Dade I think you're really on to something here. Like most of your videos the past couple of years, this isn't just advice for transitioning, it is advice for anyone going through a rough time in their life. These are topics that no one likes to talk about, and I am glad that you have the strength to publicly bring these up again and again. And congrats on the 7 years on T and feeling like you completed your transition! I want to remind anyone who reads this comment that this is a very long journey, this type of emotional change will not happen overnight or even over one year. It is something that takes years to grasp ahold of, and even then you may falter at times. Find healthy coping mechanisms such as meditation, prayer, journaling, anything that you can do on your own that brings you relief and a calm state of mind.
For some of us, transition is not hard because we are still the same person no matter if we r female or Male. Hormones dont change your personality very much at all. So it wasnt that hard to adjust to changes. Literally the only changes that happened were physical. For example, a lower voice, more body hair, facial hair, muscle growth, and fat redistribution. It was harder on friends and family than it was on me. They had to get used to my new name and new pronouns. I dont want people to be scared to transition just because someone else says it's hard. It's not hard for everyone, just depends on each person's circumstances I guess. Transition happened in a flowing, natural way for me. As long as someone knows who they are then they should be fine. You dont have to reinvent yourself just because u switch genders.
My personality did not change at all either. When I say "transition is hard" I'm actually not referring to the act of transition in itself... if I were living in a vacuum transition would have been the most joyful and easy experience in my life. However, we all have to publicly transition - and many times in a society that actively works against us, and with family and friends that are unsupportive. This is why I say transition is hard. Also, many people do not know who they are when they are considering transition, this would add an additional layer of difficulty. It's also important to remember that whether or not something is easy or difficult is incredibly relative. There are a great many things that are very easy for me that would be very hard for someone else. The opposite is also true.
Gender Confusion Pain Psychological and emotional pain in regard to gender confusion, sensations of gender-mix up, feeling ostracized and bullied for feeling different in this way is a source of real psychological-spiritual trauma that may start in early childhood. Unfortunately our society is not equipped to support children and adults that may suffer greatly with inner gender reversals and related gender confusion as a result of spiritual or sexual trauma. The point of this information is to be aware that there is a specific Mind Control agenda to spread transhumanism through surgically and medically induced transgenderism in order to reverse the inner gender principle, which destroys the human lightbody. We have to know we have a Lightbody and how it works in male and female principle, before we can accurately assess ourselves and our environment about who we really are as a human being. How can a human being that has been subjected to psychological warfare and Social Engineering targeting his or her gender and sexual beliefs throughout their lifetime, make a sound and healthy decision that impacts the state of their gender biology and sexual preferences? They simply cannot and are radically impaired. Thus, as human beings we must make some effort to educate ourselves about the pitfalls of the current events happening in the Ascension Cycle, like transhumanism’s alliance with transgenderism and be willing to address the layers of spiritual trauma that damages gender. Sadly, religions tend to demonize others suffering with gender trauma and it’s important to recognize the true humanity, the heart and soul that is traumatized by such spiritually abusive behaviors. ↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Gender_Confusion_Pain#/search Transgenderism Transgender people say they were assigned a sex that isn't true to who they are and this is based on their internal feelings, experiences and the state of their consciousness body. Of course this is very real for them. Assigning someone's sex is based on their gender biology which includes chromosomes, anatomy, and hormones. But a person's gender identity, the inner sense of being male, female, or both doesn't always match their biology. As a result of spiritual-lightbody problems and Alien Machinery that are impacting the inner gender principle in human beings, the phenomena of gender reversal has been steadily increasing over the last hundred years. Recently we can see an accelerated AI technology being used to create gender identity shifts almost overnight in targeted people, many of whom are public figures, here are some very famous but not openly known as transgenders th-cam.com/play/PL_MLpSHoD0ktF6lf78kqSkeXm_n_E__cJ.html ↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Transgender ↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Belial_Program Exemple of their behavior: ➡️donaldmarshall.proboards.com/thread/75/ To gain knowledge over the planetary grid and templar gates one must understand gender principle, math, geometry, frequency and the consciousness qualities that animate the intrinsic architecture that holds the many layers that are contained in the blueprint of our world. On a positive note, the embodiment principle of one the major chieftains of lies in the Belial gestalt, recently left his body and is currently unable to transfer his consciousness into another earthly form as he had planned. 💪😎🤙. Christ Consciousness is a collective consciousness force field of the Trinity Source and any kind of entity can choose to embody and become an embodied Christ. There are Ascended Christs embodied in male and female forms that have united their inner polarities through spiritual ascension to the Zero Point. One must inhabit an ascending planet (Gaia) in order to have the opportunity to spiritually evolve into a Christ and experience Cosmic Christ Consciousness, which is the status of a Cosmic Citizen that travels God-Sovereign-Free throughout the Universes. ↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Christos_Attributes
You are so amazing.... you inspire me to be a better me and you give so much meaning to life and how we should each take responsibility for our own lives .... you are so incredible .... thank you ... thank you ... thank you ...
I agree with you. My therapist taught me something extremely important. Expectations and desires are very different things. Desires are ok, desiring stuff, or support, or anything else is perfectly fine. What will set you up for failure is expectations. Expecting that other people support you will invariably leave you unsatisfied because you cannot control other people's actions. Nobody other than yourself will know exactly what your expectations are because nobody else is you. It is our job to understand that each of us is alone with ourselves and that's ok. As soon as you realize that, loneliness is not that scary anymore because you will always have yourself as support. And once you lose the fear of being alone you can do pretty much anything
“What others think is none of my business” is very appropriate for me today. I’m not feeling well at all and I feel that others hate me and are penalizing me for things. What I don’t know but I feel pretty crappy today and have for a while. While I’m not transitioning, your talks have helped me so much. You just make tons of sense. Thanks and I look forward to more.
This video is so insightful and helpful. I'm 23 years old and 1 month on t. It's amazing to see trans men who have been on t for years alive and well. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. I also fear my family disowning me. Coming out to them has been one of the most difficult things of my life so far, but hearing you talk about chosen family and self sufficiency make transition feel like less of a burden and more of an exciting, joyous journey. Also hearing you say "i will take the support i can get" reminds me that it's ok to ask for help, and that i don't need to go through the joys and downfalls of being trans alone. It has been super liberating to try practicing every day that i don't need to impress everyone or make them like me. I'm not an extrovert, nor am i ever the center of a room. But i tend to keep quiet because i fear if i say or do something 'wrong'then people won't like me. But that's not a fulfilling nor real way to live at all. People will always like or dislike you, no matter who you are or what you do. So you just have to live your life anyway. As long as you aren't causing harm to others, then it's ok!
Every time I watch one of your videos the first thing I feel is strength. You emote and portray such a strong sense of calm and strength, it makes me immediately feel better about whatever is going on at the moment. If you aren't a counselor or a therapist you might want to consider it. Even if you do it on a peer basis without being licensed, you have a way of speaking the truth and bringing sense to senseless situations. Thank you for being you and for sharing your thoughts with us.
This is very kind of you to say, thank you. I am actually as far from a therapist as one can be, haha! I am trained in electrical engineering and ethical hacking / penetration testing.
Thank you. I’m 6 years on T. Have hit a rough patch the past few years with how the world has been reacting to trans people. This video is very helpful. I watch/listen to a lot of motivational videos and speakers but it hits different hearing this type of conversation from someone like me. You’re a great role model. I know your life is busy but please consider posting more of this type of content.
Once again you are talking about something that we all need to work on. You should be a motivational speaker. You already have a great speaking voice and a real message to share. I hope you think about it. Have a wonderful day.
Just watched your video and what you said has really hit home and resonated with me. I took over 34yrs to come out as trans as I was so worried what my friends, family and purgers would think of me I stopped myself from doing it. I allowed myself to use them as an excuse to stop transitioning in actual fact I was to scared to. I’m now a 14 months on T and a lot better but I still hold onto these thoughts of what people think (granted no where near as bad as before) but still too much and take things to heart and worry if I’ve upset people when in fact I should be worried what I think of myself and where I should be and you talked such sense. I wish I lived closer to you to have conversation with you as you talk such sense and are an inspiration. I feel in this one video I’ve learnt so much. You are a very knowledgeable and intelligent guy and over the years watching your videos have learnt so much. I will be saving this video so I can go back to it to remind my self if the great advice you have given to be self sufficient and to be able to rely on myself. Thank you Dade for sharing this
ElectricDade yes I’m still around and am happier than ever thanks to inspirational people like yourself. I managed to get out of an abusive relationship just over 2 years ago and started T 14 months ago. I’ve also lost nearly 4 stone in weight but this video really hit home to me to still become more self sufficient as I still find myself that I often still people please. I still rely on what others think to a degree. Fantastic video.
I'm not a trans person but it helped me a lot with my personal problems and how i'm expecting other people do things for me. Thank you Dade, well said.
