Another thing too with story #1 was they showed up at his home. They came unannounced with insults of the highest degree towards their child. And even then it seems they reacted in the moment
Story one, if the grandparents and extended family hate the child that much, and hold him in such contempt, why should they care about not being invited to him birthday party? Unless they're just mad about being deprived of the opportunity to entertain themselves with being cruel to him.
Story 3: OP isn’t choosing his mum over his wife, he’s trying to find a middle ground to have a relationship with both. Alcoholism is a disease and wife may not have control but others are still entitled to feel how they feel. Wife ruined a child’s funeral and the mother of that child is understandably distraught. I don’t think I’d recover from that even if wife was genuinely sorry and trying to make amends. OP of course wants to see his mum, who let’s remember just lost a child. I can see why wife could feel like OP is taking sides but it’s much more complicated than that. It’s a sad situation all around. OP is a good apple
I feel very sad for this OP who has the strain of an alcoholic spouse (even if he loves her, that’s hard to manage), lost his little brother unexpectedly and is trying to be supportive of his mother through her grief. He is definitely not the bad apple, he sounds like a very good apple who is just trying his best.
All good apples. The first story made me sad. Spending 26 years working in Special Education I am sensitive to how these beautiful children are treated.
Story #2: The second they threatened to/said they won’t attend/step down from bridesmaid duties because of XYZ is the moment they voluntarily uninvited themselves!!
Story #1: Why did the grandparents want to be there? They hate their grandson. That much is clear. So obviously they're bullies who have to go bully. They're lucky it was only one punch, quite frankly. Good Apple while they're rotten apples. Throw the whole bunch out. Story #2: Anyone demanding changes to a wedding they're only attending weeks before are begging to be uninvited, especially when you've had 2 years to butt in. She did the right thing. Good Apple. Story #3: That man is a saint. If I was him, she would have been divorced the second she got drunk or high and caused a scene at the funeral after I pleaded with her not to. She's too far gone down the road of alcoholism to not be in rehab to save the relationship IMO. And I'm a big proponent of picking the wife over the mom, but not here. That's her 50th birthday, and she just buried her 10-year-old son. You pick the mom on her birthday. Good Apple and find a good divorce lawyer because she's not likely going to go to rehab anytime soon. Story #4: Stop using one thing in every single argument. It doesn't matter what it is, but it makes you suck. If you can't defend yourself without rolling out the same old tired thing that isn't even relevant to the situation, you're pathetic and need to grow up. And she's doing it because she knows it hurts him. So she's going out of her way to make him feel bad to cheaply win the argument. That's bad apple behavior. He's the Good Apple, but I don't see a lot of hope for that marriage if she's just going to use that as a cudgel in every argument.
Story 2: Definitely good apple! She likely knew that those guests would be whispering snide comments at the wedding if they were still allowed to come. If I knew guests would likely be making snide comments at the wedding, I too would quickly cut those people out of the special. I'm not feeding rude guests who hate on my choice for the wedding. Forget that. I'd then shrug and say okay if that got me uninvited to their events.
I got all good apple too and I need to find the last story. I hope Op can really talk to his wife and make it clear that he wished he was there too because it probably hurts that he missed his child being born as much as it hurt her to not have him by her side. Edit: Story is under r/AITA and there is so much more in the comments!! OP said he talked to his wife about this before and she would say she's okay with it and that she understands it was not his fault. ALSO she didn't even call his work, evening knowing there is an onsite emergency person that would have alerted him as soon as she'd gone in labor. She wasn't alone at the hospital either, her mom was with her.
…. Well that changes a lot. So, he wasn’t completely unreachable. I actually disagreed on this story. I thought he was at fault for missing the birth of his child because he knew he’d be unreachable and didn’t find a way for his wife to reach him when she’s that pregnant. I personally found that to be irresponsible. But if there was a way to contact him through this emergency person, he‘s definitely not the bad Apple at all. Why didn’t his wife call that emergency person?
Shared story #4 with my grandfather. Context: My mom was born out of wedlock and he got drafted into the Vietnam war, served 18 months. Missed most of the first year of my mom's life. He says crab apple because it's been over a year and they haven't addressed it it during a quiet time yet. Impressively my boomer war vet grandpa recommended marriage counseling, saying it took 30 years for my grandparents to work this pain out on their own and he wishes he could get those years back.
I think the previous story you're talking about was when a Grandma spanked her 4 year old grand child for wetting the bed and the parent hit her in the face
Yes and the father hit the mom / grandma but afterwards when she brought the child home after the sleepover. I didn’t think the father was a bad apple then and I don’t think he is a bad apple here. I think both fathers in both stories are crab apples , or rather good apples with a tiny crab apple spot, because hitting people is not great but I also understand being so angry about someone being horrible about a child.
Story 4: from the title I was pretty sure absolutely bad apple but after hearing the whole story I have a totally different view. OP didn’t intend to miss it or make any choice that caused that. I bet OP is upset he missed it. It’s understandable that wife is extremely upset, I would be devastated but she seems to be unaware it hurts him too. He’s not the bad apple for missing the birth as he didn’t do anything wrong to lead to that, and he’s definitely in every argument after the fact. They could maybe benefit from a couple of couples therapy sessions to address this and learn healthy conflict resolution.
I agree about the counselling, as a couple but maybe also for the wife separately. She is still holding on to hurt and anger, which seems to me (although not a professional) that her feelings about the birth are deeper than she realises. Maybe it brought up deeper issues about trust in the marriage, fear of abandonment or being left alone, or maybe the birth itself was more traumatic for her than she lets on. Or maybe there is something else going on in the relationship and the wife’s feelings towards the husband are not just about him missing the birth. I don’t think either is a bad apple, but they are both apples who need to talk about what is really going on, if they want to have a good marriage and co-parenting relationship.
I just want to comment that words inducing hatred and/or violence such as a word Rebecca felt necessary to bleep are called "fighting words," which are NOT protected by the Constitution. Not only is OP justified, he would not be able to get into legal trouble for it. Also, great choice of kettle chips! I got some for my friend, and she said they were so good. Good apple curse continues.
