She didn't realize she was living in an abusive relationship
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2016
- If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse call or visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org/
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
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When Iris met her abuser and to-be husband she had no idea he was the bishops son at her church. He used that to convince her he was a good guy. She lived through 16 years of abuse with him: financial, emotional, mental, sexual, and physical, and suffered through his love affairs. When she finally realized his actions were abuse his family would not believe her. He tried to make her look crazy and accused her of being the abuser. They wanted to keep her quiet so the church wouldn't look bad. Now she's speaking up to help prevent others from finding themselves subject to similar abuse.
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Videos in the docu-series are part of an oral history of survivors of domestic abuse, with the purpose of raising awareness. None of these stories have been verified. They have been edited for clarity.
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#awomansplace Documentary film series produced by Monica Graves, & Jessica Bork
Ladies take this as a note: Be financially independent, no matter what!
Randa Abdirahman no better truth than that!
True
While I share your sentiments, I must admit that it doesn't stop the abuse and usually they are manipulative enough to make the abused feel they need them. My father is mainly responsible for being an independent woman. He drilled in me from early the importance of having a skill or profession and being the beater of my own drums and that has been with me to this day while my career driven friend ended up with an abuser and develop the strength to leave him after 10 years. At first she was embarrassed and hid it from her friends and family. He berrated her, tore down her confidence and made her feel he was the only one who wanted her. She was the main earner and provider, yet he controlled and manipulated her for 10 long years before she escaped overseas.
Bread & Butter I agree with you, but when you eventually take the decision to leave and never look back, at least you can provide for yourself and your children. Better than starting from scratch to look for a job or source of income! This is the reason why many women will jump from one man’s bed to another because they are looking for someone to take care of them! Have a career, start that small business or sell stuff while working, it will come in handy! I sell linen for another company as a part time consultant and it puts bread on the table for me and my sons!
@@spm9130 I do agree that why I find it so unsettling when a woman chooses to be a stay at home mom and being totally dependent on a man. I know every marriage is different but at the same time yes as women we need to have our own. I can't begin to fathom going to my husband like a child to ask for money for every little thing I need. Nope not gonna happen.
My mom has always said to me. Even if you get married, the moment you feel unsafe, my doors are open;You come right back home 🙂👌
That's how my mom was are she would constantly say let him go momas always right
God bless her nice mom
Ewane Raissa You have a lovely Mother..shame it is not the same for all of us ..take care.
That's good advice from your mom😊👍👏
Very smart mother. Congratulations.
The man she is talking about is named Phil Thompson. He was a member of the singing Ashmont Hill. I used to attend the church she is referencing called known as New Covenant Christian Center now known as Jubilee. This woman is telling the truth. I dated his younger brother my first year in college. I left the relationship after 3 months as I began to notice very controlling behavior. This woman was the victim of narcissistic abuse. Pray that this woman is able to heal from the trauma of this abuse and help many women along the way🙏🏽
Yes, thank you for supporting her. I’m glad that you escaped. I hope that she has healed or will heal fully.💜
Are you serious?!?😱
I'm sorry you went through that.❤️🩹💔
So sad
I suspect this woman's mother and family failed her by encouraging her to stay in this relationship.
Possibly they failed her with proper guidance and support but ultimately we all as adults know when we have a problem and how to get out of it. This seems to have been purely a people pleasing, community conscious person. Reputation should have a backseat to happiness.
Suspect? It’s clear they did.
I was married to a verbal/emotional abuser. I thought that I was strong 💪 for not letting a man beat on me. I didn’t realize that I was still vulnerable and allowed the verbal/emotional abuse for years. Now, I know better; abuse is abuse. All abuse hurts. Her story is powerful and I’m glad she broke free. God bless her.
I can relate to everything you've written.
Queen_Of_Domination
Queen_Of_Domination emotional abuse is what we do not talk about. We need more people to be open about it. Thank you for sharing
Me too. Am happy that am free now with my 3 kids it's hard but am better off.
Them is the most WICKED PEOPLE
43 years old!- You look much younger and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You keep going girl ,let nothing and NO ONE define you or stop you! Ladies please let us all heed the warning signs!!!!!!!
You must take heed to these words. She made it out by the grace of GOD to save your life from BONDAGE. From the beginning of their courtship he was showing her his nasty disposition and character. Just because someone say GOD doesnt mean that they have relationship with him. God word say by their fruit you shall know and judge them. There were signs but she was listening to wrong advice and didnt listen to her god given intuition. If you ever feel uncomfortable in any situation 🏃 run. Also never get caught up with titles with people. Get caught up with God's word he has all the answers.
@@Nope_Nope Why are you so critical of her story?? Grow up and STOP being so damn mean! It was devastating to HER, obviously not to you! Everyone perceives pain and hurt differently! If you were a mature adult you would know that already!!!
I'm looking at this for the first time and can't stop crying I'm 51 and I feel she is telling my life story 😔
You are so good natured and beautiful. You look 25
She looks 25😍😍😍😍😍
Your husband saw your potential and was jealous of you. I'm glad youre out. Well done!
Very true
Yup!!!
I AM HAPPY 💜SISTAH💜 IS SAFE, ALSO.
PRAISES - AMIN
Man are like that, they don't want a broke lady but they don't feel comfortable in a relationship with an independent woman
Am in a marrage right now like that emotional abuse
Oh, girl....I just want to gather you in my arms and hug you and let you cry and cry ❤️
My ex was charming too. No one saw his evil and rage. He saved that *just* for me, behind closed doors.
This sounds horrific...I am SO glad you are out!!!
2 years out and married to a wonderful man who's also healing from Narcissist abuse~ God is faithful in our healing journey, finding our self worth and self love 💕
One of the most demeaning things in the world is having SEX with someone who is cruel to you.
