Why I'm Not Having Kids | A Mental Health Perspective
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2022
- I made the decision to stay #childfree because of my mental illness and the complications of it. Here are my reasons why.
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Disclaimer: I am not a qualified mental health professional. This channel exists for educational purposes, and I do my best to provide accurate and up-to-date information. In order to create content, I combine scientific resources (peer reviewed studies and easy-to-understand articles) and my own personal experiences/advice. I seek to make complicated topics easy to understand, but I am no substitute for a doctor, therapist, or other qualified mental health professional.
#schizoaffective #schizoaffectivedisorder #childfreebychoice
Don’t know the medical background of the illness, but the common sense of your choice is admirable
As a therapist it's very uplifting to see someone talking about there circumstances in such a pragmatic way. Belive me this is not what I deal on a daily basis and indeed the child suffers immensely either when 1) they have to become at the age of 10 a caregiver to the parents or 2) both are having a episode at the same time (plus dealing with teenagers hood) I hope more people see the video and make conseuncious desicions. my apologies for sounding judgy...but theres a reality that our desicions will affect someone at some point.
This comment definitely gets a heart from me. Thank you for offering a therapists perspective in all of this, and for the support! And it’s validating to hear as well. Take care!
> number 4: I don't want children
In my book (a) that's the best reason; and (b) that's reason enough. [The rest of this comment is not an attempt at refuting or overriding this reason.]
> the child suffers immensely [...]
Here's an argument on the opposite side (maybe): the children you see who are in bad situations, would they rather never have been born?
If no, then-as hard as it may be to believe-compared to not a having a child, difficult parents are doing their future children a favor by having them: they are choosing the least bad option for their (future) child.
Now, maybe some children would prefer to never have been born. In that case: how many, and how strong are the preference in this direction and the opposite? Are you on average doing a good or bad thing by having children, even though you're going to be a _very_ suboptimal parent?
[I've endured hardships. Even on the worst days I never wished I had not been born. But: it's possible other people endure more hardships and experience less happiness than me, and that may tip the scales. I don't know _when_ it tips.]
I agree completely. My decision to not have children was made for me 10 years before I developed Schizoaffective. Because of a medical problem I had to have a hysterectomy at 24. I believe it was a Devine intervention because now I’m so glad that I never had kids because of everything you talked about
You are making the right decision.
I had children, not planned, and I was unable to look after them. The guilt and shame around this is huge and effects me everyday. Pregnancy was hell too because I had to come off the meds and I was very unwell. You are a strong person, I wish I could have been that as determined and decisive at your age. Well done on managing your symptoms so well also.
Your child have that condition inherited ?
My schizoaffective disorder and all the reasons you just mentioned aside, I'd be a terrible dad, I'm not gonna lie either I'm selfish at times, so having kids is a no go for me, and I believe that some people just aren't meant to be parents, which I'm totally okay with.
You're describing my mother who had me in the 80s (Bible belt) when this illness wasn't acknowledged or simply called a nervous breakdown. Mr and my siblings pretty much raised ourselves. My body has the scars to show for that. I spent the 1st 20yrs of my adult life unlearning the debauchery from my childhood and recovering from the trauma.
I agree mentally unsound people should NOT procreate until they have at least established a sound environment.
I 100% support your decision. I am child free also for a similar reason reason I have neurofibromatosis. Is a genetic disorder that is Inherited it is 5050 chance I could pass it on. I know I am very unqualified to take care of a child. Don't let anyone talk you out of your decision.
I also have Scitzoaffective (bipolar type). I never wanted kids, but my history of episodes has only increased my desire to be child free. Plus you're right that meds mess with pregnancy.
Meds mess with so so much! And yay for being child free!
I don't want kids either because of my mental health and I loved watching this!
This decision is so well thought out and I respect the hell out of you!
I have ADHD (which in no way shape or form am I trying to compare to having schizoaffective disorder)… and being a parent made it SO. MUCH. WORSE. I didn’t even know I had it until I had my second and my life fell apart. I literally could not function. I think that being realistic about your mental illness and not wanting to bring children into it is so incredibly selfless and like just honestly is soooo respectable.
I obviously don’t regret having kids, but I definitely feel like there are times where I cannot be the most present parent possible when my symptoms get me down bad. A lot of people think kids are just a given, but not everyone wants to or feels like it fits within their life. And that is SO okay… because as a person who wanted to be a mom my whole life… it’s so damn hard. And mental illness makes it feel impossible sometimes.
