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We all do. Italian here from Canada coming from a dysfunctional family. 56 here never married no kids 175lbs, 5.10 average looking. I've given up on women ever since smartphones has come out which has destroyed dating for good. I was a bad communicator too. I've turned into a scapegoat. Had low self-esteem. I blame my parents for being single. My parents are so strick and naricisstic. I try to distance from them has much has i can, need to live my life. I was bullied, hit. That destroys your adulthood. I was like you. I use now the silent treatment and walk away from miserable people who you can't change.
@@AnthonyManzio I never really thought about parents coming from trauma. That’s a lot to think about. I was a product of a screaming Asian mother. As soon as I was 21 I moved away and still distance myself from her. I’m in my 40s now. Parents really are bizarre.
@@Tessalundee Yes. I moved out late 35 years old. but got my real place at 42. Now I'm 56. I should have moved at 25. I blame my parents for having no girlfriend. Had girls in my past. Till the age of 45 I started to see a decline. Smartphones destroyed it all. Never show emotions towards the woman. She will dump you. I've stopped looking at women like in my 20's. No one talks face to face anymore. Dating is dead.
I'm not Asian, but received this kind of upbringing . Truly awful! Bottled it up, graduated 3rd in my HS class, ended up at a top university with a ton of Asians though and I don't think that was a coincidence. My parents didn't have many friends. They managed to find another half that would accept their extreme flaws early in life (each other). The environment you're in is very peaceful
Sounds like we grew up similarly. It's interesting how it makes us succeed on the outside and on paper, but inside... boy it took a lot of years of untangling the mess I was. :P
I can relate, I'm a south east asian immigrant. I come from a family that did not express love very well. But I believe, it is because we grew up poor and my family use "hard work" as solution to our problems, therefore neglecting emotional support. My dysfunctional family has left me with some trauma over the years. I usually keep things bottled inside because of it. To this day, I am trying to heal and let go of resentments. But hey, life is journey, I try to make best of things. Each struggle is a lesson. I understand, I grew up in western society but asian family values differs. Regardless, I try to live life on my own terms. Carving my own path of my own values still remembering my cultures teachings. Take care.
Thank you for sharing. And I pray for fast healing. It takes a lot of work, but you're past the first step of realization. That's the most important step!
I had to cut off my Asian dad for the 2nd time and my overall family. It hurts so good. Just because we are related doesn’t mean I have to forgive you for something you refuse to acknowledge or apologize for.
I'm white, all my parents did was yell at me and curse me. I haven spoken to them for years. They are divorced, miserable old people now and nobody wants to be around either of them.
I too came from a single mother south east asian dysfunctional family. I went through many years with a chip on my shoulder and then therapy. I have learned to forgive and let things go and validate myself. Now i feel pretty good about myself more now than ever before. It also helps to work out and be healthy.
Yeah, my history is pretty typical of an asian from a dysfunctional family. It wasn't until I turned 36 that I finally entered into a healthy relationship with a woman (not asian) that was not colored by my past. It was a combination of personal growth and having partner who was emotionally available. Change is possible, dude!
My family isn't Asian, but it is entirely dysfunctional. No one except me realizes exactly how bad it is. There wasn't tons of yelling, but there was tons of criticism and invalidation, and I'm only realizing just how damaging it is now. How bad peoples lives are because of it. My brother struggles in much the same way I did. Lots of the family struggles with empathy. The invalidation is chronic, people are thinking they're helping, but in reality, when most of your idea's are shot down with negativities, it super negatively impacts you. I will say, there is hope. What you need is a few empathic people in your life. I was falling down the rabbit hole of becoming a negative invalidating, and yes, even abusive person like my family is. But I met someone who made me feel heard and loved, and it's completely made me want to be different. It takes years of work though. Chronic invalidation is emotionally abusive. I don't think it's intentional in most cases. It's how people are taught to interact. But when they're made aware of how hurtful they're being and they continue. That's a sign that at least to some degree, they know. I have found a lot of peace simply by cutting these people out of my life. Seems drastic I know, but that included my parents. They continually tell me how much they love me, but then go and do the exact opposite of showing love. And not having that in my life has made things 100x easier for me. I'm happier just from not interacting with people like that. One of the things I realized from their treatment of me, is I grew up with the idea that I was broken and unfixable, that I was stupid etc, because of the chronic invalidation and criticism. That's a scar that will last a long time. But one of the things that helped me start to over-come this, was working on being empathic towards others, and the direct intervention in my thoughts. Anytime I thought negatively about myself, I had to stop and talk out loud to myself, and give myself the praise and understanding that I was never given before. Don't give up on finding someone. I never did, and I'm glad I didn't, because I found an amazing partner that understands the struggles I went through, and gives me the love that I never got before. You can ensure your chances of success with this by looking into things like attachment styles, and invalidation, and being mindful about it. Again, it takes years. But you can do it. It saddens me that so many people have struggled with this. Seeing people that could be great in this world, held back because they weren't ever taught that they're actually something. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and it's great that you're finally working on it. I hope that you'll be able to figure it out in the next few years to the point that you're thriving. It's an incredibly tough journey. You've already done one of the hardest parts of it, which is recognizing that there's an issue and talking about it. That's great progress, and something most people don't ever do. Great job on this. I know you can do it simply because of this step alone. The first place to start I think. Is to stop calling yourself a crappy communicator. You were never taught, and any time you tried it was shut down. So go learn. It's never too late. But you need to stop saying stuff like that about yourself, that sort of language towards yourself is harmful. That's how this continues to impact you. Instead of saying 'I'm a crappy/bad communicator' say ' I need to learn to communicate'. Other places to start are CPTSD. System 1 and System 2 thinking. Meditation. I'll also say, it would be worth going in to see a psychologist. I ended up going in and found out that I have ADHD, and medication has helped dramatically. Trying to fight and heal from this type of trauma is a huge pain when you're also fighting something like ADHD. Not saying you have it, but it helps to be fully armed with what you're going against. And Psychologists are fantastic and helping you out in other ways too. Like that whole intervention thing I was talking about before. It didn't even take long. Just a few months before I started noticing a difference in how I thought about myself. And I never thought to do that before. Another thing I was taught was that when I was feeling something. To stop and recognize the feeling, and articulate it in some way. It helps you reconnect with your emotions, and makes them easier to control too. Lots of people that grow up in homes like this, the reason they don't cry is because they're simply not in touch with their emotions. It's called Alexithymia. Good luck. BTW. The whole 'you look weak when you're emotional' is an after effect of other people growing up in these types of homes too. This sort of stuff has it's roots in Narcissism. If someone breaks up with you because you're emotional and crying or sharing feelings. That means that they're emotionally immature, and unable to deal with emotions. Some people will just leave, but others will shame you for it, and that's where the narcissism comes in. Surround yourself with people who aren't afraid of emotions, who don't shame you for having them, and you'll very very quickly feel a lot better in life.
