Mentoring the Next Generation of Gay Men
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 มี.ค. 2024
- In this episode, Matt speaks with leadership and culture consultant, speaker, coach, and best-selling author Joe Makston about mentoring the next generation of gay men.
They both share their experiences with leadership/mentorship in their process of coming out. They also unpack how to best become mentors for the next generation so we can end the intense suffering our community endures. It’s through our own healing that we can lead others in their healing; this conversation shines light on how we can best do this as a community.
The questions and concepts discussed in this episode are:
🌈 Explore the community that was created for us by the previous generation
🌈 What has been your experience with leadership in the gay community? (Pros and cons)
🌈 What type of mentorship did you have or wish you had when you were coming out?
🌈 How can we have platonic intimacy when the connection calls for it?
🌈 What are the skills that are required to thrive in the gay community or have healthy relationships with other gay men?
🌈 How can we best mentor the next generation to have a positive gay experience?
TODAY'S HOST: Matt Landsiedel
/ inspiredtobeauthentic
www.mattlandsiedel.com/
TODAY'S GUEST: Joe Makston
Email: joe@gmail.com
/ jmakston
/ joe.makston.1
www.linkedin.com/in/joemakston
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“Leadership in the community” … what? I remember when “gay community” was usually like a Fox News term said on some anti marriage segment and we laughed at the idea of it. Now so many people say it and it’s no wonder they don’t feel a part of something that doesn’t exist. Make a community of people that love and uplift you, most of us don’t want any “leaders” speaking for us as a collective. I feel the same about “black community” 🤦🏿♂️
me also.
Agreed.
We need mentorship of young men period. Father absence and lack of male role models must be fixed in our culture. Same for young ladies. This isn’t a gay issue and we shouldn’t keep alienating and separating us based on our orientation.
You get to a point in life that your comfortable with yourself as an older gay man.
At that point mentorship is top down as some older gay men have a lot of baggage to unpack themselves.
When it comes to mentoring a younger gay man you ask yourself do they really want your mentorship?
A good mentor models for younger people how to have baggage (as everyone does) and manage it responsibly. One of the great lessons of growing older is losing that unhelpful mentality that people are all good or all bad, all hero or all villain. Everyone has nuance, and that's part of being human. Modeling how to bring out your gifts while managing and healing your painful parts is best modeled by real, human beings who are in the midst of continuing to show up for the work every day.
Wow this was well said. We also must remember kids are not growing up in the days we were and mental health should be an individual thing, not a collective “lgbt community thing” idk. I feel like there’s a lot of projection and instilling this fear and “trauma” narrative on the youth for no reason. 🤷🏿♂️ Then they lost me at “leadership” no thank you! Please nobody self appoint themselves to speak for us as a monolith!
AND youngsters ask yourself, what might you gain by at least listening. Doesn't mean you HAVE to accept what's said,,,, Sometime both younger and elders have limited thinking. ... NOthing ventured... NOthing gained....
It's about the general ageism young people today engage in, including young gay men.@@joncarllewis
I don’t see how that’s appropriate unless he means over 18 in which case is NOBODYS BUSINESS. I will say in my school days, the last thing I wanted was an adult to “mentor” me about something I was figuring out on my own with those my own age. Thats how it should be.
Very nice episode with a lot of great insight. I watched the entire thing... big applause to Joe for comming out and living more authentically and taking on all of those challenges in his life and seeking to learn.
Why the Hell you guy have so many commercials aids it makes it hard to watch the video.
TH-cam has taken over ads on all channels. We don’t control this anymore. If you wish to not have ads then you might want to consider TH-cam Premium. Which is likely why they took over so they essentially stiff arm people into buying premium
We got to make the gay life more reasonable, clearer, orderly, practical, easier; I really mean easier! The "system" now seems to be, try like crazy and hope you get lucky before you literally go crazy or worse!
“Gay life” is individual. We can’t make other peoples lives better especially if their whole focus is being gay. I know what my gay life is, that’d it. These guys should rethink this tribal mindset and definitely not “mentor” (or unload their personal traumas) on the youth, personally. I was out in school since 9th grade when times were very homophobic still and even then I would have felt so uncomfortable with someone trying to “mentor” me because I’m gay. That’s something we figure out in our own time and connect with people we know and trust.
@@cjthompson420 I think it is individual and systemic. And I do think one way to improve things would be to have people stop basically transfering their trauma and toxicity to others. I almost think younger gays should just cut off older gay culture.
@@Sandsplans Absolutely! You worded it perfectly. These guys seem to have issues to work on themselves. This is such a nonsensical concept. If he’s talking about (I HOPE) those over 18, they can do what they want. I know I did, I love my older men. So why worry? And definitely DO NOT talk to minors about this. I feel like these dudes are trying to pass ofc their issues as some kind of hero complex but I’d rather they do not speak for all of us gay people as a “community” much less one that feels the need to talk to the youth about it. We fight hard enough against stereotypes and accusations of us. This video is no help.
@@cjthompson420Agreed. The entire rhetoric in this video is that we’re a collective, not individuals, and that we need guidance. No one taught or guided me into anything and that notion is one I firmly reject. These 2 shouldn’t be anywhere near young men especially under 18.
