What Is Breadcrumbing? How Narcissists Gaslight You By Stringing You Along
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ค. 2021
- Narcissists have a minimum interest in being loyal toward you, but a maximum interest in keeping you around for narcissistic supply. Dr. Les Carter describes how one of their favorite gaslighting tactics is breadcrumbing. But once you understand what it is, you can be positioned to disengage from this common manipulation.
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A narcissist tries to destroy your life with lies because theirs can be destroyed with the truth.
That’s poignant!!!
They would deny the truth 🥲
He lies all the time I just busted him with alot of shit and I still want him what's wrong with me?
Helen right on
@@belindaakers9095 Your not done mentally, not your fault. You can be done physically, and the rest will follow. THAT is up to you.
If people treat you like an option, leave them like a choice. -the Buddha.
"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh to the father, but by me" -Jesus Christ
m.th-cam.com/video/6ahVF-UZrIc/w-d-xo.html
@@davespark10 There are many paths up the mountain, all lead to the same point and sky.
@@jackhammer7824 dude, just wait until you experience spirtual warfare witchcraft and demons, youll be crying out Jesus christ and he will save you. That is why he came, it was to save us from this fallen world.
i have a video on my channel of youre curious. I broke my legs in a motorcycle accident, its by grace of God that im still here. Our God is a savior, and he hold the world in his hands.
@@davespark10 It wasn't your time to die. I've had close calls too many to
Remember. My older sister was into
Witchcraft nonsense and tarot cards.
Dark spirits only have power over
Weak minded ,superstitious idiots.
Listening to made up religious stories and promises is a scam from the beginning of civilization. We needed
Stories to give children hope and control over the populations. You
Use to be able to buy $$ a reconciliation from the church to save your dead relatives from hell. Good scam.
It was called indulgences. Look it up.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior! Especially true when you start to notice their pattern of behaviors!
And when you mention it we are accused of living in the past. I've been told to forget the past and the future will be better. Yeah, right, better for them because they get to start over the with the trickery. Narcissists! Who'd have known? It's all a trap 🤨
@@trishchapman9815 Yes!! Exactly! My narc cheated on me online and sent money to girls, I found out about it and he kicked me out of the house. Then pleaded for me to come back but here we are 4 weeks later and I’m kicked out again for trying to talk about what happened. He said I’m living in the past. Well I need to heal? I need to talk about it? They have no empathy and I don’t know why I’m staying still.
The more I read my comment the more I am mortified and think that if it was anyone else comment I’d say leave!! Leave!!! Confuse your mind to leave like they confuse you to stay! Ask God to help you!
@@Lauren-gs1eh GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!! 30 plus years of this crap and NOTHING has changed except that I've FINALLY started LISTENING to MY own complaints of exactly what you're living. I'M living in the past. I need to let it go and move on. Thank God I found Dr. C. because his videos made me realize my complaints ARE VALID. And despite being regularly told by my husband that I'm crazy, or not thinking right or don't comprehend, MY GUT was right all along!!! There is NO talking about YOUR feelings and he will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER decide that your healing matters!!! GET OUT! SAVE YOURSELF before you waste your best years waiting for something that is never gonna happen. Just as God loves you simply because he created you, so also your narcissist will NEVER decide to respect and cherish you. There is literally NOTHING in your power that you can do to lose God's love and also NOTHING you can do to gain your narcissist's love. NOTHING. Believe me, I have jumped through thousands of hoops for mine on the promise that things will change once I've "proven" I loved him! It's all a pack of lies to keep you around for your usefulness! GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!!!
That's true. Years ago my sister said she'd be at my house by 4pm from MD to PA for Christmas Eve. She didn't call until 1AM saying that her husband had to have "emergency dental work"-a lie. Never had the decency to call earlier & had me wait/wonder all night. Recently, she gave the impression she was stopping at my house first for Christmas. So I even said I'm in another town and would be home soon. She never came to my house, but went to other family. I actually felt important for a second.
And when you don’t accept the breadcrumbs they will go. “ugh! What is wrong with you!!” When they promise something and they don’t do it they say “I never said that” It’s so insane
"I never said that " is a sentence I know extremly well ... it's a familymember and when mutual arrangements are necessary I always try to make the arrangements in front of other familymembers so I have some witnesses. Sad, but true and necessary for my own sake
@@katemarshall3987 so sickening to have to do that. These people are honestly crazy...or that is their end goal with you...to make you think that YOU are crazy. I’ve been there, I have felt crazy several times in the past 25 years. I had no idea what was being done to me or my life. I felt so incredibly stupid when I finally figured it all out. I owe so much to DR. C, I believe GOD led me to him and he has helped me so much...and to “survive narcissism”
It makes you feel like you’re going crazy. I bet I’ve heard that saying “I never said that” a thousand times.
Amen!
They all say the same its insane
I waited 35 years to be seen and heard.
Then I left.
Congratulations.....I'm only reeeeally seeing it all so clearly at 31 years, but I've been doing same as you. Hopefully, I can pull off following your lead....
Ditto
Lucky they let you leave. Narcissists murder their scapegoats for the applause because they set it up that you "deserved it". They're worse than psychopaths.
❤️
Congrats Kathryn! I have waited 10 years too long!
Yes. You can starve and go crazy trying to survive on their breadcrumbs and gaslighting. Pure evil is real.
..’their own reality’ so what’s inside a narcissist mind is far from normal
All I can say is WOW! I mean this man is 💯 percent on money. W
Everything I've been dealing with, he covered. I gotta get out of this relationship.
I believe they will get karma for what they have Continually done to us...
Not just a bully...they are Worse than Any bully.
God bless you all.
Amen
I often wish I could go back to before I heard the word narcissist. I can never unlearn this evil.
I've found breadcrumbing to be one of the most dangerous traits, because you get the false idea that the narcissist has interest in your life. Without breadcrumbing, it would be much easier to see them for who they are.
I learned about "love bombing." Thinking back all the people that turned out to be dirtbags all did that. When it happened, I just kinda ignored it, because I thought it was ridiculous.
Not even interest in my life, merely my body and how he can use it.
For HIS pleasure. My needs don't matter.
I think they are evil.
😢🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
They basically do not know how to have a relationship.
@Hélia Alves thank you for that. Its very straight forward.
And they are not interested.
@Rhonda Kennington- You’re exactly correct. My evil and humiliating narc said to me, “I’m not sure if we should consider moving closer to a sexually intimate relationship, because there’s a good chance that I’ll just lose interest in you.”
@@bethbosheers8096 wow he was self aware.
@@rhondakennington9634 Yes, and in the most ignorant and un self aware ways! LOL! It was stunning to realize how arrogantly and ignorantly detached, some people truly are! I was almost embarrassed for this immature and selfish human. I told him that I had never met such an emotionally retarded human, like him. He said, “When I’m saying rude and insulting comments, I don’t even know I’m doing it.” I honestly believe he was raised by wolves. One more absolutely true quote of his, “We can be in a serious relationship, but I maintain my right to “dance” with any women I want.”
Yup. A full-blown rage episode can be folllowed by, "I'm running to the pharmacy, would you like me to pick anything up for you?" It is so unstabilizing.
OMG ! Yes ! Another attempt to show that they are “ put together “ and you are not !
It's like that old Michael Keaton movie where he cloned himself and you couldn't spot the real one.
Edit: lol, I think it's called Duplicity
Yes!
