Hi Jonathan, thanks for the Video. Really interesting and thought provoking... I would like to ask you if you could Make a Video about the dystopian Movie children of men.
If we consider the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil as a barrier to the Tree of Life, and we understand that it acts as a differential, not just for morality, but for meaning itself - as all meaning is created through the process of differentiation. The Tree of Life therefore lies beyond that process. Being more of a Nondualist than a Christian, myself, I see the Thrill of Death in this light: the Universe at large can be understood as a kind of entropic flow. The principle endeavour of biological life, from the most basic to the most complex, is to be in a kind of contraposition to that general flow, which is achieved through the process of replication. The greater entropic flow of reality, however, is not at odds with life, it just lies beyond the differentiating factor symbolized by the Tree of Knowledge. It is the state where life ends, but it is also the end of our contradistinction with the rest of reality.
I earnestly hope that you would be able to end your Orthodox heresy, and return to the bosom of the Catholic church. Maybe the flood was a sign to do that. *Extra Ecclesiam nulla salus.*
I had a near death experience in the Philippines last December. I was on a remote island in Palawan with my wife but I was by myself when I snorkelled beyond the coral reef to find myself amongst towering cliff faces in deep ocean. Suddenly the sea turned so rough that I was struggling through huge waves hitting against the cliffs. I was swallowing sea water and huge waves were crashing on top of me. For a minute or two I thought that was it. I was sure I was gonna drown. That's when I decided to calm down, put on my mask and snorkel, and looked down at the marine life below me. I decided to free dive as deep as I could to get away from this life threatening situation. So I free dived for a minute and found myself in bearable waves when I resurfaced. Thinking about it now, whilst facing death and chaos, I decided to embrace it by diving deeper (maybe symbolic of accepting my suffering and death), but that's what brought about my salvation.
The fact that it’s personal demonstrates how your understanding of symbols maps from the cosmic to the specific. If your right that the symbolic is representative of how reality lays itself out then it will be manifest in the details of our lives. Great story!
I wonder if this is a kind of micro-resurrection pattern? Near-death experiences often give people a renewed purpose in life, like an old part of them dies.. I think you're right about inverting death - turning death on itself is a triumph of life? Or it clears a path for new potentiality? With the image of Jonah and Jesus sleeping at the bottom of the boat during the storm, do you think there's some level to which they are riding this danger - like you said about the church fathers - as a way of overcoming it? If sleep is a cousin of death, is it a way of using death against itself? Not dissimilar to an apotropaic image. I always found the best way to enjoy being on a really intense rollercoaster was to let go and just accept that you had no control over the situation, and once you'd done that you felt the complete exhilaration of the ride. What a ramble - great video, very thought provoking. Take care, Jonathan!
Awesome comment! The idea of “letting go” is interesting. Letting go is also a form of death as opposed to holding on to any established form. Like you layed out, within situations of near-death, skydiving, psychedelic trip, roller coaster, the moment of renewal or overcoming arrives exactly once you let go. I’ve heard that prey animals release endorphin at the moment of pre-death which not only numbs the pain but also provides an euphoria rush - a little “let go” before death. When skydiving once you stop orienting yourself (which is impossible to do) you can enjoy the fall. During a psychedelic trip the only way to enjoy it or experience it beginning to end is to let go of your thought patterns. So it’s at those critical moments during the thrill experienced by nearing death, when you have to “let go” / embrace death / or embrace your cross in order to break through it and come out the other end alive.
Micro resurrection pattern. That's some nice technobabble, Scotty. Here's my take: *Rebel Commander, faction A:* "Is that white-Jesus? Fire at the sky." *Rebel Commander, faction B:* "Faction A apostates! That's Jon. The second coming is upon us! Fire at the sky!" *Pageau:* "I'm not like Jesus." *Rebel Commander faction B:* "I knew it. He's John, not Jesus. Full Revelations. Fire some shells at a field." *Rebel Commander faction A:* "He's not _like_ Jesus? He IS Jesus! Oh no! Congo is hell and angels have come to punish us! ...Fire at the sky." *U.N. commander:* "Ugh... i dunno, send out the APCs, i guess." *Rebel Commander A & B:* "It's the white apostles of white Jesus! Oh... my... God! This is the _first_ coming! Cease fire!" *Pageau:* "So anyway, i had this brush with death, really grounded me, made me understand my mortality and the difference between the first world, and cold hard reality..."
@Sam Ov The Wirral I know many people who pay lip service to the idea of ego death, and I'm agreeing it's a worthy aim, but I rarely see anyone make significant gains, especially the drug or meditation route. The hippy types turn into blood hungry lunatics once you're labelled a nazi or something like it. Really the only people I see are like Francsis of Asisi or Benedict
there is something very oddly exciting about being thrown into a rapid river of chaos. i wonder if it is something that evolved in us to help us survive. maybe in hunter-gatherer times, this human disposition of the thrill of death, as you say, was biologically essential to our survival as a species... but in contemporary society we face less and less of these moments. imagine facing off with huge predators or living in treacherous conditions... encountering nature/chaos on a regular basis. these occurrences would be much more often than now for most of us. something about it also reminds me of fate and the sentiment "it is what it is". i also think people who experience these little deaths are generally more content because its a way of managing anxiety by burning off all the excess worries and only worrying about what is most important. for example, when i went to kenya i noticed how much everyone there is smiling and rejoicing despite their conditions. nice video!
Thanks Jonathan. I definitely understand what you are saying. Somewhere Walker Percy says that suicide statistics drop during wartime. It is when we are that edge that suddenly many things, sometimes too many things, come into focus.
