ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ต.ค. 2024
- www.ted.com At TEDWomen, Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere: Don't "act like a man." Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the "man box."
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at www.ted.com/tra.... Watch a highlight reel of the Top 10 TEDTalks at www.ted.com/ind...
![[Gegagedigedagedago] NEW Help Gegagedigedagedago Nugget escape from Nikocado Avocado Challenge](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hJWnwRC2Fz8/mqdefault.jpg)
There's so much power in Black men speaking on topics like these. Not just for the Black community, but for other communities of men as well. Great video.
I love this man for the work he does, particularly on this topic.
I whole-heartedly agree. I was just talking to a friend about him being the one delivering the message hit so close to home.
Which makes it funny that the audience was primarily white women💀💀
I’m color blind I see a man passing his knowledge to others. Being black has nothing to do with the subject
Nope not racist at all. My white mother raised me as this black male raised his boy.
"My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman." i love that.
Great video! For decades I was stuck in the "man box". I grew up being taught that "real men" don't cry, don't get sentimental, are always in control, are stoic in the face of danger, etc. It was very stifling. I felt that I couldn't be who I really was. That I was not allowed to have any emotions except happiness and anger. It has taken me years to be OK with the idea that I can be sentimental and empathetic. I still have issues with it but I am getting better.
almost cried at the end because for a young boy to say he would be free is just so insane and depressing. things need to change. grateful for tony porter and sorry to sheila who did not have the mental capacity to consent. its so fucked up
"if it would destroy him to call him a girl, what are we telling him about girls?"
^ made me shiver
weesh well I haven’t met a single girl who is looking for a girly feminine guy as a partner. If that boy’s goal in life is to find a partner it would destroy his selfesteem
@@none8958 NPC much?
@@alexismisselyn3916 I haven't met a single girl who is looking for a man who cant show emotions and is so insecure that hes trying to be a "real man" instead of being himself
i never said you had to be a « real man » or hide your emotions.
Most women are biologically attracted to men because they are men, otherwise you’d have a lot more lesbian couples, same goes for most men liking women because they are women
Those are facts, let’s not twist my words, I’m for equality of opportunity in genders
Why? As a man you are expected to be masculine. As a woman you are expected to be feminine.
It's not telling him anything about girls. It's telling him he is not being what he is supposed to be (a masculine man and not a feminine man).
I had a assembly today with this guy he is such an inspiration! he came to my college in ENGLAND! just to spread the word, absolute legend love this guy!!
Such a fantastic presentation. I deeply appreciate y'all giving this man the stage. The message was imperative to share.
This is so true, especially in the African American community! I have a teenage son and daughter and I am in awe with some of the beliefs they have! I have been questioning my rearing practices and in the attempt to change this! I am grateful to have found this video, for I will share it with them and many others!
Beauty Beasting It! What about the father's rearing practices? Or did he even stick around to raise his kids?
***** Wow. The first thing you say to me is a litany of insults. I thought this video itself was about men, or am I missing something? IMHO, good moms keep their children's father around. Or do you think that "evolving" means distancing fathers from their children?
Speaking of education...
educationnext.org/one-parent-students-leave-school-earlier/
***** I guess I am. I mean a black single mother? It's not like THAT'S ever happened.
Alva Goldbook. Wow... racist AND sexist... shameful. Just shameful.
OrangePie Stating facts is racist and sexist?
I adore that this guy had the bravery to look at himself and publicly admit to things in his past he did, while still living inside his "man box." I think it's an important step towards true change. The story about Shiela left me heartbroken and horrified. Like another commenter mentioned, it was difficult for me not to think about her for the rest of his speech.. i know what he was trying to get across but maybe he could have rethought the choice of anecdote to use :/ and idk who this guy is - but he went out there and just laid a lot of his cards on the table.. shared his actions and experiences that he came to reevaluate later in life. I gotta appreciate the utter honesty. I think what he did took some guts and I truly love the message. Bravo :)
9년이 지났지만 여전히 영감을 주는 영상입니다. 강연 잘 듣고 갑니다.
I did a similar presentation in high school when i was in 8th grade, i was laugh at by the boys and ignored by the girls and questioned by the teacher... But I knew in my heart that this was what a man should be none of the "in-a-man-box" qualities but resistant to abuse, above all stand firm to protect the weak and show emotion while doing it.
The strong must protect the weak
Like a father that protects his children
I'm overcome with sadness for Sheila, I couldn't even pay attention to the rest of his speech after he told that story.
