I love how this channel is so warming and hopeful despite the heavy topics that they cover from time to time. While I often understand what they talk about in the videos, it still helps to have a clearer picture of what you're going through, and this channels helps with that. They cover these heavy topics with a lot of care for their audience, and I love it. Thank you so much for your content!
Ikr these are like the best people ive met so far, sure I joke around with a few stuff they do just for fun but in the longterm I still deal with trauma like this and alot of stress and there videos really help me alot, Its like Shes a mother to me ;-;
I'm 48 and I needed to live with my mom in 2017, well my brother committed suicide 3 years ago on Friday, now she's using methamphetamine and is selling our family home to hang out with a 53 year old dope head!! She did this when I had to live with her after my parents split up, she was doing crank, I was 11 I think. But she couldn't afford me and kept moving. I was back and forth between both parents for a couple years. Then i became a mom at 16. Then in 1993 I needed her again & the same exact thing happened again! She did dope, went crazy & had to move out of state. She ended up living with her sister (my aunt & uncle) **who I wish would've been my parents, for 20 + years, she lived with them while she raised my baby brother Kevin, the one I lost. Now here we are!! My son has to find somewhere to go and so do I. She's selling the house & is completely oblivious to the pain she is causing! Again, she's bailing on me and my son! I'm sorry this was all over the place but I'm in a really weird & screwed situation!! There's just toomuch to keep typing! But thank you for letting me get all this off my chest a little. 🙏🏻❤️
To exist is to suffer. All you need to do is do what''s right. That is to bestow your compassion when and where there is a need. Your experience, at one time a lifelong sorrow has the capacity to bring joy in the service of another
@@milesbarn I agree. I have trauma from my abusive dad, but my mom has always been there for me and I’ve never been alone with the trauma, and while I’m very grateful for that and think that the trauma would have been even worse if I was alone, I still have trauma that has impacted my mental health, my personality and how I view the world.
I agree what you saying i remember a word that felt like my heart stopped beating and other stuff happen 1-2 years ago but then i finally found help from a council teacher she ask have i ever tell anyone before i said not really and she told me i think all the suffering that happen and never realese it cause i was alone
I remember one time when I was 4 or 5 years old. I heard my stepmother talking about this guy that work for my father and also live with us (we are poor back then). I could tell she hated him. So, I threw that man's clothes into the toilet and they soon found out it was me. My father punished me for it. But they never asked me why I did that. My parents got divorced when I was still a baby. Maybe it's because I crave love from a mother figure. I wanted my stepmother to like me.
I was quiet , painfully shy and I had no confidence so people labelled me thick and I went with it for years . My Dad said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . He was very impatient and prone to mood swings which is why I spent most of my childhood on egg shells . I stayed quiet and kept to the background so that I wouldn’t be noticed. This was my coping mechanism but unfortunately it didn’t help me to push myself forward . Confidence came later . I am happy now , not to everyone’s taste but at 62 years old I have learnt to care about me and put me first.
@@xonoraa. thank you I appreciate your support. I found that discovering what makes me tick and what I am good at helps me. I enjoy the simple things like when a dog wags its tail at you because it’s pleased to see you and isn’t judging you . I have learnt that arrogance is not confidence and bullying is not leadership so when people start their shit I just walk away and leave them to it . I don’t call it cowardice I call it being sensible.
Now it makes sense why I was doing so much to get an approval from my mum. But I never did so why did I bother for so many years? Why are parents so important to their children?
For people who need it :) 1. You become a perfectionist 0:30 2. You may develop a eating disorder 1:43 3. You sometimes act childish 2:38 4. You develop an insecure attachment 3:50 3 types of insecure attachments: 1. anxious or preoccupied 4:44 2. avoidant or dismissive 5:03 3. disorganized or fearful-avoidant 5:33
I never understood y I was childish back then even though I grow up with emotionally unavailable parents. Now I know it was a response to trauma, pple used to say I was spoiled and I was too young and naive to know y I acted the way I did
The avoidant/dismissive one kinda fits. I don't have a problem with people in general though. Just don't feel like I need friends and I'm ok with my main form of communication being yt comments. Also I don't see why I would want to share my feelings with someone anyway when they are short lived and usually nothing significant, while the rest of my day is spent without feeling until something changes that for another few seconds. What's the point of that? Am I supposed to feel something all the time?
I think it's crazy how parents can shape their children behavior as adults. I believe is unfair but then I think it was unfair for them because their parents did something wrong to them as well. who's gonna end with this vicious circle?
I think it's a conjoined effort of several generations. With hopefully each generation we get a little bit better at healing the trauma. I'm not perfect but I feel I'm doing better than my parents in several aspects. one is that my children feel safe and loved. I'm still broken. And in my broken state I'll still give my children the best parent thing that I personally can give them. While striving to always give more. It's such a bigger picture. Through my personal healing I'm able to acknowledge to acknowledge the pain I went through what was neglected of me if I can see it in myself I can try to help not repeat it in my children. I make mistakes. It's a process and you're learning as you go. But I always admit to my children my mistakes and what I'm wrong and why. Are you sure that I love them and that my outbursts were not because of them or towards them. I mostly need a lot of time to myself and quiet. But when I can I make sure to give them the undivided attention I did attention that they need when I can give it.
If you're mentally and emotionally unstable, you shouldn't have children. That's how the cycle is broken. You can be as well-intentioned as you like, but if you're mentally and emotionally unstable, you will be psychologically abusing your children, even if unintentionally.
I... don't think it need to end, its a part of life. Some cycles have to be broken, but not all. All i know is my cycles stop right here, MY BLOODLINE ENDS WITH ME!
Every time I get verbally abused , I would make up a scene in my head where all the sad scenarios that happened to me was happening , and there was someone there to come soothe me , and hug me , and would tell me they are sorry for hurting me , and give me the attention and love that I deserve . This has been my coping mechanism for the last 32 years , and still going . It may sound like I’m a sick person in the head , but sometimes , just to get out of the hurt , I’d do anything even if it’s looked crazy .
It could be your guardian angel my dear. They do it. But not everyone knows or believes. Same thing happened to me. I received systematic energetic healing of two hours per way from an invisible presence. I was well healed after some years. And yes, they do comfort you and hug you. Sending you hugs too. Someone who has been there. And dont think you are sick. 🙂
You're not alone I do this too... That invisible presence around me feels more human than the actual humans I've interacted with in my life... Sad but true
I always thought every others childhood was same as me. Watching this video makes me think how miserable my life was. Everything in this video told exactly what I was feeling all the time.
I used to think parents being respectful and loving towards their children without intimidation or belittlement was just a weird movie cliché, like cars exploding for no reason. Until I discovered it was actually just me who had bad luck
@@DaveGrean fax and parents can’t blame the kid and expect them to change the damage from stuff like this is most likely permanent damage that is irreversible once it happened children never forget these experiences
I was abused mentally, emotionally, and verbally. I'm literally every outcome you speak of in these videos as a result of toxic psychological abuse. We need a video on steps to heal. Thank you for what you do.
It might be late but I hope you read it and help you, the sources of your behaviors are core beliefs that are created through your childhood, removing this beliefs will remove the behaviors, if you want to eliminate your limiting beliefs and be free, you will search "the lefkoe method" on google and download the method in pdf format then you will answer the questions listed on the method and you will find out how magical it is on removing limiting beliefs
My life is full of so much traumas that i can't even explain it. From the childhood assaults to molestation, having parents who always fight, they didn't even care if I'm crying or afraid of them, screaming in the corner somewhere, waking every morning in a fear. This was my childhood. They just wanted me to say "yes" to their every decisions that's it. Couldn't even behaved like a person whatever I was. This was just my childhood. And after that life is much worse than anyone can even imagine.
Please do something for urself. You have only this life to do something...don't let it be wasted...seek for ur self healing..you will find the way. Be firm
My abusive father turned my life into a nightmare for 25 years, and my mom was quite helpless and couldn't help me or herself. I defended myself on my own. From childhood I've learned that the world is cruel, people are evil and you always need to fight for yourself - and at the same time I'm unworthy of good things, I shouldn't even try. A lot of people are actually kind for me, really, but I live in fear and push them away or act too harshly to them. And I'm so sorry! I don’t want to hurt or avoid good people, I can’t just act differently, I’m used to be always ready to defence or attack. I'm stuck in my shell and can't get out. I'm just glad I can share my story here. Thank you so much for that. 🧡
I understand ur trauma perfectly. But you need to fight with urself to get out of this hell. Some professional support can do if you find good psychotherapist but may be a very expensive option. Otherwise you will need some inner healing. You can get some videos on TH-cam that do help.. But u need to reconstruct urself...that's the reason of ur life...remember you have only this life to take care of..
My family was very dysfunctional in many ways, like most families I’m sure. My sister and mum fought every night for years of my childhood- screaming, threats, breaking things. My dad and I went to our rooms alone. I delved into a world of fantasy novels and music. My parents also spanked us frequently which I realize is very common in the previous generation, but it set off a lot of fear in me. I was bullied in highschool and became very isolated because I couldn’t talk to my parents about my feelings. There was a consistent message in my house that you shove down how you feel. You don’t cry, you don’t feel sorry for yourself. You just carry on. But I never felt as strong as my parents, and so I struggled for years with substance abuse and low self esteem. This year for the first time, I am examining my childhood memories and understanding that we were not a perfect family (like my mum kept trying to convince me). My parents had a lot of emotional issues and traumas (my dad was abused by his father and my mums parents died young) and they brought that with us. Their marriage fell apart when I was born and eventually my dad cheated on my mum and we all found out. Basically…don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood. Everyone does, and it’s important to understand where you came from and how it shaped you.
"Don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood" I could not agree more. Everyone's experience is valid. Thank you for sharing.
This is the same with my family ! I had my mum and dad who hit me if was bad or annoyed. I had mum who can shout and make insults to anyone. Her and my dad fought, my dad could be harsh with shouting at me or my siblings and hitting us. My mum and dad has and to this day an unstable marriage. When little my dad had an unknown Illness and I was scared her was going to die. Luckily he’s healthy. But yeah a lot of trauma with bullying, eating disorders, abuse mentally, physically and sexually. It still hurts me but I’m trying my best to move on and past this trauma ! I realised now that my mum and dad had both hard lives and tried there best raising children with little help they had from their parents and continued the trauma to me and my siblings.
It’s important to note that many dismissive avoidants don’t actually have high self esteem. They appear confident to cope and hide their fear of rejection and belief that no one will ever love them.
It’s like when you fight with an ex friend/lover, you may say “Whatever, I don’t need them!” but you really miss them, or when you get bullied/teased and you say “I don’t care what people think.” but you do care.
I was diagnosed in my 40s with BPD, CPTSD and PMDD. All steming from my childhood abuse. I'm very lucky to be where I am today. The biggest lesson that I have learned is to love myself first!❤
Snap, wasn't diagnosed until late Quiet BPD, Aspergers traits, etc.. Hope you are coping better now you have some understanding, I believe when we were younger BPD was kinda sidelined as they thought there was little could be done, I'm so glad those who are coming behind us should get an earlier diagnosis and hopefully not suffer. Take care.
For loving yourself first did it cause any problems with your family & friends? Were they ok with the positive change you made for yourself or did they term you selfish & hard hearted?👍
As someone in the coments said, I assume my childhood was normal until i grow up and saw everyone else's was better. My parents never traveled, took me to the cinema, to science expositions, extra-clases, to the park, literally anywere. My mum was always working and my dad unemployed drinking, when my mum would come out of work he would demand her presence at the bar and i was left alone at home like 6 hours a day after school. Now everyone has wonderful experiences from childhood and craves being an adult, while I'm trying to process that mine was sad and repetitive. On top of that, my dad was unpredictable and abusive. He could be happy laughing, but when he just crossed the hallway, he could be shouting and insulting us. Now he's dead, my mum recovered from the abusive relationship and has a boyfriend, but for me, it feels like I can't turn the page. Everyone has moved on, started growing up, making friends and having relationships while I'm with low self-esteem, insecure, sad, without barely any friends and far away from love-like interaccions. I just stay at home, feeling like my life is passing by while I just contemplate others.
I literally had tears at your description of anxious attachment style. This fits me perfectly. I've heard the term before but the simple and concise way in which you put it made me feel seen and understood after what feel like an eternity. Thanks a lot. I hope there are some steps we can take ourselves to become more secure in our own selves and our relationships.
If you're interested in attachment theory, I recommend looking more into it! There are a few. I resonate with anxious attachment, but I have a video saved about anxious-avoidant, and I think that one might fit me even better. It's a good jumping off point if you're trying to improve yourself, or find yourself getting into the same types of relationships over and over.
I had alot of childhood trauma, i was raped by my brother at 7 years old , i was mentally and physically abused by my parents growing up , being constantly yelled at , being told from my mom that she wished she never had children and much more. My parents divorced when i was born and my dad an abusive drunk , i felt lost and i felt like I couldn’t go anywhere and that i had no one, and i would have countless nights where i just sit in my room and cry , My step dad put poop on my toothbrush and i would brush my teeth with it when at age 6 . i am currently now 18 living on my own because my mom kicked me out .Im looking for schools near me cause im still a senior and im working constantly, and i have my own apartment. theres so much more to my story
Oh babe I feel you 😢. Sorry to heard that you really strong girl. Everything will be fine just hope you still resilient fighting the future ahead . Bless u ❤️
Reading your story has broke my heart. I am so sorry for all you've been through!! I wish I could just hug you, and make all of that go away. You have so much ahead of you, and I hope you're getting the help you need, so the rest of your life will be so much better. Stay strong, my friend. Sending all my love to you! 🤗❤️🙏
know how you feel a bit I to have have had hell of a lifetime of pain and trying my best to shake some but can't shake my babyhood life but mix it up adulthood if when in the mood to just life events make my life so hard at times can't help that love looking at adult baby's room tours and baby room tours to and mum show off they baby toys that they got for they baby that why I love babyhood better and so much trying my best not over do it it at point what's the point of shakeing in the first place when some people in life keep picking on me undoing all the good work some help that help me out they as long as I am doing well and I am but so over this stigma war about being transgender and gamer and adult baby and makes it hard when I never felt like a adult in the first place to some people just can't let things go to get more broken on top of being more broken and wishing that government people would come into and tell this bullying mobs to stop getting people so much broken in the first place they will only when love numbers of people to run this world oh yay for that it always a number game in life and this world gets bit old
I'm 24, and I'm still scared when Mom and Dad won't be there to help me figure out what I'm supposed to do. (Doesn't help when my mom berates me about my age, that I still live at home, and that "when I was your age I was living on my own and paying my own bills, etc.")
I swear childhood traumas give horrific outcomes and shape you into a complete beast. The fear of getting attached, getting broken, being a perfectionist, mood un consistency or imbalance food, being extra childish because you know you can't handle a thing because your family never trusted you and the result is that you start disbelieving yourself. There must be a parenthood degree before giving birth, but maybe it will go in vain eg being a psychologist you can be an abuser too!! where the degree is just a paper!!
Somehow the soothing voice in this video breaking down why im so insecure with myself, dont trust others, and have low self worth almost feels like a hug
I find it interesting that at a point where I seem to be having such difficulties with my trauma you guys are making more videos. Feels kind of like encouragement.