This is exactly what went into knowing for my personal transition. I wasn’t going to let anyone’s lack of support of me affect my own transition and thoughts on transition, I knew it was something I had to do for MYSELF and no one else. The only person I truly truly needed to accept me was my grandmother (might sound hypocritical here) but she raised me like her own child and I didn’t want that bond to go away, she needed her own time to learn to love and accept me, it took her about 2 1/2 years to come around. I waited, I was patient, until I knew I NEEDED to physically transition (hormones) and once she saw it was a need not a want, with that she understood. She’s now my biggest supporter. I’m now almost 6 years on T and post phalloplasty. Never looking back.👌🏼
Well said, Dade! I haven't medically transitioned yet but I have gender therapy in early January and I've communicated with my very supportive family about the process and what I'm hoping to achieve out of transitioning. I try to see things from other people's perspective and I find plenty of support from others but i do understand that even without the support I would need to do things myself for my own well being. There's times where I had to cut out people from life because they were against my transition but that doesn't bother me because I don't need them and I have to accept that not everyone will be by my side through this journey. Happy 7 years, Dade! Hope the family is doing well!
Red Wolf, is telling you the truth about transitioning while accepting that you may do it if you wish categorizable as “being against”? In other words, is asking hard questions an “attack”?
@@enzoselva888 I'm not quite sure what you mean regarding the first question. The second question is not easy to answer as it's different for every individual
Great to see you again Dade! I've been following you ever since you posted your first video and started your journey, and I feel so honoured to have been able to witness your journey! You are a true role model to many people out there. Wishing you all the best in the future!
This is very correct regardless of topic - transitioning, grief, relationships in general etc. You can't condition yourself in relation to what others think of you or whether or not they support you. I have always started from the premise that I have no reason to ask anything from others and that I need to walk down my own path. And I have had pleasant surprises along the way, people supporting me even if I didn't ask them to. My middle sister has always needed validation and emotional support and she has always been let down. When our mother died, she expected emotional support at work, she expected people to cut her some slack and be there for her. She was in for a huge disappointment, because not only did they not do those things, but they ended up emotionally abusing her and she had to quit. I am very sorry she had to go through that, but I also think it's made her stronger. Congratulations on your milestone!
This is good advice for everyone facing emotionally tough problems in life. You were thinking it might not be a popular video? Hey, you aren’t here on this earth to be popular. We are here to help each other and you’re doing that, but we are also here to ultimately be responsible for our emotional well being. Thanks for the good advice you give us all.
DADE-THANK YOU FOR THIS & THIS IS NO "RAMBLE" OF WORDS SIR. I AM AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF MY JOURNEY INTO TRANSITION. TODAY WAS NOT A GREAT DAY FOR ME UNTIL I WATCHED YOUR VIDEO. YOUR WORDS HELPED ME REACH A BETTER STATE OF MIND W/A SIIDE OF LESS STRESS & WORRY. CONGRATS ON YEAR (7) & THE VERY BEST TO YOU & THE FAMILY. --FTM IN MARYLAND
I think this is a great message. I feel that those who need to hear it will get exactly what they need from it. I feel that this can apply to anything in life as well. What I hear in your message is a next-level version of the "it gets better" videos that were popular a few years back. Thank you for making another great video. Always appreciated. J. in Oakland, Ca.
While I did go back and forth on how I felt about what you were saying in the video, I greatly appreciate your point about expectations. You helped me realize that I have been expecting people to support me in life and that's why I am consistently disappointed. I come from a position of entitlement, and I need to work on growing out of that. I have spent my whole life waiting for people to do things and make decisions for me to the point where I'm always having an identity crisis. Thank you for your videos. I saw the title of this one and I knew I was meant to watch it.
I understand having reservation about the video - it was pretty direct. I am glad you are able to glean something you think will be useful to you out of it. Self-sufficiency is a work in progress for all of us, me included.
Excellent video! As someone who is 19 mo. into transition, you couldn't be more right on. We have to be willing to do this alone,, any extra support is that, extra. We need compassion for those around us. Our transition is not just external, we change internally. It is like a death for many around us. We do lose people in our lives but also we gain new people who love us in our truest self.
Thanks for expressing your perspective...I've struggled with unpacking some resentments I have of my family's support/lack thereof I've received. Your words are a reminder to listen to the ways I can support myself through transition and life. Good vibes to everyone here
BRAVO! I needed to hear this today. I am nearing 60 .....just over a year on T, almost 2 months post op.... feeling pretty lonely. I am freaking out because when I go back to work in a week.... I will basically be outed and introduced to everyone with new name and gender marker. Not sure I will keep my job .... having fear they will find a way to get rid of me. I am a very valuable electrical engineer, managing construction projects in one of the most white male conservative groups I have known. Haters gonna hate! LOL So the fear is almost unbearable..... can't wait to get through this part of it. If you have any suggestions on calming the fear monster. I know you went through this even though you owned your own business. Anyway ..... you are who helped me get started and gave me the courage to come out. THANKS!
Hello from Montreal. This was a great video. The message was strong and meaningful to me. Even if i am not in transition. These thoughts can translate to every person in their lives. "What people thin of us is none of our business," is a sober thought. Something I myself might have said to you in the past. I hit seventeen years sober, soon, and my family, as a gay man have been MIA for the whole of my life. I "expected" them to grow up eventually, alas, they did not rise to the occasion. It is very hard emotionally to know that the one thing my mother says to me when she does speak is that "I was a mistake and should never have been born." That is harsh. And I used that to judge my worthiness as a human being for most of my life, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that yes, I am self sufficient. I have support that I created and I don't need that kind of family shit in my life. Kudos to you and your achievement. So glad to have been along for this journey with you. It has been eye opening for both of us.
It sounds like you have been through situations similar to some of mine. I am sorry you have been through so much, but very proud that you have come out stronger and have chosen self sufficiency. Not an easy task, my friend.
Thank you Dade, I realized that the hard way. This is a life where you learn how to survive all by yourself. It makes you stronger than other people, I see it as a gift from nature. Your story Inspires all of us. I just hit 18 and got a long way to go, as for you I wish you the best and I look forward to more videos :)
Dade, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on self-sufficiency. You are often praised on this site - so much so, that I would think it would add a great deal of pressure on you. Most of us who follow you just appreciate your insight and the vulnerability you expose in your shares. I don’t compare you to the Dali Lama, or Gandhi or any other prophet, as it seems others might be doing. I just appreciate your sharing the wisdom you have gained to this point in your life. I hope you see it as a gift you have been given and continue to share on other topics, perhaps: spiritually, humility, personhood, family of choice, courage, to name but a few. All the best to you Dade and to those in your circle of care.
I can't say that I've ever been compared to any of the people you mentioned, that would be quite a compliment. When it comes to feeling pressure from the compliments, I work hard to take my own advice... I do not take the negative or the positive to heart for the most part. If I did, I would be defining myself by other peoples limited knowledge of me. Believing I am some sort of prophet would be as self sabotaging as believing I am an abomination. I am just a person sharing my thoughts. I liked your topic ideas, by the way. I will think about them!
Dade, thank you for an incredible and insightful video! After listening to you I found myself doing some real soul searching. Thank you for making us think.
Hey Dade I haven't seen you in a while. You've been one of my main references when I started the whole process. I bumped into your video now. Listened to this one, and must say. I have transitioned too (almost 5 years on T), and damn I agree on every single thought you're putting out. I had the same self sufficient position and that is all you need to succeed. If you think (KNOW) that is what you want, no doubt, no other opinion, no fear can cross your way to get there. Nothing else and one one else metter more, than what you truly desire. I guess though that for people is hard to change their position. Hope you're doing fine.
You spoke directly from my heart and I’m so struggling with this right now. I’ve made excuses for three years now knowing I was trans because I thought I wouldn’t survive transition because I wouldn’t be able to deal with people maybe walking away and letting me down and being on my own. I wouldn’t make it it. And I definitely wouldn’t have in the state of my mind I was in. I did the only right thing I could do - I got myself into therapy and tackled the most crucial issue at hand: that I have absolutely no self-worth and that this is not trans-related and therefore won’t fix itself magically should I transition. That I feed my confidence and my self-respect through other people, their opinions about me, their compliments, and the feeling that I am needed and therefore a good person. And now I realized that I can’t transition like this because transition is inherently a very „egoistical“ thing to do and it’s quite impossible if you have no „ego“ at all. I need to figure out what person in general I want to be, what my dreams are, where I want to live, what's important to me in life, unrelated to the people that I feel responsible for. And only then will I have the strength to transition because I will have goals in life and know that I'll make it, no matter who is with me on this. I could feel how me being miserable impacted my relationship and my friendships because I felt so isolated and not seen and it made me sad, then angry because I kept it all inside so I became sort of bitter and impatient, starting fights for no reason, being disappointed in the people around me that they can’t see my pain and can’t lift me up. And I realized - they can’t. Because I don’t give them the chance. So it’s really not their fault. I don’t like myself this way. I used to be more empathic and kind and attentive. And this is why I need to make a change and to become more at ease. To be the person I want to be. Last weekend was the first time I thought about me being male and it didn’t suffocate me. I felt calm and joyful because I connected to myself so much more and for the first time ever I had hope and pictured the things I want out of life. After 12 years of being convinced I would collapse someday soon - this is a start. It felt absolutely amazing and it keeps pushing me to find my strength and power. So, thank you for this elaboration. I have a question, if you don’t mind: I’m currently in the process of telling my partner I’m ftm, she is a lesbian, and I’m trying to do it bit by bit to give her a chance to process each step. She knows I’m trans and that I want a mastectomy but doesn’t know exactly I feel male. She needs a lot of time for every step, which is absolutely fine. It feels so weird and wrong though keeping the truth from her if I already know it but it would also feel wrong and selfish, given the stress she has currently, to just throw it all at her. I told her I want to try out a different name in my trans group three weeks ago and we haven’t talked about it since. I don’t want to push her but at the same time keep moving on with my transition but also not lie to her. Do you have any advice? Would it be better to just tell her everything and say „this is how it is, I’m gonna do this“ or is it better to wait and be patient even though it slows the whole process down?
