I was sick as a baby and was in the hospital for a year. I was admitted at 9 months old, and I almost died from FSGS kidney disease. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. I was the youngest child and was left alone a lot of the time growing up. I have always been an HSP. I just didn't know. I feel everything, and I'm hypervigillant. I get so exhausted around people. I used antidepressants for years. I have been off of them for a year now. I allow myself to feel my feelings just as they are. I cry a lot because I feel so touched by things. I feel them very deeply. I'm ok with being me. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
Age 21 I suddenly lost my ability to read. 45 lbs intracranial pressure, TBI. Took years for me to be able to read an entire page in 15 minutes and understand it. Academics was out of the question. So in my mid twenties, I fell into the machine shop trade. People couldn't see my trauma. And when I asked people to repeat themselves two or three times as I struggled to process information, they would get in my face and scream at me. For a long time, I hated life. Now I'm 52 and a master at my craft. People ask me questions and I help them. Life is good.
Yes for me disturbing experiences are heightened as there's so much depth in meaning in people's actions that it's hard for me to forgive too, but on the surface I look completely fine. Like nothing is bothering me when it is.
I MOST DEFINITELY was mercilessly bullied in elementary school, by both the known bullies and even by some teachers and staff who didn’t understand my sensitivity as a male HSP growing up in American society and culture. I’m 💯 % on board with a fellow commenter who asked you to PLEASE acknowledge that bullying truly happens in the lives of HSP children, often to an even greater extent than the other 80% of children. While we May take more things to heart and interpret certain comments to be bullying, being consistently and repeatedly smacked in the back of the head by the bully behind me in fourth grade math class every time the old and oblivious teacher would turn her back, definitely was not my over-sensitive interpretation of a comment. I Also was relentlessly bullied the years before, and after, specifically by teachers when I would often become ill and was not believed when I’d go to the nurse complaining about a major headache in third grade. The school nurse sent me back to class, only to have me embarrassed by vomiting all over my desk. She walked me back down the hall telling me “you just can’t do anything right, can you,” as she pulled me by my shirt collar. A week later, I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, a virus that was attacking my brain. I was asleep for three months straight and was lucky to awaken, yet was unable to walk. I had to relearn to walk at age 8. Four children were diagnosed with the same viral encephalitis in the state, and I was one of the two who survived. I continued to be bullied upon my return, by children and teachers who treated me differently and made fun of me due to my need for medication for the severe asthma I was lucky to have, leaving me with bad breath before lunch after the inhalers would leave powders in my throat causing me to have bad breath. So PLEASE, don’t go telling ANY parents, especially those of HSP children that their child reporting bullying is not truly being bullied. In fact, due to our tendency not to keep quiet and not report incidents and to be able to tolerate more pain and humiliation, when we finally DO complain and report, it’s often because it’s SO intolerable that we are having trouble coping. I hope you’ll take my comment to heart Alane, as I respect and revere your work and was disappointed to hear you state not to take bullying seriously when reported by HSP children.
Let me be clear. Absolutely bullying happens. Sensitive boys are more likely to be bullied because sensitive girls are more acceptable to the general society of school and peers. But I'm trying to say, and maybe I'll make another video to make it clearer.... These parents do not need and should not present the idea that the child is being bullied. You might not be aware of this, but in our current child and school culture, every little hurt feeling is called bullying. Do you know what that does? It makes it much harder to identify true bullying, which is what you experienced clearly. I'm so sorry for your childhood trauma. You are certainly not alone, and as a highly sensitive adult, you have more capacity for healing than anyone else. May you find the kind of support that offers you that healing. 💜
I would like to add that your experiences are certainly beyond bullying. I read a story of pretty significant child abuse. Once again I hope that you have had the kind of support in adulthood that you need to help heal this trauma.
Sorry, but I am fairly new to this concept of HSP. I AM highly sensitive, and I was also born to an amazing mom, who struggled with severe depression and ptsd from childhood abuse. I need some scientific resources. Where do you suggest I start?
At the age of 55 I've only just discovered the HSP idea and it fits me like a glove - it answered all my questions. But growing up with an unstable mum and an aggressive sociopathic dad left its mark on a young HSP mind . Most therapists don't seem to factor HSP into their diagnosis at all though , I'm not sure they're even aware of it and wrongly assume all issues are due to trauma .
I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED HSP and it's genetic! After three years of various therapies You have OPENED MY EYES and vindicated so much of my shame, guilt and life-long inferiority which caused me to OVERachieve just to feel acceptable.. Your descriptions fit me to the letter. Thank you for this life changing information! I'm a 58 year old female and just found your google talk; and now of course I'm seeking out more information. I was known as the weak one in the family, but very loving, empathetic, but full of worry and much too sensitive about everything--of course never knowing it was a real thing. We had a tiger mother, high drama, high expectations and when I cried as a child mom said -- as your teacher said -- I'll give you something to cry about. Sometimes mom just got in my face and barked, "Swallow it." She was very affectionate much of the time and highly volatile much of the time. I felt like I lived on top of a time bomb, never knowing "which version of mom" I'd get on any given day. I've been on a two-plus year mental health and self awareness journey, I've finally come to see that for me, childhood--though wonderful in many--was traumatic with lasting impact on my emotional and mental health. But HSP is at the core of who I am. Thank you for your work!
Appreciate your work, Alane. I recently discovered you through your Google talk video. I have a lot of trauma as well, and only recently discovered I am an HSP. I believe this discovery will be life-changing for me.
I love that you called the Dr out!!! I've just recently came across this video. I am currently doing EMDR for my complex trauma and i am an Empath and also HSP. Didn't learn this until age 50!! I'm on my healing journey now....I am grateful
The definition of an HSP: Hearing someone who identifies as an HSP talk about their difficult high school and medical experiences . . and tearing up over their descriptions. Thank you Alane for making it okay to be highly sensitive.