I think I have the last insecure attachment... I want to have an intimate relationship because I want someone to be there for me when I'm feeling shit, but I am also scared to be in a relationship, and I also believe wholeheartedly that no one will see me as a lover and love me to their core.
so true, i crave affection and validation so badly because i never got it as a child. but when i do get affection i push it away bc i think im unworthy of it ajsjakajsjs
I didn't realize how bad my childhood was until pretty recently. I grew up with a neglectful and emotionally abusive mother and an alcoholic father who wasn't present in our lives for the most part, they divorced when I was a small child. My brother and I were raised in a very unhealthy way by our mother and I remember so many things happening that just shouldn't happen to a child. Our old house over time became incredibly messy, messier than the word messy sounds fit to describe, and if I had to go into detail it'd take an entire paragraph, I would have no problem describing it room by room because I remember it vividly, and the worst part that I've only really begun to realize is our mom KNEW it was wrong and made it a point to tell us not to tell anyone because CPS would take us away from her, and honestly thinking about that part angers me so much. I'm sorry for the upcoming rant, but to know that the environment you're keeping your children in is wrong and still insist on keeping them there, to make it a point to scare them into staying silent, that's diabolical, heck I'd even call it evil, and I wish I could say I don't strongly resent her for it (the word "resent" doesn't do it justice), I'd go as far as to say I want nothing to do with her for the rest of my life, but sadly I'm still dependent on her, and I'm working towards not being dependent on her and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, although some days I only motivate myself out of pure spite and the desire to ditch her for good. My father wasn't very present in our lives at this time either, and I've forgiven him because he's managed to recover from alcoholism, which isn't easy, and he told me one day that he regrets not being there for my brother and I, meanwhile our mom hasn't changed most of her behaviors and gets defensive whenever you mention them to her. I also think she tried to turn us against our dad, and succeeded for a long time, she really skewed my perception of the world and of people for many years, and all of this just adds to how angry I am with her these days. I'm trying to move on and break myself out of the mindset she built around me and part of how I'm doing this is by being more open about my experiences because she spent years drilling it into my head not to share any of it. If anyone is wondering, I'm okay these days, I'm working on getting into college (majoring in software engineering) and trying to get a job, which isn't going my way in all honesty because the job market where I live is all but nonexistent, so I'm looking at remote jobs instead (in tech would be really cool since that's where my major is and I could get work experience there at the same time, I'm also considering looking into a work-study program) and all the while I feel like I'm learning more things about myself and starting to actually recover from it all. I think I'll feel a lot better once I can get a well-paying tech job (I'm interested in the field btw, I'm not just going at it for money lol) and rent my own apartment and leave her behind me for good. Honestly I only really relate to sometimes acting childish, the majority of my struggles these days are being angry and resentful towards my mom for the years of neglect and emotional abuse but trying to play it cool because trying to talk about it at all goes nowhere, I know, I've tried. I'm sorry this post was so long, I hope you have a good day reader!
Hey Matt, you are doing wonderful. You have come out of those dark times, now as you get independent, you will come out of that dark place too. And yes, i am sure this online expression helps you release your pentup. Btw I really like your dad's attitude. He is sorry for the past, and is progressive. Getting over an addiction is never easy. About your mother, yes she is really evil ig. But maybe she has some trauma in past too, that made her like that. Although I admit some people are actually evil. Who am I to judge anyway! In dark triad of psychology, Machiavellianism can be attributed to her. Just a thought.
Can you elaborate on the mess? I can't imagine how a house could be so impossibly messy as to be abusive or traumatizing to a child. Or do you mean literal filth and unhygienic circumstances? Hope this doesn't come across as invalidating, I'm genuinely just curious to understand what you've been through
The perfectionism part is so spot on. At least to my experience. My parents always expected the best from me when I was a kid and if I didn’t live up to their standards they would immediately compare me to others. Not to mention i was the eldest sibling so that put extra pressure on me. My mom never stopped comparing me to her nephew (my cousin who was my also my age). She would always talk highly of him and wish that i was like him which made me feel unworthy and not good enough. My mom realized her flaws in parenting me and apologized to me years later when I grew up. We cried together that night and promised each other that we learn from our past and stick together no matter what. Our household was unstable and the stress and fighting with my dad led her to having poor judgment of me and my siblings which i can understand as long as she meant her apology which she really did. She’s changed so much now and i’m very proud of her. But the feeling of wanting to make everything seem perfect and not disappoint others has stuck with me. I fear rejection and failure and i have constant self-doubt and shame. But i’m trying to overcome this and I know I can. If you suffer from perfectionism just know that you are doing your best and if things don’t turn out the way you want them to be, then that’s completely fine as this is the way of life. If your life was perfect trust me it would so boring because there is no challenge to make it interesting. Learn to let things go and do not blame yourself for things that didn’t live up to your expectations. I suggest breathing techniques which has helped my stress and anxiety immensely. And Lastly, just be proud of who you are, even if it sounds corny ❤
It's not only bad parents that can cause childhood trauma! I grown up with very loving and understanding parents, but was bullied in school for many years and from a very young age. Even many teachers treated me poorly, because I didn't live up to their very restricted norms of how a child should be. Insults,agressions and even gaslightning was a part of this treatment, as well as being guilttripped for even the tiniest mistake sometimes. I even was told I was to weird to make friends. It is a miracle that I managed to graduade with good grades and then went to university, but because of all this I have been lonely my entire 33 years life and just can't take normal healthy risks like applying for a job or starting relationships (because I think that nobody wants me and that my parents are the only people who can love me). It is like my entire body tells me these things are just too dangerous. It's too dangerous to take the risk of once more being rejected. I am seeking help for this, but it is hard to find the right one. Please, do more content about bullying, like what it is and how it can damage people. I once heard about a study that showed that victims of bullying suffered the same kind of stress like victims of torture! 😭
same here I getting help but in saying that dose not help me that much I find at times what's the point when the help can't get me anywhere to get friends only groups that get to see people for hour or so or more that it then back in my four walls and yet others cry out foul for being stuck in there four walls and something get done it like wow really what about us broken ones we get no help fully only a tiny bit of life help that it for us sad to say
@@corinawhite6457 i have just recently work with my own nieces and nephews who suffered severe parental neglect and abandonment. I believe that their parents did not intentionally neglected their children but some how it's just the way they see life should be for they lived through much worse parental neglects. The children needed help as much as the parents. However the parents don't seem to realize that they needed help.
Hello, got bullied at school too. I agree it's dangerous and i therefore only make a few friends now, and i dont talk a lot until i know the person. i have friends outside school (met on video games) but everyday of school for 12 years (aged 6-18) were disaster, being isolated deliberately from the girls and some fake friends will pretend hate me when within the gang's radar for to her not being isolated too. it hurts. had supportive teachers and parents, they told me just stay as a maverick here, and enjoy life outside school, will be great after graduate. Indeed, my days are now much better right after high school. being forced to join group activities are a pain - stood there alone like a ____ meanwhile looking others smile... when school cancels due to weather (rain, typhoon) , that's my happiest days - play video games! I literally prayed for severe weather everyday. i hate school , yes i am poorly socialised, due to 12years of awful schooling i am a maverick i prefer alone or group less than 5. and i even got 'tortured' (tied up and threatened) at primary school and bullied by gang. i wish they get the karma asap !
Same, i finally got friends at uni but i'm not confident enough to call them my friends bc i was told all my life i'm not worthy of respect and friendship
Being the eldest son is one of the things that I never dreamed of. The way they treat my siblings is very different in how they treated me as the first born child. Way back when I was in senior high school,they gave me an allowance exactly for my transpo and for my projects even the simple contribution in the room still counted on my allowance. But my siblings allowance doubled the amount of mine. There was a time that I needed to walk just to go to school without having breakfast, I don't know if my father hated me so much for that kind of treatment. But the worst part is every time my birthday comes he always locks the door and leaves me outside for the whole night. It started when my mother became an OFW. Sometimes I always thought that I wasn't his child because my last name is after my mom's maiden name, unlike my siblings they are all after my father's surnames. Disclaimer: I'm not good at English I just want to express my thoughts about it. Thank you in advance.
sorry for what happened to you but I think every parent has one favorite Child because I know what is being like not loving maybe it because I am the 5 child and 3 are younger than me, parents always focus on the eldest and the youngest But I can't complain I know she loves me
Don't be sad, we've to draw our life with our colours, past has past friend, we've to get up and forget about, it always will hurt but with time, it gets better, build urself, be sure u r a good person and lovable, make friends, make ur family, parents r going away no way, also we r going soon or later, let us not be stuck in their time, I want to tell for the most of the time, parents rn't aware of what they r doing, they don't understand and don't know how it matters for their children, pay attention to their traumas and crisis beside the anxiety they live for paying money, bills etc. Hope u get well ❤️💛🤲🏻
Sometimes I find it difficult to accept that I have childhood trauma from my parents because I don’t think they ever actively intended to mistreat me. I think they had a lot of trouble learning to parent me with their own issues going on, and my wants and needs got caught in the cross fire of their expectations and desires for me. I know they’ve always loved me and always will, but there were times in my childhood that that just didn’t seem true unless I was behaving in the way they wanted. I used to act out a lot (I think as a way to ask for help) in middle school and went through a really turbulent and volatile period with my parents. I guess I just never realized how the intentions behind their actions didn’t compensate for the unhealthy things I took away from their behavior.
Pretty much mine too. Although in my case it is a little worse. My grandma only wanted me to live with her when I was almost one because she wanted a replacement for her son who was my dad. My dad died a month before I was born and my mom abandoned me so I got my name changed by my grandma and I was named after my dad. There were other unhealthy things such as a messy life style that I lived and still live in now even though im in college but I won't continue. Point is I do think she loves me but her trauma among other things has impacted her decisions concerning me that I feel like a bird in a cage.
Yes! I used to be very angry at my parents until I realized they didn't intend to mistreat me -- they just didn't know any better and were probably just mimicking the dysfunctional behaviors, mindsets of previous generation(s). Once I learned through therapy that unhealed trauma can unconsciously repeat itself in successive generations, that they came from an era and culture where there was no psychotherapy available to help them, then I could be more forgiving. What also helped me was learning about human developmental needs -- how to renurture my own physiological, emotional, mental and spiritual needs via Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Erikson's Psychosocial Stages and Urie Bronfenbrenner's Ecological Systems Theory with its concentric influences in society--all throughout our lifespan. Then I no longer felt that I was as hopeless...it helped me gain control of my own self-worth and to respond to my needs more readily so I would be less anxious and depressed...
I myself have become passive-aggressive towards almost everyone and tend to never trust people, although I am healing thanks to some people I have become close with. I love your work and hope everyone can find help somewhere. ❤❤❤
After the death of my baby sister when I was 7 (I'm 15 now), my parents argued several times a week. They had different ways of coping with her death. My dad absorbed himself into his job, and my mom would go to the beach every day. My dad thought that she was being lazy, so they fought constantly as a result. My mom was already unhappy with the marriage, so she was volatile to begin with. After every fight, my dad would vent by saying terrible things about my mom in front of me. After 8 years of this shit, I just avoid talking about it at all costs. I know that it's my dad's way of dealing with his anger, but I can't fucking stand it. His venting made me resentful when people treat me wrong, even if it wasn't intentional. I'm unable to forgive anyone. I only saw the worst in other people, disregarding everything else but their flaws. That's the case for everyone in my life, even myself. I hate myself, and I take my anger out on everyone around me, even my closest friends. This has costed me my only true friend. I snapped, and we don't talk anymore. I'd have rekindled that relationship if I knew I wouldn't hurt her again, but I didn't and I still don't. I've harmed her in the past several times, and her response for every apology was "please don't do it again." I'm unworthy of her trust, as I just break it as soon as it's given. She's better off without me in her life. Without all the shit I do to her. Even if I find another friend like her, who's to say that I won't hurt them too? People have to walk on eggshells around me because everything sets me off. I'm lonely, but given all the harm I've caused, I deserve it. I've no friends, and a family that I can't open up to. I have, and my parents' answer is always "you're not getting enough sleep" or "you need to eat at school." They just don't want to think that I have problems that need to be fixed. I told a school therapist about thoughts of unaliving myself, as well as an attempt the day before. She got me evaluated and sent my to a psychiatric ward, where I stay for a few days. Without going into too many details, the experience was traumatizing, and it worsened my suicidal thoughts. From now on, I keep my mouth shut. I lie to my therapist about anything regarding suicide. I can't trust anyone anymore, because when I did, I got my freedom taken away. I'm never going to another mental hospital again, and I'll do anything to make sure of that. Trust has only made things worse.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through so much, and at such a young age. You may not realize it yet, but tough struggles can help a person to grow, and when you can process the trauma and begin to heal you will have a much more enriched life than a person who has never experienced trauma. It would be great if you could get back in touch with your friend and ask her if she could listen while you talk about your sister, so that you can grieve for her in a healthy way with a friend by your side, as it doesn’t sound like your parents have been able to do that. But you have your whole life ahead of you so it’s really important that you take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do for yourself. I’m sure your friend loves you and will be there for you … she only wants you to be kind to her. Take care ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sharing your hurt and vulnerability with someone is such a difficult and scary thing to do - I admire your strength and courage. I too, have suffered from childhood trauma and let me tell you that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" attitude is unhelpful and quite frankly it's bullshit. Trauma does not make us stronger, in fact it weakens us to the point that our experience of life going forward is altered for the worst - but it keeps us just strong enough so that we stay alive long enough to see it ruin our adult lives. HOWEVER, you know what does make us stronger? Healing our trauma. If we want to heal, we must talk to a therapist and give ourselves over to the process. It is bloody hard work but let me tell you I am reaping the benefits of it now. I have been in therapy for 5 years. Some of it was a hit and some of it was a miss, but I put in the hard work and now, as a 28 year old I finally know and believe that I am worthy of love and respect. And you are too - simply for existing. I used to think that punishing people for their sins and faults is what makes the world a better place (and that meant punishing myself too). But I was fooling myself - I was actually just trying to make myself feel better by taking revenge on the people around me and on myself too. It didn't work. But you know what really helped me start healing? When someone told me that all of my hurt and shame and rage are valid. And that it was my parents' job to make me feel safe and secure and loved as a child simply necause I existed - not because I was a "good girl," or a straight A student, or an obedient child. I recognise that my parents were also victims of abuse as children, so I understand that they passed their trauma onto me - I forgive them for that. But I have to do the work to heal myself - as unfair as that is, that's just how it works, so that I will stop passing on my trauma to my children and so that I will stop hurting myself and others around me. I hope that one day you will see that you are deserving of healing from your trauma for the only reason that matters: you exist.
Wow you sound just like me only a long time ago! I have learned that the subconscious mind has a lot to do with how you feel. When you feel you can’t trust anyone you must learn to not let yourself down! You need to learn how to understand about the trauma that has created the narrative in your head! No one outside of you can do it for you! You are worth it! The internet has much information….there are many podcasts available regarding healing from trauma! Don’t let anyone take away your ability to a good life! You owe that to yourself! Sending you love and positive energy that you find your way through the struggles so they become your strength!! ❤️
I feel my parents fit in the hot cold type. Some days they compliment the things i do right and say im unique and a good person, and then we get the other side of the coin where it doesn't feel i can satisfy their expectations and they come with any excuse to say i didn't do enough, this made me lose all my trust in their words and on a bad day, they make sure to make me feel i am a burden to them. At this point I don't know how im even able to keep myself up, i feel depressed and unmotivated, i just want to feel what i do actually matters and feel loved. I hope i don't resort into anything bad if the pain is too much to handle.
