Stuck In Chronic Freeze Trauma Response| How Somatic Experiencing Can Help
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2022
- Whether YOU need help to overcome emotional trauma, narcissistic abuse or cptsd OR you are now ready to help OTHERS - www.micheleleenieves.com
Enrollment In The School of Transformation IS OPEN. Are you ready to start doing the inner work to break free of the side effects of cptsd, childhood trauma and/or narcissistic abuse??
To learn more: www.micheleleenieves.com/offe...
THE MONTHLY THEME FOR AUGUST: BREAK FREE FROM THE DRAMA TRIANGLE
Septembers Theme: How to Overcome Emotional Flashbacks
7 Day FREE Trial Period with above link
ARE YOU READY TO BECOME A LIFE COACH AND HELP OTHERS???? IF SO, CHECK OUT UPCOMING TRAINING PROGRAM:
www.micheleleenieves.com/narc...
#narcissisticabuserecovery #cptsdrecovery #complexptsdrecovery #lifecoach #emotionalhealing #childhoodtraumarecovery #thriversschooloftransformation #traumarecovery #narcissisticvictimsyndrome #complexptsd #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #depression #anxiety #innerchildhealing #cptsdrecovery #emotionalhealth #personaldevelopment #dissociation #emotionaltrauma
☕ If you'd like to show me some love and say thank you for my videos by buying me a coffee, visit my Ko-fi page:
ko-fi.com/micheleleenieves
The statements on this TH-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
![[UNCUT] “เชื่อมจิต” ใกล้จนมุม อนันต์ชัยเปิดตัวละครลับ เตรียมล้างบาง I คนดังนั่งเคลียร์ l 2 ก.ค.67](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jeOwG0vt114/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you! I needed to be validated that freeze IS draining!
I’m called lazy.
This is so relatable. Have you noticed that just prior to festive seasons,or when you have the desire to be more successful,this freeze response comes and take over all the more? This is so so so relatable. I really wish all of who have been through such hell, experience a turn around. We deserve it 💗More power to you Michelle, Thank you for everything. You are loved
You just make me realize this with your comment. Every time I want to work on a goal, my mind gets overwhelmed, and I do nothing, I just check out. One side of my brain is like you have work to do and the other side is like, check your phone, watch tv, eat something, etc. I realize this is due to having all my efforts in my life mocked, criticized, and told I was a f up and would never amount to anything. If I made a mistake my mother made sure everyone knew and threw it in my face daily for about a year. She still brings up mistakes I made at 19 and I'm 39 now. Eventually, I just gave up on myself, now I know why I freeze and can't do anything. I'm afraid of succeeding and failing at the same time. Thanks for this comment. It really helped me realize something today. ❤
@@NikD215 hey you you are so safe to experience all that you desire. When you feel you are not protected. Think of all survivors becoming thrivers protecting each other in a protective shield to experience more peace & freedom in every action .You are that loved & protected 💖
Wow, This was absolutely amazing to watch and hear. Thank you so much for the solid explanation.
@@NikD215hi dear, you put my experience n internal battle in words. I’m 34 and it’s the exact same relationship with my mother. R u taking any effort to overcome these internal battles? Life bcms unbearable with never ending fight with one’s own mind!
I didn't even know "Freeze" was a thing and I have to thank the Crappy Childhood Fairy for even mentioning the term in her video. This was extremely helpful. Thank you so much for this!
Takeaways:
- freeze response is a protective mechanism to keep you safe when you can’t fight or flea
- even if you’re not in toxic situation anymore, you can get stuck in this mode, you can feel like a prisoner in your own body; feeling paralyzed and dissociated
- somatic experiencing can fix subconscious nervous system deregulations that your mind used to protect you from feeling unsafe
- our “survival brain” wants to keep us alive and safe hyperfocuses on the negative and being hyper vigilant towards potential threats meanwhile going blind to positive things
- somatic experiencing goes deeper than talk therapy that can actually accidentally perpetuate the emotions behind the “protective self”, keeping the trauma story alive; hence reactivating and reaffirming the “unsafe” story and wound
- trauma cannot be processed with thoughts; it’s in the limbic part of the brain that is connected to feelings and the body
- don’t move too fast with nervous system healing; slow and steady to prevent retriggering
- feeling into the body is the first step of true healing over time to teach nervous system’s “window of tolerance” to get back into equilibrium
- find a place in the body that feels “safe enough”
- begin to notice the uncomfortable sensations and emotions in the body. Then feel that felt sense of safety in that “safe enough” place when it gets too intense
Thanks for the highlights @shenova
Have you done this work?
