Woman Leaves her Fiance for DEAD?!?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ต.ค. 2024
- Keep sending me your submissions ( / amithebadapple ) and commenting your votes down in the comment section! I know there are some unable to join reddit, so I have also created a discord for our community to gather. There is a place to submit stories there as well :)
Story number 2. I have an autistic 2 year old. Immediately I was like “no you’re not the bad apple.” Absolutely not. Dad fucked around, dad found out. Mom probably wouldn’t have been able to save the situation and make the kid less miserable, it would’ve just ended up with 2 stressed out parents
I wonder if there's other things going on too. She cleaned up and then put her other child to bed. Sounds as if she's always doing the nighttime chores, maybe he cooks, but it seems like he doesn't help with the children's bedtime.
Yes, but if you REALLY thought it wasn't a good idea, don't let him- especially if that kid is sick. You're just hurting the kid at that point
I have an autistic child who is 8. 100% ESH for me with the parents. Mom wasn't putting her child first. Letting your kid suffer to punish your partner helps literally no one. Neurospiciness aside, a sick child needs to sleep.
@@tilted.yes a sick kid need to sleep, that’s why the father was wrong for allowing her to stay up late. Not only is she neurodivergent and needs a routine, but she is sick and needs to rest so her body can heal. I don’t love OP’s attitude of not caring not helping, but the father 100% is to blame for the child being miserable and therefore difficult.
Also, the child started to be fussy at 8pm (30 minutes after the normal bedtime) and that should have been the moment the father started the bedtime routine, not wait until 8:45pm to put her in the bath. Okay he tried to let her stay up later, but when he saw at 8pm that things were going sideways, at that moment should have adjusted the plan.
As an autistic person father is the bad apple mother is the good apple
Story #4 - good apple IMO. Having been in a very similar situation where someone refused to take care of themselves, I had to come to terms with no amount of care I give is going to change that. The doctor deemed him well enough to go home. He said he wanted to be alone, so OP left him alone. If mom didn't have a key, there may be a reason guy didn't want mom to have a key. It wasn't the ex's place to give it to her. I would think there's actually a legal implication there. Mom being mad that she had to resort to calling the authorites to get him help is out of line. In fact, getting the authorities involved may have been the only way to save his life at this point. It's a sad, sad story, but it's not OP's fault.
I say good apple too. My only criticism of her was I think she needs to cut ties with him. She's sending mixed messages to him and his family.
My issue is that she didn’t communicate to the mom that she wasn’t going to check on him. It’s her choice not to do so, but she should have communicated that to the mother who was very worried, and rightfully so.
@@s.a.4358she did. She said "I declined, because I was sleeping."
@@cathleenc6943 ohhh okay I didn’t catch that. I understood it as she decided against it after hanging up, which delayed the ex getting any help because the mom called the police later after realising OP wasn’t going over. If the mother was aware that OP wouldn’t check up, that is a huge difference to me. Mom called OP, OP said she wouldn’t go over to check on her ex, mom called the police and the police went over there. That means in any case OP wouldn’t have gotten there any sooner or been able to do more.
In that case I do not think OP can be blamed after all and she didn’t do anything wrong. Definitely good apple.
💯
#4. I say you're wrong about this one. I'm going good apple. You're assuming that the mother lives in the same location. If she was so close (in both senses of the word) to her son, why doesn't she have a key to his house/apt? OP broke up with him because of his drinking. But they were still friendly, so I don't think she's holding onto the key for spite. She didn't want to be drug back into his alcoholism situation by going to check on him and it was rather late at night. The mother had an option available and it's the option she took, she called the police for a wellness check. Also, OP shouldn't be downgraded because he tried to drink himself to death. How's she supposed to know that it's not his usual get drunk/mad/sad/pee the bed situation. The only thing I would say, she needs to cut ties with him completely because she's giving him and his family mixed messages.
The mixed messages is what makes me say crab apple
I agree with you. I would have gone crab apple rather than bad apple, or actually, as I think more about it, good apple. My mother's side of the family are alcoholics, and as a result, I don't drink. But I've also had to take my 75-year-old mother to the ER on Christmas night because she fell down drunk and hit her head on a bedpost. It's a no-win situation for those who are family/loved ones of alcoholics.
It's okay Rebecca, Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, we're just happy to have any apple picking day, we understand things in life aren't exactly going your way right now
I don't think about it till she uploads. Just a good surprise. When I get the notification
Has she talked about what's going on and I missed it?
@@peytondonovan9074Yea Um She Is Divorced And Talked About It In A Short A While Ago
@@peytondonovan9074 she didn't give too many details but in an earlier short, she talked about how last spring, she and Avery split up, which knowing how much she loved him, obviously she was distraught and has been struggling ever since
She hasn't shared specifics - and that's her business if/when/what she is ready and wants to share - but on she posted on her Tik Tok that she and Avery have spit.
I completely disagree on story four. If you’ve ever lived with or around extreme alcoholism, you would understand why it’s not your responsibility to constantly take care of them and make sure they’re still breathing every day of your life. If his mom was that concerned she should’ve already had a key or offered to come get it. She wasn’t asking for a key. She was asking for OP to drive over to his house to check on him. That’s why she called in a welfare check. Let’s also not forget this is a grown adult man, responsible for his own damn self. Mom’s probably also tired of the drinking but still cares about her child, which is tragic but there’s not much you can you do. You can’t force someone to stop drinking and they rarely choose to themselves when they’re at this level. I have no sympathy for this guy. Next time there may not be anyone to check on him, and there WILL be a next time. Glad OP finally left. Sounds like she put up with a LOT before getting to that point.
It pains me to hear that she feels guilty or responsible for this. I hope she doesn’t get back with I’m.
I agree with you completely.
Story 2. As bad as letting the 3 year old suffer, if she eventually helped, she would be setting the precedent that she’ll bail him out in the future so husband will feel comfortable doing it again.
I'm thinking by her explanation in the story, he might not help a lot with bedtime chores.
@@janejones7638 that makes it worse. Like sir you do not help then you do this and want me to help. No ma'am or sir, not going to happen.
I agree and I don't really know how she was supposed to help the situation when the damage was already done past bedtime and the kid was overtired. Is Dad really that incompetent of a parent that he can't handle a meltdown and bedtime alone? It just screams that this is always mom's job.
@@taylorpnw612 we all know most children do better with a schedule this is even BIGGER with a special needs child. My son is 11 he's made it clear that he needs to be in the bed no later than 8:40 pm.
#4 Good Apple all the way. It is not the ex girlfriend’s fault he’s an alcoholic and needs a 12 step program. Not is it her fault for finally choosing her line of ‘I’ve had enough and I’m done enabling’, even if the timing was bad. And the fact that she was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted from just being in the hospital with him a short time before probably short circuited her brain to remember she had a key or how to give it to the Mom, is forgivable.
