The Myth of Being Behind
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.พ. 2023
- What if being behind is a feeling and not a fact? What if you've done what you've been able to up until this point and there simply isn't enough bandwidth each day to do it all? And if we want to do more but keep falling short, what can we do? We'll discuss this today!
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30 seconds in and I’m crying. I’m not a crier normally but when you said that I’m doing as much as I possibly can, I just felt so much guilt leaving my body! Thanks again Dawn ! You’ve been the best help I’ve had in my entire adult life. ❤
Love that you felt the guilt leaving your body!
What a huge sense of relief, right? You wrote exactly what I'm thinking!
Same girl. same. ❤❤❤
So happy for you!! Dawn is amazing!!! I feel the same way, she will never know how much she has helped me ❤
me too!!
I love this. Our family went through crisis mode in 2020. Our youngest daughter died during a C- section. I moved in to my son-law's home ( just drove home home 120 miles once a week to see my poor husband) to care for the precious newborn and 3 year old brother. I totally understand not having enough band- width to do anything extra. But God gave me the wisdom to use most of my energy to care for the littles. I kept saying- " garbage, dishes, laundry" if this is all I got done, that was all and I was okay.
I love your videos and wisdom.
Becky, I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can’t even imagine. Your SIL is so blessed that you are able to care for his children during this critical time. I agree what you said were your priorities-I used to tell myself as long as everyone was fed, had clean undies, but most of all knew I loved them, that was enough!
Sending you a virtual hug from NC. ❤
I can’t imagine the heart break. That’s why I don’t ever let myself feel overwhelmed over the little things- it’s loved ones that make our life sweet.
Becky I’m so sorry about your daughter. I know i don’t know you, but I’m sending you and your family a ton of love ❤
GDL has been motto since I had my multiply disabled son. Anything else is basically icing!
Oh my. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. What a tragedy. It is amazing how one can carry on in a crisis.
I can already tell this is one of those videos I'm going to need to re-watch every so often. It's exactly what I needed to hear today.
I agree! There’s so much my mind and heart needs to accept and understand.
Me too. Needed this today. Thank you!
Me too 🙌🏾
Me too 💯
Christine, I completely agree! Well said!
My son was listening just now and wants to tell his math teacher that “it’s an illusion that I’m behind”so bad 😂 Love you all! God bless my diminishing mess! I might not be where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be ❤
That is so well said and absolutely my state of mind 🙂
😂
And yes so thankful just for progress!
I have told Homeschool Moms for a decade that your child can NOT be behind in his/her education because education is NOT a competition or a race. There's literally NO ONE to be "behind." We each learn and grow at our own pace. The same goes for our homes. I might not have made as much progress as I'd hoped to make, but it's not a competition to see who has the cleanest, tidiest, most beautiful home. I love that you and Dana talk about only making progress -- and sometimes progress requires tiny steps.
This is the comment I needed to read today! Thanks so much!
Oh my.. so much wisdom.. so well said. Thank you xo
That is the best area to apply this concept!!! Brilliant.
So good!
I 💯 agree! My daughter has health issues and she can complete her work but at a slower pace. We have decided to completely take her out of school and home school her. I really feel that by removing the deadlines and letting her work at her own pace will help her so much. In the school she has been attending they do not accommodate her in the way she needs, even with a 504 plan so we are done. Homeschooling it is and while I am not exactly sure of how we are going to do this I am confident that it will give her what she needs. We are excited for this new chapter in our life. I love the concept that we aren’t behind.
I follow you, Cas and Dana. I’ve read your books. I’ve taken your “Take Your House Back” course. However, I have a disability and am often in pain. I realized that I needed professional help. I hired a professional organizer, Alisha. She came every week for a year. We would work for about 3 hours. We tackled every room and even the garage! She was thrilled that I understood that it all starts with decluttering. That I understood the container concept. That I used a black trash bag. That I always had a donation box going. She said I was ready to declutter, thanks to you ladies. She took things out of the house, the garbage, the recycling, even the donations! She took things where they needed to go.
I'm sorry you're in pain. It's tough. It sounds like you've done some amazing work getting your house under control. Isn't it so much better not having to manage so much inventory?! Dawn even convinced me, a frugal woman, to stop buying extras because they were on sale. I love it.
Oh yes I just made the decision to hire help. I found the person who works well with me on the declutter sessions. She does not do any cleaning, so I hired cleaners to come in and start deep cleanings and this made me feel better about the process to declutter and organize my life. It was a great video.
U invested in your mental health and therefore overall health by hiring a professional organizer! Way to go!
@@MyFocusVaries Me, too!!
I am sorry for your pain and challenges but so happy to hear how you took action and asked for help - so inspiring ☺👌Wishing you all the best from now
No matter how much I get done, I always still feel a bit behind in life! My to-do lists are never-ending 😬 Even when I catch up on the basics, I tend to "make work" for myself, or focus on the fantasy projects I "should" be working on. Loved this video Dawn!
Isn't it silly how we always seem to beat up ourselves? I got 4 kids, night shift work in our taxi (own business) plus a part time day job, I am 52 and studying to become a RD, taking care of all chores in the house and still I FEEL like I am BEHIND. I love Dawn's calmness and explination, I really needed to hear this.