That's called rape
BF TE that was my thought! 🤦♀️🤷🏻♀️
I was verbally, emotionally,
Physically, sexually abused,
Financially abused. He abused
My son . I reported the abuse
To police. My child told police
About abuse. Video confession
Done. He had a lot of money.
I was stay at home mom.
My mother and siblings took
His side even made bail for
Him. His family turned against
Me. He paid for very expensive
Attorney. I had court appointed
Atty who did nothing. I was
Punished by the negligent,
Corrupt judges in Texas
For exposing him. The video
Was lost somehow.
I was purposely not informed
Of the court dates. My son
And I went from shelter to
Shelter. A therapist talked to
My son and again my son
Revealed what my husband
Did to him plus my husband
Fractured his arm. I lost
Custody of my son . My
Husband recd custody. 1991
In This horrible city of Houston
Which is known for giving
Children to their abusers and
Punishing women for coming
Forward exposing these Dirty
Texas Males. Good loving
Kind women- (listening to
All the stories of abuse
Neglect,). We never know
Who they really are. Women
Need to get an education.
Have their own money.
Separate bank acct. Have
Your own home. (Do not move
Into their home -- unless
You are on the deed because
When these men act up,
Become mean you can
Tell them to leave whereas
If you have moved into
Their home ( you the abused
Wife will have to leave).
Because most of these males
Make more money, have more
Secure jobs, physically stronger,
Have no moral compass. I
Think now as a woman I am
Better off single. The hell
And no protection from
A court system which is
Nothing but a money 💰
Machine for dirty judges
And lawyers in this corrupt
Evil 👿 State of Texas.
@@marshamcdonald1475 , God will restore you and be your redeemer. I will pray for you and your son.
Cruel is too much of a nice word for these type of people...
Narcissists always want you to believe you're crazy and everything their doing to you is your fault. Stay strong sis
U know it
Nana Abena Frimpomaa 💯
Nana Abena Frimpomaa yep I just broke up with my ex to
Nana Abena Frimpomaa yess, gas lighting.
I concur
I feel like you're telling MY story!!! I am 6 years free now and I am happier than I've ever been! Good luck to you and happy healing!!
I'm in the same situation I'm going to file for divorce this year
God sent her help...
At least you are free now. Me IAM in prison marriage for 13years, and I really don't know how I will be free again in my life , I have to stay with him because of 2kids we have together, and IAM in his lows country , IAM in his total in his pocket. one day I feel like IAM going to
jump and desapear but he is not good with the kids as well , Ican get out of his house without my kids, and I have no money as well his money so called our money he controls it as hell, even 1cent he counts
Laquina Fernando be careful
Mugisha Chance what country are you in?
THE moral of her story is: when someone shows you who they are believe it....
The church is his cover story. It’s his mask. This is the lowest type of abuser. One who uses faith as his weapon of control.
I see a free Godly woman. I am you made said your relationship with God got you through. Jesus died for our freedom from all forms of bondages, more so marital bondage. You ex is a reflection of his father and of the kind of church they pastor. From a free single sister to another, enjoy your singleness in Christ and he will give you '' a good and perfect gift Revelation James 1: 17. Praying for you. Your enemies will be put to Shane in Jesus name. The battle is the Lord's.
You are so beautiful too!!! He just lost his favourite with God cos he lost ''good thing'' and his heavens are shut permanently because he treated the wife of his youth with evil Malachi 3. God bless you please focus on a strong relationship with God. Man should not define how you see God. God is nothing that the old foolish ex father in law of yours! I am a single pastor mother of two. God helped me now they are 30 and 24. That ex foolish man I was married is now hopelessly looking for the boys to help him! ♥️
But the God is looking at him and now this woman is free and tell the abusive stories to the world , it is the karma sooner or later , he get paid for his actions indeed no matter how they hide their bad deeds the The Almighty Lord saw it and asked the Angels to come to earth and shows the true colors of the abusive partners for all women that are engage with them , for those that have their freedoms right now congratulations , God blesses them always , these are my prayers from the bottom of my heart , Amen thank you
🙄
Yess! Thats the same thing i was thinking.
Barefoot and pregnant..they don't want you to educate yourself so they can undermind you! Run as fast as you can.. I hope you find peace
God help her and her children to get to a happier life. ❤️🙏
I’m so glad you dumped that trash!!! You’re much too beautiful for this devil hiding himself with a church. Stay strong precious sister!!!!
You are a survivor of Domestic Violence and thank you for sharing your story with others. God bless you strong woman!❤🙏🏼❤
you look 25 you're beautiful!!!!!!! he left you because you started to figure him out
Exactly!!
True
That's true - they don't like to be figured out
Honey that's where the devil live l stop going to church years ago l realize the game the most high God tell you in the Bible he don't drell in nothing build by man hand he drell in you forget this man made mess it's leading all to hell
Your story will help other women. Thank you for telling it.
The more women tell their stories the more strength others will fine the strength to stop accepting less then!! Women are the Gate Keepers of Love PERIOD ✨
ALHUMDULILLAH
Not really some but some are so hard up that they will stay just to say they have someone.
WHEN SOMEONE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM...THE FIRST TIME!!!
So so so true. He and his family are wicked
Believe them the first time, move around them, forget what anyone else has to say. Anyone but God to you in your quiet time. When he gives signs and glimpses into someone's character, and it's shady, walk away, praying as you go. Don't even listen to another voice. People will cause you to second guess God and yourself for hearing from him. But, he knows us better than we know ourselves, and certainly others. This was a hard test to help her learn, trust noone like you trust God, alone. Noone! I thank God for learning, healing, and restoration.