I guess I'm a little confused... you say she knows you are trans... so why would she not know you feel male? Is she thinking trans means more of a non-binary thing? In any case, I would absolutely be honest with her and make sure she understands exactly what your plans are. This is the only respectful way to handle it... otherwise she may feel you have kept things from her or were not honest. She can have a long process, but she needs to know how big that process is. You know?
@@ElectricDade Thanks for replying. You're right, she needs to know. Yeah, she thinks it's more of a non-binary thing which I thought so, too, for about 2.5 years up until recently. We only see each other once or twice a month. And sometimes she tells me before that she has so much going on that she can't handle that topic the up-coming weekend. She knew the whole story up until 2 months ago, that's when I realized I'm not just some sort of genderqueer but that I do feel male. Since then I'm trying to find a good moment to tell her. Some things we just didn't talk about anymore like trying a new name. She acknowledges it whenever I bring it up but that's pretty much it. I just feel so bad, because she keeps telling me how much she needs me right now in this stressful phase she has. That's why I consider waiting 1-2 more months but then again lying isn't the best thing either. To tell her things bit by bit was actually her request so that she can keep up. But the last part rang true, she needs to know what she is in for.
Might be random but I just wanted to let you know that for the past 6 months I managed to follow your advice and be open and clear to her about my transition desires and thoughts, it definitely paid off. It gave her more time to process and feel closer to me and I feel a lot better now, 6 months later, because it just feels right this way. Now I go by male name and pronouns and we're still together and closer than ever. Your videos always made me hopeful for future things to come and they still do. :)
Great message. I truly hope individuals understand the message you are sending. Be your own strength, your own power. Don’t depend on others to be your strength, your power 💙
Thank you Dade for expressing yourself so well in this video. I really appreciate your thoughts and insights. Thank you for sharing them with all of us.
So Right On...."What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business"..Man , that's a philosophy for everybody whether trans or not. James Baldwin the black author said it this way. " If you don't live the way your blood beats...you'll have no life at all".......Be Well Dade...Appreciate your input and viewpoints.
Thank you for being Visible , in an upbeat, positive way! I’ve been trying to find yu since I saw your very first video! Not sure how the kiddo and your family are doing but I hope all is well!!!!
Dade. You are awesome dude. I agree with counting sapiens that your words cover more than just people transitioning. I’m also got over disownment by reminding myself that “what people think of me is not my business”.
Congrats on arriving at your seven year milestone Dade. It occurs to me that you had some practice in "transitioning" in other aspects of your life, like dumping that religion you belonged to, etc. So you are a strong person in many respects. Good video.
i'm glad i found this video. it's exactly what i need. i'm a highschool trans kid who's been living stealth & pretty much isolated from everyone bec i'm scared of what people think of me, so now i have no friends and no support but i came out to my tchrs and told them my preferred name & pronouns. but even if people call me by my right name and pronouns i still withdrew myself from others. as much as possible i don't talk or participate (i have a very high pitched voice) bec i'm afraid of what they'd think of me. everyday i make up new ideas in my head that keeps breaking me, like my height, my face, my body, and it's all my own doing. i keep saying i'm a hopeless case and that i deserve some special attention bullshit, when it's all on me and i never tried to do anything about my problem. it's shameful for me and the trans community. i know i need to stop living in my excuses, and deal with this head on and alone. i'm hanging on to a false sense of security and comfort i've made for myself. it's scary.. but this is the path i chose and it's probably going to get even shittier, before i get to the life i want and i'm definitely not going back to the life i once had- hiding who i am and pretending who i'm not. thank you for the wise words Dade. this was a real eye-opener, keep these videos coming. we need more truthful videos like this on the internet. and congratulations on 7 years on T. stay healthy and take care!
Taheiko Shun Here’s the thing my friend - you are not alone. There is a whole army of us on your side. With that being said, self sufficiency will help you reach your goals. You’ve got this. You are not alone. Also, check out my first video... high voice, pretty face. No more! :) You’ll be here too.
Congratulations on everything you’ve achieved over the past seven years. But there is one thing that seems to trip you up and and fill you with resentment. And that, obviously, is your family of birth. You have a lot of bitterness, and maybe it’s righteous, I don’t know, but you need to let it go. You’ve done the physical part of letting go so now you need to do the mental/emotional part. Those who you resent may not even know so here they are living rent free in your head. Let go Dade, you’ll be happier.
I'm not sure how you got to your comment from what I posted in the video, but it doesn't matter - you are partially right. I don't resent my birth family, that's not the right word... not sure what is the right word. In any case, I have done mountains of work to get to where I am from where I was brought into the world. Admittedly, I still have mountains left to move. A certain internal narrative was instilled in me from a very young age. That narrative still plays for me.
ElectricDade Maybe leave the door open to reconciliation. When I was much younger I jousted with my parents trying to control the narrative of how I was going to live. We fought openly with words some of which I regretted and never apologized until it was almost too late. My father fell under the spell of Alzheimer’s and it was too late for some things so I did what I could to mend what was left. Scraps.
George Power I’m sorry. That sounds incredibly difficult, my friend. My situation is a bit different. I have not fallen out with my family, and have never said anything argumentative to them. They are Jehovahs’s Witnesses and completely disown anyone who leaves the religion. I left the religion about 12 years ago. If they reach out to me, speak to me, accept communication from from me - the church guilts them. They are legitimately brain washed, just as I used to be. I know there is no chance of communication unless they leave the religion of their own accord. I know because I used to be them... self righteous and pompous. Throughly tricked into a life of guilt and hate. I am no longer there.
I have mixed feelings on this video. On the one hand, I think I like the message here, but on the other hand, no man is an island and literally everyone needs love and support to stay mentally healthy- humans are social creatures; we don't survive well in isolation. But I agree with the idea that people should not expect others to hold them up emotionally or handle their emotions for them, and a person's actions shouldn't be contingent on someone else being willing to carry their burdens with/for them. But I have a hard time telling if the message of this video is "don't expect others to carry your burdens for you" or "you don't need love or support, period; that's just a nice extra thing to have." I guess I just feel it's a little unrealistic to expect yourself to be able to function long-term outside of *any* social/emotional connection or support, and I'm not completely sure to what extent you meant people should not expect the love or support of others.
I understand why you would have reservations on this video - it is very pointed. I did try to convey that I was not suggesting people do not need love and support, in fact, I back tracked twice in the video to say that. I agree with you, we all need love and support; it's how we are made. What I have seen many times is people making decisions based on their belief they cannot emotionally maintain themselves without constant help, and that without peoples support they cannot succeed. This is the belief I am trying to dismantle in this video. We will all receive love and support, it is human nature to give and receive it. But (yes I started a sentence with but;) the moment we expect the support of others to hold us up, not only will we be frequently disappointed, they will also become weighted down. With all that being said... it is perfectly fine for you and I to disagree :)
@@ElectricDade I completely agree with all of that. I did catch at least one of the points of backtracking in the video, but for some reason the way things were conveyed towards the end sort of made me unsure if my interpretation of that backtracking was correct (which likely has more to do with me than you). Thanks for clarifying!
One of the hardest things in life to do is getting your thoughts into another persons head in an accurate way. It is something I constantly work on. I am always happy to clarify, especially since the alternative is people thinking I stand for something I don't. :)
Your words are all true, motivational and powerful. Thanks, man! How can I find out what kind of person with what specific characteristics I want to become? I am a FTM teenage now, started my transitioning 3 months ago. I'm so confused with life, with everything, with all that happens in a daily life and stuff. I think it's a matter of being a teenager... I'd be glad to get some life advices from you on how to find my way through this life.
Great motivational speech, once more, dear Dade. 💪Oh, and congrats on 7 yrs on t - I keep forgetting, that this is a ftm channel, b/c your content is valid and valuable for the non transgender world, too.
Thank you for taking time to reply to me which made me realize I probobly have both gender and envy issues . You were able to transform your life more than just physically and I want to emphasize how important I feel it is to support everyone out there struggling to be who they are however I fear depending on doctors for anything . I do wonder how people manage on their own and realize most have help . My gender issue is envy of males but I don't seek to be one must have their advantages ;being taken seriously In society and not getting harrased especially in our middle East where gender relations are not so nice . Anyway I wonder what is the secret to leading a good life with a loving partner ? Can you share ? is it having good traits yourself? I could see from videos the inner change the confidence of FTMs and wonder is it the way they get treated by society or finally feeling at home within their body? who does feel comfortable with their body?I risk guessing few
Serious and respectful question. How is ‘self-sufficiency’ maintained as a concept when that state fully relies on 3rd parties - advanced pharmaceutical companies? This isn’t an attack - while it may be a challenge to be sure. I honestly want to know what you think about that. Thanks for your consideration of my question.