@@fromheadtofood Goodness! If we're actually in a competition, you would be way ahead of everyone!!! Actually, I didn't even enter that event ;)
My friend took a course in "non violent communication" years ago. They learned to try to avoid the word "should" because it is really negative, and re-think the situation where we were going to apply it. I had never thought about it before, but I get it now! Is it something we "would like to" "are definitely going to do" "want to" even "must" do? There's always a different way to think about a situation.
Hi Cass - After watching your video today about sadness and then watching this video, I was going to go back and comment for you to watch this, too. Of course, I should have known that you would already have seen it. Sending good thoughts your way and hoping your time of sadness and struggle will soon be over.
I saw something recently that was really a game changer for me. Instead of thinking about how much I have to do before I reward myself with rest, I know think am I rested enough to do a great job at my tasks today. When I switch it around I realise I am so much more efficient when I start my tasks from a fully rested place.
The other thing I try to keep in mind is to stop shoulding all over myself 😂 should is always a red flag that I’m mistaking an opinion for a fact.
Cass I’m so dreadfully sorry for the loss of your beloved dog Oscar. My dog died suddenly last year and I’ve grieved her passing more than some people I’ve known. Our fur family is so precious. Heartbroken for you and your family. Sending so much love to you all 💕
I have adopted 5 minutes matters as my motto/New Year's resolution. 5 minutes makes such a difference whether it's decluttering, cleaning, exercising, quiet time, reading, sending a text or calling a loved one, sending a birthday card out,etc. Thanks for the inspiration, Dawn!
I love that ♥️ ✨
Wow, are you correct! My hardest part of all of this is just getting started. I can procrastinate for days or even weeks because I just can't begin. But when I can calm myself down enough to do just 5 minutes to get a taste of a cleaning or decluttering project, it's amazing how much it helps. It shows me how long the project might actually take to complete and how simple (usually) or complicated (rarely) it will be.
Yes even "5 minutes" rest on my bed after a long task can take me from frozen overwhelmed, to happily finishing my tasks like cooking and cleaning for the night.
AMEN!! 5 minutes! You can do it!
Love this!
Thank you! I can barely type through the tears! I have been so anxious about being so behind in LIFE! The past 10yrs have been so hard… and now that we seem “out of the woods” looking around at how much I need to do has been overwhelming. Working full time, we struggled with infertility for YEARS… had 3 d&c, an ectopic pregnancy, 2 c-sections that gave me our sweet babies, an emergency hysterectomy, home renovations and in the last 2 years… two very close family members passing and cleaning out their homes…. I’ve looked around in tears of the mountain I need to climb to feel like things are decluttered and back on track. Thank you for these words! For this encouragement! God truly speaks through you!
Sending big hugs xx
We also have had similar struggles. Sending so ,cub love and support. Stay strong! You can do this!
@@L.D.BakesOfficial thank you
@@lucindalandauer1691 thank yiu
It sounds like you've endured some immense struggles. I'm so sorry you've had those burdens to carry. You are so, so far ahead having gotten through them. I hope you take good care of yourself and realize all you've achieved.
I have a huge problem with being overwhelmed! Like, it shuts me down, immobilize me. So, when I feel overwhelmed I just stop. So I developed the strategy of "Just do the next right thing" I find that helps me limit the scope of looming tasks and enables me to proceed instead of shutting down.
Thank you, Gayle for sharing! I have experienced the same feelings where feeling behind and home or work, it is so overwhelming that paralyzed me too. Dawn’s todays video is fantastic, it does give me a new perspective.
It’s good to know that I am not alone.
@@VeroInATL funny that this woman I will probably never meet put words to how I have felt for a long time!! God has really blessed me through Dawn! We are not alone, I suspect we are practically a union! Be well!
I’m the same way - I see a big pile and freeze. So I just take one thing - an easy item- and put it where it belongs; then a second thing and so on. Chipping away at it even just a little gives me the inertia I need to keep going.
I’ll use that montra, thank you. Just do one thing. ❤
Being disabled but also looking after others in our family has left me feeling behind but you know what, I accept I can only do what I can even if it's just minimal it's something xxxxxxx
As someone with a chronic illness that has immensely affected my bandwidth - I had to give up my career - this is exactly what I needed to hear ❤️
I love this! I would have never thought of “fight, flight, or FREEZE”. Sometimes I get caught up in a time when I just don’t want to do anything and that’s exactly it: I am frozen. I am frozen because I have used up all of my bandwidth and I need to recharge. Thank you for doing the reading and sharing what you have learned with the rest of us that don’t have the bandwidth to go out and find the articles or books ourselves. You are such a blessing to this community, Dawn!❤
Yea, I never thought of it as that either. Never been much of a fighter, & cannot afford to fly, so I’ve remained frozen for years. However, I never miss a chance to flee, whenever the opportunity arises.
I agree 100%. Thank you Dawn❣
Being paralyzed equals FREEZE!!!
