The Loneliness Epidemic in the Gay Community 🌈
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2023
- Watch the full episode here: Overcoming Loneliness as a Gay Man & How to Build a Community of Friends | S2 S5 • Overcoming Loneliness ...
Welcome to Season 2 of Happy Healthy Homo hosted by Keegan Hirst and Joel Wood. Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, it'd really help us out: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast...
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Its not a community. Its a competition hierachy. Community implies that people help each other.
There is a gay collective. Not a gay community. A community has warmth, care, and help towards each other.
That's the price gay people had to pay in order to be "accepted" by the capitalistic, heteronormative society.
and grindr doesn't help when there are so many options so no one is loyal anymore. The grass is greener on the other side right?
I would have thought that the loneliness gay men experience would make it more likely they'd bond together like 'yes I belong to a group now' but I don't really experience that. Maybe it's because I'm not a bar person or in a large city. 🤷♂️ Loneliness applies to everyone; both gay and straight - good topic
That feeling of having to agree with every single nonsense or else you may get rejected. Always on guard. That feeling of longing for the pre-2015 community. Because, back then you feel like everyone had the same goal. But now, if you have the wrong opinion, you are kicked out. And if you are a lesbian that is more traditional, forget it.
I'll say it bluntly, it's the gender nutters that has destroyed the cohesion we felt before 2015.
You have hit the nail on the head I cannot believe the topics you coverd are so true.
Good on you fellows for having this conversation.
This hit home 😢
Living in a rural area makes it so much worse. And with the housing market like it is, I’m trapped in hell.
Loneliness and fitting in are major issues gay men face. I've never felt as if I fit in- within my family, at work or even with friends. I feel there is so much more that sets me apart and that particularly with gay friends I've found the relationships to be shallow, transactional and often short term. They have mostly ended in feeling let down and deeply disappointed- making it increasingly harder to trust others. I found a lot of gay men to be liars and fantasists which has been quite disturbing at times- especially when you find yourself deeply invested in a friendship only to find its built on a tissue of lies. It really can undermine ones confidence. I spend most of my time now alone, I've learned to accept that's the way life is going to be.
Never "accept" anything that drags you down. Then it becomes your own lack of action that is what's really keeping you inert. "I've learned to accept that's the way life is going to be". Therein lies the problem, not other people's shitty behavior. Shitty people will always be a part of life. I've also never felt like I fit in but I don't let that keep me from putting myself out there both online and in person. And btw, you seem to have great writing skills as evidenced by your comment, maybe consider writing? "fantasists" is great as well as "a tissue of lies"....this is not average writing.
Gay loneliness is real. My accepting wife passed 2 years ago. I have a son and a daughter who both have families but I am still lonely. I don't see them very often. I was a Baptist Pastor many years ago but have been totally rejected by them because I am gay. I am not welcome to even attend church because I am gay and that was medically proven during electronic shock therapy. I've joined a retirees group who do bus trips occasionally but I am not out there by choice. I do love being gay though. I am not looking for a boyfriend. I am 77and a bit to old now.
If you feel fine single then that's up to you. Just look at porn or something. I hope I'm not lonely if I get to being an older gay guy. I'm 38 and you probably think that I'm still a baby at this age but I do worry about being an older gay man because I know for sure I'll never have kids, I've only been with men. And so no family at all I can turn to if I get sick. Maybe I will die before then. What's the saying we are here for a good time, not a long time.
Love the new haircut, Joel🎉😊
Really?? Jesus Christ how bloody shallow! 3 comments in and I’m so disappointed
Thank you Joel and Keegan for having conversations like this. It might be naive of me, but I didn’t think loneliness was all that common with gay men. I just always thought I was doing something wrong and just not that good at being gay.
Hopefully, you will cover ageism in the gay community. If you are over 50, you are pretty much ignored by the community in general.
That’s not even close to true with the amount of college aged kids after “daddies”
@@snnn4818 Did they make you feel better about yourself at least? On the plus side, you Gen Z generic yasss kweens make it easier to spot and avoid you.
Yes, you are ignored if you have given up on taking care of yourself or bettering yourself, or surrendered to substance abuse. But if you are a man who takes care of himself and rejects ageism you will find that many younger men as well as men your own age find you "daddy-hot" ( just avoid those looking for $$!)
Well, for my age, I am in excellent health and have been on a continuing "long term" clean diet and rigorous exercise routine for about a decade, since my early 50's. Need no prescription drugs and have no chronic health issues. Still with all that, people over a certain age are invisible to society in general. I'm not complaining just stating my observations. @@FriendofDorothy
The gay loneliness is its own self made hell. We are our own jailer and until we get our shit together we won't be free
How do you suppose we do that?
THANK YOU!! I am independent and alone. My came out September 1999 and the gay community since September 1999 have been horrible.
@@kennethhoffman2511 coddle that attitude and you get to be alone the rest of your life. When you came out the gay male community was still utterly traumatized by AIDS and the successful meds to treat HIV were still new. People, ALL people, tend to act out post-trauma. Cut them some slack. Many of them lost partners and their whole social circle. Life is what you make it; look to the future with hope, not blame.
Amen
Speak 4 yourself. My carcellers are the straight people. Always have been.