Darn. This was one heck of a comment. Thank you for sharing your story and learnings. Religion has very much helped me in sorting my problems. Haven't tried psychologist or therapist yet. I will try harder on the negative self talk, you're right, what I say is what I am and I gotta talk more positively about things. And not even joke about things negatively. Glad you found some kind hearted soul who showed you the light. I have faith that God will deliver someone like that into my life. Agree that many people don't even recognize the problem that they grew up in a broken home and will just pass down the same dysfunction. I hope this video will make some changes to that and that people will read your comments from beginning to end! God bless!
@@donaldkhlee I hope it helps. I share because I know the pain and I don't like people seeing it, and I do believe knowledge on a lot of this stuff helps. It's a lot of self-work, but it does help to have some kind souls in your life to help things along. I got lucky with this Woman I met, but I was already doing the self work before it. She just accelerated it. I do hope you can find someone too. I ended up looking in another country. One where people are still taught about love, community, friendship and relationships. Night and day difference compared to the people I dated here. Love is incredibly healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences too. Much braver than I in that regard, and it does help people a lot. We need to break the cycle. Just look at the state this world is in because of this stuff... Religion isn't much my thing, but I fully understand the spirituality side of it. It helps so much. I seek mine in nature, and surrounding myself with peace, meditation. It's an important part of humanity, spirituality. Very healing, very grounding, and it helps us to avoid destructive behaviors. I'm glad you've found help with it. And yes. If you're more of a logical kind of person, who looks for solutions, Psychology is what I'd recommend. Understanding the brain and how people behave and why, has been incredibly helpful in understanding what needs to be done. Therapists can sometimes do this too, but obviously, psychology is much more involved. It's been helpful understanding and using something like that negative thought intervention, and seeing how it impacts me after just a few weeks. Seeing that progress helps me. I did talk therapy a few times, but at least for me, it wasn't nearly as helpful. I think they both have their merits and are worth checking out though. Just make sure you research and find a good one. As a bad therapist/psychologist can do more harm than good.
It's pretty rough. My ex-Korean wife said she couldn't love me until I reached certain goals. I'd meet the goals and she'd raise the goals. She was also abused quite a bit in Korea. I woke up visiting my Korean-American dentist whose mother pretty much was never satisfied with him despite his successes. And since he married a half-white, half-Chinese woman, the parents shut him off. They won't even acknowlege their grandaughter. It's pretty sad. A good friend is Chinese-American and his parents just have too high expectiations and he married a Singapore-Chinese woman who is a workaholic and won't ever give him a break. Just observation. My forever wife is Thai and that comes with its own cirmstances, like any culture. Either Thai-Thai or Thai-Chinese, some difference, but so far great, matrilinial society, roll with it.
Hi, I’m European and have no Asian upbringing, but now I live in Asia. I always had difficulty to understand male here, and what you shared is something I will think about. Your testimony make me understand the struggle of traditional families, particularly towards boys. I finally can go deeper into the psyche of those men, and it’s because of you. I hope it can help to be more attentive to their behavior or needs. Take care.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Donald. In the short time I've been a sub, I've seen significant growth in the man you are becoming and it's awesome to see 😊 Keep doing the work, although sometimes confronting (even painful or humiliating) we can take it to the one ☝️who will not judge us or treat us like humans would. Am proud of you and how aware and conscious you are of ensuring you will be a good model for your future children. You will be great. Am praying for your success, growth, protection and peace. 🙏❤️
The lack of praise from parents. Funny enough my friend was always top 5 in school but always felt he wasn’t good enough. He’s rebuilding his confidence slowly now as an adult.
Man these videos are way better then your crypto videos, I see you succeeding more with these types of video, I can see youve grown as a human and communicate way better too, keep it up, I like that your being so honest and vulnerable, that takes huge courage, respect that a lot
Problem is. You will avoid all the mistakes of your parents with your own children. Then get blindsided by some unforeseen scenario or other area of focus which result in other problems.
Wow. Everything you said hits really close to home for me. My mother is Asian and my dad is of European descent. I feel like my upbringing was very oppressive. I think I lack some communication skills. Often I feel like I don't know how to choose the right words to get my point across. You mentioned how the parents may yell and think that's what it takes to make things right while neglecting emotional support. I feel the exact same way.
Thank you for the video. Can totally relate to this as Gen X Asian immigrant who grew up in Vancouver too. I know it has definitely affected me but I tried not make the same mistakes with my kids. Can’t say I succeeded in everything since I had a dysfunctional marriage but overall we do better when we know better. Hopefully we take the lessons that life throws at us and work on not continuing the trauma and being happy. ❤
This happened in our home raising our children. We learned the hard way. There is a certain amount of healing. But there are events once in awhile. The yelling part is true. Making a point. Part of all this is having and saving face.
not trying to minimize or neglect your experience or anything, but im a white guy around the same age who also has a dysfunctional family and actually grew up in the same city as you. i think these things are more of a generational and gender thing than a racial thing. i can relate to all of it except the "you must get straight As" part
I had to cut ties with a friend of 20 years who was born in China but moved to US at age one. Met him in high school, and because of his up bringing, he was super extreme and we had a lot of fun with our debauchery barhopping underage, drinking, and party years as he combat his parents who mentally abused him as they were doctors and so wanted him to be a doctor. Anything else was not acceptable.Instead, he decided he wanted to be successful financially, so no matter what it took, he would try to make it whether it be illegal sale, scams, or even legitimate businesses. His obsession was just money to prove his parents wrong. He was very abusive to his gf s, I watched him yell all the time, even his now wife. Especially now that he’s trying to be sober. After talking to him about him not wanting to talk about his feelings, I felt like he didn’t want to better him self, so I’m writing off our friendship.
Bro, I am sorry to hear that, 20 years is a lot of history. If you're past 28, I feel like you'll become set in your ways. The best you can do is to pray for them. If they affect your life, definitely the right choice to cut ties. Not worth it. But if you can keep distance and influence, might be helpful to save a long and old friend. Wish for you the best Adrian!