Oh, yes 😔
:(
Same
Same. His message is important, and I'm surely glad he said what he said. But I wonder what happened that 16 year old girl who was gang raped by many neighborhood boys. How many of them "got some"? Did any other boy just stand behind the door? Did she get pregnant? Where were her guardians? Where is Sheila now? Where is Johnny now? Heartbreaking
"My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman. I asked a 9 year old boy, 'What would life be like for you if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?' He said to me, 'I would be free.'" RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON.
Tremendous talk.
"My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman."
Brilliant and necessary.
Thank you for posting this, TED.
Thank you Tony Porter! AS a father of girls and a boy, I so LOVED your TedTalk. I too as a child growing up in an a NYC ghetto during the 70's/80's and boys group homes had to learn to deal with NOT being locked into a man box. You are doing God's work.
The day when men realize showing your emotions means showing your true self which means us actually knowing you, knowing how to love you properly, having a deeper connection, and simply be happier together ...
That's not how it works, in a heterosexual couple with kids, the relations are twisted. 80% the time, the boys are mama's boys as they grow up, we baby them more, and their fathers raise them to be strong and hard. Girls are daddy's little girls and their fathers protect them and are sweeter with them than with their boys. A vast majority of mothers don't raise their boys to be cold men. The man that speaks was influenced my his father and his male friends So, yes, Girls are raised to express their emotions. Boys are raised to hold back, but that's just on the father's side, for women it's the opposite.
A lot of do and have realized.
thijsjong please stfu up. In your litte world women are always the problem. Mother dont teach their sons to hold back their true feelings or emotion. Its more the father side who push their sons to be tougher and should not to cry. Thats was in my family too. And have see it in many other family of my girlfriend too.
Saerayaa...until you make us regret it.
at the same time, you never know who will try to turn our feelings against you, learning what you think and manipulating your emotions
My wife is seeing this man talk today. What a great message. I am raisin three boys and was raised in a very similar way. I know longer think it's cool that my son tells mom that I am tough because I never cry. I need to break this cycle.
You might wanna do some DNA tests on your kids, you sound like one not capable of impregnating a woman. Also spare the kids from your ways regardless.
I love you Tony. You bring hope. Thank you.
Thank you, fantastic speech.
I can’t help but wish there were more men in that audience.
Agreed. Many talks like these, such as the one from Justin Baldoni, Eldra Jackson, and this one, are all done at TED Women. I'm glad it's gotten out more and more through social media over the years, but so many men need -- and deep down, want -- to hear this message.
Poor Shilla, I hope we all can help fight violence against women.
Mr. Porter is right and I think that the Man Box exists everywhere regardless of culture.
The extremely sad and horrific thing is that he didn't stand up for Sheila. He didn't finish the story. He left us with Sheila naked in the bed with a waiting room full of boys. I was horrified. It seemed this was a story of - look, I did a good dead by not raping Sheila, instead of the story ending with him standing up to the 15 year old in front of the boys and telling an adult or the police so someone could help the girl. Or better yet, helping her get dressed and getting her out of there. I know that would be a big step for a 12 year old boy but leaving the story with her lying in bed naked and the boys in the other room makes me feel very sick. Literally. I felt the ending of that story was just that a story. I sure hope it wasn't true and he was trying to make a point. Not a very good point. But let's hope that was the case. If not, how about he calls does what he should have done then and turns the guy in. Not sure if the instigators last name was mentioned. On behalf of all of the "Sheilas" out there. I hope they are a part of the #metoo movement. I didn't fully trust this guy. People can know what to say, whether they are truly acting on what they know is a different story. And I agree with another person's comment, this is not the story of how all boys are raised. Although it is definitely is a big problem in our country and he made some very good points.
God Bless Shelia 🙏😪💔😪🙏
@@suzannenorton3807 I think he tells the story so people know he came a long way and that he knows that it was a bad thing that was happening. I mean he was 12 years old 50 years ago. If he stood up to the other kids they would have beaten him up and he would have become pariah of their small community, he wouldn't have changed anything. No adult would have really done anything either. Again we are not talking about today. The world have come a long way in the last 50 years and this guy is one of the people trying to right the wrong of society.
I do not think its realistic to want a hero in a 12 years old 50 years ago.
I am sad for the fate of that poor girl, but this is exactly what he is trying to prevent from happening again.
I know not all boys are like that, but that are the boys of today, where parents are telling them that this is wrong and if you see this tell a teacher. In 70s, 80s and even 90s that is simple not how people were. I think everyone just kept to themselves and were scared of the consequences should they help.
Hearing this from a black man in this day and time is so refreshing and much needed!
Black!
What's your point?
