What do you do or how do you handle - as an INTJ, when you get angry beyond frustration? Leave a comment and tell me your experiences. Thanks for watching! Make sure you subscribe to get more Brain Food. ✔️ Click to Subscribe! bit.ly/S4BYes ▶️ If you have enjoyed our Breakfast Brainfood together, consider Buying Me a Coffee and help support this channel: www.buymeacoffee.com/Success4Brkfst ◾◾ This is the Number 1 tool that I use and what helped me jump-start being able to live my best life and do it on my own terms. ➡️ bit.ly/LvlUpNow I hope you enjoy my channel and the videos but more importantly, find things that you can take action on and level up your life!
I am an INTJ personality. These videos describe me to a T. However, I don't have this cold stare. I'm right up front with people. If someone is making me mad, I tell them that they're making me mad and probably be wise I did to stop. Most people understand it, and we'll walk away from me. The people who choose not to get taught I lessen they seem not forget. I have a few close friends who usually try to calm me down or tell the other person to leave me the hell alone.
As an INTJ definitely how I react is definitely how you explained it but you did forget to add that if I cant walk away and it isn't needed to react loudly I will just simply ignore them and if they continue I will just stare at them sothat tay stop
I definitely go the cold route. But I feel like I would be more hot if I weren't constantly thinking through the ripple effects i would cause in the ever fragile social web that normal people live in if I said things out loud. I have arguments in my head constantly where I destroy people with logic and facts. Then I point out all the flaws in themselves they refuse to address. Then I realize I've taken a 30 min shower without doing anything.
I quite literally couldn’t relate more. I deal with a lot of people who like to try and attack me with vile verbal comments, and I just ignore them. I just see them as pathetic people who can’t do anything useful in their lives, so they try to drag others down to not feel alone in their self loathing depression. I don’t let them get to me, anything they do just ricochets, and actually ends up making me laugh at their stupidity. It entertains my mind when I’m bored in class. Basically, *they can’t do shit to me*
Yeah, the so called cold route "Ashley Bennetts" talked about. But is what she's describing cold? She highlights that she is forward forecasting the repercussions of her possible future actions, as she calls it the ripple effects. Is this cold as put forward by the videos creator or caring? She is willing to take the hits if the retaliation means damaging someone. If you haven't already guessed, yuppers I'm an Intj. I have remembered times growing up when I was less mindful and caring of others and was verbally attacked by a classmate and knew instantly how to dismantle them but instead kept my mouth shut because I could see the pain in their life that was the origin of this verbal attack against me. In my mind my life was not full of pain like theirs so to attack simply for the sake of my fledgling Ego was idiotic in my view. This had a curious effect. Once they realized I was not dancing to the tango; their mind sobers and come to, knowing my resourcefulness in any crisis situation and how quickly I can cobble pure trash together to save the proverbial day it clicks. I'm choosing not to punch back. That's about the time a look of either terror or shock appears on their face. Most people are unfortunately Not forward thinkers and when they do meet one who does they don't understand. It may trouble them enough to make a click bait off point video from the passengers perspective of the proceeding road conditions for a limo. Make better video's.
This video is deadly accurate. I am most definitely a "hot anger" INTJ, although I have exhibited cold anger. I always tell people, "If I have to yell at you, trust me, you deserve it" 1. because of my typically controlled demeanor and 2. because by the time I get to that point, you have already made several egregious errors. The only time I feel bad about "burying" a person, is if it was a close personal or romantic relationship. As INTJ's we don't collect friends, we form meaningful bonds with a select few, which is why it is difficult to let those people go...
For me the hot anger is less effective as an immediate reaction. For me it is cold anger that is more effective, not responding to the initial provocation in the way others expect but then using time and planning to formulate a proportionate and efficient response.
This but also, when something or someone pushes me to the point that I do explode there's a metaphorical blast radius that leaves a lasting impression on everyone lol in middle and high school there were 3 or 4 times this happened and in one instance the whole hallway got super quiet and finished at their lockers to go to the classrooms with a quickness. Didn't realize it until a friend told me at lunch that even the teachers who were close just kind of shrugged and walked off. Context is I had been asking the guy to stop touching my butt for weeks, gone to teachers, counselor, and principal and when they didn't do anything, well, I returned the favor but to his upper body 😊
@@sempressfiMicro nuclear blast radius. The target receives the full force, but the heat and power ripples outward to everyone else to learn the lesson.
When I was younger I ripped everyone down. Only hot anger. Cold anger- I actually just get more and more angry, until it's Hot. But, as I've grown older I rarely have hot or cold anger. I have "sneaky" anger. I keep smiling on the surface and quietly go for the jugular. I don't have enough years left to bother with teaching or talking. 95% of the time it makes no difference. You learn this over the years. Now I have "sneaky" or "smart" anger.
Me too. I'm a 68-year-old INTJ. I rarely succumb to it, but these days I use 'cold anger' that is targeted with sniper-like precision which comes from a close study of the weaknesses of the person in question. I withdraw cooperation when it is most inconvenient to them. When they ask why, if they dare, my answer is simply 'Because I don't like you.'
When I get angry I step away and my brain will race rapidly and feel a wave of anger and I will constantly think about how I can publicly destroy them and dismantle their reputation and mental state. Basically everything you said.
I go hot when someone I love gets hurt. When I'm the one hurt or offended I go the cold route and will slowly gather evidence and make a plan to expose the person that wronged me.
That is so true;)) When I’m wronged by someone I show contempt at its purest. When someone poses a threat (especially physical) to my family, I will instinctively scratch their eyes out if needed.
As an INTJ I try to be objective when I am angry. I try to see the big picture versus what was just said or done. In a business situation (I own a business) I was very angry at an employee for something they said and did. I wanted to say GFY and never see them again, but the business side of me told me that was a bad idea. I ended up messaging that person and was very nice stating that I hope there wasn't any hard feelings. I need this person in my business and that is why I did that. But, as soon as I do not need that person anymore, I will gladly state "you're fired" and never look back. As a rule, I don't burn bridges with employees if I can help it and a lot of employees come back and work if we are shorthanded. But, if they cross a line, there is no coming back once my business is okay and that person is not needed. I cannot remember any time that I was so angry that I fired someone on the spot if I needed them that day or in the near future. I think this is a mature way to manage anger at the workplace. Personal life, if someone angers me or crosses the line, I write that person off and will not associate with them. I don't tell them usually because it isn't important to me that they know they angered me. If I have to see them in social situations in the future, I will only interact if they come in contact with the people I am with. I won't be rude, but there is no way they I will invite them into my social circle.
When business demand slows you will know if your crossed the line with an INTJ business owner. Recession is coming. So your demand for unrealistic wages when labor was tight might come back to haunt you. I get you.
Same here - also an INTJ Sigma male. When someone crosses the line, I quietly end the relationship because they already know what they did and I refuse to waste time and effort on it. Life is too short and I'm too busy with what I think is important.
I call it a cold calculating enragement and with a touch of "get even and even more, to balance the scales" type of attitude can be devastating to whoever...and whatever is in the way! Great explanation video. I like this explaining the inner turmoil! Peace!
I had gone through both. I think cold rage ensues when we care deeply, and hot rage is more on the surface, rage for simple thing, punctual things. And with both, I have had a hard time with ppl. If you're too hot, you are too rude, you hurt ppl, you're not empathic, you're selfish and don't know how to communicate (funnily enough). If you're cold, then you don't care, you're too cold, you're using them, you don't know how to communicate (even when you have thought about it deeply BEFORE hand). It seems to me, that we, INTJ are not allowed to express emotions. Ppl around us only like us when we pretend to be happy-normal-ppl. If we open up, INTJ become rejected by society. Not that I mind using them in return, but we also want genuine relationships, at least a few... why cant we have the same a others?
It takes a lot to get me angry. A lot. And it cannot be done by accident. If you have made me mad, it was on purpose, because I'm pretty forgiving of mere clumsiness or ignorance. But once someone has set out to make me angry, it doesn't matter how they go about it. The very fact that they are trying to make me angry... makes me angry. So I make sure they get their money's worth. It is also generally our last interaction on this earth. If I've raised my voice, I'm frustrated, and you're on thin ice. But if I get quiet and just stare at you... really, you should exit my presence, because I've begun to think about how you'd fit into a duffel bag.