Cutting myself some slack for not being 100% on top of things has been rough sometimes. But two things happened this weekend that made me feel so good for the progress we've made. 1-A plumber looked under my kitchen sink and bathroom sinks and I was so happy how decluttered and tidy they were. 2-my husband cleaned the barn (we use it like a garage) and we got some unused stuff out and sold. Progress is fantastic!
You know what can be fun? Ask the plumber (or other tradesman) to describe the worst, best, or craziest situation he has had to work in. That takes the pressure off you both, when you can say welcome to our mess and we're glad you're here!
Thanks Dawn, I'm a psychotherapist and I sometimes work with people struggling with hoarding. You did a great job breaking down how overwhelm triggers our nervous systems! X
I love that you say "Some friends don't understand why I talk about throwing things away." That is so much warmer and more inclusive than "viewers" and really highlights why I love your content so much.
This is such an important message. Normal life is a more or less messy business for most people. Very few have Instagram pantries and literally no one has everything crossed off their to-do list. I think our expectations of ourselves is so often completely unrealistic.
THANK YOU! I'm a teacher and can walk in fresh on a Monday and "feel behind." This spoke to my heart.
I have felt “behind” my whole life! And I’m 72 glorious years old!🤣 I lost my husband 5 years ago, 2 years later I finally retired and sold our business (huge relief), and along with some home remodeling, I’ve been decluttering and organizing, downsizing ALL my stuff. (Living in the same house for 35 years!). I have completed so many projects. I also have arthritis and had to have a shoulder replacement this summer (so thankful for that).
I watched this video and immediately gave myself an 8 on being behind….still…..AFTER 3 years of actively decluttering. We would have celebrated our 50th anniversary this year. But sadly, that will not happen. It came to me this week that, celebration or not, I did get married and start a home 50 years ago. That’s a long time. It is understandable I would have a lot of stuff accumulated in 50 years, 2 children, 7 grandchildren…….the milestones go on and on. But all of those events, and some of that “stuff” created the “tapestry” of my life. And I don’t need to feel ashamed of those things.
Thank you for reminding me I am not behind. Maybe I am a 5 on decluttering….but I’m right where I need to be in life, and so grateful for that.
I haven't even finished the video, the introduction had me in tears! A Stroke 4 years ago, changed me in so many ways!! Last year, 2022, my Dad passed away, proud to say he was my best friend my whole life, 65 years! Also, my best friend of 15 years, suddenly passed, also my Dad's sister, such a loving Aunt passed 2 weeks after my Dad. 5 months into the losses of these beautiful people I no longer have and the grieving is so heavy!! Thank you for this video!! ❤️❤️🙏🙏
I am so sorry for. Your dad , passing. Friends , aunt. Let Jesus be your friend now thru this time. He loves you .
Thank you so much!! I certainly have had to turn it over to God, daily! The burden of grieving is too much. ❤️🙏
AND I needed that video on just throwing things away! I’m so indecisive and crap just sits until I can get it to the perfect place. NO MORE. My mental health and family are too important. I’m done suffering, out with the old junk and in with the new me! Thank you Dawn ❤
I finally realized that Dawn was sharing that many of us just needed permission to let it go (toss it). I realized the money is already spent, people are only willing to pay what they think is is worth and most want it for free. Hauling it away and donating may be too much for some of us.
@@pameehanson3866 Absolutely. It’s all going to end up in a landfill somewhere. Just make sure that your home doesn’t become a landfill. The best thing anyone can do for the environment is to stop purchasing stuff that is not vital.
I absolutely agree that sometimes you need to just throw things out. That is really a solution for me at times when I’m overwhelmed. I will sit with clutter around that is decreasing my quality of life just because I can’t find the politically correct way to pass it on. Sometimes I have the energy for that but when I don’t just being free to toss things out on those occasions to get me started is gold
The video last week was a huge light bulb moment for me. I spend so much time trying to figure out the perfect place for something that in reality I just need to throw it out. I did my laundry room last weekend and it looks so much better now! Dawn is a life saver!
I have felt like the most unproductive lump since having an awful, roll-over wreck on the 9th (with all six of my kids). We're unhurt (vehicle is totalled with only liability insurance) but I feel like my brain has been completely scrambled. All our routines have gone out the window. I can hardly think of the next thing to get done. Thank you for this reminder that I'm in fight or flight and need to realize my capacity is very minimal. I'm not behind, I'm right where God wants me to be (which is, miraculously, ALIVE considering the wreck!). You're always encouraging, Dawn!
Wow Dawn, I love this. I am 44, brought up in an Irish Christian farming family with a strong work ethic, and no one has ever said this to me before. I always punish myself, 'freeze up' and feel lazy if my to-do list is not moving fast enough. Thank you for explaining so clearly that we are all just moving at whatever pace we can manage in our given circumstances, and that we don't need to be held prisoner to feelings of failure. I really hope I can carry your words with me to ward off the overwhelm and be free to live. ❤️
The title for this week got me 😭 in a massive period of transition and unprecedented life stuff. And definitely been questioning how I should be best doing life right now.
However the one thing I don't have to worry about is clutter, because over the last year your videos have helped me remove all that excess baggage and find freedom. I hate to think how much worse this time would be without having done that work, so thank you so much for your encouragement.