Thank you Jonathan. I don't mind the close to home stuff, though of course it's a horribly uncomfortable time for you and for your family. Having just gone through my first Orthodox Pascha, and having been close to death once or twice myself (though never for the extended period like what you experienced in the Congo) it strikes me that by the end of Holy Saturday--after the intense fasting and services of Holy Week have done their work on you--there is a similar feeling, a rush of death which culminates in the bright joy of Pascha. It's strange, but I actually remember the church, and the whole night, as being much "bigger" than I know it is--I remember the building as physically larger, the iconostasis as much farther away even though I was standing pretty near the front of the church.
This is one of your better videos IMHO, because your usual struggle to get to the point seems to be a closer explanation with this greater level of chaos. That is, your style and language is closer to the chaos that you are trying to explain and that seems to work better for some reason. I do hope they resolve your living situation up there soon. At least you have survived the flood!
All great and beautiful work has come from gazing, without shrinking, into the darkness. I am all to familiar with the darkness. Let us now become acquainted with the light.
Only recently started watching your videos enjoy the way you explain a story. The thing that got me was near the end of this vid you talked about people put out mascots with their rubish. In 2013 where I live in Australia we had massive flooding and went through what you are living now. I am a tradesmen and over the next year rebuild my own house and worked on many in my community. Every house I work on I would cut a large mask out of a peirce of drywall and nail it to the front door. It would often get a laugh in witch was a very difficult time in our community. I didn't or don't really why I did that but had forgotten until I seen this video. Amazing, anyway my prayers to you all 🙏
This is reminds me of the sanctity of life and our humanistic struggle with death. Once we live through a life and death situation we feel the most alive. Working in a war zone I felt a over sensory struggle with lows and highs. I even long for those old feelings sometimes.
There is also the strange peace in that edge too. For your neighborhood, to me, it just vindicated this idea that people use symbolism completely unconsciously. If these "monsters" were hidden in their basements...after the flood, it made sense to take them out and put them on the edge of all that they've lost.
I find it fascinating how you can be the most unspiritual, atheistic person and still find yourself inexplicably doing ritualistic gestures in a moment of shock or chaos.. it really reveals something about us. I truly feel for your situation. I recently moved to Ottawa and am studying to be a geologist, so I'm learning all about hydrogeology as well. I'm sure resources will be poured into mitigating these events in the future, as our current methods don't stand against natures intentions!
Very interesting topic. I know the feeling you speak of quite well. Sometimes losing it all, or coming close to losing it all gives you that liberating rush- sort of a feeling like you can do anything. No fucks given. And you feel free despite having nothing. After certain tragic moments in my life I’ve noticed this window of opportunity afterwards where I have that feeling. If only we could experience that feeling in normal life, without the tragedy- I’d be a much less anxious and much more motivated person, haha.
I know exactly what ur talking about. It’s a heightened sense of awareness. You feel alive and at that moment the minor troubles in your life seem to disappear. This is when bonds are made between people who share those moments with u. Great stuff Jonathan good luck with your house and community
Thanks for sharing your exciting and fascinating story - I felt the buzz just listening. I know what you mean about this thrill that goes through you from this time I got into a threatening situation and I just came over completely fearless which was weirdly and incongruously exhilarating. What it is is adrenaline preparing you for fight or flight. Stay chipper Jonathan x
We have been living in Bujumbura since Jan 2006. I have had several experiences of bullets overhead whistling in the trees and the surreal rush. I love that you still have your Burundian basket!
You are 100% correct about what you're saying on riding the wave of death. I've had a near death experience, it's way too complex to explain the situation I got into and I've explained it too many times and I just wanna cut the "chase" (haha), but at this point in my life, I am completely convinced that the darkness is just the reflection of God. There's only black and white and everything in between, but the similarity between both shadows and light is that you pass through both just as easy, in either case, ultimately there's nothing there. It truly is just a ride for the rides sake and death is almost like the referee of life, giving us a reason to do anything at all. But as I pushed up to the threshold and passed over, I saw everything, had the experience of the lady at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where she comes into contact with the 12 aliens and they all merge into one and give her all the knowledge and it turns out for a matter of fact that no human form can handle that much stuff, it's fucking rough. But! I bring the Good News, that feeling of having your brain melting upon seeing the face of God, even THAT passes. Literally all of it passes and what you said about riding that wave, once again, completely true. I see what you're trying to say and it's correct. I feel as though I'm sleeping right now, was woken up in the middle of the night from a terrible nightmare, but I'm back to sleep again so now I don't worry that much about waking up again for the real day time. This may lead one to think, well what's the point then? I like to think of it as being in a house, depending on what side of the door you want to call the front is how you form your reality, and ultimately, that's all there is to it, in its many forms anyway.
I wonder whether the death rush might have some connection to l'appel du vide, the temptation and curiosity of approaching death or wanton destruction. Not sadistically, but just to see what would happen. Your remarks about ecstasy reminded me of a passage from Bataille who quotes Sade: "How sensual is the act of destruction' says one of the executioners in Justine, 'I can think of nothing which excites me more deliciously." (Literature and Evil) and elsewhere he quotes of the diary of an executioner, who writes of friendship and intimacy at the gallows that few men are privileged to know. Bataille is all about the intersection of joy in suffering.
I think that sadism and masochism, as explored in Bataille and Sade would be extreme examples of the "sinful" side of this passion towards this "appel du vide" you mention, the side that traps you in sensuous desire and obsession. Mystical extasy then, or else the death of the martyr or the self-sacrifice of the combatant would be on the liberating and self-transcending side.