When I was younger I used to fall more in the hot anger than the cold one. I couldn't control my hot anger to the point a was rage blinded. This only happened a very few times someone crossed the line. The inflection point to the cold rage was when i even broke a door with just a kick when my older brother was hiding from my rage. I can't even remember now the reason of my rage, I can only remember the blindness of my rage. As I grew up i changed for the better, and for the world peace, to the cold anger, and it is exactly as described in the video. When someone hurts me, they should be prepared to be ignored or even banned from my life forever. I just had a situation like that last weekend and man, when this person asked me if I was angry I just stared at him and answered: I can forgive but never forget. I can assure you he felt the knives through my eyes. And like that, this person who i valued to a certain point, now is out, removed, erased completely from my reduced list of friends.
I mostly go cold, which is 1) much easier for me to understand/control, and 2) the easiest way of avoiding the person/situation in future. I occasionally have anger explosions, which are very uncomfortable because they mean a complete loss of control. I'm usually ashamed of those afterward because of that loss of control - regardless of whether other people know about them happening or not.
How timely your addressing of this topic is: In March, I decided to hire an older, retired highway supervisor, to do 2 jobs on my property. He kept coming around, not w/equipment to DO the jobs, but rehashing exactly what I wanted done & how it was expected to be done... repeatedly... over the next few months. Then on 5/19, he showed up again, this time w/a kid I'd never seen, WHEN I WASN'T HOME!!!...& proceeded to rearrange part of my side yard, then HAD THE KID LOAD MY ANTIQUE 36" PICNIC TABLE & BENCHES ONTO THE BACK OF HIS DODGE RAM 3500!!!!! When I got home that day, 3 of my surveillance cameras were blinking. When I checked the film, there it was, all 18 minutes of him taking liberties with MY THINGS ON MY PROPERTY!!! HE STOLE MY DAMN TABLE SET!!!!! **I NEVER GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO COME ON MY PROPERTY WHEN I WASN'T HOME.** I paced the floor for hours, playing the footage, pacing some more... I was absolutely BLIND with rage!!! Instantly I knew I had 2 Legal Standings, but because I work for other members of his family, the situation had to be approached delicately. 2 days later, I confronted him; he claimed "It was rotten... I threw it out!!!" Dispite me telling him he had no right to be on my property when I wasn't home, nor any right to take my table set, he kept repeating his line... He must have realized I was pissed cause he suddenly left... But over the coming 2 weeks, taunted me by pulling into my driveway & blasting his truck horn, then backing out...multiple times a day. I explained what had transpired to my client & requested he LEAVE ME ALONE to calm down. His family kept telling him, but THAT was like pouring gasoline on it...he only got worse.... All this time I was seething over his antagonism & audacity, insults atop the unlawful actions.... Monday morning I went to the Police, showed them the video, & filed a Deposition against him. It was THEN, that the Detective informed me that I was #9: I was the 9th single women to tell them of his illegal escapades, but none of the previous 8 had the caliber of evidence against him that I did... The Police have known HE IS A PREDATOR for 7 years but didn't have solid evidence till I walked in... He hunts single women!!! He was pushed OUT of the highway department because he started stalking & harassing single women ON THE JOB W/TOWN VEHICLES!!! I was aghast!!! The Police agreed to square off at him, offering a 6×9 if he didn't leave me alone... The family's attorney has advised the family to make restitution on the table set as fast as possible, & are warning him that if he violates the Order of Protection, HE WILL BE ARRESTED & they will not be able to defend him, but he hasn't listened to the family throughout this mess... Police are his CHECK-MATE. I hired a carpenter to build me an identical set to the antique one the predator stole. They stopped making those sets 40 yrs ago, so I had to hunt down the blueprint for it in Old Archives. With today's lumber prices, just the materials alone will top $200, plus the labor to build the table & 2 benches: the set is rare; most picnic tables are 72"; mine was 36", but w/traditional leg braces, & 2 detached identical benches. Once completed & delivered, I will file the itemized invoice with the Deposition & demand payment within 10 days. I will pay the carpenter myself.... ....& I'm still quietly fuming....😡🖤
@@sylviaowega3839 It's disgustingly easy how so many can betray even the most basic of trust: Police have him cornered, so I'm hoping that gets the point across... Thanks for the support.💞🖤 Edit: 2 things worth noting: 1) ***I LOATH DRAMA*** & this is dripping in it!!! ...so it deserved the sledgehammer I made sure it got. _Never should ANYONE even ponder the notion of violating an INTJ's personal space, because I WILL come after the offender in fatal ways._ 2) THIS is what I call a ***DOORSLAM CEMENTED WITH LEGAL CHAINS.*** My fuming over it will NEVER completely dissipate, but it HAS provoked me to add 24/7 Smart Monitoring to the Surveillance System...now I'll bust the idiots in real time. ...& ppl wonder WHY I am repulsed by ppl!!!!!!!!!🖤 Footnote: most of us either work for some aspect of government or are retired from that venue, so we have FEDERAL SECURITY CLEARANCES. We know the law & can use tactical applications of advanced technology to our benefit, as is my case. To get busted red-handed by one of us indicates the level of insane miscalculation the offender deluded themselves with, & being female & Tribal (Mohawk) just amplifies my intent to neutralize ANY threat. Once that line is crossed, the offender becomes prey...
Fucking HELL. I've been trying to figure out what the hell this cold fury is that's swept me under lately. I literally came here for entertainment as dead hope about getting any type of real explanation (you know, typical surface level MBTI fluff for shits n gigs). Yet this is so well explained I'm actually shocked at its accuracy.
INTJ-A Female. If someone close is playing a narcissistic, or passive aggressive game, I freeze them out. If they seek me out, to continue this game, I carefully formulate a scenario to manuver these people into were every word I speak to them will be brutal, destructive to their ego, and annihilating. It will be done publicly, and I never swear, name call or bully. I speak 100% facts of their behavior, with solid examples. It took years to perfect this technique, but it saves me from blowing up emotionally or being abused by these people. I've never had a person on the receiving end contact me again. Which is the goal.
When I get angry, I tend to get isolated from everything, and\or bathe my mind in music, mostly metal though. Helps to release a lot of stress. The only downside is that barely any metal is heavy anymore, but eh... worth it.
2:38 I really like this point because normally I don't get really mad. It takes a truly awful person to get me that pissed. I've been dealing with a freak stalker that won't leave me alone and I feel like this rage cycle has been repeating endlessly for months and this video really perfectly captures it.
Initially when someone upsets me I let them know. I give them a warning. When a line is crossed and I start seeing a pattern or when I feel there is no reasoning with you that's when I am done with you. I become very controlled, show no signs of emotion or upset, I try to treat you in the same way as before ( I am no longer willing to play open cards) then when you have left I block and shut you out. No warning. No remorse. You lost my trust and respect and no longer deserve honesty I will see you as an enemy and you dont let the enemy know what your next hand is. So initially I am hot which means you still have a chance, but when I turn cold, I am done with you.
I'm an INTJ. After my friend of 20 years kept telling me I was wrong on things I thoroughly researched, I blocked his number...for 7 months, until he apologized. I was fine never talking to him again. It's one thing to be misinformed or have a different point of view on something, but when it's a topic that I am literally an expert on and have done for 30 years and your response to something I say on the topic is "that's not true at all..." To an INTJ, you might as well spit in my face and call me stupid while you're at it. It's infuriating how ignorant and uninformed most people are on most things and yet they will still argue with you about it anyway when you objectively know far more about it than them. Hence why I don't like talking to people at all, especially being 94% introverted and I assume that's with a 6% margin for error.
If you wrong me and get the hot rage, consider yourself lucky. Wrong me to the point you get the cold rage and you'll never see or talk to me again and it'll happen in the blink of an eye.
Since I already have one for most people in my life, I break the glass on the "just in case" revenge plot, or closing statement specifically tailored to the person I'm dealing with based on my own ongoing analysis and compiled list of their insecurities, attachments, and wrongdoings. I find safety in the knowledge that I already know how to hurt the people in my life if they decide to hurt me.
