I have been accepting bread crumbs all my life. It all started in my toxic family system. I finally went no contact. These people are users and abusers. I am done.
People who are always late, or on their phone, or where you do all the initiating, or they give and do a lot for others but do very little for you, you are always there for them, help them, etc but they are not there for you.
"Do I deserve better?" Ok, but how do you determine the appropriate level of deservedness? People that have been breadcrumbed their whole life simply have no sense of what is normal.
WOW this totally applies to me as the scapegoat. they would bait me in so that i can be useless, worthless, blamed and shamed, make them feel needed. after i realized this was happening i stopped playing by the family rules for years. when i reingaged when my parents died. the dynamic of accepting scraps was there to meet me. when my father died, i was in the will with 3 others sisters and they gave me the crap left over in the garage that no one wanted that they were going to send to the thrift store.
Nothing is fair in a narcissistic family system. Narcissists want the best and the scapegoat gets the worst. I am so sorry. I am the family scapegoat. I know what injustice in a narcissistic family feels like.
They're loosing the spiritual benefits, material things are worthless, they get old and break. They loose getting to know you, a caring and loving person. They lose dealing with people on a higher level, its all superficial and selfish. They lose the respect from others, they're known for their greedy hearts and ruthless behavior. You're the winner. You've become a high value person with integrity and high standards. You're respected, you interact with honor and fairness. Your siblings could not manifest those attributes in a million years. Deep down they envy you because you became rich in life.
I recently realized both my sisters do this. As does my mom. I have no idea how to address this considering how long it's been going on except to scale back my attention to any of them.
Same here! Glad you recognized it and are ready to deal with it. I'm apprehensive about totally cutting this couple loose, because they are nice, and generous, but when it's on their terms. The dinner or cookout has to be at their place, never accepted invites to my place. They're music people and see an occasional local band, and have actually flown to see a more national artist who's one of their favorites several times. However they just "couldn't make it" to the many invites from me to see any bands that I'm into ONE TIME in TEN YEARS. Not even when it's 10 minutes from their house. The least I've been doing lately is not being as flexible with them as I have, as they're at a ZERO in that department.
@mikewillett5076 remember your better than that,and your feelings matter,going through this right now ,very painful,especially when it's family members
I’ve been bread crumbed now for 10 years. Ugh! I felt used and resentful. I recently ended it again for the 100th time. You see he is a hoarder and I have accepted this behavior in hopes that he would eventually clean out the house so we could halve a home together. He constantly tells me how he is trying to get rid of the stuff but after 10 years there’s more stuff than ever. I can’t take it anymore. We break up for months at a time then he love bombs me and away we go all over again. I am too old now to keep up this pattern, I want to find a stable, loving kind partner that I can share my life with. I am finally feeling worthy of a stable healthy relationship. Thankyou for your explanation of this. I realize the hoarding piece is next level.
My wife breadcrumbs me along when it comes to affection and sex. She's been "working on things" with a therapist for five years. Whatever the problem is, I don't want to be apart of it anymore. Divorcing and while that is super upsetting there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
I went through 16 years of breadcrumbing. When she saw I was stepping back she would be nice and once I calmed down she would go back to her old ways. That is mental and emotional abuse from a woman. Women claim they get abused this way, but they are the ones who are the backstabbers.
I'm not sure if u have children with this woman. You'll end up without what u care for the most. Your children. She will use them against u, brother. Fatherhood is not respected by unhealthy women.
* Affection starvation * Touch starvation ... ...then On Off behaviours etc etc ... all part of their strategy to be in a Pathological Control.... while - simultaneously walking arround givernm.fSS .ideology infiltrated services - portraying to be a Victim of toxic controling husband. (A manipulation b) big finsncial and logistic help c) custody for the kids .... All premeditated and planed trajectory few years in Advance. Crazy world ...full scale ON !
I agree people who don’t walk away from being breadcrumbed don’t know their value and this is a form of manipulation and control…Genuine relationships are consistent and mutually rewarding! Great subject..Thanks for sharing!
the thing about how things are about to get better is so clarifying. I'm always trying not to catastrophize and assume things will get worse, but actually, friendship shouldn't involve any suspense, in either direction
I would love to know, how to get over a breadcrumb'er. I broke up to get out, but emotionally, I'm still stuck in the feeling of guilt, that I should have done more, of wanting to go back and explain.
