Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:44 Challenges: 0:47 Feeling overwhelmed 1:17 Boredom 1:44 Hyperfocus 2:13 Inconsistency 2:43 Forgetfulness 3:07 RSD 4:12 Tips: 4:17 Show up 4:41 Reconnect with old friends 4:57 Schedule time to reach out to your friends once a week 5:18 Join a group I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Is it something you struggle with as well? Please share it in the comments down below :)
I'm the opposite. I lose them because I unintentionally ghost them and I actively exclude them by doing things on my own. Like traveling and going to the movies without them. I rarely text them or I take extremely long to reply.
@@jeurycentury I think may be experiencing the same? But honestly, even if I look back and try to see if I'm ghosting people, it just seems like that they don't show any cues of wanting to make lasting relationships with me, and wouldn't even matter if I talk. I've tried to talk to them all the time, made cues that showed that I do want to make friends with them, but it feels like they're they ones not interested. I'm just tired honestly, I just don't want to put the faced anymore.
Dealing with a friend with ADHD. The friendship was hard, and I needed a break from her. Late all the time, interrupted conversation, inconsistent, jabbers too much, back seat driving, etc. It causes me anxiety.
I had a hard time maintaining friendships all through school. I used to think it was because I picked bad friends but I’m starting to recognise my part in the problem. I probably didn’t communicate very well and ghosted them as much as they did it to me.
My friends couldn’t handle my adhd (all thru highschool) and after awhile (in adult life) they just excluded me from everything, Unless i made the effort to be there. and i was often treated like a ghost. I cut them off bc I started to feel like in an outsider in our group and they did nothing to help fix it either. Now, I’m 30 & i have no friends. 💔
This is my exact situation... I still try to keep in touch but it's always me making efforts. I feel like they pity me and I feel miserable. We should be friends 👉🏾👈🏾
Then they were never really truly your true friends. A true friend Will accept you for who you are and your flaws and all including accepting and encouraging you to not hate yourself for having adhd/add/autism/being autistic. To be yourself and be you even it means 0.0 bid watching toy videos and cartoons as an adult 👀(yes I actually have experience with this that’s why I mentioned this)
I think im going in to the same direction my friends even tho I asked them to learn something about my illness they didn’t care. For me I’m not able to cut them off idk why never thought about it. I’m so sorry for you sweet heart ❤️
I’m kinda sad that people don’t want to understand their friends problems when my friend suffered from depression and she was sh herself I educated myself how to help her how to react and talk with her. Now she’s better but we don’t really talk cuz she found new pepole. But at least I make her feel save.
I cried watching this video. I feel like I am a shitty friend so often and keep asking myself why can't I just keep in touch with people who are dear to me? I hope implementing these tips will help me, thank you for your content!
One thing I don’t understand is sure we are the ones with ADHD and RSD but the fact that our so called friends and family doesn’t even try to understand us and cut us off is the worst thing. When they (family) were most likely the reason why we have these things in the first place.
You have choices. Don’t blame others. If you are doing EVERYTHING you can to overcome then your family should be accepting. If you are like my BFF and acknowledge it is a problem but do nothing it’s too much to cope with.
@@StreetN1ckel not to throw hate on them or anything but i do agree with you. we never asked to be like this, so now my philosophy is DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. i wouldn't want anybody to suffer in this world, so the least i can do is not cause anymore suffering to anyone by not being selfish and trading 5-10 minutes of pleasure for a lifetime of someone suffering.
@@Tempo50 lol, maybe you should try to understand your "BFF: more, it seems like you dont understand how serious it really is. not that its your fault, but no the only reason why people try and talk about it is BECAUSE WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN, understand?
@@Tempo50 the problem arises when you can't decide between choices. Which is a huge problem with ADD when it becomes severe. Imagine holding a value and wanting to do something but not being able to get your mind out of a trap. For me it's as if I can value something with all my heart and soul, yet I can't do it. It's not that I'm lazy or that I don't value these things I want to do. It's just that there's something going on in the brain, between WANTING to do something, and DOING that something. But there's a missing link, and our brains often can't connect the two. Sometimes it's literally impossible.
Maybe you're the one who actually cut off your friends and family. This is one of the cycles that ATC people have. They with people in the next thing no they disappear or cut people off for some unknown reason. So make sure you look at yourself before you talk about your friends and family. Because ghosting appearing if it's a family is part of Adhd
I don't have ADHD myself, but some of my friends do. I've been getting frustrated with some of their behaviors lately and this video was very helpful to understand what they're dealing with. I am now concerned with adults with ADHD that know it's a problem, but don't really do anything about it.
