Girl, please leave. My ex husband left me for a 21 year old girl when I was pregnant with our 4th. I had nothing. No money, no skills, but fast foreward 4 years, I have never been happier and I am so grateful that he left, for the challenges I overcome, and I wish that for you… it’s better to leave now
I’m truly happy for you! God bless you. It’s always so inspiring to hear about women who have the strength and courage to leave their cheaters and abusers, and build a better life for themselves. Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors. Sending a big hug! 🫂💕
Yes! Or, at least she should be building skills toward getting a job and being financial independent. That alone might radically change the dynamic between them, in a good way. I'd be very interested to hear from him whether he wanted all these kids or if that was her.
That’s easy to say but being alone with 3 kids and less money can be far far worse than living with a cheater , your kids loose 5he or dad , you have to arrange custody , and have no one no one to help when you are ill , sometimes there is no good solution ,
@@v.c.7330 Fair enough, but that is 100% on her. And it's not going to get better. If she wants to keep it going for a few more years (while on BIRTH CONTROL) just to get her youngest to school age? Fine. But that needs to be an intentional plan. And she needs to scramble meanwhile to do online training/courses while at home to develop some marketable skills. So then she can walk out. She is NOT helpless unless she decides she is.
@@christinebeames712 That true. But she needs to ask herself what she CAN do to make a change. For instance, STOP HAVING BABIES. Good grief. Get on birth control immediately. Next, figure out a good career she can train for at home. Get working on it. Make sure that when that baby is a bit older, she'll be ready to GO BACK TO WORK. Because she simply can't be a stay at home mom and keep having babies with this guy. It makes her entirely vulnerable to his whims. It's going to be hard, but there is a path towards self respect and empowerment.
Ashley-I know someone who never got over their high school ex. Thirty years later, this person divorced their spouse and with the ex. You are giving this man the best years of your life and he doesn’t care.
@@JenniferAguiartampa lol the best years are gone, she’s got nothing left to give. She should stick it out for the kids and get therapy. Divorce doesn’t solve any of this at all.
@@bigbrain1392 having children live in a completely dysfunctional relationship isn’t healthy for the kids. They are bound to repeat what they witness. A child is better to be from a broken home than to live in one. He’s cruel.
@@JenniferAguiartampa it’s healthier than tearing the family apart and wreaking havoc on four innocent lives because you couldn’t choose a decent person to make children for. As Dr. John likes to say, “not by your hand but in your lap” at this point her leaving would be wrecking her own home and it would be her fault.
its boutta be 2025 you think women have the self accountability to blame themselves for their mate selection? Fat chance 😂😂😂 they can’t even protect themselves from getting powder put in a drink at the bar, gotta treat them like 4 year olds at this point
1st caller was always a “Choice B”. You gave him 4 kids before marriage, you tolerated him talking to his ex for years, and he stops speaking to you for weeks on end. 7:24 is spot on. She needs to realize she signed up for all of this and still gave this man babies.
She was a PICK ME !!!!! He wanted the one who DUMPED him ! Don’t be nice to These guys at ALL !!!!!! They don’t respect niceness or love and he’s likely a narcissist!!!!
@@veebliss1266She's not a pick me. This woman is stuck in an abusive relationship and sounds trauma bonded to her husband. He treats her like garbage when he wants to, periodically discards her, and then comes back to love bomb her like he's doing right now. He has made her dependent on him and isolated her from everyone. He has broken down her self-esteem and has left her confused. When someone is trauma bonded to their abuser, it's exceptionally hard to make sense of your world and break that trauma bond.
I noticed that too. And I was kinda surprised Dr Deloney didn't stop her and say "no, she wasn't mysteriously unblocked. He intentionally unblocked her".
Ashley you deserve better. This man is still mentally in high school. I would absolutely go back to your parents. You caught him having an emotional affair, require relocation to your support system and marriage counseling and plan your exit.
Some people are like that with high school they loved it and think it was the best time of their lives. I dated a guy all he talked about was school. Never went past 12th grade. That guy is living in the past. I'm sure the girl thinks it's so wonderful. Makes her feel young. Grow up.
@@PalmSpringsEDGEChances are you’re right, but we don’t know the whole story. I’m guessing she’s from a very dysfunctional family and he preyed on her helplessness and neediness. She was a 23 year old very naive woman who fell for a bad boy. Women like her desperately need older mentors who support and teach them self worth so they don’t end up like this. Guarantee you her dad was a pos.
@@texasrodeogirl3814 people look at me like I’m a “bad boy” but I am probably one of the most authentic people you could meet. That’s why I kind of hate the word bad boy.
2nd caller doesn't care about cheating on his wife, all he talked about was losing his job, losing his house and hurting his kids. Never said i regret the affair, I destroyed my wife, etc.
The ex wife is always the last thing to be thought of but give it 4 years...then the deep regret kicks in. The shiny affair hasn't quite worn off in his memory yet.
Dr. Deloney! I’m screaming from the top of my lungs so please hear me - please talk about how someone in her financial situation can extract themselves from a horrific relationship. Just because she’s not beaten black and blue, she’s safe. Just because someone did not put their hands on her, it’s not abuse. Granted she did everything she could to put herself, and her kids, in this situation for over a decade. I’m so angry and frustrated at her and for her. But here she is today at your door step asking for help. I know a few people who stayed put because they’re isolated, having no money to go anywhere let alone hiring an attorney. It’s damn expensive to get a divorce in 2024. Many don’t have the resources or the knowledge of how to start the process rolling. They can’t just leave without concrete plannings, especially with children. Please talk about it. Love your show. Been listening to you almost everyday. Thank you for your service.
she feels absolutely hopeless, she has been mentally abused. He told her that while she was pregnant, he would let her live there as if she were a stranger expecting a baby.
Seems like a standard abusive manipulative relationship. Is there a easy option ? I guess getting a lawyer would possibly open up compensation depending on the laws. I'm from overseas so not sure how it works in the states .
You are 100% right. This woman needs a compassionate person to guide her through this. No one knows at this point if she got pregnant to get him to marry her, but that ship has sailed. The reality is she needs to get out, go to mama’s, regroup with help and salvage the rest of her life. No matter how many mistakes she made, she’s still a precious soul with 4 kids and they can make it.
She should call a legal aid office, a university that has law professors or people/law students or someone who can give her legal information. Then she’ll have knowledge of her rights and their responsibilities BEFORE she has this conversation. I don’t know how much she can count on his reaction to what she’s going to say. She needs to Get in touch with the bank, know if she’s on the checking account, how much there is, check the transactions, etc. Is she on the deed to the house? Is she on the titles to your cars? She needs to know what she does own, even partially. It might give her a feeling of not being quite so helpless. And she should tell a good friend beforehand that she’s going to have this talk as a just-in-case. And she might feel more equipped to move forward or take action and not nearly so helpless.
Sounds like a narcissist, the isolation, the devalue, the triangulation, the control, the idealization. The gaslighting and keeping you in a cloud of confusion. I would leave with my children.
He is definitely a controlling narcissist!! And she is too weak to leave. She needs to get a job and help support herself and her kids. She went about this marriage and having kids ALL WRONG!
@@hebrewmama Why should the Parents be responsible for their grown children's reckless, irresponsible behavior...The parents are aging, heading for retirement., Can they afford to take care of an additional 5 people...do they have the room...She needs to think of them and what hardship she may be causing. ..
I can’t help but have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after listening to the first call. I value Dr. John’s show and his input, but the advice given here seems lacking. The caller very clearly describes what seems to be an emotionally controlling relationship where she is isolated from a good support system. If this is the case, marriage counseling is not the solution here and may actually escalate the situation for the worst. Ashley, you are valuable and none of this is your fault. Go to individual therapy for YOU. There is a better side to life than what your are experiencing, and I believe you can create the life you want for yourself and your children. I believe in you!
I absolutely agree! I was in one of these kind of relationships. All a woman like this needs is just a glimmer of hope. She’ll take him back and it will continue for years. Her children will suffer, as will her health. Her finances will not recover. I atleast was the main bread winner. Ashley- if you see this please run to your parents. Pack your kids up without telling him because he will convince you to stay and get counseling and figure stuff out from far away from him. Communicate with if need be through your parents. Write stuff down so you remember how you feel. Record conversations with him so you never forget why you ran!
@@hebrewmama whilst I agree see needs individual therapy, a therapists job is to help someone achieve the desired outcome they came to seek help for, Ashely still wants to be married to him. hence John said couples conseling. Ashley didnt call saying 'I want to leave him' so individual conselling etc isnt the advice she is after, she would have done it way before the 10 years and 4 kids.
Why did John dismiss this woman? No asking who dismissed her as a child, no asking if she had a group of friends, no offer of better help. Didn’t even ask if she had access to any money. Did he have separate accounts. We don’t even know if this woman has a car. What happened here?
He probably went back and forth with this person and she was under the impression that he was leaving. When she realized he wasn’t fully committed to leaving she ended it. Now he’s committed to staying with the person who puts up with his BS.
Ladies : ALWAYS have your OWN money. Please. Being with a man is NOT WORTH ALL THE HEARTACHE. I left with my girls a couple of years ago and it's the hardest thing I've ever done but I've never been happier. It'll be hard, but you'll get through it and I promise you will thrive. YOU ARE WORTH MORE than the breadcrumbs this man is willing to give you.