We all want closure from these types of relationships. Unfortunately, we'll never get it, so the best thing we can do is move on. Find closure another way or be at peace with what was. I went through this behavior for 16 years with my girls' mom. A yr removed and I never got the closure I wanted from her. She'd never give me that because that will show her wrong doings. Narcissists will never willingly give u closure.
It's always good to find the word to articulate what's happening in this case " Breadcrumbing " is pretty obvious when you look at it. I like to call it carrot dangling as well for other stuff . I've tended to find it's from emotional connectors for something they are going through. No interest in you at all.
Yes I've experienced this from someone I thought liked me, put up with the one sentence replies at or near 10 pm, had dwindled over a few weeks to this, from good conversation. This caused an error after other things being said by Co workers, just hit the cut off button in my head, no more texting.
I am feeling alone when it comes to family and friends. I have a good relationship with my love interest. However, I like to check in with friends and family every weekend to see how they are doing and to talk about whatever. I'm starting to feel sadness. I get ghosted or I'll be talking to one family member in particular and she will be talking to her family in between our conversations. I just told one friend that I feel like I am bothering them and won't text again after being ghosted. I guess it is what it is. Thankyou
My family has a narc stepson who is breadcrumbing them and the father can't bring himself to confront him on it. It is so insidious, we finally figured out what he was doing when reading about the study on rats and intermittent rewarding.
yeh its insideous and its designed devilishly to cause addiction and get control over the victim of the bread crumbing. Its gotta be called out World wide, its part of narcissism and psychopathy.
I’m so confused about my situation my partner a victim of emotional incest and brought up by a covert narcissist seems to hold a lot of these traits and also is also a people pleaser because of the validation he’s been expected to give his whole life so he’s always nice but actually quite manipulative and it’s quite scary at times , do I stay and support him or do I leave because of the affect it has on me , most of my relationship I feel like I have been breadcrumbed tbh , a victim of EI and parental enmeshment causes me a lot of confusion because it’s all done with a sweet people pleasing smile and I don’t know if I’m supposed to support or leave because if someone was raped or experienced child abuse you wouldn’t leave if they got funny about intimacy you would understand and support , thanks for the video and I’m sure I’ll reach a conclusion soon ❤
My father has been doing this too me for years he loves gaslighting and playing mind games, breadcrumbing, everything is all about him always has been. Cannot stand to be around him because of this so many broken promises, stringing along, very phony. Feel taken advantage of he doesn't care just loves screwing with my head.
my fav form of breadcrumbing for the past couple yrs now has been the old "im busy" crock of sh it. busy is the new, nice way, to ignore others, and the new, nicer, equivalent of, f off. its also very good way for lil people, w lil egos, w very small wieners, to make themselves feel sooooooo important, when your not, and will most likely never be. so go busy on that a while. its a dam shame we have stooped to the act of ignoring, treating others badly, to give ourselves value. this is our new, narcissistic world, in action, welcome to it.
@@rolliecrafts255 I mean, yeah, you gotta cut them off and realize what's going on, but people are shady and will manipulate you any way they can to keep you hooked.
My ex girlfriend is a narcissist. She would ask for gifts often. She breadcrumbed me a lot. She had no empathy. She ghosted me because I refused to buy her a gift. I was tired of buying her gifts and getting nothing in return. I didn't realise she was a narcissist until after the ghosting. I just thought she was a bit strange.
Been Dating a Lady 4 months she is a very caring loving woman , But only time she seems to want me is when she needs favors . when the favor is done she backs off . I fixed up her Kitchen she got intimate with me ok , I get it sex for labor. Then she backs off till she needs more labor Between the Ghosting Breadcrumbing I feel like im not worth her time, unless Im working around her home . Here the last few weeks things I say she tells me im thinking to much or im reading to much into things , Im just talking . I think on the 4th if she backs out of are camping trip I know the Truth of her real intentions with me NONE a guy to fix up her home.
My ex narcissist partner, asked me to help her set up her new TV, I agreed as long as I could have some sex fun in return, was bit of a joke, but she agreed, after we sorted the TV out,she said right "let me feed the cats "! I just walked out of her house .