@@FRA_StarAl2015 - I am not the one who posted that comment but I think-that my partner has ADHD and RSD. He lacks time management, loses things, procrastinates, over thinks, over talks and is an obsessive perfectionist. But he is not hyperactive. Doesn’t fidget. Can blurt out things & interrupt -at times - but CAN often be a good listener. He CAN focus and he isn’t distracted -once on task. He sometimes is hyper-focused and sometimes spacy. He is overly sensitive-gets his feelings hurt so easily. For this reason I think he probably also has RSD. He is easily embarrassed. Gets angry or has an emotional outburst when he feels like someone has ‘disrespected’ him. He sets high standards for himself and when he can’t meet them he gets very discouraged with himself. He can make an issue out of the slightest thing and I keep telling him that everything can’t be "a thing" ! I say let this thing GO it’s not worth obsessing about. You are just upsetting yourself. I think he also has RRE -which is recognition responsive euphoria. Thrives on recognition. Needs a lot of praise & validation. I get stressed wondering what will upset or disappoint him each day? Exhausting because he gets his feelings hurt so easily-over nothing!! Embarrasses me with his outbursts at times and inappropriate anger.
Same! I never had a relationship but this is one of the reason I want one. It's someone to love and be loved back. Someone to share life with it. I'm happy for you!
My ex boyfriend helped me reinforce positive habits to stop RSD. I didn’t even realize I had it until he said one day, why do you think people don’t like you? I thought it was normal Also, I heard somewhere, people may be judging you but it is not a threat to your security and happiness.
As an ADHD individual like myself, I can totally relate to your description in this video & it makes a whole lot of sense to why I struggled with maintaining healthy friendships with my surroundings. I do have issues of RSD (I take things very personally when people Unfriended/Block me from Facebook/Instagram). I get overly hyperactive at things that made me happy (which I recall does made some people around me felt uncomfortable when they saw me got overjoyed with things). I got impulsive, especially impulsive explosive anger when I encounter things not in my way, or unhealthy sexual attraction to sexually attracted people (which again, do make people around me felt uncomfortable when they saw my behavior). I also do not have good memory due to lack of focus, which is why in school, I struggled with exams like the SAT, GRE, or MCAT exams. Finally, I easily dosed off on people's conversation, despite my efforts of trying to stay focus... Having ADHD sucks... People don't understand you & in their point of view, they see your behavior as either offensive, weird, or creepy to them. As a result, they cut me off contact. Some even bullied me too, claimed I'm retarded & such... Most claimed I'm a bad person... When the truth is, I'm NOT a bad person like everyone thinks... Only a FEW understands me & those few, we made good friendships through continued communication practices.
Yes that is the same with me but ADD and yeah as of rn only one friend who is dear to me actually proven that I am not a burden to them and it’s coming from the heart of genuine intentions and not out of pity. And we’ve had a bad fallout before. If there was no fallout of some sort it doesn’t really count for me since I been used by others and fake friends/aquientces before
my dad has never had a friend his whole adult life and now me in my 30's find myself not able to hold down a single friendship as well. i've been trying to tell my dad we suffer from common symptoms of ADHD but he just gets angry and defensive, so i can't help him.
It doesn't even affect only friendships.. Also lovers, partner and family... Is there even a cute way to say that it doesn't come to our mind to contact? I personally don't like socialization, and even if a do remember, I don't really know what to write or say... And feel forced made me kind of hate to send useless messages... I feel, and people make me feel such a bad person...
Figured out I have adhd. I find it very easy to make friends, but I find very few people I find interesting. I can't keep up boring stuff like talking about our day for very long without getting frustrated. And finding people that can't quite keep up with new exciting things I'm exploring. Or if they never have anything interesting they're exploring. Idk. It's hard to find quality I guess.
Same ! I always felt like my standards were way too high. I find most people nice and I always show them respect, but I don't want them to have access to my private life. It's so weird, I remember I was like that as a kid too.
I just feel like all my friends don't really enjoy me. I don't get invited too often. I just feel like...is there something else wrong with me? Am I expecting too much? ...I just always feel like the left one out in relationships.
I personally deal with RSD a lot and I've gotten a little better with managing it, but it's never easy. It's not simple to just "get help". Regardless, I still feel these emotions and it's not something that you can cure and I wish some people would understand that. I feel that not only the person with ADHD should educate themselves on it, but also friends, especially if you're close. RSD has gotten me into difficult situations and I ended up ruining friendships because of my actions, unintentionally
I just feel like my friends don't like me and no one does they always say im annoying and I am I know it but I want them to like me I just do I want them to be my friend and I just can't I have mental breakdowns sometimes and I just hate this I can't handle it none of my family members and friends understand me they just ignore me and be do stuff without me it just makes me frustrated and sad
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. It is difficult to make someone like you because it is not within your control whether someone likes you or not. Some people just don't click and that's totally normal. Just be your authentic self and the right friends will come along. Even if there's none, that's ok too. You can always be your own best friend :)
I have ASD, but even though there are differences there also so many similarities. I barely have close freinds and the problem with being intense followed by withdrawing into my own shell occupied with my own projects, I do recognize. And I only show up when I need them. However, I have only ever had one friend who truely needed me. If I stop contacting my friends, I think there are currently only one or two who would contact me again.