@ Dionne P. Thank you for holding up the signs and wearing the T-shirt...from the Words of the "Great Poet and Activist ❤Mrs. Maya Angelou.❤
A TRUE QUOTE OF MRS. MAYA ANGELOU ..
👍
Kynea Ramsey but when u young u dont know. Life aint hit u between the eyes yet.
I'm grateful that she's told her story to us, it's not easy to talk about it let alone in public. She's definitely helping others to recognize the abuse or to reflect upon a last relationship that was abusive too and to understand that you're not alone.
I felt horrible when she said she basically knew right after the first date that she didn't want to see him again and then 16 years passed by.
I'm glad she feels gods love and that she is so strong
These videos keep popping up in my recommendations.......God is warning me, I see it. Leaving him today
💗💗
Chocolate Goddess that man going whup your ass
Hope youre out...
Good luck
LMAO🤣 best comment! Let him go sis!
I hate how her parents kind of pressured her . If my lil girl told me a man scared her I’d be proud of her for letting go early and knowing better . Go with your gut .
This is so important. My mother did the same to me. I understand now that she did not think there was any other way to live as a woman.
I tried telling my mother my husband and I were fighting, she said “what did you do?”
...so it could only be me, your child, doing something wrong?! LOL, I no longer have contact with her!
@@SaraFJones personally it's up to you not family,if he ever lays his hand on you , sis leave
Pure brain washing by him and gaslighting
@@SaraFJones you shouldn't be contacted him she aint the fault your husband ain't worth a do do
I was also in an abusive relationship for over 13 yrs. I was in total denial. I was washing his shirts by hand, cutting his hair giving him manicures and pedicures, cooking paying half the bills thinking I was taking care of my man in the name of love only to find he was making homes with other women behind my back and even marrying one then lied about it... My warning was his father who treated his wife the same way, she still accepted to this day. I left.
I am in a similar situation and praying to get out because I live at his parents home
Olivia Thomas you will get out I thought that I never could because I didn’t have enough money my family was out of state but God made a way. He went to jail I found an affordable apartment off I finally went and never looked back after 20 plus years. Where there’s a will there is a way. Blessings to you.
Makes me cry cuz im in the same boat but can't find a way out.
Makes me cry cuz im in the same boat but can't find a way out.
Annie Chattergoon I was in that nightmare for close to 14 years I thought I was so in love with this man and he was in love with me. I shared my world with him thinking we were in it together. I finally got the courage from friends, family, prayer, other women showing up at my home, calling my home. I didn’t want to believe he could hurt me I was in total denial. His family was helping him with his lies, that hurt even more finding that out. I just needed that confirmation at every angle to confirm who and what he really was then I plotted my escape plan that gave me the strength and courage to get out of that situation. He was just using me like he was using all these other women. He’s a sick narcissist and I can only feel sorry for him and pray that he’s getting or got help by now and I can thank God that I’m finally rid of him. I can say I feel free to this day. Bless you
If my parents have to convince me that the guy I date is a good guy, it's a big red flag for me.
Never thought of it like this but you’re spot on we should be telling them how amazing the person is
ISOLATION is the #1 weapon of abusers against their abused!
Plis don't go back, such men don't change.. Am sorry for all you went through but you're a strong woman
irene wangechi Strong and Pretty. FUCK HIM
@@ladymarmaladea.2463 :u stole the words out my mouth.
where will they go
irene wangechi
A third job...if I have to get a second job with a husband..I might as well be by myself 🤷🏽♀️
I agree with you
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
👌
Deadass
#hypergamy #dustfreezone
It took me six months to figure out the guy I was dating was a narc and I was out of there, never turning back.
Lucky you... Six months mine was 20years in hell
@@anneosiyo1219 oh no, I stayed for almost 2 years
I figured out the one I was dating in three months. After we broke up three months later he was engaged to someone else. I'm so worried for her and I pray she figures him out but I'm glad I saw what he was before it was too late for me.
Yes I wish I had your discernment! Unfortunately I stayed 10 yrs too long!
Took me a year
He sounds just like a narcissist. I was married to a narc. These people are the worst evil people ever!!!
They are coz even you try sharing your story with some people will think you are lying and you are the problem,coz of the way thy seem so nice whilst in the bedroom thy are monsters
They sure are it's so sad.
Narcissistic sociopath dangerous combination from only 9 months in a relationship/ experience
He's he'll bound the worst ones for called ministers.How do they. Think they look in God's eyes when their suppose to represent him that's the lowest thing that they can do😪
@@carollewis3632 Exactly!!! My Ex Narc was/is an ordained minister ; but denied Christ with how he lived , acted, and treated people. Also he had a Big Time anger problem. He is a total fraud. So very sad. 😟
This woman is very smart and articulates herself very well. This man didn't want her in school because he didn't want her to learn more and be smart therefore he tried to break her down anyway he could by taking over the finances, by keeping her pregnant and in the dark on their business. Marriage is a contract and business partnership and this man took total control over their marital business through abusive manipulation. I hope this woman can keep on track moving forward in a positive light. She held on strong and still has her sanity. I know abuse all too well but have always refused to intertwine my credit or social security number within any relationship after being forced into bankruptcy by my ex, my son's father. Never again!!!
It was recorded 2 years ago. And isn't marriage a covenant...not a contract? Here in the UK, it has recently become illegal to deprive a spouse of money, or control money, restrict freedom etc. Many other things on the abusive list.
@@manichairdo6346 Yes it should be a covenant but seems to have become more like a business contract and ran similar to a business. There's always one or the other that is in a leadership role as the executive, a finance controller, family decision maker and so forth. It's really sad how marriage has changed these days, some marry just for stability not so much for love or finding that person that completes you. They should acquire that same law here in the USA.