Story 4 the ex gf is not the bad apple or even a crab apple. There is a reason the son hasn’t given a key to his mother. She wasn’t preventing the mother from checking on the son. The appropriate thing to do is to call for a welfare check. The ex set a boundary. She wasn’t withholding anything from anyone. She was holding on to her own heart, health, and sanity. The condition he was found in is horrible but it isn’t her fault. It could have just as easily been that he was drunk, belligerent, and combative and she would have needed emergency care.
The reason the mom doesn’t have a key could simple be that there is no other spare key available, that she lives further away and doesn’t come over when the ex is not around, or another reason that is not related to the ex not wanting his mom to have a key.
But I also don’t think the key argument is relevant because OP having a key should not oblige her to go over there in the middle of the night either .
Story 2 good apple. Boundaries are important. She said I will not help if you make a promise to the 3 year old.
For Apple #4 all I have to say is since his ex has the key to his house then maybe she should give the key to his mom
But she also js didn't inforce the bed time?? If you TRULY think it's not a good idea, don't let him do it to begin with.
@@whatismylifeanymorethey are husband and wife, he doesn't need his wife's permission to let his daughter stay up late. He just needs to accept the consequences of that adult parental decision he is allowed to make. His wife tried to tell him it was a bad idea but she can't, "just not let him," because she's not his boss or his mom.
Welfare checks are not the ex’s job. The mom should have called the police first. Sure, ex should ditch the key, but if you are concerned about someone, call the police first. It’s their job.
Good Apple for number 4. The man baby put himself on a ventilator. She shouldn't be made to feel bad for not intervening in his bad choices.
Story 1: Crap apple, I agree with everything Rebecca said, but also insulting your wife should be a no-no.
Story 2: Crab apple, She could have shut it down but she choose not to and that affected the child. If it just affected the husband then I'd give a little more grace but it not only affects him but the child too.
Story 3: Good apple, He set boundaries, they crossed the boundaries, he put them in their place. Simple enough imo
(Story 3 add-on: Hearing Rebecca even imply saying the f word is so funny to me for no reason-)
Story 4: Good apple, someone's drinking is not your problem, period. He is NOT your responsiblity at all, and she didn't even know herself. Also, why doesn't she have a key?? I'm pretty sure you can have 1 or more keys to a house, so why doesnt she(the mom) have one herself?
Story 4: Good Apple. Wasn’t your responsibility!!! She had the key because she just left him! His mom should’ve called the police BEFORE, or the second she said no to going over there! She could’ve took the mom the key (I would have.) However, I will not fault her for not getting out of bed!!!! IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE FOR A GROWN MAN!!!! YOU’RE NOT HIS PARTNER!!! YOU’RE NOT HIS MOTHER!!! YOU’RE NOT HIS CONSCIENCE!!! HE IS NOT YOUR CHILD!!! HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!! I to my core understand that addiction is a disease!!!! I just feel you are not in the wrong for not putting up with his nonsense!!!!! The Mother is looking for someone to be angry at!!! She doesn’t want to be angry at her son!!!! She doesn’t want to be angry at herself!!! She is taking it out on you!!!!! You are not in the wrong for not going to your ex’s house/your partners house who asked for space. It was not your responsibility!!!! He needs help!! You are not obligated to get him help!!!!! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AFTER DEALING WITH SUCH LUDICROUS BEHAVIOR!!!
17:12 She is not preventing anything! It is not her place! She can be sued or arrested for giving someone else the key! He is not her responsibility! Call 911!!! I’m sorry, I will not blame this woman! I would not have done the same! I still will not put the blame on her!!! It wasn’t her responsibility! He put himself in danger!!! Have we considered the mother enables him?? My grandma is genuinely one of the reasons my uncle never grew up, and keeps going back to drugs. She is toxic herself, and I have seen her sabotage him. His is to the point that his brain has been rewired by the substance abuse.
Story 2 good apple. The child was upset because the dad chose to break her routine. She would have been upset whether mom stepped in or not. Now, dad is aware of the importance of routine. Dad was upset because mom didn’t help. Child was upset because she was up too late. The chances of this happening again are greatly diminished. If mom stepped in, it is very likely it would happen again.
I also don’t like that the dad didn’t switch gears at 8pm when he saw that the daughter was starting to fuss. Why wait until 45 minutes later to put her in the bath? Okay he thought staying up later might work, I cannot blame him for trying something, but there needs to be the awareness of “this is not working, let’s change the plan”.
@@s.a.4358 I was thinking about that. Bath time should have happened as normal. If she was bathed and ready for bed as usual and then was allowed to stay up later some of the meltdown might have been alleviated.
Story 4 did she intentionally hold back the key? Or did she just happen to still have it? Why didn’t mom make sure to get a key when breakup happened? She had to be aware of son’s alcoholism. And, she was sound when mom called, mom asked her to get up and go to the son’s house. Mom should have asked her to leave the key under the mat. Again, she was asleep, thinking of alternative solutions immediately after being awakened is lot to expect.
I’ve never disagreed with you before - you are the most emotionally intelligent person I “know”! However: re responsibility for alcoholic.
1. This is an adult. He is the only person responsible for his drinking and the consequences, which do include death.
2. If his mother is intent on being co-dependent, she can ask him for a key. Why are the women responsible for care-taking this grown adult?!
3. If he is so incapacitated, a wellness check by the police is the best thing. At that point, EMTs are needed.
I was married to a SEVERE alcoholic for 5 years. He almost died several times due to both drinking too much and also for quitting cold-turkey.
OP should not be surprised no one told her he was intubated, but she is absolutely not the bad apple.
I adore you Rebecca, but I feel like we may have fixated on who, other than the alcoholic, is responsible for the alcoholic.
That answer is no one.
For that last story, I can see how leaving the key for the mom wouldn't have even crossed her mind in the moment. Shoot, it didn't even cross MY mind as you were reading it! So I would say soft crab apple because sometimes you get to a breaking point with someone and yea you just don't want to deal with their BS anymore and expect them to be adult enough to care for their self. Also, why did the mom call for a wellness check instead of going their herself? I doubt she would have stopped at OP's house for the key then since she didn't even try to go check on her son, all she did was call.
@@SweetLala25 100% agree with this
Weaponized incompetence is absolutely suspected.
I agree that if MIL had made those comments at a public setting, it would have been awful. But this guy has been attempting to get this gal to contribute even a little bit in the kitchen. The wife has been incredibly disrespectful and belittling to refuse to do so. She needed to be called out in her BS by another adult. It's called, "failure to thrive." Does she plan to starve their future children when he has to work late some nights? We get furious at guys for refusing to help SAH moms and working moms in the kitchen. Equal opportunity criticism is warranted. She had that comeuppance coming. And the MIL made the comments in the privacy of their own kitchen and took the time to give instructions. The wife is a petulant child in this specific incident.