I value honesty, founded morals that are sturdy, and being straightforward and NO sugarcoating the truth. And NO i DONT want to reach out to my old so called friends nor new people because they were all just manipulating me or one sided or I was too naïve to know the truth. True colors came out. Perhaps I was the one to cut off my ex “friend” who manipulated me to call her “bestie” though I realized it was not mutual and I was not myself at all. I was hiding the fact Im childish and LOVE to do things that kids watch and do. I
I got to that same stage where I decided to cut off my low vibe friends that brought me down or made me feel bad about myself. I recently rekindled a friendship, but she just was all about her and she didn’t listen to me, eventhough I told her I’m only interested in going for walks, not socializing with other people. So I avoided her because she was stressing me out and when I asked her to return something she borrowed months ago, she said I ghosted her and was a shitty friend. Well we had both been going through some shitty things and I still need to get back what she borrowed, but once I do I’m done.
I love my little adhd friend, I am better about identifying her adhd bits, so usually it works well. 1) I do all planning for anything major because she'll go into meltdown mode if I let her do it 2) if she's having a hyper emotional response I let her cool off before addressing it 3) I have to always reassure her I'm NOT rejecting her if I'm annoyed with something I still love her its ok ~~~. 4) I tell her the wrong time to show up because she's chronically late. 5) I let her interrupt but I also interrupt.. I try to point it out if she interrupts tooooo much.. she's really unaware that she is doing it 6) if we are traveling together I handle the logistical and/or practical aspects on a larger scale..like doing our laundry...7) give complements, I think ADHD people believe no one likes them or loves them.... but we do :) so its extra reassurance we still like them from time to time. 8) let the ADHD person talk about their weird little interests... if you let their freak flag fly its ok sometimes you learn something interesting because they are so into it.
Im pretty laid back and understanding but my ADHD "friend" has disappeared for 6 months haha. I see her partying with new people every month but she has yet to respond to my text from months ago pretty crazy and interesting how the adhd brains work.
Watching this video was such a comfort to my worried mind. I'm getting tested for ADHD at the moment and I had no idea these things could be common for people who has it. I felt like I was the only one and a terrible person for not being able to reply fast and maintain contact that often. I always feel overwhelmed when I see new incoming texts from people and I can't make myself reply to them which created even more anxiety for myself - and when people comment on that complaining it makes me feel even worse. I hope that the friendships I decide to keep can be understanding of that, and I'll see them when the time's best 😢
I constantly interrupt people when I talk to them so I think people also get frustrated with me and don't always include me in conversations. So the rejection kills me sometimes.
as the other end of this, even though we know you can't help it, it hurts because we listen to you but when it's our turn, we constantly get interrupted as if what we have to say doesn't matter
Everything was explained and matched my experiences. Thanks!! The ways to resolve it don't work for me because I wont stick to a schedule and because the neurotypical friends eventually move on which ramps up my RSD and triggers ruminationand trauma. I'm good at making friends. I like finding neuro-diverse, or compassionate listeners for friends because I tend to talk alot which means I'm horrible in group settings. I do my part to be quite interesting (lack of dopamine means I'm only interested in really interesting things and tell great stories about my wacky life or trivia, etc., I find coz I love to read) but I can be "too much" without meaning to at all. It's finally where I just know how things play out unless I mask, use hypervigilence and am unable to feel comfortable/acceptable even if it's only in my head. I am getting better at explaining my quirks and request my friends that we always assume the best from each other... and that unfortunately I require tons of down time, shorter interactions, and I may disappear from a party without any warning. I think I want to instigate learning moments more than chit-chat. Like doing fun things together with friends.
I can relate to everything you've said there. For me, I have a hard time making friends to begin with because I don't know what to say to people. I also don't know where to meet people where I wouldn't be bothering them. My ADD is so bad that most things people consider fun are boring, like movies. Everyone eventually moves on from me because I have nothing to talk about and nothing in common. It's a sad shitty life for me. The only thing keeping me going is philosophy. Since I'm stuck in my head all day, I figured I might as well utilize that.
8 yr old son. He has had such a difficult time with making really strong friendship. I realize he is giving. He goes to classes, his games and he is bringing the kids gum to give out. In pic of team he still in middle to right boys arm in arm space between Left an on right same thing. He's got in sand his hand and he is trying to be included in the arm and arm but he's not ever invited to be. If hurting me to see. He's got an award for generosity this year. I just want to find a way to have a conversation and I just don't know how. He's never got a birthday party with anyone but family. He has passed out to everyone a little paper that I did make for him. He's been just want to have a sleepover. Nobody has called or they're just busy we never have had it work out. Anyone know how much that hurts to watch. Omg
I have a “friend” who most likely has adhd. She is always doing 5 things at once. She never actually reads my text messages. She barely listens to me when I talk. She is always talking about herself 95% of the time. It’s very difficult to be around her because I feel so disrespected.