Thank you for giving examples of small t trauma. I’ve spent the last 30 years repeating what other people say, “I’m just too sensitive,” but hearing examples that these small traumas also impact us and are valid, in addition to the more complex trauma, is so helpful. Thank you!
I would definitely agree that some of my trauma is related to being an HSP (reacting to things that might not have been traumatic to a non-HSP child). It seems there is a lot of re-thinking of several categories of ways of being/challenges due to trauma as the impact of trauma is being given more attention. Some of the confusion about the relationship of HSP to trauma is likely due to this. We humans tend to operate on pendulum shifts. This re-thinking of trauma and ADHD is also leading to similar questions.
Thank you so much, I identify as an HSP 100%, read the book(s), took the test, and more... One thing related to bullying, you said that HSP's are not bullied, we only perceive it as bullying because we are sensitive. I think this statement can be very dangerous, as "real" bullying does actually happen with everyone, and dare I say that HSP children might be even more prone to being bullied because we are perceived as being "different". So someone might listen to this and when their child tells them that they were bullied, they will just dismiss the child because surely he/she only perceives it as bullying and it can't be. Just wanted to add this as someone who went through this (though I haven't even told my parents, as they were already so preoccupied by trying to do everything so that I "fit it" and "why am I not the other children").
I did not mean to say that we are not bullied. What I think I said is that parents should take the word bullying out of their vernacular with kids. We want sensitive children to learn to advocate for themselves, including acknowledging that they are sensitive to their environment in a much larger way than people without the trait. When we use bullying as a concept with sensitive children, they start to feel like the world is against them... It is actually disempowering. You might also want to see my reply to the other commenter about their childhood experience of being bullied. Certainly highly sensitive boys especially are bullied. This is a different issue. In today's culture parents tend to say that their child is bullied for every little slight. The issue is that when this is happening. It makes it much harder for true bullying to be identified and handled. Sending much compassion your way.💜
@@AreYouHighlySensitive Thank you for replying. Yes, this makes sense, I haven't really thought about it from this perspective. I guess it makes a huge difference when the parents actually acknowledge their child being sensitive as a positive trait and encourage them to be their sensitive selves and normalize it. It could even reduce a high amount of bullying, or being the target of bullies, maybe. In the same time I still find it important for children to be able to talk with their parents about being bullied/laughed at, etc. It's very painful to have to hide it or be dismissed.
Yes... I think we agree. The thing is that being laughed at or having people be insensitive to our sensitivities Is different than being bullied. Parents I know are quick to say my child is being bullied. When the reality is that they are unhappy with how their peer relationships are going. We need to teach sensitive children and youth that they can design a life and choose peers who honor their sensitive reactive brains. Let's not raise victims!
@@AreYouHighlySensitive I agree with the last part of what you said. However, to me repeated ridicule, hurtful teasing, sarcastic name calling do qualify as bullying.
I was a young child in the 50s when TV was new. My mother told me that she had to be very careful what was on TV in the evening, because if there was anything scary or strange, I would wake up with bad dreams. Thankfully, she was aware.
THANK YOU!!! I am highly sensitive! My narcissistic sister tried to get the whole family to institutionalize me! The most traumatic time in my life! I was ALONE. I decided to go to Africa, something I had promised God when I was 11. So I say 'what satan meant for evil--God meant for GOOD!' I'm thankful I am the way I am! So much better than being a narcissist!!! Right?
Dang, your broken arm story hits me HARD, I nearly cried!! I have had health issues my whole life and have had to deal with so many doctors and nurses that aren’t caring or just rush things with me, like even as simple as a shot, having been rushed and even held down as a child was majorly traumatic. Now every time I see a needle on tv or a medical scenario or hear someone talking about it, I will wince, tense up and basically have a panic attack.
I was different in small ways in a very abusive home- my vulnerability singled me out for special treatment- of the adverse kind. I knew from a very early age that what my parents were doing was wrong.
Yes, You have a point. HSP may get traumatized easily by little events. Even a horror movie or some holllywood crap can traumatize them for life. It does not have to be something major that happen in life. If you say you can be born a HSP, I personally think based on my life experiences even if you were born highly sensitive, there is a big possibility that when you were in your mothers womb she has been going through unbearable stress or some sort or even in the first 2 years of a child where mother didn't feel safe enough for some reason. I believe you can overcome being a highly sensitive person. A person should not remain too sensitive as they cannot become happy in life. Especially a man should find away to overcome it. Do you have sucess stories of any of the members trauma after becoming a member?
im so grateful for you passion about the differences btw trauma and HSP they are not the same event/trait i have early trauma from foster care and adoption (no one was cruel just the environments were temporary and likely high stress in womb), complex trauma from being raised by people with personality disorders (traits) BUT the part of me that really needs the gentleness is the genetic HSP part... my heart/mind have processed the experiences of adoption/family dynamics but i still felt the sensitivity that i had associated with my "adopted person storyline." When i learned about HSP it explained all of my sensory sensitivities and my sensitivity to people being ineffective interpersonally. My spidey senses are very sensitive to positive and negative stimuli! im so grateful to attend to my senses and not always sending that energy into a "i have to heal this trauma!" space
Thank you ... educating is important for HSP I have been so confused over the reasons behind HSP . Been through a lot of T trauma and t trauma. ❤ The mental health professionals need to do their jobs justice by learning themselves the truth. Appreciate your video.
I wish non HSP people could understand what it's like to be a highly sensitive. Anyways! It's good to know we're not alone in this. Although I do not know if I would wish this upon anyone.