Be there for him and tell him you love him if you're in touch with your and not afraid to show them. Don't be all macho too. Ask him for a hug and hold him until he stops struggling and cries it all out on your shoulder
This video is helping me overcome my own trauma as an Asian. I no longer judge my parents for yelling at me or beating me When I was a child. They had zero idea how to communicate effectively so they were frustrated. They were also beaten as children. Even worse than anything I received.
Glad it helped David! Yep, the only way they knew how to communicate their frustrations was to let it out on other people... Glad you were never beaten!
@@donaldkhlee oh I was beaten 🤣😭 but it never amounted to torture. My dad was literally tortured as a child, being tied to a piece of wood and left out in the cold during snowfall. Therefore, he never had a firm grasp of what a happy childhood was supposed to look like.
To be honest, i myself am Asian, and i truly didn't go for love and instead really looked towards getting better grades. Yes, my Asian dad yelled at me a lot but did give me a lot of life lessons. Just more harsh I guess.
Don't talk yourself out of a relationship like that. I'm not a big relationship guy, but if you start talking about what you think is lacking in you now based on your childhood with someone you are pursuing - they will run. If they don't - they are even more broken than you are, and that will be a big mess.
Thank you Donald. Haha, I don't told much about myself and remain a mystery with woman. They gotta dig. But as I grow older, I realize, everyone has problems and if you love them, you will help them grow and hopefully they do want to grow.
Ah yes, feigned perfection is the way to go, isn't it Donald? Really bad advice here. No wonder people can't do relationships these days when everyone expects irrational perfection and runs at the first sight of a flaw in their partner.
Very true. This is known as "Generational Anger". The trauma doesn't allow us to communicate or interact properly with others. For me, i had / have to continue to reinforce that trauma will not negatively affect me, and i will always overcome. Sadly, the generational anger continues to this very day, because this family member wants to take his anger to the grave with him.
Why do I identify with this as an Eastern European ? Wow that type of mentality (our parents’) sounds so familiar! I’m so sorry we went through this type of childhood and it shaped us. Fortunately we realize that there is an issue and that we want to solve it! Thank you so much for this video Donald!
It's almost like where you're from, your 'race' are all constructs and we have more in common than we care to find out??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no, that can't be it.
Oh wow I have alot of thoughts on this as I have thought something similar. I think the challenges of the trauma and dysfunction of asian americans really affects them in society, even more so for asian males in my opinion as everything they deal with is counter intuitive with what is expected of males in the west or in general. More specifically in relationships, but thats a whole can of worms that would be too long for a comment. I think ultimately, unless you were extremely abused to the point of where maybe your parents should be in jail, we have to look to forgive our parents first and then we can forgive ourselves and then we can make improvements. It takes alot of repeated action. Also last tidbit, I like that you pointed out that redpill content isnt the best to follow, we should look to positive role models that talk about bettering ourselves in all aspects with a strong moral compass.
💯 red pill content is trash bc the creators are not strong men I think. And agree, our parents did the best they could with what they had. If we turned out not in jail, that's a win haha. Anger solves nothing, forgiveness solves everything.
It is so beau where you live. It has been years since I’ve seen so much green. Live in the desert. I miss the green. We are in a large city that never turns off their lights so I haven’t seen the stars in years , it’s depressing. I’d be so happy to live in a place that was as green as behind you.
I am Chinese but I feel like I had a strange upbringing in the sense that my parents never cared about my grades or where I went to school or what I did with my life. It is almost jarring to hear about the tiger moms or the parents that forced their child to learn an instrument as a kid. My parents worked hard to support the family but I felt like they were very absent and hands off in my life and I wish they were more involved. At 27 years old, I am learning to let go of resentment and anger towards them. Every year, I process more and more in a healthier way I think. My dad definitely yelled as a kid and my mom was more of the obedient submissive type to my dad. Extremely traditional household.
I'm not an asian but trust me. I could take up 20 minutes to talk about the CPTSD that I got from my so called 'parents' the self righteous pricks hiding behind 'islam' lmao... then they wonder why I left that religion.
I'm not Asian but I was afflicted with the spirit of rejection for 30 years due to childhood trauma. I lost my voice and my entire personality. I hope that you heal and live a life of abundance and prosperity.
Your Asian parents may be wrong, but they were doing their best with what they knew. You are fortunate to have the resources and knowledge to recognize the negative aspects of your culture. Let it start with you-break that tradition and ensure you do not pass it on to your children. Forgive your parents, for they do not realize that what they do may be wrong; it is simply how they were raised. As their child, do your part: forgive them, treat them with kindness, and ensure you have no regrets when they leave this world, knowing you’ve done your best. Let us practice forgiveness and kindness within our families first, and then expand those skills to encompass others beyond our family.
all these comparing still applies to me into my adulthood. you just learn to BS/ tell them what they want to hear. all these toxic energy doesnt help at all.
my chinese parents are like tigers inside home, but outside they are kittens and with towards white ppl they are kittens with tail between their legs lol
I'm from a Cantonese family, born in America. I can confirm that the behind closed doors yelling is directly correlated to being Asian and past general trauma. Escaping Mao's communism back in the day has left its mark on Chinese families. I don't know everyone's circumstances, but it was either THAT or die from hunger/poverty. Sad but true story bro.
Not just those living under Mao's communism. It is still going on with the present leader Xi Jinping. It will continue to go on into the future unless China completely changes its' government. The parents are traumatized and victimized then they do the same to their children and the cycle never ends. It is called generational abuse. I am thankful I was not born in China.
