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As an INFJ, when I express rage, I will tear a person down to the very depths of their soul, right before I emotionally destroy them. My mom calls it the "forked tongue".
I rarely get angry, almost never. But when I do get angry, I try to escape from the situation as fast as possible, if I can't escape from the situation, I slam at the table or the door, hoping that people understand and let me calm down
The door slam is never "out of nowhere". If someone fails to see that they've gone too far it's because they've refused to listen to all the previous warnings.
@@Luca_365 I assure you, if anything I over communicate. Maybe that's it. Maybe I should just say something once, and then take appropriate action if my needs are still ignored.
yeah to be more exact refused to understand INFJ's view. Door slam exist when things gets overload and people don't listen to me properly. It's like an expression of frustration because no matter what I said it doesn't get pass through. It's a build up of emotions, I just don't want to shout at others as it I might say hurtful words, so I'd rather slam the door to express my anger and to let them know I'm upset. I dislike loud noises, but when everyone else is in heat, and it pushed me to the limit, I won't mind creating the noise from my action. It also serves as a warning like "leave me alone", "shut up", "don't come near me", as I need some time to be alone to arrange my emotions.
@@Luca_365 person that loves you doesn't hurt you all the time. I had a friend/collegue, who told me all the time, how my dreams and expectations are unreal and I will never achieve them, cause I am lower class, just like she is. Let's start with the fact that we are not the same. I have better education, I've had better jobs and in the place we worked together I was always praised, by collegues and boss and she was laughed at for being not really bright... When she left that job, I had enough and I was able to close the door permanently. But she tried to congratulate me on nameday and stuff until I blocked her.
I hate when I'm pushed to the point that I blow up. I give people a million warnings and chances. I always say it's like a switch goes off and I see blood red and can't stop til the rage is out. People get scared and confused because I'm so sweet, kind, demure and easy going....til I'm not.
I was shocked when I blew up at my mother the first and only time in my life, and it shocked her, too. I suffered her needling for years and never said anything to her about it. Then one day, she went too far and I blew up like a volcano, telling her some home truths about how she was pissing other people off besides myself. Afterwards, I felt bad when I saw the tears in her eyes, but I couldn't take any of it back because it was true. And those other people told me they were really glad that I told her what they had been afraid to say. It was several more years before I confronted her again about past abuse. I tried writing letters, but tore them up because the anger was like fire and, though I started off trying to be gentle, the letter would get nasty. I waited until I knew I didn't want revenge, that I had managed to make real headway in forgiving her and wasn't trying to hurt her with my words. But I didn't beat around the bush when I told her about what she did and how it made me feel. She threw my letters in the garbage, so I had to accept that she might not ever, in this life, want to have an honest and healthy relationship with me.
I use my words until my hands are needed, my best friend of 10 years says she doesn't believe, never seen me be mean doesn't think i'm capable. Of course i'm capable of being a monster ,we get used up and i'm protect myself
@@jillybe1873 when boxers enter the ring "protect yourself at all times" is how I do life, i'm not letting anyone who ain't worthy getting anything from me that I don't want to give freely
one of the reason why we probably always resort to door slams, besides an instant escape and time out from boiling up from the pain, is because we're afraid to hurt other people and it's kind of the only option that just makes them stop without harming them, this is really why we always need our private personal space
I relate to that. When I was pushed too far when I was 19 and decided to leave right away, I started tossing my stuff into paper bags. A pastor who was staying in the home saw me and asked if he could help. (Not to pack, lol, but to let me tell him what was wrong.) I shook my head and kept packing because I was afraid that, if I opened my mouth, I would say things I would regret. Also, I stay away from my mother because, in spite of everything, I want her to have a happy life. Now that I have learned to stand up to her and not take her bs, it upsets her. She has people in her life who can handle her and like to be with her, so it's not like she has no help. Also, if I want to know how she is getting along, I have a friend who knows her, but she doesn't know that I know this lady. I can phone my friend to make sure that my Mom is okay. When I was married and very upset with my husband's drinking, I said a lot of hurtful things to him. I never want to do that to anyone again, so if someone I love is being toxic and trying to control me, I firmly say no when they cross the line and let them cut me out of their life. They think they are punishing me, but it's a relief to not have to deal with their bs. I love people, but I most of them I can take in only small doses and I think that they can handle me in only small doses. Right from the time I was a toddler, though I enjoyed playing with my brother and sister, I had the most fun when I played by myself, making mud pies.
When someone crosses your boundary line, Scripture says to warn them of their transgression. If they ignore the first warning, warn them a second time. After that, they still disrespect you, your space,, your person, etc., shun them -- i.e., "Turn the other cheek." In other words, do an about-face and a forward march as Scripture teaches us that a good soldier should. Remember, "GOD has called us to peace"! PTL!
@@lindamaddox815 In some situations, ones you can't walk away from, literally turning the other cheek is the only thing you can do. In his book Heavenly Man, a Chinese pastor tells of some new believers who were arrested and beaten at a police station. Yun had read the Bible to them about turning the other cheek. So, the whole lot of them kept saying to the police, "Here, hit me on the other side." They laughed the whole time. The police beat them until they wore themselves out and then they released, telling them, "You're crazy. Get out of here."
"They don't hate you, they nothing you!" YES!!!!!!!! I have a mental funeral since that individual is essentially dead to me. It's like you never existed and all of our interactions/memories are gone with the wind. I love that about myself because I never dwell or miss anyone from my past.
When I get angry I usually just shut down and remove myself from the situation. I've done awful things in the past when I didn't control my anger, so now I just "go dark". If I'm pushed further and can't remove myself, tears flow. Whenever it's gotten to the point of tears, it takes me a long time to let the other person back in, and I've never been able to repair the broken trust. If it's people I have to work with, I will be polite, cordial and cooperative, but there won't be any more joking or personal interest shared with them.
OMG, I never thought i’d hear someone else say “I go dark.” Exactly right! I try so hard not to hurt or offend anyone, but no one returns the concern. And they are always contriving reasons to be hurt or offended by me. Cold and withdrawn is also exactly right. I call ir “ writing you out of the script.”
@@doloresparsons1552 I feel the same way. At my job, my boss has reprimanded me several times for speaking out, saying that I hurt people. But the people I am told I've hurt seem to have free reign to walk all over me, treat me like crap and it doesn't matter.
Knowing what I am capable of doing to someone who over step their boundaries scares me to death even myself. Normally, I am very patient, tolerant, giving many chances but when that time is done with all the nonsense, then there will be nothing left to do and no one will rescue you from my wrath. You will feel every bit of it and heaven and earth will not shield you neither hell can accommodate you.
Haha I ended up doing that twice last week and my sister comes over when I'm in the middle of chewing someone out for doing x annoying thing 20 times in the same day and she is like whoa! I'm like please I've yelled at you the same way plenty over the years. It's like you want to be polite to the telemarketer if you accidentally answer the call and they keep at it until you hang up (slam the phone aka door)
With me, I will analyze something to death to make sure it’s not me that needs to fix myself. But if I am pushed too far, I’m not heard, and I know it’s not me…then I let out a controlled burn. I will say everything I normally would not. No swearing or attacking…just straight out observation and I won’t back down until I leave them stunned, speechless and humbled. I never let them walk away until I’m understood. I won’t ever apologize because I’ve thought it out for 100 years and convinced my anger is justified.
I do get very "formal", but not as a way to get revenge. I don't seek revenge, but have no problem giving people a dose of their own medicine when they clearly need it. People can be held accountable in different ways if they're unwilling to voluntarily take accountability.
@@justinproctor4453 Revenge is doing something to hurt another person. I don't think that's the same thing as showing someone how their behavior feels on the receiving end.
@@sophiashekinah9872 unfortunately that leaves almost no room to differentiate the two things you described. and really even if you showed them how that feels, that would simply trigger a defense mechanism in them which would make it a very fleeting lesson. Just allowing them to be a jerk if even sometimes for a great amount of time can allow them to eventual truly see the error of their ways.
It sucks when you have to see them everyday though, i door slammed my coworker but since I have to see her everyday I only talk to her when she approaches me first and when I do it’ll only be sardonic humor or just silence and head nodding.
I definitely drop into the cynical spiral. Cold and formal is usually reserved for people who step on my toes. If somebody attacks me though I'll shut down completely, then hijack the bus they tried to push me under and proceed to drive it full speed right over them instead. I don't handle betrayal well. I don't trust many people, I can count the people I consider friends on one hand. So when somebody I chose to trust breaks that trust it hurts a lot and makes me question my own judgement, which hurts even more. Queue cynical rage spiral.
I couldn’t believe a TH-cam video captured every single way I react when angry or upset. I’ve told people if I’m complaining or snap/yell at you everything is ok. When I become quiet then you should be afraid, be very afraid. But every single one of these. On point.
I have also said this many times: if I suddenly go cold, it's time to back away slowly, then run. Some of the points aren't me personally, but I can see where other INFJs may head that direction.
I go cold/formal towards people who cross my boundaries. I give numerous chances and warnings and when they become a threat to my sanity and mental well-being or when I can no longer respect them due to something I've witnessed/experienced, that person is *nothing* to me. Sure, we might still see each other at work or in the store, but you're nothing but white noise in a sea of people. When I'm pissed, I tend to withdraw from others because I don't want to lose my temper around others. I don't want to cut them to ribbons with my words or shove the cold harsh facts down their throats. If someone pisses me off, losing my cool around them feels like I'm giving them control of me personally and I hate that.