And the grandfather / family came to OP’s house unannounced, which also plays a role as they came into his private space without warning to be verbally violent.
As someone with a disability myself, I'm very curious to know what the word she bleeped out was, especially since I have a hidden disability and have never had a slur like that said to me, maybe it's because I'm around really great people and have had a really great childhood luckily, or maybe it's because my disability is a little bit more hidden, I honestly don't know but I'm so grateful that I've never had anyone use that kind of language towards me, I've had kids in school bully me for my disability and do dumb stuff or say dumb stuff but never something super nasty or an awful slur or bad word, it's usually just making fun of me for not being able to see like asking how many fingers they're holding up and then lying about the amount of fingers or making jokes about the way I walk or my learning difficulties etc, but there were never any hush words or slur words luckily for me, I think it's truly awful That this poor kid has not just grandparents but also other family members who say such awful things or treat them in such an awful way when they're only such a small child, Dad what, truly awful and sounds like it would be pretty traumatic as well, I'm just grateful that the little kid didn't hear his grandfather say that to his father or see that interaction, but that doesn't mean other language like that hasn't been spoken in front of this poor kid, I think that the father should cut out people like this from his life, although they are his family, they clearly hate having a disabled grandchild and that's truly awful, people with disabilities are the same as everyone else, we have our own challenges, especially depending on the severity of the disability, but although we might have our own struggles, we are not less than others and should be treated as equals, these grandparents are truly not even bad apples they are rotten apples, that is just such gross behaviour on their part, to say that about their grandchild is unforgivable in my opinion
@@AshleysAdvice After some thought, I'd guess it started with an 'r'. I know I get upset with my mother for using it, but she's "set in her ways" and doesn't understand how hurtful it is, particularly since she knows I also have a disability. I'm so sorry for your struggles. I appreciate you sharing them and your opinion on the video. :)
I actually disagree. His wife was 36 weeks pregnant and he made it so he was UNREACHABLE? I’m sorry but you need to find some way to be reachable when your wife’s that pregnant. He knew this could happen. It wasn’t an accident where he unknowingly lost service. He knew he would lose service. I’m not saying he’s the bad apple because it’s been over a year and his wife shouldn’t be bringing it up like that but he is at fault for missing the birth. He should have found someway to be in contact with his wife when she was that pregnant.
Last story: Good apple. Wife Crab. Wife is absolutely valid for feeling that way, however needs to NOT hold over his head. I agree with Rebecca theres needs to be a conversation about the birth where both listen and hear, maybe one more than, but they need to talk about it.
Story too I completely agree with the person that if these people had such a problem with a hallowseve style wedding they should have actually expressed their concerns much much earlier weddings are a difficult and complicated process to go through and you can't expect people to change the theme in 6 weeks that is a tiny deadline so no I think the story to woman is a good apple because she's sticking to her guns and not letting people who are being ridiculous ruin her big big day
I know I’m late and no one will see this, but OP’s comments in Story 4 make it so obvious that he’s the good apple. Turns out his wife was not alone for the birth, her mother was with her. And not only is there an emergency contact number for his company that they could have called to get word to him that the wife was in labor, but he had already posted that number on their fridge. And he’s so gracious about it, just repeating that he doesn’t blame his wife or MIL for forgetting that it was an option to do that in the heat of the moment. For a spouse to be that understanding about a situation that was ultimately a sad happenstance of fate, and for his wife to be continually blaming him instead of matching that level of understanding, just…makes me sad for them.
Story 1: Good Apple, but I'm also going no contact with every family member who thought the what he said was appropriate and "hilarious". That's just disgusting. Story 2: Good Apple, Your wedding, your choice. I would only uninvite, personally, if it went beyond just a few words of disapproval to heavy pressure for me to change it. Story 3: Good Apple. OP is not choosing his mom over his wife. The wife messed up BIG TIME! The husband should not be required to cut off his mother because the mother is hurt and upset. Story 4: Good apple, you did everything that you could. You have to work to support your wife in brand new baby. Things happen
Story #2: A) how did OP miss the obvious name for the UNvitations they sent out 😂 B) I fully agree with the bride, but I would have issued a warning first, before the ban. Something like, "If you keep up with this nonsense, you won't be invited to the wedding." And of they keep up with it, then unvite them
I was nine days early. By the time my dad found out and got to the hospital I had already been born and named. My mom was in labor for less than an hour but my dad was on base and in class so there's no way he could have been there in time. Also, it was 1965 and a lot of fathers didn't go into the room with their wives when giving birth even though my dad wanted to.
In story three the guy needs to get away from that woman a simple apology does not make up for things that she does wrong if she has an addiction she needs to get it dealt with she needs to go to therapy she needs to go to rehab knocking over your brother-in-law's urn because you got drunk even know when you gave your word to your husband that you wouldn't drink at the funeral how dare you there's no way you can make up for that and then expecting your husband to not see his own mother on her birthday after you were an absolute state at her son's funeral honestly the man should not only be picking his mother over this woman he should be leaving this woman because she's clearly not respecting him because of her addiction
Story 3: good apple for sure!! one word... DIVORCE! She promised she wouldn't drink and did anyway and ruined her BIL funeral! UNACCEPTABLE! Mother is 100% valid for not wanting to deal with her anymore.
The comparison with the story a few weeks back was that in the previous story the grandmother who had been slapped had been hitting the child as a form of punishment. Im confused as to why using a derogatory term directed at a child is worse than physical abuse
I think it might have to do with the fact that the child was present (if I remember correctly), hence showing said child that physical abuse was a valid solution in life. Also, I think Rebecca meant that the mother hit the grandmother after the fact and not when it happened, so hitting her then did nothing to protect the child. That is not to say I agree or disagree, just trying to rationalise the point of view here.