Intergenerational Trauma, it's real. I won't go deep but I I would debate whether to call home or not because there was a likelihood that I would hear my angry father in the background while I was talking to my mom. Moreover, while on my phone with my mom, she would eventually call out to my dad and ask if he wanted to say, hi, to me, and I could hear my father's anger and his 'no.' I knew this answer was coming because I could hear him ranting about something in the background while I was on the phone with my mom. When I did get on phone with my dad, he was ask why I didn't call home often. I dreaded the calls home. My dad has his traumas, e.g. losing a father at a young age.. from what I gather it was due to events stemming from a foreign invading military. 🕊
@@donaldkhlee I think we have suffered in silence for a long time and nobody cares. But nobody should care. What matters is what we do with ourselves. I'm a bit older than you and all I can say is keep on keeping on and it will all work out. I promise. My life turned the corner in my late 30s and today I'm doing well in my 40s. Good luck young blood
Growing in Asia, there were lots of air pollution, noisy restaurants, neighbors playing mahjong, never ending construction. If you want to be heard, you have to yell.
how do you get rid of emotional asian trauma? you can get couselling but i dont think it ever goes away. glad i dont have kids and dont care to have any. i dont want pass on the negative energy onto my kids and future linage. i just want work and travel and enjoy my alone time and if i find a gf thats cool
Oh my gosh! How true! Asians won't show emotions. They say it's a sign of weakness. I and my siblings grew up with an iron fist father. We were not allowed to show our emotions and express our feelings and concerns. Every attempt would be met with a good @$$ whoopin until we're black and blue all over. We were not allowed to go anywhere, but we're kept as prisoners in our own home bc they feared kidnappers, killers, etc. (At least that was the parents' excuse) Living in a house full of the lot of the siblings and I, just trying to be kids, we got pretty rowdy bc of boredom and being couped up in the house all day everyday! My father wasn't having it, and he'd yell at us to shut up. If we didn't, he'd beat us as well. He wanted us to just sit perfectly still in one spot, making no noise only. I left home at 16 bc I was sick of it. I suffered immensely as a young adult, and my poor hubby had to put up with me, the ticking time bomb. 😅 Today, my siblings and I want nothing to do with our parents. Our father is still as narcissistic as before. Still abusive, too. 😢
True, but it's very normalized to be highly critical and invalidating of children in many Asian cultures. Children needing to be perfect to please their parents, suppressing their wants and desires.
typical chinese parents dont care about your thoughts or feelings just do it. i learned to BS . its sounds bad but it works. and saved me a lot of chaos, headaches and drama. my mom just talks over me lol . good luck, just agree with her and become a good BS
Oooo. Great idea! That's what this channel is about. Me trying to guide my future son hahah. Hope I can give some other men some light too (though I'm not worthy haha)
15:30 - That’s the emasculation, which your mum controls (as she’s in charge, hence the argument). My childhood was the same. It is NOT trauma, it is culture bro.
16:25 - That’s the other thing. Your mother sets all the rules with arguing, then they instil in you that YOU should feel bad about yelling or arguing, which trains you to apologise after all arguments (i.e. her in charge and getting her way). Took me to first recognise this, to then be able to leave my country and find better women who don’t do this. But you can’t yell at them, as Korean girls for example don’t yell.
18:40 - That is NOT NORMAL. A woman service person yelling at you. That was totally normal my whole childhood as well, but you think a service person in Japan will yell at you? Neeeeeeeever. It’s not all of asia, that’s the lies your mother tells you, to make it seem like it is inescapable.
It is common for people to have 1-3 mental health disorders as described in the DSM-5. I completely agree with your opinions in this video. I have known for some time now the majority of Asians suffer from trauma. Female Asian GenXer, everyone in my family is abusive to me. Mom has NPD and ADHD and is the main abuser. Dad was negligent and critical. Myself and siblings were constantly ignored, never shown affection, always belittled. I could not have healthy relationships with men and I remain single. My siblings learned to be abusive from our parents. I learned to be better. A few years ago, I realized my brother is a high functioning autistic. This past year, my sister and I suspect she has ADHD. Why did my parents never see this? Because their neglect was that bad. I don't hate my family and I don't love them. I am indifferent to them. This topic goes much deeper on a Global scale. There is nothing funny about Tiger Moms. That narrative is just a form of gaslighting. Thank you @Donald Lee for being brave, for making this video and for starting a conversation of awareness.
Thanks for sharing! Your case sounded much worse than mine. My mom was and is very kind hearted until she blows up hahah. I pray that you can somehow help your parents after you recognize the consequences of not so great parenting. I pray you can be the light and influence to be better for your family! God bless!
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We all do. Italian here from Canada coming from a dysfunctional family. 56 here never married no kids 175lbs, 5.10 average looking. I've given up on women ever since smartphones has come out which has destroyed dating for good. I was a bad communicator too. I've turned into a scapegoat. Had low self-esteem. I blame my parents for being single. My parents are so strick and naricisstic. I try to distance from them has much has i can, need to live my life. I was bullied, hit. That destroys your adulthood. I was like you. I use now the silent treatment and walk away from miserable people who you can't change.
Parents come from trauma and reflect it on us. My brother is doing the same now to his kids too. Pattern just repeats it's self.
I don't know anyone who is happily married all do put on a mask.
@@AnthonyManzio I never really thought about parents coming from trauma. That’s a lot to think about. I was a product of a screaming Asian mother. As soon as I was 21 I moved away and still distance myself from her. I’m in my 40s now. Parents really are bizarre.
@@Tessalundee Yes. I moved out late 35 years old. but got my real place at 42. Now I'm 56. I should have moved at 25. I blame my parents for having no girlfriend. Had girls in my past. Till the age of 45 I started to see a decline. Smartphones destroyed it all. Never show emotions towards the woman. She will dump you. I've stopped looking at women like in my 20's. No one talks face to face anymore. Dating is dead.
I'm not Asian, but received this kind of upbringing .
Truly awful! Bottled it up, graduated 3rd in my HS class, ended up at a top university with a ton of Asians though and I don't think that was a coincidence. My parents didn't have many friends. They managed to find another half that would accept their extreme flaws early in life (each other).
The environment you're in is very peaceful
Sounds like we grew up similarly. It's interesting how it makes us succeed on the outside and on paper, but inside... boy it took a lot of years of untangling the mess I was. :P
it's so sad to see a family being portrayed as "normal" but when you live next door to them you hear things.
Isn't it? You never know what happens behind closed doors.
I can relate, I'm a south east asian immigrant. I come from a family that did not express love very well. But I believe, it is because we grew up poor and my family use "hard work" as solution to our problems, therefore neglecting emotional support.
My dysfunctional family has left me with some trauma over the years. I usually keep things bottled inside because of it. To this day, I am trying to heal and let go of resentments.
But hey, life is journey, I try to make best of things. Each struggle is a lesson. I understand, I grew up in western society but asian family values differs. Regardless, I try to live life on my own terms. Carving my own path of my own values still remembering my cultures teachings. Take care.
Thank you for sharing. And I pray for fast healing. It takes a lot of work, but you're past the first step of realization. That's the most important step!
glad to see you working through your issues.
Thank you. Slowly getting there!
I had to cut off my Asian dad for the 2nd time and my overall family. It hurts so good. Just because we are related doesn’t mean I have to forgive you for something you refuse to acknowledge or apologize for.