I do not feel that I am child-free. I see myself as childless not by choice & it hurts me a lot. 😢 The circumstances weren't in my favor
It's a huge process of grief to come to terms with this. I just couldn't.
Whether or not to have kids is your own business. There should be no pressure one way or another.
I agree!!!!!
I don’t think our condition is life ruining. We’re just wired differently. My life is worth living and so will be the life of my child. Yes there will be hard times but I think I will be a good mother and love it with all my heart.
I wish you the best of luck! And like I said in the video, it's not to say it can't be done, it's just that it's not for me. Have a beautiful life!!!!
I think it's totally up to each person. I have schizophrenia and I'm not against having kids, but I don't know if I want kids. My episodes are pretty bad too
And it's okay not to know! Thanks for sharing!
This is exactly what I've thought about. Would I like a child? Yes. But it wouldn't be any fair to them. Thank you for this video. I don't feel alone in this decision anymore.
This was a really well thought out and articulated list of reasons for staying child free! It was great to see you being so open about those reasons and standing by that choice. I feel like so many people judge child free folks, feel misplaced pity, tell them they're missing out, etc. and just don't understand how complex the decision to have kids or not can be. Especially, as you said, in the case of people who make that decision because of mental illness. I wish the world were more understanding.
I'm also choosing to be child free, and my biggest reasons are:
1) Same as your #4 - I just don't want kids LOL. My life isn't suited for parenthood.
2) I can barely handle the responsibility of taking care of myself, my hamster, and my plants. A tiny human who is completely dependent on me would be impossible.
3) This one only applies for actually birthing a child, not adopting one, but... gender dysphoria. No way could I ever go through a pregnancy with all that entails.
Thanks so much for sharing another fantastic video! :)
Your reasons are 100% valid and I love that we share my #4! And I feel you even about the plants! Now that you say it I haven't watered my orchid at work in two weeks oops 😂
Gender dysphoria is also a great reason! I didn't touch on it in the video but baby bumps kinda make me squick a bit so having one of my own would send me into madness lol, even tho it's not a gender dysphoria thing. Like I just can't (TM).
Thanks for the lovely comment GC AND HAVE A GREAT CHILDFREE LIFE!
There goes the same for me too ❤️ l think that its fair for people like you and me with such conditions to avoid dreaming in vain to have our family. It is better try and fend for our selves and not pass the problem to the next generation.WE CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. So I wish you from the bottom of my heart for things to go on for you as you wish. Bless you and your beloved ones.
Well said! We will still live beautiful lives!
I'm so happy you are talking about this. No I'm THRILLED that you are speaking about this!! Praying for you peace and ease of life.
Thanks! I think it’s important to talk about!
@@SchizoKitzo sharing you with fellow nurses
I support you in your decision. You need to do what is best for both you and any child. One of my favorite books "Mirabile" is set on a frontier world and they have a whole class of people called "raisers". Their job is to raise kids especially for people who have risky jobs. I think this is a brilliant idea. Some people (my mom being one of them) are just fantastic at raising kids and others are not. There is no shame in recognizing that you really don't want kids.
Thank you so much! And yes, not everyone is cut out for parenthood and I think being that, needs to be normalized. Thanks again for this comment!
I do agree with you I have cerebral palsy and major depression disorder And generalised anxiety disorder i been on meds since I was 18 years old but why do women need to justify not having kids ?
For some reason the world we live in kinda makes having kids a normal part of being a woman :( and I hate it so much! Also started meds when I was 18 too. Thank goodness for meds and thanks for the comment!
good vid kitzo....im getting the snip too!
Whoo!!!! Thanks!
My mom had schizoaffective disorder and killed herself when I was seven, after that I came to my dad and violent, highly narcissistic stepmother, who gave me the rest, no support from family or anyone...so I was narcissistically (physically, mentally, emotionally) abused for 12 years what made me a living shell of myself....its like my soul was murdered, because I had to focus anxiously on my stepmother all the time, to be safe. I'm still broken (depression, cptsd, social anxiety, low self esteem....) it gets better every year, but progress is slow & I might be too old for having kids, if I'm healed for the most part....it sucks, because I want to have children someday and now at 32 yo I feel the strong desire for a child (even though I have bo partner) but I need to take responsibilty now, as you do, to think whats best for the unborn child.... not making the mistake my parents did, by just having a child, because of wanting one and not consider the circumstances the child will grow up in, not being honest with themsselves if they are capable of beeing good and stable parents
So glad you make these vids!!!!