I think the difference is that one was retaliation in the moment, and the other was revenge. They both were done in the heat of the moment, though. So, not much of a difference 🤔 Also, do we actually know the child wasn't present for the most recent story? They could have easily been in the room, and it wasn't important to op.
Apple #3 is clearly a good apple. I have a dad that is finally sober after going through my early life seeing him drunk off and on. It got real bad a 3 or so years ago where he ended being in the hospital due to heart issues (clearly caused by alcohol). To see him drunk beyond belief and everything, mom (they are divorced) called him one time saying I was crying quite a bit thinking that he wouldn't walk me down the aisle later down the line. He then got a dog soon after that. He's been sober since. I still have feelings and probably some trauma towards beer in particular and other such things.
My hubby works in pits and often has no signal or out of reach from his phone so we set up a backup plan for the office to contact guys in the field to get him. But if it didn't happen to work I would have been apologetic not blaming...
Story 1: good apple and those people are no longer family Story 2: good apple Story 3: good apple. His wife needs to seek help or he should leave her. Story 4: good apple. Talk this over with your wife. It’s not fair to blame him something that was out of his control. She’s just hurting him at this point.
Story 4: there is no excuse to miss the birth of your child. You aren’t reachable through your cell phone? Get a pager. Have a plan so that you are able to be contacted some way. There has to be a way to alert people of emergencies. That’s the only issue I have with this story. Wife should not be bringing it up like that and they definitely need some therapy to work through these issues.
I have to start by saying I love this series.. I love Rebecca and Avery I think this series was such a great idea - I think I’ve been watching from the beginning or at least at the very close start and i have seen this channel grow to over 2.5 million followers - it really is amazing to watch!!! I really do get joy from other people, even strangers on the internet, be successful. And I just want to say when creators talk about how tough it is to do all this traveling. I haven’t been on a plane since 2009 it’s not exactly cheap to travel and that is awesome that you get to do that for your job but I think it’s gross to complain that you had to go all these amazing cities and come across like that is a struggle. Just a heads up. I do love you guys I mean I get it… totally… work is work but it did not sound good and comes off cringy. I feel like I knew what you meant but others may not and then the next thing you know, you find creators like Kiki or Hannah Alonzo clipping that and putting it in one of the influencer insanity videos. Gotta edit that kinda stuff better
1. You're never a bad apple when defending your child from someone who hates him/her. 2. We don't know their back stories, but mess around and find out. Don't keep saying, "I'm going." "I'm not going." "What? Of course I'm coming." Especially close to the date. 3. Not the bad apple for going to his mom's birthday party. Wife needs help. 4. Not the bad apple for missing the birth, since it was early, but she's turning into one for dragging it up all the time.
Story 3 as a recovering alcoholic myself I fully think mother in law is in the right and the husband has every right to go spends his mom’s birthday with her. Wife needs to get it together or lose everything, maybe it’ll save her life. I hope the husband finds his way to an alanon meeting because dear God living with an active alcoholic is torture.
Story number 4 good apple it was out of his control. He was working and did not expect it to happen as early. He had planned on taking time off around the due date. My youngest came 5 weeks early, and we didn't have childcare for our older kids. My fluids were low, and they scheduled me for a c-section the very next day. He couldn't make it. It has never crossed my mind to use the fact that he missed our daughters birth as a tool against him. I feel sorry for him for missing it. His dad decided to drive out to come help us, and he was supposed to stay with the older kids. He is an alcoholic and when he got here, he went straight to the bar, and of course, he couldn't be responsible for babysitting our older kids. Because of this, he wasn't able to meet his daughter until she was 2 days old. I would never have used this against him, but it never even crossed my mind
I’m gonna go crab apple for story 2…if she uninvited her mom (or whoever it was who was trying to get her to change the date) then that’s fair, but when the number has ballooned to 25 people being uninvited, then something seems sus. Like, she said she uninvited everyone who supported the complainer(s), but what does that mean? Are we supposed to believe that 25 people were all bothering OP to change the date? Or was it enough to simply not push back when the complainers are venting to you? If everyone’s local then I think there’s more wiggle room for Good Apple, but if there are family members who requested time off work and paid for flights and hotels already, it feels premature to cut them off just bc they’re perceived as “supporting” the person causing problems…Usually I’m down for Your Wedding Your Rules, but when your decisions start to cost other people money, then I start questioning things
I agree about the numbers being a cause for pause and reflection. Someone saying “hmm yeah I see your mom’s point, this theme is not a great choice knowing the family’s religious views” could be seen as being on the mom’s side when actually it is just showing an understanding of people’s misgivings and doesn’t at all mean the person is not supportive of the marriage, asking things to be changed or intending not to attend. It’s also different if someone is calling up OP to give their opinion versus if it comes up in conversation and someone voices an opinion. It is entirely possible to disagree with someone’s choice of a wedding theme, or any other choice, but still be supportive of the person and there for them. I don’t think the OP bride is a bad apple, and indeed she can do what she wants for her own wedding, but it seems over the top to uninvite 25 people so close to the wedding about something like a wedding theme. Maybe it is the stress of the wedding making her act dramatically, which is understandable, so I hope she won’t later regret these 25 people not being present.
@@nevaehparks4997 In my opinion uninvited cards are tacky. I didn't like how she went about handling the situation. Bride is burning bridges. If someone doesn't want to go don't go but leave it up to them.
Apple number 3: The problem is that if your wife is an alcoholic she will continue to get drunk and apologize. Her behavior was totally unacceptable at your brother’s funeral. Your mother is completely right to exclude your wife. You are a Good Apple for wanting to see your mother and wanting to take her a birthday gift. “Understandable but not justifiable” is exactly what the wife’s behavior is. Your wife is a Bad Apple.
Not only is calling someone with a disability the R word absolutely gross and inappropriate. But also, using it to describe people “doing something dumb”. I know people that say “I would never actually use it toward someone that has a disability!!! But it’s funny to call my coworker that when they do something stupid”. Nope. No it isn’t.