I am familiar with breadcrumbing. Guys will text me the daily "hello" or "Good morning." That's it. Just to keep their name in front of me. I've either ignored their "breadcrumb texts" or in some cases, I've called them out on it. lol.
he doesn't fit your description of bc at all, doesn't seem to be manipulative. Said that he is normal, ie not spiritually inclined. What if he is nicer, better IRL than in e-mailing?! Maybe he has no depth and accessible feelings to draw from?
Cerita apa entah le ni. Tapi bukan macam dulu2 dah. Tidak menguntungkan sangat rasanya. Mungkin sekarang ni sesiapa pun susah nak klaim sesuatu. Ada yang dah tak segarang dulu dah.
I have been accepting bread crumbs all my life. It all started in my toxic family system. I finally went no contact. These people are users and abusers. I am done.
With 'users and abusers' the only healthy choice is to go no contact...
Me too ✋️
i like the reframing of the question: ask not why is this person doing to me, but why AM I doing it to myself
Excellent question 👍
People who are always late, or on their phone, or where you do all the initiating, or they give and do a lot for others but do very little for you, you are always there for them, help them, etc but they are not there for you.
Breadcrumbing is throwing scraps to someone to keep them interested!
Yes indeed!
my ex would bread crumb the fuck out of me... whenever i would try to leave she would put in effort for a week or so... then back to bread crumb city
"Do I deserve better?" Ok, but how do you determine the appropriate level of deservedness? People that have been breadcrumbed their whole life simply have no sense of what is normal.
Exactly. I never know when I’m desiring too much or too little
Whatever you think you deserve,
multiply that by 50 percent.
Ask for ALL OF IT!!
WOW this totally applies to me as the scapegoat. they would bait me in so that i can be useless, worthless, blamed and shamed, make them feel needed. after i realized this was happening i stopped playing by the family rules for years. when i reingaged when my parents died. the dynamic of accepting scraps was there to meet me. when my father died, i was in the will with 3 others sisters and they gave me the crap left over in the garage that no one wanted that they were going to send to the thrift store.
Glad you stopped playing by the family rules for those years....
Nothing is fair in a narcissistic family system. Narcissists want the best and the scapegoat gets the worst. I am so sorry. I am the family scapegoat. I know what injustice in a narcissistic family feels like.
They're loosing the spiritual benefits, material things are worthless, they get old and break.
They loose getting to know you, a caring and loving person.
They lose dealing with people on a higher level, its all superficial and selfish.
They lose the respect from others, they're known for their greedy hearts and ruthless behavior.
You're the winner. You've become a high value person with integrity and high standards. You're respected, you interact with honor and fairness. Your siblings could not manifest those attributes in a million years. Deep down they envy you because you became rich in life.
I recently realized both my sisters do this. As does my mom.
I have no idea how to address this considering how long it's been going on except to scale back my attention to any of them.
I've had the same with my sister,look after your well being and cut right back on giving,save your energy ❤
I deal with this on a daily basis from a "friend"....and I'm getting ready to put an end to the nonsense Real Soon...had Enough !!!!!!!
Same here! Glad you recognized it and are ready to deal with it. I'm apprehensive about totally cutting this couple loose, because they are nice, and generous, but when it's on their terms. The dinner or cookout has to be at their place, never accepted invites to my place. They're music people and see an occasional local band, and have actually flown to see a more national artist who's one of their favorites several times. However they just "couldn't make it" to the many invites from me to see any bands that I'm into ONE TIME in TEN YEARS. Not even when it's 10 minutes from their house. The least I've been doing lately is not being as flexible with them as I have, as they're at a ZERO in that department.
@mikewillett5076 remember your better than that,and your feelings matter,going through this right now ,very painful,especially when it's family members
I’ve been bread crumbed now for 10 years. Ugh! I felt used and resentful. I recently ended it again for the 100th time. You see he is a hoarder and I have accepted this behavior in hopes that he would eventually clean out the house so we could halve a home together. He constantly tells me how he is trying to get rid of the stuff but after 10 years there’s more stuff than ever. I can’t take it anymore. We break up for months at a time then he love bombs me and away we go all over again. I am too old now to keep up this pattern, I want to find a stable, loving kind partner that I can share my life with. I am finally feeling worthy of a stable healthy relationship. Thankyou for your explanation of this. I realize the hoarding piece is next level.
