"When I was growing up, being ladylike seemed less about getting well-mannered and more about adults having an excuse to yell at you over things that boys could get away with" jeez, how could you describe my childhood THAT accurately
Dang, guess I’m lucky then. Got muddy all the time as a kid, never got in any more trouble for it than my brother. Although, my parents also never got upset when my brother wanted to join us girls playing and got his nails painted, so maybe they were just good at avoiding gendering children’s play.
As a former ballerina, I can confirm that immense pain, body-shaming, tears, slamming pointe shoes into the wall to break them in, and hair loss is super elegant!
As a *male* equestrian, I can confirm galloping around trash cans on a 1200+ pound animal without dying or getting bucked off is the most *ladylike* thing.
As the daughter of a long line of farmers and gardeners, gardening done right is definitely getting your hands and fingernails and clothes dirty as fuck and sometimes cut and loving it.
Life hack: When excusing yourself to go to the restroom, simply state, “Pardon me, I’m going to go sit and think.” Then, you are not only ladylike but you are also the most elegant philosopher that ever existed
I was surprised when she didn’t mention sewing as an “elegant” hobby but then I realized rich people probably pay others to sew, and never sew themselves
Needlepoint is ladylike. Practical sewing is the work of seamstresses, who as we know are all likely to have to resort to compromising their virtue in order to make a living anyway, and will inevitably die of consumption.
Love how baking is considered elegant. Yeah, you don't have to tell me I look ladylike when I'm covered with flour on every inch of my exposed skin, burn marks from the oven, and I'm swearing at the pastries for daring to not look like the recipe. I already know.
I am Dutch and I mainly curse when I have to, but when I do, I do it well. A while ago I made caramel (or tried) and a spatula decided to roam free and I got the caramel on my fingers. I swear, I hadn't screamed like that in a long time. Shortly described, I howled; "Goddamned-typhoid-tubercolosis-shitty-bollocks-cunt-mess!" and then just the F-word in a row for the following half-hour. I sucked on my hand, which caused me to burn my lips as well, so I just jumped up and down and cried as the caramel was oozing across the stove and (where it splattered across the) storageboxes with food, the wall, the floor, the refrigerator, the cabinets and the counter. The burned smell, the hardened caramel, the sticky mess, the wet blisters oozing woundmoisture... I can assure you, it was the most feminine I've ever felt.
@@DETROPY It was, but I felt very feminine while I cleaned it.... ..okay I can't keep this story up, yes it was shit xD Especially when it half-hardened and scrubbing it with a sponge just made the caramel get plastic-hairy (from the sponge) and I had to soak it with wet cloths everywhere.
So real, baking makes me so ladylike With the mild burn scars on my fingers cause I grabbed a pan without an oven mitt. Or when I got brownie batter on my face and looked like I had been bleeding
The idea of gardening being an “elegant” hobby absolutely sent me. Yeah I bet sweating in the 90 degree summer heat with your bangs bobby pinned back and face covered in patchy sunscreen, covered in dirt and dressed in your absolute least fashionable clothes is super ladylike and poised. I know I look so elegant when I’m crawling under stairs to weed poison ivy and swearing at the plants for having the audacity to exist.
But really, the type of classist people who would be talking about etiquette and looking elegant would be rich people who don't really do the hard work. Horse-riding? You bet your a$$ they only show up to ride the horse and then leave the manure shoveling, feeding and cleaning the horse, etc. to the stable lad. Gardening? That probably means frolicking in the garden smelling the floors and not much else... The hired gardener does the work.
They probably think gardening is watering plants elegantly from tiny cute watering cans and moving an already potted plant into a beautiful outside container without getting any dirt on them and finishing it off by sitting near the plants elegantly or stuff. Other stuff is actually done by the gardener, the way elegant (aristocratic) ladies acrually do back then
I have a feeling their gardening is much more, choosing where in the garden the rose bushes and lillies are going to be planted, and handing a detailed plan over to their gardener. Just like with the equastrianism, buy a horse and house it at the stable, come ride it and brush it's mane sometimes while the stable hands are the ones carrying bails of hay and shoveling poop out of pens.
Pretty sure it‘s from the time where rich ppl brought home exotic ferns in edwardian cases from their ‚explorations‘. And yes, women were only allowed to keep ferns as any other plants were deemed too „phallic“ for them…
As someone who danced for 13 years, actual ballet classes are FAR from elegant 😭 we spent most of our time with a teacher slamming a cane on the floor with the sound of a gunshot to get us to keep beat with the song, and sweating our asses off. Ballet is not all classical music and dainty arms, it’s a grueling sport that takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
@@MeowMeow_95_ I don’t know if you’re a dancer or not but that’s. No. Ballet dancers are often stick thin mainly because of the beauty standards of the industry; eating disorders were basically expected. The so called amazing body was from skipping meals and trying to live off of water and ice.
*Female Larper bowing before you in squire's garb*: “My queen! Thou are exquisitely dressed for the occasion of rolling the dice! Dare I say it: like a TRUE lady!”
How is ARCHERY considered a lady-like hobby? They keep saying “Women have to be dainty and elegant.” Yet archery is the exact opposite of dainty and elegant.
Most of those hobbies I honestly wouldn’t consider “ladylike”. Because I assume “ladylike” as a hobby means “sit still, look pretty, be polite, and make good conversation”. Also, don’t ever show to anyone you are a human being with bodily functions who can experience strong emotions.
Hearing parents regularly sigh and asking you, "how are you gonna get a husband?" whenever you didn't want to wash dishes or sit in a way that un-ladylike when you were literally children is CRAZY
Bonus points if they are divorced and ESPECIALLY if there's a history of abuse (be it in the family or communities everyone is familiar with) and wonder why their own kids aren't interested in getting married.
My father would literally say to me (rather, scream to me, with full pure hatred in his voice), when I was 4 or 5 years old: "You're a DISGRACE of a WOMAN!!! Nobody will EVER love you!!!! You will be a divorcee!!! No MAN will EVER want YOU!!!". So... I did listen to him in the end. I didn't marry a cis man and we've been happily together for 20 years and counting.
There's someone I follow on youtube who talks a lot about lady-like behavior, but she ALWAYS makes sure to say that being lady-like isn't a necessity, and that if you don't want to be traditional feminine, you still deserve just as much respect, and I love that. I hate being told that acting like a "woman" is the only way to get love
Yes, agreed, many don't "need" to act this way. But the thing that irked me the most about this video is the covert way in which Chad Chad just doesn't acknowledge that these are videos for WOMEN, who CHOOSE to be more ladylike, not for kids. Instead she's twisted the whole thing and its like this is meant to shame women who like the idea of etiquette or embrace traditional feminine rules of social presence. The whole time, she just made crappy, unfunny jokes instead of thinking critically beyond Cristian upbringing and patriarchy.🙄😒 How can women say they "support and uplift other women" when they have this gross rhetoric that anything "hyper-femenine" or "traditional" is inherently bad? Not to mention there's PLENTY of trans women who embrace hyper-femenine mannerisms as part of gender affirmation. So too can cis women choose to feel gender affirmation by choosing to behave like this.
@@ophilianecr thank you, couldnt have said it better myself. the whole part of uplifting women INCLUDES uplifting those who desire a different life than you
@@Pugkin5405 sorry, girl. Some of us can think critically when we consume media and we don't need creators yelling us how to think and feel🤨. Tell me you feel personally insulted because i had a criticism, without telling me....🙃
Love that a "ladylike bobby" includes being an art enthusiast but not being an artist itself. Yeah you can LOOK at the art but if you pick up the damn pencil you will be smited down
It's because painting is for boys. There are no great female painters after all, right? A woman wouldn't dain soil her fingers or clothing *eyerolling so hard I can see my brain*
As a former horse girl, I can confirm getting dirt all over my clothes and falling off a giant animal because it saw a leaf is the most ladylike thing you can do 😌
As someone who has gardened once in his life, and never want to do it again... It is also a very ladylike activity to be covered in mud and sweat, wearing disposable clothes.
as an equestrian, i entirely agree. i’ve especially gotten many compliments of how ladylike i look while trudging through knee high mud and manure to fetch my horse from his field, knowing full well he’s been rolling in his own filth 🥰
As a former equestrian I can confirm that being thrown into a T-Post and nearly dying from getting trampled because the horse saw a leaf is the most ladylike hobby
The “riding horses makes you lose your virginity” is kind of true as it can break your hymen, but like that literally doesn’t matter at all lmao. Literally like falling or hitting your crotch on something a little too hard can break it too
Yup . Besides some women retain their hymen even after their first intercourse . So the presence of the hymen is a very bad criteria to decide if that person is a virgin or not , and being a virgin shouldn't even matter.
Important etiquette rules for a lady: 1. A lady does not shit in the restroom, a true lady shits on your scrapbook. 2. A lady doesn't dirty her hands eating cheetos, instead pour the contents of the bag directly into your mouth. 3. Put cyanide in your husbands food to make it look like a heart attack, be so consumed with grief that you never marry another man and spend the rest of your days with your handmaiden in your deceased husband's expansive estate.
Shoutout to all the little girls that ended up with insane internalized misogyny for years because they were scolded by their teachers for being "unladylike" and had to learn to define womanhood for themselves in their later teen years without any parental guidance! You're doing great sweetie
Grew up in the Deep South and had "lady lessons" from a status obsessed aunt. I only use the book balancing thing as a party trick (its a lame one too) and I'm basically the complete opposite of what she was aiming to make me lol.
The one about “things elegant ladies never do at home” had me WHEEZING as I was watching the video in my cluttered kitchen wearing a bleach stained shirt drinking soda out of the bottle. Literally checked all the boxes 😂😂😂😂
As an equestrian I can confirm that chasing after my horse, picking up horse poop, getting dumped off of my horse when it spooks, and grooming my horse are very elegant. I often wear a white ballgown and glass 8 inch high heels. 😌
How do you afford horse riding? Isn't it a wealthy people thing? I had a friend who did große riding and they spend like 100 bucks a month on this hobby💀
@van_ol1056 It's true that horse riding is really expensive, especially the more advanced you are, but that's true for basically any hobby, especially sports. Like, off the top of my head, my friend does competitive cheer, and she'll have to spend over 200 dollars on the uniform alone. It's not just for rich people, and as you advance, anything will get really expensive. Just because it can be expensive doesn't mean it's glamorous. Even just stepping into a barn will get you dirty. Horses are animals and are living beings who live outside, so of course, it's dirty. It's not for everyone, and if you want to do horse riding, you have to love everything about it, mucking out stalls and all. I will admit that it is one of the more expensive hobbies, but practically anything that involves another living animal is quite expensive (lessons, tack, gear, cleaning tools, boarding, vet bills, etc.) I would say it's worth it, though. 😂
@@Haikavehismycomfortship that makes sense, you have to actually care for the animals and even a cat can get pretty pricey once you go to the vet. I think you can call sth a rich people hobby without it being a negative thing. Bc those hobbies are more accessible to people with financial stability or kids who are lucky to be born into such families. Having a normal middle class income will make you less likely to actually go to advanced levels, it's not sth most people can do. Doesn't mean that people who do those don't work hard on their hobbies or anything. At least where I live it's a thing for privileged people to deny their privilege or normalise it which is odd bc usually poor people are frowned upon so I kinda don't get that 😅
Ah yes, as an avid gardener, I fully agree with her list of hobbies. I’m out here in no bra, messy bun, dirt/cow s*** caked under my nails, dodging wasps and covered in mosquito bites, all with a runny nose because also…allergies. So graceful, so elegant 👸
my grandma used to tell me i wouldn’t get a boyfriend because i wasn’t ladylike enough, it always upset me that she cared more about me getting a boyfriend than how i felt
@@Ashton8844 Oh, yes, explains a lot. My brother is trans too and no family member knows cause we were sadly born into a transphobic family and it bothers me that she calls my brother ber "daughter". Me personally, I'm just a boy who likes crossdressing🥲👍
@@Abra_Dabra i would literally never tell my family im trans it is so terrifying, im sorry ur family is like that too, rlly sucks that people are more willing to be hateful than to accept others
Gardening is super ladylike. If you only have to lightly prune some flowers in a sundress, while your paid gardener does all the work in the background
I remember last year I was obsessed with aesthetics and it was so stressful to keep up with looking good all the time. I still have that style and I like to dress up, but you should see me when I'm late for my musical theatre classes or when I'm exercising (actually it's nice to have a passion that makes me forget about my appearance). We women tend to forget we're humans too :(
The most ladylike thing you can do is break all your bones and show to your friends how you were so delicate and fragile as a lady that you shattered into pieces
I had an ex that made fun of a gal for grocery shopping in her pajamas. I said to him "have you ever thought that perhaps she does not care what you think" and he looked shocked, like he had never even considered it. Now I grocery shop in my pajamas whenever I can.