Sometimes it's the asian male pride that holds us back. By sometimes, I mean most of the time.
You can forgive the person not for them to feel better but for you to release the pain so you can feel better. Just a thought
@@JohnDoe-zz7on sigh, I hear that a lot. Don’t think I’m there yet. Just full of resentment. Hard to let it go.
I'm white, all my parents did was yell at me and curse me. I haven spoken to them for years. They are divorced, miserable old people now and nobody wants to be around either of them.
I too came from a single mother south east asian dysfunctional family.
I went through many years with a chip on my shoulder and then therapy. I have learned to forgive and let things go and validate myself.
Now i feel pretty good about myself more now than ever before. It also helps to work out and be healthy.
Yeah, my history is pretty typical of an asian from a dysfunctional family. It wasn't until I turned 36 that I finally entered into a healthy relationship with a woman (not asian) that was not colored by my past. It was a combination of personal growth and having partner who was emotionally available. Change is possible, dude!
God bless! It's funny how things turn out. I've never went out with asian women, so far, been other races.
My family isn't Asian, but it is entirely dysfunctional. No one except me realizes exactly how bad it is. There wasn't tons of yelling, but there was tons of criticism and invalidation, and I'm only realizing just how damaging it is now. How bad peoples lives are because of it. My brother struggles in much the same way I did. Lots of the family struggles with empathy. The invalidation is chronic, people are thinking they're helping, but in reality, when most of your idea's are shot down with negativities, it super negatively impacts you.
I will say, there is hope. What you need is a few empathic people in your life. I was falling down the rabbit hole of becoming a negative invalidating, and yes, even abusive person like my family is. But I met someone who made me feel heard and loved, and it's completely made me want to be different. It takes years of work though. Chronic invalidation is emotionally abusive. I don't think it's intentional in most cases. It's how people are taught to interact. But when they're made aware of how hurtful they're being and they continue. That's a sign that at least to some degree, they know. I have found a lot of peace simply by cutting these people out of my life. Seems drastic I know, but that included my parents. They continually tell me how much they love me, but then go and do the exact opposite of showing love. And not having that in my life has made things 100x easier for me. I'm happier just from not interacting with people like that.
One of the things I realized from their treatment of me, is I grew up with the idea that I was broken and unfixable, that I was stupid etc, because of the chronic invalidation and criticism. That's a scar that will last a long time. But one of the things that helped me start to over-come this, was working on being empathic towards others, and the direct intervention in my thoughts. Anytime I thought negatively about myself, I had to stop and talk out loud to myself, and give myself the praise and understanding that I was never given before.
Don't give up on finding someone. I never did, and I'm glad I didn't, because I found an amazing partner that understands the struggles I went through, and gives me the love that I never got before. You can ensure your chances of success with this by looking into things like attachment styles, and invalidation, and being mindful about it. Again, it takes years. But you can do it.
It saddens me that so many people have struggled with this. Seeing people that could be great in this world, held back because they weren't ever taught that they're actually something. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and it's great that you're finally working on it. I hope that you'll be able to figure it out in the next few years to the point that you're thriving. It's an incredibly tough journey. You've already done one of the hardest parts of it, which is recognizing that there's an issue and talking about it. That's great progress, and something most people don't ever do. Great job on this. I know you can do it simply because of this step alone.
The first place to start I think. Is to stop calling yourself a crappy communicator. You were never taught, and any time you tried it was shut down. So go learn. It's never too late. But you need to stop saying stuff like that about yourself, that sort of language towards yourself is harmful. That's how this continues to impact you. Instead of saying 'I'm a crappy/bad communicator' say ' I need to learn to communicate'.
Other places to start are CPTSD. System 1 and System 2 thinking. Meditation. I'll also say, it would be worth going in to see a psychologist. I ended up going in and found out that I have ADHD, and medication has helped dramatically. Trying to fight and heal from this type of trauma is a huge pain when you're also fighting something like ADHD. Not saying you have it, but it helps to be fully armed with what you're going against. And Psychologists are fantastic and helping you out in other ways too. Like that whole intervention thing I was talking about before. It didn't even take long. Just a few months before I started noticing a difference in how I thought about myself. And I never thought to do that before. Another thing I was taught was that when I was feeling something. To stop and recognize the feeling, and articulate it in some way. It helps you reconnect with your emotions, and makes them easier to control too. Lots of people that grow up in homes like this, the reason they don't cry is because they're simply not in touch with their emotions. It's called Alexithymia.
Good luck.
BTW. The whole 'you look weak when you're emotional' is an after effect of other people growing up in these types of homes too. This sort of stuff has it's roots in Narcissism. If someone breaks up with you because you're emotional and crying or sharing feelings. That means that they're emotionally immature, and unable to deal with emotions. Some people will just leave, but others will shame you for it, and that's where the narcissism comes in. Surround yourself with people who aren't afraid of emotions, who don't shame you for having them, and you'll very very quickly feel a lot better in life.
Darn. This was one heck of a comment. Thank you for sharing your story and learnings.
Religion has very much helped me in sorting my problems. Haven't tried psychologist or therapist yet.
I will try harder on the negative self talk, you're right, what I say is what I am and I gotta talk more positively about things. And not even joke about things negatively.
Glad you found some kind hearted soul who showed you the light. I have faith that God will deliver someone like that into my life.
Agree that many people don't even recognize the problem that they grew up in a broken home and will just pass down the same dysfunction.
I hope this video will make some changes to that and that people will read your comments from beginning to end!
God bless!
@@donaldkhlee I hope it helps. I share because I know the pain and I don't like people seeing it, and I do believe knowledge on a lot of this stuff helps.
It's a lot of self-work, but it does help to have some kind souls in your life to help things along. I got lucky with this Woman I met, but I was already doing the self work before it. She just accelerated it. I do hope you can find someone too. I ended up looking in another country. One where people are still taught about love, community, friendship and relationships. Night and day difference compared to the people I dated here.
Love is incredibly healing.
Thank you for sharing your experiences too. Much braver than I in that regard, and it does help people a lot. We need to break the cycle. Just look at the state this world is in because of this stuff...
Religion isn't much my thing, but I fully understand the spirituality side of it. It helps so much. I seek mine in nature, and surrounding myself with peace, meditation. It's an important part of humanity, spirituality. Very healing, very grounding, and it helps us to avoid destructive behaviors. I'm glad you've found help with it.