My on off keeps trying to persuade me to mix funds. This will never happen. I don't want to mix my funds plus, I get more money than him so if we mix funds... You know, u do the math
@Valentina Worldwide I don't think anyone is surprised. She was paid a compliment. Many people who post videos are poor speakers, inarticulate and their message gets overlooked or just passed over. Therefore, her message was incredibly helpful and a great source of encouragement.
@@DellaWatson-cz3mq Great thinking. Some suggest a joint account is a trust thing but I think more trust is shown even in committed relationships where separate accounts are held. My mum, now 86 always had a separate bank account from my dad because of his erratic spending in his youth. She was wise and when she went back to work he regarded her wage as her own so it was put there, too, for her to do as she wished.
OMG, I found myself in an abusive relationship like that in 2019. What I did was to disappear without my clothes and shoes one day.
I feel you sister. I have been in an abusive relationship for 17 years,my wife was so abusive but she never admitted it. But now I'm free and I can think straight. God is so good.
One thing I know about people, they were raised in church but they do not have a relationship with God. Talk to God, not mother, father, or grandmother.
Yessss
Sooo true!!
Yeees. Agreed. This is one reason I always see people in the comment sections bash Christians or religious groups. They don't understand that, not because someone say they grew up in church or a member of a church or even hold a position there..doesn't mean they actually have a relationship with God! Not everyone who says "God/Fathr" is for him!
Jesus warned about the "wolves in sheeps clothing". The pharisees hated him because he called them out for being a bunch of self important phonies that were dead inside and didnt know God.
Happey67 the Bible said to listen to yr parents, That yr days may be longer on the earth.
Never idolized anyone it always leads to disappointment..Always!.
Most preachers treat their wife like crap.They use the Bible to manipulate them.Where do you think their sons learn it.They're all brainwashed.Submission doesn't mean you abuse your partner. The wife submits to her own husband&the husband to his own wife.Submission is simply respect.It's a sin to be a Religious Leader using Gods Word to manipulate Women for your own agenda.You're leading people astray in the name of God.
@@denisseparker1358 I totally agree.Thanks.
Curtistine Miller AMEN!
Curtistine Miller *IDOLATRY* is a grievous OFFENSE to TMH
Sounds like a typical narcissist , they always try to ruin your character .
Definitely a narc!
Yep she described a narcissist she went through hell I am glad she survived. It could turned very dangerous.
It seems to me that their purpose on earth is ruin and destroy the lives of others especially if you are an empath they are attracted to you because they want what you have, that special light that is in us as empath that causes us to love and care for others it's not so with the narcissist they are destroyers, energy vampires they full or rage and jealousy they are self centered and manipulaters what hurt the most is that they look at you who are pure in heart and have the nerve to call us evil that is how sick they are ,stay far away from them you can not help them a matter of fact they don't need our help because they think that we are the crazy ones leave them to karma.
@@dianacampbell5433 💯💯💯
Dated one for a year 😢 . i feel like she's telling mystory
I lived this life with a spouse aka abusive angry & controlling man. Thankfully, I went from being a victim, survivor to thriving ... Thank you for sharing your story ... peace & blessings 😊🌈💜
She looks much younger than 43years
Black don’t crack...
Silena Tasha I was shocked when she said 43. I would hv bought 33
She’s very pretty I think
She look 43 to me.
Again 43 isn't that old. I think I'm just generally good about guessing most people's age.
I was married to a covert narcissist. They are malicious, sadistic, envious, big babies. Her husband sounds exactly like my ex husband. Life gets better when you cut them off permanently.
hair grows back, skin starts to glow, look younger, random smiles, the spirit is free
@@mahalee3737 Absolutely!:) When I was with him I looked like I aged ten years. A month or two after the divorce I started glowing again and my energy was back as well. Its amazing what happens when they leave and take their dark cloud with them lol
So what is it called when a man is sexually arroused by conflict with his wife?
He sounds like my bf......
@modestone Sadistic. They derive pleasure from bringing emotional or physical pain to others.
I can only imagine how draining that marriage was. His parents are the marriage counselors oh no 🙅🏽♀️
Yes, her in laws being their marriage counselors is totally inappropriate and intrusive.
@Krystal Ogoke true
The minute I heard it, my heart SANK.
Dangerous dungeon
Hi, you kept yourself very well for four children. Something similar happened to me as well ( with a Nigerian Associate Pastor, married for 14 years, our first child died, after the separation I was left with no money and our second child from the age of 5 years, being a white European woman and a single mom for 15 y' s ). I found my happiness with growing flowers on my balcony and singing Gospel songs. Bless you. I wish you strength hope and healing in all areas of body soul and mind ! Love
Conny
i am with Nigerian man now. disaster ....
My ex husband was an abuser and a pastor. They are the worst!
Unfortunately they hide behind the church.
Dont give up on God
Jesus loves you
Pastor for Satan,C's when the holy spirit changes some one they don't behave like this, so sad🙁
😔
Yeah I think they're the worst... my sis is married to a pastor... we haven't seen anything like this. He's entitled...
When a person shows you who they are believe them and walk away.
brwntra 1 When I say I literally just said this to my dad, when I was younger I never understood why he drilled this in my head, but thank God he did because it helped me escape the abuse of a Narc....
brwntra 1 Yes he was showing his truth but you ignored it . Now God got you because you stay close to him and continue to stay in your faith
Ie having healthy boundaries. A narcissist is the ultimate test- we need so much discernment Not to be gaslighted and they are often real liars & charmers. Red flags & educating ourselves as much as we can. Should be taught in schools this stuff- to prevent domestic abuse and many needless deaths.
