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I am an Empath ,a healer , an INFJ and a former scapegoat of my Narcissistic mother. Thanks for the video. There are an angel and a sleeping devil inside me that my nasty dysfunctional family had no idea of until I became outspoken and went no contact. We are the most loyal , the most caring , the strongest , the most tolerant the most patient , the most energetic , and multi talented individuals on earth who are most of the time happy i believe. But there is a threshold too. My evil nasty family got shocked when they got to see who i really had been. I rarely show my anger that would be like tsunami .
Do not take the INFJs kindness for weakness, especially users and abusers. We are very strong mentally. And we will not forget, and may never forgive. This topic is on point. My rage is something I am not proud of, but it happens when I am taken advantage of in some form or fashion by people I trusted.
I have always gotten into fights with those closest to me. Its expected for strangers to be snakes or Dbags. But when a friend does something fucked up... Thats betrayal. That is worthy of the wrath. Though I do have certain times I had went too far, and no, Im not so proud of it either.
My rage scares me and leaves me with regret but it takes A LOT to get me mad so when the rage is truly out it is mostly deserved. I guess. I think I’ve only went full on rage mode like twice in my life.
Me too!!! And 1 time I snapped so hard which btw only lasted 2 seconds lol cause even I scared myself lol. What did was smacked the table all of a sudden.. realized what I just did then looked around where everyone turned silent och had a look in their face as if they witnessed someone just got shot or something. The weirdest thing is that when I let that feeling go during that second I snapped was the most satisfying thing I’ve felt. It was HUGE relief. I’m 25 turning 26 in a few days and that snap was ages ago!! 😅😂🤣 I still remember the feeling slightly hehe
As an INFJ I agree with 99% of your thoughts. If someone has crossed the line too many times with me, I do remove them from my life. However, I make a very conscious effort to forgive them because holding on to hate is not healthy for me. It can take some time and prayer, but forgiveness is the best. I do not reconnect with that person but I send them out of my being and move on. I don't want any part of the relationship to remain with me including using my energy to hate them.
That's brilliant! Thanks for teaching us. I need to learn to do the same - forgiveness is so important, because what's the point, as you say, of holding on to that kind of energy. :)
I agree. I have found that in the past, this was easy to do. I would realize that it’s not going to work & move on. But for the first time in my life I entered into a relationship with a narcissist & the tug of war is absolutely draining and mind destroying. Not too sure that many other types could handle the extreme abuse that occurs with these individuals. My goodness... in all of my strength, I am tired & only feel reenergized when I rest and spend time AWAY from the narc. 😌
@@rasbaby7 I'm with you on that. My dad is actually a narcissist and I'm roommates with him so I've already slammed the door on him. All I have left really is to just disappear into my room and not only have a mental door between us but a physical one as well. I rarely interact with him and when I have to I always hear myself say things back to angrily and out of annoyance to him. Things I would gladly do for pretty much anyone else. I think it's the resentment that's been built up from the inability to actually door slam him out of my life. Something that I myself am trying to let go of because I don't like it. But if your significant other is a narc and you're trying to avoid her you might as well just end things
That's how it is with me. I cut the person out of my life and walk away, yet I don't hate them. It takes too much away from my life energy that I need to move forward in life. Today is the thing. Spending time with dead people is useless.
Hahahaha truth! My high school best friend used to tell me that when I hit my breaking point I had a look in my eyes that could "shake the rafters of hell" 😂😂😂😈
I sometimes still get impressed by the way I can easily and quickly “destroy” someone in a matter of seconds, just by using words and my sharp intuition. They work together as a tool if I feel threatened in any way. I can turn extremely verbally destructive without being physically aggressive at all. I always keep calmed and just let those 3 (words,mind,intuition) work together. It comes naturally, I don’t even need to think about it and together are really powerful. Intuition is the key here. At the same time I’m very caring and always polite and considerate so I better disappear before I hurt someone I love or before I get annoyed up to this point. I’m gone before you can even notice. We INFJs are barely understood and underestimated in many ways. People these days think they “know” us but they really don’t. We don’t even know the power inside of us. Instead of “rare” or “weird” they should call us “powerful” or “strong” or who knows... and not because of the dark side we have in us but because we do have amazing strong minds (I), strong hearts (F), a strong refined judgement (J) and a super sharp intuition (N), all 4 together are a powerful combination.
She is 100 percent accurate. I am loyal for life but once I see you keep thinking I'm a wuss and keep doing your thing insulting my intelligence because I'm kind. Nope the wrath you are going to experience is from everything you've done that you thought I wasn't paying attention to. I see and hear EVERYTHING and put it all in storage in the back of my head and that third time I let it all out. I am digging this lady. She is TOTALLY accurate.
@@maplenook I don't think this characteristic of ours is something to gloat over and be proud of. If we get pushed to this extreme, to me its telling me, I need to deal with this anger and express myself in a way that isn't so abusive. This lady talks like this is something good that we do. And it's not. Our rage is coming from somewhere, that has to be dealt with. It has nothing to do with the other person, it has everything to do with us. Fix the rage! If others can trigger this in us, its a sign, there are changes we need to make.
Because u want them and give them the benefit of the doubt and given them chances so they freaking deserve what they got coming...then ur done. Period. If we have to get THAT ugly with someone why the hell would u want anymore friendship with them...?? Done. Gone. Bye bye
This is perfect hahaha. People dont believe that I doorslam in order for me to protect the person from my rage. Very few people have actually seen my rage. And yes if some one takes my kindness for weakness or if they try to hurt my friends. That is the quickest way for my to be on the receiving end of my rage.
Some people become completely disoriented when they witness this side of me. It's almost as if they see my only role as "giver of kindness and love". Therefore, I'm not allowed to express a full range of emotions. That indicates to me they were never truly interested in knowing the whole me and is justification for a door slam. I'd rather spend my energy with people who acknowledge my humanity.
My brother says I'm insane. I had a few minor outbreaks on him😂 Probably because it seems out of nowhere when I get angry when in reality every time something happened I controlled my anger.
My ex gf (a covert narcissist)thought she could start treating me like a doormat and her personal punching bag quickly found out the hard way how very WRONG she was,and that my INFJ traits are not B.S.,and the letters INFJ also mean I'm Not F***ing Joking!
I've noticed that it's very challenging, as an INFJ, to forgive people for things like betrayal, or simply sensing that someone who I am talking to is subconsciously thinking that they are superior to me. I'm a combative martial artist, and I approach life with a dormant, but alert, sense of "be prepared for ANY situation to potentially turn physically or psychologically volatile" mentality. And I spend a lot of time in settings places that consist of athletically high performing alpha males who (most of the time) are solely extroverted. I'm grateful for the fact that I have the inherent ability to predict my opponents' state of mind before, during, and after a match, but I despise being looked at as an underdog by the other competitors at tournaments just because I don't hold a deathly stare bouncing between the other guys in the room, like everyone else does, or because I'm more likely to offer a random person a protein bar for no apparent reason at all than to be friendly. Some say that it's a good thing to be looked at as inferior before any type of two person competition, because there is then a possibility of your opponent underestimating your abilities (same goes for intimidation, except it would be overestimating), but if I could have it my way, I'd say that my preference of making myself transparent deserves others to do the same. But of course, that's not how reality works. Damn, this comment was wayyyy too long. Great video, though. Informative as well intriguing 🤘🔥🔥🔥🤙🤙😅😅💯💯👌👌💥💥😎😎
I erupt in anger and rage at people probably more then the average. I kI now this because I have been told I have to high expectations for people and I need to be more tolerant. My expectations for people are no higher then the ones I set for my self and I am sick of being tolerant and being treated like crap so yeah I anger easy and rage a lot but I am now living a truly authentic life.
Yeah, I know what you mean. My expectations for people are high, but really not as high as I have for myself. So then I get disappointed for sure. But then I have realized as I get older, you cannot change others, you cannot only change your opinion of them. :) Basically, lower your expectations or be in pain.
The one thing that unleashes the "BEAST" deep within is when people mistake my kindness for weakness. My demeanor completely changes. What gets me is what if I were just a quietish nice guy who meant no one harm, but was unable to defend myself. The fact that anyone would do that to a person like that sends me off the edge. When I do go off the edge it's very noticeable to everyone that the person on the receiving end didn't expect it, and also they deserved it. It takes a lot to get me there, and when I get there backing off would be advised. I really don't want to be that way, but sometimes it's necessary. I do it mostly out of a sense of "protection" for myself and those who are unable to defend themselves. I used to say to my Mom, "If I were truly an evil person I would be the devil himself". Bruce B..
Yes!!! Such a great point. We hate it when people think we are kind, and then try to take advantage of it. Just don't it, unless you want to encounter the devil itself. :)
Yes my son always says Iam not the doormat... People will do things more and more until they up it. Then he tells them how he sees them that shocks them .They might get mad. It's for the good because then they realize maybe others are noticing also and maybe try and fix it.
Very cathartic haha! Very accurate also. Basically if you're stupid enough to disrespect what an INFJ can offer then you really genuinely deserve what's coming to you. It's a bit like, 'look we were playing a game where I gave you respect where it sometimes wasn't deserved because I chose to value you over your actions or words. You read that as weakness when it was the opposite, you read that as naivety where it was insight and frankly it's a huge disappointment that you weren't capable of catching the ball in this game and throwing it back. The chances were all there, the benefits to you were significant and honestly it's hard for us to understand how you missed it so spectacularly. You need to go away now and forget about all this. We won't be doing this any more. Go quickly because there's a storm coming!