@@yaaassbitch8704 ah men are fine. And increasingly so, I think. But there are certainly times and places and people that refuse to use their good logic
Holy actual fuck Chad crouched goblin mode in a bush trying to draw a toy bow and arrow while the books come tumbling off her head at 10:14 launched me entirely into a geosynchronous orbit of the planet.
i bet these ladies will faint as soon as they see the posture and clothes itself that we need to wear/maintain during skiing, also i always kinda thought of skiing as a bada$$ sport
Any time I've ever said "excuse me, I'll be right back" and didn't specify that I was going to the bathroom, everyone was concerned that something had upset me. When I got back I got a million "IS EVERYTHING OKAY". Very sweet of my friends to care, but definitely drew a lot more attention than I would have if I had just said "brb bathroom".
Plus I’ll also know the last place you were or are supposed to be incase you go missing or an emergency happens. Anything can happen in todays world that’s why I always tell people where I’m going even if it’s for 2 minutes.
I’m way to shy to even speak up so whenever I need to leave a room I just run out of there at top speed without telling anyone, everyone understands not to ask me anything when I get back because I’ll run away again
This is literally just : how to get social anxiety 101 Step 1 : Always worry about your appearance and how people think about you Step 2 : Review every single one of your actions to keep this appearance Step 3 : Do it inside your own home to have even more anxiety !
It's disingenuous to say that the 3rd one is bad, the advice is essentially "be clean and tidy" (though the one about drinking out of bottles is odd I must admit), but that's a useful piece of advice for anyone, it's scientifically proven to be helpful for a clearer and happier state of mind, and it's not something that only women are told, men are told that all the time too, it's one of the main things Jordan Peterson talks about. I understand that some people don't want to do that and want to relax at home, which is fine too, but belittling legit information doesn't seem right to me.
I legit took etiquette classes(at my grandmother's behest) so that I could have a debutante like she couldn't afford for her daughters. I did it to make her happy but even the instructor made it clear, "no woman is forever perfect, but please do your best in public". These women are trying to delude themselves into being princesses.
That sounds like my grandmother as well. She always makes comments when we're going out in public or when guests are going to be around, but mostly leaves us alone at home unless we're doing something particularly unpleasant to her (i.e. slurping the last drops of a drink through a straw or something 😂). Feels like the only way to realistically live with the "elegance" pressure!
I took etiquette classes myself as a means to help my poor social skills due to autism. I didn't and still don't understand the reasoning behind half the stuff I was expected to do, but it does make one feel oddly powerful when you can make someone warm up to you by sitting or speaking a certain arbitrary way. I think these ladies have fallen for their own illusion.
I think there's an important distinction between "art enthusiast" and "artist." Being an artist is messy, certainly un-ladylike, whereas being an enthusiast means you just have to sit back and determine what is "good" art and what is "bad," and especially which pieces to decorate your super classy and tasteless home with. Another commentor mentioned that gardening is really hard, dirty, messy work, not just deciding which plants you want in your garden and hiring someone else to do it.
People who hire prof. gardeners often don't even specify the plants. They just say what kind of style and maintanance level they want and if it should be producing food or not.
Having been part of a communal garden myself, I just took it for granted gardening is kind of "dirty" and wouldn't even assume other people dont get it. But I dont think its directly gross. Im also an artist like actually paint on a regular basis and have even had my artworks at small scale art exhibitions a couple times. Painting creates a lot of mess and spilling on your clothes is almost certain to happen at some point, so its recommended to not use the nicest clothes you have (which is were it would get "un-lady-like"), but you can if you want. People restrict themself way too much if they can never do anything you wouldn't do in fine clothes
@@josefstalin9678 would say it's slightly different. The examples you've mentioned is forming a plan and executing said plan. The difference between artists and art enthusiasts is that it's planning/executing and simply supporting the projects indirectly by being a big consumer, respectively.
I was a Master Gardener for a few years and it is a lot of work shoveling soil and propagating plants and transplanting seedlings and planting, digging etc. All outside in the sun with bugs. :) My mother in law used to just have a gardener come do her front yard then talk about "her" flowers. Meh.
The main thing I took from the multiple etiquette classes I was put in is that etiquette is supposed to be about making the other person feel comfortable. So the whole tiktok trend just seems excessive and an excuse for mean girls to put down other women.
I'll never forget when I realized I, a country bumpkin, have more class than my rich family(i wasn't raised with them, long story). Tldr, I did something embarrassing on complete accident at a wedding. Every last one of them fled the table and made me sit alone embarrassed. Imagine my shock when I took etiquette classes and realized my instinct to help someone in that situation is considered classier than this "everyone makes 6 figures and wants for nothing" family.
@@Medusa_The-Bard I agree, it looks like at least 65 one-handed and 80 in archery, she must be at least level 7 and that’s if she didn’t level light armor
every time I’d hear the word “ladylike” as a kid, it’d usually be followed by “no men will want to marry you” so glad I live in a whole different country now away from them
i love that this whole culture of "ladylike" etiquette came about so that women would look better for potential husbands... friendly reminder that women do not exist to please men
I love how she listed “art enthusiast” as a hobby and coming from an artist myself, having your hands covered in paint and pencil led while you also have the most cluttered desk due to how much paint there is and getting splatters on your legs while having some of your clothes ruined in the process is super elegant
as a former ballet dancer i can confirm we are all so elegant and our studios 100% do not smell like feet and we definitely always have perfect posture and we never fall, it’s obviously the most ladylike thing you can do
The amount of back and core strength ballet dancers have makes me think it's the type of sport where you go home and die on the couch after every rehearsal.
The only one of those hobbies I could MAYBE afford is baking. Also, she does not care about being ladylike. She cares about looking expensive. What she means by ladylike is upper class, e.g. hobbies the commoners can't afford. As another comment said, a true lady keeps her guests comfortable, not feeling inferior.
I just discovered you and I ma so inspired for my own channel You're so unique and hilarious and authentic. You running while holding your dress during the "High-Lady Hunger Games" killed meeeee. And the exchange of the stature creating versus scrapbook making had me straight hollering. Thank you for your content!!!
This is so performative and I can't even imagine how exhausting it must be. Even when you're home alone, or engaging in your hobbies... It would just drain me to thinks of these roles 24/7. I feel like people who live in this world need a hug.
“performative” is the perfect descriptor for this! reminds me of the feminist studies on the subject of femininity as a constant performance. it’s heartbreaking tbh
Just in case it wasn’t clear, this performance of elegance is for men. It’s to increase your chance of getting picked. And the fact that it even extends to hobbies and time in private just expresses how the pick-me mindset goes beyond just performing in front of men to be picked - it’s about existing that way even in their absence because we don’t exist for ourselves, but for them. You can’t behave or dress or like what you actually like even in private because the male gaze should occupy your mind even then. Because you exist FOR them. Crazy that this has been a thing for so long
@@sitoe9858 I'm curious, where did you get those ideas from? In certain parts fo the world etiquette may have been traditionally associated with women, but the truth is that both men and women of higher class and nobility were expected to adhere to proper etiquette. It's not just about putting on a performance to attract a partner - it's always been a way to demonstrate one's social status and educational background. These Tiktok videos, while entertaining, don't provide an accurate representation of what the real etiquette classes look like.
Ah yes, the elegant hobby of digging in the dirt, bending into uncomfortable positions to make sure the seeds are at the right depth, lugging watering cans around, wearing stained gloves, and fighting insects. ✨ Ladylike ✨
Obviously she meant rich people gardening, not actual gardening, which involves telling the underpaid servants what to do in the garden while you faff about on a horse, or whatever else it is rich people do with their time.
Literally just typed out a very similar comment…then scrolled and saw this 🤦♀️😂 But yes…nothing says elegant like dirt and cow s*** caked under my nails. So fancy!
5:33, absolutely I wear a kilt at home. I can only wear a kilt like in public like 3 days a year. and the Kilt is more comfortable and i haven’t yet developed the courage to wear it outside all the time.
i love that she ends every video with “i’m gonna call it there guys” befor the video colapses in on itself and becomes a black hole. she truly is shielding us
The “ballet class is elegant” thing killed me given that i rolled up there today in like four layers, oversized tshirt and sweats as the top layer, and *gasp* sneakers. The only thing i ditched to start the class was the sneakers. Performing is elegant af and rehearsals require leotards and skirts and such but for class most of us call it a good day if our clothes match. Also we sweat something awful regardless because ballet is HARD.
Especially if you take adult classes. I did ballet all the way through highschool and we had a dress code. I picked it back up again recently as an adult and they don't give a fuck what you wear anymore.
I mean, that's true for most of the things she listed. They are hard and require a great deal of skill and work. I think what's happening here is the packaging of things that are actually totally fine in infantalizing wrapping paper because society has to denigrate the things that women like
That got me, too. No actual dancer is that TikTok ballet core stereotype. She has so clearly never performed any of the hobbies she listed in the video
You're lucky, we all had to wear the exact same thing, black leotard and white stockings, if someone wore something different, they'd make such a drama out of it and kick you out of the class.
My ballet teacher always used to say she couldn't tell if we were using the right technique if we didn't have just the basic leotard and tights on, though we were allowed to wear a sweater if it was cold. Don't really miss doing classes, though quitting cold turkey did fuck my body up a bit lol
Tbh it would be nice to be told where the bathroom is immediately tho especially if they said “feel free to go anytime” or else I just stand there nervously looking around for 30mins before even telling the host I need to go bc I feel so damn awkward
I have severe social anxiety and honestly this type of mindset has got to be just so exhausting, especially when you’re purposefully trying to think that way.
I don’t like wearing makeup and my moms like “that’s not ladylike/girly” and then there’s the “you don’t know how to be pretty” “lipstick makes you pretty” and worst part is, MOST OF MY FAMILY AGREES. Like give me a break, I’m not even an adult yet
One time my science teacher scolded me for eating a banana in the hallways and she told me it wasn’t “ladylike” and it genuinely affected me and made me feel uncomfortable eating bananas at school
Art is such a elegant hobby. Yup crawling on the floor with paint smeared all over my face and $14 white t-shirt trying to find the cap to my yellow paint is so elegant
Notice how all the "people" telling us what we can and can't do are soulless, pretty-faced dolls with no purpose but to fit into other people's ideas of what they should do. Notice that they don't have control over their own life. Now THAT is just sad.
I went to and loved cotillion, I own etiquette books, and I listen to a podcast called Schmanners. I love the idea of being graceful and elegant and charming and conscientious of others. Do you know what isn’t any of that? Nagging or condescending to women who don’t fit the same mold as you. Even if someone is being the least “ladylike” you’ve ever seen to the point to where it bothers you, the “ladylike” thing to do is receive them well and treat them the way you would any other. Making others feel uncomfortable for being who they are and insisting that your way is right is not ladylike.