I've lost my girlfriend of ten years , my father this year and found that my best friend of thirty years was never my friend. Door is slammed and I'm pissed.
I would definitely add Passive Aggression to this list. Especially in a workplace setting, if a boss or co-worker does something to inspire my contempt, I am always looking for clever, inventive and subtle ways of screwing them over or making their lives more difficult. This becomes exponential if the person who has inspired your rage was someone that you loved romantically. Hell hath no fury like an INFJ woman scorned!
Oof I end up telling them in very specific ways why they suck and my pure contempt for them *but only if I'm planning to quit and have no desire to repair the relationship*
respectfully, i don't think being passive aggressive is part of the INFJ personality. We are too attuned to other people's feelings. We know how bad it feels to be 'played' or to be manipulated. We are direct, to a fault and consider this a gift of ourselves, our true feelings, our honesty & our personal truth. It's why we wouldn't resort PassAg. Meaning we don't play head games like that. It would mess w/ our reality of the truth we value. It takes much to push us into shutting down, withdrawing into a cold freeze. It will take a lot of soul searching & replaying the discord to come to a balance of harmony in understanding why/how the OP acted that way, while admitting to ourselves that we DO have high personal standards and just need to understand not everyone is on the same plane. Only then can we move back into their orbit, after a period of freeze-out; to cold formality, to possibly talking things out to forgiveness. As an INFJ, I hate passive-aggressiveness in others. I can spot it in an instant when they use it on others & find it a disingenuous cop-out. They WILL know I am PO'ed , no passive aggressive mind games required.
@@synchronicity1470 I agree! I thought a lot of stuff in this video was wrong. I can't stand passive aggressive behavior, because to me, it's cowardly.
This is so me currently. There’s a casual worker who disrespected on of my colleagues and then a week later gave me attitude and my attitude towards this person now is passive aggressive. I cannot stand being around this person, the energy is so toxic. She’s gonna be gone soon and I just can’t wait.....
I will say the door slam has gotten me through some pretty tense situations , I have gotten better at literally cutting people completely off , I’ve even had to do it to family.
I relate to all of these powerfully. I do think #5 (selective hearing) is what most everyone else does ALL the time. But yeah, we INFJs do it as well, when we're angry. But usually by the time we're angry, we are simply done listening to the b.s. All the others are spot on. I'd also like to say that I've felt alone and misunderstood my entire life. I'm now 58 years old, and I find my tribe in these INFJ threads. The videos help me immensely, and the comments make me cry. It is good to feel at home and understood. Much love to y'all. It's not an easy path, this one. But to be hardcore honest, I still very much like who i am and what i stand for, and i think the world would be a better place if there were more INFJs in it. Peace&Love. Take care.
Becoming cold and withdrawn doesn’t automatically or necessarily always mean rage. Sometimes, for me anyway, I’ve just been hit with such a myriad of strong emotions all at once and I’m just extreeemely overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do about it all. This actually just happened, recently. If the wrong person would’ve poked and pestered me during my time of extreme upset, then yea, out of confusion and self defence, I may have let out some rage at them and then I would’ve felt super guilty afterward. Luckily that didn’t happen, I got the time I needed to sort out my feelings, and everything got resolved the next day, calmly and respectfully.
Infj here. First of all there is nothing to handle if you don't put yourself in a situation that will make you angry in the first place. 😜 7) yes we get silent in order to prevent us saying something we will regret tomorrow. We can't control the thoughts but we can control spewing it to others. Its damage control. 6 & 5) nope. Not for me anyways. 4) yep the firewall goes up. Self-preservation mode activated. 3) never doorslammed myself but yeah negative feelings like sadness and anger are toxic. Why keep suffering if you can cut the toxicity from your life permanently .... problem solved. 2) yep I am sarcastic as hell. I can twist a cr@ppy situation into a funny situation with a little dark humor. Whatever gets ya through the day. And it doesn't just extend to jokes. Usually when dealing with a narc thats exploiting and lying to me.....its kinda funny cause they think they are fooling me.....while in reality I am fooling them into thinking they fooled me. "Lets see where this is going". 😈 I like to look at the hole they dug for me...flip the board and watch them fall into the hole they intended me to fall into. Funny! "What? Why are you in a hole? Was there a hole.. who dug it? Ahh you poor thing, let me help ya up. Why so cranky? ".😈 1) nope. I'll tell ya the worst rage an infj can get. I only experienced the infj rage at its worst once in my entire life and it scared the hell out of me. To know what we are capable of is extremely dark and out of character. When dealing with a narc and unable to make him leave or leave myself....I was forced to fight back. I will not scream or something....no emotions are the tools of the trade for the infj...we can weaponize that. I don't like fighting but if I am forced to I will be efficient about it....take 1 sh*t but it will be the k!llsh*t for maximum emotional damage to finish the fight as quickly as possible while giving him as little opportunity to sh**t at me and prolong this. What did I do? A narc can see ones weakness/wound and exploit it triggering the wound to destroy you over time. An infj has the ability to see the wound/weakness as well and likes to heal a person over time. Yeeeeeah if we have to we can also see the wound...put our finger in it and give it a little twist to emotionally scar a person in seconds. I made the narc turn white and he ran from me. Turns out in this little pacifistic body hides an apex predator capable of scaring the hell out of the other predators. Its a good thing the infj has empathy, morals and ohhh so much self-control....cause if we didn't we would be the worst thing out there. The narc will slowly poison your mind against you over time cause he is too much of a coward to do it out in the open nor can he do it fast...he isn't doing it...you are doing it to yourself on his instructions. An infj can give them the narc injury of all narc injuries in seconds cause we can see behind their mask...and we aren't afraid to do it to your face either while letting you know we "can see your weakness....are you sure ya wanna go down this path". Just outing the pure blunt truth of their wound and the reason why they do the little games they do cause deed down they are pathetic...to air that dirty laundry publicly. They don't expect anyone can see that....they don't want anyone to see that. Yeah I can see it...I can expose it...and if you don't leave now I can make it REALLY hurt. 1 softy spoken sentence is enough to send you to a shrink for decades to come. 🤨😇
Another INFJ that writes comments like I do, long. I'm always writting excessively long comments. I'm not saying that's what you did or anything. But maybe you're into writing alot like I am. That's common for INFJs. Do others ever give you a hard time or act annoyed by how long your comment might be sometimes. People have expressed their annoyance to me about how long my comments are quite often and it's frustrating when they do because it's like dude. You didn't have to read what I wrote. And you didn't have to write it neither so quit your complaining. I'm going to say (write) what I need to until I've said my peace on something . Regardless of what others think, seeing how I am usually careful about other peoples sensitivities . Anyway, They're just jealous that they can't write like an iNFJ can.
I agree with all of these but what I do most is cut people out of my life unexpectedly, I have a twin and from my perspective she was hurting me a lot and ruined my younger years in school. It went on for a long time but I always ran back to her and loved her until one day I had enough, I decided I'd give her the cold shoulder until she became a better person, I ignored her, didnt cry to her for help on my promblems, did less activities with her and improved myself it went on for around a month and maybe more until I could show her the same amount of love as before. (But I still keep my distance) this is just one of many stories too lol
I really relate to you, me and my cousin were very close but he was so toxic and had his issues but still I always tried to understand him until one day I had enough of everything so I cut him up for much longer than a month. Now we still talk and we are close, but I'll never be the same.
I am definitely a door slammer. Loyalty is very important to me. So if i have allowed someone into my life enough and they betray me in any way. I cut them off.
I am terrified of myself once i get angry , I do cut ppl out and the relationship will never be the same , trust takes years to earn and 1 thing to kill it , I don't even slam the door now i hold it open for them , I am happiest by myself with my pup , trauma over the years , has me not wanting to mix , I really don't like being angry , I will hurt the person who made me angry so i leave , never to return.
This is so spot on. My relationship is damaged beyond all repair with most people in my life. I have seen how they are prepared to treat me in times of my greatest need. I can walk away and not give them a second thought.
Dont let the rage destroy you. For my entire life I was both politely charming & explosive SOCIALLY, feeling LIKE A FREAK & no one would tell me why! This video BLOWS MY MIND. I spent years obsessively rethinking conversations trying to RECOVER, never realizing that I was an INFJ until I did the test. I felt so misunderstood, so lonely & cynical about humanity. But now I realize my brain is just different than others, that I SEE THE BIG PICTURE & wish we humans COULD FIGURE out how to live in peace, so our we have a future where our CHILDREN survive. My heart is unspeakably broken, I put my hand in the snow & offer my outrage to the earth & let it go. SING that cheesy song & withdraw & put personal boundaries in place before blowing up your life. The world will paint you as a fool for being furious at all the injustice, but if you whisper they lean in to hear your words! LOVE & LIGHT UP THE WORLD INFJ'S!
laughing hysterically all by myself, OUT LOUD at the "they are coming for you" "and will metaphorically cut your throat!" Usually with a period of deep freeze before unleashing the keen sarcasm. It takes a hell of a lot for me to cut someone off. And there's rarely a turning back. I value my word & want that in others, too. I just figured my standards were far too high for me to comfortably exist in this phony, superficial world.
Though I can relate to a few of these, cynicism and "door slams" I think are ones I experience the most. And to become very "shut downy", as I call it. Although, to note, door slams never come out of nowhere. There's always a build-up leading to it. My biggest tendency is to 'shut down', meaning... I can't/don't know how to express what I'm thinking/feeling, and I start overthinking EVERYthing. And shut down completely.