Mom fixed most of our meals. But Dad made sure that we helped him to set the table, he made sure that we helped him to do all of the dishes, pots, and pans in gratitude for Mom cooking such a great dinner for us. He was also capable of cooking some basic meals for all of us when necessary. The wife in the story was displaying zero support nor gratitude.
@@elizabethbottroff1218 i agree with this 100%. If she is doing this now, what is she going to do when they have kids. That's akin to negligence if you can't even feed a child. Especially if he has to work late and can't cook food for them himself.
I have a fiance, and I know how to cook by watching tv shows and watching my dad cook. So i never grew up with the stigma that only one person cooks. My parents both cooked, my dad might have just been better and explained things more. Anyway, my fiance's mom did not know how to cook at all. He is 49 and I am 28. Apparently through his marriage and the 10 years after that (they were also married for 10 years before divorce) he had never really learned to cook. Idk why, ive never asked what went on with all his relationships since he had his wife and at least 3 other girls after that. I dont know. When i moved in he made things that came in a can, from a box, or from the freezer. Lets just say I have made him branch out more and taught him how to cook. I too asked him "how do you not know how to cook? What have you been eating? Didnt you ever watch your parents?" It was just a weird concept to me that he never learned. Lets just say i remedied that and not only taught him to prepare meals, but the different cooking methods and technical talk out there. I am being upgraded to wife status next month!
If it's not weaponized competence I think it's probably not her fault. Maybe her parents never taught her how to cook when she was younger. I think that it's important that she puts effort into learning how to cook, but calling somebody pathetic for something they're not good at to me seems like a great way to make them hate you and not want to be around you let alone want to listen to you teach them something. I know for sure that if I was married to someone who name-called me like a petulant child and wouldn't stop after asking them to I would be divorcing them immediately.
@Skyler-fd3bu he has tried to teach her though and she has refused to learn. At this point I'm pretty sure it's weaponized competence. And that's just sad on her part.
@@Skyler-fd3buher parents not teaching her is an explanation for a teenager or very young adult, not someone who is married. It’s not even cooking, she doesn’t even know how to cut fruit?! To be honest that is so crazy to me that, unless there is an explanation such as disability, issues with her motor skills or coordination, I feel it is almost done on purpose. Using a knife to cut things is something that I feel one learns as a child. Not knowing how to cook dishes is one thing, but not even being able to cut something up? That’s just a normal life skill.
But I do completely agree with you that calling someone pathetic is not okay. I wouldn’t never call my partner names (or at least I hope I never get so angry that I do it) and I won’t allow anyone else to do it either. The mother-in-law is a bad apple for calling the wife pathetic and OP is a bad apple for allowing it. But the wife is a bad apple for her crappy attitude towards making anything edible.
These are written before Rebecca has given her answers:
Story 1=Bad Apple
Nothing wrong with a woman who can't cook. You knew this getting into it. You should defend your wife no matter what. Did you do the vows with your mom or your wife? They say a woman should stand by her man, just like a man should stand by his woman. It goes the same way. Maybe suggest your wife takes cooking classes. Or you teach her to cook. Btw, if you are rude about her not being able to cook, then you BETTER know how to mow. But why should the jobs be gender specific these days. It's 2024 not 1960. Let it go! Apologize to her and just have her back.
Story 2=Good apple!
No! NTBA at all. You warned him ahead of time that letting her stay up was horrible. At 3 they NEED structure. They need a routine. They will be a nightmare the next day if they don't follow the schedule. I get that things come up, sometimes you can't follow the schedule. Then you just play it by ear. But if done on purpose, not a good idea. I even told my own fiance that if our future child is hard to put asleep and he comes *clomping* up the stairs and wakes them up, HE will be putting them back to sleep. Not me. You gotta keep a routine. Especially at such a young age. I hope the husband took care of the child the next day by himself with no help from mom.
Story 3=Good apple
*Before I get into it, LOVE the cat meow censor. That was cute!*
You are the Good apple. You had your wife's back against your family. And remember; you were not being disrespectful, they were. All you had to do was tell them once and they should listen to you. One thing I HATE more than anything is unwarranted advice!!! If the parents don't ask for help/advice, don't give it. Why is that so hard for people? If the mother asked for help, I can see the MIL and SIL helping. But she didn't. So leave her alone. She is going thru things. She needs to go them away from y'all. Especially if you are just making things worse.
Story 4=Good apple
Forget about the mother. If she was worried, she should have called for the welfare check first. You are an ex for a reason. Why put yourself in that position? His welfare has NOTHING to do with you. Everything you did for him, his mom should have done. Why does she not have a key but you do? That doesn't sound right. Something suspicious about that. But I feel you did the right thing. It was his choice to drink that much not yours. If the hospital had issues with him, how does the mother expect you to do anything? What I recommend is to block her number, give the key back to the ex, and never think about him or his family again. Especially forget about the mother. I know y'all are friends, but you need friends who can take care of you along with you taking care of them. You don't need friends who can't reciprocate you taking care of them.
I agree 100% on Story 4. Not many see it our way. I've had to cut someone out of my life because of alcoholism. It's truly hard to help someone who won't help themselves.
For story #1, it was never said that the husband expected her to cook because she was a woman. I do disagree this he didn’t defend her when his mother called her pathetic, but I don’t think this was in any way a gender role thing. Just that she can’t cook, and he is frustrated with it. And unless I misheard or misinterpreted something, he kind of said she refused to cook, which leads to me believe she isn’t even trying to learn to at least help out a little bit. And it’s not as if this was a set agreement that she’d never cook, he tried to get her to help out and teach her-expressing that he wasn’t, or at least was no longer okay with her not cooking.
I think they definitely need to communicant and work out their issues or maybe find a compromise. The wife isn’t completely in the right, but the husband is in the wrong for letting her be called pathetic by his mother
Story 2: I’m autistic I’m going Good Apple even when I’m sick I have to stick to schedule and/or recharge I love that mother that’s correctly advocating for us
Story 2 I don't have an autistic child, but routines are very important especially in kids that young. I think I would have caved and helped for the child's sake mainly because she's sick, but I have no sympathy for that father. He was warned, and he wanted to be the fun parent. He also gets pissed at her for doing the thing she said she was going to do. As for making the sickness worse, no but it's not getting better without rest. As for throwing off the whole week, no but the next night will be harder since children that young don't understand exceptions (why can't I stay up tonight when I could the night before?), maybe a couple of nights, but not the whole week.
Agreed. I wonder if the father has maybe less experience with doing the bedtime routine or even taking care of his children in general. So this would be a great learning moment as a parent, for him. I don’t even mean it in the sense that he doesn’t parent as much, it could just be that the wife’s work hour are less or that she usually does the bedtime routine and the father does other chores. I have the feeling the father was less aware of the need for a strict routine and also how to manage the meltdown. Which is okay, being a parents is also a learning experience.
