The men at my workplace are causing me to look for work elsewhere. Working with men have easily made me despise them. They admit so much once they’re comfortable
This. As a bisexual woman that “fits in” with the guys if you will, the shit they will casually mention to me. Few said they’d cheat (or have) if they could get away with it. They were surprised when I said I wouldn’t cheat on my gf at the time even with 100% chance of never being found out. Doesn’t matter if she know. I’d know. Literally zero awakening in those eyes.
For real the men I've worked with would tell me the most heinous shi. Meeting now spouses at elementary age why they're near thirty. Stealing from single mothers children. Threatening to kll them.
I stopped watching romantic and marriage centered content years ago. It became uninteresting and repetitive to me. Usually women are the butt of the jokes or made to look desperate.
Same!! I’m shifted to watching 4B and Childfree content as well as cats contents and I have been having a cat fever wanting a cat of my own one day. I feel content with my life and I feel validated and heard. 💃💃💃
I choose to physically remove myself from such spaces with such men, I know myself well enough that if I was in the room with men talking a certain way, I will always speak up, I'm no good at staying silent. But speaking up is draining, so I just go no contact after the first time speaking up yielded nothing good.
I became the stay silent type because it felt worthless to even try anymore. Reflecting on all the things taken from me because the existence of men is actually depressing.
I'm a hopeless romantic and it's definitely unhealthy. 😂 Gah! I'm 31 though and looking back, you are right about the "savior" complex with men in movies. Like, many of the Adam Sandler movies of the 2000s were like that...wedding singer and 51 first dates, to name a couple. Not just his movies, but even the popular dance and cheer movies as well that came out later. Anything marketed towards women was a bit sexist and filled with stereotypes...even twilight, hunger games, and divergent were a bit sexist (as romantic action flicks). Like whenever there was a man, he was always superior in some way, with weird sensual energy towards the main woman and he always distracted her and got in the way of the mission or her personal growth and made her miserable or desperate. Most times, she didn't even like the dude but just felt weirdly attached to him. Yes, please make a series. I'm already invested 😅
Never cared for romcoms. I Love horror, suspense, thriller content. Would Romantic comedy content be gaslighting? -Definitely some type of fantasy, brainwashing, or subliminal messaging.
It only applies if you are not aware of how any media makes you feel. It is all a curated message. If you cannot separate and compartmentalize that for yourself, you become susceptible to the messaging and unfortunately that messaging is a fantasy. It's not bad to consume if you are aware of how it overlaps with your own identity.
@@someusername4129very true. I love kdramas. I’m well aware that it’s pure fantasy and not real whatsoever. I enjoy it as an escape and for the amazing story telling. Has never made me want to live those scenarios out IRL.
@@someusername4129I think young women were often targeted when rom coms were popularized and our brains just weren't fully developed at the time of consumption. We were a little bit doomed. But at the same time, for some of us, it was healing to watch these movies because of inner wounds/abandonment issues. But then we maybe got lost in the fantasy. I also think it's ok to get lost in a story as long as you are well-rounded and also hear other viewpoints and can get lost in stories of females who are good on their own. Balance is something to grow into, I feel. ❤
You didn't say this explicitly, but the susceptibility to be taken in by pretty words and romantic fantasy seems to be bred out of being disrespected and devalued in one's family. If I am a beloved member of a family and I tell you your behavior is hurtful, then that should be the end of it. If you love me, you don't hurt me on purpose and if you love me, you don't tolerate other family members hurting me on purpose. Predators know how to feed you the sweet words and behaviors you're starving for.
You are 100% correct on that! And guess who are more likely to be devalued and disrespected in their own families? Girls, daughters, and other young female relatives!!! Especially in the Black so called "community". THIS is why we tend to want/like romance because WE as girls DID NOT receive the proper validation we needed from OUR own families!!!