This is the most maddening thing 💯
It’s called the elephant in the room and the Narc distracts you with breadcrumbs not to see it!
We buy their crazy game every time hoping for an end to find peace.
After a while, if your narcissist is a family member, they don't even give excuses anymore. They blame it on you.
So true. They want a free pass for being "family".
So so true
It doesn't take a while they do it straight away I was a fool to fall for it
Blue True Don't beat yourself up. We live in a culture that repeatedly pounds into our heads that "Family is EVERYTHING! You're nothing without your family; family will never desert you!" but that's simply not true for everyone. Some of us have deeply disappointing family members who let us down in huge ways when it really counts. Some of us can't trust our original families. We'd love to, but they've proven time and time again that we can't. Sometimes, when I feel like I'll never belong or have anyone to support me, it helps to remember the phrase "There's more than one kind of family". I'm wishing the best for you💛
@@TheNikki284 so true, I had issues with my mother kicking me to the side. I'm just excited to stay far away from love it's not worth getting involved. thanks for the reply it was appreciated
I lived like this 41+ years. The devaluing ramped up to a level I could not tolerate one more day. I fled. Then I found this channel. 💡
Once you’ve seen finally seen it, it cannot be unseen.
Isn’t that the truth. It’s beyond painful. Weak and predictable. Now what to do. Now that I’m awake.
@@CharMinsky Leave. As fast as you can. Ruuunnnn. Don’t look back. Cut all contact. That’s what I did. There’s amazing relief that comes from that freedom. I do not relate to those who say they’re so sad that all they want to do is call them. That’s the opposite of what you should do.
@@laurawilliams7407 Possible codependency. I didn’t miss my ex but I wanted to stay on speaking terms for the adult kids and until he finished paying off the equitable distribution. That didn’t work out because he’s really pissed that he has to split assets, he hates my lawyer, and probably hates me.
He was being nice trying to rope me into a deal that benefitted him but when I passed on it he turned livid. He ranted at me on the phone about how much *more* successful he will be when he’s done paying me. I told him not to contact me unless there’s an emergency with one of the kids.
Now I find out he broke the divorce settlement terms and we will wind up before the judge again. So you can leave them, but they never really let you go and try to ruin your life as long as they can. And since rules don’t apply to them they break rules left and right. My new plan is to move to another state as soon as my legal dealings with him are done.
@@BunE22 You are 💯 correct. Rules do not apply to them, so am having the same issues right down the list. He’s broken so many orders. I bought my home & property,
(which I fled), and he’s claiming I abandoned it; Technically I abandoned HIM. Now he thinks he’s entitled to half of everything but that’s not so. It’s paid for (separate funds), and he won’t allow us in to get it sold. My attorney has filed to have him pay me rent and to sell it. So, yeah, I get it. I’m still 1000% happier when I wake up because I don’t have to have his buzzsaw personality destroy me every day. But he’s livid. 🤷♀️
35 years for me and then he died. I’m free although I loved him with every fibre of my being.
After I canceled our wedding he did this to me for 3 years afterwards all the while never fixing the problems that made me leave in the first place. Wishful thinking is dangerous.
So hard and very well said "wishful thinking" letting my ex act and say he wants to change, miss his fam, empty without us etc but stilll hasn't changed his ways.
@@missa4026 And NEVER, NEVER, NEVER will. Been there!
Exactly. Wishful thinking is living in a pretend reality. It doesn’t reflect what’s going on, like the breadcrumbing, the lack of dependability, the secrecy, the inconsistencies, and much more.
Your remark that wishful thinking is dangerous is true. I'm guilty. Not doing it anymore, and my life has improved a lot. I've recovered, but still like to keep learning, as learning about narcissism is what gave me the will to set myself free.
Promises and lies - that's the hallmark of narcissists.
Minimum effort guys . they just give you the minimum
This is so "spot on" as it applies to my relationship with someone I truly love, that it scares the hell out of me to acknowledge that this is precisely what is going on...especially the part about putting me on a shelf for future use..when they are in the mood...otherwise, I am bothering them and suffocating them. They move the goalposts all the time and I am constantly confused, frustrated and desperate to reach them...but the harder I try to reach them, the faster and further away they run...I can't take this anymore!
My ex does this and I just mirror him back I’m not gonna sit there and chase him. I just talk to other people online I don’t have time for his bullshit. He just wants a reaction out of me so that I eventually go crazy and explode. No thank you not happening. But who knows maybe he’s just an asshole or in his excuse “I’m so busy.” Like usual. Always “I’m so busy.” And if I get mad when he’s “so busy”
Him: But I was out getting you your Christmas gifts and information for your mom…” blah blah blah blah blah. Guess what dude I’m pretty narcissistic to my dads one so don’t play these games. That’s why I just move on and talk to different people yet it’s hard because I still think of this jerk because he got me addicted. So yeah I’m pretty pissed
Exactly 💯 same experience you discuss. Moving goal posts ALL THE TIME
Oh man .. I feel you girl!
Dump the MOOCH; be free with JOY..
...it's because of their avoidant attachement style
Also, I feel so extremely embarrassed and ashamed because I lost all sense of self respect, my humanity, and dignity. Just hurts a lot 😔
Oh, its so not for you to feel shame. You were trusting and believed what they said - it's normal for a decent person to assume that someone's sincere. What they threw at you did NOT belong to you. It's THEIRS. You are not them, you are YOU. May you know your beauty, goodness and strength!🙏🏼
I was saying things, that I would say to a sane person. I was almost lost.
I understand Im going through this right now
@@sexxywildrose thank you 🙏🏽
This describes my 7 year relationship perfectly. I'm so much happier without him.
Happy to hear it
Sophie, you are so smart to have left early. I have been living this for 19+ years. I hate it.
7 1/2 for me. Took 5 years to get myself back to normal. The last 2 years have been so much better. I just wish I had known about narcissistic people sooner. Those 5 years were rough and I'm lucky I survived them.
This describes my 15 year relationship exactly with my now Ex Girlfriend. Tired of being taken for Granted and being Used. I walked away from her. She said your gonna miss Me. Yes I still have feelings for her as Sick as it may sound. How can you Miss somebody that never cared about you. And Love they only Love them selves.
Doesn’t test me for 6 hours, get a text at 9:45pm “hey, really busy day… talk to you tomorrow, off to bed” every single bloody time.
Literally everyone I ever had feelings for breadcrumbed me and I wasn't aware there was a legit term for it. They pretend to like me until I give them the dilemma of "are we a thing or not" then they say they never meant it like that. People disgust me
One time I met someone at a restaurant and gave them an ultimatum. You're either all in or not, which one is is? 😅
you may need to heal from childhood wounds to stop the pattern
I would advise you to analyse actions, along with words. Some things don't need to be said for instance, it is clear through what a person is doing and not doing- for instance making an effort to see/be with you. Other times you can search for inconsistencies between actions and words- for instance, a person who's only talk or a person who says they have thick skin but becomes defensive when you ask a question. Other times you can analyse whether both actions and words are lies- for instance, just because a husband said I love you and set up an anniversary dinner, doesn't mean he isn't cheating.
People who are capable of REAL relationships are busy engaging in them, not stringing others along! Waiting for them is a waste of time!
Life is short!
@Hélia Alves ❤️❤️❤️
Unfortunately we might not know until after the initial phase, the phase where they are, or seem to be, busy engaging in the relationship. When they then string you along it’s challenging, good to remember that waiting for them will bring nothing. Hard to give up on what seemed a wonderful and loving experience, even if a friendship rather than more.
