Ep. 28 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2024
- On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss Bert's sobriety, the period of time in which people became attractive, and what the two of them are going to do after the quarantine is over. The two of them talk to Ryan Sickler, Dr. Drew Pinsky, and Joey Diaz on the phone. Tom also shares Norman Summerton's poutine video with Bert. What do YOU like on YOUR poutine? Let us know in the comment section below!
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“These old models are ugly”
“My wife could’ve been a model back then”
-kert breisher
I laughed so hard when he said this
WRONG GIRL.
Burnt Chrysler*
She seems at least 7 levels too bitchy for her attractive score( or lack thereof).
Tom saves face for him.
Joey Diaz roasting Bert over the Molly had me fuckin rolling
Tremendous
Time stamp?
It was 1983........
Love uncle joey
Bruh the way Bert dropped his head when he was getting roasted 😂. Uncle Joey with the clutch advice
I love that joey called bert on the molly thing. Burt has been crying about that for almost a year and hes saying he wants to do drugs. That's how we know the whole thing is virtue signaling to take down ari and put himself up.
Bert ,your version of sobriety is just how people who aren't alcoholics drink normally.
Alex Zak that’s deep
Yeah lol, it's like, you don't need to justify that type of behavior if that's what works for you, Bert. Alcoholics have to be sober so that they don't continue to be alcoholics lmao.
KD’s Burner II 😂😂😂
@Devin McNulty yeah, you got me there. He has a problem.
LMFAO
The comedy of this show isn’t them making jokes. It’s the comedic value of Bert devolving and saying legit crazy stuff, and Tom just looking at the camera with Bert having zero idea of it.
Ultra Shrimp nail on the head. I’d watch a show of just Tom’s facial expressions.
Maybe that is the gag. They are professional comedians after all
Steven Richter ihohhuh uv
And also Bert saying crazy shit that ends up being relatable and making you think “maybe I also have a problem” lol
Dude, scroll through the episodes till present day and you can see the vitality and brain function slowly leave Bert
Tom's face anytime Bert is delusional about his alcoholism: Priceless.
"I've been sober for 2 months now, just had a few drinks this weekend." - Bart Crenzlar
Mike W i would love to see a hidden cam show with bert going to AA hosted by dr drew
@@kyleeck6917 I would love that as well
Half Brett’s jokes are funny because he has a shitty vocabulary. That bit would’ve sucked but he couldn’t think of the word cumulative so it drug out longer than it should have. Once he learns to read, the comedy world is going to lose a fat, racist legend. I heard he stuck a metal bar in the spokes of a disabled veteran’s wheelchair too.
he said "you cant have a good time if you have to be sober consecutively" that shit made me laugh
And while he was drinking liquor.
Bert wanting his daughters to try cocaine over mushrooms is peak Florida man.
Bert:
I never want my daughters to do drugs
Bert 90 seconds later:
Of fucking course I want them to try cocaine!
Derrick Carner 😂😆🤣
Bert is the White Rick James
@@pezgraph I got Rick James and Ricky Williams mixed up lol
Carry on
This show should be called, "Bert digs a hole while Tom watches".
Pedro Maradiaga more like while Tom helps 😂😂😂 The joy on his face when Bert is saying dumb shit is hilarious. “You mean Zack?” *smiles at camera
@@mattduell3 its like feeding a dog peanut butter to laugh at how dumb he looks. and he just keeps gleefully going back for more peanut butter.
while Tom softens the dirt to make it easier.
His silence is deafening in these moments
they could call it "2 unfunny donkeys, one with a laugh that makes you want to punch him in the mouth"
Rewatching all these.. the way I almost died from choking on my laughter when Tom said "I hoping it'll be pretty much over in about a month"! If he only knew.. lolol
Bert claiming to be sober while drinking is a perfect example of "stolen valor"
Christina??
I lost it!!! Lol
RIP Nadav's confidence every time he does 2 Bears lol
@@christina5013 He's terrible at google searches and looking up anything they ask. It's as if they hired their grandmother to be their internet person lol
He needs lessons from Jamie
Idk why it's so hard to just have Tom on a wireless keyboard
Iman*
Makes the show a bit uncomfortable to watch really. Nadav is a great guy. They’re being assholes...