That broken trust is a source of rage. Only those that we let in have the power to hurt us. When someone breaks that trust, WATCH OUT. Thank you for sharing!!!
OMG, this is so true... Had this happen to me more times than I can count. I am kind, helpful, and loyal to a fault. They take my kindness and compassionate nature as a green light to try to manipulate, use and abuse me. Had it happen with family, friendships/relationships, at work, etc. They get so shocked when I end up telling them off, telling them the truth about their behavior, quitting that job, or totally shutting them out of my life. They are so shocked and upset that they were figured out, and are doubly upset because they thought we were "so nice." Serves them right for trying to pull a fast one on the wrong people! We know a lot more than they give us credit for.
I am an INFJ too and when I get angry I can cut him or her down with words. I hardly ever get angry though so when I finely do everyone is like what got into him. You are also right 3 strikes your out. My only exception to the rule is infidelity from that there is no coming back to me ever. That's why I chose to live alone !
Infidelity can mean many things. We dont have ownership of other's decisions and needs. I am very hesitant to judge on levels of faithfulness. Respectful of your opionion of course.
O M G. You just described me. Nicest person in the world. I give tons of chances but then I hit a wall and I flash FLASH and the door slams. No more chances because I’m done. I am 62 years old and only my husband is a constant in my life and one friend. Both of whom I loved enough to warn ahead of the time. I have always known myself and known this about myself. I can’t stand by and watch a person NOT adjust themselves to honorable , kind behavior. Too many times you take advantage and I’m done. Thank you for explaining this to an old lady who always has had to warn those she loves not to take advantage of me why I’m like this. It’s a kind of tough love then done. I am thankful that the people who I warned were able to understand and NOT be a couch to me.
This is very very accurate. And I think it's also part of being an INFJ, being naturally listeners, genuine and loyal, to have this expectation that others will provide us with the same level of respect, genuineness and loyalty, but then we're faced with this harsh reality that that isn't the case, and that the world is just full of jerks. And sadly, some of these jerks are people we invested our time and energy with, and so we just go apeshit. 😂
So true! It's exactly the moment when I realize that a person is not mistreating me because of some own weakness they can't overcome just yet, but that they do it consciously and think that I'm a kind idiot who'll always forgive that, since that moment forever they are dead to me and I will never care again.
I thought I was truly a horrible person because I've been doing this all my life and didn't understand why. I called it "erasing" them from my life and that I was doing it for my own protection. I thought I was intolerant, and in a way it is intolerant, but as I get older I just don't have the time or energy to deal with people that take advantage of me or try to tell me how to think. And there is that uncanny "knowing". You just know.
I actually hate confrontation, to the point that when I know people are taking advantage of me, I don’t react or confront them because I’m afraid of my rage. I’m afraid of hurting people mentally as well.
Once you are able to control that rage of yours (I was able to), you will be able to have a confrontation without going into hulk mode. It's possible, it just takes time. :)
I'm Australian and Australian's have the best door slam phrase....'Yeah, na' Usually said by drawing out the 'Yeah' as if you are considering what the other person is saying and then the 'na' short and sharp with a shake of the head. It's a very short sharp and abrupt way of saying 'I am hearing what you said, but I am not buying any of it, go away!' That is my major warning sign that you have pushed beyond the limit I will tolerate. After that, you keep pushing and it's on your own head what rage you bring forth.
Can’t wait to use this little gem lol. *(me practicing while reading)* ....unfortunately I’m in an exiting war right now with a NARC trying to pull me back in. 😒
I've heard so many times, from people, who took an advantage of my kindness. "I thought you would understand." Yes, I do understand, More than you know. They get pushed out of shape, when I get mad at them. I hate getting angry. I mean that in the vary definition of the word. Anger has its place, and can be appropriate. But it is taxing to me.
They get scared when we rage. Took me years to hide my rage but when it comes out I speak truth that will hurt and I will not regret it in the end because I let out the tension that I let build up from that relationship.
Omg...I swear this is so true. It's like when ur taken to that boiling point ur like the largest volcano eruption, and whoever is in your path better watch out! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank u!
Yep. It gets me angry people think that they can walk all over me. I think some people hate me because when I'm done I'm done. When I get angry really really angry better watch out. I rarely let my anger out but when I do I shake or cry hate- filled tears. When I'm angry I do my best not to hit anyone or anything. When I'm angry I see red.
You are so correct, the pendulum swings both ways just as high in both directions with INFJ’s. People really don’t wanna to push us past our limits because not only can our rage scare you but our words will cut even deeper because we instinctively know your secrets. It’s more of a righteous indignation when we get upset to that point. Before we get to that point we will have pointed out exactly what it is that you’re doing to upset us and even see through your psychological issues and explain it to you to help you understand yourself to give you a chance to change your behavior because maybe you’re oblivious (we are that nice) but if you insist on taking us for granted and treat us with disrespect we rage at you because we have cast our pearls before swine and you just trampled them.
It took me a very long time to take the test honestly. I'm an INFJ male and it's pretty rare. I relate to your topic in this video very much. I'm almost supernaturally patient because of my perceptiveness. I give a lot of chances because humans are all imperfect along with the society we live in. Those chosen few who work hard at testing my limits have seen intense volatility from me. Since males are generally aggressive it makes my INFJ rage particularly scary. I'm highly intellectual and coupled with strong intution I can cripple people just using words. I'm rarely physically violent except a few inevitable fist fights during adolescent years. Anyway thanks for articulating this very INFJ specific nature so well
As an INFJ, I am almost the exact opposite. I don’t really have a desire to get people back for things. I just like to move on with my life and surround myself with better people. To want to cause someone pain in return just feels like perpetuating the cycle. I have no problem with shaming people however if they’re blind to the effects of their actions.
Dont be surprised if one day someone you have really opened up to hurts you. That first grenade I threw surprised me. I am a super nice person and was very careful to hold back from any emotional commitment to avoid confrontation. Life is too short. Close friends for us is a risk we have to take sometimes. I however am careful to vet people. Some will never be more than acquaintances because they fail the test or they require more time than l have to give.
I'm really glad that I've found this video now I know that I'm not alone there's people right there whose experiencing what I've experience right now.. In the 18 years of existence no one really understands me even my family but thanks to you now I know I'm not alone we're just rare 😊
Hahaha YES !!💯✨👌🏼 There was that guy I door slammed once after a big rage, I saw him a year after that and he came say hello to me like nothing had ever happened, that was so weird bc when I door slammed sm, it is like you said in one of your videos "they no longer exist to me" so yeah I can totally relate 😆 #INFJTeam 🙋🏻✨
Sometimes when I get really mad, I feel like I am blowing up in size, my voice changes, and get away from me fast. But, like you said, that happens really rarely. Generally if someone irritates me, i just leave.
INFJs sacrifice too much. That’s their problem. Everyone has a bad side but giving INFJs special treatment because they’re unique is a sense of entitlement. Conflict is a part of life no matter the level of your anger.
If you are regularly attacking people on their weakest most vulnerable points when you get angry (like youve done it to more than a few people in your life) that's not normal or healthy. From one infj to another.
Thanks for sharing!! And that's why I am moving towards a more amiable way of expressing my anger by conversing with people. If you watch my recent videos, you will see that. :)
Fabulous explanation. Thanks. I don't berate myself for my door slamming any longer or the 'i know you better than you know yourself and I could bring you down into the dungeons with little effort. Thanks for the great insight on myself, who I have always known to be different from a very young age. Will be following you, girl. You tell the truth!
Great video god so many emotions flowing through me now, you hit the nail on the head. I just recently found out about all the different personality types and consequently that I'm an INFJ. More I learn about this personality type the more insight I get about the sometimes uncontrollable feelings that have whirled around inside since I was a kid. And your right, we get angry watch out, and it's not that I want to hurt people's feelings but most people consider us pushovers cause we so loyal and honest, willing to give every ounce of soul over to individuals we care about that when we are wronged it's like this switch happens and we become a different entirely. And your right it takes alot to bring that out of us because we don't want to believe that these people that we care a out could hurt the way they do.
You nailed it! 3 strikes and you're out, no matter how long I have known you or the relationship. Those strikes can be years apart, but I carefully consider where a person is "coming from". We all make mistakes and have vulnerabilities, but when I see that the other person is just being nasty, it's over. I have expunged people from my life, including 2 siblings, and with no regrets. Our dark side is very real.
That energy is crazy. Smh face definitely shows it and you can't even hide it. Positive Vibes... Stay away from people who trigger you.💙💛💚💜❤✌🔮🌌Stay positive.
That is the perfect description of what we do..... I try to give a warning before it happens..... and then they find out they should have listened very carefully to the warning..... and boom it's over... your done.... I will tear you down and smile while doing it
INFJ rage is pretty well portrayed in that scene from Hobbit where Galadriel goes berzerk and fights Sauron off. Sure, we won't change physical appearance, but the shift in energy is on that level.
I'm completely blown away and comforted knowing that other people are this way and understand what it like. Thank you for sharing this Boom Shikha! You hit every point spot on!
