When She Turned to The Church For Support From Abuse, They Cast Her Out.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
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Being a new Christian, Brandie sought out a Christian man as a partner. After several years of sexual assault, psychological and physical abuse by him, she came to find out that he was engaged to her but living with another woman. He persuaded her to stay using biblical manipulation and the abuse only escalated. She went to the church for hep and they turned against her. They embraced her abuser who plays a large part in the worship team at the church and with the youth.
Now Brandie works to help support other women who find themselves in the same situation. Learn more on her blog here:
speakout4other...
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Videos in the docu-series are part of an oral history of survivors of domestic abuse, with the purpose of raising awareness. None of these stories have been verified. They have been edited for clarity.
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I went through a similar situation with the abusive husband and counsel from "the church." After the asst. pastor telling me that my husband had suffered enough from being out of the house for 10 days and that the Bible says that "wives should be submissive to their husbands" I looked at him and told him that the Bible that I read also says that "husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church and that I had NEVER heard of Christ abusing his church." I walked out of the church office that day and went directly to the local Judge and obtained an Order of Protection.
0:25 THIS IS THE FIRST RED FLAG!
When someone is overly persistent I always immediately think this jerk doesn't respect me. Never trust anyone who can't take no for an answer, NEVER!
YES!! EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
Good hindsight!
I agree, and people should really include that as one of the red flags.
Not every church is lead by God's Spirit.
So true.
No church has actually demonstrated that it is lead by God's Spirit...
Matt 7:21-23.
@@Dachdogoriginal Yes! ... and always remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 🕊🙏🏻🦁🐑
@@rose4490 in fact that is so critical, note Jesus command at John 13:34 35.
Perpetrators do excellent PR for themselves and churches frequently shun abused women, unless they are high wage earners and donate.
Your are right money plays a significant part in it all
Never tell an abuser you are leaving him. 🤨 Plan smartly be patient and then leave. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽✌✌✌❤❤❤
What I've learned from my Battered women groups is never tell them you're leaving, instead you wisely developed a safety plan and you carry out this plan step by step and do this while you know they will be gone for a long period of time. You get a duffel bag or suitcase and pack away at least a weeks worth of clothing, hygiene products, needed documents, medications, medical statements (ect). Make sure you have this get away bag hidden from his sight and put this where you know he will not find this. You must be a couple of steps ahead of your abuser in order for this to succeed. If you cannot find a sufficient hiding place, make sure you leave this bag at a trusted friend and relatives house or ask your employer if u can hide this bag at work. While he's gone, inform neighbors in what's going on and while leaving if you and them sense ur in danger have them call the police. Inform them not to approach him directly. When you are ready to leave, do not tell him your leaving and it would be even more safer if you leave when he's not at home. Do this when u know he will be gone for a long time. The best time to do this if he's in a good mood. Also if you have joint bank accounts, make sure you close down the joint bank account, take your much needed money out if there, close account and open up a new account at another bank. Do not forget your banking documents. Do this when he's gone. Make sure you take care of money matters before considering to leave. Once all of these matters are taking care of leave. Before you leave make sure you tell your close friends and relatives what you're doing. Do all of this while he's gone.
When leaving you got to do this step by step so you can get out of there quickly and safely. Always make certain that you have contact information on you concerning local battered women's shelters so you know where to go. Oh, I forgot one thing when you finally break free, quickly change your number or have his number blocked, block him from all your social media and email accounts. Get to your nearest Battered Womens Shelter.
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT 100 PERCENT!!!👍
My abuser is my 51 year old son. He lives with me in MY house. I want to stay in my house and I don’t know how to get him to leave.
You should expose the church, his name and the police that wouldn't believe you. He will do it again to someone else.
Lauren Ann, that's real good advise here. She can go right over their heads and talk to the higher ups such as the church board or better yet talk to the church headquarters of the religion that it's under. I dont know if there is a Y.W.C.A. in her area, but where I live. There one and they have an excellent programs and shelters for women and their children who has been abused. She can go through that and the Y. will go out if their way to expose corrupt cops and court officials that do not do anything to help protect and serve battered women and their children.
Also, contacting her local 6 and 11 O' clock news and local newspaper on these issues would be a great idea in bringing exposure to domestic violence. But when doing all that, you have to be very careful or the church, the abuser or the system can retaliate against her or she could put her and kids in more danger.