Let's see, I've officially blown up at one person for putting a girl on the spot. I was driving and the two were in the back seat and I could hear my friend egging a girl on who had a crush on me to tell me. Knowing this prior, I had done my best to not give off any type of wrong vibes to her because I wasn't interested in anything beyond being friends. For all I know, that may have confused the situation. Nevertheless, the friend kept egging her on until she broke down crying in the backseat and confessed out loud that she liked me. After I dropped her off at her dorm, I ripped a new one into my friend and he probably nearly soiled himself because that's not me. But boy, did I yell and threaten if he were to ever do that again... My first thoughts were for how the girl felt bearing something she didn't want to, which made me mad because she was egged on to do it. Then there were my own feelings with the cat being out of the bag and my having wanted to avoid it to begin with and that made me even angrier. Most of the time, I'm more of the ice-out type. I'll just not talk. In one case at work, during an interview, the events leading up to it (and during the course of the first interview itself, with the hiring manager, who I had worked with some previously, having CLEARLY not read my resume wholly evident by his very first questions, and then subsequent interviews where there was clearly a lack of respect, I didn't choose the silence route. Nope. I proceeded to dress down the manager in that interview in front of other managers present by answering questions like, "What changes would you make," by providing examples of everything under this particular manager - but I did it in a calm, cool and collected fashion as if I were merely answering the questions being ask, because that's what I was really doing and doing it in probably the most self-sabotaging blunt way possible. For me, knowing at that point that I was NOT going to stick around any longer, it was a gratifying experience only topped by the fact that this manager was forced out about a month or so later. When I'm to the point where I've lost respect for someone and deem them unfit for a position, I won't hold back. Doing it in the fashion I did that undoubtedly caused embarrassment on their behalf at having their shortcomings exposed in front of others during their interview of me.... priceless!
I have found that intjs values and beliefs are not for themselves but for others. They get very angry when you give feedback about their character. They can treat people poorly but if you give feedback even in the nicest way possible they will go into a rage. They set up a zero-sum game.
I mix them. I show hot anger with a calm voice. When you speak calmly, people listen to you more. + Anger mixed with calm creates a cognitive dissonance, It looks much scarier. Maximal psychical damage.
I have 4 levels of anger. Level 1- not angry at all, just annoyed by people. I just leave and I'm over it after a few minutes. Level 2- when someone tells me what to do, contradicts my perfect idea or questions my idea or my project but the answers are already there... - I cut ties, stop talking to them, if they happen to be workmates and I know they are still valuable to me and I have a use for them, I distance myself a bit till I'm over it... Or until I find a replacement. Level 3- tornado meets volcano kind of anger, destructive, and lethal. - Someone I care about or someone I trust betrays me. I will lash out and destroy anything that can come in contact with me. Then hide somewhere coz I feel so bad that I have let out a tantrum. Play the scenario over and over again, plot and scheme of how I can hurt that person who betrayed me or how to get even. Focus on that plan... Once the plan is done.. I just let go, move on and save my energy, I would realize it's a waste of time and effort. delete them from my life.. cut all possible connections... Start working again and life goes on..
It is incredibly accurate that as an INTJ I do in fact I am willing to bring up any argument to bring down any other argument in a fiery manner. And yet I do indeed give the cold shoulder when the criticism pertains to my character, for emotions are not logic and sometimes those cannot be articulated without a long period of insight and brooding.
It feels like we are putting out fire, with gasoline. See these eyes of green, I can stare for a thousand years. Colder than the moon, it's been so long.
HOT HOT HOT: A super-annoying "customer service" experience, or communicating with government agencies. I'm quite a loud person and I sound like a lion when I'm yelling, though only 5-ft tall. COLD: Incompetent bosses and co-workers (too many to count, which is why I'm mostly self-employed now). I go totally deadpan on these people, they might as well not even exist. I work p/t at a little grocery store, as a cashier. My job isn't the least bit affected by the incompetencies or laziness of others, so there's no reason to get angry about it. I still find these people deplorable, but I don't have to shut them off.
1000% cold route all the time. The few times in the past I’ve taken the hot route, I regretted compromising my exterior appearance of cool headedness. The most common scenario for me to “erase” someone is in the workplace, due to their irrationality or inefficiency. Even if I do that, I can separate how they operate in a secular environment with how they operate in a social environment. Essentially they are dead to me in the workplace, but I can still get along with them in a setting where their actions are more rational.
When i start to get upset with someone i get silent but extremely focused the person tone of voice and body language i will ignore the insult but once it get personal prepare to have your therapist on standby
When I'm mad, I don't fight it, but do live by the five hindrances 1. no ill will 2. no distraction 3. no restlessness or worry 4. no sloth 5. believe in myself, I also say only do good every step of the way, and anything is achievable with the right attitude, anger is silly, but real, but there is a solution to every problem, and it is usually time, time will show you the answer, till then, be calm and stay patient, don't lose your cool...no ill will and keep a helicopter view for your goals and achievements, if something is beneath you, you already won, move on
For me the hot-anger outbursts are typically brief and not all that intense affairs and little more than a vent for severe frustration, such as reckless drivers on the road. the really dangerous part is the cold rage with me, which can range from decisively cutting someone off in order to delete them from my life or that of someone dear to me whom that individual has wronged, all the way to a scorched-and-salted-earth approach, utilizing every bit of knowledge and information i have gathered about a given target in order to wreck them. That said, this latter extreme is reserved for the really severe cases including things like false accusations involving legal trouble, etc. If someone does elect to go that far to cause harm to myself or those dear to me, then there is no room for mercy.
As an INTJ, I don't have that much anger since I've been practicing meditation so when I got angry I would just cut it off and my mind was just thinking like it's just the past, I don't have to care about it 10 years ago is the past, Even 1 min ago also the past so it doesn't matter anymore, the past is the past I have nothing to do with it *btw sorry for my bad grammars
Oh I defo go the hot route, I prefer to let it all out at that point but I dont go raging like a madman though. Raised voice, yes. Ripping them to shreds, yes. Then comes the cold route once im done. It takes a whole lot to push me and I only do this with close people who I once trusted or if someone has been doing this over and over and I let it slide before. I couldnt give a toss about a 3rd person, they are not worth my time..."Oh its like that? Fine so be it..." and thats when I walk off.
Oh boy, I sooo much recognize myself in the hot anger part. However in the cold anger I am not quite sure if I fit, it is something similar, but not exactly. Also not really sure if I'm an INTG or ISTG, gotta check the other option, but so far over the span of 4 or 5 videos I fit perfectly into this definition
My rage is usually detached and cold. I feel it but usually I calm myself down and try to distance myself. I try to get back to normal aa quickly as possible. Although I can have hot anger as well and this is usually when I explode and express it outwardly.
As an intjt, i have begin to forgive and resent to my behaviors to people ever since beginning to understand about my own mbti character traits after multiple trials and analysis on my own about each experience with people around me after conflicts
As an INTJ if I’m angry and talking, we are good. If I’m angry and not talking, not good, Henry the eighth. Your out of my life, no grudges, go get happy somewhere else, have a nice life. I do want to address the talking anger. As an older INTJ Anger can be quite detrimental to your relationships. So I have had to learn emotional regulation techniques to help those around me. How many times have you said I don’t wNt to feel anything? That’s the problem for most of us. You will learn it ok to have feelings, and you will learn it’s the response to the emotion that is the problem for those around you. Learn some regulation techniques because it doesn’t come naturally for us. Oh, and you probably live it when someone try’s to tell you what you think and feel. INTJ are my tribe, I learn a great deal reading other’s comments.
I mostly go to cold path.. like having you in my life is solely wasting my time and mental space when I evidentially have things to do and more worth doing keep dealing with ‘going to nowhere’ person or situation.
I am INTJ 8w7 ,well I am angry most of the time I really can not control my anger whatever emotion I have they change to anger .I am really tired of myself because my surrounding is in a way that makes me angry all the time .
Hot anger is fine. It tends to go very fast, be very expressive and once it's done, it's done and things can get fixed. Hot anger means there's still very much hope for salvaging the relationship, once the incident blows over and I've had a chance to calm down. The cold anger, however, is where there is probably no hope of salvaging the relationship. It most often happens when I've just stopped caring about the other person at all. At this point, said person no longer exists to me and if it's a family member or co-worker that I have to deal with on a regular basis, I interact with them as one would interact with a generic NPC in a videogame. I tend to get annoyed or irritated pretty easily, but it's rare that I get truly angry.