I am the same and live a very isolated life. I have chronic pain for now, but I know how I will get healed, and that is a matter of time and money because I have recently learned how to correct my DNA and also how to remove the heavy metals from my body. Right now I am learning more about my powers, once again! I have long known about natural healing. I am a medicine woman of sorts and hunger for as much knowledge as I can find to not only help me but, more importantly, to help others. I hope we can connect, that would be so joyous for me. I barely know anyone that is like me. You are, and you made me feel so much joy today to feel your spirit and to connect with a like soul. A very special soul that has more get up and go than I have and you are reaching out so amazing. I am not as strong as you right now because of my physical illness, that I hope will soon be behind me after 32 years of physical and emotional pain caused by the physical. I know how the body follows the mind, and the mind follows the body. I send you happiness and love and support and you are so good at expressing yourself and you can so easily put into words our mutual thoughts. I am so happy to have found your site on TH-cam. You are an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. I look forward to speaking with you and sharing knowledge. I am a little bit stagnant due to the anger I have about things I've encountered in life, but I know that all these experiences are meant to bring me to a special place where I can help others... without going through this pain I would not be capable of helping those in similar conditions. I have a LOT of LOVE in me and also A lot of Anger at being ignored or trampled on by thieves and murderers. I am ashamed I let them go sometimes. Other times I feel it is another feather in my cap to not seek justice. I feel that justice will be delivered by the Almighty One. I wished I could have fought back better, but I was afraid that I would mess up my Karma. I hope that makes sense. If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them. I know that I have the same cosmic influences as Joan of Arc. I have had encounters with other dimensions and am not afraid to talk about them. I don't know exactly what my future holds, but I do have an idea. I also study other esoteric subjects. I became a Reiki Shoden also. I have many questions and don't mind asking someone younger. I believe that all souls were created at the same time, therefore, we are all the same age, just born at different hours for good reason. I believe in reincarnation also. I believe that we most have several incarnations before the Great White Throne Judgement. Thank you for hearing me out, and I don't mind if you have different opinions, I just would so much enjoy speaking with you as I know that you are an enlightened being. You have a big high 5 from me!
Hey Beverly, So grateful to hear from you. I appreciate hearing from a person like you, who's going through such a hard time, but still keeping their head up and energy strong. Thanks for watching!!
As an INFJ, my friends always call me 'scarily calm' because I do eventually snap. I've only snapped once in front of them, but they still talk about it to this day because oh dear lord the words that came out of my mouth. I brought this guy down in an instant. All of the information I'd gathered about him came out in that moment. My friends are very respectful to me now because they're scared of seeing me snap again, which is understandable, but it was just a one time thing.
I had many people say "you never gave me a chance". Yah, after 3 times I've just slammed the door and walked away. Or if I've gotten mad, they look at me an say "I never expected that out of you".
That's my issue. In my head I'm like, "OH you've had plenty of chances. I don't have to say much for you to have a 'chance'. You ought to be self aware of yourself and the crap that you do. If you're not willing to spend some energy to be self aware and think of why I might be upset, I'm not wasting my time on you!"
Very interesting! Thanks for sharing Boom Shikha. I myself am a Mediator (INFP-T) So for me trying to always find peace in situations, I forgive a lot. But once you pass that line after a good few times, then they are out of my life with no return. Unfortunately I hold on and try and resolve too long.
I'm an INFP ... and I'd rather be a peacemaker and forgive too! I'm working on that holding on for too long thing as well 😖 However, I've come to learn some great life lessons over the years. If someone takes advantage of me.. I just learn from the experience. But I don't need/desire be one step away from blowing my top with people. Holding in all kinds of rage and thinking bad things about other people only takes away from my own joy and others around me. Unfortunately, everyone is imperfect and has hurt someone in some kind of way... at some point in their lives. If I walked around here expecting everyone to treat me perfectly or kept a score sheet of nice things I do for people .... It would be hard for me to maintain genuine long lasting friendships and relationships...because I would never be content. I'd most likely resent people very easily.
I'm dealing with this now. My siblings have gotten used to insulting, demeaning, using & abusing me. It's reached the point of no return. It's done. Door slammed because they honestly thought that they could push me around, treat me like dirt & i'll take it. I watched quietly waiting after i caught on to their game & now I know they're both narcs. They got to go! Many of these people talk shit but when I'm done with BS I'll let you know the truth. I'm so loyal, i go above & beyond, i'll never share a secret even when i've door slammed someone. However when someone betrays me, it's done.
I had to deal with a situation like this before. I knew someone was being too sugar sweet to me to pacify me and acting like they were my best friend when I knew different, it was all over their face and their actions. Don't try to play me, I know you too well and it won't work on me! Hate when people bring out my rage!
Sooooo right on. I expect better from people and when they attempt to take advantage of me, especially when you are a family member or friend, im so disappointed and offended that im done with them.
Dr. Maya Angelou said her mother was "Too mean to lie." I think it sums this video up. I'm much happier when I flow with this ethic. Kind and mean. Not nice. Nice is for push overs.
WOW, you nailed it, we are like kindred spirits. When you were talking it felt like you were exposing me, then I had an enlightening moment concerning someone I had "doorslamed" a few years ago. I suddenly realized WHY I door slammed her, she chose the wrong side ( inside joke). Thank you so very much for your honesty (which I love!!) !!! Sry for the rant
So true. I know the deepest part of someone and can take them down. However as I reach being elderly I realize the karma isn’t worth the rage. But I also know that there are times that taking them down is exactly what I am supposed to do. You say it exactly how it is. Soo many people claim they are infj’s like it’s cool. But you can tell they truly aren’t. You are totally the real thing. I’m glad I came across your site.
i had a perfect opportunity to crush a friend last year for saying she was with me out of pity (and a perfect comeback, too), but i simply couldn't be bothered. even if you're slamming the door, literally or figuratively, there is a chance the person in question will be useful to you someday. why waste it? next step in infj development: manage your resources wisely.
Amen, just recently door slammed a long time friend, no second chances - one and done. Rude, lying, accusatory, I was shocked by her behavior. I was none of the things she said. I know myself, I am not weak, shallow, I can't be shamed, I can't be bought!!! DONE!
Correct! 😊🤭🤣 i love that smile, because thats exactly how i feel when im in rage as an infj-t and i fully understand you. And thats right, we give chances and warnings always. 😁
I found this quite thought provoking. As an INFJ myself, I have to say that I only partially agree with you as to whether your reaction to another's injustice is common only to INFJs in PARTICULAR. I mean most everyone has their breaking point and will abruptly end a friendship or relationship. I mean what else is there to do? -- but with variations, of course, some slower, gentler, or more nuanced than others. Compliments on your video. Again, very thought-provoking stuff. We differ, however and of course, in our ways of viewing our own INFJishness, me being old enough to be your grandfather. :)
And thanks for responding. I'm finding you articulate, interesting, and fun listening to. What I find most fascinating is the wide range of differences even among INFJs. I mean there might be only sixteen personality types -- and yet be countless and varying versions of each. Ah, these degrees of separation: you might be only 55% introverted while I might be 99% the same. I wonder Do you write? I think if I were as on-the-spot and articulate as you, I might not have felt the need to write at all (novels mostly). Damn 99%! But there it is: I'm so much better on the page. You might like this particular poem I've written, take it as an example of the sort of dismay an INFJ might feel at meeting a similar sort of opposition as related in your video: I don’t want to Who are you to tell me why I have to visit relatives if I don’t want to? Or celebrate my birthday or anyone else’s if I don’t want to? Or socialize at the drop of anyone’s hat but my own? Why do I have to do anything except what I really want to do? And why is it so important to you that what I do pleases you more than it pleases me?
The one thing that some of us need to realize that anger is a sign that something is wrong or has been wrong. It is not inherently wrong itself to become angry. Expressing your anger is not inherently wrong either.
I may say something, eventually, in a not offending way. But if it goes on and on I slam the door but then I'm troubled by being Furious for the rest of the day. I hate what it does to me inside. It can make me stall doing anything else for the rest of the day.
INFJs... I've only recently discovered that I'm an INFJ... At first, I thought it was a fluke... no way that I'm amongst the rarest personality type... but after I took another, and another and another test.. all shown the same results... I began to explore and try to learn more. And here I am. "The Kindest Evil People in The World" ... how apt... I can relate with you on almost all points, its like hearing someone describing me to me, when you were actually talking about your experience, yourself .
I SO agree everything you are saying. Like you, I am frequently dismissed as the one who will just take it because I present as so easy going. But, when I turn, watch out. I have been referred to the mouse that roared. When I blow its just as you say, push me too far or into a corner, and I will blow. And once I turn, that's it. I am not being mean, I just see no point in going on with the relationship. We are on two different planets at that point. I will then move on, let it go, and I won't look back. Thank you so much.
This is the monstrous thing I wanted to keep to myself forever. The saddest part is when you love the one who would receive this inconceivable anger. I did it to my Dad once and I regret it my whole life. It crashed my principles and hope. I felt like I wanna hide somewhere yet worries if my Dad is okay. I don't want rage :( it has ruined my relationship to my Dad. I should have endless forgiveness when it comes to my parents, but I failed.
I can totally relate . I also have a "3 strikes" rule. I can't tolerate inconsiderate people (because being considerate is so important to me) and I can turn from nice to nasty very quickly often surprising the inconsiderate person who mistook my niceness for weakness.
Boom Shikha , you just explained my personality and how i react and how i am as a whole , even aside from anger, with the greatest of accuracy , i am just learning what this type is , i really want to know more , it could help me understand what and who i am
Well, I have hundreds of videos on INFJs, so check those out. Hopefully that will be a step closer to learning about who you are and becoming more comfortable with yourself.