You say “Being with a man is not worth all the heartache”. This is Terrible advice to give to women. Not all men are bad.. I hope you are not being selfish and actually allow your daughters to have their dad in their life
@@jlywi7171 It's terrible advice to give because it doesn't benefit MEN, you mean. You have no idea why I think the way I do, my kids' dad is abusive in every way possible and they're better without him. But thanks for your super thought provoking comment.
@@shipperz88 ok so because YOU had a bad experience with a man makes it ok for you to basically advise women to avoid relationships with men?? That makes absolutely no sense. There are millions of good men out there. You just happened to pick a bad one (assuming you are being truthful and he was abusive as you claim)
10:56 he got nice because the girl he really wants from high school was doing her own thing (ie: relationship, not talking to him. Etc) thats why he was nice to you Ashley. Men like this do not change and im sorry you went through this
@SnowFoxParty she is getting supply from him. He is giving her the attention she craves and she doesn't have to do anything for it. She knows he is married with children, she is not some innocent bystander at the very least.
Delony was kinder and more empathetic to the second caller, who was a cheater and unethical at work (and taking no responsibility for any of it) than the first woman who was being emotionally abused and cheated on.
How sad. What a trauma bond to stay with a person who doesn’t value her, and bring 4 kids into the world. So much work to do. He’s just itching for a way out…if she gives him an ultimatum chances are that will be an easy way for him to say no and finally leave. But he’s the type who will find another fast so he won’t be alone. Maybe she can go back home and have support from her parents. Prayers for her.
My dad was a womanizer with former classmates after he married my mom, they were high school sweethearts. She waited till he got home from Vietnam kinda love. My sister knew but I could feel the disconnect my mom had from him. Now that I know the truth I asked her, “mom, why would you stay with him?” She said, “because I had nothing. I had to stay.” I helped her leave him when I was 19, we struggled to the point we slept on the floor but you know what? She’s one strong ass woman and bounced back to the point my dad recently asked her to remarry him. She started laughing. We see our fathers through our mother’s eyes. If you’re hurting it hurts us too, you don’t even have to say it. My mom was the best thing that ever happened to that man. She’s fulfilled with love, family, financial stability, and he’s in another country alone sitting with his thoughts. I also helped my step mother leave him recently. That’s how little I think of him.
That’s quite the generalization - as a 40yo man that was married for almost 15 years - I can honestly say that I have never cheated on anyone in my life and never will - not all men are monsters, quite the opposite actually 💚💛❤️
Never had more woman sworm on me then when I got married. Always thought it was a joke that if wanted to get hit on just wear a wedding ring. It definitely was not a joke. It's like a dinner bell. I work in the medical field and work with hundreds of woman and maybe 2 out of 10 would say oh he's married stay away the rest when I told them I was married would take it as a challenge to get me to cheat it is horrible.
She's not safe. She's being emotionally abused. A stay-at-home mom with 4 kids? One thing the caller can do is inform the old girlfriend that if there is any further contact, this prize of a man will arrive penniless on her doorstep. Because he won't have a cent left by the time she's done with him. This might be the wake up call the ex-girlfriend needs. There's a lot of 2nd wives out there who find this out, sometimes it is the second wife who ends up paying the child support! How many women really want a cheater with four kids to support?
I’m sorry, but she has been a SAHM for a long time, and if she has no financial support, then she is going to have to go back and get a job. She needs to speak with a professional and she seemed shocked when he mentioned professional help. I hope the best for her, however, she seems to have a lot of mental health issues that she must get help with before she can get better. She will not be able to take the children out of state if she wants child support.
Ever message the other women. It’s not her responsibility to honor their marriage. Sometimes women want to make a scene bc they’re hurt but all she can do is control herself by removing herself and staying gone.
@@fishercourt she's exactly who alimony was designed to help. This man will be paying alimony and child support and he'll really see if the ex wants him or just the fantasy of "the married man wants me" when she sees him paying out for 4 kids each month.
Under zero circumstances do you ever speak to the Ex-Girlfriend- Yes the Ex-Girlfriend is 100% wrong but the problem exists in the marriage and she address the issue with the husband- and by means of addressing it, serving him with divorce papers.
There is no path forward. This is a patented technique-when she is stable and able to be independent, he acts like a sweetheart; when she is vulnerable (carrying a child, apparently), he takes advantage and pursues his other relationships. She needs to get out, or there will be babies 5, 6, and 7 to facilitate his dance.
The way he treated the first caller was shameful!! So disappointing. You had an opportunity to lift her up. Recommend she reach out to others - family/friends. No free Better Help for her? No free book?? That was terrible.
Bad call Dr John. She's not safe; he's emotionally abusive and probably a narcissist or a psychopath. She could be another national headline of murdered wife and four kids.
First caller that women will always be in your life. He has been seeing her and when he breaks up with you that's his excuse to go be with her. He is using you big time. He is definitely cheating.
@@erikak128 If I remember correctly, her parents another state. Before a battle, get where your people are and settle. It’s not yet against the law/courts to take the kids.
Completely disagree with the 2nd caller advice. This man cheated on his wife and when he lost his job because of his own stupidity she should be the last person he calls. Let the woman move on and find someone who respects her. He can work on himself but don't open old wounds for someone else. This is extremely selfish of him. When he talked with his daughter he said: "Daddy messed up at work." No, no my dude, daddy messed up his life, his daughter's life and her mother's. This call is infuriating.
Too late - he already reached out. The wife's response to his call for help sounds like she may be willing to forgive. He honestly sounds touched by it. Whether or not she forgives him or helps him out is completely up to her. Sometimes this is the wakeup call people need to straighten out their lives, and it may not totally have hit him yet, but the guy is starting to realize the consequences of his stupidity at least. If so, they may be able to save the marriage, if both are willing to start over, regardless of society's verdict that the wronged spouse should arbitrarily reject and jettison the other spouse from her life.
@@snopure He mentioned that he was considering if he should be with the mistress in the same call, as he was crying over how kind his ex-wife was after he chose to reach out to her. ☠️ He can sound touched and cry all he wants when he is at his lowest point, it's the way he acted when he was at his highest point in life that is more important, his decisions then were simply selfish. SMH.
I agree with you. I know that we do thing sometimes. However, cheating is not a mistake. It's a series of choice you make. They are always sorry when the have to suffer the consequences. Sad.
Don't dump your sob story on your wife. You wrecked her life and caused your daughter irreparable harm because of your selfishness. Don't expect them to bail you out and be your counselor. Get your selfish butt up and repair your own mess.
I wish people thought about the environment their children would be raised in before having them. I feel bad for the children who had no say in the environment in which they would live in.
I dated a guy off and on through high school and college. He met a woman after college and she asked him to stop talking to me. He and I were friends - close friends. And cheating was unimaginable to both of us. Nevertheless, she asked and we both agreed. We didn’t talk until our 10yr high school reunion. And then he messaged me about 10 years into our marriages to check in. We’ve both been married for 20+ years and out of respect for his wife we aren’t friends anymore. It is what it is. She was clearly hurt in the past and my friend protected her. Maybe he regrets it (or marrying her in the first place), but he made the right choice in terms of priorities.
Your comment about him maybe regretting marrying his wife, even though you know nothing about all that they've been through together shows that subconciously your intentions toward him are not pure, and his wife was wise to set boundaries with you. How would you like it if your husband's ex who rarely talks to him, implied that he regrets marrying you? Grow up!
@@Price8903 mostly it’s because all the years we dated he talked about how much he looked forward to being a dad. His family is Catholic and he has three brothers and sisters. His wife is an actress and never wanted kids. It’s complicated why he married her in the first place, but once he did he wasn’t going to divorce her over wanting/not wanting kids. He knew going in she didn’t want them, but he was young and likely assumed she would change her mind. She didn’t. Meanwhile I didn’t really want kids going into marriage and I have four. You really can’t predict how life will turn out 😂
She needs legal help. She feels like she has no way out, she feels trapped. She wants to leave but has no money to do it or help with the kids. He's telling her she can't leave the state with the kids, which is how she feels is the only way to do it with the help of her parents. If someone knows how she could legally leave with the kids to her parents, that's what she needs, without spending a lot of money on a lawyer. She needs help quick! I always worry about spouses like that who are in a fantasy world wanting to be with someone else bc you never know what they might do to be with that person. Thinking about it maybe she needs to reach out to a women's shelter.
they are married and their is no custody order, she can leave any time with the kids- then file for separation and start the process. Once she leaves he can file anything he wants but she is gone and because she is a stay at home mom, yeah that idiot would owe alimony and child support, then she can get on her feet and move closer but she has options and as long as their is no order in place she can leave and should leave and go back home- she needs to help that idiot grow up (hurts when you hit the pockets but you learn) 😄
She will not be able to get child support in another state so if the divorce happens where she is right now, then she will need to get a job. I hope she just gets the help she deserves and learns to put her foot down. She chose to get married and to have more babies while hoping for her partner to change, she made these choices and she has to decide whether she really wants help.
@@fishercourt you don't have to be in the same state to file for child support, I know ones on east coast who have file on dads in the south and won their cases.
Ashley, make copies of his texts to this woman and get an attorney. He will never change. Don't let him decide how you and your kids will live. Go talk to an attorney and take the texts with you and see what your options are. God bless you and your kids. 🙏
The 2nd caller is unbelievable. No remorse for what he did to his wife and daughter relationally. It was hard to listen to him and feel anything other than contempt.