Also just want to share that I did no Big Declutters at any point, it was little and often and looking back that was actually the best way, not only to not get overwhelmed because it helped establish a habit. If I had just 'one and done' it would likely be a whole year until the next time and wouldn't have kept those decluttering muscles strong. So have heart if you're at an earlier stage ❤️
*hug* I feel it
The last few years have been HELL. Not just the pandemic which is a mess in itself. My husband’s sister passed away and we’re guardians of her son. He’s about to move away now so it’s like… overnight parents to empty nesters in 2 years :0 I lost my job shortly after we took him in.
And I’ve been struggling with EBV for almost 3 years, chronic and acute stress can activate that infection and it just sucks.
When my husband and I can declutter, we feel so good with the result. We do a little at a time and that’s enough. We were able to buy a house and in the move we got rid of SO MUCH in the span of several months. But the rest we put into bins so it’s out of our living space at least and we’ll get to it when we’re able.
Keep hope and at least keep some sanctuary in your home to feel peaceful
I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m praying for you.
Holy cow- you're stalking my mind - I feel burned out, Dawn swoops in with Burn Out Video, I get overwhelmed and behind, Dawn appears with this one 😍. You are truly a gem and way better than any other minimalist guru out there and I've watched most of them.
Thanks Dawn! After 26 years of having an in home daycare, I am closing my doors in a month. I am definitely at a 10. I keep thinking of all the things I need to go to get done. The more that goes on the list,the less I seem to get done. Now, it makes sense.
I like to think of the stuff I need to do as something that’s ahead, that I’m walking towards. Not something I’m running after and can’t catch up with. It’s not moving so I can choose to take as small steps as I want, prioritise and walk my way through. I feel that the change of perspective helps me. Thank you Dawn for everything ❤ Love from Norway
We can totally still be friends. I understand where you're coming from with the throw-it-away method. It makes me uncomfortable, but that's okay. When has survival not been uncomfortable sometimes? No one knows what anyone is trying to survive on the inside, and a little ease goes a long way.
That said, this video today was just the message I needed to hear. I spent most of last week decluttering my fabric stash and every day around 4pm I could feel myself zoning out. How useful to understand that reaction as freezing. Sewing got me through my PhD -- all seven years of it -- so having to let go of unrealized projects and plans really means letting go of the person I wanted to be: a successful academic who was miraculously insulated from the dehumanizing parts of that professional environment. And I'm not that person, either academic or successful. So, lots of grief.
And yet. I'm working to finish a quilt I started a few years ago while I watch your videos. It's a nice middle ground, to finish this one thing that has taken forever, and learn from you, and move on. I read somewhere recently about when we're surrounded by past things, then we're surrounded by our past selves, with little space to live in our present selves. That's why I chose to finish this quilt; everyone needs a something cozy to pull up when it's terrifying out, to help remind us what we can control. We can't control our bandwidth until we understand that we have it in the first place. Rock on, Dawn.
I am 61 and watch your videos daily for motivation and encouragement. As I send boxes to donations I realize this is a process. Who knew!
“Throwing things away” has not frustrated me- thank you Dawn for caring about every single person. Love your content- as always. 💕
Hi Dawn, when I switched over to doing tasks in small increments (decluttering, chores, projects) is when I became more consistently successful and not overwhelmed!
Dawn, you have changed my life. Fellow Minnesotan. I was always “behind” since following your tips and tricks. I have been Decluttering the last 18-24 months. I actually want to cook at home, dishes are done, and not stressed out about stuff
I can't tell you how helpful this is to me! I'm homeschooling 4 kids, and pregnant with baby #5, and the exhaustion has hit hard lately. I feel at a solid 8 in the overwhelm. This video just helped me to reframe and recognize reality, and not feel stuck. Thanks, Dawn...you're a lifesaver! 🤗❤️
About a 3.5
I've been a fifteen minutes at a time, + do it now for five years. What a blessing!!
First of all, the "three item to-do-list" has been the best method I've used to get things done. It works so well for me.
Second, I just listened to a sermon on Jesus parable of the talents in Matthew 25. Your message reminds me of that - the servants are given different amounts of talents according to their ability and were rewarded according to their faithfulness. We do not all have the same capacity in life and the Lord wants us to be faithful in the small things. As we are faithful in little things, He is training us to grow and mature so that we can handle more as time goes on. We would be wise not to compare ourselves to those who have been entrusted with more or less than us, only encourage each other to be faithful with whatever talents (or capacity) we have been given. THANK YOU!
This brought me to tears, I so need to believe this. And as a homeschool Mom, I have yet another layer of guilt for feeling behind. Thank you for this post!! And GIRL!! :) I'm that person that needed to hear "just throw it away" 😉-Rachel
Lately I have been reevaluating my life. I'm a stay at home mom, but I don't want my life focus to be housework. I haven't made cleaning a priority lately but I do things as needed or when I feel like it or I feel like it would bless my family. I have been taking time to focus on my inner self and grow closer to my inner self trying to find what truly brings me joy and rediscovering my inner child. I had given up a sense of play so long ago I realized and am rediscovering a curiosity for life. It has been a long journey and I still have a ways to go. But I am trying to seek happiness and gratitude in everything in life. Life is about so much more. I believe we are where we are meant to be in each moment in life. Thank you for the reminder we are not behind. Everything will work out perfectly in the right moment.