Amen
Believe them the first time
Her ex- husband was demonic! Definitely parading like an Angel of Light.
Exactly
Single life is beautiful.
Thank you for that reminder...
I've dealt with narcs before... I had the last laugh though.
@@Happey67 sweetheart, if you can't learn to love your own company, then you cannot truly enjoy anyone else's. I have been on cruises by myself, and I have been on cruises with friends and family. I thoroughly enjoyed both! I enjoy my single life. I am a person that I can meet people of any culture, any race and I can learn and get to know people. I am alone, but never lonely.
I no longer have problems with narcissist men, like I used to when I was younger. They stay the fuck away from me, because they see I am a confident, vibrant person that speaks my mind.
😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚
singleness ain't litt....but it's better than being with a narc
@Chuck Anya Sorry YOUR life stinks.
I'm LOVIN' it!
💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿
Kudos to you for dumping his azz.
Your comment is golden, I agree with you Omonike Mama Maxx. The single life is beautiful. May the Lord bless you richly my dear.
My dad was a narcissist. After he left my mom he married someone just like himself. Karma!
Nobody wants them
Julie Copeland Barrows
🤣😂
@Corey Smith HUNNAY you KNOW it
😁😂😂🤣😃💜! KARMA!
Omg don’t cry your a beautiful strong black woman . May god continue to bless you
Amen
Amen.. Yes she a beautiful woman God be with you dear
Men are strong. She's a lady, not a man.
Father Yahweh knows I will "never" marry a female who have not received the gift of discernment of Spirits.
@@Majestic_Dark_Horse There's no such gift.
Girlfriend always have your own income.
He was a dog but SHE let him use her .Not in these modern times.Why do you keep getting pregnant? Does that church forbade contraceptives? What did YOU want.
That's what i am talking about
We should not be fooled.
Yep amen
vevo maxx yes yes yes!! 👏🏽👏🏽💰💰💰
vevo maxx she did, he took control 👎🏽
I am not married but I was in an abusive relationship. Both verbally and physically I got out of there. We have to love ourselves first before we can love anyone.
You were awake from the beginning and saw exactly what you were seeing. It was others that you trust made you believe in something that you knew was not right. My mama use to say, " Follow your first mind and let your conscience be your guide." I'm Happy Your Free God will deal with him and his family give it a minute.
Amen, for the eyes of the Lord are in every place.
This is also something that pushes people many times.. Other people vauching for the abuser.
Art Monarchia
your Mom she is right but is not easy to follow your first mind . May God help me to leave this Guy before i get lost .
Amen
@@agnesholiness6942 I only speak for myself; If I love someone waking up in the morning looking at that person before I get out of bed has the power to form my day to change my life in a miserable way I'm out. My mama also said, " never settle for less when you can have exactly what you want." I had to learn only I can make me happy the other party that comes into my life needs to bring their own joy. Here is the perfect recipe for a good relationship the ingredients are: Happy + Joy + Love + Kindness + Understanding + Respect + Working as a team player + God fearing = Life Time Of Peace And Happiness. If any of this is missing you are in trouble.
To all my sisters, you are so brave. I know what it’s like, I’ve been there too. My mother saved my life. If it wasn’t for the grace of God and my mother, I would not be here today.
Bless you. Keep strong.
I Design I can identify. Me too!
Amen Hallelujah:) I'm so Happy You are a Survivor. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I Design 6
Praise God Thank you Jesus. You should make a video about it.
Ladies we definitely need to practice more self-love and self-awareness. Soon as you find out about these narcs you need to leave.
Sometimes is not that you don't love yourself. Is just that you doubt and see goodness where there's none
Oh how I wish it was that easy 😔
Self love, it's hard to learn if you weren't taught as a child, but worth the investment!
Also learn about the cycle of abuse, types of abuse, and red flags of abuse. I have learned so much from Google searches and I hope to never find myself in an abusive relationship again.
That's why I left the church. There are spiritual narcissist in there. Too many Christian women getting cheated on smh. While they cover for the pastors cheating
So true! When you tell your marital problems to church leaders and they tell you you need to pray more, do more.. whilst reiterating husband's are the head of the home! Marc leaders destroy everything they touch
*narc
Yup. One of the MANY reasons I turned Atheist.
Brainwash bullshit. 💅
True but I wont leave church. I just won't marry
You are a beautiful, intelligent, articulate woman. So glad you are doing well now. You deserve it. God bless you.
You are a very strong, brave women. Thank you for sharing your story.
When I first left my narc abusive husband, my mom, dad, and sister (who’s also my pastor) all told me to work it out. We have 2 children and I’ve been a SAHM for almost 8 years now so I have no income. Thankfully, when I told them how he had been treating me, they all were shocked but supported me with no pressure to go back to him. He was a deacon in our church, we sang on the praise team together, and he also was the drummer. It’s always the ones you least expect that you have to watch out for. Never let your guard down just because someone “appears” to be safe and trustworthy. Always pay attention to the red flags. There are ALWAYS red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Im so glad you figured it out and pulled yourself up and got out.
Praise the Lord, you did not let the church kill your relationship with God. His Spirit and Mercy endures forever!
I would leave in the middle of the night with nothing
never ignore the red flags
Easier said than done 😥
True
pamela reyes Those Red Flags 🚩 are *CALLINGS* .... hope you have ears to HEAR🙏
pamela reyes I wish I had seen mine.
I knew somethings were not right from get go, but coz I've never experienced that before,.....
True 💯
I was in a mentally abusive relationship and was not able to see it. My children suffered as well. Seperated for 18 years now I still experience the consequences. My oldest daughter is still angry with me until this very for not being able to end the relationship.
