I remember in my 20's I was told to be "content to be single" by married clowns. Now that I'm 30 and lost interest, I'm seen as a bad guy. Screw American churches.
North American churches have made marriage an idol. If it weren’t so, there would be just as many sermons, programs , bible studies and so on for singles as there are for married couples. And this second class treatment of singles in the church wouldn’t be happening.
Don’t be discouraged my friend and yes many American churches aren’t doing well but keep your eyes on GOD JESUS. It’s not a 11th commandment that you have to be married, it’s a choice.
As a single father who was active in church, I felt like a second class citizen, but didn't realize what was happening until I left this church. I felt most of my value was the free labor I'd willingly give for church events.
Single dad here as well and I have been to similar churches. Some would consider me a big dude, and I used to power lift many years ago. I like to help out the church body, utilizing the strength that God gave me, but there are times in previous churches where I have felt used as well. Best to make "no" a perfectly normal part of your repertoire. We need our time to recharge as well, and I've got 50-50 custody with all teenagers now, and I value my alone/recharge time. It also enables me to study Scripture without restrictions.
Many years ago my wife died. Prior to this I was a valued member of my church. After she died, I felt like I had fallen of the edge of the world. Almost everything you could go to at church was for married couples. Later, when I was hospitalized, it was a friend who had grown up with me that offered me help, not the church.
@@jefftube58 This is extremely sad to hear. I am thankful that your friend was there to help you out. It seems as though churches (when being run by men, rather than by the Holy Spirit) are more focused on bringing more people into the church building, rather than doing what is right (from the example of the Good Samaritan). Is there anything that you need from any of us reading your post?
As a lead pastor in a church, and a single man, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from denominational leadership, church leadership, and members in the church about being single. I have had several members of my church attempt to set me up with their daughters and granddaughters. It is rather discouraging. Thank you for sharing this.
Unfortunately, people in church love to help men get set up with someone, but they don't do the same for women. In all my years going to church, I never once had any Christian friends help set me up with a single guy that they knew. You should count yourself lucky.
It's obvious tho isn't it? Most churches wouldn't encourage female pastors and that's why folks be pushing their daughters in front of the associate pastor so he can become the next pastor. ....isn't that awful tho? Like, why would you marry somebody just so that you could call yourself a pastor?
The church ignores singles, single parents, divorcées and widowers. They are only about marriage and building up a family. They completely ignore Paul’s teachings on singleness and yet they wonder why so many people gen z/millennials are leaving it. I’m on the verge of leaving mine as well.
I dont understand the gripe from single people about churches expecting them to give more of their time serving or volunteering. That is a good way to expand your social circle and how you can improve your prospects of finding a partner. You will have less free time when you get married and have kids.
@@JB-kx9bx as a single person I think the gripe is, There isn't any social church groups for us to move in, I think that's the point and when you do volunteer you volunteer with married folks and offen your opinions gets ignored
Paul’s teachings on singleness were intended for a select group or more specifically the single lifestyle which Paul himself personified. Most people even in Paul’s day fell into the “ it’s better to marry than burn with passion” crowd.
Thank you for posting this video. Not everyone falls into a neat tidy little "slot" in life - - college, career, marriage, kids. There are many singles who struggle with loneliness and need a place where they are loved and accepted. Singles need to feel like they BELONG. As it is, many times the church treats them like they are lepers
The only way I will join a church is if EVERY demographic is treated equally. The focus is ALWAYS put on children's ministries, the youth and married couples. Many churches will only do something for the singles once a year, which is usually around Valentine's day (Bowling or a Single Cruise which is flooded with women). Many churches look at singles as labor, doing the work no one else apparently can't do because they're busy with their spouses and children. COVID has just made things worse, many singles didn't return to church because we weren't seen in the first place. The church has been deaf to the cry of this population and loves to tell them what they need instead of listening to the singles when they try to express what they need. If God was enough, Adam wouldn't have been married, even God himself said "it is not good for man to be alone".
as a single male, I love it when a church wants to shuffle me off to their recycling program (singles group). It usually consists of women outnumbering men 4 to 1 and most men just love to spend an evening hearing how a woman's 4 ex husbands did her wrong.....
it's amazing your church even has a singles group to be honest. But I think that the focus of such groups shouldn't be on finding partners but on meeting others who are not tied into a marriage, just to socialise together. Sorry to hear you don't like to be among a lot of women. Sometimes that's just the way it goes. Hope you find some friends.
At my church, single women outnumber single men, so as a man, I have more options to choose from. Ironically, I have already spent an evening with a single woman, to add to that her being a single mom no less. She let it all out to me about how her ex husband did her wrong. So I bounced out of that real quick. So you’re not wrong.
Its because they view you as a threat and inherently untrustworthy. Ive experienced ridiculous accusations from the pulpit, and all sorst of backlash just trying to attend church and still being single. It really feels like married Christians are snobs.
The marrieds who look down on the singles do so because they’ve made an idol out of their marriage. Yes I agree with what you said about married Christian’s can be snobs. When it comes to marital status in the church , I see a division of “the haves and the have nots “
As a single woman, almost 40 and have never been married, I can attest to how painful it is to know that your church community doesn't care about you. Unless you are married. Sermons center around married people. Church events, conferences or any type of gathering center around married people. It's very discouraging.
I've kinda gotten used to it all centering around families, because I'm trying to be obedient to God and focusing on God has somewhat drowned out the annoying insecurities of the my church.
I would love to find a single, Godly woman to develop a friendship with. I'm a single dad, and it is hard to meet women who only think I want to date them. I'm open to God's plan in my life, but I find the single life much more fulfilling currently. Also, I've been betrayed in many of my relationships, including the one with my ex wife. I hope you find peace in your situation, or a new church or small group to attend. Nobody should be treated poorly because of their earthly relationship status.
@@andrewmarshall7569 Thanks for your input. In my ignorance, I assume single men, including those who are divorced, are jumped on at church by women, with the divorced or single women mostly ignored, especially those with kids. I totally agree that nobody should be ignored b/c of this. I pray God brings an amazing and godly woman into your life, even as a good friend.
@@RS54321 I really appreciate your comment here. I was recently in a relationship with a wonderful Christian woman, but the timing wasn't right. I'm focused on raising my kids at this point, and my kids are at a critical age to ensure success in their future. It is all in God's hands, and it is not a worry of mine per se. I've enjoyed the single life as well. I've been able to share the Gospel (1 Cor. 15:1-4) as well as minister to those who have been through divorce, especially those negatively affected by extramarital affairs. Blessings to you and yours today, and each day after.
They need to create dating program for single Christians, I wonder if they exist for everyone. They need to at least help the college student the most to get more to comeback, start praying, and attending. Pretty sad they don’t value single people in place of worship. That’s the reason they have low attendance, and this needs to be brought up to the leaders.
Single divorced parent. Have felt out of place so often in church. I don't fit with "the marrieds" or with "the singles". Have tried hard over the last 18 months to build friendships. Very hard to do so. Right now, feeling lost, lonely and (literally) rejected.
Hi @Abrach. im so glad i stumbled on your comment, cos my friend i know the exact posistion you are in, cos im in it too. im a 35yr Old single father, also divorced and i cant tell you the battle ive faced with these circumstances. and 2nd your feelings of feeling lost, lonely and rejected... God only knows how much ive expressed that to Him 😀. but the simple truth is that those are all lies the devil wants you to focus on right now... too pretty much give up on your future glory, to lose hope in what God has in store for you... i dont know your story... But i do believe in the one true God who can redeem and restore all we have lost. Trust the process... even in the hurt. you are loved, found and saved by His Grace! you will have your testimony of His goodness if you just hang on to Him in this time!
@Abrach I’m feeling the same. I’m a divorced single mom and have been for 8 years. I’m now 28 and fighting to remain Christian. At times I don’t feel I fit in with the young adults or the married people. I’m starting to think church is for older people or married people and maybe I should come back to church when I’m older and married. I feel like I’ve wasted my 20’s. It’s been lonely.
@@Ronnfn360 It's worth sticking with the church, I think. Things are better for me now than when I commented originally. Still not as I would like them to be, but I need to make the best of it that I can.
This is definitely a thing. I recall talking with a friend in the church, who'd recently broken up with his girlfriend(who was also in this church)and he said that he couldnt believe the difference in the way people were treating him now, as a single person, with how they had treated him before when he was part of a couple. He went on to say that when he was part of a couple people in the church(the pastors, the pastors wives and many others) would always seek him out after the service and talk to him, they'd regularly invite him over to their houses or to go for coffee/lunch and in general show great interest in him. However as soon as the relationship ended and he was single again, he said those same people didnt even want to know him, it was as if he had all of a sudden become invisible. And if he did get talking to any of them, they'd give him 5 minutes of their time then quickly move on to talk to someone who was married or in a couple. And I know he's telling the truth because I had the same experience. The strange thing is that I've come to the conclusion that these people have no idea they're doing this, they have zero self awareness, which means they're running on an auto pilot program which values married and coupled over single. And the irony is they are the same people who will declare that there is no difference between married and singles, both are equal vocations. So theres what they say and then theres what they actually do, and these are not the same things, which they should be. I confess it has left a sour taste in my mouth and I have lost respect for people like that. I've realiesed that they wont change, even if i pointed this out to them, they'd argue vehemently that they dont discriminate, like I said, they have no self awareness. So I use it by way of trial now, to develop humility and if you use it in this way it can bear much fruit. It doesnt matter how people in church look at singles, they've been conditioned in a certain way and will never change, in their hearts they consider marrried to be a superior state than single, even if they will say otherwise. Theres no use in being offended or taking it personally, the best thing to do is to smile to yourself and thank God that he is humbling you.