As long as I am still able to hold my hot anger I try to turn it into energy. Normally I put on music that gets the energy flowing even more and they I go running until all the energy is spent... if I can't do that I normally burst and I've burnt a lot of bridges to people who certainly won't be part of a relaxed free time activity in the future. ...until I discovered the INTJ classification I always thought I was odd and I hope that understanding myself better will lead to me having more control over some situations.
If I am still speaking, even if Im yelling at you, we are still okay. If Im not speaking and act as though you arent there, its because you are dead to me.
I am an intj, and in the rare times when i get very very angry i anlish all of my anger at one spasific point of that person life choices and i cant stop entail they starting to cry vary badly, last time a pursing in the nippell , and she moked my dad grandfather so... I am not regretting on it, she didn't come to school for few days...
I take both routes. I usually take the cold route with people I cannot avoid but I have had the hot route with someone and it is still ongoing since I have not felt any satisfaction due to the other person just not listening and just prove my point that they care little to none about me genuinely. And it just frustrates me when that person was supposed to be my one, my main person, my best friend and more. And I don’t know if I will ever stop holding them accountable in my mind because no actions were made on their end to make up for what they did. I just hope I forget about it all or by some miracle all my problems get solved. The latter being pretty much impossible.
Personally i have 3 stages 1. I get annoyed. Thats pretty much it. 2. I stay silent for around 1 day to 1 year depending on how serious it is. 3. I spend the rest of my time around them trying to get them in as deep a hole as possible. This has happened before, i have almost driven a few people to suicide without them realising it but this is for the really serious offences so i dont have a problem with it.
I'm an INTJ. I have had that cold anger for one of my classmate I spend a lot of time at school for over a month now. I can hide it some times tough. He's unaware of that I actually hate him
When I get upset and angry: It depends... 1. If I know that I'll be with a person for a short period or I can cut it short, and something they do makes me (Hot) aggravated or angry, I won't tell them. The reason why is because I know that I won't be dealing with this person for long anyway; so to not make it more likely I'll deal with this person any longer, I'll not make a scene. Then be happy the person is gone. 2. If I know that I'll be with a person for a long period and something they do makes me (Hot) aggravated or angry. I will tell them how I felt about it and I'll show them where they went wrong (In a helpful manner); just so they'll know next time or the time after that to reinforce in their minds to not do a certain action/speak about a certain subject near me ever again. (Its like being with an immature child and you're the parent) I do this because I would know that it'll take more time for any stranger/potential friend to understand me as an INTJ-A. So to alleviate the inner anger instead of building it up, I'll have a better time dealing with the issue. If someone insults my character instead of the actual argument, I'll just know to walk away smiling because I'll know that they had nothing else to say to refute and my argument automatically wins regardless. Most people would think that insulting someone makes them win an argument, but it's really pointless if it has nothing to do with the original argument.
Depending on the situation, the person and the place, I may go hot or cold or a combination. In any case, I prefer to stay on the facts and focus on the action than the person. Even if I seem to lose control when in hot rage, I actually don't. It's a steam release for sure, but calculated to showcase how upset/hurt I am in a way the others understand, without causing any damage I'd regret.
I can't angry easily, but if someone keep attack me for same thing more than 2 times, i really want to cut them out of my life. I will just ignore them.
4:53 Being constantly asked to subscribe "if this video provided value to your life" makes me angry, especially this one that ringa-dinga-lings! This is just AI created content anyway with some stock footage.
Yeah, the so called cold route "Ashley Bennetts" talked about. But is what she's describing cold? She highlights that she is forward forecasting the repercussions of her possible future actions, as she calls it the ripple effects. Is this cold as put forward by the videos creator or caring? She is willing to take the hits if the retaliation means damaging someone. If you haven't already guessed, yuppers I'm an Intj. I have remembered times growing up when I was less mindful and caring of others and was verbally attacked by a classmate and knew instantly how to dismantle them but instead kept my mouth shut because I could see the pain in their life that was the origin of this verbal attack against me. In my mind my life was not full of pain like theirs so to attack simply for the sake of my fledgling Ego was idiotic in my view. This had a curious effect. Once they realized I was not dancing to the tango; their mind sobers and come to, knowing my resourcefulness in any crisis situation and how quickly I can cobble pure trash together to save the proverbial day it clicks. I'm choosing not to punch back. That's about the time a look of either terror or shock appears on their face. Most people are unfortunately Not forward thinkers and when they do meet one who does they don't understand. It may trouble them enough to make a click bait off point video from the passengers perspective of the proceeding road conditions for a limo. Make better video's.
Hey, INTJ here. I agree with this for the most part, except for one incident when I completely lost control. So basically, I was in middle school, and one of my close friends' boyfriend had been making racist remarks about me. I went the cold route when he made those remarks and talked to my friend about it, but she refused to listen to me, even though she had seen his racist remarks. I cut her off. One day, me and my friends (including the bf, who I'll call Cade) were playing a casual game of Foursquare at recess and I got into an argument with Cade. He proceeded to make an extremely racist gesture to me, accompanied with several extremely offensive comments. I walked away from the game, didn't say anything, and went to another of my friends (who hated Cade and was a great friend), explained to her what happened, and started crying. The only time I ever cried in public. Naturally, this caught some attention, and soon a crowd gathered. Even Cade's gf was there, and she comforted me. All the people gathered around me were super supportive. They told the nearest teacher what happened, and she yelled at him and made him apologize. Cade started crying like the coward he was,and walked over to me to apologize. I remember the exact thoughts running through my head when he tried to apologize- *this b*tch*. I shook him by the shoulders, screamed at him, slapped him silly, and then proceeded to beat him up. I only stopped because Cade's gf and the teacher pulled me away. I have never been that mad in my life since. Nevertheless, after the incident, I never spoke to Cade or his gf ever again. I literally plotted that night to completely ruin his social standing by manipulating his bad qualities and spreading rumors about him and make him an outcast.
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What do you do or how do you handle - as an INTJ, when you get angry beyond frustration? Leave a comment and tell me your experiences.
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I am an INTJ personality. These videos describe me to a T. However, I don't have this cold stare. I'm right up front with people. If someone is making me mad, I tell them that they're making me mad and probably be wise I did to stop.
Most people understand it, and we'll walk away from me. The people who choose not to get taught I lessen they seem not forget.
I have a few close friends who usually try to calm me down or tell the other person to leave me the hell alone.
Dope myself up so others can stand to be around me.
As an INTJ definitely how I react is definitely how you explained it but you did forget to add that if I cant walk away and it isn't needed to react loudly I will just simply ignore them and if they continue I will just stare at them sothat tay stop
I definitely go the cold route. But I feel like I would be more hot if I weren't constantly thinking through the ripple effects i would cause in the ever fragile social web that normal people live in if I said things out loud. I have arguments in my head constantly where I destroy people with logic and facts. Then I point out all the flaws in themselves they refuse to address. Then I realize I've taken a 30 min shower without doing anything.
I feel so much accepted in these comment sections
I quite literally couldn’t relate more. I deal with a lot of people who like to try and attack me with vile verbal comments, and I just ignore them. I just see them as pathetic people who can’t do anything useful in their lives, so they try to drag others down to not feel alone in their self loathing depression. I don’t let them get to me, anything they do just ricochets, and actually ends up making me laugh at their stupidity. It entertains my mind when I’m bored in class. Basically, *they can’t do shit to me*
I feel seen!!
Yeah, the so called cold route "Ashley Bennetts" talked about. But is what she's describing cold? She highlights that she is forward forecasting the repercussions of her possible future actions, as she calls it the ripple effects. Is this cold as put forward by the videos creator or caring? She is willing to take the hits if the retaliation means damaging someone. If you haven't already guessed, yuppers I'm an Intj. I have remembered times growing up when I was less mindful and caring of others and was verbally attacked by a classmate and knew instantly how to dismantle them but instead kept my mouth shut because I could see the pain in their life that was the origin of this verbal attack against me. In my mind my life was not full of pain like theirs so to attack simply for the sake of my fledgling Ego was idiotic in my view. This had a curious effect. Once they realized I was not dancing to the tango; their mind sobers and come to, knowing my resourcefulness in any crisis situation and how quickly I can cobble pure trash together to save the proverbial day it clicks. I'm choosing not to punch back. That's about the time a look of either terror or shock appears on their face. Most people are unfortunately Not forward thinkers and when they do meet one who does they don't understand. It may trouble them enough to make a click bait off point video from the passengers perspective of the proceeding road conditions for a limo. Make better video's.