I know, and he is still talking to the AF partner, and sounds like he is trying to past blame on her for cheating with him, even though she is, but it should not come from him. Sad human being.
@@greenlenny3926 he feels unempowered. Maybe his job and salary sucks, or his parents and family suck or his assets are minimal and he feels he has no control over it. So he takes it out on the 1 person he can control, his wife. She is home with 4 kids, jobless, moneyless and there he is king of his castle. But a marriage is not about being king. It’s about being half of a partnership.
I don’t think the husband loves either woman. If he truly wanted and loved his ex he wouldn’t stay with his wife because he would want to be with the ex. He just likes getting both
My sister is in a similar relationship. I don’t blame the guy though. I’ve seen how she is behind closed doors to him and yet she will speak just like this woman. Calm and soft spoken and all victim like
The second caller was RECKLESS, and his family is now reaping what HE has sown. He had better thank God for his ex-wife, and he had better not burn her again.smh
Step 1. Work on yourself so you know what you are about and how you will live a fulfilling life that supports your values. Step 2. Find a person who shares those values and visions...work on building a partnership...and healthy way to navigate life's challenges TOGETHER. Step 3: Decide you as a couple are ready for the challenge and responsibility (and awesomeness) of having kids. People skip all these steps and start having babies...doesn't go well.
The 2nd caller got too comfortable, 25 years at the same company, making money, thinking he was rolling, cheats on his wife with a coworker who ends up being the source of his professional and personal demise. Karma. Can’t feel sorry for this dude.
It's so easy to judge Ashley being the person on the outside of all of this. I always told my husband it was a good thing he married me as quickly as he did (😂), because I had a rule for myself - if it was to the 2nd year of dating and we weren't engaged or making a plan to get married, I would move on. I ended a relationship for that reason - because it was going nowhere. I still think my ex is a good person, we just weren't meant to be together. In Ashley's case, at this point, she needs to do better for herself and for her kids. If he doesn't want to be with you, then let him go. It will hurt like hell to be rejected, but your kids need to see someone treat their mom with the love and respect she deserves. Otherwise they continue the cycle when they are adults. And no one wants that.
@@misslanapaulford Someone may need to clarify that for her, and those of us on the outside should be less critical of her -- she's obviously been put through the ringer both emotionally and mentally. She's probably spent this entire time trying different ways to earn her husband's love and eating up his false promises. It may take her awhile to break out of the shell of a person this relationship has made her become.
@@snopure The fact that she's phoned up means she knows what happening to her and knows its not right... This is the point where she escapes or leaves...
This is a precursor to her future…he IS going to leave her. But ONLY when the kids are grown, so he doesn’t have to pay child support. Personally I WOULD stay with him( with 4 kids) but I would get a career, be a squirrel and secretly plan accordingly for his departure.
Exactly!! She needs her own financial income stream (it will give her confidence-and he will likely try to squash it). He will likely leave her (which would be a gift to her, really) or he will stay and keep belittling her until she wakes up. I know from my own experience what it takes to get away from a narcissist. And I am a strong woman with financial independence. It was very difficult. They are pure evil. I will pray for her. 🙏 She sounds like a sweet and beaten down sister. She needs support!!
My fiance left me for the high school girl in his 40s who had 2 divorces and 3 boys. Only to marry her 6 months later and died of cancer 8 yrs later. That woman never treated him nice nor posted any photos of them on Facebook. All she does now is take pics of her hair and nails getting done and had trips she goes on. Not one word about my fiance, not one nice thing about his existence. It breaks my heart but that is what he chose
@@klickingkayasmr7585 we just need to pick better and learn to value ourselfs more. For the first time in my life i consult God in this matters I didn't before. A few yeras i met someone for the first time i asked Him about this individual and HE showed me straight away not to get involved with him. I wish i had, had this approach in my life since the beguining it would have saved me a lot of confusion and disappointment.
Talking to the ex is just the most flagrant in a whole variety of ways the man mistreats his wife. I imagine Dr. Delony gave caller the “you knew what you were getting into” speech instead of the “you’re worth more than this” speech because he wants her to confront the husband as if they are equals rather than as a victim to her oppressor.
The dude just wants to have "new relationship" level fun and wants no parts of the actually responsibility, stress, and challenge that HIS family and babies bring.
All these stay at home moms need a plan B … they are always depending on these losers . They end up trapped and these kids will learn that this is okay.
@@JesseGraham-l9s Better still, STOP having kids with shitty men. I can understand the first 2, but why the fk are having sex with him. If the first two kids aren't going to save a relationship or marriage another 2 isn't going to help. Plus would u want to have sex with someone know they are thinking about someone else.
@@misslanapaulford Women don't take responsibility for the men they pick lol. They don't have to either. The world coddles their bad decisions. If they pick a bad man, the justice system just makes up for it. In fact, Women get rewarded for having children with shitty men lol. Imagine you could just go sleep with the hooker down the street and have kids and the justice system demanded she give you half her income from this point forward. That's how the justice system operates for women. There is no incentive for women to sleep with good men in society.
@@misslanapaulford It's a little different for women to in that regard. Women don't mind the sexual history of a male, like men do for women. The more partners a man has had, to women, shows that he is desirable partner. Women get a little satisfaction over other women wanting their man. It shows status to.
1st caller: why didn’t he marry his high school sweetheart instead? Even though she broke up with him & then turned around to entertain his behavior KNOWING that he is married AND for him to keep the love he STILL had for her for all these years is insane. Years of marriage & 4 kids later?! He has a mental illness.
They both have serious mental health problems. She has enabled him to break up with her for a week at a time with zero consequences. She has taken him back and she truly believes that he has not cheated. That is unhealthy and unrealistic. They are both living in fantasy land.
We need more information about the relationship. Was he with his high school sweetheart and she interjected herself and became pregnant to trap him into marriage. There is so much we don't know.
John, do you NOT understand psychological abuse??? Feel like the ball was dropped on the first call. That guy is hoovering and love bombing her every time she's ready to call it quits. He's making her feel insecure knowing he has a back up if she doesn't keep in line. It's called narcissistic abuse. Seems many of the comments don't get it either. Of course she's had 4 kids. He's controlling her psychologically. Telling her she opted in for 12 years ignoring the OBVIOUS signs of psychological manipulation is just yuck to me. (A woman who has been healed from this kind of abuse.) If you DON'T understand how she is where she is BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL YOU DON'T.
Tyler-if there is a FedEx distribution center center in your area, you can get a job driving trailers from one distribution center to another. It’s much easier work than most trucking jobs. My brother got hired as a driver. Then he was invited to own his own trucks and drive for FedEx. He now has several trucks with his own drivers. He makes really good money and it’s been a very secure job/business for him for 15 years.
First caller, this isn’t unusual most men long for a lost love but what’s crazy is continuing to have children. 4?! This man doesn’t love you, take the kids you wanted and leave
It’s scary to have no family, no support, and leave the little bit of stability to go out into the world and walk away from everything with 4 little ones. I think she deserved a little more compassion in this call, she is trying and he is continuing to hurt her, he’s most likely not going to try to be all in since he never has been but that doesn’t minimize how deeply she wanted this to be a safe, loving, healthy marriage. Some times people stay because life is so expensive and hard to do alone.
I was a foodservice delivery worker to, for 11 years. I applied to do mail delivery 3.5 years ago, I got it, now I have a wicked pension and an incredible job. I work a 6 hour day and love it. If I needed extra money I could drive truck on the weekends but I’m happy. If you love driving so much, try and find a better driving job that has a shorter day. Medical supply delivery? Fuel/furnace oil delivery ? Medical patient transport? I promise you, you can still drive and work leas
Ashley -- that's totally mentally abusive behavior!! If he doesn't want to change, he's not going to! I don't see him ending his affair with the old GF, who is also a home wrecker (God never sends you someone else's husband)!! I pray that you find peace and teach your kids that THIS is not the way a husband treats his wife! ❤
Unfortunately, I cannot feel sorry for the lady. Every woman who has to wait 10 years to be married to, knows that something is wrong. She went into this eyes wide open. We choose red and are surprised when blue does not come up. We choose men who show us they do not really want us and keep us on a string, and we expect fidelity and in addition to all that, have a lot of children? He showed her who he is after each child. What was she waiting for? It's so unfair to always complain about men when they tell and show us who they are and we stay. We women have to wake up. We are making such unwise decisions. You can leave even if you want to stay; you can leave even if you're in love with someone. Love is no excuse for ignoring clear signs and not choosing wisdom.
It’s not unfair for her to “complain” about the effects her emotionally abusive husband has on her. She needs help. People come to this world with all kinds of different tools and resources, some of which make us more vulnerable for this type of situation. “Tough love” doesn’t fix this. She found herself in a downward spiral she needs to get herself out of, yes. But in no way is it unfair to call out how perfectly willing this man is to treat someone who loves him so terribly.
The second caller hasn't fully accepted his wrongdoing. He's done some work but not enough. He cheated on his wife but I don't get that he's remorseful about cheating. I think he's hurt by his actions as they relate to his job and daughter. If he still had his job and didn't have a daughter, I'm not sure he would really care.
He's hurt because he lost his job and is humiliated. He doesn't care about how hurt his wife, daughter and even his mistress are. He tried to dump the blame on the mistress and discredit her because she knew he was married and still went through with the affair. Stupid idiot, YOU knew you were married and went through with the affair!!!!