Bert loves to tell stories about himself almost as much as he enjoys burning crosses on his black neighbor’s yards
I think he is the most racist comedian that ever stood on the face of the earth.
Bert the type of dude to get a Dog that specifically trained to only Bark at Black people.
@@hunterthompson6295 That's almost every dog
Like he would ever live near them?! You got the wrong racist comic!!
@@fliptophiphop1894 idk lotta Nba and Nfl players in L.A Hills. Burt doesnt agree that they get part of the same hill as him
Bert starting his own AA is basically that episode of Family Guy where Peter started his own fat club to help people not feel bad about being fat. Which, coincidentally, is the next group Bert's going to create.
I love that joey called bert on the molly thing. Burt has been crying about that for almost a year and hes saying he wants to do drugs. That's how we know the whole thing is virtue signaling to take down ari and put himself up.
Let's hope they see this!🤣 I would love to see there reaction to this comment!
Or when he started corrupting the AA meetings by getting everyone piss drunk
I love how he wants to be praised for adhering to his idea of "sobriety"
@sick_in_the_head I think there's a difference between being unwillingly drugged vs having a drink at home
10-15 minutes of every podcast should be dedicated to calling Joey Diaz from here on out.
The Joey Diaz “minute” one time in 85...
Just paused right before it because of this, needs proper attention, lol
ur absolutely right ... JD is a old school GOAT 🐐
The joy on Tom's face when Burt is disgusted is fantastic
“Marilyn Monroe might be the first attractive woman” Brent Crystals
It's Brant Chrisler, you ignorant!!1! He is a famous comedian in the south.
ALL CAPS
I feel like he’s right tho
People didn't have erections before that. That's scientific fact I made up.
Lol it was so hilarious how they just didn't put together that beauty standards change over time. Being super-attracted to models from when they were teenagers should have also given them a clue
“I didn’t research that” Bert
Might be the most obvious statement of all time.
Keaton Monier yeah as soon as he heard 90 days out of the hair he stopped the conversation because it didn’t fit his delusions. Lol
Bert calling people who disagree with him "70-75 iq" as if he isn't in that demographic.
American Brown Guy Bert calls people dumb and that they did no research (which they are right) and he then says he did no research
Whydochair ? Embarrassing... it’s so obvious it’s his denial kicking in hard. He can’t admit how much alcohol negatively affects him, so anything that forces him to confront that fact(like people stating truths about alcohol/recovery) he will attack. It probably makes him uncomfortable and anxious, and accepting it would mean he has to change. Fighting it means continue denial and keep drinking
American Brown Guy thank you American Brown Guy. Very cool.
Can we have a segment on every 2 Bears where they call Joey Diaz and just ask for his input on a random subject? Jesus Christ, that was the best part of this episode. I'm crying.
The look on Tom's face when he corrects Burt and intentionally gives him the wrong name XD
"It doesn't count if you don't drink the next day."
- Bert "I can drink a bottle of Titos 182 days out of the year and still say I'm sober" Kreisher.
This guy keeps on amazing me
Yeah definitely lost respect for him after he said that. Shame too he was building up steam as a comedian.
@@davidbriand5412 Hes an alcoholic, hes trying so hard to deny that from himself. You cant really blame him, many alcoholics do that for years till it gets so bad that they need help. Besides his dosing regiment, which is fairly moderate ( at this moment) its the way he talks about alcohol which makes it clear that he has a problem with it. He glorifies it so hard and he always make alcohol a topic. Thats typical what addict do
@@hagenre8909 yeah dude. It's kinda sad really. Like he really seemed crazy when he was talking about this
Barnt Chrisner*
Bert "I'm not gonna weigh myself"
Scale "Thank you"
UNCLE JOEY WITH THE TRUTH BOMBS! 😂😂 "after he done that Molly I had to come over and hold him, now he wants to try drugs"
that was gold
Bert gets so damn mad when Dr.Drew speaks on his alcoholism its so great hahahaha
Typically how practicing alcoholics react when faced with the truth. Brent keeping track of days he doesn't drink is pointless, IMO. But, if it helps him justify he doesn't have a problem...go for it.