Wow.. u literally described me..
as an INTJ "T" I try really hard to distance myself first when I know I'm already really angry and seriously gets quiet 🤐
Same, I found a breathe of fresh air and time away really helps me get things straight.
This INTJ becomes a solid block of ice. I can edit people out in a blink of an eye.
This video is deadly accurate. I am most definitely a "hot anger" INTJ, although I have exhibited cold anger. I always tell people, "If I have to yell at you, trust me, you deserve it" 1. because of my typically controlled demeanor and 2. because by the time I get to that point, you have already made several egregious errors.
The only time I feel bad about "burying" a person, is if it was a close personal or romantic relationship. As INTJ's we don't collect friends, we form meaningful bonds with a select few, which is why it is difficult to let those people go...
For me the hot anger is less effective as an immediate reaction. For me it is cold anger that is more effective, not responding to the initial provocation in the way others expect but then using time and planning to formulate a proportionate and efficient response.
This but also, when something or someone pushes me to the point that I do explode there's a metaphorical blast radius that leaves a lasting impression on everyone lol in middle and high school there were 3 or 4 times this happened and in one instance the whole hallway got super quiet and finished at their lockers to go to the classrooms with a quickness. Didn't realize it until a friend told me at lunch that even the teachers who were close just kind of shrugged and walked off. Context is I had been asking the guy to stop touching my butt for weeks, gone to teachers, counselor, and principal and when they didn't do anything, well, I returned the favor but to his upper body 😊
Cold anger has controlled power with the qualities of calculated responses and even revenge, if needed.
@@sempressfiMicro nuclear blast radius. The target receives the full force, but the heat and power ripples outward to everyone else to learn the lesson.
When I was younger I ripped everyone down. Only hot anger. Cold anger- I actually just get more and more angry, until it's Hot.
But, as I've grown older I rarely have hot or cold anger. I have "sneaky" anger. I keep smiling on the surface and quietly go for the jugular. I don't have enough years left to bother with teaching or talking. 95% of the time it makes no difference. You learn this over the years. Now I have "sneaky" or "smart" anger.
Me too. I'm a 68-year-old INTJ. I rarely succumb to it, but these days I use 'cold anger' that is targeted with sniper-like precision which comes from a close study of the weaknesses of the person in question. I withdraw cooperation when it is most inconvenient to them. When they ask why, if they dare, my answer is simply 'Because I don't like you.'
@heron6462 That is an excellent description. It's worded much better than I did.
When I get angry I step away and my brain will race rapidly and feel a wave of anger and I will constantly think about how I can publicly destroy them and dismantle their reputation and mental state. Basically everything you said.
I go hot when someone I love gets hurt. When I'm the one hurt or offended I go the cold route and will slowly gather evidence and make a plan to expose the person that wronged me.
That is so true;)) When I’m wronged by someone I show contempt at its purest. When someone poses a threat (especially physical) to my family, I will instinctively scratch their eyes out if needed.
As an INTJ I try to be objective when I am angry. I try to see the big picture versus what was just said or done. In a business situation (I own a business) I was very angry at an employee for something they said and did. I wanted to say GFY and never see them again, but the business side of me told me that was a bad idea. I ended up messaging that person and was very nice stating that I hope there wasn't any hard feelings. I need this person in my business and that is why I did that. But, as soon as I do not need that person anymore, I will gladly state "you're fired" and never look back. As a rule, I don't burn bridges with employees if I can help it and a lot of employees come back and work if we are shorthanded. But, if they cross a line, there is no coming back once my business is okay and that person is not needed. I cannot remember any time that I was so angry that I fired someone on the spot if I needed them that day or in the near future. I think this is a mature way to manage anger at the workplace. Personal life, if someone angers me or crosses the line, I write that person off and will not associate with them. I don't tell them usually because it isn't important to me that they know they angered me. If I have to see them in social situations in the future, I will only interact if they come in contact with the people I am with. I won't be rude, but there is no way they I will invite them into my social circle.
When business demand slows you will know if your crossed the line with an INTJ business owner. Recession is coming. So your demand for unrealistic wages when labor was tight might come back to haunt you. I get you.
Same here - also an INTJ Sigma male. When someone crosses the line, I quietly end the relationship because they already know what they did and I refuse to waste time and effort on it. Life is too short and I'm too busy with what I think is important.
@@prydegirlA Sigma has a personal list of people to remove when time and circumstances warrant in life or business.
I am female btw
the cold anger description is scary real
I call it a cold calculating enragement and with a touch of "get even and even more, to balance the scales" type of attitude can be devastating to whoever...and whatever is in the way! Great explanation video. I like this explaining the inner turmoil! Peace!
“What does an INTJ rage look like.”
Whatever it looks like, it’s already too late because the damage would’ve already been done.
This may be the best INTJ TH-cam channel
I had gone through both. I think cold rage ensues when we care deeply, and hot rage is more on the surface, rage for simple thing, punctual things.
And with both, I have had a hard time with ppl. If you're too hot, you are too rude, you hurt ppl, you're not empathic, you're selfish and don't know how to communicate (funnily enough). If you're cold, then you don't care, you're too cold, you're using them, you don't know how to communicate (even when you have thought about it deeply BEFORE hand).
It seems to me, that we, INTJ are not allowed to express emotions. Ppl around us only like us when we pretend to be happy-normal-ppl. If we open up, INTJ become rejected by society.
Not that I mind using them in return, but we also want genuine relationships, at least a few... why cant we have the same a others?
Quality>quantity
La mayoría finge y vos sos real. Asusta que seas genuino pero seguro encontraras a alguien indicado.
It takes a lot to get me angry. A lot. And it cannot be done by accident. If you have made me mad, it was on purpose, because I'm pretty forgiving of mere clumsiness or ignorance. But once someone has set out to make me angry, it doesn't matter how they go about it. The very fact that they are trying to make me angry... makes me angry. So I make sure they get their money's worth. It is also generally our last interaction on this earth. If I've raised my voice, I'm frustrated, and you're on thin ice. But if I get quiet and just stare at you... really, you should exit my presence, because I've begun to think about how you'd fit into a duffel bag.
Have you noticed that mostly intjs view your channel to get information about themselves😂😂that is why the comments are always less
They’re onto us
When I was younger I used to fall more in the hot anger than the cold one. I couldn't control my hot anger to the point a was rage blinded. This only happened a very few times someone crossed the line. The inflection point to the cold rage was when i even broke a door with just a kick when my older brother was hiding from my rage. I can't even remember now the reason of my rage, I can only remember the blindness of my rage. As I grew up i changed for the better, and for the world peace, to the cold anger, and it is exactly as described in the video. When someone hurts me, they should be prepared to be ignored or even banned from my life forever.
I just had a situation like that last weekend and man, when this person asked me if I was angry I just stared at him and answered: I can forgive but never forget. I can assure you he felt the knives through my eyes. And like that, this person who i valued to a certain point, now is out, removed, erased completely from my reduced list of friends.
You exactly define my rage over the years
Every morning traffic road rage is my Hot side.😂
Well not every morning.... just depends where i have to go.
I agree. I don't have much tolerance for bad traffic and bad drivers. Maybe less for bad drivers since they are an accident waiting to happen.
OMG yes. When they don't use the turn lights! damn!
I mostly go cold, which is 1) much easier for me to understand/control, and 2) the easiest way of avoiding the person/situation in future. I occasionally have anger explosions, which are very uncomfortable because they mean a complete loss of control. I'm usually ashamed of those afterward because of that loss of control - regardless of whether other people know about them happening or not.