Thanks so much for this summary, helps a lot 🙏
I still don't get anything that deals with "feel it in your body" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???
This sounds good.
I have Cptsd - I have been knee deep in books, therapy, podcasts...you name it. I am 10.22s in and things have never been so clearly explained to me. It has never made so much sense. Thank goodness for you. Quite literally - this is the first time I have had some semblance of hope.
Sooo happy to hear that the information resonates with you and that you are experiencing hope - THAT is sooo important. Trauma is NOT a life sentence - but we do have to do the inner work. As a trauma survivor my goal is to help others know that you do NOT have to suffer forever and that you CAN recreate your life and shed the trauma personality that keeps us stuck!!! If you ever need more resources,. be sure to check out our live weekly zoom meetings!!
@@cptsdrecoverywhere’s zoom link
It helps to talk to yourself like youre that two year old too. Like oh are you feeling scared, what happened, oh i see that does seem very scary, you are safe now i will take care of that.
It’s how I get thru the day. I also have a ton of posted notes that I write different affirmations on to be reminded as I work on my laptop. And I listen to a lot of self-talk audio. I like to listen to it as soon as I wake up. It’s tremendous for people who have low self-esteem. Love yourself. You deserve to be here. It’s a message we all need
First minute makes so much sense why I suffer from severely feeling frozen and stuck. My parents would threaten to call police anytime I acted up but would also never let me leave house to get out of the crazy fights (they would literally follow me in their cars). I felt so stuck and it makes perfect sense it's reflected in my body and mind.
Finally, some confirmation of my instinctive feeling over the years that simply "talking" about things isn't enough to heal past traumas, and that it can even potentially cause more damage because of half arsed approaches. You explain it very well and I feel all the more armed (and somewhat safer) now with this info, thank you. Be well, always🖖🏽✌🏽🙏🏽.
I'm 42 now and cptsd is. I had thought I had got over my trauma as I could talk about it openly. After being off work for 8 months and getting tested for everything it turns out there was nothing wrong with me. Then a brilliant doctor went through everything and has put me forward for treatment for cptsd. I did a little bit of research and came across your videos, what an eye opener. Your videos are amazing and I feel as if you are talking directly to me. I think I have been living the last thirty years in flight mode and shutdown mode. I have a lot of work to go, but it is nice to know there is a reason why I am the way I am and there is hope.
Thank you for the information you are putting out and to those who are going through struggles, I hope that you get through and can live a happy and fruitful life.
THANK YOU so much! I have been trying to heal my trauma with my thoughts for so many, many, years and this explains why it hasn't worked. I have worked on just sitting with the feelings and it feels so awful, I can only take it for a while. I do this alone, because I have no support system or access to trauma therapy. I tried doing therapy twice with state Medicaid paid intern therapists, who admitted they did not have trauma-specific training, but felt they could "handle it anyway", and they even made it worse! One was so egregious in her handling of my case I quit seeing her, and reported it to the agency supervisor. We have to be so careful who we go to for trauma therapy!
I moved into my own place after 12 years of living with a malignant narcissist. I was raised in an abusive environment, so freeze is my go-to response. CPTSD sure does a number on the body. I have numerous health issues, and now muscle wasting from chronic tension, and living in freeze too long. I hope my body will realize it’s safe now, and I can work on healing. It’s a slow process that can’t be rushed.
The freeze response is so tricky , and stickkkyyyy I literally had to moment to moment search these videos out and then force myself to play them and then replay them because I wouldn’t pay attention to the first sentence literally like 6 or 7 times I’d watch the video and have to restart it and then slow it by 1/4 to 75% speed (which makes some therapist sound a bit creepy but nonetheless) I’m forcing my body little by little , I take 40 degree showers first thing in the morning and then I just begin all this meditation mindfulness body scan work because of educational videos such as this one that helped me , we are all real people and real stories and you really help people
I do exactly the same with the all the videos. Also i get lost reading the coments very often.
Me too. And I’m 74 and have done so much work on this. I still get stuck.
She did say something about not taking cold showers if you are in this response. I have been there for years after surgeries.
Have a point of focus for your meditations. If you can feel love for god or yourself even better.