However, expect for the church, she can go to the media and go about it anonymously where they do not use her name, her children's name and she can still expose them. The church however, tell the big wigs that are higher ups that are much more higher up than the pastor and the board and give names of leadership, names of abuser and other abusers names involved and if she reaches the right people and they are willing to take action and put these people out of the church, that will even be better and the Y. Can even speak for this vicim(s) and have church leaders locally removed and banned from church.
I hate organized religion to a passion and that's why I stay away from them. I'm sure that the Y can help her find a church that has healthy teachings and boundaries and highly values women and their rights to a point they are not treated like dirt under their shoe but with the most be treated with much courtesy, dignity autonomy and respect.
First time a guy hits a woman, the woman needs to leave. Don't go back to such a man.
First time he hits a wall, or a table, etc, in front of a woman, she also needs to leave - it's only going to escalate as time goes by.
Right, you are so right.
But there is always something else involved like 2 little children and you are pregnant, and you have nowhere to go or something else …. And everybody believes him not you. He would make stories about you how you are psychologically not stable so nobody would help you, nobody will give you a hand….
Some churches want the women to be submissive to the husband including being abused. 💯 Narcissistic ex husband💯 The pastor is suppose to keep your conversation confidential and help you 😳 The pastor needs to be reported he is not a Christian!!!!! Praying for your healing and a good life you deserve 💖
@Tami Weber sadly some Minister's do not have the right skills for Counselling such as Confidentiality and Conflict Management skills as we expect. I've learnt that from Personal Experience. We learn as we go along in life 👍
I believe that narcissists are adept at finding ideal situations that further their ability to maintain their existence. He favored a church that felt good to his narcissism; it was familiar, comfortable. I think that he then feels the need to bring in someone like her (and like the other victims) in order to complete the fantasy. I believe that he physically and emotionally attacked her because she wasn't making the adjustments that he had invisioned and he wanted to "ensure" that it would happen. What they never seem to accept is that it never really does. We are thinking, feeling individuals with our right for our individualism, free will and personality. They believe that if they don't really face it then it cannot be true, they're still in control, and it's only a matter of time before they "get what they want."
Pastors who defend abusers (along with others) bear the same guilt on their own soul as the abuser. They have partnered in their sin. It is worse than the original offender!
AMEN!
That pastor endangered her life by betraying her confidence to her ex, which caused the ex to abuse her. Horrible. Shame on the pastor.
If the Pastor had any brains at all, he would of called the Police on this man, pressed charges, have this lady pressed charges and put the Abuser behind bars.
@@bonniejohnson760 I agree. My pastor would have done that for sure based on many other things she has done with her life.
And ppl STILL wonder why women don't come forward. You've been horribly let down by the church and law enforcement. Utterly disgusting!
I am so glad your free of your abuser. Shame on those for not believing you! He hid behind the church. The church should have looked into it futher.
Thank god she didn't have this demon's spawn.
Did she copulate w/him?
Jim Cole why do you want to know? Nosy asshat.
@@jimcole6423 .... Nah, the close, personal "Romantic" relationship was completely devoid of intercourse.
@@oleandra3759 we cross?
Ugh!!!!!!
My covert narcissist ex claimed he was a Christian in order to trap me. He succeeded for 14 years until I was so spent & exhausted from being his slave, exhausted and heartbroken from the emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuse he put on me that I begged God to end that marriage because I was dying. And, God *did*
Every day I praise Him and glorify Him for getting me out of that prison and SHAM of a "marriage" and healing the deepest parts of my heart!!!❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
Abusers live in a distorted reality. Many ppl use religion as a cover up. The other woman cut her losses. He demeaned you, the pastor betrayed you. One minister didn't believe me either. One friend said that God doesn't like it when a man mistreats a "daughter". God sees all, so he can't fool God. My abuser now has a heart condition. Tables turn eventually, but it seems endless when you're going through the storm. Keep your faith, and God will carry you in His hands.
Wow I love that. God doesn't like when men mistreat His daughters!!!!!
Donna Woodford sometimes the pastors are doing the same thing, and if they don’t speak up, if they are not emotionally and physically abusing others, then inadvertently they really are because they have taken satan’s side.
And God hates abuse.
Amen!! Preach it.
My Dad died 3 years after my Mom divorced him.
My Mom and myself went on to live happily.
She re-married after 10 years😇
God always watches.
Karma sucks!!!