1st Call - Unfortunately, they were a perfect match. He, a bully, her…no self esteem. She needs a lot of help in so many ways….but she has to make the first step to get well. I understand the comments telling her of her worth…..which are true. But when you ‘have never’ known this kind of thinking, and it didn’t start with her husband, there is a long road to recovering. So sad!
My favorite thing in the world is when guys cheat on their wives, then don’t want to be with the mistress because she was the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man
It blows my mind when a woman sees all the behaviors before having children but have them any, effectively backing them into a corner and then are surprised when they are miserable and are dragging the kids through it now.
Caller 1 : I would contact the ex and send her this clip and let her know how he behaves to the mother of his kids. To his WIFE. The ex broke up with him for a reason. There is no man so attractive as to get away with this cruel behavior to a woman he chose to be with for 12 years.
That’s not what John’s blaming her for. He’s “upset” that she created another kid with him knowing his behavior. This same behavior didn’t change between the 3rd and 4th kid. There was no bait and switch.
She is trauma bonded to him. She thinks if she has kids with him, marries him, loves him harder, that he will change. He will never change, he will never attend marriage or individual counseling. I wonder what happened in her childhood that made her chase after someone who wishes he could go back to his high school days & escape the responsibility of adulthood.
I think he still has the side chick, but he wasn’t sure if he should stay with someone who’d knowingly have an affair with a married man. He’s got a real pot vs. kettle situation on his hands. 😅
You really shouldn’t have had four kids with your husband. Usually this would be fine. But when you knew he was doing this long before you had number four. Don’t get pregnant again, that would be stupid.
What about ‘work wife’ and ‘work husband’? Folks LOVE that stuff! Attention seeking folks can’t get enough. Like John said - he stays in touch with exes from HIGH SCHOOL, and enjoys compliments from wherever they come from
Everything in life escalates, behaviourwise: if you have great business acumen, you only get better at it the more you do it; in criminology, crime escalates too: they start off with petty crime, stealing this or that, then it escalates to breaking & entering, then murder. Cheating works the same: emotional affair, he pushes your boundary on it not trying to fix the issues but to torture you, then when you look again its a physical full on affair, the 2 of them scheme against you etc etc. It always escalates. It only ends when you stop engaging.
I disagree that a professional will help, he's made his choice and he's been neglecting and indifferent for the entire duration. A therapist isn't gonna help, he only said you can stay.... that's not a choice to stay in the marraige
Girl please leave. I had the same thing happen to me. All my family lives elsewhere and he said I would never make it on my own. Create a 90 day plan with savings and get out of there. Take back your life
First caller…he is abusive. SORRY! You absolutely can take the kids out of state and file at the state you are freeing to. Unless there is already an order in place. I cannot believe Dr. John isn’t seeing this.
I was in her shoes before. It's hurtful because you're alone and helpless depending on a spouse.. The only way I was able to get out, was when I received a medical settlement. I feel for her.
The way I would choose to be alone over being someone's 2nd choice. In a heart beat I would divorce this man. While he's at work, pack you and your children up and leave, go stay with your parents. File for divorce. He won't bother you long, he will go be with his 1st choice and make her miserable while you heal and find yourself.
1st caller- girlllll😂. Let him go be with her since that's what he want to do. Edit-he breaks up with you regularly No ma'am You need to work on getting a job, even if it's a stay at home job. He tries to run over you cause he pays the bills. Get your power back. Im not saying divorce him But u gotta get things on track.
The second caller….men sure know how to screw up EVERYTHING for EVERYONE. Wtf is wrong with them? Most of them are like this, but they think they should be the leaders 🤨
Second caller..from the wife’s perspective…she stills feels the same about her husband..She still loves him..She is responding to him because of that love &devotion & maybe because of her wedding vows. It’s clearly not her fault for the marriage breakup. It is possible to rekindle love with two willing hearts! However the marriage would never be the same because trust was broken and the man’s weak character was exposed.
He doesn't have a willing heart because in his next breath he said he doesn't know if he wants to end the affair. He would just use his wife until he finds another opportunity to cheat.
First caller's husband doesn't understand that his high school girlfriend doesn't want him. She wants to know that she can get him even though he's married. It's an ego boost for her. No way in hell does she dream of becoming the step mother of this loosers kids.
She is wasting her best years with an immature man who cannot get over a fantasy that may seem exciting now, but people change since high school. He is controlling and manipulating his wife in every way. He knows she has low self esteem and low self worth. It's easier said than done to say just divorce him, but unfortunately he's narcissistic manipulation is taking a toll on her mental health. It's not going to get any better! He doesn't want her, he just keeps her to torment her.
Girl, please leave. My ex husband left me for a 21 year old girl when I was pregnant with our 4th. I had nothing. No money, no skills, but fast foreward 4 years, I have never been happier and I am so grateful that he left, for the challenges I overcome, and I wish that for you… it’s better to leave now
😂
I’m truly happy for you! God bless you. It’s always so inspiring to hear about women who have the strength and courage to leave their cheaters and abusers, and build a better life for themselves. Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors. Sending a big hug! 🫂💕
@@pixel6878what does “😂” even mean!?
I don't know you, but I am proud of you. Life is way too short !
Yes! Or, at least she should be building skills toward getting a job and being financial independent. That alone might radically change the dynamic between them, in a good way. I'd be very interested to hear from him whether he wanted all these kids or if that was her.
I would rather be single than deal with someone who treated me like a backup option.
Unfortunately she probably believes he will come to love her and only her.
Yes, but when you're financially dependent on a man, it's hard to walk out.
That’s easy to say but being alone with 3 kids and less money can be far far worse than living with a cheater , your kids loose 5he or dad , you have to arrange custody , and have no one no one to help when you are ill , sometimes there is no good solution ,
@@v.c.7330 Fair enough, but that is 100% on her. And it's not going to get better. If she wants to keep it going for a few more years (while on BIRTH CONTROL) just to get her youngest to school age? Fine. But that needs to be an intentional plan. And she needs to scramble meanwhile to do online training/courses while at home to develop some marketable skills. So then she can walk out. She is NOT helpless unless she decides she is.
@@christinebeames712 That true. But she needs to ask herself what she CAN do to make a change. For instance, STOP HAVING BABIES. Good grief. Get on birth control immediately. Next, figure out a good career she can train for at home. Get working on it. Make sure that when that baby is a bit older, she'll be ready to GO BACK TO WORK. Because she simply can't be a stay at home mom and keep having babies with this guy. It makes her entirely vulnerable to his whims. It's going to be hard, but there is a path towards self respect and empowerment.
Ashley-I know someone who never got over their high school ex. Thirty years later, this person divorced their spouse and with the ex. You are giving this man the best years of your life and he doesn’t care.
@@JenniferAguiartampa lol the best years are gone, she’s got nothing left to give. She should stick it out for the kids and get therapy. Divorce doesn’t solve any of this at all.
You may know my mother!
@@bigbrain1392 Disgusting comment.
@@bigbrain1392 having children live in a completely dysfunctional relationship isn’t healthy for the kids. They are bound to repeat what they witness. A child is better to be from a broken home than to live in one. He’s cruel.
@@JenniferAguiartampa it’s healthier than tearing the family apart and wreaking havoc on four innocent lives because you couldn’t choose a decent person to make children for. As Dr. John likes to say, “not by your hand but in your lap” at this point her leaving would be wrecking her own home and it would be her fault.
Stop having kids with these losers who' are cheating, emotionally or otherwise.
Lol how are you supposed to know that when people lie
@@CE-vd2pxOne big clue is when they won’t marry you…duh.
In this case, she even said that he was showing signs after her 3rd kid. Yest she had a 4th @@CE-vd2px
its boutta be 2025 you think women have the self accountability to blame themselves for their mate selection? Fat chance 😂😂😂 they can’t even protect themselves from getting powder put in a drink at the bar, gotta treat them like 4 year olds at this point
Insecure and desperate
1st caller was always a “Choice B”. You gave him 4 kids before marriage, you tolerated him talking to his ex for years, and he stops speaking to you for weeks on end. 7:24 is spot on. She needs to realize she signed up for all of this and still gave this man babies.
She was a PICK ME !!!!! He wanted the one who DUMPED him ! Don’t be nice to
These guys at ALL !!!!!! They don’t respect niceness or love and he’s likely a narcissist!!!!
Fine. She realizes it. Now what? There is zero actual advice in your post.
@@veebliss1266She's not a pick me. This woman is stuck in an abusive relationship and sounds trauma bonded to her husband. He treats her like garbage when he wants to, periodically discards her, and then comes back to love bomb her like he's doing right now.
He has made her dependent on him and isolated her from everyone. He has broken down her self-esteem and has left her confused. When someone is trauma bonded to their abuser, it's exceptionally hard to make sense of your world and break that trauma bond.
Not the smartest lady clearly.
Exactly. @@greenAbbot
When she says, she was unblocked instead of he unblocked her, denial.
I noticed that too. "SHE.... was unblocked" lol like oh you mean HE unblocked her
Sad
I noticed that too. And I was kinda surprised Dr Deloney didn't stop her and say "no, she wasn't mysteriously unblocked. He intentionally unblocked her".
Exactly!! No accountability. At all!
Ashley you deserve better. This man is still mentally in high school. I would absolutely go back to your parents. You caught him having an emotional affair, require relocation to your support system and marriage counseling and plan your exit.
right. She deserves to be loved and she's not ever going to get that from this dude.