@@CJ-hz1uj Yes, just like the advice not to invest emotionally in a narcissist. Unfortunately, by the time we find out that they are, we are already emotionally invested. The best we can do is to learn as much as we can about narcissism, test people out, and watch for red flags from the get-go.
@@myutube5882 It all hurts so much. I tried to guard my heart, but he whittled me down very slowly, and I invested emotionally. I believed he wanted me. Looking back, I was beinf played for a chump by this guy. I ended everything when I learned he'd married someone else behind my back. He had no respect for me, and this woman.
My neighbor came to my house the other day thinking I would drop everything so he could run to the locksmith. I said no. Then he brought up some paperwork I had filled out for him that he wanted me to go over with him again, at his house. I said no, again. I said bring it here, and I'd be glad to go over it with him when I had time. He got an attitude, and said, "Thanks", (guilt tripping me) and stormed out. I said nothing, and let him walk. I'm not going down the guilt trap road anymore with him, or anyone else. Two years ago I would have been apologizing for not doing what he wanted. Thanks to you and others, Dr. Carter, I have learned to take my power back. Boy, is it freeing. :)
Using excuses to gain access to you.
Congratulations
Thanks Dr Carter for opening our eyes to narcissistic behaviors.
“I’m going to be consistent with the way I manage my life, which means if I have to unhook from people that are disdainful, so be it; I’m going to live in my own sense of dignity.”
I love his endings. 💖
Better to cut the ties.
Just a little bit of positive affirmation here and there when the target person is already fed up and wants to leave the scene. Making the target person confused... It's a mindgame, nothing else. ☹
So true !
Yes.. They’re such a headf#%k.
Just figuring this out
I just got out of this and I miss him so much I was with him for 8 years I'm lost don't know what to do
@@belindaakers9095 Do you actually miss him.. or all the dynamics this type of relationship creates? Empty promises along with ALL of these crumbs. They honestly will never change!! By now you prob have enough crumbs to make numerous loaves of bread. Aren’t you tired of this merry go round? You could go back and play the victim.. unless you suffer in silence.. but how about being the VICTOR.. NOW! I would BEG you not to go back but some people need to remain in unhealthy relationships until they get to the bottom of why they choose to stay. Once again.. I highly recommend counseling. Go as many times a wk as allowed on your Ins.. if you have that. You need a STRONG support system right now. I truly understand wanting to go back.. feeling lonely/sad. Your significant other will say or act like they’ve changed.. only long enough to get you back. Then a few days tops.. you’ll see.. nothing at all has changed.. NEVER EVER WILL. Maybe you’re not at “rock bottom” yet.. with this person. But I believe in you and have Faith that you will realize your STRENGTH and not go back. No matter how bad the relationship got.. there are some good memories in there too. And you can make NEW MEMORIES with someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated. Good Luck! You can do this♥️
1. Learn not to care so much about their opinions and actions, and
2. Believe that what you see is the way it is ... let go of false hopes. See their disloyalty and unkindness as who they are and stop excusing it. Recover your dignity and peace. The pet dog comparison is perfect! Also, that dog can be beaten for killing a possum, when it was actually protecting the chickens, or when it was some other dog that did it.
I must have watched a hundred videos on narcissism and emotional unavailability. This one sealed it for me. I’ve been dating a man for a year that I did not identify as a narcissist because he’s not a mean spirited, “ugly” individual. Only now do I realize I’m being breadcrumbed. As a high value woman who loves deeply and has a lot to offer, this video has given me the insight I needed to claim my worth, straighten my crown, and end this relationship today. The sooner I do this, the sooner I can move on and reclaim my authentic self. Thank you ❤️
I'm really pleased to get this feedback. Over time, covert narcissists reveal their true colors and it can be quite disillusioning. Glad you can now spot it! Dr. C
Amen girl!
Also look up neglectful narcissists
Hope your doing well today my journey starts 🥰💪💯
Straighten your crown? Hmmm
I like the dog reference. My take from my experience is they want you to be the dog they pet when they want "love" and the dog they beat on when they're frustrated and know you're easy and convenient. Then when you need them, especially after you've expressed a need or two of your own, you are the dog that gets their nose rubbed in shit, and if you run away from that, the dog that simply must come back to them with your tail between your legs to prove you're worthy of their abuse.
To prove that your worthy of their abuse... I tried to tell myself for so long that it would make me stronger, I would come out stronger. He told me trauma makes you stronger if your not weak.. he knew what he was doing all along
This is so damn sick, but so very true. Twisted souls. Hope you're in peace now.
@@cathybutcher4826 Sorry to say no. Nearly 60 years of it, and my father is popular, successful, and people believe him that I'm an incompetent person who has been the bain of his existence and a bad seed ever since I was little (when he was an a-okay stand up guy for beating the skin off my publicly stripped naked tiny little body). It's amazing what they do and get away with in front of others who want to curry their favor.
@@kristinmeyer489 I'm truly sorry to hear that. I hope watching these videos will help you so you can find a way out and be kind to yourself. It has always amazed me, even as a child, how truly sick people are admired and idolized by seemingly normal people. Still cannot understand it.
Well said!
Me: “Hey, our marriage is in serious trouble. We need to address it.”
Narc: “As soon as i get my back straightened out and it stops hurting, we can then work on our marriage.”
Breadcrumbing is the perfect description!
True story.
You sure you're not married to MY husband?! We tried marriage counseling the end of 2019 and early 2020. He sucked in the counselor who told me we needed to get hubby's pain squared away first. SERIOUSLY, I KID YOU NOT!!! Then, every time she would try to make him be accountable for his share of bad marriage, he'd shut down and say we were ganging up on him and threaten to quit counseling. So she'd back off and handle him with kid gloves. I finally blurted out demanding to know when ANYBODY was gonna concern themselves with how I felt. A week or two later and covid shut down our access to counseling but, seriously, it was a total waste of time and money. The couselor did admit to me via email that she realized, albeit too late, that it was actually ME who really needed support. I guess counseling wasn't a complete waste afterall since hearing myself demanding someone help ME got me started opening my eyes to what I had been denying for sooooo many years.
I've had that short conversation as well. Only he wanted sex and I told him I'm not a robot so if you are interested in sexual relations then we need to nurture this relationship. I've explained to him that a relationship is like a plant. If you don't water it, it will slowly die. I've had that same conversation at least three times and still no change. 🤷♀️ Time for me to move on. 😊
@@exile3119 I realise that I don't even know you, yet I can sense that it's definitely time to move on and I wish you all the very best! I was used by all my exes, which will NEVER happen again, even if I have to stay single for the rest of my life. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 we’ve been separated now for four years ;)
@@exile3119 yes, move on. I’ve learned the definition of “moving on” looks differently for everyone so be sure that YOU define what it means for YOU.
So painful when a grandchild is used.😢
yes one of my grandies has a cruel narc mother, in fact it's so bad I think she 14yrs old now has developed schizophrenia & nothing I can do to save her, wicked dangerous individuals... heartbreaking
My grandchild has to be brought up with the narc dad/mother and grandfather. I don't stand a chance to show her how to love. 😥
It's very sad when grand parents cant help grandchildren :( I'm sorry for that. I hope you can be with them sometimes. Even being with them rarely but having quality time and looking them in the eyes can help.