The church needs to be in obedience to the word of God which is to be in love and unity with each other. Singles are getting hurt or even leaving church because they not getting any ministry when it’s always geared to married life. The marrieds need to repent and humble themselves to include and respect their single brothers and sisters in Christ, in accordance with the word of God
I have seen that the Church has failed as a whole. That's why we are in the end times. The Church is supposed to be the moral authority and leader in the world. The Church has been declining for a very long time and legalization of abortion was like a watershed moment towards the end.
Great post! My slogan is "What other people think of me is none of my business". I realize I dont' take up real estate in other people's heads as I used to think they did.
@@eoinMB3949 it's not just that but also if you have children or not. They all are coupled and/or with children. So they are too busy for you. But hey, you get to experience rejection and humiliation like Jesus they say. I am sure they would really want to switch places with singles unmarried and without children. Because isn't being like Jesus much more glorifying in the heavenly realms?
I was single for a long time. I didn't get married until 46 but attended church all of my life. So, I came across this issue a lot but not recently. I found either that churches ignored singles or exhibited outright hostility. I have heard pastors say we were broke. We needed to go off and get fixed via getting married. I think this is part of a bigger issue. The country is changing. About 50% of all households are single now. I found pastors only know what they see, couples with kids. This is a model churches have followed since the 50s. They refuse to address the new world. It is to much work to do that. The consequence of that decision is 50% of households don't even show up to church.
Married couples will rarely befriend a single man, because of the fear that the wife can't be close to the man because she's married. Usually the husband was your friend when you were both single, but now his wife is his #1 so you can never be close friends period. And in the case of a divorcee it's very unlikely to work out because of baggage. Some people simply miss out, and in our culture they have no place to socialize with the married couples culture!
I am a 50 year single man who is mostly comfortable with being single, but on family days like Mother's Day or Father's Day or Christmas holidays have their toughest moment. My mother died in 2012, and today I still miss her as much I did in 2013. Being around my church family would have been very helpful. There are times when being alone is tough =(
Even as someone who’s engaged, I completely sympathize with you because I felt this way throughout most of my years going to church. It’s sad because it’s a place to grow closer to God. Not to treat married couples with children as if they’ve reached the ultimate form of holiness and fulfillment in accordance with God’s will. It’s merely a stage in life in comparison to eternity.
Soo true, some churches focus on families and develop more ministries for couples and children. This leaves singles with a feeling of isolation and excluded. I’ve sometimes felt that I wasn’t whole because I didn’t have children. However, my relationship with Jesus bloomed. I once went home with a heavy heart with these feelings, I knelt before the Lord, wept and I heard him saying in my heart I love you as a father, a brother, a woman and a child. I was so filled with his love and warmth. Gods love for us and our love for him is the most beautiful. He is so gracious and gentle. 🙏🏼
this is beautifuly worded and i too have felt these exact feelings and emotions on my heart. my church is also very family and youth orientated and as a single guy (who sometimes feels like im the only single guy left in the church 😀😀) there is no "singles" ministy, groups or mention and to quote the title of this video, i do sometimes feel like a "lesser valued" christian. God bless you on your walk with Christ!
This is why I don't go to church because there absolutely is an arrogance that comes with families / married people... And what's sad is when you do have a boyfriend they don't even consider your love for that person and call you "single". It's extremely insensitive. Imo. Rude and arrogant. I know that's not God's best.
Lol I used to go to church with my gf and the pastor, especially his wife would give me evil looks all the time. Sometimes they don't even need to say it, how they behave around you speaks way louder about what they think
As a former lead pastor of 15 years never married the social events never bothered me. Now when it came to my denominational events, sometimes it did and about half the time I just did not go.
It is hard being single especially after 6 years of not finding anyone. when being the only generation in a church of between younger and older while others are too busy or in tough situations That pain I thank God for because it somehow keeps me in place to grow and to pray for others. James 5:17
I wish married couples would reach out to singles. Instead of making singles do all work only to have frustration, loneliness, and social isolation to show for it. The people who told me to reach out, wouldn't do that themselves. That's why I quit going, and never looked back.
I'm nearly 65, been going to church all my life. I just blow it all off. I have zero expectations of finding significant friendships at church. I am not the type of single who will ever stop going to church. If you just understand human nature is what it is, you can stop banging your head against the wall and find your connections outside church. Problem solved
Feeling valued by my congregation is not my focus or concern. It can only lead to bitterness, a critical spirit, disappointment. I keep my focus on the Gospel and the cross.
At a former church, I was asked on two different occasions (both potluck suppers) to move from the table I was sitting at because, as a single person, I was upsetting the balance. She (it was the same woman) never told me where I was supposed to sit. I wasn't offended; I was just amazed that such words would come out of someone's mouth at church. Church activities are set up around couples and families. You generally aren't included in invitations unless it's a class party, and I doubt anyone gives it a thought. If you're not in a relationship, you don't fit in. Nobody's rude about it, but even finding someone to sit with during a service makes you feel like a fifth wheel.
Life long single. Never married. No children. Never even a girlfriend. I'm 57. The few times where I was "frustrated" and did mention "I dont like being single" out came the Bible quotes about "no marriage in heaven" and "better to be single" and "you have an amazing opportunity to serve God" (free labor in the church). These same people...their daughter, granddaughter, or their niece was sinlge for more than a few minutes "Men need to step up and be men! My niece, daughter, grand daughter is a perfect daughter of the king! Men today sheesh....lazy!" and "How come there are no real men in this church! Pastor needs to do a sermon and get these men in gear!!!" I eventually left, and no one has missed me.
I attended a men’s fellowship group at a former black church in the 1990s and the Pastor ask every man around the table about what they do in the bedroom sexual with their wives. I was the only single and widowed person with about 25 married men at the table. I have left the church because I didn’t fit in. I had lost my wife several years before of cancer. I didn’t have nothing to say. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
The idea of "start the community you need" is not encouraging, to me. The "community" I need is a helpmate. I need less work and more peace. I don't want more on my plate just to sustain a social connection.
It's like the "American Church Business Model" taught in business school includes all the tax advantages of subjugating the sermons to non-taxable topics...at the expense of actual training in discipleship, evangelism, deliverance, etc.
Thank you for this. I always feel reassured when we simply return to the gospel, rather than letting the specific culture of a church dominate (which I imagine will always be a challenge of any church). I am very fortunate to have a few married friends who include me in their lives, but I do think this is rare, because human nature. I’ve also come to believe that the problem is systemic rather than intentionally malicious - and structural changes, along with solid teaching, could go a long way in disrupting the narrative, leading to a church that could truly be family-oriented in the gospel sense of the term, a haven for lonely or single people (who sadly often find more sense of belonging in secular society).
My parents didn't have children for a while after they got married and were ostracized also. My poor mother wasn't able to get pregnant and she and my dad choose to adopt myself and later my brother. I say all that to say at the end of the day if you're "married with children" you have a 90% of being "popular", "loved", and not over looked. If you don't squeeze into this "ideal image" then you'll be ignored in some cases. Not all! Thanks for the video. God will bless you. 🙏🏾❤️
My thing is brother if church buildings didn’t focus so much on being married with kids. Than the body of Christ will grow al lot each member of the body of Christ God has a plan and a purpose for. I mean we are the hands and feet of Christ right then let that light shine through you everywhere you go in life so others will see the love of the father living in you. While I’m here it’s interesting the Bible says not too be of this world but the Bible says a married person is anxious about the things of this world can you elaborate on that that is interesting
I agree with you also. I think that’s why he church buildings are theming out because fewer people are married these days. I mean Mother’s Day Father’s Day. When everyone who’s a monther dad stands in front of the church building making it like you the cricket in the audience.But when you read the Bible listening to sermons on TH-cam you’ll see Jesus said take up your cross follow me he didn’t meeting anything about your spouse and kids.
I'm a single person. Marketing scheme I don't know if that's the word but Churches are interested in being family orientated not single orientated there's a reason. Churches like to raise families into churches because the youth become adults if they can keep the young into old age then money time and effort can spent in the church setting over a long span of years then say a single person the effect is lot different. Single person is more prone adhesive to be care free no restriction or accountability towards anyone they can and do as they please with no real consequences not the same if your married both in the same church. I myself been to a church that was very heavy focused on marriage topic and families but after I don't know few months of attendance I left it wasn't for me ( that church) almost everybody at the church was family of so and so and wasn't really feeling did service there tried to talk to people about Christ or even friendly conversation that's with leadership and normal goers but they more interested in their own agenda of $$$ after that I walked out and left. Now I'm at Salvo Army their vision very clear regardless of background if actually do good causes for community and people do engage with you after the service talk to you etc..
Being single still at 45, I got to where I was tired of singles ministries in the church because of the same toxic cultures and I preferred to hang around families. At least I could learn from them instead of hanging around goofy single Christians who were afraid to date.
Great video Nick. I loved how you focused on what we can do as single people to create community that we so often think we are missing out on. I agree that there are so many wonderful married couples who make single people feel extremely welcome, I have many friends like this. Unfortunately, I have also experienced the downside, where married couples get placed into leadership positions or have a stronger "voice' in the church, not because of anything they have done as people, but merely because they are now married. I think the 'church' often misses out by overlooking single people with lots of wisdom, experience, and passion for Jesus because of a warped mindset that somehow they need a 'married' status to actually have a valuable contribution to the community.