Honestly the part where you said that we would do everything you stayed about how you get angry at people with a smile on our faces is so true. If I showed my true anger to people without any problems I would no doubt be seen as an insane person. But I’m not insane. I have always told people that I have lots of energy and half of the time I don’t know what to do with it in order to play it off.
Oh ya, I understand exactly what your saying cause being a clairsentient empath man when I blow up in rage and start screaming at someone man trust me it ain't a pretty sight lol
As an INFJ I'm very often afraid of myself and what I am capable of. As intuitive and emphatic people, we INFJs can reach into the depths of another person, and inflict massive damage there. I keep that part of myself chained. But the Door Slam gets the job done. I get free, and the other person is left pretty much intact.
You should talk about how infjs can get dark in everyyy wayy possible.in poetry,life,love,thinking.like litterallyyy eveerythiing.an example(my poetry):"The heaven you know of,is the one i call foe,angels you call 4,are ones I miss & need most.the star you see in the sky,I wish to fly to most,maybe stop by neverland too.as in my dreams I take off,saying goodbye to my outmost.and sheading tears enough 4 a sea full,I flapp my wings & soar.& I fly & fly & fly until I realize...I've woken up...the dream is done..."I hope you like this example & it helps you explain a bit about an infj mind
I'm an Entp and you seem like a mess girl, but I do appreciate the way you open up with us. It must take guts for you to do so. Thanks for your candor.
What about learning how to recognize when people are being rude/taking advantage? I feel like I don’t want to recognize it and I let it go on and then afterward that INFJ rage happens but I don’t want to ruin the friendship if I let it out
There's this thing we have as INFJs, and it's called eternal hope. Even when we see someone being an idiot, we want to believe they can be better. So it doesn't matter if we see them being rude, we think, maybe it's just temporary, and we hold hope. :)
INFJ rage is intense and dangerous because for that moment, stuck in the present moment, we lose touch with ourselves and reality. The rage is external and separate from ourselves. It takes a lot of conscious effort to slow ourselves down. This is typically why in a fight I walk away and shut down for hours or a few days... so that I never reach that rage level. I dated a guy who didn’t understand giving me space and would insist on working through it right away because he couldn’t stand my silence. When I gave in to working on it right away the rage would come out and just make things worse.
love your channel and your subscribers (all provide great insight!) My two cents worth: if the narcissist 'manipulating' the INFJ (me) is a psychopath, be careful in expressing anger, as the psychopath's 'life sport' will be, in general, to get revenge on you, and bring you down, and you may become a target. it May better to just dissappear. but this is only for the extreme cases, as INFJs and psychopaths are both around 1-2%, so having them together is .01x.01=.0001 or .01 percent chance ( but maybe bigger since psycos seek out empath/intjs.) ALL humans should be taught the dangers of psychopaths, since they are so engrained and hidden among us. Knowing this equips us. in my life if I door slammed a psychopath, it ruined all my relationships and reputation because it put me as the target of that psychopath. the psychopath now had a new sport: to use his/her charm and charisma and ability to manipulate and act , to destroy me and my reputation, spreading lies in a strangely believable way... yikes... I had to leave and start over. I don't what that to happen to any of you wonderful infjs...
It's kinda funny, cause when I meet new people, who I can pretty much see in the beginning as nice people, I give them a warning that I can be a meaner person, say that with a smile on my face, and they believe me. I happen to appreciate that because it tells me that I can trust them. But when it comes to people I'm not so fond of, or people I'm internally wary of, I don't say anything. It's not fear that prevents me from warning them, but a test for myself to see if I'm right, or see what there is to the person that keeps me on my toes. I would rather not deal with a person who could potentially piss me off. My anger and hate are stuffed inside me, and I would rather store it elsewhere for the moments they are needed when I want my words to make an impact. Needless to say, when angry, I become a monster, and I would rather hurt a person with my words than with my own hands. At least with words, there is a finality to how you feel and can decide to verbally scold and demolish the other person to keep away from you. At least that's how it is for me. I hope other people have more efficient ways a getting rid of bad people in their life, although it seems to me that this is basically similar to what other INFJ's do. Good luck everyone, and may the Narc's in your general vicinity fear you :)
Love how you deal with nice people vs people you are not fond of. I think I do pretty much the same thing. I think I don't bother with people who I'm not fond of or wary of, because I don't want to waste my time on them. ❤❤❤
Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤
I am an Empath ,a healer , an INFJ and a former scapegoat of my Narcissistic mother. Thanks for the video. There are an angel and a sleeping devil inside me that my nasty dysfunctional family had no idea of until I became outspoken and went no contact. We are the most loyal , the most caring , the strongest , the most tolerant the most patient , the most energetic , and multi talented individuals on earth who are most of the time happy i believe. But there is a threshold too. My evil nasty family got shocked when they got to see who i really had been. I rarely show my anger that would be like tsunami .
Does Zodiac make any difference with INFJ s
♋ CANCER
I don't think so!
@@AndreEth777 im a gemini sun sign. But i have Mars and Vénus in câncer 😱🤣🤣🤣
Do not take the INFJs kindness for weakness, especially users and abusers. We are very strong mentally. And we will not forget, and may never forgive. This topic is on point. My rage is something I am not proud of, but it happens when I am taken advantage of in some form or fashion by people I trusted.
Absolutely agreed!! Do not take our kindness for weakness.
I agree with you !
are you sure that you are not ME, you sound just like me.
Hahaha! Thanks for watching and commenting!!
I have always gotten into fights with those closest to me. Its expected for strangers to be snakes or Dbags. But when a friend does something fucked up... Thats betrayal. That is worthy of the wrath. Though I do have certain times I had went too far, and no, Im not so proud of it either.
My rage scares me and leaves me with regret but it takes A LOT to get me mad so when the rage is truly out it is mostly deserved. I guess. I think I’ve only went full on rage mode like twice in my life.
Rage is good. We shouldn't be scared of it. It shows us how powerful we are and that we care. :)
Me too. 2 times in 22 years
Me too!!! And 1 time I snapped so hard which btw only lasted 2 seconds lol cause even I scared myself lol. What did was smacked the table all of a sudden.. realized what I just did then looked around where everyone turned silent och had a look in their face as if they witnessed someone just got shot or something. The weirdest thing is that when I let that feeling go during that second I snapped was the most satisfying thing I’ve felt. It was HUGE relief. I’m 25 turning 26 in a few days and that snap was ages ago!! 😅😂🤣 I still remember the feeling slightly hehe
Me too it's very rare for me to get mad, but when it happens you better hide you're self.
I never regret displaying my rage . They get what they ask for .
As an INFJ I agree with 99% of your thoughts. If someone has crossed the line too many times with me, I do remove them from my life. However, I make a very conscious effort to forgive them because holding on to hate is not healthy for me. It can take some time and prayer, but forgiveness is the best. I do not reconnect with that person but I send them out of my being and move on. I don't want any part of the relationship to remain with me including using my energy to hate them.
That's brilliant! Thanks for teaching us. I need to learn to do the same - forgiveness is so important, because what's the point, as you say, of holding on to that kind of energy. :)
I agree. I have found that in the past, this was easy to do. I would realize that it’s not going to work & move on. But for the first time in my life I entered into a relationship with a narcissist & the tug of war is absolutely draining and mind destroying. Not too sure that many other types could handle the extreme abuse that occurs with these individuals. My goodness... in all of my strength, I am tired & only feel reenergized when I rest and spend time AWAY from the narc. 😌
Amen
@@rasbaby7 I'm with you on that. My dad is actually a narcissist and I'm roommates with him so I've already slammed the door on him. All I have left really is to just disappear into my room and not only have a mental door between us but a physical one as well. I rarely interact with him and when I have to I always hear myself say things back to angrily and out of annoyance to him. Things I would gladly do for pretty much anyone else. I think it's the resentment that's been built up from the inability to actually door slam him out of my life. Something that I myself am trying to let go of because I don't like it. But if your significant other is a narc and you're trying to avoid her you might as well just end things
That's how it is with me. I cut the person out of my life and walk away, yet I don't hate them. It takes too much away from my life energy that I need to move forward in life. Today is the thing. Spending time with dead people is useless.
Here’s a golden INFJ rule:
We have the cutest most charming puppy eyes, but they can become the most terrifying eyes when angry.
YES!!! Agreed. 🤗🤗🤗
Yeah, in high school a larger dude was picking on me I just put on this look and he just backed off.
Hahahaha truth! My high school best friend used to tell me that when I hit my breaking point I had a look in my eyes that could "shake the rafters of hell" 😂😂😂😈
I disagree that that is an INFJ thing
My eyes will shoot fire and my nostrils will flare.😡😤
I sometimes still get impressed by the way I can easily and quickly “destroy” someone in a matter of seconds, just by using words and my sharp intuition. They work together as a tool if I feel threatened in any way.
I can turn extremely verbally destructive without being physically aggressive at all. I always keep calmed and just let those 3 (words,mind,intuition) work together. It comes naturally, I don’t even need to think about it and together are really powerful. Intuition is the key here.
At the same time I’m very caring and always polite and considerate so I better disappear before I hurt someone I love or before I get annoyed up to this point. I’m gone before you can even notice.