I strongly suspect my grandma is a covert narcissist. My mother was very emotionally unstable so my grandma took care of me. However I notice that she is very disrespectful about boundaries both my mother's and my own. I started a journal of everything positive/negative that happens whenever I go to grandma's house. I now realize she just wants to complain about everything and love bomb me with gifts as compensation. It's twisted that grandparents use their grandkids and kids. 😬
@@1DISTURBEDSOUL No good deed goes unpunished :(
I so needed to hear this today and to read the comments..Nine years of breadcrumbing. The effects on my self esteem and mind are devastating. And each time I asked for more than a breadcrumb, I was told how needy and selfish I am. In the end, the beaten down dog begging and begging for even a portion of a tiny treat, spoke up. He raged, ghosted, no closure. Of course, he still owes me money.
@@michellewilcox7175 thank you.. I am very grateful for your words of encouragement. It means more than you know for you to send such a comforting message.
I’m truly sorry you went through this! My heart aches for you! My experience was shorter lived romantically but came with a 15 year “friendship” where I now know I was a door mat and a person on “the shelf” as they say, to use to get out of trouble or to look good etc etc ... finding out this persons true colours after being sick and in a romantic relationship was pretty devastating- not cuz I was so in love but that a person can bold face lie to U for so many years!
He is using And abusing someone else who actually reached out to me ... she’s to scared t leave and he owes her $ ... but he has $ ... they are all the same rich or poor young or old a narc ever changes and I’m so glad I finally see it and am free of this person using me in an capacity ever again! No contact forever!
💗
Joyce: You got out! That is what’s important. For me as well it’s been a long journey of putting up with the abuse From a number of narcs in my life. Unfortunately it’s not over yet. If you have any proof at all that he owes you money, such as text messages, you might be able to recoup some of your losses in small claims court. Even a small amount of evidence could win you the case. And this is when you asked the judge for wages to be garnished. To settle the debt.
@@missb1097 thank you for your thoughts. I am sorry that you experienced what you went through.. 15 years is a painfully long time. What I’ve learned about the complex trauma we’ve experienced is that it takes an also painfully long time to process and move forward. I am glad to hear you do feel set free. I am still in the grief and anger and incredulous phase. I can’t believe what has happened. I also can’t believe the smear campaign that has destroyed my friendships and the fact that one person keeps saying “you allowed it”. If you haven’t gone through this pain, you can’t grasp it. Thank you for understanding. Hugs...
@@janetpattison8474 Thank you for your thoughts. I’m sorry you are still in the midst of narcs and abuse. As I reflect on my past, can agree with you there have actually been a lot of narcs/emotionally abusive people. One woman and my bf excessively flirted continuously in front of me. She is very wealthy, and she influenced our mutual friends to think I was just overly jealousy and then truly crazy. A few months ago she admitted that “he” overly flirted and then he admitted they met for drinks. His apartment was right next door to the bar as well. So, for years I was gaslighted, made to feel insane, my reputation was smeared, but it WAS all real. As far as the money, now he has plenty and could pay me. But, it’s his last bit of control and revenge. I know the best thing would be for me to let it go and not let it affect me. Well, really the best thing would be if I could win the lottery and show the people who have demeaned me that there is karma...🤭
Words come cheap it's actions that show the real caring all the time.
That made me chuckle as my Narcassist has a tattoo in latin that says Actions Speaks Louder Than Words 😂😂... The world is upside down. God will deal with these narcassists. Healing and Love to us all 🙏❤
Actions that follow the words are the only true Gospel. Blessings !
And that’s exactly what they don’t realize. It’s really bothersome when you get to see them in action for others and you get nothing close to that from them.
@@katieluscombe4261 Bless you Katie you speak the truth.
...oh yes! Don't car too much about words, observe the actions! 👍
You have no idea how much your videos have helped me over the last few months after being discarded by a narcissist. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!
Whoever discarded you did you a favour...
Ditto! I’ve been discarded many times, including now.
@@janetpattison8474 m
Stay strong! Love and hugs
I feel the same way. I hope you have continued positively on your healing journey.
All conversation goes around to the narc. They interrupt all conversations and interject what they think. Blames everyone never takes responsibility for their actions. Live in a dream world no reality
The bread crumbing is just enough to lure you in and keep you guessing and keep you around, they also do this to fan you away and disguise their own behaviors. The breadcrumbs can be use to them and from them. Don't forget that.
No compromise, even when I begged . Glad it’s over , have some self respect , but all I wanted was to love this person.
Big relate!
Yup. Thats it
Yep said that to my ex at the end. His reply was "bullshit! "
If you point out how stubborn and uncompromising they are then they get really angry, defensive and deny
😭😭😭 They don't know Love
The excuses you mentioned of "I got so busy, I have so much on the go" is EXACTLY what I experienced time and time again. You are describing my ex to a T. He is currently trying to convince me that he has changed, and wants to be with me. This video was perfect timing for me, reminding me that he has said all this before and sounded sincere. It is gaslighting plain and simple!
Exact same excuses from my ex over the span of 4 years. It’s so bizarre how we all have experienced the details of what he is teaching. I broke it off after 1.5 years of seeing the signs the first time & he begged for me for 2 years to try again... he’s changed, he has more time, I’m the one he’s supposed to marry, blah, blah, blah. Gave it one more shot only to deal with the same breadcrumbs, same busyness, same ghosting, same inconsistency, same bs, but thankfully I wasn’t the same broken person who attracted him in the first place so I left, changed my number & never looked back! I’ve never been happier and more at peace in my singleness knowing my worth & value! I wish you the same sis!
@@jeffrica8238 omg. This is what I'm in. Except he doesnt value me enough to beg me to come back. He makes minimal effort and there I am.
I used to do the same thing with family when I was drinking it wasn’t until I started to date a toxic man that I saw that my behavior was also bad.
Actually this was my only protection and defense AGAINST one who I worked with. They were in a position of authority and would CONSTANTLY try to take up all of my work and personal time trying to “hang out” and be my “best friend”. And no would just lead to them causing sabotage or planning an attack. The safest strategy is to say no without saying it, but it is a shot term solution.
The problem with these people is they make other people act irrational and unstable to survive dealing with them.
The danger is actually gaining those behaviors and not realizing how they effect you and your own mindset over time.
But at the time, it really was the only way to avoid conflict or being targeted by this person. It’s crazy actually, the whole world with these demons becomes so twisted.
They really don't care how much pain they cause you or how much upheaval in your life happens because of them. Stay strong there are good people out there. ❤
The best part about this channel is there is no co pay
An asset to be used. Exactly! I used to feel like his work mule, not a wife. He valued what I could do for him. 2 and a half years free!!
I understand that 'work mule' feeling completely. I told my partner if I married him which he wants, I'd be nothing more than his slave. He had the nerve to act insulted
Funny- mine says that it is their love language “acts of service”. Do chores their way, their time- almost all the time. The constant criticism and being watched just drains the life and makes me depressed to do anything and then comes “you are always tired”, “you should know what needs to be done”, “i want someone thats on top of everything”.
I end up feeling useless, lazy and never good enough and that i fail at even loving someone properly.
@@hashh2019 yes, I was supposed to read his mind, and act accordingly. I completely understand what you're saying.
Very similar story with my current girlfriend. The cherry on top is when she asks for things like her washing to be done and I do it the exact way she told me to do it and somehow it's still wrong and either I did it on purpose or I messed it up at least.
Well said Heather, love your brief and to the point comment. Thank you.