Damaged good. No one will take on a woman with 4 children.
@@05maggieshe deserves to be loved. She needs to move on.
There are women with more that have great second marriages.
Some people are like that with high school they loved it and think it was the best time of their lives. I dated a guy all he talked about was school. Never went past 12th grade. That guy is living in the past. I'm sure the girl thinks it's so wonderful. Makes her feel young. Grow up.
1st Caller: Your husband didn't want you, but decided to marry you since you had 3 kids by him. So Sorry - you deserve to be valued and loved
So true!!.
Women like this often get pregnant on purpose to "get the man." I wouldn't feel one bit sorry for her. She made her own bed.
@@PalmSpringsEDGEChances are you’re right, but we don’t know the whole story. I’m guessing she’s from a very dysfunctional family and he preyed on her helplessness and neediness. She was a 23 year old very naive woman who fell for a bad boy. Women like her desperately need older mentors who support and teach them self worth so they don’t end up like this. Guarantee you her dad was a pos.
Poor girl
@@texasrodeogirl3814 people look at me like I’m a “bad boy” but I am probably one of the most authentic people you could meet. That’s why I kind of hate the word bad boy.
2nd caller doesn't care about cheating on his wife, all he talked about was losing his job, losing his house and hurting his kids. Never said i regret the affair, I destroyed my wife, etc.
The ex wife is always the last thing to be thought of but give it 4 years...then the deep regret kicks in. The shiny affair hasn't quite worn off in his memory yet.
@@blueseptember2174
Nah, he doesnt love her anymore. Period
@@HeidisHereAndTherenot currently. But as he matures, he absolutely will.
Yeah, he said he’s still trying to determine if he wants to be with the side chick. John had to tell him NO YOU DON’T
Crying for himself!!!! He didn’t think of ALL this before cheating like a Dummy!! 😂
Dr. Deloney! I’m screaming from the top of my lungs so please hear me - please talk about how someone in her financial situation can extract themselves from a horrific relationship. Just because she’s not beaten black and blue, she’s safe. Just because someone did not put their hands on her, it’s not abuse.
Granted she did everything she could to put herself, and her kids, in this situation for over a decade. I’m so angry and frustrated at her and for her. But here she is today at your door step asking for help.
I know a few people who stayed put because they’re isolated, having no money to go anywhere let alone hiring an attorney. It’s damn expensive to get a divorce in 2024. Many don’t have the resources or the knowledge of how to start the process rolling.
They can’t just leave without concrete plannings, especially with children. Please talk about it. Love your show. Been listening to you almost everyday. Thank you for your service.
she feels absolutely hopeless, she has been mentally abused. He told her that while she was pregnant, he would let her live there as if she were a stranger expecting a baby.
Seems like a standard abusive manipulative relationship. Is there a easy option ? I guess getting a lawyer would possibly open up compensation depending on the laws. I'm from overseas so not sure how it works in the states .
@@amysmiles9751yes so absolutely cruel. Hopefully her parents can help her. I’d be GONE like a thief in the night. All those years 😫
You are 100% right. This woman needs a compassionate person to guide her through this. No one knows at this point if she got pregnant to get him to marry her, but that ship has sailed. The reality is she needs to get out, go to mama’s, regroup with help and salvage the rest of her life. No matter how many mistakes she made, she’s still a precious soul with 4 kids and they can make it.
She should call a legal aid office, a university that has law professors or people/law students or someone who can give her legal information. Then she’ll have knowledge of her rights and their responsibilities BEFORE she has this conversation. I don’t know how much she can count on his reaction to what she’s going to say.
She needs to Get in touch with the bank, know if she’s on the checking account, how much there is, check the transactions, etc. Is she on the deed to the house? Is she on the titles to your cars? She needs to know what she does own, even partially. It might give her a feeling of not being quite so helpless. And she should tell a good friend beforehand that she’s going to have this talk as a just-in-case. And she might feel more equipped to move forward or take action and not nearly so helpless.
Sounds like a narcissist, the isolation, the devalue, the triangulation, the control, the idealization. The gaslighting and keeping you in a cloud of confusion. I would leave with my children.
💯 %. As a former therapist 20+ years, agree with your assessment. Poor woman. She needs support to leave
He is definitely a controlling narcissist!! And she is too weak to leave. She needs to get a job and help support herself and her kids. She went about this marriage and having kids ALL WRONG!
I was married to a controlling narcissist and it took me a few years and a plan to get the hell away from him!!
Ashley- I have 4 kids - I did the exact same except I stayed for 17 yrs. I wish I had parents I could run to. RUNNNNN
*cue the run music*
RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN BOOOOOIIIII
@@hebrewmama Why should the Parents be responsible for their grown children's reckless, irresponsible behavior...The parents are aging, heading for retirement., Can they afford to take care of an additional 5 people...do they have the room...She needs to think of them and what hardship she may be causing. ..
Right. We are so afraid or led by our fear of being alone/ not having intimacy not realizing you stay in a CAGE THAT WILL NEVER PROVIDE YOU THAT.
@@Alice-rm9ge Hey Alice 🤫 hush your mouth.
@@hebrewmamaHit a nerve I see
Why was I not surprised she is away from her family and has no resources … he sounds like a toxic narcissist!
I was screaming “you’re being abused”
💯 agree... and he thinks she is STUCK (because of 4 kids) and he's king 🤬 that can treat her any way he wants to.
I can’t help but have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after listening to the first call. I value Dr. John’s show and his input, but the advice given here seems lacking. The caller very clearly describes what seems to be an emotionally controlling relationship where she is isolated from a good support system. If this is the case, marriage counseling is not the solution here and may actually escalate the situation for the worst. Ashley, you are valuable and none of this is your fault. Go to individual therapy for YOU. There is a better side to life than what your are experiencing, and I believe you can create the life you want for yourself and your children. I believe in you!
Sounds like she is in a narcissistic abuse relationship.
I absolutely agree! I was in one of these kind of relationships. All a woman like this needs is just a glimmer of hope. She’ll take him back and it will continue for years. Her children will suffer, as will her health. Her finances will not recover. I atleast was the main bread winner. Ashley- if you see this please run to your parents. Pack your kids up without telling him because he will convince you to stay and get counseling and figure stuff out from far away from him. Communicate with if need be through your parents. Write stuff down so you remember how you feel. Record conversations with him so you never forget why you ran!
I agree
@@hebrewmama whilst I agree see needs individual therapy, a therapists job is to help someone achieve the desired outcome they came to seek help for, Ashely still wants to be married to him. hence John said couples conseling. Ashley didnt call saying 'I want to leave him' so individual conselling etc isnt the advice she is after, she would have done it way before the 10 years and 4 kids.
@@hebrewmamaSome good advice there too. Building up a strong support system here will be crucial.
Why did John dismiss this woman? No asking who dismissed her as a child, no asking if she had a group of friends, no offer of better help. Didn’t even ask if she had access to any money. Did he have separate accounts. We don’t even know if this woman has a car. What happened here?
@heidikarpa2278 I agree . I am very disappointed with what John said to her. She needs help asap
Maybe hits too close to home for him
Make your own show called the Dr Heidi Karpa show and ask her all those questions yourself. It's easy to be a Monday Night Quarterback.
Not being afraid of physical violence is not safety.
You must be new to the show, because John has made this clear many times.
Come on that's ridiculous
Why do people continue to have kids with people that don't respect them. All you do is set yourself up for a world of hurt.
Because they think having kids will lock the other person into being with them!
Some people have been treated so badly as kids they don't know what respect is
Maybe the fifth time will be the charm.
@@greenAbbot come on man, have some compassion
Low confidence and low self esteem
Sounds like his high school girlfriend broke up with him 3 weeks ago. That's why he's crawling back.
Great point. She probably cut him off. I didn't consider that. Most likely spot on.
Very astute reasoning. Good one.
He probably went back and forth with this person and she was under the impression that he was leaving. When she realized he wasn’t fully committed to leaving she ended it. Now he’s committed to staying with the person who puts up with his BS.
@@richparkinson9647BINGO
No one really wants him! She accepted him just bc he has responsibilities, I’m sure her desire for him has gone, at least 80% of it!
Ladies : ALWAYS have your OWN money. Please. Being with a man is NOT WORTH ALL THE HEARTACHE. I left with my girls a couple of years ago and it's the hardest thing I've ever done but I've never been happier. It'll be hard, but you'll get through it and I promise you will thrive. YOU ARE WORTH MORE than the breadcrumbs this man is willing to give you.
Yep! This! I know working moms get s**t on often but I will never have to worry about not being able to remove my children from an abusive situation.
You say “Being with a man is not worth all the heartache”. This is Terrible advice to give to women. Not all men are bad.. I hope you are not being selfish and actually allow your daughters to have their dad in their life
@@jlywi7171 It's terrible advice to give because it doesn't benefit MEN, you mean. You have no idea why I think the way I do, my kids' dad is abusive in every way possible and they're better without him. But thanks for your super thought provoking comment.
@@shipperz88 ok so because YOU had a bad experience with a man makes it ok for you to basically advise women to avoid relationships with men?? That makes absolutely no sense. There are millions of good men out there. You just happened to pick a bad one (assuming you are being truthful and he was abusive as you claim)
10:56 he got nice because the girl he really wants from high school was doing her own thing (ie: relationship, not talking to him. Etc) thats why he was nice to you Ashley. Men like this do not change and im sorry you went through this
I think so too. The ex is also a narcissist too. She is toying with him too. So sad.