I’m so glad you are speaking about this. I was really annoyed with some Instagram posts I saw last year that said something along the lines of “you’re not an empath, it’s your trauma“ 🙏🏻✨
I have only even heard about HSP in the past year, I wish I had known much sooner. I always felt I was different, on the outside looking in. I grew up in an abusive family, a lot of yelling, inappropriate actions, physical abuse at times. I wanted to be independent, because my mother was stuck in an abusive marriage and never thought she could make it on her own, when I was about 14 yrs old, the abuse was just getting worse and my mother finally had my father served with divorce papers, unfortunately I was the only one home at the time and he came stomping into the bedroom shaking the papers in his hand and screaming, "look what your stupid mother has done now!" then threw the papers at me, I was terrified. My father shaped up for a bit, which abusers will do to regain control, and they did not get divorced, even at that age I told my mother I would get a job and help. I ended up going to school and getting my BSN, and worked for almost 40 yrs as an oncology nurse, until I just burned out completely, I think I may have chosen another occupation or at least gotten out of in patient oncology nursing. Being a nurse is already a very emotionally and mentally straining profession, and working with seriously ill adult patients is also very physically demanding. I always wondered why my fellow nurses seemed to handle the losses and suffering better than me, they could compartmentalize, while with me it spilled over into my life in dreams and obsessive thoughts about my patients and their families suffering and loss. I hope others can figure out if they are HSP to enable them to better understand themselves and take care of themselves.
I wasn't bullied much as a child only a couple of girls did but I'd be on top of it. I struggled as an adult with that. I particularly hate female adult bullies as they destroy your relationships and also your chances to a career and they spread rumors. I understand they are psychopaths but I always try to survive female psychopaths it just is never ending and they turn men into psychopathic or narcissistic. But both scare me. I think the world has a lot of unkind women and men and I just avoid them once I get hurt. I know bullies want to isolate you but it is up to others to stick up for you or act against you. I have been there for people who left me instead and I know we get used a lot. So I think understanding people don't care about us they just use us is a first step to being happier. Or at least accepting that most people are not our types and that we may be wrong about them so we don't get shocked when their actions let us down. Also trying somehow not to fall in love with people fast which is so hard to do.
One thing I hear in your comment is this problem that we highly sensitive people tend to have. Because of our strong empathy we often assume the best of people. And sometimes we're so busy being empathic and understanding that it's hard to recognize the ones who are toxic. I really relate to all that you have said here. The more time I spend in alanon and therapy the better I get at this... But i'm pretty sure I will never be perfect at it.
@@AreYouHighlySensitive thanks. I did therapy years ago. It was really good. Then I decided to undertake a few psychology small certificates too as it really made me think a lot. But yes there are good and bad people and empathizing with good people only was the my first biggest challenge. Yes it's not easy.
Also, I have a big issue whenever I hear anyone say that bullying, on any level should be ignored. In a country where mass school shootings are as prevalent as the are in the USA, we cannot afford to ignore bullying, or even "perceived " bullying, EVER!
I have heard this too, but the person I heard it from said that some are born with it, and some are created through trauma. Let me give you an example here of why they share similarities both not entirely. I was physical abused as a child, neglected and emotional needs were not met, which led to relationship trauma, which I'm in therapy (diagnosed with cptsd and anxiety) for right now. I am an HSP with cptsd, my sister and I shared same childhood trauma, and she has just as much relationship trauma as I do, but she is NOT an HSP. She is the one who has been telling me for 30 years that I'm too sensitive. I was given Elaine Aron's book in therapy about 16 years ago and I felt so much relief. I thought something was wrong with me, but now I understand it is a gift. I find that small slights that most people would shrug off plague me, especially when I'm in a dysregulated state.
You might consider being HSP and being more deeply impacted by trauma are highly desirable traits. Such people are less likely to be inclined to solve problems by going to war, are more likely to be averse to violence, more compassionate towards the poor, the disabled the animals and all life on earth and more inclined to act with compassion. It says in the Bible, "the meek shall inherit the earth.". Think about it.
Hi Alane, thank you, I love your kind, sparkling and generous personality. Do you know, I feel that the online is full of trauma theories, and it is appreciated. However, only neurologists etc are emphasizing about how to become the new you. We all want to find happiness and live our years ruminating about something else than recapping our past day after day. The brain changes as we use it. Now, let´s leave the past behind and begin a happy journey towards a new you with a new future, not reliving the pas over and over again. It is a wasted life.
I glad to confirm that I dont like a lot of people because I am a sinner but because I am more sensitive than them to violence psychopathy and democracy and loud noises, and high stress.
So, I'm an HSP and it's not actually bullying you say? Is it bullying when you get beaten up on the way home from school? Kicking and punching me 'til I'm curled up in a ball crying on the ground? The bullying I experienced was devastating, by word or action, so don't say it's probably not bullying.
Thank you for this information. It has given me much better insight to both my and my son's responses to trauma inducing experiences. As to the quote "take care of you", that is from one of the final scenes from PRETTY WOMAN when Vivian's roommate said this to her. You have now given me another tool to aid in my healing journey. 😍😊
Post trauma always has always been the case with me or even has costed me a lot of stuff post trauma is just so annoying just super amusing for me to even see nice trustworthy people
Just because certain areas of the brains of HSP fire more does NOT exclude the possibility that the reactivity of our brains was not conditioned by environmental factors that took place during our childhood or even during gestation.
When i was little, around 1970. Sunday night. NBC. 7PM. The Wonderful World of Disney. The freaking movies, I bawled and was picked on by all to their narcassistic delight. What did Disney have against animals? Theur mothers? His morher?
Is there a cure for being highly sensitive?I know it's not an ailment to be 'cured' but honestly, being an HSP all my life has been challenging at best, and downright devastating at worst. I am ready to take any treatment to be rid of it!
Hello there. I am extremely hsp and empath. I did life regression a year and a half ago and when he got me to in the womb.... and there I could feel fear ,sadness , and crying. I went through trauma before birth. In my opinion trauma did not cause this. I am highly sensitive therefore everything was more traumatic to me!! It was so MUCH yelling. I know my people know how horrible traumatic yelling can be especially worse to an unborn child.
