If there really was a "Limitless" pill, it would eventually become normalized, then expected, and soon we'd all be looking for the next thing to increase our productivity even further. We will never be doing enough. So we need to focus on doing what we can, as best we can.
For years, I've been thinking this about energy drinks. 'Monster! It has twice as much caffeine as a cup of coffee! Rockstar! It has 1.5x as much caffeine as Monster! BANG! IT HAS 2x AS MUCH CAFFEINE AS ROCKSTAR!! P O W E R T H I R S T ! ! ! KICK MOTHER NATURE IN THE FACE WITH YOUR E N E R G Y L E G S ! ! !' Like hey, what if we could just _fucking sleep?_
This. I had this thought as well. We will always have something to complain about. Even if you reach that 'perfect' life, then that 'perfect' becomes 'normal', then you'll look for something else but it'll get harder and harder to find beyond that peak happiness. That's why some wealthy people are miserable and depressed, if you can have everything, then what's the point?
I've recently started doing something I call 'habit months' - I pick one thing I want to improve, and I practice doing it each day that month, but because it's the practice period I don't beat myself up if it's not perfect or I miss a day. And so far it's worked! After a month I barely have to think about it because by then it's become a routine. Then I carry on, and add a new habit the next month and so on. I've only in my 3rd month but so far I now eat 5 fruit & veg portions a day, floss everyday (I never flossed before!) and I'm currently working on getting outside regularly. The key is to also make it quantative: something you can count instead of something vague. So instead of 'eat less junk food' choose how many items of junk food to cut down to in a day. And find ways to make it easier for yourself too - my brain would get bored while flossing so now I always do it while I'm watching a video. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD too and this is the only way I've ever managed to hold myself to something. Would seriously recommend!
Fantastic advice. If goals are nebulous, it's difficult to feel as though progress is being made. If you set a goal (including small ones) and beat it, it becomes much easier to do. Bonus is that you'll feel good about it and be motivated to continue or work on the next goal. I wish you all the best. 😁
This is brilliant. I do sort of the same thing, but not necessarily as defined as you've made it for yourself. And I think that type of structure is what's really difficult for me personally. Ill find solutions and ways to think about things, but then forget to follow through with the method/solution. Writing in my journal before bed would be healthy and help me in a lot of ways, but then I forget to do it. Things like that. Just with how my brain personally operates, I almost have to trick myself and view things from the third person in order for me to rationalize doing them or following through. Not to sound inflated, but just really abstract and deep thought processes. It's kind of neat, and how I described it is only surface level. I literally have no words/internal dialogue for some of my thoughts such as this. Just feelings that I can receive information from. I'm diagnosed ADHD and have pretty bad anxiety/depression. Getting evaluated for autism soon after discovering my dad is on the spectrum (was kept hidden from me), and speculation on Bipolar Disorder from early childhood by many therapists that I'm also going to look into more now that I feel motivated to fix my life. Not tryin to label/ define myself at all, but the label does help find the correct path. All of these issues overlap in some ways, and each runs in my family, so it's hard to pinpoint what's up. Sometimes I feel like I got the whole bag lol. But enough rambling. I'm happy/proud to hear you've found a way that works for you. I'm gonna try harder to set up some structure like this myself and see how it goes. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah the improvement part kinda disappears from that word if all it does is burns you out. Definitely been there. Also it's probably much more complicated concept than we make it out to be, there can be so many different ways of self-improvement. And sometimes you gotta accept you are not in a state where ambitious goals of self-improvement are really realistic and take it slow rather than pressuring yourself and again, burning yourself out.
As a dancer who started late and is ALSO self training via TH-cam, constantly feeling behind and like I'll never catch up to those successful dancers my age is an ever prevalent feeling, and seeing this video really helps because aye, we're all kind of behind huh. We don't need to catch up we just need to keep moving forward
I dont think thats the point of the video though. You are reffering to something physical in which to get to the point of making a long term living from it, you kind of need to start early and get very good before your physical prime. I mean if its a hobby and you dont plan on earning money from it, then heck yea, I support you with all ten.
Aye don’t to listen to the dude underneath, if that’s what you want as your career many people have become successful starting late into thing: the creator of Dark Souls, Bernard Hopkin (boxing champ who became pro at 25 and started at 19) keep moving forward
@@Nowhats Hopkins started training back in prison when he was 17, also he was a criminal so probably had his fair share of fighting. As for the DS creator, thats not a physical activity so you can get into that later in life. Lets not display our survivorship biases here shall we? If you dont have any basis for dance before the age of 12, you are doomed. Examples from the performing arts world of people who started late are usually at around 13-16 years of age. If you look up "performers/dancers who started late", youll see that 13 years is already considered super late. Thats the bs motivational books talking for you man. If you ever done any sport/performing art on an above average level, youd know how extremely hard for a late starter it is to get to a point of competetivness, and that applies twice as much in a competetive landscape such as dance. I used to do street workout and the champion there started when he was 15, because there isnt much competition in the sport. Then, I delved into gymnastics, and all of a sudden these strong guys that started at 7 were unable to place in the nationals. Now if you extrapolate this even more, youll get dance. And even worse, not only is the competition in the performing arts fierce, but the economic pressure and lack of demand is also not easy on your head. Ive got a friend who performs with the Cirque de Soleil, which is the BEST performing arts insistution on the planet, and she gets mental breakdowns from how hard it is to support herself. And she is one of the best aerialists in central europe. By this mindless praising, you are setting up people for dissapointment. Get real.
Interesting, I started working as a Software Engineer quite late in my opinion, I'm at least 3-4 years behind the curve and feel like Dr. K and you mentioned. But at the end, enjoying the process has worked for me, while accepting that we sometimes we have unrealistic expectations.
key takeaways: 1. Realise what society is doing to you, and don't fall for it 2. Focus on 3 main things for the week 3. Understand that your progress will not be linear. Keep going 22:13 im crying this so funny 😭😭
It took me a while to be ok with being at rock bottom. I’m currently saving up for a car and am studying art. Most important thing is to realize building yourself up is a process that I’m slowly getting better at.
I was there 3 years ago after I graduated college, had no job or aspirations of a job in my field of study, had my mom and grandma pass away, all followed by the pandemic. I majored in accounting, but now I'm a full-time soccer coach and am loving every second of it. Chase after your passions and do what makes you happy. As long as you're making progress, that's all that matters. Remember, sometimes you need to take a couple steps backwards in order to keep going forward!
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I'm upset with myself for not being my "ideal self". But realistically speaking, I would probably suffer from burnout or go insane if I actually did it. Exercising regularly, cooking and eating only healthy meals everyday, getting enough sleep while doing my Masters and learning new skills daily, finding time to help and spend time with my family and friends, doing volunteer work, doing my self care routine everyday, having another job or source of income, budgeting, cleaning and organizing, staying informed on current affairs regularly all while in a full time job. I'm surprised to see how long it took me to realize how unrealistic my goals truly were.
Same and I dont even have ADHD. For me, losing the big picture creates anxiety. Keeping to many open loops all at once is more draining than just doing stuff one after another.
I have two skills that I recognize have aided me IMMENSELY in my life. One of them is the ability to chill the fuck out. Being able to not be that bothered with people, with the world, with life... It helps, it really helps. As long as the basics(food, shelter and entertainment) are covered, things are fine! Panic is not needed.
I struggled all my life with panic and fear. While studying for university and now at work. I'm going through a rough patch. I would love to be able to not be bothered with people, with my boss, with life in general. My life would be so much better. I don't know how, fear and panic are always by my side, even after therapy.
@@neeru7298 1. low levels of stress have actually been shown to be healthy, but more importantly 2. Fear and panic tell you something, fear and panic are very likely leftovers from past traumas and as such you should identify the triggers (looks like you have identified some already) and deep dive into what exactly happened to you, however some traumas can actually form pre memory so be careful. Do this carefully and most importantly process the feelings, that is instead of running away from them (as long as they're not overwhelming), accept them as they are and accept yourself as you are with them. There might arise a judgmental voice that attacks and critiques yourself and others over pretty much everything it can think of. Fuck that voice, it's a liar and an idiot. you're good enough as you are
@@gothicfan52 The fact that a stranger took the time to read my comment and write such a well spoken and compassionate response, literally made me cry. It must be some form of trauma. I will try to analyze some of the events that occurred to me. I don't know what pre memory is tho. I will try to be less harsh on myself. Thanks a lot for your response.
I feel like back in the day, most of the issues we have today were either ealt with by crumbling to pieces, or "just dealing with it" a.k.a "manning up." oh you don't enjoy your job? well you need money for your family, just man up. you're depressed? too bad son, the planet won't stop whilst you have it. man up. my wife and I have issues? well she just needs to listen to me, too bad. to the boomers, we don't have MORE issues today, it's just that nowadays we actually give a crap about fixing them
It took me awhile to stop comparing myself to my best friend and her accomplishments. She just got her PhD in biology and is moving to a different state to continue her research and I'm really happy for her, but at the same time we went to elementary school all the way to college together and I just started to work on my bachelor's this year. I had to stop seeing it as a race because I was driving myself completely nuts comparing myself to others and where they are at in their lives.
Similar situation here, I have a twin who is doing a PhD at Oxford, whereas I have only just graduated from a bachelors and am looking for work. Had to learn earlier on that we are different people, and comparing is useless. I still feel behind sometimes but I'm only human 🙂, hope you continue to be you.
@@PotatoBoy123 I had to get the word out of my head for a bit which was hard since I'm an English major now LOL. But I kept telling myself everyone is on their own path and I started to see it like a hike. My best friend's path was pretty straightforward like she was walking on a trail, she was one of the lucky ones who knew she wanted to pursue biology since high school. My path happens to be filled with twists and turns and is the scenic less traveled route but that's fine too, eventually I'll reach the summit just like everyone else it'll just take longer.