Thank you, this explains why I was so susceptible to being addicted to the fantasy romance genre. It was the only way for me to accept sweet words I always wanted to hear. It wasn't healthy since I ran away from my reality though. I'm glad other ladies are waking up as I am! 🙏🏽
This one is a challenge for me, mainly because I grew up listening to that type of music. But it’s still all fantasy. R. Kelly for example…he’s considered “King of R&B” but we know what he did and where he ended up..but some people still play his music; a LOT of people tend to separate the artist from the music and that’s why they continue listening.
I was thinking about those women of a certain age type movies & all the misogynistic stereotypes the characters pursue. Those things we see young and the movies make us think “well that’s just the way it is”
Your comment @14:47 just gave me an 'Aha!' moment... so by being attracted to our natural-born predator in the food chain of life, it's as if we as women are essentially infected with **toxoplasmosis**! Except instead of being zombified rats that are attracted to cat urine, we are simply attracted to XYs. 😅😰
People who read romance books probably do so to consciously replace the romance they aren't getting at home. so it would make sense to stop reading it if you want to decenter men.
Or… it could be a way of enjoying the fantasy on your own terms WITHOUT the need for anything to happen in real life. But I guess there’s too many women who can’t separate the two🤷🏾
To the woman dealing with the family members…you can choose to follow mom’s advice. Keep it all in, as her generation did. Or if you do share your views, you must emotionally detach. So they get no joy from being able to get a rise out of you. Come armed with all the rebuttals and jokes
I've never been into romance stories. I'm a horror and fantasy lover myself and there are times I don't mind some well written romance thrown into a good horror novel.
After listening & learning from TH-cam content like this has really made me dislike majority of rom/coms, K-drama's & even majority of the cheezy romance audio-books I listen to. I love strong female leads but majority of those stories are ruined because of all the misogyny in the books or the abuse that are made to seem "s'xy" when it's just a turn off for me😢. Any suspense/romance/thriller/fantasy books, anime, show's with strong fl recommendations are welcome!
I do have thoughts on this, but before I share them, keep in mind that I’m AMAB, so I’ll likely miss stuff due to not having gone through experiences that AFAB people have under patriarchy I’m of the agreement that loving yourself is an absolutely essential part of engaging with relationships with others, especially when it comes to dealing with when domination is being used in the relationship By “domination”, I mean to have the arbitrary power to impose one’s wishes upon others - it frequently results in the degradation of peoples capacities, drives, and consciousness, of both the dominators and the dominated, even when not exercised To love oneself is to value one’s capacities, drives, and consciousness, to not let those things be dictated by anyone or anything else but yourself When you’re being jeered, insulted, mocked, denigrated, humiliated, hurt, lambasted, chastised, patronised, fetishised, exoticized, harassed, bullied, beaten, assaulted, bludgeoned, merely at you being the way you are - then all of those are actions of people who seek to dominate over you by dictating your capacities, drives, and consciousness according to their wishes To love yourself would then to do whatever you must to ensure that your capacities, drives, and consciousness aren’t under their dictation, the primary means of which is to leave, to disassociate from your dominators, and to associate with those who not only maintain your capacities, drives, and consciousness, but help expand them
I stopped watching relationship content as I felt it was making me desire love more and so made me more likely to settle. Now my rose tinted glasses are off, my standards are higher. I now only watch romance shows that show that relationships are not all that a lot couples should not be together - shout out to The Ultimatum Netflix - its a mess
Speaking of women standing up for other women, I've also seen women standing up for their 'man' as well. Even taking a blow from the other men who are fighting with their man. And what does their man do? Stand there, try and push the other man, etc., while the woman is still lying on the ground.
Couples content like tiktok and shorts make me actually cringe in embarrassment. All I can think of is how these people had to set up a camera and then probably discuss how the entire scene they're playing out is supoosed to go, but portraying it as cute surprise moments or something. No judgement but it's weird to me. As for movies and series....I don't like most of them. I keep trying with Bridgerton, but dear God, I havent been able to get through the half season mark for any of them-- season 3 was especially disappointing because I liked Penelope and the guy together as a side story. But she ends up _begging_ for a kiss 🤢🤢 I dunno. Even the Kanthony pairing fell flat to me for some reason. It's like I just didn't feel any sort of chemistry and was completely disinterested by the end. But here's where I love romance -- fanfiction😍😂 I've read some great fanfiction. But having romance be the center of the story tends to just be boring.