We isolate when we are angry not because we are waiting for someone to make us feel better. I would not want to inconvenience someone with emotions that I cant even describe right. I do it so that I don't say something mean, because making someone else hurt is worse than being angry.
I can totally relate to all of the above mentioned topics. The downside of being a strong personality is that we are perceived as over acertive and offensive.
I'm much more sarcastic when I'm angry at someone and arguing with them, but these kinds of arguments have only taken place between my sister and me, when someone I don't really know yet angers me, I distance myself from them as much as possible and when someone I'm already friends with angers me I tend to tell them my opinion in a polite way and let things slide, if they weren't too hurtful, I don't really ever forget these things though, but if a friend really broke my trust it usually ends with us texting one last time before I "nothing" them, I don't know if all INFJs do that, because my family doesn't understand it, but I have no need to look ex-friends up on social media or keep any memories like pictures for example, when I'm done with someone I used to trust, I really just want to forget their entire existence, it helps me to heal and move on.
Same. I don't care about the past and I don't care what people I was never close to are doing. I have a handful of lifelong friends I reach out to directly. I only use social media for ideas and research but don't follow "personalities" unless they talk a lot about a specific subject I'm interested in.
I typically get quiet and withdraw I attempt to detach and find a logical solution to my emotional state and another's behavior, then pull my emotionally volatile self to the place where the logical conclusion landed. Usually this works but it takes a lot of contemplation, empathy, and effort; but it's better than unleashing an uncontemplated outburst on anyone
A while back I snapped at my boyfriend about constantly talking over me or interrupting me. I normally never scream even when mad but I did that night. Then I quite literally slammed the bedroom door behind me. He came into the room upset like I’d never seen him before, saying to never slam the door on him again. We talked through it and have been fine since. He may hate me saying this but I think him seeing my reaction that night was a wake up call to how deeply certain things bother me and also just how mad I can get. And I think that’s why the issue got resolved so quickly.
Introverted Intuition is a beautiful and amazing cognitive function and is a critical driving force for the whole world, not just for us INFJs. I believe everyone should learn how to strengthen and use their own brilliant Intuition!
That is SOOOOOOO TRUEEEEE about the sarcasm . I literally handle every thing that bothers me through sarcasm and sometimes it can be so extreme people think I’m serious . Which in a way I am but I guess I’m nonchalant
Yeah I get polite as an attempt to not blackout on someone because my temper scares me. I say all the time, "I don't hate or love you. I nothing you." LITERALLY.
LoL... I love sarcastic speech... I have become pro at it... And will use it in combination with being very polite and cold!! Just don't have time for people's BS... 🤷🏾🤷🏾 Being blunt and honest I do as well, depending on the situation the door slam will happen... It is what it is... 🤷🏾🤷🏾🙃
100% Accurate. I'll express my anger differently to close friends vs. co-workers. Close friends, I'll start yelling blunt truths and show my anger, and if it's a door slam build up, then after that final fight, I'm done unless they do all the work to repair things. With co-workers, I'll go from jokey and casual to completely formal and cold. I'll subtly ruin their reputation if I feel they are trying to get me fired or the ill will was intentional instead of accidental. The build up to explosion I always figured was a huge flaw but I think it's because the extroverted feeling doesn't let us put up good boundaries and people don't get the polite hints until we are just done catering to their comfort and exploding is cathartic until we calm down and feel horribly guilty.
I think I look stupid if I blow up in anger. I think other people look stupid when they blow up in anger. Therefore, door slam or leaving the situation is the best I can do for my soul.
I was raised by a Narcissistic father and a highly passive aggressive bipolar mother. People who know me have see the table flipping explosion my temper is. My rage is deep seeded from 37 years of pure abuse and torment. My soft side is nearly dead as no matter what I try to maintain a healthy and positive life. The Universe and everyone nearest has thrown every single road block barricade and sabotaged everything I bust my ass to try to achieve. At this point in my life I wonder if all the turmoil I have been subjected to has cause me to not be safe for society. Some days I know it will just take the most minor of incidents to send me clear off the edge of no return. I wish there was a way to fix it, but it will literally take an insane amount of effort and will inevitably take me to me final resting place and by then NONE of it will matter. I have had to figure out how to turn off the empathy and turn it into apathy. Empathy got me absolutely nowhere except divorced, homeless, and financially destroyed. Apathy however has created for me fear and thus respect. People are now afraid I will just snap at any moment and thus they finally walk with some respect in my presence. They took my empathy and kindness for weakness and now they are being forced to understand that was a blessing they took for granted. Because now they have a hateful bitter inconsolable prick who is simply waiting to regift them the knives they placed in my back. The sweet revenge is just waiting now. They will need me for something that is life or death and I will smile as I hand them their ticket to the afterlife with absolutely zero remorse or regrets. If they are cold and starving and need a couch and meal. I will point to the cold and tell them it's somewhere in the woods. I will never help another individual again with out being compensated fully first.
Grandfather told his grandson one day " grandson, I feel that I have 2 wolves inside of me and they are fighting. One is full of love, compassion, wonder, imagination, joy, contentment, thankfulness and hope while the other is full of hate, rage, despair, guilt, regret, jealousy, bitterness and hopelessness" The grandson asked "Which one will win Grandfather?" The grandfather replied "Which ever one I feed". eyespyyouspy- I hope that you can feed the good wolf inside you and choose to go down a different path. It starts on the inside but (as much as I resisted forever) also might require some outside help. There is always always something to be grateful for. You can overcome messed up parents and marriage. I wish you the best in slaying those inner demons.
@@riverlove6820 Thank you. My Dark wolf has been well fed internally and externally my entire life. My inner child risks it all every time running that chamber to pick up the scraps left for a very tired malnourished white wolf. The 2 sides of my temperament are constantly at war even as I rest. That anger wolf over the years has gotten a lot of back up. Vicious Huena of PTSD and head trauma. I do my best to remember I'm not the enraged villian I see in the mirror. I have to stare long and hard to see that kind hearted kids reflection in my eye. He is faded a and blurry, but I try to bring him into focus as best as I can. That kid is the only one feeding the good wolf.
As an INFJ, I sensed mental illness in my wife when she left. I did all the research, kept all text messages, wrote a 159 page documentary to expose all her lies to her family, friends, and the court whom didn’t know she was lying and embarrassed her immensely! When I saw her last she looked like she was having a mental breakdown. I studied her undiagnosed sickness and killed the narcissist/BPD with everything I had. Next I publish the book and make money. Yea that’s what and INFJ does. We’re dangerous! 😅
I’m in the process of collapsing my narcissist I spent three years researching it, Yesterday she started screaming at her family when we went for dinner… I was smiling a little bit, it’s starting to work. I hate fake people. The main weaknesses of fake people are money their jobs or careers and their children… The thing is, you have to lose all empathy for the narcissist and then go in for the kill…
I also made a 25-page document plus kept my journals, texts, etc of some narcissists I had the unfortunate experience of interacting with… and that was for only a few months of interaction! I also just posted some rebuttals videos to a smear campaign they started against me. I could probably talk about their dealings with me for hours… and SO I SHALL, because the abuse is not acceptable and in no uncertain terms am I going to allow anyone else to get hurt by these demented individuals!
It depends on the level and length of the transgression that has brought my ire to the forefront. Most times I become a sardonic questioner asking rhetorical questions in such a way those around me know I am displeased. I repress and bottle up frustration and when I am alone things get broken and thrown; because pain needs to be felt. When I have had enough, I will let you know calmly that I have come to a conclusion and shut the door, and then forget them. There is no coming back. It sounds cold saying it out loud, but it takes a lot to get there so the actions in my mind are justified.
Ive experienced all of the above types of anger/rages. They were much worse in my younger ages when it came to being verbally brutal, and had no control over my rage or what words flew out of my mouth. It turned more to the door slam and "Nothing" people through my young adult years. At 57 i can now trully articulate the level of emotional anguish one has caused me and inflict retaliatory pain with a smile on my face. I love leaving jaws on the floor especially when the truth can't be denied . Being brutally honest is an art!
Wow. I came out as an INTJ when I took the Myers Briggs test, but after tuning into the INTJ videos on this channel, I started to have doubts about that. I am not as driven as INTJ women, I can easily spend hours watching soppy movies or funny animal videos. I suspect that I am an INFJ and shut down my feelings because I couldn't handle the intensity of my emotions. There was emotional abuse in my childhood and I was married to an alcoholic for ten years. Had a nervous breakdown for four months when I told him to go to AA or leave, and he decided to leave. I didn't want to live anymore, but God got me through that. It sure took a long time to get over him and to forgive the childhood abuse. I think I developed an ability to think logically to save my sanity and stopped letting my emotions get in the way of common sense in order to avoid disastrous relationships. The impassive INTJ face is probably the result of my mother not allowing me to be excited or show sadness or anger, as my father could be enthusiastic about stuff, but also very abusive, and she didn't want his kids to remind her of him.
I'm a 50 year old female infj. Unfortunately I see that I have done all of the 7 responses. Not proud of myself. Also disillusioned with humanity. I wish I wasn't infj.
As an INFJ, I can say I've never slammed a door. I also never raise my voice in an argument. Instead, you'll know I've reached my boiling point when I raise my voice to say one word that gets your attention, then drop my voice back down to a neutral tone to ensure you're focused on what I have to say.