@@yasjasmin8018
Lol couldve just man 🤣but i really dont care i just wanted to put it out there that she didnt have to mention it 🤣🤣but freedom of speech is awsome so idc 🙃
I am 18 years old. And I have been free from this man box my whole life. And we need to make more men come to this realization!
+Sam Sult -- Do you wax your mangina?
+Sam Sult so you're a PUA, er, SJW? After all PUAs are honest about what they are trying to do, get into a woman's pants. SJWs lie about their motives
OrangePie and when a man does, the feminists are all too happy to come out with # Male Tears, etc.
You're right on what feminists do
sol3a1 I'm not trying to get into anyone's pants. The point is our society has imposed many gender roles in our lives without us realizing.
The way to get out of the man box is to STOP CENSORING THE TRUTH: MANHOOD101.COM
That kind of speech is SO much important! Sorry for the uncountless women that suffer or have suffered gender-based violence like me. This message has to be spread to the world!
Thank you for pointing our the culture we teach young men. As a woman, I think you are teaching great lessons of the " man box"
ABSOULTELY LOVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!
Powerful and still timely!
Thank you, and respect to you! A very necessary talk. Typically I deal with men on the other end of the spectrum; men who are emasculated and do not know how to be a (respectful) man. Through my journey in learning and teaching men sexual communication, and dating & relationship skills I have discovered through open conversation with women that a shocking number of women have been abused sexually. Being respectful, chivalrous, and attractive is all part of being a man not bound by the man box.
People are ALWAYS showing us who they are...Bravo!
Jesus, I've never thought like that before. Being a man or being a woman is wrong. We must go to be a person who can handle a 'real' common sense.
Bravo Tony Porter!!!! You are doing invaluable work to free all of us!
Powerful speech.
Are you live?🙂
I show this to all my male clients. such a powerful message.
So So So true it's depressing..
If I could put a thousands "like" everytime I watch this video, I will do it!
I agree. It's a great video on many levels. I especially like the part where he talks about his realisation of shutting down his son's emotions when his son gets upset, and realising it was destructive to do so. It was also pertinent when he highlighted the issues behind the insult 'you play like a girl' (usually in relation to sport). He's thought about these issues a lot, and it's great he's trying to be positive about all the genders.
He raped Sheila with his friends
Thank you Tony.
I wish my brother could hear this beautiful man.... but even if he could I don't think he'd really listen.... My brothers a Narcissist, and really going after me with all the evil he can muster. It's really sad how sick he is. I feel sorry for him because I know he hasn't had a good life, and the rest of his life won't go well either. Life is so much better when you can be real and L❤️ving with people. ☺️💖 All my best to you, always.
One of the best Ted talk I’ve ever listen to ❤️
Tony Porter for President!!!
My mom would tell me the same things when I was younger, I love sports and I hated to lose. Even during games at recess if my team lost I'd shed some tears. When I wrestled in Middle School and would lose I'd be devastated, I'd go off into a corner of the court and sure enough my mom would come talking about "The other team is laughing at you...you're embarrassing me" and it worked now when in an emotional battle of a football game , I'm emotionless, losing doesn't hurt like it did which isn't a total negative I just wished boys didn't have to learn emotional control this way.
Thank you for your story, Mr. Porter! Wow! So insightful! 🙏🏽
GREAT SPEECH
This man has given me hope for the future. I respect him as much as Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. He's incredibly brave.
+Gra Piken
You have a strange system of values if you are respecting a terrorist.
piotr cy you're obviously not black and have never lived in South Africa under apartheid. Very selfish of you to judge from your privileged position
Gra Piken
So if something bad happened to blacks it justifies all future crimes commited by them?
Learn your vocabulary, the word selfish doesn't even fit in this sentence. If anything I'm basing on objective facts.
piotr cy Nelson Mandela has buildings named after him. You don't because you're a pathetic douchebag. Go away
Gra Piken
xD
Nice arguments you got there. Didn't expect much more from you xD
This man is my hero. I am sick and tired of watching boys and men by the millions grow up all over the world being taught that to be yourself and have compassion is wrong. If you lock up that part of yourself that tells you something is wrong, what's gonna stop you when you are asked to do a terrible act?
Thank you for speech Tony
I want all men to be free from men box
all people in the world should know that men equate to women
Very well done. We do grow up with stereotypes and “sayings” over us that are a literal programming. I do counseling, and at the end of the day both men and women end up in my office with the same issues over and over; cause hurting others and allowing hurt never works out. Our minds, bodies, and spirits know this all along but people do follow cause they’re taught, mocked/gaslit, and pressured generation to generation. Enjoy standing up for what’s right, even if you’re the only one. Someone is hearing you. Amen to the women and men who get free and help stop the hurting.