Thank you for this….today at church the topic was “restoring a marriage” , Im a single 40 year old female and recently saved in 2022 so church is new to me and I often feel so out of place when I see so many married couples and families at my church
It’s been a long time since I was a single guy at church. Here are my observations from when I was. At my church we had a “ singles” group which had all the feel of a holding company that they would rather you just move out of. There were no clear boundaries for age or demographics you’d have an early 20s person sitting right next to a 65 yo gal who buried her last 2 husbands. If you were a single and happy person ( there was maybe 1 person like this) they fawned over you but if you were a person who was looking to spend as little time in the singles phase of your life they just wanted you to shut up and not make any waves or seek any kind of emotional support. They would preach that it was “ better to be single” after all that’s what Paul said right? I just got the feeling that the group was there to keep the singles out of the view of mainstream church goings on with the hopes that they might against odds find someone or just simply leave the church which many ended up doing. The group was depressing and was managed by an assistant pastor who was basically a good guy but his wife was a bitch who looked down on people especially those of us in the group. Women who were in the church and who would be potentially available were hypergamous and even the gross, morbidly obese gals felt they deserved a man who was a perfect 10 since they were God’s little princesses.
I'm going to go a little out on a limb and say you got your timeline in genesis slightly off. Gen 2:18 says that God said it is not good that man should be alone. 2:19 then says that God formed the animals of the dust of the ground. reading this quite literally, this sounds like it was a fresh copy of them all demonstrating God's power of creation directly to Adam, but thats a little beside the point. then it says there was found no help meet for him. I think this is important in this discussion because it wasnt a complaint from Adam that resulted in Eve because this wasnt brought to Adam's attention until after Adam had named all the animals. It was God himself who first said (and I'm adding obviously) "Even though Adam has the most perfect relationship with me of any human that will ever live (barring Jesus of course who was himself God anyway), Adam STILL was purposefully created to need a help meet specifically for him and he needs to understand that". Then, after God showed Adam he can create from the dust, he puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib and makes Eve as if to say "I can make whatever I want from dirt, but this is different this is a part of YOU". to which Adam then acknowledges "this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". I believe men are hard wired to need that help meet. Can we get by without it? Well, *looks around my empty messy house.... apparently we can, just not terribly well. And it is only through direct intervention by God that some men may remain single, see Paul. I also dont think women are quite able to understand this for whatever reason because they arent wired the same but now starting to ramble.
Worse is that all resources are poured into single womens' needs/wants. I'm chronically ill so I'm passed over by both the world and the church and it just feels awful. I feel closer to God in private meditation and listening to the Bible while driving alone than at church. I try to put myself "out there" I try to serve as much as I can, but I'm more constrained than healthy people are, and there's always somebody healthier, wealthier, and more able bodied to serve than I am.
That sounds really hard. There's a great community on the SALT app who talk about living and dating with chronic illness - you should check it out on TABLE on the app. It's really nice to not walk something like that in community
I am not to be meant as a teacher, but I am a follower of Jesus christ. I don't think he said anything about being single in the church. it will condemed you in hell. In fact, if you are would want you to work it out. If you or the woman is in trouble, it is ok to divorce.
At the 10.50 minute point I think i have an answer, you are single, so you are ignored and thus that can become a vicious circle. You have to fit in with Married couples timetable, you can offer and offer and offer... especially if its a church initiative... single person trys to start something, very difficult to encourage people to commit to it...
A few years ago, after I had broken up with an ex I talked to my pastor about the church being too family friendly and not single friendly. He brought up a very good point that the church does want singles to get married. However, if they actively promote the events for the singles ministry then you also attract the 2x yearly cheaster christians (if they even go to church at all). To show up to these events pretending like you're a true christian is putting on a facade because the 2x yearly christian eventually falls back into old habits and stops attending church. When one spouse does that, the other spouse stops attending as well and soon the kids don't show up either. The church doesn't want that, they want the WHOLE family in church.
It is, respectfully, a bad take. We should not refuse to minister to any group because it will attract bad actors. Also, the opposite scenario is also true. My mother used to tell me how couples would drop their kids off at church and then bail because it was free baby sitting. Should we also cancel youth ministries?
Yeppers. It's even harder when you are a single 'older' female (eg. 35+). At my church the single women outnumber the single men at almost four to one. Not good odds. Most 'older' single men have left the church, sadly. The latest guy to marry is 38 and his bride is 24. Makes me cringe a bit. I have zero desire to marry a guy 14+ years older than me, but men don't seem to have this issue. I know church shouldn't be a place to look for a partner, but in our day and age, there really is no other good place to find/meet a potential future spouse who is a follower of Christ.
So hard, and there is definitely a numbers issue - so many more women. It's why we created the SALT Christian Dating app - for people to expand their reach past their church
That’s because men value youth and beauty. 10 years isn’t that much of a stretch. In the early 20th century the were marriages with 20 year age gaps that no one batted an eye at. My family had two of these.
It seemed like in their fantasy land, everyone should be married. Single people must be horrible. That's why I left the church. I don't need that antipathy.
Was a single father of three in the church for 12 years. Lets just say it was not comfortable and didnt feel much as to Christian love I was there out of obedience and for my children They were raised in the church my daighters are not lost. My son is rock solid.😊 I dont judge Christ by what Christians do not do.
There is no command in scripture to marry. The Apostle Paul in I Corinthians says it perfectly OK not to be married as long as you don't burn with lust. Some people simply can't marry as they might be unattractive. Women generally refuse to marry men in the under 100K a year income bracket. Funny though, I have been a Christian all my life with the exception of a brief period of a few years, after which my wife unscriptually divorced me. I'm glad to say I have never been treated badly in the church for not being married. In two different congregations I have been president of the church board and in all the churches except one I have held positions of lay leadership. So sorry to hear about folks being snobby toward single folks. Sounds nutty to me.
Women prefer a guy that has a better track record just like guys prefer a younger woman that has a better chance to reproduce. It doesnt mean guys won't ever marry a woman over 30 or that women wont marry a man making less than 100k.
The church is for marrieds it's more of club, there's a hierarchy of validity and worth in this world. It's always been here nothings changed in 400 years
Thank you so much for sharing this. I like what you said about marriage not being “an achievement,” but “a commitment”. Wow- very good perspective! And I like your advice about being the one to initiate community. Thank you again
Thank you so so much for this! I heard a service about “God is enough” God is the one who should satisfy us, not a husband, or a family, or a friend or carrier or food or something else. If we had nothing but God, we would have everything. I loved how you mentioned that having a husband and kids is just another way to serve. It is a way to be raising kids into a being a disciple, but it is at least good to just tell other people about the gospel. I appreciate you video so much.?God bless you, my brother in Christ
We can read our Bibles and pray ad nauseam but eventually we have to eat to satisfy our physical needs. There are other needs as well ( social, sexual) that God cannot satisfy as a spiritual being.
@@jasonwilliams8321 when God satisfies our spiritual needs, we don’t need our physical needs to satisfy us. But if you feel the need for that, then it’s maybe what God is calling you to
@@katrinemller3324 I'm not trying to be argumentative but your statement contradicts itself. We are told that even Jesus being God in his human form got tired and hungry, When we are in our perpetual "soul form" in heaven this will hold true but our bodies have needs (nourishment, companionship (emotional)) and spirituality can only go so far. Even Daniel said that after weeks of intensive fasting he was physically and emotionally drained. If you doubt this then attain a level spirituality that you think is sufficient then lock yourself in a room that is vacuum pumped and suck all the air out. You will see how long you will be sustained on your spirituality barring a Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo event. Elijah had more communication with God than anyone in his time but God still sent the ravens with food to sustain him physically. I would challenge you to produce a human being that has survived for great lengths of time with our food or water let alone oxygen. You can't and therefore your original point is speculative theology which can't be supported by any real world examples.
Churches from my 30 yr odd years of experience, cross cultural in England,Ireland,Wales,Russia,Belarus and Ukraine it seems (maybe be wrong) would probably not listen to Jesus,John the Baptist nor Paul (as its considered he was single..) today...
No, if you are single, you may not have the gift of singleness. This is not correct. The gift of singleness is people who do not have a desire for marriage at all. It is a gift because most don't have it. Just because a person has been single for a long time doesn't mean they have the gift of singleness. Aside from that, there are some interesting points made.
I remember also being told no one understands my pain, but it means I am closer to Jesus because no one really understands Jesus pain. I don't know how to accept this cup. I have a difficulty pleasing God as a single. It is easy to grumble. But hardcore conservative and libertarians may accuse me of victim mentality.
Well, I think another reason why ppl prefer married folks over singles is money tbh. I cringe just saying it but it's true. Families typically donate large money to vbs, pews, missions trips, camps, etc
Church and God are not the same. Do not blame God for the transgressions of men. Churches & Religion are man made constructs. We are the church body of Christ not a parish chapel temple church. Thomas 77: Jesus said, “I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained. Split a piece of wood; I am there. Lift up the stone, and you will find me there.”
We have the chance to build up a deep relationship with our Lord and to enter in deep waters with him, and then we'll see the world with other eyes and our loneliness problem become nothing. 1 cor 7.
I'm in such a tough place as a 30s single Christian guy because I love pretty much everything about the church I attend, it's traditional Bible / Gospel based, there's just no single women my age :/ and I feel it'd be completely wrong if I left just cause of that because I love everything else about my church
Thanks for reminding me to make an effort to reach out to married couples as well. I've frequently been ignored as a single male until a church wants me to serve in a position that no one else wants to take on. I've also not invested in making relationships with married couples when I could have been more encouraging. Feeling left out and excluded is a source of frustration and distance from fellowship. Asking God to restore a desire to fellowship and serve again.
Well that’s ironic, in orthodox and Catholicism, you don’t even get marriage as an option once you’re a priest (pastor). Meaning it’s not a top priority to them.
I would like to be in a committed relationship with a woman. However a lot of women bypass me because In only 5'7" and makes less than 50k. As a divorced man in his mid 60s it will become more difficult to find a woman that will accept me. Women are increasingly picky.
Please go to church because of Jesus Christ. Especially in the Catholic Church, we have the Holy Eucharist. That's the number 1 reason why I go there as often as I can (not only on Sunday). Feeling the union with Him. Of course, it would be wonderful to meet other people or a man my age there. I also dated a man from church but it didn't work out and so I stay away from that church which makes me sad.