People after 33 years I have had enough of my mother in laws unconsederant behavior. She will pull op to the gate 7h00 on a weekend and blow the horn continuously without me knowing she's visiting. Then she hints for tea on her way to the sofa... reorganize me hole day. She does not have respect for anyone's privacy and time. Countless incidents. Last week I lashed out when she invited people to my house without making arrangements.or asking. I lost it and told how I feel.
The door slam is an act of mercy …. Be grateful if that is all you get …. True infj rage is similar to what Daenerys did at kings landing …. Everything will burn .
even after shutting the door there are few who knocks the door and tries to break it, when they to knock & try to break it and come inside, that's when they should select there fav place to start digging their grave in there. My last option in whole world is to take out an anger on a person phycially, but because we don't wanna hurt anyone with words or phycially, we door slam.
Pile driving, door slams, throwing shit, knocking people out, calling out the idiots, exposing morons, and top it off with some truths. They will release the shadow hunter within. It's not wise to throw shade this way.
Infj here 66yr old f, when my sister whom I love, disrespected me because of my disability, the door slam was heard across the universe. It took 5 years for me to even acknowledge her existance again, but she just offered excuses for her bad behaviour. The door has as yet not unslammed. She will not tàke responsibility for her actions which is never a good sign😢
I am an INFJ and when I was younger I was definitley a door slammer- literally. I don’t slam actual doors now but I am defitinetly a figurative door slammer. The comment about INFJs feeling nothing for a person they might have been close to is something I can relate to. I absolutely lose interest with someone who is mean or goes against my values. I have people in my life that don’t like me just because they think I am too quiet. I have had people try to tell me I am shy. I am not shy I just don’t want to have conversations with people that don’t have any meaning or with people I don’t have any feelings for. When I think about people I think of them in regards to the feelings I have for them, not in words and sometimes not even in pictures. If I have zero feelings for them then its hard to think about them, even in social situations when people are talking and having fun. With people who I have a lot of feelings for I don’t stop talking. Its the same with mean people. I don’t feel mad I just don’t feel anything about them.
Ok as an INFJ i have to tell all non INFJs that are wondering what they did wrong: this is extremely accurate. Not only is it accurate, I did all of this today. I got to the point of having my last straw. Go fix your mess
Nothing gets me angrier than when people are arguing/fighting in my presence, I can hear everything they say, way they say it, and I absorb their emotions. Even worse if its reocurring thing and I tried to calm down both sides. My worst reaction is making a physical mess, slammed doors (hehe), punched doors, broken tables, broken keyboards, broken glass... so "Hulk" mode. Afterwards I feel very bad, trying to fight it but it can happen very fast and is hard to supress.
I have used all of these at different times, different people,and different situations. My ex got door slammed 4 years after our divorce for gas lighting. For me, it was the last straw.
I’ve learned with age the right way to handle,control & channel my anger so I don’t say or do something I might either regret or don’t really mean I’m just angry….I noticed over the years that when I expressed even a little anger/rage it would be noticeably unsettling to some people & some would be outright scared & that’s never my intention (especially in the last 10 years or so) I just shut down a lot of times though so….🤷🏼♂️
Personally, yes, as an infj, i agree, but I'd say it's the ignorance while someone's trying to upset you or something, and then when you ask what they were saying, you upset them, but then you explain and respond to what they were saying..
if you really are are an infj then I have a question.How will you feel if someone told you they thought you were smart but you are actually not,(after spending time with you,in an argument
@@noverahasan3599 i don't usually get into arguments but if you have to know; think→ accept the fact they only shared their opinion→ wish them to get well soon and leave (kinda kidding but yk) it actually happened once, but at the end we found out I was correct and guess who was the one not laughing at them & standing up for them when the class started laughing. Kindness and confidence, darling, kindness and confidence.
Dang it freaks me out how angry and upset I can get and of course only those closest to me get to see it. I'm working on but. It dosen't help that atrologically I'm practicly all fire. And a dragon for Chinese astrology. I still can't figure out if I'm an INFj or iNFP. I just try to avoid those situations that get me heated because it's exhausting and I can freak myself out. Ok that's enough self incrimination for one day. I do love peace and harmony. And hate when somebody rocks my boat. But that's pretty normal atleast. But yeah, my blood can boil on occasion.But seriously, not to make excuses or shift fault but I will anyways. Because the cards are stacked against me regarding this issue and I blame those cards for it.
I don't know if I have anything new to offer, the comments are very insightful but pulling off the door slam when logistics seem impossible does bring out the passive aggressive side to me. At times, I mix up being passive aggressive with out right aggressive behaviors and I unapologetically can enjoy these rare experiences. The context involves that I share 50/50 child custody with my ex (whom is remarried) and the logistics are the ongoing navigation of our shared parental duties. My compulsion for harmonious parenting pushes my limits to places I couldn't have expected. An example of me being passive aggressive to aggressive yet trying to be true to my self happened when my ex's new husband expressed during my daughters (8 year old twin girls) gymnastic practice. We were sitting near each other in a crowed auditorium and he felt this was good time where I would be forced by social conventions to conform to social norms and basically tell him what ever he needed to hear. He smiles and quietly asks/tells me that he always thought I hated him. I quietly responded by telling him "you have really great insight, I do hate you and I would have never have chosen you as a person I would allow in my life. But I think we are making the best of it". I never knew if or when this opportunity would ever present itself but I recognized it for what it was and let him have it. The new husband seemingly was completely unable to comprehended on how to respond so he sat up right and continued to watch the girls gymnastic practice in silence. Later that night, I received a text message from my ex expressing I was a monster because the new husband was now at home having some emotional break down and my ex wanted to know what I had said to the husband. I text back it was nothing I wouldn't have said to my ex and the subject has never been brought up again. I guess the point I am trying to make, is when INFJ's lose their ability to engage the door slam, the rage and hurt continues. I cannot and will not direct my rage toward my ex at expense of my daughters but I guess I learned that the new husband is fair game. That was the new husbands first and only time reaching out to me and I don't expect it will ever happen again. Writing this comment has made me realized that I actually did employ the door slam strategy, just on an emotional/psychological level instead of a physical level. Or my newspaper boy is right and I am just a terrible person.
When I was a child copping a beating from my father I would door slam with all the power a furious, frightened, betrayed Infj could muster. Dire consequences for me.
Honestly a number of these ring true, I have gotten fairly distant when hurt/angry and removed myself from everyone until my emotions find a way to levelling out. I have over explained things once emotional in conflict situations, selective hearing sometimes something pierces you more than anything else, that thing hits but it isn't usually to do with an excuse for me its the harmful thing someone says that I'll hang on to and overthink. Definitely know how to disconnect and cut off contact, and modified behaviour yeah lol... quite a few hit the checklist.
I go cold and eventually door slam. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt when I get over the offense, as the person receiving my door slam rarely knows they’ve offended me. It’s a big defect in my character, and I’m trying to change.
Haha I laugh at the being overly nice and they then are coming for your throat. Yeah we are slow to forgive and we do have selective hearing when we are in rage mode.
I have used all of the, and it all depends on the person and their level of threat to me. some are too dim to understand a sarcastic wit, some cant stand to be alone when i want to be alone. some cant seem to grasp why I haven't talked to them in years. so yes all of these work and I have used all of the in varying degrees
Are you an INFJ? In what ways have you showed your anger, when it happens? Leave a comment and tell me your stories!
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As an INFJ, when I express rage, I will tear a person down to the very depths of their soul, right before I emotionally destroy them. My mom calls it the "forked tongue".
Just ice out, and move on😢
I rarely get angry, almost never. But when I do get angry, I try to escape from the situation as fast as possible, if I can't escape from the situation, I slam at the table or the door, hoping that people understand and let me calm down
The door slam is never "out of nowhere". If someone fails to see that they've gone too far it's because they've refused to listen to all the previous warnings.
@@Luca_365 I assure you, if anything I over communicate. Maybe that's it. Maybe I should just say something once, and then take appropriate action if my needs are still ignored.
I just tell them to leave and gently close the door and lock it. I hate loud noises and outward angry actions.
yeah to be more exact refused to understand INFJ's view. Door slam exist when things gets overload and people don't listen to me properly. It's like an expression of frustration because no matter what I said it doesn't get pass through. It's a build up of emotions, I just don't want to shout at others as it I might say hurtful words, so I'd rather slam the door to express my anger and to let them know I'm upset. I dislike loud noises, but when everyone else is in heat, and it pushed me to the limit, I won't mind creating the noise from my action. It also serves as a warning like "leave me alone", "shut up", "don't come near me", as I need some time to be alone to arrange my emotions.
Right atm I am door slaming 2 people at lest
@@Luca_365 person that loves you doesn't hurt you all the time. I had a friend/collegue, who told me all the time, how my dreams and expectations are unreal and I will never achieve them, cause I am lower class, just like she is. Let's start with the fact that we are not the same. I have better education, I've had better jobs and in the place we worked together I was always praised, by collegues and boss and she was laughed at for being not really bright... When she left that job, I had enough and I was able to close the door permanently. But she tried to congratulate me on nameday and stuff until I blocked her.
I hate when I'm pushed to the point that I blow up. I give people a million warnings and chances. I always say it's like a switch goes off and I see blood red and can't stop til the rage is out. People get scared and confused because I'm so sweet, kind, demure and easy going....til I'm not.