This is exactly correct. That man won’t change
@coureenlawrence4915 how is she toying with him too?
@SnowFoxParty she is getting supply from him. He is giving her the attention she craves and she doesn't have to do anything for it. She knows he is married with children, she is not some innocent bystander at the very least.
Ashley, I wish you and your kids all the best. Please know your value ❤
First caller,
Behavior is a language:He’s SCREAMING. She’s not listening…AT ALL.🤦♀️🤷♀️
@@rebekahwilson7703
Absolutely fkin Spot on. Judge any man by his actions not his words..what does she want it in writing.
@@misslanapaulford *Judge any human by their actions not their words.
Listening to caller #2. Why didn’t John sit with the 1st caller in her shame and despair and walk with her? I’m really worried about this woman.
Delony was kinder and more empathetic to the second caller, who was a cheater and unethical at work (and taking no responsibility for any of it) than the first woman who was being emotionally abused and cheated on.
How sad. What a trauma bond to stay with a person who doesn’t value her, and bring 4 kids into the world. So much work to do. He’s just itching for a way out…if she gives him an ultimatum chances are that will be an easy way for him to say no and finally leave. But he’s the type who will find another fast so he won’t be alone. Maybe she can go back home and have support from her parents. Prayers for her.
Your kids will see this as love for the rest of their life. Do you want this for your kids?
Exactly! She needs to get out and please stop having children with these walking pieces of 💩.
My dad was a womanizer with former classmates after he married my mom, they were high school sweethearts. She waited till he got home from Vietnam kinda love. My sister knew but I could feel the disconnect my mom had from him. Now that I know the truth I asked her, “mom, why would you stay with him?” She said, “because I had nothing. I had to stay.” I helped her leave him when I was 19, we struggled to the point we slept on the floor but you know what? She’s one strong ass woman and bounced back to the point my dad recently asked her to remarry him. She started laughing. We see our fathers through our mother’s eyes. If you’re hurting it hurts us too, you don’t even have to say it. My mom was the best thing that ever happened to that man. She’s fulfilled with love, family, financial stability, and he’s in another country alone sitting with his thoughts. I also helped my step mother leave him recently. That’s how little I think of him.
Ain’t nobody more single than a MARRIED man!
Girl…
that part!!!
That’s quite the generalization - as a 40yo man that was married for almost 15 years - I can honestly say that I have never cheated on anyone in my life and never will - not all men are monsters, quite the opposite actually 💚💛❤️
@@TheSleepy1326 not all men, but always men 💀
Never had more woman sworm on me then when I got married. Always thought it was a joke that if wanted to get hit on just wear a wedding ring. It definitely was not a joke. It's like a dinner bell. I work in the medical field and work with hundreds of woman and maybe 2 out of 10 would say oh he's married stay away the rest when I told them I was married would take it as a challenge to get me to cheat it is horrible.
She's not safe. She's being emotionally abused. A stay-at-home mom with 4 kids?
One thing the caller can do is inform the old girlfriend that if there is any further contact, this prize of a man will arrive penniless on her doorstep. Because he won't have a cent left by the time she's done with him.
This might be the wake up call the ex-girlfriend needs.
There's a lot of 2nd wives out there who find this out, sometimes it is the second wife who ends up paying the child support!
How many women really want a cheater with four kids to support?
I’m sorry, but she has been a SAHM for a long time, and if she has no financial support, then she is going to have to go back and get a job. She needs to speak with a professional and she seemed shocked when he mentioned professional help.
I hope the best for her, however, she seems to have a lot of mental health issues that she must get help with before she can get better.
She will not be able to take the children out of state if she wants child support.
Ever message the other women. It’s not her responsibility to honor their marriage. Sometimes women want to make a scene bc they’re hurt but all she can do is control herself by removing herself and staying gone.
@@fishercourt she's exactly who alimony was designed to help. This man will be paying alimony and child support and he'll really see if the ex wants him or just the fantasy of "the married man wants me" when she sees him paying out for 4 kids each month.
Under zero circumstances do you ever speak to the Ex-Girlfriend- Yes the Ex-Girlfriend is 100% wrong but the problem exists in the marriage and she address the issue with the husband- and by means of addressing it, serving him with divorce papers.
@@fishercourtHE has a lot of mental health issues. You dont now about psychological violence ? he seems to be a sociopath !
There is no path forward. This is a patented technique-when she is stable and able to be independent, he acts like a sweetheart; when she is vulnerable (carrying a child, apparently), he takes advantage and pursues his other relationships. She needs to get out, or there will be babies 5, 6, and 7 to facilitate his dance.
Yes, sounds like a narcissist to me!
The way he treated the first caller was shameful!! So disappointing. You had an opportunity to lift her up. Recommend she reach out to others - family/friends. No free Better Help for her? No free book?? That was terrible.
I Agree.
I agree and he's asking the 2nd caller to accept the women he cheated ones help 😐😐
Bad call Dr John. She's not safe; he's emotionally abusive and probably a narcissist or a psychopath. She could be another national headline of murdered wife and four kids.
I agree I'm afraid for her. I am very disappointed with what John said to her. she must go to her parents as soon as she can, in a safe place.
First caller that women will always be in your life. He has been seeing her and when he breaks up with you that's his excuse to go be with her. He is using you big time. He is definitely cheating.
Yeah she probably isn't going away...geesh. I would be making my exit
Caller # 1. You are going through this while going through postpartunm....that sucks and im sorry.
Caller 1 needs to find a family law attorney. Her husband is just playing games with her.
First leave. To another state.
@@chilloftenhonest question, why leave to another state?
@@erikak128because people on the internet are extremist weirdos lol
@@erikak128 If I remember correctly, her parents another state. Before a battle, get where your people are and settle. It’s not yet against the law/courts to take the kids.
@@chilloften gotcha, that's not bad advice especially if she's the only support she has
Completely disagree with the 2nd caller advice. This man cheated on his wife and when he lost his job because of his own stupidity she should be the last person he calls. Let the woman move on and find someone who respects her. He can work on himself but don't open old wounds for someone else. This is extremely selfish of him.
When he talked with his daughter he said: "Daddy messed up at work." No, no my dude, daddy messed up his life, his daughter's life and her mother's.
This call is infuriating.
Too late - he already reached out. The wife's response to his call for help sounds like she may be willing to forgive. He honestly sounds touched by it. Whether or not she forgives him or helps him out is completely up to her. Sometimes this is the wakeup call people need to straighten out their lives, and it may not totally have hit him yet, but the guy is starting to realize the consequences of his stupidity at least. If so, they may be able to save the marriage, if both are willing to start over, regardless of society's verdict that the wronged spouse should arbitrarily reject and jettison the other spouse from her life.
@@snopure He mentioned that he was considering if he should be with the mistress in the same call, as he was crying over how kind his ex-wife was after he chose to reach out to her. ☠️ He can sound touched and cry all he wants when he is at his lowest point, it's the way he acted when he was at his highest point in life that is more important, his decisions then were simply selfish. SMH.
Good perspective I didn’t think of it like that
I agree with you. I know that we do thing sometimes. However, cheating is not a mistake. It's a series of choice you make. They are always sorry when the have to suffer the consequences. Sad.
Don't dump your sob story on your wife. You wrecked her life and caused your daughter irreparable harm because of your selfishness. Don't expect them to bail you out and be your counselor. Get your selfish butt up and repair your own mess.
I wish people thought about the environment their children would be raised in before having them. I feel bad for the children who had no say in the environment in which they would live in.
I dated a guy off and on through high school and college. He met a woman after college and she asked him to stop talking to me. He and I were friends - close friends. And cheating was unimaginable to both of us. Nevertheless, she asked and we both agreed. We didn’t talk until our 10yr high school reunion. And then he messaged me about 10 years into our marriages to check in. We’ve both been married for 20+ years and out of respect for his wife we aren’t friends anymore. It is what it is. She was clearly hurt in the past and my friend protected her. Maybe he regrets it (or marrying her in the first place), but he made the right choice in terms of priorities.
exactly, I remained friends with exes (especially the ex-husband I have children with) but you have to go no contact if it upsets the new spouses
Why do you think he may regret marrying her in the first place. Is it due to him still messaging you 10 years later..?
Your comment about him maybe regretting marrying his wife, even though you know nothing about all that they've been through together shows that subconciously your intentions toward him are not pure, and his wife was wise to set boundaries with you. How would you like it if your husband's ex who rarely talks to him, implied that he regrets marrying you? Grow up!
why you still having contact with someone who is married? it doesn‘t matter if you are „friends“
would you like your husband to do the same with you?
@@Price8903 mostly it’s because all the years we dated he talked about how much he looked forward to being a dad. His family is Catholic and he has three brothers and sisters. His wife is an actress and never wanted kids. It’s complicated why he married her in the first place, but once he did he wasn’t going to divorce her over wanting/not wanting kids. He knew going in she didn’t want them, but he was young and likely assumed she would change her mind. She didn’t. Meanwhile I didn’t really want kids going into marriage and I have four. You really can’t predict how life will turn out 😂
She needs legal help. She feels like she has no way out, she feels trapped. She wants to leave but has no money to do it or help with the kids. He's telling her she can't leave the state with the kids, which is how she feels is the only way to do it with the help of her parents. If someone knows how she could legally leave with the kids to her parents, that's what she needs, without spending a lot of money on a lawyer. She needs help quick! I always worry about spouses like that who are in a fantasy world wanting to be with someone else bc you never know what they might do to be with that person. Thinking about it maybe she needs to reach out to a women's shelter.