Growing up in the church this was pushed EVERYWHERE to the kids, now that im almost done highschool it's still being pushed. I'm not even sure if I'll ever get married in the future, but there's no where that i can go to in church that makes me feel comfortable enough to share that (another personal gripe). Really sucks
They don't celebrate the couple more, they celebrate the couple + the holy bond, it's just wrong observation. You feel like a 2nd class Christian because you feel guilty, thus you know for yourself you are but may refuse to admit it. Rightfully so, because you covet your neighbours possessions. You are violating a commandment, this leads to jealousy, making you a person evil wants you to be. Instead you should celebrate the path of good and blissful aswell.
I'm surprised some pastor doesn't open a church exclusively for singles, divorced people, widows and so on. Or do what Dr Robert Schuller did go door to door and ask people why don't you go to church then gear your church to these people.
Not a good idea at all, which is why it has been a far-from-popular idea in the past. It sounds great in theory, but you'll attract lots of problems. All the high-maintenance people will pour out of the the woodwork and get into relationships that they shouldn't be in (not having worked on their baggage, or not wanting to) and then they'll expect you to pastor them out of them serial messes they get themselves into. It's a massive headache no one would be willing to take on.
If I wasnt 60 YO Id start a church where only single people were allowed...no marrieds, no kids. The majority of people out there are childless and unmarried. I have a feeling it would be wildly popular and probably trigger a lawsuit from litigous married people, but the other thing a person could do is start a church and tailor their sermons to unmarried people, if married people show up, so be it....but with all the videos about churches being hostlie to single people that could be an opportunity.
I love how this video ends like so many singlness sermons. Starts off strong addressing the issue but devolves into a "Marriage is hard too guys :(. You ha lve no idea how we suffer as the churches favored demographic."
For a long time I have said there is a cult related to marriage, you cannot have an opportunity to serve or receive service unless you are married, or in some cases a woman.
@@be_salt and if you aren't happy about it, then they say you are a bitter or angry person (like it is your fault to want to respond that way instead of being a Pollyanna).
@@anotherdavidcSingle people go through embarrasing situations. Once at a company party they tried to insinuate a relationship with a guy i was just talking. People like to play cupid without us asking. Very embarrasing.
This is so true. I love what you said especially at the beginning:) My church claims to not separate into smaller sections but yet they do “Couples Equip” and marriage retreats and parents night out - which many singles serve on. I love my church, but they’ve even said - you have more time to serve and be grateful for the opportunities. All true but it sounds like married couples don’t have the same expectation to pour themselves into the body. I will send an email to join a prayer group in. The email was specifically stated that they were targeting people with more time on their hands pray schedule wise… what?
Try being a married woman with no kids. Apparently I have no stress and tons of free time and money with zero value and can’t have an opinion on kids/parenting. As if me and my hubs havent been trying for years, they still ask every week if “there is something” yet … proper Christian behaviour as we have come to know. 😥
I’ve seen this in church many times and it’s disturbing because going to church to worship the lord and praise him that’s the purpose of it to fill yourself with the Holy Spirit why does it matter if someone is single what’s that got to do with Christianity and what does that go to do with anyone that’s personal and some Christians say stuff like come to church I’ll introduce you to some girls most likely hook you up ooooh so church is a place to meet and mingle with girls 🤔 I believe God is the reason why we should go to church God is number 1 why are we thinking about girls if you’re a Christian and believe in God all mighty yes it’s okay to think about girls dotn get me wrong but if I’m going to church just to meet girls then there is a problem because where is my relationship with Jesus? Why wasn’t he put first? We are supposed to thank and cast our worries in his hands and praise him not think about the girls after we worship the lord then yeah mingle and talk and socialize the point is if you’re going to church Jesus is your priority not the people in there
The tendency to ignore single people in church is part of why I’m no longer Christian, though far from the only one. There are times I wish I could return, but then memories of how I was treated in the kind of church I was raised erode that bout of nostalgia about the good times. I was only valued as a kid, slightly less as a teenager since they couldn’t convince, trick, or blackmail me into singing for the elderly crowd’s entertainment, then hated by time I got to college. I started checking out other churches, and even the ones geared toward college students were mostly married couples and directed exclusively toward married couples. I’m 35 and still single with only one relationship that lasted from 21-22. I was much more welcomed at my ex’s church when we became a couple and left it after dumping her. When I look at how the world’s going, I start to consider getting back into church, then when I do check out a church, I’m confronted by reasons to walk right back out, among the biggest being that I’ll straight up be ignored anyway just for being alone upon entering the doors. One church I went to even had a group of women saying the only reason I even went there was to steal an usher from her husband, and a ton of people ran with it just because that usher was 1 of 2 people who actually took the time to befriend me.
@@be_salt Have you seen a documentary called Lord, Save Us From Your Followers? You can find it here on TH-cam. It’s worth a watch. I’m glad to realize that my own background was insane compared to most churches rather than the norm. The majority of churches are just groups of normal people whose biggest issue is that they could use a little more self awareness. A small but vocal minority are truly malevolent and give the rest a bad name. I’ve only found one church that seems to have a good deal of self awareness. I had the nagging feeling to go to a church for the past few weeks and finally went to one yesterday. It was a pleasant surprise. They seemed like genuinely good people looking to make it their mission to step up and help improve this dump of a town while few others make any effort. For once I wasn’t invisible, either. Maybe I’ll go back next Sunday before work.
When I was in my 20s and single, I went to a Sunday School class for people my age. I was the only single person. When asked if my husband was at work, I told them I wasn’t married. I kid you not. Every woman in that class scooted closer to their husbands! As if I was there to wreck their homes! I never went back to that class or any Sunday School class and didn’t speak to any of those people when I saw them in town. Fortunately, when I had to get divorced in my 30s, my church rallied around me and did not make me feel gross. Now that I’m remarried, I try to be mindful to make all people, single, divorced, married, feel included and loved.
Very few churches have systems in place to meet prospective mates, if you are beyond the early adulthood ages. By systems, I mean simply a population whereby sufficient numbers of single people are attracted to the church in the first place. Then they can meet each other and make the acquaintance and then decide what to do.
At least 33% of sermons are about marriage. At least another 20% about porn. 0% on singleness Very, very hard to find a church that disciples people not on Sundays & in the church...more of a lifestyle. And I cant find a church that practices evangelism outside of the church on a Sunday it's like the "American Church Business" model.
Being single and over 30 in the church is a depressing place to be!
AMEN
Only if you let it. I'm 48 never married.
Going to church at 10 hits VERY different when you turn 30
Thanks Lord for bible study class
Try 61 it doesn't get any easier!
I remember in my 20's I was told to be "content to be single" by married clowns.
Now that I'm 30 and lost interest, I'm seen as a bad guy.
Screw American churches.
The struggle is real
North American churches have made marriage an idol. If it weren’t so, there would be just as many sermons, programs , bible studies and so on for singles as there are for married couples. And this second class treatment of singles in the church wouldn’t be happening.
And the people who tell you to be content are married
Don’t be discouraged my friend and yes many American churches aren’t doing well but keep your eyes on GOD JESUS. It’s not a 11th commandment that you have to be married, it’s a choice.
@@jackcarraway4707yeah even more frustrating when it is a married woman telling the single guy.
As a single father who was active in church, I felt like a second class citizen, but didn't realize what was happening until I left this church. I felt most of my value was the free labor I'd willingly give for church events.
That's really tough - are you settled where you are now?
@@be_salt yes I am due to God revealing to me my value to his Kingdom as a whole and not just to an organization.
Single dad here as well and I have been to similar churches. Some would consider me a big dude, and I used to power lift many years ago. I like to help out the church body, utilizing the strength that God gave me, but there are times in previous churches where I have felt used as well. Best to make "no" a perfectly normal part of your repertoire. We need our time to recharge as well, and I've got 50-50 custody with all teenagers now, and I value my alone/recharge time. It also enables me to study Scripture without restrictions.
It's always the single people I see doing the labor and the married are just the planners who stand by and watch.
Many years ago my wife died. Prior to this I was a valued member of my church. After she died, I felt like I had fallen of the edge of the world. Almost everything you could go to at church was for married couples. Later, when I was hospitalized, it was a friend who had grown up with me that offered me help, not the church.
This is really sad, sorry you've had to go through this
That's very sad.
@@jefftube58 I am so sorry.
@@jefftube58 This is extremely sad to hear. I am thankful that your friend was there to help you out. It seems as though churches (when being run by men, rather than by the Holy Spirit) are more focused on bringing more people into the church building, rather than doing what is right (from the example of the Good Samaritan). Is there anything that you need from any of us reading your post?
As a lead pastor in a church, and a single man, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from denominational leadership, church leadership, and members in the church about being single. I have had several members of my church attempt to set me up with their daughters and granddaughters. It is rather discouraging. Thank you for sharing this.
I wish My church would have been so kind. Former lead pastor never married as well
Unfortunately, people in church love to help men get set up with someone, but they don't do the same for women. In all my years going to church, I never once had any Christian friends help set me up with a single guy that they knew. You should count yourself lucky.
It's obvious tho isn't it? Most churches wouldn't encourage female pastors and that's why folks be pushing their daughters in front of the associate pastor so he can become the next pastor.
....isn't that awful tho? Like, why would you marry somebody just so that you could call yourself a pastor?
@RS54321 If he is not interested in looking for a partner, it is normal that he does not feel lucky. Being Single Isn't a Bad Thing
@@Arianna-jv1gc She? I was replying to a male pastor, the OP.
Of course being single isn't bad thing, and neither is wanting to be with someone.