If it makes you feel any better nobody with a biology PhD is going to have a financially stable life unless they sell their souls to big pharma lmao Sincerely, a researcher who dropped out of a PhD program faster than lightning
I feel you. Luckily, my family can help me out a ton, but there's still an expectation to get a degree, work, and keep a clean living space despite having a diagnosed chronic condition that makes this difficult.
I have ibs for years and held me back on my studies and socially (I understand that it is not the worst chronic issue but still it hurts). Don't wanna be that guy but nofap, exercise and eating healthier definitely helped in my case. Wish you the best regardless.
2 years into being unemployed since the pandemic due to burnout and depression. It was the best decision I've ever done I now do freelance work doing graphics it's not paying as much but I get alot of free time to focus on myself and I'm now in the best mental health I've ever been
I know your comment is old, but it resonated with me. I was burned out on a 3 year sick leave 10 years ago, and today I've worked other jobs, gone back to school to prepare for a 2 year game art course which I got in to and am now currently studying it. I hope my life will be so much happier even if it MIGHT pay less at times.
Accepting that you can't do everything at once, seems like an act of humility. Sure you can improve, but at most you can do your best and not be too attached to the outcome because you can't control all the factors that contribute to it. It's funny even when you consider what you could do at the moment, it's easy to delude yourself with perfect solutions that you can't carry out e.g the time fallacy, instead of doing the best you can in the process with certainty and without compromising yourself.
My therapist and I have been talking about over-optimizing. I deal with ADHD (I don't get tested until next month but all signs point to this being the case, according to my therapist) and one thing that happens is, because I constantly feel like I'm behind on my to do list, my instinct is to inject tasks from the list into the moments I'm supposed to be giving my executive function time to rest and recharge. I go to take a walk, because physical activity helps recover executive function. But then I think, well, if I'm going to be physically active, I should spend it cleaning, or doing some specific task. And by doing so, I don't actually get the recovery I need. It's like saying "man, I spend 8 hours sleeping, when I could be spending that time working". But that's not actually how it works at all. Restful time needs to be restful time. It is not wasteful, it's vital.
Relatable ! also you tend to feel guilty when you take a break, and for me that usually means that I have to wait for my body to b very weak and catch a cold so I actually have to take a break. But now I am learning to reject new tasks when I have something going on already. You get the dopamine kick when you take on a new task but going through it is ... so boring.
TL;DR Problem: we feel pressured to hustle and do many things at once these days and it gets overwhelming. Solution: There is no magic pill, although it is tempting to look for one. Take a step back and focus on max 2-3 things at a time. Recognize your bandwidth and cut yourself a break for not working on other important things.
@Dante Rivera financial insecurity makes it so that at least 1 of your 3 things that you can juggle has to be your finances which limits how much self growth you can do People care, I hope you’re doing okay. Money struggles really fucking suck and plague our society. Your life is worth more than the dollar sign which is why your life is worth fighting through this hard part. One day it will be better (at least we need to keep this hope to be sane.)
What's so frustrating is that the adults in my life think I'm lazy because I don't own a home, or have achieved millionaire status at the age of 23. I started working in an office job at 19. I quit college and worked full time after losing my house to a wildfire and feeling like I had to sacrifice education for money to help myself and my family. I work from home now, without a degree, making 60k a year, and I still live with my parents. But I can't afford a house and If I get an apartment, that's $2000 a month. How tf am I supposed to advance. I'm trying to start my side hustle. I'm trying to create more exposure for my art. Sometimes it feels pointless, but here we are...
The fact that you’re doing more than most of us at that age😭you’re not lazy. Keep pushing and keep moving forward because even I can clearly see that you have sense and you are heading somewhere...
I'm literally crying laughing at the pentahustle machine with the dual caffeine ketamine drip and vr hooked up as I wait for my ketamine therapy meds to arrive by FedEx and try and squeeze some stretching in after a walk with my dogs and a talk with my sister after journaling and downloading some self help books and meditations. This guy is spot on! Sometimes I feel a bit too old to listen to much of his talks but this one's spot on. As a recovering porn, sex, weed, and videogame addict I can say it's really just about learning and developing new healthy habits! Trying to hit the gym, eat healthy, read, and do more yoga. Taking it one step at a time. Hang in there fam💚💚 this human life is difficult! Much love
For me, it's not so much the idea that life is a race -- I just don't want to run out of time to be _safe. Content._ My stepdad died at 35. I'm 30 and already having chest pains. My therapist says I can't hold down a job because 25 years of PTSD has given me a learning disability and seizures. Forget perfect -- It takes so fucking much, just to be safe.
This is so true. Growing up I never felt safe, and that’s my goal even today. The problem is, almost no one is truly safe in this society. We have no safety net. So I’m working on being okay with the possibility of disaster.
Trans male physically disabled Japanese immigrant with ADHD and impoverished by repeat DV. My doctor actually diagnosed me with "sick due to extremely hard life" and I asked her for a note (which she gave me) just to look at when society is gaslighting me again.
Focusing on a little amount of things at a time is really tough, sometimes you just have no idea what to do, the priority. I’ve been there, so I want to share with you what I discovered are my top of needs. - Sleep - Drink water, Eat - Move - Chill out / entertain myself - Hang out with people / chat with people - Work out - Learn things I’m juggling with all of that and the things that I have to do, which are basic chores, work, train for my driver’s license. Obviously, there are days when I don’t do enough compared to my expectations but I always make sure the absolute priorities are prioritised beyond anything that just feels better to my ego.
Hey, just wanted to say that iv had advice from several professionals in my life. None of them ever connected with me as much as you, and your videos do. I am not a brand new person or anything. I still fall into my destructive habits now and again... but your videos help me pull myself out of the abyss, like no other. Truly, Thank You.
I really feel overwhelmed with I-have-to-be-a-badass-at-everything-otherwise-you-are-not-good-enough. Recently I found something that might be helpful, that is: work on 1 thing each day of the week. For example: working on hobbies at mondays, exercises at tuesdays, learning something for my career at wednesdays, etc. Don't know how to find this balance yet, but I thought it is a good idea. The same idea for focusing on one idea each month is also good. Because it's impossible to have an actual work while working on everything else, specially with so low free time.
I have adhd and my concept of time is so abysmal that I think that if I just wait long enough for it, an amazing magical change will happen and I'll just be able to do everything I've always want to be able to do and do it WELL. I was sitting here thinking like, "oooooohhhh man. That switch is gonna flip, any day now I just know it." And I only just realized that it does not come down to a fucking magical "youre instantly able to do everything you want to because thats what you decided" switch. You have to piece things together. Slowly. With care. You have to build things up, and give yourself time and patience to learn new skills. It doesn't just happen magically, you can't just suddenly expect yourself to be instantly perfect at everything you attempt. This is a great video thank you so much 👍✨️
Recently a thought that has been floating around my head is that it seems like I have to live like 50 different lives before I can live the one I want. It's not exactly the same as this phenomenon, but at least I feel a little less alone.
Honestly as a 23 year old, who is not really behind in life, i feel like i have alot off stuff coming at me at a exponentially rising rate in the near future. Its really hidden but reveals a pretty overwhelming feeling once I dig into it.. And I worry about how my future self will handle this fast paced life.
I feel just the same way (also 23). School, relationships, finances, mental health, physical health, family, work, and everything else is a lot, and it can feel overwhelming. I fell behind as an adolescent (I dropped out of HS twice, dealt with severe mental issues, and did drugs) and somehow got out of it, although I could have done better for myself. Now I have to pick up the pieces and it is certainly a lot of work.
I felt the same at 23. Now 31. Just focus on building good habits, networking, and managing your finances. I've been lucky to save enough money at this point in my life that I will have the chance to make some big changes that are very personally important to me. Just keep your eyes on the prize but don't black everything out that is also important.
It's momentary relief to hear this but then I go back to living with my parents and wondering when the next hit of "you gotta find a gf/you gotta get a fancy white collar job/you gotta get that previously mentioned job so you can get out of this failing country/you gotta do all that because you're almost 30" is going to come. It's rough.
Part of becoming the best versions of ourselves & finding some inner peace is learning that people are going to be disappointed when we choose to do so. Your going to have to make decisions that are best for nobody but you, it's part of being an adult especially nowadays out here and it's just gonna disappointed someone along the way, especially the parents. There's no other way around it. And maybe one Day, I hope you can be proud of yourself for for doing so.
Honestly I'm beginning to think when I pressure myself to do everything it's really just my ego trying to prove something to others. My life ends up not being about living to my standards but of the standards and expectations of others
You expressed well the social and economic rigidity that previous generations felt. We have so many options available to us now, whereas really up until 30 - 40 years ago, these were limited by many of the factors you mentioned. In some sense, these limitations I think helped people mentally, as it eliminated an endless amount of possibilities. I like having options available, but if society won't impose certain limitations, individuals must do so themselves. That, I think, is one issue that humanity in the developed world is facing now: simply trying to find out where and how to place limits on things that were decided for us previously. Too much freedom and too many options can be burdensome.
Your opening paragraph: that's why the right wing exists. You can sweep away a thousand questions by adopting and accepting the systems of church, state, family. On the left we observe the downsides of that and challenge it. But the endgame of the left is dissolution in chaos, just as the engagement of the right is crushing all under a system that serves itself. The route through all of this is moderation.
@@stevecarter8810 Just curious - you started talking about the left and the right, i.e. looking at it through the lens of political/thinking paradigm. Are you this suggesting to lean towards center to some extent?
@@aHeroWith1000Names I have no problem with people *leaning* left or right. It's when the thing tips over that people get hurt. Am I suggesting pragmatic moderation rather than dogmatic extremism? Yes, yes I am.
