, if down then try to comically exaggerate the other person’s positive attributes
3. SUPPORTING OTHER PEOPLE’S JOKES: This helps other to think their joke was good. Building other persons joke make you fun person to be around. Look for opportunities to build on their jokes and make them feel good.
4. USE DIRECT AND GENUINE COMPLIMENT: This can really work well when they are earned, specific, something the other person identifies with. So get into the habit of complimenting people when you think positive thought about them.
5. TURN THE QUESTIONS AROUND: Try to see in your social group who is been left out of the conversation and ask them a question. When you are inclusive towards other people it shows that you are willing to share the spot and that make people enjoy your company more.
As always my crazy passion is to share summaries like started doing it on my channel with PDF summaries ✌
Let make some positive jokes on Charlie 😜 Noooo I am just joking 😀
Good one!
Thanks for sharing notes,helped me revise.
@Dunston where are we going as a society ?
How do you care about someone when you first meet them? Try doing this twaddle in a meeting of English Solicitors.
@Dunston Is this what passes for humour in your village?
I've been working on myself for 15 years and can finally see little glimpses of these traits when I interact with others. Maybe it won't be that way for everyone, but if you're slow like me, I just want to say, you're doing great. Look back on yourself years from now. If you care enough to try and improve, you will see change over time, even if it feels difficult in the moment. Also, find people you can trust to support you even when you aren't charismatic.
I have to say. I appreciate that this video focuses on the positive opposite of bad habits. There are definitely points here I can see I can improve on. Thanks for the helpful video!
5:24 "the most straightforward way to validate people and make them feel good is to compliment them"
*Shows the rock point blank flipping someone off*
not even lying this channel has helped me so much in motivation, self-improvement, and all around charisma, I really appreciate all your hard work to help other people charlie
Zekc same here, he really helps out a lot of people
I only found this channel a few days ago but it has already given me motivation to be less socially anxious 🙂
As an Englishman I became very aware of how culturally all of these ideas are suppressed. We aren't great with human contact in general, we have banter which is basically a justified way of putting someone down, we will also use banter as a defense against banter and thus undermine each other's jokes too.
We are the masters of passive aggression and thus being direct and genuine, forget it.
And we never really ask questions, just talk about ourselves. However, answering a question with a question or turning the question around, that has negative connotations of its own; often an avoidance technique, but could also come from a place of good, like Paul Rudd I imagine.
No wonder the world hates us. I have to say I have changed since I lived in Switzerland, Italy and South America, but I am still guilty of all 5 of these just through naturally occurring behaviour ingrained into my psyche. Eye opening.
As a fellow English person I'm going to respectfully disagree, all of the traits you mentioned are common pretty much everywhere they aren't exclusive to English culture, yes you get some absolute bell ends but my experience is, if you don't act defensively or aggressively towards others they won't towards you. We as a generalisation are fairly private people but I think sincerity is valued and we are often suspicious of un earned flattery, I'm not great with people I don't know touching me or getting in my space but I don't think that's exclusively British. I would also say we are very self depreciating as a culture and that bigging yourself up is frowned upon, banter amongst friends is a symbol of this especially among men as it's generally understood not to be serious, but if you are a pompous arsehole who thinks the world of himself you are going to get the piss taken out of you. I'd also disagree that the rest of the world hates us although we do have a deservedly awful reputation as tourists, but with the possible exception of the Japanese, who doesn't?
I have been avoiding my English cousin who is as negative as they come. Brits are simply the downers of any social gathering. I can't believe a set of people could enjoy complaining about everything, even complaining about the weather!!!
I grew up pretty socially isolated, so I find these videos immensely helpful to pick up some of the natural skills pick up from a lifetime of socializing. Helps me feel normal
Be careful of the affectionate touch thing, though.
Depending on the culture, gender or simply, preference of the other person, it can have the opposite effect.
I'd only do it with someone of my own culture/gender and after determining if their personality is the type to accept such contact during our first conversation.
I agree I stat away from touchy feely people as I dont like being touch unless they are bestfriend family or lover with anyone else it makes me really uncomfortable
@@telsclark Exactly! Some people aren't even touchy with their family! I've been a kindergarten teacher in Japan for a lil while, when I was there, and parents don't even kiss/hug their kids. So obviously, they grow up to be the kind of people who aren't even touchy feely with their friends/lovers, especially in public (obv, there are exceptions, like everywhere, but generally, they stay away from that). That's also why I mentioned culture.