Unfortunately we all can only be self sufficient to a measure while under a government. The point of this video was more about emotional self-sufficency and not always expecting others to hold us up. We are all part of a system, how much we rely on that system is up to us.
@ElectricDade I think you should reach out to Jordan Peterson and hold a podcast or something. You guys actually share a lot of ideas around self-sufficiency and motivation. I'd watch it.
Hi man. I have a question. After lower surgery will you be able to be active ? I practice martial arts & love sports, I’m afraid that lower surgery could leave unable to be as active as I am. Thanks
Wow this is deep. Feel for you. You seem like you will end up ok. Still married? Feel bad that your immediate family didn't support you 😞 For what it's worth, you are a very HANDSOME guy 😘😉
What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people. Dr. Wayne Dyer
This is in no way rambling. This is absolutely sound advice that anyone needing to transition should hear while making that decision to move ahead. Great subject. You would be a great guidance for those wanting to transfer and things they need to know and think about at the start. Do a Q&A video.
Hi Dade, I am a trans guy, and I am wondering if you have issues about your Dad and how he has impacted your own identity. I am struggling with this. Congrats to seven years, and this is an awesome video. Thank you fr being os out in the community. Thomas
I think the arguments you are bringing forward need to be differentiated a bit further. Putting yourself in a normative position of expecting others to support you in your personal goals, be it transition, be it career or whatever else, of course always puts you in a weak position, because expectation and disappointment of expectation go hand in hand. I agree with you about that. Another thing is, to reflect the viewpoints and positions of important others in and for your decision, because these others reflect you in the network of relationships. Without reflecting on the positions of significant others, how could you make any decision at all, taking into account that a decision always has a social dimension? Transitioning for example would be meaningless, if - as a thought experiment - you would be the only person on the world. It is a social business, even in the case, where you internalized social relationships and expectations towards yourself, and make decisions seemingly autonomously. Reflecting the positions of others in this context might also widen the self-view you have. Because of the fact that our self-views contain internalized social norms they are burdened with prejudices about ourself in the same way that we tend to have prejudices about others. So reflecting other possible viewpoints is actually the only way to find out what you really think and are. Christina
I agree that reflection on others viewpoint is important. By nature we cannot know what anything is unless we have something to define it against. In this video I am speaking of people who rely solely on what other think, or think of them, to make decisions and gain strength. Understanding the viewpoint of others is a key element of gathering information about your stance in the world, but it is up to each person to find a place for that information and to keep or reject it.
Dude, there's always an excuse. It's was the weather hahahah xD. Good to see you putting stuff into some perspective and context. Don't be a stranger now you hear,...later dude 👍.
First of all, congrats on your 7 years of transitioning. I have few questions I would like to ask you and hoping that you can tell me. I'm 50 now and I'm thinking about transitioning but I'm not sure if it's save, is there a age limit? Second, once you go Testosterone , do you have to be on it for rest of your life?
Transitioning is safe. The side effects from testosterone are no different than the effects it has on cis males. There is some research that shows long term exposer of testosterone on female sex organs can cause issues, but nothing definitive. There is no age limit to transition. Taking T will force you into a make puberty no matter what your age is. Some changes may be slower due to age, but they still happen. Besides, 50 is the new 20 :)
Sorry. This comment isn't directly related to the video. I was talking about the book "The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolf Valerio and thought of you. More specifically that you'd enjoy/appreciate it. Perhaps you've read it already. If yes, disregard. Anyway, just came to mind and randomly decided to comment. I would have private messaged but I didn't see how i could. Long time listener, first time caller. Cheers, a fellow Oregonian.
I misunderstood what you said. Sorry. There are Jehovahs Witnesses where I live, (Newfoundland, Canada) But they fly under the radar here. I was raised Roman Catholic and grew up with a lot of nonsense that masqueraded as the Word Of God. A lot of fear about sin, salvation and the Devil. I rejected a lot of what I felt was indoctrination. Anyway, the Catholic Church has more pragmatic concerns as of late.
very wise words and yet you sound like a missionary preaching .yo people to follow a path I saw a presentation of a transgender who feels surgery is not right for her .I feel it should be possible for transgender to skip surgery because I can not comprehend how anyone can afford the cost and the risks. if indeed you don't need approval why did you work so hard to LOOK male?If you don't care what people think surely it wouldn't have been important for you to look the way you do since inside would have been the important part . You look amazing but I wonder how you can look in the mirror and not wonder who you are ?Same for your partner . How can you be so confident who you are when you look so different thanks to surgical procedures . if you need doctors to help you achieve this result surely you are NOT self sufficient but depend on medical professions and hormones . A truly self sufficient person would not give a damn what their physical self looks like to others but would have lived abd koved their masculine identity regardless .IMHO could be I don't like confident excuse the pub cocky people who think they have the answer I personally prefer to live with the questions abd not pretend there is a result a way I must look or go mad or commit suicide . I don't have gender issues but I have social issues not being accepted as i am. I can imagine life is easier living as a male than a female on so many levels . I accept that my gender does not define me though . I wish more people could say how they feel about the surgical procedure without being attacked as transphobic . I just believe in inner changes rather than outer ones . I will never ever undergo surgery unless it is life threatening and I think that looking outside like a gender you feel you are is not life threatening .There was just a suicide here of a transgender after he/she underwent surgery and was seemingly in a good place . THERE IS NO ONE ANSWER. stop telling people it is worth it . tell people it worked for you but also tell them how much financial investment and health risks are involved and how you will have to be treated your entire life by health professionals whereas you would not have had to if you chose to skip surgeries and nust worked on not caring what you look like but was truly self sufficient and didn't care whether you had breasts or utterus or a penis or plastic surgery made parts.
Hi friend. I admit this video may sound preachy, but ultimately, how a persons words are heard is a mater of choice. I also think you may have misunderstood the point of the video - namely, emotionally self-sufficiency during the transition process. To address your points though, we all rely on the systems in place, including the medical systems, to keep us healthy. As for self-confidence... people cannot transition without self confidence since much of society actively works against us. Transition isn't solely about body confidence, it's about being confident in who you are internally, and working to make the outside match - if that is your desire. None of my videos have ever said you need to have surgery or to even transition. What I have done, is document my personal choices. What I haven't done, is to say my choices are the right choices. The whole point of documenting a transition on YT is to give people hope. There is a huge diversity in transition scale and degree, all of which can be found on YT. I'm guessing that those who follow me are interested in a very binary transition, like I was. Me choosing a binary transition does not invalidate a less binary transition. Just like those who are more gender fluid, do not invalidate me. I have also tediously documented the hardships of transition and surgery, with more honesty than can be found most anywhere on YT... I have also been upfront about the costs, especially since I have paid 100% out of pocket. Literally everything you said in your comment is not based in fact. Have you watched any other videos on my channel? I'm not being demeaning, it just seems like you haven't. I also think you may have a foundational misunderstanding of the meaning of self-sufficiency. Self sufficiency does not mean you settle for whatever condition you find yourself in (for instance, being born into a body you have no connection with), rather it has two basic meanings: 1) That one is able to supply for their own needs without external assistance, and 2) That one has extreme confidence in their own resources and power. While living within the context of society (like we all do), I am self-sufficient. The fact that I needed to transition did not take my self-sufficiency, but rather, I inherited more self-sufficiency by taking on a hard decision, executing it, and paying for my transition completely by myself.
I'm really sorry you feel that way. There was a time in my life where it was not possible for me to transition, either, in fact, I didn't begin transition until I was 29. Don't give up, my friend. Something will happen to make it possible for you too.
Dade I think you're really on to something here. Like most of your videos the past couple of years, this isn't just advice for transitioning, it is advice for anyone going through a rough time in their life. These are topics that no one likes to talk about, and I am glad that you have the strength to publicly bring these up again and again. And congrats on the 7 years on T and feeling like you completed your transition!
I want to remind anyone who reads this comment that this is a very long journey, this type of emotional change will not happen overnight or even over one year. It is something that takes years to grasp ahold of, and even then you may falter at times. Find healthy coping mechanisms such as meditation, prayer, journaling, anything that you can do on your own that brings you relief and a calm state of mind.
Good reminder, my friend, and thanks for the congratulations!
For some of us, transition is not hard because we are still the same person no matter if we r female or Male. Hormones dont change your personality very much at all. So it wasnt that hard to adjust to changes. Literally the only changes that happened were physical. For example, a lower voice, more body hair, facial hair, muscle growth, and fat redistribution. It was harder on friends and family than it was on me. They had to get used to my new name and new pronouns. I dont want people to be scared to transition just because someone else says it's hard. It's not hard for everyone, just depends on each person's circumstances I guess. Transition happened in a flowing, natural way for me. As long as someone knows who they are then they should be fine. You dont have to reinvent yourself just because u switch genders.
My personality did not change at all either. When I say "transition is hard" I'm actually not referring to the act of transition in itself... if I were living in a vacuum transition would have been the most joyful and easy experience in my life. However, we all have to publicly transition - and many times in a society that actively works against us, and with family and friends that are unsupportive. This is why I say transition is hard. Also, many people do not know who they are when they are considering transition, this would add an additional layer of difficulty. It's also important to remember that whether or not something is easy or difficult is incredibly relative. There are a great many things that are very easy for me that would be very hard for someone else. The opposite is also true.