I was shocked when I blew up at my mother the first and only time in my life, and it shocked her, too. I suffered her needling for years and never said anything to her about it. Then one day, she went too far and I blew up like a volcano, telling her some home truths about how she was pissing other people off besides myself. Afterwards, I felt bad when I saw the tears in her eyes, but I couldn't take any of it back because it was true. And those other people told me they were really glad that I told her what they had been afraid to say.
It was several more years before I confronted her again about past abuse. I tried writing letters, but tore them up because the anger was like fire and, though I started off trying to be gentle, the letter would get nasty. I waited until I knew I didn't want revenge, that I had managed to make real headway in forgiving her and wasn't trying to hurt her with my words. But I didn't beat around the bush when I told her about what she did and how it made me feel. She threw my letters in the garbage, so I had to accept that she might not ever, in this life, want to have an honest and healthy relationship with me.
yep! And most of my life I thought it was because of my Aries (Mars Warrior) personality.
Yes, and the potential cut off rage is something I have already planned and in the back room ready to be applied if necessary
I use my words until my hands are needed, my best friend of 10 years says she doesn't believe, never seen me be mean doesn't think i'm capable. Of course i'm capable of being a monster ,we get used up and i'm protect myself
@@jillybe1873 when boxers enter the ring "protect yourself at all times" is how I do life, i'm not letting anyone who ain't worthy getting anything from me that I don't want to give freely
It is very easy for me to "forget" someone that has been careless with the depth and intensity of my emotions.
Takes me like 2 days of some hurt and then I am fully recouped
💯💯💯
I should re-word that statement to say "Usually"... But I'll always eventually get there.
Excessively polite and cold. That's me.
Me laughing and saying this is so me
I'm mad but I have a perfect smile on my face
one of the reason why we probably always resort to door slams, besides an instant escape and time out from boiling up from the pain, is because we're afraid to hurt other people and it's kind of the only option that just makes them stop without harming them, this is really why we always need our private personal space
Exactly. When I'm like that, I have to slam and throw things to keep from killing the other person. True story
I relate to that. When I was pushed too far when I was 19 and decided to leave right away, I started tossing my stuff into paper bags. A pastor who was staying in the home saw me and asked if he could help. (Not to pack, lol, but to let me tell him what was wrong.) I shook my head and kept packing because I was afraid that, if I opened my mouth, I would say things I would regret.
Also, I stay away from my mother because, in spite of everything, I want her to have a happy life. Now that I have learned to stand up to her and not take her bs, it upsets her. She has people in her life who can handle her and like to be with her, so it's not like she has no help. Also, if I want to know how she is getting along, I have a friend who knows her, but she doesn't know that I know this lady. I can phone my friend to make sure that my Mom is okay.
When I was married and very upset with my husband's drinking, I said a lot of hurtful things to him. I never want to do that to anyone again, so if someone I love is being toxic and trying to control me, I firmly say no when they cross the line and let them cut me out of their life. They think they are punishing me, but it's a relief to not have to deal with their bs.
I love people, but I most of them I can take in only small doses and I think that they can handle me in only small doses. Right from the time I was a toddler, though I enjoyed playing with my brother and sister, I had the most fun when I played by myself, making mud pies.
When someone crosses your boundary line, Scripture says to warn them of their transgression. If they ignore the first warning, warn them a second time. After that, they still disrespect you, your space,, your person, etc., shun them -- i.e., "Turn the other cheek."
In other words, do an about-face and a forward march as Scripture teaches us that a good soldier should.
Remember, "GOD has called us to peace"! PTL!
@@lindamaddox815 In some situations, ones you can't walk away from, literally turning the other cheek is the only thing you can do. In his book Heavenly Man, a Chinese pastor tells of some new believers who were arrested and beaten at a police station. Yun had read the Bible to them about turning the other cheek. So, the whole lot of them kept saying to the police, "Here, hit me on the other side." They laughed the whole time. The police beat them until they wore themselves out and then they released, telling them, "You're crazy. Get out of here."
@@faithworks217
My Dear Earlana: You see, no matter how you look at it, "turning the other cheek" does work.
PTL!
"They don't hate you, they nothing you!"
YES!!!!!!!!
I have a mental funeral since that individual is essentially dead to me. It's like you never existed and all of our interactions/memories are gone with the wind. I love that about myself because I never dwell or miss anyone from my past.
When I get angry I usually just shut down and remove myself from the situation. I've done awful things in the past when I didn't control my anger, so now I just "go dark". If I'm pushed further and can't remove myself, tears flow. Whenever it's gotten to the point of tears, it takes me a long time to let the other person back in, and I've never been able to repair the broken trust. If it's people I have to work with, I will be polite, cordial and cooperative, but there won't be any more joking or personal interest shared with them.
OMG, I never thought i’d hear someone else say “I go dark.” Exactly right! I try so hard not to hurt or offend anyone, but no one returns the concern. And they are always contriving reasons to be hurt or offended by me. Cold and withdrawn is also exactly right. I call ir “ writing you out of the script.”
I’m exactly the same way. You’ve worded it perfectly!
@@doloresparsons1552 I feel the same way. At my job, my boss has reprimanded me several times for speaking out, saying that I hurt people. But the people I am told I've hurt seem to have free reign to walk all over me, treat me like crap and it doesn't matter.
Knowing what I am capable of doing to someone who over step their boundaries scares me to death even myself. Normally, I am very patient, tolerant, giving many chances but when that time is done with all the nonsense, then there will be nothing left to do and no one will rescue you from my wrath. You will feel every bit of it and heaven and earth will not shield you neither hell can accommodate you.
I love This!!!
Right?! Total scorched earth! I totally relate.
Haha I ended up doing that twice last week and my sister comes over when I'm in the middle of chewing someone out for doing x annoying thing 20 times in the same day and she is like whoa! I'm like please I've yelled at you the same way plenty over the years.
It's like you want to be polite to the telemarketer if you accidentally answer the call and they keep at it until you hang up (slam the phone aka door)
Yes that is us, the INFJ. The door slam is a slow process.
The door slam comes after putting up with too much too often. The door slam is sudden, but the disrespect that precedes it is a long time coming.
With me, I will analyze something to death to make sure it’s not me that needs to fix myself. But if I am pushed too far, I’m not heard, and I know it’s not me…then I let out a controlled burn. I will say everything I normally would not. No swearing or attacking…just straight out observation and I won’t back down until I leave them stunned, speechless and humbled. I never let them walk away until I’m understood. I won’t ever apologize because I’ve thought it out for 100 years and convinced my anger is justified.
I do get very "formal", but not as a way to get revenge. I don't seek revenge, but have no problem giving people a dose of their own medicine when they clearly need it. People can be held accountable in different ways if they're unwilling to voluntarily take accountability.
That is revenge
@@justinproctor4453
Revenge is doing something to hurt another person. I don't think that's the same thing as showing someone how their behavior feels on the receiving end.
@@sophiashekinah9872 unfortunately that leaves almost no room to differentiate the two things you described. and really even if you showed them how that feels, that would simply trigger a defense mechanism in them which would make it a very fleeting lesson. Just allowing them to be a jerk if even sometimes for a great amount of time can allow them to eventual truly see the error of their ways.
@@justinproctor4453 I know. It has never worked because I can't be mean. Even something as little as ignoring a message from someone. I always cave.
@@justinproctor4453 my thoughts exactly😂
I close doors. Done. No need to explain to anyone. Just done. I relate to that. Block button is a great thing.
It sucks when you have to see them everyday though, i door slammed my coworker but since I have to see her everyday I only talk to her when she approaches me first and when I do it’ll only be sardonic humor or just silence and head nodding.
I definitely drop into the cynical spiral. Cold and formal is usually reserved for people who step on my toes. If somebody attacks me though I'll shut down completely, then hijack the bus they tried to push me under and proceed to drive it full speed right over them instead.
I don't handle betrayal well. I don't trust many people, I can count the people I consider friends on one hand. So when somebody I chose to trust breaks that trust it hurts a lot and makes me question my own judgement, which hurts even more. Queue cynical rage spiral.
Everyone hard until infj gets mad
I couldn’t believe a TH-cam video captured every single way I react when angry or upset. I’ve told people if I’m complaining or snap/yell at you everything is ok. When I become quiet then you should be afraid, be very afraid. But every single one of these. On point.
I have also said this many times: if I suddenly go cold, it's time to back away slowly, then run. Some of the points aren't me personally, but I can see where other INFJs may head that direction.
I go cold/formal towards people who cross my boundaries. I give numerous chances and warnings and when they become a threat to my sanity and mental well-being or when I can no longer respect them due to something I've witnessed/experienced, that person is *nothing* to me. Sure, we might still see each other at work or in the store, but you're nothing but white noise in a sea of people.
When I'm pissed, I tend to withdraw from others because I don't want to lose my temper around others. I don't want to cut them to ribbons with my words or shove the cold harsh facts down their throats. If someone pisses me off, losing my cool around them feels like I'm giving them control of me personally and I hate that.
I've lost my girlfriend of ten years , my father this year and found that my best friend of thirty years was never my friend. Door is slammed and I'm pissed.
There are times I go dark. The targeted people went into shock and fears. It is amusing to watch from a distant
I would definitely add Passive Aggression to this list. Especially in a workplace setting, if a boss or co-worker does something to inspire my contempt, I am always looking for clever, inventive and subtle ways of screwing them over or making their lives more difficult. This becomes exponential if the person who has inspired your rage was someone that you loved romantically. Hell hath no fury like an INFJ woman scorned!