So yeah. I can definitely see how it works in a bro x bro relationship in America, but in other cultural contexts, or male stranger x woman is asking for trouble... It can be a double edge knife, this one. It's an art that requires lots of social skills/knowledge, and it's something people "who lack charisma" (since this channel is targeted at them) aren't specially good at, reading social cues, and all...
You just have to make them WANT to be touched by you. ;)
But yeah this is iffy. Don’t ever touch a South Korean w/o asking, they will destroy you lol
i really don’t like being touched by men so that part kinda threw me off lmao
I quite agree! And I saw so many comments that say that you've got to get out there to conquer your fears and whatnot, but it's like, I'm not scared. I'm a rather social person: I make loads of eye contact, I try to smile, I'm fine with handshakes... but don't touch me! I can't stand it
As someone with social anxiety, sometimes I return the question that I'm asked after I give my answer (turning the question around tip). This not only lets the person know that I'm interested in what they have to say but it also shifts the focus to them, which diffuses the tense situation (for me) and gives me a breather. This way I'm able to hold longer conversations without starting to panic and running away.
What if I told you, most people are like you. Relax and be yourself
Good advice thank you!
@@cnh1710 Yeah, knowing this does absolutely nothing for people with high levels of anxiety. It's like telling a depressed person to just "cheer up!"
@@mememefinally You're welcome!
Thats tedious. I just say the answer as short as possible especially whem im talking with women at work. Small talk topics takes so long to finish if i show interest. Guy talk i could relate but i get anxious when sports comes up cuz i dont follow any. I got 1 nerd buddy at work. We could talk for miles dissing mcu cuz we compare it to comics. Soooooo good. Too bad he isnt into plants and insects. I like those too.
"Paul Rudd is almost universally well-liked." Well, he has a likeable face.
That always helps.
To his credit, he doesn't misuse it! That - shows character.
I met Paul Rudd once in NYC. I opened with, "Hi, you're Paul Rudd, right?" (original, I know). He said yes. I said, "Hi, I'm Ursula" and he responded with "Hi, I'm Paul." And that has made me love him forever.
Learning to make jokes that don't detract from others (or even empowers them) is one of the best way to endear yourself to anyone. It's a skill to learn to develop, and I totally agree Paul Rudd does a great job on it
We NEED a Captain Jack Sparrow charisma breakdown
Agreed
We need this!
Remy Margaux that would complete me.
His secret is getting beaten by his wife
Yeah
Paul Rudd, one of the coolest & nicest dudes walking the planet. Love this guy...
For people who are trying to learn from this video trying to be better, my takeaway is balancing your charisma and self-care especially the introverts that may feel burnout after trying too hard to make others happy.
It is important to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself, even if it means not always being able to uplift those around you. It is okay to take a step back and recharge when you feel mentally tired. It is important to acknowledge your own limits and boundaries, and not force yourself to be charismatic or outgoing when you don't feel like it.
If you find yourself consistently feeling burnt out, it may be helpful to evaluate why you feel the need to always be charismatic and if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It may also be helpful to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to those around you so that they understand when you need time to yourself.
Remember, being genuine and authentic in your interactions with others is more important than forcing yourself to be charismatic. Focus on building genuine connections with those around you, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and honest about your own needs and limitations.
Remember that not everyone has the same personality or character and we don't have to try to be someone else in order to fit in. Instead of focusing what you are lacking, try to focus on what you are good at. The values that you bring to others differ from every other person and that makes it ok.
Always yell "Initiating Friendly Touching!!!" before doing so.
Throw in some beep beep beep as well.
Like when a cop pulls you over...
"Ok... look, I'm gonna reach for my wallet real slowly..."
Sifat Shams I’m crying 😂
"Friendly touching in progress... 50%... 90%... friendly touching complete."
😂😂😂
When both people ask questions it turns an interview into a conversation
This is a very good point-by-point list of how to improve your circle of friends and to become a better and more successful person in life. Your course must be fantastic! Thank you.
#1 physical contact/touch
#2 friendly positve joking around
#3 build on jokes of others
#4 genuine specific complements to others
#5 turn questions around to others
* ie put the spotlight on others
poggers
I love it. “When you are no longer thinking of your self you will have no problem thinking of others, because it cost you nothing.”
Same
On the contrary it can help to think of yourself. When you interact positively then you feel that charisma affect you and it adds to confidence and positivity.
(You are right but the opposite can work well too.)