You have a really great and simple way of explaining things. After hours of research and still not understanding SE.. you hit the nail on the head, thankyou :)
im 35 and this has been the best explination yet, honorning that to ur admittion that u suffered from this urself. thank you goddess!
I’m constantly hearing “as a child”. Many of us experienced the abuse and trauma as an adult.
Because it’s more common as a child due to the brain not being developed enough to process these kind of things. But the approach is the same for adults.
It sounds like you have experienced the hell of some pathologically nasty creatures. I'm sorry to hear that. Trauma happens at any age.
Freeze response happens as a wife in abusive marriages too. When the husband has the power and money to control .
I think it's just more common for kids. Because like she said as an adult you may have the option to run or fight(you may also not but children pretty much never have those options so they only have the freeze response)
@CeliaSleigh
Or Fawn... many kids & adults learn to Fawn in order to survive...
People-pleasing... being the helper...the good kid... the good student ... the good friend
Sooo many people called me their best friend while I felt like I had no best friend so I had to learn how to be my own best friend...still learning
This was so good, seriously. You articulated it so well.
I'm currently trying to get out of freeze with the help of an S.E. practitioner...it really sucks living from this limited and quicksand-like place yet it feels safe and familiar when the intensity and uncomfortable emotions underneath come up. The hope of feeling that aliveness again keeps me going. I really miss that, especially when it comes to music. I no longer find it enjoyable like I used to, it does not really do anything for me. 😕
So glad to hear you are working with an S.E. practitioner - we can't regulate the nervous system with 'logic alone' we really need to bring it into our sessions!!!! You CAN get that aliveness feeling back!!! Once the nervous system is really convinced you are SAFE to feel alive, safe to do things you love..... it gets easier and easier!! But - be patient and compassionate with yourself on this journey =D
Man this is me, I remember listening to music all day and expanding my librabry more and more every day and then suddenly it just didn't feel the same, I hope it gets better...and also how are you doing now? I hope you're better.
Just watching the video instantly made me feel regulated again.
I'm part-way out of the unsafe situation, but the problem is so much in my life still reminds me of it, particularly in areas pertaining to religion. I also no longer live with my family but they are still the biggest part of my life and it's hard to feel like I have any kind of identity outside of the enmeshed family system, and the person I have to be within that system isn't me, and I'm tired of playing that role.
I was held in a motel against my will with my ex husband. When he threw his gun at me in a rage I lost consciousness and came to with stiff arms holding me up from the bed while standing. It was the weirdest thing with a time gap. I knew then that I must become an actress and play a different role if I wanted to get away alive. I became the complacent sweet dutiful partner in a moment's time. It worked. I even showered him with the how much I had missed his company game. Thank God I was able to pretend under fear. I do believe he would have killed me otherwise.
Hope you feel better now
That exact same thing happened to me in a car. I had to act like I loved him so he would let me go pee somewhere and that’s how I managed to escape. Feels like that didn’t happened to me since my brain buries the emotional part of the memory. Maybe to protect me but now I wish I could work trough it so I can get out of the freeze / fawn
Began doing this work since 1984. The biggest holdup/blockage to my deeper/ deepest healing since then and to this day is finding others who not only fully support this paradigm... but rather reject feeling pain, which is where healing begins... I'm alone on this journey and have been for 40 yrs...
who else sees this? Leave your comment please.
I'm with you my friend. God bless you.
It’s true you don’t feel alive at all.
When I started trauma healing, I still had unsafe friends. They were not abusive or addicts or obviously toxic. Some of them were just codependent! For me, I had to leave many people to heal.
I have used years to come back to my body. I thought I had come further, but I am still in freeze and just realized it.
How many years have u healed and how are u healing? How many years were u in trauma?
No one has ever explained this so well; I wish i could show so many people and they would finally understand me.
I will soon move out and hopefully then can learn how to get out of freeze response.
Mam your this video is really good... In this video has everything who I learned about trauma on TH-cam... You spread all information in one video of how to cure trauma... That's very good.... You are very good... I am happy that I founded your channel..... Your all knowledge is real.... Thank you mam for support in my life when no one with me.... Thank you so much ❤❤😊😊
Thank you for sharing this...I agree that most of us have been taught not to pay attention to our bodies. They became commodities for a corporate state to use as it pleases. I have gotten out of the freeze mode through both cognitive and somatic understanding of my childhood trauma. I hope to be able to help others do this as well.