Gender Confusion Pain
Psychological and emotional pain in regard to gender confusion, sensations of gender-mix up, feeling ostracized and bullied for feeling different in this way is a source of real psychological-spiritual trauma that may start in early childhood. Unfortunately our society is not equipped to support children and adults that may suffer greatly with inner gender reversals and related gender confusion as a result of spiritual or sexual trauma. The point of this information is to be aware that there is a specific Mind Control agenda to spread transhumanism through surgically and medically induced transgenderism in order to reverse the inner gender principle, which destroys the human lightbody. We have to know we have a Lightbody and how it works in male and female principle, before we can accurately assess ourselves and our environment about who we really are as a human being. How can a human being that has been subjected to psychological warfare and Social Engineering targeting his or her gender and sexual beliefs throughout their lifetime, make a sound and healthy decision that impacts the state of their gender biology and sexual preferences? They simply cannot and are radically impaired.
Thus, as human beings we must make some effort to educate ourselves about the pitfalls of the current events happening in the Ascension Cycle, like transhumanism’s alliance with transgenderism and be willing to address the layers of spiritual trauma that damages gender. Sadly, religions tend to demonize others suffering with gender trauma and it’s important to recognize the true humanity, the heart and soul that is traumatized by such spiritually abusive behaviors.
↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Gender_Confusion_Pain#/search
Transgenderism
Transgender people say they were assigned a sex that isn't true to who they are and this is based on their internal feelings, experiences and the state of their consciousness body. Of course this is very real for them. Assigning someone's sex is based on their gender biology which includes chromosomes, anatomy, and hormones. But a person's gender identity, the inner sense of being male, female, or both doesn't always match their biology. As a result of spiritual-lightbody problems and Alien Machinery that are impacting the inner gender principle in human beings, the phenomena of gender reversal has been steadily increasing over the last hundred years. Recently we can see an accelerated AI technology being used to create gender identity shifts almost overnight in targeted people, many of whom are public figures, here are some very famous but not openly known as transgenders
th-cam.com/play/PL_MLpSHoD0ktF6lf78kqSkeXm_n_E__cJ.html
↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Transgender
↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Belial_Program
Exemple of their behavior: ➡️donaldmarshall.proboards.com/thread/75/
To gain knowledge over the planetary grid and templar gates one must understand gender principle, math, geometry, frequency and the consciousness qualities that animate the intrinsic architecture that holds the many layers that are contained in the blueprint of our world.
On a positive note, the embodiment principle of one the major chieftains of lies in the Belial gestalt, recently left his body and is currently unable to transfer his consciousness into another earthly form as he had planned. 💪😎🤙.
Christ Consciousness is a collective consciousness force field of the Trinity Source and any kind of entity can choose to embody and become an embodied Christ. There are Ascended Christs embodied in male and female forms that have united their inner polarities through spiritual ascension to the Zero Point.
One must inhabit an ascending planet (Gaia) in order to have the opportunity to spiritually evolve into a Christ and experience Cosmic Christ Consciousness, which is the status of a Cosmic Citizen that travels God-Sovereign-Free throughout the Universes.
↪️ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Christos_Attributes
So well said. 👍
You are so amazing.... you inspire me to be a better me and you give so much meaning to life and how we should each take responsibility for our own lives .... you are so incredible .... thank you ... thank you ... thank you ...
I agree with you. My therapist taught me something extremely important. Expectations and desires are very different things. Desires are ok, desiring stuff, or support, or anything else is perfectly fine. What will set you up for failure is expectations. Expecting that other people support you will invariably leave you unsatisfied because you cannot control other people's actions. Nobody other than yourself will know exactly what your expectations are because nobody else is you. It is our job to understand that each of us is alone with ourselves and that's ok. As soon as you realize that, loneliness is not that scary anymore because you will always have yourself as support. And once you lose the fear of being alone you can do pretty much anything
Shintilla08. Beautifully written. 😊
Very very wise
“What others think is none of my business” is very appropriate for me today. I’m not feeling well at all and I feel that others hate me and are penalizing me for things. What I don’t know but I feel pretty crappy today and have for a while. While I’m not transitioning, your talks have helped me so much. You just make tons of sense. Thanks and I look forward to more.
J L I have felt similar so many times, my friend. It is hard to feel that way. I hope it passes soon.
ElectricDade thank you for your response and kind words.
This video is so insightful and helpful. I'm 23 years old and 1 month on t. It's amazing to see trans men who have been on t for years alive and well. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. I also fear my family disowning me. Coming out to them has been one of the most difficult things of my life so far, but hearing you talk about chosen family and self sufficiency make transition feel like less of a burden and more of an exciting, joyous journey. Also hearing you say "i will take the support i can get" reminds me that it's ok to ask for help, and that i don't need to go through the joys and downfalls of being trans alone.
It has been super liberating to try practicing every day that i don't need to impress everyone or make them like me. I'm not an extrovert, nor am i ever the center of a room. But i tend to keep quiet because i fear if i say or do something 'wrong'then people won't like me. But that's not a fulfilling nor real way to live at all. People will always like or dislike you, no matter who you are or what you do. So you just have to live your life anyway. As long as you aren't causing harm to others, then it's ok!
Every time I watch one of your videos the first thing I feel is strength. You emote and portray such a strong sense of calm and strength, it makes me immediately feel better about whatever is going on at the moment. If you aren't a counselor or a therapist you might want to consider it. Even if you do it on a peer basis without being licensed, you have a way of speaking the truth and bringing sense to senseless situations. Thank you for being you and for sharing your thoughts with us.
This is very kind of you to say, thank you. I am actually as far from a therapist as one can be, haha! I am trained in electrical engineering and ethical hacking / penetration testing.
Thank you. I’m 6 years on T. Have hit a rough patch the past few years with how the world has been reacting to trans people. This video is very helpful. I watch/listen to a lot of motivational videos and speakers but it hits different hearing this type of conversation from someone like me. You’re a great role model. I know your life is busy but please consider posting more of this type of content.
Once again you are talking about something that we all need to work on. You should be a motivational speaker. You already have a great speaking voice and a real message to share. I hope you think about it. Have a wonderful day.
Just watched your video and what you said has really hit home and resonated with me. I took over 34yrs to come out as trans as I was so worried what my friends, family and purgers would think of me I stopped myself from doing it. I allowed myself to use them as an excuse to stop transitioning in actual fact I was to scared to. I’m now a 14 months on T and a lot better but I still hold onto these thoughts of what people think (granted no where near as bad as before) but still too much and take things to heart and worry if I’ve upset people when in fact I should be worried what I think of myself and where I should be and you talked such sense. I wish I lived closer to you to have conversation with you as you talk such sense and are an inspiration. I feel in this one video I’ve learnt so much. You are a very knowledgeable and intelligent guy and over the years watching your videos have learnt so much. I will be saving this video so I can go back to it to remind my self if the great advice you have given to be self sufficient and to be able to rely on myself. Thank you Dade for sharing this
Christopher Forder Hey man. I remember talking to you before. Good to see you are still around.
ElectricDade yes I’m still around and am happier than ever thanks to inspirational people like yourself. I managed to get out of an abusive relationship just over 2 years ago and started T 14 months ago. I’ve also lost nearly 4 stone in weight but this video really hit home to me to still become more self sufficient as I still find myself that I often still people please. I still rely on what others think to a degree. Fantastic video.
I'm not a trans person but it helped me a lot with my personal problems and how i'm expecting other people do things for me. Thank you Dade, well said.
What a Great Mind you have. I love the way you are able to process this world we all must navigate.
This is exactly what went into knowing for my personal transition. I wasn’t going to let anyone’s lack of support of me affect my own transition and thoughts on transition, I knew it was something I had to do for MYSELF and no one else. The only person I truly truly needed to accept me was my grandmother (might sound hypocritical here) but she raised me like her own child and I didn’t want that bond to go away, she needed her own time to learn to love and accept me, it took her about 2 1/2 years to come around. I waited, I was patient, until I knew I NEEDED to physically transition (hormones) and once she saw it was a need not a want, with that she understood. She’s now my biggest supporter. I’m now almost 6 years on T and post phalloplasty. Never looking back.👌🏼
Well said, Dade! I haven't medically transitioned yet but I have gender therapy in early January and I've communicated with my very supportive family about the process and what I'm hoping to achieve out of transitioning. I try to see things from other people's perspective and I find plenty of support from others but i do understand that even without the support I would need to do things myself for my own well being. There's times where I had to cut out people from life because they were against my transition but that doesn't bother me because I don't need them and I have to accept that not everyone will be by my side through this journey. Happy 7 years, Dade! Hope the family is doing well!
Red Wolf, is telling you the truth about transitioning while accepting that you may do it if you wish categorizable as “being against”? In other words, is asking hard questions an “attack”?
@@enzoselva888 I'm not quite sure what you mean regarding the first question. The second question is not easy to answer as it's different for every individual
Great to see you again Dade! I've been following you ever since you posted your first video and started your journey, and I feel so honoured to have been able to witness your journey!
You are a true role model to many people out there. Wishing you all the best in the future!