I enjoy being loney because i had toxic Realtionships and friends even co workers
I understand what you mean, and I'm sorry to hear that. I've also been in a toxic marriage, but I've been lonely ever since he left me nearly 3 years ago now. It's okay with being comfortable in your own company, and appreciating time to yourself, but when you know that's going to be for the rest of your life, like I'm pretty sure it will be for me, it's not such a comfort, and makes life seem rather pointless.
@@phily8093 thank U I hope thinks work out for U I tell u my secrets to staying happy
1 do the things that you wanted to
Sometimes like do small travel on Ur own
That's all I can tell U but I say this I am very lucky because I come independent person
We have ALL had toxic relationships because the river of addiction and drug use runs deep within the gay male community. I understand what you are saying... one gets tired and disillusioned, but you can learn what the red flags are for such people in order to avoid them and you CAN put yourself out there in spaces in which older men are welcome. Life is fierce and brutal; we can't just roll over and say "OK...I'm not trying anymore". Best of luck to you!
@@phily8093 To give up on oneself like that is to be a victim of another person. Stop giving that kind of power to other men. Instead, concentrate on your own self-improvement and goals and get out of the house at least some to meet people in person. Most gay men have been in at least one toxic relationship. I went through two when younger; I left both at the first sign they were graduating from emotional/verbal abuse to physical abuse (hit me and I'm GONE). Both tried desperately to get me back but failed.)
Boyfriends suck, friends suckX2 and people suckX3
Yes. It is a problem. Any suggestions how to fix it?
I am very grateful for the fact that youth and good looks are transient in nature. The time under the sun for gay men ends around the mid thirties, the sunset on the 40th birthday is the cut off age for membership in the collective gay men community. Rather than lament that fact one must embrace it and rejoice in the liberty of not having to exert as much energy to live up to the requirements that the "community" demands.
"The time under the sun for gay men" ends when one gives up on his health and his appearance or gets addicted to meth, etc. I am having a blast in my early seventies (once the son, now a "daddy" who does NOT chase youth but sexually enjoys men my age or even older while also hosting a few "sons"). Life is too short not to enjoy EVERY decade. I will probably be flirting with those caring for me in my last years, LOL! I recommend NOT buying into ageism and saying NO to hard drugs (as the grim reaper comes soon enough, you need not beckon him prematurely)....
I don't think there's a specific cut off age because a lot of it depends how you look after yourself and lifestyle. You can look good well into your 40s.
Another factor driving gay loneliness is the growing divide between the haves and have nots. Gay men who are successful professionals in lucrative careers earning six figure annual salaries tend to criticize and look down on gay guys who are just regular working stiffs who are just getting by and doing the best they can.
Please note that any and all advice giving in this episode pertains to men currently residing in the UK and as such may not tend to extend to those beyond. The local environment may differ in essential aspects.
Well obviously 😂
@@happyhealthyhomo I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful but there really could be men who view this episode and may be so inclined to carry out things that in the UK would be perfectly safe but dangerous in other countries. With utmost respect to you guys but you are speaking to an international audience and I really hope you take that into consideration! If you think that I am being harsh or unreasonable then it would be very helpful if you can inform me as such. Thank you.
First of all, all gay men learn early in life to act. We all have our SAG cards because we are taught early in life that we aren't "real men" so some of us put on a good show of being just that, aping a model of masculinity that was created in the era of WW2 in which boys were prepared to be either soldiers or factory workers. Women have questioned their own stereotypes for decades but men are still slaves to an image and behavior that are not only outdated, but unquestioned. Second, I want to say something about "scarcity". It is easy for people to subtly chide those of us who are older (I'm '70s gen) for being so desperate as to jeep doing hook-ups etc when we "should be in a relationship". I hate to break the news to these pie-in-the-sky idealists, but the scarcity is real for me and probably others in my age group. My best friends were both older than me when I met them and both passed over the past 7 years; my generation was decimated by AIDS and those who are left are either in long term (and often sexless) relationships or are dealing with substantial health issues. I had 6 BFs when I was younger and only one remains alive; 4 died of AIDS/one of lung cancer; the lone survivor, a New Yorker lol!, is still living). And my family are clueless Trumo supporters and Christians who don't really accept gay people so no family support since I was outed at 20 (my abusive mother opened a love letter sent to me from my BF). The scarcity is real, sorry to say but I do put myself out there in hopes of finding that elusive long term companion who might not want to spend his older years living alone. Yes, I settle and compromise my standards to some extent, and yes, the scarcity is REAL, even in a big city) Thanks for looking at this topic and acknowledging the reality. I am not so much "lonely" (I know how to live alone) as I am restless for a quality older man who has no substance use issues not so stuck in his ways that he can't open up to LOVE In the meanwhile, thank God for loyal regs....
Loneliness is just self-pity allowed to run unchecked.
No. It's real but ephemeral and only occasional if you have a few friends, meaningful work, and a sex-reg or two. Living alone may not always be "happy" but it can be "content". The worst loneliness one may experience is when you are trapped in a bad relationship, not when you are living alone, which actually offers certain perks and luxuries that partnered people don't get.
I just saw you post this EXACT same comment on another video about this EXACT same topic...that suggests, to me, that you're going through an "ironic" self-pitying binge on these videos, so you're a doomscroller AND a hypocrite, or you have someone but still feel the need to condemn other peoples' singleness as some sort of character flaw, in which case I pity your partner.