@@moonlight3181 good luck, remember to not let bad emotions or feeling inside you, its better to vent everything out than keeping a grudge for years, let the wounds heal. It's something I've trying to do but can't say its successful for me, since my parents don't seem to notice that i need mental help
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
My mother and her sister body-shamed in front of everyone my aunt yesterday asked me if l want to be in a circus like a bear because l am fat and after l was gonna cry really hard but l controlled my tears by smiling l have just turned 18 and my mother always taunts me for my body shape and tells me l am just burden on earth. Do I really deserve this? (Btw l am a girl)
@@ashishkumarsinha3309 Oh I'm so sorry your family treats you badly :( My mom always told me I was ugly and gawky and embarrassing her. My dad hit me for having acne and being "sickening to even look at". So I know that stuff hurts 🥺 But you're 18! Time to go after what YOU want, time to find people who DON'T insult and hurt you, they exist! It took me a long time to mostly heal the pain and self-hate. I had 2 children and with great difficulty broke the cycle of physical and emotional abuse!! Stop repeating your abusers' words in your own head as I did for many years. Those words aren't worth repeating for anyone since they came from a place of cruelty and indifference. You can be different, better than them just by being KIND. All the best to you, you're worth better and I wish you healing and strength 😘
As a child who grew up in a family of addcits, the first and third type of insecure attachment hit me so close to home. As long as my mom had her drug of choice, things would be okay. But when the withdrawal kicked in, it was like a totally different person emerged. It was a roller coaster ride of love and fear all the time, so by the time I was an adult I didn't understand what a healthy relationship looked like because I thought they all thrived on high drama and low depression and fights all the time.
+{UCNnVed3oazhG0taBMuQ_YAA} *Fearful Avoidant leaning Anxious Preoccupied, I presume?* Professrix Gibson, Personal Development School LLC, was in a very similar state to yours about a decade ago. If ye're in a mood to ride the Professrix' Journey, here's the applicable playlist: th-cam.com/play/PL0EkRjSLGY_SEF9Jdje1tQnzuBFzCp3qJ.html
Hi Ross, thanks for sharing. It must have been really hard to be raised in a family where love was so unstable. And seeing someone you care so much about go through their ups and downs. How are you doing now?
I think by realizing that we have a hurtful past and its already part of our life we can learn to not having the same mistake to our child..build a better generation..respect them for their personality and their individual
I actually wish my parents were more tough on me and had any interest in my life. They never taught me anything about adulthood, not finances, not relationships, not anything. They actually got upset every time I signed up for an activity or sport, but atlease they never said no. I just wish they had an interest in teaching me a little bit about what I was going to face out in the world. That taught me to be break the cycle with my children.
Omg. Not having children is not the way. My parents never thought I’d have to worry finances. Or anything serious in life I did end up having hard life health wise but I was a strong woman. Thank God they adopted me. Yes they couldn’t have kids but saved me and gave me love. Parents aren’t perfect , but I married a man who was taught these things and our children were not brought up Like me , they are highly independent people and a huge benefit to society. Not having children is the worst answer and selfish answer ever !
@@jkiser177 It's not selfish. Some people aren't fit for rising children, or interested in doing it. Like my brother, he's 31 and doesn't want any children, and that's a fair excuse. I think adopting children is WAY better, our planet is in a high crisis of overpopulation. You sometimes have to break the cycle.
"By controlling your weight, you may feel like you're finally gaining control over something in your life". I literally think this and I was thinking it was something normal. omg!
Videos like this often makes me realize how much I've grown and heal because I relate to the examples but not today, I relate to them because I was like that a few years ago
A major challenge with this is when you attempt to explain these points to a parent, only to have them turn around and call you crazy for blaming them for your own insecurities. These are the kinds of people, family or not, that we should make the active effort of avoiding for these are the kinds of people who will make their problems, yours...
I agree. I study psychology so I can learn peoples habits and mannerisms so I can read them better. It helps to learn about peoples toxic behavior patterns so you can distance yourself from them. There really are alot of people out there that are really not worth a piss.
OH this is my own mother, 100% and I have to say right now, there's nothing more infuriating than her denying her mistreatment, or better yet, try to turn it around on YOU as justification! Emotional manipulation & gaslighting at its finest!
this basically described my personality… i was abused as a child and when i talked about it my parents neglected me, they were also very perfectionist and had high expectations for me, my grades, my “health” (my body) and nothing i did was ever enough! i had to be the good girl, good daughter, good sister, good friend, ask for nothing, be nice and polite, please people and not complain at all, i then developed an overachiever life style but ended up having a burn out and falling into severe depression, then i healed from it but got my bpd diagnosis! so yeah i have a wounded inner child, i struggle with procrastination to avoid my perfectionist inner criticism, i sometimes act childish and i have completely insecure disorganized attachment style! somehow i crave for intimacy but at the same time i’m terrified of it! i don’t want to be someone’s second choice, i don’t wanna be hurt, neglected or abandoned! i deal with shame and guilty too but i believe i do deserve love is just that i never learned to receive and accept it and also i can’t trust people to love me the way i deserve to be loved!
I would always be an average grader in my classes from my childhood. Bullied at high school, having feelings about being neglected, having an alcoholic father and an abusive brother in household, relatives bringing my self esteem low, I grew up. It really did help me to shape my personality. I don't have any interest or intention to be around people anymore. This is why I stay away from people. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up so bad or just want to disappear from this world so that it's like I ever existed. I Don't feel like getting attached to others anymore. I would always get humiliated no matter what. There is a lump in your throat, you feel like drowning in a empty void.
I am the same way too, like actually, and its really sad because you are almost conditioned to think like that since so many people let you down/neglected/shamed/abused you. i understand after trying time and time again you would eventually want to cut people off completely. most people have something to fall back on to remind themselves what there capable of, but since it seems like you had no confirmation , all you have is what (the people you mentioned) said/done. no i don't think you will humiliate your self every time, you're letting them define you. don't let them effect who you are. yeah, you were bullied, but that doesn't mean you were a bad/weird kid. the kids with trauma/abuse are most likely going to get bullied. its not your fault, so why treat yourself like it is? i know this will sound cringy asf, but don't let 2023 be a repeat, find yourself, you are not just an embarrassment, you are not your trauma.
I sent a long time telling myself I'm a squandered savant because my parents neglected my emotional, academic/intellectual and medical needs. You don't have to be the person your harsh inner parent/voice tells you; be the person who brings joy to your inner child.
Trust me when I say that you are stronger than u think Im a mess as well , use that anger and hate as energy to achieve do more sport stay busy all the time try to make more money wut do u have to lose we already been screwed the only thing we have is to try and doing our best to achieve
The best TH-cam channel there is regarding Psychology. You also sound like my therapist, alongside the soothing voice of someone who shows empathy to their clients.
The segment about age regression hit me really hard. Friends often get annoyed when I call any cute animal a “baby bear” as a nickname. I also feel like people are avoiding me because I come across as “cringey” and childish, I just thought I was just being too anxious about my autism and that was causing me to feel out of place. But now I know it might be age regression I feel like I can look into getting support!
Since you mentioned autism, I should clarify that sometimes being autistic means being a different age mentally than your actual body age. Like for example: a 25 year old might have the mental maturity of a 12 year old. This is probably because you don't mask your autism. I don't mask my autism either. I can see where you're coming from, though.
This really hits me 😭😭I’m actually seeing a therapist now from my childhood trauma,my parents didn’t love me and still don’t ,I’ve tried numerous of times to forgive them but they are still the same,I was raised by my grandma!I somehow I know how to love my kids unconditionally and I know they are not perfect but for me they are I praise them daily,and I don’t want a relationship I’m scared to be hurt I’ve been hurt by everyone around me including the person I had them with,fear of abandonment 🤧hopefully one day I will let someone in.I’m a emotional wreck.
God, I'm so sorry for you. But you're strong. Keep fighting on. I swear, one day, it'll get better. You're not meant to have to live life like this, believe me. You're meant to live your life happily and YOU WILL, I lromise. Even if it takes time. I wish you all the best.
@@illusion6343 thank you so much I really appreciate your kind words on my birthday this means a lot to me 🥹God Bless You!I know one day I will be fine ♥️
Army in the house, I see. 😊Thank you for including Tata and Chimmy in the video, these topics are difficult but thinking of the boys instantly calms me down. 💜
It's crucial for parents and future generations to grasp the significance of providing unwavering love, affection, and support to children. Being fully healed and content with oneself before becoming a parent is paramount. Each of these factors plays a vital role. Consider the impact of someone who hasn't addressed their own traumas raising another individual. It underscores the necessity of self-love before embarking on parenthood. Plus, it's essential to ensure absolute certainty in one's ability to offer love, care, and support to a child when they need it most.
my age regression is the most pleasant part of my life. This video doesn’t talk about giving anything up. i know eating disorders and perfectionism don’t go away overnight. i guess age regression will keep helping you cope for awhile.
I so relate with the anxious attachment style. I crave love and attention, but I'm convinced that no one will ever truly love or care about me, and that everyone who's ever been there for me was actually just annoyed they had to deal with me. I feel like I'm just a broken and attention-seeking pest to others. Also, on a different note, it's kind of funny that for the longest time I didn't think I had abandonment issues since I never really "feared" being abandoned, rather I expected it and always quickly jump to the conclusion that the other party doesn't care about me.
I think the proper name for that is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. It's very common with those with ADHD, autism, or anxiety/depression. Let me tell you, knowing the name and how it affects you cleared up A LOT of how I've felt my whole life regarding other people.
For me it's perfectionism and fearful-avoidant attachment issues. My parents had quite some expectations of me and I always have to walk on eggshells around them and be careful with what I say and how I say it. Absolutely exhausting. Even now I know what and what not to talk about with them and I experience crushing guilt for being a failure every day.
Same! I'm sure you're not a failure, though! Don't let their perception of you (likely a projection of THEMSELVES on you to cover up their OWN insecurities) blind you!
Same. I find that even now I’m constantly trying to gauge the “temperature” of people I’m trying to talk to. It’s like I always have to make sure they are receptive to my message, even before I say anything. It’s constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making someone lose their sh*t. Sometimes I just rather avoid talking altogether. It’s draining.
Thank you so much for your uplifting, soothing videos. I always feel more relaxed when I watch them, and it reminds me that I'm more than my childhood traumas.
This channel puts everything into words that I couldn’t describe. I feel like only they get what I have gone through but I wish my parents and my siblings will also understand me someday.
My mother used to say that im not a normal kid & threatened to send me away to some boarding school & curse me when i was a child 20+ years later. Still hurts, still cant forget
1-you become a perfectionist 2-you may develop an eating disorder 3- do you act childish? 4-you develope insicure atachement a)axious; b)avoident or dismissive ; c)disorganized or fearful-avoidant
I am said to be childish sometimes, am an extreme perfectionist, have disorganized attachment type and have high-functioning autism. I suppose being repeatedly physically abused by kids at school and near home, and mentally abused by my parents caused that. I survived 2 depression episodes and 2 suicide attempts. I have been trying to get rid of the prison built by the rules instilled by my parents and teachers in my early years, and am feeling much better now.
Please do not say high functioning. It is ableist and implies that autism doesn't affect your life in certain areas. Just because you can walk, talk, and do most self care (when you're not depressed), doesn't mean it doesn't make your life hard.
A religious christian once told me to forget all my traumas after I told him about the years of emotional abuse i suffered as a child. I told him my parents used to fight alot when i was younger and i had to witness it all. As a result, i always had this fear of abandonment growing up. As a kid, i used to be so afraid that my parents would eventually leave me someday but as the years went by, this fear manifested into anger. I'm 21 now and i used to question why im a perfectionist but thanks to this video, i finally understand why. My sister also suffers from ed and other mental health issues as a result of the years of trauma. Though my dad's changed alot as a person, i still find it very hard to forgive him. What baffles me most is when i told the christian man this, he couldn't fathom why i hate my parents. He even had the audacity to question me. He told me it's normal for parents to fight and that i should just 'forgive' them. I just find it very invalidating as he is not in our shoes and we don't have the shared experience. This is why you should think before having kids. P.s english is not my first language so excuse the grammar mistakes
I’ve not been neglected, my parents are really supportive of me. But some middle/high school experiences really torn me down. When I was 12 my dad got really sick and almost died, at the time I wasn’t feeling much affected by it, but about two years ago I got diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, which probably descended from that time, but also by some horrible experiences in school. I had best friends, which after leaving middle school never talked to me again. In high school I was very lonely. I went to the class mentor for help, but he never helped me. Once we went on a school camp in the Ardennen (Belgium). They told us we were going swimming, but because of my ADD I’m very slow in getting ready, so at the moment I had to go to the bathroom. When I came out they had left leaving me behind. (Luckily my mom was there with us, but she also has ADD, so she wasn’t ready yet and didn’t know that my class had left). We went looking for them, for at least an hour, we called my mentor asking were they were, but we still couldn’t find them. So we went back to the camp and started making dinner. Maybe 1,5 hours later they came back, my mentor yelling at me for not being with the group and saying that this was all my fault. I could only look at my feet and I felt horrible. Then a two days later we had an awful lot of rain, so much that the tent we were sleeping in flooded. (I slept in this tent with 3 other girls, they did not want me in their tent but they were the only ones with a place left). So while the tent was flooded they got their stuff out of there and put it somewhere dry, only to then wake me up, all my stuff was soaked. And again I felt horrible, for not being wanted but also that they just didn’t care. So this was one of the worst weeks in my life. After that I chose what I wanted to study after finishing high school, nursing, so I focused on getting there. That’s what got me through high school. I do have anxious attachment and sometimes age regression, in that at home I sometimes play with my LEGOs and make all sad stories to kind of let my deepest emotions out. And stuffed animals, I got a LOT. Also emotional eating is a problem I have but I’m trying to work on it. I’m now a third year nursing student and I love it, I made friends in my class and feel like I don’t have to be scared to be left behind. I’m still the slowest person ever to pack my bag, but they always wait for me. I also just finished a course for people with ADD. And I brought up being left behind by my mentor and him being so angry at me that I never got to say what I wanted to say. So we did a scene 🎬, an other ADD’er played my mentor and I was myself. I got to yell at him, curse, until I got everything of my chest. It felt amazing! My life now is good, even though I still suffer from the traumas. But I tell myself when something is not going right or I feel down: it’s not the end of the world. ❤
I don't really have trauma from my childhood but as an adult I do. I was abused and in abusive relationships and I thought I deserved it because they broke me down so much and I thought they were just trying to help me. I had no love for myself and lacked self care, had no self respect and self destructed. Others showed me that I am a good person and I deserve respect. They showed their love and care and supported me to live a good life and helped me solve my problems. They lovingly corrected me when I made mistakes. They showed me I am a good person who deserves respect. I highly recommend therapy. It helps you process your trauma and work on it. It never goes away but when it comes up you'll know how to handle it better. It's very healing.
I was literally just discussing to a group about how I'm 19 and I'm stuck in my childhood in most aspects of time. And well. I grew up with a harsh start so I hardly trust anyone. I can only ever mention these when I'm out of person so to speak.
me self identifying with every single topic of this video makes me scared, but at the same time relieved since there’s studies about it and they say that i’m not the only one
I think that the main issue I've had had anger. For so long, I've had such a build up of anger, frustration, rage, etc, and I think it's because of how introverted I am. I can hardly start a conversation and keep it going, so I've had a tough time making friends. Being sorta alone, I just feel some sort of small fire inside of me, where anything could set it off into a wildfire. But I keep it secure, never letting it, or myself, go. Even if it feels like thoughts get into my head, very bad thoughts, and I want to go through with these thoughts, but I rarely ever do. I don't like to talk about this stuff with my parents since it feels like my dad is a bit too chill about it, and I don't want my mom to be worried. I just want to hold that fire and stop it from spiraling.