I think you're conflating too much outside stimulus (good or bad) with too many healing options (good). I don't want to go back 30-40 years ago when my parent was being beat every day by their own narcissistic parents, and they had no options to heal even after marriage.
I needed this. Since i've gotten out of high school (10 years ago) i've been trying to get my head in order. In high school i had everything figured, or so i thought, i had multiple girls i talked with, was the center of the most popular friends group and was liked by everyone. After i got out of high school i had to figure out the world for myself, since my parents couldn't afford sending me to an university (We're 4 brothers) which meant i was abandoned by every external factors that made me who i was. Finally i'm getting my life together (Got a diploma in business administration on evening classes, got a job with good career opportunities and got myself into shape) but i have bordering to no relationships other than work related. Sometimes i can get depressed by it, but i have to remember, one thing at a time. It have been a lonely road but now i'm ready to get player 2 into play, i just have to focus on it.
I think the reason I'm so into self-improvement is to avoid all the negative emotions and suffering I go through when I feel like I'm messing something up or missing the mark.
"Focusing on relationships is good because communication will help you at work" YES! I did a couples' workshop and what I learned about conflict resolution saved my job Twice!😊
My core wound that comes up all the time in therapy is feeling like I’m not enough. This culture does not help. I’m trying all the time to be a good enough mom, intern, sister, daughter, student, friend etc. the list goes on forever. It’s impossible actually😵💫... Lately I just tell myself being present & showing up is enough. Let the rest go 🤷🏼♀️ but if you knew everything I did before noon today it would make you dizzy lol
Obviously I don’t know you personally but the fact that you care enough to try and do all these things and be a good person to those who care about you shows how good of a person you really are. Keep up the good work and trust me YOU ARE enough!
Pretty good timing on this one. Coming out of a 2-3 month art break to start drawing again, trying to take it slow with moderation, but its quickly overtaking all my time and filling my head with noise. Trying to stream on Twitch creative and it's just constant brain noise of that grind culture, then reeling myself back into realistic expecatations, eventually questioning what my intentions even are or if I even enjoy art.
When I read the title, I immediately thought "Everything Everywhere All at Once." BTW, a freaking fantastical movie that truly dives into overwhelming stress inducing and losing control on your life surrounding a family drama and every genre mixed into it. Recommend everyone to see the movie for yourself :)
It is actually very overwhelming to do multiple things at once, what helped me understand that it isnt sustainable to do everything at once was computer operating systems theory, specifically how they *actually* do multitasking on a single processor. That instead of processing multiple tasks at once, they find the most optimal way to process all the tasks one at a time
The craziest, simplest thing that has helped me remain sane with anxiety (particularly when i was having a really bad episode) was "i will focus on the things i can control. If its out of my control, im not going to stress about it." And its done a lot for me. And take every day at a time!!! Just cause its a bad day doesn't mean a bad life! Celebrate every small mark of improvement you make.
I was literally just mulling over this topic and then I see this pop up 10 seconds after it was uploaded 🤣 I know what I'm gonna be spending the next 22 minutes and 56 seconds of my life on. Thank you, Dr. K, for all that you do!
Glad to say that this video isn't directly applied to me. 6 months ago I would have been trembling at this Twitter post calling me out so shamelessly. But I've been through group coaching here, and I learned significant self compassion (at least compared to before coaching) to allow myself the room to breathe, to have myself grow slowly at the things I want to do, especially to do well. I am not what I would call "successful" in my endeavors, as I'm sure my brain will never be uprooted from perfectionism. But damn it, I can be happy with what I've done and am currently doing, because that is absolutely enough.
Looking at the 7 projects I'm currently working on scattered on every available desk, then at the computer screen where I'm playing 3 different games, listening to spotify, watching youtube, while brainstorming an uni assignment, while flipping through flash cards, while checking discord, while planning my next tutor session, and fixing some old notes. Finishing all of them by the end of the week, but then immediately have to start the next project or else I'm just wasting my time, creating stress because I'm living the "why the hell not" mentality, which I originally chose to reduce stress lol. Difference is, now I'm actually being productive while being stressed and doing a whole lot of stuff, compared to before where I was doing nothing and just sit and stress. Hopefully this might give me new perspective. xd
any of my family and friends would tell you that i'm a stoic, i rarely show emotion over something unless i really care about it. This video made me cry throughout because how much i relate to this. Thankfully it seems like i've been doing everything you've said, although not perfectly.
I really enjoy your podcastish videos. Time to time I take a break and play one of your talks. Then I just chill while listening and thinking deeply about the topic. Interestingly enough, I always find something relatable.
I'm so exhausted of working on myself all the damn time. When do I get to stop working on myself, say, "that's good enough" and have something like a little pleasure in life?
„there is nothing to do“ i wouldnt say that necessarily. i remember older family members explaining to me that getting milk took them half a day, washing a coat took several hours in freezing river water and drying it also took several days, getting up at 5 to get the cows out and then heading to school (with the famous long walk).. everything took much longer and i guess those people mostly fell into bed once it got dark and woke up once it was time again to wake up
This is a really important video for me during my current stage of life. My friends are all advancing their careers and having kids while I'm still struggling with mental health. But, a huge realization for me as of late is that it's not a good idea to crave someone else's battles. We face hardships no matter which path we choose, and sometimes our hardships will differ from others. That's alright. There's no need to "rank" hardships and get resentful about what other people do/don't have to deal with.
i love talking to you...thats how this feels...you speak in this stream of consciousness style, articulate wonderfully and impartially all the whlle giving the impression we are listening on your inner dialogues while working!- thats us!....lovely multi-layered achievement.
Every time Dr. K releases a new video, it just so happens to be about exactly what I need advice on, and to be perfectly honest, Dr. K is one of the few people I fully trust to offer well-reasoned, sound advice. Thank you for everything you're doing for this community, HealthyGamer, your impact is literally saving lives.
I do appreciate how willing and able you are to highlight the many absurdities involved in our modern society... especially since society's constant denial of those absurdities is probably why so many of us are going absolutely mad.
Just breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. That's the only way to improve everything you mentioned while doing it one step at a time. Great wisdom unfolds from this one simple trick!
It’s a lot of never ending anxeity. I had to give up the idea of doing TH-cam, reduced my mediation and walking time by about half, and have reduced conversation with family to mostly a daily text with only an occasional visit. I had to compromise these things to still be able to do everything else that mattered to me - work, finances, relationship with my fiance, maintaining my home clean, physical health, sleep. Its so much lol.
Talking from someone who pulled himself up from the brink of homelessness to a comfy middle-class situation completely on his own this feeling speaks to me. But i learned to manage it. First is prioritization, you can't work on your mental health if you're homeless, you can't work on your physical health if you're hungry, you can't meet any kind of socialization needs in these situations either. So you have to stabilize the basics first. Its called the Maslow Pyramid. Once the basics are covered, then you can start working on realizing yourself which usually improves your living situation OVER TIME (no magic solution here), through school or getting more involved in your work etc. Through that process you'll meet people and earn more means to take care of everything else. But once again, not all at once. For example, i'm still in that process. I'm finally stable with a middle class job, but i haven't met a long term partner yet and i'm finally starting to look cause i feel ready for it. If i was still stuck in a dead end job living paycheck to paycheck just playing video games in my free time never talking to anyone, it wouldn't had worked. The other trick i'd give people is to try to compresse some of these needs together. For example, i picked a physical trade job because it helps me stay in good physical shape while getting the work part covered. It also makes making healthy decisions as i want to be able to keep performing at my job well, so i have no need to worry about going to the gym or overly stressing about what i eat, it comes kind of naturally. I also adopted a dog for a similar reason as it incredibly helped with my mental health and life hygiene and also keeps me active. The keys here are really to get out of a victim mindset. If you think your life is a wreck, try different things that could move you from that point and see what sticks. Its also a terribly long process, in my case it took nearly a decade (basically all of my 20s) but that may vary depending where you're starting from. Personally i started from the very bottom so it was really long. Not everything you'll try will work either, i tried going back to school 4 times in 4 different fields until landing in something that really worked, and even that wasn't a cakewalk as when i first learned the trade i do i really had very little experience working manually. But eventually i pushed through and now its fine. If i managed it i'm sure about anyone else can.
What a marvel of timing. I was just battling with this myself. How bizarre that I'm the first to tell friends to pump the brakes and allow themselves to just BE MAMMALS, and yet I hock myself up to the eyeballs with hustle and keep adding to the shit-list of things I need to improve about myself, and am always ready with the big stick to beat myself up with.
what I find helps is writing everything down that I need to do. This way I do not stress about remembering what to do. I feel like a lot of the stress comes from you having to even remember what to keep on top off
Thank you. The absurdity of it all really helps cement that I'm already whole. I can detach from the expectations and connect to truth of my wholeness.
I’ve watched about a few videos about feeling behind and burnt or something in dr. k videos. This one is simply but of. a reminder that I did not know I need. Thanks Dr. K!
Man, I really hate this. People expects you to work your 8 hours, then go to gym, then cook at home, then read a book, then practice an instrument, then have time for your partner or kids or whatever, then watch the new series on Netflix, then watch the news and I don't know what more. Really western society went to hell with this stupid mindset of work on a lot of things at the same time to multitask and be super productive for no reason.
If Dr. K ever decides to do something besides Healthy Gamer, he should do a standup parodying worst practices in self-help culture. This video was a great satire :D
I find I can only actively "work" on two major tasks at a time in my life on any one day. Otherwise I curl into a ball. We aren't designed to work on everything at once all the time! Or, if we are, surely it's small steps.