We INFJs are barely understood and underestimated in many ways. People these days think they “know” us but they really don’t. We don’t even know the power inside of us. Instead of “rare” or “weird” they should call us “powerful” or “strong” or who knows... and not because of the dark side we have in us but because we do have amazing strong minds (I), strong hearts (F), a strong refined judgement (J) and a super sharp intuition (N), all 4 together are a powerful combination.
Yes, beautifully put!! I love the last sentence particularly.
You and I are both.
The key is showing restraint ❤️
BAM!!!!! Truth, on all counts!
Amen. Me in a nutshell.
She is 100 percent accurate. I am loyal for life but once I see you keep thinking I'm a wuss and keep doing your thing insulting my intelligence because I'm kind. Nope the wrath you are going to experience is from everything you've done that you thought I wasn't paying attention to. I see and hear EVERYTHING and put it all in storage in the back of my head and that third time I let it all out. I am digging this lady. She is TOTALLY accurate.
Thanks Arnita!!!
This is so me 😯
Yes it does seem a little uncalled for but it’s only because it’s from everything we’ve been quietly filing away and not reacting to.
Not every INFJ is so explosive. I walk away and let theme be. Way putting so much effort into somebody who does not deserve our kindness
I'm sure and I hope every INFJ isn't explosive. This world would be a scary place if they were. :)
mc dijkhuizen This will be the door slam principle 😊
mc dijkhuizen you don’t even feel the anger?
@@maplenook I don't think this characteristic of ours is something to gloat over and be proud of. If we get pushed to this extreme, to me its telling me, I need to deal with this anger and express myself in a way that isn't so abusive. This lady talks like this is something good that we do. And it's not. Our rage is coming from somewhere, that has to be dealt with. It has nothing to do with the other person, it has everything to do with us. Fix the rage! If others can trigger this in us, its a sign, there are changes we need to make.
Because u want them and give them the benefit of the doubt and given them chances so they freaking deserve what they got coming...then ur done. Period. If we have to get THAT ugly with someone why the hell would u want anymore friendship with them...?? Done. Gone. Bye bye
This is perfect hahaha. People dont believe that I doorslam in order for me to protect the person from my rage. Very few people have actually seen my rage. And yes if some one takes my kindness for weakness or if they try to hurt my friends. That is the quickest way for my to be on the receiving end of my rage.
Yeah, I can get very angry as well, but I really try to protect people from that side of me. I really don't want to hurt people. :)
Truth
Dewayne K yep it is easier for them to get doorslamed. If they insist on trying to force their way in to my life.... that would be bad. Haha
Some people become completely disoriented when they witness this side of me. It's almost as if they see my only role as "giver of kindness and love". Therefore, I'm not allowed to express a full range of emotions. That indicates to me they were never truly interested in knowing the whole me and is justification for a door slam. I'd rather spend my energy with people who acknowledge my humanity.
Yeah, as if we are saints or something. Never allowed a dark side.
This is so true!
My brother says I'm insane. I had a few minor outbreaks on him😂 Probably because it seems out of nowhere when I get angry when in reality every time something happened I controlled my anger.
Outbursts*
My ex gf (a covert narcissist)thought she could start treating me like a doormat and her personal punching bag quickly found out the hard way how very WRONG she was,and that my INFJ traits are not B.S.,and the letters INFJ also mean I'm Not F***ing Joking!
Exactly!
🤣 love that
:) Yeah, just go away, mean and fake people. We are very intense and very aware. Do not mess with us beyond our limits.
Absolutely!!! :)
I've noticed that it's very challenging, as an INFJ, to forgive people for things like betrayal, or simply sensing that someone who I am talking to is subconsciously thinking that they are superior to me. I'm a combative martial artist, and I approach life with a dormant, but alert, sense of "be prepared for ANY situation to potentially turn physically or psychologically volatile" mentality. And I spend a lot of time in settings places that consist of athletically high performing alpha males who (most of the time) are solely extroverted. I'm grateful for the fact that I have the inherent ability to predict my opponents' state of mind before, during, and after a match, but I despise being looked at as an underdog by the other competitors at tournaments just because I don't hold a deathly stare bouncing between the other guys in the room, like everyone else does, or because I'm more likely to offer a random person a protein bar for no apparent reason at all than to be friendly. Some say that it's a good thing to be looked at as inferior before any type of two person competition, because there is then a possibility of your opponent underestimating your abilities (same goes for intimidation, except it would be overestimating), but if I could have it my way, I'd say that my preference of making myself transparent deserves others to do the same. But of course, that's not how reality works. Damn, this comment was wayyyy too long. Great video, though. Informative as well intriguing 🤘🔥🔥🔥🤙🤙😅😅💯💯👌👌💥💥😎😎
I erupt in anger and rage at people probably more then the average. I kI now this because I have been told I have to high expectations for people and I need to be more tolerant. My expectations for people are no higher then the ones I set for my self and I am sick of being tolerant and being treated like crap so yeah I anger easy and rage a lot but I am now living a truly authentic life.
Yeah, I know what you mean. My expectations for people are high, but really not as high as I have for myself. So then I get disappointed for sure. But then I have realized as I get older, you cannot change others, you cannot only change your opinion of them. :) Basically, lower your expectations or be in pain.
Sarah Fountain maybe it's because u need to lower the standard for urself first so u can enjoy people's imperfections better. It worked for me
@@p.poe157 I love this and I think I needed to hear your words today! Thank you for sharing such wisdom 😊
Good description. I will often have people call me a wimp but then I get angry and they freak out. That used to bother me but now I find it amusing
Yeah, I find a lot of things amusing now, when before they used to annoy me. It's the price you pay for growing up and getting wiser. :P
I've been accused of being bipolar!🖕
Don't take(my) INFJ kindness for granted.
Once I got angry I was like 'they don't deserve my kindnesses'
Well said.
Thanks for watching. :)
I want to meet more INFJs in person 😭
Maybe tell the community where you live, and if there's another INFJ who lives in your area, you can meet up??
😌Just
Idk🤭 but all my close friend was infj
I m INFJ ,I m Clam soul but once I got angry there's nothing to go back and change my mind. It's happened with me.
INFJ-A here
The one thing that unleashes the "BEAST" deep within is when people mistake my kindness for weakness. My demeanor completely changes. What gets me is what if I were just a quietish nice guy who meant no one harm, but was unable to defend myself. The fact that anyone would do that to a person like that sends me off the edge. When I do go off the edge it's very noticeable to everyone that the person on the receiving end didn't expect it, and also they deserved it. It takes a lot to get me there, and when I get there backing off would be advised. I really don't want to be that way, but sometimes it's necessary. I do it mostly out of a sense of "protection" for myself and those who are unable to defend themselves. I used to say to my Mom, "If I were truly an evil person I would be the devil himself". Bruce B..
Yes!!! Such a great point. We hate it when people think we are kind, and then try to take advantage of it. Just don't it, unless you want to encounter the devil itself. :)
Yes my son always says Iam not the doormat...
People will do things more and more until they up it. Then he tells them how he sees them that shocks them .They might get mad. It's for the good because then they realize maybe others are noticing also and maybe try and fix it.
Very cathartic haha! Very accurate also. Basically if you're stupid enough to disrespect what an INFJ can offer then you really genuinely deserve what's coming to you.
It's a bit like, 'look we were playing a game where I gave you respect where it sometimes wasn't deserved because I chose to value you over your actions or words. You read that as weakness when it was the opposite, you read that as naivety where it was insight and frankly it's a huge disappointment that you weren't capable of catching the ball in this game and throwing it back. The chances were all there, the benefits to you were significant and honestly it's hard for us to understand how you missed it so spectacularly. You need to go away now and forget about all this. We won't be doing this any more. Go quickly because there's a storm coming!
Hahaha! Yes, go quickly because there's an INFJ storm coming and no one will escape unharmed. :)
@@BoomShikha yes!
Asé
Aitchos 🎯🎯🎯
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
That broken trust is a source of rage. Only those that we let in have the power to hurt us. When someone breaks that trust, WATCH OUT. Thank you for sharing!!!
You are absolutely welcome!!
OMG, this is so true... Had this happen to me more times than I can count. I am kind, helpful, and loyal to a fault. They take my kindness and compassionate nature as a green light to try to manipulate, use and abuse me. Had it happen with family, friendships/relationships, at work, etc. They get so shocked when I end up telling them off, telling them the truth about their behavior, quitting that job, or totally shutting them out of my life. They are so shocked and upset that they were figured out, and are doubly upset because they thought we were "so nice." Serves them right for trying to pull a fast one on the wrong people! We know a lot more than they give us credit for.
YES!!!
I am an INFJ too and when I get angry I can cut him or her down with words. I hardly ever get angry though so when I finely do everyone is like what got into him. You are also right 3 strikes your out. My only exception to the rule is infidelity from that there is no coming back to me ever. That's why I chose to live alone !
Yeah, infidelity is a big one for me as well. It's like the biggest traitorous thing out there.
Eric Letts its only two skies now no more 3rd chances
Infidelity can mean many things. We dont have ownership of other's decisions and needs. I am very hesitant to judge on levels of faithfulness. Respectful of your opionion of course.
This is like the most accurate infj channel.
Thanks for watching, Jasmine!!