Same. I cut her off after a hard conversation. She was angry but to my defence I told her many times how I felt when I was ignored, not listened to and worst of all interrupted all time. It always fell on deaf ears. I had to be the patient one that always listens and excuses her bad behaviour for the friendship to work. Eventually I got tired of it and moved on.
I just had to establish a boundary with a friend who has ADHD, and that boundary unfortunately is a temporary break. Understanding only goes so far, and I think that's a two-way road, so I think it's fair to take some time away to reflect & refresh. That all being said, it must be difficult to be haunted by friendships that weren't able to be maintained because of ADHD. I have a large capacity for empathy, but I've just reached my limit. For anyone who has ADHD, and has been on the receiving end of this, please know that it a very difficult decision to come to, and often rife with aguish & guilt. I've just learned over the years that I have to be protective of my heart, and it's okay to take a step back or away. I don't think this is the end for my friend & I, but I also think that people are allowed to be upset, frustrated or confused by the whole situation.
They need a ND friend. We speak a different language than neurotypicals and we try to speak yalls language but we will always speak with an accent. Its a mask. On the other hand neurotypicals make zero effort to understand our language or accommodate us, and expect us to just speak their language which is quite entitled. I dont know your specific situation but you all are obviously not compatible and you shouldn’t put them down for that.
I’ve actually gained a new outlook. Either take me as I am or nothing at all. I become overstimulated and it leaves me feeling exhausted. I’m my own best friend and that’s ok 😊
Im very social friendly person, i also love to go out and rave/dance (since 09) but i could never make friends/groups ive gone to EDC alone for ex. I know i talk too much and overly expressive, im just excited..... but i struggle with all of these....
Just got diagnosed a few days ago and now I’m afraid that my best friend is gonna drop me even though he has a brother anda couple other friends that have it. And yet I still feel like he’ll think I’m annoying :/ but then again, that’s probably why he’s the only friend I’ve had that has lasted this long and it might be because it gets it. But I still feel like im annoying cause that’s what other people have told me all my life :(
Well if they mean enough to you and proven to be true and genuine then well you will/would make them a priority personally especially if it’s both ways(speaking from experience)
I'm my only real friend. If I wasn't so smart, I'd be better off dead, as I would have no way to make it in society. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have ADHD and an average or low I.Q. at the same time. No social ability, no intellectual ability... I'd rather be born in the f777ing Congo as a child soldier. Less horrible fate.
I definitely understand this notion. I believed for the longest time I’m just a narcissistic personality because I constantly have to focus on myself even if I care about others. But it’s not for lack of trying, my brain just literally can’t comprehend that others needs exists even if I know they do. It’s like I know I need to go out and do things today, I’ve proven I can do them to myself, yet I still feel overwhelmed for no reason and that tends to lead me down a self spiraling situation. But it’s also not intentional, it come out of nowhere most of the time and I literally have no control because if I did I simply wouldn’t do it. It’s more complicated then people think and that why other have a hard time understanding it. So I totally get it, but we’re not all egotistical. It just may come off as that even if we’re extremely caring or other’s. It sucks :(
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:44 Challenges:
0:47 Feeling overwhelmed
1:17 Boredom
1:44 Hyperfocus
2:13 Inconsistency
2:43 Forgetfulness
3:07 RSD
4:12 Tips:
4:17 Show up
4:41 Reconnect with old friends
4:57 Schedule time to reach out to your friends once a week
5:18 Join a group
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Is it something you struggle with as well? Please share it in the comments down below :)
This is an amazing help.
I like this. And…we are often surrounded by other ADHD and ND people who have the same habits. What do you do with that?
I don’t have any friends :) and the ones I make I lose quickly, they usually ghost me or end up excluding me
Why they ghost you
Same
Same 🥺😭😢
I'm the opposite. I lose them because I unintentionally ghost them and I actively exclude them by doing things on my own. Like traveling and going to the movies without them. I rarely text them or I take extremely long to reply.
@@jeurycentury I think may be experiencing the same? But honestly, even if I look back and try to see if I'm ghosting people, it just seems like that they don't show any cues of wanting to make lasting relationships with me, and wouldn't even matter if I talk. I've tried to talk to them all the time, made cues that showed that I do want to make friends with them, but it feels like they're they ones not interested. I'm just tired honestly, I just don't want to put the faced anymore.