The church ignores singles, single parents, divorcées and widowers. They are only about marriage and building up a family. They completely ignore Paul’s teachings on singleness and yet they wonder why so many people gen z/millennials are leaving it. I’m on the verge of leaving mine as well.
Praying for you
Cut your losses and go. You will find that you're not missing as much as you might initially feel.
I dont understand the gripe from single people about churches expecting them to give more of their time serving or volunteering. That is a good way to expand your social circle and how you can improve your prospects of finding a partner. You will have less free time when you get married and have kids.
@@JB-kx9bx as a single person I think the gripe is, There isn't any social church groups for us to move in, I think that's the point and when you do volunteer you volunteer with married folks and offen your opinions gets ignored
Paul’s teachings on singleness were intended for a select group or more specifically the single lifestyle which Paul himself personified. Most people even in Paul’s day fell into the “ it’s better to marry than burn with passion” crowd.
Thank you for posting this video. Not everyone falls into a neat tidy little "slot" in life - - college, career, marriage, kids. There are many singles who struggle with loneliness and need a place where they are loved and accepted. Singles need to feel like they BELONG. As it is, many times the church treats them like they are lepers
The only way I will join a church is if EVERY demographic is treated equally. The focus is ALWAYS put on children's ministries, the youth and married couples. Many churches will only do something for the singles once a year, which is usually around Valentine's day (Bowling or a Single Cruise which is flooded with women). Many churches look at singles as labor, doing the work no one else apparently can't do because they're busy with their spouses and children. COVID has just made things worse, many singles didn't return to church because we weren't seen in the first place. The church has been deaf to the cry of this population and loves to tell them what they need instead of listening to the singles when they try to express what they need. If God was enough, Adam wouldn't have been married, even God himself said "it is not good for man to be alone".
Lot of truth here, let's join in to rebuild God's church
as a single male, I love it when a church wants to shuffle me off to their recycling program (singles group). It usually consists of women outnumbering men 4 to 1 and most men just love to spend an evening hearing how a woman's 4 ex husbands did her wrong.....
That sounds awkward
The odds are true at my church as well, sadly. What would be your preferred way to hang out with available singles at your church?
At least your church has a single's group with such big ratios.
it's amazing your church even has a singles group to be honest. But I think that the focus of such groups shouldn't be on finding partners but on meeting others who are not tied into a marriage, just to socialise together. Sorry to hear you don't like to be among a lot of women. Sometimes that's just the way it goes. Hope you find some friends.
At my church, single women outnumber single men, so as a man, I have more options to choose from. Ironically, I have already spent an evening with a single woman, to add to that her being a single mom no less. She let it all out to me about how her ex husband did her wrong. So I bounced out of that real quick. So you’re not wrong.
Its because they view you as a threat and inherently untrustworthy. Ive experienced ridiculous accusations from the pulpit, and all sorst of backlash just trying to attend church and still being single.
It really feels like married Christians are snobs.
The marrieds who look down on the singles do so because they’ve made an idol out of their marriage. Yes I agree with what you said about married Christian’s can be snobs. When it comes to marital status in the church , I see a division of “the haves and the have nots “
@@MM-re3dn That is such a perfect way to put it. " The haves and the have nots."
Thank you. I agree with you.
As a single woman, almost 40 and have never been married, I can attest to how painful it is to know that your church community doesn't care about you. Unless you are married. Sermons center around married people. Church events, conferences or any type of gathering center around married people. It's very discouraging.
I've kinda gotten used to it all centering around families, because I'm trying to be obedient to God and focusing on God has somewhat drowned out the annoying insecurities of the my church.
I would love to find a single, Godly woman to develop a friendship with. I'm a single dad, and it is hard to meet women who only think I want to date them. I'm open to God's plan in my life, but I find the single life much more fulfilling currently. Also, I've been betrayed in many of my relationships, including the one with my ex wife. I hope you find peace in your situation, or a new church or small group to attend. Nobody should be treated poorly because of their earthly relationship status.
@@andrewmarshall7569 Thanks for your input. In my ignorance, I assume single men, including those who are divorced, are jumped on at church by women, with the divorced or single women mostly ignored, especially those with kids.
I totally agree that nobody should be ignored b/c of this. I pray God brings an amazing and godly woman into your life, even as a good friend.
@@RS54321 I really appreciate your comment here. I was recently in a relationship with a wonderful Christian woman, but the timing wasn't right. I'm focused on raising my kids at this point, and my kids are at a critical age to ensure success in their future. It is all in God's hands, and it is not a worry of mine per se. I've enjoyed the single life as well. I've been able to share the Gospel (1 Cor. 15:1-4) as well as minister to those who have been through divorce, especially those negatively affected by extramarital affairs. Blessings to you and yours today, and each day after.
They need to create dating program for single Christians, I wonder if they exist for everyone. They need to at least help the college student the most to get more to comeback, start praying, and attending. Pretty sad they don’t value single people in place of worship. That’s the reason they have low attendance, and this needs to be brought up to the leaders.
Single divorced parent. Have felt out of place so often in church. I don't fit with "the marrieds" or with "the singles". Have tried hard over the last 18 months to build friendships. Very hard to do so. Right now, feeling lost, lonely and (literally) rejected.
Hi @Abrach. im so glad i stumbled on your comment, cos my friend i know the exact posistion you are in, cos im in it too. im a 35yr Old single father, also divorced and i cant tell you the battle ive faced with these circumstances. and 2nd your feelings of feeling lost, lonely and rejected... God only knows how much ive expressed that to Him 😀. but the simple truth is that those are all lies the devil wants you to focus on right now... too pretty much give up on your future glory, to lose hope in what God has in store for you... i dont know your story... But i do believe in the one true God who can redeem and restore all we have lost. Trust the process... even in the hurt. you are loved, found and saved by His Grace! you will have your testimony of His goodness if you just hang on to Him in this time!
Thanks so much for sharing and ministering to each other
@Abrach I’m feeling the same. I’m a divorced single mom and have been for 8 years. I’m now 28 and fighting to remain Christian. At times I don’t feel I fit in with the young adults or the married people. I’m starting to think church is for older people or married people and maybe I should come back to church when I’m older and married. I feel like I’ve wasted my 20’s. It’s been lonely.
@@Ronnfn360 It's worth sticking with the church, I think. Things are better for me now than when I commented originally. Still not as I would like them to be, but I need to make the best of it that I can.
Same
This is definitely a thing. I recall talking with a friend in the church, who'd recently broken up with his girlfriend(who was also in this church)and he said that he couldnt believe the difference in the way people were treating him now, as a single person, with how they had treated him before when he was part of a couple. He went on to say that when he was part of a couple people in the church(the pastors, the pastors wives and many others) would always seek him out after the service and talk to him, they'd regularly invite him over to their houses or to go for coffee/lunch and in general show great interest in him. However as soon as the relationship ended and he was single again, he said those same people didnt even want to know him, it was as if he had all of a sudden become invisible. And if he did get talking to any of them, they'd give him 5 minutes of their time then quickly move on to talk to someone who was married or in a couple. And I know he's telling the truth because I had the same experience. The strange thing is that I've come to the conclusion that these people have no idea they're doing this, they have zero self awareness, which means they're running on an auto pilot program which values married and coupled over single. And the irony is they are the same people who will declare that there is no difference between married and singles, both are equal vocations. So theres what they say and then theres what they actually do, and these are not the same things, which they should be. I confess it has left a sour taste in my mouth and I have lost respect for people like that. I've realiesed that they wont change, even if i pointed this out to them, they'd argue vehemently that they dont discriminate, like I said, they have no self awareness. So I use it by way of trial now, to develop humility and if you use it in this way it can bear much fruit. It doesnt matter how people in church look at singles, they've been conditioned in a certain way and will never change, in their hearts they consider marrried to be a superior state than single, even if they will say otherwise. Theres no use in being offended or taking it personally, the best thing to do is to smile to yourself and thank God that he is humbling you.
Thanks for adding to the conversation... must be all part of our unconscious bias
The church needs to be in obedience to the word of God which is to be in love and unity with each other. Singles are getting hurt or even leaving church because they not getting any ministry when it’s always geared to married life. The marrieds need to repent and humble themselves to include and respect their single brothers and sisters in Christ, in accordance with the word of God
I have seen that the Church has failed as a whole. That's why we are in the end times. The Church is supposed to be the moral authority and leader in the world. The Church has been declining for a very long time and legalization of abortion was like a watershed moment towards the end.
Great post! My slogan is "What other people think of me is none of my business". I realize I dont' take up real estate in other people's heads as I used to think they did.
@@eoinMB3949 it's not just that but also if you have children or not. They all are coupled and/or with children. So they are too busy for you. But hey, you get to experience rejection and humiliation like Jesus they say. I am sure they would really want to switch places with singles unmarried and without children. Because isn't being like Jesus much more glorifying in the heavenly realms?
I was single for a long time. I didn't get married until 46 but attended church all of my life. So, I came across this issue a lot but not recently. I found either that churches ignored singles or exhibited outright hostility. I have heard pastors say we were broke. We needed to go off and get fixed via getting married. I think this is part of a bigger issue. The country is changing. About 50% of all households are single now. I found pastors only know what they see, couples with kids. This is a model churches have followed since the 50s. They refuse to address the new world. It is to much work to do that. The consequence of that decision is 50% of households don't even show up to church.
@@kueagle1 and then men's ministry topics are all about fatherhood because majority are dad's and granddad's.
Married couples will rarely befriend a single man, because of the fear that the wife can't be close to the man because she's married. Usually the husband was your friend when you were both single, but now his wife is his #1 so you can never be close friends period. And in the case of a divorcee it's very unlikely to work out because of baggage. Some people simply miss out, and in our culture they have no place to socialize with the married couples culture!