How timely your addressing of this topic is:
In March, I decided to hire an older, retired highway supervisor, to do 2 jobs on my property. He kept coming around, not w/equipment to DO the jobs, but rehashing exactly what I wanted done & how it was expected to be done... repeatedly... over the next few months. Then on 5/19, he showed up again, this time w/a kid I'd never seen, WHEN I WASN'T HOME!!!...& proceeded to rearrange part of my side yard, then HAD THE KID LOAD MY ANTIQUE 36" PICNIC TABLE & BENCHES ONTO THE BACK OF HIS DODGE RAM 3500!!!!!
When I got home that day, 3 of my surveillance cameras were blinking. When I checked the film, there it was, all 18 minutes of him taking liberties with MY THINGS ON MY PROPERTY!!! HE STOLE MY DAMN TABLE SET!!!!! **I NEVER GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO COME ON MY PROPERTY WHEN I WASN'T HOME.**
I paced the floor for hours, playing the footage, pacing some more... I was absolutely BLIND with rage!!! Instantly I knew I had 2 Legal Standings, but because I work for other members of his family, the situation had to be approached delicately.
2 days later, I confronted him; he claimed "It was rotten... I threw it out!!!" Dispite me telling him he had no right to be on my property when I wasn't home, nor any right to take my table set, he kept repeating his line... He must have realized I was pissed cause he suddenly left... But over the coming 2 weeks, taunted me by pulling into my driveway & blasting his truck horn, then backing out...multiple times a day. I explained what had transpired to my client & requested he LEAVE ME ALONE to calm down. His family kept telling him, but THAT was like pouring gasoline on it...he only got worse.... All this time I was seething over his antagonism & audacity, insults atop the unlawful actions....
Monday morning I went to the Police, showed them the video, & filed a Deposition against him. It was THEN, that the Detective informed me that I was #9: I was the 9th single women to tell them of his illegal escapades, but none of the previous 8 had the caliber of evidence against him that I did... The Police have known HE IS A PREDATOR for 7 years but didn't have solid evidence till I walked in... He hunts single women!!! He was pushed OUT of the highway department because he started stalking & harassing single women ON THE JOB W/TOWN VEHICLES!!! I was aghast!!! The Police agreed to square off at him, offering a 6×9 if he didn't leave me alone...
The family's attorney has advised the family to make restitution on the table set as fast as possible, & are warning him that if he violates the Order of Protection, HE WILL BE ARRESTED & they will not be able to defend him, but he hasn't listened to the family throughout this mess... Police are his CHECK-MATE.
I hired a carpenter to build me an identical set to the antique one the predator stole. They stopped making those sets 40 yrs ago, so I had to hunt down the blueprint for it in Old Archives. With today's lumber prices, just the materials alone will top $200, plus the labor to build the table & 2 benches: the set is rare; most picnic tables are 72"; mine was 36", but w/traditional leg braces, & 2 detached identical benches. Once completed & delivered, I will file the itemized invoice with the Deposition & demand payment within 10 days. I will pay the carpenter myself....
....& I'm still quietly fuming....😡🖤
Oh wow! That is just awful. Sorry you had to go through this crap.
@@sylviaowega3839 It's disgustingly easy how so many can betray even the most basic of trust: Police have him cornered, so I'm hoping that gets the point across...
Thanks for the support.💞🖤
Edit: 2 things worth noting:
1) ***I LOATH DRAMA*** & this is dripping in it!!! ...so it deserved the sledgehammer I made sure it got. _Never should ANYONE even ponder the notion of violating an INTJ's personal space, because I WILL come after the offender in fatal ways._
2) THIS is what I call a ***DOORSLAM CEMENTED WITH LEGAL CHAINS.*** My fuming over it will NEVER completely dissipate, but it HAS provoked me to add 24/7 Smart Monitoring to the Surveillance System...now I'll bust the idiots in real time. ...& ppl wonder WHY I am repulsed by ppl!!!!!!!!!🖤
Footnote: most of us either work for some aspect of government or are retired from that venue, so we have FEDERAL SECURITY CLEARANCES. We know the law & can use tactical applications of advanced technology to our benefit, as is my case. To get busted red-handed by one of us indicates the level of insane miscalculation the offender deluded themselves with, & being female & Tribal (Mohawk) just amplifies my intent to neutralize ANY threat. Once that line is crossed, the offender becomes prey...
Oye! No hubiera leido un comentario tan largo si no estuviera bien redactado e interesante. Obviando la situación tienes madera como escritora.
Fucking HELL.
I've been trying to figure out what the hell this cold fury is that's swept me under lately.
I literally came here for entertainment as dead hope about getting any type of real explanation (you know, typical surface level MBTI fluff for shits n gigs).
Yet this is so well explained I'm actually shocked at its accuracy.
INTJ-A Female. If someone close is playing a narcissistic, or passive aggressive game, I freeze them out. If they seek me out, to continue this game, I carefully formulate a scenario to manuver these people into were every word I speak to them will be brutal, destructive to their ego, and annihilating. It will be done publicly, and I never swear, name call or bully. I speak 100% facts of their behavior, with solid examples. It took years to perfect this technique, but it saves me from blowing up emotionally or being abused by these people.
I've never had a person on the receiving end contact me again. Which is the goal.
Same profile and same approach!
When I get angry, I tend to get isolated from everything, and\or bathe my mind in music, mostly metal though. Helps to release a lot of stress. The only downside is that barely any metal is heavy anymore, but eh... worth it.
2:38 I really like this point because normally I don't get really mad. It takes a truly awful person to get me that pissed. I've been dealing with a freak stalker that won't leave me alone and I feel like this rage cycle has been repeating endlessly for months and this video really perfectly captures it.
Hola! Si lidiara con un acosador lo volvería nada de forma tal que no le quedaran ganas de vivir su mísera existencia. Ánimo.
@@eddy_tk Gracias 😔
Set a trap and watch him get caught in it - then let him know YOU did it. The smart ones leave and never come back.
Initially when someone upsets me I let them know. I give them a warning. When a line is crossed and I start seeing a pattern or when I feel there is no reasoning with you that's when I am done with you. I become very controlled, show no signs of emotion or upset, I try to treat you in the same way as before ( I am no longer willing to play open cards) then when you have left I block and shut you out. No warning. No remorse. You lost my trust and respect and no longer deserve honesty I will see you as an enemy and you dont let the enemy know what your next hand is. So initially I am hot which means you still have a chance, but when I turn cold, I am done with you.
I'm an INTJ. After my friend of 20 years kept telling me I was wrong on things I thoroughly researched, I blocked his number...for 7 months, until he apologized. I was fine never talking to him again. It's one thing to be misinformed or have a different point of view on something, but when it's a topic that I am literally an expert on and have done for 30 years and your response to something I say on the topic is "that's not true at all..." To an INTJ, you might as well spit in my face and call me stupid while you're at it. It's infuriating how ignorant and uninformed most people are on most things and yet they will still argue with you about it anyway when you objectively know far more about it than them. Hence why I don't like talking to people at all, especially being 94% introverted and I assume that's with a 6% margin for error.
If you wrong me and get the hot rage, consider yourself lucky. Wrong me to the point you get the cold rage and you'll never see or talk to me again and it'll happen in the blink of an eye.
Since I already have one for most people in my life, I break the glass on the "just in case" revenge plot, or closing statement specifically tailored to the person I'm dealing with based on my own ongoing analysis and compiled list of their insecurities, attachments, and wrongdoings. I find safety in the knowledge that I already know how to hurt the people in my life if they decide to hurt me.
Let's see, I've officially blown up at one person for putting a girl on the spot. I was driving and the two were in the back seat and I could hear my friend egging a girl on who had a crush on me to tell me. Knowing this prior, I had done my best to not give off any type of wrong vibes to her because I wasn't interested in anything beyond being friends. For all I know, that may have confused the situation. Nevertheless, the friend kept egging her on until she broke down crying in the backseat and confessed out loud that she liked me. After I dropped her off at her dorm, I ripped a new one into my friend and he probably nearly soiled himself because that's not me. But boy, did I yell and threaten if he were to ever do that again... My first thoughts were for how the girl felt bearing something she didn't want to, which made me mad because she was egged on to do it. Then there were my own feelings with the cat being out of the bag and my having wanted to avoid it to begin with and that made me even angrier.