And yes. If you're more of a logical kind of person, who looks for solutions, Psychology is what I'd recommend. Understanding the brain and how people behave and why, has been incredibly helpful in understanding what needs to be done. Therapists can sometimes do this too, but obviously, psychology is much more involved.
It's been helpful understanding and using something like that negative thought intervention, and seeing how it impacts me after just a few weeks. Seeing that progress helps me. I did talk therapy a few times, but at least for me, it wasn't nearly as helpful. I think they both have their merits and are worth checking out though. Just make sure you research and find a good one. As a bad therapist/psychologist can do more harm than good.
It's pretty rough. My ex-Korean wife said she couldn't love me until I reached certain goals. I'd meet the goals and she'd raise the goals. She was also abused quite a bit in Korea. I woke up visiting my Korean-American dentist whose mother pretty much was never satisfied with him despite his successes. And since he married a half-white, half-Chinese woman, the parents shut him off. They won't even acknowlege their grandaughter. It's pretty sad. A good friend is Chinese-American and his parents just have too high expectiations and he married a Singapore-Chinese woman who is a workaholic and won't ever give him a break.
Just observation. My forever wife is Thai and that comes with its own cirmstances, like any culture. Either Thai-Thai or Thai-Chinese, some difference, but so far great, matrilinial society, roll with it.
Hi, I’m European and have no Asian upbringing, but now I live in Asia. I always had difficulty to understand male here, and what you shared is something I will think about. Your testimony make me understand the struggle of traditional families, particularly towards boys. I finally can go deeper into the psyche of those men, and it’s because of you. I hope it can help to be more attentive to their behavior or needs. Take care.
God bless! Psychoanalyzing is fun but don't make it a habit bc other people might find it annoying hahah.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Donald. In the short time I've been a sub, I've seen significant growth in the man you are becoming and it's awesome to see 😊 Keep doing the work, although sometimes confronting (even painful or humiliating) we can take it to the one ☝️who will not judge us or treat us like humans would. Am proud of you and how aware and conscious you are of ensuring you will be a good model for your future children. You will be great. Am praying for your success, growth, protection and peace. 🙏❤️
God bless you! I love seeing you in the comments!
We are slowly becoming better everyday and that's all that matters. ❤️☺️
The lack of praise from parents. Funny enough my friend was always top 5 in school but always felt he wasn’t good enough. He’s rebuilding his confidence slowly now as an adult.
EVERY asian man.
New sub. I don’t know what you’re doing for a living etc but you are thoughtful, articulate and attractive. I hope life is good!
Thanks for subbing! Software engineer by living. Trying my best with articulation!
Man these videos are way better then your crypto videos, I see you succeeding more with these types of video, I can see youve grown as a human and communicate way better too, keep it up, I like that your being so honest and vulnerable, that takes huge courage, respect that a lot
I appreciate that! I enjoy making them too and they do perform better. I still think crypto is dead after the last run
Just quietly stacking sats.
Problem is. You will avoid all the mistakes of your parents with your own children. Then get blindsided by some unforeseen scenario or other area of focus which result in other problems.
💯 it's how it will be. But we accept it. We aren't perfect.
Wow. Everything you said hits really close to home for me. My mother is Asian and my dad is of European descent. I feel like my upbringing was very oppressive. I think I lack some communication skills. Often I feel like I don't know how to choose the right words to get my point across. You mentioned how the parents may yell and think that's what it takes to make things right while neglecting emotional support. I feel the exact same way.
Thank you for the video. Can totally relate to this as Gen X Asian immigrant who grew up in Vancouver too. I know it has definitely affected me but I tried not make the same mistakes with my kids. Can’t say I succeeded in everything since I had a dysfunctional marriage but overall we do better when we know better. Hopefully we take the lessons that life throws at us and work on not continuing the trauma and being happy. ❤
Hey! Don't be too hard on yourself. You recognize it! Many don't. Your children are blessed and we aren't perfect people! 🙏💟
thanks for saying all this.
My pleasure!
This happened in our home raising our children. We learned the hard way. There is a certain amount of healing. But there are events once in awhile. The yelling part is true. Making a point. Part of all this is having and saving face.
💯. Face is so important in our culture. Rather save face than damage the kids lol.
My dad yelled at me my own life , and i'm 50 years old, we get along now, since we both like video games.
The life saver of relationships, video games. LMAO
not trying to minimize or neglect your experience or anything, but im a white guy around the same age who also has a dysfunctional family and actually grew up in the same city as you. i think these things are more of a generational and gender thing than a racial thing. i can relate to all of it except the "you must get straight As" part
Darn brother! Maybe! Where did you go to school? There are definitely some commonalities that I share with a Russian friend of mine.
I had to cut ties with a friend of 20 years who was born in China but moved to US at age one. Met him in high school, and because of his up bringing, he was super extreme and we had a lot of fun with our debauchery barhopping underage, drinking, and party years as he combat his parents who mentally abused him as they were doctors and so wanted him to be a doctor. Anything else was not acceptable.Instead, he decided he wanted to be successful financially, so no matter what it took, he would try to make it whether it be illegal sale, scams, or even legitimate businesses. His obsession was just money to prove his parents wrong. He was very abusive to his gf s, I watched him yell all the time, even his now wife. Especially now that he’s trying to be sober. After talking to him about him not wanting to talk about his feelings, I felt like he didn’t want to better him self, so I’m writing off our friendship.
Bro, I am sorry to hear that, 20 years is a lot of history. If you're past 28, I feel like you'll become set in your ways. The best you can do is to pray for them. If they affect your life, definitely the right choice to cut ties. Not worth it. But if you can keep distance and influence, might be helpful to save a long and old friend.
Wish for you the best Adrian!
@ thanks man. I’m 40 :)
Be there for him and tell him you love him if you're in touch with your and not afraid to show them. Don't be all macho too. Ask him for a hug and hold him until he stops struggling and cries it all out on your shoulder
I am proud of you Donald Lee!!!
No, I'm proud of you! 😎❤️
This video is helping me overcome my own trauma as an Asian. I no longer judge my parents for yelling at me or beating me When I was a child. They had zero idea how to communicate effectively so they were frustrated. They were also beaten as children. Even worse than anything I received.
Glad it helped David! Yep, the only way they knew how to communicate their frustrations was to let it out on other people... Glad you were never beaten!