@@sweetembrace6706 being free means that the OG commenter gets to like etiquette. It’s saying women HAVE to be one way or the other or shaming them for their choices that’s the problem.
I love how every single piece of advice is LARP as a white Victorian aristocrat. I don't wear athletic clothing because I'm unladylike like, I wear it because I am working class and have minimal disposable income. My clothes have to be multipurpose, because if I spent all my money of event specific clothing I would be homeless with nice dresses.
interestingly enough, it was always about the classism & financial status. if you look at the poor, lower class & working class people (both men *and* women) throughout history, none of them were really able to look like a gentleman or proper lady, because the clothes that were deemed "fancy" and "proper" were all financially inaccessible to them, and also extremely impractical. for example, a *lot* of women throughout history had to wear pants, because you couldn't do the jobs they were doing in a dress! (yes, the women were expected to take care of the home and children, but they also often had jobs outside of that, i.e. helping their husbands with farm work in order for them not to, y'know, starve.) the whole point of the aristocratic culture of gentlemanly and ladylike behavior was formed by the rich to distinguish and separate themselves from the working class & impoverished population. you didn't want to be seen in pants as a lady, lest you be mistaken as poor and grouped in with the peasants! the behavior aspect was also worked into the culture to further separate themselves (we don't dress like we're poor, and we don't act like we're poor either!). the patriarchy made the dress code and behavior etiquette much harsher on the women, but men also had their own set of standards to be a proper gentleman of the time period. nowadays, instead of "gentlemanly" etiquette, it's "HOW TO BE AN ALPHA MALE GIGACHAD & MAKE WOMEN RESPECT YOU". i recognize the inherent classism in "ladylike/gentlemanly" behavior of olde, but i'd MUCH rather take a man in formal attire over being called a bitch by an incel...... (not to mention women were just as disrespected back then as they are now anyway, it's just that it's gotten a lot more... straightforward? Victorian men were like *[disrespects women & their autonomy, but politely with a bow]*)
Victorian gentleman greeting a lady: Good evening, my dear lady! *[kisses her hand]* him, internally: *"She sat with her legs a little too open in her chair. Harlott."*
As an archer I can confirm that nothing is more ladylike than messing up up the nerve endings in your fingers, string slap bruises, and being hot and sweaty surrounded by mostly men in your athletic wear. Truly, archery is the most ladylike of all sports
as someone who has been doing ballet for 11 years. the only time we are ever ✨eLeGaNt✨ is when we're on the actual stage. Theres nothing aesthetic about sweating and bleeding so much you could fill a swimming pool, getting bunions and blisters, dancing on top of your toes with little padding and moving in ways humans aren't supposed to BUT making it look easy, eating disorders, and verbal abuse from teachers.
@@mcboingboingsister6258 oh yes and ofc The beautiful fully fallen out(ripped out) toenails during practice and then The taped nailless toes, continued practice with toeshoes is My favourite ✨aesthetic✨and sorry of My writing errors im little in hurry ( and dyslexia+ english is 3rd language)😭 ❤️
Exactly, ballet wear is usually consistent of leotards and skirts, but athletic wear can also be allowed in certain ballet schools (ours doesn't allow it unless your leotard reeks of sweat and you don't have anything else to wear), because the fabric is flexible. Doing ballet in "ladylike" clothing should be considered a goddamned torture, since you're going to spend so much time with itchy clothing and inflexible fabrics that can break upon any stretch or combination the ballet teachers give you.
Yes, and how am I supposed to work in the garden without ever bending over or getting my clothes dirty? Also, a fancy dress wouldn't be very practical, just like in ballet class.
@@whatadistinguishedgentlecat exactly, i couldn't even imagine doing a pointe class in fancy "lady-wear", its already tortuous enough in a leotard and tights
I've heard some say art or painting is an elegant/ladylike hobby. And as an artist, that's just hilarious! A big majority of us are stressed tf out, mentally ill, live off of coffee or energy drinks, and can be heard loosing their shit over that one pencil that just keeps breaking.
I love how "proper etiquette" girl is telling you you should want to look "expensive"; people of actual wealth nearly always prefer the opposite. If you're a person worth knowing, people will know who you are regardless of how "expensive" you attempt to make yourself look. Also love Lady Purple Dress at 6:30, attempting to demonstrate how to walk down a staircase in a "proper and ladylike" fashion whilst wearing what are "politely" referred to in "High Society" as Hooker Heels.
Golden "hooker" heels with a dress that is so flimsy, so 'elegant.'... Not to mention that next "elegant" lady will tell that, no, you actually can and need to hold on to the railing. Also, have they seen The Queen walking down the stairs? I mean, the lady was sort of an epitome of étiquette and elegance. Or Duchess Catherine. They don't walk down the stairs looking like a Disney movie high school queen b.
Lol xDD I've always found this kind of videos (I got some recommended some years ago) a bit weird because some things they say and do are quite the opposite or not quite the thing wealthy people do. And why do so many of them have obviously made their lips? Doesn't it contradict what they're saying is elegant?
I'm a girl who likes to be ✨elegant ✨ 'cause I find elegant clothes, nice posture, tidyness etc aesthetically pleasing and comfortable. But I draw the line at comfort, if a ladylike thing is unsafe or feels bad than I throw it out the window (like that walking down the stairs thing, it's just plain stupid). I also did archery and let me tell you, it was NOT an elegant hobby. We wore sportswear (some girls even trained in yogapants - gasp!) and we would train in a pretty rundown ex factory building cuz that's what we had. Or there was the a branch of following traditional archery, sometimes dressing like ancient Hungarians and camping in yurts before an outdoor event, you know. Or there were the outdoor championships where we would walk through forests and shoot the targets even in mud and rain. Pretty cool but not 'ladylike'.
Yeah, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm a midwestern hick but I did equestrianism and archery and gardening and absolutely none of those were elegant and absolutely all of them involve a truly ridiculous amount of mud and I don't think a change of venue would solve that at all.
i love how they always say that ballet is elegant and all. yes the preformances are where the beautiful tutu's and costumes are worn. but ballet class? jogging pants on leotards and vests and sometimes you have the most mismatched color combinations.
@@sophielouise9046 Don’t forget the pain and fucked up feet. Ballet is so physically taxing, it’s honestly shocking how dancers still manage to make it look effortless and graceful.
The archery one surprised me. I loved doing it but there wasn't anything elegant about walking up and down 90meters looking for a single arrow in the grass or doing a tournament in the middle of winter.
as someone who's attempted to bake i can confirm that desperately trying to not burn your hands when taking the cookies out of the oven, putting your blood sweat and tears to not mess up the icing, realising that the cookies were over-baked, getting ingredients mess up the floor, is very elegant.
I'll be honest: if someone unironically walked down steps in front of me like that (while not in a roleplay regency larp situation), I couldn't stop myself from bursting out laughing.
as an autistic lady, I will absolutely never take any advice from these women. Also the hunger games bit at the end made me laugh really hard, love you Chad Chad
@@justabout6979 that's a great question! lots of people on the spectrum have specific preferences on clothing, almost always removing shirt tags and anything scratchy, wearing only soft clothes that feel comfortable and don't cause sensory issues instead of choosing clothes based more off how they look. I couldn't believe the tik tok lady said no baggy clothes EVEN AT HOME, I'd go insane! The whole vibe of deciding everything you do based on a stereotype is just so toxic, true self expression is really important for everyone, but especially neurodivergent people
@@juliasutton8634 on a related note, as someone also autistic, I was pretty much the golden standard for lady-like as a child (well for how young I was at least) my need for things like quiet spaces, soft clothing, not wanting to participate in rowdy activities, not talking unless prompted... it aligned me with a lot of things expected of girls and women. And I just happen to do those because of sensory issues, not at all because I was trying to be that way or look down at others. (I WISHED I enjoyed being rowdy! they looked like they were having fun! but I just got overwhelmed) I think this especially made people surprised (and usually irritated) when I would Not align with lady-like things. I can only assume because either; it broke the illusion that I was this perfect kid, or that if I was lady-like in most things, then I should know how to be in all aspects.
@@justabout6979 I’ll be honest, I find that most etiquette is a lot easier to learn than regular social cues. Only problem is that a lot of these etiquette accounts aren’t necessarily teaching etiquette to be a better, more considerate person but teaching women how to some haughty ass “high value” woman. We don’t want to be subservient to some guy with a Ferrari, we just want to be polite and graceful for ourselves and the people around us or at least I do.
Funny how this works, my mom pays a lot of attention to „ladylike” looks - the result is I wear metal band t-shirts and yoga pants, and my sis exlusively male coded clothing
@@commandercorl1544 absolutely not. There are plenty of men who love tomboys. I dated one when i was 14. We're both in our early twenties now and she still hasn't transitioned into a man. Just because a woman isn't traditionally feminine, doesn't mean she'll become a man😅😂
Hearing someone say “You’re not a child” immediately after “That’s bad manners” is such whiplash. Like, who the heck says “manners” to anyone over the age of nine?
I was at a restaurant with my bf and this lady was following all these rules and enforcing them on her son. It was ruining everyone else's meal when she would randomly correct him about something so normal. "Don't hold your cutlery that way!" "Don't lay your napkin that way!" "Don't chew that way!" Then she would look around with this super judgmental glare at the other families in the restaurant. Jokes on her though everyone else was laughing and having a great time while her and her kid sat alone in stiff silence. The best part was that we were at a theme park, not some fancy restaurant.
she likely had the least etiquette in the room if she was not only publicly ridiculing him, but doing it loud enough for others to hear. Poor guy. It'd be one thing if she corrected him in private and wasn't so strict about little things, but its another to just put your son on blast in public or make them feel like they can't succeed due to all the petty rules.
That lady is just a control freak. My old science teacher is exactly like her. my old science teacher, is very petty about little things, like making sure your computer is perfect with the board, or if your paper is straight on your desk, etc. one time we were highlighting and reading something. And as i was highlighting the stuff, she came up behind me and said “hey, u need to pay more attention, and highlight more” like- bent over my shoulder, and wispered through her teeth like she was mad at me- And then- 5 MINUTES LATER she came behind me and said; “you are in the wrong section of the paragraph” but we had just started reading a new paragraph-and she was behind me the intire time… kinda weird how she was standing behind me like that lol. There is so much more stuff she has done to me and my classmates that really annoys me but i better stop typing otherwise ima write a whole essay
So I fell into a major depression and couldn’t bring myself to shave consistently. I felt like I didn’t have to always been perfectly shaved and the guy I was dating at the time knew I was struggling with depression yet made a fuss over me not shaving because it wasn’t ladylike. I dumped him soon after.
Shaving is such a modern eurocentric concept, don’t sweat it hun. Less than three centuries ago no one woulda gave a shit if you had some hair. And if you think about it, that’s only three long-lived people ago. Most of your ancestors were out here hairy and continuing the bloodline regardless.
The thing about not telling people "Hey, I need to go to the bathroom." I think of safety. If I'm in public and if I going somewhere by myself, I want the people I'm with to know where I was last if I don't return to the table or if something happens to me.
The thing about "sitting ladylike" drove me INSANE, and still does now because my mother still goes on about it. Her reasoning was "boys can look up your skirt or stare at your crotch!" Which freaked me the hell out as a kid. I ended up being horrified of men, because I was given the impression that everyone around me was a huge creep that was just WAITING for me to open my legs a little bit. Nowadays, I don't care about it and just sit how I like. I haven't had a situation where anyone's looked at me at all as far as I'm aware. Thanks mom lol Edit because I remembered more: my mom has always been very paranoid about creeps, so I couldn't wear anything "revealing". However, the pants thing stuck with me the most, because I had to change how my legs are naturally, when I sit down they naturally either spread out or do that "criss cross apple sauce" thing lol
I remember my mom telling me the same. I didn't quite like skirts back then and I used to sit in weird positions (still do). I was really stubborn so I retorted something along the lines of "then they can look, for all i care." I didn't see what was the big deal especially when I was wearing stocking underneath.