Healthy relationship have sense of loyalty and commitment
No contact is the answer. It drives the narc crazy and gives you complete control.
Continuing to hold on to feelings for a narcissist is toxic! A complete waste of time and energy...they will never change. Stop feeding them attention, it’s part of the game to draw you in then throw you back out. Just get away! Do not give them any amount of worry or thought. Bad, bad, bad! This guy keeps trying to explain their behavior. Ya, got it! They suck...you DONT want to be in a relationship with one!
A narcissist can hurt you so bad you feel like your heart has been shredded and you are standing there bleeding to death. Fifteen minutes later he’ll ask if you’ve cleaned his golf clubs yet. When he sees you’re practically in shock, he’ll say “Why are you acting like this, you’re not still upset are you?”. For years I was so off balance, but I thought it was me. Yes, I divorced him. Best thing I ever did.
When a narsisstic individual calls I answer the phone by saying"How can I help you today?"
Once they start thst begging for help I answer. "I have to getback to you I am really booked". And...you never call them back.....sucks to be them.
They HATE being ignored
I just let it go to voicemail.
If it's a real emergency I can call them right back if it's just them being on their bullshit they'll get left on read
Narc vs narc
@@lifeslessons9889 But they will ignore you any time and even on vacation
Lol! The story about the lady that said" let's have lunch" and 2 years later still no meet up! Omg these are superficial people all talk no action 🙄
Yes! I mean, aren’t they worried about sounding like a complete dork? 😆
@@momikal2238 exactly 💯
Aka - Carrot and Stick method
1. Show carrot
2. Smack with stick
3. Repeat until non-narc no longer trusts carrots, or even the idea of carrots, then berate them
This was exactly what he would do. Fake future, fake relationship, fake everything, lies, deceit and deception.
He would invite me to social events then completely ignore me while mingling with others. I felt devastated. It's emotional cruelty. It made my head spin. On more than one occasion, he later blamed me for some social spurn in which (apparently) I was to blame. I later learned that he was gossiping about me to his friends.
Same thing happened to me repeatedly. Sometime he would laugh and joke and flirt with other women and keep leaving the room when I come in the room or walk away when I came toward where he is at the party. He would regularly stay across the room from me at every party or find a way to keep away from me as much as possible, one time I got so fed up with that I decided I would leave a party at any time without his approval and without telling him if I felt like it and I would. I notices he was using me as his designated driver all the time so I have no choice but to put up with it.
Machiavelli called it "Throwing the dog a bone". A variation on gaslighting
Yep! Dr. C
In organizations, you can find all kinds of people. They hide well and pulling strings from behind the curtain. Many people doesn't even know they have been used. At one point, grey rocking doesn't work because they would love it if the attention goes away. So they can recoup and rearrange their game, but they are keeping the pressure on. A very ugly, controlling and threatening pressure.
They are absolutely unable to let it go. They see you as a red meat and even though they know they have been watched, they can't and won't back off. Machiavellian and very dangerous. I just can't imagine what they tell to people to play their bidding.
In the meantime, you don't want to shock your brain again in some twisted reality because there is a biological limit how much gaslighting your brain can take.
But as much as they can't let go, it is absolutely no way I would do anything with them. They think they can scare you, but they don't know that there are people who are not like them. That some can't gave up to such of pressure because that much evil can't survive on earth. I have a friend. Her father was ordered to shoot a group of Jewish people at the side of the Danube. He refused and they shoot him dead. People who are the opposite of that will not understand how people with conscientiousness "work". They can't even phantom self sacrifice.
@@tahwsisiht God bless your friend's father.....may he rest in peace
@@SE-cm3rh if there is god, he definitely is in peace. If he had done the act, he wouldn't be in peace here and would not be in peace "on the other side" either.
Some think they are above the law. Human, natural or God's. They don't even respect their own God. That how special they think they are.
I went into a slow boil last week. I was out working in front of my house and an ex (whom I'd told two years ago to leave me alone completely) pulled up and immediately offered to bring his tractor up and clear some tree tops piled by my barn. I did my gray rock best by saying only "Hello" and "No, thank you!" and I walked away. I was angered that he'd try to drive up and accost me when I'd made it clear by my words and actions I wanted no contact. And that he'd offer to do something "magnanimous" that he wouldn't have ever done when we were together! And that he thought I was stupid enough to fall for it!
This was the same guy who constantly lied and cheated in the ten years we were together and ended up marrying somebody else! I owe him nothing and feel nauseated when he tries to slime his way back into my life.
Go no contact. Saying two things is too much. Just walk away, period.
Obviously his current supply isn't working as hard to give him what he wants so he, typically, went back to a former supply to make sure he can weasel back into your good graces and have you as a fallback supply. Good for you not falling for it
@@janedough Agreed! Had I not been taken my surprise by his sudden popping up, I would have stepped back in my house as he drove up. Hopefully there won't be a next time but I'll be ready in total gray rock mode if so!
This person won't be honest about anything. Pretty much no one in my environment will. Believe me, I like and respect those who don't respond at all the most. They don't gaslight me. So creepy. Anyone want to trade places?
Narcissistic individuals rarely co operate you will lose your will to live as you try to be consistent and co operative and fail time after time trying to get the Narcissist to row in with you on even basic stuff.
Exactly. Just waiting to die
. My husband asks what am i good for anyway.
There are 1 million sweet, caring, thoughtful people in the world don’t stick around one second for anything else
Ignorance is bliss, is what someone once told me. Then one day I woke up to my sister and her husbands game. He once told me his life is like a game to see how much he can get away with, he’s a lawyer.
That's scary, but the strange thing is if you listen to them (really listen), they reveal who they are.
Best not to make plans or expect any loyalties with narcs... basically I find that it’s easier to do what they do , that is not engage. ...look for lovely happy people to spend my time with 🌸
There are psychopaths out there too. If they have a plan with you, they will go very far. The malevolent ones are dangerous.
Thats what l do, and thank god for my beautiful supportive friends 💗
My exhusband told me every week last summer that he was going to take me on a date night each Saturday night. Each time Saturday night came he blew me off and just didn’t come home until late and the act as though we never had plans. Even when I would confirm Saturday afternoon by that night he blew me off. Needless to say...after 8 years of push pull I divorced him. He moved on to new supply the week he moved out.
And who will be after her? Dr. C
Wonder if he ever used the typical line, famous among us, “I never said that”, or even better “You said . . .”, for example “You said you didn’t want to go out tonight”, said with a straight face, and if he could claim any sort of witness he, or she, will assert that the witness or witnesses, sometimes flying monkeys or other compliant enablers, heard it too. They try to create an alternate reality and are like method actors, showing every sign of believing the lies they are saying. It can make people crazy when they don’t recognize what’s going on, and sometimes even if they do. You’ll ask yourself how the narcissistic can think they’ll get away with their poor acting, it becomes so obvious, especially when it happens time and time again. Pointless to give second chances, though we do it anyway, perhaps to confirm, as a kind of test. Someone said it’s like catching a child with hand in the cookie jar and them denying it.
@@CJ-hz1uj Absolutely on point and describes exactly what I went through! Crazy making!
It’s hard but you do have to look at the facts. I started dating someone else it’s she is always giving and being loving and excited to talk and spend time together. It’s hard to break away! But you have to look past all of the excuses and just realize the narcissist is broken and years of struggle and disappointment are ahead. You just have to realize there is someone out there who will adore you and want to give and invest in you.