Hi. I kinda understand what you have been through. I have a lot of anger and resentment growing up. I have schizophrenia, adhd and my eq was stunted because a head injury I have when I am very little. My parent had a lot of difficult raising me because they also have to raise 3 other children. I was very different from other child, this clear from when I am four and no matter how hard I try to fit in I just end up being outcast, ridicule and bully by others. My parent always think I misbehave and being a misfit on purpose and pin it on me and so my sibling did the same and I was bully and ridicule even in my own house. I became an introvert who afraid and rejected people even prone to lash out on them. It was when I am 12 that my sickness became serious that I was sent to the hospital and diagnose after that my parent became more understanding but they were still a lot of struggling and resentment. It take years for me to forgive and forget.
I'm a senior in high school and I've always had trouble with getting anything done as I have a lack of motivation and also a fear of growing up. I don't have my license and I ride to school and other places with my sister, the thought of being on my own making decisions for myself thay can effect my life and even scarier the lives around me makes me lose confidence in doing things alone. I can't think of any mental trauma as child (that I know of), but I did have 2 very severe cases of brain trauma before the age of 4 where both of which I had to get some kind a of stitching. Sometimes I feel like this trauma has effected me long term (especially in school) because I don't think logically and I don't feel emotions like most do, I don't cry or feel any empathy towards a loss of loved one's or friends, like when my cousin died last summer I never really felt like I truly cared even though I wanted to. When I went to his funeral and everyone was crying all I could think about was "why am I not crying, why don't I care about my own cousin who shot himself at such a young age". I'm often scared about the things I think about as they definitely aren't normal, I could probably watch someone get brutally murdered in front of me and not have an ounce of care or resentment towards them. I'm also very socially awkward despite my ability to make friends with everyone I meet, girls are where things get difficult as I don't think I can say I gave a single friend who is a girl because I've always been to scared to talk to them and when I do they end up slowly leaving me until we just simply don't talk anymore. I have a lot more I could go over but it'll get to personal so I'll stop here.
It’s unfortunate that it is really difficult to picture it in a video how childhood has an influence on the adulthood. You did a great job giving a brief impression with backed up knowledge what it can be like. Good job 🤍
Yes to the comfort of emotional eating. Yes to age regression ( not in outward behavior)...but in my mind I fantasize about going back and being a kid again. Yes to a combination of two types of insecure attachment... 1). The anxious insecure attachment theory and 3). The disorganized and fearful insecure attachment theory. Even though I am well aware of these issues and try to fight against them, it is amazing how much of an influence these things still have over my life! I am 60 years old, so it shows me that these childhood traumas can have a life long influence. I live my life as an adult, but internally struggle with crazy mixed up emotions.
I find it so strange. I often tick the boxes for having been neglected by parents when I was young yet I've never felt like that's the case. But perhaps there's just things my brain has forgotten.
same here, i have a great relationship with my parents and I don't remember them being bad or anything so I don't understand where all of these stuff come from. I always thought that maybe I was just born this way :[
@@dianacondori1904 i feel the same way sorta, i do remember being really emotional about things my parents would just shrug off and i never understood if i was just emotional or really really stupid for crying and feeling resentful because of it. i love my parents and they do a lot for me and wish me the best but i remember feeling really ignored by them as a kid, and it showed in my actions later on. maybe i was incredibly annoying and a lot of work and they needed time away, or i actually was in need, i can’t tell.
@@literallieme usually kids are kids, and sometimes people become parents without understanding that hey, kids have needs, both physical and emotional, and that it takes work. Are some kids emotionally needier? Sure. What does it take? 5 minutes of the adult's life to reassure and comfort the kid, rather than bark "stop crying, it's no big deal" Well... it's a big deal to the kids. So if your parents are nice, but they emotionally invalidated you, well, join the club I guess.
My parents are there financial when i need them and also care about my hygine ,teeth, hair ,weight. But emotionally they were never there. They live their lives as if everhthing is good and normal.. i go as little as possible to them and they dont care..
@@chickenstripsp4222 i feel the same way!! I’ve cried to my mom about my past and she doesn’t say anything about it or tries to avoid the conversation! i’m not sure it’s cause i’m trying to victimize myself or that i’m trying to force her to understand
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, OCD, some ADHD, SH, ect. I very much so have age regression caused by this and mental abuse. Thanks for the video. I appreciate the goal to spread mental health awareness.
I have had what most people would call from an outside perspective “a perfect childhood.” My mother worked from home on the computer, my dad had a middle paying stocks job, but what everyone didn’t see on the outside, was what truly mattered. I was the youngest of two siblings. I grew up in generations upon generations of highly intelligent people. So like everyone else, I was supposed to be no different. Of course I never got a final letter grade that was lower than an A. I was in various different clubs and sports. So was my older sister. She was perfect. She had perfect grades, she was class president, valedictorian, top of the top. My parents loved this. What they didn’t love was me. I was top of my class as well, but I was not perfect. I didn’t always get 100%, whether I tried my best or not it didn’t matter. I didn’t mean much because I was worthless. I never seemed to have friends that stuck. I would get a good friend, then two years later they would move away or become toxic. I thought I was the problem and no one liked me. By the time I got to middle school I was dealing with high anxiety, the burden of my parents, little friends, and very low self esteem. My best friend of 6 years moved away. Everything started rocky. I got some friends, and like always, they became toxic. Classic. I made it through sixth grade. Summer was the worst summer I had ever had. I spiraled into a deep depression and I had no self esteem. My parents didn’t help or care. My sister didn’t help or care. I was never enough for anyone. I didn’t have any good friends and I surly didn’t have a good family. My dad started to drink more and more to cope with the fact that he lost his job. My mom started to get angrier and angrier because she assumed as I got older I would change for the worst. I guess I gave her what she wanted. I cried all of summer and when I wasn’t crying I was feeling nauseous. I started to go fork over eating to not eating for days. I’ve improved a bit but I’m still worth nothing to my parents. I guess that something I’ll have to live with. I have serious trust issues. The friends I have now I believe are real ones. Every now and then I question myself and try not to overstep. If what I just explained sounded familiar to anyone I want you to know you’re not alone. You’ll always have someone in your life even if it doesn’t feel like it. Just stay strong and you’ll make it through. I promise. ❤️
I grew up in a household where not only did I not feel enough for my parents, but there was overall alot of screaming and pounding on the furniture almost daily. On top of all this, my brother was sexual towards me since I was young. My grandparents always played favoritism, treating my brother like royalty, but mocking and insulting me. When I was with them, I felt like a huge burden to them, like who I was just disappointed them. My grandparents and parents never got along, always telling me that one was manipulating me or trying to take me away. My cousin wasn't much help either, as she would always be with my brother and also mock me. I really depended on my sister, for she was the only one who never mocked me or hurt me. But she left the house without warning and never came back. I was being sexually assaulted/pressured often until I was 14 (it started when I was probably 7 or 8). My grandpa recently died, someone who I felt close with ever since my sister passed. He was always at poor health, and was on oxygen most of my life. People in my family would mock him too. January of 2020 I just felt sick of everything. *Sensitive Topic warning* and I overdosed on antidepressants. My best friend called the ambulance and I was hospitalized for about 3 days before being transferred to a mental hospital. The mental hospital only made me feel worse. But when I got out of their, it made me appreciate my life more. And my family suddenly cared about me. Everything is better now, my sister is still gone. But my family have much better attitudes. My brother was talked to and also changed and got a girlfriend of his own. Him and I are now close as friends/siblings. I asked the detectives if they could keep the incidents somewhat private so it wouldn't ruin his life or prevent him from working as a fire fighter.
Awareness about CPTSD and what happened in childhood and how it affects us now is liberating and enlightening. Suddenly parents don't seem so scary, they are now something to pity, they are people who never tried to fix themselves. Our strength exposes their weakness. Unfortunately, most parents can't accept having the fake world they manufactured for protection disrupted, so they die in delusion.
Woah..the Childish Act, having Chimmy's Plushie with me hits exactly to the point. I just wanted to pretend like I'm still a child(even when I've seen the darkest ill reality of this world).. cause I'm just too afraid to talk about adult things and expressing my emotions maturely, it's difficult Even now when I want to. I'm so sick of my inner child sometimes, when I can't truely share what I want/feel. And My own family takes me as a joke. It's like the fight Me vs Me. Inner child is resisting the force of adult me to share and express myself, to let them know who am I really, how much they hurt me, Why I don't open up to them, Why am I like this. Only When I'm alone with myself I do have soo serious,mature, meaningfull adult convo with me. Only I know how much I've grown through my worst lowest. And how am I managing to become a better person. They just know what I wanted to show them about me. I'll let them know this all,once I believe that I've become capable & mature enough to make decisions of my own life, and I'll live it and prove it to them, that I've done my best with such situations and Traumas. I've handles myself alone till now without you even knowing what I was going through,so I'll take good care of me, heal me and Be the Best Version and couraging Example to set in a society!
One thing I think should be added is that childhood trauma is not just limited to home life, it can be your experience at school as well. It can happen anywhere, to be honest. For me, things were okay the first 11 years of my childhood, despite being diagnosed with ADD and having to take Ritalin from age 8 until I stopped taking it at age 14. Regardless, it wasn't that bad. I had a great school (parochial type) that truly cared about our well being, had lots of friends and had very few worries back then (1980s-1991). Then I got the news we were moving. I took it pretty hard, and the day only got worse when we got news my grandpa had died. Needless to say, I was devastated. I didn't have enough time to really say goodbye to my friends, nor be encouraged to keep in touch ("Why bother? It'll just be a long distance relationship with them. Forget about it and make new friends", as my dad would tell me to do.). So, we moved and settled into a new town, new school (public). Being the new kid, what started out as my peers scrutinizing me by asking innocent questions turned into artillery used against me. I was bullied/abused from day one and it lasted for 6 years (6th grade until I graduated high school). The things they said and did to me are too many to list and quite frankly, if done today would put each of those kids in jail for a long time. It brought everything good about me down to nothing. I tried to stop it countless times, even tried getting help from a teacher or principal, with no luck. I was left to fend for myself. 6 years of hurt did affect me at a crucial time in my life, when I'm going through my teens. I left that school emotionally numb, hated myself, was more depressed and anxiety ridden than before. It affected my work life, college and social life. I felt like killing myself to rid the pain. I wasn't successful at that and chickened out a number of times. I wanted to live a good life, but didn't want to face the pain any more. It's been like that for the last 25 years and I'm going through my 2nd time getting help through therapy. I guess 2 times the charm. It is helping. I'm going through EMDR, which helps to better handle my emotions, to gain back my confidence, my self worth and hopefully heal from all this. Mind you, I'm trying to do all this without taking anti-depressants. Been there, done that. While I looked "happy" on the outside, I was crying deeply on the inside and just wanted to still kill myself. It's been a long road. I'm slowly gaining back the things I've lost and at times feel like I'm behind or "underdeveloped". But that's not my fault. One thing's for sure, there are many of you out there who are equally going through childhood trauma in one form or another. I am, too, and I just want to say you are loved; you are perfect just the way you are; you are enough. Take things one day at a time. Everything is going to be alright. I'm hoping and praying for your healing and reconciliation of your past.
I love how this channel is so warming and hopeful despite the heavy topics that they cover from time to time. While I often understand what they talk about in the videos, it still helps to have a clearer picture of what you're going through, and this channels helps with that. They cover these heavy topics with a lot of care for their audience, and I love it.
Thank you so much for your content!
Aww. Thank you for this kind message! It really means a lot!
I agree. The topics are hard to deal with but her soothing voice is so calming and therapeutic. Thank you for all you do Psych2Go.
worst alternative of a therapy.
.
Ikr these are like the best people ive met so far, sure I joke around with a few stuff they do just for fun but in the longterm I still deal with trauma like this and alot of stress and there videos really help me alot, Its like Shes a mother to me ;-;
"Children don’t get traumatized because they are hurt. They get traumatized because they’re alone with the hurt." - Dr. Gabor Mate
I felt that on a visceral level
I'm 48 and I needed to live with my mom in 2017, well my brother committed suicide 3 years ago on Friday, now she's using methamphetamine and is selling our family home to hang out with a 53 year old dope head!! She did this when I had to live with her after my parents split up, she was doing crank, I was 11 I think. But she couldn't afford me and kept moving. I was back and forth between both parents for a couple years. Then i became a mom at 16. Then in 1993 I needed her again & the same exact thing happened again! She did dope, went crazy & had to move out of state. She ended up living with her sister (my aunt & uncle) **who I wish would've been my parents, for 20 + years, she lived with them while she raised my baby brother Kevin, the one I lost. Now here we are!! My son has to find somewhere to go and so do I. She's selling the house & is completely oblivious to the pain she is causing! Again, she's bailing on me and my son! I'm sorry this was all over the place but I'm in a really weird & screwed situation!! There's just toomuch to keep typing! But thank you for letting me get all this off my chest a little. 🙏🏻❤️
To exist is to suffer. All you need to do is do what''s right. That is to bestow your compassion when and where there is a need. Your experience, at one time a lifelong sorrow has the capacity to bring joy in the service of another
@@milesbarn I agree. I have trauma from my abusive dad, but my mom has always been there for me and I’ve never been alone with the trauma, and while I’m very grateful for that and think that the trauma would have been even worse if I was alone, I still have trauma that has impacted my mental health, my personality and how I view the world.
I agree what you saying i remember a word that felt like my heart stopped beating and other stuff happen 1-2 years ago but then i finally found help from a council teacher she ask have i ever tell anyone before i said not really and she told me i think all the suffering that happen and never realese it cause i was alone
"Nine times out of ten, the story behind the misbehavior won’t make you angry; it will break your heart." - Annette Breaux
But what about the ones that gets frozen cos of it and dont even misbehave
Nah, not really.
*thinks of Naruto pulling pranks and being obnoxious in class*
Later, when we realize why: T_____T
Did someone else read „Tren“ and not „ten“? 😂
I remember one time when I was 4 or 5 years old. I heard my stepmother talking about this guy that work for my father and also live with us (we are poor back then). I could tell she hated him. So, I threw that man's clothes into the toilet and they soon found out it was me. My father punished me for it. But they never asked me why I did that. My parents got divorced when I was still a baby. Maybe it's because I crave love from a mother figure. I wanted my stepmother to like me.
My biggest fear out of everything in life is giving my kids a crappy childhood.
THIS
Same
Self reflection and a pledge to your children. Works wonders
YES. THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.
That's the exact reason I never had children.
The: “you didnt clean your room enough/in a certain way” really hit me hard.
Feeling of perfection and never being satisfied in life
It hit me real hard too....
😢🙏🏽🙏🏽
With my dad it was always criticism and no compliment.
I was quiet , painfully shy and I had no confidence so people labelled me thick and I went with it for years . My Dad said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . He was very impatient and prone to mood swings which is why I spent most of my childhood on egg shells . I stayed quiet and kept to the background so that I wouldn’t be noticed. This was my coping mechanism but unfortunately it didn’t help me to push myself forward . Confidence came later . I am happy now , not to everyone’s taste but at 62 years old I have learnt to care about me and put me first.
I love you
@@LydiaEvans-kx9tt thank you
im proud of you! you went thru a rough time but you're still here 🧿 and i wish u more happiness in life :)
@@xonoraa. thank you I appreciate your support. I found that discovering what makes me tick and what I am good at helps me. I enjoy the simple things like when a dog wags its tail at you because it’s pleased to see you and isn’t judging you . I have learnt that arrogance is not confidence and bullying is not leadership so when people start their shit I just walk away and leave them to it . I don’t call it cowardice I call it being sensible.