Wow, that is a long time! Thank you for your long-term support, my friend, and best to your future as well.
This is very correct regardless of topic - transitioning, grief, relationships in general etc. You can't condition yourself in relation to what others think of you or whether or not they support you. I have always started from the premise that I have no reason to ask anything from others and that I need to walk down my own path. And I have had pleasant surprises along the way, people supporting me even if I didn't ask them to. My middle sister has always needed validation and emotional support and she has always been let down. When our mother died, she expected emotional support at work, she expected people to cut her some slack and be there for her. She was in for a huge disappointment, because not only did they not do those things, but they ended up emotionally abusing her and she had to quit. I am very sorry she had to go through that, but I also think it's made her stronger.
Congratulations on your milestone!
This is good advice for everyone facing emotionally tough problems in life.
You were thinking it might not be a popular video?
Hey, you aren’t here on this earth to be popular.
We are here to help each other and you’re doing that, but we are also here to ultimately be responsible for our emotional well being.
Thanks for the good advice you give us all.
DADE-THANK YOU FOR THIS & THIS IS NO "RAMBLE" OF WORDS SIR. I AM AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF MY JOURNEY INTO TRANSITION. TODAY WAS NOT A GREAT DAY FOR ME UNTIL I WATCHED YOUR VIDEO. YOUR WORDS HELPED ME REACH A BETTER STATE OF MIND W/A SIIDE OF LESS STRESS & WORRY. CONGRATS ON YEAR (7) & THE VERY BEST TO YOU & THE FAMILY. --FTM IN MARYLAND
I think this is a great message. I feel that those who need to hear it will get exactly what they need from it. I feel that this can apply to anything in life as well. What I hear in your message is a next-level version of the "it gets better" videos that were popular a few years back. Thank you for making another great video. Always appreciated.
J. in Oakland, Ca.
While I did go back and forth on how I felt about what you were saying in the video, I greatly appreciate your point about expectations. You helped me realize that I have been expecting people to support me in life and that's why I am consistently disappointed. I come from a position of entitlement, and I need to work on growing out of that. I have spent my whole life waiting for people to do things and make decisions for me to the point where I'm always having an identity crisis. Thank you for your videos. I saw the title of this one and I knew I was meant to watch it.
I understand having reservation about the video - it was pretty direct. I am glad you are able to glean something you think will be useful to you out of it. Self-sufficiency is a work in progress for all of us, me included.
Excellent video! As someone who is 19 mo. into transition, you couldn't be more right on. We have to be willing to do this alone,, any extra support is that, extra. We need compassion for those around us. Our transition is not just external, we change internally. It is like a death for many around us. We do lose people in our lives but also we gain new people who love us in our truest self.
Thanks for expressing your perspective...I've struggled with unpacking some resentments I have of my family's support/lack thereof I've received. Your words are a reminder to listen to the ways I can support myself through transition and life. Good vibes to everyone here
BRAVO! I needed to hear this today. I am nearing 60 .....just over a year on T, almost 2 months post op.... feeling pretty lonely. I am freaking out because when I go back to work in a week.... I will basically be outed and introduced to everyone with new name and gender marker. Not sure I will keep my job .... having fear they will find a way to get rid of me. I am a very valuable electrical engineer, managing construction projects in one of the most white male conservative groups I have known. Haters gonna hate! LOL So the fear is almost unbearable..... can't wait to get through this part of it. If you have any suggestions on calming the fear monster. I know you went through this even though you owned your own business. Anyway ..... you are who helped me get started and gave me the courage to come out. THANKS!
Hello from Montreal. This was a great video. The message was strong and meaningful to me. Even if i am not in transition. These thoughts can translate to every person in their lives. "What people thin of us is none of our business," is a sober thought. Something I myself might have said to you in the past. I hit seventeen years sober, soon, and my family, as a gay man have been MIA for the whole of my life. I "expected" them to grow up eventually, alas, they did not rise to the occasion. It is very hard emotionally to know that the one thing my mother says to me when she does speak is that "I was a mistake and should never have been born." That is harsh. And I used that to judge my worthiness as a human being for most of my life, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that yes, I am self sufficient. I have support that I created and I don't need that kind of family shit in my life. Kudos to you and your achievement. So glad to have been along for this journey with you. It has been eye opening for both of us.
It sounds like you have been through situations similar to some of mine. I am sorry you have been through so much, but very proud that you have come out stronger and have chosen self sufficiency. Not an easy task, my friend.
Thank you Dade, I realized that the hard way. This is a life where you learn how to survive all by yourself. It makes you stronger than other people, I see it as a gift from nature. Your story Inspires all of us. I just hit 18 and got a long way to go, as for you I wish you the best and I look forward to more videos :)
Dade, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on self-sufficiency.
You are often praised on this site - so much so, that I would think it would add a great deal of pressure on you. Most of us who follow you just appreciate your insight and the vulnerability you expose in your shares. I don’t compare you to the Dali Lama, or Gandhi or any other prophet, as it seems others might be doing. I just appreciate your sharing the wisdom you have gained to this point in your life. I hope you see it as a gift you have been given and continue to share on other topics, perhaps: spiritually, humility, personhood, family of choice, courage, to name but a few.
All the best to you Dade and to those in your circle of care.
I can't say that I've ever been compared to any of the people you mentioned, that would be quite a compliment. When it comes to feeling pressure from the compliments, I work hard to take my own advice... I do not take the negative or the positive to heart for the most part. If I did, I would be defining myself by other peoples limited knowledge of me. Believing I am some sort of prophet would be as self sabotaging as believing I am an abomination. I am just a person sharing my thoughts. I liked your topic ideas, by the way. I will think about them!
Excellent Dade ! Right on the mark.... Much love !
Dade, thank you for an incredible and insightful video! After listening to you I found myself doing some real soul searching. Thank you for making us think.
Hey Dade
I haven't seen you in a while. You've been one of my main references when I started the whole process.
I bumped into your video now. Listened to this one, and must say. I have transitioned too (almost 5 years on T), and damn I agree on every single thought you're putting out. I had the same self sufficient position and that is all you need to succeed.
If you think (KNOW) that is what you want, no doubt, no other opinion, no fear can cross your way to get there. Nothing else and one one else metter more, than what you truly desire.
I guess though that for people is hard to change their position.
Hope you're doing fine.
Thank you for that! I really appreciate it. Very wise and meaningful to me.
You spoke directly from my heart and I’m so struggling with this right now. I’ve made excuses for three years now knowing I was trans because I thought I wouldn’t survive transition because I wouldn’t be able to deal with people maybe walking away and letting me down and being on my own. I wouldn’t make it it. And I definitely wouldn’t have in the state of my mind I was in. I did the only right thing I could do - I got myself into therapy and tackled the most crucial issue at hand: that I have absolutely no self-worth and that this is not trans-related and therefore won’t fix itself magically should I transition. That I feed my confidence and my self-respect through other people, their opinions about me, their compliments, and the feeling that I am needed and therefore a good person. And now I realized that I can’t transition like this because transition is inherently a very „egoistical“ thing to do and it’s quite impossible if you have no „ego“ at all. I need to figure out what person in general I want to be, what my dreams are, where I want to live, what's important to me in life, unrelated to the people that I feel responsible for. And only then will I have the strength to transition because I will have goals in life and know that I'll make it, no matter who is with me on this. I could feel how me being miserable impacted my relationship and my friendships because I felt so isolated and not seen and it made me sad, then angry because I kept it all inside so I became sort of bitter and impatient, starting fights for no reason, being disappointed in the people around me that they can’t see my pain and can’t lift me up. And I realized - they can’t. Because I don’t give them the chance. So it’s really not their fault. I don’t like myself this way. I used to be more empathic and kind and attentive. And this is why I need to make a change and to become more at ease. To be the person I want to be.
Last weekend was the first time I thought about me being male and it didn’t suffocate me. I felt calm and joyful because I connected to myself so much more and for the first time ever I had hope and pictured the things I want out of life. After 12 years of being convinced I would collapse someday soon - this is a start. It felt absolutely amazing and it keeps pushing me to find my strength and power.
So, thank you for this elaboration.
I have a question, if you don’t mind: I’m currently in the process of telling my partner I’m ftm, she is a lesbian, and I’m trying to do it bit by bit to give her a chance to process each step. She knows I’m trans and that I want a mastectomy but doesn’t know exactly I feel male. She needs a lot of time for every step, which is absolutely fine. It feels so weird and wrong though keeping the truth from her if I already know it but it would also feel wrong and selfish, given the stress she has currently, to just throw it all at her. I told her I want to try out a different name in my trans group three weeks ago and we haven’t talked about it since. I don’t want to push her but at the same time keep moving on with my transition but also not lie to her. Do you have any advice? Would it be better to just tell her everything and say „this is how it is, I’m gonna do this“ or is it better to wait and be patient even though it slows the whole process down?
I guess I'm a little confused... you say she knows you are trans... so why would she not know you feel male? Is she thinking trans means more of a non-binary thing? In any case, I would absolutely be honest with her and make sure she understands exactly what your plans are. This is the only respectful way to handle it... otherwise she may feel you have kept things from her or were not honest. She can have a long process, but she needs to know how big that process is. You know?
