As a sex-repulsed individual, thank you for the encouragement. I often fear that I will forever be alone and that no one will want me, but this gave me some hope.
Yes, I identify with this. As someone who is sex-repulsed and not capable of romantic interest until at least a year has passed, I just know that I have too many limitations and can't expect someone to want me or prioritize me.
I'm married to an allo and when I first came out I presented myself as "ace-lite" - but the clearer my mind got (I stopped drinking) the clearer it became that I'm actually averse - and have been drinking to get through it for YEARS. So we're at a difficult and sensitive point and seeking a couples therapist. All this to say, thank you for the advice, it is VERY relevant.
As a sex-repulsed ace in a relationship with an allo, I'm aware that a good chunk of my insecurities and self-doubts in that area are because my ex (who was also allo and was my first relationship) treated my being ace like it was a punishment for him, treated me like I was a bad girlfriend for not wanting to have sex. (At one point he even called me abusive for not wanting to have sex. Oh, the irony.) My current boyfriend has been wonderful - reassuring me that he loves me for me, and that my being ace isn't a barrier to us having a happy relationship.
I'm glad someone asked this thanks! Hot tip for dealing with the "voices" : before you replace them with the good things it's important to deal with the triggers. For example, one day some jerk on the street told me my fat body was a drain on the health care system. Obviously I was triggered, so the first thing I did was to tell myself I was being triggered, this takes it outside of myself so I can deal with it. Then I asked myself why did this trigger me? And the answer was because other people had done similar things to me in the past, including people I love and it was painful. It's important to acknowledge the pain and not just immediately push it away, sit with it for a minute, but only a minute. Then I tell myself that wasn't okay and I didn't deserve it not then and not now and I tell myself I'm sorry that happened to you self. Then I substitute the bad thoughts for good ones. In this case I told myself that I'm in really good shape, I can run up a flight of stairs and I like my body it carries me through life which is awesome of it. This is a very common mental health technique and it works. It takes practice but once you get in the habit it happens faster and easier until it's automatic. You are wonderful, thanks yet again for what you do.
I’m sex averse but in a relationship with another asexual person, so this doesn’t apply to me right now, but sometimes I worry about what dating would be like for me if we ever break up. It almost makes me want to try to make myself be sex favorable somehow so that I would have an easier time with it. But the thing is I already regret the ‘experimenting’ I did with sexual activities so far, which I realized after the fact had come out of a lack of self acceptance and was ultimately more damaging than helpful. So maybe one day things will change naturally on their own and I’ll be more open to sex, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to try it in the meantime as long as the idea doesn’t appeal to me at all.
Demi here, bit many of these same fears apply to me as well. It's only been fairly recent that I have come to terms with it all. Thanks for speaking out!
Literally teared up! This advice was so needed! I just stumbled upon this channel and it feels great to get validation to your feelings and back up from someone who actually has experienced similar situations! Thank you so much!
usually i don't write comment at all but omg i want to send a hugest thank u???? this means so much to me as i have almost no support but this video and your superior channel in general helps me so much it's literally my comfort zone thank u thank u thank u for everything that u do for ace community!! 😭💜🖤
What are some things that we, as ace people, can do to change the cultural/societal narrative? How can we redirect the “normative message” for ace people in the future?
I know I'm not Ace Dad himself and it's been a year since your comment jeje, but I'm ace. I've also been thinking about this lately, and the conclusion I came to was to *make noise* . Make more and more noise everyday about this in social media, within our family, our friends, coworkers; for example, share content like this one everywhere we can (or make content if you want XD), start including this topic in conversations and desexualizing things, make people uncomfortable when they tell a sex joke by telling them "it doesn't make sense" or "what are you talking about?", if people start talking about sex as a goal in life or a pleasure, talk about other things that are amazing goals and pleasant things within a couple, like buying a house, travelling somewhere, starting a business, cuddling for 24 hours straight watching a marathon of your favorite show(s)! I probably sound crazy, but I think the more we talk about this, the more people will *understand* and *remember* that we're here. Yep, I just unloaded a lot of my thoughts in response to your comment 😬
You are a gem! I’ve always assumed that I’m sex-neutral or even positive but now I’m not so sure. This video has helped me feel a bit less alone. Thank you, Ace Dad.