I disagree on the bullying. My experience is that most children are bullies to a certain extent. It's just that most children have the ability to ignore it and let it run off their backs and move right on.
How do you suggest we approach talking about being an HSP in the workplace with our team and management, and about our needs as we are "asked" to return to the office? I find this particularly stressful after working from home for over 3 years. The ma in reasons are that we are high performers and I see that I can do less work in the office due to all of the extra demands place on my by my in person team members and other teams. Also the office setting puts me into a state of overload by noon so I'm ready to be out of there by that time.
Based on my experience, I'm certain I became highly sensitive because I witnessed my mother was in trouble and feeling unsafe as a 3-4 year old. So I'm confident I was never born an HSP. I became a highly sensitive person after I came to this world. I'm certain about that. How do I know I'm HSP. Because little events have traumatized me bit later on and such trauma trigger avoidance can lead to OCD or other mental issues.
Not sure where to ask so it reaches you, but: How can I study efficiently? I feel like the way I'm supposed to absorb information from a black and white paper blankly in a wild environment is against my flow. And unfortunately there seems to be no other way to learn these theoretical things.
How do I tell whether or not I also have high functioning autism aka Aspbergers, in addition to being born a HSP? I know I was born with a highly sensitive brain and nervous system, and I know the sensitive sensory issues often accompany autism. I believe I am Aspbergers because I had significant hand flapping in early childhood that I would flap while in highly imaginative thought.
But how could it be only me the only one in my family who has the HSP trait, my father is a narcissist and a psychopath, my mother another narcissist (the perfect dysfunctional couple) my bother I dont know if he is a psycho, but that seemed to me, he definetely is NOT HSP. I am the only one who struggled the most with sensitivity, so how can this be, my father is a brute emocionally speaking, how can this be a genetic healthy trait if no one else in my family has it? The problem I see with the definition of HSP as a genetic, positive, healthy scientific trait is that it does contradict directly the affirmation of HSP being a result of trauma. Because it is indeed genetic, I mean our genes could be influenced by violence against the mother when i WAS still IN the WOMB, so the end result of that is still GENETIC, in terms of mere definition, like if it would have been equally genetic if the mother and womb had not been trauamtized. We would still be talking about genes. So That part of the definition of hsp does no contractict the affirmation of a traumatic origin. In fact, I wouldnt be any hard at all for me to imagine my brute father yelling at my pregnant mother even before birth. For him to be an asshole was always normality, his default way of being, unquestioned. So, my only doubt to accept the legitimacy of healthy high sensitivity wound the fact that what DRA Elaine Aaaron studied was probably ONLY the EFFECT of trauma and she merely call it high sensitivity. It is confusing because it is true that in the animal kingdom there are some species which even common sense would deemed as more sensitivity, like the deer for instance being at first glance more fragile than the lion, or if we compare robust, clomsy animal like the bull with a rabbit or the fine senses of a cat, the bull is clearly more brute by design, by nature, but Iam sure if it is ok to compare aminals with humans, because we are other kind o speacies, very different to animals, with same similarities but I dont know, it is confusing stilll.
I am an hsp/empath born into a highly narcissistic family and I have ALWAYS wondered the same thing! I used to think I was switched at birth. Looking back, I think maybe my grandfather was highly sensitive. So, there may be a link outside of your immediate family.
I read there's usually an HSP child of narcissistic parents because the hsp's genes 'balances' the family system. The hsp/scapegoat sees and states the truth of the abuse, and doesn't live in denial. They usually carry the whole dysfunctional family problems on just their shoulders. Ends up divorcing the whole family due to being mobbed and scapegoated by all if them for stating the truth that the parents and/or siblings are abusive, and killing their spirit. Whereas the parents/narcs are always in denial about how abusive they are, and the damage it's doing to their kids. Hope that helps
@@suap309 Thanks. Yep, that helps. I had to go no contact from the whole family...my name is mud and I am the crazy one. It hurts really bad and I never understood what I did wrong. I just told the truth. It is a lonely road and I am hoping something good will be coming my way. :) Sorry to ramble....
Thanks for your video for the botton of my heart but sadly government authorities don't care, HSP thus are not getting the right and enough undestanding from government authorities therefore abondoning the HSP at their own risk.
It s not an illness or trauma but for me, i am 53 years old and i don t know what to do for work because i missed the boot and now i jave to work in a shop where there are to much noice and stimulie wich gives me a lot of stress and illness. Not a trauma but your getting trauma s all the time. What you have with this information, nothing!!!!
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I was sick as a baby and was in the hospital for a year. I was admitted at 9 months old, and I almost died from FSGS kidney disease. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. I was the youngest child and was left alone a lot of the time growing up. I have always been an HSP. I just didn't know. I feel everything, and I'm hypervigillant. I get so exhausted around people. I used antidepressants for years. I have been off of them for a year now. I allow myself to feel my feelings just as they are. I cry a lot because I feel so touched by things. I feel them very deeply. I'm ok with being me. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
Age 21 I suddenly lost my ability to read. 45 lbs intracranial pressure, TBI. Took years for me to be able to read an entire page in 15 minutes and understand it. Academics was out of the question. So in my mid twenties, I fell into the machine shop trade. People couldn't see my trauma. And when I asked people to repeat themselves two or three times as I struggled to process information, they would get in my face and scream at me. For a long time, I hated life. Now I'm 52 and a master at my craft. People ask me questions and I help them. Life is good.
Yes for me disturbing experiences are heightened as there's so much depth in meaning in people's actions that it's hard for me to forgive too, but on the surface I look completely fine. Like nothing is bothering me when it is.
Yeah I'm told to go away making everything worse
Bipolar, neglected child, bullied, c-ptsd, HSP...70 yrs old...thanks, Alane!