I am a 50 year single man who is mostly comfortable with being single, but on family days like Mother's Day or Father's Day or Christmas holidays have their toughest moment. My mother died in 2012, and today I still miss her as much I did in 2013. Being around my church family would have been very helpful. There are times when being alone is tough =(
Even as someone who’s engaged, I completely sympathize with you because I felt this way throughout most of my years going to church. It’s sad because it’s a place to grow closer to God. Not to treat married couples with children as if they’ve reached the ultimate form of holiness and fulfillment in accordance with God’s will. It’s merely a stage in life in comparison to eternity.
True
Soo true, some churches focus on families and develop more ministries for couples and children. This leaves singles with a feeling of isolation and excluded. I’ve sometimes felt that I wasn’t whole because I didn’t have children. However, my relationship with Jesus bloomed. I once went home with a heavy heart with these feelings, I knelt before the Lord, wept and I heard him saying in my heart I love you as a father, a brother, a woman and a child. I was so filled with his love and warmth. Gods love for us and our love for him is the most beautiful. He is so gracious and gentle. 🙏🏼
this is beautifuly worded and i too have felt these exact feelings and emotions on my heart. my church is also very family and youth orientated and as a single guy (who sometimes feels like im the only single guy left in the church 😀😀) there is no "singles" ministy, groups or mention and to quote the title of this video, i do sometimes feel like a "lesser valued" christian.
God bless you on your walk with Christ!
Jesus is so faithful
Hello Karene
Amen. Hagar, Leah and Naomi were without the love of a husband. God looked out for all three.
This is why I don't go to church because there absolutely is an arrogance that comes with families / married people... And what's sad is when you do have a boyfriend they don't even consider your love for that person and call you "single". It's extremely insensitive. Imo. Rude and arrogant. I know that's not God's best.
It's true it's a problem in the church
Lol I used to go to church with my gf and the pastor, especially his wife would give me evil looks all the time.
Sometimes they don't even need to say it, how they behave around you speaks way louder about what they think
Yes this is sooo true, all the social events in church are geared towards couples !!!
That's why I never attended them.
As a former lead pastor of 15 years never married the social events never bothered me. Now when it came to my denominational events, sometimes it did and about half the time I just did not go.
It is hard being single especially after 6 years of not finding anyone. when being the only generation in a church of between younger and older while others are too busy or in tough situations That pain I thank God for because it somehow keeps me in place to grow and to pray for others. James 5:17
Perspective
I wish married couples would reach out to singles. Instead of making singles do all work only to have frustration, loneliness, and social isolation to show for it. The people who told me to reach out, wouldn't do that themselves. That's why I quit going, and never looked back.
That's really sad to hear
I'm nearly 65, been going to church all my life. I just blow it all off. I have zero expectations of finding significant friendships at church. I am not the type of single who will ever stop going to church. If you just understand human nature is what it is, you can stop banging your head against the wall and find your connections outside church. Problem solved
Do you still feel valued in your church community?
Feeling valued by my congregation is not my focus or concern. It can only lead to bitterness, a critical spirit, disappointment. I keep my focus on the Gospel and the cross.
At a former church, I was asked on two different occasions (both potluck suppers) to move from the table I was sitting at because, as a single person, I was upsetting the balance. She (it was the same woman) never told me where I was supposed to sit. I wasn't offended; I was just amazed that such words would come out of someone's mouth at church. Church activities are set up around couples and families. You generally aren't included in invitations unless it's a class party, and I doubt anyone gives it a thought. If you're not in a relationship, you don't fit in. Nobody's rude about it, but even finding someone to sit with during a service makes you feel like a fifth wheel.
All of this rings true
Life long single. Never married. No children. Never even a girlfriend. I'm 57. The few times where I was "frustrated" and did mention "I dont like being single" out came the Bible quotes about "no marriage in heaven" and "better to be single" and "you have an amazing opportunity to serve God" (free labor in the church). These same people...their daughter, granddaughter, or their niece was sinlge for more than a few minutes "Men need to step up and be men! My niece, daughter, grand daughter is a perfect daughter of the king! Men today sheesh....lazy!" and "How come there are no real men in this church! Pastor needs to do a sermon and get these men in gear!!!" I eventually left, and no one has missed me.
That's really sad
People shouldn't make assumptions about you based solely on your marital status.
@RachelNichols-writer nope, they shouldn't, but they sure do. what people should do and what people actually do are often two different things.
I attended a men’s fellowship group at a former black church in the 1990s and the Pastor ask every man around the table about what they do in the bedroom sexual with their wives. I was the only single and widowed person with about 25 married men at the table. I have left the church because I didn’t fit in. I had lost my wife several years before of cancer. I didn’t have nothing to say. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
Wow, so sorry, that must have been awful
Wow, that's completely inappropriate!
If you attempt to pursue a single woman in the church - it turns out they don't approve of that, either.
The idea of "start the community you need" is not encouraging, to me. The "community" I need is a helpmate. I need less work and more peace. I don't want more on my plate just to sustain a social connection.
That was how people at my old church told you they didn't want to help you
It's like the "American Church Business Model" taught in business school includes all the tax advantages of subjugating the sermons to non-taxable topics...at the expense of actual training in discipleship, evangelism, deliverance, etc.
Thank you for this. I always feel reassured when we simply return to the gospel, rather than letting the specific culture of a church dominate (which I imagine will always be a challenge of any church).
I am very fortunate to have a few married friends who include me in their lives, but I do think this is rare, because human nature. I’ve also come to believe that the problem is systemic rather than intentionally malicious - and structural changes, along with solid teaching, could go a long way in disrupting the narrative, leading to a church that could truly be family-oriented in the gospel sense of the term, a haven for lonely or single people (who sadly often find more sense of belonging in secular society).
Well said - it should definitely be the church mission to 'set the lonely in families' as it says in the psalms
very well put
Because they are second class in the church. It’s a fact if life.
Sad
My parents didn't have children for a while after they got married and were ostracized also. My poor mother wasn't able to get pregnant and she and my dad choose to adopt myself and later my brother.
I say all that to say at the end of the day if you're "married with children" you have a 90% of being "popular", "loved", and not over looked. If you don't squeeze into this "ideal image" then you'll be ignored in some cases. Not all!
Thanks for the video. God will bless you. 🙏🏾❤️
My thing is brother if church buildings didn’t focus so much on being married with kids. Than the body of Christ will grow al lot each member of the body of Christ God has a plan and a purpose for. I mean we are the hands and feet of Christ right then let that light shine through you everywhere you go in life so others will see the love of the father living in you. While I’m here it’s interesting the Bible says not too be of this world but the Bible says a married person is anxious about the things of this world can you elaborate on that that is interesting
Interesting observation, you're right
yes I said this too, I totally agree. i think it's one reason that many churches are failing. They just don't treat everyone equally and they should
I agree with you also. I think that’s why he church buildings are theming out because fewer people are married these days. I mean Mother’s Day Father’s Day. When everyone who’s a monther dad stands in front of the church building making it like you the cricket in the audience.But when you read the Bible listening to sermons on TH-cam you’ll see Jesus said take up your cross follow me he didn’t meeting anything about your spouse and kids.
I wonder if that's one of the reasons the church has been so unsuccessful in evangelizing.
I'm a single person.
Marketing scheme I don't know if that's the word but Churches are interested in being family orientated not single orientated there's a reason.
Churches like to raise families into churches because the youth become adults if they can keep the young into old age then money time and effort can spent in the church setting over a long span of years then say a single person the effect is lot different.
Single person is more prone adhesive to be care free no restriction or accountability towards anyone they can and do as they please with no real consequences not the same if your married both in the same church.
I myself been to a church that was very heavy focused on marriage topic and families but after I don't know few months of attendance I left it wasn't for me ( that church) almost everybody at the church was family of so and so and wasn't really feeling did service there tried to talk to people about Christ or even friendly conversation that's with leadership and normal goers but they more interested in their own agenda of $$$ after that I walked out and left.
Now I'm at Salvo Army their vision very clear regardless of background if actually do good causes for community and people do engage with you after the service talk to you etc..
Glad you've found somewhere you feel you fit
Being single still at 45, I got to where I was tired of singles ministries in the church because of the same toxic cultures and I preferred to hang around families. At least I could learn from them instead of hanging around goofy single Christians who were afraid to date.
Great video Nick. I loved how you focused on what we can do as single people to create community that we so often think we are missing out on. I agree that there are so many wonderful married couples who make single people feel extremely welcome, I have many friends like this. Unfortunately, I have also experienced the downside, where married couples get placed into leadership positions or have a stronger "voice' in the church, not because of anything they have done as people, but merely because they are now married. I think the 'church' often misses out by overlooking single people with lots of wisdom, experience, and passion for Jesus because of a warped mindset that somehow they need a 'married' status to actually have a valuable contribution to the community.
Thanks so much for adding to the conversation
Thank you for this….today at church the topic was “restoring a marriage” , Im a single 40 year old female and recently saved in 2022 so church is new to me and I often feel so out of place when I see so many married couples and families at my church
Tricky
Yup
I appreciate everything you are speaking of as someone who has been in a marriage for many years and then became divorced due to my husbands abuse.
Thanks for sharing and watching
It’s been a long time since I was a single guy at church. Here are my observations from when I was. At my church we had a “ singles” group which had all the feel of a holding company that they would rather you just move out of. There were no clear boundaries for age or demographics you’d have an early 20s person sitting right next to a 65 yo gal who buried her last 2 husbands. If you were a single and happy person ( there was maybe 1 person like this) they fawned over you but if you were a person who was looking to spend as little time in the singles phase of your life they just wanted you to shut up and not make any waves or seek any kind of emotional support. They would preach that it was “ better to be single” after all that’s what Paul said right? I just got the feeling that the group was there to keep the singles out of the view of mainstream church goings on with the hopes that they might against odds find someone or just simply leave the church which many ended up doing. The group was depressing and was managed by an assistant pastor who was basically a good guy but his wife was a bitch who looked down on people especially those of us in the group. Women who were in the church and who would be potentially available were hypergamous and even the gross, morbidly obese gals felt they deserved a man who was a perfect 10 since they were God’s little princesses.