Story number 2, I don't think she was trying to make a point. I think she was upholding her boundaries. The father should have the ability and the know how to deal with the child at this point. It wouldn't have made any difference if the wife stepped in to help with the child or not. She was already in the throes of tantrums and trying to get her way.
For story number one, this has nothing to do with the actual story necessarily, but I'm visually impaired and also have something called right Hemiplegia which is a type of cerebral palsy, which means they physically can't hold things all that well in my right hand and because I'm visually impaired I can't see all that well, so unfortunately I've never really been able to cut up fruits and vegetables I also can't really cook all that well myself because of my vision impairment either, but I found that an air fryer was a game changer for me, allowed me to make really simple meals as well as heat up pre-pre-prepared meals really easily, but although it's not perfect I found that it really changed things for me with what I was able to cook and allowed me to be way more independent, while I do think that due to my disabilities, it is more likely that the person I end up in a relationship with will be the main provider of food a.k.a. cooking majority of the meals, because I have had some experience cooking, I know what I can and can't make, not to be a dig on this woman or anything, you see it more with men growing up with their parents doing everything for them especially their mum cooking them all their meals where as adults they just treat their wives like their mothers, but it's different to see a woman treat her husband like her father I guess her mother not that I'm saying that's what this woman is doing, it's just I find it hard to believe that she never lived alone in her life, and never had to cook meals for herself, if she did live alone did she always just get takeaways, what about when they have kids and Dad is at work how is she gonna make meals for them for breakfast and lunch? There are so many meals that you can get premade from the supermarket and things like that, as well as learning basic meals like how to make a sandwich or how to make toast etc, I can't use a knife because of my visual impairment and physical disability, but I still manage to cook a lot of different meals and again I'm really try not to shame this woman, but I'm just saying if I can do it then she should be able too, I can't use a knife like I can't use a knife either, but like I said air fryers make cooking so much easier and for most people who aren't visually impaired or don't have any type of disability you should be able to use a stove top or an oven I get that they can be scary or tricky to use, but surely you can just google it on TH-cam search up how to cook something you know search up recipes so I find it kind of hard to believe on this woman's behalf that she can't cook anything, like what does she do during the day when her husband isn't home how does she cook meals so she just go out for lunch every day, like I'm kind of confused there and again not trying to shame this woman at all, just genuinely kind of confused by the first story. As for whether he was right or wrong for not standing up for his wife in front of his mum, I feel like it's justified and I'm gonna say good Apple, only because this woman is a grown adult who doesn't even know how to use a knife, now I struggle to use a knife because I'm visually impaired and have a physical disability and I can't use a knife and a fork at the same time and I can't really hold things to cut properly, but there's no excuse for this woman to not be able to use a knife especially if she has perfect vision and nothing wrong physically, so I think maybe he should've stood up for her, but at the same time I mean what does she do during the day when she wants to make something for herself, I don't know I just found the whole first story to be really weird.again this is purely just my opinion though.
Totally sympathize with your situation, but a physical impairment has nothing to do with this story.
@@juliewarburton2350 Not trying to get sympathy points, just trying to say that even people who struggle with cutting things or with making and preparing food still know how to cook basic things and also that just in general you should know how to cook basic things because there's going to be times in your life where you live alone or where your by yourself or where you have to cook food for other people Like what happens when this woman's children are born and her husband isn't home how she gonna cook food for them if she can't even cook food for herself when he's not there like it kind of gave the impression that if she can't even hold a knife and chop up food what can she cook does she know how to make Toast does she know how to just make any basic thing for herself like when she says she can't cook what does that mean like does it mean at all or does it mean just the basic things, I just found the story to be kind of weird because the way the husband word in it, made it sound like his wife can't cook at all and that to me seems very worrying because does she just get takeaways all the time when she's by herself does she go out for lunch all the time I mean there's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with a woman not being able to cook, but I was just comparing it to win men don't know how to cook anything at all and treat their wives like their mothers and I'm just saying like The new men are starting to learn how to cook and clean for themselves and prepare themselves for when they do go out and live by themselves just even making anything basic is important and that should be the same for women as well when they leave home I get you know some people like me for example I can't really cook so when I do find someone I would like for him to be a cook For me in our relationship but that doesn't mean that sometimes I can't cook other things or more basic things now and again for myself and for my partner or for events where you know there's not that many people or things like that because it's just a good skill to have learning how to cook and clean And do the dishes skills that you do together or person does one thing and one person does the other thing but they are going to be situations and times where those roles need to be switched due to someone being out of town, for example there have been times when my mum hasn't been home and my dad has had to cook for me and my sister or times when You know there's just one parent at home because of work or anything like that so you just never really know what's going to happen and it's good to be prepared even just with learning how to make pasta or learning how to make eggs or you know really basic things that you can make it very easily You just google it and you look up recipes and it's not too difficult and this woman has no physical issues or visual issues stopping her from doing it then she should be able to cook no problem just by looking at a cookbook and you know, if she can't or doesn't even know how to chop food up that says to me oh what happened when she was a child like she never get taught by her mother or her father like how to chop up vegetables and things that she never like help out cooking as a child I don't know it just seems very Odd.
Story 4. Good apple, no if, and or butts. Unless you've been in situations of loving/dealing with an alcoholic, you don't know how draining it is. People lose themselves trying to help the alcoholic. Not only are they messing with their own lives, but they are messing with the lives of the people closest to them. If you can't handle dealing with an alcoholic YOU DO NOT HAVE TO, THEY ARE NOT YOURE RESPONSIBILITY!!!! You can want to be there and help them, but unless they want to help themselves, they are going to make your life miserable
As a person who not only loves to cook but it is one of his hobbies and passions I can say that having a woman that is probably in her adult years that has not ever learnt to cook and literally tries to play the victim when it comes to it of not being able to cook by saying it's not her fault when it actually is cuz he's tried countless times to help her to cook and she doesn't want to and she gets pissed off like a child I honestly think the man could have said it a lot better but I understand his struggles he's a crab apple he's not a bad apple
I'm autistic with 3 autistic kids. Meltdowns are vastly different from temper tantrums, mom knows this. I wouldn't have helped either, she gave her boundaries and stuck to them. Bravo. Good Apple all the way!
Story 2: as a mother, I made the mistake of not keeping my kids on a schedule from a young age. Kids need stability. Especially autistic children. Whether that be because the child needs it to function properly or so the child learns how to cope in future. Breaking routine can, not only cause the reaction we heard about (sometimes due to the stress caused by not knowing what’s going on), but also cause the parents to have trouble in future continuing the routine. It’s hard with kids because we want to do what’s best for them. Sometimes that looks like having an extra dessert after dinner or sometimes that’s making sure they have a schedule to stick to. All dad did in this scenario is make it harder for (presumably) mom to get kiddo to go to bed the next night. Because now she realizes things can change she will start to push boundaries. (Which is completely normal lol) I’d still say crab apple tho because I still would have come out and explained why what I said was going to happen happened and ended up helping because you’re correct, the child isn’t to blame.