I have schizofrenia and i feel you so much. Thank you for existing om this planet and shareing the struggles i also suffer with. Ive been through the exact same thing… the story of my past years is not a comedy…. But I’m an expert on makeing it seem that way. At least in my mind. Though I have a big scar on my arm which is a reminder. I fucking hate that scar
I'm very glad to help! I also have some scars I hate and can't wait until they're faded enough to tattoo over. Also, Stay strong, and no matter what, you got this!
@@SchizoKitzo Thank you 🙏🏻
Hi, Kit. Thanks again for your video! I wanted to make sure you got some engagement credit so here's a comment. This topic involves an incredibly complex, personal decision and you discussed the major factors very well.
Thank you so much!
I think your being very sensible and unselfish. You oviously care about how your illness could impact a child as well as possibly passing it on to them. There diffinately is a genetic component to the disease. You are an exceptional lady.
I appreciate this comment so much! I just would have such a hard time if my kid had this disorder and suffered even a fraction of what I have (which can happen even if I do everything "right"). Thank you!
Hey Kit, thank you so much for this wonderful and thought-out video. I basically have come to the same conclusion as you due to my mental illness, but it's really hard because my parents are pushing me to still have children despite everything. In the end I just have to remember that it's my choice, and I can't let others pressure me into what I should do. All the best to you and your loved ones
Girl, I'm not mentally ill and even I don't want children. You're fine.
thank you. structured. good reasons. helping me make the decision for myself
Such an important topic. Thank you for being candid and spreading awareness about this.
I decided not to have kids. Got a vasectomy in my early twenties. Been dealing with mental health issues since I was a kid, so I knew I wasn't going to be a parent.
I’m glad you knew so young and were able to get the snip! I’m sure it gave you plenty of peace of mind.
…. Much appreciation to you for putting words to what I feel
Very insightful !
Super good video
I absolutely respect your decision 🙏❤️
I have wished at times that i was never born because of my conditions, so perhaps it's a bit hypocritical for me to want to have children. But honestly there's nothing i'd want to do more with my life than that. I love children.
I worry a lot that i won't be able to properly take care of my kids and so do others. I've even had someone say i should be sterilized. I cry about it a lot.
There's so much stigma both in wanting to have kids as a mentally ill person and not wanting to have them. It all feels really cruel. I wish there were more people who understood. It's a doomed if you do doomed if you don't kinda situation. I respect anyone in their choices about their life. Shit's hard enough without people judging you for being human.
I respect you a lot!!! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us! I found you on Sassy Soul Living's channel where she mentioned you. New subbie!!
I always wonder how people find my channel, thanks for this!
There was a time, and mind you this was way before I ever took medication, when I wanted children! I knew my life was screwed up from an early age or rather I knew there was a huge gaping emotional hole in my life! My illness was inherited from my father and I desperately wanted to believe through the power of love that, if I had a child I would so intensely love him/her enough so that regardless of whatever would and or could happen he/she would get through anything! He/she would know and be so secure that he/she would be my world and nothing or anything would never harm him/her, BUT the unfortunate specter of mental illness knocked me on my ass and traumatized me so much that my world was destroyed and my plans would completely change or rather lack thereof! A resounding yes to procreation quickly became an emphatic NO!
And its okay to change your mind, especially about big decisions like having kids! It sounds like it was a hard realization for you but you’ve come out secure on the other side. Thanks for saying all of this!
I relate so much to this comment. I also wanted to believe in the power of love, but sadly the world just doesn’t work that way. ❤ I have decided not to have children.
Thoughtfully presented - well done!!! ❤️
THANK YOU!!!!!
I’ve had psychotic episodes from taking an SSRI while being bipolar. I realized that anyone of us could have easily had worse cases of mental illness. All I feel now for homeless and severely mentally ill people is compassion. And it sounds like your condition is severe enough that being off medication would put you at risk. You’re being very responsible choosing not to be a parent. I have baby rabies tho ha would love to take care of a babe
I really appreciate this comment. Thank you so much!
I am a psych nurse and your videos are very helpful. Thank you! ❤
Love this, thank you for telling me!
Thank you very good insight. I have schizoaffective and would like kids however I’m a guy so meds wouldn’t be bad
Totaly responsible ;) i still believe with food we can healed, we need to heal the gut, but meds are so so important!
Food can heal some, but not all. Nothing I eat will make my voices go away, ever. So you’re right, meds are so important!
i feel you. my mother is schizoaffective. i haven’t seen her in many years.