O M G. You just described me. Nicest person in the world. I give tons of chances but then I hit a wall and I flash FLASH and the door slams. No more chances because I’m done. I am 62 years old and only my husband is a constant in my life and one friend. Both of whom I loved enough to warn ahead of the time. I have always known myself and known this about myself. I can’t stand by and watch a person NOT adjust themselves to honorable , kind behavior. Too many times you take advantage and I’m done. Thank you for explaining this to an old lady who always has had to warn those she loves not to take advantage of me why I’m like this. It’s a kind of tough love then done. I am thankful that the people who I warned were able to understand and NOT be a couch to me.
Amazing!! I'm amazed to hear from a 62 year old INFJ. That's just awesome.
This is very very accurate. And I think it's also part of being an INFJ, being naturally listeners, genuine and loyal, to have this expectation that others will provide us with the same level of respect, genuineness and loyalty, but then we're faced with this harsh reality that that isn't the case, and that the world is just full of jerks. And sadly, some of these jerks are people we invested our time and energy with, and so we just go apeshit. 😂
Yes, indeed!!!
I never comment on these videos... but homegirl was on point! Hahaha
Awww, thanks!! :)
So true! It's exactly the moment when I realize that a person is not mistreating me because of some own weakness they can't overcome just yet, but that they do it consciously and think that I'm a kind idiot who'll always forgive that, since that moment forever they are dead to me and I will never care again.
Yeah, I know what you mean. We are so soft sometimes.
Širín Ježková BAZINGA!!!
I thought I was truly a horrible person because I've been doing this all my life and didn't understand why. I called it "erasing" them from my life and that I was doing it for my own protection. I thought I was intolerant, and in a way it is intolerant, but as I get older I just don't have the time or energy to deal with people that take advantage of me or try to tell me how to think. And there is that uncanny "knowing". You just know.
I actually hate confrontation, to the point that when I know people are taking advantage of me, I don’t react or confront them because I’m afraid of my rage. I’m afraid of hurting people mentally as well.
Once you are able to control that rage of yours (I was able to), you will be able to have a confrontation without going into hulk mode. It's possible, it just takes time. :)
I'm Australian and Australian's have the best door slam phrase....'Yeah, na'
Usually said by drawing out the 'Yeah' as if you are considering what the other person is saying and then the 'na' short and sharp with a shake of the head. It's a very short sharp and abrupt way of saying 'I am hearing what you said, but I am not buying any of it, go away!'
That is my major warning sign that you have pushed beyond the limit I will tolerate. After that, you keep pushing and it's on your own head what rage you bring forth.
LOVEEE this!! I have seen Australians use this phrase before and once they explained it to me, I thought brilliant! I want to use it, too.
Hmm, interesting :)
Can’t wait to use this little gem lol. *(me practicing while reading)* ....unfortunately I’m in an exiting war right now with a NARC trying to pull me back in. 😒
S Rich - good luck. I hope it helps. It shuts down a conversation really quick.
Hahahah yeah, na.
I've heard so many times, from people, who took an advantage of my kindness. "I thought you would understand." Yes, I do understand, More than you know. They get pushed out of shape, when I get mad at them. I hate getting angry. I mean that in the vary definition of the word. Anger has its place, and can be appropriate. But it is taxing to me.
Yeah, it is definitely a tiring emotion. :)
I've been called crazy.....because I stood up for myself & said things that are true! Lol
They get scared when we rage. Took me years to hide my rage but when it comes out I speak truth that will hurt and I will not regret it in the end because I let out the tension that I let build up from that relationship.
Yes!!!
Omg...I swear this is so true. It's like when ur taken to that boiling point ur like the largest volcano eruption, and whoever is in your path better watch out! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank u!
You are absolutely welcome, Stash!!
You won't like me when I'm ANGERY
Yup!!
S J haha PewDs
Be wary of the INFJ - we seem calm on the surface but once you overstep our boundaries.... prepare for shock and awe
Yes, indeed!!
Girl you just broke this thing down with the straight up truth.
Thanks Chellebabe!!!! :) Have an awesome day.
It’s not really you talking to yourself, it’s you in communication with your spirit guides. The voice from within.
Thanks for clarifying!!
Yep. It gets me angry people think that they can walk all over me. I think some people hate me because when I'm done I'm done. When I get angry really really angry better watch out. I rarely let my anger out but when I do I shake or cry hate- filled tears. When I'm angry I do my best not to hit anyone or anything. When I'm angry I see red.
Yes, I rarely let people see my anger as well. :)
Boom Shikha I hate my anger. My angry side. I'm working on getting past it but its truly a hard thing to do.
You can't hate your anger it's part of you.
You are so correct, the pendulum swings both ways just as high in both directions with INFJ’s. People really don’t wanna to push us past our limits because not only can our rage scare you but our words will cut even deeper because we instinctively know your secrets. It’s more of a righteous indignation when we get upset to that point. Before we get to that point we will have pointed out exactly what it is that you’re doing to upset us and even see through your psychological issues and explain it to you to help you understand yourself to give you a chance to change your behavior because maybe you’re oblivious (we are that nice) but if you insist on taking us for granted and treat us with disrespect we rage at you because we have cast our pearls before swine and you just trampled them.
Very well said. Thank you for sharing. :)
It took me a very long time to take the test honestly. I'm an INFJ male and it's pretty rare. I relate to your topic in this video very much. I'm almost supernaturally patient because of my perceptiveness. I give a lot of chances because humans are all imperfect along with the society we live in. Those chosen few who work hard at testing my limits have seen intense volatility from me. Since males are generally aggressive it makes my INFJ rage particularly scary. I'm highly intellectual and coupled with strong intution I can cripple people just using words. I'm rarely physically violent except a few inevitable fist fights during adolescent years.
Anyway thanks for articulating this very INFJ specific nature so well
You are absolutely welcome!! Thank you so much for watching. :)
I like your name 😁
As an INFJ, I am almost the exact opposite. I don’t really have a desire to get people back for things. I just like to move on with my life and surround myself with better people. To want to cause someone pain in return just feels like perpetuating the cycle. I have no problem with shaming people however if they’re blind to the effects of their actions.
Ah, fascinating stuff. I hate shaming people! Absolutely cannot do it. 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Dont be surprised if one day someone you have really opened up to hurts you. That first grenade I threw surprised me. I am a super nice person and was very careful to hold back from any emotional commitment to avoid confrontation. Life is too short. Close friends for us is a risk we have to take sometimes. I however am careful to vet people. Some will never be more than acquaintances because they fail the test or they require more time than l have to give.
I have always been this way and am just finding out I'm an incurable INFJ. I wish I could walk around not giving a care.
Yeah, we all wish that. :)
I'm really glad that I've found this video now I know that I'm not alone there's people right there whose experiencing what I've experience right now..
In the 18 years of existence no one really understands me even my family but thanks to you now I know I'm not alone we're just rare 😊
Yes!! Thanks for watching.
Hahaha YES !!💯✨👌🏼
There was that guy I door slammed once after a big rage, I saw him a year after that and he came say hello to me like nothing had ever happened, that was so weird bc when I door slammed sm, it is like you said in one of your videos "they no longer exist to me" so yeah I can totally relate 😆 #INFJTeam 🙋🏻✨
Hahaha! Yeah, it's weird how they completely disappear in our heads. :) #INFJsUnite
Sometimes when I get really mad, I feel like I am blowing up in size, my voice changes, and get away from me fast. But, like you said, that happens really rarely. Generally if someone irritates me, i just leave.
Yeah, you go into Hulk mode. :)
INFJs sacrifice too much. That’s their problem. Everyone has a bad side but giving INFJs special treatment because they’re unique is a sense of entitlement. Conflict is a part of life no matter the level of your anger.
Absolutely!
Wow, you so described me right down to the unspoken three strikes and you're out rule! You rock!
If you are regularly attacking people on their weakest most vulnerable points when you get angry (like youve done it to more than a few people in your life) that's not normal or healthy.
From one infj to another.
Thanks for sharing!! And that's why I am moving towards a more amiable way of expressing my anger by conversing with people. If you watch my recent videos, you will see that. :)
Fabulous explanation. Thanks. I don't berate myself for my door slamming any longer or the 'i know you better than you know yourself and I could bring you down into the dungeons with little effort. Thanks for the great insight on myself, who I have always known to be different from a very young age. Will be following you, girl. You tell the truth!
Thanks Annchen!! :) Look forward to more comments from you in the future.
annchen weidemann,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Great video god so many emotions flowing through me now, you hit the nail on the head. I just recently found out about all the different personality types and consequently that I'm an INFJ. More I learn about this personality type the more insight I get about the sometimes uncontrollable feelings that have whirled around inside since I was a kid. And your right, we get angry watch out, and it's not that I want to hurt people's feelings but most people consider us pushovers cause we so loyal and honest, willing to give every ounce of soul over to individuals we care about that when we are wronged it's like this switch happens and we become a different entirely. And your right it takes alot to bring that out of us because we don't want to believe that these people that we care a out could hurt the way they do.
Thank you for sharing!! :)
You nailed it! 3 strikes and you're out, no matter how long I have known you or the relationship. Those strikes can be years apart, but I carefully consider where a person is "coming from". We all make mistakes and have vulnerabilities, but when I see that the other person is just being nasty, it's over. I have expunged people from my life, including 2 siblings, and with no regrets. Our dark side is very real.
Yes, indeed!!
That energy is crazy. Smh face definitely shows it and you can't even hide it. Positive Vibes... Stay away from people who trigger you.💙💛💚💜❤✌🔮🌌Stay positive.