Why do people need to be cut off or not invited because of a disagreement. It's her choice yes. I just think so she could of said not changing it. Don't want to come don't. It is ashame her family put her through that. Hopefully she had a good wedding
As a person with an intellectual developmental disability I agree with you that using the R Word is derogatory and I hate that word, I wish people would stop using it and would remove it from their vocabulary
I can see that but I don't think he's the bad apple for getting tired of hearing her put him down over not being able to be there. I do think he should talk to her and explain how much it affected him too.
She needs to stop bringing it up in every argument, as if the fact that OP missed the birth means he is a terrible father and it justifies her being in the right or having the upper hand in every argument. Not only did OP not at all miss the birth on purpose and tried to get to the hospital as soon as he was able after finding out, so it’s not really his fault, but if he has been an involved father for a year and a half now that shows that he definitely cares about the child, being a good father and being a supportive partner. I agree that “get over it” is not the correct way to phrase it, as the wife has a right to be upset about having had to give birth without OP there, but the wife had to get over blaming OP and holding on to misplaced anger at him over the situation. If she is still this upset about the situation over a year later, she probably has deeper trauma and resentment than she realises. Or there is something else going on in the marriage. In either case, blaming OP for missing the birth is not correct. The wife (+ maybe them as a couple) needs to get outside / professional support to help her work through things; and I mean that in the most positive way and without judgement. I think neither is a bad apple. OP is feeling frustrated about the same accusation coming up repeatedly, and yes “get over it” is not the correct way to say it but I understand the sentiment and think he just didn’t use the best words. The wife is feeling deep feeling related to the birth, which she hasn’t been able to work through. They both didn’t behave great in this situation, but they are human and that is okay, so I don’t think either so a bad apple. I hope they are able to work things through and get to a place of feeling understood, supported and appreciated within the relationship.
For story number 2, I agree that I wouldn't change the date either, but I wouldn't have uninvited people. I think the uninviting is a petty, immature move. I would have said the date remains, and it's up to you if you want to attend or not. Crab 🦀 apple
The only one I disagree with is the last one, and only a little bit. I would say crab apple because while she certainly shouldn't keep bringing it up as ammo, he shouldn't be telling her to 'get over it'. What they really need is therapy, because they're not gonna get through this without some sort of counsel.
Does anyone know if the insult was towards the son being gay, or the son being disabled? I have a word in mind for both, but I would never say them. I think that in story 1, OP was completely valid. No way to change my mind
Story one I agree with good Apple. Now I can see where if someone would say crab apple because instead of hitting them they could have just said leave and shut the door in their face, but in the heat of the moment I can’t fault him for hitting his dad cause I probably would have done the same thing or something similar.
Story 1: Good apple 1,000% as much and as big of I’m a violence is never the answer person I personally would’ve punched him as well. You should never let anyone speak about your child like that. Story 2: Good apple. You do you boo if you want a Halloween wedding then a Halloween wedding you shall have and no one can take that from you however I wouldn’t have gone about it in this exact way either I’d put my foot down and say I’m not changing it but I wouldn’t have uninvited them Story 3: good apple you were a son before a husband and are allowed to make decisions to go see your mother whose feelings are valid whenever you want Story 4: good apple. You can’t help that where you were at had no cell service when she went into labor you have no control over that
I love that you had a priest and a rabbi. Great way to compromise. I bet the service was beautiful.
For some reason, I saw the thumbnail and thought the wife somhow missed the daughters birth. I was so confused for a while 😂
Me too! How did that happen?!
Me too!!
I know! Like how does that work?
@BobTheBlob261 If a couple had to use a surrogate, then it is possible for the wife to miss the birth.
@@mattm6741 or if it was an open adoption and the birth mom agreed to have the adoptive parents there for the birth.
Another thing too with story #1 was they showed up at his home. They came unannounced with insults of the highest degree towards their child. And even then it seems they reacted in the moment
Story one, if the grandparents and extended family hate the child that much, and hold him in such contempt, why should they care about not being invited to him birthday party? Unless they're just mad about being deprived of the opportunity to entertain themselves with being cruel to him.
You can not like a musician, what you can't do is make an issue about an artist that a family member may like.
It's entitlement. They feel entitled to being a-holes, but they don't want anyone making them feel like a-holes. Happens with racists too.
Thanks for sharing about your wedding experience, I imagine that was hard to talk about at the moment. Sending you hugs and appreciation x x
Story 3: OP isn’t choosing his mum over his wife, he’s trying to find a middle ground to have a relationship with both. Alcoholism is a disease and wife may not have control but others are still entitled to feel how they feel.
Wife ruined a child’s funeral and the mother of that child is understandably distraught. I don’t think I’d recover from that even if wife was genuinely sorry and trying to make amends.
OP of course wants to see his mum, who let’s remember just lost a child. I can see why wife could feel like OP is taking sides but it’s much more complicated than that.
It’s a sad situation all around. OP is a good apple
I feel very sad for this OP who has the strain of an alcoholic spouse (even if he loves her, that’s hard to manage), lost his little brother unexpectedly and is trying to be supportive of his mother through her grief. He is definitely not the bad apple, he sounds like a very good apple who is just trying his best.
All good apples. The first story made me sad. Spending 26 years working in Special Education I am sensitive to how these beautiful children are treated.
Story #2: The second they threatened to/said they won’t attend/step down from bridesmaid duties because of XYZ is the moment they voluntarily uninvited themselves!!
Story #1: Why did the grandparents want to be there? They hate their grandson. That much is clear. So obviously they're bullies who have to go bully. They're lucky it was only one punch, quite frankly. Good Apple while they're rotten apples. Throw the whole bunch out.
Story #2: Anyone demanding changes to a wedding they're only attending weeks before are begging to be uninvited, especially when you've had 2 years to butt in. She did the right thing. Good Apple.