I pray that I will find someone some day who will get to know me and love me...I don’t want their sacrifices or their offerings...
I love him I have been with him 8 years and he wasn't always like this but it got bad he started putting hands on ppl and lieing got cought cheating I called him out it's always a girls fault and he can't promise he will never cheat 9n me again after 8 years I still want him I don't know y I have done everything I can. To make him happy and hes never I thought something wasn't wrong with me he has had a bad life and child hood. I try and keep that in mind I asked him to get help he says fuck urself. Well he can't come back till then and it's my fault
Exactly. Look at the facts, look at the evidence, and to be honest about what the future can hold.
Yes years of struggle and disappointment are ahead. That's been my life and I only hold on because of my kid.
I can relate fully to the "Dog" analogy. My father would say "Come here, give me "Love" as if he's calling a little puppy over, and then, once its over, the impression is "Ok, go on your way now, I'm done with "Loving you".
Yeah my Dad would do the same thing but then I remember I was trying to get his attention and he wasn't responding to me calling his name so I snapped my fingers and he said "How dare you snap your fingers at me you think you can treat me like the dog!?!?"
Oh, kind of like when you pet a cat? "I'm done being petted now, kthxbye".
At least he spent time with you
If you're insecure this is torture. You think you're getting closer and that you have a partner, then he becomes cold and too "busy" to see you for weeks. He rages that you are stressing HIM out if you point out how weird things are. I get a litany of complaints about how much this poor victim has to deal with in his cursed life. Then when he senses I've had enough he calls and asks me on a date and starts coming over again (he's too selfish and cheap to really love bomb, but it's his version I guess). Before you know it, the rages and coldness start. We can have an intimate night and then he'll leave in the morning with a quick kiss on the cheek, zero warmth, and not even saying good-bye.
Thank God for videos like this. Until I started watching these I kept watching dating advice videos and blaming myself for not inspiring his devotion and attraction and for not acting like a "high value woman."
I'm also realizing how many men like this I've attracted and how many traits my Dad has.
I'm very good at helping other people see patterns in their lives yet totally blind to my own.
Their “give” is nothing more than a ruse, a manipulation ploy. The truth hurts, but it’s better to be alone than accept those crumbs. Thanks again, Doc.
This is exactly what happened to me. I discarded the narcissist and I know it really hurt his ego to be dismissed and blocked. It's not what I wanted but I had no choice.
Same to me. I thought I being cruel by blocking him. He texted how hurt he is because of that. I unlocked. Then I realise how much he being cruel to me with all this lies, and decide to block him forever this time. I thought he was hurt because he loves, but I realised it was just his ego, and I should finally think about myself. He didn’t value that I cared about him at all. Treat me like I was a toy. He didn’t think a second about how I feel. He didn’t even sorry
His own actions will catch up to him. Narcissistic people do pay for how they treat people even if they don’t feel sorry or guilty. I’ve dealt with many types of narcissistic people sadly. Not easy but these people make you stronger actually once you realize and heal.
You never round the corner. It keeps moving further away the closer you get to it...
Oh Please Tell Me Do 🕊.....Example
#1 Never Coming Over Unless They Have A Need , Ie Holiday’s But Spending A Extremely Short Time Max 30 minutes , Then Leaving For Their Real Holiday Get Together With Friends And Family
# 2 Telling You They Haven’t The Time For Your Needs Until Another Time At Their Connivence
# 3 Love Bombing
# 4 Expecting You To Become Shelf Material
# 5 Setting Up A Appointment And Failing To Let You Know Its Been Cancelled
# 6 Talking Behind Your Back In Social Circles
# 7 Trolling Other Potential Partners
# 8 Disappearing In The Middle Of A Conversation
# 9 Show Casing You
# 10 Intent Of Self Satisfaction While Seemly Going Along With A Conversation
# 11 Asking You What You Really Want Then Deciding What You Need
I’m Sure There’s More I Haven’t Recalled Yet 🕊
# 12 Saying To You ......I’m The Best You Ever had , Egotistical Attitude
# 13 Using You As A Trophy In Business ....ie ..... Arm Candy 🍭
Yes x 13! This is so specific and exact.
Number 11 tho! Got quite a few people in my life right now like this! I've been so irritated over the last few weeks because of this..I'm turning 24 this year and people are still trying to steer my life their way to what they think I should be doing and what type of career I should have. I'm not a kid anymore and I know what my passion is, don't need to change it because someone else doesn't agree with it and telling me my dream career isn't important and that I should be doing something else.
@@LeafsIn2024 I'm sorry but around narcissistic people, they do not care at all about what a person desires. They are in competition with you all the time and they want control over your life. The people around me are NOT being considerate, rather nagging and telling me my dreams are not worth it. I will only appreciate when they are gone, they aren't even family either. So they don't have a say in what I want to achieve. Everyone has desires and dreams. God opens doors no man can shut.
Omg yes leaving a conversation in the middle of it. Never has enough time for you, but has plenty for whoever he is triangulating you with.
Mine also would ignore me for weeks or months and then buy me an expensive gift and when I complained about zero emotional attention, he woukd tell me he is suicidal cos nothing he does is enough.
The lies. About stupid stuff. That i can bust him on.
Ive gone nuts at him so many times that I started to question if its me that's the emotionally abusive narc.
Also, I have a lot of skills and experience in certain things. But he wouldn't ask me to help, or include me in what could have been a bonding experience... no, he would go pay someone else for the same advice and lie to me.
The cruelness and mindf#ckery of it blows me away and dragged me down a dark hole that I thought I was strong enough to avoid.
Oh yes plans, whenever I made a plan for us, it was good at the time then when it came time to do our date or outing, we never did it... he would pick a fight. We never did anything I suggested..I never understood that. Now I do. And we lived together! Hearing all this makes me embarrassed for the past 6 years
Don’t be... They’re sick humans & don’t deserve you. If you can get out & totally disconnect it’s in your best interest. Find someone who appreciates you.
0l0l
Not your fault you are a good normal being you just try to be strong, learn a lesson and move on
I know that experience very well. If I planned the date, he would find a reason to not go - working overtime, not saying anything at all or not get ready and go to sleep instead (ghosting) and we were married. If he planned the date (extremely rare), it was an evening full of awkward moments somewhere that he was interested in and he would ruin the moment by acting out or become cold towards me if I enjoyed it.
They string you along. Cut the string! Break the trauma bond.
Yes, everything this guy says is true. So don’t be naive about it! Don’t deal with it at all. Don’t let anyone tear down your dignity or self-respect. You deserve better. Sure they’ll put you on a pedestal for a minute to get what they want...”oh he can be really sweet when he wants to! He’s not always this way..” They don’t care how you feel. They don’t have feelings, they know the words and what they mean but they don’t feel them. They will never ask what you want. You can tell them but it’s a non issue to them. They have no empathy...none what so ever! Save yourself...you are worth it!
True🐒
Omg. Lived like that for 30 hurtful maddening years. Am free at 60 years old. Knew for a long time I had to do something. Once the kids were raised I gave it a few more years of begging for a connection with him....begging for his time....begging to be noticed instead of anyone else out there with legs. I’m so done. Thanks to Dr here and counseling I am finally on my way to healing.
Good for you! 🌼🎉👏🏻
Glad you're out! 💕
👏🏻👍🏻
Omg. " anyone else out there with legs...." so
Accurate.
Relationship with narcs 🧐..... go in with your eyes wide open as it’s superficial and you will be let down ....