My abuse started 4 months into the relationship also. I was also a new Christian. The abuser was also a leader in a college para church organization. I was never engaged or married but dated the abuser. He verbally abused me, gaslit me, smeared me to others in the church and tried to punch me in the face.
My bible study leader and Christian female friend were helping my abuser come up with creative ways to manipulate me to have sex with him. After the first date His harem suggested a rope course so that I could trust him more so that I would be more compliant and would submit to his sexual manipulation. Trust a con man who wanted to use me for sex that used his mask of Christianity to manipulate his victims. It’s hard to believe but its true. I was betrayed by the religious organization and my best friend.
This was done by the main volunteer student leader, the music minister and my bible study leader. My abuser was excellent at impression management. He had everyone believing he was a saint. They still believe he is a saint. It’s horrific.
Victim shaming and blaming is as deadly as the abuse. Anyone who discounts a victim is equally culpable. Abusers are masters of illusion and deceit. It is mind boggling how many people they can get onboard. I was married to a sociopath who was a true wolf in sheep's clothing. I am so sorry for your suffering. Thank you for telling your story. I am glad you finally found people who can see the truth.
Your testimony is very revealing. I went through similar abuse 35 years ago. I am just now getting ready to leave my husband of 37 years. The church we used to go to made him stop physically abusing me, but they always played in between us and then it was more like neglect and emotional abuse from all of them. They manipulated with good times in between all that, so it was hard to see what all was going on. Because I was raised with an abusive brother, and no one would help me including my family - I stayed there way too long as I had nowhere to go, and back then there was no internet and for sure not all these resources. He pulled a gun on me once. Shortly after that, he threw a chair at me. I called 911, but the cop didn't come in our house and investigate the physical evidence. He just calmed my husband down quickly. My husband is a grand manipulator. He always acts one way when no one is watching and another way when eyes are on him. For years I wished he would have kept physically abusing me as it would have been easier for me to leave him a long time ago. Not to mention, back then the police had a relationship with our pastor because he would buy them donuts all the time. Not to mention, my husband knew if I tried to leave him and the church with our four children, the church, which included all the staff people and some members would have given him all the recommendations and made me look bad so he would have gotten custody of our children. Since my husband knows a lot of Christians and Pastors in our county, none of them will help me. After we stopped going to that church several years ago, things were slowly getting better, but now he is an addict since he has no accountability and the emotional abuse has escalated again. I still don't have anyone local to help me, but talk to my grown children who all moved out of state to get away from him and this church. Please pray that I can find a local church or friend(s) that will be there for me. He is a musician, too, and charismatic, so they all think he is more important than I ever was. For years I prayed for him to change as I had no help. Every year has just gradually gotten a little worse. My own brother, who is a pastor, is telling me I am making a mistake if I leave him. I am so worn out and need to heal and take care of myself. I am sorry this is a long comment, but I am sharing it because the church is supposed to be a safe place. The perpetrator should not be treated like the victim, which has happened to me over and over. I tried going to two other churches, and even though they might not condone what happened and is still somewhat happening to me - no one wants to get involved, and they stay a distance from me. I still have a relationship with God, but it's weak, as I am exhausted. I have had chronic fatigue for over 20 years as a result of neglect and abuse. There's a lot more I could say. I am sure there are some good Christians and churches out there- I just haven't found one in my area yet.
Please do not give up on God..just because there are so few people who are actually Christians and by that Inmean who are..true..Christ Like Christians..We are out here..and we stand with you..as some of us have been through much abuse in the names of a so called " church"... Maybe we formerly abused women should all band together and pool our limited resources financially and emotionally to make our own..REAL church?
Are there any domestic violence shelters you could contact? They tend to know more than churches and police.
As a Christian woman myself I can tell you that your image of God has been greatly distorted by a very sick man and also by the church. God is all about love and happiness not pain and control. This sounds more like a cult than anything else. It doesn't surprise me though that the church would take the abuser's side. I was brought up in a very strict Catholic family and I was made to fear God. Unfortunately, I have learned that there is much hypocrisy in organized religion. I believe it's good to continue with your faith but you can still have a relationship with God without the church.
Thank you so much
@@bcassella2007 💗 happy you are Free
Terri Anonymous yea! Be the church. Follow Jesus. You can praise the Lord without the physical building (John 4.21-24), but with the spiritual building (Revelation 21.22-23) you are safe, because it is God, and God is in and moves His people as He is, and they are (as) one (John 17.21-24...).