@@ElectricDade Thanks for replying. You're right, she needs to know. Yeah, she thinks it's more of a non-binary thing which I thought so, too, for about 2.5 years up until recently. We only see each other once or twice a month. And sometimes she tells me before that she has so much going on that she can't handle that topic the up-coming weekend. She knew the whole story up until 2 months ago, that's when I realized I'm not just some sort of genderqueer but that I do feel male. Since then I'm trying to find a good moment to tell her. Some things we just didn't talk about anymore like trying a new name. She acknowledges it whenever I bring it up but that's pretty much it. I just feel so bad, because she keeps telling me how much she needs me right now in this stressful phase she has. That's why I consider waiting 1-2 more months but then again lying isn't the best thing either. To tell her things bit by bit was actually her request so that she can keep up. But the last part rang true, she needs to know what she is in for.
Might be random but I just wanted to let you know that for the past 6 months I managed to follow your advice and be open and clear to her about my transition desires and thoughts, it definitely paid off. It gave her more time to process and feel closer to me and I feel a lot better now, 6 months later, because it just feels right this way. Now I go by male name and pronouns and we're still together and closer than ever. Your videos always made me hopeful for future things to come and they still do. :)
Ps the quote “what others think of me is none of my business” is an AA maxim, I first heard that in treatment 25 years ago!
Great message. I truly hope individuals understand the message you are sending. Be your own strength, your own power. Don’t depend on others to be your strength, your power 💙
Thank you Dade for expressing yourself so well in this video. I really appreciate your thoughts and insights. Thank you for sharing them with all of us.
So Right On...."What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business"..Man , that's a philosophy for everybody whether trans or not. James Baldwin the black author said it this way. " If you don't live the way your blood beats...you'll have no life at all".......Be Well Dade...Appreciate your input and viewpoints.
This is an excellent message for everyone. Thank you
Thank you for being Visible , in an upbeat, positive way! I’ve been trying to find yu since I saw your very first video! Not sure how the kiddo and your family are doing but I hope all is well!!!!
Dade. You are awesome dude. I agree with counting sapiens that your words cover more than just people transitioning. I’m also got over disownment by reminding myself that “what people think of me is not my business”.
There's so much wisdom and truth in your words, Dade. Thank you for inspiring others to be better people
Congrats on arriving at your seven year milestone Dade. It occurs to me that you had some practice in "transitioning" in other aspects of your life, like dumping that religion you belonged to, etc. So you are a strong person in many respects. Good video.
i'm glad i found this video. it's exactly what i need. i'm a highschool trans kid who's been living stealth & pretty much isolated from everyone bec i'm scared of what people think of me, so now i have no friends and no support but i came out to my tchrs and told them my preferred name & pronouns. but even if people call me by my right name and pronouns i still withdrew myself from others. as much as possible i don't talk or participate (i have a very high pitched voice) bec i'm afraid of what they'd think of me.
everyday i make up new ideas in my head that keeps breaking me, like my height, my face, my body, and it's all my own doing. i keep saying i'm a hopeless case and that i deserve some special attention bullshit, when it's all on me and i never tried to do anything about my problem. it's shameful for me and the trans community.
i know i need to stop living in my excuses, and deal with this head on and alone. i'm hanging on to a false sense of security and comfort i've made for myself. it's scary.. but this is the path i chose and it's probably going to get even shittier, before i get to the life i want and i'm definitely not going back to the life i once had- hiding who i am and pretending who i'm not.
thank you for the wise words Dade. this was a real eye-opener, keep these videos coming. we need more truthful videos like this on the internet. and congratulations on 7 years on T. stay healthy and take care!
Taheiko Shun Here’s the thing my friend - you are not alone. There is a whole army of us on your side. With that being said, self sufficiency will help you reach your goals. You’ve got this. You are not alone. Also, check out my first video... high voice, pretty face. No more! :) You’ll be here too.
ElectricDade thank you man, i really appreciate it. you inspire me so much. keep doing what you're doing!
Congratulations on everything you’ve achieved over the past seven years. But there is one thing that seems to trip you up and and fill you with resentment. And that, obviously, is your family of birth. You have a lot of bitterness, and maybe it’s righteous, I don’t know, but you need to let it go. You’ve done the physical part of letting go so now you need to do the mental/emotional part. Those who you resent may not even know so here they are living rent free in your head. Let go Dade, you’ll be happier.
I'm not sure how you got to your comment from what I posted in the video, but it doesn't matter - you are partially right. I don't resent my birth family, that's not the right word... not sure what is the right word. In any case, I have done mountains of work to get to where I am from where I was brought into the world. Admittedly, I still have mountains left to move. A certain internal narrative was instilled in me from a very young age. That narrative still plays for me.
ElectricDade Maybe leave the door open to reconciliation. When I was much younger I jousted with my parents trying to control the narrative of how I was going to live. We fought openly with words some of which I regretted and never apologized until it was almost too late. My father fell under the spell of Alzheimer’s and it was too late for some things so I did what I could to mend what was left. Scraps.
George Power I’m sorry. That sounds incredibly difficult, my friend. My situation is a bit different. I have not fallen out with my family, and have never said anything argumentative to them. They are Jehovahs’s Witnesses and completely disown anyone who leaves the religion. I left the religion about 12 years ago. If they reach out to me, speak to me, accept communication from from me - the church guilts them. They are legitimately brain washed, just as I used to be. I know there is no chance of communication unless they leave the religion of their own accord. I know because I used to be them... self righteous and pompous. Throughly tricked into a life of guilt and hate. I am no longer there.
Thank you, your videos have done a lot for me over these 7years :)
You are the most beautiful human ever. Many thanks for this sweet video. ❤️
I have mixed feelings on this video. On the one hand, I think I like the message here, but on the other hand, no man is an island and literally everyone needs love and support to stay mentally healthy- humans are social creatures; we don't survive well in isolation. But I agree with the idea that people should not expect others to hold them up emotionally or handle their emotions for them, and a person's actions shouldn't be contingent on someone else being willing to carry their burdens with/for them. But I have a hard time telling if the message of this video is "don't expect others to carry your burdens for you" or "you don't need love or support, period; that's just a nice extra thing to have." I guess I just feel it's a little unrealistic to expect yourself to be able to function long-term outside of *any* social/emotional connection or support, and I'm not completely sure to what extent you meant people should not expect the love or support of others.
I understand why you would have reservations on this video - it is very pointed. I did try to convey that I was not suggesting people do not need love and support, in fact, I back tracked twice in the video to say that. I agree with you, we all need love and support; it's how we are made. What I have seen many times is people making decisions based on their belief they cannot emotionally maintain themselves without constant help, and that without peoples support they cannot succeed. This is the belief I am trying to dismantle in this video. We will all receive love and support, it is human nature to give and receive it. But (yes I started a sentence with but;) the moment we expect the support of others to hold us up, not only will we be frequently disappointed, they will also become weighted down. With all that being said... it is perfectly fine for you and I to disagree :)
@@ElectricDade I completely agree with all of that. I did catch at least one of the points of backtracking in the video, but for some reason the way things were conveyed towards the end sort of made me unsure if my interpretation of that backtracking was correct (which likely has more to do with me than you). Thanks for clarifying!
One of the hardest things in life to do is getting your thoughts into another persons head in an accurate way. It is something I constantly work on. I am always happy to clarify, especially since the alternative is people thinking I stand for something I don't. :)
Happy Holidays Dade to you and all in your circle of love!
So glad to see your vlog, you are awesome! Thank you for posting. Luv from the 🇬🇧
Great insight, thanks for shareing. Happy seven years.
Such good advice. Thx Dade.
Fantastic message, brother!!
Your words are all true, motivational and powerful. Thanks, man!
How can I find out what kind of person with what specific characteristics I want to become? I am a FTM teenage now, started my transitioning 3 months ago. I'm so confused with life, with everything, with all that happens in a daily life and stuff. I think it's a matter of being a teenager... I'd be glad to get some life advices from you on how to find my way through this life.
Great motivational speech, once more, dear Dade. 💪Oh, and congrats on 7 yrs on t - I keep forgetting, that this is a ftm channel, b/c your content is valid and valuable for the non transgender world, too.
Good to see you man! Looking great. 😀
A wise man are you, Dade. Well said.
Thank you for taking time to reply to me which made me realize I probobly have both gender and envy issues .
You were able to transform your life more than just physically and I want to emphasize how important I feel it is to support everyone out there struggling to be who they are however I fear depending on doctors for anything .
I do wonder how people manage on their own and realize most have help .
My gender issue is envy of males but I don't seek to be one must have their advantages ;being taken seriously In society and not getting harrased especially in our middle East where gender relations are not so nice .
Anyway I wonder what is the secret to leading a good life with a loving partner ?
Can you share ?
is it having good traits yourself?
I could see from videos the inner change the confidence of FTMs and wonder is it the way they get treated by society or finally feeling at home within their body?
who does feel comfortable with their body?I risk guessing few
Serious and respectful question. How is ‘self-sufficiency’ maintained as a concept when that state fully relies on 3rd parties - advanced pharmaceutical companies? This isn’t an attack - while it may be a challenge to be sure. I honestly want to know what you think about that. Thanks for your consideration of my question.