Story #4. NOT the bad apple! This partner is the best partner ever. This is the kind of husband that every new mama needs! He needs to keep his own mom and family off of his wife! And he did an amazing job! Bravo sir! Bravo! You are everything that is right in this world!!
Story 2: once tantrums started and dad had a little time trying to manage it, I feel like mum should have helped. You can make the point without refusing to step in at all. Let dad manage for a while but totally refusing to help impacts the very young child too so IMO she should have helped.
Story number 4. You seem to agree that it is no longer her monkeys, no longer her circus, but not when it comes to the not checking on him in the first place. She is his ex and left because of this exact behaviour. She had no way of knowing that the situation was as bad as it was. When it comes to alcoholics it is so nuanced and triggering for many, that I think it is unfair to label her the bad apple. The mum is also a bad apple, she could have asked for the key, but she didn't. The mum asked the one person who had made a choice not to be in his life to go instead. OP shouldn't have even been called at all, let alone blamed for leaving him for dead.
I absolutely love your videos and ESPECIALLY your bad apple and would you believe series!
It’s Applin picking day
Story 4: this is shocking.
I totally agree the issue has many layers. I guess the fact OP still has a key may suggest she’s still a little responsible but he could get other keys cut so others can check on him.
I don’t think his mum was wrong to be so upset. As mum it makes sense she’d feel that way toward OP after this.
I think it is harsh to judge based on the outcome and serious harm that has occurred as OP couldn’t know he was so drunk/unwell.
Last story: This is a nuanced situation, but I would go crab apple rather than bad apple. Many people in my life have suffered from addiction, and I get where OP is coming from. You get burnt out. She’s not a good apple, because if she were she would have left the key for mother in law, but I don’t think refusing to check on him makes her a bad apple. Welfare checks exist for reasons like this. Unless OP is leaving something MIL said out, she had no reason to suspect fiancé was *that* far gone. Hopefully this will be his rock bottom and he’ll finally get help, but I’d definitely suggest OP give the spare key to MIL in case he doesn’t.
I heard the first story from another Redditor and there were more details from the OP in the comments. Apparently he typically cleans as he cooks so she doesn’t do any of the cleaning.
Best way to do it. But maybe, he wouldn't be so angry if he let her have that task.
@@janejones7638 he probably saw and adapted because he saw the neglect for cleaning. Ive seen it, you cook and then youre just wanting to get the things done that you need to and the other person does nothing. So you adapt to clean along the way so that you dont have to worry. Hell, ive had to cook and clean all week now and im tired of it. im usually the one cooking since i make the most delicious meals, but he hasnt been cleaning this week and i have. I am aggrivated, but i am bot touching a single dishe tomorrow. NOPE
Story 1 in the middle of a bad apple and a good apple
That is what the crab apple is for my dear.
For story 3, yes great on him for standing up for his wife. Also, breastfeeding isn’t the best option for some people. And at the end of the day, the ONLY thing that matters (as far as breast milk or formula for the infant) is that the baby is fed as much as they need/want. If that’s the case, then no need to pressure anyone about how the baby is getting fed.
Story #1: I'm going Bad Apple because he never should have married her. He knew that she was never going to cook anything ever or even help him in the kitchen. Blaming her for being utterly and intentionally useless in a basic daily task now is dumb, and expecting putting a ring on her finger would get her to try is doubly dumb. Parents teach ALL your children how to cook and all the other basic daily chores of life. Not doing that makes you a bad parent. Your job is to produce functioning adults.
Story #2: Good Apple. You can't go changing little kids' routines, period. He wanted to be the cool dad which makes her the only one that sets rules and boundaries in the home, and she put an end to that right there. And if she'd helped, he would do it again and again.
Story #3: Those 2 got everything they deserved. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why she wasn't even to try breast feeding. She's on anti-psychotics as hinted at by the husband. That's why her family knew before the baby was even born. Such a Good Apple.
Story #4: Ms. Rogers, one of us got the timeline wrong. I heard that as he sent her away that night, not some weeks after she left the relationship. Maybe I'm wrong. On top of that, there is no info on what exactly his relationship with his mom is. People that far down the bottle usually run everyone off so he may not have wanted her to have a key. I mean she could have had one already unless the gf was adamant about keeping her out. It's a sad situation, but I can't give Bad Apple with how I heard the story. It wasn't like the one where the guy called his gf at the club saying he was seriously sick, and she wouldn't go the 5 minute walk from the club to check on him. This woman didn't know it was bad. And honestly, this guy chose to die by alcohol rather than see it was a problem he needed help overcoming. God knows I've seen that. If it wasn't that night, it would have been another one soon. Crab Apple just lightly.
Story 1: Good apple. I believe that he has been TRYING to help her learn and she is just not wanting his help. It's not like he agreed with his mother or disagreed. He didn't say anything until later. I think it is ridiculous that she is just expecting him to do everything.
Story 2: Good apple. She TOLD him she wasn't going to help clean up his mess. He wanted to let the 3 year old stay up. He decided he was going to still allow it. If he knew that the child was going to have issues, he shouldn't have strayed past her bedtime. That is on him. She did tell him she wasn't going to help. He should have realized his mess at 8 when she started having problems.
Story 3: Good apple. They were warned not to bring up the breastfeeding. They were told not to bring it up and they still did it. He was sticking up for his wife and GOOD FOR HIM. If they can't handle not being allowed to control her and what she does, they don't get to see the baby or you. Good on you hubby!
Story 4: Crab apple. She left because of the drinking, but if you didn't want the responsibility to check on him, why is the key in your possession. She should have given it to someone else who could and was willing to check on him instead.
I agree one hundred percent with your choices and explanations! 🩷
@@christian_directioner16 thanks. A few of these hit home as I'm a mom myself. And my hubby has stuck up for me like this in the past. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't cook. I'm a SAHM and am the primary caregiver to our three kids. If I couldn't cook, or do any of this, that would be bad.
On Story 4, I think the mother doesn't live close by. It wouldn't make sense for OP to have the only key, when keys are so easily made. The mother had the option of calling the police for the wellness check, which worked out for the best. OP needs to cut off contact with her ex, if not she'll have him and his family thinking they can count on her.
Story 2, Good Apple. After mom realized they were having a hard time, what was she supposed to do about it to not let her kid be miserable? She's not the boss of her husband and he insisted on letting the girl stay up late. Unless mom has veto power over dad, dad is allowed to choose to break routine and deal with the consequences. Mom isn't the ultimate arbiter of bedtime and routine. He was told ahead of time that he would be the one dealing with the consequences of that choice. He is a grown adult and can understand what that means.