Story #3: That man is a saint. If I was him, she would have been divorced the second she got drunk or high and caused a scene at the funeral after I pleaded with her not to. She's too far gone down the road of alcoholism to not be in rehab to save the relationship IMO. And I'm a big proponent of picking the wife over the mom, but not here. That's her 50th birthday, and she just buried her 10-year-old son. You pick the mom on her birthday. Good Apple and find a good divorce lawyer because she's not likely going to go to rehab anytime soon.
Story #4: Stop using one thing in every single argument. It doesn't matter what it is, but it makes you suck. If you can't defend yourself without rolling out the same old tired thing that isn't even relevant to the situation, you're pathetic and need to grow up. And she's doing it because she knows it hurts him. So she's going out of her way to make him feel bad to cheaply win the argument. That's bad apple behavior. He's the Good Apple, but I don't see a lot of hope for that marriage if she's just going to use that as a cudgel in every argument.
Good day fellow apple pickers. Applers. Applet picklers. Apple dudes. Idk what to call us
I’m honestly here because I like to listen to stories
Immediately love that parent
That’s one good way to shut them and their disgusting remarks down
Story 1… both this man and the mother from the other story were valid for the slap/punch. It’s literally the same situation!!!
Story 2: Definitely good apple! She likely knew that those guests would be whispering snide comments at the wedding if they were still allowed to come. If I knew guests would likely be making snide comments at the wedding, I too would quickly cut those people out of the special. I'm not feeding rude guests who hate on my choice for the wedding. Forget that. I'd then shrug and say okay if that got me uninvited to their events.
I got all good apple too and I need to find the last story. I hope Op can really talk to his wife and make it clear that he wished he was there too because it probably hurts that he missed his child being born as much as it hurt her to not have him by her side.
Edit: Story is under r/AITA and there is so much more in the comments!! OP said he talked to his wife about this before and she would say she's okay with it and that she understands it was not his fault. ALSO she didn't even call his work, evening knowing there is an onsite emergency person that would have alerted him as soon as she'd gone in labor. She wasn't alone at the hospital either, her mom was with her.
…. Well that changes a lot. So, he wasn’t completely unreachable. I actually disagreed on this story. I thought he was at fault for missing the birth of his child because he knew he’d be unreachable and didn’t find a way for his wife to reach him when she’s that pregnant. I personally found that to be irresponsible. But if there was a way to contact him through this emergency person, he‘s definitely not the bad Apple at all. Why didn’t his wife call that emergency person?
Shared story #4 with my grandfather.
Context: My mom was born out of wedlock and he got drafted into the Vietnam war, served 18 months. Missed most of the first year of my mom's life.
He says crab apple because it's been over a year and they haven't addressed it it during a quiet time yet. Impressively my boomer war vet grandpa recommended marriage counseling, saying it took 30 years for my grandparents to work this pain out on their own and he wishes he could get those years back.
I think the previous story you're talking about was when a Grandma spanked her 4 year old grand child for wetting the bed and the parent hit her in the face
Yes and the father hit the mom / grandma but afterwards when she brought the child home after the sleepover. I didn’t think the father was a bad apple then and I don’t think he is a bad apple here. I think both fathers in both stories are crab apples , or rather good apples with a tiny crab apple spot, because hitting people is not great but I also understand being so angry about someone being horrible about a child.
Yep, good apple in both stories
Yeah, i don't understand why someone would think using a slur is worse and deserves more of a reaction than physical abuse
@@rat3015 Exactly, physical abuse got a physical response
Story 4: from the title I was pretty sure absolutely bad apple but after hearing the whole story I have a totally different view. OP didn’t intend to miss it or make any choice that caused that. I bet OP is upset he missed it. It’s understandable that wife is extremely upset, I would be devastated but she seems to be unaware it hurts him too.
He’s not the bad apple for missing the birth as he didn’t do anything wrong to lead to that, and he’s definitely in every argument after the fact. They could maybe benefit from a couple of couples therapy sessions to address this and learn healthy conflict resolution.
I agree about the counselling, as a couple but maybe also for the wife separately. She is still holding on to hurt and anger, which seems to me (although not a professional) that her feelings about the birth are deeper than she realises. Maybe it brought up deeper issues about trust in the marriage, fear of abandonment or being left alone, or maybe the birth itself was more traumatic for her than she lets on. Or maybe there is something else going on in the relationship and the wife’s feelings towards the husband are not just about him missing the birth.
I don’t think either is a bad apple, but they are both apples who need to talk about what is really going on, if they want to have a good marriage and co-parenting relationship.
I just want to comment that words inducing hatred and/or violence such as a word Rebecca felt necessary to bleep are called "fighting words," which are NOT protected by the Constitution. Not only is OP justified, he would not be able to get into legal trouble for it.
Also, great choice of kettle chips! I got some for my friend, and she said they were so good.
Good apple curse continues.
And the grandfather / family came to OP’s house unannounced, which also plays a role as they came into his private space without warning to be verbally violent.
As someone with a disability myself, I'm very curious to know what the word she bleeped out was, especially since I have a hidden disability and have never had a slur like that said to me, maybe it's because I'm around really great people and have had a really great childhood luckily, or maybe it's because my disability is a little bit more hidden, I honestly don't know but I'm so grateful that I've never had anyone use that kind of language towards me, I've had kids in school bully me for my disability and do dumb stuff or say dumb stuff but never something super nasty or an awful slur or bad word, it's usually just making fun of me for not being able to see like asking how many fingers they're holding up and then lying about the amount of fingers or making jokes about the way I walk or my learning difficulties etc, but there were never any hush words or slur words luckily for me, I think it's truly awful That this poor kid has not just grandparents but also other family members who say such awful things or treat them in such an awful way when they're only such a small child, Dad what, truly awful and sounds like it would be pretty traumatic as well, I'm just grateful that the little kid didn't hear his grandfather say that to his father or see that interaction, but that doesn't mean other language like that hasn't been spoken in front of this poor kid, I think that the father should cut out people like this from his life, although they are his family, they clearly hate having a disabled grandchild and that's truly awful, people with disabilities are the same as everyone else, we have our own challenges, especially depending on the severity of the disability, but although we might have our own struggles, we are not less than others and should be treated as equals, these grandparents are truly not even bad apples they are rotten apples, that is just such gross behaviour on their part, to say that about their grandchild is unforgivable in my opinion
@@AshleysAdvice After some thought, I'd guess it started with an 'r'. I know I get upset with my mother for using it, but she's "set in her ways" and doesn't understand how hurtful it is, particularly since she knows I also have a disability. I'm so sorry for your struggles. I appreciate you sharing them and your opinion on the video. :)
Violence is not the answer
Its the solution
Using derrogatory language and slurs is violence. Sometimes you have to combat violence with violence, even if it means getting physical.