I need help i am struggling to hold a job due to being frozen shut and emotions of anxiety and fear underneath
Wish I could have somatic experiencing sessions, but can’t afford right now. Doing as much as I can on my own with Peter Levine’s books. Thanks for this video!
Awesome!! Wonderfully explained! Thank you! 😀
Love this ❤ thank u!
Thank you!
I suggest making another video that just shows the exercises without all of the lead up. I’ve come to this video in a chronic free state and just can’t handle all the information. I just want the exercises. It would be better to share a video separately with the information to the exercises
Part of healing the NS is to have the education to understand what is happening in your body, to connect the dots as to why your body is responding the way it is or isn't.
@johannahconant9614 while that is true, this commenter is just expressing the way this information would be best presented to them-
When you're stuck in a F response, your brain literally cannot absorb knowledge. It doesn't matter how helpful it is, they literally cannot retain it.
Excellent video! Thank you
Michele thank you!
Invaluable information. Thank you 💓
Sooooo good thank you😭
Thank you ❤
Great Michelle ❤
Ahhh, Michele, this made me so happy to see you while I was browsing for videos. ❤
Wow! Amazing video. So well explained❤
Thank You.
One of the best videos on youtube ❤
I'm so grateful for making me aware of this
Thank you, so many revelations in this short video!
Thank you so much for this. Makes perfect sense. Really well explained.This has helped.
This really helped me, when feeling so stuck, even though I've gotten away
When u have rent that is ALWAYS due and literally everything else has gone drastically up but My paycheck. Anyways when your every single day consists of fearing the day you inevitably can't pay. Next thing u know you're homeless and being called nasty things by nasty people. Our system alone provides all the major ingredients that exasperate a World full of super depressed anxiety having head cases. Always yeah. Most of us have nothing wrong with us. We live in a sociopathic Clown World. DAMN RIGHT I get stuck in freeze response.
Thank you, this has really opened my eyes to why i am how i am. i also have cptsd and all that comes with it, so to hear you hit the nail on the head after 20+ years of searching for simplified answers is relieving. Thank you again. i appreciate you
This is the best explanation I've heard so far and it finally makes sense. Now to put it into practice - the hard part. Thank you!
T,Y, first I tuned to your video.....ahhh.it was great,so very validating.
Boy I can relate to the tee-thank you.
Thank you so much
Definitely will be coming back to this! So much wisdom! Wondering if I have been in a level of freeze response from birth trauma, shutting down against the intensity of being alive from right at the beginning of life.
Me too! My mom's myth about me is that I rejected her from the day I was born. My whole family has bought into that ridiculous lie! I was so seriously neglected (maybe even abused) I was diagnosed as "failure to thrive". Her emotional/verbal abuse continued all my life. When our trauma starts pre-memory and pre-language it can be really hard to heal because the somatic responses are so embedded in our being.
❤ it is very sad, I hope you can be better now. I don’t know what is the real reason causing my freeze response, i don’t remember the time i feel normal with my brain. I pass some overstimulating situations in my life, in house and school. Although don’t know, i can confirm that i am in alert state through seeing my face and seeing behaviors of others
I was thinking this today too!
This video brought up a lot of emotions, tears and it explains a lot about myself. Thank you for putting this out there. I am definitely interested in learning more. XOXO 💚
I've heard many explainations of freeze response and the brains negative bias.....but this was really really powerful , thank you sooo much!!
This explains so much about my constant filter that I’m not safe. I’ve created this stuckness for the last year
This is such enlightening information. It explains so much of what I’ve been feeling all of my conscious life but especially after the transition of my mother three years ago. Now I’m so hungry to get healing and liberation.
I’m so glad I clicked on this video. I was referred to somatic experiencing by my therapist bc I’ve had a lot of complex trauma in the past 3 years
Jesuuuuuuuuuus the bestttt every video on Freeze my life in a nutsheelll for 4o years and your soothing voice also helps listen to this video more.. yes... freeze also means anxious..
Thank you Michele, fantastic presentation. It really helped me connect lots of dots all at once. I'm actually smiling to myself. I've never heard of this type of approach before but I am definitely giving it a try. xx🥰
This is one of the very best explanations I have ever heard for what I've been experiencing for so very long. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
Thanks so much for this and other videos you make. You are very good at this. I have a SE therapist, but she hasn’t even put me on the table yet. Feels I have to live alone (away from my very critical, dysregulated partner) before I can make progress. I am chronically in freeze.