Thank you for this video. What a great story you told. You had me on the edge of my seat. That is an amazing story. I agree with all what u said. Blessings and prayers to you and your family. You don't need to apologize.
Jonathan, you keep the faith my friend. I want to say that you have help me understand many things as I have watched your videos, keep making them no matter where the location is. I will try to help you out financially as much as I can as I have a family with 4 kids. My wife and I know how hard it can be even with a house still standing let along up rooting your family and putting them in temporary housing. I really like how you are taking your situation, can only go up from here. As far as the clown goes it probably brings more meaning to comedy being the relief in a serious world, people often would ask why laugh in a dire situation, because it comes a point where you can't do much else. Maybe we are somewhat hardwired to act in a off putting way in times of stress or how you put it the thrill of the chance of death. There would be release, there would be the unknown, I think a part of us are excited for it because deep down we probably know that it is better than our current state of mortality. As far as the Clown making light of situations, I think we allow that to happen as a coping mechanism maybe, in pursuit of a better outlook on our current state. Anyways, good video, keep up the good work, and take care.
Epic topic, I enjoy the personal stories. I'm working on shifting 'death' to just 'change' in terms of my feelings towards it. Death is very exciting and scary - it is both where the most growth is and where the most loss is. I've always noticed how similar the emotions of fear and the emotions of excitement / thrill are. Fear of death can be more easily converted to thrill of death than peace and calm. Can you do an analysis on Bandersnatch eventually? It's quite spiritual and symbolic. I want to compare my personal analysis with yours.
If you have any questions regarding the FEMA SFHA Flood Zone stuff shoot me a message and I would be happy to answer your questions or forward you to someone who can. It sounds like they are going to nearly completely redefine those 100 and 500 year flood zones. The town will need to submit a proposed LOMR to FEMA; but I each homeowner will also likely need a new assessment after the construction of the new flood barrier. I was a floodplain manager for 10 years and am well aware of the headaches this process can cause. Best of wishes to you and your friends and family.
I always see the flip of coin of thrill and petrified. Fight or flight responses when coming across external force such as death can bring onto the response of such out of the norm conclusions of dealing with death. As we put it all to the periphery of the mind.
I know what you're talking about. Takes a slightly different manifestation in my life (I've never been in a literal warzone). I've wrote to myself that I often feel most present and alive in the moments "surrounding the funeral". It's like those moments are pregnant with the possibility of transformation. I think being close to death burns away the meaningless things. Everything that has been sleepwalking, maintaining an unknown order--it is cleansed in the crucible of proximity-to-death. Is death communion with God? (You might be familiar with a Talmudic reading of the part in Leviticus where the two sons of Aaron run into the Holy of Holies with false offerings and instantly perish because of ritual impurity--in this Talmudic reading, it's understood that they did this on *purpose*. I think the Christian myth captures this... As a Christian, death is your ally: you ressurect in a Truer body. You use self-death instead of fearing it. It might just be that real life--whatever that is--is actually right there on the Periphery. That's where Christ wants us go.
I have never been in a war-zone, but I did take it upon myself to go hunting for three days alone with no food save for two small bags of beef jerky, a bottle of honey, and some wild plums that I had foraged. As I stumbled through the woods with my bow in hand, starving for some warm meat, with soaking wet clothes and very little sleep, I felt surprisingly alive, more I think than I ever had before. It was life at the edge, somewhere between order and chaos, where the strange and exciting begin to manifest. On Day 3, I found that the deer I was pursuing had left a print inside of one of my own that I had left the day before, as if it was playing games with me and taunting me. I laughed. I am planning to make this a tradition, perhaps escaping for longer than three days. Maybe I will eventually figure out the symbolism, and meanwhile ride the wave of the hunt.
Seeing those grotesques that people put up after the flood is so interesting. I'd bet that they'd rationalise it as just a little joke to lighten a somber mood, (making fun of how their life has become a little horror movie) but there's something strangely compelling about it that makes me think there's something more to it. My first intuition is that they represent the monsters you've cast away to be dealt with another day, but which command your attention when something finally goes wrong. However, I don't know why they would feel compelled to put them on display.
Maybe it's a trophy for "look how unique and interesting _my_ garbage is!" Or maybe a trophy of overcoming the chaos. Regardless, it reads "trophy" to me for some reason.
@@ficklebar It feels more like a death rite to me, more somber in tone, like pouring out a drink for the deceased. Although it could be more venerative like the Day of the Dead, I suppose.
Hi Jonathon, great video. I wonder if the thrill of death is the same as the thrill of public nakedness, of being exposed. If the chaotic waters are strong enough to penetrate through our garments, it may prickle flesh which may not have felt anything for some time?
To pick up on Sum 41, they actually released their album 'Chuck' after that Congo experience. They named it after a guy who saved their lives while they were caught up in the violence in Congo. 'Chuck' is an incredible album. I would argue that 'Chuck' is to the 2000's as U2's 'War' was to the 1980's. Also, MCC ftw.
Well this is strange. I was just reading in C.S. Lewis’s “Till We Have Faces” where Psyche (the innocent, beautiful princess) is about to face death and shares with her sister a strange longing she has had for it all her life.
I wonder if the thrill isn't happening because one is approaching the doors of heaven. Especially when you mentioned martyrs, this thought came to mind. Entering heaven would certainly be a thrill or a kind of euphoria.
This reminds me of someone calling Rod Dreher an “apocalypse monkey”. Recommended reading: “War Is a Force that Gives Us Meaning.” It explores the potential addiction of this thrill.