My advise to any woman. Dig deeeep into a mans family and personal background before saying yes
How long?
@@laurenmorgan3939 hire a private investigator
What's scary about this its very common in the church
And there’s even more pressure because your community is so much more involved on a personal level so it makes it harder to get away because your judged in mass and for a lotofpeople this community is all they know and it’s all they have so they never do anything out of fear of being judged or shunned
@crystal vouse, yes, very common in the FALSE church!
When you get involved in religious cults, this is what happens.
His father is probably the same with his mother.
That's possible, hence the mom in law could not help her
Facts
EXACTLY.
The mom in law raised him. She knew he was selfish crazy man
True.. She's not alone in this, the worst place to get a partner is from the church. The church is like a hospital where people go for spiritual healing.. A that's why I believe that getting a date from church isn't the right thing anyway.
I'm looking through a mirror. This was my life 9 years ago. Couldn't understand it until went through divorce.
Please don't read this comment with malice, but what would make you stay in something so abusive?
Purposeful Love I know this life to well because it was me . She’s half way telling my story
Something that people don't understand is that this is a bondage. And it's difficult to break without God's help.
Purposeful Love stay strong
@@nicandrews1370 I guess they were brave, I wasn't...I walked out after 7 months of marriage, it felt like an eternity.
This the reason, my good friend said to me ,love and respect a man but don’t give out all the power to a man!!
Boy, I remember going on a 3 day hiking/camping trip with an asshole boyfriend (obviously didn't realize that at the time, and not for a while after either), and on the last day my knees were hurting from carrying the heavy pack up and down hills, and he said, "this trip (back to the car) better not take 8 hours because of you." Well, he misread the map and went the wrong way down the trail, even after I told him several times that landmarks I had noted previously (including a large pile of deer poop) were not there. It wasn't until we met someone along the trail, of course he was walking way ahead of me, and that person let him know he was headed along the week long trail, so we turned around. And of course he got mad at me, not really abusive, but certainly demoralized me when every step was extreme pain. The only thing that got me through was a silly song I made up in my head about him. Well, when we finally got back to the car, I had looked at my watch and it had taken us exactly 8 hrs and 5 min. We did break up in the car on the way home, but I still let him back in my life several times, until I finally had enough and told him never to contact me again. But no, I didn't learn my lesson, and dated jerks (I guess I didn't believe I was worthy of a better person), and unfortunately married a selfish and depressed man who over the past ten years has sabotaged my career and finances. I am working towards rebuilding my life, my health and my self-esteem now. I tell younger people now, that if someone treats you disrespectfully, they are not your friend, and why would you want a partner that is not your friend. I see manipulators and bullies now and fight back, which usually shuts them up, but when we give control to another who does not have our best interest at heart, we lose part of ourselves.
You have all helped us those that are still single
Marilyn Russell thanks for sharing your story. I think as women we need to take control of our lives.
💯 facts
God always let us see signs but we ignore it.
Happey67, NONE so Blind as those who will not see.
@Tewdy Quew, excuse me? A decision as serious as marriage, a person doesn't know what to do when they see
signs? You are kidding right? The lady is mentioning church, prayer, prayer, prayer. He mother sounds like she
wanted to live her dream through her daughter. Some mothers just want to brag about the children to their friends.
Do you know what to do about pain? Well a bad marriage is real excruciating pain. I have listened to hundreds of
people and some of my closest friends and family talk about a bad marriage. Stand for something or fall for
anything. I had a fellow I was dating and I did not know he was in huge debt, his conversation minimize it. He worked and got paid by commission, this fellow was in his forties and me, in my thirties. He said If I can put his name on my checking account. HELL NO! OK. I did not need to pray about that or go to a counselor. I would have just deposit
and he would have just withdraw.
@Tewdy Quew , you are a foolish person . Your statement make no sense. Get a life, dummy. You are being abused
right now because you are a fool and deserve it. Ha!
And that is the truth. I wouldn't take no for an answer Decades of unhappiness
You're so so right.
Ladies we must never never never never never give any man better yet anyone control over you. LOVE YOURSELF!! YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD!! You come from royalty. PUT GOD FIRST!! You do that nobody has control over you. Stop being so thirsty and desperate to be in relationships. Learn to be alone and have clarity. Know who you are. Get toxic people out of your life immediately. Seek God, He is truly amazing.
*You do not have to be desperate or thirsty at all for this to happen to you.* I do agree withYa though for those who ARE being 'thirsty'.
I absolutely agree
Godly headship aND submissiveness looks nothing like this. A real head is to cherish and spoil his wife and children and always act in their beat interest above his own needs and he keeps them safe and provided for. And he allows his wife the dignity to have a say in what happens to the family. People, and especially false religion does not understand of follow the proper headship of God. Husbands are to be in imitation of Christ and his Father.
yasss queen
You went through exactly the same challenges as me. It's so painful that most people will always see the wife as the bad one only because the husband and his family serves the church.
Never listen to your parents when it comes to relationship, you have to live it not them. Your first instinct should have told you to run regardless of who told you to stay. Follow your gut
Lisa that was my mistake. My mother hates me so why would I think she would choose someone good for me?
Not always. The my ex took care of me all around while I was in college, he became more and more abusive. My parents were in a tight financial spot at the time so me being with him in college really helped. I was afraid to tell my mom of the growingly bad situation because I thought she would tell me to stay. But to my suprise her and my dad told me to come home they'll take care of me. It was one of the moments in my life that I knew my parents loved me above anything...
Well parents have experience u should listen sometimes but bottom line use your brain
@@evelynvelasquez7999 - so agree with you 💕💕. Some people either have super low esteem or they like projects, thinking they can fix such people.