I'm an allo, in relationship with a sex repulsed. It is challenging and painful sometimes, but we're getting there to reach compromise on both sides. Thanks dad
I want sex… once in a while… he has no want for me. How do I talk to him… I have tried. He gets mad… frustrated… says I think to much of sex. But how can he not want to be intimate at all? I have never dealt with this in a relationship. I feel/felt he may be gay…..just repulsed by me. How do I talk to him😢. Thank you. ☮️❤️
@@TheLocoMariposa you need to understand it has nothing to do with you. It is simply the way he is and nothing is going to change that. If he is not open to sex he may be open to other intimate activities. You need to communicate to find a compromise. If u cannot find one it is not fair to let either side sacrifice. Think about it this way… would u really want to have sex with him even if you knew he would be uncomfortable and not enjoy it? There are other ways to be intimate which he may be more open to so it’s worth talking to him about it
You always give the best advices!! Not only for relationship/sexuality-stuff but for other situations in life as well where I can use them. (Btw I love those glasses on you, lol)
What about those of us who are sex-repulsed and single and never had anyone show up for us? On top of that, I’m also Zero Covid, so I’m at the point where I can’t consider myself human because humans and I have nothing in common.
I don’t understand…… please help me understand…. I wanting to be with my boyfriend…. He shows no interest in sexual activity of any kind. Yet…. He is the most wonderful human. I do love him…. He gets nervous if I approach him. I have waited 2 years….. I have been understanding I feel. I feel…. If he is r
The fact that she is hesitant to fully pursue the relationship is an indication that she is aware of the negative impact her sex-repulsed asexuality may or will have on the relationship. She would be well advised to amicably end the relationship and concentrate on finding another asexual for a long term relationship. Everyone is entitled to seek their happiness but not at the expense of someone else's unhappiness. Why risk the disappointments, frustrations, arguments, tears and inevitable sadness? It is not worth it.
As a sex-repulsed individual, thank you for the encouragement. I often fear that I will forever be alone and that no one will want me, but this gave me some hope.
I'm so glad to hear it. I'm glad you're here!
Yes, I identify with this. As someone who is sex-repulsed and not capable of romantic interest until at least a year has passed, I just know that I have too many limitations and can't expect someone to want me or prioritize me.
I'm married to an allo and when I first came out I presented myself as "ace-lite" - but the clearer my mind got (I stopped drinking) the clearer it became that I'm actually averse - and have been drinking to get through it for YEARS. So we're at a difficult and sensitive point and seeking a couples therapist. All this to say, thank you for the advice, it is VERY relevant.
This is me. I reduced my drinking and I have definitely been using that as a crutch. It’s not easy and I’m trying to just go one day at a time.
I'm glad it's helpful. I know the conversations are challenging, but standing up for yourself and living authentically is incredibly important.
As a sex-repulsed ace in a relationship with an allo, I'm aware that a good chunk of my insecurities and self-doubts in that area are because my ex (who was also allo and was my first relationship) treated my being ace like it was a punishment for him, treated me like I was a bad girlfriend for not wanting to have sex. (At one point he even called me abusive for not wanting to have sex. Oh, the irony.) My current boyfriend has been wonderful - reassuring me that he loves me for me, and that my being ace isn't a barrier to us having a happy relationship.
I'm glad someone asked this thanks! Hot tip for dealing with the "voices" : before you replace them with the good things it's important to deal with the triggers. For example, one day some jerk on the street told me my fat body was a drain on the health care system. Obviously I was triggered, so the first thing I did was to tell myself I was being triggered, this takes it outside of myself so I can deal with it. Then I asked myself why did this trigger me? And the answer was because other people had done similar things to me in the past, including people I love and it was painful. It's important to acknowledge the pain and not just immediately push it away, sit with it for a minute, but only a minute. Then I tell myself that wasn't okay and I didn't deserve it not then and not now and I tell myself I'm sorry that happened to you self. Then I substitute the bad thoughts for good ones. In this case I told myself that I'm in really good shape, I can run up a flight of stairs and I like my body it carries me through life which is awesome of it. This is a very common mental health technique and it works. It takes practice but once you get in the habit it happens faster and easier until it's automatic.
You are wonderful, thanks yet again for what you do.
I’m sex averse but in a relationship with another asexual person, so this doesn’t apply to me right now, but sometimes I worry about what dating would be like for me if we ever break up. It almost makes me want to try to make myself be sex favorable somehow so that I would have an easier time with it. But the thing is I already regret the ‘experimenting’ I did with sexual activities so far, which I realized after the fact had come out of a lack of self acceptance and was ultimately more damaging than helpful. So maybe one day things will change naturally on their own and I’ll be more open to sex, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to try it in the meantime as long as the idea doesn’t appeal to me at all.
Demi here, bit many of these same fears apply to me as well. It's only been fairly recent that I have come to terms with it all. Thanks for speaking out!
Literally teared up! This advice was so needed! I just stumbled upon this channel and it feels great to get validation to your feelings and back up from someone who actually has experienced similar situations! Thank you so much!