“You can’t heal in the same environment that traumatized you”
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂THANK YOU FOR MAKING HEALING TRAUMAS POSSIBLE. SOOoooooo beautiful. Appreciate this immensely
Thank you , genuinely I’m starting to piece this whole thing together, after 30 years of dis regulation and maladaptive coping strategies. I’m finally beginning to put together the pieces. These messages may sound similar and kind of run together but I want you to know you’re doing great work. I don’t know why you do it but these are the things that allow me to maintain faith in humanity and humans in general
Thank you. I now live in my car because I had to get away from my mom. She controlled me all my life and told me that it was because she loved me. That no one loved me more than her. That everything she did was to secure my future.
Funny that despite her intentions I never once felt secure with her. In that cold dead house. I’m experiencing incredible pain but I’d rather feel this than be a servant of my mother and feel nothing at all. I feel infinitely more secure around homeless people yelling to themselves than I do around the fake smiling face of my mom because at least they expressing how they honestly feel.
God bless you
❤ thank you
Even before I watch the video I say thank you for the work you do. You are touching so many lives and I always come back to your wisdom for guidance. 🌸
Thank you for your kind words - I'm so glad the videos are helpful =D. Sending love and light your way!!!
Up only to not even 3 minutes of the video, my breath started to be more frequent. Now I understand why agression is my real problem, even if I am known as I have a "balanced" personality, meanwhile beneath the surface...
Excellent video Michelle. And do take it as a compliment ...I am obsessive reader, researcher, watching and listening and reading anything I can get my hands on about complex PTSD aka childhood emotional wounds, which at 57, still run the show. At 10:44 you have unpacked the why and the how better than many so called experts. Including my trauma therapist.
Excellent! Thank you.
thank you
I've only just started and it offers hope.
Yeesss!!! And trauma can make you feel as if there is no hope - I'm soooo glad you're experiencing that shift! Trust me it does get better and better with time😀
Hopefully more on somatic experiencing heard a lot about it
We just need to be with loving people . .but where are they
Sometimes the damage is done and its hard for them to let love in because of distrust, defence mechanisms still in place. Stuck
Oh Michelle... I have cptsd chronicly you would not believe, actually.. you would.
Been in tears, ty so so much.
I'm on the healing path.. this video made me face other things I don't even want to remember.. ty .. healing is the worst part isn't it. But thee most freeing ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hang in there!!!! The cptsd recovery journey is not easy..... but like you said it is sooooo freeing!!!! Eventually it does shift into more enjoying the journey than dreading it =D Once day at a time!!
This is 💯 I have small seizures as my freeze response.
Wow!
Thank you for providing all this info free of charge. It’s a really good channel, this.
If you don’t mind me asking, what to do if the body is all locked up, emotions are nowhere to be seen, but there is constant activation buzzing around the system? It’s intense, and it doesn’t want to discharge. I’ve tried a lot of meditative techniques, and just sitting with it. It’s just gotten worse, in fact.
I’m never able to calm it down, and a fear that I need to discharge all the energy first, but it doesn’t budge, and I’m exhausted. It’s like a catch 22.
I’m so worn out, and the activation has destroyed my sleep. I feel I don’t have the capacity to process whatever lurks beneath, but I can’t get the rest to build capacity because of the activation!
There seems to be no way out
(note to self)Info @ approx 7:45 regarding reactivation of the system is spot on...also protective battle with self and underlying pain of the story. Somatic experiencing:we bring the body with us.
Turning off hyper vigilance. Re experiencing the window of tolerance.
Finding the safe spaces within.
Re parenting and reminding my adult self to help the frightened child.
Thanks!
This is incredibly recognisable! I know I've had a freeze reaction when my ex-husband strangled me, but I never realised that my chronic depression, as reaction to trauma 6 years ago, could also be a freeze response. I'm really going to look into this.
Brilliant explanation of something I thought I understood. But didn’t.
I loved your flow associatiation, as that is how I just recently felt my own responds to my enviroment - actually I think of the result of the amygdala meditation. Michele, your help is tremendous! Even if there were times I thought of my "old" way was much more "stable" now I think I got to a stage where I can really see how limited I was.