@@donaldkhlee oh I was beaten 🤣😭 but it never amounted to torture. My dad was literally tortured as a child, being tied to a piece of wood and left out in the cold during snowfall. Therefore, he never had a firm grasp of what a happy childhood was supposed to look like.
Just came across this on my feed.
As an Asian, I totally agree with you. Working on seeing therapist. It’s important that we recognizes the issues
The first step! Glad you went for therapy! Dysfunctional parents would say it's throwing money away, but it is valuable!
To be honest, i myself am Asian, and i truly didn't go for love and instead really looked towards getting better grades. Yes, my Asian dad yelled at me a lot but did give me a lot of life lessons. Just more harsh I guess.
Haha. Was that tough loving that you got? Did it help?
Don't talk yourself out of a relationship like that. I'm not a big relationship guy, but if you start talking about what you think is lacking in you now based on your childhood with someone you are pursuing - they will run. If they don't - they are even more broken than you are, and that will be a big mess.
Thank you Donald. Haha, I don't told much about myself and remain a mystery with woman. They gotta dig.
But as I grow older, I realize, everyone has problems and if you love them, you will help them grow and hopefully they do want to grow.
Ah yes, feigned perfection is the way to go, isn't it Donald? Really bad advice here. No wonder people can't do relationships these days when everyone expects irrational perfection and runs at the first sight of a flaw in their partner.
Very true. This is known as "Generational Anger". The trauma doesn't allow us to communicate or interact properly with others. For me, i had / have to continue to reinforce that trauma will not negatively affect me, and i will always overcome. Sadly, the generational anger continues to this very day, because this family member wants to take his anger to the grave with him.
I'm glad you are working on yourself and realize it. Let's pray for others and help them from a distance that they see what we see haha.
Why do I identify with this as an Eastern European ? Wow that type of mentality (our parents’) sounds so familiar!
I’m so sorry we went through this type of childhood and it shaped us. Fortunately we realize that there is an issue and that we want to solve it! Thank you so much for this video Donald!
Yes! The bright side is that we realize it and we can grow and make sure our kids are better off! Where in Eastern europe are you from?
It's almost like where you're from, your 'race' are all constructs and we have more in common than we care to find out??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no, that can't be it.
dude is super sensitive and in touch with his feelings
bromotions.
❤️❤️👊
Oh wow I have alot of thoughts on this as I have thought something similar. I think the challenges of the trauma and dysfunction of asian americans really affects them in society, even more so for asian males in my opinion as everything they deal with is counter intuitive with what is expected of males in the west or in general. More specifically in relationships, but thats a whole can of worms that would be too long for a comment. I think ultimately, unless you were extremely abused to the point of where maybe your parents should be in jail, we have to look to forgive our parents first and then we can forgive ourselves and then we can make improvements. It takes alot of repeated action. Also last tidbit, I like that you pointed out that redpill content isnt the best to follow, we should look to positive role models that talk about bettering ourselves in all aspects with a strong moral compass.
💯 red pill content is trash bc the creators are not strong men I think. And agree, our parents did the best they could with what they had. If we turned out not in jail, that's a win haha. Anger solves nothing, forgiveness solves everything.
My close friend was an Asian guy and me and him were like twins lol I can't explain it.. but everything you said he said to me
Dang, y'all must've been close as heck. Opening up for Asians is another level!
It is so beau where you live. It has been years since I’ve seen so much green. Live in the desert. I miss the green. We are in a large city that never turns off their lights so I haven’t seen the stars in years , it’s depressing. I’d be so happy to live in a place that was as green as behind you.
I am Chinese but I feel like I had a strange upbringing in the sense that my parents never cared about my grades or where I went to school or what I did with my life. It is almost jarring to hear about the tiger moms or the parents that forced their child to learn an instrument as a kid. My parents worked hard to support the family but I felt like they were very absent and hands off in my life and I wish they were more involved. At 27 years old, I am learning to let go of resentment and anger towards them. Every year, I process more and more in a healthier way I think. My dad definitely yelled as a kid and my mom was more of the obedient submissive type to my dad. Extremely traditional household.
We had the same upbringing then. Mine were hands off as well. The yelling was too much though hahaha. Didn't help with my communication.
I'm not an asian but trust me. I could take up 20 minutes to talk about the CPTSD that I got from my so called 'parents' the self righteous pricks hiding behind 'islam' lmao... then they wonder why I left that religion.
Haha. Darn, tell me about it? My manager is a Muslim and he seems to be pretty put together and raising his kids right and with love.
I definitely have trauma from my upbringing. Thank you for sharing Donald.
We all do. It's what we make of it that determines how we live in this world. My poor phrasing from Mewtwo's philosophical mind haha
@@donaldkhlee I agree, the beauty to me is that I was pushed to explore the world and that has yielded many wonderful things in my life
I'm not Asian but I was afflicted with the spirit of rejection for 30 years due to childhood trauma. I lost my voice and my entire personality.
I hope that you heal and live a life of abundance and prosperity.
Challenges creep up now and then, slowly improving. I hope you found your voice and personality back!
Your Asian parents may be wrong, but they were doing their best with what they knew. You are fortunate to have the resources and knowledge to recognize the negative aspects of your culture. Let it start with you-break that tradition and ensure you do not pass it on to your children. Forgive your parents, for they do not realize that what they do may be wrong; it is simply how they were raised.
As their child, do your part: forgive them, treat them with kindness, and ensure you have no regrets when they leave this world, knowing you’ve done your best. Let us practice forgiveness and kindness within our families first, and then expand those skills to encompass others beyond our family.
Dad: TALK TO ME WHEN YOU DOCTOR
💯 so true!
When the pain starts to resurface just push more pain down
That is the asian way. 🫰😂
So true… their parents are brutal.
❤️❤️
all these comparing still applies to me into my adulthood. you just learn to BS/ tell them what they want to hear. all these toxic energy doesnt help at all.
You are great at "manipulating" like me hahaha.
Is your family cantonese, teochow, chinese/viet or hong konger?
Haha. Canto Hong kongers. Despite their flaws, great parents
my chinese parents are like tigers inside home, but outside they are kittens and with towards white ppl they are kittens with tail between their legs lol
Gotta save face and present to the public that your perfect.
I'm from a Cantonese family, born in America. I can confirm that the behind closed doors yelling is directly correlated to being Asian and past general trauma. Escaping Mao's communism back in the day has left its mark on Chinese families. I don't know everyone's circumstances, but it was either THAT or die from hunger/poverty. Sad but true story bro.