I'm so glad it was helpful! I'm glad you're here.
Thank you for being a supportive mentor for the community.
As someone who is sex averse, this was really helpful. Thank you!
usually i don't write comment at all but omg i want to send a hugest thank u???? this means so much to me as i have almost no support but this video and your superior channel in general helps me so much it's literally my comfort zone thank u thank u thank u for everything that u do for ace community!! 😭💜🖤
this showed up in my recommended, and it's exactly what i needed, exactly at the right moment. thank you!
you make everything better 😊
And YOU make this work worthwhile. I'm glad you're here.
What are some things that we, as ace people, can do to change the cultural/societal narrative? How can we redirect the “normative message” for ace people in the future?
I know I'm not Ace Dad himself and it's been a year since your comment jeje, but I'm ace.
I've also been thinking about this lately, and the conclusion I came to was to *make noise* . Make more and more noise everyday about this in social media, within our family, our friends, coworkers; for example, share content like this one everywhere we can (or make content if you want XD), start including this topic in conversations and desexualizing things, make people uncomfortable when they tell a sex joke by telling them "it doesn't make sense" or "what are you talking about?", if people start talking about sex as a goal in life or a pleasure, talk about other things that are amazing goals and pleasant things within a couple, like buying a house, travelling somewhere, starting a business, cuddling for 24 hours straight watching a marathon of your favorite show(s)!
I probably sound crazy, but I think the more we talk about this, the more people will *understand* and *remember* that we're here.
Yep, I just unloaded a lot of my thoughts in response to your comment 😬
You are a gem! I’ve always assumed that I’m sex-neutral or even positive but now I’m not so sure. This video has helped me feel a bit less alone. Thank you, Ace Dad.
The advice you share is so important, thank you for becoming a voice for the community. ❤️
Thank you so very much Cody!! I truly needed to hear this. You are such an encouragement!!
I'm glad to be helpful. And so glad you're here!
I'm an allo, in relationship with a sex repulsed. It is challenging and painful sometimes, but we're getting there to reach compromise on both sides. Thanks dad
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this after being rejected by yet another allo because they need sex in a romantic relationship.
I want sex… once in a while… he has no want for me. How do I talk to him… I have tried. He gets mad… frustrated… says I think to much of sex. But how can he not want to be intimate at all? I have never dealt with this in a relationship. I feel/felt he may be gay…..just repulsed by me. How do I talk to him😢. Thank you. ☮️❤️
@@TheLocoMariposa you need to understand it has nothing to do with you. It is simply the way he is and nothing is going to change that. If he is not open to sex he may be open to other intimate activities. You need to communicate to find a compromise. If u cannot find one it is not fair to let either side sacrifice. Think about it this way… would u really want to have sex with him even if you knew he would be uncomfortable and not enjoy it? There are other ways to be intimate which he may be more open to so it’s worth talking to him about it
@@TheLocoMariposabeing asexual is normal and you need to not pressure people
Your content always brings a smile to my face thank you so much!!
Glad you're here.
This is wonderful advice, thank you!
Glad you're here. And thank you!
Thank you for bringing this to the table! I'm in this situation myself and really needed some assurance ❤
You always give the best advices!! Not only for relationship/sexuality-stuff but for other situations in life as well where I can use them. (Btw I love those glasses on you, lol)
Thank you for your insights! It's really helpful :)
What about those of us who are sex-repulsed and single and never had anyone show up for us? On top of that, I’m also Zero Covid, so I’m at the point where I can’t consider myself human because humans and I have nothing in common.
This one is sooooooooo helpful!! Thank you!
Thank you
I don’t understand…… please help me understand….
I wanting to be with my boyfriend…. He shows no interest in sexual activity of any kind.
Yet…. He is the most wonderful human.
I do love him…. He gets nervous if I approach him.
I have waited 2 years….. I have been understanding I feel.
I feel…. If he is r
💜💜 🖤 💟
cheers!
I’m not completely sex-repulsed but I’m definitely touch-repulsed. How do I figure this out?😂😭
Why change? (Genuine confusion not sarcasm or anything). My aversion isnt fear its grossness 🤮
Other people have different experiences
@@AceDadAdvice thanks for the reminder... again 🤦🏽♀️
The fact that she is hesitant to fully pursue the relationship is an indication that she is aware of the negative impact her sex-repulsed asexuality may or will have on the relationship. She would be well advised to amicably end the relationship and concentrate on finding another asexual for a long term relationship. Everyone is entitled to seek their happiness but not at the expense of someone else's unhappiness. Why risk the disappointments, frustrations, arguments, tears and inevitable sadness? It is not worth it.