I MOST DEFINITELY was mercilessly bullied in elementary school, by both the known bullies and even by some teachers and staff who didn’t understand my sensitivity as a male HSP growing up in American society and culture. I’m 💯 % on board with a fellow commenter who asked you to PLEASE acknowledge that bullying truly happens in the lives of HSP children, often to an even greater extent than the other 80% of children.
While we May take more things to heart and interpret certain comments to be bullying, being consistently and repeatedly smacked in the back of the head by the bully behind me in fourth grade math class every time the old and oblivious teacher would turn her back, definitely was not my over-sensitive interpretation of a comment. I Also was relentlessly bullied the years before, and after, specifically by teachers when I would often become ill and was not believed when I’d go to the nurse complaining about a major headache in third grade. The school nurse sent me back to class, only to have me embarrassed by vomiting all over my desk. She walked me back down the hall telling me “you just can’t do anything right, can you,” as she pulled me by my shirt collar. A week later, I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, a virus that was attacking my brain. I was asleep for three months straight and was lucky to awaken, yet was unable to walk. I had to relearn to walk at age 8. Four children were diagnosed with the same viral encephalitis in the state, and I was one of the two who survived. I continued to be bullied upon my return, by children and teachers who treated me differently and made fun of me due to my need for medication for the severe asthma I was lucky to have, leaving me with bad breath before lunch after the inhalers would leave powders in my throat causing me to have bad breath.
So PLEASE, don’t go telling ANY parents, especially those of HSP children that their child reporting bullying is not truly being bullied. In fact, due to our tendency not to keep quiet and not report incidents and to be able to tolerate more pain and humiliation, when we finally DO complain and report, it’s often because it’s SO intolerable that we are having trouble coping. I hope you’ll take my comment to heart Alane, as I respect and revere your work and was disappointed to hear you state not to take bullying seriously when reported by HSP children.
Let me be clear. Absolutely bullying happens. Sensitive boys are more likely to be bullied because sensitive girls are more acceptable to the general society of school and peers. But I'm trying to say, and maybe I'll make another video to make it clearer.... These parents do not need and should not present the idea that the child is being bullied. You might not be aware of this, but in our current child and school culture, every little hurt feeling is called bullying. Do you know what that does? It makes it much harder to identify true bullying, which is what you experienced clearly. I'm so sorry for your childhood trauma. You are certainly not alone, and as a highly sensitive adult, you have more capacity for healing than anyone else. May you find the kind of support that offers you that healing. 💜
I would like to add that your experiences are certainly beyond bullying. I read a story of pretty significant child abuse. Once again I hope that you have had the kind of support in adulthood that you need to help heal this trauma.
I feel you too much James, you are not alone, I am here for you.
❤❤❤❤❤
Sorry, but I am fairly new to this concept of HSP. I AM highly sensitive, and I was also born to an amazing mom, who struggled with severe depression and ptsd from childhood abuse. I need some scientific resources. Where do you suggest I start?
At the age of 55 I've only just discovered the HSP idea and it fits me like a glove - it answered all my questions. But growing up with an unstable mum and an aggressive sociopathic dad left its mark on a young HSP mind . Most therapists don't seem to factor HSP into their diagnosis at all though , I'm not sure they're even aware of it and wrongly assume all issues are due to trauma .
I totally relate! This information on HSP is transformative in helping me understand why I am who I am....I too am in my 50s. I wish you peace.
@@LisaBarstowMusek thank you very much - we are fellow HSP travellers
And learning we are not alone.
I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED HSP and it's genetic! After three years of various therapies You have OPENED MY EYES and vindicated so much of my shame, guilt and life-long inferiority which caused me to OVERachieve just to feel acceptable.. Your descriptions fit me to the letter. Thank you for this life changing information!
I'm a 58 year old female and just found your google talk; and now of course I'm seeking out more information. I was known as the weak one in the family, but very loving, empathetic, but full of worry and much too sensitive about everything--of course never knowing it was a real thing.
We had a tiger mother, high drama, high expectations and when I cried as a child mom said -- as your teacher said -- I'll give you something to cry about. Sometimes mom just got in my face and barked, "Swallow it." She was very affectionate much of the time and highly volatile much of the time. I felt like I lived on top of a time bomb, never knowing "which version of mom" I'd get on any given day.
I've been on a two-plus year mental health and self awareness journey, I've finally come to see that for me, childhood--though wonderful in many--was traumatic with lasting impact on my emotional and mental health. But HSP is at the core of who I am. Thank you for your work!
Appreciate your work, Alane. I recently discovered you through your Google talk video. I have a lot of trauma as well, and only recently discovered I am an HSP. I believe this discovery will be life-changing for me.
I love that you called the Dr out!!! I've just recently came across this video. I am currently doing EMDR for my complex trauma and i am an Empath and also HSP. Didn't learn this until age 50!!
I'm on my healing journey now....I am grateful
The definition of an HSP:
Hearing someone who identifies as an HSP talk about their difficult high school and medical experiences . . and tearing up over their descriptions.
Thank you Alane for making it okay to be highly sensitive.
(Leaving this at 1:52) I AM fired up Alaine!! That’s exactly why I’m here 🤗I have been pondering this concept and unable to put it into words
Thank you for giving examples of small t trauma. I’ve spent the last 30 years repeating what other people say, “I’m just too sensitive,” but hearing examples that these small traumas also impact us and are valid, in addition to the more complex trauma, is so helpful. Thank you!
I would definitely agree that some of my trauma is related to being an HSP (reacting to things that might not have been traumatic to a non-HSP child). It seems there is a lot of re-thinking of several categories of ways of being/challenges due to trauma as the impact of trauma is being given more attention. Some of the confusion about the relationship of HSP to trauma is likely due to this. We humans tend to operate on pendulum shifts. This re-thinking of trauma and ADHD is also leading to similar questions.
Very true. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much, I identify as an HSP 100%, read the book(s), took the test, and more...
