The Terror of a 'No'
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ย. 2024
- We miss out on the finest opportunities of our lives because of an underlying terror of a very short word. We should overcome the fear.
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FURTHER READING
“There are many things we want to ask of other people. We want to ask for a job, for money, a chance to collaborate, a kiss.
But we often don’t ask because of The Terror of a ‘No’.
Why should a ‘no’ - such a small and innocuous word - prove quite so painful, so hard to hear, so much something we’d rather die in penury, ignored and unfulfilled than ever encounter?
It’s because it’s not a case of trying not to hear a ‘no’. What we are trying to do is avoid hearing something quite different: that we’re disgusting…”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/QTFQ48
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Tracy Foster
www.tracyfoster...
Co-directed & produced by Tracy Foster & Simon Biggs
Animation by Simon Biggs
Sound Design by Howard Sinden #TheSchoolOfLife
the timing for these videos is uncanny .... literally just got a no from a job offer
Adeodatus229 best of luck with a future interview! ❤
Adeodatus229 Oh No
Sorry to hear that, I'm sure you will find something better. Have a nice day!
You're gonna hear more no's than yeses in your life, but the yeses are more important and worth more than the no's.
Adeodatus229 this video somewhat made me feel better and I'm sorry about your job... you can so much better (:
One of my favorite high school teachers gave me this quote: "Its almost always better to do something and regret it than regret not doing it."
Seth Dickfield the Facebook pictures I got tagged in would argue otherwise... What I was thinking when my friend and I decided to share a hot dog!?! 😂
Almost
"What we should really be scared of is not a "no" but reaching our deathbeds unfulfilled." ❤️
I was going to ask a girl to Prom today. The timing of this video was just perfect.
Good luck bro
xangoytusalud All the best..Tell us later what happened
Good luck! :)
Best of luck! :)
xangoytusalud worst case scenario if she says no just drug her
If you are a big enough introvert - you might even be more afraid of a yes!
Perhaps it would be wise to think about the effects of "yes"?
@@m.a.t.a.s its easy to Get stuck on those thoughts th
I learned not to fear rejection. Now, I'm more afraid of not trying. We only live once and you should do what you wanna do! 😃
😛
The biggest problem might be, that we feel like 'No'es are a turn down of our fantasies. I remember back then, when I had my first crush. The most painful 'No'es are the ones we enterpret as a rejection, a rejection of all the hopes one amasses over time.
It's like popping that ever growing bubble of anticipations. And you realize how childish you were, that all of it was happening in your head and you projected those expectations on someone that couldn't know a thing and you made yourself go trough hell.
You feel like an idiot when you stand on the other end of that tunnel and wonder - was I ever in control of myself?
The fear of "no" is what keeps most people broke. You'd be surprised how many people fear telling people their economic plans for the future for fear of being ridiculed, even from close friends and family.
I've been building up the courage to ask this girl out for a while. I think it's finally time
Longer you wait the harder it will be!
Your username explains lol
Nadin Qarawi Lol
Shy Guy Wait! ask her about her dating plans first!
Hey man, I feel with you.. take a look at the my vlog I filmed this week, try to give some good adivce on pushing yourself (MYSELF). At least I'm progressing, so have to be doing something right!
I have social anxiety and a horrible self esteem. I'm about as afraid of a yes as I am of a no, because I feel completely incapable and undeserving of following up in case I actually do manage to get a positive response.
honestly I love it. Fucking same holy shit. It would be a fucking pause if she said yes. I get more motivated to do shit like that when my friends dare me. The rejection just feels better.
I love his voice ! I could listen to him be a narrator for My very day life 😂😂😂
Hello there Chanel Lane! So I am sure you would enjoy his documentaries too. All of them have a life changing quality. He has another youtube channel where you can find them. To find the channel just search for the documentary " Status Anxiety". If you search for Alain de Botton on Itunes you can hear him on several podcasts too. My favourite one is an " On Being With Krista Tipett" podcast where he talks about his latest bestselling book " The Course of Love". That's really the most meaningful and profound conversation I have ever heard about love. Best wishes!
Thank you for the recommendation!! cause as you can see I'm a huge documentary fan.
Chanel Coco me too xx
"If the say no, then their plans are wrong"- the Narcissist
XD true
This is not entirely true. Sometimes a NO does come with a huge insult or a put down to make you feel lesser. Most people are afraid of NO because they have had horrible experiences with it, otherwise there wouldn't be a fear
as usual, helping me understand something about myself without making me feel like shit. you guys really are heroes.