@@Revolution1117 tbf I don’t know a lotta alccys that can hold them selves accountable for 48 out of 51 days
@@mftoeless1687 there are Levels to the game
1:03:00 Who was shocked that Joey Diaz is the voice of reason?!!! Ha ha ha! Uncle Joey with the BEST advice in the room.
Bart judging 1930's models while hes sitting there like a pregnant woman in her 4th trimester.
Cyxz he has his belly out so it’s funny
Hahahahahaha
Jesus the irony this comment is beautiful
7th or 8th trimester...
Bahaha
Hit reality show idea: Bert can't drink for 90 days and a camera crew follows him around for every minute of it.
They should call it Bert's Sobriety
breaks down when he can't get a treat, cut to commercials.
He can’t do it
He would probably die, alcoholics can die if they go cold turkey, they have to slowly quit and take special drugs and all.
Have them follow Brendan Scaub around hoping to catch him being funny too. Could call it the Machine and Big Brown Break Down.
Sometimes I think that I watch this show solely to intentionally melt my brain for an hour.
I’m “sober” **air quotes** with a drink in front of him. Haha love Bert
Bert: I don't want my daughters to do drugs
Also Bert: They gotta try cocaine, at least once
Brent is a walking bag of contradictions who speaks without thinking. He honestly can't remember what he's previously said / done because 75% of the time he's hammered. Also heard him say on 2 separate occasions that he showers EVERY day, then say that he hardly ever showers and considers a dip in the pool as "bathing".
Bert is a narcissist
I'm looking forward to starting Burnt's new program, Alcoholics Continuous
Hahaha
😂
Alcoholics Unanimous
There's a suspicious cut at 36:18, Bert definitely said something that they clearly had to edit out.
Had to check the comments as soon as I noticed the cut
Bert rarely says something that isn’t well thought out
😂 great catch! They’re talking about code switching and it’s only something absolute dumb asses do. So it makes sense that bert thinks it’s normal
Haha, I noticed this right away too.
Bert had to do the truffle shuffle to get in the studio.
Haha ok this one made me laugh.
Good job following proto
Lmaoooo
I was wondering who tf Bert reminded me of 😂😂
@26:45 you can visibly see how happy Tom is knowing that Bert has NO idea what he's about to watch
I absolutely love when Tom tortures Bert!! I can’t stop laughing 😂
Bert pretending hes not a career drunk is the funniest part of this podcast hahaha
i think the funniest part is there is not one positive comment on this podcast lmao
Didn't know Margaritaville had a klan chapter.
It's always 5 o'clock somewhere, even at cross burnings
Bahahaha
👏👏👏
It’s always impressive that Burt always manages to interrupt and make it about him in the first 5 minutes. A true talent. Drink up mommies
The way Tom looks at the camera after confusing Bert to say Zach Sheppard, is like Jim from the office
The excitement in Tom’s eyes when Bert said “Norm Macdonald” was faaantastic
Tom: Normal lovable laughter
Brent: *high pitch seagull noises*
"No one does it until my age unless they're like career drunks"
Tom: 👀
farfangled how tf did i read this comment exactly as he said that
Those looks & “uh huh” Tom gives after Bert’s comments are my favorite part of this show
Watching Bert defending his sobriety/not really being sober gets a little more painful the longer you follow along with it.
We need to start a petition to get uncle joey on as a guest bear.
When Diaz roasts Bert it was the greatest thing I ever heard
Chris Delia: like everyone hates when I laugh at my own set up and jokes..
Bert: hold my 38 beers
We need an episode of 10mg Tom with 10 Beer Bert
Travis M 10 beers would do nothing to Bart
Yeah 10 double Tito’s might do a lil something
Bert is always 10 beer bert
Blorf could drink 10 beers and still have room for 24 donuts and 3 bottles of Tito’s
Double
I love watching Bert makes me feel better about myself.
every time
i don´t
Berts face when watching Norm!!! Lol!!! Berts laugh is crazy contagious!!