Wow, sounds tough
Truth 💯
Amen brother, great advice on being proactive and building our own community God bless❤
My brothers and sisters. Don't loose hope❤️ His love is greater than theirs.
I'm going to go a little out on a limb and say you got your timeline in genesis slightly off. Gen 2:18 says that God said it is not good that man should be alone. 2:19 then says that God formed the animals of the dust of the ground. reading this quite literally, this sounds like it was a fresh copy of them all demonstrating God's power of creation directly to Adam, but thats a little beside the point. then it says there was found no help meet for him.
I think this is important in this discussion because it wasnt a complaint from Adam that resulted in Eve because this wasnt brought to Adam's attention until after Adam had named all the animals. It was God himself who first said (and I'm adding obviously) "Even though Adam has the most perfect relationship with me of any human that will ever live (barring Jesus of course who was himself God anyway), Adam STILL was purposefully created to need a help meet specifically for him and he needs to understand that". Then, after God showed Adam he can create from the dust, he puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib and makes Eve as if to say "I can make whatever I want from dirt, but this is different this is a part of YOU". to which Adam then acknowledges "this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". I believe men are hard wired to need that help meet. Can we get by without it? Well, *looks around my empty messy house.... apparently we can, just not terribly well. And it is only through direct intervention by God that some men may remain single, see Paul. I also dont think women are quite able to understand this for whatever reason because they arent wired the same but now starting to ramble.
Yeah, can see the timeline is important there, thanks for pointing out.
Worse is that all resources are poured into single womens' needs/wants. I'm chronically ill so I'm passed over by both the world and the church and it just feels awful. I feel closer to God in private meditation and listening to the Bible while driving alone than at church. I try to put myself "out there" I try to serve as much as I can, but I'm more constrained than healthy people are, and there's always somebody healthier, wealthier, and more able bodied to serve than I am.
That sounds really hard. There's a great community on the SALT app who talk about living and dating with chronic illness - you should check it out on TABLE on the app. It's really nice to not walk something like that in community
Thank you I have noticed this and I was wondering the same thing
It's a common feeling
I am not to be meant as a teacher, but I am a follower of Jesus christ. I don't think he said anything about being single in the church. it will condemed you in hell. In fact, if you are would want you to work it out. If you or the woman is in trouble, it is ok to divorce.
At the 10.50 minute point I think i have an answer, you are single, so you are ignored and thus that can become a vicious circle. You have to fit in with Married couples timetable, you can offer and offer and offer... especially if its a church initiative... single person trys to start something, very difficult to encourage people to commit to it...
It does sometimes go like that
A few years ago, after I had broken up with an ex I talked to my pastor about the church being too family friendly and not single friendly. He brought up a very good point that the church does want singles to get married. However, if they actively promote the events for the singles ministry then you also attract the 2x yearly cheaster christians (if they even go to church at all). To show up to these events pretending like you're a true christian is putting on a facade because the 2x yearly christian eventually falls back into old habits and stops attending church. When one spouse does that, the other spouse stops attending as well and soon the kids don't show up either. The church doesn't want that, they want the WHOLE family in church.
It's an interesting take
@@be_salt It's true though
It is, respectfully, a bad take. We should not refuse to minister to any group because it will attract bad actors.
Also, the opposite scenario is also true. My mother used to tell me how couples would drop their kids off at church and then bail because it was free baby sitting. Should we also cancel youth ministries?
Yeppers. It's even harder when you are a single 'older' female (eg. 35+). At my church the single women outnumber the single men at almost four to one. Not good odds. Most 'older' single men have left the church, sadly. The latest guy to marry is 38 and his bride is 24. Makes me cringe a bit. I have zero desire to marry a guy 14+ years older than me, but men don't seem to have this issue.
I know church shouldn't be a place to look for a partner, but in our day and age, there really is no other good place to find/meet a potential future spouse who is a follower of Christ.
So hard, and there is definitely a numbers issue - so many more women. It's why we created the SALT Christian Dating app - for people to expand their reach past their church
That's because men find youthfulness attractive. It would be better if he married someone his age in his 20's but that's what he got at 38.
so do women! @@theplasmacollider6431
That’s because men value youth and beauty. 10 years isn’t that much of a stretch. In the early 20th century the were marriages with 20 year age gaps that no one batted an eye at. My family had two of these.
No it's called closed minded. These Christian men won't even look at a women their own age, attractive or not. They are worse then secular men.
Now I understand
I must stay asleep very deep until i find my couple beside me.
😆
Ok ok..
Bad jokes
😬😬
hahahaha! i was wondering if this may be the only way too 😀😀
@@ashholland8291 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If only...
It seemed like in their fantasy land, everyone should be married. Single people must be horrible. That's why I left the church. I don't need that antipathy.
Was a single father of three in the church for 12 years. Lets just say it was not comfortable and didnt feel much as to Christian love
I was there out of obedience and for my children
They were raised in the church my daighters are not lost. My son is rock solid.😊 I dont judge Christ by what Christians do not do.
There is no command in scripture to marry. The Apostle Paul in I Corinthians says it perfectly OK not to be married as long as you don't burn with lust. Some people simply can't marry as they might be unattractive. Women generally refuse to marry men in the under 100K a year income bracket. Funny though, I have been a Christian all my life with the exception of a brief period of a few years, after which my wife unscriptually divorced me. I'm glad to say I have never been treated badly in the church for not being married. In two different congregations I have been president of the church board and in all the churches except one I have held positions of lay leadership. So sorry to hear about folks being snobby toward single folks. Sounds nutty to me.
Women prefer a guy that has a better track record just like guys prefer a younger woman that has a better chance to reproduce. It doesnt mean guys won't ever marry a woman over 30 or that women wont marry a man making less than 100k.
The church is for marrieds it's more of club, there's a hierarchy of validity and worth in this world. It's always been here nothings changed in 400 years
Thank you so much for sharing this. I like what you said about marriage not being “an achievement,” but “a commitment”. Wow- very good perspective! And I like your advice about being the one to initiate community. Thank you again
Thank you so so much for this! I heard a service about “God is enough” God is the one who should satisfy us, not a husband, or a family, or a friend or carrier or food or something else. If we had nothing but God, we would have everything. I loved how you mentioned that having a husband and kids is just another way to serve. It is a way to be raising kids into a being a disciple, but it is at least good to just tell other people about the gospel. I appreciate you video so much.?God bless you, my brother in Christ
You are so welcome!
We can read our Bibles and pray ad nauseam but eventually we have to eat to satisfy our physical needs. There are other needs as well ( social, sexual) that God cannot satisfy as a spiritual being.
@@jasonwilliams8321 when God satisfies our spiritual needs, we don’t need our physical needs to satisfy us. But if you feel the need for that, then it’s maybe what God is calling you to
@@katrinemller3324 I'm not trying to be argumentative but your statement contradicts itself. We are told that even Jesus being God in his human form got tired and hungry, When we are in our perpetual "soul form" in heaven this will hold true but our bodies have needs (nourishment, companionship (emotional)) and spirituality can only go so far. Even Daniel said that after weeks of intensive fasting he was physically and emotionally drained. If you doubt this then attain a level spirituality that you think is sufficient then lock yourself in a room that is vacuum pumped and suck all the air out. You will see how long you will be sustained on your spirituality barring a Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo event. Elijah had more communication with God than anyone in his time but God still sent the ravens with food to sustain him physically. I would challenge you to produce a human being that has survived for great lengths of time with our food or water let alone oxygen. You can't and therefore your original point is speculative theology which can't be supported by any real world examples.
Churches from my 30 yr odd years of experience, cross cultural in England,Ireland,Wales,Russia,Belarus and Ukraine it seems (maybe be wrong) would probably not listen to Jesus,John the Baptist nor Paul (as its considered he was single..) today...
Yeah, may be true
@@be_salt maybe.... just need to look at the evidence of what happens in church I suppose.
No, if you are single, you may not have the gift of singleness. This is not correct. The gift of singleness is people who do not have a desire for marriage at all. It is a gift because most don't have it. Just because a person has been single for a long time doesn't mean they have the gift of singleness. Aside from that, there are some interesting points made.
I got tire of being conveniently pigeon holed by that. They don't do that to their grown children.
I'm so tired of everyone saying that... NEWS FLASH HOMIE: just because I"m single doesn't mean I want to be....
I remember also being told no one understands my pain, but it means I am closer to Jesus because no one really understands Jesus pain. I don't know how to accept this cup. I have a difficulty pleasing God as a single. It is easy to grumble. But hardcore conservative and libertarians may accuse me of victim mentality.
@salt and dear Nick, thank you for being brave and talking about singles in church! May God bless you 🙏🏻
Well, I think another reason why ppl prefer married folks over singles is money tbh. I cringe just saying it but it's true. Families typically donate large money to vbs, pews, missions trips, camps, etc
i don't have any evidence in the bible that adam complained about being lonely. adam didn't know anything was missing until he met eve
Yea I just left my church
Praying you find a new one soon
Gen 2:18 if the church, the body of christ, doesn't care about ministering to singles who want marriage, why should we believe God actually cares?
Doesn't reflect his heart at all
@@be_salt Yes it does.
Church and God are not the same. Do not blame God for the transgressions of men. Churches & Religion are man made constructs. We are the church body of Christ not a parish chapel temple church. Thomas 77: Jesus said, “I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained. Split a piece of wood; I am there. Lift up the stone, and you will find me there.”