Good on you, well done
"You'll do anything to get approval from someone who means alot to you." That just hit me really hard
Me too.
I cried a bit😂
@@franzschlechtnacht4312 ?
Now it makes sense why I was doing so much to get an approval from my mum. But I never did so why did I bother for so many years? Why are parents so important to their children?
Yes , like me
For people who need it :)
1. You become a perfectionist 0:30
2. You may develop a eating disorder 1:43
3. You sometimes act childish 2:38
4. You develop an insecure attachment 3:50
3 types of insecure attachments:
1. anxious or preoccupied 4:44
2. avoidant or dismissive 5:03
3. disorganized or fearful-avoidant 5:33
Thanks for this 💙💙💙💙💙
;-; where have you been all of my life? lol
I never understood y I was childish back then even though I grow up with emotionally unavailable parents. Now I know it was a response to trauma, pple used to say I was spoiled and I was too young and naive to know y I acted the way I did
Thanks Mint 💜
The avoidant/dismissive one kinda fits. I don't have a problem with people in general though. Just don't feel like I need friends and I'm ok with my main form of communication being yt comments. Also I don't see why I would want to share my feelings with someone anyway when they are short lived and usually nothing significant, while the rest of my day is spent without feeling until something changes that for another few seconds. What's the point of that? Am I supposed to feel something all the time?
I think it's crazy how parents can shape their children behavior as adults. I believe is unfair but then I think it was unfair for them because their parents did something wrong to them as well. who's gonna end with this vicious circle?
Fr!!
I think it's a conjoined effort of several generations. With hopefully each generation we get a little bit better at healing the trauma. I'm not perfect but I feel I'm doing better than my parents in several aspects. one is that my children feel safe and loved. I'm still broken. And in my broken state I'll still give my children the best parent thing that I personally can give them. While striving to always give more. It's such a bigger picture. Through my personal healing I'm able to acknowledge to acknowledge the pain I went through what was neglected of me if I can see it in myself I can try to help not repeat it in my children. I make mistakes. It's a process and you're learning as you go. But I always admit to my children my mistakes and what I'm wrong and why. Are you sure that I love them and that my outbursts were not because of them or towards them. I mostly need a lot of time to myself and quiet. But when I can I make sure to give them the undivided attention I did attention that they need when I can give it.
If you're mentally and emotionally unstable, you shouldn't have children. That's how the cycle is broken. You can be as well-intentioned as you like, but if you're mentally and emotionally unstable, you will be psychologically abusing your children, even if unintentionally.
I... don't think it need to end, its a part of life. Some cycles have to be broken, but not all.
All i know is my cycles stop right here, MY BLOODLINE ENDS WITH ME!
It takes you, as a person, to take a step back and see that. Then fix the things you realized were wrong. So the cycle stops.
I always have this feeling that people may not like me. But i keep reminding myself that I can’t please everyone and I don’t have to.
thats amazing !!
im really proud of you!!
Every time I get verbally abused , I would make up a scene in my head where all the sad scenarios that happened to me was happening , and there was someone there to come soothe me , and hug me , and would tell me they are sorry for hurting me , and give me the attention and love that I deserve . This has been my coping mechanism for the last 32 years , and still going . It may sound like I’m a sick person in the head , but sometimes , just to get out of the hurt , I’d do anything even if it’s looked crazy .
It could be your guardian angel my dear. They do it. But not everyone knows or believes. Same thing happened to me. I received systematic energetic healing of two hours per way from an invisible presence. I was well healed after some years. And yes, they do comfort you and hug you. Sending you hugs too. Someone who has been there. And dont think you are sick. 🙂
You're not alone
I do this too... That invisible presence around me feels more human than the actual humans I've interacted with in my life...
Sad but true
I always thought every others childhood was same as me. Watching this video makes me think how miserable my life was. Everything in this video told exactly what I was feeling all the time.
Same 😢
Same 😢
@@Sophancyjewlery
So sad 😥 trauma regards to childhood still effects in adulthood
I used to think parents being respectful and loving towards their children without intimidation or belittlement was just a weird movie cliché, like cars exploding for no reason. Until I discovered it was actually just me who had bad luck
@@DaveGrean fax and parents can’t blame the kid and expect them to change the damage from stuff like this is most likely permanent damage that is irreversible once it happened children never forget these experiences
I was abused mentally, emotionally, and verbally. I'm literally every outcome you speak of in these videos as a result of toxic psychological abuse. We need a video on steps to heal. Thank you for what you do.
Same here
Same
Same here
It might be late but I hope you read it and help you, the sources of your behaviors are core beliefs that are created through your childhood, removing this beliefs will remove the behaviors, if you want to eliminate your limiting beliefs and be free, you will search "the lefkoe method" on google and download the method in pdf format then you will answer the questions listed on the method and you will find out how magical it is on removing limiting beliefs
Jesus is the way to heal
My life is full of so much traumas that i can't even explain it. From the childhood assaults to molestation, having parents who always fight, they didn't even care if I'm crying or afraid of them, screaming in the corner somewhere, waking every morning in a fear. This was my childhood. They just wanted me to say "yes" to their every decisions that's it. Couldn't even behaved like a person whatever I was. This was just my childhood. And after that life is much worse than anyone can even imagine.
I hear ya girl fighting beatings just pure toxic turmoil but we didn't know that...prayers love I hope your healing
I hope you are okay now
Please do something for urself. You have only this life to do something...don't let it be wasted...seek for ur self healing..you will find the way. Be firm
My abusive father turned my life into a nightmare for 25 years, and my mom was quite helpless and couldn't help me or herself. I defended myself on my own.
From childhood I've learned that the world is cruel, people are evil and you always need to fight for yourself - and at the same time I'm unworthy of good things, I shouldn't even try.
A lot of people are actually kind for me, really, but I live in fear and push them away or act too harshly to them. And I'm so sorry! I don’t want to hurt or avoid good people, I can’t just act differently, I’m used to be always ready to defence or attack.
I'm stuck in my shell and can't get out.
I'm just glad I can share my story here. Thank you so much for that. 🧡
As a brother I'm there for you, I can feel your pain, We have no idea how good life are going to be, Stay strong bro💝
Wow this is very relatable hope you are doing better now
I understand ur trauma perfectly. But you need to fight with urself to get out of this hell. Some professional support can do if you find good psychotherapist but may be a very expensive option.
Otherwise you will need some inner healing. You can get some videos on TH-cam that do help..
But u need to reconstruct urself...that's the reason of ur life...remember you have only this life to take care of..
If you can deffense do it in multiple positions what you good at is what will makes you better
Hey I understand you.. I'm only 18 and I come from an abusive house hold and I can't already tell how much its affecting me :)
My family was very dysfunctional in many ways, like most families I’m sure. My sister and mum fought every night for years of my childhood- screaming, threats, breaking things. My dad and I went to our rooms alone. I delved into a world of fantasy novels and music. My parents also spanked us frequently which I realize is very common in the previous generation, but it set off a lot of fear in me. I was bullied in highschool and became very isolated because I couldn’t talk to my parents about my feelings. There was a consistent message in my house that you shove down how you feel. You don’t cry, you don’t feel sorry for yourself. You just carry on. But I never felt as strong as my parents, and so I struggled for years with substance abuse and low self esteem. This year for the first time, I am examining my childhood memories and understanding that we were not a perfect family (like my mum kept trying to convince me). My parents had a lot of emotional issues and traumas (my dad was abused by his father and my mums parents died young) and they brought that with us. Their marriage fell apart when I was born and eventually my dad cheated on my mum and we all found out. Basically…don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood. Everyone does, and it’s important to understand where you came from and how it shaped you.
"Don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood" I could not agree more. Everyone's experience is valid. Thank you for sharing.
This is the same with my family ! I had my mum and dad who hit me if was bad or annoyed. I had mum who can shout and make insults to anyone. Her and my dad fought, my dad could be harsh with shouting at me or my siblings and hitting us. My mum and dad has and to this day an unstable marriage. When little my dad had an unknown Illness and I was scared her was going to die. Luckily he’s healthy. But yeah a lot of trauma with bullying, eating disorders, abuse mentally, physically and sexually. It still hurts me but I’m trying my best to move on and past this trauma ! I realised now that my mum and dad had both hard lives and tried there best raising children with little help they had from their parents and continued the trauma to me and my siblings.
Gosh that was crazy hell , I hope you are free and better right now 🥺
Sorry for u , I hope ur okay now
Thank you, I cannot write my feelings right now but I will never forget them. Your words were like finding a broken piece after ages of searching.
It’s important to note that many dismissive avoidants don’t actually have high self esteem. They appear confident to cope and hide their fear of rejection and belief that no one will ever love them.
It’s like when you fight with an ex friend/lover, you may say “Whatever, I don’t need them!” but you really miss them, or when you get bullied/teased and you say “I don’t care what people think.” but you do care.
I was diagnosed in my 40s with BPD, CPTSD and PMDD. All steming from my childhood abuse. I'm very lucky to be where I am today. The biggest lesson that I have learned is to love myself first!❤
I'm glad your doing better!
Snap, wasn't diagnosed until late Quiet BPD, Aspergers traits, etc.. Hope you are coping better now you have some understanding, I believe when we were younger BPD was kinda sidelined as they thought there was little could be done, I'm so glad those who are coming behind us should get an earlier diagnosis and hopefully not suffer.
Take care.
For loving yourself first did it cause any problems with your family & friends? Were they ok with the positive change you made for yourself or did they term you selfish & hard hearted?👍
As someone in the coments said, I assume my childhood was normal until i grow up and saw everyone else's was better. My parents never traveled, took me to the cinema, to science expositions, extra-clases, to the park, literally anywere. My mum was always working and my dad unemployed drinking, when my mum would come out of work he would demand her presence at the bar and i was left alone at home like 6 hours a day after school. Now everyone has wonderful experiences from childhood and craves being an adult, while I'm trying to process that mine was sad and repetitive. On top of that, my dad was unpredictable and abusive. He could be happy laughing, but when he just crossed the hallway, he could be shouting and insulting us. Now he's dead, my mum recovered from the abusive relationship and has a boyfriend, but for me, it feels like I can't turn the page. Everyone has moved on, started growing up, making friends and having relationships while I'm with low self-esteem, insecure, sad, without barely any friends and far away from love-like interaccions. I just stay at home, feeling like my life is passing by while I just contemplate others.
I literally had tears at your description of anxious attachment style. This fits me perfectly. I've heard the term before but the simple and concise way in which you put it made me feel seen and understood after what feel like an eternity. Thanks a lot. I hope there are some steps we can take ourselves to become more secure in our own selves and our relationships.
If you're interested in attachment theory, I recommend looking more into it! There are a few. I resonate with anxious attachment, but I have a video saved about anxious-avoidant, and I think that one might fit me even better. It's a good jumping off point if you're trying to improve yourself, or find yourself getting into the same types of relationships over and over.
Omg, me too...
I had alot of childhood trauma, i was raped by my brother at 7 years old , i was mentally and physically abused by my parents growing up , being constantly yelled at , being told from my mom that she wished she never had children and much more. My parents divorced when i was born and my dad an abusive drunk , i felt lost and i felt like I couldn’t go anywhere and that i had no one, and i would have countless nights where i just sit in my room and cry , My step dad put poop on my toothbrush and i would brush my teeth with it when at age 6 . i am currently now 18 living on my own because my mom kicked me out .Im looking for schools near me cause im still a senior and im working constantly, and i have my own apartment. theres so much more to my story
Oh babe I feel you 😢. Sorry to heard that you really strong girl. Everything will be fine just hope you still resilient fighting the future ahead . Bless u ❤️
Hang in there always
Keep your head up High
Believe In Yourself
Take Care always in Your LIfe
Keep it Real
365 A Year.
👍💯💯💯👍
Reading your story has broke my heart. I am so sorry for all you've been through!! I wish I could just hug you, and make all of that go away. You have so much ahead of you, and I hope you're getting the help you need, so the rest of your life will be so much better. Stay strong, my friend. Sending all my love to you! 🤗❤️🙏
Words can’t describe how sorry I am ☹️ no one deserves to go through that, I truly hope you heal and get to live you’re best life 💗
know how you feel a bit I to have have had hell of a lifetime of pain and trying my best to shake some but can't shake my babyhood life but mix it up adulthood if when in the mood to just life events make my life so hard at times can't help that love looking at adult baby's room tours and baby room tours to and mum show off they baby toys that they got for they baby that why I love babyhood better and so much trying my best not over do it it at point what's the point of shakeing in the first place when some people in life keep picking on me undoing all the good work some help that help me out they as long as I am doing well and I am but so over this stigma war about being transgender and gamer and adult baby and makes it hard when I never felt like a adult in the first place to some people just can't let things go to get more broken on top of being more broken and wishing that government people would come into and tell this bullying mobs to stop getting people so much broken in the first place they will only when love numbers of people to run this world oh yay for that it always a number game in life and this world gets bit old
The "your not capable of handling adult stresses" resonated so much with me. I'm almost 20 and I'm terrified of being an adult.
You aren't only one. 😉 Lot of us adults,are terrified of being adult. I think it's just part normal feelings so many people have.
I’m 33. I still don’t know what I’m doing
Hey take your time.
Your just starting life.
@@destinychild4659 Doesn't matter if blood or not,families are the ones that hurt you the most
I'm 24, and I'm still scared when Mom and Dad won't be there to help me figure out what I'm supposed to do. (Doesn't help when my mom berates me about my age, that I still live at home, and that "when I was your age I was living on my own and paying my own bills, etc.")
I swear childhood traumas give horrific outcomes and shape you into a complete beast. The fear of getting attached, getting broken, being a perfectionist, mood un consistency or imbalance food, being extra childish because you know you can't handle a thing because your family never trusted you and the result is that you start disbelieving yourself. There must be a parenthood degree before giving birth, but maybe it will go in vain eg being a psychologist you can be an abuser too!! where the degree is just a paper!!
Unimportant but the little TaTa on the shoulder is giving me life 🥺💗
I know right 🥺
Yes💜
❤❤
A Tata is a breast
Somehow the soothing voice in this video breaking down why im so insecure with myself, dont trust others, and have low self worth almost feels like a hug
I find it interesting that at a point where I seem to be having such difficulties with my trauma you guys are making more videos. Feels kind of like encouragement.
Glad this video came out at the right time!
I think I have the last insecure attachment...
I want to have an intimate relationship because I want someone to be there for me when I'm feeling shit, but I am also scared to be in a relationship, and I also believe wholeheartedly that no one will see me as a lover and love me to their core.
Same
oof you read my mind.