Unfortunately we all can only be self sufficient to a measure while under a government. The point of this video was more about emotional self-sufficency and not always expecting others to hold us up. We are all part of a system, how much we rely on that system is up to us.
My family disowned me too. I hear you, man.
@ElectricDade I think you should reach out to Jordan Peterson and hold a podcast or something. You guys actually share a lot of ideas around self-sufficiency and motivation. I'd watch it.
My opinion-just for myself-very well said.
Thank you for this.
Hi man.
I have a question. After lower surgery will you be able to be active ? I practice martial arts & love sports, I’m afraid that lower surgery could leave unable to be as active as I am. Thanks
Mikael Quiridumbay It took about 8 weeks for me to feel myself. There is no permanent loss in activity level.
Wow this is deep. Feel for you. You seem like you will end up ok. Still married? Feel bad that your immediate family didn't support you 😞 For what it's worth, you are a very HANDSOME guy 😘😉
Great message!! THANKS!!
What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people. Dr. Wayne Dyer
This is in no way rambling. This is absolutely sound advice that anyone needing to transition should hear while making that decision to move ahead. Great subject. You would be a great guidance for those wanting to transfer and things they need to know and think about at the start. Do a Q&A video.
Thank you. Just thank you.
Would you recommend intermittent fasting for naturally higher testosterone
I've heard intermittent fasting is great for a lot of things, but I have never heard of a connection between it and testosterone.
Great video ! ✌️
Hi Dade,
I am a trans guy, and I am wondering if you have issues about your Dad and how he has impacted your own identity. I am struggling with this. Congrats to seven years, and this is an awesome video. Thank you fr being os out in the community.
Thomas
I think the arguments you are bringing forward need to be differentiated a bit further. Putting yourself in a normative position of expecting others to support you in your personal goals, be it transition, be it career or whatever else, of course always puts you in a weak position, because expectation and disappointment of expectation go hand in hand. I agree with you about that. Another thing is, to reflect the viewpoints and positions of important others in and for your decision, because these others reflect you in the network of relationships. Without reflecting on the positions of significant others, how could you make any decision at all, taking into account that a decision always has a social dimension? Transitioning for example would be meaningless, if - as a thought experiment - you would be the only person on the world. It is a social business, even in the case, where you internalized social relationships and expectations towards yourself, and make decisions seemingly autonomously. Reflecting the positions of others in this context might also widen the self-view you have. Because of the fact that our self-views contain internalized social norms they are burdened with prejudices about ourself in the same way that we tend to have prejudices about others. So reflecting other possible viewpoints is actually the only way to find out what you really think and are.
Christina
I agree that reflection on others viewpoint is important. By nature we cannot know what anything is unless we have something to define it against. In this video I am speaking of people who rely solely on what other think, or think of them, to make decisions and gain strength. Understanding the viewpoint of others is a key element of gathering information about your stance in the world, but it is up to each person to find a place for that information and to keep or reject it.
You made it! ❤️
You look amazing!
This video really change me.
The CISmen should watch your videos to learn how to be a real MAN. Love each word!
Dude, there's always an excuse.
It's was the weather hahahah xD.
Good to see you putting stuff into some perspective and context.
Don't be a stranger now you hear,...later dude 👍.
If only every man could be like you💖
Yes. Thank you.
Will Tiffany make a video again? like she used to .
Sanguil GeorArt Probably not. Once she felt my transition was over... and hers, she didn’t really see a reason to keep posting.
@@ElectricDade That's understandable :) I hope everyone is well 💜 Take care.
You're so right,
First of all, congrats on your 7 years of transitioning. I have few questions I would like to ask you and hoping that you can tell me. I'm 50 now and I'm thinking about transitioning but I'm not sure if it's save, is there a age limit? Second, once you go Testosterone , do you have to be on it for rest of your life?
destynie143 Search for me, Earl, Stine, Fran...we are few on TH-cam that have started past 50😎
You can stop T when ever you want.
Transitioning is safe. The side effects from testosterone are no different than the effects it has on cis males. There is some research that shows long term exposer of testosterone on female sex organs can cause issues, but nothing definitive. There is no age limit to transition. Taking T will force you into a make puberty no matter what your age is. Some changes may be slower due to age, but they still happen. Besides, 50 is the new 20 :)
Sorry. This comment isn't directly related to the video. I was talking about the book "The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolf Valerio and thought of you. More specifically that you'd enjoy/appreciate it. Perhaps you've read it already. If yes, disregard.
Anyway, just came to mind and randomly decided to comment. I would have private messaged but I didn't see how i could. Long time listener, first time caller. Cheers, a fellow Oregonian.
I haven't read it - I'll check it out, thanks. Cheers to you, on this rainy Oregon day!
What kind of T that you use?
Testosterone cypionate.
gold
I misunderstood what you said. Sorry. There are Jehovahs Witnesses where I live, (Newfoundland, Canada) But they fly under the radar here. I was raised Roman Catholic and grew up with a lot of nonsense that masqueraded as the Word Of God. A lot of fear about sin, salvation and the Devil. I rejected a lot of what I felt was indoctrination. Anyway, the Catholic Church has more pragmatic concerns as of late.
very wise words and yet you sound like a missionary preaching .yo people to follow a path
I saw a presentation of a transgender who feels surgery is not right for her .I feel it should be possible for transgender to skip surgery because I can not comprehend how anyone can afford the cost and the risks.
if indeed you don't need approval why did you work so hard to LOOK male?If you don't care what people think surely it wouldn't have been important for you to look the way you do since inside would have been the important part .
You look amazing but I wonder how you can look in the mirror and not wonder who you are ?Same for your partner .
How can you be so confident who you are when you look so different thanks to surgical procedures .
if you need doctors to help you achieve this result surely you are NOT self sufficient but depend on medical professions and hormones .
A truly self sufficient person would not give a damn what their physical self looks like to others but would have lived abd koved their masculine identity regardless .IMHO
could be I don't like confident excuse the pub cocky people who think they have the answer
I personally prefer to live with the questions abd not pretend there is a result a way I must look or go mad or commit suicide .
I don't have gender issues but I have social issues not being accepted as i am.
I can imagine life is easier living as a male than a female on so many levels .
I accept that my gender does not define me though .
I wish more people could say how they feel about the surgical procedure without being attacked as transphobic .
I just believe in inner changes rather than outer ones .
I will never ever undergo surgery unless it is life threatening and I think that looking outside like a gender you feel you are is not life threatening .There was just a suicide here of a transgender after he/she underwent surgery and was seemingly in a good place .
THERE IS NO ONE ANSWER.
stop telling people it is worth it .
tell people it worked for you but also tell them how much financial investment and health risks are involved
and how you will have to be treated your entire life by health professionals whereas you would not have had to if you chose to skip surgeries and nust worked on not caring what you look like
but was truly self sufficient and didn't care whether you had breasts or utterus or a penis or plastic surgery made parts.
Hi friend. I admit this video may sound preachy, but ultimately, how a persons words are heard is a mater of choice. I also think you may have misunderstood the point of the video - namely, emotionally self-sufficiency during the transition process. To address your points though, we all rely on the systems in place, including the medical systems, to keep us healthy. As for self-confidence... people cannot transition without self confidence since much of society actively works against us. Transition isn't solely about body confidence, it's about being confident in who you are internally, and working to make the outside match - if that is your desire. None of my videos have ever said you need to have surgery or to even transition. What I have done, is document my personal choices. What I haven't done, is to say my choices are the right choices. The whole point of documenting a transition on YT is to give people hope. There is a huge diversity in transition scale and degree, all of which can be found on YT. I'm guessing that those who follow me are interested in a very binary transition, like I was. Me choosing a binary transition does not invalidate a less binary transition. Just like those who are more gender fluid, do not invalidate me. I have also tediously documented the hardships of transition and surgery, with more honesty than can be found most anywhere on YT... I have also been upfront about the costs, especially since I have paid 100% out of pocket. Literally everything you said in your comment is not based in fact. Have you watched any other videos on my channel? I'm not being demeaning, it just seems like you haven't. I also think you may have a foundational misunderstanding of the meaning of self-sufficiency. Self sufficiency does not mean you settle for whatever condition you find yourself in (for instance, being born into a body you have no connection with), rather it has two basic meanings: 1) That one is able to supply for their own needs without external assistance, and 2) That one has extreme confidence in their own resources and power. While living within the context of society (like we all do), I am self-sufficient. The fact that I needed to transition did not take my self-sufficiency, but rather, I inherited more self-sufficiency by taking on a hard decision, executing it, and paying for my transition completely by myself.
You are so handsome...
Like if you think he looks like Chris walls.
Dade, this is a strange question but are you still in touch with Forest (closet transgender)?
Kind of. We exchanged a "Hello" text a few months ago, but hadn't spoken for couple years prior to that. I believe he is still in the Pacific NW.
Can i know you? I am mtf. We can be friends
I can’t transition because I’m Chinese.
It's difficult, but possible. Read first memoir from trans man in China - www.lifebeyondmybody.com
I'm really sorry you feel that way. There was a time in my life where it was not possible for me to transition, either, in fact, I didn't begin transition until I was 29. Don't give up, my friend. Something will happen to make it possible for you too.
Z Z I’m Chinese and I transitioned. Talk to me
hhruhy how?
Z Z which city are you in