#1: I suggest OP take wife to some cooking classes, maybe even like couples cooking classes? That would help her learn, and toxic mother doesn't need to be involved.
Having dealt with alcoholic in-laws, I understand not wanting to deal with it. That being said she should have offered the key to his mom.
I don't believe the mom lived close by. She still was friendly with him, so I can't imagine she'd want to punish him.
Story 3: good apple for standing up for wife. Great husband
Story 4. My friends dad had an addiction. He was doing great for a while but then relasped after his fiance left him, and got together with a new man a month after. My friend is the only one who checks on him or picks up the phone when he calls. Shes only 19, and this is a lot for her. If her "ex stepmom." Was in that situation, no matter how upset she was at her ex fiance shed give the key to either my friend or shed give it to his parents. I agree with bad apple, because you have every right to not like someone and have trauma with that person, but i believe it is also your duty to give the only key to open the house to the other family that still associates with the person that wronged you.
Story #1, I am a wife in OP's situation, and my husband is just like his wife. Would OP think I was the bad apple if my mom called my husband pathetic and I didn't say anything, and agreed with it later? I'm just saying... Story 2, the husband should have known better, and now he's learned his lesson, and it won't happen again. If OP had come to help, but said "I told you so" first, no matter how diplomatic, would have caused a fight and made things worse, as stressed as he was, and no amount of help from OP would have gotten the toddler to sleep any earlier.
Story 1 crab apple.
Story 4. Good apple, no if, and or butts. Unless you've been in situations of loving/dealing with an alcoholic, you don't know how draining it is. People lose themselves trying to help the alcoholic. Not only are they messing with their own lives, but they are messing with the lives of the people closest to them. If you can't handle dealing with an alcoholic YOU DO NOT HAVE TO, THEY ARE NOT YOURE RESPONSIBILITY!!!! You can want to be there and help them, but unless they want to help themselves, they are going to make your life miserable. She needs to get rid of that key. He's not her problem. If moms worried she can get her own key or welfare checks are there for a reason
Story 1- bad apple story 2- crab apple story 3-good apple story 4- good apple
Story 3 good apple.
#2As a mom to an autistic child, I would not have wanted to help. She wasn’t making a point affecting her daughter, she was letting her husband learn the why. Her stepping in would not necessarily have fixed the situation. The child was already overtired. If child is a mommy’s girl and dad never takes part in the nighttime schedule then moms help would be needed for comforting child. Or If dad was to the point he had to tap out from the meltdowns and take a breath, that would be one thing. But it sounds kind of like he was just irritated with his wife.
#3- Way to support your wife!!
#4- no- that is an adult, you cannot take responsibility for everyone. I think maybe recommending a welfare check would be the best thing. That is why they exist. I would give the key to someone else if fiance agrees or just give it back. It isn’t OPs responsibility or right in some ways to give the key to anyone else since that key is the property of the fiance
Story 4: but what if he doesn't want anyone else besides her to have the key? If he has this wish, it needs to be respected regardless of what others want. At the same time, she needs to give her key back to him if she doesn't want the responsibility.
Story 4 crab apple.
Story 1 my question is she just pretending that she can't cook?
We can't know for sure but it seems like it. Reminds me of the guys on tiktok who use weaponized incompetence on their wives.
Story 4 I think I agree about the key thing but also we don’t know where the mom lives so what if she lives super far away and can’t come to the gf house to get the key? I also think that it’s just a tad too much to give her a bad apple for not doing anything, she don’t do anything good, she didn’t do anything bad, she just said no. So I’d go crab apple.
I agree with you about the key thing. The mother had an option available, and she called the police to do a wellness check. I said good apple because she set a boundary that she wasn't cleaning up his drunken messes anymore. I do give her crabapple vibes over staying friends with him. She's sending mixed messages to her ex and his family.
@@janejones7638 totally understandable
I'd definitely go good apple on #4. She had just helped him earlier that day. She was tired and asleep. If someone wakes me up in the middle of the night, offering to leave the key under the mat for her would never even cross my mind. His mother also could have asked her to do that, but she didn't. There was no reason that she couldn't have called the police, which is why she did, which turned out to be the right move because they were better equipped to handle the situation than either of them.
Kids need routine, especially for 5 years and under no matter if they are going to school the next day or not. And for kids on the autism spectrum, it’s even more important to keep the same routine so that tantrums don’t ensue and everyone becomes exhausted. I don’t blame mom for leaving dad to handle the toddler to bed time because she warned him and he went with it. Some guys have to learn the hard way so 🤷♀️
The mom couldn't have magically stopped her toddlers' tantrum. Nor should she feel obligated to swoop in to "save the day." I get trying to be there for your partner to parent together, but he fu ked around and found out🤷♀️😂 letting her stay up late and still having regular bedtime routine stuff to do is wild, like i could imagine if the kid was already ready for bed, and stayed up a lil later, but cmon dude.
Story 1: bad apple, mostly for the tone of the post. OP sounds like it hasn’t occurred to him that maybe no one ever showed wife how to cook. He also should defend his wife to mum.
He tried to teach her how to cook multiple times. And sorry but you can learn how to cook by yourself and should at least know the basics as an adult (cutting fruits and vegetables for example). My partner's mom can't cook even if her life depended on it, she lived her whole life on prep meals, but somehow both my partner and his sister are quite good at cooking. It feels like weaponized incompetence, especially if she can't even hold the knife properly. How does she cut her own meal?
And I feel like the tone is coming from frustration and I can understand it but I do agree with one thing, he should ask his mum not to talk to his wife like this and talk to her after to explain why it is important to at least know the basics.
I WOULD take my parents to lunch but this hurricane has other plans 😅
I'm in Tampa. Very rainy and windy in my location. I'm with my mother so we have lunch together almost every day. But she's not in good shape to go out to eat. Luckily, I love blue cheese.
I absolutely the Meow Censor 😂
Story 1 and 2, I’d mostly agree with crab apple. I also think the husband in story one should at some point had a discussion with the wife about learning the basics be able to so something in the kitchen, cue Kendall Jenner trying to slice a cucumber. She’s a grown person.
Story two, children need routine and structure, especially young children, neurospicy or not. The mom could have had a discussion beforehand with the routine and why it’s important. If the dad still wanted to let the kid stay up, he FUAFO
Story 3 is the goodest of apples. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to share their trash opinion. As long as the baby eats, that’s all that should matter
Story 1: I am not much of a cook myself and have struggled with that a bit, my parents have been helping me know some basic things, I usually help cut somethings or prepare fruit and make the juice out of the fruit, I can't cook by myself fully but I can help, so I can see both sides a bit, we don't know much about the wife's upbringing, and maybe she did feel embarassed and insulted but then again the MIL purposely gave her a simple job knowing she wasn't much of a cook and even helped her out, if MIL had kept insulting the wife and had just gone on about how she was pathetic and stupid I would say bad apple, but it was a one comment I would say crab apple, I wouldn't say go knight in shining armor, but just amke sure she is ok and that she understands that the mother didn't fully say it on bad faith.