Apple number two:
Good Apple for the same reasons
Story 2: her wedding, her rules. If OP felt they were trying to manipulate her into changing things, it makes total sense to uninvite them.
Story 4 Good apple. Father should be sensitive to wife's needs. Father could not help missing the birth. Cell service was not available.
I actually disagree. His wife was 36 weeks pregnant and he made it so he was UNREACHABLE? I’m sorry but you need to find some way to be reachable when your wife’s that pregnant. He knew this could happen. It wasn’t an accident where he unknowingly lost service. He knew he would lose service. I’m not saying he’s the bad apple because it’s been over a year and his wife shouldn’t be bringing it up like that but he is at fault for missing the birth. He should have found someway to be in contact with his wife when she was that pregnant.
couch Deodorant lol
we stan the couch deodorant lol
Last story: Good apple. Wife Crab. Wife is absolutely valid for feeling that way, however needs to NOT hold over his head. I agree with Rebecca theres needs to be a conversation about the birth where both listen and hear, maybe one more than, but they need to talk about it.
🎉🎉 Happy apple picking day 🎉🎉🎉
I'm a guy, and I'm a HUGE SWIFTIE
Same here!
@@santaclara6112 favorite song 🎵?
@@marybethlamb347 Ooh, that's a tough one. I'd say either "Back to December" or "Mirrorball."
@@santaclara6112 cruel summer
Anti hero enchanted
Story 2: oooh the irony of calling people on their bluff. 😈
(Me watching) (her) *grabs out voodoo chips* (me) * immediately, grabs out mine * YESSS
Story too I completely agree with the person that if these people had such a problem with a hallowseve style wedding they should have actually expressed their concerns much much earlier weddings are a difficult and complicated process to go through and you can't expect people to change the theme in 6 weeks that is a tiny deadline so no I think the story to woman is a good apple because she's sticking to her guns and not letting people who are being ridiculous ruin her big big day
9:59 SAME my family says they’re too vinegary
I know I’m late and no one will see this, but OP’s comments in Story 4 make it so obvious that he’s the good apple. Turns out his wife was not alone for the birth, her mother was with her. And not only is there an emergency contact number for his company that they could have called to get word to him that the wife was in labor, but he had already posted that number on their fridge. And he’s so gracious about it, just repeating that he doesn’t blame his wife or MIL for forgetting that it was an option to do that in the heat of the moment. For a spouse to be that understanding about a situation that was ultimately a sad happenstance of fate, and for his wife to be continually blaming him instead of matching that level of understanding, just…makes me sad for them.
Story 1: Good Apple, but I'm also going no contact with every family member who thought the what he said was appropriate and "hilarious". That's just disgusting.
Story 2: Good Apple, Your wedding, your choice. I would only uninvite, personally, if it went beyond just a few words of disapproval to heavy pressure for me to change it.
Story 3: Good Apple. OP is not choosing his mom over his wife. The wife messed up BIG TIME! The husband should not be required to cut off his mother because the mother is hurt and upset.
Story 4: Good apple, you did everything that you could. You have to work to support your wife in brand new baby. Things happen
All four stories, I agree with your answers by 100%.
Story #2:
A) how did OP miss the obvious name for the UNvitations they sent out 😂
B) I fully agree with the bride, but I would have issued a warning first, before the ban. Something like, "If you keep up with this nonsense, you won't be invited to the wedding." And of they keep up with it, then unvite them
I was nine days early. By the time my dad found out and got to the hospital I had already been born and named. My mom was in labor for less than an hour but my dad was on base and in class so there's no way he could have been there in time. Also, it was 1965 and a lot of fathers didn't go into the room with their wives when giving birth even though my dad wanted to.
In story three the guy needs to get away from that woman a simple apology does not make up for things that she does wrong if she has an addiction she needs to get it dealt with she needs to go to therapy she needs to go to rehab knocking over your brother-in-law's urn because you got drunk even know when you gave your word to your husband that you wouldn't drink at the funeral how dare you there's no way you can make up for that and then expecting your husband to not see his own mother on her birthday after you were an absolute state at her son's funeral honestly the man should not only be picking his mother over this woman he should be leaving this woman because she's clearly not respecting him because of her addiction
I made your subreddit go crazy two months ago lol!
Story 3: good apple for sure!! one word... DIVORCE! She promised she wouldn't drink and did anyway and ruined her BIL funeral! UNACCEPTABLE! Mother is 100% valid for not wanting to deal with her anymore.
The comparison with the story a few weeks back was that in the previous story the grandmother who had been slapped had been hitting the child as a form of punishment. Im confused as to why using a derogatory term directed at a child is worse than physical abuse
@@rat3015 Exactly
I think it might have to do with the fact that the child was present (if I remember correctly), hence showing said child that physical abuse was a valid solution in life. Also, I think Rebecca meant that the mother hit the grandmother after the fact and not when it happened, so hitting her then did nothing to protect the child. That is not to say I agree or disagree, just trying to rationalise the point of view here.
I think the difference is that one was retaliation in the moment, and the other was revenge. They both were done in the heat of the moment, though. So, not much of a difference 🤔
Also, do we actually know the child wasn't present for the most recent story? They could have easily been in the room, and it wasn't important to op.
@@lashehatch7359 they did mention the child wasn't there and fortunately was at school or someplace else.