Dealing with a friend with ADHD. The friendship was hard, and I needed a break from her. Late all the time, interrupted conversation, inconsistent, jabbers too much, back seat driving, etc. It causes me anxiety.
I had a hard time maintaining friendships all through school. I used to think it was because I picked bad friends but I’m starting to recognise my part in the problem. I probably didn’t communicate very well and ghosted them as much as they did it to me.
My friends couldn’t handle my adhd (all thru highschool) and after awhile (in adult life) they just excluded me from everything, Unless i made the effort to be there. and i was often treated like a ghost. I cut them off bc I started to feel like in an outsider in our group and they did nothing to help fix it either. Now, I’m 30 & i have no friends. 💔
This is my exact situation... I still try to keep in touch but it's always me making efforts. I feel like they pity me and I feel miserable. We should be friends 👉🏾👈🏾
Then they were never really truly your true friends. A true friend Will accept you for who you are and your flaws and all including accepting and encouraging you to not hate yourself for having adhd/add/autism/being autistic. To be yourself and be you even it means 0.0 bid watching toy videos and cartoons as an adult 👀(yes I actually have experience with this that’s why I mentioned this)
I wish you good luck 🍀, and stay true, stay geniune and love you for you(though don’t go overboard)
I think im going in to the same direction my friends even tho I asked them to learn something about my illness they didn’t care. For me I’m not able to cut them off idk why never thought about it. I’m so sorry for you sweet heart ❤️
I’m kinda sad that people don’t want to understand their friends problems when my friend suffered from depression and she was sh herself I educated myself how to help her how to react and talk with her. Now she’s better but we don’t really talk cuz she found new pepole. But at least I make her feel save.
I cried watching this video. I feel like I am a shitty friend so often and keep asking myself why can't I just keep in touch with people who are dear to me? I hope implementing these tips will help me, thank you for your content!
One thing I don’t understand is sure we are the ones with ADHD and RSD but the fact that our so called friends and family doesn’t even try to understand us and cut us off is the worst thing. When they (family) were most likely the reason why we have these things in the first place.
You have choices. Don’t blame others. If you are doing EVERYTHING you can to overcome then your family should be accepting. If you are like my BFF and acknowledge it is a problem but do nothing it’s too much to cope with.
@@StreetN1ckel not to throw hate on them or anything but i do agree with you. we never asked to be like this, so now my philosophy is DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. i wouldn't want anybody to suffer in this world, so the least i can do is not cause anymore suffering to anyone by not being selfish and trading 5-10 minutes of pleasure for a lifetime of someone suffering.
@@Tempo50 lol, maybe you should try to understand your "BFF: more, it seems like you dont understand how serious it really is. not that its your fault, but no the only reason why people try and talk about it is BECAUSE WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN, understand?
@@Tempo50 the problem arises when you can't decide between choices. Which is a huge problem with ADD when it becomes severe. Imagine holding a value and wanting to do something but not being able to get your mind out of a trap. For me it's as if I can value something with all my heart and soul, yet I can't do it. It's not that I'm lazy or that I don't value these things I want to do. It's just that there's something going on in the brain, between WANTING to do something, and DOING that something. But there's a missing link, and our brains often can't connect the two. Sometimes it's literally impossible.
Maybe you're the one who actually cut off your friends and family. This is one of the cycles that ATC people have. They with people in the next thing no they disappear or cut people off for some unknown reason. So make sure you look at yourself before you talk about your friends and family. Because ghosting appearing if it's a family is part of Adhd
I don't have ADHD myself, but some of my friends do. I've been getting frustrated with some of their behaviors lately and this video was very helpful to understand what they're dealing with. I am now concerned with adults with ADHD that know it's a problem, but don't really do anything about it.
Why have you gotten frustrated with them? I would like to know so i can try to not be that friend :)
@@FRA_StarAl2015 -
I am not the one who posted that comment but I think-that my partner has ADHD and RSD. He lacks time management, loses things, procrastinates, over thinks, over talks and is an obsessive perfectionist. But he is not hyperactive. Doesn’t fidget. Can blurt out things & interrupt -at times - but CAN often be a good listener. He CAN focus and he isn’t
distracted -once on task. He sometimes is hyper-focused and sometimes spacy. He is overly sensitive-gets his feelings hurt so easily. For this reason I think he probably also has RSD. He is easily embarrassed. Gets angry or has an emotional outburst when he
feels like someone has ‘disrespected’ him. He sets high standards for himself and when he can’t meet them he gets very discouraged with himself. He can make an issue out of the slightest thing and I keep telling him that everything can’t be "a thing" ! I say let this thing GO it’s not worth obsessing about. You are just upsetting yourself. I think he also has RRE -which is recognition responsive euphoria. Thrives on recognition. Needs a lot of praise & validation. I get stressed wondering what will upset or disappoint him each day? Exhausting because he gets his feelings hurt so easily-over nothing!! Embarrasses me with his outbursts at times and inappropriate anger.