Story 2: Not a parent but I do see that the husband wanted to do something nice, but at the same time that there would be issues, maybe if they had fully discussed what to do about the whole situation together, because it can go wrong, but the mom not helping just to prove her point umm crab too.
Story 3: Good apple, not a mother again, but the mother and sister are being too insistant and certainly the wife has her reasons and if she is not doing well emotionally then also not bring them up.
Story 4: I get that shw was tired and I have an uncle who has had issues, she clearly cares about him but I think she should have gotten him help and the moment he didn't answered and then the mom called I would be somwhat worried to at least check it out.
On Story 4, if she went this time, she'd have to go every time. She's sending him and his family mixed messages. She needs to cut ties or be there through thick or thin.
Personally story 4 I would say good apple. She's done with the relationship and she doesn't want any part in dealing with her alcoholic ex. There is no problem with that. The mum had other options then to try and drag op into the exes mess, e.g call for a welfare check. There could be multiple reasons why she doesn't want to deal with the drunk ex, but also the main one. Its not her responsibility. Also it sounds like the mum didn't want to pick up the key they just wanted op to go check on the son.
Grabs urns, take your parents to lunch it is 😂 Sorry, dark humor
For story one im going good apple. Cooking is a skill that should be a life skill everyone should have. You dont have to be Gordon Ramsay but basic stuff likr pasta, eggs, knowing how to cut fruits and all that stuff is something anyone should be able to do. I dont blame this guy from being annoyed hes working all day and his wife relaxes all day. What the mom said was truthfull im sorry if that hurts your feelings but what she said is truthful and sometimes the truth hurts. Everyones feelings are so hurt today everyone takes offense to everything. Defending the wife will just keep giving her excuses to not cook or learn how too since she clearly has no intentions too.
Also im a girl saying this just so people won't claim im a guy and that i wont understand.
3. Would we blame a neighbor that had a key. This is a consequence of his actions. It is great he was gotten in time but he and his family need to learn that this is on him and he won’t get better until he wants to.
I actually disagree a lot with this one, I got all 4 good apples here
The only problem I have with what you're saying about the final story about the alcoholic man is if this problem is so severe why doesn't the mother have a key to his house if she wants to make sure he's okay she should have had her own key to the place if she was so worried about him we're not understanding or hearing why she doesn't have one we're only hearing that she the ex partner has a key but we're not hearing why the mother doesn't
Story 1-Bad Apple
Story 2-Good Apple
Story 3-Good Apple
Story 4-Good Apple
If my parents were still alive, I'd take them to lunch. Unfortunately, cancer sucks.
Apple #4: If I had just been woken up to a phone call, I wouldn't be coherent enough to have a conversation let alone even think of a key. So I'm not saying that I disagree with your bad apple judgement; I'm just going off of what I know from my own experience.
Who else likes this channel?
Hi
Not me, j/k.
Nah, I have kids. The dad should be able to take care of her on his own. Mom probably got other things done while this is going on. She had her own self to take care of for the night routine. Dads can do it, hes just tired and upset that he had to. And i wouldnt worry too much, they might get up later the next day, but when the night comes routine will be back
For story 2 I’m pretty sure they said that the two-year-old has pink eye not three-year-old just saying because I heard you say that the three year-old also has pink eye so I might be wrong but I’m pretty sure they said that was the two year-old that does
Cursed! Oh no. 😱
Personally, I think the last story is a crabapple. The only reason I’m saying that is because if it were me, I would’ve said to the mom look I’m burned out I don’t feel like going there. Why don’t you stop by my place and I’ll give you my key so you can go check on him. I would’ve gladly done that if I was in this position but if I was in her position, I also would’ve been burned out and would’ve said no. I’m not going over there. I used to work as a DJ in a bar I saw some things I can understand how somebody might not want to deal with a drunk person all the time I remember when I was 20 and my best friend had turned 20 she wanted to drink a little bit for her birthday I was the designee. friend not driver because we weren’t driving but I was just the friend who is going to drink less stay in a decent state of mind to help anyone who got a little too drunk my friend proceeded to get very drunk go outside and roll around in a puddle, claiming that she was swimming in a magical pond. Well, I had to bring her inside and clean the mud off her give her a shower, take off her dirty clothes, replace them with clean ones because she literally could not do it for herself it was more goofy in that situation because it was my friend and I had agreed to do it beforehand if she got a little too drunk, but I can see her someone would say no I don’t want to deal with this anymore, especially since she left him because of the drinking, I don’t remember. Exactly if that’s why she left I’m just assuming but even if she didn’t leave him for the drinking, I might’ve said no but like I said, if I was in that situation, I would’ve said to the X Beyoncé’s mother if you really really feel that he needs to be checked on. I don’t feel that I am in the place to be able to do it but I will gladly wait up for you until you can get here and I will let you borrow my key so you can go check on him that’s really the only thing I feel like she should’ve done differently in the story because I don’t blame her for not wanting to go and deal with it. I just think maybe she should’ve offered her ex fiancé is Mom the key so that she could go and check on him and not have to call the police and do a welfare check.
Story 1 is crab apple leaning more to good( won't be good, but leaning). In no way would it be bad apple. This story is beyond weaponized incompetence. There's no way to defend the wife who couldn't survive under darwinism unless she's physically or mentally disabled to a point in which that cannot do it themselves. The moms comments are 100% justified. Should anything happen to her son that he gets crippled and needs help, the mom is going to have to be the primary care taker as the wife would probably wander off to find someone else to take care of her.
#1: you may never know that the wife wasn't raised in a good home with proper parents who could teach her how to cook or for all we know she might've been an orphan.
#2: the husband is literally the complete jerk for putting their daughter into bed with them when it comes to pink eye. Seriously that is a big no no and the husband should be ashamed for contaminating the wife who has to deal with the 2 year old during the day and that 2 year old is going to get pink eye.
On the autistic 3 year old, throwing off the routine can affect several days to come even for a neurotypical kiddo. Bad move but at the same time the dad broke from routine and that is on him. For context, I'm a father of 3 kiddos, 3 years, and twin nearly 5 month olds. Respect. the. sleep. schedule. or suffering is your reward :/
Story 1: Obviously he agrees with his mother who raised him, teaching him cooking at the appropriate age. It’s also clear that they have the same view on this hence him allowing his mother to disrespect his wife. He might’ve froze but personally I don’t think he was raised learning the right time and place or maybe even how to say things respectfully which is why he did nothing. So yeah it’s a crab apple because they’re right, but going about it all wrong.