Edit: I’m happy to report that I have found a boyfriend and have been in love with him for a month now. 😊
Same here😭
so true, i crave affection and validation so badly because i never got it as a child. but when i do get affection i push it away bc i think im unworthy of it ajsjakajsjs
@@fatfatcatcat we're in this together 😭
I didn't realize how bad my childhood was until pretty recently. I grew up with a neglectful and emotionally abusive mother and an alcoholic father who wasn't present in our lives for the most part, they divorced when I was a small child. My brother and I were raised in a very unhealthy way by our mother and I remember so many things happening that just shouldn't happen to a child. Our old house over time became incredibly messy, messier than the word messy sounds fit to describe, and if I had to go into detail it'd take an entire paragraph, I would have no problem describing it room by room because I remember it vividly, and the worst part that I've only really begun to realize is our mom KNEW it was wrong and made it a point to tell us not to tell anyone because CPS would take us away from her, and honestly thinking about that part angers me so much. I'm sorry for the upcoming rant, but to know that the environment you're keeping your children in is wrong and still insist on keeping them there, to make it a point to scare them into staying silent, that's diabolical, heck I'd even call it evil, and I wish I could say I don't strongly resent her for it (the word "resent" doesn't do it justice), I'd go as far as to say I want nothing to do with her for the rest of my life, but sadly I'm still dependent on her, and I'm working towards not being dependent on her and I think I'm doing a pretty good job, although some days I only motivate myself out of pure spite and the desire to ditch her for good. My father wasn't very present in our lives at this time either, and I've forgiven him because he's managed to recover from alcoholism, which isn't easy, and he told me one day that he regrets not being there for my brother and I, meanwhile our mom hasn't changed most of her behaviors and gets defensive whenever you mention them to her. I also think she tried to turn us against our dad, and succeeded for a long time, she really skewed my perception of the world and of people for many years, and all of this just adds to how angry I am with her these days. I'm trying to move on and break myself out of the mindset she built around me and part of how I'm doing this is by being more open about my experiences because she spent years drilling it into my head not to share any of it. If anyone is wondering, I'm okay these days, I'm working on getting into college (majoring in software engineering) and trying to get a job, which isn't going my way in all honesty because the job market where I live is all but nonexistent, so I'm looking at remote jobs instead (in tech would be really cool since that's where my major is and I could get work experience there at the same time, I'm also considering looking into a work-study program) and all the while I feel like I'm learning more things about myself and starting to actually recover from it all. I think I'll feel a lot better once I can get a well-paying tech job (I'm interested in the field btw, I'm not just going at it for money lol) and rent my own apartment and leave her behind me for good. Honestly I only really relate to sometimes acting childish, the majority of my struggles these days are being angry and resentful towards my mom for the years of neglect and emotional abuse but trying to play it cool because trying to talk about it at all goes nowhere, I know, I've tried. I'm sorry this post was so long, I hope you have a good day reader!
Man that is awful
Hey Matt, you are doing wonderful. You have come out of those dark times, now as you get independent, you will come out of that dark place too. And yes, i am sure this online expression helps you release your pentup. Btw I really like your dad's attitude. He is sorry for the past, and is progressive. Getting over an addiction is never easy.
About your mother, yes she is really evil ig. But maybe she has some trauma in past too, that made her like that. Although I admit some people are actually evil. Who am I to judge anyway! In dark triad of psychology, Machiavellianism can be attributed to her. Just a thought.
Btw how your brother is doing?
So sad to learn that...May you be blessed 🙌
Can you elaborate on the mess? I can't imagine how a house could be so impossibly messy as to be abusive or traumatizing to a child. Or do you mean literal filth and unhygienic circumstances?
Hope this doesn't come across as invalidating, I'm genuinely just curious to understand what you've been through
This is my favorite voicer of psych2GO she sounds calm,peaceful, comforting and calm❤
The perfectionism part is so spot on. At least to my experience. My parents always expected the best from me when I was a kid and if I didn’t live up to their standards they would immediately compare me to others. Not to mention i was the eldest sibling so that put extra pressure on me. My mom never stopped comparing me to her nephew (my cousin who was my also my age). She would always talk highly of him and wish that i was like him which made me feel unworthy and not good enough. My mom realized her flaws in parenting me and apologized to me years later when I grew up. We cried together that night and promised each other that we learn from our past and stick together no matter what. Our household was unstable and the stress and fighting with my dad led her to having poor judgment of me and my siblings which i can understand as long as she meant her apology which she really did. She’s changed so much now and i’m very proud of her. But the feeling of wanting to make everything seem perfect and not disappoint others has stuck with me. I fear rejection and failure and i have constant self-doubt and shame. But i’m trying to overcome this and I know I can. If you suffer from perfectionism just know that you are doing your best and if things don’t turn out the way you want them to be, then that’s completely fine as this is the way of life. If your life was perfect trust me it would so boring because there is no challenge to make it interesting. Learn to let things go and do not blame yourself for things that didn’t live up to your expectations. I suggest breathing techniques which has helped my stress and anxiety immensely. And
Lastly, just be proud of who you are, even if it sounds corny ❤
It's not only bad parents that can cause childhood trauma! I grown up with very loving and understanding parents, but was bullied in school for many years and from a very young age. Even many teachers treated me poorly, because I didn't live up to their very restricted norms of how a child should be. Insults,agressions and even gaslightning was a part of this treatment, as well as being guilttripped for even the tiniest mistake sometimes. I even was told I was to weird to make friends. It is a miracle that I managed to graduade with good grades and then went to university, but because of all this I have been lonely my entire 33 years life and just can't take normal healthy risks like applying for a job or starting relationships (because I think that nobody wants me and that my parents are the only people who can love me). It is like my entire body tells me these things are just too dangerous. It's too dangerous to take the risk of once more being rejected. I am seeking help for this, but it is hard to find the right one. Please, do more content about bullying, like what it is and how it can damage people. I once heard about a study that showed that victims of bullying suffered the same kind of stress like victims of torture! 😭
same here I getting help but in saying that dose not help me that much I find at times what's the point when the help can't get me anywhere to get friends only groups that get to see people for hour or so or more that it then back in my four walls and yet others cry out foul for being stuck in there four walls and something get done it like wow really what about us broken ones we get no help fully only a tiny bit of life help that it for us sad to say
@@corinawhite6457 i have just recently work with my own nieces and nephews who suffered severe parental neglect and abandonment. I believe that their parents did not intentionally neglected their children but some how it's just the way they see life should be for they lived through much worse parental neglects. The children needed help as much as the parents. However the parents don't seem to realize that they needed help.
Hello, got bullied at school too. I agree it's dangerous and i therefore only make a few friends now, and i dont talk a lot until i know the person. i have friends outside school (met on video games) but everyday of school for 12 years (aged 6-18) were disaster, being isolated deliberately from the girls and some fake friends will pretend hate me when within the gang's radar for to her not being isolated too. it hurts. had supportive teachers and parents, they told me just stay as a maverick here, and enjoy life outside school, will be great after graduate. Indeed, my days are now much better right after high school. being forced to join group activities are a pain - stood there alone like a ____ meanwhile looking others smile...
when school cancels due to weather (rain, typhoon) , that's my happiest days - play video games! I literally prayed for severe weather everyday. i hate school , yes i am poorly socialised, due to 12years of awful schooling i am a maverick i prefer alone or group less than 5. and i even got 'tortured' (tied up and threatened) at primary school and bullied by gang. i wish they get the karma asap !
Same, i finally got friends at uni but i'm not confident enough to call them my friends bc i was told all my life i'm not worthy of respect and friendship
Being the eldest son is one of the things that I never dreamed of. The way they treat my siblings is very different in how they treated me as the first born child. Way back when I was in senior high school,they gave me an allowance exactly for my transpo and for my projects even the simple contribution in the room still counted on my allowance. But my siblings allowance doubled the amount of mine. There was a time that I needed to walk just to go to school without having breakfast, I don't know if my father hated me so much for that kind of treatment. But the worst part is every time my birthday comes he always locks the door and leaves me outside for the whole night. It started when my mother became an OFW. Sometimes I always thought that I wasn't his child because my last name is after my mom's maiden name, unlike my siblings they are all after my father's surnames.
Disclaimer:
I'm not good at English I just want to express my thoughts about it. Thank you in advance.
I'm sorry you had to go through that :(
Ok lang yan boi
sorry for what happened to you but I think every parent has one favorite Child because I know what is being like not loving maybe it because I am the 5 child and 3 are younger than me, parents always focus on the eldest and the youngest But I can't complain I know she loves me
How are you doing now dear
Don't be sad, we've to draw our life with our colours, past has past friend, we've to get up and forget about, it always will hurt but with time, it gets better, build urself, be sure u r a good person and lovable, make friends, make ur family, parents r going away no way, also we r going soon or later, let us not be stuck in their time, I want to tell for the most of the time, parents rn't aware of what they r doing, they don't understand and don't know how it matters for their children, pay attention to their traumas and crisis beside the anxiety they live for paying money, bills etc.
Hope u get well ❤️💛🤲🏻
Sometimes I find it difficult to accept that I have childhood trauma from my parents because I don’t think they ever actively intended to mistreat me. I think they had a lot of trouble learning to parent me with their own issues going on, and my wants and needs got caught in the cross fire of their expectations and desires for me. I know they’ve always loved me and always will, but there were times in my childhood that that just didn’t seem true unless I was behaving in the way they wanted. I used to act out a lot (I think as a way to ask for help) in middle school and went through a really turbulent and volatile period with my parents. I guess I just never realized how the intentions behind their actions didn’t compensate for the unhealthy things I took away from their behavior.
This exactly sums mine too
Pretty much mine too. Although in my case it is a little worse. My grandma only wanted me to live with her when I was almost one because she wanted a replacement for her son who was my dad. My dad died a month before I was born and my mom abandoned me so I got my name changed by my grandma and I was named after my dad. There were other unhealthy things such as a messy life style that I lived and still live in now even though im in college but I won't continue. Point is I do think she loves me but her trauma among other things has impacted her decisions concerning me that I feel like a bird in a cage.
God bless you
I completely agree.
Yes! I used to be very angry at my parents until I realized they didn't intend to mistreat me -- they just didn't know any better and were probably just mimicking the dysfunctional behaviors, mindsets of previous generation(s). Once I learned through therapy that unhealed trauma can unconsciously repeat itself in successive generations, that they came from an era and culture where there was no psychotherapy available to help them, then I could be more forgiving. What also helped me was learning about human developmental needs -- how to renurture my own physiological, emotional, mental and spiritual needs via Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Erikson's Psychosocial Stages and Urie Bronfenbrenner's Ecological Systems Theory with its concentric influences in society--all throughout our lifespan. Then I no longer felt that I was as hopeless...it helped me gain control of my own self-worth and to respond to my needs more readily so I would be less anxious and depressed...
I myself have become passive-aggressive towards almost everyone and tend to never trust people, although I am healing thanks to some people I have become close with. I love your work and hope everyone can find help somewhere. ❤❤❤
I don't wanna cry, but this video makes me cry.
After the death of my baby sister when I was 7 (I'm 15 now), my parents argued several times a week. They had different ways of coping with her death. My dad absorbed himself into his job, and my mom would go to the beach every day. My dad thought that she was being lazy, so they fought constantly as a result. My mom was already unhappy with the marriage, so she was volatile to begin with.
After every fight, my dad would vent by saying terrible things about my mom in front of me. After 8 years of this shit, I just avoid talking about it at all costs. I know that it's my dad's way of dealing with his anger, but I can't fucking stand it.
His venting made me resentful when people treat me wrong, even if it wasn't intentional. I'm unable to forgive anyone. I only saw the worst in other people, disregarding everything else but their flaws. That's the case for everyone in my life, even myself. I hate myself, and I take my anger out on everyone around me, even my closest friends. This has costed me my only true friend. I snapped, and we don't talk anymore. I'd have rekindled that relationship if I knew I wouldn't hurt her again, but I didn't and I still don't. I've harmed her in the past several times, and her response for every apology was "please don't do it again."
I'm unworthy of her trust, as I just break it as soon as it's given. She's better off without me in her life. Without all the shit I do to her. Even if I find another friend like her, who's to say that I won't hurt them too? People have to walk on eggshells around me because everything sets me off.
I'm lonely, but given all the harm I've caused, I deserve it. I've no friends, and a family that I can't open up to. I have, and my parents' answer is always "you're not getting enough sleep" or "you need to eat at school."
They just don't want to think that I have problems that need to be fixed.
I told a school therapist about thoughts of unaliving myself, as well as an attempt the day before. She got me evaluated and sent my to a psychiatric ward, where I stay for a few days. Without going into too many details, the experience was traumatizing, and it worsened my suicidal thoughts.
From now on, I keep my mouth shut. I lie to my therapist about anything regarding suicide. I can't trust anyone anymore, because when I did, I got my freedom taken away.
I'm never going to another mental hospital again, and I'll do anything to make sure of that. Trust has only made things worse.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through so much, and at such a young age. You may not realize it yet, but tough struggles can help a person to grow, and when you can process the trauma and begin to heal you will have a much more enriched life than a person who has never experienced trauma. It would be great if you could get back in touch with your friend and ask her if she could listen while you talk about your sister, so that you can grieve for her in a healthy way with a friend by your side, as it doesn’t sound like your parents have been able to do that. But you have your whole life ahead of you so it’s really important that you take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do for yourself. I’m sure your friend loves you and will be there for you … she only wants you to be kind to her. Take care ❤️
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, I wish the best for you ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sharing your hurt and vulnerability with someone is such a difficult and scary thing to do - I admire your strength and courage. I too, have suffered from childhood trauma and let me tell you that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" attitude is unhelpful and quite frankly it's bullshit. Trauma does not make us stronger, in fact it weakens us to the point that our experience of life going forward is altered for the worst - but it keeps us just strong enough so that we stay alive long enough to see it ruin our adult lives. HOWEVER, you know what does make us stronger? Healing our trauma. If we want to heal, we must talk to a therapist and give ourselves over to the process. It is bloody hard work but let me tell you I am reaping the benefits of it now. I have been in therapy for 5 years. Some of it was a hit and some of it was a miss, but I put in the hard work and now, as a 28 year old I finally know and believe that I am worthy of love and respect. And you are too - simply for existing. I used to think that punishing people for their sins and faults is what makes the world a better place (and that meant punishing myself too). But I was fooling myself - I was actually just trying to make myself feel better by taking revenge on the people around me and on myself too. It didn't work. But you know what really helped me start healing? When someone told me that all of my hurt and shame and rage are valid. And that it was my parents' job to make me feel safe and secure and loved as a child simply necause I existed - not because I was a "good girl," or a straight A student, or an obedient child. I recognise that my parents were also victims of abuse as children, so I understand that they passed their trauma onto me - I forgive them for that. But I have to do the work to heal myself - as unfair as that is, that's just how it works, so that I will stop passing on my trauma to my children and so that I will stop hurting myself and others around me. I hope that one day you will see that you are deserving of healing from your trauma for the only reason that matters: you exist.
Wow you sound just like me only a long time ago! I have learned that the subconscious mind has a lot to do with how you feel. When you feel you can’t trust anyone you must learn to not let yourself down! You need to learn how to understand about the trauma that has created the narrative in your head! No one outside of you can do it for you! You are worth it! The internet has much information….there are many podcasts available regarding healing from trauma! Don’t let anyone take away your ability to a good life! You owe that to yourself! Sending you love and positive energy that you find your way through the struggles so they become your strength!! ❤️
Lay it all at the feet of Jesus and let Him truly heal you.
My childhood is a step by step guide to develop borderline personality and CPTSD
Aye same 😅
you are not alone🤍
I feel my parents fit in the hot cold type. Some days they compliment the things i do right and say im unique and a good person, and then we get the other side of the coin where it doesn't feel i can satisfy their expectations and they come with any excuse to say i didn't do enough, this made me lose all my trust in their words and on a bad day, they make sure to make me feel i am a burden to them.
At this point I don't know how im even able to keep myself up, i feel depressed and unmotivated, i just want to feel what i do actually matters and feel loved.
I hope i don't resort into anything bad if the pain is too much to handle.
i feel you, i have so much trauma,from my parents, ill need therapy,luckily i turn 18 in less than 2 years.