I have a healthy community of people with whom I share and celebrate my spirituality as a queer man. Within those spaces are guys who actually manage to celebrate spirituality AND sexual activity. Those spaces very much exist. It makes me sad to hear people oppose sex and spirituality. I and the people I associate with find a much richer life in embracing both our sexuality and our spirituality. That's only possible when we drop that tired old script that sexual pursuit and spiritual pursuit (prevalent among people who haven't experienced both in a positive way) can't coexist in the same person in the same phase of life. So many people reject traditional Christianity and never challenge those sex negative attitudes they still carry with them.
We are happy to hear that you have found a community of gay men that meet your needs and provide you sense of belonging. No one in this episode is saying that spirituality and sexuality cannot both be celebrated together. At the GMB we encourage this and think it is very important to our happiness as gay men.
I think one thing that young gays should know is maybe the biggest problem is there are very few gay people. Low numbers
I've found that one of the biggest advantages.
@@seto749 how so?
I wouldn’t say it’s a problem other than that some gay people seem to think there’s a “culture” or “community” that exists then yes. Maybe it’s hard for them to see themselves as just another person in society since there’s few of us and stereotypes happen easier that way.
@@ollylevesque3404 I meant that outside of a big city it is hard to find other gay people. I realize I didn't say that.
@@Sandsplans Oooo I see. But you aren’t wrong either, that’s also a good point I didn’t think about.
This is awesome, but we should also mentor this generation, and even the previous generation, maybe even more! Good vibes x
This was a very interesting episode. As your guest mentions early on, one must know himself first before being able to successfully mentor other gay men. As was also mentioned, I'm not really sure that I myself had an older gay mentor. I did have a platonic 17-year relationship with a gay man 17 years my senior, and I did learn things from him by process of osmosis. However, I feel mentoring is influenced by the changes in society's attitudes, and so mentoring is a bit like trying to hit a moving target. It's a constant, dynamic process, as we both learn things about ourselves and have a mentoring effect on others. Your guest also mentions about the subject of sexuality and how society still has an unspoken rule against exploring and discussing it, and I wonder why. Perhaps this story goes back to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden in the Bible, where being naked somehow became something to be afraid of when Adam donned a body covering. I also admire your's guest's like of the outdoors and such, far more than the usual gay partying scene. I love the notion discussed of shame and how we can reframe it and increase our resilience to it. Matt's discussion of platonic intimacy definitely resonates with me, since I have an emotional attachment style. Finally, the mention of how gay men get learn from straight men is a very welcome concept to me. All in all, this was a very life-affirming episode to me! 👍
Thank you for sharing how you experienced the episode 🙏
I tuned into the livestream in the last five minutes. I’m turning 30 this year and I am from the southeastern United States, Alabama. I never had mentors because many of the older generations either died from AIDS and were fighting that battle or fled to other states and regions because the oppression here is….hard. I feel grief for those earlier adult years where I wished I had community or mentorship when I was that or younger, but there weren’t people around and I feel like I could’ve avoided some really traumatic situations. For a few years until now, things were getting better for people me younger than me who had/have access to resources I didn’t. Nonbinary here too, and the transphobia of that within our community here is another layer of feeling disheartened and further disenfranchised. I don’t know what the future holds because we’re fighting in our state house to protest our existence to be not made illegal. Nobody lives in Alabama when it’s just all survival.
I think there is too much of the view that gay people have alot of sex and live in big tolerant cities. We really are expieriencing different lives. This is a good example of that. I hope you can figure out a better way.
@@Sandsplans thanks for the reply. Sadly, there isn't a better way at this time. No matter the amount of full time work I do, or the amount of money I save, there are systemic and economic barriers that prevent me and many others to have a decent life. Being from a state with low wages, the minimum wage is still $7.25/hr or $2.15/hr. for tipped workers, little healthcare (with abortion bans and having never expanded Medicaid coverage), and many other poor outcomes, we need help. And I know that's something policy and systemic change, but our lives don't matter.
Florida is close by and the winters are lovely@@mmolay
I'M 5'5" 130LB. LONG DIRTY BLONDE HAIR CLEAN SHAVEN HIV/NEG. I'M IN CLOSET GAY. DON'T WANT FAMILY FINDING OUT JUST YET.. I THINK I'D BE GOOD AT TOP, I'M RATHER LARGE DOWN THERE. I DO LIKE FOREPLAY ALOT.. 😊
Super interesting Fellows TY👍I'm chronologically old but painfully immature & unmentored. Though i found mentoring in performance arts, and later in recovery.
Love these podcast. I think you said it Matt, we all bring and or potential leaders just been our authentic self. I guess the scary part is showing vulnerability and thinking who would want to hear my story, and or thoughts.
There is new research surfacing on “reciprocal mentorship”. So glad Joe address learning more from the next generation. It fosters a collaborative learning environment, promotes diversity of thought, and enhances interpersonal relationships, thus eliminating a hierarchical “let me teach you mentality”.
Yes we believe that mentorship can happen in both directions as we all have things we can learn from one another
Wow first time catch on live ❤
Thanks so much Matt! Your podcasts make me so hopeful and excited about the future and possibilities for growth and change.
Thank you for this generous donation to the community Josh. I’m glad that you get so much value from the podcast 😁❤️