I am some of the few women who don't look at none of this romance stuff as reality at all. I have never expected or hoped to have a guy like in the novels or manga that I read. I know it's not real
I view all couples content like I watched Disney as a child. It’s _all_ make believe. Men aren’t like that in real life. It’s okay to have fun watching Peter Pan, but don’t go up on the roof after, thinking you’re going to fly.
"respectability politics"... They will always move the goalposts from politeness to obedience if you agree to play the game by their rules.
Exactly 💯
This is how many parent, too.
THAT part
@@WigglyTuffStuffwhere most of us learned it
The men at my workplace are causing me to look for work elsewhere. Working with men have easily made me despise them. They admit so much once they’re comfortable
This. As a bisexual woman that “fits in” with the guys if you will, the shit they will casually mention to me.
Few said they’d cheat (or have) if they could get away with it. They were surprised when I said I wouldn’t cheat on my gf at the time even with 100% chance of never being found out.
Doesn’t matter if she know. I’d know.
Literally zero awakening in those eyes.
@@magnarcreed3801 they unable to stop thinking with their peens
For real the men I've worked with would tell me the most heinous shi. Meeting now spouses at elementary age why they're near thirty. Stealing from single mothers children. Threatening to kll them.
I stopped watching romantic and marriage centered content years ago. It became uninteresting and repetitive to me. Usually women are the butt of the jokes or made to look desperate.
Same!! I’m shifted to watching 4B and Childfree content as well as cats contents and I have been having a cat fever wanting a cat of my own one day. I feel content with my life and I feel validated and heard. 💃💃💃
...or she gives up something really significant to be with him (something that is an indicator of success or intelligence).
I finally figured out why I’ve always hated the romance genre. The woman is always a giant pick-me. It never fails.
I choose to physically remove myself from such spaces with such men, I know myself well enough that if I was in the room with men talking a certain way, I will always speak up, I'm no good at staying silent. But speaking up is draining, so I just go no contact after the first time speaking up yielded nothing good.
yup
🎯 🎯 🎯
I became the stay silent type because it felt worthless to even try anymore. Reflecting on all the things taken from me because the existence of men is actually depressing.
THIS IS SO REAL 🫶🏾 keep being awesome
I'm a hopeless romantic and it's definitely unhealthy. 😂 Gah! I'm 31 though and looking back, you are right about the "savior" complex with men in movies. Like, many of the Adam Sandler movies of the 2000s were like that...wedding singer and 51 first dates, to name a couple. Not just his movies, but even the popular dance and cheer movies as well that came out later. Anything marketed towards women was a bit sexist and filled with stereotypes...even twilight, hunger games, and divergent were a bit sexist (as romantic action flicks). Like whenever there was a man, he was always superior in some way, with weird sensual energy towards the main woman and he always distracted her and got in the way of the mission or her personal growth and made her miserable or desperate. Most times, she didn't even like the dude but just felt weirdly attached to him. Yes, please make a series. I'm already invested 😅
I recommend taking a film class about Romantic Comedies. I did and it killed my taste for them
Where
@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke I took one at my local community college.
2:50 The word is 'respectability politics". Yay, I got one! lol
Never cared for romcoms. I Love horror, suspense, thriller content. Would Romantic comedy content be gaslighting? -Definitely some type of fantasy, brainwashing, or subliminal messaging.
It only applies if you are not aware of how any media makes you feel. It is all a curated message. If you cannot separate and compartmentalize that for yourself, you become susceptible to the messaging and unfortunately that messaging is a fantasy. It's not bad to consume if you are aware of how it overlaps with your own identity.
@@someusername4129very true.
I love kdramas. I’m well aware that it’s pure fantasy and not real whatsoever. I enjoy it as an escape and for the amazing story telling. Has never made me want to live those scenarios out IRL.
fr though. I know I'm brainwashed. 😂 I laugh to keep from crying. These ideals are burrowed deep within me!