Same. Fortunately, my sister said she is going to take me with her to leave my parents when she turns 18 next year.
@@moonlight3181 wow,best of luck=)
@@moonlight3181 good luck, remember to not let bad emotions or feeling inside you, its better to vent everything out than keeping a grudge for years, let the wounds heal.
It's something I've trying to do but can't say its successful for me, since my parents don't seem to notice that i need mental help
There's always drugs. Jk bad idea
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Reminder to anyone who is suffering this, we're together in this
My mother and her sister body-shamed in front of everyone my aunt yesterday asked me if l want to be in a circus like a bear because l am fat and after l was gonna cry really hard but l controlled my tears by smiling l have just turned 18 and my mother always taunts me for my body shape and tells me l am just burden on earth. Do I really deserve this? (Btw l am a girl)
@@ashishkumarsinha3309 Oh I'm so sorry your family treats you badly :( My mom always told me I was ugly and gawky and embarrassing her. My dad hit me for having acne and being "sickening to even look at". So I know that stuff hurts 🥺 But you're 18! Time to go after what YOU want, time to find people who DON'T insult and hurt you, they exist! It took me a long time to mostly heal the pain and self-hate. I had 2 children and with great difficulty broke the cycle of physical and emotional abuse!! Stop repeating your abusers' words in your own head as I did for many years. Those words aren't worth repeating for anyone since they came from a place of cruelty and indifference. You can be different, better than them just by being KIND. All the best to you, you're worth better and I wish you healing and strength 😘
As a child who grew up in a family of addcits, the first and third type of insecure attachment hit me so close to home. As long as my mom had her drug of choice, things would be okay. But when the withdrawal kicked in, it was like a totally different person emerged. It was a roller coaster ride of love and fear all the time, so by the time I was an adult I didn't understand what a healthy relationship looked like because I thought they all thrived on high drama and low depression and fights all the time.
+{UCNnVed3oazhG0taBMuQ_YAA} *Fearful Avoidant leaning Anxious Preoccupied, I presume?* Professrix Gibson, Personal Development School LLC, was in a very similar state to yours about a decade ago. If ye're in a mood to ride the Professrix' Journey, here's the applicable playlist:
th-cam.com/play/PL0EkRjSLGY_SEF9Jdje1tQnzuBFzCp3qJ.html
Actually arguments every once in a while are very healthy for relationships it’s when you do it all the time, is when it’s an issue
Hi Ross, thanks for sharing. It must have been really hard to be raised in a family where love was so unstable. And seeing someone you care so much about go through their ups and downs. How are you doing now?
@@matthewbates9629 Yes, arguments all the time is a habit.
Idem
If I had the emotional capacity to cry I would bawling right now. I think I'm broken beyond repair but these videos do soothe sometimes. Thank you
same.
I think by realizing that we have a hurtful past and its already part of our life we can learn to not having the same mistake to our child..build a better generation..respect them for their personality and their individual
I actually wish my parents were more tough on me and had any interest in my life. They never taught me anything about adulthood, not finances, not relationships, not anything. They actually got upset every time I signed up for an activity or sport, but atlease they never said no. I just wish they had an interest in teaching me a little bit about what I was going to face out in the world. That taught me to be break the cycle with my children.
The best way to break the cycle is to not have children.😉
Omg. Not having children is not the way. My parents never thought I’d have to worry finances. Or anything serious in life I did end up having hard life health wise but I was a strong woman. Thank God they adopted me. Yes they couldn’t have kids but saved me and gave me love. Parents aren’t perfect , but I married a man who was taught these things and our children were not brought up Like me , they are highly independent people and a huge benefit to society. Not having children is the worst answer and selfish answer ever !
@@jkiser177 It's not selfish. Some people aren't fit for rising children, or interested in doing it. Like my brother, he's 31 and doesn't want any children, and that's a fair excuse. I think adopting children is WAY better, our planet is in a high crisis of overpopulation. You sometimes have to break the cycle.
@@heidiperet7087 I personally broke the cycle by doing things differently with my children.
@@triginta That's good. Good for you.
"By controlling your weight, you may feel like you're finally gaining control over something in your life". I literally think this and I was thinking it was something normal. omg!
Videos like this often makes me realize how much I've grown and heal because I relate to the examples but not today, I relate to them because I was like that a few years ago
A major challenge with this is when you attempt to explain these points to a parent, only to have them turn around and call you crazy for blaming them for your own insecurities. These are the kinds of people, family or not, that we should make the active effort of avoiding for these are the kinds of people who will make their problems, yours...
I agree. I study psychology so I can learn peoples habits and mannerisms so I can read them better. It helps to learn about peoples toxic behavior patterns so you can distance yourself from them. There really are alot of people out there that are really not worth a piss.
Just look up red flags of toxic behavior.
OH this is my own mother, 100% and I have to say right now, there's nothing more infuriating than her denying her mistreatment, or better yet, try to turn it around on YOU as justification! Emotional manipulation & gaslighting at its finest!
this basically described my personality… i was abused as a child and when i talked about it my parents neglected me, they were also very perfectionist and had high expectations for me, my grades, my “health” (my body) and nothing i did was ever enough! i had to be the good girl, good daughter, good sister, good friend, ask for nothing, be nice and polite, please people and not complain at all, i then developed an overachiever life style but ended up having a burn out and falling into severe depression, then i healed from it but got my bpd diagnosis! so yeah i have a wounded inner child, i struggle with procrastination to avoid my perfectionist inner criticism, i sometimes act childish and i have completely insecure disorganized attachment style! somehow i crave for intimacy but at the same time i’m terrified of it! i don’t want to be someone’s second choice, i don’t wanna be hurt, neglected or abandoned! i deal with shame and guilty too but i believe i do deserve love is just that i never learned to receive and accept it and also i can’t trust people to love me the way i deserve to be loved!
Ur comment is on point!! I feel u!!
Why did I relate to everything you said .. so much .. I’m so sorry !
im so sorry but i relate 10000% we are on the same boat
Is like reading my life 🫶🏼
@@fauxsorcerer it’s kinda sad how we all relatr to this but… at least we’re not alone tbh!
I would always be an average grader in my classes from my childhood. Bullied at high school, having feelings about being neglected, having an alcoholic father and an abusive brother in household, relatives bringing my self esteem low, I grew up. It really did help me to shape my personality.
I don't have any interest or intention to be around people anymore. This is why I stay away from people. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up so bad or just want to disappear from this world so that it's like I ever existed. I Don't feel like getting attached to others anymore. I would always get humiliated no matter what. There is a lump in your throat, you feel like drowning in a empty void.
I am the same way too, like actually, and its really sad because you are almost conditioned to think like that since so many people let you down/neglected/shamed/abused you. i understand after trying time and time again you would eventually want to cut people off completely.
most people have something to fall back on to remind themselves what there capable of, but since it seems like you had no confirmation , all you have is what (the people you mentioned) said/done.
no i don't think you will humiliate your self every time, you're letting them define you. don't let them effect who you are.
yeah, you were bullied, but that doesn't mean you were a bad/weird kid. the kids with trauma/abuse are most likely going to get bullied.
its not your fault, so why treat yourself like it is?
i know this will sound cringy asf, but don't let 2023 be a repeat, find yourself, you are not just an embarrassment, you are not your trauma.
@@TRey5o5 thank you so much for your kind words. Means a lot.
I sent a long time telling myself I'm a squandered savant because my parents neglected my emotional, academic/intellectual and medical needs. You don't have to be the person your harsh inner parent/voice tells you; be the person who brings joy to your inner child.
Trust me when I say that you are stronger than u think Im a mess as well , use that anger and hate as energy to achieve do more sport stay busy all the time try to make more money wut do u have to lose we already been screwed the only thing we have is to try and doing our best to achieve
The lump in the throat got me
I love the voice over lady in most of these vids😭 her voice is so comforting to me
Me too!
The best TH-cam channel there is regarding Psychology. You also sound like my therapist, alongside the soothing voice of someone who shows empathy to their clients.
The segment about age regression hit me really hard. Friends often get annoyed when I call any cute animal a “baby bear” as a nickname. I also feel like people are avoiding me because I come across as “cringey” and childish, I just thought I was just being too anxious about my autism and that was causing me to feel out of place. But now I know it might be age regression I feel like I can look into getting support!
Since you mentioned autism, I should clarify that sometimes being autistic means being a different age mentally than your actual body age. Like for example: a 25 year old might have the mental maturity of a 12 year old. This is probably because you don't mask your autism. I don't mask my autism either. I can see where you're coming from, though.
This really hits me 😭😭I’m actually seeing a therapist now from my childhood trauma,my parents didn’t love me and still don’t ,I’ve tried numerous of times to forgive them but they are still the same,I was raised by my grandma!I somehow I know how to love my kids unconditionally and I know they are not perfect but for me they are I praise them daily,and I don’t want a relationship I’m scared to be hurt I’ve been hurt by everyone around me including the person I had them with,fear of abandonment 🤧hopefully one day I will let someone in.I’m a emotional wreck.
God, I'm so sorry for you. But you're strong. Keep fighting on. I swear, one day, it'll get better. You're not meant to have to live life like this, believe me. You're meant to live your life happily and YOU WILL, I lromise. Even if it takes time. I wish you all the best.
@@illusion6343 thank you so much I really appreciate your kind words on my birthday this means a lot to me 🥹God Bless You!I know one day I will be fine ♥️
@@Prettypinkpink Aw, of course! And, though a little late, happy birthday. :) The best for you is yet to come! Sending lots of love and strength.
Love your shoulder Tata, being Army saves my life every day!
ME TOO
I am searching for this comment for 5 minutes 😂
U are not ur personality or ur character u are what's underneath all of that so u can unlearn and heal. 🥰
It is easier to raise good and happy children, than to mend a broken man!
Army in the house, I see. 😊Thank you for including Tata and Chimmy in the video, these topics are difficult but thinking of the boys instantly calms me down. 💜
Here before the time stamps! Thank you for this ❤️
I relate to most of these things. Especially the part of childish behaviour.
And also, I'm NOT alone, Thanks.
It's crucial for parents and future generations to grasp the significance of providing unwavering love, affection, and support to children. Being fully healed and content with oneself before becoming a parent is paramount. Each of these factors plays a vital role. Consider the impact of someone who hasn't addressed their own traumas raising another individual. It underscores the necessity of self-love before embarking on parenthood. Plus, it's essential to ensure absolute certainty in one's ability to offer love, care, and support to a child when they need it most.
I'm a little bit of 3, but, not too much. Adulting sucks sometimes, hence why I keep in touch with my inner child. Fun is needed every now and again
As soon as they spoke about age regression I started crying because I am an age regressor 😢
Same
Age regression means
I feel the same 😔 sometimes it’s tough being an adult 😔
my age regression is the most pleasant part of my life. This video doesn’t talk about giving anything up. i know eating disorders and perfectionism don’t go away overnight. i guess age regression will keep helping you cope for awhile.
@@adampilget6158 When you act like a child.
I so relate with the anxious attachment style. I crave love and attention, but I'm convinced that no one will ever truly love or care about me, and that everyone who's ever been there for me was actually just annoyed they had to deal with me. I feel like I'm just a broken and attention-seeking pest to others.
Also, on a different note, it's kind of funny that for the longest time I didn't think I had abandonment issues since I never really "feared" being abandoned, rather I expected it and always quickly jump to the conclusion that the other party doesn't care about me.
i can kinda relate, except i'm called an attention seeker most of the time- haha
I think the proper name for that is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. It's very common with those with ADHD, autism, or anxiety/depression. Let me tell you, knowing the name and how it affects you cleared up A LOT of how I've felt my whole life regarding other people.
For me it's perfectionism and fearful-avoidant attachment issues. My parents had quite some expectations of me and I always have to walk on eggshells around them and be careful with what I say and how I say it. Absolutely exhausting. Even now I know what and what not to talk about with them and I experience crushing guilt for being a failure every day.
Me too exactly!
Same! I'm sure you're not a failure, though! Don't let their perception of you (likely a projection of THEMSELVES on you to cover up their OWN insecurities) blind you!
Same. I find that even now I’m constantly trying to gauge the “temperature” of people I’m trying to talk to. It’s like I always have to make sure they are receptive to my message, even before I say anything. It’s constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making someone lose their sh*t. Sometimes I just rather avoid talking altogether. It’s draining.
When I recall my childhood memories, I feel like its good to be “Fatherless” instead of having a one.
I have decided to no longer harm myself. That little boy did nothing wrong. He is pure love.
Thank you so much for your uplifting, soothing videos. I always feel more relaxed when I watch them, and it reminds me that I'm more than my childhood traumas.
Thank you for watching and always leaving such nice comments on our videos Trina!
By just watching this video I feel like finally someone understand me. Thank you
This channel puts everything into words that I couldn’t describe. I feel like only they get what I have gone through but I wish my parents and my siblings will also understand me someday.
The more I watch this channel the more I understand myself. Thank you.
My mother used to say that im not a normal kid & threatened to send me away to some boarding school & curse me when i was a child
20+ years later. Still hurts, still cant forget
1-you become a perfectionist
2-you may develop an eating disorder
3- do you act childish?
4-you develope insicure atachement
a)axious;
b)avoident or dismissive ;
c)disorganized or fearful-avoidant
I am said to be childish sometimes, am an extreme perfectionist, have disorganized attachment type and have high-functioning autism. I suppose being repeatedly physically abused by kids at school and near home, and mentally abused by my parents caused that. I survived 2 depression episodes and 2 suicide attempts. I have been trying to get rid of the prison built by the rules instilled by my parents and teachers in my early years, and am feeling much better now.
Please do not say high functioning. It is ableist and implies that autism doesn't affect your life in certain areas. Just because you can walk, talk, and do most self care (when you're not depressed), doesn't mean it doesn't make your life hard.
A religious christian once told me to forget all my traumas after I told him about the years of emotional abuse i suffered as a child. I told him my parents used to fight alot when i was younger and i had to witness it all. As a result, i always had this fear of abandonment growing up. As a kid, i used to be so afraid that my parents would eventually leave me someday but as the years went by, this fear manifested into anger. I'm 21 now and i used to question why im a perfectionist but thanks to this video, i finally understand why. My sister also suffers from ed and other mental health issues as a result of the years of trauma. Though my dad's changed alot as a person, i still find it very hard to forgive him. What baffles me most is when i told the christian man this, he couldn't fathom why i hate my parents. He even had the audacity to question me. He told me it's normal for parents to fight and that i should just 'forgive' them. I just find it very invalidating as he is not in our shoes and we don't have the shared experience. This is why you should think before having kids.
P.s english is not my first language so excuse the grammar mistakes
I’ve not been neglected, my parents are really supportive of me. But some middle/high school experiences really torn me down.
When I was 12 my dad got really sick and almost died, at the time I wasn’t feeling much affected by it, but about two years ago I got diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, which probably descended from that time, but also by some horrible experiences in school.
I had best friends, which after leaving middle school never talked to me again. In high school I was very lonely. I went to the class mentor for help, but he never helped me.
Once we went on a school camp in the Ardennen (Belgium). They told us we were going swimming, but because of my ADD I’m very slow in getting ready, so at the moment I had to go to the bathroom. When I came out they had left leaving me behind. (Luckily my mom was there with us, but she also has ADD, so she wasn’t ready yet and didn’t know that my class had left). We went looking for them, for at least an hour, we called my mentor asking were they were, but we still couldn’t find them. So we went back to the camp and started making dinner. Maybe 1,5 hours later they came back, my mentor yelling at me for not being with the group and saying that this was all my fault. I could only look at my feet and I felt horrible.