As soon as a person shows you their dark side, leave. Don't understand how they can stay all these years. Praying and sitting on your ass waiting for a miracle is what gets people into trouble.
Whotney houston
Say no to narcissistic relationship
Ntuchu Melvis what are the signs in theses types of men?
@@fitnessbabe7958 one the are very charming.talk about the future too soon and just think about what a mirror does when you look into.a narcissist look and study what you want in a partner and he starts practicing it so you feel you have met your soul .all lies lies soon or later you will start realising his words and actions don't match
He sounds more like a sociopath than a narcissist.
@@ntuchumelvis7157, he is not a narcissist. A narcissist would not be gone for several days knowing that the refrigerator is empty. Narcissist are about show and tell and to impress others. They use other people to make them look good. He is more like a sociopath. Sociopaths only care when there are consequences to their actions. She didn't allow him to be accountable for his actions.
6yrs ago...was hell..4me!! my EX Narcissistic... boyfriend was a evil...mess!!HE SAID HE WAS GOING 2 KILL ME!..JESUS removed him!!
Sounds like my ex. Narcissism was called James. He tried to intimidate and control me. Tried to choose my friends. It didnt work. I was stronger than my abuser and his lies.
The ex narc in my life has the same name.
Me too
@@daniellehage1844 me to I be snapping on him in public and all when he cross the line
I am sorry for your pain, glad that you are free, and disappointed that you did not share the name of the monstrous "church" your ex was part of. They absolutely NEED to be exposed!
I watched your story last night and watching it over again today. I am sorry for all that you went through : the pain, the hurt, the heartbreak.
I hope you and your family are doing much better now, a few years later. I hope your children are healthy and happy.
May God continue to Bless and protect you and your children.
Your husband will face his judgment.
The only thing I am disappointed about, is that you did not have to courage to leave him before , it was only when you found out that he had * another woman,* it was ONLY then you gathered the courage and the strength to leave.
Your church also failed you by not getting involved .
God has never and will never fail you.
Wishing you the best in life.
My dear, you are narrating my story. I wish I could talk to you. Coming from a third world country my ex taught he own me. I lived with this narcissist for 10 years. When I left I never looked back. My divorce was pronounced today. Living the best life, taking care of my girl. I have learned enough to teach her. Lots of love.
Some One b
She describes a husband who has narcissistic personality disorder.
So many of them especially in churches
Lol... funny the way you term it. “Narcissistic personality disorder” hell waits for this kind of gentle abuser.
Yep.
Amen. Her story is similar to mine. I'm out and I'm free!!! ❤️
I went to a Pentecostal church and all the wives work while the husbands didnt work . They used the scriptures for their own benefit. That's why never loose yourself 👈 in a marriage or relationship
Jessica L bibles told us by the fruits ye shall know them do not be deceives by man too often they don’t invite the Holy Spirit in they life and run into trouble why because the trust in man and not in the father in heaven
I see this too.
@Beverley Hohn Chang you are young....You even talk young!
@@ThestorytellerofKatunga She speaks the truth, young or not. 😑
@Beverley Hohn Chang you're so wrong for the comment,how you were raised is different from others,some a emotional connectors,some are just vulnerable so please ,choose your words wisely
Oh dear. I can hear myself from you. I was a single mother before I left him from the time I met him
Never say I do if u r having any second thoughts. The its better to remain single than marry the wrong person.! Keep strong. All things work together for the good of Gods children.
Anulika Ononye You are soooooooooo right!!!!!
God gave you the sign on the hike and all mothers don't know better.. Take notes in the beginning
the mother said seems to be a nice guy....she saw what he wanted them to see...not mama's fault
You’re a strong woman. My heart hurts for you yet I admire you.
What gets me is that you almost always see the behavior of abuse when you’re dating. Nobody is that good at hiding things. Usually, the signs are there but you either ignore them or you don’t know what to call the behavior so it flys over your head. It is not until you are in the marriage that things start unfolding. Ladies and gentlemen please be careful in everything that you do concerning marriage and dating. Do not allow anyone to cajole you into a life of misery. Remember that you were free and had choice before you met them and they can’t take that away from you. Hold God higher than any spouse or relationship because no man born of dust should ever have any hold over you.
Always trust your instincts. Yours were screaming from that first date . Thanks for telling your story.
W22xenon
fedupto68 At first i didnt even want to go on a date nor did i want him to know where i lived . But eventually i did because of his multiple tries or persistance. After years of dating and being together, i listened to my instincts.... I knew in my heart i did not want to marry him. Ive recently got back into contact after years and not for a relationship but as roommates. And let me tell you, im suffering for it. Ive been blocked on social accounts, physically assulted etc and taking legal measures. And guess why? Because i didnt want a relationship nor would i let him control me. Which is what i though he was trying to do all along. Even though i told him that before i even moved in. So people please please yes, listen to your gut feeling! Its disgusting that she had to go through this. Sadly, the church was def his cover. Its been seen and done multiple times. Ive learned my lesson for sure
Classic narcissistic abuse.
He is not a narcissist. He's a sociopath.
What is the difference between the two?
@@greenqueen2673 th-cam.com/video/6dv8zJiggBs/w-d-xo.html
@Valentina Worldwide, true but sociopaths only care when they suffer consequences and sociopaths do not have remorse. A person can't be a sociopath and narcissist because they either have remorse or not. Sociopaths are very good at manipulating others by making them think they are genuine. Narcissist are very easy to figure out because they let you know that it's all about them.
@Valentina Worldwide, they may show a little as long as it makes them look good. They use others to make them look good. For example, a guy (who is a narcissist) may buy a homeless man a dinner to impress his date.