Oof I end up telling them in very specific ways why they suck and my pure contempt for them *but only if I'm planning to quit and have no desire to repair the relationship*
respectfully, i don't think being passive aggressive is part of the INFJ personality.
We are too attuned to other people's feelings. We know how bad it feels to be 'played' or to be manipulated. We are direct, to a fault and consider this a gift of ourselves, our true feelings, our honesty & our personal truth. It's why we wouldn't resort PassAg. Meaning we don't play head games like that. It would mess w/ our reality of the truth we value.
It takes much to push us into shutting down, withdrawing into a cold freeze.
It will take a lot of soul searching & replaying the discord to come to a balance of harmony in understanding why/how the OP acted that way, while admitting to ourselves that we DO have high personal standards and just need to understand not everyone is on the same plane.
Only then can we move back into their orbit, after a period of freeze-out; to cold formality, to possibly talking things out to forgiveness.
As an INFJ, I hate passive-aggressiveness in others. I can spot it in an instant when they use it on others & find it a disingenuous cop-out.
They WILL know I am PO'ed , no passive aggressive mind games required.
@@synchronicity1470 I agree! I thought a lot of stuff in this video was wrong. I can't stand passive aggressive behavior, because to me, it's cowardly.
@@lindsayyork5570 Exactly.
This is so me currently. There’s a casual worker who disrespected on of my colleagues and then a week later gave me attitude and my attitude towards this person now is passive aggressive. I cannot stand being around this person, the energy is so toxic. She’s gonna be gone soon and I just can’t wait.....
The wanting to be alone is a way of being able to sort our emotions out and try to resolve the issues
This is incredibly accurate.
I will say the door slam has gotten me through some pretty tense situations , I have gotten better at literally cutting people completely off , I’ve even had to do it to family.
I relate to all of these powerfully. I do think #5 (selective hearing) is what most everyone else does ALL the time. But yeah, we INFJs do it as well, when we're angry. But usually by the time we're angry, we are simply done listening to the b.s. All the others are spot on. I'd also like to say that I've felt alone and misunderstood my entire life. I'm now 58 years old, and I find my tribe in these INFJ threads. The videos help me immensely, and the comments make me cry. It is good to feel at home and understood. Much love to y'all. It's not an easy path, this one. But to be hardcore honest, I still very much like who i am and what i stand for, and i think the world would be a better place if there were more INFJs in it. Peace&Love. Take care.
Becoming cold and withdrawn doesn’t automatically or necessarily always mean rage. Sometimes, for me anyway, I’ve just been hit with such a myriad of strong emotions all at once and I’m just extreeemely overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do about it all. This actually just happened, recently. If the wrong person would’ve poked and pestered me during my time of extreme upset, then yea, out of confusion and self defence, I may have let out some rage at them and then I would’ve felt super guilty afterward. Luckily that didn’t happen, I got the time I needed to sort out my feelings, and everything got resolved the next day, calmly and respectfully.
Infj here. First of all there is nothing to handle if you don't put yourself in a situation that will make you angry in the first place. 😜
7) yes we get silent in order to prevent us saying something we will regret tomorrow. We can't control the thoughts but we can control spewing it to others. Its damage control.
6 & 5) nope. Not for me anyways.
4) yep the firewall goes up. Self-preservation mode activated.
3) never doorslammed myself but yeah negative feelings like sadness and anger are toxic. Why keep suffering if you can cut the toxicity from your life permanently .... problem solved.
2) yep I am sarcastic as hell. I can twist a cr@ppy situation into a funny situation with a little dark humor. Whatever gets ya through the day. And it doesn't just extend to jokes. Usually when dealing with a narc thats exploiting and lying to me.....its kinda funny cause they think they are fooling me.....while in reality I am fooling them into thinking they fooled me. "Lets see where this is going". 😈 I like to look at the hole they dug for me...flip the board and watch them fall into the hole they intended me to fall into. Funny! "What? Why are you in a hole? Was there a hole.. who dug it? Ahh you poor thing, let me help ya up. Why so cranky? ".😈
1) nope.
I'll tell ya the worst rage an infj can get. I only experienced the infj rage at its worst once in my entire life and it scared the hell out of me. To know what we are capable of is extremely dark and out of character. When dealing with a narc and unable to make him leave or leave myself....I was forced to fight back. I will not scream or something....no emotions are the tools of the trade for the infj...we can weaponize that.
I don't like fighting but if I am forced to I will be efficient about it....take 1 sh*t but it will be the k!llsh*t for maximum emotional damage to finish the fight as quickly as possible while giving him as little opportunity to sh**t at me and prolong this.
What did I do? A narc can see ones weakness/wound and exploit it triggering the wound to destroy you over time. An infj has the ability to see the wound/weakness as well and likes to heal a person over time. Yeeeeeah if we have to we can also see the wound...put our finger in it and give it a little twist to emotionally scar a person in seconds. I made the narc turn white and he ran from me. Turns out in this little pacifistic body hides an apex predator capable of scaring the hell out of the other predators. Its a good thing the infj has empathy, morals and ohhh so much self-control....cause if we didn't we would be the worst thing out there. The narc will slowly poison your mind against you over time cause he is too much of a coward to do it out in the open nor can he do it fast...he isn't doing it...you are doing it to yourself on his instructions. An infj can give them the narc injury of all narc injuries in seconds cause we can see behind their mask...and we aren't afraid to do it to your face either while letting you know we "can see your weakness....are you sure ya wanna go down this path". Just outing the pure blunt truth of their wound and the reason why they do the little games they do cause deed down they are pathetic...to air that dirty laundry publicly. They don't expect anyone can see that....they don't want anyone to see that. Yeah I can see it...I can expose it...and if you don't leave now I can make it REALLY hurt. 1 softy spoken sentence is enough to send you to a shrink for decades to come. 🤨😇
Another INFJ that writes comments like I do, long. I'm always writting excessively long comments. I'm not saying that's what you did or anything. But maybe you're into writing alot like I am. That's common for INFJs. Do others ever give you a hard time or act annoyed by how long your comment might be sometimes. People have expressed their annoyance to me about how long my comments are quite often and it's frustrating when they do because it's like dude. You didn't have to read what I wrote. And you didn't have to write it neither so quit your complaining. I'm going to say (write) what I need to until I've said my peace on something . Regardless of what others think, seeing how I am usually careful about other peoples sensitivities . Anyway, They're just jealous that they can't write like an iNFJ can.
I agree with all of these but what I do most is cut people out of my life unexpectedly, I have a twin and from my perspective she was hurting me a lot and ruined my younger years in school. It went on for a long time but I always ran back to her and loved her until one day I had enough, I decided I'd give her the cold shoulder until she became a better person, I ignored her, didnt cry to her for help on my promblems, did less activities with her and improved myself it went on for around a month and maybe more until I could show her the same amount of love as before. (But I still keep my distance) this is just one of many stories too lol
Wow that’s sad I thought having a twin was supposed to be cool but hey that’s siblings for you🤷🏻♀️
I really relate to you, me and my cousin were very close but he was so toxic and had his issues but still I always tried to understand him until one day I had enough of everything so I cut him up for much longer than a month. Now we still talk and we are close, but I'll never be the same.
What personality type is your twin?
I am definitely a door slammer. Loyalty is very important to me. So if i have allowed someone into my life enough and they betray me in any way. I cut them off.
I am terrified of myself once i get angry , I do cut ppl out and the relationship will never be the same , trust takes years to earn and 1 thing to kill it , I don't even slam the door now i hold it open for them , I am happiest by myself with my pup , trauma over the years , has me not wanting to mix , I really don't like being angry , I will hurt the person who made me angry so i leave , never to return.
This is so spot on. My relationship is damaged beyond all repair with most people in my life. I have seen how they are prepared to treat me in times of my greatest need. I can walk away and not give them a second thought.
Dont let the rage destroy you. For my entire life I was both politely charming & explosive SOCIALLY, feeling LIKE A FREAK & no one would tell me why! This video BLOWS MY MIND. I spent years obsessively rethinking conversations trying to RECOVER, never realizing that I was an INFJ until I did the test. I felt so misunderstood, so lonely & cynical about humanity. But now I realize my brain is just different than others, that I SEE THE BIG PICTURE & wish we humans COULD FIGURE out how to live in peace, so our we have a future where our CHILDREN survive. My heart is unspeakably broken, I put my hand in the snow & offer my outrage to the earth & let it go. SING that cheesy song & withdraw & put personal boundaries in place before blowing up your life. The world will paint you as a fool for being furious at all the injustice, but if you whisper they lean in to hear your words! LOVE & LIGHT UP THE WORLD INFJ'S!
I completely agree with all these explanations
laughing hysterically all by myself, OUT LOUD at the
"they are coming for you" "and will metaphorically cut your throat!" Usually with a period of deep freeze before unleashing the keen sarcasm.
It takes a hell of a lot for me to cut someone off. And there's rarely a turning back.
I value my word & want that in others, too.
I just figured my standards were far too high for me to comfortably exist in this phony, superficial world.
Though I can relate to a few of these, cynicism and "door slams" I think are ones I experience the most. And to become very "shut downy", as I call it. Although, to note, door slams never come out of nowhere. There's always a build-up leading to it. My biggest tendency is to 'shut down', meaning... I can't/don't know how to express what I'm thinking/feeling, and I start overthinking EVERYthing. And shut down completely.