Most of the time, I'm more of the ice-out type. I'll just not talk. In one case at work, during an interview, the events leading up to it (and during the course of the first interview itself, with the hiring manager, who I had worked with some previously, having CLEARLY not read my resume wholly evident by his very first questions, and then subsequent interviews where there was clearly a lack of respect, I didn't choose the silence route. Nope. I proceeded to dress down the manager in that interview in front of other managers present by answering questions like, "What changes would you make," by providing examples of everything under this particular manager - but I did it in a calm, cool and collected fashion as if I were merely answering the questions being ask, because that's what I was really doing and doing it in probably the most self-sabotaging blunt way possible.
For me, knowing at that point that I was NOT going to stick around any longer, it was a gratifying experience only topped by the fact that this manager was forced out about a month or so later. When I'm to the point where I've lost respect for someone and deem them unfit for a position, I won't hold back. Doing it in the fashion I did that undoubtedly caused embarrassment on their behalf at having their shortcomings exposed in front of others during their interview of me.... priceless!
I have found that intjs values and beliefs are not for themselves but for others. They get very angry when you give feedback about their character. They can treat people poorly but if you give feedback even in the nicest way possible they will go into a rage. They set up a zero-sum game.
I mix them. I show hot anger with a calm voice. When you speak calmly, people listen to you more. + Anger mixed with calm creates a cognitive dissonance, It looks much scarier. Maximal psychical damage.
Being female intj it really got me at point where it starts of as their emotions are not invested on u but on wt u did ! So true
I have 4 levels of anger.
Level 1- not angry at all, just annoyed by people. I just leave and I'm over it after a few minutes.
Level 2- when someone tells me what to do, contradicts my perfect idea or questions my idea or my project but the answers are already there...
- I cut ties, stop talking to them, if they happen to be workmates and I know they are still valuable to me and I have a use for them, I distance myself a bit till I'm over it... Or until I find a replacement.
Level 3- tornado meets volcano kind of anger, destructive, and lethal.
- Someone I care about or someone I trust betrays me.
I will lash out and destroy anything that can come in contact with me. Then hide somewhere coz I feel so bad that I have let out a tantrum. Play the scenario over and over again, plot and scheme of how I can hurt that person who betrayed me or how to get even. Focus on that plan... Once the plan is done.. I just let go, move on and save my energy, I would realize it's a waste of time and effort. delete them from my life.. cut all possible connections... Start working again and life goes on..
It is incredibly accurate that as an INTJ I do in fact I am willing to bring up any argument to bring down any other argument in a fiery manner.
And yet I do indeed give the cold shoulder when the criticism pertains to my character, for emotions are not logic and sometimes those cannot be articulated without a long period of insight and brooding.
It feels like we are putting out fire, with gasoline.
See these eyes of green, I can stare for a thousand years.
Colder than the moon, it's been so long.
HOT HOT HOT: A super-annoying "customer service" experience, or communicating with government agencies. I'm quite a loud person and I sound like a lion when I'm yelling, though only 5-ft tall. COLD: Incompetent bosses and co-workers (too many to count, which is why I'm mostly self-employed now). I go totally deadpan on these people, they might as well not even exist. I work p/t at a little grocery store, as a cashier. My job isn't the least bit affected by the incompetencies or laziness of others, so there's no reason to get angry about it. I still find these people deplorable, but I don't have to shut them off.
1000% cold route all the time. The few times in the past I’ve taken the hot route, I regretted compromising my exterior appearance of cool headedness. The most common scenario for me to “erase” someone is in the workplace, due to their irrationality or inefficiency. Even if I do that, I can separate how they operate in a secular environment with how they operate in a social environment. Essentially they are dead to me in the workplace, but I can still get along with them in a setting where their actions are more rational.
When i start to get upset with someone i get silent but extremely focused the person tone of voice and body language i will ignore the insult but once it get personal prepare to have your therapist on standby
Cold route works fine for me. I will make their presence as thin as possible. As long as i reach the result i needed.
The sad thing is we do this to the people we care about or love. No one is an exception.
Great video. Thank you for the wisdom.
As an INTJ im more often in cold anger. Hot anger is when someone fucked up terribly or done something unforgivable.
On point, admittedly, I thought this was a redhead thing😅
When I'm mad, I don't fight it, but do live by the five hindrances 1. no ill will 2. no distraction 3. no restlessness or worry 4. no sloth 5. believe in myself, I also say only do good every step of the way, and anything is achievable with the right attitude, anger is silly, but real, but there is a solution to every problem, and it is usually time, time will show you the answer, till then, be calm and stay patient, don't lose your cool...no ill will and keep a helicopter view for your goals and achievements, if something is beneath you, you already won, move on
Bro this is so accurate. This is how i get mad. Every detail is accurate lol. Every stage of my anger lol
I have stopped hot anger.
That makes us actually look out of control and weak
All INTJ will agree that its the last thing we want.
For me the hot-anger outbursts are typically brief and not all that intense affairs and little more than a vent for severe frustration, such as reckless drivers on the road. the really dangerous part is the cold rage with me, which can range from decisively cutting someone off in order to delete them from my life or that of someone dear to me whom that individual has wronged, all the way to a scorched-and-salted-earth approach, utilizing every bit of knowledge and information i have gathered about a given target in order to wreck them. That said, this latter extreme is reserved for the really severe cases including things like false accusations involving legal trouble, etc. If someone does elect to go that far to cause harm to myself or those dear to me, then there is no room for mercy.
As an INTJ, I don't have that much anger since I've been practicing meditation so when I got angry I would just cut it off and my mind was just thinking like it's just the past, I don't have to care about it 10 years ago is the past, Even 1 min ago also the past so it doesn't matter anymore, the past is the past I have nothing to do with it *btw sorry for my bad grammars
As an Intj I plan to draw an asteroid the size of the moon at the speed of sound to the earth 😂 whenever I feel angry
That’s true most people can’t handle or not this way nowadays
You make it sound so calm😅 yeah no one wants to see it. It is rare because jail is possible 😂
3:39 😅 Yeah, sounds like that what I do when someone crosses a line.
This is spot on.
Too bad family won't understand.
My family has NEVER understood me in 57 years. Apparently, I'm the only INTJ-A Sigma and very much the lone wolf in every way.
If you're never been verbally ripped to shreds by an angry INTJ, it is quite the sight to see. Wouldn't recommend trying it, though.
Oh I defo go the hot route, I prefer to let it all out at that point but I dont go raging like a madman though. Raised voice, yes. Ripping them to shreds, yes. Then comes the cold route once im done. It takes a whole lot to push me and I only do this with close people who I once trusted or if someone has been doing this over and over and I let it slide before.
I couldnt give a toss about a 3rd person, they are not worth my time..."Oh its like that? Fine so be it..." and thats when I walk off.
Oh boy, I sooo much recognize myself in the hot anger part. However in the cold anger I am not quite sure if I fit, it is something similar, but not exactly. Also not really sure if I'm an INTG or ISTG, gotta check the other option, but so far over the span of 4 or 5 videos I fit perfectly into this definition
Just imagine anger with a cheater like entj
My rage is usually detached and cold. I feel it but usually I calm myself down and try to distance myself. I try to get back to normal aa quickly as possible. Although I can have hot anger as well and this is usually when I explode and express it outwardly.
The hyperbole is strong with this one. Not wrong, just a little overcooked.
As an intjt, i have begin to forgive and resent to my behaviors to people ever since beginning to understand about my own mbti character traits after multiple trials and analysis on my own about each experience with people around me after conflicts
I personally hate the silent treatment, too passive for me. If you’re irrelevant then and only then would I completely ignore someone.
Yeah I go the cold route too, normally keep it for when I'm alone, but if the do something really bad I will not hold back
As an INTJ if I’m angry and talking, we are good. If I’m angry and not talking, not good, Henry the eighth. Your out of my life, no grudges, go get happy somewhere else, have a nice life. I do want to address the talking anger. As an older INTJ Anger can be quite detrimental to your relationships. So I have had to learn emotional regulation techniques to help those around me. How many times have you said I don’t wNt to feel anything? That’s the problem for most of us. You will learn it ok to have feelings, and you will learn it’s the response to the emotion that is the problem for those around you. Learn some regulation techniques because it doesn’t come naturally for us. Oh, and you probably live it when someone try’s to tell you what you think and feel. INTJ are my tribe, I learn a great deal reading other’s comments.