Me: Doctor I feel terrible?
Doctor: Oh, what are you feeling.
Me: pain. What are you feeling?
(See? I can be charismatic!)
I frequently ask my therapist how is she doing or how was her week and every time she looks so surprised :) but for me that's just defense mechanism to not talk about myself
It was merely a jest..., but I do the same. Prefer to ask the questions, and lead a conversation.
Everyone needs a hero
I'm holding out till the end of the night.
Speech 100
One thing I honestly advise people on sharing the spotlight is to emphasize the word sharing. Sometimes we blur the lines about sharing and giving. Take Paul Rudd in these examples, while he is complimenting others, putting them in the spotlight, he does it in a way we don't forget he is there. He shifts focus to the other person while keeping an important position, take the Hot Ones interview for example. Rudd puts the spotlight on Sean, but he shifts his guest position to an interviewer position, so the spotlight is on both of them rather than just on Sean. If you just give the spotlight away you won't be percieved as charismatic, you might even become invisible to others
This video really shed light on some bad habits I've developed. Thank you for this lesson. Liked and subscribed.
Watching these types of videos makes me feel like a psychopath trying to learn human behavior and interaction
same, working on it internally but externally i still struggle greatly
Literally 😂
Making these comments makes humans think I'm a human making a joke about not being human🙂
@@jordan4835 man DNA what are you talking about you're the basic building block of all living things
A lot of this stuff comes unconsciously. You probably don’t even notice it. Don’t worry too much about it.
Rudd consistently shows empathy, but there is a risk of burnt out from over-thinking. This is the fabulous thing about mirroring behaviors; you’re not always trying to stay ahead. If you get into the habit you find it easier in the longer run when socializing.
For people who are trying to learn from this video trying to be better, my takeaway is balancing your charisma and self-care especially the introverts that may feel burnout after trying too hard to make others happy.
It is important to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself, even if it means not always being able to uplift those around you. It is okay to take a step back and recharge when you feel mentally tired. It is important to acknowledge your own limits and boundaries, and not force yourself to be charismatic or outgoing when you don't feel like it.
If you find yourself consistently feeling burnt out, it may be helpful to evaluate why you feel the need to always be charismatic and if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It may also be helpful to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to those around you so that they understand when you need time to yourself.
Remember, being genuine and authentic in your interactions with others is more important than forcing yourself to be charismatic. Focus on building genuine connections with those around you, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and honest about your own needs and limitations.
Remember that not everyone has the same personality or character and we don't have to try to be someone else in order to fit in. Instead of focusing what you are lacking, try to focus on what you are good at. The values that you bring to others differ from every other person and that makes it ok.
This was surprising to watch, because I always thought of myself as a kind of unlikeable person and a weirdo, but realized that I consistently do most of the things in this video and get positive responses from people, so that's funny.
Paul Rudd is the man because he uplifts his audience. Love the attitude. 🤙🏻💪🏻
Charlie, listening to your advise helped me hold a meeting that went unexpectedly well. I only used one of your tactics. When people, asked me questions to put me on the spot, I replied by complimenting the question... i.e. excellent point..." and in doing so I disarmed them and was able to use their questions to the benefit of all. Thanks man... you are changing the world positively
Did you say it too much?
Most people don't even bother to learn the name of service personnel. You can quickly be the only one that does and create a lasting impression.
Yes that so right, in 8 months work only two people asked my name and I remembered the, it was really sweet
@@ivag.5398 Sometimes you just don't want to be rude and think that maybe the person don't want to tell you her/his name.
I asked the young cashier what his wife did, and he was so pleased that I had noticed the ring and commented on it.
This was 15+ years ago.
@@Sol_Badguy_GG calling them amanda 27 times is 100% ruder.
as a service worker it always freaks me out when someone uses my name (except that one time I bonded with this woman cause we spell our name the same way ahahaha)
What's crazy to me is that PR was 26 back in 95 when Clueless came out. Now almost 30 years later, he looks like he's only aged like 8-10 years max.
He always seems like he has a very low stress lifestyle and personality which is probably why he doesn't visually age. His easy going demeanor is why he's well liked.