Apple #3 is clearly a good apple. I have a dad that is finally sober after going through my early life seeing him drunk off and on. It got real bad a 3 or so years ago where he ended being in the hospital due to heart issues (clearly caused by alcohol). To see him drunk beyond belief and everything, mom (they are divorced) called him one time saying I was crying quite a bit thinking that he wouldn't walk me down the aisle later down the line. He then got a dog soon after that. He's been sober since. I still have feelings and probably some trauma towards beer in particular and other such things.
Awe, she's talking about her ex when she's talking about "someone" who is bot seeking care
My hubby works in pits and often has no signal or out of reach from his phone so we set up a backup plan for the office to contact guys in the field to get him. But if it didn't happen to work I would have been apologetic not blaming...
Story 1: good apple and those people are no longer family
Story 2: good apple
Story 3: good apple. His wife needs to seek help or he should leave her.
Story 4: good apple. Talk this over with your wife. It’s not fair to blame him something that was out of his control. She’s just hurting him at this point.
Story 1: Dad is the G.o.a.t in the Story.
Story 4: there is no excuse to miss the birth of your child. You aren’t reachable through your cell phone? Get a pager. Have a plan so that you are able to be contacted some way. There has to be a way to alert people of emergencies. That’s the only issue I have with this story. Wife should not be bringing it up like that and they definitely need some therapy to work through these issues.
I have to start by saying I love this series.. I love Rebecca and Avery I think this series was such a great idea - I think I’ve been watching from the beginning or at least at the very close start and i have seen this channel grow to over 2.5 million followers - it really is amazing to watch!!! I really do get joy from other people, even strangers on the internet, be successful. And I just want to say when creators talk about how tough it is to do all this traveling. I haven’t been on a plane since 2009 it’s not exactly cheap to travel and that is awesome that you get to do that for your job but I think it’s gross to complain that you had to go all these amazing cities and come across like that is a struggle. Just a heads up. I do love you guys I mean I get it… totally… work is work but it did not sound good and comes off cringy. I feel like I knew what you meant but others may not and then the next thing you know, you find creators like Kiki or Hannah Alonzo clipping that and putting it in one of the influencer insanity videos. Gotta edit that kinda stuff better
1. You're never a bad apple when defending your child from someone who hates him/her.
2. We don't know their back stories, but mess around and find out. Don't keep saying, "I'm going." "I'm not going." "What? Of course I'm coming." Especially close to the date.
3. Not the bad apple for going to his mom's birthday party. Wife needs help.
4. Not the bad apple for missing the birth, since it was early, but she's turning into one for dragging it up all the time.
Story 3 as a recovering alcoholic myself I fully think mother in law is in the right and the husband has every right to go spends his mom’s birthday with her. Wife needs to get it together or lose everything, maybe it’ll save her life. I hope the husband finds his way to an alanon meeting because dear God living with an active alcoholic is torture.
What! You uploaded on a TUESDAY!? 😮
Story number 4 good apple it was out of his control. He was working and did not expect it to happen as early. He had planned on taking time off around the due date. My youngest came 5 weeks early, and we didn't have childcare for our older kids. My fluids were low, and they scheduled me for a c-section the very next day. He couldn't make it. It has never crossed my mind to use the fact that he missed our daughters birth as a tool against him. I feel sorry for him for missing it. His dad decided to drive out to come help us, and he was supposed to stay with the older kids. He is an alcoholic and when he got here, he went straight to the bar, and of course, he couldn't be responsible for babysitting our older kids. Because of this, he wasn't able to meet his daughter until she was 2 days old. I would never have used this against him, but it never even crossed my mind
I’m gonna go crab apple for story 2…if she uninvited her mom (or whoever it was who was trying to get her to change the date) then that’s fair, but when the number has ballooned to 25 people being uninvited, then something seems sus. Like, she said she uninvited everyone who supported the complainer(s), but what does that mean? Are we supposed to believe that 25 people were all bothering OP to change the date? Or was it enough to simply not push back when the complainers are venting to you? If everyone’s local then I think there’s more wiggle room for Good Apple, but if there are family members who requested time off work and paid for flights and hotels already, it feels premature to cut them off just bc they’re perceived as “supporting” the person causing problems…Usually I’m down for Your Wedding Your Rules, but when your decisions start to cost other people money, then I start questioning things
I agree about the numbers being a cause for pause and reflection. Someone saying “hmm yeah I see your mom’s point, this theme is not a great choice knowing the family’s religious views” could be seen as being on the mom’s side when actually it is just showing an understanding of people’s misgivings and doesn’t at all mean the person is not supportive of the marriage, asking things to be changed or intending not to attend. It’s also different if someone is calling up OP to give their opinion versus if it comes up in conversation and someone voices an opinion. It is entirely possible to disagree with someone’s choice of a wedding theme, or any other choice, but still be supportive of the person and there for them.
I don’t think the OP bride is a bad apple, and indeed she can do what she wants for her own wedding, but it seems over the top to uninvite 25 people so close to the wedding about something like a wedding theme. Maybe it is the stress of the wedding making her act dramatically, which is understandable, so I hope she won’t later regret these 25 people not being present.
I agree with what you said with all 4 good apples.
THE SHOW IT MUST GO ON
To build a hotel i think we need some brick and lumber
omg the first story with the family implying a young boy having a crush on taylor swift makes him gay is so funny.
I'M STILL REELING FROM THE TIDBIT FROM STORY 3 ABOUT KNOCKING OVER THE URN??? LIKE HELLO?????
Story 2 crab apple. Wedding was planned for 2 years. No complaints until 6 weeks before.
Can I ask why you said crab apple. Just hoping to see your POV
@@nevaehparks4997 In my opinion uninvited cards are tacky. I didn't like how she went about handling the situation. Bride is burning bridges. If someone doesn't want to go don't go but leave it up to them.