Absolutely agreed!!
That is the perfect description of what we do..... I try to give a warning before it happens..... and then they find out they should have listened very carefully to the warning..... and boom it's over... your done.... I will tear you down and smile while doing it
Yup, exactly!!
INFJ rage is pretty well portrayed in that scene from Hobbit where Galadriel goes berzerk and fights Sauron off. Sure, we won't change physical appearance, but the shift in energy is on that level.
YES!!! Great share.
I'm completely blown away and comforted knowing that other people are this way and understand what it like. Thank you for sharing this Boom Shikha! You hit every point spot on!
You are absolutely welcome!! Thanks for watching. :)
Boom Shikha 😊👍
I am the same and live a very isolated life. I have chronic pain for now, but I know how I will get healed, and that is a matter of time and money because I have recently learned how to correct my DNA and also how to remove the heavy metals from my body. Right now I am learning more about my powers, once again! I have long known about natural healing. I am a medicine woman of sorts and hunger for as much knowledge as I can find to not only help me but, more importantly, to help others. I hope we can connect, that would be so joyous for me. I barely know anyone that is like me. You are, and you made me feel so much joy today to feel your spirit and to connect with a like soul. A very special soul that has more get up and go than I have and you are reaching out so amazing.
I am not as strong as you right now because of my physical illness, that I hope will soon be behind me after 32 years of physical and emotional pain caused by the physical. I know how the body follows the mind, and the mind follows the body.
I send you happiness and love and support and you are so good at expressing yourself and you can so easily put into words our mutual thoughts. I am so happy to have found your site on TH-cam. You are an inspiration and a breath of fresh air.
I look forward to speaking with you and sharing knowledge. I am a little bit stagnant due to the anger I have about things I've encountered in life, but I know that all these experiences are meant to bring me to a special place where I can help others... without going through this pain I would not be capable of helping those in similar conditions. I have a LOT of LOVE in me and also A lot of Anger at being ignored or trampled on by thieves and murderers. I am ashamed I let them go sometimes. Other times I feel it is another feather in my cap to not seek justice. I feel that justice will be delivered by the Almighty One. I wished I could have fought back better, but I was afraid that I would mess up my Karma. I hope that makes sense. If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them. I know that I have the same cosmic influences as Joan of Arc. I have had encounters with other dimensions and am not afraid to talk about them. I don't know exactly what my future holds, but I do have an idea. I also study other esoteric subjects. I became a Reiki Shoden also. I have many questions and don't mind asking someone younger. I believe that all souls were created at the same time, therefore, we are all the same age, just born at different hours for good reason. I believe in reincarnation also. I believe that we most have several incarnations before the Great White Throne Judgement. Thank you for hearing me out, and I don't mind if you have different opinions, I just would so much enjoy speaking with you as I know that you are an enlightened being. You have a big high 5 from me!
Hey Beverly, So grateful to hear from you. I appreciate hearing from a person like you, who's going through such a hard time, but still keeping their head up and energy strong. Thanks for watching!!
That explains why I have been ghosting people lately. Yeah, don’t mess with my rage. Amplified 100x, I’ll never waste my time on you again.
Yes, indeed.
I keep telling people I’m as brutal as I am nice and I’m very nice lol 😉
Yup!!! ❤❤❤
As an INFJ, my friends always call me 'scarily calm' because I do eventually snap. I've only snapped once in front of them, but they still talk about it to this day because oh dear lord the words that came out of my mouth. I brought this guy down in an instant. All of the information I'd gathered about him came out in that moment. My friends are very respectful to me now because they're scared of seeing me snap again, which is understandable, but it was just a one time thing.
Oh yes!
I had many people say "you never gave me a chance". Yah, after 3 times I've just slammed the door and walked away. Or if I've gotten mad, they look at me an say "I never expected that out of you".
Hahaha! Yeah, they never expect it of us, but they are happy to keep on pushing us forever. I don't get that.
That's my issue. In my head I'm like, "OH you've had plenty of chances. I don't have to say much for you to have a 'chance'. You ought to be self aware of yourself and the crap that you do. If you're not willing to spend some energy to be self aware and think of why I might be upset, I'm not wasting my time on you!"
I don't know why ,BUT I too have that smile on my face everytime I talk about INFJ's rage ..
Hahahaha!
Very interesting! Thanks for sharing Boom Shikha. I myself am a Mediator (INFP-T) So for me trying to always find peace in situations, I forgive a lot. But once you pass that line after a good few times, then they are out of my life with no return. Unfortunately I hold on and try and resolve too long.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing, Dustin. :)
I'm an INFP ... and I'd rather be a peacemaker and forgive too! I'm working on that holding on for too long thing as well 😖
However, I've come to learn some great life lessons over the years.
If someone takes advantage of me.. I just learn from the experience. But I don't need/desire be one step away from blowing my top with people. Holding in all kinds of rage and thinking bad things about other people only takes away from my own joy and others around me. Unfortunately, everyone is imperfect and has hurt someone in some kind of way... at some point in their lives. If I walked around here expecting everyone to treat me perfectly or kept a score sheet of nice things I do for people ....
It would be hard for me to maintain genuine long lasting friendships and relationships...because I would never be content. I'd most likely resent people very easily.
I'm dealing with this now. My siblings have gotten used to insulting, demeaning, using & abusing me. It's reached the point of no return. It's done. Door slammed because they honestly thought that they could push me around, treat me like dirt & i'll take it. I watched quietly waiting after i caught on to their game & now I know they're both narcs. They got to go! Many of these people talk shit but when I'm done with BS I'll let you know the truth. I'm so loyal, i go above & beyond, i'll never share a secret even when i've door slammed someone. However when someone betrays me, it's done.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. It's too bad they are abusing you like that. :(
I had to deal with a situation like this before. I knew someone was being too sugar sweet to me to pacify me and acting like they were my best friend when I knew different, it was all over their face and their actions. Don't try to play me, I know you too well and it won't work on me! Hate when people bring out my rage!
Oh god! I despise people like that. Sugary sweet outwardly, bitter and negative on the inside.
Boom Shikha Right!
Boom Shikha I learned to play them and let them think they are still playing me lol!
Sooooo right on. I expect better from people and when they attempt to take advantage of me, especially when you are a family member or friend, im so disappointed and offended that im done with them.
Thanks for watching! ♥️
Dr. Maya Angelou said her mother was "Too mean to lie." I think it sums this video up. I'm much happier when I flow with this ethic.
Kind and mean. Not nice. Nice is for push overs.
Oh yes!! I love this. :)
I feel obligated to be nice to my true friends. I am kind to all until I can appraise where they stand.
Best thing about being INFJ so fucking reserved when you raise your voice everyone listens it scares people sometimes
Yup!
WOW, you nailed it, we are like kindred spirits. When you were talking it felt like you were exposing me, then I had an enlightening moment concerning someone I had "doorslamed" a few years ago. I suddenly realized WHY I door slammed her, she chose the wrong side ( inside joke). Thank you so very much for your honesty (which I love!!) !!! Sry for the rant
You are absolutely welcome, Diana!! :)
An infj’s rage is like a powerful demon possession. It is what it feels for me. I have gotten to 95% in anger and I react in anger at 75%
Yeah, I like the way you put it. A demon possession.
Thanks
Infj anger is always justified anger and is usually in the Right
Thanks for sharing. :)
So true. I know the deepest part of someone and can take them down. However as I reach being elderly I realize the karma isn’t worth the rage. But I also know that there are times that taking them down is exactly what I am supposed to do.
You say it exactly how it is. Soo many people claim they are infj’s like it’s cool. But you can tell they truly aren’t. You are totally the real thing. I’m glad I came across your site.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!! xx
i had a perfect opportunity to crush a friend last year for saying she was with me out of pity (and a perfect comeback, too), but i simply couldn't be bothered. even if you're slamming the door, literally or figuratively, there is a chance the person in question will be useful to you someday. why waste it?
next step in infj development: manage your resources wisely.
Great advice!!
This is exactly what my contradictory thoughts tell me ! This thoughts makes things more hard. Also makes me self sufficient
Amen, just recently door slammed a long time friend, no second chances - one and done.
Rude, lying, accusatory, I was shocked by her behavior. I was none of the things she said. I know myself, I am not weak, shallow, I can't be shamed, I can't be bought!!!
DONE!
Awesome!!! Good luck going forward. :)
I went off on a family member and they didn’t know what hit them. But it was based on years of foolishness that I finally had enough.
Yeah, we give many chances, but then we can't take it anymore!
Correct! 😊🤭🤣 i love that smile, because thats exactly how i feel when im in rage as an infj-t and i fully understand you. And thats right, we give chances and warnings always. 😁
Exactly!! :)
We introverts have to stick together in a world of extroverts.....LOL...
Yeah, we really, really do.
I loved how u smiled at the end after being so full of rage for ppl who take advantage of infjs
Hehehe. :)
I found this quite thought provoking. As an INFJ myself, I have to say that I only partially agree with you as to whether your reaction to another's injustice is common only to INFJs in PARTICULAR. I mean most everyone has their breaking point and will abruptly end a friendship or relationship. I mean what else is there to do? -- but with variations, of course, some slower, gentler, or more nuanced than others. Compliments on your video. Again, very thought-provoking stuff. We differ, however and of course, in our ways of viewing our own INFJishness, me being old enough to be your grandfather. :)
Thanks for sharing your insights!!