Maybe his positivity slows down gravity because he is so smiley lol
Paul Rudd is an international treasure ... this is not open to a debate
" _The_ _most_ _straightforward_ _way_ _to_ _validate_ _people_ _or_ _make_ _them_ _feel_ _good_ _is_ _to_ *_compliment_* _them_ "
*Shows footage of The Rock giving the finger to reporter*
You mean it's not the same as a thumbs up? That explains my social life...
yeah that was weird xD
Don't forget to smile when flipping the Bird
Paul Rudd is the definition of *"We rise by lifting others"*
@Jonathan Bowen and he must have bots liking his useless comments
Things I learned from this video-
1) touch - in form of handshake or hug. Elevates the relation and ease up the situation.
2) if someone cracks a joke upon themselves, instead of aggravating it-vely you keep shut or involve yourself in the joke and support their joke. Or joke positively about others.
3)appreciate people. Turn the spotlight on them. Must be direct, specific and genuine
4) dont talk bad behind others
5) turn the question around to who asked
Using Paul rudd for this example was genius. Loved this video...glad I found this channel!
I love how compassion always seems to be at the forefront in your videos.
It makes sense that the ability to think about others beyond yourself would be a positive trait that's beneficial to the collection of people in your influence. The more people with compassion the larger the group that benefits.
Paul is proof that you can be goofy and not Stoic and still be respected
True, but it does have a stoicism to it, it's just a more fun play on it. He definitely has the kinda internal dialogue like in this vid.
I once met Paul Rudd at a film festival he really is so friendly and welcoming irl
It helps that Shaun Evans is a really good interviewer. He doesn't always have the best presentation but you can tell he's always genuinely engaged in the conversation. You can also tell their research/writing team works hard to learn about the guest in detail and come up with questions that they often haven't been asked before. It's just so well put together.
Saving people’s jokes will make you very liked by others quickly
Yeah, too busy trying to save my own jokes.
@@sandyno1089 lol same no one backs me up except the real ones
@@autooutlet1563 😂😂😂😂😂
In some instances,Im not sure that I want to.
The handyman that does jobs at my house does good work, but he tells the filthiest jokes.
@@carpathianken well sounds like you don’t care if he likes you or not
Don’t try to hard. Your charisma should be effortless, as if you were speaking with your best friend.
this right here
What's a friend??
*too
Sol Badguy Damn that hit hard.
Huh. I must be putting in too much effort then. Existing is such a... Nietzschian affair.
This video just changed my gd life. I’m so excited to elevate others. What a relief. Thanks for being here giving people meaning in their lives!!!!!
best advice ive ever heard and still use to this day: become interested in other people
This has stuck w me ever since i first heard it and it truly makes for great conversations and making meeting people enjoyable on yours and other peoples side! This advice seems to go alone with all 5 points in this video:)
how to build on someone's joke without stealing it
Smart question
start off by laughing genuinely
laugh and continue the joke that he made not make it about you like with Jeremy renner he didn't steal it he continued the joke on jeremy not on himself
You should definitely make a video about Jeff Goldblum. He's such a weird character but still incredibly charming and interesting to watch!
I'm one of the few people who did not like "Jurassic Park (1993)."
Hated all the exposition, all the over the top WOW THATS INCREDIBLE faces when first seeing the dinosaurs
Hated those kids, I wanted them to D**
Disliked the female because I saw her in that terrible terrible movie "Wild at Heart."
For the younger ones, she also played the toxic elderly general/politician in that second to last or last "Starwars" movie.
But Jeff Goldblum was GREAT
Sam Neill was FINE
Bob Peck (the one playing the park ranger) was GOOD
In my opinion, the movie should have been a buddy-buddy movie about these three men, strangers at first, who, through their ordeal trying to survive the park, build a great and lasting friendship.
The kids and the woman could still be in it, provided they get to their Final Destination asap.
@@AudieHolland Jesus.
@@AudieHolland I Jeff goldblum in the 🪰
I love this video and these are all great points. I've been considering taking the course. My only concern is about something I've experienced in the past while doing these types of things as women. In my experience, doing many of the things on the list have actually lead to negative outcomes whether it be friends, coworkers, or acquaintances to the point I have stopped doing most if not all of them. People (men in particular) after awhile seem to get very flirty or start to get uncomfortably strange around me or follow me around or (in a few cases) stalk me on social media. I am unsure how I can do these types of things without "leading people on" or making them have the wrong idea. I know it's a cliche, but it really feels like the "If a woman is nice to you, it must mean they like you" kind of thing. I'd love to see a video on this type of topic if you haven't already made one!
Very interesting
My problem for all my life! I'm just nice and man think I'm flirting.
Yes same. But I refuse to dull my light.