I am dealing with this now omg it’s very hurtful
My wife breadcrumbs me along when it comes to affection and sex. She's been "working on things" with a therapist for five years. Whatever the problem is, I don't want to be apart of it anymore. Divorcing and while that is super upsetting there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
I went through 16 years of breadcrumbing. When she saw I was stepping back she would be nice and once I calmed down she would go back to her old ways.
That is mental and emotional abuse from a woman. Women claim they get abused this way, but they are the ones who are the backstabbers.
I'm not sure if u have children with this woman. You'll end up without what u care for the most. Your children. She will use them against u, brother. Fatherhood is not respected by unhealthy women.
That's actually called withholding. It's different from breadcrumbing.
My husband does it@@Nolaboy17
* Affection starvation
* Touch starvation
... ...then
On Off behaviours etc etc ...
all part of their strategy to be in a
Pathological Control....
while - simultaneously walking arround givernm.fSS .ideology infiltrated services - portraying to be a Victim of toxic controling husband.
(A manipulation b) big finsncial and logistic help c) custody for the kids ....
All premeditated
and
planed trajectory few years in Advance.
Crazy world ...full scale ON !
Thank you, you’ve just explained my husband as the breadcrumbed and why I felt on hold. It’s very difficult but I need to use boundaries I think.
Thank you for this video. It is nice to see people who want to teach/help others. You definitely toughed me something useful today.
I agree people who don’t walk away from being breadcrumbed don’t know their value and this is a form of manipulation and control…Genuine relationships are consistent and mutually rewarding! Great subject..Thanks for sharing!
@@maryquinn6661 Glad it was helpful!
the thing about how things are about to get better is so clarifying. I'm always trying not to catastrophize and assume things will get worse, but actually, friendship shouldn't involve any suspense, in either direction
I would love to know, how to get over a breadcrumb'er. I broke up to get out, but emotionally, I'm still stuck in the feeling of guilt, that I should have done more, of wanting to go back and explain.
Same here😢
We all want closure from these types of relationships. Unfortunately, we'll never get it, so the best thing we can do is move on. Find closure another way or be at peace with what was.
I went through this behavior for 16 years with my girls' mom. A yr removed and I never got the closure I wanted from her. She'd never give me that because that will show her wrong doings.
Narcissists will never willingly give u closure.
Thank you for your content. Your vids are so enlightening and help me identify what others are doing.
Fantastic! Glad your “eyes are opening”…
It's always good to find the word to articulate what's happening in this case " Breadcrumbing " is pretty obvious when you look at it. I like to call it carrot dangling as well for other stuff . I've tended to find it's from emotional connectors for something they are going through. No interest in you at all.
Excellent video, Brad!!
SPOT ON! THANKS.. FINALLY KNOW THAT I AM BEING BREADCRUMBED
Brilliant Brad my breadcrumbs are not feeding anymore avoidents
Thank you....
💯, Brad!! Great topic!! Hope you’re well. 👏👏👏👏
Yes I've experienced this from someone I thought liked me, put up with the one sentence replies at or near 10 pm, had dwindled over a few weeks to this, from good conversation. This caused an error after other things being said by Co workers, just hit the cut off button in my head, no more texting.
I am feeling alone when it comes to family and friends. I have a good relationship with my love interest. However, I like to check in with friends and family every weekend to see how they are doing and to talk about whatever. I'm starting to feel sadness. I get ghosted or I'll be talking to one family member in particular and she will be talking to her family in between our conversations. I just told one friend that I feel like I am bothering them and won't text again after being ghosted. I guess it is what it is. Thankyou
My family has a narc stepson who is breadcrumbing them and the father can't bring himself to confront him on it. It is so insidious, we finally figured out what he was doing when reading about the study on rats and intermittent rewarding.
yeh its insideous and its designed devilishly to cause addiction and get control over the victim of the bread crumbing. Its gotta be called out World wide, its part of narcissism and psychopathy.
Nailed it.
Breadcrumb is when the person hardly sees you I been in alot of relationships like this, they lasted months without seeing me
Breadcrumb the breadcrumber!