I've always been an outsider and have given up on making any friends, but I will always have my wife and I know I'm very lucky to have found her
Same! I never had a relationship but this is one of the reason I want one. It's someone to love and be loved back. Someone to share life with it. I'm happy for you!
@@AmandaSbarrosfr who needs a social group when you can listen and talk to your partner about both your interests
My ex boyfriend helped me reinforce positive habits to stop RSD. I didn’t even realize I had it until he said one day, why do you think people don’t like you? I thought it was normal
Also, I heard somewhere, people may be judging you but it is not a threat to your security and happiness.
Nice quote!
I don't have friends but smartphone is something that helps me a lot
Lol true! I guess that's the case for many of us :))
As an ADHD individual like myself, I can totally relate to your description in this video & it makes a whole lot of sense to why I struggled with maintaining healthy friendships with my surroundings.
I do have issues of RSD (I take things very personally when people Unfriended/Block me from Facebook/Instagram). I get overly hyperactive at things that made me happy (which I recall does made some people around me felt uncomfortable when they saw me got overjoyed with things). I got impulsive, especially impulsive explosive anger when I encounter things not in my way, or unhealthy sexual attraction to sexually attracted people (which again, do make people around me felt uncomfortable when they saw my behavior). I also do not have good memory due to lack of focus, which is why in school, I struggled with exams like the SAT, GRE, or MCAT exams. Finally, I easily dosed off on people's conversation, despite my efforts of trying to stay focus...
Having ADHD sucks... People don't understand you & in their point of view, they see your behavior as either offensive, weird, or creepy to them. As a result, they cut me off contact. Some even bullied me too, claimed I'm retarded & such... Most claimed I'm a bad person... When the truth is, I'm NOT a bad person like everyone thinks...
Only a FEW understands me & those few, we made good friendships through continued communication practices.
Yes that is the same with me but ADD and yeah as of rn only one friend who is dear to me actually proven that I am not a burden to them and it’s coming from the heart of genuine intentions and not out of pity. And we’ve had a bad fallout before. If there was no fallout of some sort it doesn’t really count for me since I been used by others and fake friends/aquientces before
my dad has never had a friend his whole adult life and now me in my 30's find myself not able to hold down a single friendship as well. i've been trying to tell my dad we suffer from common symptoms of ADHD but he just gets angry and defensive, so i can't help him.
It doesn't even affect only friendships.. Also lovers, partner and family... Is there even a cute way to say that it doesn't come to our mind to contact?
I personally don't like socialization, and even if a do remember, I don't really know what to write or say... And feel forced made me kind of hate to send useless messages... I feel, and people make me feel such a bad person...
usually we just want someone to say hello and ask how we are....I think people overthink it..
Figured out I have adhd. I find it very easy to make friends, but I find very few people I find interesting. I can't keep up boring stuff like talking about our day for very long without getting frustrated. And finding people that can't quite keep up with new exciting things I'm exploring. Or if they never have anything interesting they're exploring.
Idk. It's hard to find quality I guess.
Same ! I always felt like my standards were way too high. I find most people nice and I always show them respect, but I don't want them to have access to my private life. It's so weird, I remember I was like that as a kid too.
I just feel like all my friends don't really enjoy me.
I don't get invited too often.
I just feel like...is there something else wrong with me? Am I expecting too much?
...I just always feel like the left one out in relationships.
Same, every single thing I say is ignored. I don't know what I think friendship is but I know it's not supposed to make me feel miserable.
I personally deal with RSD a lot and I've gotten a little better with managing it, but it's never easy. It's not simple to just "get help". Regardless, I still feel these emotions and it's not something that you can cure and I wish some people would understand that. I feel that not only the person with ADHD should educate themselves on it, but also friends, especially if you're close. RSD has gotten me into difficult situations and I ended up ruining friendships because of my actions, unintentionally
I just feel like my friends don't like me and no one does they always say im annoying and I am I know it but I want them to like me I just do I want them to be my friend and I just can't I have mental breakdowns sometimes and I just hate this I can't handle it none of my family members and friends understand me they just ignore me and be do stuff without me it just makes me frustrated and sad
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. It is difficult to make someone like you because it is not within your control whether someone likes you or not. Some people just don't click and that's totally normal. Just be your authentic self and the right friends will come along. Even if there's none, that's ok too. You can always be your own best friend :)
@@theadhdmind9419thank you
I have ASD, but even though there are differences there also so many similarities. I barely have close freinds and the problem with being intense followed by withdrawing into my own shell occupied with my own projects, I do recognize. And I only show up when I need them. However, I have only ever had one friend who truely needed me. If I stop contacting my friends, I think there are currently only one or two who would contact me again.
Thank you for sharing!