Is a passion tamed still a passion or does it become a tool for the tamer to use? I think people ride the wave of passion for death as a way to turn it into a garment of death (or skin.) If you master it, you've got the garment if you don't your just dead. Or something like that.
July 22nd 2018 958pm - I was in Alexander The Great Parkette with my wife and dog enjoying some gelato. Behind me, I heard a series of gun shots. The shots felt so close that I decided not to even look in their direction - I immediately grabbed my wife's arm and ran with her and my dog. We ran to the first place of cover which was Mezes restaurant. I barreled through the front door and yelled "there's a shooter" as we passed through the dining room. A waiter passed me and tried to lock the front door - that's when another series of shots came through the restaurant. The waiter yelled "I'm shot". We burst through the rear door of the restaurant into an alleyway. We ran down the alley to the next street. I looked towards the Danforth - another series of shots rang out right there. It seemed like whatever was happening was following us. We doubled back in an attempt to escape. While running, my wife was communicating with 911. There was more gunfire on the Danforth, but it seemed we had successfully got away. I heard the sirens of the emergency forces - I decided that it's probably better for us to be near the police with their guns than some dark alley; so we ran back. When we reached the Danforth, there was chaos with emergency forces east at the parkette, and further west. My wife expressed her desire to help; so we ran along Danforth until we reached the shot out windows of Demetri's Cafe. There were victims in the cafe, but there weren't any first responders there yet. She entered through the shot out window and tried to help save the life of 10 year old Julianna. There are many more details to this story, but this isn't the place for it. Although I have many years of experience in security and encountered extremely threatening situations, this situation had us both experiencing high levels of exhilaration followed by days of numbness.
@@JonathanPageau I haven't talked about it publicly until recently. I guess your story brought it out of me. We took our dog to the vigil on the Wednesday after the shooting. We visited the restaurant to express our appreciation for them being there in our time of need. They immediately recognized us by our dog. One waiter said "oh my God - that's the dog that ran through our dining room!" Lol. We were extremely fortunate and blessed with favorable circumstances. I've never been religious. But this has done something to me. I can't explain it. Thanks for everything you do.
Combat veterans experience an intense "rush or "thrill" from combat. They also experience and intense love for their comrades. A love they dont experience at home. Something about going through danger, death .. given a choice some combat vets voluntarily keep going back into combat if they can. As a recovering materialist cant most of this be explained by simple adrenaline and hormone floods? It's just survival modes/mechanisms given by natural selection? A thrill that occurs so that our ancestors would be willing to go out and kill dangerous animals to protect our protect families? Or is that too materialist? From the scriptures, Jesus didn't seem to thrilled about going to the cross. so in that case my materialistic theme may be flawed.
That rush you feel... The ines commiting the crimes also feel that rush. I wonder if that feeling is what keeps mass crime going. Feeling alive being close to death.
Death is a threshold between nature and supernature, the "last enemy" of Christ, according to scripture. Proximity to death puts us in contact with surreal, other-worldly sources of spiritual energy. And those are real spiritual experiences, not merely psychic/natural phenomena. That's why they can have such existential, trajectory changing impact.
The cop was begging you for a 12-pack?! LMAO Dude, you are a rebel. Did you ever watch that movie, 'Machine Gun Preacher?' If there is a good life and a good death, it would be something like that, saturated with that feeling you described. A fearless, "NOPE, not on my watch" attitude.
Every post-apocalyptic town (in movies) have these masks or heads outside the gates. The "hillbilly" types would have hanging animals on trees. Living in the woods, I've often entertained the idea of placing something right outside our property line in the form of a gargoyle (or clown these days). I doubt Amazon would deliver to us at that point. 😁
ANIMUS Yeh, clearly a top priority when your studio has been washed away, you’re living away from home AND you’re still taking time out to produce quality content. (Insert sarcasm emoji here)
TheVimFuego it’s funny that my comment was perceived this negatively. You should take a chill pill both of you and quit being this infantile. I love microphones, I am an enthusiast and I want to share my enthusiasm with people I care.
TheBobsalamander I think there is a mistake in perception here. Again, I am a microphone/sound enthusiast, I love microphones and their sound quality. I enjoy Pageau’s analysis, I like the guy and his view of the world. I am only recommending for him to upgrade his sound quality (even on the go, even when his house gets destroyed). Sound makes a difference when wanting to convert people to your side of the story
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Hi Jonathan, thanks for the Video. Really interesting and thought provoking... I would like to ask you if you could Make a Video about the dystopian Movie children of men.
If we consider the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil as a barrier to the Tree of Life, and we understand that it acts as a differential, not just for morality, but for meaning itself - as all meaning is created through the process of differentiation. The Tree of Life therefore lies beyond that process.
Being more of a Nondualist than a Christian, myself, I see the Thrill of Death in this light: the Universe at large can be understood as a kind of entropic flow. The principle endeavour of biological life, from the most basic to the most complex, is to be in a kind of contraposition to that general flow, which is achieved through the process of replication. The greater entropic flow of reality, however, is not at odds with life, it just lies beyond the differentiating factor symbolized by the Tree of Knowledge. It is the state where life ends, but it is also the end of our contradistinction with the rest of reality.
I earnestly hope that you would be able to end your Orthodox heresy, and return to the bosom of the Catholic church.
Maybe the flood was a sign to do that. *Extra Ecclesiam nulla salus.*
@@voxpopuli8132 Jon was never Catholic, he was raised protestant
@@jeupater1429 Thank You for he info, all Prots were Catholic once, before 1517, return can also be understood thus.