And thanks for responding. I'm finding you articulate, interesting, and fun listening to. What I find most fascinating is the wide range of differences even among INFJs. I mean there might be only sixteen personality types -- and yet be countless and varying versions of each. Ah, these degrees of separation: you might be only 55% introverted while I might be 99% the same.
I wonder Do you write? I think if I were as on-the-spot and articulate as you, I might not have felt the need to write at all (novels mostly). Damn 99%! But there it is: I'm so much better on the page.
You might like this particular poem I've written, take it as an example of the sort of dismay an INFJ might feel at meeting a similar sort of opposition as related in your video:
I don’t want to
Who are you to tell me
why I have to visit relatives
if I don’t want to?
Or celebrate my birthday or anyone else’s
if I don’t want to?
Or socialize at the drop of anyone’s hat but my own?
Why do I have to do anything
except what I really want to do?
And why is it so important to you
that what I do pleases you more
than it pleases me?
The one thing that some of us need to realize that anger is a sign that something is wrong or has been wrong.
It is not inherently wrong itself to become angry.
Expressing your anger is not inherently wrong either.
Yes, that’s such a good point! Thanks for sharing. :)
I may say something, eventually, in a not offending way. But if it goes on and on I slam the door but then I'm troubled by being Furious for the rest of the day. I hate what it does to me inside. It can make me stall doing anything else for the rest of the day.
Yes, exactly!! You can push only so far.
Dr. Robin Aston,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,I must admit
INFJs... I've only recently discovered that I'm an INFJ... At first, I thought it was a fluke... no way that I'm amongst the rarest personality type... but after I took another, and another and another test.. all shown the same results... I began to explore and try to learn more. And here I am. "The Kindest Evil People in The World" ... how apt... I can relate with you on almost all points, its like hearing someone describing me to me, when you were actually talking about your experience, yourself .
Thanks for watching!! Welcome to the INFJ world!
I'm loving these videos! Wow!
This is exactly right!
Aww, thank you Marty!! I appreciate it. :)
I SO agree everything you are saying. Like you, I am frequently dismissed as the one who will just take it because I present as so easy going. But, when I turn, watch out. I have been referred to the mouse that roared. When I blow its just as you say, push me too far or into a corner, and I will blow. And once I turn, that's it. I am not being mean, I just see no point in going on with the relationship. We are on two different planets at that point. I will then move on, let it go, and I won't look back. Thank you so much.
I loveee that! The mouse that roared. :)
as Dr. Banner once said, "You wouldnt like me when im angry."
Yes, indeed!!
This is the monstrous thing I wanted to keep to myself forever. The saddest part is when you love the one who would receive this inconceivable anger. I did it to my Dad once and I regret it my whole life. It crashed my principles and hope. I felt like I wanna hide somewhere yet worries if my Dad is okay. I don't want rage :( it has ruined my relationship to my Dad. I should have endless forgiveness when it comes to my parents, but I failed.
Yes I know what you mean! 💯 💯 💯
This is amazing and it portraits me perfectly!!! Thanks for making this!! 😍 😍 😍
You are absolutely welcome!!
I can totally relate . I also have a "3 strikes" rule. I can't tolerate inconsiderate people (because being considerate is so important to me) and I can turn from nice to nasty very quickly often surprising the inconsiderate person who mistook my niceness for weakness.
Yup! Nice to nasty switch. 😜😜😜
In an aries when I've had enough I can break someone down like a cardboard box
Thanks for sharing!
lets put them in the box! lol.
Thank you :) to be honest you are the first INFJ youtuber ( that I've seen yet) I can totally tell that I can feel the INFJ vibe.
Awww, thank you for the compliment. :)
You mess with the bull, you get the horns! 💯
Exactly!
The Purple Yarnivore,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Yessssss absolutely!!! Slow to anger but once angry that's it!!!!
Exactly!
Boom Shikha , you just explained my personality and how i react and how i am as a whole , even aside from anger, with the greatest of accuracy , i am just learning what this type is , i really want to know more , it could help me understand what and who i am
Well, I have hundreds of videos on INFJs, so check those out. Hopefully that will be a step closer to learning about who you are and becoming more comfortable with yourself.
thank you , i appreciate your knowledge and helpful understanding
Thank you!! :)
Honestly the part where you said that we would do everything you stayed about how you get angry at people with a smile on our faces is so true.
If I showed my true anger to people without any problems I would no doubt be seen as an insane person.
But I’m not insane.
I have always told people that I have lots of energy and half of the time I don’t know what to do with it in order to play it off.
Absolutely!!
Oh ya, I understand exactly what your saying cause being a clairsentient empath man when I blow up in rage and start screaming at someone man trust me it ain't a pretty sight lol
Hahaha!! Yeah, same here. I turn into a scary monster, of sorts. :)
Boom Shikha he he scary monster and then some it's like you might as well wish you were dead rather than go through this
As an INFJ I'm very often afraid of myself and what I am capable of. As intuitive and emphatic people, we INFJs can reach into the depths of another person, and inflict massive damage there. I keep that part of myself chained. But the Door Slam gets the job done. I get free, and the other person is left pretty much intact.
Yes! So true!
You should talk about how infjs can get dark in everyyy wayy possible.in poetry,life,love,thinking.like litterallyyy eveerythiing.an example(my poetry):"The heaven you know of,is the one i call foe,angels you call 4,are ones I miss & need most.the star you see in the sky,I wish to fly to most,maybe stop by neverland too.as in my dreams I take off,saying goodbye to my outmost.and sheading tears enough 4 a sea full,I flapp my wings & soar.& I fly & fly & fly until I realize...I've woken up...the dream is done..."I hope you like this example & it helps you explain a bit about an infj mind
Brilliant!!! Yes, you are absolutely right. I missed that point in my video. Thank you for sharing. I am so grateful.
Boom Shikha it's nothing thanks 4 making these explain vids
I'm an Entp and you seem like a mess girl, but I do appreciate the way you open up with us. It must take guts for you to do so. Thanks for your candor.
Thanks for watching!!
What about learning how to recognize when people are being rude/taking advantage? I feel like I don’t want to recognize it and I let it go on and then afterward that INFJ rage happens but I don’t want to ruin the friendship if I let it out
There's this thing we have as INFJs, and it's called eternal hope. Even when we see someone being an idiot, we want to believe they can be better. So it doesn't matter if we see them being rude, we think, maybe it's just temporary, and we hold hope. :)
sounds about right haha
INFJ rage is intense and dangerous because for that moment, stuck in the present moment, we lose touch with ourselves and reality. The rage is external and separate from ourselves. It takes a lot of conscious effort to slow ourselves down. This is typically why in a fight I walk away and shut down for hours or a few days... so that I never reach that rage level. I dated a guy who didn’t understand giving me space and would insist on working through it
right away because he couldn’t stand my silence. When I gave in to working on it right away the rage would come out and just make things worse.
Thank you for sharing!!
love your channel and your subscribers (all provide great insight!) My two cents worth: if the narcissist 'manipulating' the INFJ (me) is a psychopath, be careful in expressing anger, as the psychopath's 'life sport' will be, in general, to get revenge on you, and bring you down, and you may become a target. it May better to just dissappear. but this is only for the extreme cases, as INFJs and psychopaths are both around 1-2%, so having them together is .01x.01=.0001 or .01 percent chance ( but maybe bigger since psycos seek out empath/intjs.) ALL humans should be taught the dangers of psychopaths, since they are so engrained and hidden among us. Knowing this equips us.
in my life if I door slammed a psychopath, it ruined all my relationships and reputation because it put me as the target of that psychopath. the psychopath now had a new sport: to use his/her charm and charisma and ability to manipulate and act , to destroy me and my reputation, spreading lies in a strangely believable way... yikes... I had to leave and start over. I don't what that to happen to any of you wonderful infjs...
Thanks for sharing your experiences! 💖 💖 💖
Very few people have witnessed me spit venom but I promise those who have will NEVER forget it.
Hahaha! Yup! I can totally imagine, Andrew. :)
It's kinda funny, cause when I meet new people, who I can pretty much see in the beginning as nice people, I give them a warning that I can be a meaner person, say that with a smile on my face, and they believe me. I happen to appreciate that because it tells me that I can trust them. But when it comes to people I'm not so fond of, or people I'm internally wary of, I don't say anything. It's not fear that prevents me from warning them, but a test for myself to see if I'm right, or see what there is to the person that keeps me on my toes. I would rather not deal with a person who could potentially piss me off. My anger and hate are stuffed inside me, and I would rather store it elsewhere for the moments they are needed when I want my words to make an impact. Needless to say, when angry, I become a monster, and I would rather hurt a person with my words than with my own hands. At least with words, there is a finality to how you feel and can decide to verbally scold and demolish the other person to keep away from you. At least that's how it is for me. I hope other people have more efficient ways a getting rid of bad people in their life, although it seems to me that this is basically similar to what other INFJ's do. Good luck everyone, and may the Narc's in your general vicinity fear you :)
Love how you deal with nice people vs people you are not fond of. I think I do pretty much the same thing. I think I don't bother with people who I'm not fond of or wary of, because I don't want to waste my time on them. ❤❤❤
I just got out of jail last week because of my rage. Sometimes when it’s hard to door slam a person we can get extremely volatile. It’s shameful😖😭
Oh boy!! Thanks for sharing. :)