What about the fawn response? This is the other predominant trauma response for children, and it isn't well known like the other 3, but Pete Walker explains it so well in his book.
the rest of the responses are pathologized if not vilified-- freeze is "lazy" and "boring" and "distant" and "anti-social", fight is "disobedient" and "unruly" and "crazy" and "mean", flight is "flighty" and "lacking conviction/determination" and "unstable" and "undependable", fuck is "dirty" and "obscene" and "slutty" and "hedonistic"-- but the way children are approached by this society there not only is no help avoiding or escaping fawn responses, THE FAWN RESPONSE IS ENCOURAGED AND USED AS A METHOD OF SOCIAL CONTROL, if you're fawning you're "nice" and "obedient" and "helpful" and "a diligent worker", it's not that society even just does a bad job helping, in that case they actively encourage that trauma response b/c it makes people give over money and other power as they reflexively try to be one of the good ones
@@EP-tw1mk i totally agree and the best way to fight it is to recognize it or be aware of it and take the time to pause and ask ourselves "what would my genuine self do?" amd then to have the courage to proceed with our genuine and honest actions and intentions :)
Fawn is what "trauma bonding" is. It's not positive.
@@mungojellyIt's so true! I've been fawning all my life. In job interviews, I realised their eyes would lit up when I mentionned i was "easy to work with" and I would always get hired. But now that I'm aware of it and I can't delude myself into fawning for approval, the freeze response came in.
First, I tried to speak up for me and my coworkers' basic rights (fight), but I quickly realized that wasn't safe. By asking for valid basic needs to be acknowledged, I got labeled as the vilain, which dysregulated me to the point where I couldn't physically go to the office without being fully activated as if my life depended on it.
They don't want to acknowledge what's logical and right. They want submission.
The fawn response is literally the desired outcome in capitalism... Any other response is pathologized!
@@mungojellyand we could even go as far as saying that the education system is basically a fawn training. Go sit for years listening to teachers who don't know what they're doing. And don't dare to question them! Pass these trivial, nonsensical and repetitive evaluations in order to get our stamp of approval, to then go supervise other people who basically do all the work you studied for, but still don't know how to do, because school and real life are so different. And if they dare question your authority, just say they are desobedient and reprimend them 🤷🏼♀️
The environnent is fundamental.
Michelle, will you do a video on the Collapse & Submit trauma response? ❤
Could you *PLEASE* do a video on this chronic freeze and underachieving?
⭐️
One thing I notice is that in a way it's numbing but something about freeze is that there are so many feelings going on while still imobile.
I've been in this feeeze response for so long... I completely blocked it all out. But since November 2023...I'm releasing bit by bit. Its painful, makes you feel like your losing it, feel so so drained. Didn't realise how much trauma I had built up over the years. 😢
Recently started it a few weeks ago. Just seeing what others think about it
I"d love to hear your experience with it!!
I have been accustom of holding everything down . now i am holding so tight that it causes more distress . i just wish i can let go and allow the emotions to flow. I need help please.
When I can not force myself to answer a phone call, I feel like such a failure- especially repeated attempts- I cannot for the life of me do it , yet
What about medical neglect. This is on top of emotional neglect. I honestly don’t remember one single conversation I had with my mother as a child. We were poor. During my middle school years she did make sure to make sure I went on my field trips. I wanted to be in the band so she got me my instrument. I remember she worked all the time. And me looking out the door for her to come home. When she finally did; I remember her tucking me in. I remember us going to the mall and holding hands. I remember the big Christmases and the Easter baskets. But I cannot remember a single conversation we had. I cannot remember any regular dinner. And I certainly never was taken to a doctor. This has caused me much anger as an adult. I have dogs and the slightest discomfort I see in them, I’m immediately doing what I can to alleviate it. I was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and ptsd. I only just started therapy. And we’ve only talked about my most recent trauma. But I’m wondering if it started earlier. Or if my recent traumas are making me exaggerate my childhood experiences.
Oh also. My mother has her own issues. But she’s 76 and cake from a different time. She views therapy and mental illness as a negative thing and pushes it aside at the mention of it. She has a victim mentality and thrives in this. Us kids of hers have been subjected to parentification. It’s like she only believes in mental illness when it makes her a victim and will begin her pity. Sorry I used this section to vent. I’m going to bed. I’ve finally found the resources I need and hopefully I can work on myself and heal my own traumas. She’s an adult and I’m learning that I am not responsible for her happiness.
Once you get the feeling of safety inside your bodt
My heart beating in my ears so loud I can hardly hear the words
Example of why we (probably especially women & children) aren’t safe.