@@someusername4129I think young women were often targeted when rom coms were popularized and our brains just weren't fully developed at the time of consumption. We were a little bit doomed. But at the same time, for some of us, it was healing to watch these movies because of inner wounds/abandonment issues. But then we maybe got lost in the fantasy. I also think it's ok to get lost in a story as long as you are well-rounded and also hear other viewpoints and can get lost in stories of females who are good on their own. Balance is something to grow into, I feel. ❤
You didn't say this explicitly, but the susceptibility to be taken in by pretty words and romantic fantasy seems to be bred out of being disrespected and devalued in one's family. If I am a beloved member of a family and I tell you your behavior is hurtful, then that should be the end of it. If you love me, you don't hurt me on purpose and if you love me, you don't tolerate other family members hurting me on purpose. Predators know how to feed you the sweet words and behaviors you're starving for.
The male 👹is incapable of love.
You are 100% correct on that! And guess who are more likely to be devalued and disrespected in their own families? Girls, daughters, and other young female relatives!!! Especially in the Black so called "community". THIS is why we tend to want/like romance because WE as girls DID NOT receive the proper validation we needed from OUR own families!!!
Thank you, this explains why I was so susceptible to being addicted to the fantasy romance genre. It was the only way for me to accept sweet words I always wanted to hear. It wasn't healthy since I ran away from my reality though. I'm glad other ladies are waking up as I am! 🙏🏽
I dont listen to R&B music. It's all struggle love written by dusties.
To true!
Except the song "No Scrubs"! 😂
This one is a challenge for me, mainly because I grew up listening to that type of music. But it’s still all fantasy. R. Kelly for example…he’s considered “King of R&B” but we know what he did and where he ended up..but some people still play his music; a LOT of people tend to separate the artist from the music and that’s why they continue listening.
NONSENSE
You better not be listening to kpop. Rock or not ambient.
I was thinking about those women of a certain age type movies & all the misogynistic stereotypes the characters pursue. Those things we see young and the movies make us think “well that’s just the way it is”
How Stella got her grove back and under the Tuscan sun are two that come to mind
Respectability politics
2:50 => "Resctability Politics' once you started describing it, it hit my head. yeah.
I’m so glad that I never liked romantic movies. Suspense and thrillers were always my genre.
Yes please let’s do a series on the breakdown of romance movies 🍿
I'm literally under a blankie. 😂 My duvet is over my head as a headache prevents me from getting out of bed, but not from listening to a Shayna vid.
I’m also under a blanket😅
Your comment @14:47 just gave me an 'Aha!' moment... so by being attracted to our natural-born predator in the food chain of life, it's as if we as women are essentially infected with **toxoplasmosis**!
Except instead of being zombified rats that are attracted to cat urine, we are simply attracted to XYs. 😅😰
Romcoms are like sci-fi lol
NOT REAL!! 😂
People who read romance books probably do so to consciously replace the romance they aren't getting at home.
so it would make sense to stop reading it if you want to decenter men.
Or… it could be a way of enjoying the fantasy on your own terms WITHOUT the need for anything to happen in real life. But I guess there’s too many women who can’t separate the two🤷🏾
To the woman dealing with the family members…you can choose to follow mom’s advice. Keep it all in, as her generation did. Or if you do share your views, you must emotionally detach. So they get no joy from being able to get a rise out of you. Come armed with all the rebuttals and jokes
I leave romantic fantasy to book boyfriends.😅
Romantic movies are boring and stupid.
Stopped watching them when I was 14
I love dark fantasy and mystery
I've never been into romance stories.
I'm a horror and fantasy lover myself and there are times I don't mind some well written romance thrown into a good horror novel.
The phrase you were looking for is respectability politics.
After listening & learning from TH-cam content like this has really made me dislike majority of rom/coms, K-drama's & even majority of the cheezy romance audio-books I listen to. I love strong female leads but majority of those stories are ruined because of all the misogyny in the books or the abuse that are made to seem "s'xy" when it's just a turn off for me😢. Any suspense/romance/thriller/fantasy books, anime, show's with strong fl recommendations are welcome!