Me too.
We isolate when we are angry not because we are waiting for someone to make us feel better. I would not want to inconvenience someone with emotions that I cant even describe right. I do it so that I don't say something mean, because making someone else hurt is worse than being angry.
I am an INFJ-T , I checked all the boxes
I'm the friendliest and most helpful man you'll ever meet. Also: I'm the coldest man you'll ever meet.
I can totally relate to all of the above mentioned topics.
The downside of being a strong personality is that we are perceived as over acertive and offensive.
Definitely high level sarcasm at intellect ppl n door slam at friends or close circle... Both both can be used in swaps...🤣
I'm much more sarcastic when I'm angry at someone and arguing with them, but these kinds of arguments have only taken place between my sister and me, when someone I don't really know yet angers me, I distance myself from them as much as possible and when someone I'm already friends with angers me I tend to tell them my opinion in a polite way and let things slide, if they weren't too hurtful, I don't really ever forget these things though,
but if a friend really broke my trust it usually ends with us texting one last time before I "nothing" them, I don't know if all INFJs do that, because my family doesn't understand it, but I have no need to look ex-friends up on social media or keep any memories like pictures for example, when I'm done with someone I used to trust, I really just want to forget their entire existence, it helps me to heal and move on.
Same. I don't care about the past and I don't care what people I was never close to are doing. I have a handful of lifelong friends I reach out to directly. I only use social media for ideas and research but don't follow "personalities" unless they talk a lot about a specific subject I'm interested in.
I typically get quiet and withdraw
I attempt to detach and find a logical solution to my emotional state and another's behavior, then pull my emotionally volatile self to the place where the logical conclusion landed. Usually this works but it takes a lot of contemplation, empathy, and effort; but it's better than unleashing an uncontemplated outburst on anyone
A while back I snapped at my boyfriend about constantly talking over me or interrupting me. I normally never scream even when mad but I did that night. Then I quite literally slammed the bedroom door behind me. He came into the room upset like I’d never seen him before, saying to never slam the door on him again. We talked through it and have been fine since. He may hate me saying this but I think him seeing my reaction that night was a wake up call to how deeply certain things bother me and also just how mad I can get. And I think that’s why the issue got resolved so quickly.
Introverted Intuition is a beautiful and amazing cognitive function and is a critical driving force for the whole world, not just for us INFJs. I believe everyone should learn how to strengthen and use their own brilliant Intuition!
We infj are quiet storms no one expects
Apt description.
Number 8. Break things cause I don't want to physically hurt the person/people I'm mad at.
That is SOOOOOOO TRUEEEEE about the sarcasm . I literally handle every thing that bothers me through sarcasm and sometimes it can be so extreme people think I’m serious . Which in a way I am but I guess I’m nonchalant
Yeah I get polite as an attempt to not blackout on someone because my temper scares me. I say all the time, "I don't hate or love you. I nothing you." LITERALLY.
Indeed. This is so utterly TRUE to the CORE. and Yes, we "nothing" you....
LoL... I love sarcastic speech... I have become pro at it... And will use it in combination with being very polite and cold!! Just don't have time for people's BS... 🤷🏾🤷🏾 Being blunt and honest I do as well, depending on the situation the door slam will happen... It is what it is... 🤷🏾🤷🏾🙃
100% Accurate. I'll express my anger differently to close friends vs. co-workers. Close friends, I'll start yelling blunt truths and show my anger, and if it's a door slam build up, then after that final fight, I'm done unless they do all the work to repair things. With co-workers, I'll go from jokey and casual to completely formal and cold. I'll subtly ruin their reputation if I feel they are trying to get me fired or the ill will was intentional instead of accidental.
The build up to explosion I always figured was a huge flaw but I think it's because the extroverted feeling doesn't let us put up good boundaries and people don't get the polite hints until we are just done catering to their comfort and exploding is cathartic until we calm down and feel horribly guilty.
Holy smokes, was this accurate for me. Genuinely gave me chills with the validity of it.
I was actually laughing half way through, this is totally accurate, amazing.
I think I look stupid if I blow up in anger. I think other people look stupid when they blow up in anger. Therefore, door slam or leaving the situation is the best I can do for my soul.
I’ve got a long fuse… but when it gets to the end POW!
I was raised by a Narcissistic father and a highly passive aggressive bipolar mother. People who know me have see the table flipping explosion my temper is. My rage is deep seeded from 37 years of pure abuse and torment. My soft side is nearly dead as no matter what I try to maintain a healthy and positive life. The Universe and everyone nearest has thrown every single road block barricade and sabotaged everything I bust my ass to try to achieve. At this point in my life I wonder if all the turmoil I have been subjected to has cause me to not be safe for society. Some days I know it will just take the most minor of incidents to send me clear off the edge of no return. I wish there was a way to fix it, but it will literally take an insane amount of effort and will inevitably take me to me final resting place and by then NONE of it will matter. I have had to figure out how to turn off the empathy and turn it into apathy. Empathy got me absolutely nowhere except divorced, homeless, and financially destroyed. Apathy however has created for me fear and thus respect. People are now afraid I will just snap at any moment and thus they finally walk with some respect in my presence. They took my empathy and kindness for weakness and now they are being forced to understand that was a blessing they took for granted. Because now they have a hateful bitter inconsolable prick who is simply waiting to regift them the knives they placed in my back. The sweet revenge is just waiting now. They will need me for something that is life or death and I will smile as I hand them their ticket to the afterlife with absolutely zero remorse or regrets. If they are cold and starving and need a couch and meal. I will point to the cold and tell them it's somewhere in the woods. I will never help another individual again with out being compensated fully first.
Grandfather told his grandson one day " grandson, I feel that I have 2 wolves inside of me and they are fighting. One is full of love, compassion, wonder, imagination, joy, contentment, thankfulness and hope while the other is full of hate, rage, despair, guilt, regret, jealousy, bitterness and hopelessness" The grandson asked "Which one will win Grandfather?" The grandfather replied "Which ever one I feed". eyespyyouspy- I hope that you can feed the good wolf inside you and choose to go down a different path. It starts on the inside but (as much as I resisted forever) also might require some outside help. There is always always something to be grateful for. You can overcome messed up parents and marriage. I wish you the best in slaying those inner demons.
@@riverlove6820 Thank you. My Dark wolf has been well fed internally and externally my entire life. My inner child risks it all every time running that chamber to pick up the scraps left for a very tired malnourished white wolf. The 2 sides of my temperament are constantly at war even as I rest. That anger wolf over the years has gotten a lot of back up. Vicious Huena of PTSD and head trauma. I do my best to remember I'm not the enraged villian I see in the mirror. I have to stare long and hard to see that kind hearted kids reflection in my eye. He is faded a and blurry, but I try to bring him into focus as best as I can. That kid is the only one feeding the good wolf.
We are never blinded by rage, but we will eliminate the PROBLEM professionally.
As an INFJ, I sensed mental illness in my wife when she left. I did all the research, kept all text messages, wrote a 159 page documentary to expose all her lies to her family, friends, and the court whom didn’t know she was lying and embarrassed her immensely! When I saw her last she looked like she was having a mental breakdown. I studied her undiagnosed sickness and killed the narcissist/BPD with everything I had. Next I publish the book and make money. Yea that’s what and INFJ does. We’re dangerous! 😅
I’m in the process of collapsing my narcissist I spent three years researching it, Yesterday she started screaming at her family when we went for dinner… I was smiling a little bit, it’s starting to work. I hate fake people. The main weaknesses of fake people are money their jobs or careers and their children… The thing is, you have to lose all empathy for the narcissist and then go in for the kill…
@@Desmondbrown73 yes, you attack and feel nothing for them. That’s how I did it. Put all empathy aside!
Most definitely
Hmm, you're giving me an idea. My ex has BPD.
I also made a 25-page document plus kept my journals, texts, etc of some narcissists I had the unfortunate experience of interacting with… and that was for only a few months of interaction! I also just posted some rebuttals videos to a smear campaign they started against me. I could probably talk about their dealings with me for hours… and SO I SHALL, because the abuse is not acceptable and in no uncertain terms am I going to allow anyone else to get hurt by these demented individuals!
It depends on the level and length of the transgression that has brought my ire to the forefront. Most times I become a sardonic questioner asking rhetorical questions in such a way those around me know I am displeased. I repress and bottle up frustration and when I am alone things get broken and thrown; because pain needs to be felt. When I have had enough, I will let you know calmly that I have come to a conclusion and shut the door, and then forget them. There is no coming back. It sounds cold saying it out loud, but it takes a lot to get there so the actions in my mind are justified.
They want to be alone until it blows over 😂😂 the conversation still has to be had, it will never blow over. Very irrational
Ive experienced all of the above types of anger/rages. They were much worse in my younger ages when it came to being verbally brutal, and had no control over my rage or what words flew out of my mouth. It turned more to the door slam and "Nothing" people through my young adult years. At 57 i can now trully articulate the level of emotional anguish one has caused me and inflict retaliatory pain with a smile on my face. I love leaving jaws on the floor especially when the truth can't be denied . Being brutally honest is an art!
I have done all the above!!!