I’m almost 30 and my mom still wants to annoy me about how I sit. “Adults don’t sit like that”, is the new version and guess what, I’m an adult and I do. I’m a short adult who doesn’t like to have her legs dangling off a chair,. Only disadvantage is that it’s not very comfortable for cats, only cats will make me sacrifice comfort for a bit.
see my mum told me to sit like “a lady” even while wearing pants all the time😅 but never explained why, so it was always confusing to me, I think it’s actually fair enough for parents to worry about perverts, but it’s the others fault, not the child. I also had a boy in class poking girls between the legs with a ruler under the table (they all had skirts on) I snitched on him but it made me glad I had pants on and made me question why on earth a boy would think to do such a thing.
Yeah that's why I hate skirts now. Because to me wearing a skirt/dress means I'm gonna have to hold up to a certain etiquette and I don't want that. So now I just wear pants. Tho recently I've started to wear maxi skirts which are also comfy and I don't need to worry about flashing someone.
Super ironic that she says wearing yoga pants makes you look less "expensive," when women who are actual Billionaires wear yoga pants out in public... regularly. Lmao
Rich people dress down when not at a extreme event, you’ll be surprised they own money. Which goes to show people making these videos don’t know what they’re talking about. I had a teacher in middles school that had about half a mil in stocks and you couldn’t tell. 💀
@@RaptorFromWeegee its true, wealthy family don’t brag about their money bc most know they are wealthy. These ppl don’t have high status, so they have to show their wealth and tell.
Ok, the ONLY practice I feel has even a smidge of validity is telling your guests where the bathroom is right out the gate, instead of waiting for them to ask where it is. However, I don’t think doing so is a requirement to “be ladylike”, but really just part of your personal preference when it comes to hosting other people. The only reason I do it when I’m hosting guests is because I know that for some people (including myself), even simple social interactions like asking where the bathroom is can be mortifying, simply because it tends to put other people’s attention on you when you ask. I’d rather suffer in silence than make it known to an entire room that “ooh whoops! I’m a human being and need to do normal human being activities like using the bathroom!” Yes, it’s backwards, I know 😅 But it’s really just a matter of personal preference, not about “being ladylike” Trying to fit people into strict societal molds just because they happened to be born with different body parts is kinda dumb in my opinion.
NUMBER 2 TIP TO LOOK LADYLIKE: Always be pleased at any action, you MUST congratulate people at any action, every breath they take must be awarded. Especially if the action regards you.
baking is so elegant especially when you have flour all throughout your kitchen and blow up some cookies because you didn’t put flour in them (true story). especially when you are practically dying laughing because of how burnt your cupcakes are. so elegant guys
Or when you're entirely covered from head to toe in flour as your face itches, and you can't scratch it because because your hands are covered in bread dough
@jenkathefridge3933 I do yes, and I've gotten better but my oven doesn't always work right and will get to hot, or not hot enough so even though I've learned what to do and what not to do I still end up burning something. And my comment was meant as a joke so I exaggerated how often I burn stuff, It isn't literally when ever I bake
My grandma and mom “”trained”” me since I was a kid to be ladylike SOLELY for my future husband. It was not even just about my physical actions like sitting, walking or laughing. They were so hard on me about my whole personality. For example if I would get upset about something and be sad or upset the whole day they would say something like “if u continue this behaviour/mindset, your future family or relationship with your husband and in laws would be difficult” “you should always let things go. Forgive and forget. And be happy all the time” And many more. I was always rebelling against this. But deep down these got engrained in me and I still feel guilty if I upset my boyfriend. Or if i even get angry. Because that’s not ladylike and men don’t like that
That is fucked up, honestly, do what you want to do. You should be able to feel what you want to feel. Did you know crying can be a sign of releasing stress? That does not apply to everyone but it is a good fact :3 So go be sad, angry, and happy. Your human, not a robot made to please your "Future Husband."
@@FocusedFighter777exactly..dude My mom have faced so much sh*t in an abusive marriage that she ragingly encourages me to be successful and independent but yet sometimes , the forceful conditioning of her past gets hold, and she ends up saying “What will your future husband/in laws think?” Over minor human errors.. Always apologises later and blesses me that i get a husband/in laws who never treat me like that, ever.. At least she’s trying 🥺❤
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Go to buyraycon.com/chadchad for 15% off your order!
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"When I was growing up, being ladylike seemed less about getting well-mannered and more about adults having an excuse to yell at you over things that boys could get away with" jeez, how could you describe my childhood THAT accurately
I got in trouble for laughing too loud.
Dang, guess I’m lucky then. Got muddy all the time as a kid, never got in any more trouble for it than my brother. Although, my parents also never got upset when my brother wanted to join us girls playing and got his nails painted, so maybe they were just good at avoiding gendering children’s play.
@@peteryeeterson5766 your parents sound cool as hell
@@peteryeeterson5766 It should honestly be the norm. Let kids be kids, you're just having fun.
Wow, she just described me and mom's relationship, especially my grandma, my mom's mom.
As a former ballerina, I can confirm that immense pain, body-shaming, tears, slamming pointe shoes into the wall to break them in, and hair loss is super elegant!
dont forget the *_f e e t_*
@@-cat_in_space- oh, of course, can't forget the mangled toes 😍
_h a i r l o s s ? ? ?_
what people get from eating little and stress@@genesisofthebetween
@@genesisofthebetweentypically from stress and how slicked back your hair has to be
As a *male* equestrian, I can confirm galloping around trash cans on a 1200+ pound animal without dying or getting bucked off is the most *ladylike* thing.
You must be saying that you are a male horse, we all know only women can ride horses
@@teathesilkwing7616 😭 I will worship you for this comment forever
As the daughter of a long line of farmers and gardeners, gardening done right is definitely getting your hands and fingernails and clothes dirty as fuck and sometimes cut and loving it.
Best coment yet💀
As a female equestrian I can completely agree, skinning a large part of your back is oh so very ladylike.
Life hack: When excusing yourself to go to the restroom, simply state, “Pardon me, I’m going to go sit and think.” Then, you are not only ladylike but you are also the most elegant philosopher that ever existed
“The Thinker” but with more bathroom sound effects. 10/10
personally I prefer to squat and think so my ladylike butt does not touch the same porcelain throne other commoners have sat on
@@partlyart you have reached ladylike supremacy
@@equally.marketable Therefore, you are “The Thinker” and “The Entertainer”
To posh people you say sit and think. To friends you say shit and stink.
I was surprised when she didn’t mention sewing as an “elegant” hobby but then I realized rich people probably pay others to sew, and never sew themselves
I'd imagine the same with baking, but there it is in the list
So embroidery is an elegant hobby but sewing isn't.
Needlepoint is ladylike. Practical sewing is the work of seamstresses, who as we know are all likely to have to resort to compromising their virtue in order to make a living anyway, and will inevitably die of consumption.
And I'm confused as to how gardening can be ladylike 😭 like you're on your knees digging in the dirt
@@lizardasslick lol funny. Worked in food and now I sew for a living. And I've learned that most rich fux can't do these things at all lolz.
I love that the 'elegant' hobbies are either stereotypically female or rich people activities, this trend is so classist its sending me
it's like, out of a jane austen novel
@@elisecode2212 yeah and even then, Jane Austen was making fun of proper ettiquette 😂😂😂 it's like these people desperately wanna go back in time
They're all like "have hobbies like skiing or polo."
Bitch what if I live in Detroit?
@@davidtaylor142 idk, become human then?
@@weirdcatkid I hate you for reminding me of that God awful overhyped game
“Being lady like seemed less about becoming well mannered and more about adults being able to yell at you for the same thing boys do” is so real
Facts
𝓨𝓾𝓹
Love how baking is considered elegant. Yeah, you don't have to tell me I look ladylike when I'm covered with flour on every inch of my exposed skin, burn marks from the oven, and I'm swearing at the pastries for daring to not look like the recipe. I already know.
I am Dutch and I mainly curse when I have to, but when I do, I do it well. A while ago I made caramel (or tried) and a spatula decided to roam free and I got the caramel on my fingers.
I swear, I hadn't screamed like that in a long time. Shortly described, I howled; "Goddamned-typhoid-tubercolosis-shitty-bollocks-cunt-mess!" and then just the F-word in a row for the following half-hour.
I sucked on my hand, which caused me to burn my lips as well, so I just jumped up and down and cried as the caramel was oozing across the stove and (where it splattered across the) storageboxes with food, the wall, the floor, the refrigerator, the cabinets and the counter.
The burned smell, the hardened caramel, the sticky mess, the wet blisters oozing woundmoisture... I can assure you, it was the most feminine I've ever felt.
@@Widdekuu91that sounds tedious to clean up :/
@@DETROPY
It was, but I felt very feminine while I cleaned it....
..okay I can't keep this story up, yes it was shit xD Especially when it half-hardened and scrubbing it with a sponge just made the caramel get plastic-hairy (from the sponge) and I had to soak it with wet cloths everywhere.
@@Widdekuu91good God is that awful, but so real.
So real, baking makes me so ladylike
With the mild burn scars on my fingers cause I grabbed a pan without an oven mitt. Or when I got brownie batter on my face and looked like I had been bleeding
The idea of gardening being an “elegant” hobby absolutely sent me. Yeah I bet sweating in the 90 degree summer heat with your bangs bobby pinned back and face covered in patchy sunscreen, covered in dirt and dressed in your absolute least fashionable clothes is super ladylike and poised. I know I look so elegant when I’m crawling under stairs to weed poison ivy and swearing at the plants for having the audacity to exist.
I had the same thought.
But really, the type of classist people who would be talking about etiquette and looking elegant would be rich people who don't really do the hard work. Horse-riding? You bet your a$$ they only show up to ride the horse and then leave the manure shoveling, feeding and cleaning the horse, etc. to the stable lad. Gardening? That probably means frolicking in the garden smelling the floors and not much else... The hired gardener does the work.
They probably think gardening is watering plants elegantly from tiny cute watering cans and moving an already potted plant into a beautiful outside container without getting any dirt on them and finishing it off by sitting near the plants elegantly or stuff. Other stuff is actually done by the gardener, the way elegant (aristocratic) ladies acrually do back then
I have a feeling their gardening is much more, choosing where in the garden the rose bushes and lillies are going to be planted, and handing a detailed plan over to their gardener.
Just like with the equastrianism, buy a horse and house it at the stable, come ride it and brush it's mane sometimes while the stable hands are the ones carrying bails of hay and shoveling poop out of pens.
Pretty sure it‘s from the time where rich ppl brought home exotic ferns in edwardian cases from their ‚explorations‘. And yes, women were only allowed to keep ferns as any other plants were deemed too „phallic“ for them…
not cool. i lost my family in that toilet
GASP It's the dreaded Jarvis Johnson - wanted in all the 50 states *_faints to the ground dramatically_*
What is the infamous JJ doing here?!?!
It shows a major flaw in our society how it took Me this long to find the Jarvis Johnson comment.
RIP family
Sorry ma'am🖖✋👇🖖🖖🐖🐖🐖🐗
Gardening is so elegant especially when you're digging in the dirt, pulling weeds, finding bugs, lifting mulch bags, and sweating under a hot sun.
Smoking weed is so lady like 🥰
@@Kiki-ee1wd um- yeahhh... 😅
I feel like being ladylike is just another way of making women NPCs in men fascinating lives.
This but they also shame other women or poorer people while doing that
As someone who danced for 13 years, actual ballet classes are FAR from elegant 😭 we spent most of our time with a teacher slamming a cane on the floor with the sound of a gunshot to get us to keep beat with the song, and sweating our asses off. Ballet is not all classical music and dainty arms, it’s a grueling sport that takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
Indeed !!!!!!!