Awesome encouraging and nonjudgmental responses here...AMEN SISTERS! PRAISE THE LORD!SPOT ON!!!!
yes true and the catholic church is a false anti Christ religion, the mother of harlots the bible says come out of her..
That pastor violated your confidentiality by revealing what you had told him to your husband.
I was rejected by church last month because I said i feared GOD and pastor told me that i wasn't GODs child i never went back
Out of all of MJB videos I have watched, this one made me the most angry. You stayed far TOO LONG and thats only the beginning. Thank God you got out before it ended worse! Ladies lets please learn to love ourselves FIRST!
That's the problem with the church. They will always want you to stay in a toxic marriage and not get divorced.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have recently chosen to divorce from my husband, who is also abusive and favored by the church. They don't believe me that he has abused me and they have shunned me. It's been very hard to work through because it has hurt me so much. Even those I thought were my friends have turned against me. If I had not left when I did, it would have gotten worse. I'm glad to hear you have broken free. I'm in the process of it, and I find some comfort in your story that I am not alone. I had been a Christian for quite some time before I met my soon to be ex-husband, and I was trying to be so careful. He fooled me. More so because I thought because he was a "serious" Christian that he could be trusted. I found out the hard way.
They shunned you but God hasn't.
Breaking Free they, or rather the devil that is controlling them, just doesn’t want to be exposed.
First congratulations on leaving.
I bet you sleep really good now.
Hopefully your X is happy with the other distorted people in your past church.
Let them all sit in their shame.
Find a church that works for you if not leave.
You don’t have to answer to anyone!
Especially some belittling, insecure man.
Or the women you knew from your marriage.
Which by the way failed because of your X Husband.
He did it all!
So hopefully you know you & God can have a healthy relationship even if you don’t go to church.
Thank you for telling your story.
You’re a brave, smart lady.
Religiosity/spirituality is used as a mask. It can certainly be the most cunning diversion tactic for a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Who would think, afterall, that such evil exists??? No, this evil isn't just for Hollywood movies; it's happening behind closed doors. Narcissists and sociopaths HAVE NO CONSCIENCE, and will manipulate to their heart's content👹
Does getting a divorce mean that the family home as to be sold?
I am a Donestic Violence Advocate, Career Mental Health Professional, TH-camr and an affirmed Apostle in the Lord's Church. This story both saddens me and infuriates me. Domestic Violence is more frequent within the church ( across racial and denominational lines) than outside of the church. This is Dead Wrong and more must be done to hold ministry leaders accountable for being complicit- either because they are abusers themselves or they look the other way when it surfaces within their congregation. It dishonors the Lord, point blank, period, full stop. I cannot and will not be quiet about it! My prayer is that you are safe, happy and healthy these days- and that you keep going!💜
You are beautiful, you are strong. You have been through so much. Please know that Jesus Himself said that He does not live in buildings made by human hands. He lives, the Spirit of God lives in those who worship him in spirit and in truth. The Kingdom of God is within us. What happened to you was being demons, not by man that had God's Holy Spirit in him. He was a liar, not a man of God and God will not hear a persons prayers until they truly repent. Repentance itself is a gift from God, He knows all hearts and there is no fooling Him. Some people have their conscience seared with a hot iron.
So glad you got out of that. I could relate to what you said in the video. My highly religious ex-husband who held a high place in our church was extemely verbally abusive to me. He never once ever tried to hit me, but that's about all I can give him sadly. This was my 2nd marriage to an abuser. My first beat me up all the time.
For the longest time, in the 2nd marriage, I felt lucky I wasn't being hit. When a friend was able to prove to me that I was being mentally affected by this 2nd marriage, I was out of there in 3 days behind his back. It was horribly hard to do because I still loved him and it ripped my heart out to leave him. I honestly believed I could fix this. After 15 years I knew I couldn't.
Because he was such a "religious" and charming guy, my family chose to believe him over me. Here it is 18 years later and they still won't talk to me because they are convinced I was lying. My brother who had been my rock even turned his back on me. That was what broke me. I went from feeling like I was strong enough to get out of yet another abusive marriage to feeling like dirt when I knew I didn't do anything wrong. I've never been able to trust a man since. I will never let a man get close to me again, ever. It took a couple years of therapy for me to believe it wasn't me on any level. So there is that. But trust is a huge issue for me.
I pray that the Lord will restore you completely🙏
@@jeanprinsloo2086 I've rebuilt my life on my own. Thanks, but I'm good now.