I value honesty, founded morals that are sturdy, and being straightforward and NO sugarcoating the truth. And NO i DONT want to reach out to my old so called friends nor new people because they were all just manipulating me or one sided or I was too naïve to know the truth. True colors came out. Perhaps I was the one to cut off my ex “friend” who manipulated me to call her “bestie” though I realized it was not mutual and I was not myself at all. I was hiding the fact Im childish and LOVE to do things that kids watch and do. I
I got to that same stage where I decided to cut off my low vibe friends that brought me down or made me feel bad about myself. I recently rekindled a friendship, but she just was all about her and she didn’t listen to me, eventhough I told her I’m only interested in going for walks, not socializing with other people. So I avoided her because she was stressing me out and when I asked her to return something she borrowed months ago, she said I ghosted her and was a shitty friend. Well we had both been going through some shitty things and I still need to get back what she borrowed, but once I do I’m done.
I love my little adhd friend, I am better about identifying her adhd bits, so usually it works well. 1) I do all planning for anything major because she'll go into meltdown mode if I let her do it 2) if she's having a hyper emotional response I let her cool off before addressing it 3) I have to always reassure her I'm NOT rejecting her if I'm annoyed with something I still love her its ok ~~~. 4) I tell her the wrong time to show up because she's chronically late. 5) I let her interrupt but I also interrupt.. I try to point it out if she interrupts tooooo much.. she's really unaware that she is doing it 6) if we are traveling together I handle the logistical and/or practical aspects on a larger scale..like doing our laundry...7) give complements, I think ADHD people believe no one likes them or loves them.... but we do :) so its extra reassurance we still like them from time to time. 8) let the ADHD person talk about their weird little interests... if you let their freak flag fly its ok sometimes you learn something interesting because they are so into it.
I feel overwhelmed as I am always worrying about other people
Im pretty laid back and understanding but my ADHD "friend" has disappeared for 6 months haha. I see her partying with new people every month but she has yet to respond to my text from months ago pretty crazy and interesting how the adhd brains work.
Watching this video was such a comfort to my worried mind. I'm getting tested for ADHD at the moment and I had no idea these things could be common for people who has it. I felt like I was the only one and a terrible person for not being able to reply fast and maintain contact that often. I always feel overwhelmed when I see new incoming texts from people and I can't make myself reply to them which created even more anxiety for myself - and when people comment on that complaining it makes me feel even worse. I hope that the friendships I decide to keep can be understanding of that, and I'll see them when the time's best 😢
Hi i have ADHD and i really like your videos, they’re super helpfull ! I hope you make more of them :)
Thank you so much! Glad that you find them helpful. And yes, I really do enjoy making these videos, especially when it can help someone out there :)
I constantly interrupt people when I talk to them so I think people also get frustrated with me and don't always include me in conversations. So the rejection kills me sometimes.
as the other end of this, even though we know you can't help it, it hurts because we listen to you but when it's our turn, we constantly get interrupted as if what we have to say doesn't matter
Everything was explained and matched my experiences. Thanks!!
The ways to resolve it don't work for me because I wont stick to a schedule and because the neurotypical friends eventually move on which ramps up my RSD and triggers ruminationand trauma. I'm good at making friends. I like finding neuro-diverse, or compassionate listeners for friends because I tend to talk alot which means I'm horrible in group settings. I do my part to be quite interesting (lack of dopamine means I'm only interested in really interesting things and tell great stories about my wacky life or trivia, etc., I find coz I love to read) but I can be "too much" without meaning to at all. It's finally where I just know how things play out unless I mask, use hypervigilence and am unable to feel comfortable/acceptable even if it's only in my head.
I am getting better at explaining my quirks and request my friends that we always assume the best from each other... and that unfortunately I require tons of down time, shorter interactions, and I may disappear from a party without any warning.
I think I want to instigate learning moments more than chit-chat. Like doing fun things together with friends.
I can relate to everything you've said there. For me, I have a hard time making friends to begin with because I don't know what to say to people. I also don't know where to meet people where I wouldn't be bothering them. My ADD is so bad that most things people consider fun are boring, like movies. Everyone eventually moves on from me because I have nothing to talk about and nothing in common. It's a sad shitty life for me. The only thing keeping me going is philosophy. Since I'm stuck in my head all day, I figured I might as well utilize that.
8 yr old son. He has had such a difficult time with making really strong friendship. I realize he is giving. He goes to classes, his games and he is bringing the kids gum to give out. In pic of team he still in middle to right boys arm in arm space between Left an on right same thing. He's got in sand his hand and he is trying to be included in the arm and arm but he's not ever invited to be. If hurting me to see. He's got an award for generosity this year. I just want to find a way to have a conversation and I just don't know how. He's never got a birthday party with anyone but family. He has passed out to everyone a little paper that I did make for him. He's been just want to have a sleepover. Nobody has called or they're just busy we never have had it work out. Anyone know how much that hurts to watch. Omg
I watch videos like this when I feel guilty I’ve forgotten to reach out. I have 1 solid friend. They barely get it, and they are ND too.