Agreed. I’m a martial artist but watching some ballet documentaries was almost scary. Ballet dancers are so metal
gerard way
Ugh but you get such AN AMAZING BODY!!!
@@MeowMeow_95_ I don’t know if you’re a dancer or not but that’s. No. Ballet dancers are often stick thin mainly because of the beauty standards of the industry; eating disorders were basically expected. The so called amazing body was from skipping meals and trying to live off of water and ice.
Being “Ladylike” or “elegant” is like the art of looking aesthetically attractive to men 24/7.
which I don't give a shit about lol
I do it for myself not for men
@@TheQueen-sw4th ditto lmao
thats gay bro
Except that it isn't honestly. If I saw saw an actual person doing any of this crap I'd just be confused as hell. Efficiency is attractive
Lady tip # 27 😊😊😊
Never turn your back on your enemies. Make them fear your name.
This comment is sending me---it's so accurate.
“Dress for the occasion” alright I'm getting in full armour with shield and sword for my D&D game then
*Female Larper bowing before you in squire's garb*: “My queen! Thou are exquisitely dressed for the occasion of rolling the dice! Dare I say it: like a TRUE lady!”
I love how archery is considered a “ladylike hobby”
I mean… worked for Kaguya
How is ARCHERY considered a lady-like hobby? They keep saying “Women have to be dainty and elegant.” Yet archery is the exact opposite of dainty and elegant.
Most of those hobbies I honestly wouldn’t consider “ladylike”. Because I assume “ladylike” as a hobby means “sit still, look pretty, be polite, and make good conversation”. Also, don’t ever show to anyone you are a human being with bodily functions who can experience strong emotions.
Both genders can do that tbh.
@@Followthecat893 There's elegance in archery
Hearing parents regularly sigh and asking you, "how are you gonna get a husband?" whenever you didn't want to wash dishes or sit in a way that un-ladylike when you were literally children is CRAZY
Bonus points if they are divorced and ESPECIALLY if there's a history of abuse (be it in the family or communities everyone is familiar with) and wonder why their own kids aren't interested in getting married.
ME TOOOO
Frrr 💀💀
My father would literally say to me (rather, scream to me, with full pure hatred in his voice), when I was 4 or 5 years old: "You're a DISGRACE of a WOMAN!!! Nobody will EVER love you!!!! You will be a divorcee!!! No MAN will EVER want YOU!!!". So... I did listen to him in the end. I didn't marry a cis man and we've been happily together for 20 years and counting.
I got told no man would ever want me because I was good at debating - by my own father no less.
Forcing yourself to align your hobbies, and interests with an image is like the definition of being fake to your core
There's someone I follow on youtube who talks a lot about lady-like behavior, but she ALWAYS makes sure to say that being lady-like isn't a necessity, and that if you don't want to be traditional feminine, you still deserve just as much respect, and I love that. I hate being told that acting like a "woman" is the only way to get love
Yes, agreed, many don't "need" to act this way. But the thing that irked me the most about this video is the covert way in which Chad Chad just doesn't acknowledge that these are videos for WOMEN, who CHOOSE to be more ladylike, not for kids. Instead she's twisted the whole thing and its like this is meant to shame women who like the idea of etiquette or embrace traditional feminine rules of social presence. The whole time, she just made crappy, unfunny jokes instead of thinking critically beyond Cristian upbringing and patriarchy.🙄😒
How can women say they "support and uplift other women" when they have this gross rhetoric that anything "hyper-femenine" or "traditional" is inherently bad?
Not to mention there's PLENTY of trans women who embrace hyper-femenine mannerisms as part of gender affirmation. So too can cis women choose to feel gender affirmation by choosing to behave like this.
@@ophilianecr thank you, couldnt have said it better myself. the whole part of uplifting women INCLUDES uplifting those who desire a different life than you
@@ophilianecr How does it feel to embrace misogynistic social norms? Because that's what these are, oooooops.
@@ophilianecrSay you missed the point of the video without saying you missed the point
@@Pugkin5405 sorry, girl. Some of us can think critically when we consume media and we don't need creators yelling us how to think and feel🤨. Tell me you feel personally insulted because i had a criticism, without telling me....🙃
Love that a "ladylike bobby" includes being an art enthusiast but not being an artist itself. Yeah you can LOOK at the art but if you pick up the damn pencil you will be smited down
tbf artists are the most sleep deprived people ever (speaking from experience). Also not the most cleanest hobby then again gardening made the list.
Of course not, women can’t be creative. They might think they can have opinions and read…
Ladylike Bobby
@@imhappy7632 being an artist also makes you have severe neck and back pain.. horrible posture isnt the most ladylike. then again, im not a girl
It's because painting is for boys. There are no great female painters after all, right? A woman wouldn't dain soil her fingers or clothing *eyerolling so hard I can see my brain*
As a former horse girl, I can confirm getting dirt all over my clothes and falling off a giant animal because it saw a leaf is the most ladylike thing you can do 😌
As someone who has gardened once in his life, and never want to do it again... It is also a very ladylike activity to be covered in mud and sweat, wearing disposable clothes.
And mucking the stalls. Very ladylike
And ruining a white shirt because it got covered in horse saliva because your horse decided to rub its head on your shirt is very lady like
@@ellamurray4924 oh but if you are a RICH lady then dahling you pay the help to do such work. Heavens could you imagine?!
as an equestrian, i entirely agree. i’ve especially gotten many compliments of how ladylike i look while trudging through knee high mud and manure to fetch my horse from his field, knowing full well he’s been rolling in his own filth 🥰
As a former equestrian I can confirm that being thrown into a T-Post and nearly dying from getting trampled because the horse saw a leaf is the most ladylike hobby
The “riding horses makes you lose your virginity” is kind of true as it can break your hymen, but like that literally doesn’t matter at all lmao. Literally like falling or hitting your crotch on something a little too hard can break it too
Yup . Besides some women retain their hymen even after their first intercourse . So the presence of the hymen is a very bad criteria to decide if that person is a virgin or not , and being a virgin shouldn't even matter.
Important etiquette rules for a lady:
1. A lady does not shit in the restroom, a true lady shits on your scrapbook.
2. A lady doesn't dirty her hands eating cheetos, instead pour the contents of the bag directly into your mouth.
3. Put cyanide in your husbands food to make it look like a heart attack, be so consumed with grief that you never marry another man and spend the rest of your days with your handmaiden in your deceased husband's expansive estate.
Thank you, I will use these. I’m sure everyone will appreciate them and their ladyness.
last one seems toooo interesting
This is true I can confirm
Finally, true etiquette.
Fun fact : if your husband already has heart problems, you can use a beautiful purple flower called digital instead of cyanide
Shoutout to all the little girls that ended up with insane internalized misogyny for years because they were scolded by their teachers for being "unladylike" and had to learn to define womanhood for themselves in their later teen years without any parental guidance! You're doing great sweetie
Grew up in the Deep South and had "lady lessons" from a status obsessed aunt. I only use the book balancing thing as a party trick (its a lame one too) and I'm basically the complete opposite of what she was aiming to make me lol.
@Highest In the Room boi pls do a favor in society and stfu
having standards is not wrong but too much is neither goof
And the scolding from parents! Don't forget that! 🤗
@Highest In the Room You're just mad that she's right clown.
The one about “things elegant ladies never do at home” had me WHEEZING as I was watching the video in my cluttered kitchen wearing a bleach stained shirt drinking soda out of the bottle. Literally checked all the boxes 😂😂😂😂
hey, me too.
As an equestrian I can confirm that chasing after my horse, picking up horse poop, getting dumped off of my horse when it spooks, and grooming my horse are very elegant. I often wear a white ballgown and glass 8 inch high heels. 😌
How do you afford horse riding? Isn't it a wealthy people thing?
I had a friend who did große riding and they spend like 100 bucks a month on this hobby💀
@van_ol1056 It's true that horse riding is really expensive, especially the more advanced you are, but that's true for basically any hobby, especially sports. Like, off the top of my head, my friend does competitive cheer, and she'll have to spend over 200 dollars on the uniform alone. It's not just for rich people, and as you advance, anything will get really expensive. Just because it can be expensive doesn't mean it's glamorous. Even just stepping into a barn will get you dirty. Horses are animals and are living beings who live outside, so of course, it's dirty. It's not for everyone, and if you want to do horse riding, you have to love everything about it, mucking out stalls and all. I will admit that it is one of the more expensive hobbies, but practically anything that involves another living animal is quite expensive (lessons, tack, gear, cleaning tools, boarding, vet bills, etc.) I would say it's worth it, though. 😂
@@Haikavehismycomfortship that makes sense, you have to actually care for the animals and even a cat can get pretty pricey once you go to the vet. I think you can call sth a rich people hobby without it being a negative thing. Bc those hobbies are more accessible to people with financial stability or kids who are lucky to be born into such families. Having a normal middle class income will make you less likely to actually go to advanced levels, it's not sth most people can do. Doesn't mean that people who do those don't work hard on their hobbies or anything. At least where I live it's a thing for privileged people to deny their privilege or normalise it which is odd bc usually poor people are frowned upon so I kinda don't get that 😅
Ah yes, as an avid gardener, I fully agree with her list of hobbies. I’m out here in no bra, messy bun, dirt/cow s*** caked under my nails, dodging wasps and covered in mosquito bites, all with a runny nose because also…allergies. So graceful, so elegant 👸
Omg bridgerton irl 👁️🫦👁️
I think the biggest question is: why do you have cow semen caked under your nails? Like just pick it out with your teeth like everybody else...
By gardening, I think they mean supervising the help to make sure they don't steal your tools. Lol
@@salmonella7993 oh
@@salmonella7993 girl.
my grandma used to tell me i wouldn’t get a boyfriend because i wasn’t ladylike enough, it always upset me that she cared more about me getting a boyfriend than how i felt
Lol. Little does she know that not all guys like lady-like
@@Abra_Dabra most guys like whores and sluts though, they loooove strippers XD Grandma didn't know.
@@Abra_Dabra YEAH EXACTLY my boyfriend could literally give less of a shit he also likes even tho i’m a trans dude so that tells a lot too
@@Ashton8844 Oh, yes, explains a lot. My brother is trans too and no family member knows cause we were sadly born into a transphobic family and it bothers me that she calls my brother ber "daughter". Me personally, I'm just a boy who likes crossdressing🥲👍
@@Abra_Dabra i would literally never tell my family im trans it is so terrifying, im sorry ur family is like that too, rlly sucks that people are more willing to be hateful than to accept others
Gardening is super ladylike. If you only have to lightly prune some flowers in a sundress, while your paid gardener does all the work in the background
I remember last year I was obsessed with aesthetics and it was so stressful to keep up with looking good all the time.
I still have that style and I like to dress up, but you should see me when I'm late for my musical theatre classes or when I'm exercising (actually it's nice to have a passion that makes me forget about my appearance). We women tend to forget we're humans too :(
Remember, you're dressing up for you, not other people.❤
However, the simpler you dress, the less worried about your appearance you'll be.
First world problems
@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736Indeed, but problems nevertheless.
The most ladylike thing you can do is break all your bones and show to your friends how you were so delicate and fragile as a lady that you shattered into pieces
glass bones and paper skin be so ladylike rn
you joke but people did that with footbinding and such
I'm ladylike, I didn't know that..
A true lady when she feels a cool breeze
My thumb shattered liking this comment
I had an ex that made fun of a gal for grocery shopping in her pajamas. I said to him "have you ever thought that perhaps she does not care what you think" and he looked shocked, like he had never even considered it.
Now I grocery shop in my pajamas whenever I can.