Super secret exclusive club
*whispers* "come here"
"Come closer"
"Stop it"
You got sweet apple pie 🥧😄
People were mad that we did not serve alcohol.
Apple number 3:
The problem is that if your wife is an alcoholic she will continue to get drunk and apologize. Her behavior was totally unacceptable at your brother’s funeral. Your mother is completely right to exclude your wife. You are a Good Apple for wanting to see your mother and wanting to take her a birthday gift. “Understandable but not justifiable” is exactly what the wife’s behavior is. Your wife is a Bad Apple.
Not only is calling someone with a disability the R word absolutely gross and inappropriate. But also, using it to describe people “doing something dumb”.
I know people that say “I would never actually use it toward someone that has a disability!!! But it’s funny to call my coworker that when they do something stupid”.
Nope. No it isn’t.
Notification squad also I love these
Yo I have not been this early in a long time
Why do people need to be cut off or not invited because of a disagreement. It's her choice yes. I just think so she could of said not changing it. Don't want to come don't. It is ashame her family put her through that. Hopefully she had a good wedding
As a person with an intellectual developmental disability I agree with you that using the R Word is derogatory and I hate that word, I wish people would stop using it and would remove it from their vocabulary
Apple number four:
You are a BAD APPLE for telling her to get over it. You are NOT a bad apple for missing the birth.
I can see that but I don't think he's the bad apple for getting tired of hearing her put him down over not being able to be there. I do think he should talk to her and explain how much it affected him too.
She needs to stop bringing it up in every argument, as if the fact that OP missed the birth means he is a terrible father and it justifies her being in the right or having the upper hand in every argument. Not only did OP not at all miss the birth on purpose and tried to get to the hospital as soon as he was able after finding out, so it’s not really his fault, but if he has been an involved father for a year and a half now that shows that he definitely cares about the child, being a good father and being a supportive partner.
I agree that “get over it” is not the correct way to phrase it, as the wife has a right to be upset about having had to give birth without OP there, but the wife had to get over blaming OP and holding on to misplaced anger at him over the situation. If she is still this upset about the situation over a year later, she probably has deeper trauma and resentment than she realises. Or there is something else going on in the marriage. In either case, blaming OP for missing the birth is not correct. The wife (+ maybe them as a couple) needs to get outside / professional support to help her work through things; and I mean that in the most positive way and without judgement.
I think neither is a bad apple. OP is feeling frustrated about the same accusation coming up repeatedly, and yes “get over it” is not the correct way to say it but I understand the sentiment and think he just didn’t use the best words. The wife is feeling deep feeling related to the birth, which she hasn’t been able to work through. They both didn’t behave great in this situation, but they are human and that is okay, so I don’t think either so a bad apple. I hope they are able to work things through and get to a place of feeling understood, supported and appreciated within the relationship.
Nah she needed telt
For story number 2, I agree that I wouldn't change the date either, but I wouldn't have uninvited people. I think the uninviting is a petty, immature move. I would have said the date remains, and it's up to you if you want to attend or not. Crab 🦀 apple
Story 1-Good Apple
Story 2-Good Apple
Story 3-Good Apple
Story 4-Good Apple
Here we go again
We wouldve had a priest and rabbi too but priest refused. Family was not happy. 🤷
Story one. Good apple. I hate hate that word. I have been called it for being autistic and it’s not fun. I 100% agree with op
The bad apples vanished
Apple pie day!!! Good apples all around!
The only one I disagree with is the last one, and only a little bit. I would say crab apple because while she certainly shouldn't keep bringing it up as ammo, he shouldn't be telling her to 'get over it'. What they really need is therapy, because they're not gonna get through this without some sort of counsel.
either you're smaller than I thought you were or that's a really big couch
I think she’s somewhere around 5’
If i had to go with Big Cherry or Big ! I think I'll go with Big ! any day!
A bouncer at a wedding lol.
the last story is just sad
the pillow on her right looks a little grumpy
We’ve had 4 good apples for the past three weeks
“Only people in the LGBT community listen to Taylor Swift”
????? What??? I’m LGBT and have never heard of that stereotype before
I'm in St Louis too actually live here
And to think my ex nearly banned me from the birth of my child.
He should have had paternity leave for a month before the birth-the 4th month 😊
Does anyone know if the insult was towards the son being gay, or the son being disabled? I have a word in mind for both, but I would never say them. I think that in story 1, OP was completely valid. No way to change my mind
Zapps are awesome
Story one I agree with good Apple. Now I can see where if someone would say crab apple because instead of hitting them they could have just said leave and shut the door in their face, but in the heat of the moment I can’t fault him for hitting his dad cause I probably would have done the same thing or something similar.
Story 3 good apple. Husband was a son first. Wife needs to get help and try to repair relationship with MIL.
HAPPY APPLE PICKING DAY 🍏🍎
story 3 id call time on the relationship hes his mom and they are both grieving its toxic
Story 1: Good apple 1,000% as much and as big of I’m a violence is never the answer person I personally would’ve punched him as well. You should never let anyone speak about your child like that.
Story 2: Good apple. You do you boo if you want a Halloween wedding then a Halloween wedding you shall have and no one can take that from you however I wouldn’t have gone about it in this exact way either I’d put my foot down and say I’m not changing it but I wouldn’t have uninvited them
Story 3: good apple you were a son before a husband and are allowed to make decisions to go see your mother whose feelings are valid whenever you want
Story 4: good apple. You can’t help that where you were at had no cell service when she went into labor you have no control over that
I got all good apples
20 minute club
Story 1 good apple. Grandfather should not have called the grandchild a name.
The last story I want to know the job of the guy
Yes abled body people don’t need to use it. I’m also talking to Rebecca , she could have abbreviated the word and bleeping it out. She still said it.
@@Goblue373 wait, did she not bleep it? I didn't hear her say it
She did bleep it out
I quite literally said “beep beep”
Stop trying to cause problems lol I’m not the one to try I’ll mute you from the page
Sending love🩵💙
Block Ferry
Darrin Fort
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Kutch Divide