One thing related to bullying, you said that HSP's are not bullied, we only perceive it as bullying because we are sensitive. I think this statement can be very dangerous, as "real" bullying does actually happen with everyone, and dare I say that HSP children might be even more prone to being bullied because we are perceived as being "different". So someone might listen to this and when their child tells them that they were bullied, they will just dismiss the child because surely he/she only perceives it as bullying and it can't be. Just wanted to add this as someone who went through this (though I haven't even told my parents, as they were already so preoccupied by trying to do everything so that I "fit it" and "why am I not the other children").
I did not mean to say that we are not bullied. What I think I said is that parents should take the word bullying out of their vernacular with kids. We want sensitive children to learn to advocate for themselves, including acknowledging that they are sensitive to their environment in a much larger way than people without the trait. When we use bullying as a concept with sensitive children, they start to feel like the world is against them... It is actually disempowering.
You might also want to see my reply to the other commenter about their childhood experience of being bullied. Certainly highly sensitive boys especially are bullied. This is a different issue. In today's culture parents tend to say that their child is bullied for every little slight. The issue is that when this is happening. It makes it much harder for true bullying to be identified and handled. Sending much compassion your way.💜
And I really appreciate your comments
@@AreYouHighlySensitive Thank you for replying. Yes, this makes sense, I haven't really thought about it from this perspective. I guess it makes a huge difference when the parents actually acknowledge their child being sensitive as a positive trait and encourage them to be their sensitive selves and normalize it. It could even reduce a high amount of bullying, or being the target of bullies, maybe.
In the same time I still find it important for children to be able to talk with their parents about being bullied/laughed at, etc. It's very painful to have to hide it or be dismissed.
Yes... I think we agree. The thing is that being laughed at or having people be insensitive to our sensitivities Is different than being bullied. Parents I know are quick to say my child is being bullied. When the reality is that they are unhappy with how their peer relationships are going. We need to teach sensitive children and youth that they can design a life and choose peers who honor their sensitive reactive brains. Let's not raise victims!
@@AreYouHighlySensitive I agree with the last part of what you said. However, to me repeated ridicule, hurtful teasing, sarcastic name calling do qualify as bullying.
I’m finally understanding all the various labels I’ve been given with this new one HSP
I was a young child in the 50s when TV was new. My mother told me that she had to be very careful what was on TV in the evening, because if there was anything scary or strange, I would wake up with bad dreams. Thankfully, she was aware.
That’s a good mom right there. 👍
THANK YOU!!! I am highly sensitive! My narcissistic sister tried to get the whole family to institutionalize me! The most traumatic time in my life! I was ALONE. I decided to go to Africa, something I had promised God when I was 11. So I say 'what satan meant for evil--God meant for GOOD!' I'm thankful I am the way I am! So much better than being a narcissist!!! Right?
Yes much better.
I was bullied for a long time and I am very stressed and emotionally spent.
Dang, your broken arm story hits me HARD, I nearly cried!! I have had health issues my whole life and have had to deal with so many doctors and nurses that aren’t caring or just rush things with me, like even as simple as a shot, having been rushed and even held down as a child was majorly traumatic. Now every time I see a needle on tv or a medical scenario or hear someone talking about it, I will wince, tense up and basically have a panic attack.
Also that doctor was a JERK, I agree. (Maybe I just have a stronger opinion based on the fact that I could relate so badly to that whole story!)
@AreYouHighlySensitive please reply to my comments if you can, it would mean a lot!
I was different in small ways in a very abusive home- my vulnerability singled me out for special treatment- of the adverse kind. I knew from a very early age that what my parents were doing was wrong.
Yes, You have a point. HSP may get traumatized easily by little events. Even a horror movie or some holllywood crap can traumatize them for life. It does not have to be something major that happen in life.
If you say you can be born a HSP, I personally think based on my life experiences even if you were born highly sensitive, there is a big possibility that when you were in your mothers womb she has been going through unbearable stress or some sort or even in the first 2 years of a child where mother didn't feel safe enough for some reason.
I believe you can overcome being a highly sensitive person. A person should not remain too sensitive as they cannot become happy in life. Especially a man should find away to overcome it. Do you have sucess stories of any of the members trauma after becoming a member?
im so grateful for you passion about the differences btw trauma and HSP they are not the same event/trait i have early trauma from foster care and adoption (no one was cruel just the environments were temporary and likely high stress in womb), complex trauma from being raised by people with personality disorders (traits) BUT the part of me that really needs the gentleness is the genetic HSP part... my heart/mind have processed the experiences of adoption/family dynamics but i still felt the sensitivity that i had associated with my "adopted person storyline." When i learned about HSP it explained all of my sensory sensitivities and my sensitivity to people being ineffective interpersonally. My spidey senses are very sensitive to positive and negative stimuli! im so grateful to attend to my senses and not always sending that energy into a "i have to heal this trauma!" space
Thank you ... educating is important for HSP I have been so confused over the reasons behind HSP . Been through a lot of T trauma and t trauma. ❤ The mental health professionals need to do their jobs justice by learning themselves the truth. Appreciate your video.
Me to; it all makes so much sense now.
I wish non HSP people could understand what it's like to be a highly sensitive. Anyways! It's good to know we're not alone in this. Although I do not know if I would wish this upon anyone.