Men 🤡
@@yaaassbitch8704 ah men are fine. And increasingly so, I think. But there are certainly times and places and people that refuse to use their good logic
Good thing he's your ex
@@yaaassbitch8704 the appropriate response
Men think we do everything for them lmfaoo
As a guy i can confirm that i dont drink water. I dont know how am i dead all i know is that im not gay.
Holy actual fuck Chad crouched goblin mode in a bush trying to draw a toy bow and arrow while the books come tumbling off her head at 10:14 launched me entirely into a geosynchronous orbit of the planet.
As someone who practices multiple of those "ladylike" hobbies, I laughed out loud when I saw them. Skiing. Baking. Elegant. You've got to be joking
fr bro. And gardening? Gardening lmao??? I doubt this person has ever picked up a shovel in their life
And equestrianism?? One of the hardest and most dangerous sports ever? Be fr
Like baking seriously? why not reading or knitting lmao
EXACTLY! Skiing is nowhere near “eLeGAnT. “ And same with baking.
i bet these ladies will faint as soon as they see the posture and clothes itself that we need to wear/maintain during skiing, also i always kinda thought of skiing as a bada$$ sport
Any time I've ever said "excuse me, I'll be right back" and didn't specify that I was going to the bathroom, everyone was concerned that something had upset me. When I got back I got a million "IS EVERYTHING OKAY". Very sweet of my friends to care, but definitely drew a lot more attention than I would have if I had just said "brb bathroom".
Plus, "brb bathroom" gives them an idea how long you'll be gone and where to find you if they need you.
Meanwhile I just yell "Gotta shit!" no matter where and with who cause I dont give a shit. Haha unintentional pun.
Plus I’ll also know the last place you were or are supposed to be incase you go missing or an emergency happens. Anything can happen in todays world that’s why I always tell people where I’m going even if it’s for 2 minutes.
I thought the same thing!
I’m way to shy to even speak up so whenever I need to leave a room I just run out of there at top speed without telling anyone, everyone understands not to ask me anything when I get back because I’ll run away again
Imagine you're date just gets up and walks away with no warning or explanation whatsoever
Imagine?
Hunger games but for elegant ladies.... THAT WOULD BE SUCH A FUNNY AND GOREY STORY SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE A STORY LOL
This is literally just : how to get social anxiety 101
Step 1 : Always worry about your appearance and how people think about you
Step 2 : Review every single one of your actions to keep this appearance
Step 3 : Do it inside your own home to have even more anxiety !
Wow me!
Me af
Lesson: don’t be ladylike( if you don’t want to).Be you.
Edit: if you enjoy being ladylike, be ladylike. What I’m trying to say is be you.
It's disingenuous to say that the 3rd one is bad, the advice is essentially "be clean and tidy" (though the one about drinking out of bottles is odd I must admit), but that's a useful piece of advice for anyone, it's scientifically proven to be helpful for a clearer and happier state of mind, and it's not something that only women are told, men are told that all the time too, it's one of the main things Jordan Peterson talks about. I understand that some people don't want to do that and want to relax at home, which is fine too, but belittling legit information doesn't seem right to me.
@@Kat_dragon Some women are going to behave ladylike and others won't, both are valid.
I’m so glad we have someone to look up to for lady advice … someone like Chad Chad
All hail Chad Chad!
True chad behavior
Very true
@@afellowpotato sis xz
Oh yes indeed.
I hate how they wag their finger at the screen. It just. It fills me with so much rage.
It literally took me 11 months to get that the hologram at the end was a Hunger Games reference. 💀
I legit took etiquette classes(at my grandmother's behest) so that I could have a debutante like she couldn't afford for her daughters. I did it to make her happy but even the instructor made it clear, "no woman is forever perfect, but please do your best in public". These women are trying to delude themselves into being princesses.
That sounds like my grandmother as well. She always makes comments when we're going out in public or when guests are going to be around, but mostly leaves us alone at home unless we're doing something particularly unpleasant to her (i.e. slurping the last drops of a drink through a straw or something 😂). Feels like the only way to realistically live with the "elegance" pressure!
Exactly. And I don't have a problem with it until they start trashing other women who aren't "ladylike" in public
I took etiquette classes myself as a means to help my poor social skills due to autism. I didn't and still don't understand the reasoning behind half the stuff I was expected to do, but it does make one feel oddly powerful when you can make someone warm up to you by sitting or speaking a certain arbitrary way. I think these ladies have fallen for their own illusion.
and trust me, real noble women from a few centuries ago lounged without underwear in their rooms too
Is your name Serena Van Der Woodsen by chance?
I think there's an important distinction between "art enthusiast" and "artist." Being an artist is messy, certainly un-ladylike, whereas being an enthusiast means you just have to sit back and determine what is "good" art and what is "bad," and especially which pieces to decorate your super classy and tasteless home with. Another commentor mentioned that gardening is really hard, dirty, messy work, not just deciding which plants you want in your garden and hiring someone else to do it.
The difference between the architects, civil engineers, and interior designers vs the carpenters, stonemasons, and construction workers.
People who hire prof. gardeners often don't even specify the plants. They just say what kind of style and maintanance level they want and if it should be producing food or not.
Having been part of a communal garden myself, I just took it for granted gardening is kind of "dirty" and wouldn't even assume other people dont get it. But I dont think its directly gross. Im also an artist like actually paint on a regular basis and have even had my artworks at small scale art exhibitions a couple times. Painting creates a lot of mess and spilling on your clothes is almost certain to happen at some point, so its recommended to not use the nicest clothes you have (which is were it would get "un-lady-like"), but you can if you want. People restrict themself way too much if they can never do anything you wouldn't do in fine clothes
@@josefstalin9678 would say it's slightly different. The examples you've mentioned is forming a plan and executing said plan. The difference between artists and art enthusiasts is that it's planning/executing and simply supporting the projects indirectly by being a big consumer, respectively.
I was a Master Gardener for a few years and it is a lot of work shoveling soil and propagating plants and transplanting seedlings and planting, digging etc. All outside in the sun with bugs. :) My mother in law used to just have a gardener come do her front yard then talk about "her" flowers. Meh.
"Do you ever get to take a break?"
No, that's the point. It's origins are subjugation and control
I do horse back riding and can confirm mucking stalls and falling off isn’t very elegant at least in my opinion
The main thing I took from the multiple etiquette classes I was put in is that etiquette is supposed to be about making the other person feel comfortable. So the whole tiktok trend just seems excessive and an excuse for mean girls to put down other women.
Yeah its weird
Exactly
Thats what made me dislike the Real housewives of potomac. Even for someone who grew up poor, most of their "rules" are just common decency lol
Tiktok does that to a lot of things sadly.
I'll never forget when I realized I, a country bumpkin, have more class than my rich family(i wasn't raised with them, long story).
Tldr, I did something embarrassing on complete accident at a wedding. Every last one of them fled the table and made me sit alone embarrassed. Imagine my shock when I took etiquette classes and realized my instinct to help someone in that situation is considered classier than this "everyone makes 6 figures and wants for nothing" family.
genuinely envious of how well she kept those books on her head and also how clean that kill was, truly a pro lady
With an outfit and skills like that I'd say she's probably around a level 6 lady
@@ezraclark7904idk she seems like a level 7.5 lady to me
@@Medusa_The-Bard I agree, it looks like at least 65 one-handed and 80 in archery, she must be at least level 7 and that’s if she didn’t level light armor
@@dungeaterfancam yes agreed
5:20 … this is a huge problem for me because I like the cluttered/maximalist look 😭
9:49 😂😂 “please don’t 😟” 😂😂😂
every time I’d hear the word “ladylike” as a kid, it’d usually be followed by “no men will want to marry you”
so glad I live in a whole different country now away from them
jesus christ I'm Algerian, it's literally most my interactions with older women
Being Jisoo's wife is far better anyway 😆
My mom tells me that she's Mexican 💀
Haha sucks for them
I DON'T WANT TO MARRY MEN EITHER
@@acleo1421 Hahahah frr
i love that this whole culture of "ladylike" etiquette came about so that women would look better for potential husbands... friendly reminder that women do not exist to please men
true!
Literally
They do
Nah we actually do😊
@@azudemttilatroll man detected opinion rejected ❤
I had some guy tell me drinking from a straw is gay 😂
🤣
I love how she listed “art enthusiast” as a hobby and coming from an artist myself, having your hands covered in paint and pencil led while you also have the most cluttered desk due to how much paint there is and getting splatters on your legs while having some of your clothes ruined in the process is super elegant
as a former ballet dancer i can confirm we are all so elegant and our studios 100% do not smell like feet and we definitely always have perfect posture and we never fall, it’s obviously the most ladylike thing you can do
The amount of back and core strength ballet dancers have makes me think it's the type of sport where you go home and die on the couch after every rehearsal.
I'd assume this is neglecting the whole "your big toe nail can fall off" thing
haha i like ur sarcasm
THE FEET SMELL OH MY GOD 😭 so many studios smell fucking rank
OwO smelly feet you say?
Joking, but you can take this as you want lol
The only one of those hobbies I could MAYBE afford is baking. Also, she does not care about being ladylike. She cares about looking expensive. What she means by ladylike is upper class, e.g. hobbies the commoners can't afford. As another comment said, a true lady keeps her guests comfortable, not feeling inferior.
affordable gardening
@@ao3x as in being able to afford somewhere with a garden
@@cattherat-ss4kvpots
@@justaperson4656 you're getting free pots?
@@cattherat-ss4kv a good dumpster dive gets you a lot
Savior Vivre is actually extremely strange by itself, and with all the additions that women must face, it's like a hell on earth.
I just discovered you and I ma so inspired for my own channel You're so unique and hilarious and authentic. You running while holding your dress during the "High-Lady Hunger Games" killed meeeee. And the exchange of the stature creating versus scrapbook making had me straight hollering. Thank you for your content!!!
This is so performative and I can't even imagine how exhausting it must be. Even when you're home alone, or engaging in your hobbies... It would just drain me to thinks of these roles 24/7. I feel like people who live in this world need a hug.
I can't imagine the stress of thinking about how I appear to the world while I'm gardening or eating dinner at home with no guests!
“performative” is the perfect descriptor for this! reminds me of the feminist studies on the subject of femininity as a constant performance. it’s heartbreaking tbh
Just in case it wasn’t clear, this performance of elegance is for men. It’s to increase your chance of getting picked. And the fact that it even extends to hobbies and time in private just expresses how the pick-me mindset goes beyond just performing in front of men to be picked - it’s about existing that way even in their absence because we don’t exist for ourselves, but for them. You can’t behave or dress or like what you actually like even in private because the male gaze should occupy your mind even then. Because you exist FOR them. Crazy that this has been a thing for so long
yeah this is like peak fake.
@@sitoe9858 I'm curious, where did you get those ideas from? In certain parts fo the world etiquette may have been traditionally associated with women, but the truth is that both men and women of higher class and nobility were expected to adhere to proper etiquette. It's not just about putting on a performance to attract a partner - it's always been a way to demonstrate one's social status and educational background. These Tiktok videos, while entertaining, don't provide an accurate representation of what the real etiquette classes look like.
Ah yes, the elegant hobby of digging in the dirt, bending into uncomfortable positions to make sure the seeds are at the right depth, lugging watering cans around, wearing stained gloves, and fighting insects.
✨ Ladylike ✨
Obviously she meant rich people gardening, not actual gardening, which involves telling the underpaid servants what to do in the garden while you faff about on a horse, or whatever else it is rich people do with their time.
don't forget getting mud all over your face, hair, AND body, tripping over the tools and hose, getting dirt under your nails. truly elegant ❤
Literally just typed out a very similar comment…then scrolled and saw this 🤦♀️😂
But yes…nothing says elegant like dirt and cow s*** caked under my nails. So fancy!
@@JockeSohls yes, she absolutely meant lawn decorating, not actual gardening.
