I am a husband and dad to 5 very young kids. You guys were very correct to point out that the only relationships for a guy like me are with my wife and kids. At home, my wife's attentions are almost exclusively on the kids. Even at Church, I have precisely one man I can call who I know will pick up and that's because we are both ex-military. My life is not my own anymore and the only thing I have hope for in this world is to see my kids saved one day. Pretty lonely place to be though.
I am not military, but I have endured many hardships and deprivations over the years. I do not think that the majority of men I encounter in Christian circles have had more than a couple hard days in their entire life. It makes it very difficult to relate to them.
I used to be really social, however as i came back to Christ I grew away from superficial sinful relationships and idle useless talk. I’ve grown spiritually and intellectually and have become a very deep thinker. I wouldn’t say that I’m an introvert and quite enjoy other people’s presence. However now I cannot say I have a close friend group and feel like a lone wolf in this insane world, opposed to where I used to be the Center of attention in circles of sinful self indulgence. I always thought my current loneliness was Gods way of punishing me for falling away and having poor relationships. If that’s the case, I accept this as I know it’s in love and it reminds me of where he pulled me from. I’d rather be alone with my saviour than surrounded by jackals.
He has removed the distractions from your life so that you can look inward, analyze yourself, analyze the people and things that were around you, and set your main focus on the things having to do with Him and see things and appraise them closer to how He would. You are that ‘born again’ person now, different than you were and the old person has died. It would have never happened to the degree it has if you were not isolated. Even Jesus had periods of isolation. I think many of us have to be set apart from our ‘world’ for that deep and lasting regeneration by the Holy Spirit to happen. You are exactly where God wants you to be right now, just pray that He equips you to learn what He is trying to teach you. You have likely, at least, gotten much better at identifying people for exactly what they are. That separation makes the view of their true character much easier to see and appraise. You have lost your appetite for their foolishness.
One of our past small groups leader used to say that men get together to DO (make/build/fix) something and then end up talking, but women get together to talk and end up doing (making/baking/cleaning) something. I have found this to be very true. :)
It’s helpful not to stereotype though. This might be helpful seeker sensitive approach for some, but to study the word, exhort one another and worship God is to DO something. That our men feel that it isn’t, but that working on a car or cabinet is the true work might be revealing a troubling characteristic about our men in these last few generations.
I spent nearly 12 months way outside of my comfort zone trying to integrate into a church and they basically told me they don't want me participating. I'm done with churches. This one in particular is just a lifestyle club with its elite clique and hierarchy. I'm done with churches. If the alternative is to be isolated and alone, it's less painful than being rejected by people who see themselves as being spiritual and loving. At least a secular person has some kind of idea when he/she is being an asshole.
@@JP27God designed men differently than women. We shouldn't allow the false God of social constructionism into the church. When men watch Field of Dreams none of them cry when he is just talking to his dad. They cry when he plays catch with his dad. Doing things together bonds men together. We should embrace this way God made us instead of treating men like they are faulty women.
I think this is correct. But you tend to do things together when you were young and could build those relationships. Don't ever move away after having kids. There will be no chance to DO anything ever again. Time and opportunity is gone and responsibility and work take up everything.
My loneliness is made worse by my chronic pain condition. I go many weeks withought talking to someone except when im at church or at the store. Im laying in bed right now 10am. Kind of waiting for my life to be over in a way
I knew a man casually and then found him in a nursing home. He had no family and I have a gift of helps. During my 4 and1/2 years of caring for him. Complete and total care. Neighbors and Christians began to despise us. I buried him last January. He was my best friend spiritually and socially. We were not gay but even a sibling pastor suggested that our living together was not visually good. Alone, I yearn for a friend that is a friend like David and Johnathan. I need accountability.
@davesherwood: Good for you. What a shame that so many today have become so debauched as to suspect sins in an innocent situation, especially that sibling ‘pastor’. To the pure all things are pure- Titus 1:15. That ‘pastor’s’ attitude would transform quickly if he found himself in a place of need as great as your friend’s was, and would begin to defend a good samaritan like yourself.
Ohhh…man. I’m sorry that happened. Your reward is great in heaven, sir. What a wonderful gift-the gift of helps. You are the most self-sacrificing of all the gifts. If time is money you are a rich man who gives more than most. ❤️
My college freshman English teacher told my class decades ago that if a person had ONE real friend, they were blessed. This is very true for most, and so I do feel very fortunate. My friends go back to the 2nd grade, and I'm 73.
I think genuine brotherhood starts with genuine fatherhood. Men who grew up with strong, loving fathers tend to enjoy 'brotherhood' type friendships throughout their life. I was blessed with a father that taught me how to be a man, and how to have real and meaningful friendships.
What is me my father passed to go be with the Lord when I was six months old. All through my young life, my teen years my 20s up until my divorce. I had many many friends. I am 63. The last decade I have worked alone, lived alone, driven alone. I do have some good dear brothers in the Lord we don’t get together often nor do we communicate too often, but we are close and we do love each other and we expressed that and we fellowship in the Lord. I do pray for more people in my life to share the fellowship of the Lord that our friendship together.
Adulthood has been the most isolating experience of my life. Being a fireman and rough blue collar guy in a community of white collar soft men immediately isolating starting around 2013 for me. I have not found common ground with most churchgoers since my teenage years. Of course, I believe in Jesus and love the full word of God, but sadly I have often times, found myself having some more common ground with blue collar Man and redneck men, then with the kind of man that I have come across personally in the church. The few Christian men who I have had long-standing friendships with, of the three, two of them have contracting businesses, and the third is a cool guy who used to be a mechanic. Since grandpa died, the feeling of isolation has become oppressive and total.
I get it Man, As an Alpha we are just built different.. My buddies in my youth are still into the perversion and wickedness this world distracts them with, So I don't associate with that garbage because I know The Deciever was trying to sidetrack and destroy the Blessings The One True Living God has given me.. My Decades of buddies in the Military only provided a few that get it but because we went through all facets of life, sometime thinking we ain't making out of situations I talk with them as Brothers in Truth, no verbal punches need to be pulled because it's about their Souls and Eternity.. Reality📕🔍🤨 My Decades in Enforcing Law with guy's.. Same thing.. I know The Lord Jesus Christ is a Warrior for all He accomplished for Us, I understand We are Warrior's built for The One True Living God, Our Father in Heaven.. We are never alone.. When it is meant to be we run into one another and it's real talk but the four Men I raised from birth notice I don't hang out with people in general, I'm cool even respectful with them but we are not built the same.. I don't talk about irrelevant junk and when I was in the church building I don't mean no harm but some of them were soft.. As though they don't get the men God built in the Book were Warrior's, built for Him... Ready when crap hits the fan.. I read, study, build,clean, watch other warriors, Honor the Woman He Blessed me with and keep an eye on family across the Earth.. Talk/Pray with Our Father in Heaven, Talk with The Lord Jesus Christ, Even when I'm working out🤔 for safety reasons😂👍 If The Lord draws me to a building (Church) that gives Real Truth, Teaches the Whole Bible it will be Blessings, As these day's become more perverted and Wicked it will come moments When The Lord Need Warriors to Stand Strong against The Storms.. This is why you were Created and Built to fight through the fires in Life, no matter how messed up they can be.. In His Strength We Endure..* Men I watch building Spiritual Maturity: John Ramirez, Voddie Baucham, Charles Lawson, Gino Jennings, Greg Laurie, Isaiah Saldivar, Steven Bancarz, *Russ Dizdar.. They Understand the War.. Seek Truth, Question Everything Brother📕👋😎🙏💪☝️👍
All churches are not the same, and Jesus does not want all of us to be white collar. If He put you in circumstances where you are surrounded by rednecks (nothing wrong with that), perhaps you have a purpose to be with them, even if they are not believers. Be friends with them and show them the Lord! I'm praying that you find fellowship with people who will support you and that God's purpose for you is revealed.
I used to go to a solid Men's Bible study group even though I couldn't stand going to the church they were going to. It was a huge Non Denominational church.
One of the biggest issues I find with loneliness is that so many of the people my age (and my male friends) are not really interested in the world around them, current events, culture, etc. Everyone is consumed by several forms of semi/professional sports to which a large part of their attention is devoted. I feel like I see things very differently about what is going on around us from a spiritual perspective and feel much more conservative in my beliefs and viewpoints (for better or worse) where most of my friends want to appear as neutral and centrist on issues as possible even when things are clearly black and white, right and wrong.
Well expressed. I feel the same in many respects . At 66 years young , I'm still having to remind myself , that it's not my job to open people's eyes , regarding the many crazy things happening around us , but I mustn't shy away either , for fear of rejection or potential hostile responses . As it is , I am a bit of a 'Billy no mates' , though I haven't always been , and I do generally enjoy speaking with strangers , who are willing to open up to a fellow stranger. 🇬🇧✝️
@@keithawhosoever5384 I;m the same but the guys i no are Christian an atheists who are waiting for SHFT then we all come together. Otherwise we all do our own thing. Plus i don't trust many people. especially so called modern Christians.
@@TheRealJimW That's practical and thoughtful.?? So it won't happen. But we will pray and thumbs up his comment instead so we feel like we did something. And that's modern Christianity.
If I could choose, I rather be dead and be with God. But nooooooo. I have to stay alive. God by His grace, kept me alive. And so for what? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. But right now, glorifying God come first and foremost knowing God. Through His word primarily of course, but also through life, trials, testings, battles, temptations, maturity, growing in knowledge, etc. Over just this past year, I have learned to live and act, not according to my circumstances or the desires of flesh. But according to God's word regarding Who He is, what we are, and what the future hold. By no means, this journey comes smooth sailing instead, it comes with ups and downs of every tidal wave. God bless everyone here. Don't give up men. Wherever you at in life. We serve a God who keeps up, holds us, reveals to us in time and maturity and is always faithful. Thank you Jesus for being our Lord and Savior. Come soon King!
"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." - Philippians 1:23-24
most Christian men are busy raising families, not much time for "friends". I have a good friend I've known for 30 years, but these days I'm lucky if I get to talk to him once or twice a year.
Yes, when you have a family that's your primary focus. You look for peers who have a somewhat similar lifestyle, who also have a family so when you go there you can also bring the kids and the kids can play together too. But these days hardly anyone is having kids anymore. There's only one child under 10 that I know of in a 10 mile radius from us. Most everyone is old.
Priorities. God wife kids. How many different activities are your kids enrolled in? Don't you think connecting with other Godly men to help and keep us accountable falls into the first bucket? Make some time. Staying busy keeps us distracted. Just trying to help out...
Even though I have a full time job and a wife and toddler son, I really don’t have any true friends that are still living in my area. It often seems harder and harder to make true friends as one gets older. Most “friends” I met at bars and such we’re not really lasting friends. Very superficial.
Continue placing all your focus on The Lord Jesus Christ, your Woman He blessed you with and Your children, His future Warrior's.. All of that is if True Value.. When you time grows short you will Thank Your Father in Heaven for Leading you to His Desire.. He provides mortals to speak with but you are set alone in The One True Living God.. He is all you need and He is with you at all times..📕🔍👋😎🙏💪☝️👍
^nah that advice sucks Dude join a jiu jitsu gym, there will be older guys who never had a 6pack, men your age, and younger guys that will kick your ass and help you become more powerful and confident over a few months.
@@jarrettmaurice3070having hobbies/fun/ activities involves having disposable income and disposable time. Those are non-existent if you have a family. Cheapest martial arts gyms around here are $200/month. Haven't found anyone interested in doing free stuff like ruck hikes or camping. Everyone I talk to wants to do expensive stuff in short increments.
After reading the comments…lots of unhappiness out there…😔 But if men do well when they’re on a mission together, we have a mission right now: Save this country! (P.s., I love men, especially men who stand up for what’s right! 🤛)
Save this country?? This country is going to burn like the rest of the world. The goal should be to save souls around us and turn them to Jesus. Only through the power of the Father.