It's not family, love, life etc until it's called "work". Wanna waste your life - just substitute everything with "work". I tink, the most stupid thing is that we should WORK 90% of our time to be able to provide ourselves those pitiful 10% of free time for relationships, life and self
It’s really hard for me to understand if i should work on my mental health and depression or my grades and exams. Because i don’t know which of it is a priority and what to do with myself.
I personally always prioritised mental health, but that's only my situation and maybe others can't afford that but my logic was, what are grades and exams for if I feel like dying everyday?
I think that working on your depression will help you with your studying and exams. I know from experience that when I am really in a pit of depression, I don’t feel like doing anything and attempting anything seems overwhelming.
My brain is always like this and telling me i'm not doing enough. When I can break away from this thinking though, I never know WHAT to start first, or when to try something else. Like I realize I can't fix everything at once, but how do I know once ANYTHING is "fixed" enough to start something else?
Wish y’all would bring back Twitch chat. I felt more engaged in older vids when Twitch was saying all their dumb shit and I could choose to read it or ignore it.
We do be living in a society. But seriously there are so many things that are expected to be in order that its tempting to work on all problems at the same time.
Used to think life is a race but you quickly realise that you are just comparing to the next person that is better than you.... Essentially its a race without a finishing line and you are always behind lol
The mistake of thinking that the "finish line" is the same place for the person next to you who you have compared yourself to isn't the same. While it is always good to take into account where you could be or what you can do it isn't the same from person to person. Find out what you need, learn what you are ok with, and strive to change the parts you can not stand. Reflection on these things helps be a guide for where you want to be, and then you can work to those goals. They may not be the same from day to day and it is possible that it will take a long time to find what really works. I have come a long way from the shitshow my childhood and early adult life was, and I am only 28. It takes a lot of effort to confront the of parts of yourself you may not like but it all helps build you up. The marathon of life doesn't have to feel stacked against you nor does anything you put effort into feel like it doesn't matter because of someone "better". Search yourself for the best version of you that you can imagine, reflect on where you are and what can be done better, and accept the mistakes or shortcomings that have happened ALONG WITH THE SUCCESSES THAT HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED! Every part of growth takes time and energy. I know the frustration you are joking about all to well and it is exhausting as it wears you down and everyone deserves something better than it. If you can take some time to work on yourself in this long process don't forget to also rest and find joy in the things around you. It helps make the journey a little bit easier.
@@Samuel-nj4yy Really thoughtful comment Samuel. Talking about different "finish lines", the starting lines also vary between people. Most importantly, the only person you can really compare yourself to and productivly run against is yourself, especially your past self. By moving one step towards a goal with some regularity, one can also cover a marathon distance :)
I’ve decided to live with extremely humble people. Home finally feels like home. We all work together and it’s nice. I decided to work part-time and spend more time in nature and feeling grateful for what I already got.
I'm far from the first person to say this. But I swear to got Dr K keeps making videos specifically for me and my issues. Like this is literally my biggest problem. I don't even know how to not try and improve every last thing in my life anymore. Then I start trying to improve improving too many things. Its so confusing.
The most successful people I know have a single minded focus on their goals and they tune everything else out (to the detriment of some of the other parts of their life but once they reach their goals (especially materialistic ones) these other facets usually fall into place -not always though- ) so basically ignore the chaff and focus on the things that matter most while focusing on not tuning out the people closest to you. It doesn't matter if the things you focus on won't make you rich as long as they make you content (this is assuming you already have a stable life and can afford the bare essentials daily )
Yeah I get that vibe too... wanting to work at home whilste I have no clear direction I want to go in, meanwhile I'm already doing stuff at school or whatever simultaneously... meanwhile I'm doing nothing at home because I've learnt how to drop the gaming thing, but not without a sense of "hey, I have nothing much else outside of that to do that I can focus on easily for hours on end without getting bored and watching TH-cam... or worse... I try to learn a new thing and can't learn it because its hidden under layers of terms and definitions I don't know...
This is just my experience, but a lot of people actually expected me to be perfect. What i realized is that understanding that nobody is perfect does not make this people stop from wanting others to be perfect. We can talk for how long you want but saying "don't worry about society, there are people that care about you" doesn't really work and even if that's true those people are for most of us friends. But friends don't provide a job, a degree, a relationship, a house etc. (most of the times, or at least for me). Unfortunately there are things that are not in my control that are controlled by society as a whole, so in my experience the truth and what's actually right really doesn't matter. It just matters what others want you to do, cause again, i need others for everything i mentioned before. Yeah, i could be extremely lucky and still be able to live a life not caring what society thinks, but luck it's not a reliable source. I'm not blaming society for all my problems, i just wanted to point out that i think that the concept of "I'll do everything by myself" is kinda bullshit, unless you want to be an isolated hermit. Also just wanted to say that even if i completely agree that life is not a race, a lot of people think it is. So if i "waste" time on something i will have a lot less opportunities on that field so again it doesn't really matter what's the truth if everyone disagree with it
While there is some truth to what you said at the same time if we entertain all others expectation we gonna be torn apart for sure. Someone will expect you to have a million by 20 just because that kid over there can do it. The key here is to be aware that you have a choice to either accept or reject these expectations. There will be some consequences for sure but we should be mindful about what consequences really is. Not having a million by 20 does not equate to you are a beta who miserably failed as life and will definitely die alone homeless. Society and expectations can make consequences seems direr that what it really is. We live in a society and we need to play a role to certain degree. Aware of how much we can take otherwise and accept that we gonna make someone disappointed anyway and there will be some consequences and that’s not the end of the world. We have choices.
@@chakritlikitkhajorn8730 First of all, thank you for answering, i appreciated you spent time for it. I would definetly like to agree with you. I also don't want to fully embrace other's expectations cause, as you said, i would be torn apart. And yet i still feel in disagree with you. Even if i strongly agree with you for the "not making 20 millions at 20 doesn't make you a beta" it doesn't really matter if everyone else think that i am one. I'm not treated for how i really am, i'm treated for how others perceive me. I'll be treated like a beta if everyone think i am one, even if i'm truly not. And we all now that being a beta in today's society is a bad thing. This happened with my parents too. I was doing pretty much everything that i could possibly do, like having my own job, paying my own things, never bother them dor anything, i even helped them with some chores. But one day i was a bit more depressed than usual and they didn't hesitate one second to remind me how i was useless and just a burden. Now they kinda hate me, even if i'm doing everething i can do. Never met a person that behaved different from them. I'm also scared to talk about this things to my friends cause i'm sure they will think less of me. The reality is that i'll never be enough for anyone. It's not just my perception, people remind me constantly of this. I'm sorry i didn't want to invalidate your opinion, i think it's very valid. Just felt to vent a bit
Yes, I understand this. I feel like people only like me when i am useful to them. Its hard to establish an emotional shield against this, and to assertively set boundaries. I am practicing telling people no. With family it is hard and they can get entitled. I’m determined to get better at boundaries, though.
Yeah, i went through a real rough time growing up, but one of the things i learned from it was that theres no point in working your ass off if youre not gonna also just... live it. If i cant enjoy the little things in life bc im Trying So Hard, thats a good sign that i need to slow down.
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If there really was a "Limitless" pill, it would eventually become normalized, then expected, and soon we'd all be looking for the next thing to increase our productivity even further. We will never be doing enough. So we need to focus on doing what we can, as best we can.
For years, I've been thinking this about energy drinks.
'Monster! It has twice as much caffeine as a cup of coffee!
Rockstar! It has 1.5x as much caffeine as Monster!
BANG! IT HAS 2x AS MUCH CAFFEINE AS ROCKSTAR!!
P O W E R T H I R S T ! ! ! KICK MOTHER NATURE IN THE FACE WITH YOUR E N E R G Y L E G S ! ! !'
Like hey, what if we could just _fucking sleep?_
Kind of like caffeine
so the trick is to invent limitless and keep it for yourself :D
This. I had this thought as well. We will always have something to complain about. Even if you reach that 'perfect' life, then that 'perfect' becomes 'normal', then you'll look for something else but it'll get harder and harder to find beyond that peak happiness. That's why some wealthy people are miserable and depressed, if you can have everything, then what's the point?
This is true already for stimulants
I've recently started doing something I call 'habit months' - I pick one thing I want to improve, and I practice doing it each day that month, but because it's the practice period I don't beat myself up if it's not perfect or I miss a day. And so far it's worked!
After a month I barely have to think about it because by then it's become a routine. Then I carry on, and add a new habit the next month and so on.
I've only in my 3rd month but so far I now eat 5 fruit & veg portions a day, floss everyday (I never flossed before!) and I'm currently working on getting outside regularly.
The key is to also make it quantative: something you can count instead of something vague. So instead of 'eat less junk food' choose how many items of junk food to cut down to in a day.
And find ways to make it easier for yourself too - my brain would get bored while flossing so now I always do it while I'm watching a video.
I'm pretty sure I have ADHD too and this is the only way I've ever managed to hold myself to something.
Would seriously recommend!
Good job! Keep it up
That is an amazing strategy! Thank you for sharing! 😊
Fantastic advice.
If goals are nebulous, it's difficult to feel as though progress is being made. If you set a goal (including small ones) and beat it, it becomes much easier to do. Bonus is that you'll feel good about it and be motivated to continue or work on the next goal.
I wish you all the best. 😁
This is brilliant. I do sort of the same thing, but not necessarily as defined as you've made it for yourself. And I think that type of structure is what's really difficult for me personally. Ill find solutions and ways to think about things, but then forget to follow through with the method/solution. Writing in my journal before bed would be healthy and help me in a lot of ways, but then I forget to do it. Things like that.
Just with how my brain personally operates, I almost have to trick myself and view things from the third person in order for me to rationalize doing them or following through. Not to sound inflated, but just really abstract and deep thought processes. It's kind of neat, and how I described it is only surface level. I literally have no words/internal dialogue for some of my thoughts such as this. Just feelings that I can receive information from.