One of the Four Agreements is the not take things personally. This helps with hearing the word NO!
This channel has enriched my life and transformed some dark sides of my personality!! Thank you so so much
I honestly have no idea were I'd be in life without you. you saved me from many things and if you read this then I just wanna thank you for everything.
This channel is perfect.
The lessons you give on a day to day really do make an incredibly positive impact on my life.
I am so grateful for the work and effort you place into every video and the regularity of which you guys post!
We are so blessed, keep up the great work!
Love you guys so much! Thanks for posting these videos wish I had such guidance when I was younger.
So true!
Ask more - and be more prepared for a no
Yes! We need to remember, the vast majority of the time "No" doesn't mean "you never deserved it".
My dad always says “Ask, the worst they can say is no; and if you don’t ask, you can’t get a yes.”
This video just went into more detail about that same message I’ve been hearing my whole life! Thanks!
Communication is important, and in my relationships it's my opinion is that no question should be forbidden. Honesty and respect, for me, leads into a settled outcome without a lot, if any, unnecessary conflict.
Thank you! The worst anyone will say is 'no'
afraid of asking someone because of rejection, now realizing that it is not that person rejecting me, but me rejecting myself
Powerful stuff. It's the first time I nearly cried watching a video on this channel, and as Dictator I should not be revealing my weaknesses in public. My love life is very unfulfilled, even when I see a woman is showing interest in me, the thought that she could still say no terrifies me.
An African Dictator Give them political rights. Girls love political rights.
Marcos Diaz lmao
Marcos Diaz They have to love me more than anything in this world, that's all I want. That is why I became Dictator
Video's like these are the reason why this channel is one of the best on you tube. Talking about problems that people face day to day and helping them understand the problem. And understanding the problem is a step closer to the solution.
literally no one in the poll said they wouldnt consider it. this seems obvious in retrospect and is honestly really comforting
It painful because it is very true
Being an Overthinker makes "no" and incredibly painful process,both saying and receiving
now a video on "the terror of saying no" please
A yes can be terrifying too. Best to know exactly what you want before you ask.
Overcoming fear of rejection is possibly the toughest battle one has to fight. Yet the reward for victory is also arguably the most meaningful.
I have a social anxiety disorder
Isn't it strange....? You are over there afraid of me, and I'm over here afraid of you, yet we'd probably both be very nice to each other. Take a chance on "me" at some point. : ) I'd recommend watching Jordan Peterson's video on how to fight social anxiety. I know it can often times feel impossible to overcome, but due to my own experience, I know that it isn't. I wish you the very best!
Who doesn't these days.. (so do I)
Same struggle over here
same, i think its because we don't know new people what they would offer to us what they would think what they would say, its all because we care too much about other people and try to fit in society, you must be different and do different things from what society offers that is the only reason you and i and many other people have social anxiety, i am getting rid of this by not giving a single fuck, doing what i love,getting rid of people who are trying to force me to be something and being authentic where ever you go, being authentic outside is better then just being what they want you to be.
I have had a social anxiety disorder compounded by years and yeas of anxiety meds taken as prescribed.. combined with years and years of depression and a life of hell and physically unbearable pain.. and family that blamed it all on me.. and I'm living in a hotel right now for the last period of my life.. its been over a month. and I'm losing my shit.. i cant do this anymore.. i cant even use the computer in these beds in the hotel and i was just able to do that in my own bed back home but that place i could not be around my family and they were waking me up every day and making noise from day to night until i lost my mind with no sleep and had to desperately leave. have no money left and soon will have nowhere to go.. and have been forced to take painkillers to deal with the pain at this point. i spent five months fighting that shit with my family.. five months i begged them to help me live somewhere else.. and this is what happens.. my family says they cant help then they waste all this money on hotels as well as myself so no they could have helped and proven they had the money.. and it just goes on and on and now I'm randomly writing shit here and my mind is broken.. i was suicidal at 15... I'm 31.. imagine what ive had to feel for the past 16 years. i imagine this post seems very out of place and just insane. I'm sorry. my mind is really breaking here and i dont know what to do besides kill myself because they stole everything from me.. even if i had a single opportunity with what i needed.. its been too long now.. my brain is too damaged.. and i will never get back what i worked so hard for that my family stole and put the nail in the coffin with again. for the last time. i was worth so much more than this. and people will never know my potential except for me.
seriously one of the best channels on youtube.
actually, one of the best content sources on the internet.... no, all of life.