It’s not done falling yet. Natural selection has not come yet. We still won’t listen enough to go to the desert and when and if we do most will want to go back into slavery than listen to Gods truths and find our freedom. His will be done…..
Most male friendships seemed to form around common experiences; most of my friends in school came from my participation in athletics, as we tended to bond with our teammates over the common experience of going to practice and participating in competitions & tournaments. Once you graduate and begin your career, you don’t really do things with other adults outside of your family. How many of you get together with your college friends to watch some championship game with your pals? How many of you get together and help one of your church members build a deck or shingle his roof (we don’t really have barn raising events anymore)? How many of you hang out with your martial arts buddies after practice? Do you even go to practice anymore as an adult, or do you just drop your kids off and leave, and only show up to pick them up when they are done? We don’t really “do life together” anymore. I know that everyone is busy, but I think that most of us are just too lazy to go out of our way to do things together anymore. How many people have a BBQ party in their backyard and invite their Bible study over for dinner? Can you remember the last time that you did something like that?
We live in a very lonely society. The way modern society is structured today is very unnatural. Most of us don't even know our own neighbors. We hardly leave our houses, except to go to work, or go shopping. Then we come straight home, and stay inside the rest of the evening. You rarely see people hanging out in their front yards, or walking around the neighborhood. I live in the suburbs, and on weekends, my little city looks like a ghost town. Occasionally you may see someone walking their dog or riding a bike.
Most of this is a result of a mobile society. Most of us end up moving for a job at some point. No one has their high school or college friends anymore and no time to live life with new people. We lose our friends, our families and community. We think we can rebuild that just by finding a good church, but the reality is there's simply not enough time in church activities to reach anything past mere acquaintance once you have demands of wife and kids. Never move after 22.
I have a problem with small talk or ignoring truth, so I have no friends. As long as you are asleep, we are on different planes of reality. Tis lonely being awake, but God will bring me a fellowship when its time.
Thing is; there are so many areas of needing awakening, so you could have a friend open in one area but closed on another area. I enjoy each of my friends as we have different commonalities in awareness. Even online, each person is in a slightly different place thinking wise. A couple of generations ago, mostly all Christians just thought the same, were exposed to the same teaching.
👋😂💪👍 Exactly.. I cannot stand being among Liars, Fakes, Perversion etc.. Yeshua, The Lord Jesus Christ is with me at all times because I talk with Him at all times.. Grew up in a Wild Wicked Society..He Rescued me from it all.. Never return to the Vomit you are not fit for because He made you a New Creature..📕🔍👋😎🙏💪☝️
You are never alone, because the Lord is with you. Trust Him, and He will provide. I felt extremely lonely for years and thought I'll never have friends who are awake and real. People in churches were superficial and closed. But then God sent me an amazing friend through the most unlikely circumstances. Praise Jesus! Praying for you.
I hate small talk too. And most other guys turn everything into a competition 🙁. I want a friendship, but I have yet to find another man who isn’t jealous of my wife & kids or something else
What are the most difficult and disparaging and and depressing things is walking in the church alone, sitting alone, leaving and going home alone and all the while you know people there. Some come over and say good morning that’s been a very difficult thing for me for a long time. I am now in a wonderful fellowship of believers and slowly building relationships.
I am a follower of Christ but I struggle with liking people. I genuinely just don’t like people and have no interest in being social. As a believer I feel this is wrong but cant get past it.
@@Brian-cp1go It is a term meaning to subdue the light a bit and relax the moral worldview we Christians are supposed to have. That's more or less the consequence of living in a fallen world. We know many we encounter are not believers and not to expect them to be sharing our beliefs. At a certain level, this is true but we must be careful to not compromise our walk by imitating the world. If you're not focused on your walk with God then it would be easy to be led astray by friends trying to steer your towards their path the hell. No easy advice there but understand that we don't have to have friendship with the world. If you're involved with a church of believers, then you have more than many do. A lot of worldly people claim or appear to have lots of friends but these people will dissipate like morning fog if they were ever to be called upon for something more than showing up to a Super Bowl party or playing some game online.
Find Christian books and videos that may help you get past this. I struggle with the same thing and I know it's not good because we're supposed to at least love other saints. Don't be hard on yourself. Just see it as an area you need to grow in and stay willing to grow with God's help. It may not happen overnight, but keep trusting that God is helping you and thank Him for it. Keep looking for opportunities to be more loving towards others such as praying for them.
As a 60 something man who has moved 48 times so far I find it very easy to talk with people. I find common ground more often than not and can converse with most anyone. However, as for friends…I really don’t have really close friends that I could call upon. I feel like a nomad always moving yet never fitting in. I’ve got my relationship with God, my wife, and my children.
During 2020-2021, the majority of churches gladly gave God's place to Caesar for months for the promise of safety and no arrests, and that told any honest person everything he needs to know.
The majority of churches in America are 501c non-profits, which means they are owned by the federal government and MUST follow federal guidelines, which includes health protocols. Christ said in Matthew 6:24 "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon." 501c churches serve the American government FIRST. Why? For MONEY (to not have to pay taxes via 501c). They serve Mammon (money/greed) and not the Lord.
Yes. That period has exposed individuals true beliefs in which they stand. People I thought were one way turned out to have vastly different ways of looking at the world. It's no wonder many have chosen to narrow their acquaintances and live either alone or to be very selective in choosing individuals who are sincere and like-minded.
The term “military crest” is something I learned in the Army infantry and might be helpful here. It’s defined as 1/3 of the way down from the top of a hill or ridge. It is the place you want to be while moving and might have enemy contact. It gives you maximum flexibility and security. You aren’t silhouetted, you’ll most likely be able to fight downhill, and you’re close enough to the top that you can break contact if you need to. In a sense, I think we need to find a military crest community. Somewhere where we can fight downhill. Somewhere where we aren’t drawing constant fire by being silhouetted. Somewhere where we haven’t dug in and hunkered down but are traveling and looking for a fight. Love that you are doing stuff with AD. Probably mine and my teenage boys two favorite shows right now.
Brilliant. Love your way of thinking. But alas i have found few warriors in modern Christianity. A lot of debaters, but few who see the true battle. Sign me up. Godbless.
The last thing most churches want is a men's group who study the bible. Been there, done that. No money in men's groups, money in rock bands for their kids.
Find a reformed church. Sola Scriptura, not man-centered worship, smaller church bodies. It’s been a huge blessing for me after going through so many ‘mega churches’ that are more focused on providing a social club for people who don’t want a relationship with God, they want a social construct and entertainment.
120 minutes of "fellowship" per month: 4 Sundays, 15 minutes before the service/15 minutes after the service...BUT we're supposed to love and care for each other. SMH.
The walk (crawl) with The Father is by definition a solitary walk. Not lonely (I have a family but I am alone) because My Lord saved me and fills me. Amazing Grace. ✝️
what is with this comment section. Firstly who cares if he uses AI to make a thumbnail for a youtube video. Does that really matter? I don't see why it would. If you are concerned with that why not as a good Christian volunteer to create one for the ministry rather than complaining about using AI being a blessing is better. Secondly what's wrong with a paywall to hear content from a content creator? It takes resources to make content. It can be done for free or for a cost. Nothing wrong with that. Since the Gutenberg press was created people made Bibles for profit. Sure it can be donated as well but that is a cost that the supplier can decide if they want to donate or not. This is a weird comment section.
Join your local volunteer fire department. Get with other men and make friends. Quit spending ALL your time on fun stuff like video games. A little time is OK, but go outside and build something. Go stand shoulder to shoulder with some other men and BUILD. Build a fire station, a chicken coop, fix a car, build up other young men. Go out, conquer and BUILD. My tiny, rural community of 20 houses is very tight knit. When the power goes out we all check on each other and offer food or even for neighbors to stay in each other's houses. During COVID we shared toilet paper. Us married men mentor the younger boys in the few fatherless homes out here. There is social capital here.
There is literally nowhere to go, not to mention I'm 21, and I don't have anyone likeminded to relate to or have my back, no friends. I don't want to be near some of these people to just freaken build a spot for no reason. And why can't we do something like play games together? That actually would be better to make us do stuff.
I don't have many friends because after high school/college it takes 5-6 years on average to make friends, which is less time than most single men live in one place. I conclude this because the friends i do have are ones i had an intensive opportunity to spend a lot of quality time together with for an extended time, allowing trust and appreciation to build. So I'm attributing friendlessness to a lack of several meals a week at the houses of other church members. People who are established in the community are too lazy to include new people. They're content with the friends they have, and not concerned with the loss of a potential friend they don't yet have
I find that the church (as a congregation) has generally not made an effort to cultivate community in the way of simple fellowship (hanging out, eating, serving, etc.) It does take an effort to get out of our comfort zone in order to be with each other and show love toward one another. I think there’s great reward in this that the American church is missing out on.
I was at a church for 5 years. I hated leaving after each service and going home, because I knew I'd be alone again. After 5 years there, no one knew I existed.
Boy, I'm so blessed of the Lord to be able to say honestly that I'm not at all lonely. Praise Him for Godly friends of the church, and Christian family. Sorry to hear of the position so many find themselves in. I'm poor in money, but rich in fellowship and purpose.
This makes me feel so sad for so many souls in the cities. I live on hundreds of acres of family property. A family of deeply spiritual, hardcore Christian people. Great-grandfather and grandpa helped build the small, country church I grew up in (where an attendance of 100 was a record Sunday). Grandpa gave the land for the local K-8 elementary school. My father gave the land for the volunteer fire department. We watch each other's backs and properties. We're all locked & loaded. My 3rd cousin, who's my best guy friend, leases my orchard land from me. He lives right down the road and comes over at least once a week to hang out in our barn, which is partly my man cave, to smoke cigars and solve the world's problems. My wife is a God-fearing, hard working woman who makes a wonderful home for us and our animals. My elderly mom and dad are 30 seconds away. My two brothers and their wives and kids that are still at home are within a mile. As poor and broke as I am, God blessed me to be the luckiest man in the world. ✝️ Cities suck.
I have found the opposite. I grew up in a rural, small town (600 population). The people are distant and suspicious of others. I was raised to KNOW if these people wanted friends and to socialize they would live in a city. North East Nebraska.
Since salvation in 2020 I’ve struggled greatly to find not only a consistent mentor but a true blood brother in the Lord. I would welcome a Paul, Timothy or Jonathan
It's not easy finding good church friends. At least for me, being a single guy. Most men in church are married. There are some single men, but not many seem to desire a deeper spiritual life or deeper theological search.
Your best bet is to make friends with couples who are 10-20 years older than you who have at least one child in their teens. They have more time, more wisdom, and you have something to offer them
If you haven’t already started serving, whether that’s at your home church or a ministry outside regular Sunday service, that’s your best bet to finding discipleship. My heart goes out to you sir, good luck.
at a standstill....pray i have enough funds to stay here ...i am paying 427 a week here ..and have an interview...this thursday..pray i get the job..its for a houskeeping person at a hotel....i havent heard backfrom the CreationMuseum..i am so upset they fired me....please keep me in your prayers as i am isolated and my funds are depleting...thatthe Lord would not let be homeless...that i get an apartment ..its just so difficult...I am stuck here
Speaking of joining local communities... I joined a naturist community in Georgia, where I moved to from NJ, from NY, from Ukraine in '98. Found a few Christians there. Trying to keep the community wholesome.
I went to a new church because I needed change . I was at my former church since 09 and moved on back in 22. Most of my old friends either left the church backslid or got married and too busy with ministry and having kids. I stuck around longer to try to make friends but it was difficult because there were no outside hangout events or conflicting schedules. If you wanted to hang out you go to evangelism ministry or go to prayer service . I went to my new churcb and met alot of new people and now have a friends group where we do things outside the church . When i called my former friends to check up on them to see how they were doing from my old church our conversations were very short and sometimes get no response.
Wow, this needs too be spoke about more often as a 37 year old man i find my self struggling with alot of these things they talked about. The older i get i find the harder it is to make new connections.But i must keep pressing forward...