5-10%. It hurts. I hate going there. It's done.
I mostly go to cold path.. like having you in my life is solely wasting my time and mental space when I evidentially have things to do and more worth doing keep dealing with ‘going to nowhere’ person or situation.
Facts tho that hot anger welcome to the jungle 😂
I'm an INTJ i got cold anger and frustration
I am INTJ 8w7 ,well I am angry most of the time I really can not control my anger whatever emotion I have they change to anger .I am really tired of myself because my surrounding is in a way that makes me angry all the time .
For me it depends it takes alot for me to get angry with someone but when i do they're immediately cut off
Nope. It doesn't frighten us. We are always in control.
so spot on
Wow, this is me to a "T"😂
Hot anger is fine. It tends to go very fast, be very expressive and once it's done, it's done and things can get fixed. Hot anger means there's still very much hope for salvaging the relationship, once the incident blows over and I've had a chance to calm down.
The cold anger, however, is where there is probably no hope of salvaging the relationship. It most often happens when I've just stopped caring about the other person at all. At this point, said person no longer exists to me and if it's a family member or co-worker that I have to deal with on a regular basis, I interact with them as one would interact with a generic NPC in a videogame.
I tend to get annoyed or irritated pretty easily, but it's rare that I get truly angry.
As long as I am still able to hold my hot anger I try to turn it into energy. Normally I put on music that gets the energy flowing even more and they I go running until all the energy is spent... if I can't do that I normally burst and I've burnt a lot of bridges to people who certainly won't be part of a relaxed free time activity in the future.
...until I discovered the INTJ classification I always thought I was odd and I hope that understanding myself better will lead to me having more control over some situations.
If I am still speaking, even if Im yelling at you, we are still okay. If Im not speaking and act as though you arent there, its because you are dead to me.
I shut down because I know my anger is at a 10 when really it should be a 6 or something
Hot anger is stressful, but cold anger is terrifying.
I often times call people out immediately and cold shoulder is a thing.
Cold route, almost always. But when the hot comes out, no one and nothing is safe
Intj can try to control you. If you do not comply... things can get rough.
I am an intj, and in the rare times when i get very very angry i anlish all of my anger at one spasific point of that person life choices and i cant stop entail they starting to cry vary badly, last time a pursing in the nippell , and she moked my dad grandfather so... I am not regretting on it, she didn't come to school for few days...
I take both routes. I usually take the cold route with people I cannot avoid but I have had the hot route with someone and it is still ongoing since I have not felt any satisfaction due to the other person just not listening and just prove my point that they care little to none about me genuinely. And it just frustrates me when that person was supposed to be my one, my main person, my best friend and more. And I don’t know if I will ever stop holding them accountable in my mind because no actions were made on their end to make up for what they did. I just hope I forget about it all or by some miracle all my problems get solved. The latter being pretty much impossible.
Personally i have 3 stages
1. I get annoyed. Thats pretty much it.
2. I stay silent for around 1 day to 1 year depending on how serious it is.
3. I spend the rest of my time around them trying to get them in as deep a hole as possible. This has happened before, i have almost driven a few people to suicide without them realising it but this is for the really serious offences so i dont have a problem with it.
6:00 I usually try to reason with the person if the person is opened to listen.
I try to make them understand why their actions were bad
I'm an INTJ. I have had that cold anger for one of my classmate I spend a lot of time at school for over a month now. I can hide it some times tough. He's unaware of that I actually hate him
When I get upset and angry: It depends...
1. If I know that I'll be with a person for a short period or I can cut it short, and something they do makes me (Hot) aggravated or angry, I won't tell them. The reason why is because I know that I won't be dealing with this person for long anyway; so to not make it more likely I'll deal with this person any longer, I'll not make a scene. Then be happy the person is gone.
2. If I know that I'll be with a person for a long period and something they do makes me (Hot) aggravated or angry. I will tell them how I felt about it and I'll show them where they went wrong (In a helpful manner); just so they'll know next time or the time after that to reinforce in their minds to not do a certain action/speak about a certain subject near me ever again. (Its like being with an immature child and you're the parent)
I do this because I would know that it'll take more time for any stranger/potential friend to understand me as an INTJ-A. So to alleviate the inner anger instead of building it up, I'll have a better time dealing with the issue.
If someone insults my character instead of the actual argument, I'll just know to walk away smiling because I'll know that they had nothing else to say to refute and my argument automatically wins regardless. Most people would think that insulting someone makes them win an argument, but it's really pointless if it has nothing to do with the original argument.
Depending on the situation, the person and the place, I may go hot or cold or a combination. In any case, I prefer to stay on the facts and focus on the action than the person. Even if I seem to lose control when in hot rage, I actually don't. It's a steam release for sure, but calculated to showcase how upset/hurt I am in a way the others understand, without causing any damage I'd regret.
As an INTJ Once I've got so pissed off that I cruly hit my classmate to the score of death but she didn't dye
I couldn't reccnise myself
I can't angry easily, but if someone keep attack me for same thing more than 2 times, i really want to cut them out of my life. I will just ignore them.
Ice cold shut down. I can fantasize in revenge for some time. Sometimes, I will recklessly go out of the way to smear and destroy on a retaliation.
It's effective and efficient.
when i get upset or feel anxious i overindulge especially with food
All facts.
4:53 Being constantly asked to subscribe "if this video provided value to your life" makes me angry, especially this one that ringa-dinga-lings!
This is just AI created content anyway with some stock footage.
"KHAAAAAN!!!"
Yeah, the so called cold route "Ashley Bennetts" talked about. But is what she's describing cold? She highlights that she is forward forecasting the repercussions of her possible future actions, as she calls it the ripple effects. Is this cold as put forward by the videos creator or caring? She is willing to take the hits if the retaliation means damaging someone. If you haven't already guessed, yuppers I'm an Intj. I have remembered times growing up when I was less mindful and caring of others and was verbally attacked by a classmate and knew instantly how to dismantle them but instead kept my mouth shut because I could see the pain in their life that was the origin of this verbal attack against me. In my mind my life was not full of pain like theirs so to attack simply for the sake of my fledgling Ego was idiotic in my view. This had a curious effect. Once they realized I was not dancing to the tango; their mind sobers and come to, knowing my resourcefulness in any crisis situation and how quickly I can cobble pure trash together to save the proverbial day it clicks. I'm choosing not to punch back. That's about the time a look of either terror or shock appears on their face. Most people are unfortunately Not forward thinkers and when they do meet one who does they don't understand. It may trouble them enough to make a click bait off point video from the passengers perspective of the proceeding road conditions for a limo. Make better video's.
I go for junk food immediately. Then l go cold.
Completely correct
Hey, INTJ here. I agree with this for the most part, except for one incident when I completely lost control. So basically, I was in middle school, and one of my close friends' boyfriend had been making racist remarks about me. I went the cold route when he made those remarks and talked to my friend about it, but she refused to listen to me, even though she had seen his racist remarks. I cut her off. One day, me and my friends (including the bf, who I'll call Cade) were playing a casual game of Foursquare at recess and I got into an argument with Cade. He proceeded to make an extremely racist gesture to me, accompanied with several extremely offensive comments. I walked away from the game, didn't say anything, and went to another of my friends (who hated Cade and was a great friend), explained to her what happened, and started crying. The only time I ever cried in public. Naturally, this caught some attention, and soon a crowd gathered. Even Cade's gf was there, and she comforted me. All the people gathered around me were super supportive. They told the nearest teacher what happened, and she yelled at him and made him apologize. Cade started crying like the coward he was,and walked over to me to apologize. I remember the exact thoughts running through my head when he tried to apologize- *this b*tch*. I shook him by the shoulders, screamed at him, slapped him silly, and then proceeded to beat him up. I only stopped because Cade's gf and the teacher pulled me away. I have never been that mad in my life since. Nevertheless, after the incident, I never spoke to Cade or his gf ever again.
I literally plotted that night to completely ruin his social standing by manipulating his bad qualities and spreading rumors about him and make him an outcast.