The thumbnail: "Avoid these mistakes" and a picture of Paul Rudd
No offence but I thought they said we should avoid Paul Rudd and I nearly start crying 😂😭
5:25 I like how you said "compliment them" as The Rock flips Paul off lol
That's not Paul Rudd
I’ve been applying the lessons I’ve learned from your channel in real life and it’s been going absolutely great
I'm sure he's glad to help you, Flergy Burgerson.
As someone on the spectrum, I hate teasing and jokes because I rarely find them funny and never know how to respond, my lack of response probably makes people feel self conscious about what they said. Also, I HATE being touched. It is ok if I know someone really really well and I am not in a nervous state before it. If it is a new person I figure they are trying to manipulate a feeling of closeness between us. It does not make me like them more. Instead I am thinking "why are you touching me, we are not friends yet as I don't know you very well". Once I have met someone several times and have a real feeling of who they are and trust them, then it is ok for them to touch me, otherwise it means nothing. It is literally fake until I figure someone knows me enough to actually like me, then the affection means something. Before you know me enough, keep your hands to yourself. Yes, people think I am cold, but once they know me, they know I am a decent person.
My date: "Are you okay?"
Me, curved down on myself, taking notes and ticking boxes to see if a thank you is in order:
Who am i kidding no one loves me lmao
9:05
male doctor before x ray: are you pregnant
me: what about you, are you pregnant
These are definitely attributes I would like to emulate. I love Paul Rudd's genuine nature, and he deserves the love he receives.
This might work if you are a famous person. I have done these things my whole life without knowing it. Lifting other people up, talking positive about people, giving sincere compliments, trying to include and turn to people who are quiet in a group setting and so on. I am still not that popular or liked particularly. Maybe people see this as "weakness"? Perhaps it sounds good but people take it as a person, in this case, me, being "weak". I have stopped doing these things however since I never got it back from anyone. It ended with me, being forgotten or excluded.
I like you, and folks like you who do these things.
I'd say since you can see how many people are interested in learning what comes naturally to you, maybe that "weakness" is not such a bad thing
I feel the same way, have done most of what is said in the video just by being me but I don't notice much of a difference if I don't do it. These kind of things I feel like work really well if you already are kind of charismatic anyway.
Being present is more about affirming others VS the center of attention. This is the nuts and bolts of being present!
I make jokes often that no one gets and everyone takes seriously. Lol
Add in the same flat delivery that it was a joke and that they loved it in an alternate reality.
SAME
That's not funny. I don't understand!
Change your voice when delivering your jokes, this way they knew you were kidding.
I’ve been working on my Charlie’s suggestion changing my tone or facial expressions when I make a joke because I’m experiencing the same thing you are
I work with individuals with autism. Your videos are always great for breaking down social scenarios.
Thank you.
As an introvert this video is like a pool of nectar for me. 😊
Oh! The deck is stacked! Paul Rudd simply LOOKS fantastic. Anything he says is probably going to go well no matter what. He has the sweetest, nicest, cutest and most darling face on the planet. How could he not shine?
Do one about Ru paul, He is very charismatic and always make people feel comfortable around him
Ru is a masterful communicator.
He pays attention to everything the person is saying and not saying and gives very specific conversation.
Also what makes him so quick witted lol. Very sharp.
zucchinigreen on the contrary to what you just said, that’s only what you see on tv. Apparently he’s arrogant and nasty to people off screen.
@@c.l.visions2581 he seems nasty on screen too
could you make a video about how to maintain the positive attitude when someone is constantly bringing the general mood down (eg. someone with depression that beats themselves up for anything or someone that gets angry about everything)?
Disarm them.. give them a genuine compliment.."I like how you really think things through more than most people"...
tell them they make a good point.. and then be like "I think your idea would be even better if... "
also don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.. and tell them how you believe in thinking positively and focus on the solutions versus emotions or blame or negativity.
Could start with a cheesy but cute greeting... Hey Positive Patricia, I am so happy to be sharing a super fun day with you.
How to maintain your own personal attitude despite ppl bringing you down, or how to in a group setting, or one- on-one redirect negativity?
Paul is so much fun and a great guy. ♥️♥️♥️ this dude. . I really appreciate positive people.
I have loved Paul Rudd ever since Clueless. I'm glad to know he's such a likeable person in real life.
A interesting point in this video is about how important it is to reverse the flow of a gossip conversation. I don't see any videos talk about how to deal with gossip conversation.