I will try to focus on the reward or visualize something done and how it feels. Sometimes it enough to make me feel better that day to do just a load of dishes without doing them all. But I do that for how it makes me feel better. I am always aiming for only good feelings not drudgery.
We are where we are meant to be. Thanks for that.
I LOVE this message! I realize now that I was stressed out yesterday about not reaching certain expected milestones by a certain age. It didn't make me lazy yesterday, it put me in a "freeze" mode. Thanks Dawn!
I feel like there's a really delicate balance here. We shouldn't use "I didn't have time" as an excuse to do less than we're capable of, but we also need to be gentler on ourselves when we can't live up to our often-impossibly-high expectations.
I love your channel Dawn! Every time you say “I love you” at the end of the video I say it back♥️
I love Melanie from A Hoarders Heart. ❤️ Great video. And message. Start where you are the past is the past. The future is the future handle what you can today.
I've been reading through the comments. Wow, what an amazing community of followers. You are a good person and you attract good people, Dawn. Such a great message.
This is a good one to watch over and over again. I very much needed this today! The part about capacity is hard truth. I think so many of us, especially moms, feel like we should we be able to move mountains every single day, and we get frustrated that we aren't superhumans who work without tiring. I especially have been struggling with "freezing" in a way I have never experienced in life. I get so overwhelmed with tasks that I'm like, I will never get all of this done in this lifetime, so I procrastinate until a deadline creates enough panic to move me to action. I hate the feeling that life is running me instead of me running my life. I'm praying that I can apply my decluttering principles to my schedule, my thoughts, my commitments, and my to-do list! Great message Dawn!
This gives a whole new meaning to "Flux capacitor". I think we all have one, and it changes with the season, pressures internal and external, finances, stress, and even joyful things like the holidays.
Thanks for sharing, dawn! I needed this today
Sometimes we only have .21 gigawatts, not 1.21. 😉
I really appreciate all the points you’re making. I’ve been feeling behind, and for Pete’s sake, I’m retired! I can do what I want when I want, but I’m so conditioned for productivity that it’s going to take me awhile longer to get it! Thanks for your vlog!
Thank you so much! I am 71 years old and I bought my first home ever. Moved from a 3rd floor apartment and could not handle the up and down. Was not able then, but I am on one floor now and I am dispensing with much clothing and things. I want to manage less and enjoy life more, including my hobbies of crocheting and sewing. I now have my hobby items in cubes with lovely linen boxes. I will be sorting through much of it soon to dispense with more. I have a photo, garden, hobby sections of my home that are being dealt with a little at a time. This way I don't have such an overwhelming feeling. I give myself grace to get to it. Right now, clearing my walk in closet is a priority. I do not have a garage or shed, so it does look like I am moving, but this time, it is for my own peace and happiness. I do have 2.5 acres of land, and a beautiful view of the Rocky Mountains. God is so good to give me what I always wanted, to be in the country. Who knows, I might get some chickens or goats! God Bless You and Your Lovely Family!
Meditation reminds me of this same thing; the fastest way to get to where I want to go is slow! Great video , thanks!
this is a good reminder that we base so much of our lives off what/how others are doing that we think we're behind bc they seem to have it under control.
I didn't see the question in the group but I was thinking 8.5!! Haha I love that you're basically saying this is really a feeling and not a fact. I wasted my kids' childhood years because I always thought I was behind. Now I get it, and would love to help other young parents understand this deception!
Ladies at my church have encouraged me to show myself grace with three kids under five. I'd go insane if I didn't have regular reminders to soak up the good moments in the middle of the chaos. I'm grateful for generations of women encouraging me to enjoy my little kids knowing that the important stuff will get done by somebody.
I feel like anyone who has a health issue(s) that depletes/eliminates their energy needs to hear this message.
Very thankful for this video!
When you quoted the article I literally started crying. It helped me realize what was going on. I was in a state of Freeze. We are supposed to move in three weeks and I just found out, and was feeling so overwhelmed that my body went into a state of Freeze, and I wasn't getting a single thing done, which was overwhelming me more. Thank you for this video, so that I could recognize what was happening. I'm going to use the tips and move forward.
Needed this today! When I heard there’s going to be a blizzard, I felt relief that I was going to be unable to leave my house! Then I listened to this and got an “aha” moment. Thank you, Dawn.
Same here. When there’s bad weather and I have to cancel plans I feel relief.
Your video was so healing . Seriously , because I’m on my minimalist journey since 2021. Sometimes I felt like years before “ I failed” because I had a cluttered house. Truth is, I’m a mama of 4 and have two medical children. My bandwidth was very limited and I was exhausted . I’m going to forgive myself and give myself grace now.