Typical POS man, he's trying to control you in any way possible but he's the one cheating. So glad I'm single now.
Your story is almost identical to mine. However, my situation happened 30 years ago. Even now I still cannot go into a church. Keep moving forward. You were right in getting out. The scriptures tell us what love is and what you have experienced is not love, but control. Yes, the word says to "submit" to our husbands, but it also states that a man should lay down his life for his wife. Would be easy to submit to a man like that, but in my case love was always withheld. Sad that the church is full of ministers and teachers that still feel women and children are their property to do with as they will.
I experienced the same. My abusive husband and I attended Faithlife Church in Branso Mo for Five years. I emailed them concerning His abuse and they said "Love never fail." As the years went on things got worse and more demonic, he threatened to "choke or stab" me one night and the Holy Spirit told me to separate from him. I moved into my prayer room captive for 6 months. I emailed the church and told them he is speaking murder over me. They only responded "don't leave the church." I then spoke to the assistant pastor who scolded me for "not having Faith for my marriage." I am thankful the Holy Spirit delivered me and my daughter out of the abuse and the False Church! God is good and He is Faithful to deliver His children. ❤️
I know how to read, so I don't need anyone to interpret the bible for me. There is nothing spiritual about those congregations or religions. God is with you always specially in silence, in meditation.
belinda hawkins Why assume we are all lost? That's just a ruse to control people. I am confident in who I am and my place in the world. Never trust a mere mortal telling you who, what, where and why. Figure it out for yourself.
My ex was the same way. He still tries to talk bad about me. I really don't care what an active addict that lives off everyone has to say. I work 2 jobs and I don't do any drugs or drink. I take care of my fur baby and protect my mother.
My husband is the same he screws me into the ground to everyone. He tells his version of events which are totally the opposite of the truth and he is a total narcisstic. He does not take on board one thing said to him he had ruined so many lives and his family believe every word he says even my family until he sipped up Infront of them a few weeks back and my family seen him for what he is a violent malicious devious and controlling drunk
Poor thing. Glad she found the strength from within.
Forgiveness is about forgetting & moving on. Not accepting to be used, abused & disregarded. Many christians take forgiveness the wrong way that's why God allow jail to exist. God is no fool.
It's not about forgetting. It's about overcoming the pain caused by other imperfect people. We should never want to forget, lest we neglect the wisdom we should have learned through it.
Satan gives us a distorted idea of forgiveness. He will tell us anything if it will keep us blind.
@@RosannaMiller i agree completely
Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about deciding that you will forego the debt of the offender repaying you for the harm they cause. You cancel the debt they owe you. Then you go no contact.
You're absolutely right on spot with this one. Alot of Christains and Non Christianity often confuses forgiveness with trust and there is a big difference between the 2. Forgiveness simply means letting go of the hurt and bitterness and move on.Because if we forgive it will bring only healing to us. Trust means that there is a past history of abuse and its keeping records of future behaviors. Forgiveness means letting go. It doesn't mean that we have to trust them and allow them back into our lives and you do not have to allow the abuser any access to let them get back to you and your good graces. Being friends with them is like putting your head in a Lion's mouth and telling Mr. Lion that you trust him and you know he won't bite off your head....But common sense will tell you otherwise. God does not want you to associate with toxic people period !!! He even says that in the Bible. Toxic People are sent by the Devil, Good People are sent by God and he wants us to be in healthy relationships with healthy people so we can be safe and grow as an indivividual so we can reach our fullest potential as a human being. Yes. It's very important to forgive in order for us to heal but again we need to use the common sense that God has given us and not trust untrustworthy people.
I think it is easy for the wrong kind of pastor to abuse the meaning of forgiveness and teach it in a perverted way.
No one needs to be part of an organized religion to be a good person.
The pastor put her life at risk by betraying her confidence. So wrong!
The only thing missing in that church was the Kool-Aid. Is incredible that those kind of places exist in the 21 century
Lol
Oh my sister the enemy present themselves just like the son of God we need to be very careful off these professional wolves that come to destroy the body of Christ
So sorry you had to go through this. My asshole ex husband drove into the back of my car while I was in it and then rammed it twice more after I jumped out. My lawyer told me to report it to police, which I did but there was no dent in the bumper. My ex told my family that the police report said there was no damage to my car.............and that I had made up the story..........and unfortunately my 92 year old father believed my ex. Lost many family members from a sick, lying manipulative abuser. It hurts.