Yep, it's only a matter of time...
Well, I would hope people wouldn't opt into a relationship while KNOWING that person is a narc. If so, I suppose they deserve all that the "relationship" has to offer.
@@estherc.536 ester sometimes you don’t have a choice , as you don’t appreciate or understand the situation until you’ve been involved and once involved you just have to keep your guard.
Well, I could never go into any relationship while knowing he was a narc. It's senseless when they lack empathy and guilt.
Listen people narcissists never change. I made the mistake over 3 times now. Run run run 🏃♂️🏃♀️
I just ended things with a narcissist. Before realizing that is what they were (they were sweet and gentle) I used to ask why they never asked about me or my life, my family, why they didn't check to see how my dad was when he was in the hospital very sick. They told me they knew I deserved more but it was about their self esteem issues and abandonment issues. Every week they had another excuse why they couldn't meet up. I offered dates all the time, me taking them out and paying for it but at the end of the day they were just using me as a kink dispenser. The red flags were there from the beginning but I kept believing it was abandonment issues and they would finally trust me and be good to me. Never happened. Finally after a week of no contact, I blocked them. It was the healthiest thing I could do for myself. I think we all have a role in what we allow and stepping out of situations and relationships that don't serve us, abuse is, hurt us or manipulate us. I made every excuse for this human and their mental health, etc. Until finally I had enough when I realized my resentment and anger were boiling up. Moving forward I won't allow another taker to breadcrumb me or not treat me well. While I'm sorry for narcissists who clearly had something happen as children to make them who they are, good people should stay far far away as soon as they see the signs. Thank you for telling it like it is, being upfront and forward and for your wisdom.
If someone is breadcrumbing you, and gaslighting you, they are treating you with contempt. It is better not to be in a toxic “relationship”. It seems if you stay in it, you are only reinforcing in their minds that they get to treat people terribly. So it’s not good for them either.
You can love them at a distance and pray for the very best for them, but it is best not to stay around and be constantly treated like you’re some kind of poor and unworthy relation.
As someone has said, you can’t catch mental health, but you can catch mental illness. Best not to subject yourself to people who are treating you abusively.
"Consistent Inconsistency". That's one of the things that made me realize that something was wrong in my marriage. I caught on to the antics and I've been going gray rock on things that he does that usually instigates me. This whole video has been an insight into what I've been dealing with.
It's amazing how long it takes to get the whole picture and the courage to just say NO. Two things to remember...respect and appreciation.
Get out of that relationship.
Wow. This is what my ex told me a few weeks before I broke things off with him. He said, "The only thing consistent about me is inconsistency." I knew something was up and I had to get out.
@@Lindy.T those two were missing for sure.
when dealing with Narc turkeys you get strung up and cured like a smoked ham
My brother moved away and I thought I was free of narcissism. Then I started communicating again with an old friend almost daily. I found my self-esteem and confidence shrinking little by little. I could not figure out how to keep him from being mad at me and criticizing me! I told myself he was helping me see my faults so that I could correct them. I told myself that since he was nice part of the time, if I just limit my communication with him, I could maintain the friendship. I wanted to maintain this friendship because I care about him. I found myself gradually sinking into a depression. This past week it became a deep depression that I could not see a way out of. I felt like I was a hopeless failure. When I told my other friend about how he was nice part of the time, she told me he is breadcrumbing me. That he is a narcissist. She pointed out that he was preying on me because I am a nice, caring person. I'm no longer in communication with him. She is right! I AM a nice, caring person, not a hopeless failure! And I deserve better than having toxic people in my life who treat me like trash!
Same thing happened to me recently. But this time I was able to catch on quicker to what he was doing. Because I've been working on myself and being more content and happy with being single, he didn't have as much of a psychological and emotional grip on me like he used to in the past. I had a slip up the other night and allowed him to trigger me and send me down an emotional Rollercoaster. I was able to bounce back to my regular self within 48 hours but I was still disappointed with myself for the slip up. But I'm understanding that I have to have more compassion and patience with myself while I'm in this healing journey from past trauma and that I have to have ppl around me that are compassionate and patient with me as well.
That's a blessing to have a real friend to help you see the light.
I find most people are like this, particularly my family. The best company is my own.
Going into voluntary isolation is a symptom of CPTSD. You might want to research it and get help.
@@rde4017 Been there done that. Got fked by the the- rapist as well.
Talk about mixing metaphors!!
"Breadcrumbing", "Gaslighting", "Stringing along" !
"I'm gonna live in my own sense of dignity" - oh yes! Thank you!
Holly Honeychurch,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist..
@@jamesarmstrong4179 bless you James : ) The narcissist is my mother!! Sending smiles.
@@HollyHoneychurch You are welcome dear.I am James from USA.You?
@@jamesarmstrong4179 I live in Scotland : )
@@HollyHoneychurch Awwwwwwwww!,are you on Hangouts or Gmail so we can always talk?
My narcissistic husband of 21 years has been cheating with other men! He knows I know- he doesn’t know I’m planning my escape.
He actually came home from work last night and said “can we take care of business?” I literally vomited in MY mouth and told him that’s not ever going to happen again! It blows my entire mind that he thinks because I’ve shut down that I’ve forgiven his nasty, evil, toxic, and abusive behavior🤮
All you said here is exactly how my boyfriend is. It's awful. He's really a terrible person.
Get out, don’t stay with him it will only get worse.
I have the same problem with my ex I end it he hoovers me back uses me and then ghosts me, we argue then the rollercoaster starts over again, but no more he killed any love I had for him and no longer care. I am now giving him the silent treatment he so loved to give to me. They really are evil people.
You just described my ex boss. I’ve said on numerous occasions that when he thought he was funny, I didn’t think it was funny. There was always a meanness to it.
…painful truths in this talk. I lost years in the rollercoaster of crumbs that led to nowhere.
That behavior can make you insane and question your insanity.
It's good cop/ bad cop but with the same person!
Haha, that's so true! My one sister calls the other sister "Sybil" since her moods swing so abruptly. Want to know the funniest part? Those 2 sisters are triangulating me out because I stopped playing their game. Wouldn't that be funny if I told them both what they've each been saying about each other?!😂I'm not stooping to their levels.
Great comment! So true.
Grew up with a Narcissist parent which makes falling into narcissistic relationships feel natural. So tired of feeling "crazy." Thank you for this video. It's time to believe in myself and end some unhealthy relationships.
Me too. Taking time out from relationships to get my confidence and self esteem on a level that meant I would never accept being treated as less than, insignificant or abusively again was really important for me after ending up in a violent marriage with a person who was diagnosed with NPD verging on psychopathy. It took me 6 years and damn, I am glad I took that time out as the partner who I am now with is amazing and everything my ex wasn't: kind, compassionate, understanding, fun ... and we both feel completely secure and loved, which I never had in my life before. A good therapist helped me immensely too. Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. Those narcissistic parents do so much damage but the good news is that it can be fixed 💜 I am zero contact with my narc parent and ex and my narc parent's gaslighting enabling family. Best thing I ever did. The peace of mind is priceless.
Me too 2nd Narc quality husband.
This is exactly what I needed to hear- the confusion of the Jekyll Hyde thing has been making things so hard for me.
Are they like Jekyll and Hyde? I had a loser guy like that
I'd already woken up to this destructive tactic, long before I discovered Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's such a relief and a revelation to know that it has a name. I know it's not encouraged to put labels on behaviours, but it's also a liberating experience to know that you are up against a personality disorder, not just a 'normal' jerk who likes messing with your mind.