Wow. I came out as an INTJ when I took the Myers Briggs test, but after tuning into the INTJ videos on this channel, I started to have doubts about that. I am not as driven as INTJ women, I can easily spend hours watching soppy movies or funny animal videos. I suspect that I am an INFJ and shut down my feelings because I couldn't handle the intensity of my emotions. There was emotional abuse in my childhood and I was married to an alcoholic for ten years. Had a nervous breakdown for four months when I told him to go to AA or leave, and he decided to leave. I didn't want to live anymore, but God got me through that. It sure took a long time to get over him and to forgive the childhood abuse. I think I developed an ability to think logically to save my sanity and stopped letting my emotions get in the way of common sense in order to avoid disastrous relationships. The impassive INTJ face is probably the result of my mother not allowing me to be excited or show sadness or anger, as my father could be enthusiastic about stuff, but also very abusive, and she didn't want his kids to remind her of him.
It’s about listening to what we say and what we didn’t say.
I've exhibited all of these. Very rarely will I reach critical mass and go supernova. I feel terrible when I do that.
I'm a 50 year old female infj. Unfortunately I see that I have done all of the 7 responses. Not proud of myself. Also disillusioned with humanity. I wish I wasn't infj.
The above list is like the range of my rage. Most basic level to the most intense, accurate and perfect level.
As an INFJ, I can say I've never slammed a door. I also never raise my voice in an argument. Instead, you'll know I've reached my boiling point when I raise my voice to say one word that gets your attention, then drop my voice back down to a neutral tone to ensure you're focused on what I have to say.
I have done all the things mentioned on several occasions.
Honestly I am so full of rage right now I have done every single one of these.
People after 33 years I have had enough of my mother in laws unconsederant behavior. She will pull op to the gate 7h00 on a weekend and blow the horn continuously without me knowing she's visiting. Then she hints for tea on her way to the sofa... reorganize me hole day. She does not have respect for anyone's privacy and time. Countless incidents. Last week I lashed out when she invited people to my house without making arrangements.or asking. I lost it and told how I feel.
After some unhealthy outbursts, I have learned to stare at the person and do a half smirk. It scares them and I don’t have to deal with them again. 😂
The door slam is an act of mercy …. Be grateful if that is all you get …. True infj rage is similar to what Daenerys did at kings landing …. Everything will burn .
even after shutting the door there are few who knocks the door and tries to break it, when they to knock & try to break it and come inside, that's when they should select there fav place to start digging their grave in there.
My last option in whole world is to take out an anger on a person phycially, but because we don't wanna hurt anyone with words or phycially, we door slam.
Pile driving, door slams, throwing shit, knocking people out, calling out the idiots, exposing morons, and top it off with some truths. They will release the shadow hunter within. It's not wise to throw shade this way.
Infj here 66yr old f, when my sister whom I love, disrespected me because of my disability, the door slam was heard across the universe. It took 5 years for me to even acknowledge her existance again, but she just offered excuses for her bad behaviour. The door has as yet not unslammed. She will not tàke responsibility for her actions which is never a good sign😢
This is so spot on. Yikes 😬 I'm so stereotypical INFJ
I am an INFJ and when I was younger I was definitley a door slammer- literally. I don’t slam actual doors now but I am defitinetly a figurative door slammer. The comment about INFJs feeling nothing for a person they might have been close to is something I can relate to. I absolutely lose interest with someone who is mean or goes against my values. I have people in my life that don’t like me just because they think I am too quiet. I have had people try to tell me I am shy. I am not shy I just don’t want to have conversations with people that don’t have any meaning or with people I don’t have any feelings for. When I think about people I think of them in regards to the feelings I have for them, not in words and sometimes not even in pictures. If I have zero feelings for them then its hard to think about them, even in social situations when people are talking and having fun. With people who I have a lot of feelings for I don’t stop talking. Its the same with mean people. I don’t feel mad I just don’t feel anything about them.
Just any of them. No more doors left to shut. Lonely? Not at all. I have turned upside down someway.
Ok as an INFJ i have to tell all non INFJs that are wondering what they did wrong: this is extremely accurate. Not only is it accurate, I did all of this today. I got to the point of having my last straw.
Go fix your mess
Nothing gets me angrier than when people are arguing/fighting in my presence, I can hear everything they say, way they say it, and I absorb their emotions. Even worse if its reocurring thing and I tried to calm down both sides. My worst reaction is making a physical mess, slammed doors (hehe), punched doors, broken tables, broken keyboards, broken glass... so "Hulk" mode. Afterwards I feel very bad, trying to fight it but it can happen very fast and is hard to supress.
I have used all of these at different times, different people,and different situations. My ex got door slammed 4 years after our divorce for gas lighting. For me, it was the last straw.
Getting me to the rage stage is really not a good idea.
If I try to walk away , please, for the love of life, Let me !
I’ve learned with age the right way to handle,control & channel my anger so I don’t say or do something I might either regret or don’t really mean I’m just angry….I noticed over the years that when I expressed even a little anger/rage it would be noticeably unsettling to some people & some would be outright scared & that’s never my intention (especially in the last 10 years or so) I just shut down a lot of times though so….🤷🏼♂️
When I am angry as an INFJ, either I will explain or become quiet with a stare.
Personally, yes, as an infj, i agree, but I'd say it's the ignorance while someone's trying to upset you or something, and then when you ask what they were saying, you upset them, but then you explain and respond to what they were saying..
if you really are are an infj then I have a question.How will you feel if someone told you they thought you were smart but you are actually not,(after spending time with you,in an argument
@@noverahasan3599 i don't usually get into arguments but if you have to know; think→ accept the fact they only shared their opinion→ wish them to get well soon and leave (kinda kidding but yk) it actually happened once, but at the end we found out I was correct and guess who was the one not laughing at them & standing up for them when the class started laughing. Kindness and confidence, darling, kindness and confidence.
Dang it freaks me out how angry and upset I can get and of course only those closest to me get to see it. I'm working on but. It dosen't help that atrologically I'm practicly all fire. And a dragon for Chinese astrology. I still can't figure out if I'm an INFj or iNFP. I just try to avoid those situations that get me heated because it's exhausting and I can freak myself out. Ok that's enough self incrimination for one day. I do love peace and harmony. And hate when somebody rocks my boat. But that's pretty normal atleast. But yeah, my blood can boil on occasion.But seriously, not to make excuses or shift fault but I will anyways. Because the cards are stacked against me regarding this issue and I blame those cards for it.
I don't know if I have anything new to offer, the comments are very insightful but pulling off the door slam when logistics seem impossible does bring out the passive aggressive side to me. At times, I mix up being passive aggressive with out right aggressive behaviors and I unapologetically can enjoy these rare experiences. The context involves that I share 50/50 child custody with my ex (whom is remarried) and the logistics are the ongoing navigation of our shared parental duties. My compulsion for harmonious parenting pushes my limits to places I couldn't have expected. An example of me being passive aggressive to aggressive yet trying to be true to my self happened when my ex's new husband expressed during my daughters (8 year old twin girls) gymnastic practice. We were sitting near each other in a crowed auditorium and he felt this was good time where I would be forced by social conventions to conform to social norms and basically tell him what ever he needed to hear. He smiles and quietly asks/tells me that he always thought I hated him. I quietly responded by telling him "you have really great insight, I do hate you and I would have never have chosen you as a person I would allow in my life. But I think we are making the best of it". I never knew if or when this opportunity would ever present itself but I recognized it for what it was and let him have it. The new husband seemingly was completely unable to comprehended on how to respond so he sat up right and continued to watch the girls gymnastic practice in silence. Later that night, I received a text message from my ex expressing I was a monster because the new husband was now at home having some emotional break down and my ex wanted to know what I had said to the husband. I text back it was nothing I wouldn't have said to my ex and the subject has never been brought up again. I guess the point I am trying to make, is when INFJ's lose their ability to engage the door slam, the rage and hurt continues. I cannot and will not direct my rage toward my ex at expense of my daughters but I guess I learned that the new husband is fair game. That was the new husbands first and only time reaching out to me and I don't expect it will ever happen again. Writing this comment has made me realized that I actually did employ the door slam strategy, just on an emotional/psychological level instead of a physical level. Or my newspaper boy is right and I am just a terrible person.
Jesus Christ, this is so accurate 😅
When I was a child copping a beating from my father I would door slam with all the power a furious, frightened, betrayed Infj could muster. Dire consequences for me.
Honestly a number of these ring true, I have gotten fairly distant when hurt/angry and removed myself from everyone until my emotions find a way to levelling out. I have over explained things once emotional in conflict situations, selective hearing sometimes something pierces you more than anything else, that thing hits but it isn't usually to do with an excuse for me its the harmful thing someone says that I'll hang on to and overthink.
Definitely know how to disconnect and cut off contact, and modified behaviour yeah lol... quite a few hit the checklist.
Hell hath no fury like an INFJ be scorned.
Pretty accurate. I implode.
I go cold and eventually door slam. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt when I get over the offense, as the person receiving my door slam rarely knows they’ve offended me. It’s a big defect in my character, and I’m trying to change.
All of these except the sarcasm, unless it’s in my imaginary conversations with the person I’m mad at. 😂
Haha I laugh at the being overly nice and they then are coming for your throat. Yeah we are slow to forgive and we do have selective hearing when we are in rage mode.
Wow, this is so true for me.
I thought I was petty, turns out I’m just an INFJ in rage haha. WOOOOWWW.
I have used all of the, and it all depends on the person and their level of threat to me. some are too dim to understand a sarcastic wit, some cant stand to be alone when i want to be alone. some cant seem to grasp why I haven't talked to them in years. so yes all of these work and I have used all of the in varying degrees
Number one is the one I struggle with
Spot on.