Unfortunately he’s speaking to predominantly the wrong audience. Every boy, man, father should watch this.
Brilliantly worded!
As a man, this is something I need to hear.
I've been subscribed to that channel for months. One of the best channels on TH-cam! He's in my Top 5.
the liberation or women and men is deeply affected by the elimination of this man box
What an amazing talk. I only wish that there were more men in the audience--I wish more of them could see this man speak, and learn from him. I
We're attending virtually.
This is powerful. This is important. I can’t express how powerful it is to see another man speak about his short-coming. We have to be honest about our imperfections.
Thank you Tony 🙏💛⚡️ God Bless you ❤️🔥
He can't see the irony of his own talk. His anger and frustration about the helplesness as a child is a vital part of his character and what makes him a good man. He was already a good boy and could clearly distinguish between right and wrong. Nobody needed to teach him that. His manbox was just a coping strategy to survive in his neighbourhood. Fake it, till you make it. If he had been cuddled through his life, he would'nt be the same man, he is today.
I am ordering a 2nd copy for my dear friend. God bless us all. Retired teacher
Thankful for this amazing man.
Canadian Owl hope you get raised better in your next life!!!!!! ;)
CAR LY
hope you don't change your hair color to that of an circus clown, bozo.
Aren't you pleasant. Just because the boys won't sleep with you doesn't give you the right to lash your anger out on me.
HEy it has been so long I just want to c arch up on the two most worthless humans in Society.
Well you were the one who responded with "hope you get hit by a car." I would say that is hoping that CAR LY would suffer a potentially fatal injury. I love how you have managed to embody everything Tony Porter was speaking against. As a fellow man (I'm assuming you're a guy from the way you spoke), I think that you are a worthless human who contributes nothing positive to society. Now, this doesn't mean you can never contribute positive things. However you need to take a step back and look at yourself.
This breaks my heart...
this man is a legend, he speaks the truth but gosh I felt so bad for the girl he mentioned.
Thank you for your wonderful talk. Let's all try to be free.
Tony is a great man.
Amazing talk, I seen this talk in my SOC 160 class, glad I watched it.
"I would Be Free" ! ❤
What a wonderful message! This is a call to all men to step up and break free from 'the men box" and create a safe environment for all women and girls in all communities.
This speech Tony is epic ! Bulling and abuse is my mission and message in my speeches. I'm a Toastmaster in LA Calif. and I love this speech. God bless you Tony! I've watched this speech 10 times and each time it gets better, From one motivational speaker to another HOMERUN BIG DOG (GRAND SLAM ) :)
Well done, Sir! Thank you. ❤
This guy's kids are lucky that they have such a great father. Amazing speech.
You're right, he's not a hero for understanding feminism. He's a hero for publicly revealing a childhood shame in hopes it will prevent another such tragedy. Personal stories are more effective motivators than claptrap about oppression, deconstructing societal conditioning, patriarchies, and patronizing. Do you expect to persuade people with divisive, accusatory language? You not only alienate men, but attack women. I admire him for telling a moving tale that might change somebody's mind.
This is so true... Real talk...
he is an amazing man...!!!
Amazing speech. Really good a man is saying these things, because let's face it: men listen to men more than to women. But what's really sad is that the room is full of women. Why weren't the men going to this talk?
He was describing toxic masculinity a decade ago. So incredible
What I find interesting on TH-cam is how many people have an opinion that doesn't reflect reality. So many people are un-informed/un-educated about violence against women and why it exists, and why we talk about violence against women as a gender. I'm a Master's trained social worker, have worked with men and women around these issues and have done lots of research. Yet some person with none of this thinks they know the issue better? Like trying to tell a doctor they know more about medicine
That was the most wonderful speech i have heard in along time
Extremely powerful. Thank you for this important message.
(4-28-18)
STANDING OVATION FROM ME!!!!!
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I'll do so and check it out. Thanks for the tip.
Wow amazing talk, if only more boys and men heard this!
What a great speech!
Not crying is like bottling up a nuclear bomb. You can keep the emotions in check for a little while, but it usually takes one trigger word for the tears to come out and explode.
This needs more views
The problem here is that, unlike this admittedly inspiring TED talk, in the real world there is NO shortage of terrible women who will absolutely exploit and manipulate a man in every way possible, especially if he opens himself up to being vulnerable. On top of this men have always been seen as expendable ones in society. There is a very good reason most men strive to be completely stoic and self-sufficient, because they know at the end of the day there's no one there to help them. Women and children are loved unconditionally, men are only loved on the condition they can provide something of value.