When she said she had no money….. that is so concerning
they are married and their is no custody order, she can leave any time with the kids- then file for separation and start the process. Once she leaves he can file anything he wants but she is gone and because she is a stay at home mom, yeah that idiot would owe alimony and child support, then she can get on her feet and move closer but she has options and as long as their is no order in place she can leave and should leave and go back home- she needs to help that idiot grow up (hurts when you hit the pockets but you learn) 😄
She will not be able to get child support in another state so if the divorce happens where she is right now, then she will need to get a job. I hope she just gets the help she deserves and learns to put her foot down.
She chose to get married and to have more babies while hoping for her partner to change, she made these choices and she has to decide whether she really wants help.
@@fishercourt you don't have to be in the same state to file for child support, I know ones on east coast who have file on dads in the south and won their cases.
@@tech4uro yes its where it hurts ,
love when you say Idiot haha
Oh, Ashley, you're worth more than this 🙏🏿❤
Ashley, make copies of his texts to this woman and get an attorney. He will never change. Don't let him decide how you and your kids will live. Go talk to an attorney and take the texts with you and see what your options are. God bless you and your kids. 🙏
The 2nd caller is unbelievable. No remorse for what he did to his wife and daughter relationally. It was hard to listen to him and feel anything other than contempt.
I know, and he is still talking to the AF partner, and sounds like he is trying to past blame on her for cheating with him, even though she is, but it should not come from him. Sad human being.
He's pathetic. Sounds like the cowardly lion from WO OZ
He controls her. It’s not a marriage. He thinks he is king of his castle because he doesn’t like his life choices.
How?
@@greenlenny3926 he feels unempowered. Maybe his job and salary sucks, or his parents and family suck or his assets are minimal and he feels he has no control over it. So he takes it out on the 1 person he can control, his wife. She is home with 4 kids, jobless, moneyless and there he is king of his castle. But a marriage is not about being king. It’s about being half of a partnership.
"your path (out of this) is humility", yes. Especially when you led with ego...
The fact that she said REALLY when he said they need help is 🤯🤯🤯
I caught that too. How could she be oblivious to that ? Sad for her .
I don’t think the husband loves either woman. If he truly wanted and loved his ex he wouldn’t stay with his wife because he would want to be with the ex. He just likes getting both
My sister is in a similar relationship. I don’t blame the guy though. I’ve seen how she is behind closed doors to him and yet she will speak just like this woman. Calm and soft spoken and all victim like
The second caller was RECKLESS, and his family is now reaping what HE has sown. He had better thank God for his ex-wife, and he had better not burn her again.smh
Damn!! How do people end up in such complicated situations.
They don't take responsability for their own life. Instead, they dump it on their spouse.
Step 1. Work on yourself so you know what you are about and how you will live a fulfilling life that supports your values. Step 2. Find a person who shares those values and visions...work on building a partnership...and healthy way to navigate life's challenges TOGETHER. Step 3: Decide you as a couple are ready for the challenge and responsibility (and awesomeness) of having kids.
People skip all these steps and start having babies...doesn't go well.
Lack of birth control and proper family planning lol (at least the first caller).
The 2nd caller got too comfortable, 25 years at the same company, making money, thinking he was rolling, cheats on his wife with a coworker who ends up being the source of his professional and personal demise. Karma. Can’t feel sorry for this dude.
Ashley, I’m praying for you and your family. You and the kids deserve so much better.
I hope everyone is taking notes when it comes to some of these men’s mentality. To just keep tolerating disrespect and abuse and the fear-mongering.
It's so easy to judge Ashley being the person on the outside of all of this. I always told my husband it was a good thing he married me as quickly as he did (😂), because I had a rule for myself - if it was to the 2nd year of dating and we weren't engaged or making a plan to get married, I would move on. I ended a relationship for that reason - because it was going nowhere. I still think my ex is a good person, we just weren't meant to be together. In Ashley's case, at this point, she needs to do better for herself and for her kids. If he doesn't want to be with you, then let him go. It will hurt like hell to be rejected, but your kids need to see someone treat their mom with the love and respect she deserves. Otherwise they continue the cycle when they are adults. And no one wants that.
First she needs to stop being irresponsible and getting pregnant 4 times by a man wanting someone else.
@@misslanapaulford that does help as well!!
Yes, it’s up to her to stop the cycle of abuse and teach her kids they are worth being loved.
@@misslanapaulford Someone may need to clarify that for her, and those of us on the outside should be less critical of her -- she's obviously been put through the ringer both emotionally and mentally. She's probably spent this entire time trying different ways to earn her husband's love and eating up his false promises. It may take her awhile to break out of the shell of a person this relationship has made her become.
@@snopure
The fact that she's phoned up means she knows what happening to her and knows its not right...
This is the point where she escapes or leaves...
Tyler is so anxious he’s giving me anxiety 😅
Thank you for stating that - glad I'm not the only one thinking this 😂
Seriously! 😂😂
This is a precursor to her future…he IS going to leave her. But ONLY when the kids are grown, so he doesn’t have to pay child support. Personally I WOULD stay with him( with 4 kids) but I would get a career, be a squirrel and secretly plan accordingly for his departure.
Are you my long lost sister??
Exactly!! She needs her own financial income stream (it will give her confidence-and he will likely try to squash it). He will likely leave her (which would be a gift to her, really) or he will stay and keep belittling her until she wakes up.
I know from my own experience what it takes to get away from a narcissist. And I am a strong woman with financial independence. It was very difficult. They are pure evil. I will pray for her. 🙏 She sounds like a sweet and beaten down sister. She needs support!!
My fiance left me for the high school girl in his 40s who had 2 divorces and 3 boys. Only to marry her 6 months later and died of cancer 8 yrs later. That woman never treated him nice nor posted any photos of them on Facebook. All she does now is take pics of her hair and nails getting done and had trips she goes on. Not one word about my fiance, not one nice thing about his existence. It breaks my heart but that is what he chose
That's what he wanted 🤷🏾♀️
@@tatucorreiaYep! That’s the hard truth I tell myself every time I get my heart broken….
@@klickingkayasmr7585 we just need to pick better and learn to value ourselfs more.
For the first time in my life i consult God in this matters I didn't before. A few yeras i met someone for the first time i asked Him about this individual and HE showed me straight away not to get involved with him.
I wish i had, had this approach in my life since the beguining it would have saved me a lot of confusion and disappointment.
Why I wanted to be married before kids, I didn’t want to feel like a man was doing me a “favor”
I like that blank profile picture--where did you get this?
Talking to the ex is just the most flagrant in a whole variety of ways the man mistreats his wife. I imagine Dr. Delony gave caller the “you knew what you were getting into” speech instead of the “you’re worth more than this” speech because he wants her to confront the husband as if they are equals rather than as a victim to her oppressor.
The dude just wants to have "new relationship" level fun and wants no parts of the actually responsibility, stress, and challenge that HIS family and babies bring.
It's so hard to hear women in these situations unwilling to leave.
All these stay at home moms need a plan B … they are always depending on these losers . They end up trapped and these kids will learn that this is okay.
Well getting pregnant 4 times by a man wanting to be with someone else. Isn't going to help.
They could choose better men?
@@JesseGraham-l9s
Better still, STOP having kids with shitty men. I can understand the first 2, but why the fk are having sex with him. If the first two kids aren't going to save a relationship or marriage another 2 isn't going to help. Plus would u want to have sex with someone know they are thinking about someone else.
@@misslanapaulford Women don't take responsibility for the men they pick lol. They don't have to either. The world coddles their bad decisions. If they pick a bad man, the justice system just makes up for it. In fact, Women get rewarded for having children with shitty men lol. Imagine you could just go sleep with the hooker down the street and have kids and the justice system demanded she give you half her income from this point forward. That's how the justice system operates for women. There is no incentive for women to sleep with good men in society.
@@misslanapaulford It's a little different for women to in that regard. Women don't mind the sexual history of a male, like men do for women. The more partners a man has had, to women, shows that he is desirable partner. Women get a little satisfaction over other women wanting their man. It shows status to.
1st caller: why didn’t he marry his high school sweetheart instead? Even though she broke up with him & then turned around to entertain his behavior KNOWING that he is married AND for him to keep the love he STILL had for her for all these years is insane. Years of marriage & 4 kids later?! He has a mental illness.
Dudes living in a fantasy land and i have found unhappy people often do this. The fact his 35 and has never changed shows zero growth that's a worry.
They both have serious mental health problems. She has enabled him to break up with her for a week at a time with zero consequences. She has taken him back and she truly believes that he has not cheated. That is unhealthy and unrealistic.
They are both living in fantasy land.
We need more information about the relationship. Was he with his high school sweetheart and she interjected herself and became pregnant to trap him into marriage. There is so much we don't know.
Because she is a narcissist like him. She wants better for herself, but toying with him at the same time.