I had a near death experience in the Philippines last December. I was on a remote island in Palawan with my wife but I was by myself when I snorkelled beyond the coral reef to find myself amongst towering cliff faces in deep ocean. Suddenly the sea turned so rough that I was struggling through huge waves hitting against the cliffs. I was swallowing sea water and huge waves were crashing on top of me. For a minute or two I thought that was it. I was sure I was gonna drown.
That's when I decided to calm down, put on my mask and snorkel, and looked down at the marine life below me. I decided to free dive as deep as I could to get away from this life threatening situation. So I free dived for a minute and found myself in bearable waves when I resurfaced.
Thinking about it now, whilst facing death and chaos, I decided to embrace it by diving deeper (maybe symbolic of accepting my suffering and death), but that's what brought about my salvation.
"Nonono, they're Canadian" :'D :'D Brilliant
I can enjoy your stories, personal or not, all freaking day.
The fact that it’s personal demonstrates how your understanding of symbols maps from the cosmic to the specific. If your right that the symbolic is representative of how reality lays itself out then it will be manifest in the details of our lives.
Great story!
I wonder if this is a kind of micro-resurrection pattern? Near-death experiences often give people a renewed purpose in life, like an old part of them dies.. I think you're right about inverting death - turning death on itself is a triumph of life? Or it clears a path for new potentiality?
With the image of Jonah and Jesus sleeping at the bottom of the boat during the storm, do you think there's some level to which they are riding this danger - like you said about the church fathers - as a way of overcoming it? If sleep is a cousin of death, is it a way of using death against itself? Not dissimilar to an apotropaic image.
I always found the best way to enjoy being on a really intense rollercoaster was to let go and just accept that you had no control over the situation, and once you'd done that you felt the complete exhilaration of the ride.
What a ramble - great video, very thought provoking. Take care, Jonathan!
Awesome comment! The idea of “letting go” is interesting. Letting go is also a form of death as opposed to holding on to any established form. Like you layed out, within situations of near-death, skydiving, psychedelic trip, roller coaster, the moment of renewal or overcoming arrives exactly once you let go. I’ve heard that prey animals release endorphin at the moment of pre-death which not only numbs the pain but also provides an euphoria rush - a little “let go” before death. When skydiving once you stop orienting yourself (which is impossible to do) you can enjoy the fall. During a psychedelic trip the only way to enjoy it or experience it beginning to end is to let go of your thought patterns. So it’s at those critical moments during the thrill experienced by nearing death, when you have to “let go” / embrace death / or embrace your cross in order to break through it and come out the other end alive.
Micro resurrection pattern.
That's some nice technobabble, Scotty.
Here's my take:
*Rebel Commander, faction A:* "Is that white-Jesus? Fire at the sky."
*Rebel Commander, faction B:* "Faction A apostates! That's Jon. The second coming is upon us! Fire at the sky!"
*Pageau:* "I'm not like Jesus."
*Rebel Commander faction B:* "I knew it. He's John, not Jesus. Full Revelations. Fire some shells at a field."
*Rebel Commander faction A:* "He's not _like_ Jesus? He IS Jesus! Oh no! Congo is hell and angels have come to punish us! ...Fire at the sky."
*U.N. commander:* "Ugh... i dunno, send out the APCs, i guess."
*Rebel Commander A & B:* "It's the white apostles of white Jesus! Oh... my... God! This is the _first_ coming! Cease fire!"
*Pageau:* "So anyway, i had this brush with death, really grounded me, made me understand my mortality and the difference between the first world, and cold hard reality..."
@Sam Ov The Wirral Excellent. Really simplified it for the sheep. Short and crisp. +1
@Sam Ov The Wirral I know many people who pay lip service to the idea of ego death, and I'm agreeing it's a worthy aim, but I rarely see anyone make significant gains, especially the drug or meditation route. The hippy types turn into blood hungry lunatics once you're labelled a nazi or something like it. Really the only people I see are like Francsis of Asisi or Benedict
there is something very oddly exciting about being thrown into a rapid river of chaos. i wonder if it is something that evolved in us to help us survive. maybe in hunter-gatherer times, this human disposition of the thrill of death, as you say, was biologically essential to our survival as a species... but in contemporary society we face less and less of these moments. imagine facing off with huge predators or living in treacherous conditions... encountering nature/chaos on a regular basis. these occurrences would be much more often than now for most of us. something about it also reminds me of fate and the sentiment "it is what it is". i also think people who experience these little deaths are generally more content because its a way of managing anxiety by burning off all the excess worries and only worrying about what is most important. for example, when i went to kenya i noticed how much everyone there is smiling and rejoicing despite their conditions. nice video!
Chaos theory. :-)
Thanks Jonathan. I definitely understand what you are saying. Somewhere Walker Percy says that suicide statistics drop during wartime. It is when we are that edge that suddenly many things, sometimes too many things, come into focus.
You should see if Sum 41 can headline the next Symbolic World Summit
Thank you Jonathan. I don't mind the close to home stuff, though of course it's a horribly uncomfortable time for you and for your family.
Having just gone through my first Orthodox Pascha, and having been close to death once or twice myself (though never for the extended period like what you experienced in the Congo) it strikes me that by the end of Holy Saturday--after the intense fasting and services of Holy Week have done their work on you--there is a similar feeling, a rush of death which culminates in the bright joy of Pascha. It's strange, but I actually remember the church, and the whole night, as being much "bigger" than I know it is--I remember the building as physically larger, the iconostasis as much farther away even though I was standing pretty near the front of the church.