@@jesusheals3799 and nails. You really have to dig out the dirt out of the nails to clean it. No regular hand washing is getting it off in one go.
I thought this thumbnail really said 'Elephant Women' instead of 'Elegant Women.' And I didn't even question it.
5:33, absolutely I wear a kilt at home. I can only wear a kilt like in public like 3 days a year. and the Kilt is more comfortable and i haven’t yet developed the courage to wear it outside all the time.
i love that she ends every video with “i’m gonna call it there guys” befor the video colapses in on itself and becomes a black hole. she truly is shielding us
because she did not specify if she was going to the bathroom ,thus causing concern😢
Why did i read it as edging us
The “ballet class is elegant” thing killed me given that i rolled up there today in like four layers, oversized tshirt and sweats as the top layer, and *gasp* sneakers. The only thing i ditched to start the class was the sneakers. Performing is elegant af and rehearsals require leotards and skirts and such but for class most of us call it a good day if our clothes match. Also we sweat something awful regardless because ballet is HARD.
Especially if you take adult classes. I did ballet all the way through highschool and we had a dress code. I picked it back up again recently as an adult and they don't give a fuck what you wear anymore.
I mean, that's true for most of the things she listed. They are hard and require a great deal of skill and work. I think what's happening here is the packaging of things that are actually totally fine in infantalizing wrapping paper because society has to denigrate the things that women like
That got me, too. No actual dancer is that TikTok ballet core stereotype. She has so clearly never performed any of the hobbies she listed in the video
You're lucky, we all had to wear the exact same thing, black leotard and white stockings, if someone wore something different, they'd make such a drama out of it and kick you out of the class.
My ballet teacher always used to say she couldn't tell if we were using the right technique if we didn't have just the basic leotard and tights on, though we were allowed to wear a sweater if it was cold. Don't really miss doing classes, though quitting cold turkey did fuck my body up a bit lol
Tbh it would be nice to be told where the bathroom is immediately tho especially if they said “feel free to go anytime” or else I just stand there nervously looking around for 30mins before even telling the host I need to go bc I feel so damn awkward
Wow she actually kept those books on her head pretty well. Chad Chad is a pro at looking expensive and fancy
I was thinking the same thing. That was impressive
True talent
I was not expecting the books to stay on while she was standing in the tree
Super fancy
@@maculariusstanding in a tree? Did you not see her running full speed with a stack of books on her head?
I have severe social anxiety and honestly this type of mindset has got to be just so exhausting, especially when you’re purposefully trying to think that way.
I don’t like wearing makeup and my moms like “that’s not ladylike/girly” and then there’s the “you don’t know how to be pretty” “lipstick makes you pretty” and worst part is, MOST OF MY FAMILY AGREES. Like give me a break, I’m not even an adult yet
Fuck them,you don't need to put make up to be preety.
My cousin pointed out my lack of makeup.
At my dad's funeral.
:^)
@@ischeele7203:')
nah nobody needs makeup to be pretty but i know many dont agree sadly
@@famine3141
yup but you survive
I’m so glad TikTok gave us this opportunity to learn how to be perfect ladies by none other than our perfect lady, Chad Chad
Chad Chad quality editing is peak elegance.
One time my science teacher scolded me for eating a banana in the hallways and she told me it wasn’t “ladylike” and it genuinely affected me and made me feel uncomfortable eating bananas at school
something similar happened to me but with corn dogs :(
Holy shit. That's literal 3rd grader mentality.
@@RamenAddict369 a real lady has vitamin deficiency
@@RamenAddict369 Real Ladies Have Scurvy And Type Like This!
If you’re still at this school, deepthroat a banana while staring directly at her to assert feminine dominance.
Art is such a elegant hobby. Yup crawling on the floor with paint smeared all over my face and $14 white t-shirt trying to find the cap to my yellow paint is so elegant
Notice how all the "people" telling us what we can and can't do are soulless, pretty-faced dolls with no purpose but to fit into other people's ideas of what they should do. Notice that they don't have control over their own life.
Now THAT is just sad.
I went to and loved cotillion, I own etiquette books, and I listen to a podcast called Schmanners. I love the idea of being graceful and elegant and charming and conscientious of others. Do you know what isn’t any of that? Nagging or condescending to women who don’t fit the same mold as you. Even if someone is being the least “ladylike” you’ve ever seen to the point to where it bothers you, the “ladylike” thing to do is receive them well and treat them the way you would any other. Making others feel uncomfortable for being who they are and insisting that your way is right is not ladylike.
yep they're mean girls
this was an entire paragraph basically being like “but I LOVE having to perform femininity” we will never be free
@@sweetembrace6706 being free means that the OG commenter gets to like etiquette. It’s saying women HAVE to be one way or the other or shaming them for their choices that’s the problem.
Exactly! I feel like the least elegant, "ladylike" thing to do is go around judging how "unladylike" everyone else is
@@sweetembrace6706 me when i have zero reading comprehension
I love how every single piece of advice is LARP as a white Victorian aristocrat. I don't wear athletic clothing because I'm unladylike like, I wear it because I am working class and have minimal disposable income. My clothes have to be multipurpose, because if I spent all my money of event specific clothing I would be homeless with nice dresses.
nothing more ladylike than
✨ _classism_ ✨
You just need to find a rich gentleman who pays for everything when he's not out murdering prostitutes, like a proper Victorian.
"Hey Timmy, give that well dressed homeless lady a dollar for coffee"
interestingly enough, it was always about the classism & financial status. if you look at the poor, lower class & working class people (both men *and* women) throughout history, none of them were really able to look like a gentleman or proper lady, because the clothes that were deemed "fancy" and "proper" were all financially inaccessible to them, and also extremely impractical. for example, a *lot* of women throughout history had to wear pants, because you couldn't do the jobs they were doing in a dress! (yes, the women were expected to take care of the home and children, but they also often had jobs outside of that, i.e. helping their husbands with farm work in order for them not to, y'know, starve.)
the whole point of the aristocratic culture of gentlemanly and ladylike behavior was formed by the rich to distinguish and separate themselves from the working class & impoverished population. you didn't want to be seen in pants as a lady, lest you be mistaken as poor and grouped in with the peasants! the behavior aspect was also worked into the culture to further separate themselves (we don't dress like we're poor, and we don't act like we're poor either!). the patriarchy made the dress code and behavior etiquette much harsher on the women, but men also had their own set of standards to be a proper gentleman of the time period. nowadays, instead of "gentlemanly" etiquette, it's "HOW TO BE AN ALPHA MALE GIGACHAD & MAKE WOMEN RESPECT YOU". i recognize the inherent classism in "ladylike/gentlemanly" behavior of olde, but i'd MUCH rather take a man in formal attire over being called a bitch by an incel......
(not to mention women were just as disrespected back then as they are now anyway, it's just that it's gotten a lot more... straightforward? Victorian men were like *[disrespects women & their autonomy, but politely with a bow]*)
Victorian gentleman greeting a lady: Good evening, my dear lady! *[kisses her hand]*
him, internally: *"She sat with her legs a little too open in her chair. Harlott."*
Everyone is saying gardening isn’t ladylike, but can we talk about how skiing is??? Skiing???
As an archer I can confirm that nothing is more ladylike than messing up up the nerve endings in your fingers, string slap bruises, and being hot and sweaty surrounded by mostly men in your athletic wear. Truly, archery is the most ladylike of all sports
as someone who has been doing ballet for 11 years. the only time we are ever ✨eLeGaNt✨ is when we're on the actual stage. Theres nothing aesthetic about sweating and bleeding so much you could fill a swimming pool, getting bunions and blisters, dancing on top of your toes with little padding and moving in ways humans aren't supposed to BUT making it look easy, eating disorders, and verbal abuse from teachers.
Bleeding??
@@sofastuffing from blisters, other toe injuries, and falling :)
@@mcboingboingsister6258 oh yes and ofc The beautiful fully fallen out(ripped out) toenails during practice and then The taped nailless toes, continued practice with toeshoes is My favourite ✨aesthetic✨and sorry of My writing errors im little in hurry ( and dyslexia+ english is 3rd language)😭 ❤️
@@mcboingboingsister6258 oof
My pinky toe nails still don’t grow in normally after like 8 years since I quit it’s gonna haunt me forever 😭 I still miss being on stage though!
so she dislikes athletic wear but approves ballet? i think she should observe a class
Exactly, ballet wear is usually consistent of leotards and skirts, but athletic wear can also be allowed in certain ballet schools (ours doesn't allow it unless your leotard reeks of sweat and you don't have anything else to wear), because the fabric is flexible. Doing ballet in "ladylike" clothing should be considered a goddamned torture, since you're going to spend so much time with itchy clothing and inflexible fabrics that can break upon any stretch or combination the ballet teachers give you.
Yes, and how am I supposed to work in the garden without ever bending over or getting my clothes dirty? Also, a fancy dress wouldn't be very practical, just like in ballet class.
Bro stop existing, it's not ladylike.
@@whatadistinguishedgentlecat exactly, i couldn't even imagine doing a pointe class in fancy "lady-wear", its already tortuous enough in a leotard and tights
I've heard some say art or painting is an elegant/ladylike hobby. And as an artist, that's just hilarious! A big majority of us are stressed tf out, mentally ill, live off of coffee or energy drinks, and can be heard loosing their shit over that one pencil that just keeps breaking.
bar staff here !! the bottle thing is bc u dont know where it's been, or what's been in contact with where ur drinking out of :)
I love how "proper etiquette" girl is telling you you should want to look "expensive"; people of actual wealth nearly always prefer the opposite. If you're a person worth knowing, people will know who you are regardless of how "expensive" you attempt to make yourself look. Also love Lady Purple Dress at 6:30, attempting to demonstrate how to walk down a staircase in a "proper and ladylike" fashion whilst wearing what are "politely" referred to in "High Society" as Hooker Heels.
Golden "hooker" heels with a dress that is so flimsy, so 'elegant.'...
Not to mention that next "elegant" lady will tell that, no, you actually can and need to hold on to the railing. Also, have they seen The Queen walking down the stairs? I mean, the lady was sort of an epitome of étiquette and elegance. Or Duchess Catherine. They don't walk down the stairs looking like a Disney movie high school queen b.
Lol xDD
I've always found this kind of videos (I got some recommended some years ago) a bit weird because some things they say and do are quite the opposite or not quite the thing wealthy people do. And why do so many of them have obviously made their lips? Doesn't it contradict what they're saying is elegant?
also, she looks goofy af lol. not ladylike at all
Celebs are the oone who made yoga pants trendy lol
not to mention that "looking expensive" sort of just sounds like she is a sex slave.
I'm a girl who likes to be ✨elegant ✨ 'cause I find elegant clothes, nice posture, tidyness etc aesthetically pleasing and comfortable. But I draw the line at comfort, if a ladylike thing is unsafe or feels bad than I throw it out the window (like that walking down the stairs thing, it's just plain stupid).
I also did archery and let me tell you, it was NOT an elegant hobby. We wore sportswear (some girls even trained in yogapants - gasp!) and we would train in a pretty rundown ex factory building cuz that's what we had. Or there was the a branch of following traditional archery, sometimes dressing like ancient Hungarians and camping in yurts before an outdoor event, you know. Or there were the outdoor championships where we would walk through forests and shoot the targets even in mud and rain. Pretty cool but not 'ladylike'.
Yeah, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm a midwestern hick but I did equestrianism and archery and gardening and absolutely none of those were elegant and absolutely all of them involve a truly ridiculous amount of mud and I don't think a change of venue would solve that at all.
i love how they always say that ballet is elegant and all. yes the preformances are where the beautiful tutu's and costumes are worn. but ballet class? jogging pants on leotards and vests and sometimes you have the most mismatched color combinations.
@@sophielouise9046 Don’t forget the pain and fucked up feet. Ballet is so physically taxing, it’s honestly shocking how dancers still manage to make it look effortless and graceful.