So sorry
They are evil
I TURNED TOO THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH MYSELF AND I WAS ALSO CAST OUT!!!!!!!!
I pray you are safe now and healing! They are wolves in sheep's clothing. I also met someone on Christian mingle and the next 2.5.yrs were hell. That was 8 yrs ago now. It is a long healing journey, yet worth it. Please take care of you!!! And, like I learned the hard way, stay out of online dating. Predators of all kinds (men and women) live on these sites. Take care. Thanks for sharing your story!
Online dating can be so dangerous. I've read that Christian Mingle is the dating app/site with them most scams/con artist/abusers, etc. BC they hide behind the mask of being a 'good Christian man, a man of God, etc.'
I know this is an old video already in 2020. I just want to say how sorry I am to hear that the church failed you. Unfortunately, this does happen. I know of a few cases from my own small town. I am happy to hear that you were strong enough to walk away.
"Christians" need to read the bible more. And not let others tell them what it says.
No truer words were ever spoken.
Well, except for JESUS' of course
They need to think about how demeaning some scriptures and bible stories are to women.
@@yvonnebarash9373 Examples please.
@@jchis9852 Paul telling women to keep silent in church and not to teach or have authority over men; Paul, who was supposedly never married and seemed to have viewed marriage as the lesser of two evils, telling wives in his epistle to the Ephesians that they should be submissive to their husbands, the whole Adam and Eve story, the story of Lot offering his daughters to be raped, the story of Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt, the story of Noah's daughters getting him drunk and sleeping with him, all of which portray women as villains.
@@jchis9852 If you are further interested, read the book "Woe to the Women" by Annie Laurie Gaylor.
It is like this poor girl was the only normal person in a Stepford Wife community and for a long time still trusted the people around her to be normal, too.
Correction to my statement.........Christ said for men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. What did Christ do for the church? He laid down his life..... that is what I meant in stating a man should lay down his life for is wife.
Annette Thomas! I agree with you. I don't understand why church christians say things like no divorce. I feel so messed up now. But when I withdrew myself from everyone and prayed the Father showed my that I can divorce for there was unfaithfulness. And he refused to go for counselling. I went to all the counselling but I'm still treated as if I have done wrong. He was unfaithful not me. I'm not saying that I am not a sinner. But if the man still choose to lie one lie after another, does not go for counselling can I force him? I've heard it all! From me being the cause of his unfaithfulness to me not behaving as a wife. But at last I have divorced him. But I'm still in the house because I do not have an income. I don't know where to go. I'm praying and asking GOD for wisdom to move out.
@@pampam4622 it must be difficult to live in the same house 😫🙁😧😥
@@deborahelaine9985 Yes it is emotionally. But I just keep the peace. I feel much better. He dried up all investments to cause this so I'm left with nothing! Now he must provide! LOL! But I'm trying to move out.
The Catholic Church told me because I was 58 I should work it out. Where was I going to go at my age. The man physically and mentally abused me and I was suppose to put up with it. I left my husband and the church.
I met a "pastor" on Christian Mingle. Later got married to him. He turned out to be a closeted abuser--yelling, raging, verbally devaluing me every chance he got--when no one was looking. He also had a secret porn addiction and was a thief. He always got the support of his church by making me out to be "crazy". His church members saw him only as a great, godly, charitable man--who cooks for the homeless and helps ex-convicts find jobs. I divorced him after he threatened to physically harm me--which he said I provoked him. Abusers often hide under the cover of the church.
I've gone to church for help and support...worse place. They shoot their wounded. They just told me to get over it it's been long enough you have been in depression. I still believed in GOD but never went back to church. My family kept going but couldn't understand why it was so hard for me.
I’m sorry don’t trust the church for abuse Especially if you’re a woman does Sadie need to be more submissive or somehow it’s your fault that ur husband is anger just go to cops or therapist
Women do not have to Learn Their Place.!!! They have a voice. I never understood this role play. God created men n women equal. There's Christianity n there's Christianity.
you are rightthat we are equal in value but you dont know your bible if you claim there is no difference in roles. it is clear there is..and we are created for different purpose. If a man abuse it has nothing to do with biblical christianity so you dont have to make a point, true biblical manhood and womanhood is a wonderful thing and a man who loves The Lord would never use his leadership to abuse his wife, but to love her as Christ loves the church! but the same thing for a woman, a born again woman will not usurp authority over her man or any man, but submit to her man..when there is abuse you know that one is not living and following Jesus..it doesn´t mean you can divorce and remarry like the modern church says! but you are not bound to live under the persons roof you have the right to protect yourself..you have to learn to rightly divide the word of God..