Then a two days later we had an awful lot of rain, so much that the tent we were sleeping in flooded. (I slept in this tent with 3 other girls, they did not want me in their tent but they were the only ones with a place left). So while the tent was flooded they got their stuff out of there and put it somewhere dry, only to then wake me up, all my stuff was soaked. And again I felt horrible, for not being wanted but also that they just didn’t care. So this was one of the worst weeks in my life.
After that I chose what I wanted to study after finishing high school, nursing, so I focused on getting there. That’s what got me through high school. I do have anxious attachment and sometimes age regression, in that at home I sometimes play with my LEGOs and make all sad stories to kind of let my deepest emotions out. And stuffed animals, I got a LOT. Also emotional eating is a problem I have but I’m trying to work on it.
I’m now a third year nursing student and I love it, I made friends in my class and feel like I don’t have to be scared to be left behind. I’m still the slowest person ever to pack my bag, but they always wait for me.
I also just finished a course for people with ADD. And I brought up being left behind by my mentor and him being so angry at me that I never got to say what I wanted to say. So we did a scene 🎬, an other ADD’er played my mentor and I was myself. I got to yell at him, curse, until I got everything of my chest. It felt amazing!
My life now is good, even though I still suffer from the traumas. But I tell myself when something is not going right or I feel down: it’s not the end of the world. ❤
I don't really have trauma from my childhood but as an adult I do. I was abused and in abusive relationships and I thought I deserved it because they broke me down so much and I thought they were just trying to help me. I had no love for myself and lacked self care, had no self respect and self destructed. Others showed me that I am a good person and I deserve respect. They showed their love and care and supported me to live a good life and helped me solve my problems. They lovingly corrected me when I made mistakes. They showed me I am a good person who deserves respect. I highly recommend therapy. It helps you process your trauma and work on it. It never goes away but when it comes up you'll know how to handle it better. It's very healing.
I was literally just discussing to a group about how I'm 19 and I'm stuck in my childhood in most aspects of time. And well. I grew up with a harsh start so I hardly trust anyone. I can only ever mention these when I'm out of person so to speak.
I grew up with a mother who was laying in bed all day and a father who was never home.I was the unwanted child of my whole family.
ok and ?
@@Anon74289 Really dude?
@@imanabdullahi3298 ye
@@Anon74289 why did you feel the need?
@@m2trappyy i was bored.
Im coping with it by just giving up on the expectation society expects from me, I'll be me whether it likes it or not
That's the best way 💯 took me 30 odd year's to learn this 🙏
Any advice on how to do that? x
@@charlottetaylor4471 I dont have any advice on it
me self identifying with every single topic of this video makes me scared, but at the same time relieved since there’s studies about it and they say that i’m not the only one
I cant hold in my tears right now its like you've been stuck in a whole but when you see the sun shining then you start to cry
I think that the main issue I've had had anger. For so long, I've had such a build up of anger, frustration, rage, etc, and I think it's because of how introverted I am. I can hardly start a conversation and keep it going, so I've had a tough time making friends. Being sorta alone, I just feel some sort of small fire inside of me, where anything could set it off into a wildfire. But I keep it secure, never letting it, or myself, go. Even if it feels like thoughts get into my head, very bad thoughts, and I want to go through with these thoughts, but I rarely ever do.
I don't like to talk about this stuff with my parents since it feels like my dad is a bit too chill about it, and I don't want my mom to be worried. I just want to hold that fire and stop it from spiraling.
Hi. I kinda understand what you have been through. I have a lot of anger and resentment growing up. I have schizophrenia, adhd and my eq was stunted because a head injury I have when I am very little. My parent had a lot of difficult raising me because they also have to raise 3 other children. I was very different from other child, this clear from when I am four and no matter how hard I try to fit in I just end up being outcast, ridicule and bully by others. My parent always think I misbehave and being a misfit on purpose and pin it on me and so my sibling did the same and I was bully and ridicule even in my own house. I became an introvert who afraid and rejected people even prone to lash out on them. It was when I am 12 that my sickness became serious that I was sent to the hospital and diagnose after that my parent became more understanding but they were still a lot of struggling and resentment. It take years for me to forgive and forget.
@@beizanten1 bro wht is ur qualification?
I'm a senior in high school and I've always had trouble with getting anything done as I have a lack of motivation and also a fear of growing up. I don't have my license and I ride to school and other places with my sister, the thought of being on my own making decisions for myself thay can effect my life and even scarier the lives around me makes me lose confidence in doing things alone. I can't think of any mental trauma as child (that I know of), but I did have 2 very severe cases of brain trauma before the age of 4 where both of which I had to get some kind a of stitching. Sometimes I feel like this trauma has effected me long term (especially in school) because I don't think logically and I don't feel emotions like most do, I don't cry or feel any empathy towards a loss of loved one's or friends, like when my cousin died last summer I never really felt like I truly cared even though I wanted to. When I went to his funeral and everyone was crying all I could think about was "why am I not crying, why don't I care about my own cousin who shot himself at such a young age". I'm often scared about the things I think about as they definitely aren't normal, I could probably watch someone get brutally murdered in front of me and not have an ounce of care or resentment towards them. I'm also very socially awkward despite my ability to make friends with everyone I meet, girls are where things get difficult as I don't think I can say I gave a single friend who is a girl because I've always been to scared to talk to them and when I do they end up slowly leaving me until we just simply don't talk anymore. I have a lot more I could go over but it'll get to personal so I'll stop here.
It’s unfortunate that it is really difficult to picture it in a video how childhood has an influence on the adulthood.
You did a great job giving a brief impression with backed up knowledge what it can be like.
Good job 🤍
Please continue making these videos to help people like me! This has made it so that i understand my trauma a bit more.
I recently realized that a particular memory from my childhood traumatized me. It makes so much sense.
Yes to the comfort of emotional eating.
Yes to age regression ( not in outward behavior)...but in my mind I fantasize about going back and being a kid again.
Yes to a combination of two types of insecure attachment... 1). The anxious insecure attachment theory and 3). The disorganized and fearful insecure attachment theory.
Even though I am well aware of these issues and try to fight against them, it is amazing how much of an influence these things still have over my life!
I am 60 years old, so it shows me that these childhood traumas can have a life long influence. I live my life as an adult, but internally struggle with crazy mixed up emotions.
I find it so strange. I often tick the boxes for having been neglected by parents when I was young yet I've never felt like that's the case. But perhaps there's just things my brain has forgotten.
same here, i have a great relationship with my parents and I don't remember them being bad or anything so I don't understand where all of these stuff come from. I always thought that maybe I was just born this way :[
@@dianacondori1904 i feel the same way sorta, i do remember being really emotional about things my parents would just shrug off and i never understood if i was just emotional or really really stupid for crying and feeling resentful because of it. i love my parents and they do a lot for me and wish me the best but i remember feeling really ignored by them as a kid, and it showed in my actions later on. maybe i was incredibly annoying and a lot of work and they needed time away, or i actually was in need, i can’t tell.
@@literallieme usually kids are kids, and sometimes people become parents without understanding that hey, kids have needs, both physical and emotional, and that it takes work. Are some kids emotionally needier? Sure. What does it take? 5 minutes of the adult's life to reassure and comfort the kid, rather than bark "stop crying, it's no big deal" Well... it's a big deal to the kids. So if your parents are nice, but they emotionally invalidated you, well, join the club I guess.
My parents are there financial when i need them and also care about my hygine ,teeth, hair ,weight. But emotionally they were never there. They live their lives as if everhthing is good and normal.. i go as little as possible to them and they dont care..
@@chickenstripsp4222 i feel the same way!! I’ve cried to my mom about my past and she doesn’t say anything about it or tries to avoid the conversation! i’m not sure it’s cause i’m trying to victimize myself or that i’m trying to force her to understand
I am legit being called out here... anyway.
I love your videos, helps me understand myself a little better.
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, OCD, some ADHD, SH, ect. I very much so have age regression caused by this and mental abuse. Thanks for the video. I appreciate the goal to spread mental health awareness.
They will never know how traumatizing it is.. I just can relate to this..
Just by seeing the tata plushie, I know this is another masterpiece 🥰
I have had what most people would call from an outside perspective “a perfect childhood.” My mother worked from home on the computer, my dad had a middle paying stocks job, but what everyone didn’t see on the outside, was what truly mattered. I was the youngest of two siblings. I grew up in generations upon generations of highly intelligent people. So like everyone else, I was supposed to be no different. Of course I never got a final letter grade that was lower than an A. I was in various different clubs and sports.
So was my older sister. She was perfect. She had perfect grades, she was class president, valedictorian, top of the top. My parents loved this. What they didn’t love was me. I was top of my class as well, but I was not perfect. I didn’t always get 100%, whether I tried my best or not it didn’t matter. I didn’t mean much because I was worthless. I never seemed to have friends that stuck. I would get a good friend, then two years later they would move away or become toxic. I thought I was the problem and no one liked me. By the time I got to middle school I was dealing with high anxiety, the burden of my parents, little friends, and very low self esteem. My best friend of 6 years moved away.
Everything started rocky. I got some friends, and like always, they became toxic. Classic. I made it through sixth grade. Summer was the worst summer I had ever had. I spiraled into a deep depression and I had no self esteem. My parents didn’t help or care. My sister didn’t help or care. I was never enough for anyone. I didn’t have any good friends and I surly didn’t have a good family. My dad started to drink more and more to cope with the fact that he lost his job. My mom started to get angrier and angrier because she assumed as I got older I would change for the worst. I guess I gave her what she wanted. I cried all of summer and when I wasn’t crying I was feeling nauseous. I started to go fork over eating to not eating for days. I’ve improved a bit but I’m still worth nothing to my parents. I guess that something I’ll have to live with. I have serious trust issues. The friends I have now I believe are real ones. Every now and then I question myself and try not to overstep.
If what I just explained sounded familiar to anyone I want you to know you’re not alone. You’ll always have someone in your life even if it doesn’t feel like it. Just stay strong and you’ll make it through. I promise. ❤️
Your story, related to me. So, you're not alone, just don't give up. 👍
I grew up in a household where not only did I not feel enough for my parents, but there was overall alot of screaming and pounding on the furniture almost daily. On top of all this, my brother was sexual towards me since I was young. My grandparents always played favoritism, treating my brother like royalty, but mocking and insulting me. When I was with them, I felt like a huge burden to them, like who I was just disappointed them. My grandparents and parents never got along, always telling me that one was manipulating me or trying to take me away. My cousin wasn't much help either, as she would always be with my brother and also mock me. I really depended on my sister, for she was the only one who never mocked me or hurt me. But she left the house without warning and never came back. I was being sexually assaulted/pressured often until I was 14 (it started when I was probably 7 or 8). My grandpa recently died, someone who I felt close with ever since my sister passed. He was always at poor health, and was on oxygen most of my life. People in my family would mock him too. January of 2020 I just felt sick of everything. *Sensitive Topic warning* and I overdosed on antidepressants. My best friend called the ambulance and I was hospitalized for about 3 days before being transferred to a mental hospital. The mental hospital only made me feel worse. But when I got out of their, it made me appreciate my life more. And my family suddenly cared about me. Everything is better now, my sister is still gone. But my family have much better attitudes. My brother was talked to and also changed and got a girlfriend of his own. Him and I are now close as friends/siblings. I asked the detectives if they could keep the incidents somewhat private so it wouldn't ruin his life or prevent him from working as a fire fighter.
Awareness about CPTSD and what happened in childhood and how it affects us now is liberating and enlightening. Suddenly parents don't seem so scary, they are now something to pity, they are people who never tried to fix themselves. Our strength exposes their weakness. Unfortunately, most parents can't accept having the fake world they manufactured for protection disrupted, so they die in delusion.
"You are never alone" - I always was, and always will be.
Same 😢
Woah..the Childish Act, having Chimmy's Plushie with me hits exactly to the point.
I just wanted to pretend like I'm still a child(even when I've seen the darkest ill reality of this world).. cause I'm just too afraid to talk about adult things and expressing my emotions maturely, it's difficult Even now when I want to. I'm so sick of my inner child sometimes, when I can't truely share what I want/feel. And My own family takes me as a joke. It's like the fight Me vs Me. Inner child is resisting the force of adult me to share and express myself, to let them know who am I really, how much they hurt me,
Why I don't open up to them, Why am I like this. Only When I'm alone with myself I do have soo serious,mature, meaningfull adult convo with me. Only I know how much I've grown through my worst lowest. And how am I managing to become a better person. They just know what I wanted to show them about me.
I'll let them know this all,once I believe that I've become capable & mature enough to make decisions of my own life, and I'll live it and prove it to them, that I've done my best with such situations and Traumas. I've handles myself alone till now without you even knowing what I was going through,so I'll take good care of me, heal me and Be the Best Version and couraging Example to set in a society!
How relatable and accurate a channel can be❤️❤️
One thing I think should be added is that childhood trauma is not just limited to home life, it can be your experience at school as well. It can happen anywhere, to be honest.
For me, things were okay the first 11 years of my childhood, despite being diagnosed with ADD and having to take Ritalin from age 8 until I stopped taking it at age 14. Regardless, it wasn't that bad. I had a great school (parochial type) that truly cared about our well being, had lots of friends and had very few worries back then (1980s-1991). Then I got the news we were moving. I took it pretty hard, and the day only got worse when we got news my grandpa had died. Needless to say, I was devastated. I didn't have enough time to really say goodbye to my friends, nor be encouraged to keep in touch ("Why bother? It'll just be a long distance relationship with them. Forget about it and make new friends", as my dad would tell me to do.).
So, we moved and settled into a new town, new school (public). Being the new kid, what started out as my peers scrutinizing me by asking innocent questions turned into artillery used against me. I was bullied/abused from day one and it lasted for 6 years (6th grade until I graduated high school). The things they said and did to me are too many to list and quite frankly, if done today would put each of those kids in jail for a long time. It brought everything good about me down to nothing. I tried to stop it countless times, even tried getting help from a teacher or principal, with no luck. I was left to fend for myself.
6 years of hurt did affect me at a crucial time in my life, when I'm going through my teens. I left that school emotionally numb, hated myself, was more depressed and anxiety ridden than before. It affected my work life, college and social life. I felt like killing myself to rid the pain. I wasn't successful at that and chickened out a number of times. I wanted to live a good life, but didn't want to face the pain any more.
It's been like that for the last 25 years and I'm going through my 2nd time getting help through therapy. I guess 2 times the charm. It is helping. I'm going through EMDR, which helps to better handle my emotions, to gain back my confidence, my self worth and hopefully heal from all this. Mind you, I'm trying to do all this without taking anti-depressants. Been there, done that. While I looked "happy" on the outside, I was crying deeply on the inside and just wanted to still kill myself.
It's been a long road. I'm slowly gaining back the things I've lost and at times feel like I'm behind or "underdeveloped". But that's not my fault. One thing's for sure, there are many of you out there who are equally going through childhood trauma in one form or another. I am, too, and I just want to say you are loved; you are perfect just the way you are; you are enough. Take things one day at a time. Everything is going to be alright. I'm hoping and praying for your healing and reconciliation of your past.
Hey, I appreciate you sharing this. It's one of the first step of starting the healing process
Thank you. We Are perfect aren't we? They were weak fearful jealous idiots so shallow that they would drown in the depths of just one of my thoughts.
When I watch vids like this, I always have this urge to hug everyone who’s hurt and traumatized.
What ive experienced you become a perfectionist that always feels like a failure that never reaches perfection.