Fact. 1000%. I didn't know about the Mao history though, but that and WW2 probably caused a heck of a lot of damage to post WW2 parents.
Not just those living under Mao's communism. It is still going on with the present leader Xi Jinping. It will continue to go on into the future unless China completely changes its' government. The parents are traumatized and victimized then they do the same to their children and the cycle never ends. It is called generational abuse. I am thankful I was not born in China.
Intergenerational Trauma, it's real. I won't go deep but I I would debate whether to call home or not because there was a likelihood that I would hear my angry father in the background while I was talking to my mom. Moreover, while on my phone with my mom, she would eventually call out to my dad and ask if he wanted to say, hi, to me, and I could hear my father's anger and his 'no.' I knew this answer was coming because I could hear him ranting about something in the background while I was on the phone with my mom. When I did get on phone with my dad, he was ask why I didn't call home often. I dreaded the calls home. My dad has his traumas, e.g. losing a father at a young age.. from what I gather it was due to events stemming from a foreign invading military. 🕊
This happened to me too but it's not trauma. Is character building
Bro. Love the positive spin on the message! 💪👊
@@donaldkhlee I think we have suffered in silence for a long time and nobody cares. But nobody should care. What matters is what we do with ourselves. I'm a bit older than you and all I can say is keep on keeping on and it will all work out. I promise. My life turned the corner in my late 30s and today I'm doing well in my 40s. Good luck young blood
Easy, just stay away from your anger. Live at the moment. Let your next generation decide what they want to do. Don't compare them to yourself.
I'm sad I think you need a hug I'd let you cry every human needs that once in a while
Hahaha thank you Laurie, I don't know if i have the ability to cry anymore...
Sending an extra hug your way , your not short I'm only 5foot 2 lol
7:20 If you don't have kid with that lady, thank don't take that breakup seriously
💯💪
Growing in Asia, there were lots of air pollution, noisy restaurants, neighbors playing mahjong, never ending construction. If you want to be heard, you have to yell.
Is that so? Never grew up in Asia. Surprised to see how that it is!
how do you get rid of emotional asian trauma? you can get couselling but i dont think it ever goes away. glad i dont have kids and dont care to have any. i dont want pass on the negative energy onto my kids and future linage. i just want work and travel and enjoy my alone time and if i find a gf thats cool
I ended up joining Christianity. Helped me a lot.
Oh my gosh! How true! Asians won't show emotions. They say it's a sign of weakness. I and my siblings grew up with an iron fist father. We were not allowed to show our emotions and express our feelings and concerns. Every attempt would be met with a good @$$ whoopin until we're black and blue all over. We were not allowed to go anywhere, but we're kept as prisoners in our own home bc they feared kidnappers, killers, etc. (At least that was the parents' excuse) Living in a house full of the lot of the siblings and I, just trying to be kids, we got pretty rowdy bc of boredom and being couped up in the house all day everyday! My father wasn't having it, and he'd yell at us to shut up. If we didn't, he'd beat us as well. He wanted us to just sit perfectly still in one spot, making no noise only. I left home at 16 bc I was sick of it. I suffered immensely as a young adult, and my poor hubby had to put up with me, the ticking time bomb. 😅 Today, my siblings and I want nothing to do with our parents. Our father is still as narcissistic as before. Still abusive, too. 😢
That goes with any race.
Haha. Not sure if good or bad.
True, but it's very normalized to be highly critical and invalidating of children in many Asian cultures. Children needing to be perfect to please their parents, suppressing their wants and desires.
Awesome comment!
Thanks!
typical chinese parents dont care about your thoughts or feelings
just do it. i learned to BS . its sounds bad but it works. and saved me a lot of chaos, headaches and drama. my mom just talks over me lol . good luck, just agree with her and become a good BS
Yes, I just sit and listen to my mom when she talks to me as well. It's her release. Doesn't even care if I'm listening haha
Do you think Asian males have a dearth of guidance and mentorship? If yes, video idea, hmmmmmmm?
Oooo. Great idea! That's what this channel is about. Me trying to guide my future son hahah. Hope I can give some other men some light too (though I'm not worthy haha)
I’m going to yell louder to disprove ANY point. 😅
Yell!
@ 🗣️
agree!!!
👊❤️🔥
15:30 - That’s the emasculation, which your mum controls (as she’s in charge, hence the argument). My childhood was the same. It is NOT trauma, it is culture bro.
16:25 - That’s the other thing. Your mother sets all the rules with arguing, then they instil in you that YOU should feel bad about yelling or arguing, which trains you to apologise after all arguments (i.e. her in charge and getting her way). Took me to first recognise this, to then be able to leave my country and find better women who don’t do this. But you can’t yell at them, as Korean girls for example don’t yell.
Nah, that was the result of my dad's yelling haha.
18:40 - That is NOT NORMAL. A woman service person yelling at you. That was totally normal my whole childhood as well, but you think a service person in Japan will yell at you? Neeeeeeeever. It’s not all of asia, that’s the lies your mother tells you, to make it seem like it is inescapable.
😮😢
❤️
@ much love from surrey bc u the best
Gang gang 🙏
❤️❤️
because asian parents :))
Gotta love them. 👊😂
Very prolific
Undeniably so!
It is common for people to have 1-3 mental health disorders as described in the DSM-5. I completely agree with your opinions in this video. I have known for some time now the majority of Asians suffer from trauma. Female Asian GenXer, everyone in my family is abusive to me. Mom has NPD and ADHD and is the main abuser. Dad was negligent and critical. Myself and siblings were constantly ignored, never shown affection, always belittled. I could not have healthy relationships with men and I remain single. My siblings learned to be abusive from our parents. I learned to be better. A few years ago, I realized my brother is a high functioning autistic. This past year, my sister and I suspect she has ADHD. Why did my parents never see this? Because their neglect was that bad. I don't hate my family and I don't love them. I am indifferent to them. This topic goes much deeper on a Global scale. There is nothing funny about Tiger Moms. That narrative is just a form of gaslighting. Thank you @Donald Lee for being brave, for making this video and for starting a conversation of awareness.
I grew up similar. Married the sweetest, most nurturing wife who doesn't gaslight and incalidate anything I say or feel. There is hope!!!
Thanks for sharing! Your case sounded much worse than mine. My mom was and is very kind hearted until she blows up hahah.
I pray that you can somehow help your parents after you recognize the consequences of not so great parenting.
I pray you can be the light and influence to be better for your family!
God bless!