Post when is best for you. Hope you are okay. I enjoyed this video. 😊❤
The ex isnt responsible. The mom called a welfare check. Thats a good thing to do. Thats what it is there for. The ex is NOT a bad apple, she isnt responsible for his actions. The way she went about it was probably do to her being asleep and not knowing what to really do. The mom could have asked for the key, she had every power in her to do so. We dont need to be responsible for thinking of every solution. Maybe she didnt think about it. its not like she didnt say anything about her getting the key because she wants him to die. Its not like she didnt keep the key because its her and she didnt say "Well thats too bad, you can just call the cops." She just said she wasnt going to go over there because she was sleeping. I think shes a good apple.
#4 he can give her a key or mom can get a key herself.
Under a day gang! 👇👇👇
Story 2 I hate stories like this because I find it hard to judge. what if this is not the first time he has done this. Where dad played fun parent and mom had to deal with the consequences. Now this time she was like nope you deal with the consequences. I need those facts to make a proper judgement. Cause if this is the first time crab apple but if it is repeated behavior from the dad then it is good apple.
If this repeated then I'm gonna have to go with bad apple- you are LETTING your husband do that at that point. If you truly don't want your kid staying past their bed time, then don't let them.
Nope dad wanted to be the fun parent and I'm going to guess he probably does that alot and mom probably always has to clean up his mess. Dad made his bed and didn't want to listen to mom so he needs to deal with it so he learns
Ummmm... I would say good apple for the first one... hear me out... he did say he talked about the lack of help in the kitchen from the wife multiple times. And if it's not making a change as the OP says, then another person should put their 2 cents in. Otherwise, I don't think it will ever change... marriage or any relationship is a partnership on both ends, and both parties should be contributing to all the chores around the house.. including meals... if, despite multiple conversations, that change is not happening, a new outside perspective is truly important. Maybe it's just something I grew up with. Both my parents helped out in the kitchen and if one didn't know how to cook the other would either help out or they would call thier parents and ask for help (if it's like a surprise) and from a very young age I was taught the basics in the kitchen like peeling and cutting fruits and veggies. It's basic stuff... it's fine if you don't know how to cook but not even knowing how to cut fruit is a bit much. It's not fair to the husband, and I feel like he has the right to let someone else try and make her understand that it was not ok and not fair to him or herself.
The very idea of bleu cheese sounds nasty imo
Multiple keys can be made or is that a thing so for number 4 I’m going crabapple. But it’s on the ex-fiance to make multiple keys for his mother. Rebecca you are wrong. The guy can have a key made for his mom if that’s what he wanted to do.
12:30 cheers🥰🥂✨💛🍏
Story 1 both crab apples
I find gendered elements in the first and last story that make both Mother's come across to me as internalized, misogyny. That has me reversing those 2 positions. Whereas I would agree with at your assessment, if those were gender switched members of the couple. But I fundamentally don't believe that the mother would Be having a disrespectful objection to a son-in-law that couldn't cook. Nor do I believe that a mother would demand checking on a repeat offender from a son in law therefore I have reversed your badges between those 2. Because the gendered elements make the first one substantially worse and the second one more reasonable for OP to have believed wrongly what she said she believed.
Specifically, in the first story, I would have read about misogyny from open except for his mother as he described. Her reactions was very misogynistic and he did not find it objectionable, which means to me that he has probably removed his misogyny from his description of what was done and merely, including his mother's, because he assumed. That the same behavior from a woman would not be seen as misogynistic.
Story two, nothing. I mean nothing. Would have changed if she decided to step in. It would only be for the husband's comfort. To which he did to himself. NTBA
#4 why wouldn’t the mother ask to come and get the key if she knew that the x had it, it goes both ways if the mother q was that worrried why did she not say "hey I am going to come and get the key”
Under 40 min!!!!!!! Love ur vids!!!!!
I’m the only one agreeing with Rebeca on story 4 in the comments
Normally I don’t respond to these but story four made me upset clearly you have never had that kind of extreme substance abuse in your life this is not on her what needed to happen happened 911 was called he is an addict who put himself in that position it is not her responsibility regardless of keys and such putting that on her is just wrong
You are so wrong, Rebecca!! So wrong it makes me angry at you!
The mother did not ask to go get the key and check on him herself. The mother doesn't want to take care of him anymore, she wants OP to do it. No one else volunteered to be the key holder, that's why she still had the key. It was better for them to call the cops for a welfare check because she had already had to deal with drunken yelling, whi h means that he could have gotten violent if she had gone over there and found him piss drunk and agitated. Also, he's an alcoholic, not a child. If he had wanted his mother to have a key he would have given her one. He likely didn't want the mother to have a key. It would be really inappropriate to give your emergency spare key to another adult's home to someone else without their permission. I would be livid if someone had done that to me. So no, it was not her responsibility to give the mother a key, and it was her responsibility to respect his wishes and hold onto the key for safety and security.
She did not leave her ex-fiance for dead. He was fine when she left, and the mother did not need to bother her and wake her up. That is why welfare checks exist, and the fact that he was found shows that the welfare check worked. Anyone who is guilt tripping her about this is manipulative. She needs to return the key, and suggest he give it to his mother, and then cut off contact with both of them. It is not her responsibility to prevent him from drinking himself to death. It's not even the mother's responsibility, but she is welcome to take on that responsibility if she chooses. It is exhausting trying to help an alcoholic bf, and I know from experience. Get all the way free and tell him you dont want to talk to him again until he has been 100% sober for at least 6 months.
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Apple number one crab apple
Apple number two mom good apple dad crab apple
Apple number three good apple
Apple number four crab apple
1: Bad apple. While I believe cooking is a crucial life skill that everyone should have in their tool box, OP wasn’t constructive with his criticism. He willing tore his wife down, and nothing is more discouraging when it comes to learning a skill than being torn down. He’s also the bad apple for not defending his wife.
2: crab apple. She should have shut it down rather than providing the point at the expense of the child.
3: Good apple. Unless it’s really a risk for the child, they need to mind their own business.
4: Bad apple. Not for leaving, not for going to check on him. But for keeping the key and not giving it to his mom before going home. I understand not wanting to be involved with her ex but I can’t say she handled the situation correctly.
I'm feeling like the mother didn't live close by. OP still is friendly with her ex so it doesn't make sense that she'd punish him by not giving her mother the key. The mother was able to call the police for a wellness check.
"Not for leaving, not for going to check on him. But for keeping the key and not giving it to his mom before going home. I understand not wanting to be involved with her ex but I can’t say she handled the situation correctly."
My question is..why doesn't the mom have a key? I don't think you can only have 1-2 keys to a house, so if the mom needed a key..why doesnt she have her own?