It was like he was in my head and said everything I feel ! I have been with a covert Narcissist for 20 years and realized it only a few months ago. These people will destroy you.
I’m also on my 20th year and I am 3 months into my exit plan. I’ve known what I’m dealing with for about 3 years. Didn’t know about his cheating (though I felt it). He gave me everything money can buy but not himself.
I am feeling strong and God is guiding me.
Hang in there. Focus on YOU!! You CAN move on from this!!
@@clrify Just checking in, did you make it out?
@@justinedse3314 he moved out last November (I asked him to leave...told him it wasn’t punitive, that I had lost myself and needed to find myself again). I have spent the last seven months working on me and my issues. I have so much more peace and joy and even my anger is dissipating. The last bit of anger I had to deal with was the anger at myself for my lack of boundaries. I had to forgive myself. I am realizing I am so very blessed and I have a God-given amazing life to be lived! Thank you for asking.
"Breadcrumbing" is a great term! Been there. Done that.
This is exactly how it goes. Debilitating. The Best way is the way out of this constant drama and chaos. We need to respect ourselves. Thank you dr Carter.
"Consistent inconsistency! Their ruse is only a manipulation ploy."
Thank you so much for your work as I happily heal.
‘Alignment’ (a sign of mental health stability and integrity) is when the words, actions and feelings all ‘line up’.
E Chase,Hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
You brought up sex then after. May I be blunt here. This is right on. As soon as we're done he literally just gets up saying ok that was nice and walks around getting food and doing stuff. Like nothing happened. But says things like I'm going to dream about that later. That was really good... While I'm thinking why are you going to dream about it I'm the real thing and I'm still here
Same here with my ex . We would have sex and then he'd jump up and get dressed , turn on the TV etc... No loving intimacy after sex at all. Once and awhile before but usually it was just like get naked , do the deed and jump up. But he would say I was always the one wanting sex and stopping by for booty calls 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ NOPE
They do the lease in a relationship as the can they don’t care about you or your feels but they expect you care about them and what they want they ignore you for days but you’ll get attention when they want something from you like someone to go to the movies with or sex !
yes, my daughter will tell me to f-off and say "I" was abusive to me in a confrontation, but around her friends, tells them how she was raised by a 'fantastic mom". I look around the room and feel like saying "who me?" .
Excited for this one, doc! Too often onlookers, the super ego, and that little voice inside of us try to tell us “it can’t be that my loved one is a toxic pathological narcissist, ‘those’ people are big and brash and full of bold loud obvious moves” Nope! More often it is this bread crumbs doled out as ‘just enough goodness’ to have us believe they are just like us-well meaning, loving, trustworthy even though flawed and imperfect-so we give them the benefit of our doubt, we extend ‘understanding’ and ‘patience’ bc that’s what we’d appreciate when we make terrible choices or mistakes. But the narcissist is real. They actually have no love or well meaningness extended towards us, they demand it from us but they are absolutely not trustworthy a careful dissection reveals every move they make is either self-serving immediately or building for the future. Our lives do NOT MATTER to them. They’re playing a fly on the water to our ‘fish’ combined with the insidious bit by bit chipping away at our healthy sense of self, boundaries, morals, finances, freedom of thought and peace of mind. We are being fried up in the pan after being caught. Cognitive dissonance!
So true.. They can also make you physically ill. Our emotions & years of their blaming & entitlement & the same cycle over & over again can make you ill. I totally believe that... They are a very poor excuse for a human being.
@ The Kellers Very true and well said. Trustworthiness is at the heart of it. We continue to believe they are "trustworthy, loving, well meaning, just like us" long after their actions justify it.
Well written! It has helped me immensely, after many years of dealing with numerous narcs (and it’s still not over), to realize that I am not alone & others Have been through it. Thanks so much for your comment.
@@ellik1817 OMG! Yes! In fact I began my journey in search of WTF was wrong with ME by first exploring Dr Sarno’s work about back pain and mind body illnesses. (I’ve subsequently rid myself not only of a diagnosed pathological narcissist now-ex husband but along the way also ‘cured’ myself without treatment, surgery, drugs, or PT: chronic insomnia, debilitating sciatica, carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, GERD, and ALL my osteo arthritis pain (still have arthritis but the pain is gone) unfortunately I had surgery to address globus pharyngis which I probs never needed. And I learned Epply manueuver to fix BPV when it came in times of narc-fueled high stress. I am the happy poster child of TMS! Ha ha!
Lol😂😂😂😂
He was textbook but it took me so long before I finally woke up. Can you believe 12 YEARS!?!?. Every word you have said is spot on with everything I experienced. Wish I could say that I got angry but sadly I'm still hurting and still miss the person. I feel such a fool for being so naive
Please don’t beat yourself up they are mean spiteful folk and manipulative , once you’ve seen the big picture then that’s a good place to be... without them 🌸
Thirty-two years! I only realized what was wrong about 5 years ago. Daughter and I used to joke that he was an alien sent to observe humans but didn't quite fit in. Now I know what it was.
Thank you Lynne..so hard to finally accept that he was such a user and I couldn't (wouldn't?) See it. It's such a bitter pill to swallow and Im ashamed to say it but I'm feeling very sorry for myself. With the current world situation it has been such a struggle to try to put it behind me and move forward. Life is currently extremely lonely and whilst I tell myself that I will get through this its hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. One good thing to come from watching Dr C is that I know that I am not alone in these feelings and my heart goes out to everyone who is in the same situation. I didn't expect that someone I loved could be so cruel but thanks to videos such as these I have been able to finally see him for what he is
Yes Sharon we know that something isn't right but are unable to pinpoint exactly what is off with them. First time I met him he said 'you've not met anyone like me before' Boy was he right! He said his family called him eccentric......spose that's how they explained away his behaviour ...
Don't be hard on yourself, it took me 8 years and him having a baby with a woman 22 years younger than him (a hidden pregnancy) to wake me up.
You never get clarity and certainty with a narcissist
Shocking to know how many people have suffered the same as me. I have had far too many string alongs! It's incredible that even though your gut is telling you it's wrong you still have happy butterflies in your mind telling you it will be fine if you just keep trying 😳🥺
OMG! I'm smarter than I thought! I told her two years ago (yes, that long) I feel like an old toy that you keep buried in the back corner of your toy box that you dig out to play with occasionally and then bury me again. You just blew my feeble mind doc.
Angry, hateful, ..."loving".
Sick of you, snapping, "I love you".
"Get out of here! -You make me sick! -Come sit and spend time with me, you never spend time with me anymore" 🙄
Yelling and sabotaging who you are and what you do - don’t go I love you
The questions are how long will a person put up with being treated like refuse , but also how much self worth does the person have to continue allowing to be treatedike refuse?
an asset that can be used ... yep ... absolutely correct. If suddenly some opportunistic value is perceived, wow then LOVE you and apply the manipulating charm, how stupid can I be... really, very dumb. I have felt I am the Queen of the house and in less than two days the dog-house is my place. But it's over now... just aftershocks in my heart
I knew one guy that flaked 2 times in a row and didn't even bothered to say he wasn't coming. Another thing I heard is not getting equal investment. Meaning u send a long text and he sends one word replies when he does reply!The truth is they really don't care! They use everyone! The narcissistic looks out for themselves! They love the person for what that person can provide for them.