I’m so glad you are speaking about this. I was really annoyed with some Instagram posts I saw last year that said something along the lines of “you’re not an empath, it’s your trauma“ 🙏🏻✨
I have only even heard about HSP in the past year, I wish I had known much sooner. I always felt I was different, on the outside looking in. I grew up in an abusive family, a lot of yelling, inappropriate actions, physical abuse at times. I wanted to be independent, because my mother was stuck in an abusive marriage and never thought she could make it on her own, when I was about 14 yrs old, the abuse was just getting worse and my mother finally had my father served with divorce papers, unfortunately I was the only one home at the time and he came stomping into the bedroom shaking the papers in his hand and screaming, "look what your stupid mother has done now!" then threw the papers at me, I was terrified. My father shaped up for a bit, which abusers will do to regain control, and they did not get divorced, even at that age I told my mother I would get a job and help. I ended up going to school and getting my BSN, and worked for almost 40 yrs as an oncology nurse, until I just burned out completely, I think I may have chosen another occupation or at least gotten out of in patient oncology nursing. Being a nurse is already a very emotionally and mentally straining profession, and working with seriously ill adult patients is also very physically demanding. I always wondered why my fellow nurses seemed to handle the losses and suffering better than me, they could compartmentalize, while with me it spilled over into my life in dreams and obsessive thoughts about my patients and their families suffering and loss. I hope others can figure out if they are HSP to enable them to better understand themselves and take care of themselves.
I have so much ptsd in blends all together…
And lack assertiveness to push back
Thank you! You have a pretty smile>
I wasn't bullied much as a child only a couple of girls did but I'd be on top of it. I struggled as an adult with that. I particularly hate female adult bullies as they destroy your relationships and also your chances to a career and they spread rumors. I understand they are psychopaths but I always try to survive female psychopaths it just is never ending and they turn men into psychopathic or narcissistic. But both scare me. I think the world has a lot of unkind women and men and I just avoid them once I get hurt. I know bullies want to isolate you but it is up to others to stick up for you or act against you. I have been there for people who left me instead and I know we get used a lot. So I think understanding people don't care about us they just use us is a first step to being happier. Or at least accepting that most people are not our types and that we may be wrong about them so we don't get shocked when their actions let us down. Also trying somehow not to fall in love with people fast which is so hard to do.
One thing I hear in your comment is this problem that we highly sensitive people tend to have. Because of our strong empathy we often assume the best of people. And sometimes we're so busy being empathic and understanding that it's hard to recognize the ones who are toxic. I really relate to all that you have said here. The more time I spend in alanon and therapy the better I get at this... But i'm pretty sure I will never be perfect at it.
@@AreYouHighlySensitive thanks. I did therapy years ago. It was really good. Then I decided to undertake a few psychology small certificates too as it really made me think a lot. But yes there are good and bad people and empathizing with good people only was the my first biggest challenge. Yes it's not easy.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
With All my love...❤❤❤
Finally somebody explained it to me and to the world..
you are so welcome 💜
Also, I have a big issue whenever I hear anyone say that bullying, on any level should be ignored. In a country where mass school shootings are as prevalent as the are in the USA, we cannot afford to ignore bullying, or even "perceived " bullying, EVER!
Great video! Greetings from Sweden! 🇸🇪
I have heard this too, but the person I heard it from said that some are born with it, and some are created through trauma. Let me give you an example here of why they share similarities both not entirely. I was physical abused as a child, neglected and emotional needs were not met, which led to relationship trauma, which I'm in therapy (diagnosed with cptsd and anxiety) for right now. I am an HSP with cptsd, my sister and I shared same childhood trauma, and she has just as much relationship trauma as I do, but she is NOT an HSP. She is the one who has been telling me for 30 years that I'm too sensitive. I was given Elaine Aron's book in therapy about 16 years ago and I felt so much relief. I thought something was wrong with me, but now I understand it is a gift. I find that small slights that most people would shrug off plague me, especially when I'm in a dysregulated state.
Thank you so much Alane ! ❤
You're welcome. Thank you for watching.
You might consider being HSP and being more deeply impacted by trauma are highly desirable traits. Such people are less likely to be inclined to solve problems by going to war, are more likely to be averse to violence, more compassionate towards the poor, the disabled the animals and all life on earth and more inclined to act with compassion. It says in the Bible, "the meek shall inherit the earth.". Think about it.
I love this comment!
Hi Alane, thank you, I love your kind, sparkling and generous personality. Do you know, I feel that the online is full of trauma theories, and it is appreciated. However, only neurologists etc are emphasizing about how to become the new you. We all want to find happiness and live our years ruminating about something else than recapping our past day after day. The brain changes as we use it. Now, let´s leave the past behind and begin a happy journey towards a new you with a new future, not reliving the pas over and over again. It is a wasted life.
Thank you so much , this was a relief!!
I would love that movie you were talking about. thank you again!
Thank you ❤ I feel so understood
BLESS YOU ALANE, BLESS YOU FOR POSTING THIS-
You are welcome 💜
I glad to confirm that I dont like a lot of people because I am a sinner but because I am more sensitive than them to violence psychopathy and democracy and loud noises, and high stress.
Same here!
So, I'm an HSP and it's not actually bullying you say? Is it bullying when you get beaten up on the way home from school? Kicking and punching me 'til I'm curled up in a ball crying on the ground? The bullying I experienced was devastating, by word or action, so don't say it's probably not bullying.
Thank you for this information. It has given me much better insight to both my and my son's responses to trauma inducing experiences. As to the quote "take care of you", that is from one of the final scenes from PRETTY WOMAN when Vivian's roommate said this to her. You have now given me another tool to aid in my healing journey. 😍😊
Were same. An HSP with Complex Trauma
Thank you for making this video
Thank you for watching!
Post trauma always has always been the case with me or even has costed me a lot of stuff post trauma is just so annoying just super amusing for me to even see nice trustworthy people
Just because certain areas of the brains of HSP fire more does NOT exclude the possibility that the reactivity of our brains was not conditioned by environmental factors that took place during our childhood or even during gestation.
I am so sorry for your experience in the hospital 😢
Thank you for your compassion.
When i was little, around 1970. Sunday night. NBC. 7PM. The Wonderful World of Disney. The freaking movies, I bawled and was picked on by all to their narcassistic delight. What did Disney have against animals? Theur mothers? His morher?