Your problem is lack of self love. And it is the making for codependency. Love yourself just as you are and stop criticizing yourself. It could just be a practice to love yourself every day until it becomes a habit. Good luck in your new life.
I am sorry that you went through this.. i am happy that the girlfriend left him and was spared the horror. You did not deserve to be abused by that demon posessed man, nor by the church. The church is very deceptive and disappointing. This is not supposed to be if we are Christ-like. Glad you are alive and well. May God continue to heal, restore, guide and protect you in Jesus Name Amen.
My 1st husband and I went to an Episcopal Priest for marriage counseling. The priest told me that I was "such a bitter and ungrateful wife, that most guys would break my face - him included". Then he laughed. Thank God I somehow knew that that priest didn't truely represent God. I haven't found a church I like since then - 1986.
I am the author of the book LOOK ME IN THEY EYE - Caryl Wyatt. Abuse and domestic violence is rife in the church. I suggest anyone who has been abused should listen to videos by Diane Langberg on CPTSD. Stay strong.
These abusers I believe are narcissist/Jezebel spirit. Learn as much as you can about the effects of living in an abusive narcissistic relationship as knowledge is power. The church unfortunately on the whole doesn’t understand this spirit/behaviour but God does. Stay strong and God bless you.
Good word
🌏🌎🌍" O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth ! "
PSALM 8:9 🌍🌎🌏
I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. I don't understand why people do not believe women who are abused. The same thing happened to me, a 'good' man that everyone liked and I could not understand at the time why the victim becomes more victimized. My pastor told me that I would live eternity in hell for leaving my emotional abusive husband. My sister told me that many women live with that and because I had 5 children, corporate executive housewife, I would be better off staying. My sister, said this. I asked her, "So, if I was in the hospital with broken ribs and bruises then would it be okay to leave?" pause, then I added, "Well just because you don't see the bruises does not mean they don't exist." I walked away after 21 years of crazy making without any help from my church or my family. That was 20 years ago and nothing was around then to help anyone. 20 years later, I am still trying to get on my feet. Society does not want to deal with this very real problem.
I believe you! God knows all things.
God will use you to help others.
May God bless you greatly!❤️
Some of the worst demons are in the church.
Sorry this went this way, but I’m happy you’ve gotten out thus far. I wish this organization would target cases like this and go in on them HARD, I mean, really make it a mission: it’s important! Incompetence costs money and LIVES.
The police & my church sided with my husband also & now will have nothing to do with me either. Just remember you are not alone. There are a long line of us going through the same things you went through. Hopefully you will find peace now. Put the blame where it belongs & not on God, who hates violence of all kinds. Judgement Day is coming & everyone will get what's coming to them. Stay strong! As for getting into another relationship, perpetrators say they can smell us since we give off something which perps pick up on their radar & zero in on the broken, as easy prey. Perhaps it's better never to get into another relationship with the opposite sex ever again.
0:45 ... I hope that her true love has come along and proved that his affections are sincere and knocks this experience right out of the park.
I was married to one of these men....he told me once he reminded himself of Jesus!!!!..37 years later and that line still makes me laugh...our relationship didn't get physical but oh the mind-fucking was off the charts!...He ended up having an affair and thats when I left..9 month pregnant with two young daughters under 5....The people at the church were the worst!!!!....They revictimized me as well...it was heart breaking....a few months ago I got an email from his now ex wife telling me he was horrible to her as well.....we had a good laugh
Things that go on behind closed doors...
My abuser posed as a Christian too. Look up narcissistic personality disorder.
A narcissistic man always needs a source of supply. Be very wary of men that are fervently seeking women. They need to control someone. A women should always strive to be independent and self sufficient. Its OK to socialize with men just make sure you are not dependent on them.
Even the regular secular courts often do not believe the abused.
I went to the church for help, they were useless. I'm stuck here in this abusive situation☹️
Jesus help you
Revictimization is all too common. You are not alone. 🙏🏼
She really started off ignoring red flags...take control of your lives ladies.