Oh Shayna your videos give me some much needed humor in my life 🤣 I'm loving your content recently
“Respectability politics”. I believe that’s what you’re referring to at the top of the video
Watching this....under a blanket
14:51 dayum... Yes. That's a wild way to put it & 💯
I do have thoughts on this, but before I share them, keep in mind that I’m AMAB, so I’ll likely miss stuff due to not having gone through experiences that AFAB people have under patriarchy
I’m of the agreement that loving yourself is an absolutely essential part of engaging with relationships with others, especially when it comes to dealing with when domination is being used in the relationship
By “domination”, I mean to have the arbitrary power to impose one’s wishes upon others - it frequently results in the degradation of peoples capacities, drives, and consciousness, of both the dominators and the dominated, even when not exercised
To love oneself is to value one’s capacities, drives, and consciousness, to not let those things be dictated by anyone or anything else but yourself
When you’re being jeered, insulted, mocked, denigrated, humiliated, hurt, lambasted, chastised, patronised, fetishised, exoticized, harassed, bullied, beaten, assaulted, bludgeoned, merely at you being the way you are - then all of those are actions of people who seek to dominate over you by dictating your capacities, drives, and consciousness according to their wishes
To love yourself would then to do whatever you must to ensure that your capacities, drives, and consciousness aren’t under their dictation, the primary means of which is to leave, to disassociate from your dominators, and to associate with those who not only maintain your capacities, drives, and consciousness, but help expand them
You're right i spent too much money on a romance story on the Dorian app but its so fun
I stopped watching relationship content as I felt it was making me desire love more and so made me more likely to settle.
Now my rose tinted glasses are off, my standards are higher. I now only watch romance shows that show that relationships are not all that a lot couples should not be together - shout out to The Ultimatum Netflix - its a mess
Speaking of women standing up for other women, I've also seen women standing up for their 'man' as well. Even taking a blow from the other men who are fighting with their man. And what does their man do? Stand there, try and push the other man, etc., while the woman is still lying on the ground.
Preach!!!!
I'd like you to analyze "Love & Basketball," "Love Jones," "The Notebook," and "Pretty Woman" please.
@@ms_matheny imma do my best when I’m back in action 🫡
Couples content like tiktok and shorts make me actually cringe in embarrassment. All I can think of is how these people had to set up a camera and then probably discuss how the entire scene they're playing out is supoosed to go, but portraying it as cute surprise moments or something. No judgement but it's weird to me. As for movies and series....I don't like most of them. I keep trying with Bridgerton, but dear God, I havent been able to get through the half season mark for any of them-- season 3 was especially disappointing because I liked Penelope and the guy together as a side story. But she ends up _begging_ for a kiss 🤢🤢 I dunno. Even the Kanthony pairing fell flat to me for some reason. It's like I just didn't feel any sort of chemistry and was completely disinterested by the end.
But here's where I love romance -- fanfiction😍😂
I've read some great fanfiction. But having romance be the center of the story tends to just be boring.
✊🏾 Did I miss the handy dandy notebook link?
The two feet on the ground comment 😂
I live "near" haha... In Lisbon.
La la land. Very dangerous
My favorite genres are Fantasy and Drama.
Please analyze “Love Jones”
You could do a deep on Bridgerton. Theres alot of material there and alot of folk have seen it
I am some of the few women who don't look at none of this romance stuff as reality at all. I have never expected or hoped to have a guy like in the novels or manga that I read. I know it's not real
Fellow manga fangirl lets gooo
I think you should analyze Love, actually yv.edits said it is the most misogynistic film ever
Fight club is my favorite movie
3:03 respectability
I think
love you
💖💖
What about feeding his dinner to the dog throwing you coat on use his bank card to buy dinner at your favorite spot? Where people respect you I mean
I only like Chinese BL wuxia or xianxia dramas like The Untamed. Romance is BL only.
Are you referring to identity politics?
I view all couples content like I watched Disney as a child. It’s _all_ make believe. Men aren’t like that in real life. It’s okay to have fun watching Peter Pan, but don’t go up on the roof after, thinking you’re going to fly.