I truly needed this ❤
This blessed me 😊
Dawn, I love how you read and research different subjects and they inspire you to talk about and share your insights and thoughts on these subjects which then allow us to rethink our perspectives sometimes. What a vibrant, inspiring, and wise person you have become! Thank you so much for sharing. :)
Ugh! I ALWAYS feel behind, I I’ve got a Child on a vent due to Muscular Dystrophy that Is bed ridden and needs total care. I struggle knowing when I can take time away from her, to do the things around the house that need my attention. Some people make it look so easy, taking care of the daily chores, but I keep telling myself that my circumstances are totally different, and I have to make sure my daughter is my main concern. Like right now, I’m watching your channel and I don’t have the “Bandwidth” to get up and do what I need to do. Lol
Join a special needs moms group it is a real blessing
Being a long term caregiver is already enough and then try to think we have enough energy to do all the other things we think need to be taken care of this video helped me get over that as never thought about my bandwidth....I would use that to take care of my hubs vs house work and decluttering any day....
Joni Frizzell, are you aware that your child is most likely eligible for nursing care (RN or LPN-depends on what state you live in) because of being on a vent and total care? The purpose is to give you a break. The nurse takes care of your child in the home for certain amount of hours (usually 8 hours) for a certain amount of days per week (coud be daily). It is paid for by Medicaid. Every state has different Medicaid amounts of approved nursing in the home, but children usually have more benefits than adults nursing care wise. Ask your child's doctor to order nursing care in the home. You may need a social worker to help you apply for Medicaid or may be able to do it yourself. I am retired and was a RN and Nursing Supervsior for a home care agency that that provided nursing care in the home for children and adults. Hope this helps!
I seriously needed to hear this because I always feel like a mother's work is never done. But I think what is great to remind ourselves daily is that we can "restart" whenever we darn well feel like it instead of beating ourselves up for trying to live up to mythical expectations that we set for ourselves or that others set for us. Love your channel for years now, Dawn, I love the down to earth nature you bring to us all. Thank you.
I remember in my early years of parenting trying to lower my expectations. On a day where everything fell apart, I'd say it was a "bums and mouths" day - I only focused on diapers and potty trips and feeding. Looking back, I guess I was managing that 'falling behind' feeling. Thanks for helping us manage our "too-high" expectations.
I came to this point partway through my postpartum journey with my first child, only I wrote it out as: define “winning” as a mom. If I had eaten, my baby had eaten, we had both slept, and she wasn’t in a poppy diaper, we’d had a successful day. That allowed me to start improving from a place of safety instead of constant distress
You know who makes us feel behind? Stores! Valentines just ended and my stores have Easter stuff (and bathing suits) out. Its -7 today for me. And Easter isn't until APRIL this year. To go along the with your usual advice to us, Dawn, marketing DEFINITELY makes me feel behind.
As someone with a TBI I can get into the mindset of always feeling behind. I love the advice you gave. Pace, plan and acknowledge my bandwidth each day! Thanks!
Excellent content, Dawn! So important for us to hear in today's culture that focuses on "doing it all" (juggling a lot at any given time), productivity, "giving 110%", multi-tasking, etc. We're only human & I've come to accept that "feeling behind" is a reality of our times, both in my personal life & my work life. I try not to see it as reflective of any shortcomings on my part. The truth is, the day I stopped feeling behind in my job was the day after I retired from it! It doesn't mean I wasn't good at what I did. The important thing is to prioritize what's most important & focus on those things first, with our limited time & energy. The rest can carry over to another day & some of it may turn out to not be necessary after all.
This was an excellent video! I totally agree, feeling behind is based on arbitrary expectations that really don’t make sense. There are new emails, dirty laundry and dishes every day and we do what we can. I ask myself: is this a life or death situation? Will this matter 5 years from now? If the answer is no to both, cut yourself some slack.
Thank you!!
Our household philosophy when throwing things away is by bandwidth and quality of item… no guilt:
-Donate items if possible
-Recycle / Compost (if organic matter)
-Trash
We donated over 400 books to the prison - it was a huge effort and as we started other people wanted to piggy back. Our limit was the space in the car. We hope to do it again later this year. But other things? When we don’t have the capacity to mess around with donations and it’s not honestly worth donating anyway (or selling guh which we’ve only done for classic video games and band t-shirts which made some money), we throw it away. No guilt or shame. We do what we can when we can.
Dawn, thank you for teaching us to allow room for grace in the day to day. Life is so much better with it!
I needed to hear this. I feel this perpetual feeling of being behind. It feels mind bending to consider the idea that I might not be behind after all.
I followed your trash day quick declutter list yesterday and I filled half the garbage can outside before the trash truck came by! Baby steps are better than none, that is for sure. 🥰
Getting a brain injury from an auto accident has forced me to live within my available energy level. If 1 day I can only do 15 min of labor (brain or physical) so what. I made progress.
YES!!!!! A million times YES!!!!! THANK YOU for putting this out in the universe for so many to hear!!!
Amen !
"The time is going to pass anyway" BIG Impact. If I took nothing else from this video. I am happy to part with just that. Thanks Dawn ... Glenda
Dawn I love this!! So needed for me right now. Trying to deal with husbands mental health issues and the domino effect it has. This video made me feel so good!! Yes yes yes❤
How blessed are you with your mentor group!! That’s so amazing that you have one!!