This is one of your better videos IMHO, because your usual struggle to get to the point seems to be a closer explanation with this greater level of chaos. That is, your style and language is closer to the chaos that you are trying to explain and that seems to work better for some reason. I do hope they resolve your living situation up there soon. At least you have survived the flood!
All great and beautiful work has come from gazing, without shrinking, into the darkness.
I am all to familiar with the darkness. Let us now become acquainted with the light.
These personal stories are great. Thank you for sharing.
Only recently started watching your videos enjoy the way you explain a story. The thing that got me was near the end of this vid you talked about people put out mascots with their rubish. In 2013 where I live in Australia we had massive flooding and went through what you are living now. I am a tradesmen and over the next year rebuild my own house and worked on many in my community. Every house I work on I would cut a large mask out of a peirce of drywall and nail it to the front door. It would often get a laugh in witch was a very difficult time in our community. I didn't or don't really why I did that but had forgotten until I seen this video. Amazing, anyway my prayers to you all 🙏
This is reminds me of the sanctity of life and our humanistic struggle with death. Once we live through a life and death situation we feel the most alive. Working in a war zone I felt a over sensory struggle with lows and highs. I even long for those old feelings sometimes.
Very intriguing. Thank you 🌟
There is also the strange peace in that edge too.
For your neighborhood, to me, it just vindicated this idea that people use symbolism completely unconsciously. If these "monsters" were hidden in their basements...after the flood, it made sense to take them out and put them on the edge of all that they've lost.
I find it fascinating how you can be the most unspiritual, atheistic person and still find yourself inexplicably doing ritualistic gestures in a moment of shock or chaos.. it really reveals something about us. I truly feel for your situation. I recently moved to Ottawa and am studying to be a geologist, so I'm learning all about hydrogeology as well.
I'm sure resources will be poured into mitigating these events in the future, as our current methods don't stand against natures intentions!
I initially read this as "Jonathan is the most unspiritual, atheistic person" then realized you meant "you" more generally, lol
Very interesting topic. I know the feeling you speak of quite well. Sometimes losing it all, or coming close to losing it all gives you that liberating rush- sort of a feeling like you can do anything. No fucks given. And you feel free despite having nothing. After certain tragic moments in my life I’ve noticed this window of opportunity afterwards where I have that feeling. If only we could experience that feeling in normal life, without the tragedy- I’d be a much less anxious and much more motivated person, haha.
this was my favorite video u'v made, more directly personal touch added alot to it
I know exactly what ur talking about. It’s a heightened sense of awareness. You feel alive and at that moment the minor troubles in your life seem to disappear. This is when bonds are made between people who share those moments with u. Great stuff Jonathan good luck with your house and community
Thanks for sharing your exciting and fascinating story - I felt the buzz just listening. I know what you mean about this thrill that goes through you from this time I got into a threatening situation and I just came over completely fearless which was weirdly and incongruously exhilarating. What it is is adrenaline preparing you for fight or flight. Stay chipper Jonathan x
We have been living in Bujumbura since Jan 2006. I have had several experiences of bullets overhead whistling in the trees and the surreal rush. I love that you still have your Burundian basket!
You are 100% correct about what you're saying on riding the wave of death. I've had a near death experience, it's way too complex to explain the situation I got into and I've explained it too many times and I just wanna cut the "chase" (haha), but at this point in my life, I am completely convinced that the darkness is just the reflection of God. There's only black and white and everything in between, but the similarity between both shadows and light is that you pass through both just as easy, in either case, ultimately there's nothing there. It truly is just a ride for the rides sake and death is almost like the referee of life, giving us a reason to do anything at all. But as I pushed up to the threshold and passed over, I saw everything, had the experience of the lady at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where she comes into contact with the 12 aliens and they all merge into one and give her all the knowledge and it turns out for a matter of fact that no human form can handle that much stuff, it's fucking rough. But! I bring the Good News, that feeling of having your brain melting upon seeing the face of God, even THAT passes. Literally all of it passes and what you said about riding that wave, once again, completely true. I see what you're trying to say and it's correct. I feel as though I'm sleeping right now, was woken up in the middle of the night from a terrible nightmare, but I'm back to sleep again so now I don't worry that much about waking up again for the real day time. This may lead one to think, well what's the point then? I like to think of it as being in a house, depending on what side of the door you want to call the front is how you form your reality, and ultimately, that's all there is to it, in its many forms anyway.
Best of luck. I will pray for your family, you, and your community.
Still my fav channel on TH-cam
I wonder whether the death rush might have some connection to l'appel du vide, the temptation and curiosity of approaching death or wanton destruction. Not sadistically, but just to see what would happen. Your remarks about ecstasy reminded me of a passage from Bataille who quotes Sade: "How sensual is the act of destruction' says one of the executioners in Justine, 'I can think of nothing which excites me more deliciously." (Literature and Evil) and elsewhere he quotes of the diary of an executioner, who writes of friendship and intimacy at the gallows that few men are privileged to know. Bataille is all about the intersection of joy in suffering.
I think that sadism and masochism, as explored in Bataille and Sade would be extreme examples of the "sinful" side of this passion towards this "appel du vide" you mention, the side that traps you in sensuous desire and obsession. Mystical extasy then, or else the death of the martyr or the self-sacrifice of the combatant would be on the liberating and self-transcending side.
Thank you for this video. What a great story you told. You had me on the edge of my seat. That is an amazing story. I agree with all what u said. Blessings and prayers to you and your family. You don't need to apologize.