I am a mix between white collar and blue collar and I find, especially in my area in bigger churches the men are engineers or in finance, etc. sometimes I just don’t get connect with them. I have a couple closer Christian guys I know and that’s it. I’m from a small town, Midwest. I have a range of small hobbies, I notice the world around me. Raised by a hard working dad. No nonsense. But a good man. I just have a hard time connecting with other Christian men because they are fewer and further between. We are in a small group but I haven’t gotten to know more guys beyond the limited number in the small group. Only one of them likes having a drink now and then which I like. He is a life long friend. Some of them seem awkward. And that awkwardness girds on my anger.
If I had not left my old church and been led by God to a new church, I would have thought there were no decent young guys in church. I'm in a metropolitan city. In my current church, the guys have more of a bro'hood than the women have a ladies thing. It was so eye opening for me to see and God showed me He's still doing things to build community.
18:22 was very accurate as to whats going on. The western world can't go down like this. Thank you guys for making it known. I live in a heathen country and so the church i attend is tiny, absent of any people around my age. There are a couple of guys who seem like they were force to go because they immediately leave after service and dont show interest when spoken to. I turned 40 today and didnt tell anyone, im not close to them anyways, its too embarrassing for people to publicly know I have no friends. Its damaging to your status.
I totally agree. Most men that I know are closed up and don't want to connect to others. They're afraid of exposing themselves, which is very damaging to growth. In my opinion, that is what isolates them from others the most. It's damaging to his family as well. They might as well be a million miles away.
I am glad that i am blessed with two good friends. One who lives in the city and another that is in another state. I can talk to both for hours on just about any topic and both make me better.
You guys need the Heil PR30 mics. They can be placed a foot to 18" from the speaker and sound like they are right on top of them. And they are great for men because they capture the rich low ends of the voice from a distance. This would eliminate the need to have the mic and booms right in the way of the speaker, restricting his movements. With that out of the way, I found myself identifying with this podcast. I'm 54, father of 4 daughters, 4 grandkids, wife of 30 years, and yet I often feel so alone. I try to keep building bridges with my kids so I have that structure there to relay knowledge and wisdom to them, but our society builds so many natural barriers to block my efforts. And forget about finding other men to befriend. Who has the time?
I can list a plethora of reasons as to why men either don't have friends but much worse, they are in loneliness. From interests to hobbies, from flexible time to commitments, the list goes on. But in my case, my 17 years of being a believer what I have come to understand is that wives are ultimately a huge factor. How many times have I heard the following: "I have to take care of the kids, my wife is having a girls night out" "I let my wife make the decisions because at the end, I don't want to be blamed for it, if it fails" "I don't make a decision unless my wife agrees" "My wife is searching a church for us" Overall, whether is intentional or not, wives have become a lot more aggressive in their approach to "put her foot down" This fight that takes us back to Genesis 3:15-16 and this has driven the man to be sisisified; to be weaker and focus on whats important.
I have to say, it's sad. I served in the military, I've had a couple of friends there, not so much anymore. I feel alone a lot, but I do have a great family and that is a great thing.
Jesus told us to have fellowship with him and one another. I yearn for this fellowship. I will never forget when I went out into the world in 1993 the most difficult lesson I had to face was literally no one in this world truly cares about me. If I die today my name and life will be a distant memory that will fade to nothing within a generation.
Yes, I feel the same. I’m a single guy in my 40’s (never married) and I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Seems like if you aren’t married with a family, you just don’t fit. I’m not saying the church doesn’t care.. I think they care but it’s like they don’t know what to do with you or how to relate.
It's true. They don't care. They have abandoned single men and have zero clue about how to even talk to us. We are best seeking God everywhere other than the church.
Agreed on several levels. Building & fighting. I tell people the most destructive people are often the most creative. Many Christians believe it is pointless to build right now, because it’s all going down anyway. I want to work towards building the Kingdom of Heaven. We were called to subdue the earth. Why are we not doing what we are called to do? The revolution talk is about destruction. I don’t want to destroy, I want to build. This was a beautiful and insightful conversation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I will look forward to listening in the future.
I only have 2 men I'd call brothers. All 3 of us struggling in different ways yet we find strength in eachother. To those who need it be strong, continue to be kind in all you do. Godbless
The comment section affirms one thing I believed before. Single people are lonely, and married people are worn out. I think that the way we do friendship in the west does not work in the church. I know as a married man that getting together to watch the game, or meeting up for lunch is just seems like a waste of time. How can these two groups come together in a way that is mutually beneficial? What do married people have that single people don't? Generally. A home. What do single people have that married people don't, generally?. Time and energy. What are ways that single men can use their time and energy to bless the married men? And what are ways that married men can use their homes to bless the single men? I think that is a non gay more appealing way of promoting friendship in the church.
@@PeterSawyer2626 "Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that." "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." Why are you luring the single person who is anxious about things of the Lord to waste his precious time and energy helping the married couple please each other? The lonely person doesn't get less lonely living in a home. It is the homeless person who needs a home. The lonely person HAS a home. You are not helping the lonely people. You are only trying to make use of the lonely person, to do what? the chores of the married couple? to babysit their kids? The married couple HAVE time and energy, but they just choose to use it on worldly things. "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none"
@@PeterSawyer2626 Don't know why my comment disappeared. But I'll say again. 1 Cor 7:32-34 "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." Married people have time and energy, but choose to use it on worldly things. Single Christians are anxious for things of the Lord, they don't exist to help married people please themselves better. That doesn't even solve their loneliness if they are lonely. Moreover, loneliness is not necessarily a homelessness problem. Homelessness is a homelessness problem. Don't fall into the idolatry of marriage. Don't even start tricking singles into being slaves to sustain the pyramid of your marriage.
@newlife-mq4kw I am familiar with that text. I still am not seeing your point. How does encouraging single people, who Paul says have more time to serve the Lord, to spend time with their married brothers and sisters, and encouraging married people, who Paul says have less time, to open their homes to those single those single brothers, contradict Paul? And where does Paul call marriage an idol? A Christian man vows to forsake all others for his wife, and she does the same. The NT says that a man who doesn't provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. In terms of how we prioritize our lives, we are tonlovenour neighbor as ourselves. To the married man, his wife and children are his closest neighbors. It could be possible to commit idolatry of your wife and children but in the case where two Christians are married that would be very hard for another person to see and point out. It certainly doesn't have to do with prioritizing your family about others. Paul is actually affirming this. He isn't saying that the married man shouldn't be trying to please his wife.
I have many guy friends, 7 or 8 who I would call quite close. We attend various sound churches but basically have the same theology. We can talk for hours about theology and the gospel. The trick I've found to build and keep these strong relationships is we are all on the same page about one thing: we have a desire to reach our lost friends, families, coworkers, etc. with the gospel. I lead a street evangelism ministry and all of them have come with me out on the streets sharing the gospel with the lost. Because lets be honest. What could be more important than that?
Amazing talk. Highly relevant. For any Christian fathers out there, I highly recommend Trail Life USA as a vehicle for creating brotherhood with other fathers while instilling Godly values in your sons. I am so thankful to God for allowing me to be part of such a great organization.
Yep, it's all about teleology (shared purpose). That's the defining difference between a 'team' and a 'crowd'. Without a telos to bind us we are just a crowd of people. I'm a 45yo Christian man with 3 kids. I don't have any friends around me really and when I meet good people I have exactly the experience you describe... it's weird to set up 'play dates' lol. What are we supposed to do? Play pool and drink a beer? Too gay and pointless. I'd always rather be doing something constructive, even if that is just sitting in my study learning about things.
At 63 I’ve been friendless for almost all my life . . . But for Christ. Even in church I’ve found that my biblical (reformed) faith is not well accepted. I no longer know how to make friends.
Yeah, I don’t have any friends. I have a girlfriend, siblings and parents. I’m also off all social media, except LinkedIn for my career. I don’t want/have work friends. I don’t really interact with people at the gym, because I’m there to train. That’s just the reality of life today. Your online “friends” aren’t your friend. Your co workers aren’t your friends. Your gym pals aren’t your friends.
Same with me. The older I get, I just don't desire friends. I'm either working on a task, or I'm worn out from working and want to be alone. I don't really feel a deep need for a friend.
@@PeterSawyer2626 These guys are right though. Having male friends, that isn’t ghey, is beaten out of men. Having male friends doesn’t seem normal today. It just is how it is. Hard to trust anyone today when everyone is a Karen mental slave or Trumper coper.
Ever since my divorce in 2012 I stopped trying to find a companion. I’m just workaholic and church focused. 42 w/no kids and just take care of my mother, lost my dad almost 4 years this year. God is my main focus daily. No real friends just daily routines.
I go to a small church in a small city (big for my state). I am 34 and single. I also believe that the world is goimg to get worse before Christ finally comes back and all that. The problem is this. I have good friends and we all care about each other blah blah blah, but when i met many of them I was 25 and they were around that age, now they are all married with multiple kids. Everyone lives 10-30 minute drive (only 5-15miles in our awful designed city) away from each other and we chat at church, and church events, and I am in a small group with some and we meet once a week with the occasional extra hang out. But there just isn't time to really do stuff. I get home and have to clean and cook and exercise and do laumdry. I have to have time to pray and read the bible. I have to take care of my yard and maintain my house. The central banking system/government makes sure I never get enough to money pay people to do those things. I work my butt off, and I do get a decent amount of free time, but then trying to coordinate with friends who have kids and all their own stuff is just so tough. More than that when we get time to hang out it's often several people, or mixed company, where it's harder to get serious and talk about deeper topics. When it is one on one or smaller groups of just guys we get maybe 3 hours and you just can't build a solid community with 3hours once a month plus chatting for a few minutes before and after church. That's why I'm lonely.
Bro you have to manage your time better. If these guys are your friends you talk to them, guys lets get together next month, pick a day and time, if they care for you as a brother they will clear their schedule. Christian men need time with other Christian men does not matter how busy life is. Additionally, many of us can get better at prayer. I find myself in the gym praying, pull up scripture between sets, your prayer closet is were ever you make. When your in the car driving turn everything off talk to the Lord. I feel your situation man! I have a good friend single three kids, the modern women has left him with no choice of a pool to pick from. The guy is struggling to find a wife it hurts me just seeing it. None the less he stays focused on Christ and gets through it, keep grinding and enjoy the fruits of your labor as its a gift from God.
Dude! Just build a super based Christian commune and have seven kids! Easy, right? You're right, and your friends probably need to spend almost all of their time on their kids. That's just how it goes, I've experienced the same. Unless you're called to celibacy, start praying to meet a lady. The thing no one warns us about is that after about 30 male friends don't hang out or spend much time together - not just Christians - all male friends. It's about family after that, so you gotta start working toward that.
@@MeadeSkeltonMusic the sad thing is you have probably saved yourself a lot of issues being single. Maybe Christ I called you to be single, it does happen.
I don’t ever foresee groups of people coming together until thier is great persecution and the false converts leave the church. Alot of major damage and pain has been inflicted on our family trying to be too friendly in church and our children forming a bond with the wrong people. I have a daughter to this day who is now away from the Lord and still fellowshipping with a family that turned out to be false believers. Throughout history you do not see true believers coming together until the wolves flee. It’s risky business so I pray you succeed but I pray more you never experience what I have been through.
This is something I've seen. It's tough having this close community because the modern Churches are not "the church." "The church" is the body of believers, and modern churches are places where we go to hear sermons and bring unbelievers. I go to a solid small church, but it is so hard to discuss the big issues going on, to really try to collect as a tight-knit community fighting the evils of the world when you're surrounded by unbelievers. Churches are afraid to offend unbelievers, because they want to ease them into right beliefs, but the church is not the place for unbelievers by definition. Unbelievers should be pursued outside the church and brought in once a believer.
Loneliness is a state of mind. Be alone is a choice. If you go to a church for 15 years and never know anyone, YOU are NOT trying! Step out of your comfortzone, walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself. Then ask their name. Not everyone will want to talk but if you keep trying you will find people that will want to talk with you. Don't make excuses. Just do it! Consistency will be your success.