I have a “friend” who most likely has adhd. She is always doing 5 things at once. She never actually reads my text messages. She barely listens to me when I talk. She is always talking about herself 95% of the time. It’s very difficult to be around her because I feel so disrespected.
Same. I cut her off after a hard conversation. She was angry but to my defence I told her many times how I felt when I was ignored, not listened to and worst of all interrupted all time. It always fell on deaf ears. I had to be the patient one that always listens and excuses her bad behaviour for the friendship to work. Eventually I got tired of it and moved on.
I just had to establish a boundary with a friend who has ADHD, and that boundary unfortunately is a temporary break. Understanding only goes so far, and I think that's a two-way road, so I think it's fair to take some time away to reflect & refresh. That all being said, it must be difficult to be haunted by friendships that weren't able to be maintained because of ADHD. I have a large capacity for empathy, but I've just reached my limit.
For anyone who has ADHD, and has been on the receiving end of this, please know that it a very difficult decision to come to, and often rife with aguish & guilt. I've just learned over the years that I have to be protective of my heart, and it's okay to take a step back or away. I don't think this is the end for my friend & I, but I also think that people are allowed to be upset, frustrated or confused by the whole situation.
They need a ND friend. We speak a different language than neurotypicals and we try to speak yalls language but we will always speak with an accent. Its a mask. On the other hand neurotypicals make zero effort to understand our language or accommodate us, and expect us to just speak their language which is quite entitled. I dont know your specific situation but you all are obviously not compatible and you shouldn’t put them down for that.
I’ve actually gained a new outlook. Either take me as I am or nothing at all. I become overstimulated and it leaves me feeling exhausted. I’m my own best friend and that’s ok 😊
wow, very helpful to me. I struggle with all of these points.
Thank you :) Glad you found it helpful!
FIRE! Amazing HL my friend one of the best editing ive ever seen and I’ve seen a lot.
These videos are very helpful! Thanks so much!
Glad you like them! Thanks so much for your support!
Im very social friendly person, i also love to go out and rave/dance (since 09) but i could never make friends/groups ive gone to EDC alone for ex. I know i talk too much and overly expressive, im just excited..... but i struggle with all of these....
Thanks for sharing how we think and feel ♥️
You're welcome! :)
Love your videos! I watched two of your videos today and they REALLY helped me. Thank you!
You're very welcome! I'm glad that you enjoy them :)
Just got diagnosed a few days ago and now I’m afraid that my best friend is gonna drop me even though he has a brother anda couple other friends that have it. And yet I still feel like he’ll think I’m annoying :/ but then again, that’s probably why he’s the only friend I’ve had that has lasted this long and it might be because it gets it. But I still feel like im annoying cause that’s what other people have told me all my life :(
I can relate 👍🏻
Thank you for the tips 😊
You're welcome! :)
😭😭 This accuracy
Hey! Do anyone know any discord groups or so for ADHDers?
There are Facebook groups for ADHD :)
I get so bored at a friends house I start cleaning it 😅.
Well if they mean enough to you and proven to be true and genuine then well you will/would make them a priority personally especially if it’s both ways(speaking from experience)
YeP! I live in my oWn "box" and..I'm my oWn BesT FrienD!😏😉
Hahaa I can relate to that :))
I'm my only real friend. If I wasn't so smart, I'd be better off dead, as I would have no way to make it in society. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have ADHD and an average or low I.Q. at the same time. No social ability, no intellectual ability... I'd rather be born in the f777ing Congo as a child soldier. Less horrible fate.
My family doesn't understand me....
NeW SubScriBeR here👍👋
EnJoying your videos.👆 ThanKs!👏
Welcome! And thanks so much :)
Sounds kinda egoistic....
wym by that
this is a real struggle. something people with ADHD can't properly control or even understand until proper medication is taken for treatment.
@@justanotherone9648 yea
I definitely understand this notion. I believed for the longest time I’m just a narcissistic personality because I constantly have to focus on myself even if I care about others. But it’s not for lack of trying, my brain just literally can’t comprehend that others needs exists even if I know they do. It’s like I know I need to go out and do things today, I’ve proven I can do them to myself, yet I still feel overwhelmed for no reason and that tends to lead me down a self spiraling situation. But it’s also not intentional, it come out of nowhere most of the time and I literally have no control because if I did I simply wouldn’t do it. It’s more complicated then people think and that why other have a hard time understanding it. So I totally get it, but we’re not all egotistical. It just may come off as that even if we’re extremely caring or other’s. It sucks :(
Try schizophrenia lmao