@@jonathanturner4220did Jesus establish a book or did He establish a Church? you don't get Christianity from the Bible. It's the other way around.
@@be_salt They are His people though.
We have the chance to build up a deep relationship with our Lord and to enter in deep waters with him, and then we'll see the world with other eyes and our loneliness problem become nothing. 1 cor 7.
He alone can sustain us
I'm in such a tough place as a 30s single Christian guy because I love pretty much everything about the church I attend, it's traditional Bible / Gospel based, there's just no single women my age :/ and I feel it'd be completely wrong if I left just cause of that because I love everything else about my church
Have you tried SALT?
I got a GREAT idea! Let's start our OWN church and make it for singles only!! 😎
Why do we feel like 2nd class? Cause we are😅😅
Thanks for reminding me to make an effort to reach out to married couples as well. I've frequently been ignored as a single male until a church wants me to serve in a position that no one else wants to take on. I've also not invested in making relationships with married couples when I could have been more encouraging. Feeling left out and excluded is a source of frustration and distance from fellowship. Asking God to restore a desire to fellowship and serve again.
That's great that you want to make the effort too - it's tricky but God gives us all the strength we need
Good perspective to consider thank you
Glad you enjoyed it!
Sad to say I have asked but many of rejections but I pray for them
Sorry to hear that, keep persisting in prayer
??
They need to stop excluding us.
Well that’s ironic, in orthodox and Catholicism, you don’t even get marriage as an option once you’re a priest (pastor). Meaning it’s not a top priority to them.
Orthodox parish priests are always married.
@@sakamotosan1887 before priesthood, not after.
I would like to be in a committed relationship with a woman. However a lot of women bypass me because In only 5'7" and makes less than 50k. As a divorced man in his mid 60s it will become more difficult to find a woman that will accept me. Women are increasingly picky.
This sounds like more of the great falling away. Maybe the rapture will be this year and it looks promising that it will.
rapture is nonsense less than 200 years old.
Please go to church because of Jesus Christ. Especially in the Catholic Church, we have the Holy Eucharist. That's the number 1 reason why I go there as often as I can (not only on Sunday). Feeling the union with Him.
Of course, it would be wonderful to meet other people or a man my age there.
I also dated a man from church but it didn't work out and so I stay away from that church which makes me sad.
Growing up in the church this was pushed EVERYWHERE to the kids, now that im almost done highschool it's still being pushed. I'm not even sure if I'll ever get married in the future, but there's no where that i can go to in church that makes me feel comfortable enough to share that (another personal gripe). Really sucks
i have a great idea.sit at home and read the bible.stay at home.
And miss church.... never!
They don't celebrate the couple more, they celebrate the couple + the holy bond, it's just wrong observation.
You feel like a 2nd class Christian because you feel guilty, thus you know for yourself you are but may refuse to admit it.
Rightfully so, because you covet your neighbours possessions.
You are violating a commandment, this leads to jealousy, making you a person evil wants you to be.
Instead you should celebrate the path of good and blissful aswell.
I'm surprised some pastor doesn't open a church exclusively for singles, divorced people, widows and so on. Or do what Dr Robert Schuller did go door to door and ask people why don't you go to church then gear your church to these people.
Interesting idea
Not a good idea at all, which is why it has been a far-from-popular idea in the past. It sounds great in theory, but you'll attract lots of problems. All the high-maintenance people will pour out of the the woodwork and get into relationships that they shouldn't be in (not having worked on their baggage, or not wanting to) and then they'll expect you to pastor them out of them serial messes they get themselves into. It's a massive headache no one would be willing to take on.
If I wasnt 60 YO Id start a church where only single people were allowed...no marrieds, no kids. The majority of people out there are childless and unmarried. I have a feeling it would be wildly popular and probably trigger a lawsuit from litigous married people, but the other thing a person could do is start a church and tailor their sermons to unmarried people, if married people show up, so be it....but with all the videos about churches being hostlie to single people that could be an opportunity.
I love how this video ends like so many singlness sermons. Starts off strong addressing the issue but devolves into a "Marriage is hard too guys :(. You ha lve no idea how we suffer as the churches favored demographic."
Single women in the church are praised and told that they're wonderful. It's the single men that are treated with suspicion and sometimes contempt.
yep, I'm used to being ignored and invisible.
May I suggest going to churches that focus on the liturgy instead of going to churches that are in actuality a country club for smug married people?
I’m unmarried and have to be anxious about paying bills on a single income.
It's true it's much harder
For a long time I have said there is a cult related to marriage, you cannot have an opportunity to serve or receive service unless you are married, or in some cases a woman.
The only reasons i go to church now is cause i can see my best friend regularly and its part of my rent agreement with folks
Thats why your Catholic not protestant, the priest speaks to every one.
I remember being at my married friends' party and a married guy asked why I didn't rent a baby because everyone else had children.
Wow, sensitive!
@@be_salt and if you aren't happy about it, then they say you are a bitter or angry person (like it is your fault to want to respond that way instead of being a Pollyanna).
@@anotherdavidcSingle people go through embarrasing situations. Once at a company party they tried to insinuate a relationship with a guy i was just talking. People like to play cupid without us asking. Very embarrasing.
Its the same church that will gaslight you because you dont have the mark of the beast
This is so true. I love what you said especially at the beginning:)
My church claims to not separate into smaller sections but yet they do “Couples Equip” and marriage retreats and parents night out - which many singles serve on.
I love my church, but they’ve even said - you have more time to serve and be grateful for the opportunities. All true but it sounds like married couples don’t have the same expectation to pour themselves into the body. I will send an email to join a prayer group in. The email was specifically stated that they were targeting people with more time on their hands pray schedule wise… what?
Hmmm... yeah, it's easy to pass the buck, we're should all be serving kingdom purposes
2:33 Wrong, Adam didn't say that God did.
Try being a married woman with no kids. Apparently I have no stress and tons of free time and money with zero value and can’t have an opinion on kids/parenting. As if me and my hubs havent been trying for years, they still ask every week if “there is something” yet … proper Christian behaviour as we have come to know. 😥
Pretty disappointing behaviour
This is a really beautiful linkage. Thank you! ❤
This resonated with me a lot. Thanks for the video.
I’ve seen this in church many times and it’s disturbing because going to church to worship the lord and praise him that’s the purpose of it to fill yourself with the Holy Spirit why does it matter if someone is single what’s that got to do with Christianity and what does that go to do with anyone that’s personal and some Christians say stuff like come to church I’ll introduce you to some girls most likely hook you up ooooh so church is a place to meet and mingle with girls 🤔 I believe God is the reason why we should go to church God is number 1 why are we thinking about girls if you’re a Christian and believe in God all mighty yes it’s okay to think about girls dotn get me wrong but if I’m going to church just to meet girls then there is a problem because where is my relationship with Jesus? Why wasn’t he put first? We are supposed to thank and cast our worries in his hands and praise him not think about the girls after we worship the lord then yeah mingle and talk and socialize the point is if you’re going to church Jesus is your priority not the people in there
The tendency to ignore single people in church is part of why I’m no longer Christian, though far from the only one. There are times I wish I could return, but then memories of how I was treated in the kind of church I was raised erode that bout of nostalgia about the good times. I was only valued as a kid, slightly less as a teenager since they couldn’t convince, trick, or blackmail me into singing for the elderly crowd’s entertainment, then hated by time I got to college.
I started checking out other churches, and even the ones geared toward college students were mostly married couples and directed exclusively toward married couples. I’m 35 and still single with only one relationship that lasted from 21-22. I was much more welcomed at my ex’s church when we became a couple and left it after dumping her. When I look at how the world’s going, I start to consider getting back into church, then when I do check out a church, I’m confronted by reasons to walk right back out, among the biggest being that I’ll straight up be ignored anyway just for being alone upon entering the doors. One church I went to even had a group of women saying the only reason I even went there was to steal an usher from her husband, and a ton of people ran with it just because that usher was 1 of 2 people who actually took the time to befriend me.
That's so hard to hear... sometimes Christians don't represent Christ so well
@@be_salt Have you seen a documentary called Lord, Save Us From Your Followers? You can find it here on TH-cam. It’s worth a watch. I’m glad to realize that my own background was insane compared to most churches rather than the norm. The majority of churches are just groups of normal people whose biggest issue is that they could use a little more self awareness. A small but vocal minority are truly malevolent and give the rest a bad name. I’ve only found one church that seems to have a good deal of self awareness. I had the nagging feeling to go to a church for the past few weeks and finally went to one yesterday. It was a pleasant surprise. They seemed like genuinely good people looking to make it their mission to step up and help improve this dump of a town while few others make any effort. For once I wasn’t invisible, either. Maybe I’ll go back next Sunday before work.
Cuz, it's a snare and scam......
When I was in my 20s and single, I went to a Sunday School class for people my age. I was the only single person. When asked if my husband was at work, I told them I wasn’t married. I kid you not. Every woman in that class scooted closer to their husbands! As if I was there to wreck their homes! I never went back to that class or any Sunday School class and didn’t speak to any of those people when I saw them in town.
Fortunately, when I had to get divorced in my 30s, my church rallied around me and did not make me feel gross.
Now that I’m remarried, I try to be mindful to make all people, single, divorced, married, feel included and loved.
Very few churches have systems in place to meet prospective mates, if you are beyond the early adulthood ages.
By systems, I mean simply a population whereby sufficient numbers of single people are attracted to the church in the first place. Then they can meet each other and make the acquaintance and then decide what to do.
At least 33% of sermons are about marriage.
At least another 20% about porn.
0% on singleness
Very, very hard to find a church that disciples people not on Sundays & in the church...more of a lifestyle.
And I cant find a church that practices evangelism outside of the church on a Sunday it's like the "American Church Business" model.