I’m so confused about my situation my partner a victim of emotional incest and brought up by a covert narcissist seems to hold a lot of these traits and also is also a people pleaser because of the validation he’s been expected to give his whole life so he’s always nice but actually quite manipulative and it’s quite scary at times , do I stay and support him or do I leave because of the affect it has on me , most of my relationship I feel like I have been breadcrumbed tbh , a victim of EI and parental enmeshment causes me a lot of confusion because it’s all done with a sweet people pleasing smile and I don’t know if I’m supposed to support or leave because if someone was raped or experienced child abuse you wouldn’t leave if they got funny about intimacy you would understand and support , thanks for the video and I’m sure I’ll reach a conclusion soon ❤
Preach it
I asked myself, "how much longer am I going to put up with this?"
I answered "not much longer. In fact, lets end it NOW!"
My father has been doing this too me for years he loves gaslighting and playing mind games, breadcrumbing, everything is all about him always has been. Cannot stand to be around him because of this so many broken promises, stringing along, very phony. Feel taken advantage of he doesn't care just loves screwing with my head.
my fav form of breadcrumbing for the past couple yrs now has been the old "im busy" crock of sh it. busy is the new, nice way, to ignore others, and the new, nicer, equivalent of, f off. its also very good way for lil people, w lil egos, w very small wieners, to make themselves feel sooooooo important, when your not, and will most likely never be. so go busy on that a while. its a dam shame we have stooped to the act of ignoring, treating others badly, to give ourselves value. this is our new, narcissistic world, in action, welcome to it.
Thank you! I'm "seeing" a girl right now that keeps doing thid to me and I wondered what her game was. Shame on her.
Shame on her the first time , shame on you the next time..!!
@@rolliecrafts255 I mean, yeah, you gotta cut them off and realize what's going on, but people are shady and will manipulate you any way they can to keep you hooked.
Excellent points made.
My ex girlfriend is a narcissist. She would ask for gifts often. She breadcrumbed me a lot. She had no empathy. She ghosted me because I refused to buy her a gift. I was tired of buying her gifts and getting nothing in return. I didn't realise she was a narcissist until after the ghosting. I just thought she was a bit strange.
Childhood emotional neglect really shows where this begins. You are used to as it says a cake without sugar parental love.
Great advice!
Seeing this happening to a girlfriend of mine. Thank you.
Been Dating a Lady 4 months she is a very caring loving woman , But only time she seems to want me is when she needs favors . when the favor is done she backs off . I fixed up her Kitchen she got intimate with me ok , I get it sex for labor. Then she backs off till she needs more labor Between the Ghosting Breadcrumbing I feel like im not worth her time, unless Im working around her home . Here the last few weeks things I say she tells me im thinking to much or im reading to much into things , Im just talking . I think on the 4th if she backs out of are camping trip I know the Truth of her real intentions with me NONE a guy to fix up her home.
Glad you’re aware of the manipulation…
My ex narcissist partner, asked me to help her set up her new TV, I agreed as long as I could have some sex fun in return, was bit of a joke, but she agreed, after we sorted the TV out,she said right "let me feed the cats "! I just walked out of her house .
A man I know does this to me. So rude, he is insecure. Does not make sense! So selfish!
I ain't interested in any crumbs not even from someone who seemed to be authentic ..key word.. "seemed"
I am familiar with breadcrumbing. Guys will text me the daily "hello" or "Good morning." That's it. Just to keep their name in front of me. I've either ignored their "breadcrumb texts" or in some cases, I've called them out on it. lol.
Speak to families that do this
I call breadcrumbing it's real definition which is neglect or abuse.
Flip the script people. This isn't hard to deal with.
he doesn't fit your description of bc at all, doesn't seem to be manipulative. Said that he is normal, ie not spiritually inclined. What if he is nicer, better IRL than in e-mailing?! Maybe he has no depth and accessible feelings to draw from?
Cerita apa entah le ni. Tapi bukan macam dulu2 dah. Tidak menguntungkan sangat rasanya. Mungkin sekarang ni sesiapa pun susah nak klaim sesuatu. Ada yang dah tak segarang dulu dah.
Ohhh! Almost every vid looking for subs on TH-cam (not this one, lots of good info). Lyft as a whole platform 😢
Go get help don’t hurt women