Yes, I agree with this. Even though it’s tough for me to be social, I realized I needed to step out of my comfort zone. It’s still tough for me to walk up to people and talk but I joined two weekly men’s groups at church to get myself “out there” and try to connect. I’ve found that it’s essential for helping me in my struggles. I was living an isolated life of hidden sin.
I do not agree AT ALL, and this is a lie. I am 21, I've churched hopped with my family to different churches once our home church went down. I went to youth camp, youth groups, and even a college group recently, I talk to sadly the elders MUCH more than the younger folks talk to me, they only do out of convenience. They aren't interested. The girls? All away in one corner and don't want to talk to you unless you're a good looking guy they're dating. This is the sad reality. I've done more than you thought and it's not my fault, but the culture and the fact nobody cares to help those struggling in their very church seats!
Our church has recommended Rebecca McLaughlin's "No Greater Love - A Biblical Vision for Friendship". It has many false teachings in it (by an disqualified, false teacher), so I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
I am an older Christian woman and am experiencing what you are talking about. Most women want friends in a similar situation with children and a husband etc. I do not fit this mould so acquaintance and friendship never moves to the next level.
Are you a widow or a divorcee? If you're the latter, then don't be shocked if they avoid you. Women, much more so than men, want social acceptance and befriending an older woman who for some reason doesn't have a husband and children isn't normal. That might not be what you wanted to hear but it sounds like you needed to hear that.
@@ColonelHoganStalag13 Brother. While divorce for any reason but sexual immorality is wrong 100%… You don’t know why she’s single. I’m getting up there in age, and I certainly haven’t been divorced. Get the facts before getting preachy. Especially when it comes to someone dealing with the lack of companionship. (Deep breath) I love you. Please do good work for the Kingdom.
Christian men like me have an existence much the same. Even as a father and husband, I am alone. I cannot speak my mind to my kids or my wife, I have a higher role than they do so I can't confide in them as I would a friend and an equal. As the head of the wife and the home we cannot share our burdens with them. Sadly I've only ever met one Christian man I can call friend but he had to move interstate. Because I love God's word and not my idea of what God's word should mean I severely struggle to find friends. For example, I believe women cannot be pastors or leaders in any capacity over men because 1 Timothy 2:12 says so and because I love God I believe in and love His Word. This belief alone causes Christian men to either become childishly offended on behalf of women or they seek to suppress my views and control conversation that makes them comfortable.
I’m a woman and that sounds like my life, but I don’t feel alone. I never have felt alone. I know that Jesus Christ is with me. It would be nice to have “friends”, but mostly, I have acquaintances. I suspect my husband feels the same.
I am in the midst of solving this issue. I think the main issue is our modern society has taught us it's about what we receive when being a true friend is all about what you give. That and being online waaaaaay too much. I hope to make some nice male friends this year.
I converted to Catholicism when I married. After the divorce, I tried to go back to many evangelical churches, but it was during Covid and I was turned off by the response. In contrast, at the same time, the Catholic Churches were packed. You can’t get the Eucharist via streaming. After much prayer, I felt convicted to remain Catholic, and attend the church 2 minutes from my home. I sought out friendships. I talked to the priest. I joined a Catholic fraternity, the Knights of St. John. I attended studies, seminars, and retreats. I went on Cursillo. It takes time and intention, but community can’t be built. It’s a long obedience in the same direction.
Christian men fellowship with each other. I have Christian men that are friends and we just sit around and talk about how great God is. If men telling each other they love one another and showing that they care about each other makes them gay what does that say about Jesus. Jesus said "Love each other" He told the world he wasnt going to give that generation a sign but he did. In a world full of hate and murder the sign is someone telling others to love each other and they start to listen and do that THAT IS THE SIGN. Infact that in itself was a miracle he did.
It would help immensely if we had a common culture and set of beliefs. This _melting_ _pot_ of different races, ethnicities and religions makes it hard to know who your neighbor is. If you think these differences shouldn't matter then you're not being realistic. It also doesn't help that men end up working so many hours and when they come home, they're also doing some share of the chores because the wife also works. If you also have children, what time do I seriously have for friends on any meaningful level? Tied up with church on Sunday and or maybe an evening during the week, how much time do I get to myself? My wife is my partner and so her personal life is just as limited. I have some acquaintances that I share a hobby with that we meet up a couple of times a month on average. We do simple coordinating to meetup some Saturday afternoon and then we go our own ways until the next time. I try to separate my work from my personal life and so I don't really keep in touch with co-workers if I can avoid it. Men become friends through circumstance with school, military service, church or work being the way it normally happens. As we continue to fracture as a society, building real friendships is difficult.
If you are a Christian nothing about your personal hobbies, interests, and backgrounds is relevant in having Godly relationships with other men. My pastor is a white guy from poor rural farm land. My associate pastor is a Mexican from inner city Chicago and they are brothers in Christ and have no issue with different backgrounds because they are on the same mission for Christ.
I have 1 fellow outdoorsy genuine friend which is enough for me. I socialize more than most with my work but I definitely enjoy and need my peace & quiet, preferably hiking or fishing in the hidden trout holes. My advice to all men is to dedicate some time every week to be outside within nature. It'll help you unwind from the monotony of modern life in the west.
I took up hunting and go constantly. A lot of time I don’t see any deer but I’ve never seen a bad sunset. Life is lonely but being out there is better than in the suburbs where I live.
I'll have to check your catalog for Spots regarding Ecumenical business. I'm concerned that so much of our value as a christian people is being left on the table, because we're letting the general public hold all the cards of business. Everything from American missions, proper food sourcing, education, and overall camaraderie - it would all begin to thrive if we just organized our money properly. We should be growing own food, building your own homes. Teaching our own kids. Show the light of Christ on our terms, in the context of our own places of business, up close and personal. It's there that our lights will shine brightest IMO.
I was tracking 100% until 13:08 “I’m always dreading going up to an event, but I always have a great time.” I have the exact opposite experience happen to me: I’m always looking forward to going to events (church included) like “Aww, this is going to be great!😃” but once I’m there I feel utterly alone-amongst-a-crowd, it feels very stressful to talk to people, but I don’t talk to anybody anyway, nobody talks to me, and I just want to leave 😔😕. I don’t know what this “Reddit badge of honor” idea is, but I don’t “wear introversion as a badge of honor”; it just is what it is. It was more or less no different during my years in the Military. I don’t mean to be off-putting and I have a deep desire to know people beyond superficially, and for people to “get me” beyond superficially, but I also feel how I feel when I (once again) try to put myself out there. If that makes me a 15:03 “freak” or “weird” then so be it I guess. I’m not ashamed of anything I’m “up to” or have anything to hide. I don’t watch Star Trek et al. or play video games. You guys lost me here.
Well there's going to be huge trucker convoy in Texas, Arizona, and California next week to protest the border problems. But I'm sure you could join if you don't have a tractor. Church is the best place to make friends.
Holy Spirit is always with you to comfort you/me. Join a church and volunteer, take a bible study or theology classes. Pray for a friend, and trust God to send you someone (s).
1) get out of debt 2) get into the gym and meet like minded people 3) engage in conversation 4) read and study the world, including scripture 5) put the phone down and set limits 6) Envision the man you want to be. Meet those men and learn from them. Personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion. -Andy Frisella
Well done. Personal excellence, especially under God's good design, is the greatest threat to a political, economic, medical . . . system that thrives on the ignorance and control of others.
@@JW-tg1nn all of this, every list point is about flexibility. Being debt-free allows you to be more flexible with your choices and gives you the option to pursue other things.
Some of us are "introverts" because the people we choose to trust with what we were going through betrayed our confidence. I still hurt from the last friend I truly opened up to and it's been 10 years.
Over the years I have found that the closest friendships involved individuals whom I could drop in on at any time & we typically had an ongoing non-church time we visited together. Currently, I have a few people I could call if there was an issue & they would "help" but then things would drop back to how they are today. I have no doubt part of it is I just never had close relationships with people. I am introverted & need time to decompress alone, which I am sure impacts that too. Intimacy that isn't within a marriage seems to be a foreign idea to me, I honestly do not even know how to define it well.
Really interesting discussion. I think that men bond to in the middle of a fight. Street preaching creates good bonds but it can attract some crazy people…. Lol
God has blessed me with a wonderful local nondenom church that is full of young men and women on fire for the Lord, passionate about living for Him, and seeing Him glorified in every aspect of life. It saddens me that so many people don't have that kind of stable personal community of close Christian friends.
I am a husband and dad to 5 very young kids. You guys were very correct to point out that the only relationships for a guy like me are with my wife and kids. At home, my wife's attentions are almost exclusively on the kids. Even at Church, I have precisely one man I can call who I know will pick up and that's because we are both ex-military. My life is not my own anymore and the only thing I have hope for in this world is to see my kids saved one day. Pretty lonely place to be though.
I am not military, but I have endured many hardships and deprivations over the years. I do not think that the majority of men I encounter in Christian circles have had more than a couple hard days in their entire life. It makes it very difficult to relate to them.
Amen bro.
I feel this distinctly.
🙏
Amen bro
I’m 35 and have 4 children under the age of 7 and i’m on the same boat
✝️🔥🫡
I used to be really social, however as i came back to Christ I grew away from superficial sinful relationships and idle useless talk. I’ve grown spiritually and intellectually and have become a very deep thinker. I wouldn’t say that I’m an introvert and quite enjoy other people’s presence. However now I cannot say I have a close friend group and feel like a lone wolf in this insane world, opposed to where I used to be the Center of attention in circles of sinful self indulgence. I always thought my current loneliness was Gods way of punishing me for falling away and having poor relationships. If that’s the case, I accept this as I know it’s in love and it reminds me of where he pulled me from. I’d rather be alone with my saviour than surrounded by jackals.
Lone wolf is right. In so many ways, have to face the harsh of this world by yourself. Forces you to build character when no one is watching.
I feel the exact same way and have had the same experience. The closer I get to God the less I need all the fake people and meaningless encounters.
He has removed the distractions from your life so that you can look inward, analyze yourself, analyze the people and things that were around you, and set your main focus on the things having to do with Him and see things and appraise them closer to how He would. You are that ‘born again’ person now, different than you were and the old person has died. It would have never happened to the degree it has if you were not isolated. Even Jesus had periods of isolation. I think many of us have to be set apart from our ‘world’ for that deep and lasting regeneration by the Holy Spirit to happen. You are exactly where God wants you to be right now, just pray that He equips you to learn what He is trying to teach you. You have likely, at least, gotten much better at identifying people for exactly what they are. That separation makes the view of their true character much easier to see and appraise. You have lost your appetite for their foolishness.
One of our past small groups leader used to say that men get together to DO (make/build/fix) something and then end up talking, but women get together to talk and end up doing (making/baking/cleaning) something. I have found this to be very true. :)
It’s helpful not to stereotype though. This might be helpful seeker sensitive approach for some, but to study the word, exhort one another and worship God is to DO something. That our men feel that it isn’t, but that working on a car or cabinet is the true work might be revealing a troubling characteristic about our men in these last few generations.
I spent nearly 12 months way outside of my comfort zone trying to integrate into a church and they basically told me they don't want me participating. I'm done with churches. This one in particular is just a lifestyle club with its elite clique and hierarchy. I'm done with churches. If the alternative is to be isolated and alone, it's less painful than being rejected by people who see themselves as being spiritual and loving. At least a secular person has some kind of idea when he/she is being an asshole.
@@JP27God designed men differently than women. We shouldn't allow the false God of social constructionism into the church. When men watch Field of Dreams none of them cry when he is just talking to his dad. They cry when he plays catch with his dad. Doing things together bonds men together. We should embrace this way God made us instead of treating men like they are faulty women.
I think this is correct. But you tend to do things together when you were young and could build those relationships. Don't ever move away after having kids. There will be no chance to DO anything ever again. Time and opportunity is gone and responsibility and work take up everything.