Bert looking like he's about to do the Truffle Shuffle.
Bert: These people in these comments are 70 IQ. I know more than them about this
Bert 25 seconds later: I actually haven't researched anything at all
Trevor then sees the 90 day fact and changes the subject.
bert is so tok'd
Bert is describing having a healthy relationship to alcohol, which is why it's a novel idea to him.
Bert reading BeachBody ads is like Hitler doing a promo for the Jewish Defense League
thats pretty funny...
I just coughed out my bong hit laughing.
That made chest hurt
@@SatomiForward don't do drugs man they will fuck your head up. Either pardy hard with them every once in a while or be clean. Stop with that regular shit.
@@SatomiForward Nah man keep feathering it!
Bert - 'LETS BE REAL'
Bert Immediately after - 'Obviously this is like a make believe world' 47:59
Bert loves working out his bits on this show. Lol. “Wrong girl”
love how they cut out bert's black person impression at 36:12
I noticed that too I was kinda sad lol wanted to see that
Sneaky fucking edit
I think Bert is looking for the word “moderation” 😂😂😂
Have you seen the guy eat?
Dominique Flores seriously though, he’s just describing most peoples relationship with alcohol lmao and going “oh my god, why isn’t there something for people who don’t drink most of the time and drink once in a while???”
BrettDuFore lmao seriously 😂
Kelvin Ireland 😂😂😂
BrettDuFore it’s because he is an alcoholic in denial lol
Bert has more terrible ideas than anyone else I’ve ever heard that I still liked.
Bart Chrysler is the only guy that has so many characteristics I don't like yet I still love him
"Loved Despite of Great Faults"
You nailed it
Is “looking at old photos of women(not all models) and barking at them” a characteristic?
Bert you should do Masked Comedian, then you can do stand up with a top on
I liked when Berts high pitched laugh/talking voice was genuine.
Came here almost as early as Bert starts drinking in the morning!
My favorite thing is that what Drew was talking about is already happening, before bert said "5 days between drinks doesn't count" and now it's already at 2.
Still cant believe that Bert really said he "wished it was like the old days" outside of a black history museum.
Bert doesn’t bathe, brush his teeth, wash his hair, clean his fingernails, and has fungus growing on his feet. But a guy who plays with poop makes him gag.
He basically walks around with poop under his finger nails 24/7, what's the problem Bert? Should be familiar.
I'm down to try
He literally wipes back to front and uses his finger to wipe
Bert: says anything Guy in the background: Hahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Bert is such an alcoholic, that he would try change the definition of sobriety just to make himself feel better about alcoholism
Right? You can't say you're sober just because you are down from total alcoholism to drinking as much as the average American
It's kinda Sad
20mg 20 beer*
He's trying to convince the world with the same lies he's convinced himself with.
He's as smart as the average person from Louisiana.
Brent Crustacean - “I’m going to start my own AA. With drinking! And Segregation!”
32:24 I love how Bert's Epiphany moment flies right over his head...
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love that you guys always say "love you" at the end of your conversations. 🥰
That was the best lowkey roast-from-love by Joey Diaz ever. “Joe Rogan had to hug him” lmfao.
Bert: I don't think I would ever want my daughters to do ANY drugs.
Also Bert: Step up your game.
Tom laughing till crying whilst torturing Bert with the dom video till he gags and damn near throws up, has made me realize he’s full fledged maniacal. 😂
I live for the background laughter
Roughly 103:30 "He went to therapy, his wife got upset...Joe Rogan had to hug him..." 😂😂😂😂😂😂
“Well... it can be to yourself...” 😂😂 toms reaction to bernts sobriety theory
the juxtaposition of dr. drew and joey diaz calls had me dying
Instead of Bert judging women of the past, I’d love to time-travel to show women in the 1920’s/30’s photos of Bert.
Fat racist and rich? They hit the lotto
MR_DEZ_510 He’ll Be the fattest man some of those women have ever seen.
Men from that period didn't look that different from bert.
@@danielpenrodii2389 no he really wouldnt
@@brianjohnson9802 Just because they were also racist doesn't mean they all look like Bert too. Bert is also like 100 pounds heavier than the average dude back then.