This is a keeper. When you are the age that you clean out your parents or grandparents homes and bring things home, the feeling is overwhelming. Paying for storage facilities to house this massive inventory because your home is filled with adult children, families and their possessions the feeling of being behind is perpetual. 12 years worth. Just the money spent on storage we could have bought a new car, remodeled the house, etc. FREEZE is our reality!. No fight, nor flight here, I'm in the frozen kingdom. I was just explaining this to my husband, he wholeheartedly agreed. I'll review this video often. As always, Thanks Dawn!!!
I like the idea of ‘5 minutes matter’ and have been using it to keep on top of tidying. It works 👍. One of the many catch phrases I have gotten from you Dawn. Another fave is ‘the silent to do list’, which is getting smaller in many 5 minute increments. 🌸
Thanks, I needed to hear this today ! Had a flat tire this afternoon and couldn’t do what was on my to do list, it was emotionnally draining so no energy left tonight… but nope, I’m not behind, I’m where I could be given the circumstances !
I’ve developed so many good habits in response to Dawn’s encouragement, and lately I’ve been kicking it up a notch. Instead of vegging out all evening after work, I eat dinner, relax a bit, then I have a timer set to spend 30-40 minutes making my breakfast and lunch for the next day, finish resetting the kitchen, and doing any other tidying up. I have another timer set to do my exercises, and another timer set for reading a book.
I feel like I'm at a 5/10 right now, and it's higher than it has been for years. So grateful that I'm slowly allowing myself to release expectations in order to allow myself to heal and rejuvenate and take care of just the most important things.
Thank you! I literally just walked outside away from my kids and mess because I couldn’t handle it all. I needed to hear this and I calmed down right away!
As a person in long-term recovery from significant illness, I can confirm that this is a serious concept. I keep putting pressure on myself to be able to achieve much, much more than I can actually accomplish because I keep remembering everything I used to be able to achieve before I got ill.
What I’ve realized ……..finally at the age of 58 going on 59 and no one cares if you have dishes in your sink and laundry is not done. All the times I thought people might be judging me they weren’t. Ok maybe possibly 1% and why do we care what 1 % think. No one is thinking these things we think they are lol! If you feel better having the laundry done everyday good, do it for you not others!! 💜
People think I'm weird for saying that most people are too busy worrying about their own lives and their own problems, they probably don't think about me much at all. But it's true, and it's so freeing when you realize that. I have always been socially awkward, but was much worse as a kid, until I figured this out. Not having to feel judged all the time really makes everything easier.
So true. It's only now in my mid 50s that I think about the people I know who I feel that I have to go change my shirt and put on eyeliner before they come over, then I think, "I guess they're not really my good friends."
@@MyFocusVaries so true!
Dawn! I loved last weeks video!! It is important because if you wait with doing something perfectly you might never get the project done. Buy just getting rid of our junk no matter the means by which we achieve it, it gives us traction and momentum. It is like a baby step for all those Ramsey fans. Love your content!!! Be encouraged and I pray one day we get to meet. You have no clue the blessing you have been to me and my houshold.
Dawn - I want to THANK YOU for last week’s video!!! Thank you for giving me ‘permission’ to simply throw stuff away. I had a BLAST going through the house and grabbing the low-hanging fruit, shoving it all in a black bag - with zero guilt! Because of you!❤️ I have a husband with whom the simplest unneeded object requires a discussion: Maybe X will want it, or we could clean it up and recycle it - or maybe Y could use it. . . YIKES!! He makes me crazy because I have never lived in such a cluttered environment before we married 20 years ago. When I put something in the bin, I will later stumble upon it piled up on something in the garage! He edits the trash!! He is on the hoarding spectrum, I am sure. But I intend to carry on doing this whenever I can! I still donate nicer things and try to sell valuable things - but I now have no compunction to simply get rid of it!! I cannot tell you how much lighter I felt that day. All you videos cheer me up and give me motivation. And TODAY’S was supreme. I‘ve been functioning on a ‘low-power mode’ for a long time and thank you for pointing out the psychology of that. You ALWAYS make me feel so much better!! Love & hugs!🙋♀️👏👏👏🥰👍‼️
This rings as true as your Silent To-Do List video. Thank you!
I So needed this extremely helpful information!!! We moved almost 2 years ago now and ever since we downsized our home with plans to add on, we have been stuck “frozen” apparently! So many setbacks and so many projects and plans to where I am stressed beyond measure with the feeling of never ever catching up or being able to handle it all with 7 children in a house that is less than perfect. This is going help me de-stress and act on things instead of wanting to crawl back in bed in hopes of waking up from a nightmare. ❤
I totally needed to hear this today. My house feels like a massive disaster due to the weekend and kids being out of school. Now the baby is fussy today so not much is getting done. I was just looking around and thinking "what is wrong with me why can't I get this done?" Will the things get done? YES! I am just in a difficult season of life. The baby will only be a baby for a very short amount of time. Will I remember this mess a year from now? No but I will remember snuggling my son on the hard days. So glad for your videos ❤
Such great perspective! I'm glad you're learning this now! I wasted too much time not enjoying my kids because I always felt behind. Comforting your fussy baby will never be something you regret, but not comforting her could be. 🙂
Thank you for this! I think about this too often. Once again, you've given me another more realistic and self-caring way to think about life.