I'm diagnosed ADHD and have pretty bad anxiety/depression. Getting evaluated for autism soon after discovering my dad is on the spectrum (was kept hidden from me), and speculation on Bipolar Disorder from early childhood by many therapists that I'm also going to look into more now that I feel motivated to fix my life. Not tryin to label/ define myself at all, but the label does help find the correct path. All of these issues overlap in some ways, and each runs in my family, so it's hard to pinpoint what's up. Sometimes I feel like I got the whole bag lol. But enough rambling. I'm happy/proud to hear you've found a way that works for you. I'm gonna try harder to set up some structure like this myself and see how it goes. Thanks for sharing!
Actually, I think you're on to something. I'm going to try this too.
I literally just had this thought on a walk... it really never stops cause there's always something else to worry about
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time
@@g__6623 while thinking sbout other thing while thinking about other thing while
That’s why meditation is important so you can focus on one problem at a time
Overthink my overthink that overthink
@@yawarakai3003 Yeah, you seem to get it
I love self improvement but it is definitely exhausting and can defeat its own purpose
Yeah the improvement part kinda disappears from that word if all it does is burns you out. Definitely been there. Also it's probably much more complicated concept than we make it out to be, there can be so many different ways of self-improvement. And sometimes you gotta accept you are not in a state where ambitious goals of self-improvement are really realistic and take it slow rather than pressuring yourself and again, burning yourself out.
Self improvement is really individual. You probably think about getting that money
trying too hard breaks the purpose of keeping things soft
And the overwhelming amount of information on self improvement and habits and tips
hate the thought of this lol.. I've felt better at times where I just gave up on things
As a dancer who started late and is ALSO self training via TH-cam, constantly feeling behind and like I'll never catch up to those successful dancers my age is an ever prevalent feeling, and seeing this video really helps because aye, we're all kind of behind huh. We don't need to catch up we just need to keep moving forward
I dont think thats the point of the video though. You are reffering to something physical in which to get to the point of making a long term living from it, you kind of need to start early and get very good before your physical prime. I mean if its a hobby and you dont plan on earning money from it, then heck yea, I support you with all ten.
I want to learn dance i am very bad at it can recommend me any channels
Aye don’t to listen to the dude underneath, if that’s what you want as your career many people have become successful starting late into thing: the creator of Dark Souls, Bernard Hopkin (boxing champ who became pro at 25 and started at 19) keep moving forward
@@Nowhats Hopkins started training back in prison when he was 17, also he was a criminal so probably had his fair share of fighting. As for the DS creator, thats not a physical activity so you can get into that later in life. Lets not display our survivorship biases here shall we? If you dont have any basis for dance before the age of 12, you are doomed. Examples from the performing arts world of people who started late are usually at around 13-16 years of age. If you look up "performers/dancers who started late", youll see that 13 years is already considered super late. Thats the bs motivational books talking for you man. If you ever done any sport/performing art on an above average level, youd know how extremely hard for a late starter it is to get to a point of competetivness, and that applies twice as much in a competetive landscape such as dance. I used to do street workout and the champion there started when he was 15, because there isnt much competition in the sport. Then, I delved into gymnastics, and all of a sudden these strong guys that started at 7 were unable to place in the nationals. Now if you extrapolate this even more, youll get dance. And even worse, not only is the competition in the performing arts fierce, but the economic pressure and lack of demand is also not easy on your head. Ive got a friend who performs with the Cirque de Soleil, which is the BEST performing arts insistution on the planet, and she gets mental breakdowns from how hard it is to support herself. And she is one of the best aerialists in central europe. By this mindless praising, you are setting up people for dissapointment. Get real.
Interesting, I started working as a Software Engineer quite late in my opinion, I'm at least 3-4 years behind the curve and feel like Dr. K and you mentioned.
But at the end, enjoying the process has worked for me, while accepting that we sometimes we have unrealistic expectations.
key takeaways:
1. Realise what society is doing to you, and don't fall for it
2. Focus on 3 main things for the week
3. Understand that your progress will not be linear. Keep going
22:13 im crying this so funny 😭😭
It took me a while to be ok with being at rock bottom. I’m currently saving up for a car and am studying art. Most important thing is to realize building yourself up is a process that I’m slowly getting better at.
I came to that realization a few months ago and it turned my life upside down. In a good way
art as a career is tough, i hope you will pull through
I was there 3 years ago after I graduated college, had no job or aspirations of a job in my field of study, had my mom and grandma pass away, all followed by the pandemic. I majored in accounting, but now I'm a full-time soccer coach and am loving every second of it. Chase after your passions and do what makes you happy. As long as you're making progress, that's all that matters.
Remember, sometimes you need to take a couple steps backwards in order to keep going forward!
Best part about hitting rock bottom is realizing there are so many things others tell you that are necessary that you don't really need.
Try a scooter or motorcycle, those are cheap
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I'm upset with myself for not being my "ideal self". But realistically speaking, I would probably suffer from burnout or go insane if I actually did it. Exercising regularly, cooking and eating only healthy meals everyday, getting enough sleep while doing my Masters and learning new skills daily, finding time to help and spend time with my family and friends, doing volunteer work, doing my self care routine everyday, having another job or source of income, budgeting, cleaning and organizing, staying informed on current affairs regularly all while in a full time job. I'm surprised to see how long it took me to realize how unrealistic my goals truly were.
I feel this sooooo deeply.
Self improvement can do that
@@soccom8341576 Self-improvement is not about making yourself a perfect robot, it's about bettering yourself as a person
Maybe I'm still just wrapped up in this, because when I read your list I just think "Yeah that sounds like who I want to be"
Wow...huh you basically described my "ideal self" too. Since you put it that way, yeah, I see what you mean. 🤔
I loved the "forgive yourself for not being forgiveful, that's forgiveness"
“Don’t go past three” is legit good advice. Three is exactly where my ADHD brain thrives and beyond that everything explodes very quickly.
Same and I dont even have ADHD. For me, losing the big picture creates anxiety. Keeping to many open loops all at once is more draining than just doing stuff one after another.
I have two skills that I recognize have aided me IMMENSELY in my life. One of them is the ability to chill the fuck out. Being able to not be that bothered with people, with the world, with life... It helps, it really helps. As long as the basics(food, shelter and entertainment) are covered, things are fine! Panic is not needed.
what's the other one?
I struggled all my life with panic and fear. While studying for university and now at work. I'm going through a rough patch. I would love to be able to not be bothered with people, with my boss, with life in general. My life would be so much better. I don't know how, fear and panic are always by my side, even after therapy.
@@neeru7298 1. low levels of stress have actually been shown to be healthy, but more importantly
2. Fear and panic tell you something, fear and panic are very likely leftovers from past traumas and as such you should identify the triggers (looks like you have identified some already) and deep dive into what exactly happened to you, however some traumas can actually form pre memory so be careful. Do this carefully and most importantly process the feelings, that is instead of running away from them (as long as they're not overwhelming), accept them as they are and accept yourself as you are with them. There might arise a judgmental voice that attacks and critiques yourself and others over pretty much everything it can think of. Fuck that voice, it's a liar and an idiot. you're good enough as you are
@@gothicfan52 The fact that a stranger took the time to read my comment and write such a well spoken and compassionate response, literally made me cry. It must be some form of trauma. I will try to analyze some of the events that occurred to me. I don't know what pre memory is tho. I will try to be less harsh on myself. Thanks a lot for your response.
hello what's the other one? wtf
I feel like back in the day, most of the issues we have today were either ealt with by crumbling to pieces, or "just dealing with it" a.k.a "manning up."
oh you don't enjoy your job? well you need money for your family, just man up.
you're depressed? too bad son, the planet won't stop whilst you have it. man up.
my wife and I have issues? well she just needs to listen to me, too bad.
to the boomers, we don't have MORE issues today, it's just that nowadays we actually give a crap about fixing them
Well said
Well said, dude
So true, I can relate to this mentality everytime I discuss life with my father, he is certainly stuck with that boomer mentality..
It took me awhile to stop comparing myself to my best friend and her accomplishments. She just got her PhD in biology and is moving to a different state to continue her research and I'm really happy for her, but at the same time we went to elementary school all the way to college together and I just started to work on my bachelor's this year. I had to stop seeing it as a race because I was driving myself completely nuts comparing myself to others and where they are at in their lives.
Similar situation here, I have a twin who is doing a PhD at Oxford, whereas I have only just graduated from a bachelors and am looking for work. Had to learn earlier on that we are different people, and comparing is useless. I still feel behind sometimes but I'm only human 🙂, hope you continue to be you.
How did you stop seeing it as a race?
@@PotatoBoy123 I had to get the word out of my head for a bit which was hard since I'm an English major now LOL. But I kept telling myself everyone is on their own path and I started to see it like a hike. My best friend's path was pretty straightforward like she was walking on a trail, she was one of the lucky ones who knew she wanted to pursue biology since high school. My path happens to be filled with twists and turns and is the scenic less traveled route but that's fine too, eventually I'll reach the summit just like everyone else it'll just take longer.
If it makes you feel any better nobody with a biology PhD is going to have a financially stable life unless they sell their souls to big pharma lmao
Sincerely, a researcher who dropped out of a PhD program faster than lightning
Living with it is excruciating. Let's face it, or not.
Pray for you.
That tweet exemplifies how I feel. Burned out from taking care of myself and living (especially as a chronically ill, disabled person)
I feel you. Luckily, my family can help me out a ton, but there's still an expectation to get a degree, work, and keep a clean living space despite having a diagnosed chronic condition that makes this difficult.
I have ibs for years and held me back on my studies and socially (I understand that it is not the worst chronic issue but still it hurts). Don't wanna be that guy but nofap, exercise and eating healthier definitely helped in my case. Wish you the best regardless.