Yes there are and I protect and rebut those horrible creatures any time I get...
Excellent!
Great another talk about how men need to be calm, until they are needed not to be calm
Where men must remain stoic, until they are not to be stoic
Where men need to "express their feelings until they are told they are being a wimp, by women of course
While women are free to do and say whatever they want, even hit a man, who must maintain their emotions even as the female is doing their damn best to humiliate, cut, berate, ridicule publicly, etc even as he's being hit over and over, but the man is supposed to accept it
Of course it's never HER fault, it is what he DID to cause her to do it OR that she was engaged in "pre-emptive defense"
Yup. Not strong enough to handle it? Toughness is handling adversity that comes your way. Perseverance. Not lashing out.
Respect looks like this
This needs to blow up faster than a cardi b post
'women hate and despise weakness in men, mostly treating anyone below them with contempt." That's a very sweeping generalization which I find very hard to believe. And also, you're associating expressing ones' emotions with weakness, which is what this video tries to point out.
Thank you so much ......all men at some point are taught these barbaric lessons (growing Pains).
I mentioned looks and money(money being what women like to get from men - I don't know if you think money is irrelevant to who women sleep with too). But I was taking a guess at how you would determine the "power dynamic". If that's not how you determine it, I ask you, how do you determine it?
Great video!!!:)
"Truth and Light"
Yes. Women want a strong man;however, not necessarily in strength. women want a man that lifts them up no matter who is watching. A man who listens and care about what a woman has to say and how she feels. Men are definitely not all alike. There are some good men in this world, but it is hard to break away from what we have been taught a man should be and allow him to step out of the box.
What you are looking for is a slave.
jasonking44 Gosh, I know. Wanting a partner "who listens and cares about what [you have] to say and how [you] feel" would just absolutely enslave a person. They'd have to empathize and think. They'd have to communicate. I can't think of anything in the world worse than this. I would be utterly destroyed as a person.
+jasonking44 how fuckin inappropiate thing to say to an African American...
While I don't agree with every single thing in this, the man has some great points to make.
This was well worth my time.
What do u not agree with
Summary:
Even if you are a man, it's okay to feel what you feel, it's okay to express your feelings. Your only obstacle is the prison you have picked up from other people.
Excellent!!!!
Brilliant man and great message.
"not because men don't fight it but we won't let them. That makes no sense. "
It does make sense if you take a look at the real world. It is very convieniant for a woman if a man posesses all those qualities. She just has to choose and can lay back and just enjoy that the man takes care of problems and protects her. The social status of a man is a huge factor for women. Studies show, that most women marry up. Few women will accept a man that has a lower social status or earns less then her.
I particularly like this video because it is a man speaking out about feminism. A lot of the time feminism is seen in a negative view from men. I understand that everyone has their own opinions on defining feminism. It is not unethical however for each of us to disagree on what a feminist is but it is unethical to not be a feminist. Tony Porter describes what it means to be a man as a "man box". Why do we not have this for women? Because as a society we have lowered women and raised men on a petal stool. Men and women are biologically different but one should not be dominate over the other. Each man and women needs to understand this. Gender equality is not present and it is going to take a lot of effort from men and women for men to see this. Over all Tony Porter was amazing and each man in the world needs to listen to his ted talk but it is unethical to no be a feminist.
I am proud to call myself a male feminist, and have never sought to hide it. Without feminism, I don't feel I can be the man I should be.
00Mindi00 I always feel male feminists call themselves that to impress women. A strong person would call themselves an equalist, and go for full equality for all. Do the right thing and drop the bias for a single gender. Support all genders, and all people.
Becca Panarra It is unethical to be a feminist as it excludes men. The only ethical option is to call ourselves equalist instead. There's no argument against this. Supporting equality in general is the future, not feminism. Feminism has done great work. Equalism however includes equality for all genders, including men, and all races, including white, and all ages, including middle aged. Most social campaigns ignore white middle aged men. Equalism on the other hand supports everyone.
Becca Panarra Feminism is a subset of equalism. Meaning equalism is more inclusive. Please start using that term instead and support true equality for everyone. Best wishes :)
MEN HEAL "It is unethical to be a feminist as it excludes men." - and this explains so clearly why you're clearly sexist, because you do not understand the need for feminism. "Men Heal" - what a load of bullshit.
i feel this "man box" is something that men have to live by. Boys are built up to be tough, and not to cry, and not complain, to suck it up and be a man. But they don't have to be. They can be what they wanna be, and if that means crying then let them! Many children grow up knowing "the man box" sometimes I think that is just sad. It's also different that many audience members are females.