Jonathan, you keep the faith my friend. I want to say that you have help me understand many things as I have watched your videos, keep making them no matter where the location is. I will try to help you out financially as much as I can as I have a family with 4 kids. My wife and I know how hard it can be even with a house still standing let along up rooting your family and putting them in temporary housing.
I really like how you are taking your situation, can only go up from here. As far as the clown goes it probably brings more meaning to comedy being the relief in a serious world, people often would ask why laugh in a dire situation, because it comes a point where you can't do much else. Maybe we are somewhat hardwired to act in a off putting way in times of stress or how you put it the thrill of the chance of death. There would be release, there would be the unknown, I think a part of us are excited for it because deep down we probably know that it is better than our current state of mortality. As far as the Clown making light of situations, I think we allow that to happen as a coping mechanism maybe, in pursuit of a better outlook on our current state. Anyways, good video, keep up the good work, and take care.
Epic topic, I enjoy the personal stories. I'm working on shifting 'death' to just 'change' in terms of my feelings towards it. Death is very exciting and scary - it is both where the most growth is and where the most loss is. I've always noticed how similar the emotions of fear and the emotions of excitement / thrill are. Fear of death can be more easily converted to thrill of death than peace and calm.
Can you do an analysis on Bandersnatch eventually? It's quite spiritual and symbolic. I want to compare my personal analysis with yours.
If you have any questions regarding the FEMA SFHA Flood Zone stuff shoot me a message and I would be happy to answer your questions or forward you to someone who can.
It sounds like they are going to nearly completely redefine those 100 and 500 year flood zones. The town will need to submit a proposed LOMR to FEMA; but I each homeowner will also likely need a new assessment after the construction of the new flood barrier.
I was a floodplain manager for 10 years and am well aware of the headaches this process can cause.
Best of wishes to you and your friends and family.
I once had a lucid dream of dying. It was ecstatic.
I ran from "The Canadians" too in New Brunswick! I also celebrated my 13th birthday in Quebec. LoL 😉 Lisa Rae Rousseau
I always see the flip of coin of thrill and petrified. Fight or flight responses when coming across external force such as death can bring onto the response of such out of the norm conclusions of dealing with death. As we put it all to the periphery of the mind.
Thanks Jonathan.
I know what you're talking about. Takes a slightly different manifestation in my life (I've never been in a literal warzone).
I've wrote to myself that I often feel most present and alive in the moments "surrounding the funeral". It's like those moments are pregnant with the possibility of transformation.
I think being close to death burns away the meaningless things. Everything that has been sleepwalking, maintaining an unknown order--it is cleansed in the crucible of proximity-to-death. Is death communion with God? (You might be familiar with a Talmudic reading of the part in Leviticus where the two sons of Aaron run into the Holy of Holies with false offerings and instantly perish because of ritual impurity--in this Talmudic reading, it's understood that they did this on *purpose*.
I think the Christian myth captures this... As a Christian, death is your ally: you ressurect in a Truer body. You use self-death instead of fearing it.
It might just be that real life--whatever that is--is actually right there on the Periphery. That's where Christ wants us go.
I have never been in a war-zone, but I did take it upon myself to go hunting for three days alone with no food save for two small bags of beef jerky, a bottle of honey, and some wild plums that I had foraged. As I stumbled through the woods with my bow in hand, starving for some warm meat, with soaking wet clothes and very little sleep, I felt surprisingly alive, more I think than I ever had before. It was life at the edge, somewhere between order and chaos, where the strange and exciting begin to manifest. On Day 3, I found that the deer I was pursuing had left a print inside of one of my own that I had left the day before, as if it was playing games with me and taunting me. I laughed. I am planning to make this a tradition, perhaps escaping for longer than three days. Maybe I will eventually figure out the symbolism, and meanwhile ride the wave of the hunt.
Seeing those grotesques that people put up after the flood is so interesting. I'd bet that they'd rationalise it as just a little joke to lighten a somber mood, (making fun of how their life has become a little horror movie) but there's something strangely compelling about it that makes me think there's something more to it.
My first intuition is that they represent the monsters you've cast away to be dealt with another day, but which command your attention when something finally goes wrong. However, I don't know why they would feel compelled to put them on display.
Maybe it's a trophy for "look how unique and interesting _my_ garbage is!" Or maybe a trophy of overcoming the chaos. Regardless, it reads "trophy" to me for some reason.
@@ficklebar It feels more like a death rite to me, more somber in tone, like pouring out a drink for the deceased. Although it could be more venerative like the Day of the Dead, I suppose.
great video!
Hi Jonathon, great video. I wonder if the thrill of death is the same as the thrill of public nakedness, of being exposed. If the chaotic waters are strong enough to penetrate through our garments, it may prickle flesh which may not have felt anything for some time?
Flavius Belisarius only thing exposed here is your kinks
I think these videos have been great, maybe something about the chaos raging has pushed you into a different direction.
To pick up on Sum 41, they actually released their album 'Chuck' after that Congo experience. They named it after a guy who saved their lives while they were caught up in the violence in Congo.
'Chuck' is an incredible album. I would argue that 'Chuck' is to the 2000's as U2's 'War' was to the 1980's.
Also, MCC ftw.
Well this is strange. I was just reading in C.S. Lewis’s “Till We Have Faces” where Psyche (the innocent, beautiful princess) is about to face death and shares with her sister a strange longing she has had for it all her life.
I wonder if what you're describing is the sense of resolution that accompanies contact with necessity.
Wow!