2 years into being unemployed since the pandemic due to burnout and depression. It was the best decision I've ever done I now do freelance work doing graphics it's not paying as much but I get alot of free time to focus on myself and I'm now in the best mental health I've ever been
How did you start freelancing?
I know your comment is old, but it resonated with me. I was burned out on a 3 year sick leave 10 years ago, and today I've worked other jobs, gone back to school to prepare for a 2 year game art course which I got in to and am now currently studying it. I hope my life will be so much happier even if it MIGHT pay less at times.
Accepting that you can't do everything at once, seems like an act of humility. Sure you can improve, but at most you can do your best and not be too attached to the outcome because you can't control all the factors that contribute to it. It's funny even when you consider what you could do at the moment, it's easy to delude yourself with perfect solutions that you can't carry out e.g the time fallacy, instead of doing the best you can in the process with certainty and without compromising yourself.
but finding that sweet spot of enough humility and enough discipline to plog through .
My therapist and I have been talking about over-optimizing. I deal with ADHD (I don't get tested until next month but all signs point to this being the case, according to my therapist) and one thing that happens is, because I constantly feel like I'm behind on my to do list, my instinct is to inject tasks from the list into the moments I'm supposed to be giving my executive function time to rest and recharge. I go to take a walk, because physical activity helps recover executive function. But then I think, well, if I'm going to be physically active, I should spend it cleaning, or doing some specific task. And by doing so, I don't actually get the recovery I need. It's like saying "man, I spend 8 hours sleeping, when I could be spending that time working". But that's not actually how it works at all. Restful time needs to be restful time. It is not wasteful, it's vital.
Relatable ! also you tend to feel guilty when you take a break, and for me that usually means that I have to wait for my body to b very weak and catch a cold so I actually have to take a break. But now I am learning to reject new tasks when I have something going on already. You get the dopamine kick when you take on a new task but going through it is ... so boring.
Thank you for sharing
TL;DR Problem: we feel pressured to hustle and do many things at once these days and it gets overwhelming. Solution: There is no magic pill, although it is tempting to look for one. Take a step back and focus on max 2-3 things at a time. Recognize your bandwidth and cut yourself a break for not working on other important things.
Awesome tldr
Thx
@@jamesphillips7656 Thank YOU for thanking him
@Dante Rivera financial insecurity makes it so that at least 1 of your 3 things that you can juggle has to be your finances which limits how much self growth you can do
People care, I hope you’re doing okay. Money struggles really fucking suck and plague our society. Your life is worth more than the dollar sign which is why your life is worth fighting through this hard part. One day it will be better (at least we need to keep this hope to be sane.)
What's so frustrating is that the adults in my life think I'm lazy because I don't own a home, or have achieved millionaire status at the age of 23. I started working in an office job at 19. I quit college and worked full time after losing my house to a wildfire and feeling like I had to sacrifice education for money to help myself and my family.
I work from home now, without a degree, making 60k a year, and I still live with my parents. But I can't afford a house and If I get an apartment, that's $2000 a month. How tf am I supposed to advance. I'm trying to start my side hustle. I'm trying to create more exposure for my art. Sometimes it feels pointless, but here we are...
dayum an artist who has a job . thats pretty succesful in my book dude
Save your money, man. Unless your parents are emotionally damaging you, don't beat yourself up for not making a nameless landlord richer.
What job pays that much without a degree
@@commentbot9510 Digital Marketing
The fact that you’re doing more than most of us at that age😭you’re not lazy. Keep pushing and keep moving forward because even I can clearly see that you have sense and you are heading somewhere...
I'm literally crying laughing at the pentahustle machine with the dual caffeine ketamine drip and vr hooked up as I wait for my ketamine therapy meds to arrive by FedEx and try and squeeze some stretching in after a walk with my dogs and a talk with my sister after journaling and downloading some self help books and meditations. This guy is spot on! Sometimes I feel a bit too old to listen to much of his talks but this one's spot on. As a recovering porn, sex, weed, and videogame addict I can say it's really just about learning and developing new healthy habits! Trying to hit the gym, eat healthy, read, and do more yoga. Taking it one step at a time. Hang in there fam💚💚 this human life is difficult! Much love
Harder when going through it alone. Even a single partner eases the process. All the best
Y'all are getting ketamine
For me, it's not so much the idea that life is a race -- I just don't want to run out of time to be _safe. Content._ My stepdad died at 35. I'm 30 and already having chest pains. My therapist says I can't hold down a job because 25 years of PTSD has given me a learning disability and seizures.
Forget perfect -- It takes so fucking much, just to be safe.
This is so true. Growing up I never felt safe, and that’s my goal even today. The problem is, almost no one is truly safe in this society. We have no safety net. So I’m working on being okay with the possibility of disaster.
Trans male physically disabled Japanese immigrant with ADHD and impoverished by repeat DV. My doctor actually diagnosed me with "sick due to extremely hard life" and I asked her for a note (which she gave me) just to look at when society is gaslighting me again.
Focusing on a little amount of things at a time is really tough, sometimes you just have no idea what to do, the priority. I’ve been there, so I want to share with you what I discovered are my top of needs.
- Sleep
- Drink water, Eat
- Move
- Chill out / entertain myself
- Hang out with people / chat with people
- Work out
- Learn things
I’m juggling with all of that and the things that I have to do, which are basic chores, work, train for my driver’s license. Obviously, there are days when I don’t do enough compared to my expectations but I always make sure the absolute priorities are prioritised beyond anything that just feels better to my ego.
Hey, just wanted to say that iv had advice from several professionals in my life. None of them ever connected with me as much as you, and your videos do. I am not a brand new person or anything. I still fall into my destructive habits now and again... but your videos help me pull myself out of the abyss, like no other. Truly, Thank You.
I really feel overwhelmed with I-have-to-be-a-badass-at-everything-otherwise-you-are-not-good-enough. Recently I found something that might be helpful, that is: work on 1 thing each day of the week. For example: working on hobbies at mondays, exercises at tuesdays, learning something for my career at wednesdays, etc. Don't know how to find this balance yet, but I thought it is a good idea. The same idea for focusing on one idea each month is also good. Because it's impossible to have an actual work while working on everything else, specially with so low free time.
I have adhd and my concept of time is so abysmal that I think that if I just wait long enough for it, an amazing magical change will happen and I'll just be able to do everything I've always want to be able to do and do it WELL.
I was sitting here thinking like, "oooooohhhh man. That switch is gonna flip, any day now I just know it."
And I only just realized that it does not come down to a fucking magical "youre instantly able to do everything you want to because thats what you decided" switch.
You have to piece things together. Slowly. With care. You have to build things up, and give yourself time and patience to learn new skills. It doesn't just happen magically, you can't just suddenly expect yourself to be instantly perfect at everything you attempt.
This is a great video thank you so much 👍✨️
Recently a thought that has been floating around my head is that it seems like I have to live like 50 different lives before I can live the one I want. It's not exactly the same as this phenomenon, but at least I feel a little less alone.
Honestly as a 23 year old, who is not really behind in life, i feel like i have alot off stuff coming at me at a exponentially rising rate in the near future.
Its really hidden but reveals a pretty overwhelming feeling once I dig into it..
And I worry about how my future self will handle this fast paced life.
I feel just the same way (also 23). School, relationships, finances, mental health, physical health, family, work, and everything else is a lot, and it can feel overwhelming. I fell behind as an adolescent (I dropped out of HS twice, dealt with severe mental issues, and did drugs) and somehow got out of it, although I could have done better for myself. Now I have to pick up the pieces and it is certainly a lot of work.
Exactly
I felt the same at 23. Now 31. Just focus on building good habits, networking, and managing your finances. I've been lucky to save enough money at this point in my life that I will have the chance to make some big changes that are very personally important to me. Just keep your eyes on the prize but don't black everything out that is also important.
22 , same here . Can't stop worrying about the impending doom
@@Iquey yeah I feel like building good habits can really give you a better sense of stability
It's momentary relief to hear this but then I go back to living with my parents and wondering when the next hit of "you gotta find a gf/you gotta get a fancy white collar job/you gotta get that previously mentioned job so you can get out of this failing country/you gotta do all that because you're almost 30" is going to come. It's rough.
Hang in there! One step at a time
Part of becoming the best versions of ourselves & finding some inner peace is learning that people are going to be disappointed when we choose to do so. Your going to have to make decisions that are best for nobody but you, it's part of being an adult especially nowadays out here and it's just gonna disappointed someone along the way, especially the parents. There's no other way around it. And maybe one Day, I hope you can be proud of yourself for for doing so.
Honestly I'm beginning to think when I pressure myself to do everything it's really just my ego trying to prove something to others. My life ends up not being about living to my standards but of the standards and expectations of others
Fun fact: "Working on Everything While Working on Everything" was the initial title for "Everything Everywhere All At Once"
You expressed well the social and economic rigidity that previous generations felt. We have so many options available to us now, whereas really up until 30 - 40 years ago, these were limited by many of the factors you mentioned. In some sense, these limitations I think helped people mentally, as it eliminated an endless amount of possibilities. I like having options available, but if society won't impose certain limitations, individuals must do so themselves. That, I think, is one issue that humanity in the developed world is facing now: simply trying to find out where and how to place limits on things that were decided for us previously. Too much freedom and too many options can be burdensome.
Your opening paragraph: that's why the right wing exists. You can sweep away a thousand questions by adopting and accepting the systems of church, state, family. On the left we observe the downsides of that and challenge it. But the endgame of the left is dissolution in chaos, just as the engagement of the right is crushing all under a system that serves itself.
The route through all of this is moderation.
@@stevecarter8810 Just curious - you started talking about the left and the right, i.e. looking at it through the lens of political/thinking paradigm. Are you this suggesting to lean towards center to some extent?