I like how you talk about giving them an earned compliment. I usually just compliment their fashion (because I’m genuinely interested in it) but I should look to compliment things they worked on like the party itself
If they spent some time and effort putting their fashion together, it’s a safe and genuine compliment.
@@Tonyhouse1168 but if that's all you ever say, people quickly notice that you're not interested in who they are as a person, you're just noticing the superficial. There was a colleague at work, that's all she ever said "I like your outfit" ... after a while, you came to realize that it was perfunctory, she was just saying it because she thought she should and it was an empty, throwaway comment.
If you're going to compliment someone's clothing, be prepared to say why you like it (the color looks good on them, it looks tailor-made, etc).
@@LindaC616 absolutely. Make a genuine, thought-out compliment, or don’t say anything at all.
Who can't LOVE Paul Rudd? His wife is so lucky to have him. ❤️
I fell for him in his early days. I just knew he was a good guy, besides his beautiful eyes and smile ❤️😊
I do a lot of these things naturally, and it has increased as my self confidence has increased. A problem I have is others who are envious of my popularity. This eats at my self esteem.
You make some really great points like when you said being/seeing ourselves as special is a zero sum game and getting competitive over that feeling.
This entire channel is what we should study when we study Communications in college
The hell do you even study in communicative I've never understood what that means
The stuff at the end is some incredible advice about having charisma; just be confident in who you are & don't be a show-off.
I couldn’t remember this before, but I remember I was going through a routine interaction with someone and without thinking asked them how they were doing aswell, and they were so happy and exited and said that I was the first person to ask them in return all day. I can’t remember where I was but his reaction was just so pure and happy. Flipping the questions really does work. :)
He's seriously my favourite celebrity. I'll have an eternal crush on this guy.
His face never seems to age!
I'm so glad that I found your channel! Great information. I do have a friend quite similar to Paul Rudd (similar personality). We give her time to start the conversation and then she includes us in and she is always in a positive mood and always being appreciative. Obviously, we are very grateful and we love her so much for being herself!
It's important when you have friends who are always charismatic and joyous to share that same experience with them or with new people you meet. Happiness and charisma can be contagious if done right.
As for the physical touch or expressing certain emotions towards someone for the first time can be nerve-racking since you don't know if that person will feel comfortable. Thank you, Charisma on Command for sharing your vlogs and knowledge with us! 😄
I just think these videos are really interesting and it offers a good amount of self reflection to see how you are in social situations.
Do a charisma breakdown on Leonardo DiCaprio if you could
Thanks for the amazing content! I just aced a medical school interview because of the skills on the channel I practiced months in advance.
That advice about touching is so 2019, nostalgically...
Get touched...
leads to lethal infections.
One infected human-being, caused the infection to infect people all over the world !!!!!!
@@AlmaWells not getting touched leads to most of the ppl becoming psychopaths. There is no immune system against that
This is a great video with some good advice. It also makes me even more of a fan of Paul Rudd too!
Most actors are very social and open people that don’t care about being touched by others. I think it’s better to not touch people, that’s something very personal and you never know how you’ll make someone feel.
He is mostly referring to greeting touches, the rest he mentioned was a possible outcome, but not something you had to do.
M -
Handshakes should be fine though, just make sure your hand isn’t greasy.
In the Metoo era...yeah try to avoid being too touchy with the women, else they can use it against you.
You'd probably be surprised how introverted some actors are. Chris Evans for example struggles with anxiety.
Waitress: Enjoy your food!
Me: You too!
I like the way that the somewhat negative title "5 Common Habits That Make You Unlikeable" turned into a very positive and uplifting video/explanation.
Touching someone for the first time. Hmmm
It can be as simple as a handshake. That is touching. Eye contact is very important too. Leaning into the person and REALLY listening to them makes them feel that the conversation is really important to you. Also when sitting down, you will notice that he had his legs crossed and his leg and body was pointing towards the person who he was talking to. It means you are totally engaged to talking to that person. Makes them feel special.
Please make video for how to speak like politicians. Etc. Say many word but not actually saying anything.
search for Weasel words, it'll get you started
make general statements, avoid specifics. ask rhetorical questions, make vague analogies. repeat things, rephrase things. When confronted by difficult questions, counter with another question or reframe the question subtly. When all else fails, resort to personal attacks.
Answer questions with questions
Why would you want to learn that
@@zaltarical just interested in how they do it. Obviously there is some technique behind it that could be interesting to break down.