We all need this kind of info. and so many don't get it through parents, friends, school, or other communities.
It's amazing that these videos show up when you need them
SO TRUE!!!
My mom said to me "No, you can't date that boy." I was 17 years old then, and now I know it's because it didn't fit in with her plans. Now I'm 19, and married, because those fit in with my plans.
Being said a "no" is still much better than being ignored
I swear School of Life has been reading my diary...
will you give me 1 M ??????/
The timing of this video was perfect thank you so much
I find fascinating how the narrator's voice transformed into a certain 'conscience' for me, as if it was the same entity pronouncing the words of wisdom in each video! I find this soothing
If you say Yes to something you deep down know you should have said NO to, your self-esteem and self-respect plummets, which in the end will make people around you disrespect you. Pleasing everyone is a trap.
The lives you're touching with these nuggets of advice packaged in cute animations
Im so happy this channel exists
I never have enough of this. Such a brillant video!
As always, a beautiful video. With outstanding animation.
I have social anxiety. I think the real problem, though, is that I'm not good at carrying conversation.
The problem with No is more in the consequences of denying a pathway. If someone asks you for money and you say no, the consequence could be that they were your friends and you aren't helping them and there might be emotional turmoil. Or when you need health coverage and you get a no, then you need to accept it and be without health coverage which you can't do or fight the reason which creates conflict and chaos.
It's more complex in reality then just fear of rejection or plans are not connecting. There is an evil element to life that shapes a lot as well.
If no was simply rejection from a course that isn't detrimental to your life than I think people wouldn't worry as much. Like you ask a girl out and she says no: you can ask another girl out and she can say yes. But if you have children and the government said no you can't have them anymore, then that is a far more complex outcome.
Take care, With Love through God and Jesus and The Holy Ghost,
This channel is blessed.
You guys from School of Life have no idea how enlightning is this video at this specific point of my life .
One of the best School of Life videos--and this is coming from someone who watches them daily! They don't use the exact term "personally" here, but this idea of "don't take rejection personally, because it's really about the other person more than the one asking" is very powerful. And it doesn't even matter if it holds true every time: as long as we believe that most of the time, rejections aren't personal, we won't be afraid of the terror of rejection anymore.
Add this video to my favorite list, because it's pure gold
The message of this video is so beautiful. 100% my personal experience. Alain de Botton is doing such a great contribution with this channel...
Easily one of the most helpful video created on youtube by the school of life! ♥️
Randomly out of the blue asked out this girl I had just recently started talking to. She told me no but even if I could go back in time with the knowledge that she would say no, I don't think I would do it any differently. It was an enlightening experience. The faster you learn that absolutely nothing happens when someone says "no" the less you begin to fear it and the more power you have over it.
Just when I was thinking about telling my crush that I like him this video comes out. It's amazing how universal this fear of rejection is.
self love is key. if you love yourself, it doesn't matter if someone says no. Paradoxically, this makes people say yes more often. Because you're not need and can handle a no.
It's nice to be reassured that people simply reject us because what we ask do not fit in with their plan. For most cases, this is probably true. And it is a good reminder that when we don't ask, we actually lose the opportunity which could be once-in-a-lifetime moment... Many thanks for another insightful video, School of life!
friend, I believe the more basic issue is that folks are uncomfortable saying no; those who are quite comfortable saying no don't mind asking and hearing an honest yes or no answer
thank you so much, you nailed it on why most of us hate the word 'no' ---- I have engraved it in my brain to never be afraid to ask. :) recently got a NO from grad school but I won't give up, I shall apply again
One of my favorite animation styles on the channel so far right here
OMG, I fell like a failure, I fell so unfulfilled every day because I didn't get a job or a girlfriend, all because my whole life I've been afraid to receive a "no". I can't possibly get a job if I don't apply. I can't get a girlfriend if I'm too much scared to talk to her.
I really wish I could show this to my 14 year old self, but I'm glad I saw this today.
Thank you
"Can you get out of bed and do something with your life?"
"No doesn't fit in with my plans, sorry."
Thank you. This is so insightful.
The impact of this film felt like a sledge hammer.
It is so obvious and yet I didn't think about it until today, so many years I've suffered and feel regret and self hatred because of some painful past rejections, but it never occurred to me that the blame was not entirely mine.