The archery one surprised me. I loved doing it but there wasn't anything elegant about walking up and down 90meters looking for a single arrow in the grass or doing a tournament in the middle of winter.
That is so cool though, I bet it was fun
as someone who's attempted to bake i can confirm that desperately trying to not burn your hands when taking the cookies out of the oven, putting your blood sweat and tears to not mess up the icing, realising that the cookies were over-baked, getting ingredients mess up the floor, is very elegant.
I'll be honest: if someone unironically walked down steps in front of me like that (while not in a roleplay regency larp situation), I couldn't stop myself from bursting out laughing.
as an autistic lady, I will absolutely never take any advice from these women. Also the hunger games bit at the end made me laugh really hard, love you Chad Chad
Yes, I am autistic as well and I read American Girl books as a kid instead. Those are so much healthier and less toxic.
Just curious, why'd you include that you were on the spectrum? Do you mean" it's hard enough socially, I don't need more rules"?
@@justabout6979 that's a great question! lots of people on the spectrum have specific preferences on clothing, almost always removing shirt tags and anything scratchy, wearing only soft clothes that feel comfortable and don't cause sensory issues instead of choosing clothes based more off how they look. I couldn't believe the tik tok lady said no baggy clothes EVEN AT HOME, I'd go insane! The whole vibe of deciding everything you do based on a stereotype is just so toxic, true self expression is really important for everyone, but especially neurodivergent people
@@juliasutton8634 on a related note, as someone also autistic, I was pretty much the golden standard for lady-like as a child (well for how young I was at least) my need for things like quiet spaces, soft clothing, not wanting to participate in rowdy activities, not talking unless prompted... it aligned me with a lot of things expected of girls and women. And I just happen to do those because of sensory issues, not at all because I was trying to be that way or look down at others. (I WISHED I enjoyed being rowdy! they looked like they were having fun! but I just got overwhelmed) I think this especially made people surprised (and usually irritated) when I would Not align with lady-like things. I can only assume because either; it broke the illusion that I was this perfect kid, or that if I was lady-like in most things, then I should know how to be in all aspects.
@@justabout6979 I’ll be honest, I find that most etiquette is a lot easier to learn than regular social cues. Only problem is that a lot of these etiquette accounts aren’t necessarily teaching etiquette to be a better, more considerate person but teaching women how to some haughty ass “high value” woman.
We don’t want to be subservient to some guy with a Ferrari, we just want to be polite and graceful for ourselves and the people around us or at least I do.
Ugh, all the memories of my mom telling me to be more “ladylike” for being myself. The more she said it, the more tomboyish I became lol.
yay me too. I'm still young so the rebelling has ended up with me having pixie cut hair for 3 years now
legend has i,t this is where trans men came from.
literally what ive been doing for so long and its amazing 👍👍👍
Funny how this works, my mom pays a lot of attention to „ladylike” looks - the result is I wear metal band t-shirts and yoga pants, and my sis exlusively male coded clothing
@@commandercorl1544 absolutely not. There are plenty of men who love tomboys. I dated one when i was 14. We're both in our early twenties now and she still hasn't transitioned into a man. Just because a woman isn't traditionally feminine, doesn't mean she'll become a man😅😂
Whenever I drop anything I squat to get it, you can never be too safe
Hearing someone say “You’re not a child” immediately after “That’s bad manners” is such whiplash. Like, who the heck says “manners” to anyone over the age of nine?
I was at a restaurant with my bf and this lady was following all these rules and enforcing them on her son. It was ruining everyone else's meal when she would randomly correct him about something so normal. "Don't hold your cutlery that way!" "Don't lay your napkin that way!" "Don't chew that way!" Then she would look around with this super judgmental glare at the other families in the restaurant. Jokes on her though everyone else was laughing and having a great time while her and her kid sat alone in stiff silence.
The best part was that we were at a theme park, not some fancy restaurant.
she likely had the least etiquette in the room if she was not only publicly ridiculing him, but doing it loud enough for others to hear. Poor guy.
It'd be one thing if she corrected him in private and wasn't so strict about little things, but its another to just put your son on blast in public or make them feel like they can't succeed due to all the petty rules.
That lady is just a control freak. My old science teacher is exactly like her.
my old science teacher, is very petty about little things, like making sure your computer is perfect with the board, or if your paper is straight on your desk, etc.
one time we were highlighting and reading something. And as i was highlighting the stuff, she came up behind me and said “hey, u need to pay more attention, and highlight more” like- bent over my shoulder, and wispered through her teeth like she was mad at me- And then- 5 MINUTES LATER she came behind me and said; “you are in the wrong section of the paragraph” but we had just started reading a new paragraph-and she was behind me the intire time… kinda weird how she was standing behind me like that lol. There is so much more stuff she has done to me and my classmates that really annoys me but i better stop typing otherwise ima write a whole essay
@@KoriSt4r that's really weird...
@@leeaschmidt2490 IKR
Poor kid, just let kids behing kids and have fun
So I fell into a major depression and couldn’t bring myself to shave consistently. I felt like I didn’t have to always been perfectly shaved and the guy I was dating at the time knew I was struggling with depression yet made a fuss over me not shaving because it wasn’t ladylike. I dumped him soon after.
big yikes. i don't shave because i just don't feel like it. if my partner was rude about it i would find that bizarrely controlling. totally classless
That's really awful, I hope you didn't take his jackassery to heart. Glad you dumped him!
Shaving is such a modern eurocentric concept, don’t sweat it hun. Less than three centuries ago no one woulda gave a shit if you had some hair. And if you think about it, that’s only three long-lived people ago. Most of your ancestors were out here hairy and continuing the bloodline regardless.
So glad that you dumped him! You deserve so much better and I hope you're ding well these days
Glad that hes an ex
The thing about not telling people "Hey, I need to go to the bathroom." I think of safety. If I'm in public and if I going somewhere by myself, I want the people I'm with to know where I was last if I don't return to the table or if something happens to me.
The thing about "sitting ladylike" drove me INSANE, and still does now because my mother still goes on about it. Her reasoning was "boys can look up your skirt or stare at your crotch!" Which freaked me the hell out as a kid. I ended up being horrified of men, because I was given the impression that everyone around me was a huge creep that was just WAITING for me to open my legs a little bit.
Nowadays, I don't care about it and just sit how I like. I haven't had a situation where anyone's looked at me at all as far as I'm aware. Thanks mom lol
Edit because I remembered more: my mom has always been very paranoid about creeps, so I couldn't wear anything "revealing". However, the pants thing stuck with me the most, because I had to change how my legs are naturally, when I sit down they naturally either spread out or do that "criss cross apple sauce" thing lol
I remember my mom telling me the same. I didn't quite like skirts back then and I used to sit in weird positions (still do). I was really stubborn so I retorted something along the lines of "then they can look, for all i care." I didn't see what was the big deal especially when I was wearing stocking underneath.
I’m almost 30 and my mom still wants to annoy me about how I sit. “Adults don’t sit like that”, is the new version and guess what, I’m an adult and I do. I’m a short adult who doesn’t like to have her legs dangling off a chair,. Only disadvantage is that it’s not very comfortable for cats, only cats will make me sacrifice comfort for a bit.
see my mum told me to sit like “a lady” even while wearing pants all the time😅 but never explained why, so it was always confusing to me, I think it’s actually fair enough for parents to worry about perverts, but it’s the others fault, not the child. I also had a boy in class poking girls between the legs with a ruler under the table (they all had skirts on) I snitched on him but it made me glad I had pants on and made me question why on earth a boy would think to do such a thing.
Yeah that's why I hate skirts now. Because to me wearing a skirt/dress means I'm gonna have to hold up to a certain etiquette and I don't want that. So now I just wear pants. Tho recently I've started to wear maxi skirts which are also comfy and I don't need to worry about flashing someone.
I'm sure some might look, but it's rarely intentionally seeing what can be seen. Perverts make up a relatively small percentage
Super ironic that she says wearing yoga pants makes you look less "expensive," when women who are actual Billionaires wear yoga pants out in public... regularly. Lmao
literally
Rich people dress down when not at a extreme event, you’ll be surprised they own money. Which goes to show people making these videos don’t know what they’re talking about. I had a teacher in middles school that had about half a mil in stocks and you couldn’t tell. 💀
Most dress like us, these women are living a royal life. With strict rules
Dah-ling, you ah mixing with the wrong billionaresses. Like fathah always said, "be careful who you park your yacht by"
@@RaptorFromWeegee its true, wealthy family don’t brag about their money bc most know they are wealthy. These ppl don’t have high status, so they have to show their wealth and tell.
Ok, the ONLY practice I feel has even a smidge of validity is telling your guests where the bathroom is right out the gate, instead of waiting for them to ask where it is. However, I don’t think doing so is a requirement to “be ladylike”, but really just part of your personal preference when it comes to hosting other people. The only reason I do it when I’m hosting guests is because I know that for some people (including myself), even simple social interactions like asking where the bathroom is can be mortifying, simply because it tends to put other people’s attention on you when you ask. I’d rather suffer in silence than make it known to an entire room that “ooh whoops! I’m a human being and need to do normal human being activities like using the bathroom!”
Yes, it’s backwards, I know 😅
But it’s really just a matter of personal preference, not about “being ladylike”
Trying to fit people into strict societal molds just because they happened to be born with different body parts is kinda dumb in my opinion.
NUMBER 2 TIP TO LOOK LADYLIKE: Always be pleased at any action, you MUST congratulate people at any action, every breath they take must be awarded. Especially if the action regards you.
baking is so elegant especially when you have flour all throughout your kitchen and blow up some cookies because you didn’t put flour in them (true story). especially when you are practically dying laughing because of how burnt your cupcakes are. so elegant guys
This comment is literally me when ever i try to bake 💀
Or when you're entirely covered from head to toe in flour as your face itches, and you can't scratch it because because your hands are covered in bread dough
@@Plusboyserpremacydon't you learn from your mistakes when it comes to baking?
@jenkathefridge3933 I do yes, and I've gotten better but my oven doesn't always work right and will get to hot, or not hot enough so even though I've learned what to do and what not to do I still end up burning something. And my comment was meant as a joke so I exaggerated how often I burn stuff, It isn't literally when ever I bake
@@Plusboyserpremacy As long as your improving that what matters
My grandma and mom “”trained”” me since I was a kid to be ladylike SOLELY for my future husband. It was not even just about my physical actions like sitting, walking or laughing. They were so hard on me about my whole personality. For example if I would get upset about something and be sad or upset the whole day they would say something like “if u continue this behaviour/mindset, your future family or relationship with your husband and in laws would be difficult” “you should always let things go. Forgive and forget. And be happy all the time”
And many more. I was always rebelling against this. But deep down these got engrained in me and I still feel guilty if I upset my boyfriend. Or if i even get angry. Because that’s not ladylike and men don’t like that
That is fucked up, honestly, do what you want to do. You should be able to feel what you want to feel. Did you know crying can be a sign of releasing stress? That does not apply to everyone but it is a good fact :3 So go be sad, angry, and happy. Your human, not a robot made to please your "Future Husband."
Most men are interested in finding a genuine partner with genuine emotions. Getting angry sometimes is not a negative, it's a requirement.
Makes me angrier when OTHER WOMEN still push this.
F this!
We are humans.
@@FocusedFighter777exactly..dude My mom have faced so much sh*t in an abusive marriage that she ragingly encourages me to be successful and independent but yet sometimes , the forceful conditioning of her past gets hold, and she ends up saying “What will your future husband/in laws think?” Over minor human errors..
Always apologises later and blesses me that i get a husband/in laws who never treat me like that, ever..
At least she’s trying 🥺❤
The first like 7 years of my life it was like that for me. Eventually my mom figured out that I was too far gone and gave up lol