My loneliness is made worse by my chronic pain condition.
I go many weeks withought talking to someone except when im at church or at the store.
Im laying in bed right now 10am. Kind of waiting for my life to be over in a way
Praying for you
Johnny l ask The Lord Jesus to comfort you with the Holy Spirt!
I knew a man casually and then found him in a nursing home. He had no family and I have a gift of helps. During my 4 and1/2 years of caring for him. Complete and total care. Neighbors and Christians began to despise us. I buried him last January. He was my best friend spiritually and socially. We were not gay but even a sibling pastor suggested that our living together was not visually good. Alone, I yearn for a friend that is a friend like David and Johnathan. I need accountability.
It's difficult to find a real friend.
@davesherwood: Good for you. What a shame that so many today have become so debauched as to suspect sins in an innocent situation, especially that sibling ‘pastor’. To the pure all things are pure- Titus 1:15. That ‘pastor’s’ attitude would transform quickly if he found himself in a place of need as great as your friend’s was, and would begin to defend a good samaritan like yourself.
Ohhh…man. I’m sorry that happened. Your reward is great in heaven, sir. What a wonderful gift-the gift of helps. You are the most self-sacrificing of all the gifts. If time is money you are a rich man who gives more than most. ❤️
Both David and Johnathan looked to give to the other
My college freshman English teacher told my class decades ago that if a person had ONE real friend, they were blessed.
This is very true for most, and so I do feel very fortunate. My friends go back to the 2nd grade, and I'm 73.
I think genuine brotherhood starts with genuine fatherhood. Men who grew up with strong, loving fathers tend to enjoy 'brotherhood' type friendships throughout their life. I was blessed with a father that taught me how to be a man, and how to have real and meaningful friendships.
Well said.
Exactly.
Not true at all for me.
What is me my father passed to go be with the Lord when I was six months old. All through my young life, my teen years my 20s up until my divorce. I had many many friends. I am 63. The last decade I have worked alone, lived alone, driven alone. I do have some good dear brothers in the Lord we don’t get together often nor do we communicate too often, but we are close and we do love each other and we expressed that and we fellowship in the Lord. I do pray for more people in my life to share the fellowship of the Lord that our friendship together.
I guess that explains it.
Adulthood has been the most isolating experience of my life.
Being a fireman and rough blue collar guy in a community of white collar soft men immediately isolating starting around 2013 for me. I have not found common ground with most churchgoers since my teenage years.
Of course, I believe in Jesus and love the full word of God, but sadly I have often times, found myself having some more common ground with blue collar Man and redneck men, then with the kind of man that I have come across personally in the church.
The few Christian men who I have had long-standing friendships with, of the three, two of them have contracting businesses, and the third is a cool guy who used to be a mechanic.
Since grandpa died, the feeling of isolation has become oppressive and total.
I get it Man, As an Alpha we are just built different.. My buddies in my youth are still into the perversion and wickedness this world distracts them with, So I don't associate with that garbage because I know The Deciever was trying to sidetrack and destroy the Blessings The One True Living God has given me.. My Decades of buddies in the Military only provided a few that get it but because we went through all facets of life, sometime thinking we ain't making out of situations I talk with them as Brothers in Truth, no verbal punches need to be pulled because it's about their Souls and Eternity.. Reality📕🔍🤨 My Decades in Enforcing Law with guy's.. Same thing.. I know The Lord Jesus Christ is a Warrior for all He accomplished for Us, I understand We are Warrior's built for The One True Living God, Our Father in Heaven.. We are never alone.. When it is meant to be we run into one another and it's real talk but the four Men I raised from birth notice I don't hang out with people in general, I'm cool even respectful with them but we are not built the same.. I don't talk about irrelevant junk and when I was in the church building I don't mean no harm but some of them were soft.. As though they don't get the men God built in the Book were Warrior's, built for Him... Ready when crap hits the fan.. I read, study, build,clean, watch other warriors, Honor the Woman He Blessed me with and keep an eye on family across the Earth.. Talk/Pray with Our Father in Heaven, Talk with The Lord Jesus Christ, Even when I'm working out🤔 for safety reasons😂👍 If The Lord draws me to a building (Church) that gives Real Truth, Teaches the Whole Bible it will be Blessings, As these day's become more perverted and Wicked it will come moments When The Lord Need Warriors to Stand Strong against The Storms.. This is why you were Created and Built to fight through the fires in Life, no matter how messed up they can be.. In His Strength We Endure..* Men I watch building Spiritual Maturity: John Ramirez, Voddie Baucham, Charles Lawson, Gino Jennings, Greg Laurie, Isaiah Saldivar, Steven Bancarz, *Russ Dizdar.. They Understand the War.. Seek Truth, Question Everything Brother📕👋😎🙏💪☝️👍
All churches are not the same, and Jesus does not want all of us to be white collar. If He put you in circumstances where you are surrounded by rednecks (nothing wrong with that), perhaps you have a purpose to be with them, even if they are not believers. Be friends with them and show them the Lord! I'm praying that you find fellowship with people who will support you and that God's purpose for you is revealed.
Then get involved show an interest in people, host suppers and bible studies visit the lonely and sick
I used to go to a solid Men's Bible study group even though I couldn't stand going to the church they were going to. It was a huge Non Denominational church.
I enjoy the isolation. Embrace it.
When I did live in NYC, I am very very grateful that the Lord provided a small church, and that did help.
Amen. Up here in Buffalo (just as spiritually dead) we are fortunate enough to also have a (very, very) small but biblically sound church
One of the biggest issues I find with loneliness is that so many of the people my age (and my male friends) are not really interested in the world around them, current events, culture, etc. Everyone is consumed by several forms of semi/professional sports to which a large part of their attention is devoted. I feel like I see things very differently about what is going on around us from a spiritual perspective and feel much more conservative in my beliefs and viewpoints (for better or worse) where most of my friends want to appear as neutral and centrist on issues as possible even when things are clearly black and white, right and wrong.
Well expressed. I feel the same in many respects .
At 66 years young , I'm still having to remind myself , that it's not my job to open people's eyes , regarding the many crazy things happening around us , but I mustn't shy away either , for fear of rejection or potential hostile responses .
As it is , I am a bit of a 'Billy no mates' , though I haven't always been , and I do generally enjoy speaking with strangers , who are willing to open up to a fellow stranger.
🇬🇧✝️
@@keithawhosoever5384 well said .....
Hmm "thumbs up" and "replies" should see if they're near each other...
@@keithawhosoever5384 I;m the same but the guys i no are Christian an atheists who are waiting for SHFT then we all come together. Otherwise we all do our own thing. Plus i don't trust many people. especially so called modern Christians.
@@TheRealJimW That's practical and thoughtful.?? So it won't happen. But we will pray and thumbs up his comment instead so we feel like we did something. And that's modern Christianity.
If I could choose, I rather be dead and be with God. But nooooooo. I have to stay alive. God by His grace, kept me alive. And so for what? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. But right now, glorifying God come first and foremost knowing God. Through His word primarily of course, but also through life, trials, testings, battles, temptations, maturity, growing in knowledge, etc. Over just this past year, I have learned to live and act, not according to my circumstances or the desires of flesh. But according to God's word regarding Who He is, what we are, and what the future hold. By no means, this journey comes smooth sailing instead, it comes with ups and downs of every tidal wave. God bless everyone here. Don't give up men. Wherever you at in life. We serve a God who keeps up, holds us, reveals to us in time and maturity and is always faithful. Thank you Jesus for being our Lord and Savior. Come soon King!
"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."
- Philippians 1:23-24
@@ConversationChrist so good
most Christian men are busy raising families, not much time for "friends". I have a good friend I've known for 30 years, but these days I'm lucky if I get to talk to him once or twice a year.
Yes, when you have a family that's your primary focus. You look for peers who have a somewhat similar lifestyle, who also have a family so when you go there you can also bring the kids and the kids can play together too. But these days hardly anyone is having kids anymore. There's only one child under 10 that I know of in a 10 mile radius from us. Most everyone is old.
Busy doing what.... falling into the devils trap of staying busy and distracted. Your kids don't need to do everything
@@castirondude yeah, I had kids a little later in life. Most of my friends kids are already teenagers, mine are 4-5 years old
@@davidwithers7181 lol what? it's called working and raising kids. Not something the devil wants us to do, I don't think
Priorities. God wife kids. How many different activities are your kids enrolled in? Don't you think connecting with other Godly men to help and keep us accountable falls into the first bucket? Make some time. Staying busy keeps us distracted. Just trying to help out...
Even though I have a full time job and a wife and toddler son, I really don’t have any true friends that are still living in my area. It often seems harder and harder to make true friends as one gets older. Most “friends” I met at bars and such we’re not really lasting friends. Very superficial.
Check out F3 it's a God send
Continue placing all your focus on The Lord Jesus Christ, your Woman He blessed you with and Your children, His future Warrior's.. All of that is if True Value.. When you time grows short you will Thank Your Father in Heaven for Leading you to His Desire.. He provides mortals to speak with but you are set alone in The One True Living God.. He is all you need and He is with you at all times..📕🔍👋😎🙏💪☝️👍
^nah that advice sucks
Dude join a jiu jitsu gym, there will be older guys who never had a 6pack, men your age, and younger guys that will kick your ass and help you become more powerful and confident over a few months.
Join F3 mens work out groups in your area. You're welcome
@@jarrettmaurice3070having hobbies/fun/ activities involves having disposable income and disposable time. Those are non-existent if you have a family. Cheapest martial arts gyms around here are $200/month. Haven't found anyone interested in doing free stuff like ruck hikes or camping. Everyone I talk to wants to do expensive stuff in short increments.
After reading the comments…lots of unhappiness out there…😔 But if men do well when they’re on a mission together, we have a mission right now: Save this country! (P.s., I love men, especially men who stand up for what’s right! 🤛)
That's abstract. Needs to be tangible
Save this country?? This country is going to burn like the rest of the world. The goal should be to save souls around us and turn them to Jesus. Only through the power of the Father.
@@cosmictreason2242 So make it tangible. Pick a lane. Find like-minded men and form a plan. Then assign tasks and carry it out.
Save the country that hates men and trashes them? Nah.
It’s not done falling yet. Natural selection has not come yet. We still won’t listen enough to go to the desert and when and if we do most will want to go back into slavery than listen to Gods truths and find our freedom. His will be done…..
Most male friendships seemed to form around common experiences; most of my friends in school came from my participation in athletics, as we tended to bond with our teammates over the common experience of going to practice and participating in competitions & tournaments. Once you graduate and begin your career, you don’t really do things with other adults outside of your family. How many of you get together with your college friends to watch some championship game with your pals? How many of you get together and help one of your church members build a deck or shingle his roof (we don’t really have barn raising events anymore)? How many of you hang out with your martial arts buddies after practice? Do you even go to practice anymore as an adult, or do you just drop your kids off and leave, and only show up to pick them up when they are done? We don’t really “do life together” anymore. I know that everyone is busy, but I think that most of us are just too lazy to go out of our way to do things together anymore. How many people have a BBQ party in their backyard and invite their Bible study over for dinner? Can you remember the last time that you did something like that?
We live in a very lonely society. The way modern society is structured today is very unnatural. Most of us don't even know our own neighbors. We hardly leave our houses, except to go to work, or go shopping. Then we come straight home, and stay inside the rest of the evening. You rarely see people hanging out in their front yards, or walking around the neighborhood. I live in the suburbs, and on weekends, my little city looks like a ghost town. Occasionally you may see someone walking their dog or riding a bike.
@@nerychristian Yet another instance of mankind rebelling against nature.
Both of you
Well spoken
Well thought
*Very* important points raised here. We have gone from mainly physical socializing to mainly digital socializing.
Most of this is a result of a mobile society. Most of us end up moving for a job at some point. No one has their high school or college friends anymore and no time to live life with new people. We lose our friends, our families and community. We think we can rebuild that just by finding a good church, but the reality is there's simply not enough time in church activities to reach anything past mere acquaintance once you have demands of wife and kids. Never move after 22.