Thanks
Wow
That was one of the best thought-provoking videos I’ve watched in a while, and I watch about 50 videos a day or so.
I tried to get a random date in person today, then this appeared on my feed. Thank You
Every time I'm thinking about something, a relevant video is posted. It's freaking me out.
As they say, when you're old you most regret the things you did not do.
This makes so much sense.
I remember the time when I sub to this channel. It was about 20000 people. It's good to see the channel I know now have 2M subs
jeepers the insights in these videos. blows my mind every time.
This video reminds me of the predicament I'm in now with this one girl. She likes me and I like her (I think) but she's got a four year old daughter of her own and is busy with work. We talk regularly via Facebook, but when she doesn't reply I realize that it isn't because she's ignoring me. It's because she has a very busy schedule to focus on.
I love you School of Life. Your videos always make me feel better.
I agree with everything in this video.... I have a couple of other things that also prevent me from asking for things ..I think the idea of disappointment plays a part in it for me. That the person may actually say yes but not follow through. I know this is from past (childhood) disappointments and I have to let it go. being disappointed is not the end of the world.
I love no, it motivates me
izzy GG no no no no no no
Dantick09 you're a motivator bro I can tell haha
I have a job interview tomorrow. This video helps a lot.
Thank you, I needed to hear and learn this.
I've been trying to pump myself up to ask for a girl's number, this was the exact reminder that not trying is a wasted opportunity that I sorely needed.
This is one of your BEST videos ever! The information, the advice, the animation... spot on, well done!
The fear of no is nothing.The fear of honesty is horrible.
I watch every video of yours thrice.
First time for the animation.
Second,for the content.
Third,for it to seep in.
I always say to myself and others (my younger sister especially lol) "if you never ask you'll never get" just as a reminder that it's okay to ask for things we want without the fear of whatever the answer will be and to have the comfort of knowing at least I tried. Loved this video ✨💗 I have a video similar to this on my channel for anyone that needs some advice ☺️
Great video! I taught my children this when they were growing up. It is also the reason why I do my best to say "no, but.." and counter with something that does fit with my plans. 🙂
Perfect timing. Just got rejected by a female friend a few minutes ago. This definitely helps. I'm glad to have asked her out though, she's worth going through the experience of dreading the "no".
I never thought of this like you people mentioned, and I don't know why. It could've been useful a couple of years ago... I guess I'll just share this video yo people I know they feel scared of "No"s to see if they can fix their ways or just feel better. Thanks for such great videos.
The timing for these videos is amazing, I was just thinking about this.
Jo Tyson now you are ready for her to say no
actually I'm the one that'll be saying no. I was just hoping to find the least hurtful way to do it, so it was on my mid the entire week.
Thank you for making this video. It was very helpful.
The animation of this was brilliant
Love the animation and message!!
"No" isn't the problem, it's people's expectations.
I disagree with the reasoning for why we say no. I utterly agree, one shouldn't be afraid to ask, however I say no when someone doesn't meet my standards or expectations, or hasn't peaked my interest enough. truth is , we all have a CV of our DNA, skills, past and character. We are either fit the position or lose to someone who is better for it, its not about plans its more about : if you as a whole where convincing enough for the job - it really isnt about you ( I agree), as you can always improve or look for a fitting prospect
I realized that its not the same thing , as it mitigates the other persons responsibility in the matter, its also an emotional thing my standards can fly out the window if you can convince me. "plans" makes it seem like a thought out logical reason when its really an "in the moment" realisation Based on standards and expectations. My thoughts
I find it hard to say no, and I end up in situations that I hate
I've been contemplating whether I should ask someone something important. Thanks for the perfect timing as always.
The animation here is amazing!!
OMG THANK YOU this exactly how I feel about asking for things but I've never been able to describe it THANK YOU THIS IS EXTREMELY HELPFUL FOR ME & MY LIFE
Being self critical becomes a projection onto others that they think of you (see you) the way you think of yourself. "No" becomes a confirmation of what is already believed. Being self absorbed with oneself instead of being curious about the world around you makes a person vulnerable to insecure and or arrogant behavior. When you measure yourself you live in a world of mirrors that reflects back to you what you already think and believe. Taking risks is the only way to unlearn beliefs that are incorrect but you have to become comfortable with emotional pain such as embarrassment or shame.
I needed this. Thank you.
One of the best channels on TH-cam for sure
this speaks to me on a deep level. thank you.
3:33 was awesome. Animation and words.