The other day at the market a fellow came around the corner of the aisle and stopped to look at the spices that were behind me. I was looking at the oils on the other side of the aisle. Not having my attention on that person he ran his hand across the hair along the back of my neck. I turned to look at him as he nonchalantly continued perusing the spice jars as if nothing happened. It is not the first time something unusual has happened in that particular market that has never occurred in others. And I like that market; it’s location and some of its specialties.
So what sayeth you? Is it all in my trauma wondering if I am or am not safe there? I think I’ll consider I am not safe and will continue with my disconnect. But thanks for the false sense it’s all in our heads and that we need to work on it when the discomfort during freezing is actually the correct way to feel and from that feeling we should not just walk but we should run. It’s the freeze that keeps us from slapping men who need slapped. That is what I’ve been shown by powerful professional men I’ve slapped who needed it. The most I want back of what they took is my ability to slap them the way they need it. Otherwise I don’t want anyone near me. It’s not safe out there. Stop trying to pretend it is and that there is something wrong with yourself for not wanting to hangout with that trash.
You’re welcome.
I totally sympathize with your experience. I have had worse experiences with tailors, acupressure specialists and doctors, sigh! They touch intimately before you know what is happening. And when you dont hit back in word or action bcz you are too frozen, you feel so guilty forever
5Fs…fight. Flight, freeze, feint and fawn
I did somatic with a practitioner once. I remember she gave me no explanation at all, she stopped me so often...I felt so uncomfortable, and because I also have an issue with people about speaking up when I'm not at ease, I just did what she told me to. It wasn't a good experience, it only worked with her, and still now, when I try to do some exercise by myself because I'm overwhelmed , I feel extremely anxious because I don't understand what I'm doing. For example for me " finding a safe place" it's like "what it means?" And I panic because I don't know what safer is in my body
So now, not only I have bad memories about the trauma I tried to heal when I went to her but also about somatic 🥺
any advice will be welcome
I’m so sorry you had that experience, that would be very discouraging.
I had to change the language from finding “safety” to finding “less tension” or “less charge” or just “less”. It helped me start at least feeling that different parts of me were having different levels of discomfort/different experiences.
Maybe it could help if you rename some of the things. At certain points feeling safer is foreign or overwhelming, so starting somewhere else can be helpful.
Either way I wish you deep healing and comfort.❤️
Onto of that iontop of that enough. .we are screwd
At 11:10 having freezing trauma I’ve got to say my reasoning about danger is skewed. What I mean is that I have been made very insecure about my ability to spot danger. This is because I have been targeted by professionals for what is colloquially known as a mind fucking. It has been a long sustained effort by corporate risk managers to cover up their nefarious activities (those of which I did not see to know until it consumed me.) Now I no longer have faith I am able to detect danger, and with how we are being gaslighted by the government now too I have little faith in bring moved beyond the freeze mode. Furthermore, I think it is dangerous to move the brain into a disconnect from what has helped me and everyone else to survive. Because what will that leave me with but being vulnerable again to being attacked? At this juncture I’m just not willing to take that chance because finding myself pushed into hell again just isn’t worth it for any connections in this world. I don’t want to be “normal.” I want to be left alone by the freaks who think they can judge what is and is not healthy and normal because themselves they are not truly healthy and normal either. In fact the researchers a sick, voyeuristic fucks who make me (and a lot of us) sick because they think they are intelligent and normal when, really, they aren’t anyone I (or any others) would spend time with if not for their forcing themselves onto me (and onto most of us.) It’s okay to have that 6th sense that quickly identifies who has covert toxic thinking that will ultimately result in their forcing control by any means. Those ones are just who I don’t want to deal with and sadly n this world they are prevailing.
I hope your somatic info helps you. But, it’s not for me. I prefer keeping my early warning signs.
Gotta go.
Have you ever played a rpg game and you get some nervous you end up not being able to react in a calm way or thing straight. You easily could have got out of a situation if you were more calm but you were panicked. I think that is how you are.
Is freeze the same a repression? It would explain what happened to me for most of my life. Many things happened and kept happening when I was a kid, one was living with the health of my dad. For ten years is was on the edge of death. I look back and wonder how i got thru it. I feel extremely guilty because it was as if i didn't care about him and yet I know he was so important to me. I have gone into this mode of behavior around painful situations other times. I go on as nothing happened. It seems like a form of denial without realizing it.
That's me
Define "safe". Because life & people ain't safe...