Wait....is Bert that kid “Chunk” from The Goonies all growed up
Gert B. Frobe he prolly has a dope truffle shuffle 😂
Gert B. Frobe chunk is actually a lawyer now😂
It's funny "chunk" is actually fit as shit now
Correct
"Hey, Drew, we got an idea for a podcast. How comfortable are you with losing your medical license?"
Tal Moore “hey drew, how do you feel about committing multiple felonies and filming it them broadcasting it on the internet?”
Lol
Tom sees Bert's hypocrisy so clearly yet hands him a bottle anyways lmao
That's how you know they ain't real real friends, they just hang out and make money together
Bert looking the MOST Florida EVER
Sauced
Pls show more vids to Bert, he talks wayy less about himself when he’s about to puke
At about 37:00 there was a cut. Hey Burnt chrysl, how do black people talk about food on TV?!?!
COME ON BERT
He did a racism
36:18
I totally noticed that too, completely cut what Bert said, it seemed like he was gonna adlib an example of how black people talk lmaooo
LMAO i thought the same thing
Tom's laugh @28:35 is the best. Especially bc he's laughing @Bert being on the verge of vomiting. His laugh is contagious. 😂
My stomach is hurting and I'm in tears at Tom laughing at Bert trying to watch Norm in Calgary, lol.
The comment section's disdain for Bert grows with every new episode.
Wait until we hit TFATK levels of Schaub hate
Just look at it like 1 big roast. F all the haters! Machines within!
It used to sound mostly playful, but lately it seems like people really are souring towards him.
@@dananderson6047 It's stupid I don't understand all the negativity towards him. He's a nice guy with a bit of a drinking problem but everybody treats him like he is actually a fat racist who throws his kids under the bus and talks shit about his wife...
@@dananderson6047 I love Bert Kreischer
I think “I’ve been sober 42 of the last 45 days” rubs off worse than rephrasing it to “I drank 3 of the last 45 days”.
Just say you haven't been drinking as much, ffs
Bert loves to believe many things about himself that are simply not true.
Even 42 days is bullshit, he cheated with Rogan, and I could recall another time he drank before that.
Aaaaand we’re back to watching a grown man have a stroke one more time.
Soka souffle
Does anyone have the original uncut version where Burt held his speech about the benefits of segregation? This version is like 40 minutes shorter.
Shady business that is
If I worked out or ran as much as Bert said he does, I would be on magazine covers.
"So, when did women get attractive?" - Bert "definitly not misogynistic" Kreischer
oh no the M word....super scary ....fuk off...go memorize some more ADL/commie talking point buzz words...next you will whine on about the patriarchy lol
@@countakaerichebbeln4152 Cool guy
@@countakaerichebbeln4152 nice.
@@countakaerichebbeln4152 Damn you got triggered super easy. How do you respond to all of Bert's racist commentary? Do you just nod your head and say "Man it's like this guy is reading my mind!"
*Burnt Chrysler
Bert looks like his weight fluctuates 5-10 pounds every episode
Bert's next tour name: Delusional
When Bert starts laughing to hard he sounds like a pissed off rooster. SQUAK SQUAK SQAAAAAAUK SQASQASQASQAUK
This was the funniest episode I have seen thus far....I have been binge watching this podcast for a week and can’t stop watching. But when Tom showed Bert the video of “Norm” making the Poutine fries....I had to pause to catch my breath and stop my sides from hurting!!!! I love you guys keep doing more of this!!! BTW quarantine suck balls!!
I love that Bert shit talked his wife not even 10 minutes in.
I almost threw up from laughing when Joey came on the phone this episode. Jesus Christ man
ToXIIcGummYBeaR Yeah and we heard the real story about bert and the molly incident. Bert cleaned it up alot and made himself look a little less sad.
Bert just wants the credit for being sober without actually being sober
The call to Joey Diaz was classic 😂
Well I'm listening to this a year later and hear you talk about staying home. There's people out there that still have to go to work as essential workers and are poor and still live everyday as normal as I have been doing.