FYI, I introduced your channel to a friend of mine in Wales, UK. She found it so helpful, that she introduced her mom to The Minimal Mom, and now my friend's mom is also LOVING your help. Best to you and your family.
Perfect. After a year of just a little decluttering everyday I have definitely noticed myself on the lower end of the scale. It does feel good.
Also I was totally fine with last week’s video. I had to do that a lot. Sometimes it wasn’t worth the extra brain power to figure out how to get rid of something a “better way” than trashing it. I think that just depends on how much bandwidth you have if you don’t have enough maybe just using the trash can can help….
I LOVE your permission to just throw stuff away - such liberating advise! Does that mean I just toss everything ruthlessly? No of course not. It just means that I am in charge of my decisions (and my stuff isn't) and that I take control of my mental health. Love your inspiring channel!!!
The timing of this couldn't have been better. Just a few seconds into this and I started crying. It is like you read my mind and my heart. Thank you for your encouragement.
Hi Dawn. Amazing Video and idea. its therapeutic to watch honestly.
I want to add one thing in defence of actually throwing things (clutter) away like you mentioned in the last video. A huge benefit that I see is when I do go ahead and give myself permission to just throw away a subpar quality thing that I have been holding on to with the guilt of cluttering up the planet, I find it serves as such a big DETERRANT for me to buy such a thing next time, which is way better way in my opinion to combat growing pollution on earth. rather than me keeping it out of guilt of not 'properly disposing it off" and then I end up buying more due to stress that a cluttered space causes for me. If that makes sense.
I think people who misunderstood your perspective with that could be the ones still struggling with buying new stuff on impulse. for me biggest benefit of decluttering has been , me not buying as much anymore in order to not clutter up the house again..
Thanks again for your great content.
Thank you ❤ I have complex ptsd, I am always in the 4 F’s( fight, flight, freeze, fawn). I get triggered and overwhelmed very frequently.
Thank you for posting this Dawn, it helped ❤
Thank you Michelle for this comment, it help me remember that my doctor didn't diagnosed me with (complex) PTSD without a cause
Thank you so much for this video. I have recently been diagnosed with a chronic health issue that has been really hard to swallow at only 27 years old. I have been wearing myself out over the years always feeling "behind" and pushing myself to "catch up" and I think that has made my health worse than it should be. I begin my journey to recovery mid-April and I will keep these concepts in my heart through it all. I really needed this encouragement today. Thank you so much Mrs. Dawn. You are such a blessing.
Please don't ever apologize or feel bad for offending people who don't understand what you are doing and teaching. What you do is nothing less than a ministry. It changes destinies. And this is an understatement. God bless you and give you strength and courage Dawn.
I thought of you today as I finally let go of a quilt project that I had no desire to finish. Thanks for the permission to let it go.
Thanks for the encouragement. I just wanted to say that I'm with you 100% on throwing it away. Yes we need to be good stewards of the earth, but the environmentalists have every one in a panic that just is also somewhat misleading and I don't want to base my life decisions on fear so thanks for also freeing up that courage to action.
I was having another down day today, but I had to stop and think that I can't compare myself now to myself 10 years ago when I was in a different phase of life and younger and in a different physical condition than now. I have to do what I can with my energy level,and physical condition and motivation level right now, each and every day may not be the same. I just have to give myself grace. I'm going to have to work on this attitude every day. You are a real blessing Dawn. Thanks for sharing.
Right now, today, I am dealing with COPD and A-Fib. So thank you for telling me it's okay to NOT be productive. I am doing Swedish Death Cleaning which is absolutely amazing. I have found so many things that will benefit relatives and neighbors, stuff that I will never use again. I have been an organized fanatic all my life, so living with MY clutter that has been accumulating around as I have been sick, has about driven me crazy 🤣. So thank you for today's vlog. Love you.💕
Oh my I needed to hear this today. Thank you
Wow. This needs to be heard by every single person. Like this is the message for 2023. Behind is an illusion. 👏 👏 👏
Dawn, next to the most profound realization when Cas said "You're not messy, you just organize differently." this has been the second most profound words I have heard, "You are not behind."
Wowsers!!! What a game changer. The guilt lifted off my brain, the weight that was holding my body down, paralyzing it at times, had lifted. I am so thankful for you and your wisdom. Now I understand why I couldn't even attempt some things before and just look at it. This is a game changer and I thank you from the bottom of my heart❣❣❣
I am going to try to articulate this sensibly. I hope your words here sound in my mind as much as “ the silent to do list.” My silent lists regularly scream at me! I have learned it must just be how we are wired (our God given personalities) because I have many friends and family members that have undone things and things all around them that need attention that does not bother them at all whereas it drives me crazy!
I have a problem throwing away useful things-wish I didn’t- but it doesn’t bother me at all you recommending it! I recycle, thrift, give away…. I am getting there!
Love this and it's timely. I have been just recently trying so hard to concentrate on how much I have each day not how much I haven't gotten done (which is always plenty) i have had more to do than can be done all my adult l8fe. We so operate against our innate sustems and natural ways. Great message!!