@@aHeroWith1000Names I have no problem with people *leaning* left or right. It's when the thing tips over that people get hurt. Am I suggesting pragmatic moderation rather than dogmatic extremism? Yes, yes I am.
I think you're conflating too much outside stimulus (good or bad) with too many healing options (good). I don't want to go back 30-40 years ago when my parent was being beat every day by their own narcissistic parents, and they had no options to heal even after marriage.
I needed this. Since i've gotten out of high school (10 years ago) i've been trying to get my head in order. In high school i had everything figured, or so i thought, i had multiple girls i talked with, was the center of the most popular friends group and was liked by everyone. After i got out of high school i had to figure out the world for myself, since my parents couldn't afford sending me to an university (We're 4 brothers) which meant i was abandoned by every external factors that made me who i was.
Finally i'm getting my life together (Got a diploma in business administration on evening classes, got a job with good career opportunities and got myself into shape) but i have bordering to no relationships other than work related. Sometimes i can get depressed by it, but i have to remember, one thing at a time.
It have been a lonely road but now i'm ready to get player 2 into play, i just have to focus on it.
The responsibilities never stop and it's killing me
Tell that to Spiderman
Something someone told me which really helped me, "Nobody cares, work harder"
I think the reason I'm so into self-improvement is to avoid all the negative emotions and suffering I go through when I feel like I'm messing something up or missing the mark.
"Focusing on relationships is good because communication will help you at work" YES! I did a couples' workshop and what I learned about conflict resolution saved my job Twice!😊
My core wound that comes up all the time in therapy is feeling like I’m not enough. This culture does not help. I’m trying all the time to be a good enough mom, intern, sister, daughter, student, friend etc. the list goes on forever. It’s impossible actually😵💫... Lately I just tell myself being present & showing up is enough. Let the rest go 🤷🏼♀️ but if you knew everything I did before noon today it would make you dizzy lol
Obviously I don’t know you personally but the fact that you care enough to try and do all these things and be a good person to those who care about you shows how good of a person you really are. Keep up the good work and trust me YOU ARE enough!
im sending you the best vibes and i hope you carve out a good half hour to fully relax
Thank you both. Your kind words and thoughts mean a lot
Pretty good timing on this one. Coming out of a 2-3 month art break to start drawing again, trying to take it slow with moderation, but its quickly overtaking all my time and filling my head with noise. Trying to stream on Twitch creative and it's just constant brain noise of that grind culture, then reeling myself back into realistic expecatations, eventually questioning what my intentions even are or if I even enjoy art.
When I read the title, I immediately thought "Everything Everywhere All at Once." BTW, a freaking fantastical movie that truly dives into overwhelming stress inducing and losing control on your life surrounding a family drama and every genre mixed into it. Recommend everyone to see the movie for yourself :)
I saw this movie twice, it’s sooo good
@@pixelspritevickysvarietych2365 I did the same after my first viewing! Went back to the theater the day after with more tears coming out of me xD
see this movie
It is actually very overwhelming to do multiple things at once, what helped me understand that it isnt sustainable to do everything at once was computer operating systems theory, specifically how they *actually* do multitasking on a single processor. That instead of processing multiple tasks at once, they find the most optimal way to process all the tasks one at a time
The craziest, simplest thing that has helped me remain sane with anxiety (particularly when i was having a really bad episode) was "i will focus on the things i can control. If its out of my control, im not going to stress about it." And its done a lot for me.
And take every day at a time!!! Just cause its a bad day doesn't mean a bad life! Celebrate every small mark of improvement you make.
I was literally just mulling over this topic and then I see this pop up 10 seconds after it was uploaded 🤣
I know what I'm gonna be spending the next 22 minutes and 56 seconds of my life on.
Thank you, Dr. K, for all that you do!
Glad to say that this video isn't directly applied to me. 6 months ago I would have been trembling at this Twitter post calling me out so shamelessly. But I've been through group coaching here, and I learned significant self compassion (at least compared to before coaching) to allow myself the room to breathe, to have myself grow slowly at the things I want to do, especially to do well. I am not what I would call "successful" in my endeavors, as I'm sure my brain will never be uprooted from perfectionism. But damn it, I can be happy with what I've done and am currently doing, because that is absolutely enough.
Looking at the 7 projects I'm currently working on scattered on every available desk, then at the computer screen where I'm playing 3 different games, listening to spotify, watching youtube, while brainstorming an uni assignment, while flipping through flash cards, while checking discord, while planning my next tutor session, and fixing some old notes.
Finishing all of them by the end of the week, but then immediately have to start the next project or else I'm just wasting my time, creating stress because I'm living the "why the hell not" mentality, which I originally chose to reduce stress lol. Difference is, now I'm actually being productive while being stressed and doing a whole lot of stuff, compared to before where I was doing nothing and just sit and stress.
Hopefully this might give me new perspective. xd
any of my family and friends would tell you that i'm a stoic, i rarely show emotion over something unless i really care about it. This video made me cry throughout because how much i relate to this. Thankfully it seems like i've been doing everything you've said, although not perfectly.
I really enjoy your podcastish videos. Time to time I take a break and play one of your talks. Then I just chill while listening and thinking deeply about the topic. Interestingly enough, I always find something relatable.
This is an actual helpful advice, I never talked to a life coach who had such a great mindset like you 👏
I'm so exhausted of working on myself all the damn time. When do I get to stop working on myself, say, "that's good enough" and have something like a little pleasure in life?
God this hits so close to home. I feel as if I am constantly overwhelmed by everything all at once always ad infinitum.
„there is nothing to do“ i wouldnt say that necessarily. i remember older family members explaining to me that getting milk took them half a day, washing a coat took several hours in freezing river water and drying it also took several days, getting up at 5 to get the cows out and then heading to school (with the famous long walk).. everything took much longer and i guess those people mostly fell into bed once it got dark and woke up once it was time again to wake up
This is a really important video for me during my current stage of life. My friends are all advancing their careers and having kids while I'm still struggling with mental health. But, a huge realization for me as of late is that it's not a good idea to crave someone else's battles. We face hardships no matter which path we choose, and sometimes our hardships will differ from others. That's alright. There's no need to "rank" hardships and get resentful about what other people do/don't have to deal with.
Thank you ❤
THIS is the summary of society at the moment
i love talking to you...thats how this feels...you speak in this stream of consciousness style, articulate wonderfully and impartially all the whlle giving the impression we are listening on your inner dialogues while working!- thats us!....lovely multi-layered achievement.
Every time Dr. K releases a new video, it just so happens to be about exactly what I need advice on, and to be perfectly honest, Dr. K is one of the few people I fully trust to offer well-reasoned, sound advice.
Thank you for everything you're doing for this community, HealthyGamer, your impact is literally saving lives.
I do appreciate how willing and able you are to highlight the many absurdities involved in our modern society... especially since society's constant denial of those absurdities is probably why so many of us are going absolutely mad.
Just breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. That's the only way to improve everything you mentioned while doing it one step at a time. Great wisdom unfolds from this one simple trick!
4Head
Simple solutions like that are just one thing: lazy. This is helping nobody.
It’s a lot of never ending anxeity. I had to give up the idea of doing TH-cam, reduced my mediation and walking time by about half, and have reduced conversation with family to mostly a daily text with only an occasional visit. I had to compromise these things to still be able to do everything else that mattered to me - work, finances, relationship with my fiance, maintaining my home clean, physical health, sleep. Its so much lol.
YOU HELP A TON, THANK YOU
...that's it
Talking from someone who pulled himself up from the brink of homelessness to a comfy middle-class situation completely on his own this feeling speaks to me. But i learned to manage it.
First is prioritization, you can't work on your mental health if you're homeless, you can't work on your physical health if you're hungry, you can't meet any kind of socialization needs in these situations either. So you have to stabilize the basics first. Its called the Maslow Pyramid.
Once the basics are covered, then you can start working on realizing yourself which usually improves your living situation OVER TIME (no magic solution here), through school or getting more involved in your work etc. Through that process you'll meet people and earn more means to take care of everything else.
But once again, not all at once. For example, i'm still in that process. I'm finally stable with a middle class job, but i haven't met a long term partner yet and i'm finally starting to look cause i feel ready for it. If i was still stuck in a dead end job living paycheck to paycheck just playing video games in my free time never talking to anyone, it wouldn't had worked.
The other trick i'd give people is to try to compresse some of these needs together. For example, i picked a physical trade job because it helps me stay in good physical shape while getting the work part covered. It also makes making healthy decisions as i want to be able to keep performing at my job well, so i have no need to worry about going to the gym or overly stressing about what i eat, it comes kind of naturally.
I also adopted a dog for a similar reason as it incredibly helped with my mental health and life hygiene and also keeps me active.
The keys here are really to get out of a victim mindset. If you think your life is a wreck, try different things that could move you from that point and see what sticks. Its also a terribly long process, in my case it took nearly a decade (basically all of my 20s) but that may vary depending where you're starting from. Personally i started from the very bottom so it was really long.
Not everything you'll try will work either, i tried going back to school 4 times in 4 different fields until landing in something that really worked, and even that wasn't a cakewalk as when i first learned the trade i do i really had very little experience working manually. But eventually i pushed through and now its fine.
If i managed it i'm sure about anyone else can.
Great advice! You should be proud of yourself :)
Literally the intro summarized my thoughts that are bothering me for years since I was a teenager till now
What a marvel of timing. I was just battling with this myself. How bizarre that I'm the first to tell friends to pump the brakes and allow themselves to just BE MAMMALS, and yet I hock myself up to the eyeballs with hustle and keep adding to the shit-list of things I need to improve about myself, and am always ready with the big stick to beat myself up with.