OMG!!! I’m listening to my own story, only I didn’t have children. My husband went away and at the age of 72 had an affair with a 27 year old lady, then bragged about it. That is how I got my freedom from an controlling abusive husband. After 25 years I’m happy to say he’s out of my life forever. We too met in the church. He even instigated a prayer meeting in the mornings in our church. As we all know ‘it’s not everyone that says Lord’.
This lady describes her husband as exactly 💯 how Satan character is. 1st angle of light (charming)
Congratulations on LEAVING!!!
I'm 2 years NO CONTACT from ex narc after 3.5 years off and on. Me and my husband are deeply in love enjoying life.
Never Look Back Beautiful.
Am 1month away now.. I feel like am LIVING NOW! he says he won’t take care of our 3kids. Am in perfect peace tho and I know God’s got us as I plan and take the next cause of action for babies and I. Peace
L A HELL YEA!!!!!
I'm a few weeks with little contact....I feel so free and at peace...it's better to be alone than miserable with someone I felt so empty..
Sounds like my ex. Satan masquerading as an Angel
Exactly
Nqobile Hlophe Yes, mine too!
I can relate
Mine too!
Same here
Some peep think marraige is a contract for SALE of a soul..only God owns YOU
That's right !!!! Love that you said this 😍
Yep
That's what his mother went though.so she could not say nothing the evil goes on
👏👏👏
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Omg honey the story of my life I pray for us omg
A minister, a musician, a gospel singer...a narcissistic abuser. RUN honey...and keep right on running. God is with you and will heal your brokenness. ❤
Wild Rose so very true. Run , Run , Run Forest Run!!! 🏃♀️👍❤
Church Organizations and their *LEADERS* are Brood of VIPERS..... children of SATAN *TARES*
They are evil. I was involved with the minister of music at my former church. He proudly shared pictures of our intimate times together with members of the band and my fellow choir members. The bishop found out and did absolutely nothing. I’m done with church.
U mean those roles - Minister, musician, gospel singer that peeps occupy in church?
Iris is beautiful and young looking nice and well spoken lady, so sorry she went through this
She will make it
Did this husband of yours do anything for a LIVING? Sounds like to ME he was COMPLETELY spoiled by his CHURCHY parents!
😂😂😂😂
U are a voice to many women out there who are going through the same thing u went through, .. suffering and afraid to speak out or leave their abusive marriages! ... Soon u will save many women out there, I have a feeling God has appointed u for such a job!
1)First huge red flag “ we got lost on the trail and he lost it”. This why you honor your own intuition it won’t lie to you
We tend to look at their breakdowns as "temper tantrums" and want to pet them and kiss it and make it better when he needs A CHER IN MOONLIGHTING SLAP! Yes there are signs THIS AINT THE ONE.
Absolutely! The first red flag run! I've had my experience with nut cases.
@Kimberly Monique , How sad! ☹️
Ladybug Eartha yes and her mother failed her also. She told her to go back to him? Too often as women we brush off the small stuff.
Kimberly Monique I know 😪. He probably didn’t want her on birth control, I’d been a sneaking popping my pill everyday something after that first one!
She went against her 'gut'... her 'inner voice'.. her 'spirit'.. The Holy Spirit's voice to her Spirit'.. Whatever Ya want to call it. *We should NOT EVER ignore it.* Her mother's input caused her to second guess that 'gut' feeling. Ladies PLEASE (n men also) Do NOT ignore it. It doesn't matter what others say. That inner voice is the TRUTH. *N do not try2 make sense of it with your mind, the Spirit knows what the mind doesn't know.*
Dazzling Jewel ...yes the inner voice is the Truth.
So true!
Love your comment, I learnt this lesson late but now I trust my gut completely.
Yes, I lived this for 30 years before the Lord was able to get the truth through to me. Listen to the inner voice because the Holy Spirit leads.
The pain that would have been avoided had many listened to that inner voice. I thank God for healing and second chances.
It breaks my heart to see your eyes full of tears. You’re a courageous woman. Do not anyone else abuse you. You deserve much better. 😘
OH MY GOSH!!! Girl!
When my ex Narc and I were dating he brought us in a hike in the mountains of Virginia for my birthday~ we ALSO got lost and he FLIPPED OUT!! I also thought, where did this kind, quiet person go??? It should have been a huge red flag. He ruined my birthday with his rage. I kept telling him it was fine, that we'd look back on the memory and laugh and he was INCONSOLABLE with his anger!
I too came back from my honeymoon weeping in my parents bed. My dad told me to divorce...my mom disagreed. 😞💔
I never felt married to someone either. It was NOT a marriage. It was slavery.
This breaks my heart. So many women want a companion so desperately that they often ignore the red signs. 🔥Ladies, don't let anyone control you and make you feel less than just because he's the man. Society says get married however if being single and Happy is more fulfilling then remain single until you find someone who will truly respect you and appreciate you❤️😢
well said dear
Carmen agree with you!
.
Crazy thing is that a lot of these "men" women too, put on a mask and trick you into loving them. By then your emotions are already involved.
Red flags are not always there in time! This can happen to anyone in church! They come to people like Hero's! Educated preachers! In church
I went through some of the same things with my ex husband of 14 years. Thank God you got away. I didn't realize how bad he was until I went through counseling after I got divorce. His family had the nerve to say, God forgives you for what you done for leaving him. These people are sick, twisted, selfish and evil. I will never go back.
My heart goes out to You, & Thank GOD for having the courage to scape. I've been in those shoes myself years ago, but I was just a teen. But GOD gave me courage & placed different family & friends in my life to break that bondage. May GOD continually cover & shelter you & your children. 🙏❤️🙏❤️
Girl, why did you wait so long to get rid of that ZERO?
Because God hates divorce and most Christians don’t support this type of divorce.