I have a problem with small talk or ignoring truth, so I have no friends. As long as you are asleep, we are on different planes of reality. Tis lonely being awake, but God will bring me a fellowship when its time.
I'm a 43 year old single man. It is very lonely in church for single people. Most people at church are married couples, children, and elderly people.
Thing is; there are so many areas of needing awakening, so you could have a friend open in one area but closed on another area. I enjoy each of my friends as we have different commonalities in awareness. Even online, each person is in a slightly different place thinking wise. A couple of generations ago, mostly all Christians just thought the same, were exposed to the same teaching.
👋😂💪👍 Exactly.. I cannot stand being among Liars, Fakes, Perversion etc.. Yeshua, The Lord Jesus Christ is with me at all times because I talk with Him at all times.. Grew up in a Wild Wicked Society..He Rescued me from it all.. Never return to the Vomit you are not fit for because He made you a New Creature..📕🔍👋😎🙏💪☝️
You are never alone, because the Lord is with you. Trust Him, and He will provide. I felt extremely lonely for years and thought I'll never have friends who are awake and real. People in churches were superficial and closed. But then God sent me an amazing friend through the most unlikely circumstances. Praise Jesus! Praying for you.
I hate small talk too. And most other guys turn everything into a competition 🙁. I want a friendship, but I have yet to find another man who isn’t jealous of my wife & kids or something else
Don't feel bad young people I'm 50 and basically in the same place so it's not just you
I often wonder, the 'your'e not alone' dynamic.....if there were twice as many, would it be half as bad?
What are the most difficult and disparaging and and depressing things is walking in the church alone, sitting alone, leaving and going home alone and all the while you know people there. Some come over and say good morning that’s been a very difficult thing for me for a long time. I am now in a wonderful fellowship of believers and slowly building relationships.
If you want to be left alone and ignored, go to church.
I am a follower of Christ but I struggle with liking people. I genuinely just don’t like people and have no interest in being social. As a believer I feel this is wrong but cant get past it.
All my friends are off-road dirt bike riders two of them go to church.
@adc8448 I do not understand why or what spiritual sunglasses are?
@@Brian-cp1go It is a term meaning to subdue the light a bit and relax the moral worldview we Christians are supposed to have. That's more or less the consequence of living in a fallen world. We know many we encounter are not believers and not to expect them to be sharing our beliefs. At a certain level, this is true but we must be careful to not compromise our walk by imitating the world. If you're not focused on your walk with God then it would be easy to be led astray by friends trying to steer your towards their path the hell.
No easy advice there but understand that we don't have to have friendship with the world. If you're involved with a church of believers, then you have more than many do. A lot of worldly people claim or appear to have lots of friends but these people will dissipate like morning fog if they were ever to be called upon for something more than showing up to a Super Bowl party or playing some game online.
Find Christian books and videos that may help you get past this. I struggle with the same thing and I know it's not good because we're supposed to at least love other saints. Don't be hard on yourself. Just see it as an area you need to grow in and stay willing to grow with God's help. It may not happen overnight, but keep trusting that God is helping you and thank Him for it. Keep looking for opportunities to be more loving towards others such as praying for them.
You’re not the only one.
As a 60 something man who has moved 48 times so far I find it very easy to talk with people. I find common ground more often than not and can converse with most anyone. However, as for friends…I really don’t have really close friends that I could call upon. I feel like a nomad always moving yet never fitting in. I’ve got my relationship with God, my wife, and my children.
48 times ? What brought that about?
@@MeadeSkeltonMusic , Mostly work related and some out of a sense of adventure.
During 2020-2021, the majority of churches gladly gave God's place to Caesar for months for the promise of safety and no arrests, and that told any honest person everything he needs to know.
Exactly
The majority of churches in America are 501c non-profits, which means they are owned by the federal government and MUST follow federal guidelines, which includes health protocols.
Christ said in Matthew 6:24
"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
501c churches serve the American government FIRST. Why? For MONEY (to not have to pay taxes via 501c). They serve Mammon (money/greed) and not the Lord.
My church pastor was on the news in Ohio for refusing to cancel services during covid.
Yes. That period has exposed individuals true beliefs in which they stand. People I thought were one way turned out to have vastly different ways of looking at the world.
It's no wonder many have chosen to narrow their acquaintances and live either alone or to be very selective in choosing individuals who are sincere and like-minded.
BINGO!
That intro hit hard. That summed up my last 40 years on this planet.
The term “military crest” is something I learned in the Army infantry and might be helpful here. It’s defined as 1/3 of the way down from the top of a hill or ridge. It is the place you want to be while moving and might have enemy contact. It gives you maximum flexibility and security. You aren’t silhouetted, you’ll most likely be able to fight downhill, and you’re close enough to the top that you can break contact if you need to.
In a sense, I think we need to find a military crest community. Somewhere where we can fight downhill. Somewhere where we aren’t drawing constant fire by being silhouetted. Somewhere where we haven’t dug in and hunkered down but are traveling and looking for a fight.
Love that you are doing stuff with AD. Probably mine and my teenage boys two favorite shows right now.
Brilliant. Love your way of thinking. But alas i have found few warriors in modern Christianity. A lot of debaters, but few who see the true battle. Sign me up. Godbless.
The last thing most churches want is a men's group who study the bible. Been there, done that. No money in men's groups, money in rock bands for their kids.
Most churches are aimed at women and children. For men, especially young men, it's difficult to find a purpose in the church.
Find a reformed church. Sola Scriptura, not man-centered worship, smaller church bodies. It’s been a huge blessing for me after going through so many ‘mega churches’ that are more focused on providing a social club for people who don’t want a relationship with God, they want a social construct and entertainment.
Especially if the church refuses to acknowledge that God's design is a Godly male headship and leadership in the home and church.
@@JW-tg1nnsadly, there are a lot of them out there that would fit this type of description.
@@JW-tg1nnI don’t disagree with you, I was just saying they’re out there.
Isn’t it GREAT that the church gives us a place where we can all be ALONE together !
120 minutes of "fellowship" per month: 4 Sundays, 15 minutes before the service/15 minutes after the service...BUT we're supposed to love and care for each other. SMH.
The walk (crawl) with The Father is by definition a solitary walk. Not lonely (I have a family but I am alone) because My Lord saved me and fills me. Amazing Grace. ✝️
i really love these kinds of christian conversation. Open, kind, honest, respectful, humble, and wise!
what is with this comment section. Firstly who cares if he uses AI to make a thumbnail for a youtube video. Does that really matter? I don't see why it would. If you are concerned with that why not as a good Christian volunteer to create one for the ministry rather than complaining about using AI being a blessing is better. Secondly what's wrong with a paywall to hear content from a content creator? It takes resources to make content. It can be done for free or for a cost. Nothing wrong with that. Since the Gutenberg press was created people made Bibles for profit. Sure it can be donated as well but that is a cost that the supplier can decide if they want to donate or not. This is a weird comment section.
True that
L
True words.
Always great to have AD Robles’ voice in the mix.
Join your local volunteer fire department. Get with other men and make friends.
Quit spending ALL your time on fun stuff like video games. A little time is OK, but go outside and build something. Go stand shoulder to shoulder with some other men and BUILD.
Build a fire station, a chicken coop, fix a car, build up other young men. Go out, conquer and BUILD.
My tiny, rural community of 20 houses is very tight knit. When the power goes out we all check on each other and offer food or even for neighbors to stay in each other's houses. During COVID we shared toilet paper. Us married men mentor the younger boys in the few fatherless homes out here. There is social capital here.
That's awesome! ♡
That sounds really nice. That's the beauty of a small town.
There is literally nowhere to go, not to mention I'm 21, and I don't have anyone likeminded to relate to or have my back, no friends. I don't want to be near some of these people to just freaken build a spot for no reason. And why can't we do something like play games together? That actually would be better to make us do stuff.
That's an unusual town. Every town within 100 miles of of is full of drugs and crime.
Grew up in a small town.........NEVER experienced how people describe small towns. I live in a large city now and it's EXACTLY the same.
Unpopular truth: many churches aren’t “churches… they’re social clubs.
Exactly. I just wrote the same thing in another reply, but honestly I thought I was the only one to ever think that.
Yet they even fail at that
I don't have many friends because after high school/college it takes 5-6 years on average to make friends, which is less time than most single men live in one place. I conclude this because the friends i do have are ones i had an intensive opportunity to spend a lot of quality time together with for an extended time, allowing trust and appreciation to build. So I'm attributing friendlessness to a lack of several meals a week at the houses of other church members. People who are established in the community are too lazy to include new people. They're content with the friends they have, and not concerned with the loss of a potential friend they don't yet have
I find that the church (as a congregation) has generally not made an effort to cultivate community in the way of simple fellowship (hanging out, eating, serving, etc.) It does take an effort to get out of our comfort zone in order to be with each other and show love toward one another. I think there’s great reward in this that the American church is missing out on.
I was at a church for 5 years. I hated leaving after each service and going home, because I knew I'd be alone again. After 5 years there, no one knew I existed.
Same experience for me!
Boy, I'm so blessed of the Lord to be able to say honestly that I'm not at all lonely. Praise Him for Godly friends of the church, and Christian family. Sorry to hear of the position so many find themselves in. I'm poor in money, but rich in fellowship and purpose.
This makes me feel so sad for so many souls in the cities.
I live on hundreds of acres of family property. A family of deeply spiritual, hardcore Christian people. Great-grandfather and grandpa helped build the small, country church I grew up in (where an attendance of 100 was a record Sunday). Grandpa gave the land for the local K-8 elementary school. My father gave the land for the volunteer fire department.
We watch each other's backs and properties. We're all locked & loaded.
My 3rd cousin, who's my best guy friend, leases my orchard land from me. He lives right down the road and comes over at least once a week to hang out in our barn, which is partly my man cave, to smoke cigars and solve the world's problems.
My wife is a God-fearing, hard working woman who makes a wonderful home for us and our animals.
My elderly mom and dad are 30 seconds away. My two brothers and their wives and kids that are still at home are within a mile.
As poor and broke as I am, God blessed me to be the luckiest man in the world. ✝️
Cities suck.
Poor and broke? Sounds like you are rich with family, friends and property.
I have found the opposite. I grew up in a rural, small town (600 population). The people are distant and suspicious of others. I was raised to KNOW if these people wanted friends and to socialize they would live in a city. North East Nebraska.
@@Rick-ih7wp
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Since salvation in 2020 I’ve struggled greatly to find not only a consistent mentor but a true blood brother in the Lord. I would welcome a Paul, Timothy or Jonathan
Saved in 2020 as well brother. good to know you.
Go on your computer and find an F3 mens group
It's not easy finding good church friends. At least for me, being a single guy. Most men in church are married. There are some single men, but not many seem to desire a deeper spiritual life or deeper theological search.
Your best bet is to make friends with couples who are 10-20 years older than you who have at least one child in their teens. They have more time, more wisdom, and you have something to offer them
If you haven’t already started serving, whether that’s at your home church or a ministry outside regular Sunday service, that’s your best bet to finding discipleship. My heart goes out to you sir, good luck.
at a standstill....pray i have enough funds to stay here ...i am paying 427 a week here ..and have an interview...this thursday..pray i get the job..its for a houskeeping person at a hotel....i havent heard backfrom the CreationMuseum..i am so upset they fired me....please keep me in your prayers as i am isolated and my funds are depleting...thatthe Lord would not let be homeless...that i get an apartment ..its just so difficult...I am stuck here
Speaking of joining local communities... I joined a naturist community in Georgia, where I moved to from NJ, from NY, from Ukraine in '98. Found a few Christians there. Trying to keep the community wholesome.