This is your best video🙏🏽🙏🏽👍👍
Really needed to hear this today!:)
what I find helps is writing everything down that I need to do. This way I do not stress about remembering what to do. I feel like a lot of the stress comes from you having to even remember what to keep on top off
Love this video and your sarcasm. Hilarious. What a world we live in!!!!
Thank you. The absurdity of it all really helps cement that I'm already whole. I can detach from the expectations and connect to truth of my wholeness.
THIS IS THE EPITHOME OF MY LIFE FOR 5 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS. I am so glad someone posted on this as an issue
I’ve watched about a few videos about feeling behind and burnt or something in dr. k videos. This one is simply but of. a reminder that I did not know I need. Thanks Dr. K!
Dr.K is on it…. Life is tough def feel this on a constant bases.
Man, I really hate this. People expects you to work your 8 hours, then go to gym, then cook at home, then read a book, then practice an instrument, then have time for your partner or kids or whatever, then watch the new series on Netflix, then watch the news and I don't know what more. Really western society went to hell with this stupid mindset of work on a lot of things at the same time to multitask and be super productive for no reason.
Thank you for your work healthygamergg
My old supervisor used to rationalize stress with a simple question, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time."
If Dr. K ever decides to do something besides Healthy Gamer, he should do a standup parodying worst practices in self-help culture. This video was a great satire :D
I find I can only actively "work" on two major tasks at a time in my life on any one day. Otherwise I curl into a ball. We aren't designed to work on everything at once all the time! Or, if we are, surely it's small steps.
It's not family, love, life etc until it's called "work". Wanna waste your life - just substitute everything with "work".
I tink, the most stupid thing is that we should WORK 90% of our time to be able to provide ourselves those pitiful 10% of free time for relationships, life and self
It’s really hard for me to understand if i should work on my mental health and depression or my grades and exams. Because i don’t know which of it is a priority and what to do with myself.
I personally always prioritised mental health, but that's only my situation and maybe others can't afford that but my logic was, what are grades and exams for if I feel like dying everyday?
true, "what are grades and exams for if I feel like dying everyday?"
I think that working on your depression will help you with your studying and exams. I know from experience that when I am really in a pit of depression, I don’t feel like doing anything and attempting anything seems overwhelming.
" in a sensory deprivation chamber so I can get utter relaxation with VR goggles so I can interact with people the world" 😂😂😂
I hope you feel well since the last year bro, were here with you if ever needed and here to help depressed people😉
this hit me like a brick wall today. You cant do everything all at once!! Taking care of your mental health should be #1
I appreciate Dr K's ability to switch voices so much 😂 this is a skill!!
Penta hustle is where I'm at mentally. I really wish more people had this sense of humor
My brain is always like this and telling me i'm not doing enough. When I can break away from this thinking though, I never know WHAT to start first, or when to try something else. Like I realize I can't fix everything at once, but how do I know once ANYTHING is "fixed" enough to start something else?
I'm pretty sure mindfulness can help us feel time slows down. The less autopilot we have the less we lose time to distraction.
Wish y’all would bring back Twitch chat. I felt more engaged in older vids when Twitch was saying all their dumb shit and I could choose to read it or ignore it.
I just want to say how helpful this guy's insights are, how it puts things in a reasonable perspective
I recently realized my flat was super neat and clean while I was unemployed.
We do be living in a society. But seriously there are so many things that are expected to be in order that its tempting to work on all problems at the same time.
"We do be living"? What language is that please?
Thank you, I really needed to hear that!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I love the "we have A scientist" it's too real
Used to think life is a race but you quickly realise that you are just comparing to the next person that is better than you.... Essentially its a race without a finishing line and you are always behind lol
The mistake of thinking that the "finish line" is the same place for the person next to you who you have compared yourself to isn't the same. While it is always good to take into account where you could be or what you can do it isn't the same from person to person. Find out what you need, learn what you are ok with, and strive to change the parts you can not stand. Reflection on these things helps be a guide for where you want to be, and then you can work to those goals. They may not be the same from day to day and it is possible that it will take a long time to find what really works.
I have come a long way from the shitshow my childhood and early adult life was, and I am only 28. It takes a lot of effort to confront the of parts of yourself you may not like but it all helps build you up. The marathon of life doesn't have to feel stacked against you nor does anything you put effort into feel like it doesn't matter because of someone "better". Search yourself for the best version of you that you can imagine, reflect on where you are and what can be done better, and accept the mistakes or shortcomings that have happened ALONG WITH THE SUCCESSES THAT HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED!
Every part of growth takes time and energy. I know the frustration you are joking about all to well and it is exhausting as it wears you down and everyone deserves something better than it. If you can take some time to work on yourself in this long process don't forget to also rest and find joy in the things around you. It helps make the journey a little bit easier.
@@Samuel-nj4yy Really thoughtful comment Samuel. Talking about different "finish lines", the starting lines also vary between people.
Most importantly, the only person you can really compare yourself to and productivly run against is yourself, especially your past self.
By moving one step towards a goal with some regularity, one can also cover a marathon distance :)
I’ve decided to live with extremely humble people. Home finally feels like home. We all work together and it’s nice. I decided to work part-time and spend more time in nature and feeling grateful for what I already got.
I'm far from the first person to say this. But I swear to got Dr K keeps making videos specifically for me and my issues. Like this is literally my biggest problem. I don't even know how to not try and improve every last thing in my life anymore. Then I start trying to improve improving too many things. Its so confusing.
The most successful people I know have a single minded focus on their goals and they tune everything else out (to the detriment of some of the other parts of their life but once they reach their goals (especially materialistic ones) these other facets usually fall into place -not always though- ) so basically ignore the chaff and focus on the things that matter most while focusing on not tuning out the people closest to you. It doesn't matter if the things you focus on won't make you rich as long as they make you content (this is assuming you already have a stable life and can afford the bare essentials daily )
I love your content. You’ve been a great help in getting my life together. Thank you so much :)
The "Good Will Hunting" movie speaks about this to me, but also chase specific objective you want to have.
Yeah I get that vibe too... wanting to work at home whilste I have no clear direction I want to go in, meanwhile I'm already doing stuff at school or whatever simultaneously... meanwhile I'm doing nothing at home because I've learnt how to drop the gaming thing, but not without a sense of "hey, I have nothing much else outside of that to do that I can focus on easily for hours on end without getting bored and watching TH-cam... or worse... I try to learn a new thing and can't learn it because its hidden under layers of terms and definitions I don't know...
This is just my experience, but a lot of people actually expected me to be perfect. What i realized is that understanding that nobody is perfect does not make this people stop from wanting others to be perfect. We can talk for how long you want but saying "don't worry about society, there are people that care about you" doesn't really work and even if that's true those people are for most of us friends. But friends don't provide a job, a degree, a relationship, a house etc. (most of the times, or at least for me). Unfortunately there are things that are not in my control that are controlled by society as a whole, so in my experience the truth and what's actually right really doesn't matter. It just matters what others want you to do, cause again, i need others for everything i mentioned before. Yeah, i could be extremely lucky and still be able to live a life not caring what society thinks, but luck it's not a reliable source. I'm not blaming society for all my problems, i just wanted to point out that i think that the concept of "I'll do everything by myself" is kinda bullshit, unless you want to be an isolated hermit. Also just wanted to say that even if i completely agree that life is not a race, a lot of people think it is. So if i "waste" time on something i will have a lot less opportunities on that field so again it doesn't really matter what's the truth if everyone disagree with it
While there is some truth to what you said at the same time if we entertain all others expectation we gonna be torn apart for sure. Someone will expect you to have a million by 20 just because that kid over there can do it. The key here is to be aware that you have a choice to either accept or reject these expectations. There will be some consequences for sure but we should be mindful about what consequences really is. Not having a million by 20 does not equate to you are a beta who miserably failed as life and will definitely die alone homeless. Society and expectations can make consequences seems direr that what it really is. We live in a society and we need to play a role to certain degree. Aware of how much we can take otherwise and accept that we gonna make someone disappointed anyway and there will be some consequences and that’s not the end of the world. We have choices.
@@chakritlikitkhajorn8730 First of all, thank you for answering, i appreciated you spent time for it. I would definetly like to agree with you. I also don't want to fully embrace other's expectations cause, as you said, i would be torn apart. And yet i still feel in disagree with you. Even if i strongly agree with you for the "not making 20 millions at 20 doesn't make you a beta" it doesn't really matter if everyone else think that i am one. I'm not treated for how i really am, i'm treated for how others perceive me. I'll be treated like a beta if everyone think i am one, even if i'm truly not. And we all now that being a beta in today's society is a bad thing. This happened with my parents too. I was doing pretty much everything that i could possibly do, like having my own job, paying my own things, never bother them dor anything, i even helped them with some chores. But one day i was a bit more depressed than usual and they didn't hesitate one second to remind me how i was useless and just a burden. Now they kinda hate me, even if i'm doing everething i can do. Never met a person that behaved different from them. I'm also scared to talk about this things to my friends cause i'm sure they will think less of me. The reality is that i'll never be enough for anyone. It's not just my perception, people remind me constantly of this. I'm sorry i didn't want to invalidate your opinion, i think it's very valid. Just felt to vent a bit
Yes, I understand this. I feel like people only like me when i am useful to them. Its hard to establish an emotional shield against this, and to assertively set boundaries. I am practicing telling people no. With family it is hard and they can get entitled. I’m determined to get better at boundaries, though.
Needed this today, thanks Dr. K
Yeah, i went through a real rough time growing up, but one of the things i learned from it was that theres no point in working your ass off if youre not gonna also just... live it. If i cant enjoy the little things in life bc im Trying So Hard, thats a good sign that i need to slow down.
Oh my god I just saw the title and ot feels like a salve for the soul. It finally verbalized my struggles lol