Yes you are making the right decision. When you have a mental illness it is best not to have children. I have autism which is part of the reason why I don’t want any children. Raising children will be a lot for me with my autism and I don’t want to pass on my autism to my child. Just like what you have chances are that you will pass it on or you may not but I don’t want to take that risk of having children either with my autism. I am a 40 year old male. I work part time at Walmart, don’t drive, and still live with my parents. I would like to live on my own and get married someday but don’t want any children. I was also born and raised in New York City too. I was born in the Bronx, moved to Queens when I was 3, and moved to Naples, Florida which is where I live now in 2004 when I was 21.
Basically, if you have a life-altering condition (mental or physical), you don't want to potentially pass it to your kids or subject them to your disability (aka making your child your caretaker instead of the other way around). I wish more people were responsible in this way, and as much as I hate to say it and everyone hates to hear it, it's irresponsible to have a kid if you can't take care of yourself or have to go on medication to be able to.
I'm pretty sure my mom has an undiagnosed mood disorder - in any case, something's not right - and when she was pregnant (from what I've heard from when she was pregnant with me and from when she had my two siblings when I was 11 and 14) it was hell for everyone. Throwing things, screaming, crying, isolating herself, forcing my dad/her boyfriend to isolate himself, being paranoid and having paranoid delusions, etc. Which she already did when she wasn't pregnant, but it was amplified by it. She put herself, her unborn child, and everyone around her at risk. She has raised at least two unstable children already (out of 4). She never learned and should have stopped at one pregnancy at the very least.
You can't have a mood disorder and have kids without your kids either hating you or become fucked up too. I am mot saying people with mood disorders are bad nor am I saying I wish I or my siblings werent alive - I'm just sharing my experience of having a mentally ill mother. The woman in this video is an excellent example of what you should do in this scenario, as much as it hurts. And I'm sure if she were to have kids, she would do worlds better than most in her situation due to her self-awareness. But not being in control of yourself completely is hard on your children, too.
I feel so depressed about losing my time and not having child 😢Such bad luck
You’re awesome
🙏
this was my decision I didn’t know I wasn’t the only one!!
Your amazing...do you, without apology.
There was a girl who use to sing a song " I decide" I think that would sum up my thoughts on it. It's our human right. There shouldn't be such a push to have children.
Means you decide.
My Mom was schizophrenic. I can very well understand you and your choice not to have children. At the time of the wedding of my parents, my Mom did not have any diagnosis of schizophrenia and obviously not any medication either. - In such circumstances where you would have family members and servants around you all the time, perhaps it could be managed.
I know plenty can manage, and it’s not to say it can’t be done, but yeah for me it’s just not possible
I don’t want kids either for mental ilness gênes and medical condition I’m already on birth control for period pain .. And I just never felt this motherhood instinct and just like you I do take pills for mental issue .. We just told me I have a schizophrenia treat and also paranoïde trouble ..
If I left a comment that caused you emotional pain or any negative impact Im sorry miss ❤ I have ocd and don't want my kid to go thru ocd and honestly I genuinely don't want kids
There’s another youtuber from the TH-cam channel Living Well with Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder who did have a child and she shared her journey. It’s in your right not to have children for their well being and yours. Preventative measures if you will.
She has a massive level of respect from me for that!
You are very beautiful! ❤
I have substance use disorder (in remission) and theres a good 50% chance my child will carry the gene. I’m a fourth generation alcoholic/addict and the gene is extremely powerful on my dad’s side.
I also have treatment resistant depression. I have to get ketamine infusions every 4 weeks. Along with that I take numerous medications for anxiety + depression.
I can’t imagine getting off all of those medications that literally saved me from the big S for 9+ months. Absolutely not.
I also have seen a pregnant woman when I was staying in the psych ward attempt suicide. She got released and less than 48 hours later she attempted suicide again. I felt so bad for her.
Ya as i said before in your videos, kit, living with schitzoeffective is a living nightmare, dont put it on children, its too much for a child to take. You and i could only live with schitzoeffective disorder because were strong, try to let a newborn baby put up with those symptoms.
Hard decision …God is helping you to choose..
You can get a dog. Even plants. So, daily care for them
Dont worry, kit, im not having kids either. Im schitzoeffective too. Im too old, im 46 and im gonna marry a woman whos 62, and shes too old to have kids too, but who cares right?
You made a very unselfish decision
You Are really fit as person using antipsychotics!
Don't have children. That's bad. I don't have children.