" Our Father in heaven is NOT an abusive parent to His children and Jesus Christ is NOT an abusive husband to His bride which is the Body of Christ ! "
Typical gaslighter. Good luck love!💚
im glad youre alive. Jesus saved you. ptL
The word Christian means to be Christ-like. If you meet any man or woman that says that they are a "christian" yet do not exhibit the patience, love, and other qualities of *JESUS* ... RUN!!!
I feel like I am being choked again hearing her story... no one believes you, and its to shameful to speak about.
Thanks 4 Sharin Yer Story!..A lot Of Us Women Can Resonate In a Similar Storyline!..Praying U R Very Happy 2Day!
This must have been so scary!
Every church needs to have women leaders trained in this area(not just the male pastor) to go to for help. I'm a Christian and a social worker and would never break confidentiality or encourage someone to stay with an abuser. Period. We have to THINK and stop slinging these Bible verses around w/o using common sense. Its reckless and can do so much damage to a person.
I was very disappointed in the National abuse hotline. I called regarding someone in my family. They we're willing to listen to the horrific details but offered NO advise. How is that helpful.. Guess we'll just wait till she's in the hospital again.. Very disappointed
Thank you for yoyr bravery and morals. What a disgraceful group of people.
Need to be addressed by pastors
These people are evil
A woman’s place is in control.
I am so sorry this happened. The church is not God. If you were my daughter, I would have told you to please get away from him and stay away from him at the first round of abuse. It might help his sort be healed too if people would "tough love" by leaving.
Very well-spoken. I have been through this as well.
Yep. Wolves in sheep's clothing. A guy at my former church abused me. I filed a TRO, filed a police report, crime photos were taken, alerted DCS that his son wasn't enrolled in school, etc.
Since then, I am a non-dating Christian that participates in online church. My life is peaceful!
A shame that she didn't know the signs and cycle of abuse and know how to get out of the relationship sooner.
Some people put too much trust in their chutch, some churches are worst than the devil 😈
You’re in the wrong church
Where is the RIGHT one?
Very true
I too was in abusive relationship
Preacher rebucked me
Run run run and never go back to him or the church
God have mercy
I grew up in church
Many narcs in church
Where are leaders discernment
I believe her by just hearing her speak from her heart. She was a victim but now victorious in Christ. The bible says trust no man only God. Trust only those that submit to Gods Spirit who bare the fruit of Gods love and to what degree they submit to God is the degree you can trust Christ in them not there human /flesh side.
You can easily tell she has a very beautiful spirit satan tried to destroy through a man that was into churchianity not real christianity.
Abusers love twisted versions of submission. Be wary of any man claiming to be of God, that refers to the Scriptures that speak on women being submissive.
I guarantee an actual man of God will never preach on such things lightly and a good man of God is submissive to the Lord as well as his wife first!! But most will never acknowledge this is a requirement of themselves.
Shame on this church - suspect protecting the church rather than parishioners- suspect evil has infiltrated this church-glad she is out!
Apparently the enemy sees what a threat you are. Gurl. You beat the enemy. With Christ, even the devils plans are turned into something useful.
Like a madly inspiring story that got a gal in Arkansas off her fanny and back into life.
Thank you..... Warrior. ❤️
Luke 10: 19
Fight. That’s no Christian group of people in that “church”. Read the first couple books of Revelation. Not all churches stand.
HOLD TO CHRIST. ONLY CHRIST.
Horrible. Sorry you had to go through this. Wow.
I showed.my bishop bruises on my back from my husband and he just put us in counseling. We eventually divorced. He lied about me and said I cheated. Denied all abuse to me and kids. He's a narcissistic con man. The church sided with him. I left the ward. I never went back to church.. The church. And police did the same.
Unfortunately some churches are not supportive of leaving an unhealthy relationship.
that's why you have a voice! Speak out!
God himself will judge such men...and also church leadership which misrepresent the heart of God. They can fool the churches because church leadership forgets to pray and ask God for discernment. Instead, they lean on their tradition which is not biblical. God loves the women and children He created and that is where Truth lies. So sorry this happened to you. It is all too common, sadly. There are healthy churches out there--but surprisingly few. America needs prayer!
Your decision to stay after the other woman was revealed made him disrespect you even more since he sounds like a narcissist
Most Church are for themselves
What type of therapist specialises in helping victims of abuse...domestic?
I’m so thankful to God for your freedom! Who the Son sets free is free indeed!
Happy that you where strong and left him God has someone better for you just trust him there is a lot of sick people in the churches remeber we are all sinners....glad you moved on..