I went to a new church because I needed change . I was at my former church since 09 and moved on back in 22. Most of my old friends either left the church backslid or got married and too busy with ministry and having kids. I stuck around longer to try to make friends but it was difficult because there were no outside hangout events or conflicting schedules. If you wanted to hang out you go to evangelism ministry or go to prayer service . I went to my new churcb and met alot of new people and now have a friends group where we do things outside the church . When i called my former friends to check up on them to see how they were doing from my old church our conversations were very short and sometimes get no response.
Wow, this needs too be spoke about more often as a 37 year old man i find my self struggling with alot of these things they talked about. The older i get i find the harder it is to make new connections.But i must keep pressing forward...
I think this problem is even worse for young single men with no kids like myself
I am a mix between white collar and blue collar and I find, especially in my area in bigger churches the men are engineers or in finance, etc. sometimes I just don’t get connect with them. I have a couple closer Christian guys I know and that’s it. I’m from a small town, Midwest. I have a range of small hobbies, I notice the world around me. Raised by a hard working dad. No nonsense. But a good man. I just have a hard time connecting with other Christian men because they are fewer and further between. We are in a small group but I haven’t gotten to know more guys beyond the limited number in the small group. Only one of them likes having a drink now and then which I like. He is a life long friend. Some of them seem awkward. And that awkwardness girds on my anger.
If I had not left my old church and been led by God to a new church, I would have thought there were no decent young guys in church. I'm in a metropolitan city. In my current church, the guys have more of a bro'hood than the women have a ladies thing. It was so eye opening for me to see and God showed me He's still doing things to build community.
18:22 was very accurate as to whats going on. The western world can't go down like this. Thank you guys for making it known. I live in a heathen country and so the church i attend is tiny, absent of any people around my age. There are a couple of guys who seem like they were force to go because they immediately leave after service and dont show interest when spoken to. I turned 40 today and didnt tell anyone, im not close to them anyways, its too embarrassing for people to publicly know I have no friends. Its damaging to your status.
Creating real community again would require sacrifices that many are not willing to make, mostly due to complacency and comfort.
Find an F3
Truth. We need Christ-based preparedness compounds to revive it, but most people don't want to live in community.
I totally agree. Most men that I know are closed up and don't want to connect to others. They're afraid of exposing themselves, which is very damaging to growth. In my opinion, that is what isolates them from others the most. It's damaging to his family as well. They might as well be a million miles away.
Nah. It's more than that.
I am glad that i am blessed with two good friends. One who lives in the city and another that is in another state. I can talk to both for hours on just about any topic and both make me better.
You guys need the Heil PR30 mics. They can be placed a foot to 18" from the speaker and sound like they are right on top of them. And they are great for men because they capture the rich low ends of the voice from a distance. This would eliminate the need to have the mic and booms right in the way of the speaker, restricting his movements.
With that out of the way, I found myself identifying with this podcast. I'm 54, father of 4 daughters, 4 grandkids, wife of 30 years, and yet I often feel so alone. I try to keep building bridges with my kids so I have that structure there to relay knowledge and wisdom to them, but our society builds so many natural barriers to block my efforts. And forget about finding other men to befriend. Who has the time?
Appreciate your advice on the microphones. Will be praying for strengthened relationships with your kids.
I can list a plethora of reasons as to why men either don't have friends but much worse, they are in loneliness. From interests to hobbies, from flexible time to commitments, the list goes on.
But in my case, my 17 years of being a believer what I have come to understand is that wives are ultimately a huge factor.
How many times have I heard the following:
"I have to take care of the kids, my wife is having a girls night out"
"I let my wife make the decisions because at the end, I don't want to be blamed for it, if it fails"
"I don't make a decision unless my wife agrees"
"My wife is searching a church for us"
Overall, whether is intentional or not, wives have become a lot more aggressive in their approach to "put her foot down"
This fight that takes us back to Genesis 3:15-16 and this has driven the man to be sisisified; to be weaker and focus on whats important.
I have to say, it's sad. I served in the military, I've had a couple of friends there, not so much anymore. I feel alone a lot, but I do have a great family and that is a great thing.
Jesus told us to have fellowship with him and one another. I yearn for this fellowship. I will never forget when I went out into the world in 1993 the most difficult lesson I had to face was literally no one in this world truly cares about me. If I die today my name and life will be a distant memory that will fade to nothing within a generation.
I have found that unless you are married, getting married, starting a family or you are a single mom, the church really doesn't care about you.
I feel that
Idolaters.
Yes, I feel the same. I’m a single guy in my 40’s (never married) and I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Seems like if you aren’t married with a family, you just don’t fit. I’m not saying the church doesn’t care.. I think they care but it’s like they don’t know what to do with you or how to relate.
It's true. They don't care. They have abandoned single men and have zero clue about how to even talk to us. We are best seeking God everywhere other than the church.
Agreed on several levels.
Building & fighting. I tell people the most destructive people are often the most creative.
Many Christians believe it is pointless to build right now, because it’s all going down anyway.
I want to work towards building the Kingdom of Heaven. We were called to subdue the earth. Why are we not doing what we are called to do?
The revolution talk is about destruction. I don’t want to destroy, I want to build.
This was a beautiful and insightful conversation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I will look forward to listening in the future.
I only have 2 men I'd call brothers. All 3 of us struggling in different ways yet we find strength in eachother. To those who need it be strong, continue to be kind in all you do. Godbless
The comment section affirms one thing I believed before. Single people are lonely, and married people are worn out. I think that the way we do friendship in the west does not work in the church. I know as a married man that getting together to watch the game, or meeting up for lunch is just seems like a waste of time.
How can these two groups come together in a way that is mutually beneficial?
What do married people have that single people don't? Generally. A home.
What do single people have that married people don't, generally?. Time and energy.
What are ways that single men can use their time and energy to bless the married men? And what are ways that married men can use their homes to bless the single men?
I think that is a non gay more appealing way of promoting friendship in the church.
@@newlife-mq4kw In what I said, how did I ignore what Paul said about marriage?
@@PeterSawyer2626 "Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that."
"The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband."
Why are you luring the single person who is anxious about things of the Lord to waste his precious time and energy helping the married couple please each other?
The lonely person doesn't get less lonely living in a home. It is the homeless person who needs a home. The lonely person HAS a home.
You are not helping the lonely people. You are only trying to make use of the lonely person, to do what? the chores of the married couple? to babysit their kids?
The married couple HAVE time and energy, but they just choose to use it on worldly things.
"This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none"
This right here is absolutely spot on. Great assessment and summary.
@@PeterSawyer2626 Don't know why my comment disappeared. But I'll say again.
1 Cor 7:32-34
"The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband."
Married people have time and energy, but choose to use it on worldly things. Single Christians are anxious for things of the Lord, they don't exist to help married people please themselves better. That doesn't even solve their loneliness if they are lonely.
Moreover, loneliness is not necessarily a homelessness problem. Homelessness is a homelessness problem.
Don't fall into the idolatry of marriage. Don't even start tricking singles into being slaves to sustain the pyramid of your marriage.
@newlife-mq4kw I am familiar with that text. I still am not seeing your point. How does encouraging single people, who Paul says have more time to serve the Lord, to spend time with their married brothers and sisters, and encouraging married people, who Paul says have less time, to open their homes to those single those single brothers, contradict Paul?
And where does Paul call marriage an idol?
A Christian man vows to forsake all others for his wife, and she does the same. The NT says that a man who doesn't provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. In terms of how we prioritize our lives, we are tonlovenour neighbor as ourselves. To the married man, his wife and children are his closest neighbors. It could be possible to commit idolatry of your wife and children but in the case where two Christians are married that would be very hard for another person to see and point out. It certainly doesn't have to do with prioritizing your family about others.
Paul is actually affirming this. He isn't saying that the married man shouldn't be trying to please his wife.
Boom! Smashed the nail on the head. Good job fellas.
I have many guy friends, 7 or 8 who I would call quite close. We attend various sound churches but basically have the same theology. We can talk for hours about theology and the gospel.
The trick I've found to build and keep these strong relationships is we are all on the same page about one thing: we have a desire to reach our lost friends, families, coworkers, etc. with the gospel. I lead a street evangelism ministry and all of them have come with me out on the streets sharing the gospel with the lost. Because lets be honest. What could be more important than that?
Amazing talk. Highly relevant. For any Christian fathers out there, I highly recommend Trail Life USA as a vehicle for creating brotherhood with other fathers while instilling Godly values in your sons. I am so thankful to God for allowing me to be part of such a great organization.
Yep, it's all about teleology (shared purpose). That's the defining difference between a 'team' and a 'crowd'. Without a telos to bind us we are just a crowd of people. I'm a 45yo Christian man with 3 kids. I don't have any friends around me really and when I meet good people I have exactly the experience you describe... it's weird to set up 'play dates' lol. What are we supposed to do? Play pool and drink a beer? Too gay and pointless. I'd always rather be doing something constructive, even if that is just sitting in my study learning about things.
Really good stuff. Men are rarely being sharpened by other sharp men. Today's world is dulling us on every side with satan's trappings.
At 63 I’ve been friendless for almost all my life . . . But for Christ. Even in church I’ve found that my biblical (reformed) faith is not well accepted. I no longer know how to make friends.
Yeah, I don’t have any friends. I have a girlfriend, siblings and parents. I’m also off all social media, except LinkedIn for my career. I don’t want/have work friends. I don’t really interact with people at the gym, because I’m there to train.
That’s just the reality of life today. Your online “friends” aren’t your friend. Your co workers aren’t your friends. Your gym pals aren’t your friends.
Same with me. The older I get, I just don't desire friends. I'm either working on a task, or I'm worn out from working and want to be alone. I don't really feel a deep need for a friend.
Exact same here too
@@PeterSawyer2626 These guys are right though. Having male friends, that isn’t ghey, is beaten out of men. Having male friends doesn’t seem normal today. It just is how it is. Hard to trust anyone today when everyone is a Karen mental slave or Trumper coper.
Same here.
@@PeterSawyer2626Check out an F3 mens workout group in your area. It's a great fellowship.
Ever since my divorce in 2012 I stopped trying to find a companion. I’m just workaholic and church focused. 42 w/no kids and just take care of my mother, lost my dad almost 4 years this year. God is my main focus daily. No real friends just daily routines.
I go to a small church in a small city (big for my state). I am 34 and single. I also believe that the world is goimg to get worse before Christ finally comes back and all that. The problem is this. I have good friends and we all care about each other blah blah blah, but when i met many of them I was 25 and they were around that age, now they are all married with multiple kids. Everyone lives 10-30 minute drive (only 5-15miles in our awful designed city) away from each other and we chat at church, and church events, and I am in a small group with some and we meet once a week with the occasional extra hang out. But there just isn't time to really do stuff. I get home and have to clean and cook and exercise and do laumdry. I have to have time to pray and read the bible. I have to take care of my yard and maintain my house. The central banking system/government makes sure I never get enough to money pay people to do those things. I work my butt off, and I do get a decent amount of free time, but then trying to coordinate with friends who have kids and all their own stuff is just so tough. More than that when we get time to hang out it's often several people, or mixed company, where it's harder to get serious and talk about deeper topics. When it is one on one or smaller groups of just guys we get maybe 3 hours and you just can't build a solid community with 3hours once a month plus chatting for a few minutes before and after church. That's why I'm lonely.
Bro you have to manage your time better. If these guys are your friends you talk to them, guys lets get together next month, pick a day and time, if they care for you as a brother they will clear their schedule. Christian men need time with other Christian men does not matter how busy life is. Additionally, many of us can get better at prayer. I find myself in the gym praying, pull up scripture between sets, your prayer closet is were ever you make. When your in the car driving turn everything off talk to the Lord. I feel your situation man! I have a good friend single three kids, the modern women has left him with no choice of a pool to pick from. The guy is struggling to find a wife it hurts me just seeing it. None the less he stays focused on Christ and gets through it, keep grinding and enjoy the fruits of your labor as its a gift from God.
Dude! Just build a super based Christian commune and have seven kids! Easy, right?