John, do you NOT understand psychological abuse??? Feel like the ball was dropped on the first call. That guy is hoovering and love bombing her every time she's ready to call it quits. He's making her feel insecure knowing he has a back up if she doesn't keep in line. It's called narcissistic abuse. Seems many of the comments don't get it either. Of course she's had 4 kids. He's controlling her psychologically. Telling her she opted in for 12 years ignoring the OBVIOUS signs of psychological manipulation is just yuck to me. (A woman who has been healed from this kind of abuse.) If you DON'T understand how she is where she is BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL YOU DON'T.
Why would a man blow up his life like this ? This is insane. He had no everything.
Because for twelve years she's said no, but then done whatever he wanted. He has no concept that he cantt just continue to use her like that. So sad
Tyler-if there is a FedEx distribution center center in your area, you can get a job driving trailers from one distribution center to another. It’s much easier work than most trucking jobs. My brother got hired as a driver. Then he was invited to own his own trucks and drive for FedEx. He now has several trucks with his own drivers. He makes really good money and it’s been a very secure job/business for him for 15 years.
First caller, this isn’t unusual most men long for a lost love but what’s crazy is continuing to have children. 4?! This man doesn’t love you, take the kids you wanted and leave
It’s scary to have no family, no support, and leave the little bit of stability to go out into the world and walk away from everything with 4 little ones. I think she deserved a little more compassion in this call, she is trying and he is continuing to hurt her, he’s most likely not going to try to be all in since he never has been but that doesn’t minimize how deeply she wanted this to be a safe, loving, healthy marriage. Some times people stay because life is so expensive and hard to do alone.
I feel so sad for her
I’ve been driving for 21 years. I’ve been OTR though. I garden when I go home and do photography in the truck
title is CRAZY
i clicked on this video so fast cause of it
@@RidingWithJahv fr 😭
😂
@@lilspliffington3268😭💀
I was a foodservice delivery worker to, for 11 years. I applied to do mail delivery 3.5 years ago, I got it, now I have a wicked pension and an incredible job. I work a 6 hour day and love it. If I needed extra money I could drive truck on the weekends but I’m happy. If you love driving so much, try and find a better driving job that has a shorter day. Medical supply delivery? Fuel/furnace oil delivery ? Medical patient transport? I promise you, you can still drive and work leas
This poor woman is trapped and her husband knows it. What a disgrace to all the good men out there.
Ashley -- that's totally mentally abusive behavior!! If he doesn't want to change, he's not going to! I don't see him ending his affair with the old GF, who is also a home wrecker (God never sends you someone else's husband)!! I pray that you find peace and teach your kids that THIS is not the way a husband treats his wife! ❤
Unfortunately, I cannot feel sorry for the lady. Every woman who has to wait 10 years to be married to, knows that something is wrong. She went into this eyes wide open. We choose red and are surprised when blue does not come up. We choose men who show us they do not really want us and keep us on a string, and we expect fidelity and in addition to all that, have a lot of children? He showed her who he is after each child. What was she waiting for? It's so unfair to always complain about men when they tell and show us who they are and we stay. We women have to wake up. We are making such unwise decisions. You can leave even if you want to stay; you can leave even if you're in love with someone. Love is no excuse for ignoring clear signs and not choosing wisdom.
It’s not unfair for her to “complain” about the effects her emotionally abusive husband has on her. She needs help. People come to this world with all kinds of different tools and resources, some of which make us more vulnerable for this type of situation. “Tough love” doesn’t fix this. She found herself in a downward spiral she needs to get herself out of, yes. But in no way is it unfair to call out how perfectly willing this man is to treat someone who loves him so terribly.
The second caller hasn't fully accepted his wrongdoing. He's done some work but not enough. He cheated on his wife but I don't get that he's remorseful about cheating. I think he's hurt by his actions as they relate to his job and daughter. If he still had his job and didn't have a daughter, I'm not sure he would really care.
I agree with you.
He's hurt because he lost his job and is humiliated. He doesn't care about how hurt his wife, daughter and even his mistress are. He tried to dump the blame on the mistress and discredit her because she knew he was married and still went through with the affair. Stupid idiot, YOU knew you were married and went through with the affair!!!!
1st Call - Unfortunately, they were a perfect match. He, a bully, her…no self esteem. She needs a lot of help in so many ways….but she has to make the first step to get well. I understand the comments telling her of her worth…..which are true. But when you ‘have never’ known this kind of thinking, and it didn’t start with her husband, there is a long road to recovering. So sad!
The amount of facial expressions Dr John made during the 1st call 😭
Wild!
Saved this to watch after work soon on account of the topic!
My favorite thing in the world is when guys cheat on their wives, then don’t want to be with the mistress because she was the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man
I don’t think Caller 2 saw the irony AT ALL.
It blows my mind when a woman sees all the behaviors before having children but have them any, effectively backing them into a corner and then are surprised when they are miserable and are dragging the kids through it now.
Yessss
Caller 1 : I would contact the ex and send her this clip and let her know how he behaves to the mother of his kids. To his WIFE. The ex broke up with him for a reason. There is no man so attractive as to get away with this cruel behavior to a woman he chose to be with for 12 years.
John, I heard her say he changed *after* they got married. Please stop shaming for being the victim of bait and switch.
They were together for 10 years BEFORE they married. Naw, she is culpable for STAYING and being delusional
That’s not what John’s blaming her for. He’s “upset” that she created another kid with him knowing his behavior. This same behavior didn’t change between the 3rd and 4th kid. There was no bait and switch.
She is trauma bonded to him. She thinks if she has kids with him, marries him, loves him harder, that he will change. He will never change, he will never attend marriage or individual counseling. I wonder what happened in her childhood that made her chase after someone who wishes he could go back to his high school days & escape the responsibility of adulthood.
Second caller only cares cause he lost everything including the side chick.
I think he still has the side chick, but he wasn’t sure if he should stay with someone who’d knowingly have an affair with a married man. He’s got a real pot vs. kettle situation on his hands. 😅
He is still with her, and he also blaming her for getting involved with him. What a POS.
You really shouldn’t have had four kids with your husband. Usually this would be fine. But when you knew he was doing this long before you had number four. Don’t get pregnant again, that would be stupid.
She should have known it before child 1, because they weren't even married then. She wanted to be married before kids. ??
What about ‘work wife’ and ‘work husband’? Folks LOVE that stuff! Attention seeking folks can’t get enough. Like John said - he stays in touch with exes from HIGH SCHOOL, and enjoys compliments from wherever they come from
Everything in life escalates, behaviourwise: if you have great business acumen, you only get better at it the more you do it; in criminology, crime escalates too: they start off with petty crime, stealing this or that, then it escalates to breaking & entering, then murder. Cheating works the same: emotional affair, he pushes your boundary on it not trying to fix the issues but to torture you, then when you look again its a physical full on affair, the 2 of them scheme against you etc etc. It always escalates. It only ends when you stop engaging.
Tyler sounds jacked up on caffeine! Excellent idea to go to the gym.
I don’t think I’ve heard the term “four boxes of farts” before today….and I’m not sure I needed to 😂😂
😂😂😂
I disagree that a professional will help, he's made his choice and he's been neglecting and indifferent for the entire duration. A therapist isn't gonna help, he only said you can stay.... that's not a choice to stay in the marraige
Tyler just talking is giving me anxiety. 😂😂😂 Breathe, bro!
Girl please leave. I had the same thing happen to me. All my family lives elsewhere and he said I would never make it on my own. Create a 90 day plan with savings and get out of there. Take back your life
First caller…he is abusive. SORRY! You absolutely can take the kids out of state and file at the state you are freeing to. Unless there is already an order in place. I cannot believe Dr. John isn’t seeing this.
I was in her shoes before. It's hurtful because you're alone and helpless depending on a spouse.. The only way I was able to get out, was when I received a medical settlement. I feel for her.
The way I would choose to be alone over being someone's 2nd choice. In a heart beat I would divorce this man. While he's at work, pack you and your children up and leave, go stay with your parents. File for divorce. He won't bother you long, he will go be with his 1st choice and make her miserable while you heal and find yourself.
1st caller- girlllll😂. Let him go be with her since that's what he want to do.
Edit-he breaks up with you regularly
No ma'am
You need to work on getting a job, even if it's a stay at home job.
He tries to run over you cause he pays the bills.
Get your power back.
Im not saying divorce him
But u gotta get things on track.
The second caller….men sure know how to screw up EVERYTHING for EVERYONE. Wtf is wrong with them? Most of them are like this, but they think they should be the leaders 🤨
Yet many men mock single women, all while knowing that a lot of men are not good husbands.
Second caller..from the wife’s perspective…she stills feels the same about her husband..She still loves him..She is responding to him because of that love &devotion & maybe because of her wedding vows. It’s clearly not her fault for the marriage breakup. It is possible to rekindle love with two willing hearts! However the marriage would never be the same because trust was broken and the man’s weak character was exposed.
He doesn't have a willing heart because in his next breath he said he doesn't know if he wants to end the affair. He would just use his wife until he finds another opportunity to cheat.
First caller's husband doesn't understand that his high school girlfriend doesn't want him. She wants to know that she can get him even though he's married. It's an ego boost for her. No way in hell does she dream of becoming the step mother of this loosers kids.
She is wasting her best years with an immature man who cannot get over a fantasy that may seem exciting now, but people change since high school. He is controlling and manipulating his wife in every way. He knows she has low self esteem and low self worth. It's easier said than done to say just divorce him, but unfortunately he's narcissistic manipulation is taking a toll on her mental health. It's not going to get any better! He doesn't want her, he just keeps her to torment her.