Yes, we’re here !!❤😂
Is there a cure for being highly sensitive?I know it's not an ailment to be 'cured' but honestly, being an HSP all my life has been challenging at best, and downright devastating at worst. I am ready to take any treatment to be rid of it!
If you are so sure of your opinions it would be helpful to list the reference books, doctors, etc that make you sure of yourself.
Hello there. I am extremely hsp and empath. I did life regression a year and a half ago and when he got me to in the womb.... and there I could feel fear ,sadness , and crying. I went through trauma before birth.
In my opinion trauma did not cause this. I am highly sensitive therefore everything was more traumatic to me!! It was so MUCH yelling. I know my people know how horrible traumatic yelling can be especially worse to an unborn child.
I disagree on the bullying. My experience is that most children are bullies to a certain extent. It's just that most children have the ability to ignore it and let it run off their backs and move right on.
I was never a bully. I know others who weren't.
I taught school, and I can attest that not all children are bullies
How do you suggest we approach talking about being an HSP in the workplace with our team and management, and about our needs as we are "asked" to return to the office? I find this particularly stressful after working from home for over 3 years. The ma in reasons are that we are high performers and I see that I can do less work in the office due to all of the extra demands place on my by my in person team members and other teams. Also the office setting puts me into a state of overload by noon so I'm ready to be out of there by that time.
It feel a bit like "coming out" isn't it? For me it absolutely does. 💚
Based on my experience, I'm certain I became highly sensitive because I witnessed my mother was in trouble and feeling unsafe as a 3-4 year old. So I'm confident I was never born an HSP. I became a highly sensitive person after I came to this world. I'm certain about that. How do I know I'm HSP. Because little events have traumatized me bit later on and such trauma trigger avoidance can lead to OCD or other mental issues.
Maybe you are talking about attachment style? HSPs, the science is clear, are biologically born that way.
i agree that HS in an innate trait. AND, it's true that there is a HUGE overlap in the way it presents in codependent folks. both can be true
Not sure where to ask so it reaches you, but: How can I study efficiently? I feel like the way I'm supposed to absorb information from a black and white paper blankly in a wild environment is against my flow. And unfortunately there seems to be no other way to learn these theoretical things.
How do I tell whether or not I also have high functioning autism aka Aspbergers, in addition to being born a HSP? I know I was born with a highly sensitive brain and nervous system, and I know the sensitive sensory issues often accompany autism. I believe I am Aspbergers because I had significant hand flapping in early childhood that I would flap while in highly imaginative thought.
What is the quote,?
So how do you know if its cptsd from early trauma, and youre extra sensitive because of that, or youre hsp?
I used to think that I was HSP, then I found out that I'm autistic, it makes more sense.
How many HSP here are an Rh- blood type?
Yes
Me too
I maybe feel that it is something
But how could it be only me the only one in my family who has the HSP trait, my father is a narcissist and a psychopath, my mother another narcissist (the perfect dysfunctional couple) my bother I dont know if he is a psycho, but that seemed to me, he definetely is NOT HSP. I am the only one who struggled the most with sensitivity, so how can this be, my father is a brute emocionally speaking, how can this be a genetic healthy trait if no one else in my family has it? The problem I see with the definition of HSP as a genetic, positive, healthy scientific trait is that it does contradict directly the affirmation of HSP being a result of trauma. Because it is indeed genetic, I mean our genes could be influenced by violence against the mother when i WAS still IN the WOMB, so the end result of that is still GENETIC, in terms of mere definition, like if it would have been equally genetic if the mother and womb had not been trauamtized. We would still be talking about genes. So That part of the definition of hsp does no contractict the affirmation of a traumatic origin. In fact, I wouldnt be any hard at all for me to imagine my brute father yelling at my pregnant mother even before birth. For him to be an asshole was always normality, his default way of being, unquestioned. So, my only doubt to accept the legitimacy of healthy high sensitivity wound the fact that what DRA Elaine Aaaron studied was probably ONLY the EFFECT of trauma and she merely call it high sensitivity. It is confusing because it is true that in the animal kingdom there are some species which even common sense would deemed as more sensitivity, like the deer for instance being at first glance more fragile than the lion, or if we compare robust, clomsy animal like the bull with a rabbit or the fine senses of a cat, the bull is clearly more brute by design, by nature, but Iam sure if it is ok to compare aminals with humans, because we are other kind o speacies, very different to animals, with same similarities but I dont know, it is confusing stilll.
I am an hsp/empath born into a highly narcissistic family and I have ALWAYS wondered the same thing! I used to think I was switched at birth. Looking back, I think maybe my grandfather was highly sensitive. So, there may be a link outside of your immediate family.
I read there's usually an HSP child of narcissistic parents because the hsp's genes 'balances' the family system. The hsp/scapegoat sees and states the truth of the abuse, and doesn't live in denial. They usually carry the whole dysfunctional family problems on just their shoulders. Ends up divorcing the whole family due to being mobbed and scapegoated by all if them for stating the truth that the parents and/or siblings are abusive, and killing their spirit.
Whereas the parents/narcs are always in denial about how abusive they are, and the damage it's doing to their kids.
Hope that helps
@@suap309 Thanks. Yep, that helps. I had to go no contact from the whole family...my name is mud and I am the crazy one. It hurts really bad and I never understood what I did wrong. I just told the truth. It is a lonely road and I am hoping something good will be coming my way. :) Sorry to ramble....
Thanks for your video for the botton of my heart but sadly government authorities don't care, HSP thus are not getting the right and enough undestanding from government authorities therefore abondoning the HSP at their own risk.
It s not an illness or trauma but for me, i am 53 years old and i don t know what to do for work because i missed the boot and now i jave to work in a shop where there are to much noice and stimulie wich gives me a lot of stress and illness. Not a trauma but your getting trauma s all the time. What you have with this information, nothing!!!!
I wonder is it a bit like neurodivergent.