You're right, and your friends probably need to spend almost all of their time on their kids. That's just how it goes, I've experienced the same. Unless you're called to celibacy, start praying to meet a lady. The thing no one warns us about is that after about 30 male friends don't hang out or spend much time together - not just Christians - all male friends. It's about family after that, so you gotta start working toward that.
I'm 44 , never married or even had a girlfriend.
@@MeadeSkeltonMusic the sad thing is you have probably saved yourself a lot of issues being single. Maybe Christ I called you to be single, it does happen.
I don’t ever foresee groups of people coming together until thier is great persecution and the false converts leave the church. Alot of major damage and pain has been inflicted on our family trying to be too friendly in church and our children forming a bond with the wrong people. I have a daughter to this day who is now away from the Lord and still fellowshipping with a family that turned out to be false believers. Throughout history you do not see true believers coming together until the wolves flee. It’s risky business so I pray you succeed but I pray more you never experience what I have been through.
Yes TRUTH, we have had a similar type experience....
This is something I've seen. It's tough having this close community because the modern Churches are not "the church." "The church" is the body of believers, and modern churches are places where we go to hear sermons and bring unbelievers. I go to a solid small church, but it is so hard to discuss the big issues going on, to really try to collect as a tight-knit community fighting the evils of the world when you're surrounded by unbelievers. Churches are afraid to offend unbelievers, because they want to ease them into right beliefs, but the church is not the place for unbelievers by definition. Unbelievers should be pursued outside the church and brought in once a believer.
This was such a cool conversation
Loneliness is a state of mind. Be alone is a choice. If you go to a church for 15 years and never know anyone, YOU are NOT trying! Step out of your comfortzone, walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself. Then ask their name. Not everyone will want to talk but if you keep trying you will find people that will want to talk with you. Don't make excuses. Just do it! Consistency will be your success.
Yes, I agree with this. Even though it’s tough for me to be social, I realized I needed to step out of my comfort zone. It’s still tough for me to walk up to people and talk but I joined two weekly men’s groups at church to get myself “out there” and try to connect. I’ve found that it’s essential for helping me in my struggles. I was living an isolated life of hidden sin.
I do not agree AT ALL, and this is a lie. I am 21, I've churched hopped with my family to different churches once our home church went down. I went to youth camp, youth groups, and even a college group recently, I talk to sadly the elders MUCH more than the younger folks talk to me, they only do out of convenience. They aren't interested. The girls? All away in one corner and don't want to talk to you unless you're a good looking guy they're dating. This is the sad reality. I've done more than you thought and it's not my fault, but the culture and the fact nobody cares to help those struggling in their very church seats!
Our church has recommended Rebecca McLaughlin's "No Greater Love - A Biblical Vision for Friendship". It has many false teachings in it (by an disqualified, false teacher), so I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
First red flag is a woman attempting to teach men
I am feeling all of this all of the time. Trying to find fellowship with men who truly have a desire to know God and to honor Him is a tall order.
I am an older Christian woman and am experiencing what you are talking about. Most women want friends in a similar situation with children and a husband etc. I do not fit this mould so acquaintance and friendship never moves to the next level.
You got the wrong church sweet pea, these guys dump on women all the day long.
Are you a widow or a divorcee? If you're the latter, then don't be shocked if they avoid you. Women, much more so than men, want social acceptance and befriending an older woman who for some reason doesn't have a husband and children isn't normal. That might not be what you wanted to hear but it sounds like you needed to hear that.
@@ColonelHoganStalag13 Brother. While divorce for any reason but sexual immorality is wrong 100%…
You don’t know why she’s single. I’m getting up there in age, and I certainly haven’t been divorced. Get the facts before getting preachy. Especially when it comes to someone dealing with the lack of companionship. (Deep breath) I love you. Please do good work for the Kingdom.
If i close my eyes while listening, the brother in the blue blazer sounds like Ryan Michler. Good stuff gentlemen
You described my existence right now with your description of your life in NYC
This was a great discussion new subscriber !
Christian men like me have an existence much the same. Even as a father and husband, I am alone. I cannot speak my mind to my kids or my wife, I have a higher role than they do so I can't confide in them as I would a friend and an equal.
As the head of the wife and the home we cannot share our burdens with them. Sadly I've only ever met one Christian man I can call friend but he had to move interstate. Because I love God's word and not my idea of what God's word should mean I severely struggle to find friends.
For example, I believe women cannot be pastors or leaders in any capacity over men because 1 Timothy 2:12 says so and because I love God I believe in and love His Word. This belief alone causes Christian men to either become childishly offended on behalf of women or they seek to suppress my views and control conversation that makes them comfortable.
We needs these brotherhoods. It transcends all riches and wealth.
I’m a woman and that sounds like my life, but I don’t feel alone. I never have felt alone. I know that Jesus Christ is with me. It would be nice to have “friends”, but mostly, I have acquaintances. I suspect my husband feels the same.
I am in the midst of solving this issue. I think the main issue is our modern society has taught us it's about what we receive when being a true friend is all about what you give. That and being online waaaaaay too much. I hope to make some nice male friends this year.
"Even the brutalist architecture".. .😂🤣YES
I converted to Catholicism when I married. After the divorce, I tried to go back to many evangelical churches, but it was during Covid and I was turned off by the response. In contrast, at the same time, the Catholic Churches were packed. You can’t get the Eucharist via streaming.
After much prayer, I felt convicted to remain Catholic, and attend the church 2 minutes from my home. I sought out friendships. I talked to the priest. I joined a Catholic fraternity, the Knights of St. John. I attended studies, seminars, and retreats. I went on Cursillo. It takes time and intention, but community can’t be built. It’s a long obedience in the same direction.
They didn't really answer the question.."Why Christian men don't have Friends"
Ofc, they aren't here to address the issue, just to fill the air with words.
Christian men fellowship with each other. I have Christian men that are friends and we just sit around and talk about how great God is. If men telling each other they love one another and showing that they care about each other makes them gay what does that say about Jesus. Jesus said "Love each other" He told the world he wasnt going to give that generation a sign but he did. In a world full of hate and murder the sign is someone telling others to love each other and they start to listen and do that THAT IS THE SIGN. Infact that in itself was a miracle he did.
It would help immensely if we had a common culture and set of beliefs. This _melting_ _pot_ of different races, ethnicities and religions makes it hard to know who your neighbor is. If you think these differences shouldn't matter then you're not being realistic. It also doesn't help that men end up working so many hours and when they come home, they're also doing some share of the chores because the wife also works. If you also have children, what time do I seriously have for friends on any meaningful level? Tied up with church on Sunday and or maybe an evening during the week, how much time do I get to myself? My wife is my partner and so her personal life is just as limited.
I have some acquaintances that I share a hobby with that we meet up a couple of times a month on average. We do simple coordinating to meetup some Saturday afternoon and then we go our own ways until the next time. I try to separate my work from my personal life and so I don't really keep in touch with co-workers if I can avoid it.
Men become friends through circumstance with school, military service, church or work being the way it normally happens. As we continue to fracture as a society, building real friendships is difficult.
If you are a Christian nothing about your personal hobbies, interests, and backgrounds is relevant in having Godly relationships with other men. My pastor is a white guy from poor rural farm land. My associate pastor is a Mexican from inner city Chicago and they are brothers in Christ and have no issue with different backgrounds because they are on the same mission for Christ.
I have 1 fellow outdoorsy genuine friend which is enough for me. I socialize more than most with my work but I definitely enjoy and need my peace & quiet, preferably hiking or fishing in the hidden trout holes.
My advice to all men is to dedicate some time every week to be outside within nature. It'll help you unwind from the monotony of modern life in the west.
I took up hunting and go constantly. A lot of time I don’t see any deer but I’ve never seen a bad sunset. Life is lonely but being out there is better than in the suburbs where I live.
I'm a 50 yr old Christian, and I have very few friends.
I'll have to check your catalog for Spots regarding Ecumenical business. I'm concerned that so much of our value as a christian people is being left on the table, because we're letting the general public hold all the cards of business.
Everything from American missions, proper food sourcing, education, and overall camaraderie - it would all begin to thrive if we just organized our money properly.
We should be growing own food, building your own homes. Teaching our own kids. Show the light of Christ on our terms, in the context of our own places of business, up close and personal. It's there that our lights will shine brightest IMO.
Good content. Pushing 50. And have no desire to interact with anyone. Ever.
I was tracking 100% until 13:08 “I’m always dreading going up to an event, but I always have a great time.” I have the exact opposite experience happen to me:
I’m always looking forward to going to events (church included) like “Aww, this is going to be great!😃” but once I’m there I feel utterly alone-amongst-a-crowd, it feels very stressful to talk to people, but I don’t talk to anybody anyway, nobody talks to me, and I just want to leave 😔😕.
I don’t know what this “Reddit badge of honor” idea is, but I don’t “wear introversion as a badge of honor”; it just is what it is. It was more or less no different during my years in the Military. I don’t mean to be off-putting and I have a deep desire to know people beyond superficially, and for people to “get me” beyond superficially, but I also feel how I feel when I (once again) try to put myself out there. If that makes me a 15:03 “freak” or “weird” then so be it I guess. I’m not ashamed of anything I’m “up to” or have anything to hide. I don’t watch Star Trek et al. or play video games. You guys lost me here.
Yeah, not every comment applies to every viewer. If part of it doesn’t apply to you, then don’t worry about that and take what you can use.
Well there's going to be huge trucker convoy in Texas, Arizona, and California next week to protest the border problems. But I'm sure you could join if you don't have a tractor. Church is the best place to make friends.
Holy Spirit is always with you to comfort you/me. Join a church and volunteer, take a bible study or theology classes. Pray for a friend, and trust God to send you someone (s).
Gentlemen you're spot on in your assessment of how the social construct has been manipulated.
Appreciate it
@@RightResponseMinistries I very seldomly come across anyone that understands what's happening in this country.
Church folk are generally clueless.
@@RightResponseMinistries I appreciate you guys trying to educate people.
1) get out of debt
2) get into the gym and meet like minded people
3) engage in conversation
4) read and study the world, including scripture
5) put the phone down and set limits
6) Envision the man you want to be. Meet those men and learn from them.
Personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion.
-Andy Frisella
Well done. Personal excellence, especially under God's good design, is the greatest threat to a political, economic, medical . . . system that thrives on the ignorance and control of others.
@@JW-tg1nn all of this, every list point is about flexibility. Being debt-free allows you to be more flexible with your choices and gives you the option to pursue other things.
@@JW-tg1nn the debt free aspect of my list pertains directly to not falling prey to modernity and its ills.
@@JW-tg1nn almost impossible, but doable. My wife and I just finished up paying it all off and the freedom is incredible.
@@JW-tg1nn keep going. Believe you me, it’s worth it.
Some of us are "introverts" because the people we choose to trust with what we were going through betrayed our confidence. I still hurt from the last friend I truly opened up to and it's been 10 years.
Golden eye was freaking awesome! 😂
Indeed.
Over the years I have found that the closest friendships involved individuals whom I could drop in on at any time & we typically had an ongoing non-church time we visited together. Currently, I have a few people I could call if there was an issue & they would "help" but then things would drop back to how they are today. I have no doubt part of it is I just never had close relationships with people. I am introverted & need time to decompress alone, which I am sure impacts that too. Intimacy that isn't within a marriage seems to be a foreign idea to me, I honestly do not even know how to define it well.
Old people experience this even more.
Alone and happy in Jesus!! My wife is my best friend and we love to go witness to the lost
Really interesting discussion. I think that men bond to in the middle of a fight. Street preaching creates good bonds but it can attract some crazy people…. Lol
I will never say or think this. I have a friend in Christ Jesus.👑🎚
God has blessed me with a wonderful local nondenom church that is full of young men and women on fire for the Lord, passionate about living for Him, and seeing Him glorified in every aspect of life. It saddens me that so many people don't have that kind of stable personal community of close Christian friends.
I am Christian and seriously looking for brethren.
The church I was going to only had seniors and children no middle ground for my age.
Not enough can be said about this. I almost fear finishing this video for fear of realizing it won't be fully communicated.