I wonder if the thrill isn't happening because one is approaching the doors of heaven. Especially when you mentioned martyrs, this thought came to mind. Entering heaven would certainly be a thrill or a kind of euphoria.
I think that your core audience should appreciate the testimony. I do.
Liberation.... Excellent articulation.
This reminds me of someone calling Rod Dreher an “apocalypse monkey”. Recommended reading: “War Is a Force that Gives Us Meaning.” It explores the potential addiction of this thrill.
I loved that
5:00 A shootout in Bukabo
12:55 Sum 41, Rocked in Congo
15:00 "no no no. They're Canadian"
You should watch the bang bang club.
Would love if you did a video on abortion, child sacrifice, and planned parenthood
Is a passion tamed still a passion or does it become a tool for the tamer to use?
I think people ride the wave of passion for death as a way to turn it into a garment of death (or skin.)
If you master it, you've got the garment if you don't your just dead. Or something like that.
July 22nd 2018 958pm - I was in Alexander The Great Parkette with my wife and dog enjoying some gelato. Behind me, I heard a series of gun shots. The shots felt so close that I decided not to even look in their direction - I immediately grabbed my wife's arm and ran with her and my dog.
We ran to the first place of cover which was Mezes restaurant. I barreled through the front door and yelled "there's a shooter" as we passed through the dining room. A waiter passed me and tried to lock the front door - that's when another series of shots came through the restaurant. The waiter yelled "I'm shot".
We burst through the rear door of the restaurant into an alleyway. We ran down the alley to the next street. I looked towards the Danforth - another series of shots rang out right there. It seemed like whatever was happening was following us.
We doubled back in an attempt to escape. While running, my wife was communicating with 911. There was more gunfire on the Danforth, but it seemed we had successfully got away.
I heard the sirens of the emergency forces - I decided that it's probably better for us to be near the police with their guns than some dark alley; so we ran back.
When we reached the Danforth, there was chaos with emergency forces east at the parkette, and further west.
My wife expressed her desire to help; so we ran along Danforth until we reached the shot out windows of Demetri's Cafe. There were victims in the cafe, but there weren't any first responders there yet. She entered through the shot out window and tried to help save the life of 10 year old Julianna.
There are many more details to this story, but this isn't the place for it.
Although I have many years of experience in security and encountered extremely threatening situations, this situation had us both experiencing high levels of exhilaration followed by days of numbness.
Thanks for your story, that is quite an experience. I understand that roller-coaster which followed.
@@JonathanPageau I haven't talked about it publicly until recently. I guess your story brought it out of me.
We took our dog to the vigil on the Wednesday after the shooting. We visited the restaurant to express our appreciation for them being there in our time of need. They immediately recognized us by our dog. One waiter said "oh my God - that's the dog that ran through our dining room!" Lol.
We were extremely fortunate and blessed with favorable circumstances.
I've never been religious. But this has done something to me. I can't explain it.
Thanks for everything you do.
@@CHUCKDANIELS1 I wish you all the best on your journey towards putting all of this together. God bless.
Combat veterans experience an intense "rush or "thrill" from combat. They also experience and intense love for their comrades. A love they dont experience at home. Something about going through danger, death .. given a choice some combat vets voluntarily keep going back into combat if they can. As a recovering materialist cant most of this be explained by simple adrenaline and hormone floods? It's just survival modes/mechanisms given by natural selection? A thrill that occurs so that our ancestors would be willing to go out and kill dangerous animals to protect our protect families? Or is that too materialist? From the scriptures, Jesus didn't seem to thrilled about going to the cross. so in that case my materialistic theme may be flawed.
Was this incident with the policeman in French? Was that the only place in Africa that you have been?
Sorry Jonathan.
That rush you feel... The ines commiting the crimes also feel that rush. I wonder if that feeling is what keeps mass crime going. Feeling alive being close to death.
So you're basically saying Hotel Rwanda was based off of your experiences?
Death is a threshold between nature and supernature, the "last enemy" of Christ, according to scripture. Proximity to death puts us in contact with surreal, other-worldly sources of spiritual energy. And those are real spiritual experiences, not merely psychic/natural phenomena. That's why they can have such existential, trajectory changing impact.
The cop was begging you for a 12-pack?! LMAO Dude, you are a rebel.
Did you ever watch that movie, 'Machine Gun Preacher?' If there is a good life and a good death, it would be something like that, saturated with that feeling you described.
A fearless, "NOPE, not on my watch" attitude.
Damn you're badass.
Every post-apocalyptic town (in movies) have these masks or heads outside the gates. The "hillbilly" types would have hanging animals on trees.
Living in the woods, I've often entertained the idea of placing something right outside our property line in the form of a gargoyle (or clown these days). I doubt Amazon would deliver to us at that point. 😁
That clown mask is slightly terrifying.
N
You should invest in a microphone
ANIMUS Yeh, clearly a top priority when your studio has been washed away, you’re living away from home AND you’re still taking time out to produce quality content. (Insert sarcasm emoji here)
I can hear him perfectly clear you giant maniac.
TheVimFuego it’s funny that my comment was perceived this negatively. You should take a chill pill both of you and quit being this infantile. I love microphones, I am an enthusiast and I want to share my enthusiasm with people I care.
@@animus5975 ...I mean yeah but his house got destroyed bro
TheBobsalamander I think there is a mistake in perception here. Again, I am a microphone/sound enthusiast, I love microphones and their sound quality. I enjoy Pageau’s analysis, I like the guy and his view of the world. I am only recommending for him to upgrade his sound quality (even on the go, even when his house gets destroyed). Sound makes a difference when wanting to convert people to your side of the story